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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:08,140
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,810
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,913
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:18,150
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:21,503
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,132
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,856
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:28,977
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:41,156
There he is.
The reason my
bedpost is so shiny.
11
00:00:41,224 --> 00:00:44,058
Oh, my God.
Are you still
obsessed with Kent?
12
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:45,460
Just ask him out already.
13
00:00:45,529 --> 00:00:47,228
The worst that can
happen is he says no.
14
00:00:47,298 --> 00:00:49,418
Are you kidding?
Of course he'll say no.
15
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:51,411
There's no way he'd
ever go out with me.
16
00:00:51,435 --> 00:00:54,303
He's just so dreamy.
17
00:00:55,606 --> 00:00:57,939
Oh, Kent, what are we gonna do?
18
00:00:58,008 --> 00:01:00,842
With the Earth destroyed,
we're the only
two humans left.
19
00:01:00,911 --> 00:01:04,351
Well then, it looks
like we need to
start repopulating.
20
00:01:10,354 --> 00:01:13,588
♪ Meg and Kent
are having space sex
21
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,156
♪ We can't show it
22
00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:18,293
♪ But that's
what's happening ♪
23
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,312
I think she's choking.
Should we wake her up?
24
00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:28,269
No, she's got to learn
to breathe out of her nose.
25
00:01:29,206 --> 00:01:31,056
She's getting it.
26
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,523
Peter, you want another waffle?
27
00:01:36,547 --> 00:01:39,380
I can't, Lois.
I promised Janice
I'd take her shift.
28
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,311
Can I get two eggs,
scrambled, on toast?
29
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,413
Sure thing, honey.
Adam and Eve on a raft,
wreck them!
30
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,171
I'd like a hotdog with ketchup
and some Jell-O, please.
31
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:48,418
Paint a bow-wow
red and a side
of nervous pudding!
32
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,520
Can I have a well-done burger
with lettuce and tomato?
33
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,722
Burn one, drag it
through the garden,
pin a rose on it!
34
00:01:52,746 --> 00:01:54,079
Can I use your bathroom?
35
00:01:54,147 --> 00:01:55,559
Got a telephone pole
heading to the
swimming hole.
36
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:56,783
Spray it with sunshine!
37
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,453
Psst. Hey, dog.
What?
38
00:02:02,239 --> 00:02:03,438
You want in?
39
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:04,690
Yeah.
40
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,460
Ugh, look at this.
She's taped photographs
41
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,429
of Virginia Woolf and Katy Perry
42
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:11,963
on the inside cover,
43
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,666
as if she's some sort
of hip hybrid of
those two things.
44
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,079
Ugh, yeah, like
she could ever write
45
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:17,447
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
46
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,182
Brian, Who's Afraidof Virginia Woolf?
47
00:02:19,206 --> 00:02:20,872
Was not written
by Virginia Woolf.
48
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:22,407
Yeah, obviously.
49
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,576
But, you know,
it's pretty much about her.
50
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,378
It really isn't, Brian.
51
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:29,448
Let's just get into this, huh?
52
00:02:30,451 --> 00:02:33,152
"Dear Diary,
got down to 152 today.
53
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,664
"Think that's
a nice weight for me."
54
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:35,987
Oh, here's another one.
55
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:39,224
"Dear Diary, just discovered
the music of John Denver.
56
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:42,060
"Wow-wee, where's this been?"
57
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,173
Hey, look at this.
58
00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,364
"Kent is so incredibly sexy.
59
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:48,433
"He said hi to me today,
and I almost died.
60
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:52,103
"Also,
I learned a funny lesson
today in my pursuit of Kent,
61
00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:55,541
"anal bleaching is better
left to professionals. LOL."
62
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:56,775
Oh! Oh! Oh!
63
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,377
No, no, no,
come on, now, come on.
64
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,158
Jeez, it's just
pages and pages of stuff
about this Kent guy.
65
00:03:01,182 --> 00:03:02,392
She's really obsessed with him.
66
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,149
Well, obsession's
not such a bad thing.
67
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:06,084
It got us
the first printing press.
68
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,754
You're a whore, Sheila,
and I'm gonna make sure
everybody knows it!
69
00:03:22,252 --> 00:03:23,785
Here!
70
00:03:23,854 --> 00:03:26,135
I can't read.
