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1
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:04,736
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:07,973
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:11,610
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,913
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,117
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,403
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,471 --> 00:00:22,988
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,589
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:29,143
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,902 --> 00:00:37,163
Hey, Brian, have you
seen the remote?
11
00:00:37,187 --> 00:00:38,498
I want to watch
The Weather Channel.
12
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:40,055
There are tornados
in the Midwest,
13
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:43,659
and I like watching
poor people scramble
to save what little they have.
14
00:00:43,727 --> 00:00:45,071
I don't know
where the remote is.
15
00:00:45,095 --> 00:00:46,378
All right, I'll find it myself.
16
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,316
Oh, my God, my old harmonica!
17
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:53,329
I'm going to play this
really loud tonight
18
00:00:53,353 --> 00:00:55,671
to get back at our
Armenian neighbors.
19
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:59,908
Hey. Hey, looks
like a fun party.
20
00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:02,343
Um, hey, listen,
it's 2:00 in the morning.
21
00:01:02,412 --> 00:01:04,858
Uh, when is
your five-year-old
going to go to sleep?
22
00:01:04,882 --> 00:01:06,114
Soon. Very soon.
23
00:01:06,183 --> 00:01:08,550
You want weird food
wrapped in weird leaves?
24
00:01:08,618 --> 00:01:10,396
Yeah, look, I'm guessing
there's some kind of
25
00:01:10,420 --> 00:01:12,598
soccer match from
your home country
going on,
26
00:01:12,622 --> 00:01:14,355
and I get that, I do.
27
00:01:14,424 --> 00:01:16,591
But some of us
are trying to sleep,
28
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,805
and I could almost
deal with the noise,
29
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,096
but it's the cologne, all right?
30
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:24,265
I can smell it in my bed,
and I live two houses
from here.
31
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:28,070
That's how
powerful it is, okay?
That's how powerful it is.
32
00:01:28,138 --> 00:01:29,604
You like it?
33
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,006
Yeah, I kind of like it.
34
00:01:35,713 --> 00:01:37,290
Okay, so I know
you're a harmonica,
35
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,258
but right now you're
a 40-year-old woman
36
00:01:39,282 --> 00:01:41,194
with a good body
in a hotel pool.
37
00:01:41,218 --> 00:01:42,784
"Hey, everybody, look at me.
38
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:45,520
"I work out seven days a week
for these five minutes.
39
00:01:45,589 --> 00:01:47,200
"Your attention
is going to keep me
40
00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:48,802
"from swallowing
a bottle of pills."
41
00:01:48,826 --> 00:01:51,159
Hey, everyone, I made brownies!
42
00:01:51,228 --> 00:01:53,929
I better hurry up.
I'm going to miss the show.
43
00:01:53,997 --> 00:01:57,999
What did I do? What did I do?
44
00:02:00,637 --> 00:02:02,554
I love brownie day.
45
00:02:06,493 --> 00:02:08,160
Hey, so, uh, I'm digging a hole
46
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:09,861
under the fence in the backyard.
47
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:12,211
Brian, you have a car.
You don't have to escape.
48
00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,043
Just don't fucking
say anything, okay?
49
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,512
Oh, you know what?
Hang on, I left my
harmonica in the tub.
50
00:02:16,536 --> 00:02:18,203
I think Peter's in
there taking a bath.
51
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,233
Son of a bitch!
52
00:02:20,257 --> 00:02:22,218
What the hell did I just sit on?
53
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,776
Where is it?
Where's my harmonica?
It's not here!
54
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:27,446
Peter, have you seen
Stewie's harmonica?
It was in the tub.
55
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:31,449
Oh, my God,
it was in the tub,
and now it's in my butt!
56
00:02:31,519 --> 00:02:33,318
No!
57
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:37,989
Stewie, Daddy needs
your tiny hands for
a very special project.
58
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:45,297
Well, good heavens,
that's something, isn't it?
59
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:47,443
By the way, Mr. Griffin,
regarding your X-rays,
60
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:49,045
we're making
a coffee table book.
