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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:08,107
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
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00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,377
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:14,513
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,503
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,166
♪ All the things
that make us
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00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,856
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:29,210
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:37,185
Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
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This just in, wanted fugitive,
Bobby "The Shirt" Briggs,
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00:00:40,357 --> 00:00:43,069
notorious for alwayswearing shirts whilecommitting his crimes,
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00:00:43,093 --> 00:00:46,045
has finally been caught
after 15 years on the lam.
14
00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:48,191
A police spokesperson
was quoted as saying,
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00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,350
"Duh, I'm a dumb cop.I like to giveTom Tucker a ticket."
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I was going, like, 41.
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00:00:53,036 --> 00:00:54,897
Oh, my God, I don't believe it.
18
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:57,233
They finally got that
son of a bitch, Briggs.
19
00:00:57,257 --> 00:00:58,290
You know that guy?
20
00:00:58,358 --> 00:00:59,802
You're damn right, I do.
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00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,927
Bobby Briggs is the one who
put me in this wheelchair.
22
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:04,530
They got him.
23
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:05,981
They finally got him.
24
00:01:06,050 --> 00:01:08,733
Geez, Joe, you okay?
25
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:12,304
Here, use my handkerchief.
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00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,106
It's wet and cold.
27
00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:15,585
Well, yeah,
it's my handkerchief.
28
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,986
I've been blowing
my nose in it all day.
29
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,344
Wait a minute, Bobby Briggs
is the one who crippled you?
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00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,757
You always told us
you fell off a roof
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00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,091
during a fight with the Grinch.
32
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:24,800
I lied.
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00:01:24,868 --> 00:01:27,869
I lied because I was
ashamed of the real story,
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00:01:27,938 --> 00:01:29,999
that I let a vicious
criminal get away.
35
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,023
What happened?
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00:01:31,074 --> 00:01:32,607
Well, it was 1996.
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00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,388
Briggs was one of the
biggest heroin dealers
east of Providence,
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00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:37,089
which is mostly just open water,
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00:01:37,113 --> 00:01:39,058
but still, I'd been undercover,
40
00:01:39,082 --> 00:01:40,960
tracking his operation
for six months
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00:01:40,984 --> 00:01:43,552
and had finally
gained his confidence.
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00:01:48,658 --> 00:01:51,693
I had almostgathered enough evidenceto put Briggs away for good,
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00:01:51,762 --> 00:01:54,674
but I knew a tapedconfession would makethe case a slam dunk.
44
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,743
This is gonna take
us to the next level.
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00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:58,812
We're gonna be banging
so many hot chicks
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00:01:58,836 --> 00:02:00,380
with jeans up to their navels.
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00:02:00,404 --> 00:02:02,637
Bobby Briggs,
you're really good at heroin.
48
00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,840
How much heroin is here,
Bobby Briggs?
49
00:02:04,908 --> 00:02:06,619
Why are you talking like that?
50
00:02:06,643 --> 00:02:07,926
Are you wearing a wire?
51
00:02:09,145 --> 00:02:11,746
Oh, you're dead, Joe Swansonson.
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00:02:11,815 --> 00:02:13,793
My undercover name
was Swansonson.
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00:02:13,817 --> 00:02:15,083
Easy, Briggs.
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00:02:15,152 --> 00:02:17,569
You kill a cop,
they'll put you away forever.
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00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:20,205
Then get ready to spend
the rest of your life
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00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,874
as a lame gimp with
an annoying-voiced wife.
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00:02:22,942 --> 00:02:24,075
He'd met Bonnie.
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00:02:28,966 --> 00:02:30,298
Briggs got away,
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00:02:30,367 --> 00:02:32,329
and I've been in this
wheelchair ever since.
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00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:33,963
I like that you
can tell me a story
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00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,120
starting at the Clam
and ending on a Ferris wheel.
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00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,856
Yeah, people are
starving in Africa,
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00:02:37,924 --> 00:02:41,393
and I'm at a carnival
with my best buddies
on a beautiful night.
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00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:44,012
Blessings. Blessings.
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00:02:49,353 --> 00:02:50,985
So, Joe, it must
feel great to finally
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00:02:51,054 --> 00:02:52,654
have some closure
with Bobby Briggs.
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00:02:52,723 --> 00:02:54,088
Yeah.
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00:02:54,157 --> 00:02:56,035
You know last night
was the first time
in 15 years
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00:02:56,059 --> 00:02:58,070
I didn't strangle
Bonnie in my sleep?
