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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:08,140
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,477
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,713
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:18,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:21,503
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,132
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:28,743
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:34,334 --> 00:00:38,070
We now return toGermany's favorite talk show,
Das Ist Gut.
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00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:39,482
Dad, what is this show?
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00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,684
I don't know.
It's just a German
guy listing items
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00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:43,619
and then declaring them good.
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00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:46,211
Willkommen!
Where are we?
15
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,680
Das! Ist! Gut!
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00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,649
Okay, sunsets.
Das ist gut.
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00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,185
Ja.
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00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,298
Sauerkraut.
Das ist gut.
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00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:59,435
The autobahn.
Vroom vroom!
Das ist gut.
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00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,839
Oompah music.
Das ist gut.
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00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:07,566
Euthanasia for
the mentally feeble.
Das ist gut.
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00:01:09,453 --> 00:01:11,831
Das Ist Gut is filmedbefore an audience
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00:01:11,855 --> 00:01:13,154
of the mentally feeble.
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00:01:15,276 --> 00:01:17,693
God, I wish I could get
tickets to that show.
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00:01:17,761 --> 00:01:19,205
We interrupt this
program to bring you
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00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,330
a Channel Five
News special report.
27
00:01:21,398 --> 00:01:24,043
Good evening.
I'm Joyce Kinney with
this special report.
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00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:26,145
The latest police
statistics have revealed
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00:01:26,169 --> 00:01:28,704
a significant rise in crime
throughout Quahog.
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00:01:28,772 --> 00:01:30,839
That's right, Joyce.
And just to put it out there,
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00:01:30,907 --> 00:01:32,907
Tom Tucker is packin'.
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00:01:32,976 --> 00:01:36,077
I drive a 2006 Infiniti,
and I don't intend to lose it.
33
00:01:36,146 --> 00:01:37,713
So come and get some, punks.
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00:01:37,781 --> 00:01:40,382
An increase in crime?
That can't be right.
35
00:01:40,451 --> 00:01:42,478
I haven't noticed
anything like that.
36
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:45,504
You're in the house
14 hours a day.
What would you notice?
37
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,716
Well, I hate to admit it, Lois,
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00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,384
but over the last
couple of years,
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00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:51,054
this town has changed a lot,
and not necessarily
for the better.
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00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:52,722
Yeah, I mean,
the other day,
I left a doodie
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00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,357
right in the middle
of a Crate and Barrel.
42
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,448
Came back 45 minutes later,
it was gone.
43
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,584
Yeah, even school's
getting more dangerous.
44
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:02,654
The bullies have been so busy,
they're outsourcing
their bullying to India.
45
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:05,285
Okay, do yousee the back of yourunderwear in the mirror?
46
00:02:05,309 --> 00:02:06,675
Yes.
47
00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:08,738
Okay, I want you to pull it up
as high as you can.
48
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,407
Well, I disagree with you guys.
49
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:12,597
I think Quahog is
still pretty great.
50
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,077
You know, it's hard for me
to take the things
you say seriously
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00:02:15,101 --> 00:02:16,813
when I know what's been
in that mouth of yours.
52
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,649
Look, I realize Quahog
isn't the small town
it used to be,
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00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:21,551
but it's still
very special to me.
54
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,074
It's my home.
55
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,955
Yeah, come on, guys,
she's got dyed roots
in this community.
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00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,590
Lois, I know you love this town,
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00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,475
but nothing is ever as
innocent as it seems.
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00:02:35,606 --> 00:02:37,205
Attaboy, Ope.
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00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:44,474
Give me all your money!
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00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,130
Okay, okay!
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00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,566
You have a white wallet?
62
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,011
Yeah, just like Truman Capote.
63
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:50,502
Who's Truman Capote?
64
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,770
What a surprise!
65
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,740
The mugger's never heard
of Truman Capote.
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00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:57,391
There's a library
card in there! Use it!
67
00:03:00,130 --> 00:03:02,464
And now, let's meet our star!
68
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:07,185
Give a warm Quahog Oceanland
welcome to Bojangles!
