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1
00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:03,947
Valentine's Day, a day of love,
2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:06,571
right in the middle
of Black History Month.
3
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:10,158
There are a thousandhearts in Quahog,a thousand stories.
4
00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:11,772
Some people don't
have any stories.
5
00:00:11,796 --> 00:00:13,445
Others got two.
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,341
Anyway, here's a songyour girlfriendprobably likes.
7
00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:17,800
♪ I got a feeling
8
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:22,704
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night
9
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:27,075
♪ That tonight's
gonna be a good night ♪
10
00:00:27,144 --> 00:00:29,978
I'm afraid I have
some terrible news.
11
00:00:30,046 --> 00:00:32,764
I have dinner reservations
and no one to go with.
12
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,649
♪ Tonight's the night
13
00:00:34,718 --> 00:00:36,418
♪ Let's live it up
14
00:00:36,487 --> 00:00:38,253
♪ I got my money ♪
15
00:00:39,423 --> 00:00:41,689
Hi, I'll be your wife's nurse.
16
00:00:41,758 --> 00:00:43,458
Would you excuse me a second?
17
00:00:45,312 --> 00:00:46,344
Okay, I'm back.
18
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,079
♪ Here we come, here we go
19
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:50,031
♪ We gotta rock
20
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:52,668
♪ I know that
we'll have a ball
21
00:00:52,736 --> 00:00:54,636
♪ If we get down and go out
22
00:00:54,705 --> 00:00:56,555
♪ And just lose it all
23
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:59,974
♪ I feel stressed out,
I wanna let it go
24
00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:02,177
♪ Let's go way out, spaced out
25
00:01:02,245 --> 00:01:04,596
♪ Losing all control
26
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:06,715
♪ Fill up my cup
27
00:01:06,783 --> 00:01:08,317
♪ Mazel tov
28
00:01:08,385 --> 00:01:10,151
♪ Look at her dancing
29
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,903
♪ Just take it off ♪
30
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:20,495
Peter,
are you ready for
your Valentine's gift?
31
00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:23,782
No, but I'm ready for therapy.
32
00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,116
Peter, you awake?
33
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:43,385
It's a beautiful day.
34
00:01:43,453 --> 00:01:45,220
Yeah, I'm just
glad I didn't die from
35
00:01:45,289 --> 00:01:47,005
that weird sleep-breathing
thing I have.
36
00:01:55,465 --> 00:01:57,866
You know, Peter,
since it's Valentine's Day,
37
00:01:57,935 --> 00:02:01,169
I was thinking,
"Let's do something
we've never done before."
38
00:02:01,238 --> 00:02:02,687
Release the virus?
39
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:05,801
No, I was thinking
we could spend
the whole day in bed.
40
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,408
That's a great idea.
41
00:02:07,477 --> 00:02:11,346
Permission to begin a day of
epic lovemaking, sexy lady?
42
00:02:11,415 --> 00:02:13,415
Permission granted, sir.
43
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:18,603
Be as loud as you can.
I want the kids to
know we still got it.
44
00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:21,589
Oh, yeah!
45
00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:24,092
That was... Wow!
46
00:02:24,161 --> 00:02:26,461
How was the view
from heaven, right?
47
00:02:26,529 --> 00:02:29,164
Exciting stuff for you there.
48
00:02:29,233 --> 00:02:30,698
So now what do we do?
49
00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:34,102
Well, I guess we
should stay in bed, right?
I mean, we said we would.
50
00:02:34,171 --> 00:02:35,436
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
51
00:02:35,505 --> 00:02:37,416
I should be ready to go
again in a little bit here.
52
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,520
Don't worry, if I need help,
I'll just fantasize about that
Victorian stripper.
53
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:42,827
Yeah, you slut.
54
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,730
Doth the magistrate know
what you're doing tonight?
55
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:47,132
Good.
56
00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:50,202
Now, undo the top six buttons
of your 100-button shoes.
57
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:58,209
Wow, Meg, you look nice.
You got a date?
58
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:01,479
Yeah, I totally hit it off
with this great
guy in the Internet,
59
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,892
and we're finally going to meet.
60
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,200
Okay, remember to
ask questions about him.
61
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:06,768
Seem interested.
