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1
00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:04,870
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,107
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,743
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,813
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:18,183
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,252 --> 00:00:21,436
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,505 --> 00:00:23,066
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:24,823
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:29,878
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:39,905
All right, class, today
we're going to be
talking about variables.
11
00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,877
Okay, it's just a rear end.
We all have one.
12
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:47,596
Mine just happens to be
a hot Brazilian woman's.
13
00:00:47,665 --> 00:00:51,299
No, we're not laughing at you.
We're laughing at
Griffin's shoes.
14
00:00:51,368 --> 00:00:53,013
Why, what's wrong with them?
15
00:00:53,037 --> 00:00:55,637
I don't even
know what those are.
What's Teslik?
16
00:00:55,706 --> 00:01:00,325
I'm not sure, but my mom says
they're very popular
with Latvian athletes.
17
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:05,063
Running, throwing,
lifting big things.
18
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,833
Teslik.
19
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,268
That's all right with me, man.
20
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,098
Each shoe sold separate.
21
00:01:12,122 --> 00:01:13,855
Are they really that bad?
22
00:01:13,924 --> 00:01:15,869
Are you kidding?
They're terrible.
23
00:01:15,893 --> 00:01:18,343
Yeah. Even Rat Boy
has better shoes.
24
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:21,424
Hey, guys,
I don't know about you,
but I'm here to learn.
25
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:24,382
Man, high school is rough.
This year it's sneakers.
26
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:27,969
Last year it was all
about being overweight
and wearing a baseball cap.
27
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:32,724
Hey, guys, sure hope we win
the big game on Saturday.
28
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,660
Get lost, dork.
Yeah, gain
some weight, will ya?
29
00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:40,231
Oh! Of all the years to be
trim and well-hatted.
30
00:01:43,420 --> 00:01:46,154
That was a fun
birthday party, huh, Stewie?
31
00:01:46,223 --> 00:01:48,723
That kid was
Indian and 11 years old.
32
00:01:48,792 --> 00:01:50,225
Where are you
finding my friends?
33
00:01:50,294 --> 00:01:54,229
Aw! Someone's a little cranky.
Here, let me put on the radio.
34
00:01:54,298 --> 00:01:55,630
♪ Talkin' 'bout the club
35
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:56,899
♪ Lookin' round the club
36
00:01:56,967 --> 00:01:58,533
♪ Pimpin' at the club
37
00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:00,135
♪ Emphasizing "club" ♪
38
00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:01,503
Yuck, this is awful.
39
00:02:01,571 --> 00:02:06,224
♪ Or am I really
lying here with you? ♪
40
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:09,093
My God, who is this enchantress?
41
00:02:09,162 --> 00:02:12,313
♪ Baby, you take me
in your arms ♪
42
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,712
Aw! Isn't that cute?
My little Stewie
likes Anne Murray.
43
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,636
She sounds like an angel.
44
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:21,373
It's like her voice is putting
my entire body in her mouth.
45
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:26,544
♪ And oh, I
46
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:30,215
♪ Just fall in love again
47
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:36,688
♪ Just one touch
and then it happens every time
48
00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:39,157
♪ And there I go
49
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:43,761
♪ I just fall in love again
50
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:46,531
♪ And when I do
51
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:50,335
♪ I can't help myself
52
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:53,705
♪ I fall in love with you ♪
53
00:02:55,626 --> 00:02:58,560
You like that, Stewie?
You like Anne Murray's music?
54
00:02:58,629 --> 00:02:59,827
I must.
55
00:02:59,896 --> 00:03:01,507
This is the first
time you've opened your mouth
56
00:03:01,531 --> 00:03:03,198
and I haven't
wanted to shit in it.
57
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,582
This portion
of the Channel Five News
58
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,773
at 6:00 is brought
to you by Condoms.
59
00:03:11,842 --> 00:03:15,660
Put us on backwardsa little bit, then put uson the right way.
60
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:18,408
Mom, Dad,
I need to get
new sneakers.
61
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,532
What? I just
bought you new sneakers.
62
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,429
I know, but I need cooler ones.
63
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:23,763
Shut up and stop complaining.
64
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,665
When I was your age,
I didn't even have sneakers.
65
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:27,534
We wore stale hamburger buns.
