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00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,853
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,223
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,291 --> 00:00:11,910
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,896
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,965 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,520
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:23,166
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:29,944
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,681
Hello, I'm Brian Griffin.
11
00:00:32,749 --> 00:00:34,182
And I'm Stewie Griffin.
12
00:00:34,250 --> 00:00:36,796
A few years ago, we did
an episode
called "Viewer Mail"
13
00:00:36,820 --> 00:00:40,789
where you, our fans,
wrote in and suggested
ideas for new episodes.
14
00:00:40,858 --> 00:00:43,876
Well, it's 10 years later,
but you're still
sending in ideas.
15
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:45,794
To Rashad in Little Rock,
16
00:00:45,862 --> 00:00:47,996
we wanna let you know
we kicked around your idea,
17
00:00:48,064 --> 00:00:50,632
"Make the baby go
wild" for a while.
18
00:00:50,701 --> 00:00:52,284
Couldn't really
find an angle on it.
19
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,364
Here's one from
Lee Mills of Iowa.
20
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:57,756
Lee writes,
"Dear Family Guy, was your
show based on anything?"
21
00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,502
That's a great question, Lee.
22
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:02,472
In fact, Family Guy
is based on an American
television series
23
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,828
called The Simpsons.
24
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,266
Actually, Family Guy,
much like The Office,
25
00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:08,967
is based on
a British series called
26
00:01:09,035 --> 00:01:10,586
Chap of the Manor.
Let's watch.
27
00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:22,130
We now return to Britain's
most popular game show...
28
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:27,246
Do go ahead, then.
Oh, no, you first.
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00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:28,948
Wouldn't dream of it.
Too kind,
really, I insist.
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00:01:28,972 --> 00:01:30,104
Wouldn't be proper of me.
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00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,417
I appreciate
your courtesy.
Likewise.
32
00:01:31,441 --> 00:01:33,141
Well, we're all out of time.
33
00:01:33,209 --> 00:01:36,049
Join us same time tomorrow,
if it's not entirely
inconvenient for you.
34
00:01:36,079 --> 00:01:37,646
If so, of course,
we do understand
35
00:01:37,714 --> 00:01:39,480
and we do apologize in advance.
36
00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:41,883
This has all
been an imposition.
I'm so dreadfully sorry.
37
00:01:41,952 --> 00:01:42,996
Sorry!
Sorry.
38
00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:44,230
Sorry.
Sorry, everyone!
39
00:01:44,254 --> 00:01:45,799
All right, kids, enough telly.
40
00:01:45,823 --> 00:01:48,423
I hope everyone's peckish
for some boiled lamb shank.
41
00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:51,360
None for me, Lydia.
I'm meeting me mates
down at the pub.
42
00:01:51,428 --> 00:01:53,845
Again? But Neville,
you spend all your time
43
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,792
down at the Fox and
Pig and Dog and Wolf
44
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,627
and Cat and Fiddle
and Whistle and Cock.
45
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:58,891
And that's where you're wrong.
46
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,519
The Fox and Pig and Dog and Wolf
47
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,064
and Cat and Fiddle
and Whistle and Cock
48
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,154
is for tossers.
49
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,567
We're meeting at
the Dog and Cat and Bull
50
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:05,924
and Whistle and Fiddle and Cock
51
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:08,326
and Pig and Wolf and Carriage
and Fife and Other Wolf.
52
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:11,057
But I need you to stay
and have a chat
with Collingsworth.
53
00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:13,459
I found him with
another fag in his mouth
this morning.
54
00:02:13,483 --> 00:02:16,567
Oh, is that right?
So you fancy fags,
do you?
55
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,232
Well, here.
Have a whole
carton of fags!
56
00:02:19,256 --> 00:02:22,390
I just want a comely lass
to look upon me with favor.
57
00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:23,792
I look on you with favor.
58
00:02:23,861 --> 00:02:25,427
I look on all of you with favor.
59
00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:26,929
Shut up, British Meg.
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00:02:26,997 --> 00:02:28,157
Look at Lydia.
61
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,581
What a two-bit Wichita whore.
