Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,920
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,989 --> 00:00:08,223
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,291 --> 00:00:11,810
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,812
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:18,317
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:21,669
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,738 --> 00:00:23,299
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,639
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:30,011
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,331
Hey, thanks for helping
me pick out a new
computer, you guys.
11
00:00:38,355 --> 00:00:39,865
Oh, no problem, Quagmire.
12
00:00:39,889 --> 00:00:41,801
God, this place is
always so crowded.
13
00:00:41,825 --> 00:00:43,336
We got to find
someone who works here.
14
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,404
Can I help you, sir?
15
00:00:44,428 --> 00:00:46,506
Sorry, all I got
is a quarter, pal.
16
00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:47,640
Oh, excuse me, sir.
17
00:00:47,664 --> 00:00:49,709
My buddy here is
looking for a computer.
18
00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:51,967
I would like to
elect you president.
19
00:00:54,621 --> 00:00:56,699
What are you doing?
You gonna get a new
phone while we're here?
20
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,234
Maybe. But I got
to see which one
21
00:00:58,258 --> 00:01:00,592
I want to take in and out
of my pocket every 30 seconds
22
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:01,893
for the next six years.
23
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,139
What do you think, Peter?
24
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,345
Peter?
25
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:07,165
I touched a iPhone headphone.
26
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:10,980
You know what?
I think I'm gonna
go with this one.
27
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,049
Guy said it's
the newest version.
Just came out this week.
28
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,551
Ah, good call, Quagmire.
29
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,019
You're gonna be
like the first guy
in the neighborhood
30
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,425
to own a Model T.
31
00:01:19,864 --> 00:01:20,996
See ya, suckers!
32
00:01:21,065 --> 00:01:22,642
I'll be there an hour after you
33
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,566
with throw-up all over my legs!
34
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,184
Are you getting excited
for Halloween, Stewie?
35
00:01:31,208 --> 00:01:33,737
You know, we'll have
to start thinking about
your costume soon.
36
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:35,488
All right, but let's make sure
we don't cover up
37
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,711
this, all right?
38
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:38,981
It's what puts candy in the bag.
39
00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:40,860
Oh, look,
Chris, here's
your costume
40
00:01:40,884 --> 00:01:43,502
from the year you
went as a condom.
41
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,598
What the hell are
you supposed to be?
42
00:01:45,622 --> 00:01:48,540
Oh, Stewie, look!
43
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,890
It's your very first teddy bear!
44
00:01:53,013 --> 00:01:54,579
Oscar?
45
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:56,431
Wow. I remember
that bear.
46
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,345
That's the one Grandma
and Grandpa brought Stewie
47
00:01:58,369 --> 00:02:00,285
when he was still
in the hospital.
48
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,303
Oh. And here's
the card they sent me.
49
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:06,741
"Three kids on $40,000?
Have fun with your crap life."
50
00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:08,621
I guess he got
tucked away up here.
51
00:02:08,645 --> 00:02:10,565
You want him back, sweetie?
52
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,017
What, this old thing?
53
00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:16,985
No, no, thank you.
I've grown. I've changed.
54
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,297
You sure you don't want him?
55
00:02:18,321 --> 00:02:19,988
I said no, okay?
56
00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:22,924
Don't you have a wedding
dress to try halfway on
and then cry about?
57
00:02:27,331 --> 00:02:29,181
Hello?
58
00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:30,443
Oh, hey, Quagmire.
What's up?
59
00:02:30,467 --> 00:02:32,345
Hey, Peter, I need some
help with my computer.
60
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:33,468
I can't find my photos.
61
00:02:33,536 --> 00:02:34,647
Did you look under "Photos"?
62
00:02:34,671 --> 00:02:35,703
What is that?
63
00:02:35,773 --> 00:02:36,950
It's a folder
called "Photos."
64
00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:38,240
Yeah, I don't have that.
65
00:02:38,308 --> 00:02:40,575
I just have 40 folders
all called "New Folder."
66
00:02:40,644 --> 00:02:42,521
Okay. You know what?
Click on your hard drive.
67
00:02:42,545 --> 00:02:45,113
Okay, now, now the arrow
on the screen,
that's me, right?
68
00:02:45,182 --> 00:02:46,993
Yeah, yeah, that's you.
Okay, now just...
69
00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:49,129
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
There's a calculator
on this thing?
70
00:02:49,153 --> 00:02:51,197
Listen, Quagmire,
what are you trying to do?