No one can read.
71
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:32,894
Bye, Patty. Bye, Esther.
72
00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,963
Bye, overzealous
Asian kids lining up to be
73
00:03:34,998 --> 00:03:36,431
the first ones in
school tomorrow.
74
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,084
Go away.
No time to say bye.
75
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:42,253
I pass you
'cause you lose focus!
76
00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:45,523
Damn! Lost focus! Life over!
77
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:58,353
Oh, Kent, this is
all I ever wanted.
78
00:03:58,422 --> 00:03:59,855
I feel the same way, Meg.
79
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:03,492
From today onward,
this is our life.
Mmm.
80
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,226
We should get
off the horse soon.
81
00:04:05,295 --> 00:04:07,428
I want to save one for you.
82
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:14,018
Oh, my God!
Are you all right?
83
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:17,556
I'm fine. Lucky for you,
this tree was my destination.
84
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,693
And the job exchange begins.
85
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,674
Sir, do you want
to move ahead on
86
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:27,366
the agreement with
the sanitation union?
87
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,467
Sir, we need leadership.
88
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,569
Oh, my God, Meg!
Are you okay?
89
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:32,737
Yeah, I'm fine.
90
00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:35,023
I guess I got distracted again
thinking about Kent.
91
00:04:35,092 --> 00:04:37,275
I can't do this anymore.
92
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:39,477
I've just got to ask him out.
93
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:40,828
Sorry!
94
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:48,837
Honey, give me
any laundry you have.
95
00:04:48,906 --> 00:04:50,638
I'm doing a diapers
and Meg load.
96
00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:53,067
Hey, Mom, can I ask
you about something?
97
00:04:53,110 --> 00:04:54,860
Of course, Meg.
What's on your mind?
98
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:59,163
Well, there's this
guy I like at school,
and I was thinking about...
99
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:02,066
I don't know,
maybe calling him and...
100
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,402
Meg, are you asking,
in this day and age,
101
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,738
when the CEO of Xerox
is a woman,
102
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,073
when the president
of Brazil is a woman,
103
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,242
even Rosie O'Donnell is a woman,
104
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:15,013
whether it's
appropriate for a girl
to ask a boy out on a date?
105
00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,281
Of course it's appropriate.
106
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:20,418
It's also sad and desperate
and I would never do it,
107
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,554
but you're not me,
are you, sweetie?
108
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:23,722
No, I'm not.
109
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,790
No, you're not.
110
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,792
Hello?
Hey, Kent?
111
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,834
It's Meg, from English class.
112
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,901
Uh...
113
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,269
And math class?
114
00:05:38,339 --> 00:05:39,604
And bio?
115
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,818
And the Facebook campaign
to get me to kill myself?
116
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:42,874
Oh, Meg!
117
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:44,743
Hey, what's up?
Hey!
118
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,511
Um, nothing much.
119
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:50,982
I was just wondering
if you, maybe, wanted
to hang out some time?
120
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,818
Sure.
121
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,553
Wow, cool!
122
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:57,939
Okay, um, I'll text you?
123
00:05:58,008 --> 00:06:00,441
Yes!
I can't believe it!
124
00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:04,212
Oh, my God,
I'm going out on a date
with Kent Lastname.
125
00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,092
Yes! Yes, yes,
yes, yes, yes!
126
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,049
Oh, my gosh!
127
00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:11,018
I'm gonna go ahead
and shut this for you.
128
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:21,791
Oh, hello.
129
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:23,348
Hi, you must be Mrs. Griffin.
130
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,049
I'm Kent.
I'm here to pick up Meg.
131
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,319
Oh, Kent,
it's so nice to meet you.
132
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,587
She's just getting ready.
133
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,321
Meg, Kent's here!
134
00:06:30,391 --> 00:06:32,357
Just putting on my lipstick.
135
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:33,641
Damn it.
136
00:06:33,710 --> 00:06:35,705
And this is
Meg's brother, Chris.
137
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,462
Oh, yeah, I've seen
you around school.
138
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:38,930
You eat with
the deaf kids, right?
139
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:41,077
One of them isn't
all the way deaf.
140
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,500
What grade are you in again?
141
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,881
That's still being
worked out by a team
of counselors.
142
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,771
Cool. Hope to see
you around school.
143
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,440
He seems nice.
