All language subtitles for Blackadder - S3 - 03 - Nob and Nobility
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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,480
Tra la la la!
2
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:44,040
Good morning, Mrs Miggins.
Bonjour, monsieur! What?
3
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,840
Bonjour, monsieur! It's French.
4
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:54,320
So is eating frogs, cruelty to
geese and urinating in the street.
No reason to copy them.
5
00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:59,200
French is all the fashion!
My shop is FULL of Frenchies.
6
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:03,240
It's that WONDERFUL
Scarlet Pimpernel!
7
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:07,280
The Scarlet Pimpernel
is NOT wonderful.
8
00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:12,360
He has filled London with a load
of garlic-chewing French toffs
9
00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:17,800
crying, "Ooh-la-la!" because their
fathers had their heads cut off!
10
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:23,280
Shepherd's pie, please.
We don't serve PIES any more.
11
00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:27,320
My French clientele
consider PIES uncouth.
12
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:32,840
A nation that eats snails and would
go to bed with the kitchen sink
13
00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:38,720
is in no position to preach
couthness! What IS on the menu?
14
00:01:38,759 --> 00:01:43,840
Chicken Pimpernel in Scarlet sauce,
Scarlet Chicken in Pimpernel sauce,
15
00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:48,880
or huge suspicious-looking sausages
in Scarlet Pimpernel sauce.
16
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:54,680
What's Scarlet Pimpernel sauce?
You squeeze a large, ripe frog...
17
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,720
Yes, all right. I'm off to the pub.
18
00:01:57,759 --> 00:02:00,720
Bonjour, monsieur! Sod off.
19
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,880
MIAOW!!
20
00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:12,400
Poor Mildred the cat!
What's he ever done to you?
21
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:19,960
The abused always kick downwards.
I kick the cat, the cat...
SQUEAK! ..pounces on the mouse,
22
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,480
finally the mouse... Aaagh!
..bites you on the behind.
23
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,520
What do I do? Nothing.
24
00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:32,920
Unless there's an earwig around
that you'd like to victimise.
25
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,000
What's that on your nose? Nice, eh?
26
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,680
No, it isn't. It's revolting.
27
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:43,800
I'll take it off then.
Why are you wearing a false BOIL?!
28
00:02:45,079 --> 00:02:50,880
What are we to expect next?
A beauty wart? A cosmetic verruca?
29
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:54,680
It's a Scarlet Pimple, sir. Really?
30
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,520
They're all the rage down our way.
31
00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:02,600
Everyone wants to revere the Pimple
and his brilliant disguises.
32
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:09,480
# They seek him here,
they seek him there, the Frenchies
seek him everywhere... #
33
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:14,480
What's that revolting garlic smell?
All this fellow has done
34
00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:21,960
is pop over to France to grab
a few malnourished, whingeing,
leftist French nobs,
35
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:29,000
picking up some good cheap wine
at the same time
and MARVELLOUS open fruit flans!
36
00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:35,720
We HATE the French! Did our men
die in vain at Agincourt?
37
00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:40,760
Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc
simply wasting matches?
38
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:46,800
BELL RINGS
His Royal Highness,
the Pinhead of Wales summons.
39
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,840
Utter chump though he may be,
at least he's not French.
40
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,640
Une toast! Encore une toast!
41
00:03:56,680 --> 00:04:01,000
Le Pimpernel Scarlet!
Le Pimpernel Scarlet!
42
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:06,000
Ah! Le Adder Noir! Come in!
43
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:14,120
This is my butler, you chaps.
Brighter than a brain pie.
44
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:18,640
We want to know
who the Scarlet Pimpernel is,
45
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:22,760
so we can send him a postal order.
Any ideas?
46
00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:27,280
Just send it to
"The Biggest Show-off in London."
47
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:32,680
Tish and pish! Gadzooks! Milarky!
How DARE you say such a thing?
48
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:37,400
Dem me, if you're not a swine!
DEM that swine!
49
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:45,120
Sneaking aristocrats out from under
the noses of French revolutionaries
is as easy as putting on a hat.
50
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:50,520
Sink me, sir, this is treason!
The Scarlet Pimpernel is a HERO.
51
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:57,280
The revolution is orchestrated
by a ruthless band of killers!
Dem those killers!
52
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:04,680
Now for the French Embassy Ball
in honour of the exiled aristocracy.