71
00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:52,598
I just want to put
pictures of my cat
72
00:02:52,622 --> 00:02:53,900
on everyone's Internet computer.
73
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,323
Like, how do I do that?
74
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:57,103
Okay, wait.
There's an agreement
that just popped up.
75
00:02:57,127 --> 00:02:58,571
Hang on.
Let me read
the whole thing.
76
00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,028
Just hit "Accept."
77
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,363
Well, that seems
a little foolhardy,
doesn't it, Peter?
78
00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:04,543
Look, do we have
to do this now?
I'm watching something.
79
00:03:04,567 --> 00:03:06,034
I know. I'm sorry.
80
00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:07,647
I'm just nervous
that somebody else
is gonna get pictures
81
00:03:07,671 --> 00:03:09,237
of their cat on
the Internet first,
82
00:03:09,306 --> 00:03:11,226
and then I'll always
be known as
the second guy
83
00:03:11,291 --> 00:03:12,835
to get pictures of
his cat on the Internet.
84
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,470
Quagmire,
I don't know how
to tell you this,
85
00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,206
but there's already
cats on the Internet.
86
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,929
Wait, it's giving me
that pinwheel thing.
87
00:03:17,997 --> 00:03:19,163
It's frozen.
88
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,777
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God,
it crashed!
89
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,083
The whole thing just crashed!
90
00:03:22,152 --> 00:03:24,080
Geez, Quagmire,
calm down.
We'll figure it out.
91
00:03:24,104 --> 00:03:26,688
No, Peter,
the whole thing's fried!
I can't even... Ahhh!
92
00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:28,567
Damn it!
What the hell?
93
00:03:28,591 --> 00:03:30,325
Hey, you clicked "Accept."
94
00:03:34,498 --> 00:03:36,542
Hey, what's going on?
You doing some reading there?
95
00:03:36,566 --> 00:03:38,144
Yes, well,
you know I turn
to poetry
96
00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:40,785
when matters of the heart
weigh heavily on me.
97
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,071
"If you're happy
and you know it,
98
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,874
"then your face
will surely show it.
99
00:03:45,942 --> 00:03:48,276
"If you're happy
and you know it,
100
00:03:48,344 --> 00:03:50,028
"clap your hands."
101
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,429
Anonymous.
102
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,326
Wait, matters of the heart?
What are you talking about?
103
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:56,868
Well, Lois found
my old teddy bear,
Oscar, in the attic.
104
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,614
And I'm just not
sure how to handle it,
105
00:03:58,638 --> 00:03:59,938
what with Rupert and all.
106
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:01,523
Who cares?
Just play with them both.
107
00:04:01,591 --> 00:04:02,769
I can't do that!
108
00:04:02,793 --> 00:04:04,136
Oh! It would be
so awkward!
109
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,760
Um... Okay.
110
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,429
Oscar was my...
111
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,091
Well, he was my first, you know.
112
00:04:09,115 --> 00:04:10,548
And that's always exciting.
113
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,028
But I've been with
Rupert for so long now.
Uh-huh.
114
00:04:13,052 --> 00:04:14,897
Most of our finances
are intertwined.
115
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,588
We've built a life together.
116
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,456
On the other hand, Oscar...
117
00:04:18,525 --> 00:04:21,036
Well, Oscar's
the only one who can
really make me laugh.
118
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:22,639
I hate to say it, but I'm mostly
119
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,173
with Rupert
because of
his insurance.
120
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:25,877
Stewie, I think
you're overthinking this.
121
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,042
No, you're right.
You're right, Brian.
122
00:04:27,066 --> 00:04:28,244
I'm with Rupert now.
123
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,834
I just need to forget Oscar.
124
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,303
No matter how intense
our relationship was.
125
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,193
That's amazing.
126
00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:40,562
It's like you took all
the colors that exist
127
00:04:40,630 --> 00:04:43,331
and said,
"Fuck it, here's
a new one."
128
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,470
Hi, can I help you?
129
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,817
Well, that depends.
Do you know how to
fix pieces of junk?
130
00:04:51,841 --> 00:04:53,708
Haven't been stumped yet.
131
00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:58,558
Okay,
I see what
your problem is.
132
00:04:58,582 --> 00:05:00,615
I tried to buy a sweater online,
133
00:05:00,684 --> 00:05:02,517
and I think I got a virus.
134
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:04,864
No, the porn's not the problem.
