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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,301 --> 00:00:34,632 'S wonderful 2 00:00:35,637 --> 00:00:37,764 'S marvelous 3 00:00:38,974 --> 00:00:41,272 You should care 4 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,640 For me 5 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,947 'S awful nice 6 00:00:46,982 --> 00:00:49,951 'S paradise 7 00:00:49,985 --> 00:00:52,613 'S what I love 8 00:00:52,654 --> 00:00:55,214 To see 9 00:00:55,257 --> 00:00:57,350 You make 10 00:00:57,392 --> 00:01:01,294 My life so glamorous 11 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:05,663 You can't blame me for feeling amorous 12 00:01:06,668 --> 00:01:09,660 Now, is this a bit of terrific, hmm? 13 00:01:11,006 --> 00:01:15,466 Last night, she was banging on my door for 45 minutes... 14 00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:16,534 but I wouldn't let her out. 15 00:01:25,387 --> 00:01:27,878 'S wonderful 16 00:01:27,923 --> 00:01:31,154 'S marvelous 17 00:01:31,193 --> 00:01:38,361 That you should care for me 18 00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,506 Don't worry. I'll get the mail. 19 00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:46,837 I'll get it. 20 00:01:46,875 --> 00:01:49,503 Uh-oh. Speaking of my mo... 21 00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:50,806 I have an amazing mother. 22 00:01:50,846 --> 00:01:55,010 You know, she's 85 years old, and she don't need glasses. 23 00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:56,108 She drinks right out of the bottle. 24 00:01:58,053 --> 00:01:59,748 She don't even open them anymore. 25 00:01:59,788 --> 00:02:01,119 She goes right through the label. 26 00:02:03,992 --> 00:02:05,459 Oh, and drinking? 27 00:02:05,494 --> 00:02:07,462 My doctor said, "Stop drinking"... 28 00:02:07,496 --> 00:02:09,555 so I'm not gonna drink anymore. 29 00:02:09,598 --> 00:02:12,965 I'm gonna freeze it now and eat it like a Popsicle. 30 00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:19,964 'S wonderful 31 00:02:20,008 --> 00:02:22,977 'S marvelous 32 00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:25,479 You should care 33 00:02:25,514 --> 00:02:26,481 For me 34 00:02:26,515 --> 00:02:27,982 2, 3, 4. 35 00:02:28,016 --> 00:02:30,985 'S awful nice 36 00:02:31,019 --> 00:02:33,487 'S paradise 37 00:02:33,522 --> 00:02:36,320 'S what I love 38 00:02:36,358 --> 00:02:37,985 To see 39 00:02:38,026 --> 00:02:39,994 I guess you all know this is my last night here. 40 00:02:40,028 --> 00:02:41,495 Tomorrow morning I'm going to Hollywood... 41 00:02:41,530 --> 00:02:42,656 and make a new picture... 42 00:02:42,697 --> 00:02:45,291 me, Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis Jr... 43 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,891 and Joey Bishop... 44 00:02:46,935 --> 00:02:48,368 called "Little Women." 45 00:02:50,038 --> 00:02:52,006 But before that, I'm gonna do a TV special... 46 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,507 with Mr. Bing Crosby. 47 00:02:53,542 --> 00:02:55,601 Now, why Bing works so hard, I'll never know. 48 00:02:55,644 --> 00:02:58,010 He's got $21 million... 49 00:02:58,046 --> 00:02:59,638 on him. 50 00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:12,059 My dear 51 00:03:12,093 --> 00:03:15,722 It's four-leaf clover time 52 00:03:15,764 --> 00:03:19,598 From now on, my heart's working overtime 53 00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:23,036 I don't care who you are, fat man. 54 00:03:23,071 --> 00:03:24,902 You get them reindeers off my roof. 55 00:03:27,075 --> 00:03:29,737 'S wonderful 56 00:03:29,778 --> 00:03:32,576 'S marvelous 57 00:03:32,614 --> 00:03:34,741 That you should care 58 00:03:34,783 --> 00:03:39,618 For me 59 00:03:40,622 --> 00:03:42,089 Good night! Good night! 60 00:03:42,123 --> 00:03:43,954 See you next year! 61 00:03:48,296 --> 00:03:49,923 Great, Dino. Only great. 62 00:03:49,965 --> 00:03:51,830 They were rolling in the aisles. 63 00:03:51,866 --> 00:03:54,164 Why didn't somebody take their dice away? 64 00:03:55,470 --> 00:03:56,494 Dino. 65 00:03:56,538 --> 00:03:57,505 Hmm? 66 00:03:57,539 --> 00:03:59,370 Am I going to see you before you leave? 67 00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,931 Just one last nightcap? 68 00:04:00,976 --> 00:04:02,034 You got it. 69 00:04:02,077 --> 00:04:04,068 I'll be in my room. 70 00:04:04,112 --> 00:04:05,579 Keep your hat on. 71 00:04:07,582 --> 00:04:09,049 What's her name? Mitzi? 72 00:04:09,084 --> 00:04:10,551 No, no. Sylvia. 73 00:04:10,585 --> 00:04:11,677 Sylvia. 74 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,711 This one is Mitzi. 75 00:04:13,755 --> 00:04:14,722 Dino. 76 00:04:14,756 --> 00:04:15,723 Hmm? 77 00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:17,725 Are we going to get together tonight? 78 00:04:17,759 --> 00:04:19,852 Just one for the road, huh? 79 00:04:19,894 --> 00:04:20,883 It's a must. 80 00:04:20,929 --> 00:04:22,988 My room later, OK? 81 00:04:23,999 --> 00:04:25,967 This is beginning to look like Custer's last stand. 82 00:04:26,001 --> 00:04:26,968 Like what? 83 00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:28,970 Because it isn't just Sylvia and Mitzi. 84 00:04:29,004 --> 00:04:30,335 There are all those other Indians. 85 00:04:30,372 --> 00:04:31,737 You've got Janet in the dressing room... 86 00:04:31,773 --> 00:04:33,172 Juicy Lucy up in your suite... 87 00:04:33,208 --> 00:04:34,175 and those German twins... 88 00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:35,437 waiting for you in the steam room. 89 00:04:35,477 --> 00:04:36,603 That's the whole idea. 90 00:04:36,645 --> 00:04:38,977 Now that I got everybody stashed away, I can beat it. 91 00:04:39,014 --> 00:04:40,982 So you pack my stuff and put it in the car. 92 00:04:41,016 --> 00:04:42,278 You're going to leave just like that, 93 00:04:42,317 --> 00:04:43,614 without saying good-bye? 94 00:04:43,652 --> 00:04:44,983 Damn right, because if I start saying good-bye... 95 00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:45,987 to all these dames, 96 00:04:46,021 --> 00:04:48,546 you'll have to carry me out of here... 97 00:04:48,590 --> 00:04:52,390 what's left of me... in a cigar box... 98 00:04:52,427 --> 00:04:53,689 baby. 99 00:05:35,103 --> 00:05:36,570 What's the matter? 100 00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:38,435 That Sinatra kid missing again? 101 00:05:38,473 --> 00:05:40,441 We had a bad pileup down the highway. 102 00:05:40,475 --> 00:05:42,568 You'll have to take the detour. 103 00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:43,907 Where does that lead to? 104 00:05:43,945 --> 00:05:47,381 You come out at Barstow, by way of Warm Springs... 105 00:05:47,415 --> 00:05:50,248 Paradise Valley, and Climax. 106 00:05:50,285 --> 00:05:51,775 That's the only way to go. 107 00:06:37,332 --> 00:06:38,299 Fill 'er up? 108 00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,858 Yeah. No, no. Over here. 109 00:06:47,342 --> 00:06:49,674 Anything else? 110 00:06:49,711 --> 00:06:51,144 No, thanks. 111 00:06:53,882 --> 00:06:56,612 Hey! You forgot your green stamps! 112 00:07:03,124 --> 00:07:04,216 Hi, Barney! 113 00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:55,237 Deedle, deedle, deedle 114 00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:57,938 Deedle, deedle, d... 115 00:07:57,979 --> 00:07:59,412 No, no, Mulligan. 116 00:07:59,447 --> 00:08:01,745 You've got an extra deedle in there. 117 00:08:01,783 --> 00:08:03,751 It's six deedles, not seven. 118 00:08:03,785 --> 00:08:06,754 Let's not monkey around with Beethoven, shall we? 119 00:08:06,788 --> 00:08:08,722 Once more. 120 00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:12,726 Orville. 121 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,227 Yes, dear? 122 00:08:14,262 --> 00:08:15,559 What's the matter? 123 00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,257 Please, dear, not now. 124 00:09:15,023 --> 00:09:17,253 Mulligan, not only do you have a tin ear... 125 00:09:17,292 --> 00:09:18,418 you have lead fingers. 126 00:09:18,459 --> 00:09:20,324 Whoever told you to take up the piano? 127 00:09:20,361 --> 00:09:21,760 You did, sir. 128 00:09:21,796 --> 00:09:24,196 Well, I need the money, but what's your excuse? 129 00:09:24,232 --> 00:09:26,996 It says here molto espressione... 130 00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:29,094 which means with much expression... 131 00:09:29,137 --> 00:09:31,697 with feeling, with heart. 132 00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,889 From the top again. 133 00:10:26,394 --> 00:10:29,124 A-natural! 134 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,197 Just a minute, you. 135 00:10:34,235 --> 00:10:35,202 Oh, hi there, Mr. Spooner. 136 00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:36,225 Don't you "hi there" me. 137 00:10:36,270 --> 00:10:38,966 I know your type, sneaking around to back doors. 138 00:10:39,007 --> 00:10:40,497 All right, let's have it. 139 00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:41,667 Have what? 140 00:10:41,709 --> 00:10:42,676 That note my wife left you. 141 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:45,270 You must think I'm blind or stupid or something. 142 00:10:45,313 --> 00:10:47,440 Oh, yeah, the... sure. The note. 143 00:10:47,482 --> 00:10:50,144 She wanted, uh, two quarts of milk and a dozen eggs. 144 00:10:50,184 --> 00:10:53,950 A likely story. 145 00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:57,651 "Two quarts of milk. One dozen eggs." 146 00:10:57,692 --> 00:10:58,954 What's it all about? 147 00:10:58,993 --> 00:11:00,392 I'll tell you what it's all about. 148 00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:01,656 It's about, um... 149 00:11:01,696 --> 00:11:02,720 buttermilk! 150 00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:03,958 And she forgot to order buttermilk. 151 00:11:03,998 --> 00:11:04,965 She always forgets. 152 00:11:04,999 --> 00:11:06,990 She doesn't like buttermilk, but I like buttermilk. 153 00:11:07,035 --> 00:11:08,400 There's nothing like buttermilk... 154 00:11:08,436 --> 00:11:10,961 especially if you have a lazy colon. 155 00:11:11,005 --> 00:11:12,370 Excuse me. 156 00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:34,693 No, no, no, Mulligan. 157 00:11:34,729 --> 00:11:36,458 Now you're leaving out a deedle. 158 00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:38,522 There are six deedles, not five. 159 00:11:38,566 --> 00:11:40,056 Orville! 160 00:11:46,841 --> 00:11:48,775 Yes, lambchop? 161 00:11:48,810 --> 00:11:51,005 Zip me up, will you, please? 162 00:11:51,045 --> 00:11:52,012 Going somewhere? 163 00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:53,308 Yes, and I'm late. 164 00:11:53,347 --> 00:11:54,746 I don't want to keep him waiting. 165 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:57,444 Of course not. Him? Whom? 166 00:11:57,485 --> 00:11:58,611 The dentist. 167 00:11:58,653 --> 00:12:00,143 Oh. You got a toothache? 168 00:12:00,188 --> 00:12:01,621 No. Time to have my teeth cleaned. 169 00:12:01,656 --> 00:12:02,816 You just had them cleaned. 170 00:12:02,857 --> 00:12:04,154 I have to go in every three months. 171 00:12:04,192 --> 00:12:07,252 Dr. Sheldrake says I have very tender gums. 172 00:12:07,295 --> 00:12:09,855 Oh, he does, does he? 173 00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,125 Bye, darling. 174 00:12:11,165 --> 00:12:12,632 Bye. 175 00:12:12,667 --> 00:12:13,998 Where did you get those flowers? 176 00:12:14,035 --> 00:12:15,696 They're from Johnnie. 177 00:12:17,105 --> 00:12:19,164 I picked them myself. 178 00:12:19,207 --> 00:12:20,538 Isn't he sweet? 179 00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:21,769 Yes, isn't he? 180 00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,640 Well, I'm off. 181 00:12:23,678 --> 00:12:25,509 See you, Johnnie. 182 00:13:06,087 --> 00:13:08,180 How old are you, Mulligan? 183 00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:10,452 Fourteen... going on fifteen. 184 00:13:14,595 --> 00:13:16,688 Pretty big for your age, aren't you? 185 00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,562 That's what they tell me. 186 00:13:24,806 --> 00:13:26,671 You stay away from my wife, do you hear me? 187 00:13:26,707 --> 00:13:27,674 What? 188 00:13:27,708 --> 00:13:29,232 Pussyfooting around behind my back! 189 00:13:29,277 --> 00:13:31,302 Bringing flowers to a married woman! 190 00:13:31,345 --> 00:13:32,903 Let go of me! 191 00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:42,722 You ought to be horsewhipped! 192 00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:50,230 And don't you ever come back here again... 193 00:13:51,232 --> 00:13:52,290 you teenage wolf! 194 00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:56,367 You male Lolita! 195 00:13:57,572 --> 00:13:58,732 Orville! 196 00:13:59,807 --> 00:14:01,468 Hey, you, Orville! 197 00:14:11,819 --> 00:14:15,482 Listen to this! I think I got it. I... 198 00:14:15,523 --> 00:14:18,253 Are you ready? I'm a poached egg. 199 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,259 You're a what? 200 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:20,453 I'm a poached egg. 201 00:14:20,494 --> 00:14:22,155 That's it... the title of the song. 202 00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:23,163 What song? 203 00:14:23,197 --> 00:14:24,221 The one you played me yesterday. 204 00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:26,922 Oh, that one. 205 00:14:26,968 --> 00:14:27,957 I got the whole lyric worked out. 206 00:14:28,002 --> 00:14:28,969 You want to hear it? 207 00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:29,970 Not now, Barney. 208 00:14:30,004 --> 00:14:30,971 I got other things on my mind. 209 00:14:31,005 --> 00:14:31,972 Oh, come on. Come on. 210 00:14:32,006 --> 00:14:32,973 I'm not in the mood. 211 00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,565 It's a dilly, I'll tell you. 212 00:14:34,609 --> 00:14:36,634 Give me a pickup. 213 00:14:39,847 --> 00:14:41,872 I'm a poached egg 214 00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:43,349 Without a piece of toast 215 00:14:43,384 --> 00:14:45,614 Yorkshire pudding 216 00:14:45,653 --> 00:14:46,950 Without a beef to roast 217 00:14:46,988 --> 00:14:48,979 I'm a haunted house 218 00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:51,014 That hasn't got a ghost 219 00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,219 When I'm without you 220 00:14:53,261 --> 00:14:54,387 Brilliant? 221 00:14:55,396 --> 00:14:57,387 I'm a mousetrap 222 00:14:57,431 --> 00:14:58,898 Without a piece of cheese 223 00:14:58,933 --> 00:15:00,992 I'm Vienna 224 00:15:01,035 --> 00:15:02,502 Without the Viennese 225 00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:04,663 I'm da Vinci 226 00:15:04,705 --> 00:15:06,605 Without the Mona Lis 227 00:15:06,641 --> 00:15:07,869 When I'm... 228 00:15:07,909 --> 00:15:09,570 Mona Lis? 229 00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:11,510 That's what makes it... 230 00:15:11,545 --> 00:15:13,035 the irregularity... 231 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,447 that unexpected little twist. 232 00:15:16,484 --> 00:15:18,475 Keep playing. 233 00:15:18,519 --> 00:15:20,384 It's ridiculous. 234 00:15:20,421 --> 00:15:21,445 What do you mean ridiculous? 235 00:15:21,489 --> 00:15:23,821 I mean this whole songwriting business. 236 00:15:23,858 --> 00:15:25,883 What are we knocking ourselves out for? 237 00:15:25,927 --> 00:15:26,951 We must have written fifty songs by now. 238 00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:27,961 Sixty-two. 239 00:15:27,995 --> 00:15:29,826 And what's happened? Nothing. 240 00:15:29,864 --> 00:15:31,024 We write them. I copy them. 241 00:15:31,065 --> 00:15:32,692 We send them out to all the publishers... 242 00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:34,860 and the record companies and the singers... 243 00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,426 Tony Bennett, Barbra Streisand... 244 00:15:36,470 --> 00:15:38,335 Nat "King" Cole, the Four Freshmen. 245 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,169 And do we ever hear from any of them? 246 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,970 No! They just steal the stamps... 247 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:44,375 from the return self-addressed envelopes. 248 00:15:44,412 --> 00:15:46,437 Are we gonna go through that again? 249 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:47,777 Irving Berlin wrote a hundred songs... 250 00:15:47,815 --> 00:15:50,409 before he hit it with "Alexander's Ragtime Band." 251 00:15:50,451 --> 00:15:53,386 And what about George Gershwin and Richard Rodgers? 252 00:15:53,421 --> 00:15:54,547 But they were professionals... 253 00:15:54,588 --> 00:15:58,251 and we're amateurs buried here in Climax, Nevada. 254 00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:00,351 Where do you think Cole Porter came from? 255 00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:01,884 Peru, Indiana. 256 00:16:01,929 --> 00:16:04,056 Hank Mancini? Aliquippa, Pennsylvania. 257 00:16:04,098 --> 00:16:06,396 Johnny Mercer? Savannah, Georgia. 258 00:16:06,434 --> 00:16:09,733 And he only won four Academy Awards. 259 00:16:09,770 --> 00:16:11,965 So play! 260 00:16:14,942 --> 00:16:16,910 I'm Las Vegas 261 00:16:16,944 --> 00:16:18,377 Without a slot machine 262 00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,471 I'm a gypsy 263 00:16:20,514 --> 00:16:21,947 Without a tambourine 264 00:16:21,983 --> 00:16:23,951 I'm Napoleon 265 00:16:23,985 --> 00:16:25,748 Without a Josephine 266 00:16:25,786 --> 00:16:28,084 When I'm without you 267 00:16:28,122 --> 00:16:31,182 Gets better all the time, huh? 268 00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:33,250 I'm a doctor 269 00:16:33,294 --> 00:16:34,727 Without a single pill 270 00:16:34,762 --> 00:16:36,787 I'm a lawyer 271 00:16:36,831 --> 00:16:38,321 Who never drew a will 272 00:16:38,366 --> 00:16:39,993 I'm a dentist 273 00:16:40,034 --> 00:16:42,195 Without a tooth to fill 274 00:16:42,236 --> 00:16:43,294 When I'm... 275 00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:48,942 Tender gums. 276 00:16:48,976 --> 00:16:52,173 That's a hell of a thing to say to a married woman. 277 00:16:52,213 --> 00:16:54,807 Oh, what are you talking about? 278 00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:56,146 It's that new dentist. 279 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:57,650 I can't keep her away from the place. 280 00:16:57,685 --> 00:16:59,585 She's there right now, in the chair. 281 00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:02,180 He's tilting her all the way back. 282 00:17:02,223 --> 00:17:03,952 He's giving her laughing gas. 283 00:17:03,991 --> 00:17:06,152 She's laughing. He's laughing, too! 284 00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,990 They're both laughing... at me! 285 00:17:08,029 --> 00:17:08,996 Relax, will you, Orville? 286 00:17:09,030 --> 00:17:10,190 You'll drive yourself crazy. 287 00:17:10,231 --> 00:17:11,391 Dr. Sheldrake. 288 00:17:11,432 --> 00:17:12,456 Sheldrake. 289 00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:13,831 Dr. Sheldrake. Dr. Sheldrake. 290 00:17:13,868 --> 00:17:14,857 Sheldrake. 291 00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,503 Did you hear the one about the nearsighted turtle... 292 00:17:18,539 --> 00:17:20,336 who fell in love with a helmet? 293 00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:28,510 Then there's the one about the nearsighted snake... 294 00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:30,210 who proposed to a piece of rope! 295 00:17:34,255 --> 00:17:35,722 Hello? 296 00:17:35,756 --> 00:17:37,383 This is Dr. Sheldrake. 297 00:17:37,425 --> 00:17:39,154 I told you. Listen to them. 298 00:17:42,296 --> 00:17:43,763 I know what you're laughing at... 299 00:17:43,798 --> 00:17:44,765 you and my wife, 300 00:17:44,799 --> 00:17:47,359 and I'm going to report you to the Dental Association! 