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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,788 --> 00:00:08,089
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,158 --> 00:00:11,727
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,796 --> 00:00:14,862
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:18,100
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,169 --> 00:00:21,453
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,138
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,823
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:29,911
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,863
Good morning.
I'm Tom Tucker.
11
00:00:36,921 --> 00:00:38,631
Coming up, we talk to
a man on the street,
12
00:00:38,655 --> 00:00:41,123
while a man furtherback on the streetflips you off.
13
00:00:41,192 --> 00:00:44,159
But first, Quahog was hit by
a major blizzard last night.
14
00:00:44,228 --> 00:00:45,772
Here with more details
on the snowstorm
15
00:00:45,796 --> 00:00:48,363
is Asian correspondent
Tricia Nakahoma.
16
00:00:48,432 --> 00:00:51,417
That's wrong. That's wrong.
You're not doing good so far.
17
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:54,769
I'm standing heresurrounded by snowdrifts,stalled cars,
18
00:00:54,839 --> 00:00:58,840
and the one douchebagwho wears a tank topevery time there's a blizzard.
19
00:00:58,909 --> 00:01:00,842
Yeah, this is nothin'.
20
00:01:00,911 --> 00:01:03,790
Guy at work dranka quart of motor oil onceand didn't even die from it.
21
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:06,095
Put that on the news,
but you won't.
22
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:12,020
Hey, guys, check it out.
I peed my name in the snow.
23
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:16,074
Jesus, Joe.
That's normal.
24
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,837
Wow, looks like
the whole neighborhood's
out here.
25
00:01:17,861 --> 00:01:19,672
Yeah, I just hope that weird
albino up the street
26
00:01:19,696 --> 00:01:20,773
doesn't show up.
27
00:01:20,797 --> 00:01:22,046
That guy creeps me out.
28
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,610
Hello, Peter.
Argh!
29
00:01:23,634 --> 00:01:25,133
Hey. Hey, Bill.
30
00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:27,314
Uh,
what are you doing out here
in all this snow?
31
00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,755
Just taking my rabbit
to the vet.
32
00:01:31,642 --> 00:01:34,109
Well, I'm all done
shoveling your walk,
Mr. Herbert.
33
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:37,577
Thanks, Chris,
but there's some
in here, too.
34
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,526
Hey, check it out, lemon snow.
35
00:01:39,550 --> 00:01:40,665
What?
36
00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:41,934
Yeah, that stuff's delicious.
37
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:43,129
Lemon snow?
38
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:44,981
You mean
it just falls from
the sky like that?
39
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,704
You bet.
One of nature's treats.
40
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,618
You gonna have some?
No, I'm already full.
41
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,620
But you should have some
before the other kids
get to it.
42
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,122
What is it?
Like Italian ice?
43
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,362
Yeah, exactly, like a sorbet.
44
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,248
Ugh!
45
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,216
That's not lemon!
Yeah, it's piss.
46
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,663
You bastard!
I was having fun
playing in the snow,
47
00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:03,755
and now you've ruined it,
like a pizza place
ruins a salad.
48
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:05,540
Okay, four pizzas and a salad.
49
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,304
Salad?
How do you make a salad?
50
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,122
First, you throw in
the whole head of lettuce.
51
00:02:09,146 --> 00:02:11,057
Even
the hard-to-eat white part
at the bottom?
52
00:02:11,081 --> 00:02:13,115
That's what the people want!
Now, what else?
53
00:02:13,183 --> 00:02:15,895
I got a can of
whole black olives.
Should I slice them up?
54
00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:17,886
What are you, crazy?
No, you keep 'em whole.
55
00:02:17,955 --> 00:02:19,999
You're gonna want to know
you've got
an olive in your mouth.
56
00:02:20,023 --> 00:02:21,289
What about this tomato?
57
00:02:21,358 --> 00:02:22,824
Cut it into thirds.
58
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,704
It should be big enough
to pretend
you've got red teeth.
59
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,606
How about this carrot?
Should I cut it up?
60
00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:28,396
Yes, but very thin lengthwise.
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00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,665
The whole
length of the carrot.
One thin slice.
62
00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,999
Okay, what else do we got?
63
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:34,536
Well, we got these hot peppers
but you can't really eat them.
64
00:02:34,605 --> 00:02:36,738
No problem.
Dump 'em all in.
65
00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:38,117
Now, should we put it in a bowl?
66
00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:39,907
No, let's put it
in a lasagna tray.