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00:02:58,094 --> 00:02:59,244
Okay.
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00:02:59,296 --> 00:03:00,962
Oh, my God, Brian.
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00:03:01,031 --> 00:03:03,109
Look at all the women
fishing for compliments
on their side dishes.
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00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:05,350
Is my potato salad too bland?
74
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,885
Oh, no.
It's got so much zing.
75
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:11,022
But I feel like my
gazpacho is too thick.
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00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,991
Are you kidding?
It's refreshing and filling.
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00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:17,061
You know,
next time I'd put paprika
in the potato salad,
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00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,897
and maybe add an extra tomato
to thin out the gazpacho,
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00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,366
because it's very thick.
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00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,701
Who the hell is this bitch?
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00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,355
Hey, Dad, you're
gonna want to see this.
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00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,853
Again recapping
our breaking news,
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00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:33,478
longtime fugitive Bobby Briggshas escaped frompolice custody.
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00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,458
His whereabouts are
currently unknown.
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00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:38,016
News of Briggs's escape
first broke on Telemundo,
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00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,334
if you can believe that.
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00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,389
Briggs reportedly escaped
during a prison open house,
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00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,942
an event that will most likely
be canceled in the future.
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00:03:47,011 --> 00:03:49,744
No, no! I can't believe it.
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00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,408
Oh, don't worry,
Joe, they'll get him back.
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00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:54,866
No, they won't!
It took 15 years to catch him.
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00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,352
Well, this seems like
a good time to be heading out.
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00:03:57,420 --> 00:04:00,054
I should be getting
back anyway.
I left Rupert with a sitter.
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00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:01,623
Well, you know
where everything is.
95
00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:03,737
Feel free to help yourself
to anything in the fridge.
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00:04:03,761 --> 00:04:08,563
And Mr. Con Man here
can have pudding
or ice cream, not both.
97
00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:14,419
Chief, can I have a word?
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00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:17,333
Yeah, but first,
you have to agree
there's a huge difference
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00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:19,925
between bisexual men
and homosexual men.
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00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,893
Sure, Chief.
Thank you. Huge.
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00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,661
What is it?
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00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,942
Well, Chief,
I'm here because I want you
to put me on the Briggs case.
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00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,265
Absolutely not.
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00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:29,501
Come on, Chief!
I know
everything about Briggs.
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00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,197
I'm the only one
who can catch him.
106
00:04:31,221 --> 00:04:33,299
No, Swanson,
you're too close
to the case.
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00:04:33,323 --> 00:04:35,301
I'm putting Officers
Grant and Casey on it
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00:04:35,325 --> 00:04:36,870
because they're
so far from the case,
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00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:38,404
they don't care about it at all.
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00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:40,211
Hi, Chief.
Hi.
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00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,346
This isn't fair!
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00:04:41,398 --> 00:04:42,876
Swanson,
you know your assignment.
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00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:44,710
You get me the guy
who's been rubbing his butt
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00:04:44,734 --> 00:04:46,400
all over Dunkin' Donuts.
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00:04:47,303 --> 00:04:48,637
Can I help you?
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00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:51,823
Not illegal. Not illegal.
Show me the law. Not illegal.
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00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,896
Hey, Joe, look,
I know you're down
about this Briggs thing,
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00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,917
and that kind of bums me out,
so I got you this Cookie Puss.
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00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,401
Isn't that funny?
120
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,870
Look at that weird nose.
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00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,421
I think your nose is weird.
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00:05:07,490 --> 00:05:09,691
Guys, I'm telling you, I...
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00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,638
I just don't think I
could live with Briggs
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00:05:11,662 --> 00:05:13,523
on the lam for another 15 years.
125
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:15,267
Well, why don't you
do something about it?
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00:05:15,299 --> 00:05:17,565
I can't do anything about it.
The Chief won't let me.
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00:05:17,634 --> 00:05:19,062
Joe, if they don't
find this guy,
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00:05:19,086 --> 00:05:21,164
it's gonna eat you alive
for the rest of your life.
129
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,799
You got to take matters
into your own hands.
130
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,089
You got to go after this guy.
131
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,002
But that's a breach
of police protocol.
132
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:29,444
This isn't about you as a cop.
This is about you as a man.
133
00:05:29,512 --> 00:05:31,312
Come on, what do you say?