61
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,379
Can you sign
this release, please?
62
00:02:50,403 --> 00:02:53,271
Okay, but first can we address
my husband's situation?
63
00:02:53,323 --> 00:02:55,334
Well, the harmonica's
up there pretty good.
64
00:02:55,358 --> 00:02:58,660
Unfortunately,
removing it would require
a very expensive surgery
65
00:02:58,728 --> 00:03:01,340
that's not covered by
your T.G.I. Friday's
gift card.
66
00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:04,844
What was that?
I don't know,
67
00:03:04,868 --> 00:03:07,803
but suddenly it smells
like John Popper in here.
68
00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:10,238
That was me.
I got musical farts.
69
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,791
Holy crap, this is awesome.
70
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,580
I will not allow
this opportunity
to go to waste.
71
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,250
Hey, Lois, how was your day?
72
00:03:22,319 --> 00:03:24,586
Terrible. I accidentally
backed over a kid
73
00:03:24,655 --> 00:03:26,388
in the grocery store
parking lot.
74
00:03:28,358 --> 00:03:29,891
Peter, I'm serious.
75
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:33,495
I ran right over
the soft part of the face.
I had to run away.
76
00:03:33,563 --> 00:03:36,164
I ditched the car
and jumped on a passing train.
77
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:43,471
I was so scared,
I didn't get off
until I was in the South.
78
00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:48,310
What'd you do today?
79
00:03:48,378 --> 00:03:51,698
I pushed a boy behind
your car so I could do
all this harmonica stuff.
80
00:03:55,018 --> 00:03:56,150
All right, Chris,
81
00:03:56,219 --> 00:03:58,553
Meg loves to listen to music
when she sleeps.
82
00:03:58,622 --> 00:04:00,054
Let's see how she likes this.
83
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:05,059
Uh, Dad, I don't
think that's how it works.
84
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:13,652
This had nothing to do
with the harmonica.
85
00:04:17,874 --> 00:04:21,076
Everybody, brace yourselves,
'cause I have got big news.
86
00:04:21,145 --> 00:04:24,646
I have been selected
to be a contestant on
America's Got Talent!
87
00:04:24,715 --> 00:04:27,226
And they're
going to fly us all
to America for the show!
88
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,084
What? Oh, my God!
89
00:04:29,152 --> 00:04:30,396
Finally, we make-a
90
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:32,638
da dreams come true in America!
91
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:35,573
I am going to make
this family proud,
and not just you guys,
92
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,259
but that old painting
of my ancestor in the attic.
93
00:04:38,328 --> 00:04:40,228
I did it!
I'm going to be on TV!
94
00:04:40,296 --> 00:04:41,562
Did you kill the others?
95
00:04:41,631 --> 00:04:43,865
I shan't!
You must.
96
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,246
I'm going to go talk
to the statue
in the basement.
97
00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:47,769
Did you kill the painting?
98
00:04:47,837 --> 00:04:49,587
This place is a nuthouse.
99
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,623
Yo, welcome back to
America's Got Talent!
100
00:04:57,647 --> 00:04:59,058
Let's welcome
our next performer,
101
00:04:59,082 --> 00:05:01,082
here to play the harmonica,
Peter Griffin.
102
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:04,786
Hi.
103
00:05:04,855 --> 00:05:07,021
So, where are you from, Peter?
104
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:09,323
I'm from Quahog, Rhode Island.
105
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,926
Quahog!
106
00:05:11,995 --> 00:05:13,294
That's my family.
107
00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:15,731
My wife daytime-drinks
on vacation.
108
00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:18,033
Rhode Island, huh?
I never got that name.
109
00:05:18,102 --> 00:05:20,235
It's not an island,
and there's roads everywhere.
110
00:05:20,303 --> 00:05:22,003
So what gives?
111
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:25,324
I watched very TV show
in the 80's, sir,
and I don't know who you are.
112
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,842
Okay, Peter,
let's hear what you've got.
113
00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:54,736
Wow, he's nailing it.
I know, shut up.
114
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:11,803
Well, there goes
my music career.
