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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,323
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,391 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,829
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,898 --> 00:00:18,283
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,636
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,705 --> 00:00:23,288
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:24,790
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:29,778
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,269 --> 00:00:38,053
- We now return to
- Captain Central America.
11
00:00:41,859 --> 00:00:43,141
It worked!
12
00:00:43,193 --> 00:00:44,960
Gracias.
What are my powers?
13
00:00:45,029 --> 00:00:46,461
Oh, yeah. It's weird.
14
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:48,708
You're, like, really good
at painting my living room.
15
00:00:48,732 --> 00:00:50,743
Up, up, and get it
done by Saturday.
16
00:00:50,767 --> 00:00:52,300
We're having a party.
17
00:00:52,369 --> 00:00:54,353
Hey, Brian.
Can you come in here a sec?
18
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:55,504
Sure, Peter, what's up?
19
00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:57,049
You're a well-read guy, right?
20
00:00:57,073 --> 00:00:59,474
Well, I don't know.
I guess when I
read my Henry David,
21
00:00:59,543 --> 00:01:01,777
I tend to be
pretty Thoreau.
Shut up!
22
00:01:01,845 --> 00:01:04,524
Yeah, 'cause, you see,
I been reading this
novel about three guys,
23
00:01:04,548 --> 00:01:07,588
happen to be pigs,
that decide to
build their own houses.
24
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,068
So, now, one of 'em builds
his house out of straws.
25
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,415
Right? Now,
how the hell do you build
a house out of straws?
26
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,034
And three pigs living together?
27
00:01:14,058 --> 00:01:16,138
Gay. You know?
And so's the wolf.
28
00:01:16,193 --> 00:01:18,505
He's chasing pigs
and blowing
everything in sight.
29
00:01:18,529 --> 00:01:19,894
Peter, what are you doing?
30
00:01:19,963 --> 00:01:22,342
I'm just
getting ready for bed.
What's wrong?
31
00:01:22,366 --> 00:01:24,333
You're naked.
I'm right here.
32
00:01:24,401 --> 00:01:25,667
Who cares? You're my dog.
33
00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,547
Everybody gets naked
in front of their dog.
34
00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:28,948
Besides, you're always naked,
35
00:01:28,972 --> 00:01:31,117
except for when Lois dresses
you up in that rain gear.
36
00:01:31,141 --> 00:01:32,857
Okay, everyone in the car!
37
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,743
We're going to
Martha's Vineyard!
38
00:01:34,812 --> 00:01:36,239
Do I have to wear
this on the ferry?
39
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,729
Yes, you do.
40
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,976
What about Peter?
Why doesn't he have
to wear this crap?
41
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,550
Peter's in his crate.
42
00:01:41,618 --> 00:01:42,834
I'm actually relieved.
43
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:45,143
The ferry would
be overstimulating.
44
00:01:51,395 --> 00:01:52,561
Mama!
45
00:01:52,630 --> 00:01:54,229
What are you
doing out of your box?
46
00:01:54,297 --> 00:01:56,565
Hey, Megan.
Oh, hey, guys.
47
00:01:56,633 --> 00:01:58,144
Wait, did you just
call me Megan?
48
00:01:58,168 --> 00:01:59,478
That's your name, isn't it?
49
00:01:59,502 --> 00:02:01,953
Actually, Meg is
short for something else.
50
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,472
Peter, would you
give this to the nurse?
Uh-huh.
51
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,263
♪ Robots in disguise. ♪
52
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,348
Hey, did you guys
hear about that new kid?
53
00:02:13,416 --> 00:02:15,233
The emo Muslim?
54
00:02:16,954 --> 00:02:18,937
Death to America.
55
00:02:19,006 --> 00:02:21,373
No, this other guy,
Mike Pulaski.
56
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:22,974
He's a complete psycho.
57
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,043
I heard he knifed
a kid on the playground,
58
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,645
then beat up the knife.
59
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:29,448
I heard he can watch
Friday Night Lights
without crying.
60
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:32,884
I heard the volleyball team's
playing a tournament
in San Diego.
61
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:35,203
There's a lot of
exciting stuff going on.
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00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:47,483
Man, he looks mean.
63
00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:49,100
You're very judgmental lately.
64
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,635
I don't like this Brandon.
65
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:53,944
The best way
to disarm a bully
is to befriend him.
66
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:56,174
Watch and learn.
67
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,260
Hey, what's up, my main man?