66
00:03:27,558 --> 00:03:28,857
No, you didn't, Peter.
67
00:03:28,926 --> 00:03:31,103
Shh! He doesn't know that.
He's just a dumb, fat loser.
68
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,393
Did you see his shoes?
69
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,863
Look, Chris, I'm sorry,
but money's tight right now.
70
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:36,409
Yeah, I even had
to take a second job
71
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,449
as a door-to-door
vacuum salesman.
72
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,897
This thing can
pick up anything.
Here's a little demonstration.
73
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,820
I'll pour some wine,
rub in some feces,
74
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,223
and to top it off,
some mustard mixed with feces.
75
00:03:45,292 --> 00:03:46,491
Tough stain, right?
76
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,142
Oh, crap, I forgot the vacuum.
77
00:03:52,916 --> 00:03:56,095
All right, Rupert,
you ready to get
lost in some Anne?
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00:03:56,119 --> 00:04:00,605
♪ Gentle breezes where
the peaceful waters flow
79
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:04,543
♪ Spread your tiny
wings and fly away
80
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:09,631
♪ And takethe snow back with youwhere it came from on that day
81
00:04:10,868 --> 00:04:15,136
♪ The one I love
forever is untrue
82
00:04:15,205 --> 00:04:20,591
♪ And if I could, you know
that I would fly away with you
83
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:25,997
♪ Yeah, if I could,
you know that I would fly
84
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:30,369
♪ Away with you ♪
85
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,508
What a woman.
86
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:37,876
To think Canada's got her,
87
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:40,796
and we have Kelly Clarkson
going to town at
a Waffle House.
88
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:55,209
That's it,
I'm getting those sneakers.
After all, shoes make the man.
89
00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:57,512
Gentlemen, take your marks.
90
00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:02,450
I'm a different kind of winner.
91
00:05:05,355 --> 00:05:08,323
Come on, Dad,
there's no cash in here.
92
00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:11,359
Just a bunch of cards that
say, "I farted on your car,"
93
00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:12,961
with his insurance info.
94
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:18,666
Oh!
95
00:05:20,387 --> 00:05:21,553
Busted.
96
00:05:21,605 --> 00:05:23,538
Geez, it's so
weird that Mom and Dad
97
00:05:23,607 --> 00:05:25,851
would leave the house
without their
purse and wallet.
98
00:05:25,875 --> 00:05:27,291
I wonder where they are.
99
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,160
Can I get you anything else?
100
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:31,429
Two more Cokes, please.
101
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,297
Could you excuse me?
102
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:39,988
Hello.
103
00:05:40,056 --> 00:05:41,189
Damone, it's Peter.
104
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,357
I'm at my date and I
left my wallet at home.
105
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:44,804
Will you please
borrow your mom's car,
106
00:05:44,828 --> 00:05:46,172
drive to my house,
get my wallet,
107
00:05:46,196 --> 00:05:47,276
and bring it back here?
108
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,883
Damone, are you there? Damone?
109
00:05:54,737 --> 00:05:57,239
I'm really kind of busy.
110
00:05:57,307 --> 00:05:59,173
Come on,
just do me this one favor.
111
00:05:59,242 --> 00:06:01,292
All right,
but you owe me for this one.
112
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,127
Oh, thanks, Damone.
113
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:05,747
And that was
the last we ever saw of him.
114
00:06:11,421 --> 00:06:13,088
Well, well, well.
115
00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:14,923
Who do we have here?
116
00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:17,092
It's me, Chris.
You know me.
117
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,893
And why are you
talking like a bad guy?
118
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:22,208
Listen, I saw you
steal money
from Mom's purse.
119
00:06:22,232 --> 00:06:23,364
Oh...
120
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:25,233
Well, I was just
trying to get new sneakers.
121
00:06:25,268 --> 00:06:27,152
You're not going to
tell on me, are you?
122
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,204
Well, that depends.
123
00:06:29,272 --> 00:06:30,521
On what?
124
00:06:30,590 --> 00:06:33,258
How about I won't tell
Mom and Dad about the money
125
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:36,161
if you promise to
do whatever I say?
126
00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:38,163
Meg, this is how
a lot of porn starts.
127
00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,210
I mean it, Chris.
I'll tell them.