135
00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,666
Your browser history shows that
136
00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:08,435
you've been going
to kinkylatinas.net.
137
00:05:08,459 --> 00:05:09,735
But that site has
a bunch of malware.
138
00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:11,159
Oh.
139
00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:13,228
Personally, I'd
recommend College Latinas.
140
00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:16,030
I mean, I want
to see Latinas,
but I also want them to...
141
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,094
Speak English.
speak English.
Yes, exactly.
142
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,635
Wow. So you're into
that kind of stuff, too?
143
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:22,604
Uh-huh.
144
00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:25,256
Would you, uh,
145
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:26,565
would you have dinner with me?
146
00:05:26,593 --> 00:05:27,693
Absolutely.
147
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:28,777
Excuse me.
148
00:05:28,846 --> 00:05:31,079
I bought this
laptop here yesterday,
149
00:05:31,148 --> 00:05:32,480
but when I got home
150
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:35,283
I noticed the apple already
had a bite taken out of it!
151
00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:42,935
So, yeah, I was the first woman
152
00:05:42,959 --> 00:05:44,959
to ride her bike
cross-country with no seat.
153
00:05:45,028 --> 00:05:46,328
Gosh, that's neat, Sonja.
154
00:05:46,396 --> 00:05:47,636
And where'd you go to college?
155
00:05:47,697 --> 00:05:49,942
I think Syracuse,
but I don't know.
156
00:05:49,966 --> 00:05:52,467
My face was buried
in a pillow all four years.
157
00:05:52,536 --> 00:05:54,802
Wow, sounds like you took
a full class load.
158
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,802
Oh, Glenn,
I'm so glad you
asked me out.
159
00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,220
Whenever I talk
about stuff like this,
160
00:06:01,244 --> 00:06:04,490
most people look at me
like I'm some kind of
disgusting perv.
161
00:06:04,514 --> 00:06:05,680
Me, too, but who cares?
162
00:06:05,748 --> 00:06:07,508
You should never be
afraid to be different.
163
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:08,568
Hoo.
164
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,951
Hoo.
165
00:06:10,020 --> 00:06:11,819
Whom.
166
00:06:16,093 --> 00:06:17,275
Morning.
167
00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:20,044
Morning.
168
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,481
We kind of had a crazy night.
169
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,399
Yeah, we... Did we?
170
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,767
I don't really remember,
171
00:06:25,836 --> 00:06:27,956
but I do feel like I might
be down a couple of quarts.
172
00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:31,556
Well, even though you seemed
like a sure thing,
173
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,875
I really wanted to make sure.
174
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,129
Oh, my God!
You roofied me?
175
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,564
Are you mad?
176
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:40,899
No.
177
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,833
I'm in love!
178
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,666
Sonja, honey, stay right here.
179
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:47,833
I just have to go
to the bathroom.
180
00:06:47,857 --> 00:06:49,524
Wait, Glenn.
181
00:06:49,592 --> 00:06:50,992
Take this wine glass.
182
00:06:51,061 --> 00:06:52,777
We can use it later.
183
00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:54,295
My God, I...
184
00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:56,547
I've never been so happy!
185
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,090
I'm telling you guys,
Sonja is the perfect woman.
186
00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,826
She's every bit as kinky
and as insatiable as I am.
187
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:10,356
Really? I thought you
said she was just
some computer geek.
188
00:07:10,380 --> 00:07:14,399
She is. Her vagina has
enough storage space
for a giggity-byte. Oh!
189
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,203
Geez, you changed your
relationship status already?
190
00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,604
When you know, you know.
191
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,050
All right, but just
be careful, you know?
192
00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:23,291
You don't want to rush an
important decision.
193
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,680
I'll take the cheeseburger meal.
194
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,839
Would you like to make it
an extra-large meal?
195
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,045
Uh...
196
00:07:54,624 --> 00:07:55,823
No.
197
00:07:55,892 --> 00:07:57,142
Yes. No.
198
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,661
You sure?
It's only 29 cents more.
199
00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:01,262
Yes.
200
00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:02,330
No.
201
00:08:07,337 --> 00:08:08,986
What the hell?
202
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,352
Stewie,
what are you doing
up here?
203
00:08:13,376 --> 00:08:14,809
Brian!
204
00:08:14,878 --> 00:08:16,055
It's not what you think!
205
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,890
All right, I came up
here for a photo shoot
206
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,825
and it just got way,
way out of hand!