62
00:03:06,837 --> 00:03:09,938
Listen, giggle, swallow.
63
00:03:10,007 --> 00:03:12,407
Oh, my God, that's him.
64
00:03:13,476 --> 00:03:15,043
Toby?
Meg?
65
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:18,412
Hi. Wow, you look
just like your picture.
66
00:03:18,481 --> 00:03:20,381
You don't look
anything like yours.
67
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:25,954
Yeah, that's a candid
from a summer job I had.
68
00:03:26,023 --> 00:03:27,889
Well, you're much
prettier in person.
69
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,598
Shall we go?
Yeah, sure.
70
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:31,659
Don't wait up, boys.
71
00:03:32,662 --> 00:03:34,129
I like him.
72
00:03:34,198 --> 00:03:35,842
Really? He seems
kind of lame.
73
00:03:35,866 --> 00:03:38,478
But, I guess every girl
has her own version
of Prince Charming.
74
00:03:38,502 --> 00:03:40,018
I'm in love with Paul.
75
00:03:40,087 --> 00:03:41,586
I'm in love with John.
76
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,222
You know what?
I'm in love with Ringo.
77
00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:45,357
What?
78
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,559
Um, I said...
I don't know what I said.
79
00:03:47,627 --> 00:03:49,894
Sounded like you said
you were in love with Ringo.
80
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,264
Um, I don't think so.
81
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:54,632
Pretty sure you said,
"I'm in love with Ringo."
82
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:55,701
Here I am.
83
00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:57,147
Are Paul and John out there?
84
00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:58,636
Nope, just Ringo.
85
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,312
Oh, you're still here?
86
00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:10,849
Yeah, after a wonderful night,
I thought we could
get some breakfast.
87
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,552
Clearly,
you're not familiar
with how this works.
88
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,455
See, you're supposed
to be already gone.
There's no breakfast.
89
00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,023
Here, let me
help you to the door.
90
00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:23,239
You're a jerk, Glenn Quagmire.
91
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,541
One of these days,
you're going to
get what you deserve.
92
00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:26,910
You better put
something warm on.
93
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,934
You got an icicle
forming down there.
94
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:32,937
Dumb broad left her
electric tampon warmer.
95
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:50,555
What the hell?
96
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:54,159
That's weird.
Why do I look like
a chick in that mirror?
97
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,350
What's wrong with you,
Holder-Downer 5000?
98
00:05:02,419 --> 00:05:03,735
That's just for women.
99
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,722
Hold it together, Quagmire.
100
00:05:07,791 --> 00:05:09,831
You probably just had
one too many
drinks last night.
101
00:05:10,994 --> 00:05:12,377
Son of a bitch.
102
00:05:18,601 --> 00:05:21,202
Oh, hey, Joe.
God, I thought I was
in trouble for a minute.
103
00:05:21,271 --> 00:05:23,149
Hey, toots,
you know why I
pulled you over?
104
00:05:23,173 --> 00:05:25,573
You were going too
sexy in a 35 zone.
105
00:05:25,642 --> 00:05:26,853
I'll need to see
your driver's license.
106
00:05:26,877 --> 00:05:28,309
What?
107
00:05:28,378 --> 00:05:30,507
Joe, what the hell's
wrong with you?
It's me, Quagmire.
108
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,464
Glenda Vajmire.
109
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,660
Well, how would you
like to spend four hours
110
00:05:34,684 --> 00:05:37,419
desperately trying to
give me a muscular soldier?
111
00:05:37,488 --> 00:05:38,565
What the hell, you weirdo?
112
00:05:39,623 --> 00:05:40,922
I'm just having fun.
113
00:05:40,991 --> 00:05:44,204
In fact, as I say
to all the ladies,
Giggity Giggity.
114
00:05:44,228 --> 00:05:45,927
You don't say that.
I say that.
115
00:05:45,996 --> 00:05:47,211
You're a bad person.
116
00:05:55,505 --> 00:05:56,838
Hey, Stewie, what are you doing?
117
00:05:56,907 --> 00:05:58,773
Well, Brian,
in honor of Valentine's Day,
118
00:05:58,842 --> 00:06:00,682
I thought,
"Why not go back in time
119
00:06:00,743 --> 00:06:02,322
"to that Summer
of Love in the '60s
120
00:06:02,346 --> 00:06:03,856
"that everyone's
always talking about?"