69
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:09,220
All the fish in the bucket now!
70
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:12,223
Not one fish at
a time as a reward!
All of them!
71
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:14,004
Okay, okay, take it easy.
72
00:03:14,028 --> 00:03:17,029
Okay, the one thing
you don't want to do
is tell me to take it easy.
73
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:20,732
Now do that thing
where you rub my belly!
I really like that!
74
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,402
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
75
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:27,639
Yeah, now I'm gonna balance
a ball on your face.
76
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,570
One more push.
77
00:03:31,594 --> 00:03:33,528
There we go! It's a boy!
78
00:03:33,596 --> 00:03:34,929
And he's got a gun!
79
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:46,424
Well, you guys, we did it.
80
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:47,825
We finally went to a restaurant
81
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,194
without somebody yelling at us,
82
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:51,183
and then the rest of
the place applauding them.
83
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,451
Oh, my God!
84
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,270
We've been burglarized!
85
00:03:58,338 --> 00:04:02,040
Well, we'll just have to get
that $17 insurance
check and start over.
86
00:04:02,109 --> 00:04:03,841
Oh, my God,
it's so creepy to think
87
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,410
there were
strangers in our house.
88
00:04:05,479 --> 00:04:07,011
I've never felt so scared.
89
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,196
I have.
90
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,701
And now we wait.
91
00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:16,004
Oh, no, they took my gym shoes.
92
00:04:16,073 --> 00:04:18,506
Sorry, glutes,
no blasting today.
93
00:04:18,575 --> 00:04:21,142
They took my dirty rope
that was tied in a knot!
94
00:04:21,211 --> 00:04:23,528
They stole the chair
I use in the shower!
95
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,964
They stole all my pens!
96
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,817
I... I don't have
a lot of stuff.
97
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:32,153
Son of a bitch!
They also stole
my sense of wonder.
98
00:04:33,557 --> 00:04:34,706
Nope.
99
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:36,841
Oh, this is horrible!
100
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,243
Maybe you guys were right.
101
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,412
Maybe our town has changed.
102
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:41,730
I know, it's awful.
103
00:04:41,798 --> 00:04:43,498
Pretty soon,
guys are just gonna be showing
104
00:04:43,567 --> 00:04:45,884
their boners to
babies and stuff, I bet.
105
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:49,688
It's sad to think that
Quahog isn't safe for
families anymore.
106
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,957
I mean, all I ever wanted
was to raise our children
107
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:53,458
in a wholesome place,
108
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:56,945
far away from all the crime
and problems of the big city.
109
00:04:57,013 --> 00:04:58,447
I'm reading you, Lois.
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00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:00,849
I'm reading you loud and clear.
111
00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:07,055
Hi, I'm Peter Griffin.
112
00:05:07,124 --> 00:05:09,635
I'm looking for
a wholesome place
for my family to live,
113
00:05:09,659 --> 00:05:11,471
so I'd like to buy your farm.
114
00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:15,864
All right,
well, the going rate
for my farm is $875,000.
115
00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:18,349
Uh... Nobody called ahead?
116
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:19,784
What?
117
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:22,098
Well, somebody
from Fox was supposed
to call ahead.
118
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:25,423
They usually take
care of it, and then I just
go ahead and do stuff.
119
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,925
I didn't get no phone call.
120
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:30,862
Hello?
121
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:31,963
Oh, yes.
122
00:05:32,032 --> 00:05:33,364
Yes, that'll be fine.
123
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,433
Ah.
124
00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:43,586
Hey, Lois, you know
how I'm always buying
things impulsively?
125
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,354
Well, that's gonna
be very hard to do
126
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,057
now that we're living on a farm.
127
00:05:47,081 --> 00:05:48,992
What? What are you
talking about?
128
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:51,844
A farm, Lois.
It's where
vegetables live.
129
00:05:51,868 --> 00:05:53,568
Peter, you went
out and bought a farm
130
00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:55,303
without even
talking to me about it?