62
00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:33,001
One of these days,
she's gonna wake up kilt.
63
00:02:33,070 --> 00:02:36,321
Ah, matricide. Yet another
of your childhood whims.
64
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,270
No, it ain't. I'm gonna
follow through with...
65
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,685
Wait, why'd you
say it like that?
66
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,460
Cutaway, sir?
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00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:43,729
Yes, that's good, then.
68
00:02:44,698 --> 00:02:47,382
Friends, family,
and characters random,
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00:02:47,451 --> 00:02:50,118
to bring you joy and
laughter in tandem,
70
00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:53,138
to divert and dazzle
is our intention,
71
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:56,491
so sit back, relax
and enjoy our invention.
72
00:02:59,696 --> 00:03:01,480
Ah, I love summer.
73
00:03:10,007 --> 00:03:12,624
Good evening, Billingsbury.
I'm Clive Crowley.
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00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,971
Coming up,
a man with a gun
and two bullets
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00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:17,128
has taken over
the city of Manchester.
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00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,909
But first,
our top story tonight,
Her Majesty The Queen
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00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:22,300
will be passing through
our very town tomorrow.
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00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:26,154
With details,
we now go live to Indian
reporter Tricia Dasgupta.
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00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:28,951
Oh, my golly,
there is much commotion.
80
00:03:28,975 --> 00:03:30,603
Thank you, Tricia.
After the interval,
81
00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:33,528
find out which
12 football teams
tied tonight.
82
00:03:33,597 --> 00:03:36,748
The Queen's
coming to Billingsbury?
That's bloody sweet!
83
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:39,384
You know,
I'm actually a relation
of the Royal Family.
84
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,163
You most certainly are not.
85
00:03:41,187 --> 00:03:42,932
Where would you get that idea?
86
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,856
Me mum used to
claim she was a Windsor.
87
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:47,859
And I always heard me nana
talk about how
she took a duke.
88
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,528
Must've been
a difficult marriage, too,
89
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:52,697
'cause every afternoon
she'd be bellyaching about
her bloody duke.
90
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,011
I think you just had
a gross grandmother.
91
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,451
No, I'm quite sure of it.
92
00:03:56,519 --> 00:03:59,204
And to prove it,
I'm gonna nick
one of the Queen's hairs
93
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:00,738
during her visit tomorrow.
94
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,841
And when the DNA
proves a match,
you'll see I'm royalty.
95
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:07,445
The Queen, eh?
I'd like to mash my banger
in her blood pudding.
96
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:08,764
Googity. Googity. Glop.
97
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,815
Hello, lads.
Oh, hello, Seamus.
98
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,251
Right fine performance
at the cricket match today.
99
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,388
Aye. I was spirited
to have you down
there watching me.
100
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,717
Well, it's a brilliant day
101
00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:19,452
for a long and confusing
game of cricket.
102
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,338
The field is teeming
with men in helmets
103
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,139
who don't seem like
they need helmets,
104
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:24,595
and men not in helmets
105
00:04:24,664 --> 00:04:26,492
who seem likethey probably should bewearing helmets.
106
00:04:26,516 --> 00:04:29,051
Oh, he's batted it
clear out of the stadium.
107
00:04:29,119 --> 00:04:33,171
Is that good?We don't know,but it's what we do!
108
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,889
Yay!
Boo!
109
00:04:34,958 --> 00:04:35,990
Boo!
110
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:42,208
Oh, my goodness,
the Queen is going
to be here presently.
111
00:04:42,232 --> 00:04:43,865
This is oh-so-exciting!
112
00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:45,867
My favorite part
before the Queen arrives
113
00:04:45,936 --> 00:04:48,904
is yelling "Wanker!"
at Prince Charles
as he passes.
114
00:04:48,972 --> 00:04:50,400
Wanker!
Wanker!
115
00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:52,056
I know, I know.
116
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,569
Wanker!
Wanker!
117
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:55,159
Yes, I know. Yes.
118
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:56,739
Wanker!
You're a wanker!
119
00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:57,907
Wanker!
120
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,215
Right, quite right.
Spot on. He's got it.