Quagmire and I
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00:05:31,381 --> 00:05:33,147
will help you bring
this guy to justice.
135
00:05:33,216 --> 00:05:34,827
Peter, what did I say
136
00:05:34,851 --> 00:05:36,429
about you
volunteering me for shit?
137
00:05:36,453 --> 00:05:38,397
All right, let's do it!
138
00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:39,766
Well, if you're gonna do it,
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00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:43,024
you're gonna need someone
who's very good at disguise.
140
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,525
Who said that?
141
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,494
I'd love to go
with you, but I can't.
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00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:50,582
I'm supposed to
be the gift table
at a Bar Mitzvah tomorrow.
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00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,267
All right, if we're
gonna go after Briggs,
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00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,331
this might be
a good place to start.
145
00:06:02,379 --> 00:06:05,813
I've spent the last 15 years
gathering information on him,
146
00:06:05,882 --> 00:06:07,215
and it's all here.
147
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,229
Every crime he's committed,
every associate he's had...
148
00:06:09,253 --> 00:06:11,786
Look, Briggs was
all-county JV swimming.
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00:06:11,855 --> 00:06:13,766
Well, I don't just
focus on the negative.
150
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:17,425
Joe, your 25-year-old son
and your baby daughter
share a room
151
00:06:17,493 --> 00:06:20,028
just so you can keep
a weirdo Beautiful Mind room?
152
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:21,629
Isn't that a little bizarre?
153
00:06:21,698 --> 00:06:24,732
And then we dug
the bullets out of
that Iraqi family's skulls
154
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,834
so they couldn't be
traced back to us.
155
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,487
Today, I saw a balloon.
156
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,123
Briggs' FBI profile says
the only relationship
157
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:35,660
he's maintained
over the years is with
a stripper named Tanya.
158
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:38,830
Tax records show
she currently works
at a club in Atlantic City.
159
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,065
So that's our first stop.
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00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,666
Is there touching at the club?
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00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,802
I don't know,
Peter. Maybe.
162
00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,804
Okay, this is good,
this is good.
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00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,755
I'll be sure to
pack my blammin' jeans.
164
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,404
Hey, listen, thanks for agreeing
165
00:06:52,428 --> 00:06:54,595
to take care of Principessa
while we're gone, Lois.
166
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:57,214
It's our pleasure.
She looks like a nice kitty.
167
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,616
Uh, kitty?
168
00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,418
Lois, she is a purebred Persian.
169
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,488
I can trace her lineage to
the cats kept by Cleopatra.
170
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,201
Just tell me what
I need to do, Glenn.
171
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,092
Well, first,
she has a very active bowel.
172
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:09,094
You can't be too generous
with the baby wipes.
173
00:07:09,163 --> 00:07:11,396
Stroke front to back like
you would on yourself.
174
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,731
Otherwise, you're smashing
feces into her genitals.
175
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,935
Also, she's very skittish,
so you have to
touch her like this.
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00:07:17,004 --> 00:07:19,404
I'm going to touch you now.
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00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:21,306
Is that okay?
178
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:22,841
See how I'm going?
179
00:07:22,910 --> 00:07:26,344
Slowly, slowly.
180
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:30,448
Oh, the mysteries
you keep inside of you.
181
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,834
Quagmire, come on, let's go.
182
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,920
All right, I guess we're off.
183
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,090
Hey, you guys,
check out the look on
Lois's face when I do this.
184
00:07:41,027 --> 00:07:42,027
Peter!
185
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:44,095
Clean that up, you idiot!
186
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,329
Love you.
187
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,772
Boy, it'll be satisfying
to finally slap
188
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,908
the cuffs on Briggs
once and for all.
189
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:59,188
Hey, you ever just drive
through a town and wonder,
190
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,079
"Who the hell lives here?"
All the time.
191
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,314
Look at this place.
I mean, what's going on?
192
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,332
There's an adult
with a lemonade stand.
193
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:08,569
That Chinese restaurant
still has the sign from
when it was a mechanic.
194
00:08:08,638 --> 00:08:11,384
I don't want to eat lo mein
where they were
just changing mufflers.
195
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:15,343
There's an apartment
above that Arby's,
with toys in the window.
196
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,378
Someone has built
a life up there.
197
00:08:17,447 --> 00:08:18,613
What a mess.
198
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,276
I'm telling you,
the Founding Fathers would be
199
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,367
very disappointed in where
their country ended up.
200
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:24,435
Eh, it wasn't so
perfect back then, either.