128
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,911
Mom, Chris took
money out of the...
129
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,435
Okay, okay, okay.
130
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,071
I'll do whatever you want.
131
00:06:46,140 --> 00:06:47,683
I thought you'd see it that way.
132
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,886
Here's a list of stuff
I need you to do for me.
133
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,026
Shouldn't have
taken that money, Chris.
134
00:06:52,095 --> 00:06:54,562
She's right.
I'm a horrible person.
135
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:56,342
I'm only one step
above those people
136
00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:59,234
who really like dive bars
and really need
you to know it.
137
00:06:59,303 --> 00:07:02,838
I love this place.
I love dive bars.
Dive bars are my favorite.
138
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:05,546
They're so much
better than regular bars
because worse is better.
139
00:07:05,608 --> 00:07:07,575
I know, right?
They're my favorite, too.
140
00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:10,690
I'm quirky like that.
I've got quirky taste.
I'm a quirky girl.
141
00:07:10,714 --> 00:07:12,692
It seems like
we would be
perfect for each other.
142
00:07:12,716 --> 00:07:15,383
But really,
we're terrible for everyone.
143
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,576
♪ And oh, I... ♪
144
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,312
What the hell?
Are you listening
to Anne Murray?
145
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:29,981
Uh, I am
experiencing Anne Murray.
146
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,250
Why? That music
is complete crap.
147
00:07:32,319 --> 00:07:34,218
Um... Excuse me?
148
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:37,589
It's all just vapid,
overproduced tripe.
It has no edge whatsoever.
149
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:39,402
Yeah, neither does
a soft summer breeze,
150
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,103
or a letter from an old friend.
151
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,794
I'm pretty sure
envelopes have edges.
152
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:44,496
Fine, an e-mail, dick.
153
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:45,808
Whatever.
You know what? I don't care.
154
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,849
I think Anne Murray sucks,
and that's my opinion.
155
00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:50,563
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm going
to make a believer
out of you, Brian.
156
00:07:50,587 --> 00:07:52,749
I am going to show you
the true meaning
of Anne Murray.
157
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,951
Don't waste your time.
I'm not going to
change my mind.
158
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,687
I don't know, Bri.
I can make things
happen when I want to.
159
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,761
Just ask my twin brother.
160
00:07:59,829 --> 00:08:02,197
And here's baby boy number one.
161
00:08:02,266 --> 00:08:05,416
I understand you've decided
to name him Stewie.
162
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:06,651
One more to go.
163
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,553
And here he... Oh.
164
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,188
Oh, dear.
165
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:12,374
Oh, no, did Dave not make it?
166
00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:19,814
Okay, Meg,
I've cleaned your room
and I did your homework.
167
00:08:19,882 --> 00:08:21,182
Can I be done now?
168
00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:24,097
Oh, no, there's a lot
more things I need you
to do for me.
169
00:08:24,121 --> 00:08:25,886
There are? Like what?
170
00:08:25,955 --> 00:08:28,889
Well, now you have to watch
An Officer anda Gentleman with me.
171
00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:30,458
And that's it?
172
00:08:30,527 --> 00:08:32,260
No.
173
00:08:32,329 --> 00:08:35,108
At the end, when Richard Gere
carries Debra Winger
out of the paper mill,
174
00:08:35,132 --> 00:08:38,482
you have to read
what's on this index card.
175
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,801
"That's going to be
you some day, Meg."
176
00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:47,158
I know it will!
177
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:49,193
I just know it will!
178
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,931
Okay, Chris,
I want to wear contacts,
179
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,878
but I'm too squeamish
to put them in myself,
180
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:56,962
so you need to help me.
181
00:08:56,986 --> 00:08:58,486
Really? Is it that hard?
182
00:08:58,554 --> 00:09:01,856
My eyes are too sensitive.
It's like they
overreact or something.
183
00:09:01,925 --> 00:09:03,190
Okay.
184
00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,895
Ah! What happened
to your eye?
185
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,809
Don't worry about it!
Just put the lens in!
186
00:09:09,833 --> 00:09:11,866
But where do I put it?
The pupil's gone.
187
00:09:11,935 --> 00:09:13,935
Your eye just looks
like a ping-pong ball.