207
00:08:19,849 --> 00:08:22,417
You're having tea.
How is that out of hand?
208
00:08:22,486 --> 00:08:23,862
Is your shirt on backwards?
209
00:08:23,886 --> 00:08:26,031
Please! You can't tell Rupert
I was up here, all right?
210
00:08:26,055 --> 00:08:27,222
He wouldn't understand.
211
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:28,789
He'll kill himself, Brian!
212
00:08:28,858 --> 00:08:31,221
He's been through
so much already.
He can't take much more!
213
00:08:31,245 --> 00:08:34,195
Brian, he watched
his brother drown!
214
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,910
Stewie, relax.
You're getting all
worked up over nothing.
215
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:40,135
Says the guy who freaks
out every time
a fire engine goes by.
216
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,259
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
217
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,786
Peter, Peter, you hear that?
218
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,178
I'm matching the sound!
219
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,683
Is what I'm doing helping?
220
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,771
Glenn, why did you
bring me here?
221
00:09:00,824 --> 00:09:02,368
Well, I've always
had this fantasy
222
00:09:02,392 --> 00:09:03,869
of having sex on
the basketball court
223
00:09:03,893 --> 00:09:05,538
in front of my
high school principal.
224
00:09:05,562 --> 00:09:08,063
Only problem is
he's now completely senile.
225
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,083
Yeah, you like this,
Principal Goodrich, huh?
226
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:15,097
Remember you once
suspended me for showing
my wiener in school?
227
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,320
I did?
228
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,368
This isn't as much fun
as I thought it would be.
229
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,303
I'm sorry, Sonja,
I don't think I can finish.
230
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,110
You never could finish,
Quagmire!
231
00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:23,811
Donahue, get in there!
232
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:29,116
Okay, Glenn, now
that we've covered
ourselves in black ink,
233
00:09:29,185 --> 00:09:30,618
let's do it until we've created
234
00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:33,321
every character in
the Chinese alphabet.
235
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:44,949
When all said and done,
236
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:48,302
Quagmire body tell
story of sadness.
237
00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:54,459
Oh, wow, I can't even
imagine what twisted,
deviant act
238
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,793
you've thought of this time.
239
00:09:55,862 --> 00:09:59,180
I want you to have
sex with your father.
240
00:09:59,248 --> 00:10:00,314
What?
Yep.
241
00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:01,849
And I'm gonna watch.
242
00:10:01,918 --> 00:10:03,462
Hi, Glenn.
Are you crazy?
243
00:10:03,486 --> 00:10:04,953
No! No way!
244
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,421
Glenn, remember,
the thing we love
most about each other
245
00:10:07,490 --> 00:10:10,624
is that we push each
other way beyond our
normal boundaries.
246
00:10:12,828 --> 00:10:14,857
Did you enjoy your
stay at the Marriott?
247
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,598
No, I did not.
248
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:23,521
Oh, well, excuse me for not
being six months old anymore!
249
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:25,322
Oh, and here come the tears!
250
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:28,191
The show is starting,
everyone!
Come on down!
251
00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:32,958
What's all that noise?
What the hell's
going on up there?
252
00:10:32,982 --> 00:10:34,644
We're in a fight
is what's going on!
253
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,851
Brian, I need you to settle
an argument for us.
254
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:38,003
Am I Hitler?
255
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:39,615
Because I don't think that I am,
256
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:42,384
but maybe I'm off base on this.
257
00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:43,842
Stewie, take it easy.
258
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,754
No, you know what?
You may as well
call your family now
259
00:10:45,778 --> 00:10:47,556
because I'm not
going to Sarasota.
260
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:49,993
I don't care if we
can't get a refund,
we're through!
261
00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:52,298
Here, Brian, you take him.
Maybe you can make him happy.
262
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:53,880
What?
You heard me. Take him.
263
00:10:53,904 --> 00:10:55,314
Do whatever you want
with him, I don't care.
264
00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:56,905
Rupert and I are over!
265
00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,873
Are you sure?
Yes, we're done.
266
00:10:58,942 --> 00:11:00,352
I just hope we can
handle it better than
267
00:11:00,376 --> 00:11:02,438
blue and yellow did
when they split up.
268
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,323
You were supposed to have
the kids here by 5:00.
269
00:11:04,347 --> 00:11:05,513
We have plans.
270
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:08,182
It's 5:15.
Stop busting
my hump, Alicia.