301 00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:50,131 Who is this? 302 00:17:50,171 --> 00:17:51,468 This is the husband... 303 00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:52,597 and you're not kidding me for a second. 304 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,870 I know what you're doing to her. 305 00:17:54,909 --> 00:17:58,037 I'm putting an inlay in her lower left bicuspid. 306 00:17:58,079 --> 00:18:01,105 I thought so. Let me talk to her. 307 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:03,412 Mrs. Mulligan, your husband on the phone. 308 00:18:03,451 --> 00:18:04,418 Mrs. Mulligan? 309 00:18:04,452 --> 00:18:05,544 I don't want to talk to Mrs. Mulligan. 310 00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,554 I want to talk to Mrs. Spooner! 311 00:18:07,588 --> 00:18:09,749 Mrs. Spooner? She isn't here. 312 00:18:09,790 --> 00:18:11,883 Her appointment isn't till next Wednesday. 313 00:18:11,926 --> 00:18:13,757 Next Wednesday? 314 00:18:13,794 --> 00:18:16,456 Oh! I'll give her the message when she comes home. 315 00:18:16,497 --> 00:18:19,694 You were right. I was worrying about nothing. 316 00:18:19,733 --> 00:18:21,257 She isn't even there. 317 00:18:21,302 --> 00:18:22,735 You nut! 318 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:27,431 I'm a bullfight 319 00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:28,874 Without a matador 320 00:18:28,909 --> 00:18:30,934 I'm a heckler 321 00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:32,445 Who never gets the floor 322 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,345 Casanova 323 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,178 The night he didn't score 324 00:18:36,217 --> 00:18:37,206 Each time... 325 00:18:38,853 --> 00:18:41,219 Why isn't she there? Where is she? 326 00:18:41,255 --> 00:18:42,222 Why was she lying to me? 327 00:18:42,256 --> 00:18:44,087 Oh, for heaven's sakes, Orville. 328 00:18:44,125 --> 00:18:45,717 It's Johnnie Mulligan, of course. 329 00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:47,386 His mother's at the dentist... 330 00:18:47,428 --> 00:18:49,396 he's at home alone, and she's with him! 331 00:18:49,430 --> 00:18:52,797 Johnnie Mulligan? Come off it. He ain't even shaving yet. 332 00:18:56,737 --> 00:19:00,673 The milkman! He's shaving. It must be some kind of code. 333 00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:02,938 A dozen eggs... that's twelve. 334 00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:05,411 They're meeting behind the dairy at 12:00. 335 00:19:05,446 --> 00:19:07,141 Now you're running amok. 336 00:19:07,181 --> 00:19:09,149 You can't go around suspecting everybody. 337 00:19:11,118 --> 00:19:13,177 Sometimes I'm not even so sure about you. 338 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,312 Me? 339 00:19:14,355 --> 00:19:16,255 I'm scared, Barney. I'll tell you, I'm scared. 340 00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:17,882 I'm married to the prettiest girl in town... 341 00:19:17,925 --> 00:19:19,153 and she's gonna leave me one of these days. 342 00:19:19,193 --> 00:19:20,160 I just know it. 343 00:19:20,194 --> 00:19:21,422 - She will? - Yes, she will. 344 00:19:21,462 --> 00:19:23,430 And you know why? Because you're a nobody. 345 00:19:23,464 --> 00:19:25,432 Giving piano lessons for a buck and a quarter. 346 00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:28,128 Maybe once a week you play a wedding or a funeral. 347 00:19:28,169 --> 00:19:29,500 Big deal. 348 00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:32,438 Why, a beautiful girl like that, she should be spoiled. 349 00:19:32,473 --> 00:19:34,532 A touch of mink, fun in Acapulco... 350 00:19:34,575 --> 00:19:35,701 breakfast at Tiffany's! 351 00:19:35,743 --> 00:19:36,971 Fat chance. 352 00:19:37,011 --> 00:19:39,946 Orville, all it takes is one hit, just one hit. 353 00:19:39,980 --> 00:19:41,413 "How Much is That Doggie in the Window?"... 354 00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:42,437 three million records. 355 00:19:42,483 --> 00:19:45,247 "White Christmas"... eight million records. 356 00:19:45,286 --> 00:19:48,016 You think Irving Berlin's afraid of losing his wife? 357 00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:49,022 No, I guess not. 358 00:19:49,056 --> 00:19:50,148 That's why you got to keep 359 00:19:50,191 --> 00:19:51,988 putting those nickels in the slot. 360 00:19:52,026 --> 00:19:54,824 Because you never know when you're gonna hit the jackpot. 361 00:19:54,862 --> 00:19:57,524 Yeah. I guess so. 362 00:19:57,565 --> 00:19:59,726 Well, then, let's go. 363 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,098 I'm a poached egg 364 00:20:04,138 --> 00:20:05,503 Without a piece of toast 365 00:20:05,539 --> 00:20:07,302 Yorkshire pudding 366 00:20:07,341 --> 00:20:08,831 Without a beef to roast 367 00:20:08,876 --> 00:20:10,673 I'm a haunted house 368 00:20:10,711 --> 00:20:12,201 That hasn't got a ghost 369 00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:14,737 When I'm without you 370 00:20:20,621 --> 00:20:21,588 I'm a mousetrap 371 00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:23,920 Hey! Hey! 372 00:20:23,958 --> 00:20:25,425 I'm Vienna 373 00:20:25,459 --> 00:20:26,448 Without the Viennese 374 00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:27,619 I'm da Vinci 375 00:20:28,629 --> 00:20:30,096 Without the Mona Lis 376 00:20:30,130 --> 00:20:31,722 When I'm without you 377 00:20:31,765 --> 00:20:33,460 You know, I'm beginning to like that Mona Lis. 378 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,626 What did I tell you? 379 00:20:37,471 --> 00:20:40,804 Aw, hold it, mister! I'm coming. 380 00:20:40,841 --> 00:20:42,741 Stay with it, will you? 381 00:20:51,385 --> 00:20:52,511 What'll it be? 382 00:20:52,553 --> 00:20:56,387 A shave and a haircut. The works, baby. 383 00:21:13,507 --> 00:21:14,496 Hey. 384 00:21:15,509 --> 00:21:16,476 What's the matter? 385 00:21:16,510 --> 00:21:17,534 You know who you are? 386 00:21:17,578 --> 00:21:19,978 Sure. I'm the greatest. I'm the prettiest. 387 00:21:20,014 --> 00:21:22,073 Y-y... 388 00:21:22,116 --> 00:21:23,947 What do you do for cigarettes around here, huh? 389 00:21:23,984 --> 00:21:26,885 - Cigarettes? - Yeah. 390 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,285 Hmm. 391 00:21:32,159 --> 00:21:33,922 Or... 392 00:21:33,961 --> 00:21:35,258 Orville! 393 00:21:35,296 --> 00:21:37,594 Hey, Orville! 394 00:21:42,169 --> 00:21:44,137 Come here quick! 395 00:21:45,906 --> 00:21:47,533 You know, I've been here for five years... 396 00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:49,633 but this is the first time that anybody... 397 00:21:49,677 --> 00:21:50,837 oh, sure, back in '61... 398 00:21:50,878 --> 00:21:52,937 Liberace pulled in here with a flat tire... 399 00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:57,246 but we never had anybody that's somebody like you. 400 00:21:57,284 --> 00:21:58,911 Where's the men's room? 401 00:22:01,088 --> 00:22:02,055 Oh. 402 00:22:02,089 --> 00:22:03,283 Wait a minute. 403 00:22:03,324 --> 00:22:04,916 I want you to meet a friend of mine. 404 00:22:04,958 --> 00:22:06,448 Orville, look who we got here! 405 00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:07,960 Who? 406 00:22:07,995 --> 00:22:10,190 It's Dino! 407 00:22:10,230 --> 00:22:12,460 Oh! How do you do? 408 00:22:12,499 --> 00:22:13,466 This is Orville Spooner. 409 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,094 He plays the piano and the organ at the church. 410 00:22:16,136 --> 00:22:17,865 Oh, he's a terrific musician. 411 00:22:17,905 --> 00:22:18,872 Well... 412 00:22:18,906 --> 00:22:19,873 the face is familiar. 413 00:22:19,907 --> 00:22:21,067 Oh? 414 00:22:21,108 --> 00:22:22,632 Not yours, his. 415 00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:23,836 Oh. 416 00:22:23,877 --> 00:22:26,209 OK if I go to the john now? 417 00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:33,886 Orville, this is it. This is our jackpot. 418 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,548 Remember "That's Amore"?.. top single for 37 weeks. 419 00:22:36,590 --> 00:22:37,887 Or "Memories are Made of This"?.. 420 00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:40,154 over two million copies! 421 00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:42,525 And he's got his own recording company. 422 00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:44,325 I'll run over and get some of our songs! 423 00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:45,763 No, no, no. That's not the way to do it. 424 00:22:45,799 --> 00:22:47,323 You got to be more subtle. 425 00:22:47,367 --> 00:22:48,891 Subtle? 426 00:22:48,935 --> 00:22:51,267 Just start singing him one of our tunes, casual-like. 427 00:22:51,304 --> 00:22:52,999 Or hum a little. Catch his ear. 428 00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:54,028 I see. 429 00:22:54,074 --> 00:22:56,406 What are you waiting for? Go! 430 00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:08,778 I'm a poached egg 431 00:23:08,822 --> 00:23:10,380 Without a piece of toast 432 00:23:10,423 --> 00:23:11,754 Yorkshire pudding 433 00:23:11,791 --> 00:23:13,224 Without a beef to roast 434 00:23:13,260 --> 00:23:15,023 I'm a haunted house 435 00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,585 That hasn't got a ghost 436 00:23:16,630 --> 00:23:18,996 When I'm without you 437 00:23:32,712 --> 00:23:34,407 I'm a western 438 00:23:34,447 --> 00:23:36,347 Without a hitching post 439 00:23:36,383 --> 00:23:39,409 There's paper towels in the ladies' room. 440 00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,565 I'm a mousetrap 441 00:23:57,604 --> 00:23:59,003 Without a piece of cheese 442 00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:00,631 I'm da Vinci 443 00:24:00,674 --> 00:24:02,266 Without the Mona Lis 444 00:24:02,309 --> 00:24:04,402 Mona Lis? 445 00:24:12,685 --> 00:24:13,982 I'm Las Vegas 446 00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:15,282 Without a slot machine 447 00:24:15,321 --> 00:24:16,720 I'm Napoleon 448 00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:18,417 Without a Josephine 449 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:19,516 What's with him? 450 00:24:19,559 --> 00:24:21,390 Catchy tune, isn't it? We wrote it together. 451 00:24:21,427 --> 00:24:22,689 - No. - Yeah. 452 00:24:22,728 --> 00:24:24,195 We're gonna call it "I'm a Poached Egg." 453 00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:28,564 I'm a poached... cuckoo. How much do I owe you? 454 00:24:28,601 --> 00:24:30,694 $5.15. Too bad you're in such a hurry... 455 00:24:30,736 --> 00:24:32,704 because if we had just a little more time... 456 00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:34,205 Here you are. 457 00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:37,835 100? Oh, I can't change this. I'll have to run to the bank. 458 00:24:37,877 --> 00:24:39,538 Why don't you have a cup of coffee with Orville? 459 00:24:39,579 --> 00:24:40,546 Get acquainted. 460 00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:41,604 We've got a lot of songs... 461 00:24:41,647 --> 00:24:44,047 and they really sound better on the piano. 462 00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:45,277 Uh, just a minute. 463 00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:47,218 Here, here. Here's $10. 464 00:24:47,253 --> 00:24:48,914 Keep the change. 465 00:24:50,756 --> 00:24:51,848 Oh, wait! 466 00:24:51,891 --> 00:24:54,519 I forgot to check the oil. 467 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,120 You know, uh, "I Left My Heart in San Francisco?" 468 00:24:57,163 --> 00:24:58,255 Big hit, right? 469 00:24:58,297 --> 00:24:59,264 They stole it from us. 470 00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:00,196 Is that so? 471 00:25:00,233 --> 00:25:01,700 We wrote it first, only it was called... 472 00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:03,326 "I Left My Heart in San Diego." 473 00:25:03,369 --> 00:25:05,803 Exactly the same idea. 474 00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,897 We just missed by a few miles. 475 00:25:10,943 --> 00:25:12,467 All set. 476 00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:14,480 We also have an Italian-type song... 477 00:25:14,514 --> 00:25:16,004 like "Volare," only better. 478 00:25:16,048 --> 00:25:17,743 It would be just perfect for you. 479 00:25:17,783 --> 00:25:18,750 Shove it in an envelope... 480 00:25:18,784 --> 00:25:20,479 and send it to my office in Hollywood. 481 00:25:21,487 --> 00:25:23,318 Oh, no. All you guys want to do... 482 00:25:23,356 --> 00:25:26,348 is steal those return stamps! 483 00:25:26,392 --> 00:25:31,227 Aww, the hell with him. He sings flat anyway. 484 00:25:31,264 --> 00:25:33,630 Flat, sharp, or round... he sells, doesn't he? 485 00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:35,463 Yeah. I guess we muffed it. 486 00:25:35,501 --> 00:25:38,299 Who knows when we'll get a chance like this again? 487 00:25:38,337 --> 00:25:40,771 Oh, I'd say in about three minutes. 488 00:25:40,806 --> 00:25:41,773 Three minutes? 489 00:25:41,807 --> 00:25:43,240 I disconnected his fuel line. 490 00:25:43,276 --> 00:25:44,265 He's got enough gas in the carburetor... 491 00:25:44,310 --> 00:25:47,143 to go a couple blocks. 492 00:25:47,179 --> 00:25:48,146 Cuckoo! 493 00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:49,147 Yeah. Right now he's stalled... 494 00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:50,739 on the corner of Citrus and Yucca. 495 00:25:50,783 --> 00:25:52,341 He's going into Pringle's hardware store. 496 00:25:52,385 --> 00:25:54,410 He's asking if he could use the phone. 497 00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:57,889 We should be hearing from him in about ten seconds. 498 00:25:57,924 --> 00:26:02,293 Five, four, three, two, one. 499 00:26:03,896 --> 00:26:06,194 You answer it. I'll get the tow truck. 500 00:26:12,338 --> 00:26:14,431 Barney's Service Station. 501 00:26:14,473 --> 00:26:19,433 Oh, hello there. Of course I remember you. 502 00:26:19,478 --> 00:26:21,605 What seems to be the trouble? 503 00:26:52,912 --> 00:26:55,039 What is this, a gag or something? 504 00:26:55,081 --> 00:26:56,605 A gag? 505 00:26:56,649 --> 00:26:58,480 You're sure you didn't mess around with that motor? 506 00:26:58,517 --> 00:27:00,485 That's a terrible thing to say. 507 00:27:00,519 --> 00:27:02,714 Well, what's wrong with it? 508 00:27:02,755 --> 00:27:05,781 Look. If this is your attitude, I'm not even gonna tell you. 509 00:27:05,825 --> 00:27:07,520 He's a factory-trained mechanic. 510 00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,528 That's like being a doctor. You got to take an oath. 511 00:27:09,562 --> 00:27:11,496 All right, doc, what's the word? 512 00:27:13,366 --> 00:27:14,856 You know anything about cars? 513 00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:18,996 Me? I need a copilot to turn on the windshield wiper. 514 00:27:19,038 --> 00:27:20,062 The left intake valve is cracked... 515 00:27:20,106 --> 00:27:22,233 on account of that double camshaft... 516 00:27:22,274 --> 00:27:24,242 because of the internal combustion. 517 00:27:24,276 --> 00:27:25,402 That bad? 518 00:27:25,444 --> 00:27:28,345 It happens once in a while. You know these Italian cars. 519 00:27:28,381 --> 00:27:29,939 Well, don't stand there talking to each other. 520 00:27:29,982 --> 00:27:32,314 Fix it! 521 00:27:32,351 --> 00:27:33,943 "Fix it," he says. 522 00:27:35,054 --> 00:27:37,045 I have to send to L.A. For a new part... 523 00:27:37,089 --> 00:27:38,147 and if they don't have it, it has to come... 524 00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:39,589 from the distributor in New York... 525 00:27:39,625 --> 00:27:40,683 and if he doesn't have it... 526 00:27:40,726 --> 00:27:43,490 it has to come from the factory in Milan. 527 00:27:43,529 --> 00:27:44,496 Milan? 528 00:27:44,530 --> 00:27:46,259 That's ridiculous. He's a busy man. 529 00:27:46,298 --> 00:27:47,390 You bet I am. 530 00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:49,333 I got to get back and do a television special. 531 00:27:49,868 --> 00:27:51,563 Oh, really? What channel? 532 00:27:51,603 --> 00:27:53,161 What the hell difference does it make? 533 00:27:53,205 --> 00:27:54,297 I want to watch it. 534 00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:55,306 Well, we'll watch it together... 535 00:27:55,340 --> 00:27:56,773 because I'll probably still be here. 536 00:27:56,808 --> 00:28:00,244 Quiet, will you? Let me think. 537 00:28:00,279 --> 00:28:01,746 What I could do is take a valve... 538 00:28:01,780 --> 00:28:04,408 from that old Chevy and grind it down to fit. 539 00:28:04,449 --> 00:28:05,916 That should get you to Hollywood. 540 00:28:05,951 --> 00:28:07,043 He knows his business. 541 00:28:07,085 --> 00:28:08,245 And how long will that take? 542 00:28:08,287 --> 00:28:09,481 Well, if I work all night... 543 00:28:09,521 --> 00:28:11,614 I can have it for you first thing in the morning. 544 00:28:11,657 --> 00:28:13,284 You mean I got to spend the night in this dump? 545 00:28:13,325 --> 00:28:15,316 They just opened a brand-new motel here. 546 00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:17,260 He wouldn't like it. It stinks. 547 00:28:17,296 --> 00:28:18,263 How can you say that? 548 00:28:18,297 --> 00:28:20,288 It's got all the modern conveniences. 549 00:28:20,332 --> 00:28:21,299 Didn't you hear what happened? 550 00:28:21,333 --> 00:28:22,300 A skunk got into the air conditioning. 551 00:28:22,334 --> 00:28:23,392 I don't care where I sleep. 552 00:28:23,435 --> 00:28:25,369 Just find me an empty pool table. 553 00:28:25,404 --> 00:28:26,871 I'm sure Mr. Spooner would be glad... 554 00:28:26,905 --> 00:28:28,099 to put you up for the night. 555 00:28:28,140 --> 00:28:29,334 Wouldn't you, Orville? 556 00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:31,865 Me? Oh, of course I would. 557 00:28:31,910 --> 00:28:33,207 He's got a spare room... 558 00:28:33,245 --> 00:28:35,304 and it's right across the street. 559 00:28:35,347 --> 00:28:38,282 His wife... oh, his wife's a great cook. 560 00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:39,477 I get the scene. 561 00:28:39,518 --> 00:28:40,746 This way. 562 00:28:40,786 --> 00:28:42,651 No, not you. You stay here... 563 00:28:42,688 --> 00:28:45,384 and start grinding that little grabber. 564 00:28:45,424 --> 00:28:47,187 Come on. Let's go. 565 00:28:54,299 --> 00:28:56,358 Tell me, since we're both in the same racket... 566 00:28:56,401 --> 00:28:57,663 Tin Pan Alley... 567 00:28:57,703 --> 00:29:00,831 don't you think that rock'n'roll is on the way out? 568 00:29:00,872 --> 00:29:02,863 They're just not writing them the way they used to... 569 00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:04,899 I mean those evergreens like "Star Dust" 570 00:29:04,943 --> 00:29:06,274 and "Melancholy Baby." 571 00:29:06,311 --> 00:29:08,211 Look, let's cut out all the small talk. 572 00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:09,373 I'm bushed. 573 00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:12,410 It's real quiet here. 574 00:29:12,451 --> 00:29:13,918 You can take a nice long nap... 575 00:29:13,952 --> 00:29:16,420 then we'll have some dinner, and afterwards... 576 00:29:16,455 --> 00:29:18,946 we can sit around the piano and sing some songs. 577 00:29:18,991 --> 00:29:20,481 Is that the only action in this town? 578 00:29:20,525 --> 00:29:22,015 Oh, no. There's a bowling alley. 579 00:29:22,060 --> 00:29:24,153 Or you can stand outside Pringle's hardware store... 580 00:29:24,196 --> 00:29:26,255 and watch color television in the window. 581 00:29:26,298 --> 00:29:27,492 Hey, you're not reading me right, pal. 582 00:29:27,532 --> 00:29:29,329 What's with the broads around here? 583 00:29:29,368 --> 00:29:32,337 Broads? Oh, you mean action action. 584 00:29:32,371 --> 00:29:34,896 Yeah. It's a habit with me, like breathing. 