67
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:41,505
Okay, great.
I'll take it.
68
00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:43,757
Oh, and make sure to stick it
right on top of the pizzas
69
00:02:43,781 --> 00:02:45,364
so it stays nice and warm.
70
00:02:45,432 --> 00:02:47,832
Hello. Every pizza place.
71
00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:52,404
All right, Stewie,
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00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,734
you all set to spend the day
with Grandma and Grandpa?
73
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,658
Uh, I hate being
around old people.
74
00:02:56,727 --> 00:02:59,094
They've always got weird stuff
in their refrigerator.
75
00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,082
Ah, I'm hungry.
What do we got?
76
00:03:01,131 --> 00:03:04,782
Let's see. Eye drops,
baking soda and some film.
77
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,936
Close the door.
You're running up
long distance charges!
78
00:03:10,474 --> 00:03:11,851
Ah, sorry.
Thought I had more time.
79
00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:14,893
Hi, Daddy. Stewie's all ready.
You boys have fun.
80
00:03:14,962 --> 00:03:16,544
There's my little guy.
81
00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,913
♪ Well, Grandpa's here ♪
82
00:03:18,982 --> 00:03:20,776
Oh, God, it's the song again.
83
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,000
♪ Yes, Grandpa's here! ♪
84
00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:24,648
It doesn't even rhyme at all.
85
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:28,006
♪ He's going to buy you a soda
and drive you around ♪
86
00:03:28,075 --> 00:03:29,140
Let's go.
87
00:03:34,164 --> 00:03:36,943
Hey, just so you know,
we're not listening
to a radio station.
88
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:40,051
We're listening to the hiss
between two radio stations.
89
00:03:42,223 --> 00:03:43,672
Whoa! Watch your driving!
90
00:03:45,576 --> 00:03:47,392
Is he...
Is he sleeping?
91
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:49,861
Hey! Hey, wake up!
Wake up!
92
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,329
You, lady, wake him up!
93
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,865
You like
the Tom and Jerry,
do you, dear?
94
00:03:53,934 --> 00:03:56,368
Well, we'll dial them up
when we get home.
95
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,516
What the hell are
you talking about?
We're about to...
96
00:04:01,491 --> 00:04:02,552
What happened?
97
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,325
Where are my knitting needles?
98
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,697
Goodness, dear, I'm so sorry.
99
00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:09,864
No worries.
100
00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:11,166
Now I can work at Hot Topic
101
00:04:11,235 --> 00:04:13,869
and make people sick
as I ring up their purchases.
102
00:04:21,978 --> 00:04:23,395
Oh, damn it.
103
00:04:24,314 --> 00:04:26,715
Dude, bad news.
You're dead.
104
00:04:26,783 --> 00:04:28,416
What? But I'm Death!
105
00:04:28,484 --> 00:04:31,219
Sorry, dude.
Super Death. You're done.
106
00:04:31,287 --> 00:04:32,921
So what now?
I go to Heaven?
107
00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:35,702
Nope,
when a Death dies,
he gets reincarnated.
108
00:04:35,726 --> 00:04:39,293
You're being reincarnated
as a Chinese baby right now!
109
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:43,982
Girl?
Girl.
110
00:04:45,669 --> 00:04:47,368
Oh, no!
111
00:04:47,437 --> 00:04:51,006
The egg that I was
supposed to take care of
for my high school project!
112
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:54,676
Mr. Burke was right.
I'm not ready
to be a parent.
113
00:04:54,745 --> 00:04:57,478
Wait a minute.
I'm not in high school
anymore.
114
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,547
Maybe this is all a dream.
115
00:04:59,616 --> 00:05:02,050
Aah! It was a dream!
116
00:05:02,119 --> 00:05:04,235
I need a glass of water.
117
00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:07,588
Wait a minute.
I moved out of
the desert years ago.
118
00:05:07,657 --> 00:05:09,691
Maybe this is a dream!
119
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,510
Aah!
120
00:05:11,562 --> 00:05:15,263
Phew. I am ready to
be a parent, Mr. Burke.
121
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,669
Daddy, I'm so happy
you're all right.
122
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,666
We're lucky it
wasn't more serious.
123
00:05:23,690 --> 00:05:25,556
Hey, how's the old guy doing?
124
00:05:25,609 --> 00:05:26,858
Ugh, now here's Joe.
125
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,960
Why is everybody
we know depressing?