271
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,663
Okay, you know what,
let's not do this
in front of the kids.
272
00:11:10,687 --> 00:11:11,952
God, you're right.
273
00:11:12,021 --> 00:11:13,388
What ever happened to us?
274
00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:15,268
Hey, baby, you ready for dinner?
275
00:11:15,292 --> 00:11:18,572
What's up, Scott?
We gonna get
some barbecue.
276
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:23,575
- Hey, guys.
- No, no, no.
277
00:11:23,599 --> 00:11:24,777
Indoors, not okay.
Don't do it.
278
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:26,011
No, no, no.
Nighttime, not allowed.
279
00:11:26,035 --> 00:11:27,379
What? There's
nothing wrong
with this.
280
00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:29,123
No, no way, give me those.
281
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:31,806
Oh, my God.
282
00:11:31,874 --> 00:11:33,307
Quagmire,
what the hell happened?
283
00:11:33,376 --> 00:11:36,039
Is this another one
of those sex-related
injuries you keep getting?
284
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:38,396
Yeah, it seems like lately
that girlfriend of yours
285
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:40,065
is taking things
a little too far.
286
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,173
No, she's not.
Everything's great
with us.
287
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,407
Are you guys still
talking about Sonja?
288
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,087
All right,
I should probably
get going.
289
00:12:08,111 --> 00:12:11,812
Sonja and I are supposed
to go to a Brown Eyes
Wide Shut party.
290
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,676
Geez, I don't know
what's going on with him.
291
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,744
But I guess love does
funny things to people.
292
00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,101
Look at Forrest Gump.
293
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,469
Hi, Forrest.
294
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,188
I know you just got back
from Vietnam and you love me,
295
00:12:21,257 --> 00:12:23,157
but I'm gonna go
run a train with
296
00:12:23,226 --> 00:12:25,059
this group of Black
Panthers I just met.
297
00:12:25,128 --> 00:12:26,760
Okay, Jenny.
298
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,113
Hi, Forrest.
299
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,259
I know you came all this way
to New York to visit me,
300
00:12:30,283 --> 00:12:33,651
but I'm gonna go do blow
and have sex with
a bunch of stockbrokers.
301
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,436
Okay, Jenny.
302
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,621
Hi, Forrest.
303
00:12:36,689 --> 00:12:38,489
Now that I have
the most contagious
304
00:12:38,558 --> 00:12:40,324
and incurable
disease known to mankind,
305
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,309
I'll finally have
pity sex with you.
306
00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:43,811
Okay, Jenny.
307
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,214
And I'll mow the grass
and raise the AIDS baby.
308
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:51,986
Hey, sexy.
309
00:12:52,055 --> 00:12:54,188
Sonja, what are you doing here?
310
00:12:54,257 --> 00:12:56,719
Well, I got tired
of waiting for you
to get home,
311
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,910
so I thought I'd come to you.
312
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:01,307
Come on, Sonja.
How about we take
a night off, huh?
313
00:13:01,331 --> 00:13:03,331
The sex has just been nonstop.
314
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,100
I mean, I understand
that "no" doesn't mean "no,"
315
00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:08,769
but certainly some word
has got to mean "no."
316
00:13:11,608 --> 00:13:13,419
This is one of
your fantasies, right?
317
00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:14,520
Public humiliation?
318
00:13:15,611 --> 00:13:17,211
Mmm. It's sexy, isn't it?
319
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,383
Sonja, stop, please!
320
00:13:22,452 --> 00:13:24,018
Come on, you love it.
321
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,874
Ow! Ow!
322
00:13:29,942 --> 00:13:32,527
You're hurting me,
and I really need t
o clean out my trunk!
323
00:13:32,596 --> 00:13:34,523
Oh, I'm gonna
clean out your trunk.
324
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:35,580
Giggity.
325
00:13:35,632 --> 00:13:37,552
That's my word.
That's my word!
326
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,406
Okay, Joe, Joe,
you're drunk, okay?
327
00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:47,341
You're drunk, give me your keys.
328
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:50,577
And I'm drunk,
so I'll give you my keys.
329
00:13:50,646 --> 00:13:52,997
Okay, now we're both
good to drive home.
330
00:13:57,304 --> 00:13:59,015
You been drinking tonight, sir?
331
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:02,823
No, Officer,
I just had a glass of
dinner with my wine.
332
00:14:02,892 --> 00:14:04,970
Okay, I'm gonna need you
to step out of the car
333
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:07,278
and walk a straight line,
please.