68
00:02:58,329 --> 00:02:59,794
Listen, if you ever
need the scoop
69
00:02:59,863 --> 00:03:02,264
on the local babe scene,
just ask.
70
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:04,516
Yeah, I'll do that.
71
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:13,658
Awesome.
72
00:03:21,084 --> 00:03:22,583
♪ Taking a shower
73
00:03:22,653 --> 00:03:25,687
♪ Taking a little break
to bite at the water... ♪
74
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,244
Oh, hey, Brian.
Don't worry,
75
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:34,023
there's no blade in the razor
'cause I'm learning.
76
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,192
Peter, what the hell?
What? What's the matter?
77
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,394
What do you mean
what's the matter?
You're completely naked!
78
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:40,029
I told you I'm not
comfortable with that!
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00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,053
Brian, I can get
nude whenever I want,
all right?
80
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,789
This is my home,
and a man's home
is his castle.
81
00:03:45,575 --> 00:03:47,141
Halt, wench!
82
00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,428
State your business.
83
00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,562
Peter, will you please
put down the drawbridge?
84
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,464
I got a car full of groceries.
85
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,399
Mmm. Anything else?
86
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,401
I also went to the video store
87
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,737
and got Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.
88
00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,729
Hey, you guys want
to sleep over this weekend?
89
00:04:07,798 --> 00:04:11,066
My moms are going out of town
to a scrapbooking-clambake
retreat.
90
00:04:11,134 --> 00:04:12,511
What are they gonna do there?
91
00:04:12,535 --> 00:04:15,504
They'll just be scissoring
stuff and eating clams
all weekend.
92
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,089
Sure, sounds great...
93
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:46,434
Oh, fudge.
94
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,670
Only I didn't
say, "Fudge."
95
00:04:48,739 --> 00:04:50,388
I said.
96
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,457
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry!
97
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:54,091
What's your name, dude?
98
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,627
Meg Griffin!
99
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,446
3:00 o'clock, Friday.
100
00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,164
I will destroy you.
101
00:05:02,085 --> 00:05:03,451
Chris, you have my back, right?
102
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,720
I don't know.
Let me check.
103
00:05:05,789 --> 00:05:08,423
Yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna
need it for the fight.
104
00:05:18,101 --> 00:05:20,413
We now return to
the Kentucky Derby,
105
00:05:20,437 --> 00:05:21,670
where 90% of the audience
106
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,738
roots for the horse
with the cutest name.
107
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,251
And they're off!
108
00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:26,819
It's Battle Axe,
followed by Redbeard,
109
00:05:26,843 --> 00:05:28,994
followed by Bishop,
followed by Smiling Pink Bear!
110
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:30,456
Oh, my God, that's my horse!
111
00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:32,914
And on the outside,
here comes Tiny Kitten Kisses!
112
00:05:32,982 --> 00:05:34,081
No, no, that one!
113
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,390
And here comes It's Bedtime!
114
00:05:35,452 --> 00:05:37,502
Oh, I do not like him.
115
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,018
Meg, what's wrong?
116
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,075
Some psycho just
transferred to my school,
117
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,710
and he's going to kill me!
118
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,398
Boy, she must
really be PBS-ing, right?
119
00:05:50,467 --> 00:05:51,866
What?
120
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,679
I mean, it's like,
pop a couple of tampons,
you know?
121
00:05:53,703 --> 00:05:55,715
Stewie, do you even know
what a menstrual cycle is?
122
00:05:55,739 --> 00:05:57,672
Uh, yeah, Brian.
123
00:06:00,393 --> 00:06:03,793
It's a good way
to get around town,
that's what it is.
124
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,484
Oh, good, you're alone.
125
00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:11,419
Hey, Lois.
Why are you wearing a robe?
126
00:06:11,488 --> 00:06:12,999
Well, I heard about how Peter's
127
00:06:13,023 --> 00:06:14,500
making you see him naked lately,
128
00:06:14,524 --> 00:06:16,302
so I thought the only way to get
129
00:06:16,326 --> 00:06:18,526
even is for you to see me naked.
130
00:06:19,495 --> 00:06:20,673
Really?
Yeah.
131
00:06:20,697 --> 00:06:22,197
It only seems fair.
132
00:06:22,265 --> 00:06:24,382
You know what,
that makes sense to me.
I mean...
133
00:06:24,451 --> 00:06:26,384
All right, here we go.