144
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,559
Sorry, I missed all that.
I was tweeting.
145
00:06:59,436 --> 00:07:02,253
Coming this fall,the prequel to Philadelphia.
146
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,016
Are you sure
we don't need a condom?
147
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,080
No, it's okay, I'm a lawyer.
148
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,210
How you girls doing on popcorn?
149
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:15,278
I'll take some.
150
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,635
Here you go.
151
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:23,908
Oh, sorry,
am I taking up
the whole armrest?
152
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,478
Boy, it's kind of
chilly in here.
153
00:07:26,546 --> 00:07:29,614
Really?
You got big sweat marks
under your boobs.
154
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,949
That must mean they
must like you then.
155
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,688
Hey, I'll be right back.
I got to go to the bathroom.
156
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,757
Oh, thank God.
157
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,463
And now,
our feature presentation,
158
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,965
Adrien Brody
Doing Sit-ups in 3D.
159
00:07:49,519 --> 00:07:51,364
One.
160
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,371
Two.
161
00:07:57,594 --> 00:07:59,905
That was fun.
We should hang out
again sometime.
162
00:07:59,929 --> 00:08:01,379
Yeah, definitely.
163
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,681
Well, good night.
164
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:03,915
Night.
165
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,484
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
166
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:07,564
Oh, my God, I thought you...
I didn't think
this was a date.
167
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,237
Oh, my God.
I'm so embarrassed!
168
00:08:09,306 --> 00:08:11,256
Hey, it's 10:30!
169
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:14,359
I suggest you take your dope
and go elsewhere!
170
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:16,022
I'm sorry, Meg.
I think you're great,
171
00:08:16,046 --> 00:08:17,623
and I love hanging out with you,
172
00:08:17,647 --> 00:08:20,047
but there's
something you should know.
173
00:08:20,116 --> 00:08:21,248
I'm gay.
174
00:08:21,317 --> 00:08:22,784
You are?
175
00:08:22,852 --> 00:08:26,655
Look, I really
like you as a friend,
but to be honest...
176
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,940
I like Chris.
What?
177
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:31,609
Oh, for God's sake.
I have a shoe appointment
in the morning,
178
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,044
and I want to be fresh!
179
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:36,593
Yeah, the person
I'm attracted to
is your brother.
180
00:08:36,983 --> 00:08:38,566
Brother?
181
00:08:38,635 --> 00:08:39,812
Rupert, did you hear that?
182
00:08:39,836 --> 00:08:42,048
Meg's boyfriend
is in love with me.
183
00:08:42,072 --> 00:08:43,149
Not that I care.
184
00:08:43,173 --> 00:08:44,884
I mean, it won't
matter once I explain
185
00:08:44,908 --> 00:08:47,120
to him what's going on with us.
186
00:08:47,144 --> 00:08:50,778
But what would I tell him
is going on with us?
187
00:09:21,211 --> 00:09:22,310
Thanks, Brian!
188
00:09:22,378 --> 00:09:23,478
Brian?
189
00:09:23,547 --> 00:09:26,197
Hey, princess.
190
00:09:26,265 --> 00:09:29,111
I'll get out of your hair.
I can see you want
to be left alone.
191
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,469
Why does everything bad
always happen to me?
192
00:09:31,537 --> 00:09:32,882
You and me both.
193
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:33,950
I got this cold.
194
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,374
And it's just in that
195
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,622
I-don't-want-to-give-it-
to-a-friend stage, you know?
196
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:41,490
Oh, God, you hear that?
197
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,594
I sound like
a Jewish See 'n Say.
198
00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:45,833
The uncle says...
199
00:09:48,538 --> 00:09:50,104
The grandpa says...
200
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:51,872
"What?"
201
00:09:51,941 --> 00:09:53,341
The aunt says...
202
00:09:53,410 --> 00:09:54,842
Oh!
203
00:09:54,911 --> 00:09:58,612
Kent told me he's gay,
and even worse,
he likes Chris!
204
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,982
Oh, wow, I'm really
sorry to hear that, Meg.
205
00:10:01,051 --> 00:10:02,249
I don't get it.
206
00:10:02,318 --> 00:10:04,363
I've been going to high school
with him for three years,
207
00:10:04,387 --> 00:10:06,554
and I always
assumed he was straight.