121
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:03,045
I say, a lot of people
have turned out
to see the Queen.
122
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:05,098
Should make for a grand day.
123
00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:06,322
Hey, watch it there.
124
00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:17,577
Good show, old chap.
Well played.
125
00:05:17,601 --> 00:05:18,733
Here she comes!
126
00:05:22,372 --> 00:05:24,056
Very well.
Time for action.
127
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:27,675
A lock of the Queen's hair
shall soon be mine.
128
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:29,188
Here she comes.
Have at it, then.
129
00:05:29,212 --> 00:05:32,147
Crikey!
This is a haircut
fit for a queen!
130
00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:38,570
Oh, bloody hell!
All right, time for Plan B.
Let's go!
131
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:47,679
I'm not going any lower.
132
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,788
Well, Father,
you gave it a good go.
133
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,465
Oh, we're not done yet.
Come on!
134
00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:57,389
Queen! Queen!
Give me some of your hair!
135
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,619
Come on, Queen!
Don't be a bitch!
136
00:05:59,643 --> 00:06:01,459
Get us away from that lunatic!
137
00:06:11,688 --> 00:06:13,155
She's heading into that tunnel!
138
00:06:17,761 --> 00:06:20,673
Dear God!
The Queen's dead!
139
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,900
All right,
Collingsworth, I got a hair.
140
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:29,304
Now,
just walk away casual-like
and we're in the clear.
141
00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,289
Oh, no!
Here come the coppers!
142
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:44,436
Bugger.
143
00:06:46,956 --> 00:06:48,039
Bugger.
144
00:06:50,460 --> 00:06:51,559
Bugger.
145
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,964
Well, it turns out
I'm not royalty.
146
00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:58,611
Shame about the Queen, though.
147
00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:01,970
Yeah, I reckon
she's with Jesus Christ
in heaven now.
148
00:07:03,439 --> 00:07:05,417
Well, I'm just happy
our family
is safe and sound,
149
00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:07,437
back in our cozy row house.
150
00:07:07,461 --> 00:07:08,476
Row house.
151
00:07:16,236 --> 00:07:17,563
We now return to the
152
00:07:17,587 --> 00:07:19,638
Comedy Central
Roast of Robin Williams.
153
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,923
Oh, man, Robin Williams
is my favorite.
154
00:07:21,991 --> 00:07:24,937
He must be getting recognized
for all his contributions
to show business.
155
00:07:24,961 --> 00:07:26,572
I don't think
that's what a roast is.
156
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:29,430
Robin,
as a comic, it's an honor
to be up here roasting you.
157
00:07:29,499 --> 00:07:31,845
As a moviegoer,
I want to punch
you in the face.
158
00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:35,353
Oh, that's funny.
Advocate violence.
159
00:07:35,405 --> 00:07:38,907
And let's face it, Mork,
you're getting Nanu-Na-old!
160
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,460
Stop it! You stop it!
161
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:45,913
Robin Williams has
a manic gift that
gladdens a sad world,
162
00:07:45,982 --> 00:07:49,468
and all he asks in return
is our unceasing attention!
163
00:07:50,253 --> 00:07:51,870
How can you allow this?
164
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:55,023
Robin Williams has given us
nothing but joy!
165
00:07:55,091 --> 00:07:57,442
I wish everyone
was Robin Williams!
166
00:08:01,364 --> 00:08:03,414
Boy, that looks enticing.
167
00:08:04,267 --> 00:08:05,349
Ooh!
168
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:08,719
Yeah, this is nice.
169
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,594
Oh, my God.
What happened?
170
00:08:15,645 --> 00:08:18,630
You were in a coma,
and then I kissed you,
and you woke up.
171
00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:20,331
Like, two days later.
172
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,033
Anyway,
all your numbers
are normal.
173
00:08:22,101 --> 00:08:23,679
What numbers?
No idea.
174
00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:26,688
Well, congratulations.
You're gonna be just fine.
175
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:31,025
Oh, my God!
You're Robin Williams!
176
00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:33,745
Ding!
Thank you for playing
That's Obvious!
177
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:35,558
- Tell him what he's won, Cletus.
- Money!