53
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:09,720
Where I intend to wear the most
magnificent pair of trousers,
54
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:16,960
from Snibcock and Turkey,
Couturiers to the Very Wealthy
and the Extremely Fat.
55
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:24,000
I don't want to get caught out
wearing boring trousers.
Dem those boring trousers!
56
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:30,040
We bet your butler 1,000 guineas
that he can't go to France,
57
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:34,440
rescue an aristocrat
and present him at the ball.
58
00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:35,920
Ha!
59
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:43,680
That's turned you white, hasn't it?
You lily-livered, caramel-kidneyed,
custard-coloured cad!
60
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:47,760
Not so buoyant now, are you, eh?
Eh?
61
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,800
I'll just go and pack.
62
00:05:50,840 --> 00:05:55,600
Perhaps Lord Smedley
and Lord Topper will accompany me?
63
00:05:55,640 --> 00:06:01,040
Just the odd death-defying leap
and dental torture. Want to come?
64
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:05,080
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Dem!
Dem!
65
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:08,640
I've an appointment
with my doctor.
66
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:15,680
I've a sniffle coming on,
I can feel it in my bones.
Dem bones! Dem bones!
67
00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:21,160
What about next week? Come on,
get your diaries out, chaps.
68
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,680
Dem!
Dem!
I've left it behind!
Behind!
69
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:31,720
And my father died. I've got to be
at his funeral in 10 minutes.
Dem sorry!
70
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,240
Goodbye, your Highness!
71
00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:41,520
Oh, dem! I'm the best man.
Dem that dead father!
Dem him! Goodbye.
72
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,040
See you at the ball.
73
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:50,200
Shame they were busy. I'd have
liked them to come with us. Us?
74
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:54,520
Yes. You're coming? Yes! Ah.
75
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:59,600
Nothing I could say about the
horrors involved could put you off?
76
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:05,560
Oh, no. Let's pack! Just think
of those fabulous French birds!
77
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:11,800
The only women in France
are toothless crones
who cackle insanely.
78
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,000
They're just playing hard to get.
79
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:20,560
By removing all their teeth,
going mad and ageing 40 years?!
80
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:26,840
That's right, the little teasers!
Go on, pack my silks and satins.
81
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:33,880
If we are to survive in France,
we'll have to dress as
the smelliest low-life imaginable.
82
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:38,400
Like what?
This is our Paris collection...
83
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:45,440
Baldrick is wearing
a sheep's bladder jacket, with
matching dung-ball accessories.
84
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,640
Hair by Crazy Meg of Bedlam Hair.
85
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:55,840
Notice how the aroma of rotting
pilchards has been woven cunningly
into the ensemble.
86
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,600
When do you change your trousers?
87
00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:04,640
I've never changed my trousers.
There is an ancient Greek legend
88
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:09,800
of a terrible container in which
were all the evils of the world.
89
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:16,960
when of course, they meant
They called it "Pandora's Box",
"Baldrick's Trousers".
90
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,000
They certainly can get
a bit whiffy!
91
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:26,720
When the box was opened,
the whole world turned to darkness.
92
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:33,840
Baldrick, for the good of mankind,
NEVER allow curiosity to lead you
to open your trousers.
93
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,880
NOTHING of interest lies therein.
94
00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:43,840
Your Highness, it is trousers like
these that YOU will have to wear.
95
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,760
Yes, well...
96
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:51,000
I might give it a miss.
My tummy's playing up.
97
00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,800
Wish wish I could come, but just
not poss with this tum. I see.
98
00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:03,440
And the chances of me scoring
if I look like him are zero.
That's true.
99
00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:09,560
Mr B, I've got second thoughts
about this trip to France. Why?
100
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:14,880
Looking like this, there's not
much chance of ME scoring either.
101
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:23,720
Well, this is it.
If I don't make it back, tell
my mother I was alive all the time.
102
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:27,920
I never kept in touch
with the old bat.
103
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,360
Of course, old man.
104
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:35,760
We must go. The shadows lengthen
and we'll have an arduous journey.
105
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,320
Farewell, dear master,
and dare I say...friend?
106
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:46,360
Farewell, brave liberator,
and dare I say it...butler?
107
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:54,080
Right, put the kettle on. What?!
108
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:56,960
It's too dangerous to go to France!
109
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:02,880
How are you going to win your bet?
By using the thing between my ears.
110
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,800
Oh, your nose.