201
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:27,471
And so I say unto you,
Sons of Liberty,
202
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:32,209
no longer will free men
live under the yoke of
giant predatory birds.
203
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:36,014
Shrieking, swooping down,
stealing our livestock.
204
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,282
What's going on in here?
205
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,918
Nothing, uh, just bellyaching
about the British.
206
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,066
Get back to warming those eggs.
207
00:08:51,915 --> 00:08:53,581
All right, this is the place.
208
00:08:53,649 --> 00:08:56,217
We got to see if we
can find Briggs's girl.
209
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:59,231
Hey, we're looking for
a stripper named Tanya.
She here tonight?
210
00:08:59,255 --> 00:09:00,955
Yeah, she's working
the Champagne Room.
211
00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:02,640
Follow me.
212
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:07,757
Hey, Quagmire, uh,
you ever been to
Atlantic City before?
213
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:09,847
Once,
about 20 years ago. Why?
214
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:13,318
All right! All right!
All right! All right!
215
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:15,954
Hey, are you Tanya?
216
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,438
Yeah. Who are you?
217
00:09:17,507 --> 00:09:20,224
A guy who's looking
for Bobby Briggs.
Where is he?
218
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,013
I don't know any Bobby Briggs.
219
00:09:22,078 --> 00:09:23,944
And even if I did,
I wouldn't tell you.
220
00:09:24,013 --> 00:09:25,947
You're lying!
Joe, let me handle this.
221
00:09:26,015 --> 00:09:27,695
I know how to communicate
with strippers.
222
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:31,302
All I need is one dance,
and I'll know
everything she knows.
223
00:09:31,370 --> 00:09:33,738
You free for a dance?
Sure.
224
00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:36,691
I need information.
225
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,560
I was molested by my dad.
226
00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:40,462
I know that.
I need other information.
227
00:09:40,530 --> 00:09:42,764
I want you to tell me where
I can find Bobby Briggs.
228
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,599
Come on,
you know I can't give out
229
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:46,412
a client's personal information.
230
00:09:46,436 --> 00:09:49,738
All right, I'm gonna have
to do the Vulcan V-Meld.
231
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,850
He lives
at 2820 Ocean Boulevard,
232
00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:04,763
across from the park,
apartment two.
233
00:10:04,787 --> 00:10:05,820
Atta girl!
234
00:10:05,889 --> 00:10:08,323
Okay, now spit
in your own mouth.
235
00:10:08,391 --> 00:10:09,941
This is a cool place.
236
00:10:12,996 --> 00:10:16,230
Boy, it sure is nice having
Mr. Quagmire's cat around.
237
00:10:16,299 --> 00:10:19,067
I got to say, cats are
so much better than dogs.
238
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:20,512
Well, that's kind
of a broad statement.
239
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,036
It's true.
240
00:10:22,105 --> 00:10:24,516
Okay, show me one way
in which cats are
better than dogs.
241
00:10:24,540 --> 00:10:27,742
Well, okay, uh,
for one thing, they always
land on their feet.
242
00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:29,577
Watch.
243
00:10:29,645 --> 00:10:31,490
So? Big deal.
Dogs do that, too.
244
00:10:31,514 --> 00:10:33,926
Here, go ahead,
do what you just did,
but with me.
245
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,717
Ow! Oh, my God!
246
00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,863
Oh, my neck! Ow!
247
00:10:37,887 --> 00:10:39,253
Oh, my God, Brian!
248
00:10:39,322 --> 00:10:41,633
Don't touch me!
Don't touch me!
Call somebody! Oh!
249
00:10:41,657 --> 00:10:43,938
We need one of those boards
they use for football players!
250
00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:46,260
Hey, what's going on?
251
00:10:46,329 --> 00:10:47,595
Nothing.
252
00:10:47,663 --> 00:10:51,132
I just figured out why cats
are better than babies.
253
00:10:51,201 --> 00:10:53,441
Well, that's kind
of a broad statement.
254
00:10:55,839 --> 00:10:58,622
Okay, 2820 Ocean, this is it.
255
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,597
All right, apartment number two.
256
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:07,748
We'll just pick the lock.
257
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:13,955
What? What is that?
258
00:11:14,024 --> 00:11:17,792
Let's use our eyes to see.
259
00:11:21,781 --> 00:11:25,149
Aw, this guy
has sugar cereals.
His mom must be so cool.