115
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,450
I wonder if I can
get my old job back
116
00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:15,554
painting kids' faces
at birthday parties.
117
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:17,776
There you go, Timmy.
118
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,445
Sir, you're going
to have to leave.
119
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,958
You're just drawing
penises with a Sharpie
on children's faces.
120
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,982
I don't know how to draw a cat.
121
00:06:28,738 --> 00:06:30,104
Hi, I'm Amanda.
122
00:06:30,173 --> 00:06:31,539
I'm Chris.
123
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:34,108
You look nice,
so I'll blow my
burps the other way.
124
00:06:35,912 --> 00:06:37,790
You're funny.
Oh, thanks.
125
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,614
Usually people
just find me awkward.
126
00:06:39,683 --> 00:06:42,416
I have a hard time
with small talk.
127
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:44,297
Did you find everything
you were looking for?
128
00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:46,098
Eh, I did all right for a guy
129
00:06:46,122 --> 00:06:47,566
who just had his
first homosexual
130
00:06:47,590 --> 00:06:49,830
experience with
his guitar teacher.
131
00:06:53,263 --> 00:06:55,107
All right, guys, keep
an eye out for our stuff.
132
00:06:55,131 --> 00:06:57,198
I got tired of not being
able to find my bags,
133
00:06:57,267 --> 00:07:00,468
so I tied
a vaguely Hanna-Barbera
looking character to it.
134
00:07:01,704 --> 00:07:03,671
This trip was impoceros!
135
00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:05,223
There we go.
136
00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:07,637
I really enjoyed
sitting next to you
on the plane, Chris.
137
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:09,227
Me, too.
138
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:12,130
I'm sorry I screamed
when that guy from India
got up to stretch.
139
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:14,377
Look, I'm having
brunch tomorrow
with my grandparents
140
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:15,711
at the Barrington Country Club.
141
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:17,046
Maybe your family could join us.
142
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:18,770
Okay, that sounds like fun.
143
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:26,678
Oh, my God. Chris is
dating a Barrington.
144
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:28,112
Who are the Barringtons?
145
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,259
They're the richest family
in all of Rhode Island.
146
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,650
I must notify Gossip Girl!
147
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,720
"Pass this along
to Gossip Girl."
148
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,670
It's me. I'm Gossip Girl.
149
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:02,147
I still can't believe
Chris is dating a Barrington.
150
00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:03,798
They own this whole club.
151
00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:08,085
Yeah, look at all this luxury.
It's like being in
a gay guy's dream.
152
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,522
Enjoying the view?
153
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,158
It's glorious, Edwin.
154
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:15,771
Would you like
another salad bowl
of chocolate-covered oysters?
155
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:17,829
Is that gay enough?
And then some.
156
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,332
This has been
the gayest vacation
I've ever had.
157
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,234
I love smelling
me on your breath.
158
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:25,715
Peter,
what are you doing here?
You're not a member!
159
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,506
And that means me
and the other jocks
get to throw you in the pool.
160
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,119
Hey, Banks, Duffy,
get over here!
161
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,077
This guy's going for a swim.
Grab him!
162
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:38,349
All right,
you're kind of heavy,
so, we're going to pee on you.
163
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:45,790
Not happening.
All right, all right,
we'll just spit on you.
164
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,763
Nothing we have works.
165
00:08:51,815 --> 00:08:54,465
Daddy, we're here to have
brunch with the Barringtons.
166
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,654
The Barringtons!
How is that possible?
167
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,770
That family is
the pinnacle of high society.
168
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,449
They haven't worked
in eight generations.
169
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,051
All the kids have drug problems.
170
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,358
Most of them have OD'd.
171
00:09:03,426 --> 00:09:04,758
That's terrible.
172
00:09:04,827 --> 00:09:06,372
Well, not all kids
make it, Lois.
173
00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:08,729
Just ask the Sugar Smacks frog.
174
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,110
I'm sorry, I'm afraid
you've lost two more.
175
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:12,511
What should we do
about the graves?
176
00:09:12,535 --> 00:09:13,801
Dig 'em.
