All language subtitles for Blackadder - S3 - 03 - Nob and Nobility

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,480 Tra la la la! 2 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:44,040 Good morning, Mrs Miggins. Bonjour, monsieur! What? 3 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,840 Bonjour, monsieur! It's French. 4 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:54,320 So is eating frogs, cruelty to geese and urinating in the street. No reason to copy them. 5 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:59,200 French is all the fashion! My shop is FULL of Frenchies. 6 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:03,240 It's that WONDERFUL Scarlet Pimpernel! 7 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:07,280 The Scarlet Pimpernel is NOT wonderful. 8 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:12,360 He has filled London with a load of garlic-chewing French toffs 9 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:17,800 crying, "Ooh-la-la!" because their fathers had their heads cut off! 10 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:23,280 Shepherd's pie, please. We don't serve PIES any more. 11 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:27,320 My French clientele consider PIES uncouth. 12 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:32,840 A nation that eats snails and would go to bed with the kitchen sink 13 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:38,720 is in no position to preach couthness! What IS on the menu? 14 00:01:38,759 --> 00:01:43,840 Chicken Pimpernel in Scarlet sauce, Scarlet Chicken in Pimpernel sauce, 15 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:48,880 or huge suspicious-looking sausages in Scarlet Pimpernel sauce. 16 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:54,680 What's Scarlet Pimpernel sauce? You squeeze a large, ripe frog... 17 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,720 Yes, all right. I'm off to the pub. 18 00:01:57,759 --> 00:02:00,720 Bonjour, monsieur! Sod off. 19 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,880 MIAOW!! 20 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:12,400 Poor Mildred the cat! What's he ever done to you? 21 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:19,960 The abused always kick downwards. I kick the cat, the cat... SQUEAK! ..pounces on the mouse, 22 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,480 finally the mouse... Aaagh! ..bites you on the behind. 23 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,520 What do I do? Nothing. 24 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:32,920 Unless there's an earwig around that you'd like to victimise. 25 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,000 What's that on your nose? Nice, eh? 26 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,680 No, it isn't. It's revolting. 27 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:43,800 I'll take it off then. Why are you wearing a false BOIL?! 28 00:02:45,079 --> 00:02:50,880 What are we to expect next? A beauty wart? A cosmetic verruca? 29 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:54,680 It's a Scarlet Pimple, sir. Really? 30 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,520 They're all the rage down our way. 31 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:02,600 Everyone wants to revere the Pimple and his brilliant disguises. 32 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:09,480 # They seek him here, they seek him there, the Frenchies seek him everywhere... # 33 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:14,480 What's that revolting garlic smell? All this fellow has done 34 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:21,960 is pop over to France to grab a few malnourished, whingeing, leftist French nobs, 35 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:29,000 picking up some good cheap wine at the same time and MARVELLOUS open fruit flans! 36 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:35,720 We HATE the French! Did our men die in vain at Agincourt? 37 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:40,760 Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc simply wasting matches? 38 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:46,800 BELL RINGS His Royal Highness, the Pinhead of Wales summons. 39 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,840 Utter chump though he may be, at least he's not French. 40 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,640 Une toast! Encore une toast! 41 00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:01,000 Le Pimpernel Scarlet! Le Pimpernel Scarlet! 42 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,000 Ah! Le Adder Noir! Come in! 43 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:14,120 This is my butler, you chaps. Brighter than a brain pie. 44 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,640 We want to know who the Scarlet Pimpernel is, 45 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:22,760 so we can send him a postal order. Any ideas? 46 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:27,280 Just send it to "The Biggest Show-off in London." 47 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:32,680 Tish and pish! Gadzooks! Milarky! How DARE you say such a thing? 48 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:37,400 Dem me, if you're not a swine! DEM that swine! 49 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:45,120 Sneaking aristocrats out from under the noses of French revolutionaries is as easy as putting on a hat. 50 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:50,520 Sink me, sir, this is treason! The Scarlet Pimpernel is a HERO. 51 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:57,280 The revolution is orchestrated by a ruthless band of killers! Dem those killers! 52 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:04,680 Now for the French Embassy Ball in honour of the exiled aristocracy. 53 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:09,720 Where I intend to wear the most magnificent pair of trousers, 54 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:16,960 from Snibcock and Turkey, Couturiers to the Very Wealthy and the Extremely Fat. 55 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:24,000 I don't want to get caught out wearing boring trousers. Dem those boring trousers! 