208
00:10:06,622 --> 00:10:08,600
Well, high school's
a tough time, Meg.
209
00:10:08,624 --> 00:10:11,625
Maybe he thought
he was straight,
but then realized he's gay.
210
00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:14,791
He's probably still
figuring things out.
Hang in there.
211
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,182
Well, I'll help him
figure things out.
212
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,717
I'll help him figure
out that he's straight.
213
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:25,506
Oh, that was really close.
214
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,408
Hey, Chris,
you mind if I sit here?
215
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:33,631
No, of course not.
216
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:35,940
We were just having
a political discussion.
217
00:10:46,062 --> 00:10:48,863
Bill's, uh,
kind of conservative.
218
00:10:48,932 --> 00:10:51,077
Hey, you know,
it was really cool
meeting you the other night.
219
00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:52,979
I was thinking maybe
we should hang out sometime.
220
00:10:53,003 --> 00:10:55,970
Sure. I sleep for, like,
six hours every day
after school,
221
00:10:56,039 --> 00:10:58,006
but other than that,
I'm pretty open.
222
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,252
Well, great, then
we should definitely...
223
00:10:59,276 --> 00:11:00,725
Oh, hey, Meg.
224
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:03,327
Listen, I hope you're okay
after the other night.
225
00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:06,258
Yeah, no, that's
what I wanted to
talk to you about, Kent.
226
00:11:06,282 --> 00:11:08,817
Look, I know you're going
through a confusing time.
227
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:13,621
The thing is, though,
I feel like you're
not actually gay.
228
00:11:13,690 --> 00:11:16,090
What? No, I told you, I am.
229
00:11:16,159 --> 00:11:19,160
You don't talk or act gay.
I mean, you play football.
230
00:11:19,228 --> 00:11:21,040
Those jeans cost 20 bucks, tops.
231
00:11:21,064 --> 00:11:23,224
And you only use
"hello" as a greeting,
232
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:26,468
not as a way to
outdo some imaginary
antagonist in conversation.
233
00:11:26,536 --> 00:11:27,702
Meg, please stop.
234
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,549
I know your heart's
in the right place, but...
235
00:11:29,573 --> 00:11:32,602
Actually, it's not.
It's a serious
medical condition.
236
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,860
Yeah, that's not
supposed to be there,
237
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,579
so she should probably
always wear a hat.
238
00:11:38,648 --> 00:11:41,394
Look, what if
you just waited until
college to turn gay?
239
00:11:41,418 --> 00:11:42,995
Everyone's kind of
gay in college.
240
00:11:43,019 --> 00:11:45,186
Meg, I'm sorry,
but you can't fight nature.
241
00:11:45,255 --> 00:11:48,089
But, Kent,
wouldn't it be so much easier
if you were straight?
242
00:11:48,158 --> 00:11:50,336
I mean, this school
is so gay-unfriendly.
243
00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:51,392
Watch.
244
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:53,928
Hey, did you hear
Neil Goldman is gay?
245
00:11:53,997 --> 00:11:55,730
Really?
Well, I think it's great
246
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,510
that he's out at
such a young age.
247
00:11:57,534 --> 00:12:00,262
Hey, everyone,
Neil Goldman is gay.
248
00:12:00,286 --> 00:12:01,919
Awesome.
That rules.
249
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:04,589
Aw, lucky.
But I'm not gay.
250
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:06,924
Okay, I'm gay.
251
00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:10,194
Neil!
252
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,914
Neil is such
a perfect name
for a gay guy.
253
00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:17,830
Hey.
Hey.
254
00:12:17,854 --> 00:12:19,799
So I guess you heard
about Meg's boyfriend, huh?
255
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,589
I did. I did hear, yes.
256
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:24,069
Weird, right?
Guy has a crush
on her own brother.
257
00:12:24,093 --> 00:12:25,493
I know, so weird.
258
00:12:25,562 --> 00:12:27,556
But, you know,
the heart wants
what the heart wants.
259
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,108
I just hope it
doesn't cause awkwardness,
you know, in the house.
260
00:12:30,132 --> 00:12:31,610
Oh, no, it doesn't
have to be awkward,
261
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:33,045
not if we don't make it awkward.
262
00:12:33,069 --> 00:12:34,564
I just don't see the attraction.