177
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,653
You look really
handsome today, Chris.
178
00:09:20,677 --> 00:09:21,677
Thanks, Amanda.
179
00:09:21,744 --> 00:09:23,011
Hey, Chris, say it.
180
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:26,581
I use Stewart Griffin
Facial Cleanser. Try some.
181
00:09:26,649 --> 00:09:27,715
Give her the web site.
182
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,784
StewieGriffinFacial.com.
183
00:09:29,853 --> 00:09:31,253
No, no, no,
that's something else.
184
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:34,305
It's StewieGriffin
FacialCleanser.com.
185
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:37,776
Hey, listen, Mr. Barrington,
your granddaughter
ain't no tease, right?
186
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,455
'Cause Chris really
wants to get in there.
187
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,713
Oh, you're a funny guy,
Griffin. I like that.
188
00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:45,183
Well, you should hear
my prank phone calls.
189
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:50,021
Hey, is your
refrigerator running?
Yes, it is.
190
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,656
Are your doors unlocked?
191
00:09:51,724 --> 00:09:53,208
What? Why?
192
00:09:57,747 --> 00:09:59,859
I don't know,
they all kind of
look the same.
193
00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:02,383
What do you mean,
"they all look the same?"
194
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,554
Hey, there's all
my favorite people!
195
00:10:06,622 --> 00:10:08,489
Oh, no, not this suck-up.
196
00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:13,261
What are we talking about?
Black people? Mexicans? Jews?
197
00:10:13,329 --> 00:10:15,009
So good to see you, Barrington.
198
00:10:15,065 --> 00:10:16,475
Hey, hey, where we
going today, Reginald?
199
00:10:16,499 --> 00:10:17,831
Huh? Huh?
Where we going today?
200
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,178
You and me is pals,
ain't we, Reginald?
201
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,835
Pewterschmidt, settle down!
202
00:10:20,903 --> 00:10:23,137
I was having a nice
conversation with Peter.
203
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:25,506
Peter, why don't you tell me
more about your job?
204
00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:27,019
You said you like
to drink at work?
205
00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:28,821
I do.
Oh, me, too!
206
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,765
Me, too. I'll drink anything.
Even that hollandaise sauce.
Give me that.
207
00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:36,784
Hey, Brian, Meg's Benedict.
208
00:10:40,223 --> 00:10:41,489
Oh, God.
209
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:44,325
Stop. Stop. Stop.
I'm sorry I even said it.
210
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:47,562
I'm so... It was a mistake.
It was a mistake.
I'm sorry I said it.
211
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:50,731
Peter, why don't you and I
grab some air, huh?
212
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,645
Daddy, you're making a fool
out of yourself.
213
00:10:52,669 --> 00:10:54,180
Why are you acting like this?
214
00:10:54,204 --> 00:10:55,515
Look, I've been trying to get
215
00:10:55,539 --> 00:10:57,972
into Reginald Barrington's
inner circle for years.
216
00:10:58,041 --> 00:10:59,419
They've been
the most elite family
217
00:10:59,443 --> 00:11:01,276
in this country ever since
it was founded.
218
00:11:01,344 --> 00:11:03,978
They were
the ones who invented
the buckle on the hat.
219
00:11:04,047 --> 00:11:05,546
Hey, I like your zipper hat.
220
00:11:05,615 --> 00:11:07,048
I like your zipper hat.
221
00:11:07,117 --> 00:11:08,983
Morning, fellas.
222
00:11:09,052 --> 00:11:11,412
Oh, that's going to
be a game changer.
223
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:13,805
Do you hunt, Peter?
224
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:16,273
Well, I went to three stores
to find this shirt.
225
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:19,376
Peter, you've got moxie.
I like that.
226
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,212
Hey, I've got moxie, too!
Watch this!
227
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,748
♪ Carmen Miranda
Carmen Miranda
228
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,250
♪ Was she a singer?
Was she a dancer?
229
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:27,618
♪ Nobody knows
230
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,987
♪ They just
remember the fruit ♪
231
00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:33,557
Pewterschmidt, you imbecile!
