All language subtitles for Family Guy - S11E01 - Into Fat Air (Uncensored)

♪ It seems today
that all you see

♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV

♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values

♪ On which we used to rely?

♪ Lucky there's a family guy

♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do

♪ All the things that make us

♪ Laugh and cry

♪ He's a family guy ♪

Hey, everyone.

You'll never guess
who I ran into
at the market just now.

Your hairdresser who's
almost dead from cancer?

Ross Fishman.

Your old boyfriend?
The one with the penis?

Peter, would you stop
being so jealous?

I dated Ross 20 years ago.

That's right.
And that means he
had you first, Lois.

I'll always be
Scottie Pippen to
his Michael Jordan.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Michael Jordan!

And Scottie Pippen.

He's also good.
Why didn't they
do Jordan last?

Alphabetical?
Oh, right.
That's smart.

You're smart.
But still.

Peter, don't be ridiculous.

Ross' wife was with him,
and in fact,

they invited us all
over for dinner tonight.

Oh, come on, Lois.
I hate that guy.

I don't want to
have dinner with him.

Hey! It's cooked food
in another house.

That's exciting for
life-over women like me.

We're going.
All right, fine.

But I'm gonna stare at
his wife's boobs so hard

that when they
both go into the
kitchen together,

it will be discussed.

The cold car
ride through a dark,
suburban night.

Look out the window
and think of death, kids.

It's coming.

Now, I want you
all to be on your
best behavior.

Peter!
I had a juice
before we left.

Wow, Pam. Everything
smells terrific.

Did you make all
of this yourself?

Yeah, I just got home from work,

put down the
lawyer's briefcase,
and put on the chef's hat.

You know how it is.

Nah. She don't
do nothing.

So, Peter, Lois
tells me that you're
working at the brewery.

I think that's great.
A real job.

Trading futures,
that's not real.

But the money is unreal.

Hey. To real jobs.

That's it, Fishman.
Shirts off.

I want to see
who's got bigger pecs.

Peter!

Well, they look better
when they're oiled up.

Pass the salad dressing.

Oh, no, it's an
almost-empty squeeze
bottle. Hang on.

It's all out.

There's
dressing on that salad.
Give me that salad.

Yeah, who's the
better man now, Ross?

Brian, what are you
doing down there?

They didn't set
a place for me.
Not a dog family.

Oh.

Go away.

Go away, you.

So, Ben, do you go
to James Woods High?

No. I'm a
junior at The Meadows.
It's a private school.

Oh, do they do it so
right at The Meadows.

Class size is so small.

And they really know
your child. They care.

Mr. Wiggins rested his
thing on Jen Crosby's
shoulder during a test.

Yes, I'm told
James Woods High
leads the nation

in teacher-to-student
thing resting.

Well, it's family
that really matters,

and no family is
closer than ours.

That's why we love
taking trips together.

Here we are in Machu Picchu.

Is that the
topless place in
South Attleboro?

I spat on
a chick there
at a work retreat.

Peter, just stop talking.

What? We've been places.
They ain't so great.

Well, this year
is perhaps our
biggest trip ever.

We're climbing Mount Everest.

Oh, yeah?
Is that right?

Well, so are we.
We are?

Peter, I highly doubt that.
I mean, no offense,

but it doesn't look
like your family would
be up to the task.

I think he's right about that.

After all, we couldn't
even turn a double play.

All right, Griffins,
on the ground,
we're going to second.

Let's turn two here.
Ground ball's
a double play ball.

Play's at second.
Let's look sharp.

Tough D. Tough D.
Let's flash that leather.

Head in the game.
Play's to second.

This infield is
the Great Wall of China.
Nothing's getting past us.

Good D behind you, Bri.
Good D all around.

I'm okay, everyone.
Don't worry, I am okay.

My voice sounds weird,
this is weird,
I know, but I feel fine.

Man, what a bunch of jerks.

Yeah, we should call
Ross and tell him,

"This is the hospital,
and your mom's dead."