134
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,266
Ah!
135
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:32,335
You thought you were
gonna see my wife's penis,
136
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:33,958
but, no, it's mine!
137
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,127
You idiot!
138
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,661
Good morning, students.
139
00:06:42,685 --> 00:06:44,614
This isPrincipal Shepherd withthe morning announcements.
140
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,972
Remember that all wagerson Friday's Meg Griffinslaughter
141
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,174
must be on my desk by Thursday.
142
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:53,177
Also, Zack Morris,if you couldstop freezing time
143
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,864
to talk to the camera,
the day would go a lot faster.
144
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,665
Oh, my God, you guys,
what am I gonna do?
145
00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:59,534
That psycho is going to kill me.
146
00:06:59,602 --> 00:07:01,870
Meg, you've got to find
a way out of this fight.
147
00:07:01,939 --> 00:07:04,505
Yeah, Meg. You can do it.
You're a smart woman,
148
00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:06,519
and women can do
anything nowadays.
149
00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:07,709
I guess you're right.
150
00:07:07,777 --> 00:07:09,894
It's not like it's the 1950s.
151
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:13,081
So I see you
graduated number one
in your class from Princeton.
152
00:07:13,149 --> 00:07:14,260
That's right.
153
00:07:14,284 --> 00:07:15,928
And I'm certified
as an accountant,
154
00:07:15,952 --> 00:07:18,931
have a background
in community service,
and also a law degree.
155
00:07:18,955 --> 00:07:22,557
That's all very impressive.
We'll keep you in mind.
156
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:26,227
Let's see, Pointy Boobs,
Medium-Pointy Boobs,
157
00:07:26,296 --> 00:07:27,995
Not-So-Pointy Boobs.
158
00:07:28,731 --> 00:07:29,981
That's a shame.
159
00:07:34,571 --> 00:07:37,338
Hey, Mom, I need to transfer
to a different school.
160
00:07:37,407 --> 00:07:38,957
Meg, we've been over this.
161
00:07:39,025 --> 00:07:40,708
Just because a Facebook page
162
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:43,722
has over 2,000 likes
doesn't mean you have
to kill yourself.
163
00:07:43,746 --> 00:07:45,880
It's not that.
Mom, please?
164
00:07:45,949 --> 00:07:47,348
There's other schools.
165
00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:49,617
Carlisle Academy
leads the state
in teen pregnancies.
166
00:07:49,685 --> 00:07:51,752
So, I might meet somebody.
167
00:07:51,821 --> 00:07:55,390
Meg, Carlisle Academy's
a private school.
We can't afford it.
168
00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:57,736
Don't you remember how much
money your father wasted
169
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:00,428
so he could make grand
staircase entrances?
170
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:03,965
Hey, is Peter here?
171
00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:06,101
Hang on. Peter!
172
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,902
Why, Glenn Quagmire.
173
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:10,283
It's been 10 years
if it's been a day.
174
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,814
I figured out how to
get out of this fight.
175
00:08:19,883 --> 00:08:21,916
All I have to do
is get expelled.
176
00:08:21,985 --> 00:08:24,452
That sex tape I released
should be everywhere by now,
177
00:08:24,521 --> 00:08:26,854
and then they'll have to
kick me out of the school.
178
00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:32,193
Ugh, come on! Really?
179
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:34,779
Ooh!
180
00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,884
You know what? Good for her.
181
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,207
Hey, guys,
you four are pretty much
182
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,787
the toughest guys
in school, right?
183
00:08:47,811 --> 00:08:50,356
What would it take
to get you to beat up
Mike Pulaski?
184
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:52,264
Mental Mike?
Are you kidding?
185
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:54,344
Come on, guys, I'll do anything.
186
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,279
I'll give you a Swallow Friday.
187
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,936
You mean a Follow Friday?
188
00:08:58,005 --> 00:08:59,304
Oh...
189
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:01,150
I've been doing
Twitter all wrong.
190
00:09:01,174 --> 00:09:03,341
Okay, okay.
I'll just pay you.
191
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:04,826
Oh, yeah?
Well, you're looking at
192
00:09:04,894 --> 00:09:06,594
1,000 bucks for
something like that.
193
00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,963
$1,000? All right.
194
00:09:09,032 --> 00:09:10,960
But it's gonna be hard
to get that kind of money.
195
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,451
I mean, I'm not Judge Judy.
196
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,136
Hi, I'm Judge Judy.