121
00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,279
Oh, cool.
122
00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:06,959
Hey, you think
you might be able to
get me some acid?
123
00:06:06,983 --> 00:06:08,594
I'll get you
a rolled-up newspaper
124
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,162
on the snout is
what I'll get you.
125
00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:12,037
Very bad dog.
126
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,798
Well, here we are, Rupert,
Quahog's Summer of Love.
127
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,840
Ball, please.
128
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:40,465
Hello.
129
00:06:40,533 --> 00:06:42,033
Oh, this must be yours.
130
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:43,568
Thanks.
131
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,037
My God, she's incredible.
132
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:48,072
Rupert, I must bring her back to
133
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,942
the present and
raise her to be my wife.
134
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:54,095
Oh, God, I bet that
diaper is soaking wet.
135
00:06:55,732 --> 00:06:57,782
I can't let her get away!
136
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,319
Oh, hi.
137
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:04,456
Oh, hey, um,
I just came to say, um,
138
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:06,791
you know, in a couple of years,
139
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,904
something's
going to come along
called Sesame Street.
140
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,573
And I know the name
makes it sounds Asian,
141
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,398
but it's not,
and it's going
to blow your mind.
142
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,032
The hell with it.
143
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,102
The real reason I ran
over here is because
I wanted to do this.
144
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,188
There's my little Lois.
145
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,726
What? Lois?
146
00:07:24,794 --> 00:07:26,538
Come on, honey.
Hop in Daddy's car.
147
00:07:26,562 --> 00:07:28,107
You can crawl
around on the floor
148
00:07:28,131 --> 00:07:30,091
while I drink,
smoke, and drive us home.
149
00:07:42,746 --> 00:07:44,262
Oh, my God,
Stewie, what happened?
150
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,059
None of your fucking
business what happened!
151
00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,049
Geez, you kiss your mother
with that mouth?
152
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,209
Do you like Coldplay?
153
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:01,212
Uh, am I a dull white guy?
Yes, I like Coldplay.
154
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:04,482
God, Toby, I can't believe
how much we have in common.
155
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,485
It's like we were
meant to find each other.
I know.
156
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:08,953
To us.
157
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:12,268
Meg, if you were
any more beautiful,
that'd be neat.
158
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:14,959
So, what should we do next...
159
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,402
Oh, my God!
160
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,604
Toby, what happened?
161
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:28,439
Oh, I just harvested
your kidney.
162
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,842
Look at the size of this scar.
163
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:33,678
Sorry. It's my
first day on this job.
164
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,124
Well, where did you work before?
165
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:36,447
Circuit City.
166
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,817
So, I haven't worked in,
like, two years.
167
00:08:45,492 --> 00:08:47,559
Toby, I can't
believe you took my kidney.
168
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:48,627
You bastard!
169
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:49,772
Sorry, Meg.
170
00:08:49,796 --> 00:08:51,774
Black market
organs are big money
171
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,709
and I promised my
bosses a fresh kidney.
172
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:54,810
No hard feelings.
173
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:55,834
Wait!
174
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,153
You also made a promise to me.
175
00:08:58,221 --> 00:09:00,621
You promised
we'd spend
Valentine's Day together.
176
00:09:00,690 --> 00:09:02,290
The whole day.
177
00:09:02,359 --> 00:09:04,592
And I'm not letting
you break that promise.
178
00:09:04,661 --> 00:09:06,977
Well, I guess a deal's a deal.
179
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,046
Okay.
180
00:09:09,599 --> 00:09:11,543
By the way, did you know you had
181
00:09:11,567 --> 00:09:13,967
a tiny conjoined twin
attached to your hip?
182
00:09:15,005 --> 00:09:16,387
Is it worth anything?
183
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:19,776
It is to me.
I've been using
it as a bookmark.
184
00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,331
Peter, what's all this?
185
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,700
Quagmire loaned me this book
called the Kama Sutra.
186
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,336
It's Indian.
187
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:34,383
And who has better sex
than people who
don't use toilet paper?
188
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,125
I don't know, Peter.
That doesn't sound very sexy.
189
00:09:37,194 --> 00:09:39,494
What are you talking about?