And then, he'll be like,
"What hospital?"

And we'll be like,
"Saint Up Yours."

And then, that's like,
two jokes.

Look, I'm sorry, Lois.
I know we can't
climb Mount Everest.

It's just, that guy
really got to me,

and I wanted to stick it to him.

Will you call tomorrow
and make some excuse

that doesn't make me look bad?

Ooh, I know. Tell him
I'm a pathological liar

and that I've been
under a lot of stress

because of the child
rape charges I'm facing.

I think we
should do it.
What?

Lois, you can't be serious.

Oh, I'm dead serious.

You think I liked sitting there

pretending to be
polite to those people

while they talked
down to us like that?

Well, I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of this family
always feeling second-best.

I want to do something
we can be proud of.

I want Stewie, Meg,
and Chris to grow up
with some confidence.

Then don't buy our
shoes at the car wash.

But climbing the world's
most dangerous mountain?

Isn't that a little extreme?

Maybe.

But if the Fishmans
can do it, so can we.

Yeah, we're just
as good as them
or any other family.

That's right.
You guys, we're
climbing Mount Everest.

Let's do it!

Yay! I drank seven
cups of coffee
at the Fishmans'.

Oh, crap. It's Quagmire.
I don't want him
knowing about this.

He's always trying to
horn in on our plans.

- Hey, what's going on?
- You guys up to something?

Shh. Kids,
don't move.

Hello?

So we're really doing this?

We're actually gonna
climb Mount Everest?

How are you okay with this?

Well, if we make it
to the summit,

I could pee there,
and then it would be mine.

'Cause the rule is,
the highest pee wins.

Okay, gang,
once we arrive in Nepal,

we'll get all
the supplies we need
for the trip up Everest.

Okay, but remember, kids,

the people there have
never seen people before.

So when they walk up to you,
quickly stuff a dollar bill
in their mouth.

Then you can pet them
as much as you want.

Is that true,
Dad?
No.

Truth is, I don't know
nothing about this place.

I don't even know
why it's called Nepal.

The mountains look like nipples.

Well, you can't
just call a country,
"Nipples."

What about Nepal?

Ooh, I like that.

Shocker.
God gets it right.

Okay, now, we gotta
make sure we've got
all the provisions

before we head up to base camp.

'Cause I don't think there's
gonna be a Star Market
halfway up the mountain.

Oh, Mom.
That's our local
market at home.

Okay, let's split up

and meet in
an hour in front of
The Yak Shack.

And my mom is
pounding on the door,
and I'm like,

"Mom, don't come in here.
I'm yakking off."

Boo.

So, I've been carrying
this really promiscuous
guide around,

and my back starts itching.

I go to the doctor,
turns out I got sherpes.

Yeah, I'll meet
you guys here.
I'm just gonna be here.

Peter, I don't think
we need a donkey
for this climb.

Of course we don't
need a donkey, Lois.
It's a status thing here.

You, leather man.
You sell me donkey.

I don't know what it is,

but you have got it.

Oh, my God.

It's enormous.

Lois, this is probably
a terrible time
to remember this,

but I think
I might have left
the weed whacker on.

Well, look who's here.

I didn't believe
you'd actually follow
through with this.

Oh, hey, Fishman.

Hey, listen,
on a scale of one to 10,

how bad is the bathroom
situation up here?

Like, 10 is a suite
at the Four Seasons,

and one is a tied-up
raincoat sleeve at
a party in your honor.

Yes, we're here, Ross.

When our family says that
we're gonna do something,

we follow through with it.

Yeah, in fact, not only
are we gonna climb it,

we are gonna beat
you guys to the top.

I seriously doubt that.

Oh, yeah?
Well, so do I!

Yeah, so you watch it, Fishman.

We are gonna beat you so bad,

you'll think you
gave Chris Brown
an STD.

Is that what happened?

You're not gonna
beat us to the top.