131
00:05:55,371 --> 00:05:57,305
Well, Lois, in my defense,
I have nothing
132
00:05:57,373 --> 00:05:59,351
to back up the beginning
of this sentence.
133
00:05:59,375 --> 00:06:00,742
I can't believe this.
134
00:06:00,811 --> 00:06:02,321
But it's not like it's
the first time you made
135
00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:05,030
a big family decision
without consulting me.
136
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,219
Yes, I'd like to see
your quietest doctor.
137
00:06:16,243 --> 00:06:19,410
Peter, where'd you
even get the money
to make that kind of purchase?
138
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,046
I sold the house.
139
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:23,626
And I did it on craigslist,
so I also made
a dangerous friend.
140
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,617
What? How could you
sell the house?
141
00:06:25,685 --> 00:06:27,352
Spooner St.
Is our home!
142
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:30,021
I mean, I have three
aprons that say, "Quahog."
143
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:31,890
What do you want me
to do, start all over?
144
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,402
Lois, you were saying yourself
145
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,404
how you want our
kids to grow up
in a wholesome place
146
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,728
away from the big city.
147
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,880
I...
I did say that.
148
00:06:38,948 --> 00:06:40,193
And, Chris,
you've been telling me
149
00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:42,228
how you wanted
to watch animals
humping other animals,
150
00:06:42,252 --> 00:06:43,529
what might not be okay with it.
151
00:06:43,553 --> 00:06:44,785
That's true.
152
00:06:44,854 --> 00:06:46,932
And, Meg, you yourself
said, "Lip gloss, unicorns,
153
00:06:46,956 --> 00:06:49,068
"Channing Tatum, something
something, bullshit."
154
00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:50,758
You were listening
the whole time?
155
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:53,194
Don't you see, you guys?
I did this for the family.
156
00:06:53,263 --> 00:06:55,623
Just think of this farm as
our next great adventure.
157
00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:58,199
Like when we tried to
invade the city of Troy.
158
00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,717
Peter, I don't think
this is the right horse.
159
00:07:04,741 --> 00:07:07,742
I am 100% positive
this is the right horse.
160
00:07:07,811 --> 00:07:09,388
Come on, guys, what do you say?
161
00:07:09,412 --> 00:07:12,325
Will you join me
in eating eggs fresh
out of a chicken's butt?
162
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:15,050
Yay! Now I can be one
of those filthy teens
163
00:07:15,118 --> 00:07:17,552
with sad eyes at
a farmer's market!
164
00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:19,498
Well, with what's
become of Quahog,
165
00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,334
maybe it is time
to make a change.
166
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,291
I'm in, Dad!
Me, too!
167
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,037
All right, let's do it.
168
00:07:25,061 --> 00:07:26,227
Hey, what's going on?
169
00:07:26,295 --> 00:07:28,963
Well, we've made
a decision as a family, Brian.
170
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:32,917
We've decided
to take you to a nice,
big farm upstate.
171
00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,535
What?
172
00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,799
A farm with big
open fields, Brian,
173
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:39,002
where you can just
run and run and be free
174
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,737
and no one will ever hurt you.
175
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:43,072
Doesn't that sound
wonderful, Brian?
176
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:45,074
Are you ready to
go to the nice farm?
177
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,231
No! No!
You'll never take me alive!
178
00:07:50,453 --> 00:07:53,921
Okay, I am at full
candy corn right now.
179
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,617
Here we are, everyone.
180
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:08,603
The Griffin family farm.
181
00:08:08,672 --> 00:08:10,816
Dad, what's that smell?
182
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:13,074
Oh, that's just feces,
urine, rotting plants,
183
00:08:13,142 --> 00:08:16,010
dead animals, methane,
standing water
and diesel exhaust.
184
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,597
But that's kind of
a mouthful, so, for short,
we call it fresh air.
185
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,000
Wow, look at us,
Brian, frontier people.
186
00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:25,503
I feel like those miners
who first struck
gold in San Francisco.
187
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,006
Oh, my God, we did it!
We struck gold!
188
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:31,075
This is amazing!
