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1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,870
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,107
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,610
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,546
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,536
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,166
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,845
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:34,668 --> 00:00:37,402
All right,
I'm going to the store.
Anybody need anything?
11
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:40,050
Yeah, can you get me
a chess set and
a backwards hat?
12
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:43,091
I got some
inner-city school kids
I gotta inspire tomorrow.
13
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,627
Okay, Darius, point to the king.
14
00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:52,000
That's right. It's you.
15
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,952
Hey, Lois.
Doesn't somebody have
16
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:55,487
a birthday coming up this week?
17
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,756
It's nice of you
to remember, Brian,
18
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,991
but, frankly, I'd rather
let this one slip by.
19
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:02,428
I don't need to be reminded
how old I'm gettin'.
20
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,728
You know, it's funny.
21
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,497
You keep so busy with your kids,
22
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:09,034
time just seems to slip away,
and then you turn
around one day and...
23
00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:10,952
Okay, bye.
Stop making noise.
24
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:16,303
You know, Peter,
I know Lois is downplaying it,
25
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:19,494
but I think she might
actually appreciate it
if we threw her a party.
26
00:01:19,563 --> 00:01:20,896
Maybe even a surprise party.
27
00:01:20,965 --> 00:01:22,664
That's a great idea, Brian!
28
00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:23,966
Yeah, I love parties.
29
00:01:24,034 --> 00:01:26,285
I mean, I had a great time
at my baby shower.
30
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,186
Well, after opening
all these gifts,
31
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,121
I could use a little
wine right now myself.
32
00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:31,334
Glug, glug, glug, glug!
33
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:32,524
Can you imagine?
34
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:40,015
I'm sorry.
My hormones are
just crazy right now!
35
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,244
Stewie, you want
a Mommy rocket ride?
36
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,313
What? What do you mean?
37
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,647
Here we go!
Get ready for blastoff!
38
00:01:55,715 --> 00:01:57,593
Ow! Son of a bitch!
39
00:01:59,053 --> 00:02:00,397
Oh, my God, Stewie,
are you all right?
40
00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,987
Nice throw, Casey Anthony.
41
00:02:05,091 --> 00:02:07,892
Oh, my God, I hope the guys
at Sears portrait studio
42
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,594
will be able to retouch this.
43
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:12,997
What am I saying?
Of course they will.
They're Sears.
44
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,110
What the deuce?
45
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,334
Well, hello there.
46
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,430
I say, you're
a cute little fellow.
47
00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:20,233
Tell me something,
what do you think
about Rose McGowan?
48
00:02:20,257 --> 00:02:22,335
Yeah, she makes my
turtlehead go in, too.
49
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,426
How about Michelle Rodriguez?
50
00:02:24,495 --> 00:02:26,172
Yeah, me too, kind of, right?
51
00:02:26,196 --> 00:02:28,307
You know, she's got
a cute tomboy thing
52
00:02:28,331 --> 00:02:30,499
where you feel like you could
play softball with her,
53
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,368
and then later on,
give her the old sausage.
54
00:02:33,437 --> 00:02:34,536
I like you.
55
00:02:34,605 --> 00:02:36,282
I can tell we're
going to be good friends.
56
00:02:36,306 --> 00:02:39,525
We've got that unspoken bond
that all bald guys have.
57
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,695
I thought he'd never leave.
58
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,263
Me neither.
59
00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,136
Yeah.
60
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,689
Aw, did you guys
just do the thing?
61
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,907
Okay, we'll see
you soon. Bye.
62
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,208
All right, you guys,
that was Lois.
63
00:03:02,232 --> 00:03:03,815
She's gonna be
here in 10 minutes.
64
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,485
Dad, how did you get Mom
out of the house so
we could decorate?
65
00:03:06,553 --> 00:03:10,389
Well, Chris, I constructed
a very elaborate,
fake grocery store.
66
00:03:11,241 --> 00:03:12,352
Oh, my God!
67
00:03:12,376 --> 00:03:14,616
Are these pickles
really only 39 cents?
68
00:03:14,644 --> 00:03:15,694
That's right, ma'am.
69
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:19,130
Wow! This is incredible!
70
00:03:22,252 --> 00:03:24,719
What the hell's going on here?
71
00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,557
And over here are my toys.
72
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:32,744
This is my fire truck,
my Slinky, my Silly Putty.
73
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,157
You know, Silly Putty's awesome,
74
00:03:34,181 --> 00:03:37,277
but you know
what's really cool?
Serious Putty.