Bombay is sperm city.
190
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,296
Slumdog Millionaire?
191
00:09:41,365 --> 00:09:43,898
More like Scumdog Put-it-there.
192
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,734
Peter, these candles
are getting wax
all over the floor.
193
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,481
That's okay.
Isn't Consuela coming today?
194
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:51,573
No, she spends
Valentine's Day
with her husband.
195
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,735
Wait, but she's
sneaking out of the US.
196
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:06,071
This is Arizona.
197
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,318
You can shoot a Mexican
for using a water fountain.
198
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:15,012
Oh. I fix later.
199
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,120
Happy Valentine's Day, Juan.
200
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,989
And to you, mi amor.
201
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:26,358
One minute, I freshen up first.
202
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:31,029
Okay.
203
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:35,616
Si, si, si.
Oh, yeah.
204
00:10:52,502 --> 00:10:53,818
Hi.
205
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:57,255
Oh, hey, um, I think I might
have the wrong address.
206
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,206
I'm looking for
Mr. Herbert's house.
207
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:00,803
No, you're at the right house.
208
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,427
I'm his grandniece, Sandy.
209
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,829
Wow, my name is Chris, too.
210
00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:08,232
Oh, hey, there, Chris.
Happy Valentine's Day.
211
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:11,736
Hope Cupid brings you
a saggy old bag of treats.
212
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:15,105
Hey, Mr. Herbert.
I'm just here to
collect for the newspaper.
213
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,474
Here you go.
214
00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:20,378
Oh, hang on now, Chris.
Your fly's up again.
215
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,129
Thanks, Mr. Herbert.
216
00:11:25,001 --> 00:11:26,701
He's so hot.
217
00:11:26,769 --> 00:11:28,403
I'd love to talk to him,
218
00:11:28,472 --> 00:11:30,072
but I just don't
know what I would say.
219
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:33,808
Oh, I know all
the things to say.
Maybe I can help you out.
220
00:11:33,876 --> 00:11:35,854
You'd do that for me?
Sure.
221
00:11:35,878 --> 00:11:38,612
Right after my favorite show.
222
00:11:38,681 --> 00:11:40,793
- Coming up next,
- To Catch a Predator
223
00:11:40,817 --> 00:11:42,894
Who's Proud of Being a Predator.
224
00:11:42,918 --> 00:11:45,987
Good evening, sir.I'm Chris Hansenwith Dateline.
225
00:11:46,055 --> 00:11:50,024
Do you know the boy you werecoming here to meet tonightis only 13 years old?
226
00:11:50,093 --> 00:11:53,678
No, I drove900 fucking milesfor a 14-year-old.
227
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,766
So what seems to be the trouble?
228
00:11:58,835 --> 00:12:00,484
Dr. Hartman,
something's wrong with me!
229
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,387
Everyone's treating
me like I'm a broad!
230
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:03,599
I don't know what's going on!
231
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,057
I recognize that
hysterical tone of voice.
232
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,071
Sounds like someone's
having their monthly.
233
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:11,207
All right, sweetie, let me
just spit on my hand,
and we'll get started.
234
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,747
Ahh! Get away from me,
you creep!
235
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:16,867
My God!
236
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:20,805
There was nothing
wrong with my mirror!
Everyone sees me as a woman!
237
00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:22,006
Oh, no!
238
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,752
This is the universe
giving me what I deserve
239
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:25,910
for being such a pig
all the time!
240
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:29,063
From now on,
I'm gonna do
things differently.
241
00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:30,532
Men are jerks!
242
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:32,861
Let's swear off
of them and find
comfort in each other!
243
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,052
Come here, you guys!
244
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,253
Mmm.
245
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:43,456
So, what's with you?
No Valentine's Day plans?
246
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,614
No. I've had it
with Valentine's Day.
I'm sick of all of it.
247
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,761
Okay, I'm putting on
my friend hat.
248
00:12:48,785 --> 00:12:50,730
What's the matter?
Let me in.
249
00:12:50,754 --> 00:12:51,919
I don't know. It's just...
250
00:12:51,988 --> 00:12:54,489
How come it's so hard
to meet the right woman?
251
00:12:54,557 --> 00:12:56,502
I think maybe
it's just time
for me to give up.