We're gonna be rich!
189
00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,377
Rich and gay.
190
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:33,578
Come here.
191
00:08:37,567 --> 00:08:38,900
Peter, what are you doing?
192
00:08:38,969 --> 00:08:40,847
Well, Lois, a big part
of owning a farm
193
00:08:40,871 --> 00:08:43,304
is crossing a road
very slowly with cows.
194
00:08:43,373 --> 00:08:45,473
Okay, okay, Bessie, now.
195
00:08:45,541 --> 00:08:47,453
Get yourself out there.
Easy does it.
196
00:08:49,479 --> 00:08:51,862
Hey, come on, man!
I got to get to work!
197
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,581
And so do they, sir.
198
00:08:53,650 --> 00:08:55,817
Hurry it up!
199
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:57,501
Wait a second.
200
00:08:58,588 --> 00:09:00,321
Now get in line, you!
201
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,509
Hey, I thought I told you
kids to go plow in the field.
202
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,890
But, Dad, we've been
plowing all morning.
203
00:09:07,914 --> 00:09:09,926
Yeah, I can't take
any more plowing.
204
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,150
I can barely walk.
205
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:12,850
Look, I know it
seems like dirty work,
206
00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,431
but, Chris,
you got to spread that seed
until your sack is empty.
207
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,166
And, Meg, you got to clear
away all that brush
208
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,290
so he can plant it deep
where it needs to be.
209
00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:21,303
Okay, we'll keep
at it, but I think
210
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:23,305
that hoe is
pretty much worn out.
211
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,362
Well, flip it over,
you can use both sides.
212
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,503
Peter, there's a guy
standing out in the yard.
213
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,072
Oh, yeah, that's Larry.
214
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,885
Part of being
a farmer is having
a best friend named Larry
215
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:39,727
who I spend huge
amounts of time with,
but never actually talk to.
216
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:43,798
♪ Ooh, you make me live
now honey
217
00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:48,169
♪ Ooh, you make me live
218
00:09:48,238 --> 00:09:53,974
♪ Oh, you're the best friend
that I ever had
219
00:09:54,044 --> 00:09:57,145
♪ I've been with you such
a long time
220
00:09:57,213 --> 00:09:59,297
♪ You're my sunshine
221
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:03,835
♪ And I want you to know
that my feelings are true
222
00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:07,138
♪ I really love you ♪
223
00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:11,375
Peter, I'm dying.
This is the last
time I'll ever see you.
224
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,677
Bye.
225
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:19,700
Peter, I've been running
the numbers on this farm,
226
00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:21,169
and we're in deep trouble.
227
00:10:21,238 --> 00:10:23,437
We haven't grown
a single crop to sell.
228
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:25,606
And meanwhile,
you're spending half our money
229
00:10:25,675 --> 00:10:29,227
down at the General Store,
and the other half
at the Specific Store.
230
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,073
Do you have almonds?
What kind of almonds?
231
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:32,642
Marcona almonds.
From what region?
232
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:33,709
The Basque region.
233
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:35,166
The Basque region's pretty big.
234
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,101
North? South?
Southern Basque.
235
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,314
How much should
each almond weigh?
236
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,515
Point eight ounces?
237
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,820
Sorry, we only
have point sixes.
Aw.
238
00:10:44,460 --> 00:10:45,871
Yeah, hi.
Do you have stuff?
239
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,245
Yeah, we have stuff!
240
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:49,825
And is it true
that you've been
spending the farm's money
241
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:53,067
on gingham shirts
you tie into a knot
to expose your belly?
242
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,585
I bought a couple.
243
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,287
Well, with all this
debt and no income,
244
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,956
there's no way
we're gonna be able
245
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:59,624
to keep up our bank payments.
246
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,660
Peter, if something
doesn't change,
247
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,761
I'm afraid we're
gonna lose this farm.
248
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:07,110
Great, just what
I need on my conscience,
another failed business.
249
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,769
Hi, I'd like to
rent The Proposal.
250
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:14,038
Hang on, let me check
the return slot.