263
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:36,466
I mean, is it all
about that big package?
264
00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:38,423
Big? You really think so?
265
00:12:38,492 --> 00:12:40,069
Are you kidding?
Biggest in the family.
266
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:42,371
That thing should be hanging
from the ceiling of a deli.
267
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:43,528
Thanks, Brian.
268
00:12:43,597 --> 00:12:46,131
God, I have so much energy now.
269
00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,119
Am I the only one
who feels like
grabbing a drink?
270
00:12:53,423 --> 00:12:55,873
Hey, do you think
this picture is hot?
271
00:12:57,794 --> 00:12:59,060
Kind of, yeah.
272
00:12:59,128 --> 00:13:01,295
Well, guess what,
that's my back.
273
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,097
Hook up with me! Come on!
274
00:13:03,166 --> 00:13:04,431
We can make this work.
275
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,445
Just stick your head in here
and pretend it's a butt.
276
00:13:06,469 --> 00:13:07,735
No, Meg, stop it.
277
00:13:07,803 --> 00:13:09,681
God, this is getting too weird.
278
00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:11,772
I can't be your boyfriend.
279
00:13:11,841 --> 00:13:15,126
In fact, I don't even
think I can be your friend.
280
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,612
Kent, wait!
We can totally be friends.
281
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,079
We can go shopping together.
282
00:13:19,148 --> 00:13:20,648
And I like musicals.
283
00:13:20,717 --> 00:13:23,568
I've even seen
the latest Tony
Award-winning piece of crap.
284
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,770
♪ If more people join in
285
00:13:25,838 --> 00:13:27,672
♪ The song will get better
286
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,574
♪ If more people join in
287
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,309
♪ The song will get better
288
00:13:31,378 --> 00:13:33,244
♪ If more people join in
289
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,112
♪ The song will get better
290
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:37,315
♪ If more people join in
291
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,216
♪ The song will get better
292
00:13:39,269 --> 00:13:40,934
♪ Now you're having fun
293
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:42,970
♪ 'Cause we're in the aisles
294
00:13:43,038 --> 00:13:46,840
♪ Even the bad guy
is singing along ♪
295
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,877
They're singing right near me,
so it's a great musical.
296
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,133
Hey, Meg, what's wrong?
297
00:13:56,202 --> 00:13:58,269
What's wrong is that
Kent doesn't like me.
298
00:13:58,338 --> 00:13:59,904
He likes my brother, Chris.
299
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,853
Oh, my God.
No way!
300
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:04,459
Well, I mean, you've done
everything you can do.
301
00:14:04,527 --> 00:14:06,171
I guess you just
have to move on.
302
00:14:06,195 --> 00:14:09,196
Yeah, I mean,
there's a lot of sweet
guy-trim at this school.
303
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:12,016
You don't understand.
He's all I think about.
304
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:14,385
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
305
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,188
Just thinking about him now
gives me heart palpitations.
306
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:22,026
I feel like if I could
just know what it's like
to be with him,
307
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,694
just once,
308
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:25,691
I could at least have
some sort of closure.
309
00:14:25,715 --> 00:14:27,782
Well, if Kent hooks up
with your brother,
310
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:30,890
you could just have
Chris describe every
last detail to you.
311
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,403
Oh, my God, that's it.
312
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,005
What do you mean?
313
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,941
I mean, if I can't
have Kent, then that's
the next best thing.
314
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,344
I've just got to get
Chris to sleep with him.
315
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:40,945
Oh, no.
316
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,682
Here comes Mr. Davis with one
of his technically-not-illegal
invitations.
317
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:47,551
Girls, I'm gonna be
at the park later.
318
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,026
Oh, I wouldn't
worry about it, Bonnie.
319
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:58,140
I've put Stewie in
the oven a bunch of times.
320
00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,642
As long as you
come to your senses
321
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,133
within 15 minutes,
everything's fine.
322
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:04,213
Lois, can I go
Slip 'n Slide
in the yard?
323
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,037
Has it been half an hour
since you've eaten?
324
00:15:06,105 --> 00:15:07,405
Yes. Almost.
325
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,574
Okay, I just want to be sure
you don't get a cramp.
326
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:12,176
Yay! Poor people water fun!
327
00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,346
Hey, Chris.
328
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,331
Uh, can I ask you a question?