75
00:03:37,301 --> 00:03:39,834
Ooh! This looks like fun!
76
00:03:39,903 --> 00:03:42,103
It says I have cancer.
77
00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:45,924
We thought it would be better
if you heard it from
chemicals in an egg.
78
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,638
Hey, Stewie,
you better come down.
The party's about to start.
79
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,428
What is that?
Is that a turtle?
80
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:52,341
Yes, Brian.
I found him at the park.
81
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,599
I named him Sheldon.
82
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,645
Oh, and get this.
I brought him home today,
83
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:57,480
and coincidentally
this is the day
84
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,282
Rupert started
working out again.
85
00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:01,056
So transparent.
86
00:04:01,124 --> 00:04:02,824
Rupert?
What happened to your eye?
87
00:04:02,893 --> 00:04:04,904
Brian, did you pull
one of Rupert's eyes off?
88
00:04:04,928 --> 00:04:07,195
No. Why would I do that?
Maybe your turtle did it.
89
00:04:07,264 --> 00:04:10,431
Nonsense.
Sheldon is a gentle soul.
He wouldn't hurt anybody.
90
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,701
Well, come on.
Let's get downstairs.
Lois will be here any minute.
91
00:04:30,888 --> 00:04:33,254
Okay, quiet, everyone.
She's coming up the walk now.
92
00:04:33,323 --> 00:04:34,901
I don't believe
we've met yet.
I'm Carter.
93
00:04:34,925 --> 00:04:36,124
Uh, I'm Chris.
94
00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,325
Nice to meet you.
95
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:39,589
Surprise!
96
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,591
Yay!
Birthday!
97
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,081
Oh, my God!
98
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:44,616
Happy birthday, Lois!
99
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:46,367
You guys shouldn't
have done this!
100
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,387
Hey, anytime you can celebrate
the end of someone's periods.
101
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,672
Everyone, everyone,
I have something to say.
102
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:55,660
"To my dearest
Lois on her birthday.
103
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,774
"What a journey
we've had together.
104
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,432
"You know, life has a way
of changing things.
105
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,435
"What were once two firm,
impressive mountain peaks
106
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:06,270
"have become a barren,
strip-mined, muddy landslide
107
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:07,939
"that droops ever downward.
108
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:10,542
"What were once pink
and succulent rose petals
109
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,978
"now take the form
of the shredded, raggedy,
blown-out end piece
110
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:16,715
"of a practical
joker's exploding cigar."
111
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:18,350
Peter, that's enough.
112
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:21,130
"Lois, you may not be
the young filly you
were when I met you,
113
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,822
"but you're still my
reliable old plow horse
114
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:27,392
"who's there each day
to pull the plow,
to help around the barn,
115
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,562
"and let the husband horse
slap a batch into
her now and then."
116
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,230
Well, I guess that's it.
117
00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:33,631
I love you, sweetheart.
118
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,468
And I have a lovely gift
of the batch-slapping variety
119
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,003
waiting for you when I'm just
the right amount of drunk.
120
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,072
To Lois!
121
00:05:40,124 --> 00:05:41,206
To Lois!
122
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:46,745
Lois!
Mom!
123
00:05:46,814 --> 00:05:48,358
Geez, what the hell's
her problem?
124
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,649
Peter, she was
already feeling
insecure about her age,
125
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:52,629
and then you went and gave her
that horrible speech!
126
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:55,687
I don't blame her.
Nobody likes to be
humiliated in public.
127
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:57,105
I'm King Stewie!
128
00:05:57,174 --> 00:05:58,907
I rule with an iron fist!
129
00:05:58,975 --> 00:06:00,441
La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
130
00:06:00,510 --> 00:06:02,811
Look at me! Ooh-ooh-ooh.
131
00:06:02,879 --> 00:06:04,696
In my office. Now.
132
00:06:08,751 --> 00:06:10,163
Hey, any of you
guys seen your mother?
133
00:06:10,187 --> 00:06:12,667
She never came
to bed last night,
and I can't find her anywhere.
134
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,541
What the hell?
135
00:06:25,401 --> 00:06:26,701
Hey, sluts!
136
00:06:26,769 --> 00:06:29,904
OMG, stop staring
at me, please.
Okay, thanks.
137
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,839
Mom, are you okay?
138
00:06:31,908 --> 00:06:33,157
Lois, what's goin' on?
139
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,026
I'm what's goin' on, Peter.
140
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:38,997
I got highlights,
I went shopping,
and I had my...
141
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,666
So it's tighter now.