You think that's funny,
wasting fruit?
232
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,794
There are people dying
in hilarious places.
That is it!
233
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,263
You are officially
kicked out of this club!
234
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:40,898
What?
Griffin.
235
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,285
We just had an opening.
Congratulations,
you are now a member.
236
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,936
Oh, my God, really?
237
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:49,573
And to think,
yesterday I was just a guy
at home eating catnip.
238
00:11:59,586 --> 00:12:03,020
Excuse me, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
but you're no longer
a member at this club.
239
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,756
Don't worry, he's my guest.
240
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,223
Now, look, Peter,
241
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:07,970
just because
you're a member now
and I'm your guest,
242
00:12:07,994 --> 00:12:10,105
that doesn't mean things
are going to change
between us, right?
243
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:13,765
No, no, of course not.
Excuse me a moment, Carter.
244
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:16,333
Hey, guys, I just bumped into
Carter Pewterschmidt outside.
245
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,735
What a loser, huh?
246
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:22,573
Okay, when he wasn't looking,
I stuck a springy snake
in his wallet.
247
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,275
What?
248
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:27,779
And I switched out
one of his eyeballs
for a gag exploding eyeball.
249
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,547
What? That's...
250
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,293
And then I paid
a couple of Mexicans
251
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,717
to run over him with their car.
252
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:36,968
I hope they don't just take
the money and skip town.
253
00:12:41,444 --> 00:12:43,289
Oh, the swordfish
looks good today.
254
00:12:43,313 --> 00:12:45,090
I'll have that and
start with the caviar.
255
00:12:45,114 --> 00:12:46,380
Hey, can I look at the menu?
256
00:12:46,449 --> 00:12:48,427
Sorry, Carter.
This menu is
for members only.
257
00:12:48,451 --> 00:12:51,096
The guest menu
is on the placemat
next to the word scramble.
258
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:52,553
Aw...
259
00:12:52,621 --> 00:12:55,056
I guess I'll have
the chicken fingers
and SpaghettiOs.
260
00:12:55,124 --> 00:12:58,404
I'll also have
the chicken fingers
and SpaghettiOs.
261
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,591
Okay, you ready for some polo?
262
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,782
All right,
this is more like it.
Where's Buttercup?
263
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:06,662
Oh, only members
can ride Buttercup.
264
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,586
Guests have to ride Topsy,
the 'roid rage horse.
265
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,102
Now, whatever you do,
don't say his trigger word.
266
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,970
- What?
- That's his trigger word!
267
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,074
Don't yell!
His parents were
slaughtered by yellers.
268
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,394
Just submit.
I am submitting!
It's getting worse!
269
00:13:21,418 --> 00:13:22,666
No, I mean really submit.
270
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:24,635
Okay, okay!
271
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:27,549
Oh, my God,
I meant say you're sorry,
not take off your pants.
272
00:13:27,573 --> 00:13:29,874
Carter, what are you doing?
Oh, my God!
273
00:13:29,943 --> 00:13:32,155
And now that
I've made you aware
of the misunderstanding,
274
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,722
you're still continuing with it.
275
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:37,215
Oh, my God!
And I'm still watching.
What's wrong with me?
276
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,532
Oh, my God!
277
00:13:42,421 --> 00:13:45,973
We now return to
Game of Thrones on BET.
278
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,375
I got a big-ass coat,
chair to sit in,
279
00:13:48,445 --> 00:13:50,711
chalice cup of wine
and a midget,
280
00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:53,697
but I ain't going out therewith all them monstersout there!
281
00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,586
Daddy, what happened to you?
282
00:13:58,655 --> 00:14:00,421
I can't live
without the country club.
283
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,740
You did this, Peter!
This is all your fault!
284
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:04,386
I like your hair.
Well, Daddy,
285
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:06,489
you've been treating Peter
like dirt for years.
286
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,779
It's choppier,
it's more texturized.
287
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,115
Did you go to the Asian guy
with the one name?
288
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,928
Well, now that you know
how it feels,
289
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:14,663
maybe you want to
give him an apology.