In fact, you probably
won't even climb
Everest at all.

You don't have the nerve.

Like hell I don't.

Getting to the top,
ahead of you,

is gonna be one of
the greatest moments
of my life.

It might even beat
graduating from
chiropractor school.

Robert Baker.

Brad O'Bannon.

Anyone.

Okay, the Fishmans
are heading up
the North Face,

but I've been studying this map,

and I think we've
got a better chance
of beating them

if we go up the South Face.

Oh, we don't need a map, Brian.

I got us a GPMS machine.

Go up.
What do you think?
Just go up.

Sorry.

Okay, can everyone
just stop freaking out

and just give me,
like, two minutes?

God!

Everyone's always yelling at me.

All the questions!

All right,
well, maybe we'll
turn you on later

and see how you feel.

She was so nice in the store.

Well, come on,
everyone,
let's get started.

Brian, I'm not sure
I can do this.

It's chillier out here
than Angelina Jolie.
Something like that.

I don't know, I'm so cold.

She took that sad
old lady's husband.

You're just gonna
have to block out
the cold, Stewie.

Picture yourself
in a warm place.

Okay, I think I can do that.

Do you want the heat on, sir?

Yes, please.

Oh, my God.
How are we supposed
to get across this?

We have to walk
on those ladders?

Guys, be sure to look
down the whole time.

It's really deep and
freaky and disorienting.

Peter!
Oh, my God!

Dad!

It's okay!
There's a huge pile
of dead bodies down here

that cushioned my fall!

Do any of them
seem like they have

any extra tampons
in their backpack?

Uh, no!

"No," like you
checked and there
aren't any, "no"?

Or "no," you're just assuming?

I'm embarrassed.

Peter, you left the flap open.

It's like a thousand
degrees in here, Lois.

Close the tent now!
It's freezing!

Headline. "Woman Cold."

My God. I think
I see the Fishmans.

They're down on that ridge.
We're ahead of them.

Well, then let's keep moving.

You guys, we can do this.

We can beat them!

Hey, you know, I heard
when you drink
at high altitude,

it hits you even faster.

Party!
I love you guys!

You don't know how
much you mean to me.

You think you're better than me?

Why can't you hit a curveball?

I've done nothing with my life.

Hey, cats, is everybody cool?

Sammy Davis Jr.?
What are you
doing up here?

Whatever Frank
tells me to do, man.

Hey, Sam,
get back in here and
carry my golf clubs.

Yes, boss.

Ew. Seems kind of
racist, doesn't it?

No, no, 'cause Sammy's in on it.

Okay.

But he's still
carrying the clubs.

This is so hard.

I can't do this, Mom.

Come on.
Keep pushing, kids.
We're almost there!

I'm feeling nauseous.

I think I got altitude sickness.

Hey, Brian,
you want a pukesicle?

I would love a pukesicle.

I can see
the top of the mountain.

Let's move it!

We made it!
I don't believe it!

We climbed Mount Everest!

Isn't it amazing, Brian?
You can see for...

Oh, you're doing
your pee thing, right.

I don't really know
what the point is.

I mean, there's no way
other dogs can smell this.

Trust me, Stewie.
They'll know.

They'll know
the world is now mine.

Fark, no way.

Oh, my God, you guys.
I'm so proud of us all!

We made it!

We proved that
we're not second-best.

Well, look who finally got here.

You beat us?

Don't feel too bad, gang.

We only beat you by
one hour, 12 minutes
and 43 seconds.

And, quite frankly,
we're bored of it up here.

So you guys enjoy it.
We're gonna head back down.

I hate those guys.

Yeah, me, too.

Come on.
Let's head back down.

At least the hard part's over.

I'm not so sure about that.

You might want to
take a look at
those storm clouds.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it looks like
it's closing in fast.

We're all gonna die!

All right,
everyone get into
a hilarious pose,

so when they dig
out our bodies,
they'll have a good laugh.

This guy's pretty funny.