260
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,978
And he's got a trash compactor.
261
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:31,322
It compacted it all.
262
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,424
That is so boss.
263
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:41,132
Aha! We meet again, Briggs.
264
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,528
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Who are you?
265
00:11:42,552 --> 00:11:43,901
Joe Swanson.
266
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:45,670
Who?
267
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:48,173
Wait, you don't remember me?
268
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,253
I infiltrated your
heroin operation.
269
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,077
We saw Reality Bites together.
270
00:11:54,564 --> 00:11:56,680
You guys, I found him!
271
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:57,949
He went that way!
272
00:12:15,585 --> 00:12:16,817
Damn it. That's Lois.
273
00:12:16,886 --> 00:12:18,831
If I don't get this,
she's going to kill me.
274
00:12:24,127 --> 00:12:25,604
Hi, sweetie.
275
00:12:25,628 --> 00:12:27,862
Yeah, everything's great.
276
00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:30,298
Of course, I miss you.
277
00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:32,367
Well, how does the supermarket
run out of parsley?
278
00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:33,818
I'm as angry as you are.
279
00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:35,519
Peter, I'm going to fall!
280
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,274
It looks like
you're out of roof.
281
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,341
Damn it.
There's no way across.
282
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,488
Spidey, can you swing
us across with your web?
283
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,379
No, I can't swing you across.
284
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,347
And it's Spider-Man, not Spidey.
285
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,228
I'm pretty sure
I've heard people
call you Spidey.
286
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:06,484
Yeah, close friends.
287
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:07,930
What's your name?
Peter.
288
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,553
Hey, Petey, do stuff for me.
289
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,567
Oh, I don't like that.
Yeah, you don't like it.
290
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,792
And you're a fat nobody,
and I'm fucking Spider-Man,
291
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:15,460
so how do you think I feel?
292
00:13:18,648 --> 00:13:21,015
He's getting away.
Guys, drop me over the side!
293
00:13:21,084 --> 00:13:23,084
Are you crazy, Joe?
That fall will kill you.
294
00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:25,152
Not if I land on my legs.
295
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,741
Heads up.
296
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:37,064
I got you now, Briggs.
297
00:13:49,879 --> 00:13:53,197
Move that bus!
298
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,737
Enjoy your new home.
299
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:02,707
He's gone, you guys!
300
00:14:02,775 --> 00:14:03,874
I had him!
301
00:14:03,943 --> 00:14:05,276
That was our one chance!
302
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,713
He was right there
in my grasp,
and now I've lost him forever.
303
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,215
God, you two are
so Ross and Rachel.
304
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:13,712
It's all right, Joe.
You got nothing
to be ashamed of.
305
00:14:13,736 --> 00:14:16,348
You're a great cop
with a very
distinguished career.
306
00:14:16,372 --> 00:14:18,868
You caught that
guy who was killing
all those Filipino girls.
307
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:20,591
Yeah, but this was important!
308
00:14:20,659 --> 00:14:22,493
This was the guy
who ruined my life.
309
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,862
The one perp who
meant everything to me.
310
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,765
If I caught this guy,
I'd finally be able
to sleep at night.
311
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:28,950
Damn it!
312
00:14:30,252 --> 00:14:31,352
Oh, thank God. Cops.
313
00:14:31,420 --> 00:14:33,620
Oh, good. You guys
can still catch Briggs.
314
00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:34,888
He's headed that way.
315
00:14:34,957 --> 00:14:37,191
We're not here for him.
We're here for you guys.
316
00:14:37,259 --> 00:14:40,155
You're under arrest
for interfering with
a police investigation.
317
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:41,946
What?
318
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:44,327
Yeah, what the hell?
You should be out there
arresting the real criminals.
319
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,217
Like switchblade-wielding
white guys
320
00:14:46,286 --> 00:14:48,898
from movies and TV
who don't talk
like people talk.
321
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,521
Easy, mama.
322
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:53,858
Hand over that purse,
and everything will be
real cool, you dig?
323
00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:00,581
Guys, you got to
let us out of here.
324
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,282
The real criminal's
getting away.
325
00:15:02,351 --> 00:15:05,853
Yeah, the bastard's
making a break for it,
just like South America.
326
00:15:05,922 --> 00:15:09,490
Hmm. Lot of black guys
over there.
327
00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:10,970
Hey, man, where you going?
328
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,394
I'll be back.
I'm coming back.
I'll be right back.