290
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,064
You went to Taki, didn't you?
291
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:18,823
Look, Peter, I'm sorry
for the way I treated you,
292
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,458
but is there
anything you can do
to get me back in the club?
293
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,271
Well, I suppose I could
talk to Barrington.
294
00:14:23,295 --> 00:14:25,963
Really? Oh, Peter,
you don't know
what this means to me.
295
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,465
You know,
I was so desperate
there for a while,
296
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:29,934
I even tried a Jewish club.
297
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,214
You don't want to
get involved with
them religious groups.
298
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:34,488
They believe in
all kinds of weird stuff.
299
00:14:34,557 --> 00:14:37,975
If I believe in
Jesus hard enough,
I will not die.
300
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,312
If I believe in
Snake Jesus hard enough,
he will die.
301
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,682
If I believe in
Tree Jesus hard enough,
both of them will die.
302
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,452
Yay! Thank you, Tree Jesus!
303
00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:52,556
Hey, Mr. Barrington.
304
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,737
Oh, hello, Peter.
I'm so glad you're here.
305
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,995
We're shooting bald guys
under 5'7" today.
306
00:14:58,064 --> 00:15:00,748
Hey, there's the guy
who denied my
health insurance claim.
307
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:04,102
Sir, your nipples are fine!
You don't need to
reconstruct them!
308
00:15:04,170 --> 00:15:07,238
I want Hershey Kiss nipples,
and I want you
to pay for them!
309
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,373
Look, Mr. B.,
if it's okay with you,
310
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,453
I'd like to give
my membership
back to Carter.
311
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,355
I'm sorry, Peter,
but I just don't think
312
00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:15,224
Pewterschmidt is
country club material.
313
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,515
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm about to shoot
Michael Stipe.
314
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,552
Is that him in the corner?
315
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:22,965
Yes, that is him in the corner.
316
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:24,421
Is that him in the spotlight?
317
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:25,689
Would you... Oh!
318
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:27,158
Damn it! Now he got away!
319
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,193
Oh, no. I said too much?
320
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,811
I want you out of here!
321
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,716
Look, Mr. Barrington,
he's my father-in-law.
So if he goes, I go.
322
00:15:34,784 --> 00:15:36,217
Fine, I don't care.
323
00:15:36,285 --> 00:15:38,820
Your low-brow antics
no longer amuse me, Griffin.
324
00:15:38,888 --> 00:15:40,399
You're both out of the club.
325
00:15:40,423 --> 00:15:42,156
Well, I guess that's it then.
326
00:15:42,225 --> 00:15:44,458
Oh, there is one
more thing, actually.
327
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:47,962
Can you talk to
that angry little boy
down by the river bank?
328
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,931
Uh... Yeah, sure.
329
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:55,586
Hey, what's eating you?
330
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:56,854
Grown-ups.
331
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,523
Yeah, grown-ups suck.
332
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,792
Why do they get to
make all the rules?
333
00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:02,672
I know it seems unfair,
but, hey,
334
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:04,473
there ain't no
rules in a tickle fight.
335
00:16:04,497 --> 00:16:07,264
Stop! That tickles.
336
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,467
Timmy, there you are!
337
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:12,236
Who the fuck are you?
Get away from our son!
338
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,683
But Mr. Barrington
told me to...
339
00:16:13,707 --> 00:16:15,005
Who's Mr. Barrington?
340
00:16:15,074 --> 00:16:16,841
From the club.
What club?
341
00:16:16,909 --> 00:16:19,644
You're in a lot
of trouble, mister.
342
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,219
I'm sorry I got us
both kicked out, Carter.
343
00:16:28,287 --> 00:16:29,749
I was just trying
to help you out.
344
00:16:29,773 --> 00:16:32,706
Mr. Barrington told me
I couldn't see Amanda anymore.
345
00:16:32,776 --> 00:16:34,920
We never even got
a chance to have sex.
346
00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:38,395
Everyone knows rich,
waspy girls are
the best at it.