251
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:15,818
I'm sorry, it hasn't
been returned yet.
252
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,020
I have a poster
from The Proposal
you can look at.
253
00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:19,622
You'll get most of the story.
254
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,278
Huh. They seem
pretty mismatched.
255
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:22,863
There you go.
256
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:25,277
Look, it's like
I've been saying,
farming is very difficult.
257
00:11:25,301 --> 00:11:27,045
When? When did you
say that?
258
00:11:27,069 --> 00:11:28,869
Farming takes incredible
skill and knowledge
259
00:11:28,904 --> 00:11:30,638
and the sort of
specialized experience
260
00:11:30,706 --> 00:11:32,406
that takes
generations to acquire.
261
00:11:32,475 --> 00:11:35,843
Dad, my favorite hen laid
this crazy-looking egg!
262
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,530
Cheep-cheep.
263
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:39,964
What's your point, Brian?
264
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,873
My point is that
maybe I should go
to the local state college
265
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,380
and take some
agriculture courses.
266
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:45,970
With the proper training,
267
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,250
maybe I can
actually learn something
that will save this farm.
268
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,874
Wow, Brian, that's a great idea.
269
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,254
And, hey, maybe I could give
the speech at your graduation.
270
00:11:52,278 --> 00:11:53,845
I'm really good at that.
271
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:57,699
And so, as I look out
at your smiling faces
filled with hope,
272
00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,651
all I can think is,
"You are completely screwed."
273
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:04,222
As Martin Luther
King once said,
"Ouch, I've been shot."
274
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,823
Thank you.
275
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:09,410
Okay, that's all my stuff.
276
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:12,246
I'm off to
State Tech Ag
Central College Tech.
277
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,193
There's really two
"techs" in there?
278
00:12:14,217 --> 00:12:16,350
The proudest day of a man's life
279
00:12:16,419 --> 00:12:18,502
is when his dog
goes off to college.
280
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:22,006
I'll learn all I can.
And I'll see you guys soon.
281
00:12:24,861 --> 00:12:27,779
Oh, he packed a guitar?
What a douche.
282
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:31,766
Guys, what's that over there?
283
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:41,409
Oh, my God, it's a tornado!
284
00:12:41,478 --> 00:12:44,579
And it's coming this way!
We got to run!
285
00:12:44,648 --> 00:12:47,781
Hang on, guys,
it might just be
the Tasmanian Devil.
286
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:50,351
Come on!
Into the storm cellar!
287
00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:56,724
What is this place?
It's really dark down here.
288
00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:58,671
Shh.
What?
Did you hear something?
289
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,439
No, I just
want you to stop talking.
290
00:13:00,463 --> 00:13:02,447
Wait,
I think I found the lights.
291
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,317
What is that?
292
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,236
Sweet!
It's some kind of lab.
293
00:13:08,304 --> 00:13:10,224
Hey, maybe it has
one of those
things that goes...
294
00:13:12,575 --> 00:13:14,158
'Cause that's
important for science.
295
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,760
Look at all this stuff.
296
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,762
Burners, plastic tubing.
297
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,747
12 cases of cold medicine?
298
00:13:19,815 --> 00:13:21,099
You guys,
299
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,050
I think this is a meth lab.
300
00:13:23,119 --> 00:13:24,285
Oh, my God.
301
00:13:24,354 --> 00:13:25,820
You mean like as in...
302
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,822
D-R-U-G-S?
303
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:30,758
Aren't those I-L-L-E-G-A-L?
304
00:13:30,827 --> 00:13:32,905
What's going on?
What are you
guys talking about?
305
00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:35,274
Uh-oh. Someone's
getting cranky.
306
00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:37,126
I think he needs an N-A-P.
307
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:39,061
What's happening?
Where are you taking me?
308
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,801
Man, I got to crack this code.
309
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:47,975
Oh, my God!
310
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,677
You guys,
there's a fully functional
meth lab in our basement.
311
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:53,747
Boy, we should
clean this place up.
It's a meth.
312
00:13:53,816 --> 00:13:55,082
Brian?