329
00:15:13,462 --> 00:15:16,664
Why would the cops arrest us
instead of going after Briggs?
330
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,336
Flannigan? Wait a minute.
331
00:15:21,404 --> 00:15:23,482
That's one of the corrupt cops
who helped harbor Briggs
332
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:25,573
while he was on
the lam for 15 years.
333
00:15:25,642 --> 00:15:27,258
These guys are bad news.
334
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,672
Oh, my God.
What are they
going to do to us?
335
00:15:29,696 --> 00:15:31,474
We're not going to
stick around to find out.
336
00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,598
Joe, hold your
handcuffs over my lap.
337
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,600
What the hell is that?
338
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:36,967
Swiss Army penis.
339
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:40,571
Wow, Quagmire.
That's incredible.
340
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,540
Peter?
341
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,119
Yours are made of
a stronger metal.
342
00:15:44,143 --> 00:15:46,405
We're going to
have to go with
the acetylene torch penis.
343
00:15:47,564 --> 00:15:49,163
Don't look right at it.
344
00:15:49,232 --> 00:15:51,566
My STDs help it burn brighter.
345
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,019
The keys are in the ignition.
Let's go!
346
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,568
I told you to search
that guy's penis.
347
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:01,442
You say that about everybody.
348
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:04,229
Yeah, we did it!
349
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:05,395
But we lost Briggs.
350
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,375
How are we going
to find him now?
We got nothing.
351
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:08,944
Well, I don't know if it helps,
352
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,546
but I found this number
next to the phone
in his kitchen.
353
00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:13,348
I was saving it
'cause I was going to make
354
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:15,084
a scrapbook of
the trip for you guys.
355
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:16,307
Let me see that.
356
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,693
This is the area
code for Juarez, Mexico.
357
00:16:18,762 --> 00:16:20,361
He's trying to
get over the border!
358
00:16:20,430 --> 00:16:22,191
You think so?
Definitely.
359
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:25,366
There's only one
road into Juarez,
and it goes through El Paso.
360
00:16:25,434 --> 00:16:27,235
We got to get to El Paso.
361
00:16:27,303 --> 00:16:30,049
Joe, how do you know
the area code
for Juarez, Mexico?
362
00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:32,740
There was a stem cell doctor
I went down there to see.
363
00:16:32,809 --> 00:16:35,810
He just rubbed,
like, salsa on my legs.
364
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,281
Hey, you're not in uniform.
365
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:43,150
Are you guys cops?
366
00:16:43,219 --> 00:16:44,419
Are you guys cops?
367
00:16:44,453 --> 00:16:46,304
They know we're not cops!
368
00:16:52,461 --> 00:16:54,078
All right, guys, the next flight
369
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,713
to El Paso leaves in 40 minutes.
370
00:16:55,781 --> 00:16:57,893
But Briggs is ahead of us.
Won't he already be there?
371
00:16:57,917 --> 00:17:00,284
No, he'd never risk
going through an airport.
372
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,720
Too many cops,
too many cameras,
too much security.
373
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:05,468
I don't know, Joe.
Sometimes the security's
pretty lax.
374
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:08,132
I mean,
the last plane I was on
got gay-jacked.
375
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:11,129
This plane's going to Miami!
376
00:17:22,325 --> 00:17:23,791
Hey, Lois?
Shh.
377
00:17:23,859 --> 00:17:26,627
Quiet, Brian.
Mom's taking
a nap on the couch.
378
00:17:26,696 --> 00:17:28,707
Yeah. And look,
she fell asleep
379
00:17:28,731 --> 00:17:30,691
with the cat right on her chest.
380
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,125
Isn't that cute?
381
00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:02,180
I think you're dreaming.
382
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:04,382
No, I'm not.
383
00:18:10,373 --> 00:18:11,739
Stupid cat!
384
00:18:15,444 --> 00:18:17,077
God, it's so damn hot.
385
00:18:17,146 --> 00:18:21,114
Hey, I got an idea.
Let's make scalding
asphalt angels.
386
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:24,151
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
387
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:27,371
Second-degree burns,
first-degree fun.
388
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,652
Geez, how long we got to
stand out here like this?
389
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,141
Till Briggs comes through.
390
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:32,421
You know, I was
thinking about that, Joe.
391
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,312
If Briggs is driving here,
that's 2,000 miles.
392
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,225
It's going to be at
least a couple of days.
393
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,916
Huh. I guess you're right.