111
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,480
No, Baldrick, my brain.
112
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:16,520
We lie low here for a week,
then go to Mrs Miggins',
pick up a French aristocrat,
113
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:21,880
and claim our 1,000 guineas at the
ball. What if the Prince finds us?
114
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,920
He can't find his own fly-buttons.
115
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,560
What a pair of TROUSERS !!
116
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:34,000
I shall be the belle
of the Embassy ball!
117
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:38,040
Now, how do you put them on...?
Blackadder!
118
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:43,560
Oh, damn! He's gone to France.
Well, I'll do it myself. Um...
119
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:53,160
What a pleasant week, Baldrick.
We must do this more often.
120
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:58,320
Yes. I'll certainly choose France
for my holiday again next year.
121
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:04,360
Now, work. Off to Mrs Miggins'
to pick up any old French toff.
122
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:08,920
LOUD BANGING UPSTAIRS
What's that?
123
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:13,720
The Prince is still trying
to put his trousers on.
124
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:16,480
Damn!
125
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:25,480
Now, Mrs Miggins, I'd like a plate
of pigs' trotters, frogs' legs,
and snails' ears, please,
126
00:11:25,520 --> 00:11:28,440
all with Scarlet Pimpernel sauce.
127
00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,880
Not so hostile to the Frenchies now?
128
00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:36,560
Oh, no. I'd sooner be hostile
to my own servant.
129
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:40,720
In fact, I came here
to meet some Frenchies.
130
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:43,880
Vive to that and an eclair for all!
131
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:49,000
Vive indeed. Now I'm looking for
a particular kind of Frenchie:
132
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:53,560
one who is of noble blood,
but also short on cash.
133
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,960
THERE'S just the fellow for you.
134
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:01,720
The Compte de Frou Frou. >
Pretty down on his luck,
135
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:07,240
and he's made that horse's willy
last all morning.
136
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,920
Baldrick, we have struck garlic!
137
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:17,040
You can have some lunch, Baldrick.
Thank you.
138
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:22,280
Le Compte de Frou Frou, I believe?
Yes.
139
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:25,920
Do you speak English? A leettle.
140
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:33,240
What does that mean? Do we have
to ask each other the way
to the beach in very loud voices?
141
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,440
Oh, no. I can order coffee,
deal with waiters,
142
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,920
and make sexy chit-chat with girls.
Oh, good.
143
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:47,440
Just don't ask me to take
a physiology class. I won't.
144
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,240
Would you like to earn some money?
145
00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:59,200
No. I would like other people
to earn it and then GEEVE it to me.
Like in France in the good old days.
146
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:05,720
This is a chance
to RETURN to the good old days.
Oh, I would LOVE that.
147
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:11,240
The food is filthy here! This huge
sausage is VERY suspicious!
148
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:18,280
If I didn't know better, I'd say
it was a horse's... Yes, yes, yes.
The plan is this...
149
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:24,720
I'm trying to get
a Frenchman out of Paris.
Will YOU be that Frenchman?
150
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:29,360
Just come to the Embassy with me,
say I rescued you,
151
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:35,000
and you'll get 50 guineas and
as many vol-au-vents as you like.
152
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:42,120
It will be a pleasure!
If there's one thing we aristocrats
enjoy, it's a fabulous party!
153
00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:45,760
Oh, the music! Oh, the laughter...!
154
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:49,240
If only I had my mongoose costume!
155
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:57,920
Well, obviously it hasn't
really got going yet.
156
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,880
I've been at autopsies
with more party atmosphere.
157
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:07,480
Don't worry. We will soon hear
music and laughter.
158
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:12,680
DRAMATIC MUSIC
THEN A HARSH, CRUEL LAUGH...
159
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:18,040
Bonsoir, m'sieur.
Good evening. Do you speak English?
160
00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:23,080
Leetle. Good. Then take me
to the Ambassador. Pardon?
161
00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:28,280
I - have - rescued
an aristocrat...
162
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:32,360
from the clutches
of the evil revolutionaries.
163
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,440
Please take me to the AMBASSADOR.
164
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,240
No - I - won't!
165
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:42,040
I AM an eveel revolutionary,
166
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,640
and have MURDERED the Ambassador,
167
00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:48,760
and have turned him into...
168
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,840
pate!
169
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:52,000
Ah.
170
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,400
And YOU, aristo peeg, are TRAPPED !