313
00:13:55,151 --> 00:13:56,462
Oh, right, you're at college.
314
00:13:56,486 --> 00:13:57,685
We have to call the police.
315
00:13:57,754 --> 00:13:59,131
Whoa, whoa, hang on, Lois.
316
00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:00,633
Now, I know you're freaked out,
317
00:14:00,657 --> 00:14:02,068
but when you really
stop and think about it,
318
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:05,532
this meth lab is our
family's best chance
to make meth in a lab.
319
00:14:05,561 --> 00:14:07,695
What are you
talking about, Peter?
320
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,675
I'm talking about
saving the farm.
321
00:14:09,699 --> 00:14:11,243
Don't you see?
This lab is just
322
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,744
what we need to
get back on our feet.
323
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:13,935
No way, Peter.
324
00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:15,770
Dealing drugs is morally wrong,
325
00:14:15,839 --> 00:14:17,572
not to mention
incredibly dangerous.
326
00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,585
Come on, we've
always been risk takers.
327
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:22,288
You remember when we
did it in the bathroom
at that restaurant?
328
00:14:22,312 --> 00:14:24,362
I can't believe we're
actually gonna do this.
329
00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:27,664
Yeah. You go in first,
and I'll go in a minute.
330
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,405
Oh, wow!
331
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:35,973
Oh, my God!
332
00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,242
Oh, this is amazing!
333
00:14:41,397 --> 00:14:43,531
You dirty girl.
334
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,033
Peter, I haven't left yet.
335
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,969
You sick whore.
336
00:14:49,038 --> 00:14:50,716
Look, it'd just be
temporary, Lois.
337
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:53,285
Just for a bit,
just till we get
the farm back on its feet.
338
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,376
Till we get our
family back on its feet.
339
00:14:55,445 --> 00:14:56,710
I don't know...
340
00:14:56,779 --> 00:14:59,024
Lois, we've always
given our family
whatever it needs.
341
00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:01,127
Well, right now,
our family needs us
342
00:15:01,151 --> 00:15:03,651
to sell illegal drugs
to the tank top community.
343
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:04,919
What do you say?
344
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:11,258
All right, Peter,
we can make one meth,
and that's it.
345
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:13,795
And it's only
because I don't see
any other way out of this.
346
00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:16,559
Thanks, Lois.
Oh, this is gonna
work out great.
347
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,716
Hey, are you guys
gonna feed us anytime soon?
348
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,863
No, sorry, we're doing
meth stuff now.
349
00:15:20,887 --> 00:15:22,119
I'll eat that.
350
00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:24,371
You just got clean.
351
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:29,771
Everyone, now that
I'm a meth dealer,
352
00:15:29,795 --> 00:15:32,330
I'm going to respond
violently to outside noises
353
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:33,909
that the rest of you don't hear.
354
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,199
Okay, Peter, but I...
355
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,117
What was that?
356
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,998
Dad, I think that
was just a cricket.
357
00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:40,182
Then what the hell was that?
358
00:15:40,239 --> 00:15:42,873
That was just me saying,
"That was just a cricket."
359
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,141
Dad, settle down.
360
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:45,776
There's no one out there, Peter.
361
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,211
You sure?
362
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,925
Yeah, yeah, you're right,
it's probably just a...
363
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,230
Did you guys lock the truck?
364
00:15:50,299 --> 00:15:51,510
Dad, we don't even have a...
365
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,596
What the hell is
going on out there?
366
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,946
Come on out, whoever you are!
367
00:15:54,970 --> 00:15:57,583
I want to show my kids
what it looks like
when a bitch dies!
368
00:15:57,607 --> 00:15:59,273
Peter, there's no one there.
369
00:15:59,342 --> 00:16:02,582
Well, maybe I should just
fire a couple of rounds
into the darkness.
370
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,175
Don't hear those
crickets no more.
371
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:08,144
I'm not gonna make it.
372
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,667
You hang in there, you hear me?
373
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:10,802
Listen to me.
374
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,970
I want you to
take care of my kids.