142
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:44,902
Peter, I think Lois might be
having a midlife crisis.
143
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:47,700
Come on, dudes!
Who wants to hop
in my wheels,
144
00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:50,491
and head to the beach
for some ultimate Frisbee?
145
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,862
Yeah, Sheldon, I'm with you.
146
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,435
I can't... I can't do that.
147
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:09,160
Hey, tweeps!
148
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:11,496
JK, I don't follow you,
you're lame.
149
00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:14,699
But look who just got
herself a sick new tat.
150
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,301
Oh, my God, Mom!
151
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,236
I know,
I can't believe it either.
152
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:21,139
I guess one of my flaws
is I'm just kind of brave.
153
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,790
No, that's great actually,
154
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:25,843
because now anyone
walking behind you
will know that you had $60.
155
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,579
Wow! That is awesome, Lois!
156
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,814
Your bum looks
like an NBA guy's arm.
157
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:33,134
Except it's not
payin' someone to install
a PlayStation in a car.
158
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,947
Lois, you do know
that's permanent?
159
00:07:34,971 --> 00:07:38,306
Good. Then that means
my ass is gonna
look young forever.
160
00:07:40,744 --> 00:07:44,546
Guys, I, uh... I gotta go
shoot one into the sink.
161
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:46,864
What's going on?
162
00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:49,044
Mom's acting and dressing
like a 20-year-old.
163
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:50,713
I know, and I'm
worried about her.
164
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:52,749
You can't just pretend
to be something you're not.
165
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:55,607
Yes, just ask
Edward Scissorhands.
166
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,875
Okay, now, I'm an
excellent night nurse,
167
00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:01,813
so you two get some
much-deserved sleep
and don't worry about a thing.
168
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:05,182
I will take such
loving care of this
wonderful little gift.
169
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,096
And when you wake up,
well-rested,
170
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,922
your precious little
baby will be smiling
as bright as the sun.
171
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:13,991
It's dead.
172
00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,797
And while I remind
you I can't read yet,
173
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:22,028
I can only imagine
Madeline would say,
174
00:08:22,052 --> 00:08:24,197
"Take me out of this
disgusting French hospital
175
00:08:24,221 --> 00:08:25,899
"and find me
some real parents."
176
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:28,189
Paper cut!
177
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,724
A razor blade?
178
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:32,993
Who the hell
uses a razor blade
as a bookmark?
179
00:08:35,415 --> 00:08:36,965
All right, very funny, Stewie.
180
00:08:37,034 --> 00:08:38,278
What?
What do you mean, what?
181
00:08:38,302 --> 00:08:40,601
You replaced my Jack Daniels
with flat Diet Coke.
182
00:08:40,670 --> 00:08:41,870
No, I didn't.
183
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:44,406
And you're noticing this
at 8:20 in the morning?
184
00:08:44,474 --> 00:08:46,685
What has
happened to your life?
Do you need to talk?
185
00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:48,176
Just stay away from my booze!
186
00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:49,355
It wasn't me, Brian.
187
00:08:49,379 --> 00:08:50,979
Well, if it wasn't you,
who was it?
188
00:08:51,048 --> 00:08:53,126
I mean,
there's a lot of weird stuff
going on around here lately.
189
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,467
Just yesterday, somebody gave
Peter a "hot-butt."
190
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:56,568
La, la, la, la, la.
191
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:57,769
♪ Regular life ♪
192
00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,804
La, la, la, la, la, la...
193
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:02,607
And then somebody replaced Meg's
194
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:04,142
sleeping pills
with Alka-Seltzer.
195
00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:08,496
People are gonna
miss me when I'm...
196
00:09:10,934 --> 00:09:12,578
Well, I'm sure
there's a perfectly
197
00:09:12,602 --> 00:09:14,213
logical explanation
for those things.
198
00:09:14,237 --> 00:09:15,970
Sometimes you just...
199
00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:18,006
Whoa, that was close.
200
00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:20,241
Yeah, how'd
that thing fall over?
201
00:09:25,349 --> 00:09:27,882
Okay, who replaced
my glasses with forks?
202
00:09:27,951 --> 00:09:31,019
I mean, they're real
good for seeing forks
but not much else.
203
00:09:34,457 --> 00:09:36,969
Peter,
can you come down
to the laundry room?
204
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,070
Son of a bitch.
205
00:09:38,094 --> 00:09:39,727
If she washed my belt again,
206
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:42,796
I am gonna hit her
with my dry, withered belt.
207
00:09:42,865 --> 00:09:45,733
What is it, Lois?