188
00:09:14,004 --> 00:09:17,371
I think it rolled
up into my head.
Look, just do the other one.
189
00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:22,326
Ah! You look like one
of those blind jazz guys.
190
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,945
Where are you?
I can't see anything!
191
00:09:27,517 --> 00:09:29,984
I don't like this.
Just wear your stupid glasses.
192
00:09:30,053 --> 00:09:31,286
Chris, I'm blind.
193
00:09:31,354 --> 00:09:32,520
I'm sorry, Meg.
194
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,897
What the hell is all this?
195
00:09:42,966 --> 00:09:46,234
This is history, Brian.
A key moment in
the history of happiness.
196
00:09:46,302 --> 00:09:48,022
Have a seat.
197
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:56,944
♪ I cried a tear
198
00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:00,615
♪ You wiped it dry
199
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:04,319
♪ I was confused
200
00:10:04,387 --> 00:10:08,022
♪ You cleared my mind
201
00:10:08,091 --> 00:10:11,759
♪ I sold my soul
202
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:15,530
♪ You bought it back for me
203
00:10:15,599 --> 00:10:19,066
♪ And held me up
204
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:22,770
♪ And gave me dignity
205
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:26,390
♪ Somehow you needed me
206
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:29,994
♪ You gave me strength
207
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:33,898
♪ To stand alone again
208
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,334
♪ To face the world
209
00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:41,473
♪ Out on my own again
210
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,842
♪ You put me high
211
00:10:44,911 --> 00:10:47,845
♪ Upon a pedestal
212
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:54,202
♪ So high that I
could almost see eternity
213
00:10:57,107 --> 00:11:00,641
♪ You needed me
214
00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:06,114
♪ You needed me ♪
215
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:15,340
Some hardcore shit, right?
216
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,908
Wow.
217
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:19,643
Thank you for turning me on
to something so amazing.
218
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,390
Hey, I'm just glad
you enjoyed it.
219
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:22,959
And I'm sure Buzz Lightyear
would have enjoyed it
220
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,943
if he had bothered to show up.
221
00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:30,171
Hey, how would you like to
go to my apartment and beyond?
222
00:11:35,161 --> 00:11:38,930
Okay, Meg, I stood
outside Planned Parenthood
for 36 hours
223
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,766
and here are the pictures
of every girl in
your class who went in.
224
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,200
All right, good.
225
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,447
Now I want you to call them
as if you're their dead baby.
226
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:47,906
No way,
that was the last
thing on your list.
227
00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:49,707
I can't do this anymore.
228
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,370
Well, you should've
thought of that before
229
00:11:51,394 --> 00:11:52,938
you stole money
out of Mom's purse.
230
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,345
I own you.
231
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,392
Now, here's my post office key.
232
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:59,296
I need you to go
downtown and get
the stuff from my PO box.
233
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,252
You don't get your mail here?
234
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,433
No, I get a lot of
private correspondence
from the Netherlands.
235
00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:05,490
Like what?
236
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,135
Like, I'm part of
a group that kind of
237
00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:09,126
fucks up Anne
Frank's house every year.
238
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:10,928
You know what?
No. That's it.
239
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,180
I'm not doing any
more of your crap, Meg.
240
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,544
Chris, don't you see?
You have no choice.
241
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,680
I'll just go tell Mom
and Dad about the money
242
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,998
and they'll ground
your ass for a year.
243
00:12:20,022 --> 00:12:23,107
I don't care, tell them.
'Cause I'm not
even going to be here.
244
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,994
I'm going to run away
and no one will
ever see me again.
245
00:12:26,062 --> 00:12:27,595
Good, go.
246
00:12:27,663 --> 00:12:30,581
And who's even
going to miss you?
You're just a little thief.
247
00:12:30,650 --> 00:12:33,651
Where you going, Chris?
Who are you going to turn to?
248
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,881
You don't even have any friends.
249
00:12:37,941 --> 00:12:40,407
Hi. I ran away from home.
250
00:12:40,476 --> 00:12:42,338
Do you mind if I live with you?
251
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:43,694
Live with me?
252
00:12:43,764 --> 00:12:45,596
My goodness,
I feel like I want to
253
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,932
pinch myself to
see if I'm dreaming.
254
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,820
Hot dog, it's real.