178
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,333
Ho-ho! Money.
Or as the Republicans
call it, mine!
179
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,419
I hope this is
covered by your HMO.
180
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,504
I was covered once
by an HMO
in San Francisco.
181
00:08:43,573 --> 00:08:47,526
I Haight my
Ashbury in these jeans.
Ding-ding, Rice-A-Roni.
182
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:50,578
Ah! You got all those
references in there.
183
00:08:50,647 --> 00:08:53,075
Of course,
now everyone can afford
health care because of Obama.
184
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:55,767
Yeah, you want a Band-Aid?
No problem, turkey.
185
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:59,771
Come on down to Obama-Mart.
The price is free, but your
ass better vote for me.
186
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,208
Ha! Political with a twist.
It's funny from the news.
187
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:04,336
What's going on in here?
188
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,611
You gotta check this out,
it's Robin Williams!
189
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:08,424
Ho-ho!
A nurse is a nurse,
of curse.
190
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,415
Up yours, Wilbur.
191
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:11,616
Oh, my God!
192
00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:14,168
Everyone I touch
turns into Robin Williams!
193
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:16,738
Yes!
Peter "Sweet Cheeks" Griffin,
194
00:09:16,806 --> 00:09:19,240
you have been given
the power from God.
195
00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:20,452
Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
Ho-ho!
196
00:09:23,096 --> 00:09:26,264
I will be so
responsible with this.
197
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,543
Thanks, guys.
Ho-ho!
198
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,594
Bye.
See you, Peter.
199
00:09:28,618 --> 00:09:29,858
Y'all come back now, you hear?
200
00:09:29,936 --> 00:09:31,964
It's Patch Adams Robin.
201
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,689
He cures stuff the fun way,
not the medicine way.
202
00:09:38,244 --> 00:09:40,440
So, somehow
the lightning
gave your dad
203
00:09:40,464 --> 00:09:43,331
the power to
turn anyone I touch
into Robin Williams.
204
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:47,252
Good. I can ask him how
he got his RV stuck on
the tip of a mountain.
205
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,037
Peter, did Dr. Hartman say
how long this was gonna last?
206
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:53,241
There is no more
Dr. Hartman, Lois.
He's Robin Williams now.
207
00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:56,177
Bet you kids never thought
your dad would
have superpowers, huh?
208
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,457
Peter!
Ho-ho!
209
00:09:58,481 --> 00:09:59,847
You pat my back, I pat yours,
210
00:09:59,916 --> 00:10:01,582
and Pat Robertson
pats Mr. Happy.
211
00:10:01,651 --> 00:10:03,763
Yes! Praise Jesus
with your Visa card.
212
00:10:03,787 --> 00:10:05,720
Max it out on the Lord, people.
213
00:10:05,789 --> 00:10:09,223
Oh, boy!
And that's the second
Southern preacher one.
214
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:11,453
Look, Brian,
Meg is one of
the sensitive,
215
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,355
bearded Robin Williams
characters.
216
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,191
Ha!
You think that's
funny, chief?
217
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,848
Well, I...
My wife is dead.
218
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,917
Oh, I'm sorry.
219
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:20,218
She's dead, chief.
220
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,736
Ho-ho! Dead.
The Grateful Dead.
221
00:10:21,804 --> 00:10:23,871
Please do not
take the brown acid.
222
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:27,742
It will turn you
into a Martian.
Take me to your wiener.
223
00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:28,843
Ho-ho!
224
00:10:28,912 --> 00:10:30,144
We're fucked.
225
00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:44,091
♪ He rocks in
the treetop all day long
226
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,894
♪ Hoppin' and a-boppin'
and singing his song
227
00:10:46,963 --> 00:10:49,714
♪ All the little birds
on Jaybird Street
228
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,216
♪ Love to hear the robin
go tweet tweet tweet
229
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:53,601
♪ Rockin' robin, rock, rock
230
00:10:53,669 --> 00:10:54,969
♪ Tweet, tweet, tweet
231
00:10:55,038 --> 00:10:57,238
♪ Rockin' robin
♪ Tweet... ♪
232
00:10:57,307 --> 00:10:59,674
I don't know, Peter.