I was watching...
208
00:09:45,801 --> 00:09:48,602
Whoa, Lois,
what the hell are you doing?
209
00:09:48,671 --> 00:09:52,006
Do me, Peter, do me right here
in the basement.
210
00:09:52,075 --> 00:09:55,110
You mean this room
we're in or your bum?
211
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:58,295
No, this room, Peter,
right here on the carpet.
212
00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:00,209
So you want me
to do you in the front.
213
00:10:00,233 --> 00:10:01,899
Just get over here and kiss me.
214
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,136
Let's have sex
on all the clean,
folded laundry.
215
00:10:05,205 --> 00:10:07,839
Wow, Lois, I got to say,
I like this new you.
216
00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:09,207
I like it a lot.
217
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,244
Oh, Peter!
218
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:16,314
I'm gonna
do you through
the plastic basket holes.
219
00:10:16,383 --> 00:10:18,260
Oh, Peter, yes!
Yeah.
220
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,329
- Oh, I'm on fire.
- Yeah.
221
00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,164
Take me,
you filthy bastard.
Yeah.
222
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:23,800
Destroy me
and this laundry.
Yeah.
223
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:26,035
Yeah, here, put Meg's
bra in your mouth.
224
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:28,092
Oh, my God,
that's so disturbing.
225
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:29,527
I know, gross.
226
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,607
Yeah, and my hearing's
a lot better,
227
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,331
so I hear, like,
suction and stuff.
228
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,702
♪ All I want to do is have
a little fun before I die
229
00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:40,638
♪ Says the man next to me
out of nowhere
230
00:10:42,592 --> 00:10:44,020
♪ And the good people
of the world
231
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,577
♪ Are washing their cars
on their lunch breaks
232
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:51,282
♪ Hosing and scrubbingas best they canin skirts and suits
233
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:55,252
♪ And they drive their shiny
Datsuns and Buicks
234
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:58,990
♪ Back to the phone company
the record stores, too
235
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,070
♪ Well, they're nothing
like Billy and me
236
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:04,662
♪ 'Cause all I wanna do
is have some fun
237
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:09,266
♪ I got a feeling
I'm not the only one
238
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:13,254
♪ All I wanna do
is have some fun
239
00:11:13,323 --> 00:11:17,258
♪ I got a feeling
I'm not the only one
240
00:11:17,327 --> 00:11:20,694
♪ All I wanna do
is have some fun ♪
241
00:11:44,588 --> 00:11:47,021
Sheldon.
What are you doing?
242
00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:49,330
Get back in your bowl
where you belong.
243
00:11:52,362 --> 00:11:55,630
Well, long as I'm up,
I might as well
go spit in Lois's mouth.
244
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:01,236
Sheldon?
245
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:14,432
Come on, Stewie.
He's just a little turtle.
246
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,967
He can't hurt you.
247
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:18,903
You're safe here in your crib,
surrounded by all
the things you love.
248
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,143
Get out!
249
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:12,657
Isn't this epic, Peter?
250
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,859
That DJ has got some mad skills.
251
00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,362
Ugh, you think they
sell Anacin at the bar?
252
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,930
Come on. Get up and
dance with me, Peter.
253
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,265
This place is sick.
254
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,433
Hells, yeah!
255
00:13:22,502 --> 00:13:24,869
It is the only
rooftop pool in Providence.
256
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:27,271
No offense,
but this place is awesome.
257
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:30,152
Where was I
supposed to be offended
within that remark?
258
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:31,586
Can we...
Can we leave, Lois?
259
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:33,077
Actually, we are leaving.
260
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,580
We're hitting another
insane party across town.
261
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:36,947
What, you mean now?
262
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:39,162
Look, my ears are ringing,
my foot arches are hurting,
263
00:13:39,186 --> 00:13:41,319
and I have to go to
work in, like, 45 minutes.
264
00:13:41,388 --> 00:13:43,388
Peter, you sound
like an old fart.
265
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,657
I thought you liked
having a hot, young wife.
266
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:48,859
Well, I did at first,
but the novelty's worn off.
267
00:13:48,928 --> 00:13:51,879
Same thing happened with
that blog I started on 9/11.
268
00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:08,429
Look, Peter,
you do what you want to do,
but I'm going to that party.
269
00:14:08,498 --> 00:14:11,015
My life isn't over.
It's just beginning.
270
00:14:11,084 --> 00:14:13,029
So if you don't want
to run with the wild horses,
271
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,853
then go back to
the barn and go to bed.