347
00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:40,442
I'm really going
to miss that club.
348
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:42,044
You know what part
I liked the most?
349
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:43,813
Walking around
the locker room naked
350
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:47,372
and offering people
sections of a tiny clementine.
351
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,207
Clementine?
Oh, thank you.
352
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,020
Clementine?
None for me, thanks.
353
00:16:52,044 --> 00:16:54,846
Clementine?
Yes, thank you.
354
00:16:54,914 --> 00:16:56,258
Clementine?
Yeah, I'll have one.
355
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:58,002
Ooh, softly.
Sorry.
356
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:00,010
Yes, I'll have one.
There you go.
357
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,954
God, it's good
to be old and nude.
358
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,923
Look, Carter,
you can't be that surprised.
359
00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:08,821
I mean, it's just
human nature to suck up
to the people above you,
360
00:17:08,845 --> 00:17:11,206
crap on those beneath you
and undercut your equals.
361
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:12,808
Well, then we just
got to figure out a way
362
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,331
to make you
fancier than Barrington,
363
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,133
so he's got to suck up to you.
364
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,413
I don't know, Peter.
That'd be pretty
tough to pull off.
365
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:21,838
We just got to be bold.
Like those
backwards-knee birds.
366
00:17:23,092 --> 00:17:25,526
What? What? What?
What are you looking at?
367
00:17:25,595 --> 00:17:26,672
Oh, you coming for me?
368
00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:28,062
No, no, I'll just take
369
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,665
a big backward-knee step
in the opposite direction.
370
00:17:30,733 --> 00:17:32,778
Yeah, yeah, you think
I'm afraid of you?
371
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:36,202
I slept on your
back last night,
you piece of shit.
372
00:17:40,576 --> 00:17:42,209
Yes, I'll have the filet mignon,
373
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:44,711
and they can
start the sunset now.
374
00:17:46,433 --> 00:17:47,976
Someone important
must be arriving
375
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,234
because they're
making a big entrance.
376
00:18:06,736 --> 00:18:09,469
Announcing the arrival
of His and His Majesty,
377
00:18:09,538 --> 00:18:11,772
the exceedingly wealthy
and very important
378
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:15,910
Viscount
James Earl Tennis Racquet,
and Duke of Lacrosse Team.
379
00:18:15,978 --> 00:18:18,012
Hello, I'm Reginald Barrington.
380
00:18:18,081 --> 00:18:20,142
Where are you
fine gentlemen from?
381
00:18:20,166 --> 00:18:23,326
We are European,
from the United
Coloreds of Benetton.
382
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,331
But you don't sound like
you're from Europe.
383
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,520
Is that so?
384
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:29,189
Well, perhaps I should
take my thong elsewhere.
385
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:30,858
Well, let's not be hasty.
386
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,461
Your Majesty,
won't you please join me
387
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,263
as my personal guests
in the Barrington Room?
388
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,881
The Barrington Room?
389
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,518
Peter, that's
the most exclusive room
in all of New England.
390
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,331
Yeah, I hear it's even
harder to get in there
391
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,672
than the University of Arizona.
392
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:47,808
Well, it's beating.
Welcome to the Wildcats.
393
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:50,528
This is the Barrington Room.
394
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:55,015
Have a seat in the deepest,
most luxurious leather chair
in the world.
395
00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,304
Oh... That's nice.
396
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:02,507
Sir, may I offer you
a shoe drink?
397
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,625
Why, yes, that'd be lovely.
398
00:19:06,495 --> 00:19:08,846
Ah! The finer things.
399
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:11,031
So, what brings you
gentlemen to town?
400
00:19:11,100 --> 00:19:12,277
We're here on business.
401
00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:13,945
In fact, we just came
from a meeting
402
00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,547
with the venerable
Carter Pewterschmidt.
403
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:16,804
Outstanding man.
404
00:19:16,873 --> 00:19:18,171
Really? Yeah, well,
405
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,808
he used to be a member here,
but he was very annoying.
406
00:19:20,877 --> 00:19:22,777
Oh, my, that's surprising.