56 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:30,040 We bet your butler 1,000 guineas that he can't go to France, 57 00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:34,440 rescue an aristocrat and present him at the ball. 58 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,920 Ha! 59 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:43,680 That's turned you white, hasn't it? You lily-livered, caramel-kidneyed, custard-coloured cad! 60 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:47,760 Not so buoyant now, are you, eh? Eh? 61 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,800 I'll just go and pack. 62 00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:55,600 Perhaps Lord Smedley and Lord Topper will accompany me? 63 00:05:55,640 --> 00:06:01,040 Just the odd death-defying leap and dental torture. Want to come? 64 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,080 Oh, no! Oh, no! Dem! Dem! 65 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,640 I've an appointment with my doctor. 66 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:15,680 I've a sniffle coming on, I can feel it in my bones. Dem bones! Dem bones! 67 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:21,160 What about next week? Come on, get your diaries out, chaps. 68 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,680 Dem! Dem! I've left it behind! Behind! 69 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:31,720 And my father died. I've got to be at his funeral in 10 minutes. Dem sorry! 70 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,240 Goodbye, your Highness! 71 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:41,520 Oh, dem! I'm the best man. Dem that dead father! Dem him! Goodbye. 72 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,040 See you at the ball. 73 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:50,200 Shame they were busy. I'd have liked them to come with us. Us? 74 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:54,520 Yes. You're coming? Yes! Ah. 75 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:59,600 Nothing I could say about the horrors involved could put you off? 76 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:05,560 Oh, no. Let's pack! Just think of those fabulous French birds! 77 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:11,800 The only women in France are toothless crones who cackle insanely. 78 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,000 They're just playing hard to get. 79 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:20,560 By removing all their teeth, going mad and ageing 40 years?! 80 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:26,840 That's right, the little teasers! Go on, pack my silks and satins. 81 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:33,880 If we are to survive in France, we'll have to dress as the smelliest low-life imaginable. 82 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:38,400 Like what? This is our Paris collection... 83 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:45,440 Baldrick is wearing a sheep's bladder jacket, with matching dung-ball accessories. 84 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,640 Hair by Crazy Meg of Bedlam Hair. 85 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:55,840 Notice how the aroma of rotting pilchards has been woven cunningly into the ensemble. 86 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,600 When do you change your trousers? 87 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:04,640 I've never changed my trousers. There is an ancient Greek legend 88 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:09,800 of a terrible container in which were all the evils of the world. 89 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:16,960 when of course, they meant They called it "Pandora's Box", "Baldrick's Trousers". 90 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,000 They certainly can get a bit whiffy! 91 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:26,720 When the box was opened, the whole world turned to darkness. 92 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:33,840 Baldrick, for the good of mankind, NEVER allow curiosity to lead you to open your trousers. 93 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,880 NOTHING of interest lies therein. 94 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:43,840 Your Highness, it is trousers like these that YOU will have to wear. 95 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,760 Yes, well... 96 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:51,000 I might give it a miss. My tummy's playing up. 97 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,800 Wish wish I could come, but just not poss with this tum. I see. 98 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:03,440 And the chances of me scoring if I look like him are zero. That's true. 99 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:09,560 Mr B, I've got second thoughts about this trip to France. Why? 100 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:14,880 Looking like this, there's not much chance of ME scoring either. 101 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:23,720 Well, this is it. If I don't make it back, tell my mother I was alive all the time. 102 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:27,920 I never kept in touch with the old bat. 103 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,360 Of course, old man. 104 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:35,760 We must go. The shadows lengthen and we'll have an arduous journey. 105 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,320 Farewell, dear master, and dare I say...friend? 106 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:46,360 Farewell, brave liberator, and dare I say it...butler? 107 00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:54,080 Right, put the kettle on. What?! 108 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,960 It's too dangerous to go to France! 109 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:02,880 How are you going to win your bet? By using the thing between my ears. 110 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,800 Oh, your nose. 111 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,480 No, Baldrick, my brain. 112 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:16,520 We lie low here for a week, then go to Mrs Miggins', pick up a French aristocrat, 113 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:21,880 and claim our 1,000 guineas at the ball. What if the Prince finds us? 114 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,920 He can't find his own fly-buttons. 