329
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,083
Sure, what's up?
330
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:22,586
Um, remember that "free hug"
coupon you gave me
for my ninth birthday
331
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,400
that I never used?
Yeah.
332
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,623
Well, I'd like to use it.
333
00:15:26,692 --> 00:15:28,625
Oh. Okay. Sure.
334
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:32,112
But I'd like to
sort of upgrade it.
335
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:35,133
I'd like it to be
a butt-hug with Kent.
336
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,046
What? Are you
out of your mind?
337
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:40,138
Chris, please, just sleep
with Kent and then tell me
all about it.
338
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:43,674
Forget it, Meg.
I can't just do
stuff with another guy.
339
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:46,443
I'm not Derek Jeter.
I like girls.
340
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:48,712
Ugh. Come on, Chris.
Girls are terrible.
341
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:52,049
They're always backstabbing
and giving each other
phony compliments.
342
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:55,419
Oh, wow, you are definitely
not afraid of dessert.
343
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,133
You know, I wish
I were secure enough
344
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,438
to throw on any old thing
and call it an outfit.
345
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:02,360
Come on, you have
so much body confidence.
346
00:16:02,428 --> 00:16:05,062
I mean, who wouldn't
with those strong legs?
347
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,664
So muscular.
348
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,884
I'm jealous of how thick
with strength they are.
349
00:16:09,953 --> 00:16:12,036
Hey, I like your tie.
Thanks.
350
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,142
Come on, Chris,
he'll do all the work.
351
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:19,576
I said no, Meg.
352
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,012
I'll pay you a hundred bucks.
353
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:24,381
Fine, I'll keep it in my bum.
There'll be plenty of room.
354
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:27,129
That's my sarcastic way
of saying it's
not gonna happen.
355
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,220
Good day, Meg.
356
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:31,222
Oh, it's gonna happen.
357
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:40,698
Oh, hi, Meg.
Hi, Mr. Quagmire.
358
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:42,099
What can I do for you?
359
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,013
I was wondering
if I could borrow
some roofies?
360
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,370
Oh, sure, sure, just a sec.
361
00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:47,772
Roofies, huh?
362
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,685
Pretty big pill for
such a little girl.
363
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:52,209
Yeah, I know, but I asked
someone to do me a favor,
364
00:16:52,278 --> 00:16:53,844
and they're not
too keen on doing it.
365
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,758
Oh, I know what
they're for, honey.
366
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:56,982
So, how's school?
367
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,182
Oh, good, thanks.
368
00:16:58,250 --> 00:16:59,583
Studies going well?
369
00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:02,419
Yeah, yeah, mostly A's and B's
so far this semester.
370
00:17:02,488 --> 00:17:04,454
Oh, that's so great.
371
00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:06,101
Seeing anyone
special these days?
372
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,658
Hey, obviously, right?
373
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:09,471
Of course, yeah.
374
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,439
Okay, well, listen,
good luck with everything.
375
00:17:11,463 --> 00:17:13,075
And call me if you get arrested.
376
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:15,482
I will. Thanks.
377
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:17,212
That's what it's
all about, Glenn.
378
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,420
Don't rape it back,
rape it forward.
379
00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:25,926
All right, I talked to Chris,
380
00:17:25,995 --> 00:17:28,228
and he totally wants
to hook up with you, too.
381
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:31,176
No way! Really?
I didn't even
know he was gay.
382
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,066
It's just that he's
not as comfortable
383
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,968
with his sexuality
as you are yet,
384
00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:38,506
so he's gonna need to
pretend to be asleep
while it's happening.
385
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:41,542
Oh. He's a
snooze-juicer. Okay.
386
00:17:41,611 --> 00:17:44,545
Wow, I didn't know Chris
had this dark side to him.
387
00:17:44,614 --> 00:17:47,548
Oh, yeah,
Chris has a major dark side.
388
00:17:47,617 --> 00:17:50,667
My dad is actually
really scared of him.
389
00:17:52,956 --> 00:17:55,489
What... Who's there?
390
00:17:58,060 --> 00:18:00,060
Go back to sleep, Dad.
391
00:18:00,129 --> 00:18:01,462
Okay.
392
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:12,305
You're very precious to me.
393
00:18:15,795 --> 00:18:18,812
Chris, I made some Kool-Aid!