255
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,347
Mr. Herbert, it's 6:00.
I'm not really tired yet.
256
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:07,251
Well, you had those
three cups of NyQuil.
You'll be down soon enough.
257
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,398
Okay, good night,
Mr. Herbert.
258
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,188
Sweet dreams, Chris.
259
00:13:16,446 --> 00:13:19,614
Mr. Herbert,
what's life really all about?
260
00:13:19,683 --> 00:13:22,917
Well, I suppose
it's about trying new things,
261
00:13:22,986 --> 00:13:25,019
sampling the sweet
and the savory,
262
00:13:25,088 --> 00:13:27,455
not being afraid
to take everything
263
00:13:27,523 --> 00:13:29,824
life wants to
throw up on into ya.
264
00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:33,661
Wow. I never looked
at it like that before.
Thanks, Mr. Herbert.
265
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:41,030
But don't you
think it's scary
to try new things?
266
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:44,655
No, Chris. Life is
like a new baseball glove.
267
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:47,725
At first, you think
you're never going to
get a ball in there.
268
00:13:47,794 --> 00:13:51,696
But then you oil it up,
work your fingers
around in there a little,
269
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:54,498
and pretty soon,
you're pitching and catching.
270
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,350
I guess that makes sense.
271
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,188
Sorry.
272
00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:04,625
You really know how
to waste a Cialis,
don't you?
273
00:14:07,363 --> 00:14:12,250
♪ The snowbirdsings the songhe always sings ♪
274
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:14,485
You know,
this is definitely
a mystery song for me.
275
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,888
It's so upbeat,
but the lyrics are so dark.
276
00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:19,168
I'm sorry,
are we both
listening to Snowbird,
277
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,903
as recorded by Miss Anne Murray?
278
00:14:20,927 --> 00:14:23,694
Yeah, the woman in the song
is trying to cope
with getting older
279
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:26,442
and she feels trapped because
she knows she can't
do anything about it.
280
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:27,666
No, no, no, no.
281
00:14:27,734 --> 00:14:29,011
I mean, you're right that
she's feeling trapped,
282
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,434
but the message is positive.
283
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,614
It's about being trapped
in a bad relationship
284
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:34,316
and having the guts
to get out of it.
285
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:37,307
No, no. See, what I hear
is that the woman is
starting to hate life.
286
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,871
You know the line,
"Now I feel such
emptiness within"?
287
00:14:39,895 --> 00:14:41,329
Yeah, I know the song.
288
00:14:41,397 --> 00:14:42,696
Well, Anne Murray feels old.
289
00:14:42,765 --> 00:14:44,198
And then to make things worse,
290
00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:47,435
the snowbird comes
around every year,
bringing the snow, or "death,"
291
00:14:47,503 --> 00:14:49,536
to remind her that
no matter what she does,
292
00:14:49,605 --> 00:14:51,072
her fate's already written.
293
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,536
Brian, the snowbird
has nothing to do
with time or fate.
294
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,642
Well, I disagree.
295
00:14:54,710 --> 00:14:56,122
Look, there's only
one way to settle this.
296
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:58,779
Only the artist knows
the true meaning of their art.
297
00:15:00,450 --> 00:15:04,201
Now, Miss O'Keefe, the flowers
in your paintings,
what do they represent?
298
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:07,939
Oh! Wow, that's
a really good question.
299
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:12,977
Hmm...
300
00:15:21,204 --> 00:15:23,955
Oh, hi, Meg. Could you tell
Chris breakfast is ready?
301
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:27,425
Oh, um...
I think he got up early.
302
00:15:27,493 --> 00:15:31,495
He, um, said something about
a fat kid rally
at Little Caesars.
303
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,764
Huh! It's not like
Chris to miss breakfast.
304
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,466
Oh, don't worry, Mom.
305
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,101
I'm sure he'll be home later.
306
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,214
Well, I hope so.
307
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,681
We were supposed
to go to the library
308
00:15:39,705 --> 00:15:41,417
to wipe boogers in fancy books.
309
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,185
I like to wipe
mine in Bronte novels.
310
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,626
It's like a time bomb
to gross out lonely chicks.
311
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:47,512
Oh, Heathcliff.
312
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:51,398
Oh, come on! I want so little.