252
00:12:56,526 --> 00:12:58,036
Come on, Brian.
You can't give up.
253
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,538
Everything could
change in a moment.
254
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:01,407
That's what happened with
the Kennedy assassination.
255
00:13:01,431 --> 00:13:02,930
I'm sorry, gentlemen.
256
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,232
Despite our best efforts,
257
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,078
the Texas School Book Depository
258
00:13:06,102 --> 00:13:07,813
Awareness Council has
failed in its mission
259
00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:10,916
to generate public
awareness of the Texas
School Book Depository.
260
00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,407
So at the end of the day,
261
00:13:12,475 --> 00:13:14,987
we'll be
shutting down operations
and laying everyone off.
262
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:17,761
Sir, I think you're
gonna want to see this!
263
00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:20,381
♪ Let's fall in love
264
00:13:20,449 --> 00:13:23,767
♪ Why shouldn't
we fall in love?
265
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,620
♪ Our hearts are made of it
266
00:13:25,688 --> 00:13:27,188
♪ Let's take a chance
267
00:13:27,257 --> 00:13:31,425
♪ Why be afraid of it?
268
00:13:31,494 --> 00:13:33,845
♪ Let's close our eyes
269
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:37,515
♪ And make our own paradise
270
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,017
♪ Little we know of it
271
00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:43,137
♪ Still, we can try
to make a go of it
272
00:13:44,006 --> 00:13:46,407
♪ Let's fall in love ♪
273
00:13:57,737 --> 00:13:59,220
Oh, Brian, there you are.
274
00:13:59,289 --> 00:14:01,973
Look, I've been thinking about
your situation with women,
275
00:14:02,041 --> 00:14:03,640
and I believe I've
come up with a way
276
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:05,243
to get to
the source of the problem.
277
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,127
Follow me.
What's going on?
278
00:14:08,531 --> 00:14:09,780
Oh, my God.
279
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:14,964
Stewie, what the hell?
These are all my
ex-girlfriends!
280
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,465
Well, I thought
they could provide some
281
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:18,423
insights that might
improve your love life.
282
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,069
Ladies, as you may have guessed,
283
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,645
you are here because
you have all
dated this great guy.
284
00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:25,713
Yet, somehow,
things didn't work out.
285
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,431
My objective is
to figure out why.
286
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,179
I don't know.
The word "self-absorbed"
comes to mind.
287
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,469
And pretentious.
288
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,770
Definitely pretentious.
289
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,672
And he's got a big Eggo.
290
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,957
Okay, we seem to
have a theme going here.
291
00:14:37,026 --> 00:14:38,270
Oh, come on!
You're all just mad
292
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:39,471
because I didn't
wanna be with you!
293
00:14:39,495 --> 00:14:41,178
I think Brian's a wonderful man.
294
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:42,947
He's just having
a difficult time
295
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,649
coming to terms
with his own sexuality.
296
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,645
Shut up, Ida.
She's my favorite.
297
00:14:46,669 --> 00:14:47,797
He's insecure.
298
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:48,821
And a blowhard.
299
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,487
And he's got a tiny penis!
300
00:14:51,991 --> 00:14:54,291
Yeah, that was pretty
clear by the survey.
301
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,777
Okay, now who wants more wine?
302
00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:57,890
This is great.
We should do
this every Saturday.
303
00:14:57,914 --> 00:15:00,092
No, no,
we're not gonna do
this every Saturday!
304
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,894
What's wrong?
We're just being honest.
305
00:15:01,918 --> 00:15:03,017
Oh. Oh, you want honest?
306
00:15:03,086 --> 00:15:04,830
You're an old bag.
You're blind.
307
00:15:04,854 --> 00:15:05,970
Your vomit tastes weird.
308
00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:07,399
You don't even
know why you're here.
309
00:15:07,423 --> 00:15:08,990
You chose to be on The Hills.
310
00:15:09,058 --> 00:15:11,792
You still have
bits of penis left,
and you can never get wet.
311
00:15:13,596 --> 00:15:16,897
And you,
you're more of a woman
than anyone else in this room!
312
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:21,710
Get him!
313
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:33,998
Oh, honey,
I'm so excited to finally
meet your girlfriend.