197
00:09:15,205 --> 00:09:19,140
I get paid $45 million a year
to yell at people
who have nothing.
198
00:09:19,209 --> 00:09:22,210
Now here's an ad about
a fat-people disease you have.
199
00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:30,801
We now return to B.E.T. E.T.
200
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:32,503
Don't you need to phone home?
201
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,873
Nah, I'll do it later.
202
00:09:38,261 --> 00:09:40,061
Brian Griffin?
Uh, yeah, that's me.
203
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,279
Here you go.
204
00:09:43,734 --> 00:09:45,200
Ah! Oh, God!
205
00:09:45,268 --> 00:09:47,886
What's in the box, Brian?
206
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,988
I got you good!
207
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,523
I don't feel right.
I want it back.
208
00:09:57,614 --> 00:10:00,854
What's going on?
Did that kid from
the future come back?
209
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,221
Oh, no!
210
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,391
Hey! One of these
guys is still breathing.
211
00:10:10,593 --> 00:10:14,429
Make my poems into a book.
212
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,838
Meg, are you okay?
213
00:10:23,907 --> 00:10:26,552
You guys,
I've tried everything,
but it's hopeless!
214
00:10:26,576 --> 00:10:27,942
He's going to kill me.
215
00:10:28,011 --> 00:10:30,594
I can already
picture my funeral.
216
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,496
Thanks. Didn't want
to pay for the hole.
217
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,470
This is such a nightmare!
218
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,204
At least I have you guys.
219
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,985
I don't know what I
would do without you.
220
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,558
Yeah, uh, about that.
221
00:10:43,627 --> 00:10:46,227
Listen, Meg,
we decided that
maybe it's best
222
00:10:46,296 --> 00:10:47,606
if you don't talk to us anymore.
223
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:50,098
Yeah, we could be
targeted by association.
224
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:51,900
I don't want to get
beaten up by a guy
225
00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:53,601
unless it's in
a limo after prom.
226
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:56,737
So you're all gonna ditch me
when I need you most?
227
00:10:56,806 --> 00:10:58,556
Yeah, Meg,
it's natural selection.
228
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:00,775
This is how it
works in the wild.
229
00:11:00,843 --> 00:11:02,255
Hey, how you doing?
Hey there.
230
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:04,145
Hey. Nice spot, huh?
Oh, yeah.
231
00:11:04,213 --> 00:11:06,981
Oh, yeah, it's great.
Especially 'cause of
that thing over there.
232
00:11:07,049 --> 00:11:08,949
You know what's in there?
Corn.
233
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:11,486
Really? Wow,
I could go for some corn.
234
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,941
You're dark, Rog.
235
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,059
I don't care.
236
00:11:18,128 --> 00:11:19,310
Good luck, Meg.
237
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:22,830
Now we must
retreat into the shadows.
238
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:28,403
What am I gonna do?
239
00:11:28,471 --> 00:11:30,738
Sounds like you have
a pretty big problem, Meg.
240
00:11:30,807 --> 00:11:31,856
Huh?
241
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:34,959
Mr. Quagmire?
242
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,494
What are you doing in here?
243
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:38,407
This is my base of operations.
244
00:11:38,431 --> 00:11:40,559
Mr. Quagmire,
the girls' gym class
245
00:11:40,583 --> 00:11:42,294
will be in the showers
in 20 minutes.
246
00:11:42,318 --> 00:11:43,518
Thank you, Shirley.
247
00:11:43,552 --> 00:11:45,064
She's been with me 12 years.
248
00:11:45,088 --> 00:11:46,232
It's her birthday today.
249
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:48,016
Didn't get her anything.
250
00:11:48,057 --> 00:11:50,124
So, I guess you heard
about the fight, huh?
251
00:11:50,193 --> 00:11:51,336
Oh, yeah, they're
talking about it
252
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:52,571
in all the girls' bathrooms.
253
00:11:52,595 --> 00:11:53,978
I'm so dead.
254
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:57,198
No, you're not,
because I'm gonna help you
defeat Mike Pulaski.
255
00:11:57,267 --> 00:11:58,933
You are?
That's right.
256
00:11:59,002 --> 00:12:00,829
Be at my house
first thing
tomorrow morning,
257
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:01,981
and we'll get started.
258
00:12:02,005 --> 00:12:03,771
Wow! Thanks, Mr. Quagmire.