115 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,560 What a pair of TROUSERS !! 116 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:34,000 I shall be the belle of the Embassy ball! 117 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:38,040 Now, how do you put them on...? Blackadder! 118 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:43,560 Oh, damn! He's gone to France. Well, I'll do it myself. Um... 119 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:53,160 What a pleasant week, Baldrick. We must do this more often. 120 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:58,320 Yes. I'll certainly choose France for my holiday again next year. 121 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:04,360 Now, work. Off to Mrs Miggins' to pick up any old French toff. 122 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:08,920 LOUD BANGING UPSTAIRS What's that? 123 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:13,720 The Prince is still trying to put his trousers on. 124 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,480 Damn! 125 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:25,480 Now, Mrs Miggins, I'd like a plate of pigs' trotters, frogs' legs, and snails' ears, please, 126 00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,440 all with Scarlet Pimpernel sauce. 127 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,880 Not so hostile to the Frenchies now? 128 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:36,560 Oh, no. I'd sooner be hostile to my own servant. 129 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,720 In fact, I came here to meet some Frenchies. 130 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,880 Vive to that and an eclair for all! 131 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:49,000 Vive indeed. Now I'm looking for a particular kind of Frenchie: 132 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,560 one who is of noble blood, but also short on cash. 133 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,960 THERE'S just the fellow for you. 134 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,720 The Compte de Frou Frou. > Pretty down on his luck, 135 00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:07,240 and he's made that horse's willy last all morning. 136 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,920 Baldrick, we have struck garlic! 137 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,040 You can have some lunch, Baldrick. Thank you. 138 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,280 Le Compte de Frou Frou, I believe? Yes. 139 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,920 Do you speak English? A leettle. 140 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:33,240 What does that mean? Do we have to ask each other the way to the beach in very loud voices? 141 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,440 Oh, no. I can order coffee, deal with waiters, 142 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,920 and make sexy chit-chat with girls. Oh, good. 143 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:47,440 Just don't ask me to take a physiology class. I won't. 144 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,240 Would you like to earn some money? 145 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:59,200 No. I would like other people to earn it and then GEEVE it to me. Like in France in the good old days. 146 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:05,720 This is a chance to RETURN to the good old days. Oh, I would LOVE that. 147 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:11,240 The food is filthy here! This huge sausage is VERY suspicious! 148 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:18,280 If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a horse's... Yes, yes, yes. The plan is this... 149 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:24,720 I'm trying to get a Frenchman out of Paris. Will YOU be that Frenchman? 150 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:29,360 Just come to the Embassy with me, say I rescued you, 151 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:35,000 and you'll get 50 guineas and as many vol-au-vents as you like. 152 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:42,120 It will be a pleasure! If there's one thing we aristocrats enjoy, it's a fabulous party! 153 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:45,760 Oh, the music! Oh, the laughter...! 154 00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,240 If only I had my mongoose costume! 155 00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,920 Well, obviously it hasn't really got going yet. 156 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,880 I've been at autopsies with more party atmosphere. 157 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:07,480 Don't worry. We will soon hear music and laughter. 158 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:12,680 DRAMATIC MUSIC THEN A HARSH, CRUEL LAUGH... 159 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:18,040 Bonsoir, m'sieur. Good evening. Do you speak English? 160 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:23,080 Leetle. Good. Then take me to the Ambassador. Pardon? 161 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:28,280 I - have - rescued an aristocrat... 162 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,360 from the clutches of the evil revolutionaries. 163 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,440 Please take me to the AMBASSADOR. 164 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,240 No - I - won't! 165 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:42,040 I AM an eveel revolutionary, 166 00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,640 and have MURDERED the Ambassador, 167 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,760 and have turned him into... 168 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,840 pate! 169 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,000 Ah. 170 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,400 And YOU, aristo peeg, are TRAPPED ! 171 00:14:55,440 --> 00:15:00,440 Peeg? Ha! You will regret your insolence, revolutionary DOG ! 