126
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,013
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
I'm afraid
I have some bad news.
127
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,115
I'm gonna have to
revoke your driver's license.
128
00:05:34,184 --> 00:05:35,716
What?
129
00:05:35,785 --> 00:05:38,954
It's obvious your advanced age
has impaired your ability
to drive safely.
130
00:05:39,022 --> 00:05:40,938
Please, Joe,
I know he had an accident,
131
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,553
but can't you
look the other way
this one time?
132
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:44,642
As a friend?
133
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,356
Yeah, you know, Joe,
you owe this family.
134
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,580
I didn't tell anyone
about your Fiona Apple
tribute video.
135
00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:54,769
♪ I've been a bad, bad girl
136
00:05:56,623 --> 00:06:01,393
♪ I've been careless
with a delicate man
137
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:06,898
♪ And it's a sad, sad world
138
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:11,069
♪ When a girl will break a boy
just because she can ♪
139
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,137
I'm broken.
140
00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,033
Joe, open the garage.
141
00:06:14,057 --> 00:06:16,608
I've earned this private time!
142
00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:18,070
Listen,
I don't have time for this.
143
00:06:18,094 --> 00:06:20,590
I'm late for
a hostile takeover
of a jelly factory.
144
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:22,380
I'll show those Smuckers.
145
00:06:22,449 --> 00:06:24,466
That's fine,
but you can't drive.
146
00:06:24,535 --> 00:06:25,950
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
147
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:27,579
Driver Pete at
your service, sir.
148
00:06:27,603 --> 00:06:29,515
Peter, we're not doing that.
Oh.
149
00:06:29,539 --> 00:06:31,489
Carter,
you work too much as it is.
150
00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:34,959
You're not
a young man anymore.
You need to slow down.
151
00:06:35,012 --> 00:06:36,639
Slow down?
I can't slow down.
152
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,797
I'm running
a six-billion-dollar company.
153
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:40,844
If I slow down,
the company goes under.
154
00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:41,983
It just seems to me that
155
00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:45,153
perhaps it's time to
think about retirement.
156
00:06:45,239 --> 00:06:47,522
Never!
Retirement's for old people.
157
00:06:47,590 --> 00:06:48,840
I can work till I die.
158
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,109
Maybe even after that.
159
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,359
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
160
00:06:51,428 --> 00:06:53,788
the gentlemen from Zurich
are here for your 10:00.
161
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,499
Will you need anything else?
162
00:06:58,568 --> 00:07:00,485
Mr. Pewterschmidt!
163
00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,304
But, dear, we are old.
164
00:07:02,372 --> 00:07:04,972
We can't keep pretending
that nothing's changed.
165
00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:07,775
I mean, we almost injured
our grandchild today.
166
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:09,561
Besides,
you're always complaining
167
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,829
that you don't
have enough time
to play polo
168
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,566
or sit in a chair
and moisten your mouth.
169
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,051
That is true.
170
00:07:16,119 --> 00:07:18,765
It does
sometimes take me a while
to moisten my mouth.
171
00:07:26,262 --> 00:07:27,896
There we go, all moist.
172
00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:30,748
You see, dear?
And that's
only the beginning.
173
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,784
Retirement will be
a wonderful adventure,
174
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,519
and we'll do it together.
175
00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:36,365
You're gonna retire?
From what?
176
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:38,756
There, isn't it fun already?
177
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:42,327
Okay. I'll retire.
178
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,130
Oh, Daddy, I think
that's for the best.
179
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,682
I need a doctor!
Is there a doctor?
180
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,874
We now return to
The Superfriends' Accountant.
181
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,888
Look, you guys are
hemorrhaging money.
182
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,925
This Hall of Justiceis sitting on five acresof commercial real estate.
183
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,042
How do you afford this?
184
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,382
We're the Superfriends.
185
00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:06,112
Yeah,but you guyshave no income.
186
00:08:06,136 --> 00:08:08,447
You owe four million dollars
in back property taxes.
187
00:08:08,471 --> 00:08:10,138
We fight evil
wherever we find it.
188
00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:11,951
Well, that's not
gonna be enough.
189
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:14,320
Look, you may needto reach out to somewealthy benefactors
190
00:08:14,344 --> 00:08:15,710
for financial backing.
191
00:08:15,779 --> 00:08:17,828
Do any of you know
billionaire Bruce Wayne?
192
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:19,330
No. None of us do.