This all seems
kind of creepy.
233
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:02,844
What do you mean?
This is great!
Everyone's hilarious now.
234
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,290
What do you think, Quagmire?
235
00:11:04,314 --> 00:11:06,848
What? I can't hear
a thing over this noise.
236
00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,883
What?
This is unbearable!
237
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:12,686
I think I got just the thing
to cheer you up, Joe.
238
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,083
I know I said
I was a leg man, but
this is ridiculous. Ha!
239
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:16,852
I feel like
a testicle on steroids.
240
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:17,920
Honey, I shrunk
my nuts. Ha!
241
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,026
Ah!
242
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:20,712
Ho-ho!
I'm a San Francisco pirate.
243
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:23,280
I Haight my Ashbury
in these jeans.
244
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,082
A lot of the material
is repeated.
245
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:33,240
Mmm!
Lois, your torso is
so broad and solid.
246
00:11:36,513 --> 00:11:38,163
Ahhh! You're not Lois!
247
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,143
I can hear you.
I'm not deaf.
248
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:43,318
I don't believe
that's real sign language.
249
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:46,437
Brian, this is a disaster.
I turned everyone
into Robin Williams.
250
00:11:46,505 --> 00:11:47,883
You gotta help me!
251
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:50,508
Yo, yo, yo, Peter G.
What's happening, dawg?
252
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:54,645
Oh! Sideways Hat Robin.
Dear God, no!
253
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:59,417
Gonna have some hot tea,
baby, this morning.
254
00:12:00,570 --> 00:12:02,720
Run, Forrest, run!
255
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,233
Ho-ho! Coffee?
One Gump or two?
256
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,885
Ho-ho!
Ho-ho!
257
00:12:05,909 --> 00:12:08,353
All right,
Rupert, all we have to do
is act like Robin Williams,
258
00:12:08,377 --> 00:12:10,022
and he'll think
we've already changed.
259
00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:12,357
Ho-ho! Scattered
stream of references!
Lots of energy!
260
00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,821
One good one
for every 10.
Ho-ho!
261
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:20,288
Damn these hands.
262
00:12:21,925 --> 00:12:25,154
Well, I haven't been
to temple in a while.
263
00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,488
Ahhh!
264
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,407
Ladies and gentleman, The Doors.
265
00:12:29,566 --> 00:12:31,132
Ahhh!
266
00:12:31,201 --> 00:12:32,661
Ho-ho! Jogging!
Running on empty.
267
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,765
Ho-ho!
Run, Forrest, run!
268
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,623
Ho-ho! I'm a Mercedes.
269
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:40,919
Und where are your papers?
270
00:12:40,943 --> 00:12:42,643
Are you from
East or West Berlin?
271
00:12:42,712 --> 00:12:45,713
Well, I'm from
West Berlin, pilgrim.
272
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:50,151
Shut up!
273
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,826
Stop riffing!
274
00:13:01,881 --> 00:13:03,514
Jump, Forrest, jump!
275
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:04,748
Must be a leap year.
Ho-ho!
276
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:13,553
Time to lose
some weight, dearie.
277
00:13:13,577 --> 00:13:17,194
No more comedy.
278
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:23,896
Guys, will you please
settle down?
279
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,252
Can we settle down, please?
280
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:27,888
Everyone. Everyone,
can I have your attention?
281
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,157
Oh, captains, my captains.
282
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,588
I have an announcement to make.
283
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:36,380
You are all free.
You have been
fired from the school.
284
00:13:36,432 --> 00:13:41,703
Vietnam is over.
The hospital is closing.
Will Hunting is all better.
285
00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:43,532
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.
286
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:45,473
Shut up.
Seriously, shut up.
287
00:13:45,541 --> 00:13:47,091
Please, you are done here.
288
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,959
Go and spread your comedy
to all corners
of this country.
289
00:13:53,149 --> 00:13:55,032
Wait, not you five.
290
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:58,002
I'm gonna keep you
for an experiment.
291
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,105
Ho-ho! Eggs.
292
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,217
Who came first,
the chicken or
the porn star?