585 00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:36,737 I should have known from the gossip columns. 586 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,174 Well, it's not that I like to. 587 00:29:38,210 --> 00:29:40,371 You see, I have to because if I skip one night... 588 00:29:40,412 --> 00:29:42,437 I wake up the next morning with such a headache. 589 00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:44,176 Oh. 590 00:29:44,216 --> 00:29:46,514 No, no. This is our bedroom. 591 00:29:46,551 --> 00:29:48,178 You're in there. 592 00:29:55,260 --> 00:29:56,454 This is it... 593 00:29:56,495 --> 00:29:59,487 a sort of a combination sewing room and guest room. 594 00:30:02,534 --> 00:30:04,229 You ought to have this tuned. 595 00:30:04,269 --> 00:30:05,429 Tuned? 596 00:30:06,271 --> 00:30:08,000 About your problem... you know... 597 00:30:08,040 --> 00:30:09,473 that headache you were talking about... 598 00:30:09,508 --> 00:30:12,136 maybe you ought to try the Belly Button. 599 00:30:12,177 --> 00:30:13,166 The what? 600 00:30:13,211 --> 00:30:15,702 There's this roadhouse just outside town... 601 00:30:15,747 --> 00:30:16,805 called the Belly Button. 602 00:30:16,848 --> 00:30:19,043 They've got these cocktail waitresses. 603 00:30:19,084 --> 00:30:20,108 They're very friendly. 604 00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:22,143 At least, that's what I hear. I've never been there myself. 605 00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:23,711 After all, I'm a married man. 606 00:30:26,325 --> 00:30:27,314 This your wife? 607 00:30:27,359 --> 00:30:28,792 Yes, sir. Her name is lambchop. 608 00:30:28,827 --> 00:30:31,489 It's really Zelda. I call her lambchop. 609 00:30:31,530 --> 00:30:32,656 How about that? 610 00:30:32,698 --> 00:30:35,360 She sews and she knits and she puts up preserves. 611 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,267 And she grows her own parsley. 612 00:30:38,303 --> 00:30:39,668 Must be a great girl all around. 613 00:30:39,705 --> 00:30:41,832 Oh, she is. 614 00:30:41,873 --> 00:30:44,364 You lucky dog! 615 00:30:50,482 --> 00:30:52,245 Well, I guess you're all set here. 616 00:30:52,284 --> 00:30:53,512 You know where everything is. 617 00:30:53,552 --> 00:30:56,146 It takes a few minutes for the hot water to get hot. 618 00:30:56,188 --> 00:30:59,589 And if there's anything else you want... 619 00:30:59,624 --> 00:31:00,989 bye now. 620 00:31:26,151 --> 00:31:27,118 Oh, hello, darling. 621 00:31:27,152 --> 00:31:28,414 Hello. 622 00:31:28,453 --> 00:31:29,715 Sorry I'm late. 623 00:31:29,755 --> 00:31:33,452 Dr. Sheldrake sends you his regards. 624 00:31:33,492 --> 00:31:35,289 That's nice. 625 00:31:35,327 --> 00:31:36,294 How'd it go there? 626 00:31:36,328 --> 00:31:38,091 - Where? - At the dentist. 627 00:31:38,130 --> 00:31:39,290 Oh, fine. Fine. 628 00:31:39,331 --> 00:31:40,298 Did he hurt you? 629 00:31:40,332 --> 00:31:43,199 No. But he thinks he'll have to pull my wisdom tooth. 630 00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,996 You're lying, Zelda. 631 00:31:47,038 --> 00:31:48,369 Well, maybe he can save it. 632 00:31:48,407 --> 00:31:49,999 You weren't at the dentist at all. 633 00:31:50,041 --> 00:31:52,009 Your appointment isn't till next Tuesday. 634 00:31:52,043 --> 00:31:53,010 It's next Wednesday. 635 00:31:53,044 --> 00:31:54,511 So where were you today? 636 00:31:54,546 --> 00:31:56,537 If you must know, I was at my mother's. 637 00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:57,605 On a Saturday? 638 00:31:57,649 --> 00:31:59,344 Isn't that when she works at the blood bank? 639 00:31:59,384 --> 00:32:01,352 Orville, I'm not going to answer any more questions. 640 00:32:01,386 --> 00:32:03,047 You haven't answered any so far. 641 00:32:03,088 --> 00:32:04,953 I'm sick and tired of you spying on me... 642 00:32:04,990 --> 00:32:06,014 and cross-examining me... 643 00:32:06,057 --> 00:32:07,684 and checking the mileage on my car. 644 00:32:07,726 --> 00:32:09,387 Don't change the subject. 645 00:32:09,428 --> 00:32:10,554 I have myself vaccinated... 646 00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:12,187 and right away you want to know who bit me. 647 00:32:12,230 --> 00:32:14,027 All right, who bit you? 648 00:32:14,065 --> 00:32:18,263 I mean, where were you? And what's in that box? 649 00:32:19,271 --> 00:32:20,670 You really want me to tell you? 650 00:32:20,705 --> 00:32:22,696 Yes. 651 00:32:22,741 --> 00:32:24,538 It's a present for my lover. 652 00:32:24,576 --> 00:32:27,306 Oh! Oh, it is, huh? 653 00:32:40,692 --> 00:32:42,284 It's today? 654 00:32:42,327 --> 00:32:43,988 September 30th. 655 00:32:44,029 --> 00:32:46,793 I thought it was the 31st. 656 00:32:46,832 --> 00:32:49,562 It was going to be a surprise, and now you've spoiled it. 657 00:32:49,601 --> 00:32:52,468 I'm sorry, darling. I guess I'm a monster. 658 00:32:52,504 --> 00:32:53,630 Yes, you are. 659 00:32:53,672 --> 00:32:55,162 I don't know why you put up with me. 660 00:32:55,207 --> 00:32:56,174 I don't, either. 661 00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:58,233 Talk about mental cruelty. 662 00:32:58,276 --> 00:32:59,243 Jealousy. 663 00:32:59,277 --> 00:33:03,145 Suspicion, nagging, and cross-examining. 664 00:33:03,181 --> 00:33:04,205 Do you want to know why I'm late? 665 00:33:04,249 --> 00:33:05,739 You don't have to explain. 666 00:33:05,784 --> 00:33:07,445 Because of those idiots at the bakery. 667 00:33:07,486 --> 00:33:10,421 I ordered pistachio cake, and they made it chocolate. 668 00:33:10,455 --> 00:33:12,082 I know how you hate chocolate. 669 00:33:12,123 --> 00:33:14,591 Pistachio, chocolate... who cares? 670 00:33:14,626 --> 00:33:16,651 I love you. 671 00:33:16,695 --> 00:33:18,253 Actually, I didn't mind waiting 672 00:33:18,296 --> 00:33:20,662 because otherwise I never would have seen him. 673 00:33:20,699 --> 00:33:21,961 Who? 674 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,433 I looked out the window... 675 00:33:23,468 --> 00:33:27,063 and there he was, driving by in his car. 676 00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:28,663 Who? 677 00:33:28,707 --> 00:33:32,040 He wore sunglasses, and he needed a shave... 678 00:33:32,077 --> 00:33:35,046 but I recognized him anyway. 679 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,513 Who? 680 00:33:40,118 --> 00:33:41,483 Dino? 681 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:43,044 I nearly fainted. 682 00:33:43,088 --> 00:33:45,488 I've been crazy about him since I was 16. 683 00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:46,491 You never told me. 684 00:33:46,525 --> 00:33:48,720 I used to be president of his fan club... 685 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,352 and secretary-treasurer. 686 00:33:50,395 --> 00:33:51,487 There were just two of us... 687 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,430 me and Rosalie Schultz, but she chickened out... 688 00:33:53,465 --> 00:33:54,591 and went over to Mitch Miller. 689 00:33:54,633 --> 00:33:56,498 I don't blame her. 690 00:33:56,535 --> 00:33:59,629 Imagine, Dino in person... driving down Citrus Avenue. 691 00:33:59,671 --> 00:34:02,105 You must be imagining it. It's ridiculous. 692 00:34:02,140 --> 00:34:04,665 What would a guy like that be doing in Climax? 693 00:34:04,709 --> 00:34:06,540 Anyway, I read somewhere that he's in Hollywood. 694 00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:07,943 Television or something. What are you doing? 695 00:34:07,979 --> 00:34:08,946 I just want to play "Volare." 696 00:34:08,980 --> 00:34:09,947 Oh, no, you don't. 697 00:34:09,981 --> 00:34:11,005 Why not? 698 00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:12,983 You never know who's going to barge in. 699 00:34:13,018 --> 00:34:14,144 Who? 700 00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:17,348 I don't know. Rosalie Schultz, Mitch Miller, anybody. 701 00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:20,324 And besides, I don't want a strange man singing to you. 702 00:34:20,358 --> 00:34:21,347 There you go again. 703 00:34:21,393 --> 00:34:25,796 I mean, after all, it is our anniversary. 704 00:34:29,834 --> 00:34:31,461 I've got another surprise for you. 705 00:34:31,503 --> 00:34:32,663 Another? 706 00:34:32,704 --> 00:34:33,966 You'll love it. 707 00:34:34,005 --> 00:34:36,235 I'd better go in the sewing room and finish it. 708 00:34:36,274 --> 00:34:37,502 You do that. 709 00:34:43,281 --> 00:34:45,181 Sewing room! 710 00:34:45,216 --> 00:34:48,276 Zelda. Wait! 711 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:49,582 What are you going in there for? 712 00:34:49,621 --> 00:34:50,849 I have some sewing to do. 713 00:34:50,889 --> 00:34:52,254 What sewing? 714 00:34:52,290 --> 00:34:53,552 It's a secret. 715 00:34:53,592 --> 00:34:55,253 You know I don't like secrets. 716 00:34:55,293 --> 00:34:56,317 All right, if you insist. 717 00:34:56,361 --> 00:34:58,852 I'm making myself a black chiffon negligee. 718 00:34:58,897 --> 00:35:00,364 I just have to put the lace on the collar. 719 00:35:00,398 --> 00:35:02,457 I want it to be ready for tonight. 720 00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:05,298 You don't need lace on the collar. 721 00:35:05,337 --> 00:35:08,101 You don't even need a negligee. 722 00:35:08,139 --> 00:35:10,607 And we don't have to wait for tonight. 723 00:35:15,146 --> 00:35:16,443 I have no more lessons today... 724 00:35:16,481 --> 00:35:18,711 and we're all alone in the house... 725 00:35:18,750 --> 00:35:19,717 so why don't we... 726 00:35:19,751 --> 00:35:21,912 In the middle of the afternoon? 727 00:35:21,953 --> 00:35:23,682 That's what makes it... 728 00:35:23,722 --> 00:35:25,519 the irregularity... 729 00:35:25,557 --> 00:35:27,582 that unexpected little twist. 730 00:35:27,626 --> 00:35:30,356 Orville, have you been reading "Playboy" again? 731 00:35:30,395 --> 00:35:31,862 You just relax. 732 00:35:31,896 --> 00:35:34,865 I'll be with you in a minute, lambchop. 733 00:36:19,810 --> 00:36:20,868 I was just coming to see you. 734 00:36:20,912 --> 00:36:21,936 Look what I got... 735 00:36:21,979 --> 00:36:23,674 all the Italian food they had at the market. 736 00:36:23,714 --> 00:36:26,239 Macaroni, parmigiana, frozen pizza, chianti. 737 00:36:26,284 --> 00:36:27,251 Forget it. 738 00:36:27,285 --> 00:36:28,309 That's what he likes. 739 00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:29,341 You'll gonna give him an Italian dinner... 740 00:36:29,387 --> 00:36:30,718 play him our Italian song. 741 00:36:30,755 --> 00:36:33,053 Oh, no. He's gonna get into his Italian car and beat it! 742 00:36:33,090 --> 00:36:34,079 What do you mean? 743 00:36:34,125 --> 00:36:36,184 I don't want him in the house. We got to get rid of him. 744 00:36:36,227 --> 00:36:37,194 After all the trouble we went to? 745 00:36:37,228 --> 00:36:39,219 - You heard me. - Why? 746 00:36:39,263 --> 00:36:40,389 Because he's a sex maniac. 747 00:36:40,431 --> 00:36:41,625 So what? That's his problem. 748 00:36:41,666 --> 00:36:43,964 But it's my wife! He's already after her. 749 00:36:44,001 --> 00:36:46,469 And what's worse, she's crazy about him, too. 750 00:36:46,504 --> 00:36:49,996 Oh. What's wrong with that? He likes her. She likes him. 751 00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,303 So while you're plugging the songs... 752 00:36:51,342 --> 00:36:53,333 she's sort of putting him in the mood. 753 00:36:53,377 --> 00:36:55,436 Why, you miserable... 754 00:36:55,479 --> 00:36:57,447 are you suggesting that I use my wife? 755 00:36:57,481 --> 00:36:59,745 Watch that chianti. 756 00:36:59,784 --> 00:37:01,411 I don't care if I never sell a song. 757 00:37:01,452 --> 00:37:03,977 I'd rather starve first because I love my wife. 758 00:37:04,021 --> 00:37:05,420 I adore her. I worship her. 759 00:37:05,456 --> 00:37:06,480 Don't you trust her? 760 00:37:06,524 --> 00:37:09,391 No. Excuse me. 761 00:37:40,558 --> 00:37:42,389 Hurry up, playboy. 762 00:37:49,100 --> 00:37:51,398 It is no use arguing, Barney. 763 00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:54,302 Just reconnect his fuel line and... pssst. 764 00:37:54,338 --> 00:37:56,363 Well, not so fast. 765 00:37:57,575 --> 00:37:59,600 Why do we have to get rid of him? 766 00:37:59,644 --> 00:38:01,612 Why don't we get rid of her? 767 00:38:01,646 --> 00:38:02,613 Zelda? 768 00:38:02,647 --> 00:38:04,274 Sure. Just send her away for the night... 769 00:38:04,315 --> 00:38:05,373 if you're so worried. 770 00:38:05,416 --> 00:38:06,906 Send her away. That's already better... 771 00:38:06,951 --> 00:38:08,145 but it won't work. 772 00:38:08,185 --> 00:38:09,152 Why not? 773 00:38:09,186 --> 00:38:10,778 Didn't you hear what I said? 774 00:38:10,821 --> 00:38:13,153 This guy is only interested in action. 775 00:38:13,190 --> 00:38:14,350 He's not going to spend the night here... 776 00:38:14,392 --> 00:38:17,486 just with me, eating macaroni and listening to our songs. 777 00:38:17,528 --> 00:38:18,927 He's going to be at the Belly Button... 778 00:38:18,963 --> 00:38:21,295 looking for broads. 779 00:38:21,332 --> 00:38:22,993 Hold it. Hold it, hold it. 780 00:38:23,034 --> 00:38:24,763 Why does he have to go to the Belly Button? 781 00:38:24,802 --> 00:38:26,997 Why don't we bring the Belly Button to him? 782 00:38:27,038 --> 00:38:28,300 Now you're going too fast. 783 00:38:28,339 --> 00:38:29,431 Once Zelda's out of the way... 784 00:38:29,473 --> 00:38:31,441 we pick up one of those cocktail waitresses... 785 00:38:31,475 --> 00:38:32,464 and get her over here. 786 00:38:32,510 --> 00:38:34,034 Mmm. That'll keep him in the house. 787 00:38:34,078 --> 00:38:35,375 How am I going to explain it to him? 788 00:38:35,413 --> 00:38:37,404 That I was afraid he was going to make a pass at my wife... 789 00:38:37,448 --> 00:38:38,710 so we got him a chippy instead? 790 00:38:38,749 --> 00:38:40,910 You don't have to explain anything. 791 00:38:40,951 --> 00:38:43,943 Just introduce her as your wife. 792 00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:45,683 What? 793 00:38:45,723 --> 00:38:46,883 Does he know what Zelda looks like? 794 00:38:46,924 --> 00:38:48,357 - No, but... - Then that's it. 795 00:38:48,392 --> 00:38:51,259 He's going to get all the action he wants. 796 00:38:51,295 --> 00:38:53,422 Barney, you're sick! 797 00:38:53,464 --> 00:38:56,661 Uh-huh. He can tickle her and pinch her... 798 00:38:56,701 --> 00:38:59,363 grab her, wrestle with her. 799 00:39:01,005 --> 00:39:02,529 Excuse me. 800 00:39:50,811 --> 00:39:53,041 Nice little lambchop. 801 00:39:56,217 --> 00:39:57,844 Coming, Orville. 802 00:39:59,754 --> 00:40:01,585 All right, all right. 803 00:40:01,622 --> 00:40:02,646 So it's a great idea. 804 00:40:02,690 --> 00:40:04,658 But just tell me one thing if you're so clever... 805 00:40:04,692 --> 00:40:06,250 how do I get rid of my wife? 806 00:40:06,293 --> 00:40:08,853 That's the easiest part. Hit her. 807 00:40:08,896 --> 00:40:09,988 Hit her? 808 00:40:10,030 --> 00:40:12,396 Or start an argument or get her sore at you. 809 00:40:12,433 --> 00:40:15,800 Shove a grapefruit in her face. There's lots of ways. 810 00:40:15,836 --> 00:40:17,531 You want me to louse up my marriage? 811 00:40:17,571 --> 00:40:19,436 It's just for one night. 812 00:40:19,473 --> 00:40:21,464 So she cries a little. She goes home to her mother. 813 00:40:21,509 --> 00:40:22,976 And tomorrow morning you can explain... 814 00:40:23,010 --> 00:40:23,999 the whole thing to her. 815 00:40:24,044 --> 00:40:25,705 You buy her a nice present. 816 00:40:25,746 --> 00:40:27,008 By that time, you can afford it... 817 00:40:27,047 --> 00:40:29,481 because we'll have sold all those songs. 818 00:40:29,517 --> 00:40:32,645 You mean for no reason at all... a grapefruit? 819 00:40:32,686 --> 00:40:34,381 Right in the kisser. 820 00:40:34,422 --> 00:40:35,411 Oh, I couldn't do that. 821 00:40:35,456 --> 00:40:36,855 You've got to because you love her. 822 00:40:36,891 --> 00:40:38,984 It's for her own good. 823 00:40:39,026 --> 00:40:40,254 Orville! 824 00:40:41,629 --> 00:40:44,154 Good luck. And you better get her out of here fast... 825 00:40:44,198 --> 00:40:45,460 because I'm on my way to the Belly Button... 826 00:40:45,499 --> 00:40:47,364 to pick up that dame. 827 00:40:53,107 --> 00:40:54,472 Orville! 828 00:40:56,510 --> 00:41:00,412 Oh, Barney brought this... a little anniversary present. 829 00:41:00,448 --> 00:41:01,506 Why did you get dressed again? 830 00:41:01,549 --> 00:41:02,641 Again? 831 00:41:02,683 --> 00:41:04,014 After you took a shower. 832 00:41:04,051 --> 00:41:06,451 I did? Oh, of course. 833 00:41:06,487 --> 00:41:09,888 And I got dressed again because I was feeling chilly. 834 00:41:09,924 --> 00:41:11,949 You certainly didn't act chilly. 835 00:41:11,992 --> 00:41:12,959 When? 836 00:41:12,993 --> 00:41:14,585 When I was in the shower. 837 00:41:14,628 --> 00:41:17,096 I thought you were going to climb right in with me. 838 00:41:17,131 --> 00:41:20,828 You did? I mean, did I? 839 00:41:20,868 --> 00:41:24,668 We could save a lot of money on our water bill. Hmm? 840 00:41:24,705 --> 00:41:25,967 Hmm. 841 00:41:26,006 --> 00:41:27,473 Look what I dug up. 842 00:41:27,508 --> 00:41:28,475 What? 843 00:41:28,509 --> 00:41:29,976 Our wedding pictures. 844 00:41:30,010 --> 00:41:33,673 Oh? Just let me get rid of this stuff. 845 00:41:33,714 --> 00:41:35,079 All right. 846 00:41:46,727 --> 00:41:48,319 Hey, you. 847 00:41:49,363 --> 00:41:51,354 Beethoven. 848 00:41:55,536 --> 00:41:58,232 When am I going to meet that wife of yours? 849 00:41:58,272 --> 00:42:00,900 She's taking a nap because she just took a shower... 850 00:42:00,941 --> 00:42:02,966 but I guess you know that. 851 00:42:03,010 --> 00:42:05,410 Did you say she grows her own parsley? 852 00:42:05,446 --> 00:42:07,744 Yes. You'll have some for dinner. 853 00:42:07,781 --> 00:42:09,510 That's when you'll meet her... at dinner. 854 00:42:09,550 --> 00:42:11,916 I think I'll catch a little shut-eye myself... 855 00:42:11,952 --> 00:42:14,011 so I can be nice and fresh. 856 00:42:14,054 --> 00:42:15,612 Fresh? 857 00:42:15,656 --> 00:42:19,490 I have a hunch this may turn out to be a big night. 858 00:43:03,870 --> 00:43:07,169 Come here, darling. You'll get a kick out of these. 859 00:43:07,207 --> 00:43:08,868 Out of what? 860 00:43:08,909 --> 00:43:11,173 Our wedding pictures. Remember that day? 861 00:43:11,211 --> 00:43:15,045 Do I? It was the worst day of my life. 862 00:43:15,082 --> 00:43:16,640 I thought it was beautiful. 863 00:43:16,683 --> 00:43:18,412 Oh, you did? 864 00:43:18,452 --> 00:43:19,419 It was just that you tried to do... 865 00:43:19,453 --> 00:43:21,648 too many things at the same time. 866 00:43:21,688 --> 00:43:22,780 Whoever heard of a bridegroom... 867 00:43:22,823 --> 00:43:26,953 playing the organ at his own wedding? 868 00:43:26,993 --> 00:43:29,257 Look at mother... crying her eyes out. 869 00:43:29,296 --> 00:43:33,528 I'm glad you brought that up. 870 00:43:33,567 --> 00:43:36,502 You want to know how I feel about your mother? 871 00:43:36,536 --> 00:43:37,503 No. 872 00:43:37,537 --> 00:43:40,802 All right, I'll tell you. She makes me throw up. 873 00:43:40,841 --> 00:43:42,934 The way she treats your father. 874 00:43:42,976 --> 00:43:45,376 And you know what she looks like? 875 00:43:45,412 --> 00:43:46,504 Godzilla! 876 00:43:46,546 --> 00:43:47,945 Now, now, Orville. 877 00:43:47,981 --> 00:43:49,539 Now, now, what? 878 00:43:49,583 --> 00:43:51,175 Mother may be a little difficult, but... 879 00:43:51,218 --> 00:43:53,345 Difficult? She's impossible. 880 00:43:53,386 --> 00:43:57,755 A mean, vicious, loud-mouthed, interfering old bag! 881 00:43:57,791 --> 00:44:00,282 Now, what do you think of that? 882 00:44:00,327 --> 00:44:03,296 Well, basically I have to agree with you. 883 00:44:03,330 --> 00:44:04,661 You do? 884 00:44:04,698 --> 00:44:07,496 Why do you think I got married? To get away from her. 885 00:44:07,534 --> 00:44:11,061 Oh, so that's the reason why you married me. 886 00:44:11,104 --> 00:44:15,598 Not the only reason. I also love you. 887 00:44:15,642 --> 00:44:17,769 Oh. 888 00:44:17,811 --> 00:44:21,247 Here are some pictures from our honeymoon. 