407
00:19:22,845 --> 00:19:25,279
I've heard he has quite
the blue-blood pedigree.
408
00:19:25,347 --> 00:19:27,325
You know,
he got a piece
of Jackie Kennedy
409
00:19:27,349 --> 00:19:30,034
before she was defiled by
that hairy olive-eater.
410
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:33,604
Yeah, and he once made me
a grilled cheese sandwich
after this.
411
00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:35,806
Well, I wasn't sure
about Pewterschmidt,
412
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,642
but after hearing
you gentlemen talk,
413
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,710
maybe I could give
him another chance.
414
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:40,889
Really?
Oh. wow!
415
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,913
That's great news, Carter.
You're back in!
416
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,259
Hey, let's get a couple of girls
417
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,583
and have seventh-grade
in-the-same-room-make-outs.
418
00:19:46,652 --> 00:19:48,468
"Carter"? Wait a minute.
419
00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:50,187
You're not Duke
of Lacrosse Team!
420
00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:53,591
And you're not Viscount
James Earl Tennis Racquet!
421
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:56,677
Security!
Come throw these
frauds out of my club!
422
00:19:56,762 --> 00:19:57,882
Damn it, Peter, you blew it!
423
00:19:58,964 --> 00:20:00,531
I knew I couldn't depend on you!
424
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,866
You're not worthy
to lick my designer shoes,
425
00:20:02,935 --> 00:20:04,401
you fat, low-life slob!
426
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:05,902
But, Carter, please!
427
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,472
Here, skip this rope
and do a lively
schoolgirl chant.
428
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,785
But, Carter,
I don't know any
city girl rhymes.
429
00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:12,175
Do it!
430
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,845
♪ Lettuce, carrots,
peppers and peas
431
00:20:14,913 --> 00:20:17,381
♪ Your mother says
you got to have these
432
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:19,250
Now do it double time
with new vegetables!
433
00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,430
♪ Cabbage, taters
spinach and peas ♪
434
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:22,454
You already said "peas!"
435
00:20:22,521 --> 00:20:24,601
I don't know
any more vegetables.
436
00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:27,607
Wait a second, hang on there.
437
00:20:27,676 --> 00:20:30,110
The way you abused
that man just now,
438
00:20:30,179 --> 00:20:32,079
the way you
treated your lesser...
439
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:34,315
I underestimated you,
Pewterschmidt.
440
00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:36,583
I thought you were just
some suck-up loser,
441
00:20:36,652 --> 00:20:40,387
but you have shown me
that you've got the mettle
to be one of us.
442
00:20:40,456 --> 00:20:41,688
You are back in the club.
443
00:20:41,757 --> 00:20:43,768
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Barrington!
444
00:20:43,792 --> 00:20:46,526
Yes. Now, I believe
there is just one last piece
445
00:20:46,595 --> 00:20:48,779
of unfinished business
to take care of here.
446
00:20:53,535 --> 00:20:56,103
I'm sorry, but the Viscount
James Earl Tennis Racquet
447
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:59,006
and Duke of Lacrosse Team
already arrived two hours ago.
448
00:20:59,075 --> 00:21:00,540
But that's impossible!
449
00:21:05,231 --> 00:21:08,293
Peter, I'm sorry
you've got to give up
the country club life.
450
00:21:08,317 --> 00:21:09,816
Oh, that's okay, Lois.
451
00:21:09,886 --> 00:21:11,185
'Cause you know, I got to say,
452
00:21:11,254 --> 00:21:13,065
I don't think those rich guys
have it all that great.
453
00:21:13,089 --> 00:21:14,421
Too much stress.
454
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:15,923
You know,
you give me the choice,
455
00:21:15,992 --> 00:21:17,435
I'll choose our life
any day of the week.
456
00:21:17,459 --> 00:21:18,792
Me too, Peter.
457
00:21:18,861 --> 00:21:21,006
Can I have $50
to get my hair cut?
458
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:24,248
Absolutely not.
That's a waste of money.
I will cut it myself.
459
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:27,618
You look like garbage.
What happened?
33990
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