334
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,725
All right, you be safe, sir.
335
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:12,083
There's a lot of
crazies out there tonight.
336
00:14:21,411 --> 00:14:23,155
Oh, hey, Mr.
And Mrs. Quagmire.
337
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:25,391
Hi, Peter. I'm
a little worried
about Glenn.
338
00:14:25,415 --> 00:14:27,165
I haven't heard
from him in days.
339
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,234
Have you seen him?
340
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:29,361
I haven't seen anybody.
341
00:14:29,385 --> 00:14:31,213
I've been grounded
for pinching a girl.
342
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:33,387
Hey, are you guys
talking about Quagmire?
343
00:14:33,456 --> 00:14:34,889
He never showed this morning,
344
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:37,659
and today's the day
we usually go apple picking.
345
00:14:37,744 --> 00:14:38,993
Get that one.
346
00:14:39,061 --> 00:14:40,101
Get that one!
347
00:14:40,163 --> 00:14:41,695
Hey, get that one.
348
00:14:41,764 --> 00:14:43,063
Get that one over there.
349
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,532
No, not that one.
350
00:14:44,601 --> 00:14:46,200
I already got it!
I can't put it back!
351
00:14:46,269 --> 00:14:47,679
Well, it's not going in the pie.
352
00:14:47,703 --> 00:14:49,181
Well, if you're so smart,
why don't you come up here
353
00:14:49,205 --> 00:14:50,205
and pick them yourself?
354
00:14:50,273 --> 00:14:52,907
And now there's no pie at all.
355
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,542
I've already
checked Glenn's house,
356
00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:56,188
and there's no sign
he's even been there.
357
00:14:56,212 --> 00:14:57,907
I'm afraid something
terrible has happened.
358
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,647
Now let's not jump
to any conclusions.
359
00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:01,849
I'm sure if we just check
his usual hangouts,
360
00:15:01,918 --> 00:15:03,184
someone will have seen him.
361
00:15:03,252 --> 00:15:05,013
Wait a second.
He hangs out at the Clam
362
00:15:05,037 --> 00:15:06,337
with some fat loudmouth.
363
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,872
You find Loudy McFatass,
you find Quagmire.
364
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:10,035
Come on, let's go.
365
00:15:10,059 --> 00:15:12,676
But, Dad, it's
the night of my big show.
366
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:15,379
Oh, Chris,
I was never gonna
go to that.
367
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,247
We should get some
food in you, mister.
368
00:15:21,271 --> 00:15:22,881
You hardly ate
any of that cereal
369
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,416
I smashed on your
mouth yesterday.
370
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:25,806
Brian?
371
00:15:26,609 --> 00:15:27,642
Oh. Hey.
372
00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:29,059
What the hell are you doing?
373
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,596
Oh, I've been kind of using
Rupert as a chew toy.
374
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:33,097
Chewing him with your crotch?
375
00:15:33,166 --> 00:15:35,750
Hey, dogs like
humping stuffed animals.
What can I say?
376
00:15:35,818 --> 00:15:37,546
Besides,
you said I could
have Rupert.
377
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,981
I thought you liked
Oscar better anyway.
378
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,504
Well, I just changed my mind.
379
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,107
And you know Rupert's a dude,
right, you gaylord?
380
00:15:46,412 --> 00:15:48,574
Okay, you guys, where should
we start looking for Glenn?
381
00:15:48,598 --> 00:15:50,464
Well, sometimes Quagmire
likes to hang out
382
00:15:50,533 --> 00:15:52,232
under all
the clutter in my garage.
383
00:15:52,301 --> 00:15:55,670
So, why don't we
just start sorting stuff
and throwing stuff away
384
00:15:55,738 --> 00:15:58,405
but obviously
checking with me first
before you throw stuff away.
385
00:15:58,474 --> 00:15:59,791
No problem, Peter.
386
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,260
Quagmire, if you're in there,
hang tight, buddy.
387
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,408
We're coming.
388
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:05,174
Right, and if we
can't find him in here,
389
00:16:05,198 --> 00:16:08,599
he sometimes likes to hang out
in between the blades
of grass in my lawn.
390
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:10,918
And also, in the firewood
that needs to be split.
391
00:16:10,987 --> 00:16:12,804
Might he be under
the leaves in your gutter?
392
00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,471
Great question
and yes, he might.