394
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:41,352
Well, what are we going to
do for two days in El Paso?
395
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:44,650
There's a Chicano
heritage festival.
396
00:18:44,674 --> 00:18:45,940
No way.
397
00:18:46,008 --> 00:18:47,720
KC and the Sunshine Band
is playing.
398
00:18:47,744 --> 00:18:48,876
Why?
399
00:18:48,945 --> 00:18:50,655
Or we could visit
the Pershing House
400
00:18:50,679 --> 00:18:55,433
where John Pershing took
control of the Eighth
Army Brigade in 1914.
401
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,946
So, that's his bed?
Yes.
402
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,380
So, that's his desk?
Yes.
403
00:18:58,404 --> 00:18:59,748
So, that's his lamp?
Yes.
404
00:18:59,772 --> 00:19:01,149
So, that's his dresser?
Yes.
405
00:19:01,173 --> 00:19:02,518
So, that's his window?
Yes.
406
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:04,186
So, that's his floor?
Yes.
407
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:05,475
Wow.
408
00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:12,199
What do you got there,
Quagmire? Is that Briggs?
409
00:19:12,268 --> 00:19:13,367
No, this guy's clean.
410
00:19:13,435 --> 00:19:15,280
Well, send him through.
What's the holdup?
411
00:19:15,304 --> 00:19:17,204
Sombreros! Maracas!
412
00:19:17,273 --> 00:19:18,906
Ceramic Winnie the Pooh dolls!
413
00:19:18,975 --> 00:19:20,141
Get 'em now, folks!
414
00:19:20,209 --> 00:19:22,089
You're not going to find
this stuff in Mexico!
415
00:19:23,312 --> 00:19:25,479
Come on.
What's going on up there?
416
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:27,364
Briggs.
417
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,820
Damn it!
He's getting away!
418
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,415
You're not going to
get away this time,
you son of a bitch.
419
00:20:02,484 --> 00:20:04,835
Please, don't kill me.
I'm not married.
420
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,503
My life is awesome.
421
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:09,556
I've waited 15 years
for this moment, Briggs.
422
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,325
Do you have any
idea what it's like
423
00:20:11,393 --> 00:20:14,595
to have to lift yourself
into a wheelchair
every morning?
424
00:20:14,664 --> 00:20:17,164
To have your wife look at you
like you're half a man?
425
00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:18,933
To get preferential parking?
426
00:20:19,002 --> 00:20:21,042
To board a plane early
with the first-class people
427
00:20:21,070 --> 00:20:22,803
and gold card members?
428
00:20:22,872 --> 00:20:24,571
All right, it's not all bad.
429
00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:26,406
But I'm not going to kill you.
430
00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:28,625
I'm not an animal like you.
431
00:20:28,678 --> 00:20:30,288
So, what are you
going to do, arrest me?
432
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:31,595
No.
433
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,180
I don't arrest cripples.
434
00:20:36,185 --> 00:20:38,152
By the way, you're under arrest.
435
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:40,704
I only said that last thing
'cause it seemed cool.
436
00:20:40,773 --> 00:20:43,307
Oh, my God,
that was so awesome.
I saw everything.
437
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,887
You were all like...
438
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:46,811
And Briggs was all like...
439
00:20:46,879 --> 00:20:48,657
And then you were all like...
440
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:52,048
And then Briggs's
legs were like...
441
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:53,584
Oh, crap, he's dead.
442
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:56,186
I think he bled out.
I must have hit
the femoral artery.
443
00:20:56,256 --> 00:20:58,456
Ah, just kick him into Mexico.
444
00:21:02,878 --> 00:21:05,490
Guys, I can't
thank you enough
for what you did.
445
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:08,649
You risked your lives for me,
and I couldn't have
done it without you.
446
00:21:08,718 --> 00:21:10,417
Hey, that's what pals are for.
447
00:21:10,486 --> 00:21:13,553
Yeah, and thanks for
letting me fire a few rounds
into Briggs's corpse.
448
00:21:13,622 --> 00:21:16,306
That was the most powerful
I've felt in a couple years.
449
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:19,388
Well, you guys helped me
finally have some
closure in my life.
450
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,697
I feel like a new man,
like I'm reborn.
451
00:21:22,765 --> 00:21:25,799
Joe, you have blood
just pouring out
of your pant leg.
452
00:21:25,868 --> 00:21:28,268
Yeah, I had a ball
blow in the river.
34838
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