193
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:20,776
And he wouldn't want to
lend us money anyway.
194
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,367
I hear.
195
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:26,388
Hey, hey, hey!
What's up, Ginas...
Vaginas?
196
00:08:26,456 --> 00:08:28,334
What's up, vaginas?
Gotcha!
197
00:08:28,358 --> 00:08:29,936
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
what are you doing here?
198
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,861
I'm retired now.
Got a lot of free time.
199
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,407
So what do you guys do here?
200
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:37,014
Well, we usually just sit here
and complain about our lives.
201
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,328
Like this morning,
Lois was such
a pain in the ass...
202
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,603
Hey!
That's my daughter
you're talking about!
203
00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:43,221
Oh. I mean,
204
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:45,873
this redheaded lady
who lives in my bed
205
00:08:45,942 --> 00:08:48,042
was a real pain in the ass
this morning.
206
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:50,562
Oh, she sounds like a bitch.
Yeah, what a bitch.
207
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,107
Bitchazoid, right, guys?
208
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,375
Yeah. I hope
you're doing her.
209
00:08:53,399 --> 00:08:55,016
Oh, big time.
210
00:08:55,085 --> 00:08:57,563
Yeah, that's hot.
That's hot. I'm gonna think
about that tonight.
211
00:08:57,587 --> 00:08:59,587
Oh, we do all
kinds of crazy stuff.
212
00:08:59,656 --> 00:09:01,423
Sometimes we even have
phone sax.
213
00:09:01,491 --> 00:09:02,735
Don't you mean phone sex?
214
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,643
No, Joe. Phone sax.
215
00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:05,860
Are you ready?
216
00:09:05,929 --> 00:09:07,895
You better believe it.
217
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,622
Oh, Peter!
218
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:18,723
Yeah.
219
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,293
Now your turn.
And do it how I like.
220
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,345
Okay.
221
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:33,788
Yeah. Don't wash
the mouthpiece.
222
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,259
Good news, guys.
223
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:39,560
Now that Grandpa's retired,
224
00:09:39,629 --> 00:09:41,896
he's gonna have more time
to spend with us.
225
00:09:43,233 --> 00:09:44,666
We don't want to do that, Mom.
226
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:46,479
Yeah, all he ever does is
ask you what you want to do
227
00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:49,214
so he can shoot it down
and tell you
what he wants to do.
228
00:09:49,238 --> 00:09:51,155
Hey, hey, hey,
there's my family!
229
00:09:51,224 --> 00:09:52,551
So, what do you
guys want to do today?
230
00:09:52,575 --> 00:09:54,103
I'd like to go
to the mall, Grandpa.
231
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,461
No parking at the mall.
It's a terrible place.
What else?
232
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:57,807
Um, how about the zoo?
233
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,197
Too much walking.
Too much noise.
234
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:00,709
You can't have any
good conversation.
235
00:10:00,733 --> 00:10:02,099
Not like at Chili's.
Where else?
236
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:03,479
Well, there's always the beach.
237
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,231
No, you got to sit
on the ground to eat.
238
00:10:05,255 --> 00:10:08,056
I need a cushioned chair
with back support,
like at Chili's.
239
00:10:08,124 --> 00:10:10,442
Okay, well, how about Chili's?
240
00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:11,809
Maybe, maybe.
241
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,798
Let's get in the car
and see
where it takes us.
242
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,018
Hey, Carter.
Hello, Quandary.
243
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:22,320
It's Quagmire.
You looking for Peter?
244
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,188
No, he's at work. Lame.
245
00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:25,556
Oh. Well, what do you want?
246
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,057
I hear you're
kind of a cool guy.
247
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,626
Thought maybe we could hang out.
248
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:30,194
Uh, okay.
249
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:33,063
Okay! Carter and Quandary,
hanging out.
250
00:10:33,132 --> 00:10:36,167
All right, I just got to go
take a misty, stop-and-go piss
in your bathroom,
251
00:10:36,235 --> 00:10:38,269
then we'll be good to go.
252
00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:43,886
Lois, how the hell much longer
253
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,521
is your dad gonna be
hanging around here?
254
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:47,161
He's starting to drive me crazy.
255
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,430
I know, Peter,
256
00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:51,210
but he's my father
and I don't know
what else to do.
257
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,945
Well, I don't know
how much more I can take.
258
00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:54,702
I can't even get any sleep
with him here.
259
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,506
Hey. Hey.
260
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,275
What is it?