259
00:12:03,839 --> 00:12:05,373
Well, I better get home.
260
00:12:09,913 --> 00:12:12,013
What a good way
to get around town.
261
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,416
Okay, Meg,
you've got a bully problem,
and I'm gonna help you.
262
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,840
But Mr. Quagmire,
why would you
want to help me?
263
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,887
Because I was once
in your shoes, Meg.
264
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:27,578
I wasn't always the confident
guy you see before you.
265
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:30,881
You see, I, too,
was terrorized by a bully.
266
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:35,153
It was 1986,
and the cola wars
were at a frenzy.
267
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,900
I was sittingin the RC sectionof the cafeteria
268
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,435
when Tracy Bellings approached.
269
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:42,019
Why aren't you
drinking Coke, you dork?
270
00:12:42,078 --> 00:12:43,956
Pepsi would also be acceptable!
271
00:12:43,980 --> 00:12:46,180
It doesn't have to
be a two-cola system!
272
00:12:46,249 --> 00:12:48,582
RC is what keeps
the big guys on their toes!
273
00:12:48,651 --> 00:12:51,052
You know what "RC"
stands for, don't you?
274
00:12:51,121 --> 00:12:52,520
Chicks Rule!
275
00:12:52,588 --> 00:12:54,155
She was dyslexic.
276
00:12:54,223 --> 00:12:57,359
Anyway, that wasthe beginning of a long,abusive relationship.
277
00:12:57,427 --> 00:12:59,539
It's one thing if you put
your penis inside-out
278
00:12:59,563 --> 00:13:01,124
in the safety of
your own bedroom,
279
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:03,259
but to have it done
in the cafeteria...
280
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,516
To this day,
I can't have sex with a woman
281
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:08,453
against her will
without thinking about rape.
282
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:10,149
And that's why I'm
gonna help you, Meg.
283
00:13:10,173 --> 00:13:11,622
I never faced my bully.
284
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,419
I don't want you
to make the same mistake.
285
00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:14,709
But how?
286
00:13:14,778 --> 00:13:17,473
Over the years,
I've tested the limits
of the human body.
287
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:20,098
How much it can stuff in,
swallow or choke on.
288
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,777
How a scrotum can be stretched
289
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:24,269
into a makeshift sail
if stranded at sea.
290
00:13:24,338 --> 00:13:26,565
All this knowledge is gonna
help you win your fight.
291
00:13:26,589 --> 00:13:28,139
Thanks, Mr. Quagmire.
292
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,074
I'll take any help I can get.
293
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,309
I haven't been this scared
294
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,528
since my dad stopped
showering for six months.
295
00:13:33,597 --> 00:13:36,280
Great meatloaf, Mom.
Thanks, honey.
296
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:37,748
Hungry!
297
00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:38,977
Hungry!
298
00:13:39,001 --> 00:13:40,968
Pour food on my pile!
299
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,970
Okay, Peter, here you go.
300
00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:45,756
Mmm, I will
assimilate this new smell
301
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:48,459
into the larger
Borg of my smells.
302
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,094
Oh, by the way,
Rupert, good news.
303
00:13:55,118 --> 00:13:57,268
I pooped out your bow tie.
304
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:59,098
Geez, what the hell, Brian?
305
00:13:59,122 --> 00:14:00,889
I can't take it anymore!
306
00:14:00,957 --> 00:14:02,823
Message for Brian Griffin!
307
00:14:07,130 --> 00:14:09,663
I lost my ass gambling.
Have you seen it?
308
00:14:09,732 --> 00:14:11,248
Leave me alone, you jerk!
309
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:12,411
Stewie, you got to help me.
310
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,012
Peter just won't
let up with the nudity.
311
00:14:14,036 --> 00:14:15,781
Well, you know how
the fat man operates.
312
00:14:15,805 --> 00:14:17,617
He won't stop
unless he's stopped.
313
00:14:17,641 --> 00:14:19,002
The only way
you're going to end this
314
00:14:19,026 --> 00:14:20,970
is if you find
a way to even the score.
315
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,494
You've got to be nude.
316
00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,745
Stewie, I am nude.
I'm just covered with fur.
317
00:14:24,814 --> 00:14:25,958
Well, shave it off.
318
00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:27,393
Give him a taste
of his own medicine.
319
00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:29,867
Maybe you're right.
I mean, I got to do something.
320
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:32,203
This is just one
of those things
he won't let up with.