889 00:44:21,281 --> 00:44:23,249 Honeymoon? 890 00:44:23,283 --> 00:44:26,912 Boy, was that ever a flop. 891 00:44:26,953 --> 00:44:28,318 I wouldn't say that. 892 00:44:28,355 --> 00:44:31,051 Oh, you wouldn't? 893 00:44:31,091 --> 00:44:34,219 I'll admit the first night was a little disappointing... 894 00:44:34,261 --> 00:44:35,319 when they didn't have a room for us... 895 00:44:35,362 --> 00:44:37,227 and we had to sleep out in your old rambler. 896 00:44:38,465 --> 00:44:40,592 It was a Volkswagen. 897 00:44:40,634 --> 00:44:41,862 Darling, here's a picture. 898 00:44:41,902 --> 00:44:43,426 It was a rambler, a blue rambler. 899 00:44:43,470 --> 00:44:45,995 It was pink. 900 00:44:46,039 --> 00:44:47,006 Don't tell me. 901 00:44:47,040 --> 00:44:48,530 Of course it was blue... 902 00:44:48,575 --> 00:44:50,338 exactly the same color as my eyes. 903 00:44:50,377 --> 00:44:54,108 Your eyes are pink. 904 00:44:54,147 --> 00:44:56,479 What are you talking about? I have blue eyes. 905 00:44:56,516 --> 00:44:57,813 I say they're pink. 906 00:44:57,851 --> 00:45:00,684 You want to make something of it? 907 00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:04,417 Orville, what is this... some kind of a new game? 908 00:45:06,726 --> 00:45:08,421 I wonder who that could be. 909 00:45:13,466 --> 00:45:14,899 Good afternoon, Mrs. Spooner. 910 00:45:14,935 --> 00:45:15,924 May we come in? 911 00:45:15,969 --> 00:45:17,664 Of course, Reverend. 912 00:45:18,738 --> 00:45:19,727 Hello, Mrs. Spooner. 913 00:45:19,773 --> 00:45:20,740 Mrs. Mulligan. 914 00:45:20,774 --> 00:45:21,763 - Hi, Zelda. - Hi, Rosalie. 915 00:45:21,808 --> 00:45:23,901 We hate to intrude on you like this... 916 00:45:23,944 --> 00:45:25,206 but we're collecting signatures... 917 00:45:25,245 --> 00:45:27,338 for a petition urging the city council... 918 00:45:27,380 --> 00:45:30,144 to close down that dreadful place... 919 00:45:30,183 --> 00:45:32,276 if the ladies will forgive my language... 920 00:45:32,319 --> 00:45:35,482 the Belly Button. 921 00:45:35,522 --> 00:45:39,390 Of course. We'll be glad to sign, won't we, Orville? 922 00:45:39,426 --> 00:45:40,757 We will? 923 00:45:40,794 --> 00:45:44,821 Well, it's a disgrace, a cesspool... 924 00:45:44,864 --> 00:45:46,263 a blot on our community. 925 00:45:46,299 --> 00:45:49,029 I understand they let minors use the cigarette machine. 926 00:45:49,069 --> 00:45:51,333 Rosalie and I went in there to investigate... 927 00:45:51,371 --> 00:45:53,032 and two strange men approached us... 928 00:45:53,073 --> 00:45:54,904 and offered to buy us Bloody Marys. 929 00:45:54,941 --> 00:45:56,704 I got the distinct impression 930 00:45:56,743 --> 00:45:59,109 that there's love for sale on the premises. 931 00:45:59,145 --> 00:46:05,243 "Love For Sale," Cole Porter... a million and a half copies. 932 00:46:05,285 --> 00:46:08,277 Well, what are we waiting for? Who's got a fountain pen? 933 00:46:17,397 --> 00:46:19,797 Oh, I see you're celebrating your anniversary. 934 00:46:19,833 --> 00:46:20,822 Our fifth. 935 00:46:20,867 --> 00:46:22,528 What a lovely cake. 936 00:46:22,569 --> 00:46:23,558 Pistachio? 937 00:46:23,603 --> 00:46:24,797 Would you like a piece? 938 00:46:24,838 --> 00:46:26,829 I wouldn't want you to spoil it. 939 00:46:26,873 --> 00:46:29,103 Oh, well, maybe just a little piece. 940 00:46:29,142 --> 00:46:31,133 In that case, I'll have a little piece, too. 941 00:46:31,177 --> 00:46:32,144 Reverend? 942 00:46:32,178 --> 00:46:33,145 No, thank you. 943 00:46:33,179 --> 00:46:34,407 Cholesterol, you know. 944 00:46:34,447 --> 00:46:36,677 Thank you. 945 00:46:36,716 --> 00:46:40,015 However, if you happen to have half a grapefruit. 946 00:46:42,589 --> 00:46:46,753 Well, actually, I was saving it for my wife. 947 00:47:16,589 --> 00:47:18,318 What do you say, Barney? 948 00:47:20,760 --> 00:47:21,749 Is Polly working today? 949 00:47:21,795 --> 00:47:23,285 - Sure. - Where? 950 00:47:23,330 --> 00:47:27,027 She's gone back to being a blond again. 951 00:47:34,607 --> 00:47:36,438 Hey, Polly, we were just wondering... 952 00:47:36,476 --> 00:47:39,206 how do you get that thing to stay in there? 953 00:47:39,245 --> 00:47:40,507 I glue it in. 954 00:47:40,547 --> 00:47:42,276 Ha ha ha! 955 00:47:43,483 --> 00:47:46,111 What would happen if I unglued it? 956 00:47:46,152 --> 00:47:48,052 You'd get beer in your eye. 957 00:47:48,088 --> 00:47:49,248 From there? 958 00:47:49,289 --> 00:47:51,985 From here. 959 00:48:03,937 --> 00:48:06,098 Look, Bertha, you still want those new seat covers... 960 00:48:06,139 --> 00:48:07,538 in your station wagon? 961 00:48:07,574 --> 00:48:08,563 Why? 962 00:48:08,608 --> 00:48:10,769 I'll give them to you for half price... 963 00:48:10,810 --> 00:48:12,209 if you'll do me a little favor. 964 00:48:12,245 --> 00:48:13,872 Like what? 965 00:48:16,716 --> 00:48:19,742 It's OK with me if it's OK with Polly. 966 00:48:19,786 --> 00:48:21,117 Muah! 967 00:48:27,427 --> 00:48:30,885 Listen, Polly, I got a proposition for you. 968 00:48:30,930 --> 00:48:33,057 Step back. Here comes a big one. 969 00:48:34,234 --> 00:48:35,201 Gesundheit. 970 00:48:35,235 --> 00:48:36,930 Like I said, I got a proposition. 971 00:48:36,970 --> 00:48:37,937 I need you. 972 00:48:37,971 --> 00:48:38,995 Right now? 973 00:48:39,038 --> 00:48:40,005 It's an emergency. 974 00:48:40,039 --> 00:48:41,631 Yeah, it must be. 975 00:48:41,674 --> 00:48:44,142 Actually, it's not for me. It's for a friend of mine. 976 00:48:44,177 --> 00:48:45,940 He's giving a little party. It's an all-night job. 977 00:48:45,979 --> 00:48:47,537 I just got on duty. 978 00:48:47,580 --> 00:48:49,548 I won't be through till 1:00 in the morning. 979 00:48:49,582 --> 00:48:51,743 It's OK. I talked to Big Bertha. 980 00:48:51,785 --> 00:48:52,979 It's all fixed. 981 00:48:53,019 --> 00:48:54,782 You better get yourself another girl. 982 00:48:54,821 --> 00:48:57,517 I'm coming down with this cold, and I feel lousy. 983 00:48:57,557 --> 00:48:59,718 Well, if you want to pass up 25 bucks. 984 00:48:59,759 --> 00:49:02,227 - How much? - 25 bucks. 985 00:49:02,262 --> 00:49:04,253 Huh? 986 00:49:04,297 --> 00:49:05,525 Suddenly I feel better. 987 00:49:06,566 --> 00:49:08,193 Atta girl. Let's go. 988 00:49:08,234 --> 00:49:09,565 Don't you want me to change my clothes first? 989 00:49:09,602 --> 00:49:10,933 Come on. I got my motor running. 990 00:49:10,970 --> 00:49:12,232 At least let me put on a coat. 991 00:49:12,272 --> 00:49:13,239 What for? 992 00:49:13,273 --> 00:49:15,207 Do you want me to catch pneumonia? 993 00:49:15,241 --> 00:49:16,640 On an outside job like this... 994 00:49:16,676 --> 00:49:18,303 I'm not covered by any Blue Cross. 995 00:49:18,344 --> 00:49:19,436 Ok, but step on it. 996 00:49:19,479 --> 00:49:20,503 I'll pick you up around the back. 997 00:49:20,547 --> 00:49:21,571 Yeah. 998 00:49:33,693 --> 00:49:36,491 Bang! Bang! Bang! 999 00:50:07,527 --> 00:50:08,585 Here's your dinner, Sam. 1000 00:50:09,596 --> 00:50:11,962 I won't be home till late. 1001 00:50:11,998 --> 00:50:13,192 Polly! 1002 00:50:13,233 --> 00:50:15,895 I'm coming! 1003 00:50:15,935 --> 00:50:18,130 Now, don't stay up all night watching TV. 1004 00:50:18,171 --> 00:50:19,297 It's not good for your eyes. 1005 00:50:24,010 --> 00:50:25,443 Are you kidding? 1006 00:50:25,478 --> 00:50:27,503 I'm not going in any truck. 1007 00:50:27,547 --> 00:50:31,813 Listen to her... Princess Grace. Get your keister in here! 1008 00:50:31,851 --> 00:50:34,877 You know what you are? No gentleman. 1009 00:50:34,921 --> 00:50:37,014 Come on! Come on! 1010 00:50:37,056 --> 00:50:38,489 OK. 1011 00:50:56,409 --> 00:50:58,639 Say, what kind of party is this anyway? 1012 00:50:58,678 --> 00:51:00,669 My friend will explain the whole thing to you. 1013 00:51:00,713 --> 00:51:02,408 What are you so worried about? 1014 00:51:02,448 --> 00:51:05,611 Well, the last time I took a job like this was July 4th. 1015 00:51:05,652 --> 00:51:07,210 It was one of those bachelor barbecues... 1016 00:51:07,253 --> 00:51:10,950 with fireworks and everything, and they raffled me off. 1017 00:51:10,990 --> 00:51:12,582 I went for $83. 1018 00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:15,660 Except the next day, the check bounced... 1019 00:51:15,695 --> 00:51:19,028 so all I got out of it was a case of poison ivy. 1020 00:51:24,470 --> 00:51:26,870 Thank you, Mrs. Spooner. 1021 00:51:26,906 --> 00:51:27,873 Bye, Rosalie. 1022 00:51:27,907 --> 00:51:29,033 Happy anniversary, Zelda. 1023 00:51:29,075 --> 00:51:30,804 Come, come, ladies. We have a lot of work to do. 1024 00:51:30,843 --> 00:51:33,175 We need another 400 signatures. 1025 00:51:36,015 --> 00:51:37,243 Reverend. 1026 00:51:39,586 --> 00:51:41,019 Are you sure you don't need some help? 1027 00:51:41,054 --> 00:51:42,988 After all, 400 signatures. 1028 00:51:43,022 --> 00:51:44,512 Why don't you take my wife along? 1029 00:51:44,557 --> 00:51:45,990 She's very good at this sort of thing. 1030 00:51:46,025 --> 00:51:47,083 Oh, I wouldn't think of it. 1031 00:51:47,126 --> 00:51:48,889 Not on your anniversary. 1032 00:51:51,297 --> 00:51:52,924 This way, playboy. 1033 00:52:03,776 --> 00:52:07,109 In case there are any more petitions. 1034 00:52:07,146 --> 00:52:08,238 Yeah. 1035 00:52:12,318 --> 00:52:13,546 Now... 1036 00:52:13,586 --> 00:52:15,213 Where were we? 1037 00:52:16,956 --> 00:52:20,255 You know, this town isn't going to be the same... 1038 00:52:20,293 --> 00:52:23,524 if they close down the Belly Button. 1039 00:52:23,563 --> 00:52:24,552 Why should you care? 1040 00:52:24,597 --> 00:52:25,928 Why should I care? 1041 00:52:25,965 --> 00:52:27,933 I happen to be their biggest customer. 1042 00:52:27,967 --> 00:52:28,934 You? 1043 00:52:28,968 --> 00:52:30,458 All those nights when you thought... 1044 00:52:30,503 --> 00:52:32,494 I was at choir practice or bowling... 1045 00:52:32,538 --> 00:52:34,802 or watching color television outside Pringle's... 1046 00:52:34,841 --> 00:52:36,570 I was really at the Belly Button. 1047 00:52:36,609 --> 00:52:37,906 Doing what? 1048 00:52:37,944 --> 00:52:40,742 Using that cigarette machine, drinking Mary Bloodies... 1049 00:52:40,780 --> 00:52:42,941 and a lot of other things, but I'd rather not talk about it... 1050 00:52:42,982 --> 00:52:45,712 because you'll just get sore and walk out on me. 1051 00:52:45,752 --> 00:52:47,014 What other things? 1052 00:52:47,053 --> 00:52:48,350 You may think I'm sort of a square... 1053 00:52:48,388 --> 00:52:51,221 but ask any of those cocktail waitresses there... 1054 00:52:51,257 --> 00:52:54,283 I am a swinger. 1055 00:52:54,327 --> 00:52:55,589 Sure you are. 1056 00:52:55,628 --> 00:52:58,062 I wouldn't have it any other way. 1057 00:53:12,145 --> 00:53:15,512 Poor Zelda. I guess the wife is always the last to know. 1058 00:53:15,548 --> 00:53:16,537 Know what? 1059 00:53:16,582 --> 00:53:19,312 For your information, I have been playing around for years. 1060 00:53:19,352 --> 00:53:20,376 Oh? 1061 00:53:20,420 --> 00:53:21,580 And not just with those waitresses... 1062 00:53:21,621 --> 00:53:23,020 with some of your best friends. 1063 00:53:23,056 --> 00:53:24,045 Like who? 1064 00:53:24,090 --> 00:53:26,081 Well, I'm too much of a gentleman to mention names... 1065 00:53:26,125 --> 00:53:27,285 but last Thanksgiving... 1066 00:53:27,326 --> 00:53:29,590 there was a little incident in the organ loft. 1067 00:53:29,629 --> 00:53:31,927 Oh, you and Rosalie Schultz. 1068 00:53:31,964 --> 00:53:32,953 How did you know? 1069 00:53:32,999 --> 00:53:35,399 She told me all about it. We had a big laugh. 1070 00:53:35,435 --> 00:53:36,459 You mean, you were discussing... 1071 00:53:36,502 --> 00:53:37,935 my sex life with another woman... 1072 00:53:37,970 --> 00:53:39,198 and laughing about it? 1073 00:53:39,238 --> 00:53:40,398 What sex life? 1074 00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:41,907 So you chased her up the bell tower. 1075 00:53:41,941 --> 00:53:44,136 It just so happens that she chased me. 1076 00:53:44,177 --> 00:53:46,907 What difference does it make? Nobody caught anybody. 1077 00:53:46,946 --> 00:53:48,573 And anyway, I trust you. 1078 00:53:48,614 --> 00:53:50,605 You trust me? 1079 00:53:50,650 --> 00:53:52,982 That's a lousy thing to say about your husband. 1080 00:53:53,019 --> 00:53:55,487 Don't you think I'm attractive to other women? 1081 00:53:55,521 --> 00:53:57,853 You're attractive to me. 1082 00:53:58,891 --> 00:54:00,552 So come to bed. 1083 00:54:03,429 --> 00:54:04,657 Oh, no. 1084 00:54:04,697 --> 00:54:06,164 You're not going to weasel out of it. 1085 00:54:06,199 --> 00:54:08,599 The truth is, you don't give a damn about me... 1086 00:54:08,634 --> 00:54:11,068 because if you did, you'd be jealous. 1087 00:54:11,104 --> 00:54:12,571 You'd fight for me. 1088 00:54:12,605 --> 00:54:14,470 It's the most primitive emotion there is. 1089 00:54:14,507 --> 00:54:15,769 You take the Watusis. 1090 00:54:15,808 --> 00:54:18,038 I read all about it in the "National Geographic"... 1091 00:54:18,077 --> 00:54:19,772 in Dr. Sheldrake's office. 1092 00:54:19,812 --> 00:54:21,575 If a Watusi wife catches another woman... 1093 00:54:21,614 --> 00:54:23,639 with a Watusi husband, you know what she does? 1094 00:54:23,683 --> 00:54:26,277 She buries her in sand up to her neck... 1095 00:54:26,319 --> 00:54:28,412 and smears honey all over her head... 1096 00:54:28,454 --> 00:54:30,513 and lets the red ants loose on her. 1097 00:54:30,556 --> 00:54:32,581 But what do you do when Rosalie Schultz... 1098 00:54:32,625 --> 00:54:34,286 tries to steal your husband? 1099 00:54:34,327 --> 00:54:36,591 You give her a piece of pistachio cake! 1100 00:54:36,629 --> 00:54:38,824 Well, if that's all you care about me... 1101 00:54:38,865 --> 00:54:39,889 I've had it. 1102 00:54:39,932 --> 00:54:42,127 I'm not staying here another minute. 1103 00:54:42,168 --> 00:54:44,500 Where do you think you're going? 1104 00:54:44,537 --> 00:54:46,505 I'm going home to mother. 1105 00:54:49,175 --> 00:54:53,168 Orville! Wait a minute. What are you doing? 1106 00:54:53,212 --> 00:54:54,873 That's right. What am I doing? 1107 00:54:54,914 --> 00:54:56,108 It's the other way around. 1108 00:54:56,149 --> 00:54:58,208 You're going home to your mother. 1109 00:54:58,251 --> 00:55:00,685 Darling, what's the matter with you? 1110 00:55:00,720 --> 00:55:02,585 All day you've been trying to pick a fight. 1111 00:55:02,622 --> 00:55:03,850 It's for your own good. 1112 00:55:03,890 --> 00:55:05,881 There isn't room enough here for the three of us. 1113 00:55:05,925 --> 00:55:07,256 The three of us? 1114 00:55:07,293 --> 00:55:10,456 I mean the four of us. Out you go. 1115 00:55:10,496 --> 00:55:13,021 Orville, you're not making any sense. 1116 00:55:13,065 --> 00:55:15,795 This is me, your wife. Zelda, remember? 1117 00:55:15,835 --> 00:55:17,097 Five years ago today... 1118 00:55:17,136 --> 00:55:20,037 we promised to love, honor, and cherish each other... 1119 00:55:20,072 --> 00:55:21,266 and you were so nervous... 1120 00:55:21,307 --> 00:55:23,741 you put the ring on the minister's finger. 1121 00:55:23,776 --> 00:55:28,042 Oh, cut out that sentimental slush! 1122 00:55:28,080 --> 00:55:29,479 Out! 1123 00:55:29,515 --> 00:55:30,539 Oh... 1124 00:55:33,452 --> 00:55:35,647 Don't cry, lambchop. Please. 1125 00:55:35,688 --> 00:55:37,315 Maybe I'm not making any sense now... 1126 00:55:37,356 --> 00:55:38,653 but I'll make a lot of sense tomorrow... 1127 00:55:38,691 --> 00:55:40,158 when I explain the whole thing. 1128 00:55:40,193 --> 00:55:41,182 Don't bother! 1129 00:55:41,227 --> 00:55:43,092 Tomorrow or any other time! 1130 00:55:51,304 --> 00:55:53,101 Zelda! 1131 00:56:11,424 --> 00:56:15,190 Nice timing, Orville. Now we're cooking. 1132 00:56:15,228 --> 00:56:19,688 I wish I were in hell with my back broken. 1133 00:56:19,732 --> 00:56:22,496 Just wait till you see what I brought for dessert. 1134 00:56:23,870 --> 00:56:25,735 This is Polly. 1135 00:56:28,608 --> 00:56:29,597 My friend Orville. 1136 00:56:29,642 --> 00:56:30,939 Hi. 1137 00:56:30,977 --> 00:56:32,569 Not here. 1138 00:56:32,612 --> 00:56:34,170 You want the whole neighborhood to know? 1139 00:56:34,213 --> 00:56:36,078 Get her in the house. 1140 00:56:36,115 --> 00:56:37,309 That's some welcome. 1141 00:56:37,350 --> 00:56:39,910 Stop beefing. This is cash on the line... 1142 00:56:39,952 --> 00:56:41,579 and no poison ivy. 1143 00:56:41,621 --> 00:56:43,213 Come on. Come on. 1144 00:56:52,498 --> 00:56:55,262 You got a wastepaper basket someplace? 1145 00:56:57,536 --> 00:56:58,969 Well, what do you think of her? 1146 00:56:59,004 --> 00:57:00,904 I guess she's all right, but I wouldn't know. 1147 00:57:00,939 --> 00:57:04,807 You can take my word for it. She's a pistol, a real pistol. 1148 00:57:04,843 --> 00:57:05,901 Say, what is this? 1149 00:57:05,944 --> 00:57:07,673 You brought me all the way here on approval? 1150 00:57:07,713 --> 00:57:10,113 No, no. You got a deal. Right? 1151 00:57:10,149 --> 00:57:11,480 Oh, sure. We've gone this far. 1152 00:57:11,517 --> 00:57:12,950 We may as well go through with it. 1153 00:57:12,985 --> 00:57:14,714 Don't force yourself, mister. 1154 00:57:14,753 --> 00:57:16,220 Oh, I didn't mean it that way. 1155 00:57:16,255 --> 00:57:17,313 I think you're most attractive... 1156 00:57:17,356 --> 00:57:19,085 and you're going to do a very good job. 1157 00:57:19,124 --> 00:57:21,251 What does he want now, references? 1158 00:57:21,293 --> 00:57:23,386 Simmer down. You, too... 1159 00:57:23,429 --> 00:57:25,192 because it's gonna work out just great. 1160 00:57:25,230 --> 00:57:26,629 I hope so. 1161 00:57:26,665 --> 00:57:28,599 Don't bet on it, hon. 1162 00:57:28,634 --> 00:57:29,760 I better leave you alone now. 1163 00:57:29,802 --> 00:57:30,826 Do you have to? 1164 00:57:30,869 --> 00:57:32,359 I'm supposed to be grinding that valve. 1165 00:57:33,972 --> 00:57:35,098 And one more thing... 1166 00:57:35,140 --> 00:57:37,472 you got all night, so take it easy. 1167 00:57:37,509 --> 00:57:39,568 You don't have to start on the piano right away. 1168 00:57:39,611 --> 00:57:43,547 Build up to it slowly. 1169 00:57:43,582 --> 00:57:45,277 Know what I mean? 1170 00:57:45,317 --> 00:57:46,648 Maybe while you have dinner... 1171 00:57:46,685 --> 00:57:48,482 you can sneak it into the conversation. 1172 00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:51,421 And then after dinner, you can really go all out. 1173 00:57:58,996 --> 00:58:00,964 Well, shall we get organized? 1174 00:58:00,998 --> 00:58:04,456 Look, I'm a good sport... I mean, you could ask anybody... 1175 00:58:04,501 --> 00:58:06,867 but none of that crazy stuff, huh? 1176 00:58:06,903 --> 00:58:08,666 You see, I got this bad cold. 1177 00:58:08,705 --> 00:58:11,936 Did you ever hear of anybody with a... with a good cold? 1178 00:58:11,975 --> 00:58:13,203 Huh. 1179 00:58:15,012 --> 00:58:17,003 It's a nice place you got here. 1180 00:58:17,047 --> 00:58:18,480 Oh, you'll like it. 1181 00:58:18,515 --> 00:58:20,983 It's not very big, but it's clean. 1182 00:58:21,018 --> 00:58:22,485 What is? 1183 00:58:22,519 --> 00:58:23,986 What is what? 1184 00:58:24,021 --> 00:58:26,615 I don't know. You brought it up. 1185 00:58:28,091 --> 00:58:30,218 First thing you have to do is get out of those clothes. 1186 00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:32,490 Just like that? 1187 00:58:33,029 --> 00:58:33,996 You're so right. 1188 00:58:34,030 --> 00:58:36,897 First thing, we'd better make sure my wife isn't coming back. 1189 00:58:36,933 --> 00:58:38,730 Yeah. I think we better. 1190 00:58:47,610 --> 00:58:49,737 You realize if it weren't for venetian blinds... 1191 00:58:49,779 --> 00:58:51,269 it would be curtains for all of us? 1192 00:58:51,314 --> 00:58:53,248 I guess you can't be too careful... 1193 00:58:53,283 --> 00:58:54,875 a man in your position. 1194 00:58:54,918 --> 00:58:56,249 My position? 1195 00:58:56,286 --> 00:58:57,719 Oh, I recognized you right away. 1196 00:58:57,754 --> 00:59:00,416 I see you at church every Sunday playing the organ. 1197 00:59:01,491 --> 00:59:02,958 You go to church? 