314
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,366
Here she comes now.
315
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,351
Yoo-hoo, baby!
316
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:39,620
Oh, no!
317
00:15:44,994 --> 00:15:48,429
We now return to
Tom and Jerry,
The Final Episode.
318
00:15:48,497 --> 00:15:50,177
So, that's it?
That's it.
319
00:15:50,232 --> 00:15:53,178
This is so much easier.
I don't know why I
didn't do this years ago.
320
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:54,902
What do you want me
to do with the body?
321
00:15:54,971 --> 00:15:56,649
I don't care.
Throw it in the garbage.
322
00:15:56,673 --> 00:15:58,773
Do you want any of
his oversized mallets?
323
00:15:58,841 --> 00:16:00,074
I will take a mallet.
324
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:03,911
Ah, I gotta take this.
325
00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:05,479
Who's calling?
326
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,893
My ex-girlfriend.
She calls me drunk
every Valentine's Day.
327
00:16:07,917 --> 00:16:09,784
Hey, Samantha.
328
00:16:09,852 --> 00:16:12,954
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.
I still love Lois.
329
00:16:13,022 --> 00:16:15,189
Oh, come on.
You would have
been a great mom.
330
00:16:15,257 --> 00:16:17,124
She had cervical
cancer five years ago.
331
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:19,827
She's basically
a boob on a leg
at this point.
332
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,028
Well, that's something.
333
00:16:21,097 --> 00:16:22,463
You're in a book club?
334
00:16:22,531 --> 00:16:24,531
Those are tough to get into.
335
00:16:24,601 --> 00:16:26,266
What?
336
00:16:26,335 --> 00:16:28,747
Well, I didn't even know the
Fine Young Cannibals
were still together.
337
00:16:28,771 --> 00:16:30,471
Eight-city tour?
338
00:16:30,539 --> 00:16:33,440
Well, I don't know
if I can make eight,
but I can certainly do six.
339
00:16:33,509 --> 00:16:34,976
What about Lois?
340
00:16:35,044 --> 00:16:36,088
She's totally
out of the picture.
We've done everything
341
00:16:36,112 --> 00:16:37,478
but sign the papers.
342
00:16:37,546 --> 00:16:40,047
Samantha, Samantha,
I will see you in Binghamton.
343
00:16:40,116 --> 00:16:42,382
And now I want you
to go and take
a picture of yourself
344
00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:44,885
because it will be
your last day alone.
345
00:16:44,954 --> 00:16:47,321
Geez, what's not
clear about, "Get lost"?
346
00:16:47,389 --> 00:16:49,023
By the way,
my attendance at home is
347
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,732
gonna be spotty over
the next few weeks.
348
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:57,048
And, well,
prize pumpkin
from the county fair,
349
00:16:57,116 --> 00:17:00,851
that's why I'm naming you
my Chief of Police.
350
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,240
Mayor West,
there's something
you need to see!
351
00:17:08,511 --> 00:17:10,194
My God!
352
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:12,530
My wife is seeing another mayor!
353
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:13,864
I'm sorry, sir.
354
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:17,402
Don't be.
Because I'm going
to win her back.
355
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,905
I trust you'll take
care of things here
in my absence.
356
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,075
Officer down!
357
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:32,499
I hereby declare this publicpark and future homosexualmeeting spot open!
358
00:17:32,568 --> 00:17:34,836
Unhand that woman, you bastard!
359
00:17:34,904 --> 00:17:36,403
Adam!
360
00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:40,007
Well, well, well,
if it isn't Mayor
"Guns For Toys" West.
361
00:17:40,075 --> 00:17:42,659
The chair recognizes your face!
362
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:44,612
En garde!
363
00:17:49,034 --> 00:17:50,100
Is the park open?
364
00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:51,169
Not yet!
365
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:59,176
You call that kissing a baby?
366
00:18:01,731 --> 00:18:03,513
That's how you kiss a baby.
367
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:10,955
I hereby declare
this Stabby Eye Day!
368
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,977
Oh, Adam, I'm so sorry!
369
00:18:16,045 --> 00:18:19,346
Carol, I love you and
I can't live without you.
370
00:18:19,415 --> 00:18:21,749
Please, never let this
happen again.