313
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:58,256
Chris, what did you do
with my video tapes?
314
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,790
I had a whole system.
315
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,904
I was trying to find
a good movie to watch.
316
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,894
I've never even
heard of most of these.
317
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,596
"Jeffrey at the Park.
318
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:08,132
"Mikey's Scoliosis Exam.
319
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,701
"Nephew
Somersault Compilation."
320
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,648
Well, even if you
never heard of them,
321
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:14,483
I assume you
heard of the alphabet.
322
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,739
You want to explain to me
323
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:19,344
how Sammy Popsicle
comes before Napping, Various?
324
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:20,778
Geez, I'm sorry.
325
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,348
Well, can we watch Lost Boys?
I've heard of that one.
326
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:26,617
Those are different lost boys.
327
00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:37,111
Are you whistling Snowbird?
Yeah.
328
00:16:37,180 --> 00:16:38,645
That's awesome.
329
00:16:38,714 --> 00:16:40,092
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Why do you get to ring it?
330
00:16:40,116 --> 00:16:41,593
Because I was into her first.
331
00:16:41,617 --> 00:16:43,262
Let's flip for it, or...
332
00:16:43,286 --> 00:16:46,353
I can't believe you did that.
I cannot believe
you just did that.
333
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:47,699
Will you stop it?
334
00:16:47,723 --> 00:16:49,668
She's going to
think we're weird.
335
00:16:49,692 --> 00:16:50,892
Hi. Can I help you?
336
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,660
Hi. Miss Murray.
My name's Brian Griffin.
337
00:16:53,729 --> 00:16:56,530
First of all,
I just want to tell you
what a huge fan I am.
338
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,143
That's very sweet of you.
339
00:16:58,167 --> 00:17:00,862
And I'm Stewie.
I'm the one who
sent you the vibrators.
340
00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:03,515
Well, I'm glad
you enjoy my music.
Would you like to come in?
341
00:17:03,539 --> 00:17:04,889
We'd love to.
342
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:09,259
Wow, nothing says
success like free on
a Tuesday at 3:00 p.m.
343
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:10,811
I'll get there.
344
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,764
So, Miss Murray,
the reason we came
345
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,593
is that we have
a question about Snowbird.
346
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:16,845
It's about a
relationship, right?
347
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:18,831
No, no, it's obviously
about the fear of growing old.
348
00:17:18,855 --> 00:17:20,566
You know, I think
you're both kind of right.
349
00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:23,157
I guess I always thought
it was about human limitation,
350
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,826
both mental and physical.
351
00:17:24,894 --> 00:17:28,145
Okay, that...
That just blew my face off.
352
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,797
Well, I hope that helps.
353
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:32,800
It does. Thank you
so much, Miss Murray.
This has been terrific.
354
00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:35,169
Hey, before we go,
do you mind if I
use your restroom?
355
00:17:35,237 --> 00:17:36,348
It was a long drive up here.
356
00:17:36,372 --> 00:17:38,973
No, go right ahead.
357
00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,225
We should do something
without him sometime.
358
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,460
Do you like tapas?
359
00:17:42,529 --> 00:17:44,006
Someone invited me
out for that once.
360
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,431
I thought they said topless,
so I was like, "What?"
361
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:47,965
That's a good story.
362
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:49,311
Hey, you know,
that was really cool
363
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:51,302
how you told us what
Snowbird was about.
364
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:54,138
Well, you know,
that's just the way
I always interpreted the song.
365
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:57,127
But I suppose Gene
probably could have
explained it better than I.
366
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:58,842
Who's Gene?
367
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:01,578
Gene MacLellan.
He wrote the song.
368
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:04,748
I see.
But you wrote all
your other songs, right?
369
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,285
No, all of my songs
were written by other people.
370
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:08,864
As a singer, I've been blessed
371
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:12,790
to interpret the works
of many gifted,
sensitive songwriters.
372
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,691
Oh.
373
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,328
So, you're just
a big fucking liar?
374
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,263
Sit back down.
375
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,132
All right, come on,
Stewie, let's go home...
376
00:18:22,451 --> 00:18:23,662
Stewie, what the hell
are you doing?
377
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,553
She's a fraud, Brian.
A fraud!