321
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,922
Like when he was guest hosting
Inside the Actor's Studio.
322
00:14:34,991 --> 00:14:38,510
Jeff Daniels,
what is your
favorite Care Bear?
323
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:41,657
I don't know any
of the Care Bears.
324
00:14:41,681 --> 00:14:44,382
Right,
but if you had to pick one,
who would be your favorite?
325
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,429
Well, like I said,
I'm not really familiar...
326
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:49,020
You can just say the color.
I know all the Care Bears.
327
00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,621
I don't know. The blue one.
328
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,223
There's,
like, 11 blue ones, Jeff.
329
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,557
Are you here to dick around,
330
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:55,506
or you want to do
Inside the Actor's Studio?
331
00:14:58,348 --> 00:15:00,710
All right, Meg,
the best way for
you to focus your rage
332
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,511
is if I wear
the mask of the person
333
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,702
who's bullied you
every day of your life.
334
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:05,971
Now, when I give the word,
335
00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:08,017
I want you to come at me
with everything you got.
336
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:09,890
Oh, hey, Meg. Hey, Peter.
337
00:15:09,959 --> 00:15:12,560
You know, Peter,
I'm glad I ran into you.
338
00:15:12,629 --> 00:15:14,729
We really need to
talk about Quagmire.
339
00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:16,230
You got time for a beer?
340
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,112
I don't know.
He's just so needy.
341
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:23,170
And I feel like he's
jealous of our friendship.
342
00:15:23,239 --> 00:15:25,740
You all right, Peter?
You seem a little quiet today.
343
00:15:25,809 --> 00:15:27,569
I'm fine!
Oh, okay, good.
344
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:28,876
Hey, Peter. Hey, Joe.
345
00:15:28,945 --> 00:15:30,310
I'm glad you guys are here.
346
00:15:30,379 --> 00:15:32,713
I've got terrible,
gross medical
news for Quagmire.
347
00:15:32,782 --> 00:15:34,432
Maybe you can help
me break it to him.
348
00:15:36,786 --> 00:15:38,247
Mr. Quagmire,
how am I supposed
349
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,615
to beat a guy like Mike Pulaski?
350
00:15:39,639 --> 00:15:40,822
He's massive!
351
00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,785
He may be stronger than you,
but you're grosser.
352
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:43,908
And you're gonna use that.
353
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,943
Your weird body
can be a dangerous weapon
354
00:15:46,012 --> 00:15:47,723
if used properly.
Okay.
355
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:49,680
Now, do you ever play
old-school Nintendo?
356
00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:51,015
No.
357
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,561
Well, then what we're about
to do may seem strange,
358
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:53,717
but just go with it.
359
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,212
Now, Meg, in order
to get you into
fighting shape,
360
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:07,916
I want you to drink
this glass of raw eggs.
361
00:16:07,984 --> 00:16:09,250
I don't see any yolks.
362
00:16:09,318 --> 00:16:10,418
Just drink it.
363
00:16:15,691 --> 00:16:16,925
Hello?
364
00:16:16,993 --> 00:16:19,760
Cynthia! Oh, my God!
So good to hear from you!
365
00:16:20,663 --> 00:16:21,862
Sure, I can talk.
366
00:16:21,931 --> 00:16:23,881
I'm just sitting
out here in the open.
367
00:16:28,137 --> 00:16:29,787
My car? It's a Prius.
368
00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:32,956
I wouldn't
say I'm specifically
a hero for driving one.
369
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:35,009
The heroes are the ones
who come back from Iraq
370
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,260
and drive a Prius.
371
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,828
Gotcha!
372
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:40,464
What the hell?
373
00:16:40,534 --> 00:16:43,067
Hey! You looking for me?
374
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,920
Oh, God, what the hell is that?
375
00:16:46,989 --> 00:16:48,801
What's wrong?
You look uncomfortable.
376
00:16:48,825 --> 00:16:50,107
Here, let me give you a hug.
377
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,209
Ah! Get away from me,
you Gremlin!
378
00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:57,882
No!
379
00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,184
Why don't you rub my belly, pal?
380
00:17:04,841 --> 00:17:07,608
Your skin is so
loose and wrinkly!
381
00:17:07,677 --> 00:17:09,143
It's like I'm
just pushing around
382
00:17:09,212 --> 00:17:12,213
a plastic bag
full of chicken bones!
383
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:14,632
Why do you have so many nipples?