1198 00:59:02,992 --> 00:59:04,152 All of us girls go. 1199 00:59:04,194 --> 00:59:06,458 Big Bertha takes us in the station wagon. 1200 00:59:06,496 --> 00:59:08,157 Well, you know what they say... 1201 00:59:08,198 --> 00:59:10,223 the family that prays together... 1202 00:59:10,266 --> 00:59:13,997 It's just that Bertha thinks it's good for public relations. 1203 00:59:16,039 --> 00:59:17,506 We mustn't wake him up, not yet... 1204 00:59:17,540 --> 00:59:18,973 because if he catches on, we'll be dead. 1205 00:59:19,008 --> 00:59:19,975 Who? 1206 00:59:20,009 --> 00:59:20,976 Barney and me. 1207 00:59:21,010 --> 00:59:22,568 No, I mean, who's gonna catch on? 1208 00:59:22,612 --> 00:59:23,874 Nobody, I hope. 1209 00:59:23,913 --> 00:59:25,813 So, shall we... 1210 00:59:25,848 --> 00:59:27,145 Oh, OK. 1211 00:59:27,183 --> 00:59:28,150 No, no. 1212 00:59:28,184 --> 00:59:31,915 Not in here. In the bedroom. 1213 00:59:31,955 --> 00:59:33,286 You name it. 1214 00:59:38,027 --> 00:59:40,222 Don't mind me if I'm a little nervous... 1215 00:59:40,263 --> 00:59:41,821 but so much depends on this. 1216 00:59:41,864 --> 00:59:42,990 I just hope we can swing it. 1217 00:59:43,032 --> 00:59:44,124 We'll do our best. 1218 00:59:44,167 --> 00:59:45,395 Thank you. 1219 00:59:47,103 --> 00:59:50,197 Now if you'll just put on one of my wife's dresses. 1220 00:59:51,307 --> 00:59:52,433 What for? 1221 00:59:52,475 --> 00:59:54,102 That's the only way it'll work. 1222 00:59:54,143 --> 00:59:56,304 We've got to pretend you're my wife. 1223 00:59:58,481 --> 01:00:01,279 What are you, some kind of a weirdie? 1224 01:00:01,317 --> 01:00:02,579 Didn't Barney tell you? 1225 01:00:02,619 --> 01:00:05,087 He didn't tell me to expect anything like this. 1226 01:00:06,089 --> 01:00:07,750 I'm getting out of here. 1227 01:00:07,790 --> 01:00:08,916 Now just a second. 1228 01:00:08,958 --> 01:00:11,324 You know, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. 1229 01:00:11,361 --> 01:00:12,953 All those people in the congregation... 1230 01:00:12,996 --> 01:00:15,692 do they know what you're doing the other six days of the week? 1231 01:00:15,732 --> 01:00:16,790 You don't understand. 1232 01:00:16,833 --> 01:00:19,734 It's not for me. It's for him. 1233 01:00:19,769 --> 01:00:20,861 Who's him? 1234 01:00:20,903 --> 01:00:23,463 Back there. He's asleep. 1235 01:00:23,506 --> 01:00:26,634 What are we playing, musical chairs? 1236 01:00:26,676 --> 01:00:28,974 Barney says it's not for him, it's for a friend of his. 1237 01:00:29,012 --> 01:00:31,776 Now you say it's not for you, it's for a friend of yours. 1238 01:00:31,814 --> 01:00:33,247 Oh, but he's not exactly a friend. 1239 01:00:33,283 --> 01:00:34,750 It's more like a business promotion... 1240 01:00:34,784 --> 01:00:36,547 and he likes action all the time. 1241 01:00:36,586 --> 01:00:39,555 I got nothing against that, but not with Zelda. 1242 01:00:39,589 --> 01:00:41,216 Oh. Who's Zelda? 1243 01:00:41,257 --> 01:00:42,451 You are. 1244 01:00:42,492 --> 01:00:43,789 Me? 1245 01:00:43,826 --> 01:00:46,158 It's my wife, but tonight you're her... 1246 01:00:46,195 --> 01:00:48,493 so you're Zelda. 1247 01:00:48,531 --> 01:00:50,999 What did I get myself into? 1248 01:00:51,034 --> 01:00:53,195 Oh, you just wait till you find out who he is. 1249 01:00:53,236 --> 01:00:54,203 You'll flip. 1250 01:00:54,237 --> 01:00:55,431 Huh. I will? 1251 01:00:55,471 --> 01:00:56,768 Oh, boy. 1252 01:00:56,806 --> 01:00:58,831 So who can it be... Richard Burton? 1253 01:00:58,875 --> 01:01:03,039 No, but you're getting warm. Here, try this. 1254 01:01:03,079 --> 01:01:06,242 It may be a little tight, but that can't hurt any. 1255 01:01:19,295 --> 01:01:20,762 What's the matter now? 1256 01:01:20,797 --> 01:01:22,230 I lost my navel. 1257 01:01:22,265 --> 01:01:23,960 Where? 1258 01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,230 I think it rolled under there. 1259 01:01:55,764 --> 01:01:57,026 Where am I? 1260 01:01:57,066 --> 01:01:58,226 In Climax. 1261 01:01:58,267 --> 01:01:59,393 Where? 1262 01:01:59,435 --> 01:02:00,402 Don't you remember? 1263 01:02:00,436 --> 01:02:02,199 You had that cracked valve? 1264 01:02:02,238 --> 01:02:03,796 Beethoven? 1265 01:02:03,839 --> 01:02:05,067 Oh. 1266 01:02:05,107 --> 01:02:06,369 What time is it? 1267 01:02:06,408 --> 01:02:09,707 Oh, it's only 4:00, so why don't you go back to sleep? 1268 01:02:14,783 --> 01:02:17,013 What are you doing down there, anyway? 1269 01:02:17,052 --> 01:02:19,350 I'm looking for my wife's navel. 1270 01:02:19,388 --> 01:02:20,582 Oh. 1271 01:03:13,575 --> 01:03:15,042 Looks real nice, Polly. 1272 01:03:15,076 --> 01:03:17,544 Thanks, and the name is Zelda. 1273 01:03:17,579 --> 01:03:19,046 Oh, yes, of course. 1274 01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:21,048 Hey, candles. 1275 01:03:21,082 --> 01:03:23,550 I found them in the drawer. 1276 01:03:23,585 --> 01:03:26,850 For intimate dining, candlelight is a romantic must. 1277 01:03:26,888 --> 01:03:27,877 Oh? 1278 01:03:27,923 --> 01:03:29,049 I used to read up on all that stuff... 1279 01:03:29,090 --> 01:03:30,648 in Ladies' Home Journal... 1280 01:03:30,692 --> 01:03:33,957 what every bride should know, how to keep your husband happy. 1281 01:03:33,995 --> 01:03:36,463 Say, maybe we should have some place cards. 1282 01:03:36,498 --> 01:03:37,465 I don't think so. 1283 01:03:37,499 --> 01:03:39,262 There's just the three of us. 1284 01:03:41,603 --> 01:03:43,366 Tell me, how did you and I meet? 1285 01:03:43,405 --> 01:03:44,770 What do you mean? Barney brought you. 1286 01:03:44,806 --> 01:03:46,273 Oh, no. You and Zelda. 1287 01:03:46,308 --> 01:03:47,297 I'm Zelda, remember? 1288 01:03:47,342 --> 01:03:49,037 How did we meet, in case it comes up? 1289 01:03:49,077 --> 01:03:50,874 Oh. Well, you were singing in the choir... 1290 01:03:50,912 --> 01:03:54,109 and I noticed you right away because you were always off-key. 1291 01:03:54,149 --> 01:03:56,083 Hmm. So you kept me after hours. 1292 01:03:56,117 --> 01:03:58,017 I wanted to, but your mother used to watch us like a hawk. 1293 01:03:58,053 --> 01:03:59,020 She never liked me much. 1294 01:03:59,054 --> 01:04:00,021 So? 1295 01:04:00,055 --> 01:04:01,886 So in order to ingratiate myself... 1296 01:04:01,923 --> 01:04:03,413 you see, she works at the blood bank... 1297 01:04:03,458 --> 01:04:06,916 I'd go in three times a week and give a pint of blood. 1298 01:04:06,962 --> 01:04:08,327 Three pints a week? 1299 01:04:08,363 --> 01:04:09,591 Well, the other days, I'd sneak over... 1300 01:04:09,631 --> 01:04:12,759 to the hospital in Silver City and get a transfusion. 1301 01:04:12,801 --> 01:04:16,794 Boy, you must have been nuts about me. 1302 01:04:16,838 --> 01:04:18,271 I certainly was. 1303 01:04:18,306 --> 01:04:22,800 And, uh, how did you propose to me? 1304 01:04:22,844 --> 01:04:25,574 Well, I wrote this love song... 1305 01:04:25,614 --> 01:04:28,048 and one afternoon while I was tuning your piano... 1306 01:04:28,083 --> 01:04:31,519 I played it to you, and that did it. 1307 01:04:33,588 --> 01:04:34,612 Imagine... 1308 01:04:34,656 --> 01:04:37,250 somebody writing a whole song for you. 1309 01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:42,389 You know, when I was in high school... 1310 01:04:42,430 --> 01:04:43,897 there was this boy. 1311 01:04:43,932 --> 01:04:46,025 He used to write me poems. 1312 01:04:46,067 --> 01:04:47,398 What kind of poems? 1313 01:04:47,435 --> 01:04:50,996 In chalk, on sidewalks and fences. 1314 01:04:51,039 --> 01:04:53,599 Why, I had to go all over town erasing them. 1315 01:04:54,609 --> 01:04:56,634 Polly... I mean, Zelda... 1316 01:04:56,678 --> 01:04:58,646 keep an eye on the meat sauce, will you? 1317 01:04:58,680 --> 01:04:59,704 Sure. 1318 01:04:59,748 --> 01:05:01,875 I hate to put you to work like this... 1319 01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:02,941 I mean, like a housewife. 1320 01:05:02,984 --> 01:05:04,076 Oh, I enjoy it. 1321 01:05:04,119 --> 01:05:05,552 As a matter of fact... 1322 01:05:05,587 --> 01:05:07,214 I was almost a wife once myself. 1323 01:05:07,255 --> 01:05:08,381 Almost? 1324 01:05:08,423 --> 01:05:11,085 That's how I happened to wind up in nevada. 1325 01:05:11,126 --> 01:05:12,525 Where are you from? 1326 01:05:12,561 --> 01:05:14,722 Jersey City, New Jersey. 1327 01:05:14,763 --> 01:05:17,527 I was working at the Plaza Hotel as a manicurist... 1328 01:05:17,566 --> 01:05:20,535 and I had this 1,200 bucks my father left me. 1329 01:05:20,569 --> 01:05:23,197 So I was going to open a little beauty shop... my own. 1330 01:05:23,238 --> 01:05:25,399 Then I met this guy. 1331 01:05:26,908 --> 01:05:28,375 This needs more salt. 1332 01:05:28,410 --> 01:05:29,377 What guy? 1333 01:05:29,411 --> 01:05:34,371 He was a salesman, a hula hoop salesman. 1334 01:05:34,416 --> 01:05:35,849 Remember those things? 1335 01:05:40,822 --> 01:05:42,687 He wanted to marry me. 1336 01:05:45,193 --> 01:05:46,558 That figures. 1337 01:05:48,663 --> 01:05:50,563 So I bought this secondhand car and trailer. 1338 01:05:50,599 --> 01:05:53,193 We drove to Nevada, spent the night here. 1339 01:05:53,234 --> 01:05:57,432 The next day, we were supposed to go to Vegas and get hitched. 1340 01:05:57,472 --> 01:06:00,066 Could use some pepper, too. 1341 01:06:00,108 --> 01:06:01,666 What happened? 1342 01:06:01,710 --> 01:06:03,473 When I woke up in the morning... 1343 01:06:03,511 --> 01:06:05,945 the guy was gone, and the car was gone. 1344 01:06:05,981 --> 01:06:07,881 That was it. 1345 01:06:07,916 --> 01:06:11,283 You know anybody who can use six dozen plastic hula hoops? 1346 01:06:11,319 --> 01:06:13,219 They come in assorted colors. 1347 01:06:13,254 --> 01:06:15,882 You mean he just took off? 1348 01:06:15,924 --> 01:06:18,324 Eh, I should have known he was a fink. 1349 01:06:18,360 --> 01:06:20,157 He had small moons. 1350 01:06:20,195 --> 01:06:21,856 He had what? 1351 01:06:21,896 --> 01:06:25,832 You know, small moons on the fingernails. 1352 01:06:27,836 --> 01:06:30,464 Now, you, for instance, you got big moons. 1353 01:06:30,505 --> 01:06:31,699 Is that good? 1354 01:06:31,740 --> 01:06:33,537 It means you're a gentleman. 1355 01:06:33,575 --> 01:06:34,872 When you're a manicurist, 1356 01:06:34,909 --> 01:06:35,876 you can tell a lot about people... 1357 01:06:35,910 --> 01:06:37,400 just from their hands. 1358 01:06:37,445 --> 01:06:39,174 I never had a manicure in my life. 1359 01:06:39,214 --> 01:06:40,875 Nobody in this town has. 1360 01:06:40,915 --> 01:06:42,974 That's why I had to take a job at the Belly Button... 1361 01:06:43,018 --> 01:06:45,714 trying to scrape up enough money to get another car. 1362 01:06:45,754 --> 01:06:47,551 But something always seems to happen. 1363 01:06:47,589 --> 01:06:49,318 I guess I'm stuck here for good. 1364 01:06:49,357 --> 01:06:52,724 A girl like you... I'm sure you'll find some nice guy. 1365 01:06:52,761 --> 01:06:55,559 Not a chance, unless I get out of this place. 1366 01:06:55,597 --> 01:06:59,795 Around here, I'm just somebody the bartender recommends. 1367 01:06:59,834 --> 01:07:01,324 "Try Polly the Pistol." 1368 01:07:01,369 --> 01:07:03,963 'S marvelous 1369 01:07:04,005 --> 01:07:05,472 You should care 1370 01:07:07,075 --> 01:07:09,305 'S paradise 1371 01:07:20,522 --> 01:07:24,754 'S awful nice, woo, pow 1372 01:07:24,793 --> 01:07:25,782 Paradise 1373 01:07:27,128 --> 01:07:28,095 Let's get ready. 1374 01:07:28,129 --> 01:07:29,426 He'll be out in a minute. 1375 01:07:29,464 --> 01:07:31,022 I know that voice from someplace. 1376 01:07:31,066 --> 01:07:32,795 Of course you do. He's a singer. 1377 01:07:32,834 --> 01:07:33,801 Who? 1378 01:07:33,835 --> 01:07:35,325 Now don't flip. 1379 01:07:35,370 --> 01:07:36,394 Well, who is it? 1380 01:07:36,438 --> 01:07:38,030 It's Dino. 1381 01:07:38,073 --> 01:07:39,040 Dino? 1382 01:07:39,074 --> 01:07:40,041 That's right. 1383 01:07:40,075 --> 01:07:41,042 Hmm. 1384 01:07:41,076 --> 01:07:42,168 I like Andy Williams better. 1385 01:07:42,210 --> 01:07:44,337 Shh! For heaven's sake, watch it. 1386 01:07:44,379 --> 01:07:45,346 You're supposed to be nice to him. 1387 01:07:45,380 --> 01:07:47,371 Don't worry. I know my job. 1388 01:07:47,415 --> 01:07:49,474 Now let me look at you. 1389 01:07:49,517 --> 01:07:51,610 Maybe we'd better open a couple of buttons. 1390 01:07:51,653 --> 01:07:54,019 Your wife wouldn't do that. 1391 01:07:54,055 --> 01:07:56,046 I guess not. 1392 01:07:56,091 --> 01:07:58,389 Oh, the ring. You should have a ring. 1393 01:07:58,426 --> 01:07:59,893 Here, put this on. 1394 01:08:01,396 --> 01:08:03,626 You suppose there's a law against this? 1395 01:08:03,665 --> 01:08:05,098 Against what? 1396 01:08:05,133 --> 01:08:07,124 Wearing a ring without a license. 1397 01:08:07,168 --> 01:08:08,226 Don't be silly. 1398 01:08:08,269 --> 01:08:10,100 Come on, let's go into the living room. 1399 01:08:12,507 --> 01:08:15,135 Domestic, domestic. 1400 01:08:15,176 --> 01:08:17,041 We've got to make it look domestic. 1401 01:08:17,078 --> 01:08:20,377 You sit here, and I'll sit here. 1402 01:08:22,584 --> 01:08:24,449 No, that's not domestic enough. 1403 01:08:25,687 --> 01:08:28,622 You knit, and I'll read. 1404 01:08:28,656 --> 01:08:32,057 Uh... uh, I don't know how to knit. 1405 01:08:33,228 --> 01:08:35,992 Well, then you read, and I'll knit. 1406 01:08:37,565 --> 01:08:40,227 No, that's no good. 1407 01:08:40,268 --> 01:08:42,133 Now, let me see... 1408 01:08:44,606 --> 01:08:47,097 'S wonderful 1409 01:08:47,142 --> 01:08:50,043 'S marvelous 1410 01:08:50,078 --> 01:08:54,105 You should care for me 1411 01:08:54,149 --> 01:08:57,277 Mmm, 's awful nice 1412 01:08:57,318 --> 01:08:59,252 Paradise 1413 01:09:00,522 --> 01:09:02,888 Hard to see 1414 01:09:21,109 --> 01:09:23,100 Pardon me. 1415 01:09:23,144 --> 01:09:24,805 Is this the way to Disneyland? 1416 01:09:26,781 --> 01:09:29,011 Oh, we didn't hear you. 1417 01:09:30,051 --> 01:09:32,417 This is my wife Zelda. 1418 01:09:32,454 --> 01:09:33,751 Howdy, ma'am. 1419 01:09:33,788 --> 01:09:35,881 My husband told me you were staying with us. 1420 01:09:35,924 --> 01:09:37,516 What a delightful surprise. 1421 01:09:37,559 --> 01:09:38,548 Zelda has all your records. 1422 01:09:38,593 --> 01:09:40,254 She's a big fan of yours. 1423 01:09:40,295 --> 01:09:41,455 I'm a big fan of hers. 1424 01:09:41,496 --> 01:09:43,054 I picked these on the way here. 1425 01:09:43,098 --> 01:09:45,464 Oh, they're lovely. 1426 01:09:45,500 --> 01:09:47,195 Cocktail time. What would you like? 1427 01:09:47,235 --> 01:09:49,931 Martini? Old fashioned? Vodka on the rocks? 1428 01:09:49,971 --> 01:09:50,938 No, thanks. 1429 01:09:50,972 --> 01:09:52,030 Nothing to drink? 1430 01:09:52,073 --> 01:09:54,041 Just a bowl of bourbon and some crackers. 1431 01:09:54,075 --> 01:09:55,975 Bourbon. Good idea. 1432 01:09:56,010 --> 01:09:57,341 How about you, Zelda? 1433 01:09:57,379 --> 01:09:59,609 Uh, do we have any buttermilk in the house? 1434 01:09:59,647 --> 01:10:01,410 Buttermilk! Coming right up. 1435 01:10:06,688 --> 01:10:07,655 Well, just don't... 1436 01:10:07,689 --> 01:10:10,852 stand there, you two. Talk. 1437 01:10:10,892 --> 01:10:12,484 Mingle. 1438 01:10:14,095 --> 01:10:15,562 Uh, tell me something. 1439 01:10:15,597 --> 01:10:17,497 Anything. 1440 01:10:17,532 --> 01:10:19,329 How'd you happen to get stranded here? 1441 01:10:19,367 --> 01:10:20,925 Oh, just lucky, I guess. 1442 01:10:23,605 --> 01:10:25,232 Oops. 1443 01:10:25,273 --> 01:10:27,503 You know, that dress dummy don't do you justice... 1444 01:10:27,542 --> 01:10:29,169 even with all the padding. 1445 01:10:29,210 --> 01:10:31,303 I suppose I've put on a few pounds. 1446 01:10:31,346 --> 01:10:32,711 Well, don't you worry about it. 1447 01:10:32,747 --> 01:10:33,714 As far as I'm concerned... 1448 01:10:33,748 --> 01:10:36,478 there couldn't be enough of you... 1449 01:10:36,518 --> 01:10:37,985 baby. 1450 01:10:38,019 --> 01:10:39,008 Huh. 1451 01:10:39,053 --> 01:10:41,578 How much do you think she weighs? 1452 01:10:48,997 --> 01:10:50,362 Guess. 1453 01:10:54,669 --> 01:10:55,658 May I? 1454 01:10:56,671 --> 01:10:57,831 Help yourself. 1455 01:11:06,314 --> 01:11:07,406 115. 1456 01:11:07,449 --> 01:11:09,349 Guess again. 1457 01:11:09,384 --> 01:11:11,545 Glad to. 1458 01:11:17,192 --> 01:11:18,159 120? 1459 01:11:18,193 --> 01:11:19,922 You're getting warm. 1460 01:11:19,961 --> 01:11:21,553 Oh, boy. 1461 01:11:23,598 --> 01:11:25,589 Oh, that's close enough. 1462 01:11:30,205 --> 01:11:31,604 How much you think I weigh? 1463 01:11:35,743 --> 01:11:36,971 Go ahead, lambchop. 1464 01:11:37,011 --> 01:11:38,239 Take a crack at it. 1465 01:11:38,279 --> 01:11:39,678 Yeah. 1466 01:11:39,714 --> 01:11:41,773 1731/2. 1467 01:11:41,816 --> 01:11:43,750 That's not fair. 1468 01:11:43,785 --> 01:11:45,685 Right on the nose. 1469 01:11:45,720 --> 01:11:46,687 Skol. 1470 01:11:46,721 --> 01:11:47,688 What? 1471 01:11:47,722 --> 01:11:48,689 Skol! 1472 01:11:48,723 --> 01:11:50,088 Sure, it's cold. It's got ice in it. 1473 01:11:52,193 --> 01:11:53,751 Funny! Funny! 1474 01:11:57,866 --> 01:12:01,097 Well, drink up and be somebody. 1475 01:12:01,135 --> 01:12:02,602 Why don't we sit down? 1476 01:12:02,637 --> 01:12:03,604 Why don't we? 1477 01:12:03,638 --> 01:12:07,938 Ah, lambchop, Dino, and I'll sit back here. 1478 01:12:07,976 --> 01:12:09,671 Where'd you get this crazy couch? 1479 01:12:09,711 --> 01:12:11,508 Oh, it's been in the family for years. 1480 01:12:11,546 --> 01:12:13,275 It's a love seat. 1481 01:12:13,314 --> 01:12:16,181 Love seat? For three? 1482 01:12:16,217 --> 01:12:17,775 Victorian, you know. 1483 01:12:17,819 --> 01:12:20,617 Two lovers and a chaperone, but that didn't stop anyone. 1484 01:12:20,655 --> 01:12:23,715 It was usually an old lady, half-deaf, half-blind... 1485 01:12:23,758 --> 01:12:26,386 sitting there and... knitting. 1486 01:12:27,595 --> 01:12:28,892 Knitting? 1487 01:12:28,930 --> 01:12:30,090 It's good therapy. 1488 01:12:30,131 --> 01:12:31,564 I took it up when I quit smoking. 1489 01:12:31,599 --> 01:12:32,566 It keeps my hands busy. 1490 01:12:32,600 --> 01:12:33,567 You know what they say... 1491 01:12:33,601 --> 01:12:36,627 the devil finds work for idle hands. 1492 01:12:56,858 --> 01:12:59,019 What are you knitting? 1493 01:12:59,060 --> 01:13:00,527 A sock. 1494 01:13:00,562 --> 01:13:02,154 With a turtleneck? 1495 01:13:08,403 --> 01:13:10,064 He's got small moons. 1496 01:13:10,104 --> 01:13:11,071 Oh? 1497 01:13:11,105 --> 01:13:12,072 I got what? 1498 01:13:12,106 --> 01:13:13,573 Oh, it's this theory my wife has. 1499 01:13:13,608 --> 01:13:15,473 If you've got small moons on your nails... 1500 01:13:15,510 --> 01:13:17,444 you're a gentleman and a scholar. 1501 01:13:17,478 --> 01:13:18,445 Interesting. 1502 01:13:18,479 --> 01:13:20,174 Now, you take me. I've got big moons. 1503 01:13:20,214 --> 01:13:23,411 That means I'm a fink. 1504 01:13:25,053 --> 01:13:26,987 Well, you're only half right about me. 1505 01:13:27,021 --> 01:13:28,249 I'm no scholar. 1506 01:13:28,289 --> 01:13:31,258 Knit one, purl two. 1507 01:13:31,292 --> 01:13:34,455 Hmm. Something around here smells good. 1508 01:13:34,495 --> 01:13:35,826 It's the meat sauce. 1509 01:13:35,863 --> 01:13:37,057 It's making my mouth water. 1510 01:13:37,098 --> 01:13:38,497 We also got you some pizza. 1511 01:13:38,533 --> 01:13:40,933 How about a little antipasto? 1512 01:13:45,373 --> 01:13:47,739 You'll spoil your appetite. 1513 01:13:47,775 --> 01:13:48,935 You want to bet? 1514 01:13:52,747 --> 01:13:54,112 Damn! 1515 01:13:54,148 --> 01:13:55,479 What's the matter? 1516 01:13:55,516 --> 01:13:56,710 I've dropped a stitch. 1517 01:13:56,751 --> 01:13:58,150 Oh. 1518 01:13:59,921 --> 01:14:03,357 You know, you can lose a hand that way. 1519 01:14:06,327 --> 01:14:10,661 Did you hear the story about the girl and the lobster? 1520 01:14:10,698 --> 01:14:12,029 No. How does it go? 1521 01:14:12,066 --> 01:14:14,034 Well, this girl was sitting in a movie house... 1522 01:14:14,068 --> 01:14:16,161 and this guy sat down next to her... 1523 01:14:16,204 --> 01:14:17,694 and they were sitting in the dark... 1524 01:14:17,739 --> 01:14:19,502 and they were watching the picture, see... 1525 01:14:19,540 --> 01:14:21,872 and suddenly she felt something... 