393
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,340
So, while you guys
are taking care of that,
394
00:16:16,408 --> 00:16:18,092
I'll be around back
flicking pinecones
395
00:16:18,161 --> 00:16:19,777
at a tree with
this hockey stick.
396
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,000
Aloha. Welcome to
Ryan's Hawaiians.
397
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,936
Hey, how you doing?
Amazing.
398
00:16:29,004 --> 00:16:30,421
Have you seen this man?
399
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:31,705
Glenn Quagmire?
400
00:16:31,775 --> 00:16:34,075
No, the last time I saw him
was three months ago.
401
00:16:34,144 --> 00:16:36,243
Sold him 70 red shirts.
402
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:37,856
He does look good in that shirt.
403
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,114
Uh, everyone looks
good in my shirts.
404
00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:41,549
How about you, Big Island?
405
00:16:41,618 --> 00:16:43,150
Uh, I don't know.
406
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:46,587
Do you want to
be an oldies' DJ
or a 1980s wrestling manager?
407
00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:48,623
Yes, both.
408
00:16:48,691 --> 00:16:50,357
This is beautiful.
409
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,659
Heart disease looks better
410
00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:54,194
when it's wrapped in a
tropical, floral pattern.
411
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:59,483
Oh, my God, this is hopeless.
412
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,946
We've been searching for hours.
413
00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:02,614
Glenn could be dead by now.
414
00:17:02,638 --> 00:17:05,372
I know, and if you
guys are really hungry,
I suppose I could eat.
415
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,752
Come on, we can't give up.
416
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,687
Someone's got to
have seen Quagmire.
417
00:17:08,711 --> 00:17:10,489
Or if not him, at least Sonja.
418
00:17:10,513 --> 00:17:12,408
Excuse me,
did you just
say "Sonja"?
419
00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,464
Yes, I did!
420
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,099
That was my dog's name.
421
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,084
Excuse me,
did he just
say "Sonja"?
422
00:17:17,153 --> 00:17:18,297
Yeah, it was his dog's name.
423
00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:19,821
Oh.
I thought he might
have been
424
00:17:19,889 --> 00:17:21,489
talking about this
super kinky woman
425
00:17:21,558 --> 00:17:24,425
who's always down here,
trying to lure men
to her sex slave shed.
426
00:17:24,494 --> 00:17:26,272
No, I think he was
talking about his dog.
427
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,741
No, Peter, that's
the Sonja we're
looking for.
428
00:17:28,765 --> 00:17:30,559
Sonja must have
taken Glenn there.
429
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,811
Where exactly is
this sex slave shed?
430
00:17:32,835 --> 00:17:35,703
I'm not sure, but I've
heard she has a unit
at Quahog Storage.
431
00:17:35,771 --> 00:17:37,772
Apparently, that
chick's a complete psycho.
432
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,774
We got to get over there!
Come on, you guys, let's go!
433
00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:43,377
Oh, man, I hope we don't catch
them doing something freaky.
434
00:17:43,446 --> 00:17:45,206
I'm still weirded out
from when I walked in
435
00:17:45,248 --> 00:17:46,881
on that masturbating Eskimo.
436
00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:49,267
Dinner time, Tikaloo.
437
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,335
Oh, my God!
438
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,085
Doesn't anybody knock?
439
00:17:55,758 --> 00:17:59,060
Hey, Stewie, look,
I want to apologize
about earlier.
440
00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:00,394
What the hell is this?
441
00:18:00,462 --> 00:18:02,930
Brian, I think it's time
that Rupert made his choice.
442
00:18:02,998 --> 00:18:04,093
What are you talking about?
443
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,466
Talking about love, Bri.
444
00:18:05,535 --> 00:18:07,145
Talking about adult decisions.
445
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:09,370
Rupert's been with me,
and now he's been with you.
446
00:18:09,438 --> 00:18:10,938
It's time for him to pick.
447
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,766
Stewie, this is stupid.
I'm not doing this.
448
00:18:12,809 --> 00:18:14,074
Brian, either you cooperate
449
00:18:14,143 --> 00:18:16,560
or I blow my Adam
Levine dog whistle.
450
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:18,562
Hey, my voice isn't that high.
451
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:19,631
It is.
452
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:20,898
It is though.
453
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,928
All right, Rupert.
Who will it be?
454
00:18:22,952 --> 00:18:24,129
And before you answer,
455
00:18:24,153 --> 00:18:26,198
think of all
the good times
we've had.