172 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:06,520 Dog? Ha! You will regret your arrogance, royalist SNAKE ! Snake? Ha...! 173 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:12,560 This is none of my business, so I must be on my way. Ah ah ah! 174 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,080 Not so fast, Engleesh! 175 00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:20,000 In rescuing this, er... 'boite de stinkeeweed', 176 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:24,080 you have perverted revolutionary justice. 177 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:28,120 Do you know what I do to people who do that? 178 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:35,000 They're given a little present and let free? No. They're smacked and then let off? 179 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:42,720 No. I know. What? They're put in prison for the night and guillotined in the morning. 180 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:47,520 Your little G-NOME is correct, monsieur. 181 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:52,040 Gentlemen, welcome to the last day of your LIFE ! 182 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,120 How dare you, you feelthy weasel! 183 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,400 Weasel? Ha! You can talk, WARTHOG ! 184 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,440 Warthog? Ha! Excuse me, Frou Frou. 185 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:08,600 Look, me old mate... we're both working class, we both hate these rich bastards. 186 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,640 Come on, you've nothing against me. 187 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,680 On the contraree, I hate you Engleesh, 188 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:23,560 with your boring trousers and your shiny toilet paper, and your idea that Frenchman are great lovers! 189 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:28,880 I'M French and I'm hung like a baby carrot and a couple of petit pois! 190 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:36,080 Farewell, and DEATH to the aristos! Death to the aristos! Shut up! 191 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:45,200 Monsieur, why waste your words on this scum? Have no fear, the Scarlet Pimpernel will save us! 192 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,360 Some hope! 193 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:54,680 He's the most overrated person since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Contest. 194 00:16:54,720 --> 00:17:00,520 Well, if he should fail us... here...I have these suicide pills. 195 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:05,000 One for me...POP ! One for you...POP ! 196 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,560 and one for the dwarf...GLUG ! 197 00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:12,079 Say thank you, Baldrick. Thank you, Mr Frou. 198 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:17,440 Ah! The Pimpernel! Hurray! 199 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,720 No, the Ambassador, hurray. 200 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,200 Hmm, I've got nothing to do... 201 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,400 so I think I will torture... 202 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,440 YOU, aristo mongrel! 203 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:35,480 Mongrel? Ha! Go ahead, proletarian SKUNK ! 204 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:39,040 Skunk? Ha! You aristo happypotomus! 205 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,800 Happypotomus? Ha! We'll see... 206 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:48,160 I'm glad to say I don't think you'll be needing those pills, Mr B. 207 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:53,760 Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words, "I have a plan" 208 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,800 marching into this conversation? 209 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:03,840 They certainly are! Your record in this department is not exactly 100%. 210 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,880 So what's the plan? We do NOTHING. 211 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,520 Yep, it's another world-beater. 212 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,400 Wait, I haven't finished. 213 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:19,040 We do nothing until...our heads have actually been cut off. 214 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,000 And then we spring into action? 215 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:31,000 Exactly! You know how when you cut a chicken's head off, it runs round the farmyard? Ye-es...? 216 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:36,520 Well, when OUR heads have been cut off, we run round the farmyard, 217 00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:41,080 out the farm gate and escape. What do you think? 218 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:46,480 My opinion is difficult to express in words. I'll put it this way... 219 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:51,760 Well, the Scarlet Pimpernel will save us, anyway. 220 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:57,000 No, he won't! Either I think of an idea, or tomorrow we die... 221 00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,440 which I have no intention of doing. I want to be young and wild, 222 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:07,640 then middle-aged and rich, then old and pretending to be deaf. 223 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,000 Just be quiet and let me think. 224 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:18,520 I can't sleep, Mr Blackadder. I said, shut UP ! 225 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:24,000 Just think, the Scarlet Pimpernel will be here any moment! 226 00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,760 I wish you'd forget this fantasy. 227 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:34,360 Anyway, the guards would be woken by the noise as he squeezes his swollen head through the door. 228 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:41,400 I couldn't sleep when I was little. You still are little. Well, when I was even littler. 229 00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,440 We used to live in a haunted hovel. 