1526 01:14:21,909 --> 01:14:23,638 crawling up her leg and pinched her. 1527 01:14:23,678 --> 01:14:24,645 Ah! 1528 01:14:24,679 --> 01:14:25,771 Go on. 1529 01:14:25,813 --> 01:14:27,075 Then she felt something crawling again... 1530 01:14:27,115 --> 01:14:28,275 and pinched her again. 1531 01:14:28,316 --> 01:14:31,012 She said, "What is the idea of you pinching me?" 1532 01:14:31,052 --> 01:14:34,783 And he said, "Well, it wasn't me. 1533 01:14:34,822 --> 01:14:35,880 It was my lobster." 1534 01:14:35,923 --> 01:14:38,016 His lobster? 1535 01:14:38,059 --> 01:14:39,686 He explained it. He said... 1536 01:14:39,727 --> 01:14:41,558 "A friend of mine gave me a live lobster"... 1537 01:14:41,596 --> 01:14:42,756 and I said, "Gee, that's wonderful. 1538 01:14:42,797 --> 01:14:43,991 "I think I'll take it home for dinner." 1539 01:14:44,032 --> 01:14:46,227 He said, "No, it already had dinner. 1540 01:14:46,267 --> 01:14:47,928 "Why don't you take it to a movie?" 1541 01:14:50,705 --> 01:14:54,402 Take it to a movie! 1542 01:14:54,442 --> 01:14:55,966 ...to a movie. 1543 01:14:56,010 --> 01:14:58,478 I told you. He's a funny man. 1544 01:14:58,513 --> 01:14:59,912 Yeah. Funny. 1545 01:15:03,451 --> 01:15:04,611 You got any more stories like that? 1546 01:15:04,652 --> 01:15:05,846 Yeah. I got... 1547 01:15:05,887 --> 01:15:08,117 Oh, yeah. There was the one about this doctor, you see. 1548 01:15:08,156 --> 01:15:10,818 He was examining a girl's knee, and he said... 1549 01:15:10,858 --> 01:15:14,294 "What's a joint like this doing on a pretty girl like you?" 1550 01:15:16,564 --> 01:15:19,226 Oh! Oh, I got to remember that one. 1551 01:15:21,102 --> 01:15:24,071 Excuse me. I've got something on the stove. 1552 01:15:27,675 --> 01:15:29,575 I think this belongs to you. 1553 01:15:29,610 --> 01:15:32,738 Me. You. What's the difference? 1554 01:15:32,780 --> 01:15:33,747 Maybe I'd better help you. 1555 01:15:33,781 --> 01:15:34,748 No, no, no, no. 1556 01:15:34,782 --> 01:15:36,750 You stay right where you are, lambchop. 1557 01:15:36,784 --> 01:15:37,751 Make him feel at home. 1558 01:15:37,785 --> 01:15:40,413 Show him a little western hospitality. 1559 01:15:41,556 --> 01:15:44,719 We don't want him to have a headache tomorrow. 1560 01:15:50,732 --> 01:15:53,963 What is this, Candid Camera? 1561 01:15:54,001 --> 01:15:58,062 You must think my husband is sort of, uh, peculiar. 1562 01:15:58,106 --> 01:15:59,630 Oh, no. As a matter of fact... 1563 01:15:59,674 --> 01:16:01,574 I'm getting very fond of him. 1564 01:16:01,609 --> 01:16:02,803 So am I. 1565 01:16:02,844 --> 01:16:04,835 And I'm crazy about his wife. 1566 01:16:04,879 --> 01:16:06,779 Do you know what I'd like right now? 1567 01:16:06,814 --> 01:16:10,910 Sure. Another bowl of bourbon and crackers. 1568 01:16:12,320 --> 01:16:13,378 Tell me something. 1569 01:16:13,421 --> 01:16:15,685 Anything. 1570 01:16:15,723 --> 01:16:18,817 How come he calls you lambchop? 1571 01:16:18,860 --> 01:16:22,887 Maybe it's because I wear paper panties. 1572 01:16:22,930 --> 01:16:25,364 Paper panties? 1573 01:16:25,399 --> 01:16:27,890 I also wear a gold ring. 1574 01:16:33,574 --> 01:16:35,269 Talk about finks. 1575 01:16:35,309 --> 01:16:37,243 This guy's got no moons at all. 1576 01:16:37,278 --> 01:16:38,472 Never mind the moons. 1577 01:16:38,513 --> 01:16:40,708 You should be out there entertaining him. 1578 01:16:40,748 --> 01:16:43,342 What right has he got to treat your wife like that? 1579 01:16:43,384 --> 01:16:44,715 It's a good thing you're not my wife... 1580 01:16:44,752 --> 01:16:46,879 or I'd throw him out of the house. 1581 01:16:47,922 --> 01:16:49,753 Yeah. 1582 01:16:49,791 --> 01:16:52,658 Oh, I'm sorry. 1583 01:16:55,763 --> 01:16:58,288 Paper panties. Ooh. 1584 01:17:03,704 --> 01:17:06,639 Hot stuff. Don't touch. 1585 01:17:06,674 --> 01:17:08,403 I can't help myself. 1586 01:17:08,442 --> 01:17:11,138 How would you like a macaroni shampoo? 1587 01:17:11,179 --> 01:17:12,203 Anything you say, baby. 1588 01:17:12,246 --> 01:17:15,807 Sprinkle me with parmesan. Stab me with a breadstick. 1589 01:17:15,850 --> 01:17:18,114 You're quite an operator, aren't you? 1590 01:17:18,152 --> 01:17:20,143 Well, not really, but all we have is just this one night... 1591 01:17:20,188 --> 01:17:21,348 so I have to work fast. 1592 01:17:21,389 --> 01:17:24,119 It's sort of an emergency operation. 1593 01:17:25,126 --> 01:17:28,254 It's that little old winemaker, me! 1594 01:17:28,296 --> 01:17:30,264 Sit down. Sit down. 1595 01:17:30,298 --> 01:17:32,129 You didn't have to go to all this trouble. 1596 01:17:32,166 --> 01:17:33,929 What trouble? I'm very grateful. 1597 01:17:33,968 --> 01:17:36,334 You see, this is our fifth wedding anniversary... 1598 01:17:36,370 --> 01:17:37,928 and I forgot to buy my wife a present... 1599 01:17:37,972 --> 01:17:40,463 so instead, she's getting you. 1600 01:17:45,346 --> 01:17:46,313 You know what they say... 1601 01:17:46,347 --> 01:17:49,748 white wine with fish, red wine with lambchop. 1602 01:17:58,358 --> 01:18:02,158 Believe me, it's the best thing that could've happened to you. 1603 01:18:02,195 --> 01:18:04,857 If I told you once, I told you a thousand times... 1604 01:18:04,898 --> 01:18:07,423 don't marry him. 1605 01:18:07,467 --> 01:18:09,458 Orville J. Spooner. 1606 01:18:09,502 --> 01:18:11,197 You know what the "j" stands for? Jerk. 1607 01:18:11,238 --> 01:18:13,297 That's what he is, a jerk. 1608 01:18:13,340 --> 01:18:15,740 Never made more than sixty dollars a week in his life. 1609 01:18:15,775 --> 01:18:18,175 No ambition, no future. 1610 01:18:18,211 --> 01:18:19,872 When I think that you could've married... 1611 01:18:19,913 --> 01:18:23,849 Wally Coates... Dr. Wallace Coates... 1612 01:18:23,884 --> 01:18:27,684 the second-most-successful chiropractor in Carson City. 1613 01:18:27,721 --> 01:18:30,451 Henry, stop rocking. 1614 01:18:30,490 --> 01:18:34,688 Or take Tom Pringle. He was dying to marry you. 1615 01:18:34,728 --> 01:18:38,858 Only the president of the Junior Chamber of Commerce... 1616 01:18:38,899 --> 01:18:42,027 but you let Gladys Bukitsch grab him off. 1617 01:18:42,068 --> 01:18:43,729 Gladys Bukitsch. 1618 01:18:43,770 --> 01:18:48,139 Four foot six, bad complexion, pigeon-toed. 1619 01:18:48,174 --> 01:18:50,472 I could cry. 1620 01:18:50,510 --> 01:18:52,239 You know what he did for her folks? 1621 01:18:52,279 --> 01:18:54,941 Bought them a house in Del Webb's Sun City. 1622 01:18:54,981 --> 01:18:56,642 So now they're retired... 1623 01:18:56,683 --> 01:19:00,619 playing shuffleboard with the other senior citizens. 1624 01:19:00,654 --> 01:19:02,349 Oh, Zelda, Zelda... 1625 01:19:02,389 --> 01:19:03,651 what a mess you made of your life. 1626 01:19:03,690 --> 01:19:05,885 That's enough, Mamie. Now leave her alone. 1627 01:19:05,926 --> 01:19:08,292 Did you say something? 1628 01:19:08,328 --> 01:19:10,091 Not recently. 1629 01:19:10,130 --> 01:19:12,860 First thing tomorrow, you go and see a lawyer... 1630 01:19:12,899 --> 01:19:17,927 Charlie Green, whom you also could've married. 1631 01:19:17,971 --> 01:19:21,270 You'll have no problem getting a divorce. 1632 01:19:21,308 --> 01:19:22,275 Just wait till I get up there... 1633 01:19:22,309 --> 01:19:24,800 and tell the judge how he treated me... 1634 01:19:24,844 --> 01:19:27,005 slamming the piano cover on my hand... 1635 01:19:27,047 --> 01:19:30,744 just because I said he was a no-talent slob. 1636 01:19:32,452 --> 01:19:33,419 Where are you going? 1637 01:19:33,453 --> 01:19:35,148 Home. 1638 01:19:35,188 --> 01:19:36,519 Back to Orville? 1639 01:19:36,556 --> 01:19:38,114 Yes, mother. 1640 01:19:38,158 --> 01:19:40,285 He's so right about you. 1641 01:19:40,327 --> 01:19:42,352 You're a mean, loud-mouthed... 1642 01:19:42,395 --> 01:19:45,421 interfering old... 1643 01:19:45,465 --> 01:19:46,989 you want to know what he calls you? 1644 01:19:47,033 --> 01:19:48,898 What? 1645 01:19:48,935 --> 01:19:50,664 I better not tell you. 1646 01:19:52,772 --> 01:19:54,797 Godzilla? 1647 01:19:59,512 --> 01:20:02,345 I'd like to propose a toast to my beloved wife... 1648 01:20:02,382 --> 01:20:03,815 who has stood by me so valiantly... 1649 01:20:03,850 --> 01:20:06,114 for the last five hours... five years... 1650 01:20:06,152 --> 01:20:07,779 and to our distinguished guest... 1651 01:20:07,821 --> 01:20:09,982 star of stage, screen, and television... 1652 01:20:10,023 --> 01:20:11,422 a man who needs no introduction... 1653 01:20:11,458 --> 01:20:13,016 where is he? 1654 01:20:13,059 --> 01:20:15,425 He dropped his napkin again. 1655 01:20:17,330 --> 01:20:19,924 It seems I have a very slippery lap. 1656 01:20:19,966 --> 01:20:21,797 Slippery lap. 1657 01:20:21,835 --> 01:20:23,097 Cheers! 1658 01:20:23,136 --> 01:20:25,434 Oh! In the words of Rossani Brazzi... 1659 01:20:25,472 --> 01:20:28,930 grazie, grazie. 1660 01:20:28,975 --> 01:20:31,068 Uh, shall we move into the living room? 1661 01:20:31,111 --> 01:20:32,601 You go ahead. 1662 01:20:32,645 --> 01:20:34,010 I'll clear the table. 1663 01:20:34,047 --> 01:20:35,344 No, no, Zelda. Not yet. 1664 01:20:35,382 --> 01:20:36,371 Let's not break up the party. 1665 01:20:36,416 --> 01:20:37,883 Oh, I'm with you. 1666 01:20:37,917 --> 01:20:41,478 Oh, you don't mind if I, uh, bring along a friend? 1667 01:20:41,521 --> 01:20:44,115 As long as you don't bring your lobster. 1668 01:20:44,157 --> 01:20:46,091 Funny! Funny! 1669 01:20:46,126 --> 01:20:48,253 All right. Everybody line up for a square dance. 1670 01:20:48,294 --> 01:20:50,228 Square dance? 1671 01:20:50,263 --> 01:20:53,824 We got wine, we got women, and we got songs. 1672 01:20:53,867 --> 01:20:55,027 What would you like to hear? 1673 01:20:55,068 --> 01:20:56,592 Well, do you know Old Man River? 1674 01:20:56,636 --> 01:20:58,934 Darling, why don't you play one of your own songs. 1675 01:20:58,972 --> 01:20:59,939 One of mine? 1676 01:20:59,973 --> 01:21:02,066 Oh, I wouldn't want to impose on our guest. 1677 01:21:02,108 --> 01:21:04,941 Well, how about "Cuddle Up a Little Closer"? 1678 01:21:04,978 --> 01:21:07,276 I'm sorry, but we have a request from a lady... 1679 01:21:07,313 --> 01:21:08,371 in the balcony. 1680 01:21:08,415 --> 01:21:09,382 Let's see now. 1681 01:21:09,416 --> 01:21:11,384 There's this little Italian number we wrote... 1682 01:21:11,418 --> 01:21:13,318 which may be of some interest to you. 1683 01:21:19,192 --> 01:21:22,525 Every day I sit and pray I 1684 01:21:22,562 --> 01:21:25,030 Win you over soon 1685 01:21:25,065 --> 01:21:27,659 Say yes, won't you? 1686 01:21:27,700 --> 01:21:29,167 Do you, don't you 1687 01:21:29,202 --> 01:21:32,660 Want this world in tune? 1688 01:21:32,705 --> 01:21:36,106 What does it take to persuade you? 1689 01:21:36,142 --> 01:21:42,172 And how much more must I serenade you? 1690 01:21:42,215 --> 01:21:45,048 Listen to me, Sophia 1691 01:21:45,085 --> 01:21:48,646 Have you any idea 1692 01:21:48,688 --> 01:21:51,748 How much you mean to me-a? 1693 01:21:51,791 --> 01:21:55,887 How much, you'll never know 1694 01:21:55,929 --> 01:21:59,330 If I'm all agitato 1695 01:21:59,365 --> 01:22:03,131 Every heartstring vibrato 1696 01:22:03,169 --> 01:22:07,162 Every look passionato 1697 01:22:07,207 --> 01:22:10,574 Who but you made me so? 1698 01:22:10,610 --> 01:22:14,637 It's love, it's love, crescendo 1699 01:22:14,681 --> 01:22:19,641 Never, ever diminuendo 1700 01:22:19,686 --> 01:22:23,144 Say the word, Sweet Sophia 1701 01:22:23,189 --> 01:22:27,148 Or from earth I resign 1702 01:22:27,193 --> 01:22:30,720 Oh, Sophia, be mine 1703 01:22:32,699 --> 01:22:35,964 Well? What do you think of it, huh? 1704 01:22:36,002 --> 01:22:38,835 Oh, it's a grabber, a real grabber. 1705 01:22:38,872 --> 01:22:39,839 It is? 1706 01:22:39,873 --> 01:22:41,431 Takes one to know one. 1707 01:22:41,474 --> 01:22:42,771 What a great piece of material. 1708 01:22:42,809 --> 01:22:44,936 Boy, what I could do with it. 1709 01:22:46,045 --> 01:22:48,104 You mean you like the song? 1710 01:22:48,148 --> 01:22:49,672 What song? Oh, yeah. 1711 01:22:49,716 --> 01:22:51,343 It's another "Arrivederci, Roma." 1712 01:22:51,384 --> 01:22:52,351 I'll take it. 1713 01:22:52,385 --> 01:22:53,352 You'll take it? 1714 01:22:53,386 --> 01:22:54,944 He'll take it! 1715 01:22:54,988 --> 01:22:57,081 Did you hear that, darling? He'll take it! 1716 01:22:57,157 --> 01:23:00,092 Oh! Stay right where you are, lambchop. 1717 01:23:00,126 --> 01:23:01,115 Play it again. 1718 01:23:01,161 --> 01:23:02,651 Yes, indeedy! 1719 01:23:11,804 --> 01:23:15,137 Listen to me, Sophia 1720 01:23:15,175 --> 01:23:17,075 Have you any idea 1721 01:23:18,678 --> 01:23:22,136 How much you mean to me-a? 1722 01:23:22,182 --> 01:23:24,980 Every day more and more 1723 01:23:25,018 --> 01:23:28,818 You're sweeter than spumoni 1724 01:23:28,855 --> 01:23:33,417 Sweeter even than zabaglione 1725 01:23:33,459 --> 01:23:36,485 Say the word, sweet Sophia 1726 01:23:36,529 --> 01:23:40,260 Let our hearts intertwine 1727 01:23:40,300 --> 01:23:42,200 Oh, Sophia, be mine 1728 01:23:51,511 --> 01:23:53,479 Ole! 1729 01:23:53,513 --> 01:23:55,640 Sweet Sophia, be mine 1730 01:23:55,682 --> 01:23:57,843 Let that honeymoon shine 1731 01:23:58,918 --> 01:24:01,546 Pluck the grape from the vine 1732 01:24:02,589 --> 01:24:03,556 Let our hearts 1733 01:24:03,590 --> 01:24:06,354 Let our hearts intertwine 1734 01:24:06,392 --> 01:24:09,225 And put your love on the line 1735 01:24:09,262 --> 01:24:11,628 Sweet Sophia, be mine 1736 01:24:11,664 --> 01:24:14,428 Let the honeymoon shine 1737 01:24:14,467 --> 01:24:16,059 Paper panties. 1738 01:24:21,808 --> 01:24:23,708 Or from earth I resign 1739 01:24:25,511 --> 01:24:27,172 Oh, Sophia, be mine 1740 01:24:29,281 --> 01:24:30,942 What's going on in there? 1741 01:24:33,051 --> 01:24:35,315 Zelda, you're not supposed to be here. 1742 01:24:35,354 --> 01:24:36,844 Why not? This is my house... 1743 01:24:36,888 --> 01:24:38,651 and that's my husband, the swinger! 1744 01:24:38,690 --> 01:24:40,817 Now, now, Zelda, take it easy. I know this looks pretty bad. 1745 01:24:40,859 --> 01:24:43,157 That miserable liar, he was telling me the truth. 1746 01:24:43,195 --> 01:24:45,390 No, he wasn't. I mean, the truth is... 1747 01:24:45,430 --> 01:24:47,125 Look, Zelda. There are certain things... 1748 01:24:47,165 --> 01:24:49,190 a man cannot ask his wife to do. 1749 01:24:49,234 --> 01:24:51,498 Like what? You mean, now she's gonna drink out of his shoe? 1750 01:24:51,536 --> 01:24:52,662 Oh, she'll do anything. 1751 01:24:52,704 --> 01:24:54,535 You see, she's getting twenty-five bucks. 1752 01:24:54,573 --> 01:24:55,540 Twenty-five bucks? 1753 01:24:55,574 --> 01:24:57,474 It's an all-night job. 1754 01:24:57,509 --> 01:25:00,103 Well, if that doesn't kill him, I will! 1755 01:25:00,145 --> 01:25:02,079 Now, don't blame Orville. 1756 01:25:02,114 --> 01:25:03,411 Actually, the whole thing was my idea... 1757 01:25:03,448 --> 01:25:05,075 I mean, throwing you out of the house. 1758 01:25:05,117 --> 01:25:06,106 It was? 1759 01:25:06,151 --> 01:25:07,778 And that girl... Orville didn't even know her. 1760 01:25:07,819 --> 01:25:09,446 I brought her around and introduced her to him. 1761 01:25:09,488 --> 01:25:10,512 You did? 1762 01:25:10,555 --> 01:25:11,715 And don't worry about the money it's costing... 1763 01:25:11,757 --> 01:25:13,622 because Orville and I, we're going halfsies on this. 1764 01:25:13,659 --> 01:25:14,853 You are? 1765 01:25:16,328 --> 01:25:17,727 OK, Zelda, hit me if you want to... 1766 01:25:17,763 --> 01:25:19,390 but please don't go in there. 1767 01:25:19,431 --> 01:25:20,693 You'll spoil everything. 1768 01:25:20,732 --> 01:25:22,495 I wouldn't dream of it. 1769 01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,627 Atta girl. Now you go back to your mother's... 1770 01:25:24,670 --> 01:25:25,796 until tomorrow morning. 1771 01:25:25,837 --> 01:25:28,829 I'm going, all right, but not to my mother. 1772 01:25:35,614 --> 01:25:36,638 Oh, whew. 1773 01:25:36,682 --> 01:25:38,946 Ole! 1774 01:25:38,984 --> 01:25:41,646 Oh, sweet Sophia, be mine 1775 01:25:41,687 --> 01:25:43,484 Or from earth I resign 1776 01:25:43,522 --> 01:25:44,511 Let's... 1777 01:25:48,660 --> 01:25:50,890 Pardon me. Pardon me. 1778 01:25:50,929 --> 01:25:53,557 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just got carried away. 1779 01:25:53,598 --> 01:25:54,565 Here. 1780 01:25:54,599 --> 01:25:55,827 Don't mind me. Go right ahead. 1781 01:25:55,867 --> 01:25:58,131 Western hospitality. 1782 01:25:58,170 --> 01:26:00,900 Listen to me, Sophia 1783 01:26:00,939 --> 01:26:03,237 Do you realize this is the first song we ever sold? 1784 01:26:03,275 --> 01:26:04,674 It's a good thing that valve cracked... 1785 01:26:04,710 --> 01:26:05,802 or I'd have never heard it. 1786 01:26:05,844 --> 01:26:09,541 Yeah, and I never would have met him... I mean you. 1787 01:26:09,581 --> 01:26:11,913 Now, look, here's... Orville, kiddo... 1788 01:26:11,950 --> 01:26:14,077 I'll need one copy for my television producer... 1789 01:26:14,119 --> 01:26:16,314 and my orchestra leader and my arranger... 1790 01:26:16,355 --> 01:26:17,754 and for the guys from the agency. 1791 01:26:17,789 --> 01:26:18,756 Let's see. 1792 01:26:18,790 --> 01:26:21,486 I'll need maybe, like, uh, twelve copies. 1793 01:26:21,526 --> 01:26:22,493 How many? 1794 01:26:22,527 --> 01:26:23,551 I hate to do this to you... 1795 01:26:23,595 --> 01:26:24,653 but since I'm leaving in the morning... 1796 01:26:24,696 --> 01:26:27,494 you'll have to stay up all night making copies. 1797 01:26:27,532 --> 01:26:29,090 Did you say twelve? 1798 01:26:29,134 --> 01:26:31,125 And don't you worry about me or your wife... 1799 01:26:31,169 --> 01:26:32,830 we won't bother you. 1800 01:26:32,871 --> 01:26:37,035 Maybe we'll go in the garden, and she'll show me her parsley. 1801 01:26:38,643 --> 01:26:39,701 Here we are. Sophia. 1802 01:26:39,745 --> 01:26:42,771 Twelve copies. Isn't that lucky? 1803 01:26:44,383 --> 01:26:45,782 Yeah. 1804 01:26:45,817 --> 01:26:47,478 How lucky can you get? 1805 01:26:47,519 --> 01:26:48,679 Oh! 1806 01:26:51,957 --> 01:26:53,686 All right, lambchop. Refill the shoes... 1807 01:26:53,725 --> 01:26:55,488 and let's have a little more music. 1808 01:26:55,527 --> 01:26:57,256 What would you like to hear now? 1809 01:26:57,295 --> 01:26:58,660 "Taps." 1810 01:26:58,697 --> 01:27:00,665 Would you be interested in a nice little waltz? 1811 01:27:00,699 --> 01:27:03,031 "When it's Pussy Willow Time in Picardy." 1812 01:27:03,068 --> 01:27:04,729 I don't think I could do it justice. 1813 01:27:04,770 --> 01:27:06,863 Here's something more lively... what you'd call a novelty. 1814 01:27:06,905 --> 01:27:08,930 "I'm Taking Mom to the Junior Prom... 1815 01:27:08,974 --> 01:27:11,204 "'Cause She's a Better Twister Than my Sister." 1816 01:27:11,243 --> 01:27:13,302 Gets you right here. 1817 01:27:14,780 --> 01:27:17,112 Oh, this is it. It's a ballad. 1818 01:27:17,149 --> 01:27:18,878 I wrote it for Zelda when we were dating. 1819 01:27:18,917 --> 01:27:21,408 It means a lot to us. 1820 01:27:40,372 --> 01:27:41,339 Hello? 1821 01:27:41,373 --> 01:27:43,603 Orville, are you out of your mind? 1822 01:27:43,642 --> 01:27:45,701 What are you trying to do, ruin us? 1823 01:27:45,744 --> 01:27:48,178 What do you mean? I'm doing great. 1824 01:27:48,213 --> 01:27:49,305 I just sold him the Italian number. 1825 01:27:49,347 --> 01:27:51,110 You didn't sell anything. 1826 01:27:51,149 --> 01:27:52,514 The broad sold it. 1827 01:27:52,551 --> 01:27:53,848 So get out of the house, already. 1828 01:27:53,885 --> 01:27:56,251 Leave the two of them alone. 1829 01:27:56,288 --> 01:27:57,550 Oh? 1830 01:27:57,589 --> 01:27:58,556 Oh. 1831 01:27:58,590 --> 01:28:02,151 Make some excuse and beat it, or we'll blow the whole deal. 1832 01:28:02,194 --> 01:28:03,422 Roger. 1833 01:28:06,431 --> 01:28:08,797 Oh, that was Roger from the bowling alley. 1834 01:28:08,834 --> 01:28:10,062 I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you. 1835 01:28:10,101 --> 01:28:11,363 Bad news? 1836 01:28:11,403 --> 01:28:13,598 I forgot this is Saturday... bowling night. 