171
00:14:55,440 --> 00:15:00,440
Peeg? Ha! You will regret
your insolence, revolutionary DOG !
172
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:06,520
Dog? Ha! You will regret
your arrogance, royalist SNAKE !
Snake? Ha...!
173
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:12,560
This is none of my business,
so I must be on my way. Ah ah ah!
174
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,080
Not so fast, Engleesh!
175
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:20,000
In rescuing this, er...
'boite de stinkeeweed',
176
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:24,080
you have perverted
revolutionary justice.
177
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:28,120
Do you know what I do to people
who do that?
178
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:35,000
They're given a little present
and let free? No.
They're smacked and then let off?
179
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:42,720
No. I know. What?
They're put in prison for the night
and guillotined in the morning.
180
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:47,520
Your little G-NOME is correct,
monsieur.
181
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:52,040
Gentlemen, welcome to the last day
of your LIFE !
182
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:55,120
How dare you, you feelthy weasel!
183
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,400
Weasel? Ha! You can talk, WARTHOG !
184
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,440
Warthog? Ha! Excuse me, Frou Frou.
185
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:08,600
Look, me old mate...
we're both working class,
we both hate these rich bastards.
186
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:11,640
Come on, you've nothing against me.
187
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,680
On the contraree,
I hate you Engleesh,
188
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:23,560
with your boring trousers and your
shiny toilet paper, and your idea
that Frenchman are great lovers!
189
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:28,880
I'M French and I'm hung like a baby
carrot and a couple of petit pois!
190
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:36,080
Farewell, and DEATH to the aristos!
Death to the aristos! Shut up!
191
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:45,200
Monsieur, why waste your words
on this scum? Have no fear,
the Scarlet Pimpernel will save us!
192
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,360
Some hope!
193
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:54,680
He's the most overrated person
since Judas Iscariot won
the AD31 Best Disciple Contest.
194
00:16:54,720 --> 00:17:00,520
Well, if he should fail us...
here...I have these suicide pills.
195
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:05,000
One for me...POP !
One for you...POP !
196
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,560
and one for the dwarf...GLUG !
197
00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:12,079
Say thank you,
Baldrick. Thank you, Mr Frou.
198
00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:17,440
Ah! The Pimpernel!
Hurray!
199
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:20,720
No, the Ambassador, hurray.
200
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,200
Hmm, I've got nothing to do...
201
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,400
so I think I will torture...
202
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:31,440
YOU, aristo mongrel!
203
00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:35,480
Mongrel? Ha!
Go ahead, proletarian SKUNK !
204
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:39,040
Skunk? Ha!
You aristo happypotomus!
205
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,800
Happypotomus? Ha! We'll see...
206
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:48,160
I'm glad to say
I don't think you'll be needing
those pills, Mr B.
207
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:53,760
Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick,
or are the words, "I have a plan"
208
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,800
marching into this conversation?
209
00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:03,840
They certainly are!
Your record in this department
is not exactly 100%.
210
00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:07,880
So what's the plan?
We do NOTHING.
211
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,520
Yep, it's another world-beater.
212
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,400
Wait, I haven't finished.
213
00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:19,040
We do nothing until...our heads
have actually been cut off.
214
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,000
And then we spring into action?
215
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:31,000
Exactly! You know how when you cut
a chicken's head off, it runs
round the farmyard? Ye-es...?
216
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:36,520
Well, when OUR heads have been cut
off, we run round the farmyard,
217
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:41,080
out the farm gate and escape.
What do you think?
218
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:46,480
My opinion is difficult to express
in words. I'll put it this way...
219
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:51,760
Well, the Scarlet Pimpernel
will save us, anyway.
220
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:57,000
No, he won't! Either I think
of an idea, or tomorrow we die...
221
00:18:57,040 --> 00:19:02,440
which I have no intention of doing.
I want to be young and wild,
222
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:07,640
then middle-aged and rich,
then old and pretending to be deaf.
223
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:12,000
Just be quiet and let me think.
224
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:18,520
I can't sleep, Mr Blackadder.
I said, shut UP !
225
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:24,000
Just think, the Scarlet Pimpernel
will be here any moment!
226
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,760
I wish you'd forget this fantasy.
227
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:34,360
Anyway, the guards would be woken
by the noise as he squeezes
his swollen head through the door.
228
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:41,400
I couldn't sleep when I was little.