456
00:18:26,222 --> 00:18:29,322
The time we met The Beatles
on The Ed Sullivan Show,
457
00:18:29,391 --> 00:18:31,554
that winter we lived on the sun,
458
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,894
and here's my favorite.
459
00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:37,214
A blank one we can fill up
with a future together.
460
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,689
Yes! Oh, my God,
461
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,569
Rupert,
I'm so sorry
for everything!
462
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:48,992
I missed you, too!
463
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,243
Whatever.
464
00:18:50,312 --> 00:18:52,312
Hey, you done with
that weird octopus doll?
465
00:18:53,916 --> 00:18:56,200
It's you and me forever, Rupert.
466
00:18:56,268 --> 00:18:58,619
I just hope Oscar
didn't take it too hard.
467
00:19:08,197 --> 00:19:09,530
This is it, number 92.
468
00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:10,914
This is Sonja's storage unit.
469
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:13,351
Quagmire, are you in there?
470
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,587
Oh, he's eating.
471
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,295
We'll come back when
you're done eating.
472
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,630
Glenn!
473
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,343
Hurry, she'll be back soon.
474
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,845
I can't believe the guy
with the ponytail and
the facial tattoo
475
00:19:30,869 --> 00:19:32,581
at the front desk
would let this happen.
476
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,121
Well, what's this?
477
00:19:34,791 --> 00:19:36,040
We got company?
478
00:19:36,109 --> 00:19:37,375
Hold it right there.
479
00:19:37,443 --> 00:19:38,443
Please.
480
00:19:38,494 --> 00:19:40,544
Do you think I'm afraid of you?
481
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:43,742
Boy, if you were ever
gonna stand, this would
be the time, Joe.
482
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,527
Everybody, just shut up!
483
00:19:45,551 --> 00:19:48,385
You idiots should've minded
your own business.
484
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:50,955
This is our business.
You kidnapped our friend.
485
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:52,322
You're going to jail.
486
00:19:52,391 --> 00:19:54,524
Don't come any
closer or I'll shoot you!
487
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,410
Oh, I don't think
you're gonna shoot me.
488
00:19:56,479 --> 00:19:58,044
You don't got the boobs.
489
00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,891
What?
I don't know.
490
00:19:59,915 --> 00:20:01,982
Now,
just hand me
the gun, Sonja.
491
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,184
Oh, I swear to God,
you get one inch closer to me,
492
00:20:04,253 --> 00:20:05,319
and I'm gonna shoot you.
493
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,592
What the hell?
494
00:20:12,762 --> 00:20:14,761
Like I said,
you're going to jail.
495
00:20:14,830 --> 00:20:16,741
Oh, my God,
Joe, that was so close.
496
00:20:16,765 --> 00:20:18,277
How'd you know
the gun would jam?
497
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:20,835
It didn't jam, Peter.
The gun was never loaded.
498
00:20:20,903 --> 00:20:22,969
Sort of had a mental
breakdown in April.
499
00:20:23,038 --> 00:20:25,005
No more bullets for this guy.
500
00:20:25,074 --> 00:20:27,419
Oh, Glenn,
I was so worried
about you.
501
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,021
Are you all right?
No, no,
502
00:20:29,045 --> 00:20:31,545
I'm pretty fucking
far from all right.
503
00:20:31,614 --> 00:20:33,974
Well, I guess this is
as good a time as any.
504
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,816
Happy birthday, Joe.
505
00:20:35,884 --> 00:20:37,084
You dick!
506
00:20:40,756 --> 00:20:42,106
Thanks for your help, guys.
507
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,941
I might not be alive
if it weren't for you.
508
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:45,342
Hey, no problem, buddy.
509
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,539
Yeah, you'd have done
the same for us, Quagmire.
510
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,425
You know,
I guess what I realize
from all this
511
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,248
is that when it
comes to relationships,
512
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,917
I need to be the kinky one.
513
00:20:52,986 --> 00:20:55,414
And I need to be
the one who throws
bar nuts in everybody's face.
514
00:20:55,438 --> 00:20:56,803
Right, Joe?
515
00:20:57,973 --> 00:20:59,151
That is so you.
516
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:01,308
We're just glad
to have you back, Quagmire.
517
00:21:01,377 --> 00:21:04,817
Yep, and it's good
to put all those
troubles behind us.
518
00:21:05,548 --> 00:21:07,381
My dad's pregnant with my kid.
38525
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