1837 01:28:13,638 --> 01:28:15,333 Why didn't you remind me, Zelda? 1838 01:28:15,373 --> 01:28:17,000 I'm sorry. 1839 01:28:17,042 --> 01:28:18,532 You see, I'm on the Climax team. 1840 01:28:18,577 --> 01:28:21,102 We've got this big grudge match against Silver City. 1841 01:28:21,146 --> 01:28:23,307 So I'm afraid I'll have to leave you alone. 1842 01:28:23,348 --> 01:28:24,940 What are you afraid of? 1843 01:28:24,983 --> 01:28:26,678 Nothing, really. 1844 01:28:26,718 --> 01:28:28,447 I'm sure you'll look after my wife... 1845 01:28:28,487 --> 01:28:30,512 and she'll look after you. 1846 01:28:30,555 --> 01:28:31,817 Excuse me. 1847 01:28:36,094 --> 01:28:39,791 Something tells me we're gonna have a ball. 1848 01:28:40,799 --> 01:28:42,232 Won't we, lambchop? 1849 01:28:55,747 --> 01:28:58,545 Oh! The way these matches drag on... 1850 01:28:58,583 --> 01:29:01,848 I may be gone for hours, so don't even wait up for me. 1851 01:29:01,887 --> 01:29:02,911 We'll be rooting for you. 1852 01:29:06,424 --> 01:29:08,619 No, darling. E flat. 1853 01:29:10,729 --> 01:29:13,027 Would you play it for me before you go? 1854 01:29:13,064 --> 01:29:16,431 I haven't heard it for a long time. 1855 01:29:17,702 --> 01:29:18,691 Sure. 1856 01:29:20,539 --> 01:29:22,564 You don't want to miss the first inning... 1857 01:29:22,607 --> 01:29:24,973 or the first chukker or whatever you call it. 1858 01:29:25,010 --> 01:29:26,170 Just one chorus. 1859 01:29:33,885 --> 01:29:36,513 All the livelong day 1860 01:29:36,555 --> 01:29:40,013 And the long, long night 1861 01:29:40,058 --> 01:29:43,653 What do I do-oo-oo? 1862 01:29:43,695 --> 01:29:47,859 Dream about you-oo-oo 1863 01:29:47,899 --> 01:29:53,929 Felt this way the first time you came in sight 1864 01:29:53,972 --> 01:30:01,105 Suddenly my gloomy old sky turned magically bright 1865 01:30:02,314 --> 01:30:06,148 You'll find we're perfect casting 1866 01:30:06,184 --> 01:30:09,642 You and I 1867 01:30:09,688 --> 01:30:13,146 With love that's everlasting 1868 01:30:13,191 --> 01:30:15,659 Will I leave you ever? 1869 01:30:15,694 --> 01:30:18,993 Never, never, never 1870 01:30:19,030 --> 01:30:26,664 All I live for now is to hold you tight 1871 01:30:26,705 --> 01:30:29,674 All the livelong day 1872 01:30:29,708 --> 01:30:34,611 And the long, long night 1873 01:30:45,223 --> 01:30:47,191 Waiteress! 1874 01:30:47,225 --> 01:30:49,557 Hey, waiteress! 1875 01:30:55,233 --> 01:30:57,224 Another Bloody Mary... 1876 01:30:59,170 --> 01:31:03,573 and drinks for everybody in the orchestra. 1877 01:31:06,444 --> 01:31:08,207 Fellas! 1878 01:31:08,246 --> 01:31:10,840 Hey, fellas. 1879 01:31:10,882 --> 01:31:13,373 Play "Melancholy Baby." 1880 01:31:23,161 --> 01:31:24,685 Fellas... 1881 01:31:24,729 --> 01:31:26,594 didn't you hear me? 1882 01:31:26,631 --> 01:31:30,158 I said, play "Melancholy Baby." 1883 01:31:30,201 --> 01:31:32,169 Come on now, everybody. 1884 01:31:32,203 --> 01:31:34,034 Shape up! 1885 01:31:39,210 --> 01:31:40,700 Eighty-six. 1886 01:31:43,214 --> 01:31:46,672 Look, honey, don't you think you had enough? 1887 01:31:46,718 --> 01:31:48,208 No. 1888 01:31:51,222 --> 01:31:52,689 It's my anniversary. 1889 01:31:52,724 --> 01:31:55,192 I've been married five years today. 1890 01:31:55,226 --> 01:31:58,195 Now, why don't you go home and celebrate with your husband? 1891 01:31:58,229 --> 01:32:00,629 Oh, no. He's busy. 1892 01:32:00,665 --> 01:32:03,133 You know, I could have married... 1893 01:32:03,168 --> 01:32:06,137 the second-most-successful chiropractor in Carson City. 1894 01:32:06,171 --> 01:32:11,165 Instead, I married Orville J... "j" for jerk... Spooner. 1895 01:32:15,180 --> 01:32:17,011 I think I'm going to be sick. 1896 01:32:17,048 --> 01:32:19,448 Uh-huh. All right, but not in here, honey. 1897 01:32:19,484 --> 01:32:21,543 Come on. 1898 01:32:21,586 --> 01:32:23,645 That's it. Grab her. 1899 01:32:23,688 --> 01:32:25,383 That's a girl. 1900 01:32:28,693 --> 01:32:30,661 Sick, sick, sick. 1901 01:32:30,695 --> 01:32:32,424 Shall I call a cab? 1902 01:32:32,464 --> 01:32:34,432 We can't send her home in this condition. 1903 01:32:34,466 --> 01:32:35,763 Don't you know who she is? 1904 01:32:35,800 --> 01:32:37,028 I've seen her in church. 1905 01:32:37,068 --> 01:32:38,035 She's the organist's wife... 1906 01:32:38,069 --> 01:32:39,934 and we're in enough trouble already. 1907 01:32:39,971 --> 01:32:40,960 This way. 1908 01:32:49,214 --> 01:32:50,272 Bang. 1909 01:32:58,156 --> 01:32:59,589 Where's this plane going to? 1910 01:32:59,624 --> 01:33:00,648 This isn't a plane. 1911 01:33:00,692 --> 01:33:02,284 You're in Polly's trailer. 1912 01:33:02,327 --> 01:33:03,658 Hello, Polly. 1913 01:33:03,695 --> 01:33:04,662 She's gone for the night. 1914 01:33:04,696 --> 01:33:07,130 You can sleep it off here. 1915 01:33:07,165 --> 01:33:08,632 Hang on, everybody. 1916 01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:10,657 Fasten your seat belts. 1917 01:33:25,250 --> 01:33:29,311 No chance you're taking chances 1918 01:33:29,354 --> 01:33:33,154 Taking me on 1919 01:33:33,191 --> 01:33:37,150 Believe me when this man says 1920 01:33:37,195 --> 01:33:41,154 Summer, spring, and fall-time 1921 01:33:41,199 --> 01:33:45,158 You're my one and all-time 1922 01:33:45,203 --> 01:33:51,870 All I live for now is to hold you tight 1923 01:33:54,546 --> 01:33:57,674 All the livelong day 1924 01:33:57,715 --> 01:34:03,654 And the long, long night 1925 01:34:05,156 --> 01:34:06,680 I bet it would sound even prettier... 1926 01:34:06,724 --> 01:34:10,125 with like... like twenty violins. 1927 01:34:10,161 --> 01:34:12,925 And a whole chorus of voices. 1928 01:34:18,670 --> 01:34:20,638 Well, time to go. 1929 01:34:20,672 --> 01:34:21,639 Go where? 1930 01:34:21,673 --> 01:34:22,640 Bowling. 1931 01:34:22,674 --> 01:34:24,642 Oh. Have a good time. 1932 01:34:24,676 --> 01:34:27,144 No, not me. You, remember? 1933 01:34:27,178 --> 01:34:29,146 You got a match. 1934 01:34:29,180 --> 01:34:30,647 Oh, sure. 1935 01:34:30,682 --> 01:34:33,651 No. A bowling match against Silver City. 1936 01:34:33,685 --> 01:34:35,653 And don't worry about the songs. 1937 01:34:35,687 --> 01:34:36,915 I'll buy this one, too. 1938 01:34:36,955 --> 01:34:38,980 Oh, I'm sorry. It's not for sale. 1939 01:34:41,159 --> 01:34:42,990 You can have "Sophia" or any of the others. 1940 01:34:43,027 --> 01:34:44,654 What "Sophia"? 1941 01:34:44,696 --> 01:34:47,164 That Italian number you were so crazy about. 1942 01:34:47,198 --> 01:34:48,324 Oh, that. 1943 01:34:48,366 --> 01:34:50,163 I don't think we should talk business now. 1944 01:34:50,201 --> 01:34:52,431 I can see you two have different things on your minds. 1945 01:34:52,470 --> 01:34:53,835 So we'll discuss it some other time. 1946 01:34:53,872 --> 01:34:55,100 Like when? 1947 01:34:55,139 --> 01:34:57,164 Oh, the next time I come through town... 1948 01:34:57,208 --> 01:34:59,108 on my way from Vegas... 1949 01:34:59,143 --> 01:35:01,976 if there's a detour and if my car breaks down. 1950 01:35:02,013 --> 01:35:03,002 Fair enough. 1951 01:35:03,047 --> 01:35:04,742 I don't think that's fair at all. 1952 01:35:04,782 --> 01:35:06,613 Bye. 1953 01:35:06,651 --> 01:35:08,482 Hold it. 1954 01:35:11,656 --> 01:35:14,523 Orville, you better run along... 1955 01:35:14,559 --> 01:35:18,120 'cause it's not fair to yourself or to your team. 1956 01:35:18,162 --> 01:35:19,629 My team? 1957 01:35:19,664 --> 01:35:21,962 Why, Barney and everybody. 1958 01:35:22,967 --> 01:35:25,629 You don't want to let them down, do you? 1959 01:35:25,670 --> 01:35:27,661 I guess I shouldn't. 1960 01:35:28,673 --> 01:35:33,167 Oh, uh, you better put this on. It gets chilly later. 1961 01:35:35,179 --> 01:35:37,147 She worries about me. 1962 01:35:37,181 --> 01:35:40,014 That's what a wife is for. 1963 01:35:41,686 --> 01:35:43,677 Will you be all right, darling? 1964 01:35:43,721 --> 01:35:44,688 Well, of course she will. 1965 01:35:44,722 --> 01:35:46,952 I'll help her with the dishes and everything. 1966 01:35:46,991 --> 01:35:50,222 After all, we don't want her to have ants in the morning. 1967 01:35:53,698 --> 01:35:56,428 Are you sure you want to be alone with this guy? 1968 01:35:56,467 --> 01:35:59,868 Look, mister, I got a job to do, and you're in the way. 1969 01:36:01,940 --> 01:36:03,430 Good-bye, darling. 1970 01:36:13,950 --> 01:36:15,417 Come on. 1971 01:36:15,451 --> 01:36:17,442 Come on! 1972 01:36:21,958 --> 01:36:22,925 What took you so long? 1973 01:36:22,959 --> 01:36:25,621 I thought I'd have to come in and drag you out. 1974 01:36:27,964 --> 01:36:29,932 I've been doing some thinking. 1975 01:36:29,966 --> 01:36:31,024 Now, before he records that song... 1976 01:36:31,067 --> 01:36:33,297 his lawyers are gonna send us a contract... 1977 01:36:33,336 --> 01:36:35,429 standard royalties, a set a copy... 1978 01:36:35,471 --> 01:36:36,938 but we hold out... 1979 01:36:36,973 --> 01:36:38,099 because if we can get another of our songs... 1980 01:36:38,140 --> 01:36:41,234 on the other side of the record, that doubles our royalties. 1981 01:36:41,277 --> 01:36:43,939 Why let somebody else cash in on our hit? 1982 01:36:43,980 --> 01:36:47,074 And if it's a big hit, maybe he'll do the whole album. 1983 01:36:47,116 --> 01:36:50,882 "Dino Sings Millsap and Spooner." 1984 01:36:50,920 --> 01:36:52,945 All right. So it's Spooner and Millsap. 1985 01:36:52,989 --> 01:36:55,924 Who cares so long as it sells a million copies? 1986 01:36:55,958 --> 01:36:57,448 Then we get a gold record. 1987 01:36:57,493 --> 01:36:59,324 Maybe we win a Grammy award. 1988 01:36:59,362 --> 01:37:01,296 Then come the personal appearances... 1989 01:37:01,330 --> 01:37:02,729 Ed Sullivan! 1990 01:37:02,765 --> 01:37:04,995 Policemen are holding the crowds back. 1991 01:37:05,034 --> 01:37:06,365 Ooh! Ooh! 1992 01:37:06,402 --> 01:37:07,562 They're throwing jellybeans at us. 1993 01:37:07,603 --> 01:37:09,730 He's got a hell of a nerve. 1994 01:37:09,772 --> 01:37:10,739 Huh? 1995 01:37:10,773 --> 01:37:13,606 Does he really think he can buy my wife for a song? 1996 01:37:13,642 --> 01:37:15,007 What wife? What are you talking about? 1997 01:37:15,044 --> 01:37:16,011 She's not your wife. 1998 01:37:16,045 --> 01:37:19,242 Him and his rat pack, they think they own the earth... 1999 01:37:19,281 --> 01:37:22,079 riding around in their white chariots raping and looting... 2000 01:37:22,118 --> 01:37:23,949 and wearing cuffs on their sleeves. 2001 01:37:23,986 --> 01:37:25,214 Orville, pull yourself together. 2002 01:37:25,254 --> 01:37:27,245 To them, we're just a bunch of squares... 2003 01:37:27,289 --> 01:37:28,551 straight men, civilians! 2004 01:37:28,591 --> 01:37:30,081 Any time they want to move in... 2005 01:37:30,126 --> 01:37:31,923 we're supposed to run up the white flag... 2006 01:37:31,961 --> 01:37:35,453 hand over our homes and our wives and our liquor! 2007 01:37:36,632 --> 01:37:38,930 Oh, no, you don't! 2008 01:37:38,968 --> 01:37:40,959 Orville! 2009 01:38:05,795 --> 01:38:07,353 Forget something? 2010 01:38:07,396 --> 01:38:10,024 So you're helping my wife with the dishes? 2011 01:38:10,066 --> 01:38:13,558 Ha! Who's washing, and who's drying? 2012 01:38:13,602 --> 01:38:17,060 One thing I can't stand is a sneaky husband. 2013 01:38:17,106 --> 01:38:19,074 Big Hollywood hotshot. 2014 01:38:19,108 --> 01:38:21,668 You think you can walk in here and snap your fingers... 2015 01:38:21,710 --> 01:38:24,144 and I'll serve my wife to you on a silver platter... 2016 01:38:24,180 --> 01:38:26,341 with an apple in her mouth. 2017 01:38:26,382 --> 01:38:27,679 Get out of here. 2018 01:38:27,716 --> 01:38:30,150 Orville, please! 2019 01:38:30,186 --> 01:38:31,915 He doesn't mean it. 2020 01:38:31,954 --> 01:38:33,717 You heard me. 2021 01:38:33,756 --> 01:38:36,224 O-u-t. 2022 01:38:36,258 --> 01:38:37,225 Out! 2023 01:38:37,259 --> 01:38:38,487 Take it easy. E-a-z-y. 2024 01:38:38,527 --> 01:38:40,995 Get out of here, or I'll throw you out. 2025 01:38:41,030 --> 01:38:42,998 I'm going to count to five. 2026 01:38:43,032 --> 01:38:45,057 One, two... 2027 01:38:45,101 --> 01:38:46,966 What happened to western hospitality? 2028 01:38:47,002 --> 01:38:48,060 Four... 2029 01:38:48,104 --> 01:38:49,594 five. 2030 01:38:53,609 --> 01:38:55,270 Orville! 2031 01:38:57,279 --> 01:38:59,770 Stop it, both of you! 2032 01:39:10,993 --> 01:39:13,689 Are you all right? Don't mind him. 2033 01:39:13,729 --> 01:39:15,629 He gets these fits once in a while. 2034 01:39:15,664 --> 01:39:17,825 He just goes crazy and starts attacking people... 2035 01:39:17,867 --> 01:39:19,698 milkmen and dentists and pupils and... 2036 01:39:19,735 --> 01:39:20,702 Oh. 2037 01:39:20,736 --> 01:39:23,204 Are you hurt? Is anything broken? 2038 01:39:23,239 --> 01:39:24,706 No. I'm OK... 2039 01:39:24,740 --> 01:39:28,232 but I'm gonna have such a headache tomorrow. 2040 01:39:32,181 --> 01:39:35,673 If you want action, buddy, go to the Belly Button... 2041 01:39:35,718 --> 01:39:38,949 but don't try to muscle in on a happy home. 2042 01:39:45,261 --> 01:39:46,728 Is my car ready? 2043 01:39:46,762 --> 01:39:47,888 Just about. 2044 01:39:47,930 --> 01:39:49,591 Look. This isn't going to make... 2045 01:39:49,632 --> 01:39:51,259 any difference about the song, is it? 2046 01:39:51,300 --> 01:39:53,325 I mean, you still like it? 2047 01:39:53,369 --> 01:39:54,336 Where is that place? 2048 01:39:54,370 --> 01:39:55,337 What place? 2049 01:39:55,371 --> 01:39:57,839 The Belly Button. 2050 01:40:01,710 --> 01:40:03,177 The swine. 2051 01:40:03,212 --> 01:40:05,203 I fixed him good. 2052 01:40:07,216 --> 01:40:08,683 Big idiot. 2053 01:40:08,717 --> 01:40:10,685 I'll say he is. 2054 01:40:10,719 --> 01:40:12,983 I mean you. 2055 01:40:13,022 --> 01:40:15,718 You fixed yourself good. 2056 01:40:15,758 --> 01:40:17,191 You had everything going for you... 2057 01:40:17,226 --> 01:40:18,557 and you went and loused it up. 2058 01:40:18,594 --> 01:40:19,686 Why? 2059 01:40:19,728 --> 01:40:22,424 I didn't want him to think you were a pushover. 2060 01:40:22,464 --> 01:40:24,398 What difference does it make? 2061 01:40:24,433 --> 01:40:27,197 One man more or less in my life. 2062 01:40:29,438 --> 01:40:31,963 I'm Polly the Pistol, remember? 2063 01:40:32,007 --> 01:40:35,101 I come highly recommended by the bartender. 2064 01:40:35,144 --> 01:40:38,204 Well, I'm not the bartender, and you're not Polly... 2065 01:40:38,247 --> 01:40:39,475 not tonight. 2066 01:40:40,015 --> 01:40:43,951 Tonight, we're Mr. And Mrs. Orville J. Spooner. 2067 01:40:51,727 --> 01:40:53,251 Look at this mess. 2068 01:40:57,666 --> 01:40:59,099 What does the "j" stand for? 2069 01:40:59,134 --> 01:41:00,123 James? 2070 01:41:01,103 --> 01:41:02,695 No. 2071 01:41:04,206 --> 01:41:05,673 Joseph? 2072 01:41:05,707 --> 01:41:07,197 Uh-uh. 2073 01:41:08,710 --> 01:41:10,200 Jasper? 2074 01:41:12,047 --> 01:41:13,537 Jeremiah. 2075 01:41:14,716 --> 01:41:17,412 I'm sorry I asked. 2076 01:41:29,097 --> 01:41:30,894 Don't throw that away. 2077 01:41:30,932 --> 01:41:33,196 There may be a deposit on it. 2078 01:41:33,235 --> 01:41:34,725 All right, dear. 2079 01:42:01,196 --> 01:42:03,790 Cold getting worse? 2080 01:42:03,832 --> 01:42:05,925 It's not my cold. 2081 01:42:10,205 --> 01:42:13,174 It's been a long day, hasn't it? 2082 01:42:13,208 --> 01:42:14,698 Yes, dear. 2083 01:42:29,224 --> 01:42:31,317 Coming, Mrs. Spooner? 2084 01:43:27,215 --> 01:43:30,150 Hey, pal. Those gorgeous cocktail waitresses... 2085 01:43:30,185 --> 01:43:31,311 I heard so much about... 2086 01:43:31,353 --> 01:43:32,320 Yes, sir? 2087 01:43:32,354 --> 01:43:33,321 Where are they? 2088 01:43:33,355 --> 01:43:34,686 This is it. 2089 01:43:34,723 --> 01:43:35,690 You must be kidding. 2090 01:43:35,724 --> 01:43:37,589 I've seen better navels on oranges. 2091 01:43:37,626 --> 01:43:39,218 Take that redhead over there. 2092 01:43:39,261 --> 01:43:41,195 She was runner-up to Miss Nevada. 2093 01:43:41,229 --> 01:43:43,493 What year? Come on, pal. 2094 01:43:43,531 --> 01:43:45,192 Where do you keep the real stuff? 2095 01:43:45,233 --> 01:43:48,066 The most popular one around here is Polly the Pistol. 2096 01:43:48,103 --> 01:43:49,365 Polly the Pistol? 2097 01:43:49,404 --> 01:43:51,372 You can't go wrong with her. 2098 01:43:51,406 --> 01:43:53,374 Fastest draw in the west. 2099 01:43:53,408 --> 01:43:55,876 Now you're talking. Where is she? 2100 01:43:55,911 --> 01:43:57,776 Must be her night off. 2101 01:43:57,812 --> 01:43:58,972 Oh, that's too bad... 2102 01:43:59,014 --> 01:44:01,448 because I'd sure like to shoot it out with her. 2103 01:44:01,483 --> 01:44:03,041 Why don't you try the trailer? 2104 01:44:03,084 --> 01:44:05,314 That's where she lives, right behind the place. 2105 01:44:05,353 --> 01:44:06,320 Which way? 2106 01:44:06,354 --> 01:44:07,651 That-a-way. 2107 01:44:07,689 --> 01:44:08,656 That way? 2108 01:44:08,690 --> 01:44:11,158 Well, if I'm not back by morning... 2109 01:44:11,192 --> 01:44:12,557 you send a posse out after me. 2110 01:44:35,717 --> 01:44:36,706 Bang! 2111 01:44:45,560 --> 01:44:47,050 Open up! 2112 01:44:49,030 --> 01:44:50,224 I know you're in there. 2113 01:44:52,200 --> 01:44:56,102 We got the place surrounded, and I'm coming in to get you. 2114 01:44:57,105 --> 01:44:59,972 Who is it? 2115 01:45:00,008 --> 01:45:02,602 The Lone Ranger. 2116 01:45:04,679 --> 01:45:06,146 What do you want? 2117 01:45:06,181 --> 01:45:07,910 I told you. I'm lone. 2118 01:45:07,949 --> 01:45:10,144 I'm so lone like you wouldn't believe. 2119 01:45:10,185 --> 01:45:12,278 Go away! 2120 01:45:12,320 --> 01:45:15,653 That's no way to treat a customer. 2121 01:45:15,690 --> 01:45:17,749 Where do you keep your glasses? 2122 01:45:22,731 --> 01:45:28,192 Are you going to get out, or do I have to call for help? 2123 01:45:28,236 --> 01:45:32,104 From what I hear, you don't need any help, Polly baby. 2124 01:45:35,209 --> 01:45:36,767 You're... 2125 01:45:36,810 --> 01:45:37,777 you're Dino. 2126 01:45:37,811 --> 01:45:39,904 No names, please. 2127 01:45:39,947 --> 01:45:42,347 I thought I saw you driving through town. 2128 01:45:42,383 --> 01:45:44,351 I didn't make it. My car broke down. 2129 01:45:44,385 --> 01:45:46,853 They put me up with some piano teacher. 2130 01:45:46,887 --> 01:45:49,321 Piano... Orville Spooner? 2131 01:45:49,356 --> 01:45:51,256 That's the joker. 2132 01:45:53,727 --> 01:45:55,718 What an evening. 2133 01:45:55,763 --> 01:45:56,821 What happened? 2134 01:45:56,864 --> 01:45:59,196 Ah, these amateurs, what they won't do to sell a song. 2135 01:45:59,233 --> 01:46:00,791 He kept throwing his wife at me. 2136 01:46:00,834 --> 01:46:01,823 His wife? 2137 01:46:01,869 --> 01:46:03,632 Yeah. Get the scene? 2138 01:46:03,670 --> 01:46:04,796 I'm beginning to. 2139 01:46:04,838 --> 01:46:06,897 Not a bad-looking dame, if you like home cooking... 2140 01:46:06,940 --> 01:46:08,601 but me, I like to eat out... 2141 01:46:08,642 --> 01:46:10,473 you know, Chinese one night... 2142 01:46:10,511 --> 01:46:12,240 a little French cuisine another... 2143 01:46:12,279 --> 01:46:15,214 and a little delicatessen in between. 2144 01:46:15,249 --> 01:46:16,876 Drink up, baby. 2145 01:46:18,618 --> 01:46:20,609 What song did he play you? 2146 01:46:20,654 --> 01:46:22,781 "Sophia"? 2147 01:46:22,822 --> 01:46:24,255 How did you know? 2148 01:46:24,291 --> 01:46:26,122 Did you like it? 2149 01:46:26,159 --> 01:46:27,717 I need another Italian song... 2150 01:46:27,761 --> 01:46:29,991 like a giraffe needs a strep throat. 2151 01:46:31,865 --> 01:46:34,265 Well, I think Orville has a lot of talent. 2152 01:46:34,301 --> 01:46:36,064 You know him? 2153 01:46:37,070 --> 01:46:38,935 See him almost every night. 2154 01:46:38,972 --> 01:46:40,405 He's one of my regulars. 2155 01:46:42,275 --> 01:46:45,301 That mousy little guy with the Beethoven on his chest? 2156 01:46:45,345 --> 01:46:47,711 No. He's a real swinger. 2157 01:46:48,715 --> 01:46:51,047 What do you think you're doing? 2158 01:46:52,052 --> 01:46:53,076 Guess. 2159 01:46:56,356 --> 01:46:58,881 No coaching from the audience. 