272
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,021
But, Lois...
273
00:14:20,876 --> 00:14:23,544
Stupid place still doesn't
have my dry cleaning.
274
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,657
That's not a dry cleaners.
It's a dance club.
275
00:14:25,681 --> 00:14:26,780
It is?
276
00:14:26,849 --> 00:14:29,067
Well, that explains a lot.
277
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:32,904
Oh, this is my jam!
278
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,492
Jeez, Peter, you look terrible.
279
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,261
I know. Lois has been
wearing me out.
280
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,629
I just can't keep up with her.
281
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:48,130
I don't know what
she's trying to prove, Brian,
282
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:49,570
but I can't take it anymore.
283
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,351
Peter, can't you see?
She's doing this
because of you.
284
00:14:52,375 --> 00:14:54,053
For God's sake,
you called her a plow horse.
285
00:14:54,077 --> 00:14:56,706
It's no wonder
she's trying to prove
she's young and vibrant.
286
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:58,090
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
287
00:14:58,114 --> 00:14:59,891
The city of Quahog
has been stricken
288
00:14:59,915 --> 00:15:01,627
with a case of
Bieber Fever tonight,
289
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:04,497
as teen idol andfake black guy,Justin Bieber,
290
00:15:04,521 --> 00:15:07,288
is in town for a sold-out show
at the Quahog Civic Center.
291
00:15:07,357 --> 00:15:10,891
We now go live toAsian correspondentTricia Takanawa with more.
292
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,061
Tom, I'm standing here
at the Quahog Civic Center,
293
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:17,465
awash in a pool
of prepubescent
sexual moisture.
294
00:15:18,802 --> 00:15:20,851
We love you, Justin!
295
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,264
Look!
That's Mom!
296
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:23,865
Oh, my God!
What the hell?
297
00:15:23,889 --> 00:15:25,551
She's at a Justin
Bieber concert?
298
00:15:25,575 --> 00:15:27,725
Justin Bieber's so yesterday.
299
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:29,994
I'm all about
Quentin Vashay now.
300
00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,395
Who's Quentin Vashay?
301
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:32,747
Exactly.
302
00:15:32,815 --> 00:15:33,981
What's going on?
303
00:15:34,049 --> 00:15:35,750
Do we have to get a new mom now?
304
00:15:35,819 --> 00:15:36,950
No, Chris.
305
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,120
I'm gonna go get
our old mom back.
306
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,932
If I'm the one who
made her feel this way,
307
00:15:40,956 --> 00:15:42,635
then I'm the one
who's got to fix it.
308
00:15:42,659 --> 00:15:44,192
Brian, keys!
309
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:45,660
Chris, beer!
310
00:15:45,728 --> 00:15:47,678
Meg, ugly!
311
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,715
Mmm-hmm. Yes.
312
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,050
Yes, I see.
313
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,597
Rupert, the man
from the newspaper
314
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:57,488
would like a quote from you
about my dancing abilities.
315
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:58,557
Rupert?
316
00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,625
Where'd you go?
317
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,944
Magnolia Cupcakes?
318
00:16:04,814 --> 00:16:06,948
Rupert! Oh, my God!
319
00:16:07,016 --> 00:16:08,415
Oh, my God, no!
320
00:16:08,484 --> 00:16:11,435
If he did this to you,
I swear I'll kill him!
321
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,987
And what's that box from
Bloomingdale's doing here?
322
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,911
I, uh... I don't
know who this is.
323
00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:32,973
Oh, my God, he is so adorable.
324
00:16:33,042 --> 00:16:34,920
I could just bite
him and eat him up.
325
00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:38,045
I know, he's perfect.
He's like a boy and a girl.
326
00:16:38,113 --> 00:16:39,447
I know!
327
00:16:39,515 --> 00:16:41,460
Now let's get back to
screaming at this child
328
00:16:41,484 --> 00:16:44,618
in a way that reminds
all men why we can
never be President.
329
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:55,273
Sorry, you're not
allowed in here.
330
00:16:55,297 --> 00:16:56,563
Oh, yeah?
331
00:16:57,950 --> 00:16:59,550
I'm not into that.
332
00:16:59,618 --> 00:17:02,019
Oh. Well,
what are you into?
333
00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:03,387
Pinkberry.
334
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,090
I love my job.
Yum, yum, yum...
335
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,362
Hey, there, cutie.
336
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:13,464
Oh, hey. How's it going?
337
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,294
Um, are you
a friend of my mom's?
338
00:17:15,318 --> 00:17:19,987
Yeah.