293
00:14:02,241 --> 00:14:03,485
Ho-ho!
The Porn Identity.
294
00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:05,309
Who am I?
Oh, yeah, the pizza man.
295
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:07,661
Ho-ho!
296
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:09,030
Peter, can you pass the coffee?
297
00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:11,365
Sure, Brian the dog.
298
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,851
Anything for my family.
299
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,928
I guess Disney
wouldn't let us do
the Aladdin one.
300
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,857
Stewie, rise and shine.
301
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,628
Good morning, Stewie.
302
00:14:40,697 --> 00:14:42,163
Fuck you.
303
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:43,942
You ready for the day, sweetie?
304
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:46,467
Ah, I smell you've had coffee
and nothing to eat.
305
00:14:46,536 --> 00:14:49,576
Oh, someone needs
a diaper change.
306
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,528
Are you proud of yourself,
that this is what you do?
307
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,114
Is this a dime?
Did you swallow a dime?
308
00:15:00,183 --> 00:15:01,810
Yeah, wipe it off
and put it back
309
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:03,434
in your purse,
you white trash hen.
310
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:07,188
There we go.
Who's my clean little boy?
311
00:15:10,743 --> 00:15:12,393
Your roots are ridiculous.
312
00:15:12,462 --> 00:15:14,840
I'm gonna
grab your hair 'cause
I like grabbing stuff.
313
00:15:14,864 --> 00:15:19,117
Okay. Okay, Stewie,
let go. Let go, Stewie.
Let go of Mommy's hair.
314
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:21,345
When I grow up,
I'm never gonna call you.
315
00:15:21,404 --> 00:15:25,022
I'm gonna be busy
with my job and my family.
You'll be nothing.
316
00:15:31,213 --> 00:15:33,425
Stewie,
I want you to
have my ring.
317
00:15:33,449 --> 00:15:36,751
It's one of my most
important possessions,
and I want you to have it.
318
00:15:36,819 --> 00:15:39,136
Okay, red flag.
Red flag, everybody.
319
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,177
Hey, Stewie,
wanna go down the slide?
320
00:15:46,663 --> 00:15:48,095
Um...
321
00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,492
What's the matter?
You never been
down the slide before?
322
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:52,527
Yeah, like, a thousand times.
323
00:15:52,551 --> 00:15:55,151
Just done it so much,
I'm bored with it,
that's all.
324
00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,841
All right,
I guess we're doing this.
325
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:04,963
Whoa.
326
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,124
Come on down, Stewie!
327
00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:11,880
This is crazy.
This is crazy.
This is crazy.
328
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,772
All right,
you can do this, Stewie.
Here we go.
329
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,175
Ahhh!
330
00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:20,272
Are you okay?
331
00:16:20,296 --> 00:16:21,373
Yeah, that wasn't so bad.
332
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,629
You might wanna move.
333
00:16:22,698 --> 00:16:24,858
That farting Polish kid
is coming down the slide.
334
00:16:26,936 --> 00:16:28,453
Pavel!
335
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:46,565
Hey, kid, come here.
336
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:47,749
I wanna see if I can still smell
337
00:16:47,773 --> 00:16:49,151
your mom's boobs on your mouth.
338
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,135
Why don't you go
hump a pile of garbage?
339
00:16:54,964 --> 00:16:57,281
All right, here we go.
Classic.
340
00:16:58,534 --> 00:16:59,662
Uh-oh.
341
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:00,701
Ow!
342
00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:06,340
Oh, God! Brian! Brian!
343
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,145
Guess I'm going for a ride.
344
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:21,066
Why are we stopping?
345
00:17:21,090 --> 00:17:22,523
Oh, come on.
346
00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,178
For God's sake, Brian.
It's just a squirrel.
347
00:17:28,564 --> 00:17:30,444
- Yeah!
- Oh, God!
348
00:17:35,121 --> 00:17:36,454
Ugh!
349
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,339
He can't hurt you anymore.
350
00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:44,611
Hey, there, little fella.
351
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,248
We sure got a lovely
day for it, don't we?
352
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:48,997
Stay away
from my brother's butt.