2160 01:46:59,893 --> 01:47:04,091 Look. You don't understand. This is my night off. 2161 01:47:05,498 --> 01:47:07,398 Well, it's my night on, Polly, baby... 2162 01:47:07,434 --> 01:47:11,097 and if you're worried about money, I tip large. 2163 01:47:18,745 --> 01:47:23,307 Anyway, in my opinion, you're all wrong for it. 2164 01:47:23,350 --> 01:47:26,342 I'm all wrong for what? 2165 01:47:26,386 --> 01:47:27,512 That song. 2166 01:47:27,554 --> 01:47:28,612 I told Orville he should send it... 2167 01:47:28,655 --> 01:47:30,282 to Bobby Darin or Elvis. 2168 01:47:30,323 --> 01:47:31,551 Elvis who? 2169 01:47:31,591 --> 01:47:33,559 I suppose you never heard of the Beatles, either. 2170 01:47:33,593 --> 01:47:36,528 Oh, sure, and I can sing better than all three of them. 2171 01:47:36,563 --> 01:47:37,621 There are four of them. 2172 01:47:37,664 --> 01:47:38,722 Oh, haven't you heard? 2173 01:47:38,765 --> 01:47:40,232 One of them got his hair caught in his guitar... 2174 01:47:40,266 --> 01:47:41,699 and was electrocuted. 2175 01:47:41,735 --> 01:47:43,396 You can make jokes about them... 2176 01:47:43,436 --> 01:47:45,336 but they're young and they're popular... 2177 01:47:45,372 --> 01:47:46,896 while you... 2178 01:47:46,940 --> 01:47:48,805 What about me? 2179 01:47:48,842 --> 01:47:51,106 Let's face it. You're over the hill. 2180 01:47:51,144 --> 01:47:53,237 Sure do know how to hurt a fella. 2181 01:47:53,279 --> 01:47:54,837 I'm sorry, but can you imagine... 2182 01:47:54,881 --> 01:47:56,872 what Jack Jones could do with that song? 2183 01:47:56,916 --> 01:47:58,042 What? 2184 01:47:58,084 --> 01:48:00,882 Listen to me, Sophia 2185 01:48:00,920 --> 01:48:02,353 Have you any idea 2186 01:48:02,389 --> 01:48:03,356 Now look, lady. 2187 01:48:03,390 --> 01:48:04,414 You may have heard a lot of singers... 2188 01:48:04,457 --> 01:48:07,517 but you ain't heard nothing sung till you heard me sung it. 2189 01:48:07,560 --> 01:48:10,688 Oh, listen to me, Sophia 2190 01:48:10,730 --> 01:48:13,699 Have you any idea 2191 01:48:13,733 --> 01:48:17,692 How much you mean to me-a? 2192 01:48:17,737 --> 01:48:22,401 How much, you'll never know 2193 01:48:22,442 --> 01:48:24,171 Then, of course, there's Robert Goulet. 2194 01:48:24,210 --> 01:48:27,145 If I'm all agitato 2195 01:48:27,180 --> 01:48:29,978 Every heartstring vibrato 2196 01:48:30,016 --> 01:48:33,918 Every kiss passionato 2197 01:48:33,953 --> 01:48:35,284 And Eddie Fisher. 2198 01:48:35,321 --> 01:48:38,654 Oh, Sophia, be mine 2199 01:48:38,692 --> 01:48:42,389 Sweet Sophia, be mine 2200 01:49:26,773 --> 01:49:29,640 Oh, Sophia, be mine 2201 01:49:30,643 --> 01:49:33,168 Sweet Sophia, be mine 2202 01:49:53,566 --> 01:49:55,033 Dino! 2203 01:49:55,068 --> 01:49:58,504 Hey, Dino! Dino! 2204 01:49:58,538 --> 01:50:00,028 Dino! 2205 01:50:30,003 --> 01:50:33,996 Well, good-bye, Mr. Spooner. 2206 01:50:36,009 --> 01:50:37,977 What's the matter? 2207 01:50:38,011 --> 01:50:39,979 I'm contemplating. 2208 01:50:40,013 --> 01:50:41,480 Contemplating what? 2209 01:50:41,514 --> 01:50:42,981 Suicide. 2210 01:50:43,016 --> 01:50:44,984 What are you talking about? 2211 01:50:45,018 --> 01:50:46,485 Look at me... 2212 01:50:46,519 --> 01:50:49,977 yesterday, a solid citizen, a blood donor... 2213 01:50:50,023 --> 01:50:55,984 a signer of petitions, and today, the way of all flesh. 2214 01:50:56,029 --> 01:51:02,059 Nonsense. You spent the night with Mrs. Spooner, remember? 2215 01:51:02,101 --> 01:51:03,466 Yeah. 2216 01:51:04,470 --> 01:51:05,960 That's right. 2217 01:51:07,974 --> 01:51:09,407 Here you are. 2218 01:51:09,442 --> 01:51:10,932 What's that? 2219 01:51:10,977 --> 01:51:12,103 It's your pay. 2220 01:51:12,145 --> 01:51:15,046 You know, the deal we made? Twenty-five dollars? 2221 01:51:15,081 --> 01:51:18,448 You wouldn't pay your wife, would you? 2222 01:51:18,484 --> 01:51:20,679 But you need the money if you're saving up for that car. 2223 01:51:20,720 --> 01:51:21,687 What car? 2224 01:51:21,721 --> 01:51:23,348 I gave up on that a long time ago. 2225 01:51:23,389 --> 01:51:25,254 I'll never get out of this town. 2226 01:51:25,291 --> 01:51:26,588 Don't say that. 2227 01:51:26,626 --> 01:51:28,116 Oh, you don't have to worry. 2228 01:51:28,161 --> 01:51:30,493 If we ever run into each other... 2229 01:51:30,530 --> 01:51:33,465 I'll pretend I never even met you. 2230 01:51:33,499 --> 01:51:34,989 Thanks. 2231 01:51:36,502 --> 01:51:38,493 Nice to have met you. 2232 01:51:40,006 --> 01:51:43,464 I wish there were something I could do for you. 2233 01:51:43,509 --> 01:51:45,477 You've done a lot. 2234 01:51:45,511 --> 01:51:49,777 For instance, you cured me of my cold. 2235 01:51:49,816 --> 01:51:51,181 Bye. 2236 01:52:13,473 --> 01:52:16,806 You're just in time. I'm making coffee. 2237 01:52:17,911 --> 01:52:19,538 Would you like some? 2238 01:52:20,747 --> 01:52:22,442 Don't look so surprised. 2239 01:52:22,482 --> 01:52:25,212 You took my place last night, so I took yours. 2240 01:52:25,251 --> 01:52:27,014 It's that simple. 2241 01:52:29,322 --> 01:52:30,789 Oh, then you must be Mrs... 2242 01:52:30,823 --> 01:52:32,120 That's right. 2243 01:52:32,158 --> 01:52:33,819 Where do you keep the cups? 2244 01:52:39,265 --> 01:52:43,292 Look. Whatever your husband did, he did it for you. 2245 01:52:43,336 --> 01:52:46,328 Whatever I did, I did it for him. 2246 01:52:48,841 --> 01:52:51,002 I've never stayed in a trailer before. 2247 01:52:51,044 --> 01:52:53,103 It's really quite cozy. 2248 01:52:53,146 --> 01:52:56,707 I liked your house, especially that big kitchen. 2249 01:52:56,749 --> 01:52:58,307 I made waffles this morning. 2250 01:52:58,351 --> 01:53:00,285 I'll bet there was no syrup. 2251 01:53:00,320 --> 01:53:02,811 I opened up a jar of your preserves. 2252 01:53:02,855 --> 01:53:07,258 You know, it was sort of fun being a wife for a night. 2253 01:53:07,293 --> 01:53:08,760 And for one night... 2254 01:53:08,795 --> 01:53:11,764 it was fun being Polly the Pistol. 2255 01:53:11,798 --> 01:53:13,891 Oh. 2256 01:53:13,933 --> 01:53:15,798 This belongs to you. 2257 01:53:15,835 --> 01:53:16,824 Me? 2258 01:53:18,805 --> 01:53:20,432 Five hundred dollars? 2259 01:53:20,473 --> 01:53:22,771 Large spender from out of town. 2260 01:53:22,809 --> 01:53:25,300 Why don't I ever meet anybody like that? 2261 01:53:25,345 --> 01:53:26,437 I think you did... 2262 01:53:26,479 --> 01:53:27,878 but you were married at the time. 2263 01:53:27,914 --> 01:53:31,816 You really want to give this to me? 2264 01:53:31,851 --> 01:53:34,820 I'll swap you for that ring. 2265 01:53:34,854 --> 01:53:39,814 Oh, sorry. I forgot. 2266 01:53:39,859 --> 01:53:41,793 And if you should find a loose navel... 2267 01:53:41,828 --> 01:53:44,592 floating around the house, it's mine. 2268 01:53:44,630 --> 01:53:46,996 I'm not going back home. 2269 01:53:47,033 --> 01:53:48,227 You're not? 2270 01:53:48,267 --> 01:53:49,825 I'm moving in with my folks. 2271 01:53:51,437 --> 01:53:52,961 Maybe I shouldn't butt in... 2272 01:53:53,006 --> 01:53:55,531 but I think you're making a mistake. 2273 01:53:55,575 --> 01:54:00,512 If I were you... and I was... I wouldn't leave Orville. 2274 01:54:00,546 --> 01:54:04,744 A woman without a man is like a trailer without a car. 2275 01:54:04,784 --> 01:54:06,251 You ain't going nowhere. 2276 01:54:06,285 --> 01:54:10,517 So when you find a good guy, you should stick to him. 2277 01:54:10,556 --> 01:54:14,424 I deal with married men all the time, the heels. 2278 01:54:14,460 --> 01:54:17,918 Believe me, you got a wonderful husband. 2279 01:54:17,964 --> 01:54:21,263 I know that, but he'll be an even better husband... 2280 01:54:21,300 --> 01:54:22,460 when I get through with him. 2281 01:54:26,806 --> 01:54:29,673 What was that about a loose navel? 2282 01:55:12,418 --> 01:55:14,147 - Hi there, Mr. Spooner. - Hi. 2283 01:55:14,186 --> 01:55:15,210 Mrs. Spooner around? 2284 01:55:15,254 --> 01:55:16,744 - Why? - I was just wondering. 2285 01:55:16,789 --> 01:55:18,586 For the last three days, she hasn't ordered anything... 2286 01:55:18,624 --> 01:55:20,421 no milk, no butter, no eggs. 2287 01:55:20,459 --> 01:55:23,053 Well, we've been eating out. 2288 01:55:23,095 --> 01:55:24,619 I... I mean, she's been eating out. 2289 01:55:24,664 --> 01:55:25,653 As a matter of fact... 2290 01:55:25,698 --> 01:55:26,722 she's been living out with her parents... 2291 01:55:26,766 --> 01:55:28,597 but it's only temporary. 2292 01:55:28,634 --> 01:55:30,499 Just a little misunderstanding. 2293 01:55:30,536 --> 01:55:32,629 You know how it is with married... 2294 01:55:33,673 --> 01:55:35,538 none of your damn business! 2295 01:56:41,340 --> 01:56:42,967 Oh, it's you. 2296 01:56:43,008 --> 01:56:45,135 Didn't I tell you to stay away from here? 2297 01:56:45,177 --> 01:56:47,077 Wait a minute, Orville. I've got a message for you. 2298 01:56:47,113 --> 01:56:48,842 Big genius. 2299 01:56:48,881 --> 01:56:50,371 "We're going to be rich," you said. 2300 01:56:50,416 --> 01:56:52,407 "Just get rid of your wife for one night." 2301 01:56:52,451 --> 01:56:54,681 Well, I got rid of her, all right. Permanently! 2302 01:56:54,720 --> 01:56:55,687 She doesn't want to see me. 2303 01:56:55,721 --> 01:56:56,847 She doesn't want to talk to me. 2304 01:56:56,889 --> 01:56:58,117 That's what I'm trying to tell you. 2305 01:56:58,157 --> 01:56:59,715 I've got a message from Zelda. 2306 01:56:59,759 --> 01:57:02,785 You fat, miserable, no-good slob! 2307 01:57:02,828 --> 01:57:04,056 Get lost! 2308 01:57:08,667 --> 01:57:09,895 What message? 2309 01:57:09,935 --> 01:57:11,562 So I'm a fat slob, huh? 2310 01:57:11,604 --> 01:57:12,901 Well, come on. Come on. 2311 01:57:12,938 --> 01:57:14,496 I just talked to Zelda. 2312 01:57:14,540 --> 01:57:15,632 She wants to see you. 2313 01:57:15,674 --> 01:57:17,107 - She does? - Uh-huh. 2314 01:57:17,143 --> 01:57:18,838 Oh, you beautiful man! 2315 01:57:18,878 --> 01:57:20,140 Where? When? 2316 01:57:20,179 --> 01:57:22,739 8:00 tonight at her lawyer's. 2317 01:57:22,782 --> 01:57:23,749 Her lawyer? 2318 01:57:23,783 --> 01:57:25,182 Charlie Green. You know, upstairs... 2319 01:57:25,217 --> 01:57:26,946 over Pringle's hardware store. 2320 01:57:26,986 --> 01:57:27,953 Why? 2321 01:57:27,987 --> 01:57:30,012 Why do you think? Divorce. 2322 01:57:30,055 --> 01:57:31,283 Divorce? 2323 01:57:31,323 --> 01:57:33,257 Oh, Barney, this is crazy. I love her. 2324 01:57:33,292 --> 01:57:34,452 I know... 2325 01:57:34,493 --> 01:57:37,690 but that's the way she wants it. 2326 01:57:37,730 --> 01:57:40,699 Why don't you just bring me a five-gallon can of gasoline... 2327 01:57:40,733 --> 01:57:41,700 and a match? 2328 01:57:41,734 --> 01:57:43,065 That's no way to talk... 2329 01:57:43,102 --> 01:57:44,592 because I'm gonna be there, too... 2330 01:57:44,637 --> 01:57:46,070 as a witness. 2331 01:57:46,105 --> 01:57:48,300 Oh, good. 2332 01:57:48,340 --> 01:57:50,205 Then you can swear how it was all your idea... 2333 01:57:50,242 --> 01:57:51,470 that you put me up to it. 2334 01:57:51,510 --> 01:57:53,137 You don't understand, Orville. 2335 01:57:53,179 --> 01:57:56,114 I'm going to be a witness for her. 2336 01:57:56,148 --> 01:57:57,274 For her? 2337 01:57:57,316 --> 01:58:00,683 The way you treated that poor girl. 2338 01:58:00,719 --> 01:58:03,711 You shouldn't have done it, Orville. 2339 01:58:03,756 --> 01:58:05,519 I shouldn't? 2340 01:58:05,558 --> 01:58:09,050 Why, you fat, miserable slob. 2341 01:58:09,094 --> 01:58:12,257 See you at the lawyer's at 8:00 sharp. 2342 01:58:43,262 --> 01:58:45,890 Zelda, before we go up there, I've got to talk to you. 2343 01:58:45,931 --> 01:58:47,592 I warn you, you're not to make any statements... 2344 01:58:47,633 --> 01:58:49,362 except in the presence of your lawyer. 2345 01:58:49,401 --> 01:58:50,800 You shut up! 2346 01:58:50,836 --> 01:58:52,861 The way I treated you was unforgivable... 2347 01:58:52,905 --> 01:58:53,963 but if you'll forgive me... 2348 01:58:54,006 --> 01:58:55,701 everything will be different from now on. 2349 01:58:55,741 --> 01:58:56,935 There will be no more jealousy... 2350 01:58:56,976 --> 01:58:59,604 no more suspicion, no more cross-examining. 2351 01:58:59,645 --> 01:59:01,112 And your eyes are not pink. 2352 01:59:01,146 --> 01:59:02,977 Too little and too late. 2353 01:59:03,015 --> 01:59:05,245 We've drawn up a temporary property settlement. 2354 01:59:05,284 --> 01:59:06,512 You get the piano... 2355 01:59:06,552 --> 01:59:08,986 the pictures of Beethoven, and the classical records. 2356 01:59:09,021 --> 01:59:12,548 She gets the popular records, the bed, and the love seat. 2357 01:59:12,591 --> 01:59:14,058 Let's go. 2358 01:59:14,093 --> 01:59:16,527 Zelda, remember five years ago... 2359 01:59:16,562 --> 01:59:18,553 when we exchanged wedding rings... 2360 01:59:18,597 --> 01:59:22,590 we promised for richer, poorer, better, worse? 2361 01:59:22,635 --> 01:59:24,034 Where is your ring? 2362 01:59:24,069 --> 01:59:26,594 My ring? Oh, yeah. 2363 01:59:26,639 --> 01:59:28,903 You want to know where it is? 2364 01:59:28,941 --> 01:59:29,908 It's in the shower. 2365 01:59:29,942 --> 01:59:31,409 Slipped off, went down the drain. 2366 01:59:31,443 --> 01:59:33,604 You see, I've lost a lot of weight since you left. 2367 01:59:35,414 --> 01:59:36,574 What's that song they're playing? 2368 01:59:36,615 --> 01:59:37,843 Stick to the subject... 2369 01:59:37,883 --> 01:59:39,214 the case of the missing ring. 2370 01:59:39,251 --> 01:59:40,809 Don't worry, Zelda. I'll get it back. 2371 01:59:40,853 --> 01:59:43,344 Maybe with a string and a piece of chewing gum... 2372 01:59:43,389 --> 01:59:46,187 or better yet, we'll... we'll call a plumber. 2373 01:59:50,129 --> 01:59:53,257 Either that's "Sophia," or somebody stole it from us. 2374 01:59:53,299 --> 01:59:55,358 And now, the star of our show... 2375 01:59:55,401 --> 01:59:57,892 direct from a successful appearance at the bar... 2376 01:59:57,937 --> 01:59:59,131 Dino. 2377 01:59:59,171 --> 02:00:00,638 Dino? 2378 02:00:03,475 --> 02:00:06,808 Listen to me, Sophia 2379 02:00:08,013 --> 02:00:10,743 Have you any idea 2380 02:00:12,084 --> 02:00:16,145 How much you mean to me-a? 2381 02:00:16,188 --> 02:00:19,419 How much, you'll never know 2382 02:00:20,826 --> 02:00:23,920 If I'm all agitato 2383 02:00:25,030 --> 02:00:28,591 Every heartstring vibrato 2384 02:00:28,634 --> 02:00:29,828 I don't understand it. 2385 02:00:29,868 --> 02:00:31,529 Why would he sing our song after what I did to him? 2386 02:00:31,570 --> 02:00:33,094 I guess the bigger they are... 2387 02:00:33,138 --> 02:00:34,605 the nicer they are. 2388 02:00:34,640 --> 02:00:36,972 Who but you made me so? 2389 02:00:37,009 --> 02:00:39,170 Look at it. It's on all twelve sets! 2390 02:00:39,211 --> 02:00:41,008 Twelve sets, my eye. 2391 02:00:41,046 --> 02:00:43,207 Thirty million people are watching this show. 2392 02:00:43,248 --> 02:00:46,149 A Nielsen rating of 21.7. 2393 02:00:46,185 --> 02:00:47,914 Did you hear that, darling? Do you know what this means? 2394 02:00:47,953 --> 02:00:49,011 Sure. 2395 02:00:49,054 --> 02:00:50,715 I'll have Charlie Green ask for more alimony. 2396 02:00:50,756 --> 02:00:52,656 - Zelda! - Shh. 2397 02:00:52,691 --> 02:00:54,556 I can't hear my words. 2398 02:00:54,593 --> 02:00:58,996 Or from earth I resign 2399 02:00:59,031 --> 02:01:03,593 Oh, Sophia, be mine 2400 02:01:09,908 --> 02:01:12,172 Thank you. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 2401 02:01:12,211 --> 02:01:14,543 Now, isn't it a gas, that song? 2402 02:01:14,580 --> 02:01:15,740 Found it myself... 2403 02:01:15,781 --> 02:01:17,908 and there's an interesting story behind it. 2404 02:01:17,950 --> 02:01:20,043 I was on my way back from Vegas... 2405 02:01:20,085 --> 02:01:23,248 and I stopped in a place called Climax, Nevada. 2406 02:01:23,288 --> 02:01:24,585 Lovely little town... 2407 02:01:24,623 --> 02:01:27,114 and I heard one of the natives humming a tune... 2408 02:01:27,159 --> 02:01:30,754 and as I drove away, that melody kept haunting me... 2409 02:01:30,796 --> 02:01:31,785 you know... 2410 02:01:31,830 --> 02:01:34,560 so I turned around and went back... 2411 02:01:34,600 --> 02:01:36,932 and there were these two amateur songwriters... 2412 02:01:36,969 --> 02:01:39,938 Miller and Spoonsap, uh, Moonsap and Spiller. 2413 02:01:39,972 --> 02:01:42,065 Millsap and Spooner. 2414 02:01:42,107 --> 02:01:43,972 Spooner and Millsap. 2415 02:01:44,009 --> 02:01:45,135 Well, anyway... 2416 02:01:45,177 --> 02:01:47,645 I stayed up all night listening to their songs... 2417 02:01:47,679 --> 02:01:49,146 and tonight, you're hearing one of them... 2418 02:01:49,181 --> 02:01:50,148 for the first time... 2419 02:01:50,182 --> 02:01:51,206 which just goes to prove... 2420 02:01:51,250 --> 02:01:53,081 that if you've got what it takes... 2421 02:01:53,118 --> 02:01:56,383 sooner or later, somebody will take what you've got... 2422 02:01:56,422 --> 02:01:57,787 baby. 2423 02:01:57,823 --> 02:02:01,384 Listen to me, Sophia 2424 02:02:02,428 --> 02:02:04,726 Have you any idea 2425 02:02:05,831 --> 02:02:07,355 Can we have your autographs? 2426 02:02:07,399 --> 02:02:08,957 This way, please. 2427 02:02:10,869 --> 02:02:12,598 How much, you'll never know 2428 02:02:12,638 --> 02:02:16,404 Imagine, just this morning, he was checking my mother's oil. 2429 02:02:16,442 --> 02:02:18,467 I bet you're going to make, like, a million dollars. 2430 02:02:18,510 --> 02:02:21,638 Who cares? In our bracket, the government gets most of it. 2431 02:02:21,680 --> 02:02:23,307 Will you sign this for me? 2432 02:02:24,817 --> 02:02:26,580 Can't we try again, lambchop? 2433 02:02:26,618 --> 02:02:27,744 How would it look when Barney and I... 2434 02:02:27,786 --> 02:02:28,844 are on "The Ed Sullivan Show"... 2435 02:02:28,887 --> 02:02:30,354 and he wants you to stand up and take a bow... 2436 02:02:30,389 --> 02:02:32,084 and you're not in the audience? 2437 02:02:32,124 --> 02:02:33,887 You can always get someone to take my place. 2438 02:02:33,926 --> 02:02:35,018 Who'll know the difference? 2439 02:02:35,060 --> 02:02:36,994 Yeah. 2440 02:02:37,029 --> 02:02:38,155 What do you mean? 2441 02:02:38,197 --> 02:02:39,562 Will you sign this for me? 2442 02:02:39,598 --> 02:02:40,690 - Me, too. - Here. 2443 02:02:40,732 --> 02:02:41,756 - Me, too. - Me, too. 2444 02:02:49,475 --> 02:02:51,841 Listen to me, Sophia 2445 02:02:51,877 --> 02:02:53,401 He's no Valentino 2446 02:02:53,445 --> 02:02:55,743 Have you any idea 2447 02:02:55,781 --> 02:02:57,146 But there's no one we know 2448 02:02:57,182 --> 02:02:59,946 How much you mean to me-a? 2449 02:02:59,985 --> 02:03:01,145 Who can love like Dino 2450 02:03:01,186 --> 02:03:03,780 Oh, Sophia, be mine 2451 02:03:05,324 --> 02:03:07,792 All the others were so-so 2452 02:03:07,826 --> 02:03:09,316 Skinny like a pony 2453 02:03:09,361 --> 02:03:11,852 Not a one amoroso 2454 02:03:11,897 --> 02:03:13,364 Thin as macaroni 2455 02:03:13,398 --> 02:03:16,390 But with you, I'm aglow 2456 02:03:16,435 --> 02:03:17,902 Bang, bang. 2457 02:03:17,936 --> 02:03:20,700 Only you I adore 2458 02:03:21,707 --> 02:03:26,110 She's sweeter than spumoni 2459 02:03:26,145 --> 02:03:27,942 She's a manicurist I met. 2460 02:03:27,980 --> 02:03:29,948 I had my nails done while you were gone. 2461 02:03:29,982 --> 02:03:31,916 - I'm not asking any questions. - That's right. 2462 02:03:31,950 --> 02:03:33,508 There's going to be no more questions. 2463 02:03:33,552 --> 02:03:35,417 Here. You'd better put this on. 2464 02:03:35,454 --> 02:03:36,944 My ring. 2465 02:03:36,989 --> 02:03:38,479 When our hearts intertwine 2466 02:03:38,524 --> 02:03:39,491 Where did you get it? 2467 02:03:39,525 --> 02:03:40,890 No questions, remember? 2468 02:03:40,926 --> 02:03:42,689 Oh, Sophia, be mine 2469 02:03:42,728 --> 02:03:44,218 I must be going out of my mind. 2470 02:03:44,263 --> 02:03:46,288 I can't figure out any of this. 2471 02:03:46,331 --> 02:03:47,855 Any of what? 2472 02:03:47,900 --> 02:03:51,427 I mean, the ring and the song and the car and Dino. 2473 02:03:51,470 --> 02:03:53,370 How would you? 2474 02:03:53,405 --> 02:03:54,394 When did she? 2475 02:03:54,439 --> 02:03:55,838 Why would he? 2476 02:03:57,242 --> 02:03:59,142 Kiss me, stupid. 2477 02:04:01,113 --> 02:04:10,283 Oh, Sophia, be mine 171017