This is terrible.
The storm keeps
getting worse.

Mom, I can't even see!

And the scarf Brian
called "A gay waste"

makes a rather
important appearance.

I'm so hungry.

Me, too.

I don't know if
I can keep going.

Peter, I still don't understand.

How the hell
can we already
be out of food?

Didn't I tell you
to bring Trail Mix?

Yeah, but by that
I thought you meant

a set list of
totally awesome tunes,
which I do have.

♪ I got the power! ♪

And after this,
it's Everybody Dance Now

and after that,
it's Come Baby Come.

That sounds like Jock Jams.

It is similar to Jock Jams.

It is Jock Jams.

You guys, look,
there's something
up ahead.

I think it's a person.

Oh, my God,
maybe they have food.

Maybe it's a rescue team.

Oh, my God, it's Ben Fishman.

Is he...
Yep. He's dead.

Oh, great. Not only are we
caught in this blizzard,

but there's
some maniac up here
freezing people to death.

Oh, that poor boy.

We should bury him.
It's only right.

Yeah, yeah,
we should, Lois.
You're right.

Or we could...

Could what?

Eat him.

Brian!

Look, if we don't
eat something soon,
we're all gonna pass out

from exhaustion
and freeze to death
just like him.

Are we really considering this?

We're talking about
eating a person.

Yeah, I'm not so
sure about this.

Oh, I thought
we decided.
I'm sorry.

Well, I guess we
don't have a choice.

I am oddly prepared for this.

Brian, I know this
is gonna sound petty

in light of the fact
that we just actually

ate the flesh of
another human being,

but Meg ate a lot.

Oh, God, Peter.

I hope Ben
would forgive us
for what we did.

Look, we needed to eat,
the same way
birds need to fly.

What do you mean,
you don't have
our names on there?

My wife and I
absolutely have to
be on this flight.

I'm doing the best I can, sir.

Do you have your
confirmation number?

I think you'll find
all the information
you need on here.

Sir, this is just
a piece of paper

with the word
"South" written on it.

Can I speak to your supervisor?

You guys, there's
someone up ahead.

Ben!

Ben!

Oh, my God,
it's the Fishmans.
They look terrible.

Have you seen Ben?

We lost him in the storm.

We're headed
back up to find him.

I just hope he's
not trapped in some
crevice somewhere.

Well, my gut tells me

he'll be squeezing himself
out of a crevice very soon.

Oh, we finally made
it below the storm.

Look! I see base camp!

Yay! We're gonna be okay!

Wait! We have to go back.

What? What are
you talking about?

Kids, your mom
is clearly delirious
from the altitude.

I say we leave her behind

and marry that
hot new assistant
from my work.

Look, Ben freezing to
death was one thing.

We had nothing to do with that.

But we just let
Ross and Pam
walk back up there,

probably to their deaths.

And you know what?
That's not who we are.

We're the Griffins.
And you know how we win?

You know how we keep
from being second-best?

We do the right thing.

We go back up there
and save them.

Tell me again
why we ate a person
before we ate the dog?

Your mom's right.

Let's head back up there.

Plus, if we don't
rescue the Fishmans,

their Jewish god is
just gonna sit there
and make us feel guilty.

You do whatever you want.

Over here!
I think I smell 'em.

Oh, my God!
Look down there.

We got to get them out.
They'll die down there.

Well, we've got some rope.

Quick, Peter!

You're the only
one strong enough
to carry two people.

All right,
I got 'em! Pull me up!

Peter, we can't do it.

You're too heavy.

Keep going.
You're almost there.

I found a rock I like.

Griffins, I don't
know how to thank you.

We never would
have made it
without your help.

Oh, you would've
done the same for us.

There are more
important things
than a petty rivalry.

We're just happy
that you're okay.

Well, thank you both.
You saved our lives.

And Peter,
I'll never forget
what you did for us.

You're a good man.

All right,
you rest up, get better,
we ate your son.

Bring it up.