371
00:18:21,818 --> 00:18:23,083
I won't, Adam.
372
00:18:23,152 --> 00:18:25,285
You're the only mayor for me.
373
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:28,539
Hey, Carol.
374
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:32,309
I almost didn't recognize you
without my special sauce
all over your face.
375
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,051
Is somebody out there?
376
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:44,188
Chris, it's me!
Uncle Herbert's grandniece,
Sandy!
377
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,923
Oh, hi, Sandy. What's up?
378
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,692
What do I say?
379
00:18:48,761 --> 00:18:52,212
You say, "Chris,
I wanted to come see
you because, well..."
380
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:55,098
Chris, I wanted to
come see you because,
381
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,918
well, I'm kind of
a lonely old man.
382
00:18:57,986 --> 00:18:59,186
Really?
383
00:18:59,255 --> 00:19:02,105
Every time I lose
consciousness on the toilet,
384
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,536
you're the first
thing I think of
when I wake up.
385
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,359
I love your stories.
386
00:19:06,428 --> 00:19:09,146
Now, I know I'm
not much to look at,
387
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,126
and ever since I
got banned from the arcade,
388
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,950
I don't know what I'm doing,
389
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:16,169
but if you're up for it,
I'd like to spend
some time with you.
390
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:19,890
Okay. Sure, Sandy!
I'll come right down!
391
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:23,227
Thanks, Uncle Herbert.
I don't know how
I could ever repay you.
392
00:19:23,296 --> 00:19:25,730
Well, there is one thing.
393
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:33,270
Also, if I gave you
a sandwich, do you think
394
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:35,289
you could get
Chris to fart on it?
395
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,313
Well, guess I better be going.
396
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:43,826
I gotta get this
heart to Madonna.
397
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,695
Oh, my God!
Madonna needs
a heart transplant?
398
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:50,204
No, she just
doesn't want other people
to have them for some reason.
399
00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:52,739
But before I go, here.
400
00:19:53,475 --> 00:19:55,276
For me?
401
00:19:55,344 --> 00:19:56,610
My kidney!
402
00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:57,978
I wanted you to have it.
403
00:19:58,047 --> 00:20:01,215
Oh, Toby, I love it!
Thank you!
404
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:04,184
Oh, this has been the best
Valentine's Day ever.
405
00:20:06,656 --> 00:20:07,922
But wait!
406
00:20:07,991 --> 00:20:09,935
You said you had to
bring your boss a kidney.
407
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,675
Don't worry.
I took care of it.
408
00:20:15,531 --> 00:20:17,297
What the hell?
409
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:18,733
Ow!
410
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:25,322
No, no, no, no, no, no!
411
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,258
Ha-ha! Joke's on them.
412
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,092
They got a black kidney.
413
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:35,732
Oh, Peter, it was fun
spending the day
in bed with you.
414
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,368
It sure was, Lois.
415
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:39,636
Happy Valentine's Day.
416
00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:45,459
Hey, Lois, remember our wedding?
417
00:20:45,528 --> 00:20:47,260
Yeah, I sure do.
418
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,629
Remember the dance?
419
00:20:48,698 --> 00:20:50,331
Of course I do, Peter.
420
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,910
Who was that half-Persian chick
421
00:20:51,934 --> 00:20:53,378
who was dancing
with your cousin?
422
00:20:53,402 --> 00:20:55,514
I think her name was Flora.
423
00:20:55,538 --> 00:20:57,566
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, all right.
I'm ready! I'm ready!
424
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,201
What?
Shut up for 10
minutes and pretend
425
00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:00,785
we're in the back
behind the speakers.
426
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,896
This wedding sucks, huh?
427
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:18,109
♪ L is for
the way you look at me
428
00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:24,148
♪ O is for the only one I see
429
00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:30,721
♪ V is very,
very extraordinary
430
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:36,794
♪ E is even more
than anyone that you adore can
431
00:21:36,863 --> 00:21:43,100
♪ Love is all
that I can give to you
432
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:49,306
♪ Love is more than
just a game for two
433
00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:52,710
♪ Two in love can make it
434
00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:55,612
♪ Take my heart and
please don't break it
435
00:21:55,682 --> 00:21:58,983
♪ Love was made
for me and... ♪
32674
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