384
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,911
You gonna put your clothes on?
385
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,568
Yes! Yes! I swear!
386
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,671
You gonna keep 'em on?
Yes, I promise!
387
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,839
I'll never bother you
again with my body!
388
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:25,226
Please, just make this stop!
Good.
389
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,372
Dad, can you give
me a ride to the...
390
00:17:27,396 --> 00:17:30,131
What is that thing?
391
00:17:30,199 --> 00:17:31,866
Ahh! Make it go away!
392
00:17:31,934 --> 00:17:33,112
What's going on in here?
393
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,847
Oh, my God,
is that a fucking rat?
394
00:17:34,871 --> 00:17:37,271
Peter, hold it down,
I'm getting the gun!
395
00:17:46,883 --> 00:17:48,533
Hey, who you
taking to Meg's funeral?
396
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:49,867
I'm taking Jill.
397
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,101
Ooh!
398
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,004
Wise guy,
we're going as friends.
399
00:18:02,798 --> 00:18:05,049
All right, Meg,
remember what I taught you.
400
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:07,118
Relax my throat
and make eye contact?
401
00:18:07,186 --> 00:18:09,106
No, no, the fighting stuff.
402
00:18:12,341 --> 00:18:15,526
Um, listen, before we start,
could you not hit me here
403
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,835
because these are
pretty sensitive?
404
00:18:24,486 --> 00:18:25,937
He punched her pretty!
405
00:18:27,457 --> 00:18:29,935
Oh, he punched her
ugly again.
Aww...
406
00:18:29,959 --> 00:18:31,192
Ah!
407
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:33,227
Aww... Ah!
408
00:18:33,295 --> 00:18:34,895
Aww... Ah!
409
00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,614
Just stop there!
410
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,765
Aww...
411
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,384
Punch Rocky Dennis!
412
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,634
It's okay, guys.
413
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:42,784
I'm at peace with
what I'm all about.
414
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,583
Meg, remember what I taught you.
415
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,184
Use the gross.
416
00:19:01,791 --> 00:19:03,124
You ready for more?
417
00:19:03,192 --> 00:19:04,491
Are you?
418
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:10,765
Ugh! Your kiss is
definitely not on my list!
419
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:11,866
He's older.
420
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,503
Ha! You missed!
421
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:16,812
Oh, what's the matter, Mike?
422
00:19:16,873 --> 00:19:18,339
Can't punch a girl in the face?
423
00:19:18,408 --> 00:19:20,641
You'd be surprised
what my face can do to you!
424
00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,329
Ugh, what's your problem, dude?
425
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:30,835
You've got major issues!
426
00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:32,586
Oh, my God, she's crazy!
427
00:19:32,655 --> 00:19:35,423
Did you hear the volleyball
team lost at San Diego?
428
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:38,659
All right, you little bitch,
it's time to end this thing!
429
00:19:39,495 --> 00:19:41,345
Yeah, it is!
430
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,143
Oh, my gosh! Meg won!
431
00:20:01,751 --> 00:20:03,817
Not bad for a loser.
432
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,697
Thanks for your help,
Mr. Quagmire.
433
00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:07,699
I guess I get to
die another day.
434
00:20:07,723 --> 00:20:09,207
Meg, I got a feeling
435
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,508
you're gonna be around
for a real long time.
436
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:14,395
Come on, let's get out of here.
437
00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,748
But I wasn't
around for a long time.
438
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,595
A year later,my body reacted toa frozen hot dog,
439
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,352
and I died of septic shock.
440
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,622
I became the public faceof internal hot dogdefrosting.
441
00:20:33,116 --> 00:20:35,065
Cold.
442
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,367
Well, it worked.
Thanks for your help, Stewie.
443
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:40,115
If I knew you were
actually gonna do it,
I wouldn't have suggested it.
444
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:43,206
You look like
my foot that time
Lois made my bath too hot.
445
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:44,708
Come on!
It's not that bad.
446
00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:46,555
My fur will grow back
in about three months.
447
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,256
Well, I can't look at
this for three months,
448
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:49,491
so I've come up with a solution.
449
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:50,798
Put these on.
450
00:20:55,354 --> 00:20:57,154
Stewie, I...
Hold still.
451
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,892
There you go.
452
00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:04,962
You look good.
You look really good.
453
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:08,298
Hi, Stewie, and...
Stewie?
454
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:11,301
This is next week's story.
Get there.
33752
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