378
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:27,282
She didn't write
any of her songs.
379
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:29,118
Well, so, that's the case
with a lot of singers.
380
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,092
It's a very common
industry practice.
381
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,288
Well, then you're
all a bunch of frauds,
aren't you?
382
00:18:33,312 --> 00:18:35,479
A bunch of
frauds and charlatans.
383
00:18:35,548 --> 00:18:36,680
You want to be a puppet?
384
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,715
Then sing for your life,
puppet. Come on.
385
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:42,085
♪ Spread your tiny wings
and fly away! ♪
386
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,425
Come on, Anne, sing along.
387
00:18:48,494 --> 00:18:50,772
You know it.
You didn't write it,
but you know it, bitch.
388
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:54,532
♪ The one I love
forever is untrue
389
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:59,636
♪ And if I could you know that
I would fly away with you ♪
390
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,842
Hey, Meg,
you here for
the expired hot dogs?
391
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:06,910
No, Carl, I'm looking for Chris.
392
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,924
I've looked everywhere
and I can't find him.
393
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:12,166
I haven't seen him but
I'll keep an eye out.
394
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,285
Hey, bozos,
what do you think of this?
395
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,388
I did it!
I did it!
396
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:18,900
You're crazy man.
You're so crazy.
397
00:19:25,181 --> 00:19:27,292
I thought I told you
to clean up in here?
398
00:19:27,316 --> 00:19:28,827
And why aren't you dressed?
399
00:19:28,851 --> 00:19:31,518
We're supposed to have dinner
with Judge Maynard and Timmy.
400
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,654
Yeah, okay, as soon
as I finish this level.
401
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:35,056
No, get your coat on.
402
00:19:35,124 --> 00:19:37,458
It's a three-hour
drive to that cabin.
403
00:19:37,526 --> 00:19:39,259
Can't you just
cook something here?
404
00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:42,207
Excuse me?
I am not going
to cook you dinner
405
00:19:42,231 --> 00:19:45,277
while you sit
here in your own mess
playing your TV games.
406
00:19:45,301 --> 00:19:48,101
Oh-ho! And the martyr returns.
407
00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:52,840
Chris, I think it's
time for you to go.
408
00:19:52,909 --> 00:19:54,575
Okay, I'll go.
409
00:19:54,644 --> 00:19:57,678
But I want you to know,
I faked all my
light-headedness.
410
00:19:57,747 --> 00:19:59,413
Mmm, good Kool-Aid.
411
00:19:59,482 --> 00:20:01,749
Whoa! Whoa!
412
00:20:01,818 --> 00:20:03,100
Sound familiar?
413
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:08,506
Oh, my God, Chris.
Oh, there you are.
414
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,341
I've been looking
all over for you.
415
00:20:10,409 --> 00:20:13,088
Why? You want to
humiliate me with
more slave work?
416
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:16,847
No, I wanted to apologize.
417
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:20,050
I should've never
blackmailed you.
I'm really sorry.
418
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,086
And I want you to come home.
419
00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:24,366
I thought you said
no one would miss me?
420
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:27,224
I said a lot of stupid things
I didn't mean, Chris.
421
00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:28,792
But I miss you.
422
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:31,362
Thanks, Meg.
I miss you, too.
423
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,108
You know, living in that family,
424
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,743
we both have
pretty crappy lives.
425
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:37,834
And if we're
going to survive it,
we can't turn on each other.
426
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,286
We're all we have.
427
00:20:39,355 --> 00:20:40,487
I know.
428
00:20:40,556 --> 00:20:42,890
I'll never do
anything like that again.
429
00:20:42,959 --> 00:20:44,725
Do you think you
can ever forgive me?
430
00:20:44,793 --> 00:20:46,460
Yeah, I forgive you.
431
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,858
We broke up.
432
00:21:04,463 --> 00:21:08,698
♪ Spread your tiny
wings and fly away
433
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:13,637
♪ And takethe snow back with youwhere it came from on that day
434
00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:18,775
♪ The one I love
forever is untrue
435
00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:24,415
♪ And if I could, you know
that I would fly away with you
436
00:21:24,483 --> 00:21:29,820
♪ Yeah, if I could,
you know that I would fly
437
00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:33,257
♪ Away with you ♪
34282
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