You still are little.
Well, when I was even littler.
229
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,440
We used to live in a haunted hovel.
230
00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:50,000
Every night my family were
troubled by this disgusting ghoul.
231
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:54,720
It was terrible.
First there was this unholy smell,
232
00:19:54,760 --> 00:20:01,760
then this tiny, clammy,
hairy creature would materialise
in the bed between them.
233
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:05,000
Fortunately, I could never see it.
234
00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:12,320
left home, did this repulsive
Tell me, Baldrick, when you
entity mysteriously disappear?
235
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:18,000
Yes, that very day. Then that
mystery is solved. Now, shut up.
236
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:25,600
I must THINK, or tomorrow we meet
our Maker...in my case, God;
in your case, God knows.
237
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:30,520
But I'd be surprised
if He's won any design awards.
238
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,560
Ah! I've thought of a plan. Hurray!
239
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:38,720
Also, I know how to get you
to sleep... BOOTS HIM
Owf!
240
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:43,920
Good morning, scum.
Did you sleep well?
241
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:49,760
Like a top. And you must be thirsty
after your long night's brutality.
242
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,560
A drink? No. Not while I'm on duty.
243
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,600
Oh... Perhaps later?
244
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:59,640
For you, m'sieur, there is no later.
245
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:05,280
Gentleman, I am proud to introduce
France's most veecious woman...
246
00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:11,160
Will you please welcome...
Madame Guillotine herself!!
247
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:16,360
TERRIBLE SHRIEKING LAUGHTER
248
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,760
Are these the Engleesh PEEGS ?!
249
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,800
Yes, that's us.
Leave them with me!
250
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:31,840
I intend to torture them in a way
so GHASTLY, even YOU won't be
able to stand it!
251
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,000
I'll be all right.
No, you will be SICK !
252
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:41,040
What if I just leave
if I feel queasy?
You will be sick immediately!
253
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:46,080
What if I'm sick quietly in a bag?
What is in your mind?
254
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,600
WHISPERS
255
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,080
SO...scum...
256
00:21:55,120 --> 00:21:58,680
prepare to be in PA-A-AIN !!
257
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:04,160
Yes, certainly. But first,
perhaps, a toast to your beauty.
258
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,840
Oh, thank you! OK!
259
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:16,440
So you were expecting
to be rescued, ha? Some bloody hope!
260
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:22,000
ENGLISH ACCENT:
On the contrary,
I'm sorry I'm so late! What?!
261
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,800
Yes, I have come to free you!
Hooray!
262
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:28,680
Smedley! I thought you were thick!
263
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:36,000
No. Just a dem fine actor!
Thank God I got here before you took
any of those awful suicide pills!
264
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:44,680
I suppose if someone had taken one
and wished that he hadn't, he'd be
able to do something about it?
265
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:50,000
No, they're very odd things.
The symptoms are most peculiar.
266
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:54,560
First of all, the victims
become very depressed...
267
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:59,080
Oh, God...! This whole revolution
is SO depressing!
268
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:03,400
And I'm SO lonely
and nobody loves me.
269
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:09,440
Then comes death? No! Then comes
the loss of temper, you BASTARD !
270
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:12,800
What are YOU staring at?! Ooh!
271
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,120
And THEN death?
272
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:20,480
No! After the temper,
comes the um...er...
273
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:25,520
Forgetfulness? That's it.
The, er... Forgetfulness.
274
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:30,880
Right in the middle of a thingy,
you completely forget what...
275
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,400
Oh, nice pair of shoes!
276
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:35,440
THEN you die?
277
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:40,680
Oh, no, I forgot one! Then comes
a moment of exquisite happiness!
278
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:45,920
Jumping up and down, waving your
arms, knowing that we'll be FREE !
279
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:49,120
Free! FREE ! And then death?
280
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,160
No, you jump in a corner first...
281
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:59,120
Hurray! It's the Scarlet Pimpernel!
Yes, Baldrick. And you killed him!
282
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:04,480
Yes, Baldrick. What's the point
of being the Scarlet Pimpernel
283
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,680
if you fall for the poison routine?
284
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,040
Scarlet Pimpernel?! Scarlet GIT!!
285
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:19,240
But here's our chance to escape.
What about Mr Frou? I wouldn't
pick my nose to save Frou Frou!
286
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:25,440
Oh... Ah, Frou Frou, my old friend!