353
00:17:51,187 --> 00:17:53,888
Okay, Stewie,
let's get that
little face washed off.
354
00:17:53,956 --> 00:17:56,223
Then you can play
with your bath toys, huh?
355
00:17:56,291 --> 00:17:58,358
No, I hate
getting my face washed.
356
00:17:58,427 --> 00:18:01,312
Oh, look,
it's just Mr. Frog.
Hello, Mr. Frog...
357
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:05,933
My God, how the hell
do I keep falling for that?
358
00:18:06,002 --> 00:18:10,404
Now you play with your toys
and I'll go get you a nice,
fluffy towel.
359
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:13,424
Stewart Griffin,
explorer, adventurer,
360
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:16,077
skin-diving
international playboy.
361
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:24,062
"I'm swimming at
night 'cause I'm a slut
362
00:18:24,086 --> 00:18:26,446
"and now I'm paying
the price for it."
363
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:31,175
Hey, Stewie.
364
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,544
Wow, looks like you got
some cool bath toys in there.
365
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:34,813
Is it okay if I join you?
366
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,181
No! Ahhh!
367
00:18:39,602 --> 00:18:41,842
Hey, is that my
froggie butt cloth?
368
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:49,643
Okay, Stewie,
bedtime's in 10 minutes.
I'll be right back.
369
00:18:49,712 --> 00:18:51,646
Hmm. I think I have
time for a quickie.
370
00:19:01,457 --> 00:19:02,707
Excuse me, Mr. Cobain?
371
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:04,258
Look, I know you're depressed.
372
00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:07,594
Made some bad
choices with women,
but there's another way.
373
00:19:07,663 --> 00:19:10,464
Haagen-Dazs,
lots of Haagen-Dazs.
374
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,354
Well, let's see
if it worked.
Here we go.
375
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:20,407
Ha! You're still alive,
you fat fuck.
376
00:19:20,476 --> 00:19:22,409
Okay, Stewie, time for bed.
377
00:19:22,478 --> 00:19:24,945
You want Mommy to read you
a night-night story?
378
00:19:25,014 --> 00:19:26,580
Oh, how about this one?
379
00:19:36,993 --> 00:19:38,170
Who is this book for?
380
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:49,186
Ugh,
that was absolute garbage.
Read it again!
381
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:51,839
Hey, Lois.
I'm home from the Clam.
382
00:19:51,907 --> 00:19:53,958
You know what that means.
383
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,355
You spent the last 10 minutes
parked in front of the house,
384
00:19:56,379 --> 00:19:57,761
crying in your car?
385
00:19:57,830 --> 00:20:00,425
Not now, Peter.
I'm doing story
time with Stewie.
386
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,882
Yeah, scram, Drinky.
387
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:05,486
I got a story.
It's about the little penis
that could.
388
00:20:05,554 --> 00:20:09,507
It thinks it can, it thinks...
In fact,
it's pretty sure it can.
389
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:11,342
It's gonna.
390
00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,488
Hey,
am I gonna have
to handle this?
391
00:20:12,512 --> 00:20:13,945
Do you want me to handle this?
392
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,058
Peter,
just go wait in the bedroom.
I'll be right there.
393
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:19,367
Fine,
but if I gotta pee first,
this night's gonna be ruined.
394
00:20:20,736 --> 00:20:21,952
Ruined.
395
00:20:25,341 --> 00:20:28,025
Good night, sweetie.
Mommy loves you.
396
00:20:29,846 --> 00:20:31,122
Yeah, you better get some rest.
397
00:20:31,146 --> 00:20:33,013
You've gotta get
the mail tomorrow.
398
00:20:37,553 --> 00:20:39,136
Huh?
399
00:20:45,844 --> 00:20:47,178
It's big, isn't it?
400
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,979
Yes, Peter.
It's very big.
401
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:50,714
Yeah, it's big.
402
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:54,685
Oh, God, yes!
403
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:56,853
Yes!
404
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,422
Yeah.
405
00:21:03,129 --> 00:21:05,629
Oh, you're gonna
use that thing, good.
406
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:08,315
I love you so much.
29033
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