You want some?
394
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,347
Sure!
395
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,043
Chris, what are
you doing in my room?
396
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,878
Nothing.
Yes, you were.
397
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,680
You were putting
something in my drawer.
398
00:18:37,517 --> 00:18:39,066
What's this?
399
00:18:39,135 --> 00:18:42,169
Look, Meg,
I know you've been
having a hard time lately,
400
00:18:42,238 --> 00:18:46,707
so I wanted to
give you something
that means a lot to me.
401
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,660
Oh, I remember this.
402
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,678
This was the trip
our family took to the Cape.
403
00:18:51,747 --> 00:18:53,096
Ugh. It was miserable.
404
00:18:53,165 --> 00:18:55,594
It was raining,
and Mom and Dad
fought the whole time.
405
00:18:55,618 --> 00:18:58,452
You taught me how
to hunt squirrels
with poisoned cheese,
406
00:18:58,521 --> 00:18:59,864
and then you took me
to the hospital
407
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:02,456
when the squirrels tricked me
into eating the cheese.
408
00:19:02,525 --> 00:19:05,559
Chris, you kept this
photo all these years?
409
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:08,145
Yeah, it's gotten me
through a lot of tough times.
410
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:10,114
Like when Felicity cut her hair.
411
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,882
What?
412
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:14,618
Oh, thanks, Chris.
413
00:19:14,687 --> 00:19:16,532
That was really
thoughtful of you.
414
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:19,172
Hey, so can I have
some of that Kool-Aid now?
415
00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,641
No.
416
00:19:20,710 --> 00:19:22,710
No, actually you can't.
417
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:42,980
Oh, Chris, hi. I didn't
realize you'd be awake.
418
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,715
What?
419
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:47,718
Well, Meg said you'd be
asleep, but it's fine.
I can work with this.
420
00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:51,538
Oh, hell no! Meg!
421
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:54,942
Oh, my God.
Kent, I just texted you
that the plan was off.
422
00:19:55,011 --> 00:19:57,611
Meg, what the hell
were you planning on doing?
423
00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,613
Oh, Chris, I'm so sorry.
424
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:03,317
I was so obsessed
with Kent that I guess
I wasn't thinking straight.
425
00:20:03,386 --> 00:20:05,997
I'm just glad
I stopped before I did
a really terrible thing.
426
00:20:06,021 --> 00:20:08,355
Terrible thing?
What terrible thing?
427
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:12,994
Well, like I said,
I changed my mind.
I didn't do it.
428
00:20:13,062 --> 00:20:14,495
But, um...
429
00:20:14,563 --> 00:20:18,666
I was kind of gonna roofie you.
430
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,718
What?
What is wrong with you?
431
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,170
And, Kent,
I owe you an apology, too.
432
00:20:23,239 --> 00:20:25,851
I lied when I told you
that Chris wanted to
sleep with you.
433
00:20:25,875 --> 00:20:28,075
Save it, Meg!
I don't need your apologies!
434
00:20:28,144 --> 00:20:31,045
I can see now
that you're a complete psycho!
435
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:36,967
Boy, clothes sure are
a prison, aren't they?
436
00:20:39,055 --> 00:20:41,639
Lot of drum roll for nothing.
437
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:43,941
What's this? Ooh, candy!
438
00:20:55,637 --> 00:20:58,022
Hey, Meg.
I heard what happened.
439
00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:00,357
Yeah, Kent hates me now.
440
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,926
You made a mistake.
441
00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:04,461
I know you feel terrible,
but you're not
a bad person, Meg.
442
00:21:04,530 --> 00:21:06,163
You just need to
get back out there,
443
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,465
and someday,
maybe you'll
find the right guy.
444
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:09,934
You really think so, Brian?
445
00:21:10,003 --> 00:21:11,568
I know so.
446
00:21:11,638 --> 00:21:14,972
All it takes is one
guy making one mistake,
one drunken night.
447
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,807
Sperm finding a fertile egg.
448
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,110
You refusing to do
what a sane woman would do.
449
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:21,746
You got him, Meg.
You got him for life.
450
00:21:21,814 --> 00:21:22,947
Thanks, Brian.
451
00:21:23,016 --> 00:21:24,315
No problem.
452
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:27,251
Hey, do either of you know
what poison ivy looks like?
33960
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