375
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,338
I will.
376
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:18,276
And I want you to be there
whenever there's a bad joke.
377
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,612
Let them know.
Let them know.
378
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,749
Gee, I hope
I didn't scare the cows.
379
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,418
I don't want to put
them in a bad mood.
380
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:36,205
What's that, Dad?
381
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,407
It's my new meth
distribution system.
382
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:39,909
I've trained this carrier pigeon
383
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:41,343
to do all my deliveries for me.
384
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:42,749
Fly away, Benjamin!
385
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:46,787
Ah, perfect, perfect.
386
00:16:46,856 --> 00:16:48,756
Now this is
the money I owe Peter.
387
00:16:48,825 --> 00:16:50,424
I want you to
take it back to him.
388
00:16:50,493 --> 00:16:51,525
Do you understand?
389
00:16:59,902 --> 00:17:03,337
Yes, hello,
I'd like to buy 400
blister packs of Actifed,
390
00:17:03,406 --> 00:17:05,640
or similar
pseudoephedrine-based
decongestant.
391
00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:06,708
Why?
392
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:08,208
I have a cold.
393
00:17:10,747 --> 00:17:13,047
Hang on, let me check something.
394
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,537
Okay, you're fine.
Be right back.
395
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,166
Well done, Stewie.
That could've
gone really wrong.
396
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,803
Like that Kid Rock concert.
397
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:30,381
Oh, my God, help!
He's having a heart attack!
398
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:31,982
Is anyone here a doctor?
399
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,819
No fucking way
someone's a doctor here.
400
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,325
Hey, everyone, I'm back!
401
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:42,693
Hello?
402
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:44,178
What the hell?
403
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,169
Hey, Brian's home!
404
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,549
What the hell is going on?
405
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,151
Nothing, nothing.
Just working on
a family project.
406
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,619
Getting in some together time.
407
00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:58,842
I have a crossbow!
408
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:00,072
Chris has a crossbow.
409
00:18:00,096 --> 00:18:02,396
Okay, well, uh...
410
00:18:02,465 --> 00:18:04,209
I'm back from
agricultural school,
411
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:06,900
and I might have the solution
to our farming trouble.
412
00:18:06,969 --> 00:18:08,930
I brought some
heirloom tomato seeds.
413
00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:10,203
That's nice, Brian.
414
00:18:10,272 --> 00:18:12,083
Here's a new kind of meth
you put in your pee-hole.
415
00:18:12,107 --> 00:18:13,340
What?
416
00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:14,520
Oh, yeah,
we're meth dealers now.
417
00:18:14,544 --> 00:18:15,609
Yeah, you missed it.
418
00:18:15,678 --> 00:18:17,411
My teeth came in and
then fell out again.
419
00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:19,290
I don't believe this!
Are you guys insane?
420
00:18:19,314 --> 00:18:22,082
We're rich is what we are!
Look at all that cash, Brian.
421
00:18:22,151 --> 00:18:24,485
He don't get none of that!
He wasn't here for it!
422
00:18:24,554 --> 00:18:26,170
Well, this is just great!
423
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,650
I turn my back for a month,
and this place
turns into a drug den!
424
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:32,042
For your information,
it is also
a drag queen hangout.
425
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,662
Hey, look,
our meth is on the news!
426
00:18:34,731 --> 00:18:36,091
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
427
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,226
Our top story,
methamphetamine is
428
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:40,329
flooding into Quahog
in epidemic amounts,
429
00:18:40,353 --> 00:18:42,230
and is believed to
be originating from
430
00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:44,099
the nearby rural
community of Farmton.
431
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,784
Farmton, that's the name
of the place we live.
432
00:18:45,808 --> 00:18:47,002
I forgot to
mention that earlier.
433
00:18:47,026 --> 00:18:49,054
For more on the story,
we now go live
434
00:18:49,078 --> 00:18:51,089
to Asian correspondent,
Tricia Takanawa.
435
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:53,792
Tom, meth is fine!Everything's fine!Go back to your own business!