230 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:50,000 Every night my family were troubled by this disgusting ghoul. 231 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:54,720 It was terrible. First there was this unholy smell, 232 00:19:54,760 --> 00:20:01,760 then this tiny, clammy, hairy creature would materialise in the bed between them. 233 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,000 Fortunately, I could never see it. 234 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:12,320 left home, did this repulsive Tell me, Baldrick, when you entity mysteriously disappear? 235 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:18,000 Yes, that very day. Then that mystery is solved. Now, shut up. 236 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:25,600 I must THINK, or tomorrow we meet our Maker...in my case, God; in your case, God knows. 237 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:30,520 But I'd be surprised if He's won any design awards. 238 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,560 Ah! I've thought of a plan. Hurray! 239 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:38,720 Also, I know how to get you to sleep... BOOTS HIM Owf! 240 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,920 Good morning, scum. Did you sleep well? 241 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:49,760 Like a top. And you must be thirsty after your long night's brutality. 242 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,560 A drink? No. Not while I'm on duty. 243 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,600 Oh... Perhaps later? 244 00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,640 For you, m'sieur, there is no later. 245 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:05,280 Gentleman, I am proud to introduce France's most veecious woman... 246 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:11,160 Will you please welcome... Madame Guillotine herself!! 247 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:16,360 TERRIBLE SHRIEKING LAUGHTER 248 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,760 Are these the Engleesh PEEGS ?! 249 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,800 Yes, that's us. Leave them with me! 250 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:31,840 I intend to torture them in a way so GHASTLY, even YOU won't be able to stand it! 251 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,000 I'll be all right. No, you will be SICK ! 252 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:41,040 What if I just leave if I feel queasy? You will be sick immediately! 253 00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:46,080 What if I'm sick quietly in a bag? What is in your mind? 254 00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,600 WHISPERS 255 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,080 SO...scum... 256 00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:58,680 prepare to be in PA-A-AIN !! 257 00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:04,160 Yes, certainly. But first, perhaps, a toast to your beauty. 258 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,840 Oh, thank you! OK! 259 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:16,440 So you were expecting to be rescued, ha? Some bloody hope! 260 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:22,000 ENGLISH ACCENT: On the contrary, I'm sorry I'm so late! What?! 261 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,800 Yes, I have come to free you! Hooray! 262 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,680 Smedley! I thought you were thick! 263 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:36,000 No. Just a dem fine actor! Thank God I got here before you took any of those awful suicide pills! 264 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:44,680 I suppose if someone had taken one and wished that he hadn't, he'd be able to do something about it? 265 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:50,000 No, they're very odd things. The symptoms are most peculiar. 266 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:54,560 First of all, the victims become very depressed... 267 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:59,080 Oh, God...! This whole revolution is SO depressing! 268 00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:03,400 And I'm SO lonely and nobody loves me. 269 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:09,440 Then comes death? No! Then comes the loss of temper, you BASTARD ! 270 00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,800 What are YOU staring at?! Ooh! 271 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,120 And THEN death? 272 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:20,480 No! After the temper, comes the um...er... 273 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:25,520 Forgetfulness? That's it. The, er... Forgetfulness. 274 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:30,880 Right in the middle of a thingy, you completely forget what... 275 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,400 Oh, nice pair of shoes! 276 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,440 THEN you die? 277 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:40,680 Oh, no, I forgot one! Then comes a moment of exquisite happiness! 278 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:45,920 Jumping up and down, waving your arms, knowing that we'll be FREE ! 279 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,120 Free! FREE ! And then death? 280 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,160 No, you jump in a corner first... 281 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:59,120 Hurray! It's the Scarlet Pimpernel! Yes, Baldrick. And you killed him! 282 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:04,480 Yes, Baldrick. What's the point of being the Scarlet Pimpernel 283 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,680 if you fall for the poison routine? 284 00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,040 Scarlet Pimpernel?! Scarlet GIT!! 285 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:19,240 But here's our chance to escape. What about Mr Frou? I wouldn't pick my nose to save Frou Frou! 286 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:25,440 Oh... Ah, Frou Frou, my old friend! What are you doing here? I escaped. 287 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,400 What happened? Er, nothing. 