I'm your mom's friend,
Mrs. Robinson.
339
00:17:20,055 --> 00:17:21,555
I don't...
I don't get that.
340
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:22,984
Is that
a reference to something?
341
00:17:23,025 --> 00:17:24,325
Uh, okay.
342
00:17:24,394 --> 00:17:26,944
I'm, uh...
Oh, I'm Stifler's Mom.
343
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:28,479
Still no idea.
344
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,548
Okay, just get
your pants off, hon.
345
00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,327
Stop right there!
Get away from her!
346
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,628
Peter?
Who are you?
347
00:17:33,652 --> 00:17:34,885
How'd you get in here?
348
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:37,771
Step away from my wife,
you acorn-penised beauty!
349
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,958
Look, I swear.
Nothing happened.
Just relax, old man.
350
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,360
Old man?
351
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:44,788
What, you think you're
not gonna get old,
you little bastard?
352
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:47,298
And, Lois,
I've had enough of you, too!
353
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,533
Now, you come home
and start acting your age!
354
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:51,635
No, Peter.
I don't want to act my age,
355
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,215
and you don't want that either.
356
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,851
Otherwise, you wouldn't
have called me
an old plow horse.
357
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:58,709
Look, I didn't mean to
say that. I was a jerk.
358
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,522
But isn't this what you want?
359
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,863
Don't you want me to
stay young and exciting?
360
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,315
Well, I thought I did.
361
00:18:04,383 --> 00:18:05,928
I mean, every guy
who's been married a while
362
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,852
thinks he wants a hot,
young chick,
363
00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,331
but after you spend an hour
with one of them,
364
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:10,799
you want to blow
your brains out.
365
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:14,002
But, Peter, I was
just doing this
to make you happy.
366
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:15,843
You do make me happy, Lois.
367
00:18:15,912 --> 00:18:18,178
You're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
368
00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:19,479
That's sweet.
369
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:22,115
But you got to admit,
I'm not what I used to be.
370
00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:23,417
Well, neither am I.
371
00:18:25,054 --> 00:18:26,654
I used to be a lion tamer.
372
00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:29,073
Look, Lois, I'll
always treasure the wild,
373
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,409
little hottie I met
when I was young.
374
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,511
But I don't want to
be with a kid anymore.
375
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:37,381
I want a smart,
sexy, beautiful,
middle-aged companion.
376
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,116
I want the real Lois.
377
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:40,318
My Lois.
378
00:18:40,386 --> 00:18:41,968
Oh, Peter.
379
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:48,225
Mr. Bieber, they're
calling for an encore!
380
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,441
Oh, my God,
those kids are
expecting a show.
381
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:53,714
I'll handle this.
382
00:18:57,820 --> 00:19:00,788
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Conway Bieber.
383
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:05,859
♪ People see us everywhere
384
00:19:05,928 --> 00:19:09,964
♪ They think you really care
385
00:19:10,032 --> 00:19:14,367
♪ But myself I can't deceive
386
00:19:14,436 --> 00:19:19,473
♪ I know it's
only make-believe ♪
387
00:19:38,995 --> 00:19:42,313
Well, well,
look who has surfaced.
388
00:19:46,002 --> 00:19:48,018
You're getting colder.
389
00:20:03,653 --> 00:20:05,385
Hey, get out here and fight me!
390
00:20:19,401 --> 00:20:20,918
Damn it!
391
00:20:28,294 --> 00:20:31,529
Now batting, Stewie Griffin!
392
00:20:33,282 --> 00:20:34,598
Oh, crap.
393
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,810
Ugh, you look like
a nude Larry David.
394
00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,814
No, no, no!
395
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,550
Oh, my God, Super Mario?
What are you doing here?
396
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,419
I jump on a turtle, Stewie.
397
00:20:55,488 --> 00:20:58,789
It's not an exciting life,
but it's my life.
398
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,889
It sure is good to
have you back, Mom.
399
00:21:03,913 --> 00:21:05,445
Yeah, we missed you.
400
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:07,592
Well, thanks for
putting up with me,
you guys.
401
00:21:07,616 --> 00:21:10,284
Sorry, I got so
flipped out about my age.
402
00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:11,930
Aw, don't worry about it, Lois.
403
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:15,722
But from now on, remember,
I love you just
the way you are.
404
00:21:15,791 --> 00:21:18,170
And besides,
there's nothing wrong
with being 35.
405
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:21,128
Peter, I'm 43.
406
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:22,646
Get out of this house.
30946
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