436
00:18:53,816 --> 00:18:55,182
Thanks, Tricia.
437
00:18:55,251 --> 00:18:57,179
She's doing fun
things for me, for money.
438
00:18:57,203 --> 00:18:58,485
Oh, my God.
439
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,471
We're hurting our own hometown.
440
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:03,958
All those drugs that are
flooding into
Quahog are from us.
441
00:19:04,026 --> 00:19:05,192
Oh, yeah?
442
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:07,105
Well, if we're dealing
so many drugs to Quahog,
443
00:19:07,129 --> 00:19:09,563
why is the Quahog envelope
so light this week?
444
00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:13,233
Yeah, I say we go down there
and talk to those
people in Quahog.
445
00:19:13,302 --> 00:19:15,535
No! This is what
I'm talking about.
446
00:19:15,605 --> 00:19:17,671
Meth has turned
us into monsters.
447
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:18,784
Lois, take it easy.
448
00:19:18,808 --> 00:19:19,907
No. You know what?
449
00:19:19,976 --> 00:19:21,909
This is my own fault
for listening to you.
450
00:19:21,978 --> 00:19:25,379
I forgot you don't
even know your ass
from a hole in the ground.
451
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:29,900
Is that my ass?
452
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,502
Lois, where the hell you going?
453
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:34,205
I'm going back home
to Quahog, where I belong.
454
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:37,119
If any of you
want to come with me,
you're welcome to.
455
00:19:37,143 --> 00:19:39,703
First of all,
you sat in something green
and it's on your butt,
456
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:40,889
so no one's gonna follow you.
457
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:42,358
And second,
no one's gonna leave a place
458
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,792
where there are tons of beakers
459
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,683
for a place where
there are zero beakers.
460
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,185
Peter, don't you see?
461
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:49,787
We left Quahog because
of the crime problem.
462
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:52,640
But now we've become
part of that problem.
463
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:54,541
Yo, what is this
bitch trippin' about?
464
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:57,177
Look at our lives, Peter.
Look at our family.
465
00:19:57,246 --> 00:19:59,391
I don't recognize us anymore.
466
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:03,233
It's time to go
back to Spooner St.
and be the Griffins again.
467
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,823
Let's go, Peter.
Let's go back to Quahog.
468
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:12,209
But what about this farm?
And this house?
469
00:20:12,278 --> 00:20:14,912
And the lab inside the house,
which is currently producing
470
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,981
an incredibly
volatile and explosive batch
of thermo-reactive...
471
00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,259
There were
a lot of Rottweilers
in that house.
472
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,765
Well, it's good to be
back in our old house.
473
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:37,734
Did we used to live here?
I don't even remember it.
474
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:41,839
I hope that's
developmentally normal,
and not just from the meth.
475
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,691
How did we get
this place back,
by the way?
476
00:20:43,759 --> 00:20:45,793
Well, luckily the value
of this place plummeted
477
00:20:45,862 --> 00:20:47,372
because this is a meth town now.
478
00:20:47,396 --> 00:20:49,441
You know, I think
the lesson here is that
479
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:52,800
if your
community has problems,
you don't abandon it.
480
00:20:52,869 --> 00:20:55,536
It's better to stay put
and help fix those problems.
481
00:20:55,605 --> 00:20:57,583
That's right, Lois,
'cause wherever you run to,
482
00:20:57,607 --> 00:20:59,907
your problems have
a funny way of finding you.
483
00:20:59,976 --> 00:21:02,242
Hey, are you guys in there?
484
00:21:02,311 --> 00:21:04,161
Peter, I need a taste!
485
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,692
Oh, my God, it's Jodie Sweetin.
486
00:21:06,716 --> 00:21:08,916
Quick, everyone
lie on the floor.
487
00:21:08,984 --> 00:21:12,119
Peter, come on!
I've got Maureen
McCormick with me.
488
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,887
She'll let you finish anywhere.
489
00:21:13,956 --> 00:21:17,424
Okay, everyone hide upstairs.
Daddy's gonna
take care of this.
35282
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