288 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:35,400 I thought the Scarlet Pimpernel might have saved you. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! 289 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,680 Ah, chaps! Just trying on my new trousers! 290 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:47,160 I return, sir, with one top French aristocrat fresh from the Bastille. 291 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,920 Pleased to meet you, monsieur. Do sit down. 292 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,200 Shame about the revolutionary caper. 293 00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,840 So, how did you get him out? 294 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:03,600 Sir, it is a heroic tale of courage which I hesitate to tell myself... 295 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,720 I could try. 296 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:12,960 We left England in good weather, but in Dover Harbour, we were struck by a tidal wave, 297 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:18,200 and I swam to Boulogne with Baldrick in my trousers. 298 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,600 Then we were taken to Paris, 299 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:27,440 where I was hung by my testicles to the walls of the Bastille. 300 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,800 Then I decided I'd had enough. 301 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,800 Bravo! 302 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,280 So I rescued the Compte, killed the guards, ran to Versailles, 303 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:44,320 where I climbed into Robespierre's bedroom, leaving him a small tray of milk chocolates and a rude note. 304 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,960 The rest...was easy. 305 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:51,600 An incredible story! Worthy of the Scarlet Pimpernel! 306 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,640 Well, I wouldn't know... 307 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:59,840 I, on the other hand, would, because, you see, sir... 308 00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,440 I am the Scarlet Pimpernel! 309 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,200 Oh-oh... 310 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:15,240 Good Lord! Topper! Yes, your Highness. 311 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:21,280 But egads, by jingo with dumplings and a good helping of sprouts! 312 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:25,760 You single-handedly saved all those Frenchies?! 313 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:31,000 Not quite single-handedly, sir. I operate with my friend, Smedley. 314 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:36,120 But he seems to have disappeared, slightly mysteriously. 315 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,000 (Shut up! Yes, Mr Blackadder.) 316 00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:43,040 So Blackadder rescued the Scarlet Pimpernel? 317 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,560 No, sir. He did not. Eh? 318 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:51,600 Prepare yourself for a story of deceit that will make your stomach turn. 319 00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,560 Oh, this is interesting, isn't it? 320 00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:04,240 Not only that, but I trust it will lead to the imprisonment of a man who is a liar, a bounder and a cad. 321 00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:11,040 We hate liars, bounders and cads, don't we? 322 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,680 Generally speaking, yes, sir. 323 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:21,680 But perhaps before Lord Topper talks, he might like some wine? He's looking shaken. 324 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,240 Shaken, but not stirred. 325 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:31,240 It all began last week. I was in Mrs Miggins' coffee shop when... 326 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,200 Oh, GOD...! 327 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,880 All this treachery is SO depressing! 328 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:44,680 The whole thing makes you incredibly ANGRY !! It makes you want to... 329 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,160 Nice waistcoat, your Majesty. 330 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,760 Er, sorry, I've forgotten what I was talking about... 331 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,320 A story of dishonour and deceit. 332 00:27:55,360 --> 00:28:00,600 Oh, yes, that's a GREAT story! Great! A WONDERFUL story! 333 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,040 Let me jump into this corner first. 334 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:12,640 Roast my raisins! He's popped it! Do you think he really WAS the Scarlet Pimpernel? 335 00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:18,000 Judging from the ridiculous manner of his death, I would say he was. 336 00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,680 Shame. I wanted to give him this enormous postal order. 337 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:27,720 Please, sir, let me finish. I would say that he was...n't. 338 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:33,360 You see, the Scarlet Pimpernel would NEVER reveal his identity. 339 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:38,520 So you're looking for a man who's just rescued a French aristocrat, 340 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:45,560 but if asked, "Are you the Scarlet Pimpernel?" he replies, "Absolutely not!" 341 00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:50,960 But, Blackadder, YOU'VE just been to France to rescue an aristocrat! 342 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:55,480 Oh, Blackadder, are YOU the Scarlet Pimpernel? 343 00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,240 Absolutely NOT, sir. 344 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,080 Hooray! 345 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,280 Subtitles by Gillian Spence, 31352

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