What are you doing here? I escaped.
287
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,400
What happened? Er, nothing.
288
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:35,400
I thought the Scarlet Pimpernel
might have saved you.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
289
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,680
Ah, chaps!
Just trying on my new trousers!
290
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:47,160
I return, sir, with one top French
aristocrat fresh from the Bastille.
291
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,920
Pleased to meet you, monsieur.
Do sit down.
292
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,200
Shame about
the revolutionary caper.
293
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:57,840
So, how did you get him out?
294
00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:03,600
Sir, it is a heroic tale of courage
which I hesitate to tell myself...
295
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,720
I could try.
296
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:12,960
We left England in good weather,
but in Dover Harbour,
we were struck by a tidal wave,
297
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:18,200
and I swam to Boulogne
with Baldrick in my trousers.
298
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,600
Then we were taken to Paris,
299
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:27,440
where I was hung by my testicles
to the walls of the Bastille.
300
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:30,800
Then I decided I'd had enough.
301
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,800
Bravo!
302
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,280
So I rescued the Compte, killed
the guards, ran to Versailles,
303
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:44,320
where I climbed into Robespierre's
bedroom, leaving him a small tray
of milk chocolates and a rude note.
304
00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:46,960
The rest...was easy.
305
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:51,600
An incredible story!
Worthy of the Scarlet Pimpernel!
306
00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:54,640
Well, I wouldn't know...
307
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:59,840
I, on the other hand, would,
because, you see, sir...
308
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:08,440
I am the Scarlet Pimpernel!
309
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,200
Oh-oh...
310
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:15,240
Good Lord! Topper!
Yes, your Highness.
311
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:21,280
But egads, by jingo with dumplings
and a good helping of sprouts!
312
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:25,760
You single-handedly saved
all those Frenchies?!
313
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:31,000
Not quite single-handedly, sir.
I operate with my friend, Smedley.
314
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:36,120
But he seems to have disappeared,
slightly mysteriously.
315
00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:39,000
(Shut up! Yes, Mr Blackadder.)
316
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:43,040
So Blackadder rescued
the Scarlet Pimpernel?
317
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,560
No, sir. He did not. Eh?
318
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:51,600
Prepare yourself
for a story of deceit
that will make your stomach turn.
319
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:54,560
Oh, this is interesting, isn't it?
320
00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:04,240
Not only that, but I trust it will
lead to the imprisonment of a man
who is a liar, a bounder and a cad.
321
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:11,040
We hate liars, bounders and cads,
don't we?
322
00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,680
Generally speaking, yes, sir.
323
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:21,680
But perhaps before Lord Topper
talks, he might like some wine?
He's looking shaken.
324
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,240
Shaken, but not stirred.
325
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:31,240
It all began last week. I was
in Mrs Miggins' coffee shop when...
326
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:34,200
Oh, GOD...!
327
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,880
All this treachery
is SO depressing!
328
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:44,680
The whole thing makes you incredibly
ANGRY !! It makes you want to...
329
00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:48,160
Nice waistcoat, your Majesty.
330
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,760
Er, sorry, I've forgotten
what I was talking about...
331
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,320
A story of dishonour and deceit.
332
00:27:55,360 --> 00:28:00,600
Oh, yes, that's a GREAT story!
Great! A WONDERFUL story!
333
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:04,040
Let me jump into this corner first.
334
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:12,640
Roast my raisins! He's popped it!
Do you think he really WAS
the Scarlet Pimpernel?
335
00:28:12,680 --> 00:28:18,000
Judging from the ridiculous manner
of his death, I would say he was.
336
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:22,680
Shame. I wanted to give him
this enormous postal order.
337
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:27,720
Please, sir, let me finish.
I would say that he was...n't.
338
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:33,360
You see, the Scarlet Pimpernel
would NEVER reveal his identity.
339
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:38,520
So you're looking for a man who's
just rescued a French aristocrat,
340
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:45,560
but if asked,
"Are you the Scarlet Pimpernel?"
he replies, "Absolutely not!"
341
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:50,960
But, Blackadder, YOU'VE just been
to France to rescue an aristocrat!
342
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:55,480
Oh, Blackadder,
are YOU the Scarlet Pimpernel?
343
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:58,240
Absolutely NOT, sir.
344
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,080
Hooray!
345
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:49,280
Subtitles by Gillian Spence,
31352
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