261
00:11:00,343 --> 00:11:02,463
I can't sleep.
I'm scared of ghosts.
262
00:11:02,512 --> 00:11:04,712
Carter, there's no
such thing as ghosts.
263
00:11:04,781 --> 00:11:06,414
Are you sure?
264
00:11:06,483 --> 00:11:09,567
Well, now I'm not.
Come on, get in here!
265
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:10,868
It's safe under here, right?
266
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,482
I think so, but I'm not sure.
267
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:15,386
I just recently
started believing
in ghosts.
268
00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:19,711
Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy.
269
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:22,079
Lois!
What are you two
doing here?
270
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,460
Well, we wanted
to talk to you
about something.
271
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:25,784
Hmm, what's that?
272
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,403
Well, we were just thinking,
now that Daddy's retired,
273
00:11:28,472 --> 00:11:30,683
that you and he might
be happier in a place
274
00:11:30,707 --> 00:11:33,074
where you can be with people
your own age.
275
00:11:33,143 --> 00:11:35,142
You know, make some new friends.
276
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,556
What are you talking about?
277
00:11:36,580 --> 00:11:37,990
Well, we actually
brought you
a few brochures
278
00:11:38,014 --> 00:11:40,865
of some lovely
retirement communities
in Florida.
279
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:41,960
And I helped.
280
00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:43,451
Florida?
281
00:11:43,519 --> 00:11:45,486
Mmm, this one's
even got the word
"sunset"
282
00:11:45,555 --> 00:11:47,221
four times in the name of it.
283
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,958
Huh, these people
are biking without helmets.
284
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:51,770
Must be a pretty
kick-back place.
285
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,294
These actually look quite nice,
286
00:11:53,363 --> 00:11:56,747
and we could finally
get away from these
dreadful winters.
287
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,283
Yeah. We'll even help you
move in and get settled.
288
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,130
Wait a minute,
why would I want
to live in Florida?
289
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,999
Black people's votes
go right in the garbage.
290
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,466
All right!
We're moving
to Florida!
291
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:06,941
Oh, Carter, this is wonderful!
292
00:12:07,010 --> 00:12:08,960
Aw, look at that smile, Lois.
293
00:12:09,029 --> 00:12:10,506
Reminds of that guy
who was way too happy
294
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,546
he didn't get killed on 9/11.
295
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:16,350
I'm ten minutes
late for work!
Look at that!
296
00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:17,997
I stayed up late
watching
Monday Night Football
297
00:12:18,021 --> 00:12:19,661
and that saved my life, huh?
298
00:12:19,689 --> 00:12:20,721
Isn't that awesome?
299
00:12:20,790 --> 00:12:22,657
Oh, but oh!
300
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,167
Hi there. Welcome.
301
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:34,352
I'm Ryan,
the manager here
at Oceanside,
302
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,153
and I'll be
showing you around today.
303
00:12:36,222 --> 00:12:37,555
First question, though.
304
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,958
Are you two old enough
to be here?
305
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:41,425
Oh, dear!
306
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,054
I like you, Ryan.
You're cool.
307
00:12:48,484 --> 00:12:51,844
Over there is
our statue of
Angela Lansbury.
308
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,390
Protect us, oh, Lansbury,
from rude teenagers,
309
00:12:56,459 --> 00:12:58,993
from soup that is both
too hot and too cold,
310
00:12:59,062 --> 00:13:00,528
and from anyone who calls,
311
00:13:00,597 --> 00:13:02,446
but please have people call.
312
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,629
Our
state-of-the-art
movie theater
313
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,854
is equipped with some
terrific innovations
to cater to our residents,
314
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,434
including a button on every seat
315
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,338
that will pause the film
whenever anyone
has a question.
316
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,210
Hey, guys.
317
00:13:16,279 --> 00:13:19,012
Why is he blue now?
Is it cold on that planet?
318
00:13:19,081 --> 00:13:20,348
Why are they mumbling?
319
00:13:20,416 --> 00:13:22,160
Why does everyone
in pictures today
mumble?
320
00:13:22,184 --> 00:13:23,184
I can't hear!
321
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:26,715
Is that Sig-nory Weaver?
322
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,099
That's not how you say it.
323
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,019
Well, she shouldn't be smoking.
324
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:33,244
She's a handsome woman,
and that'll ruin her fast.
325
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,131
Is Unobtainium
very easy to obtain?
326
00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:38,749
Well, I hope
you enjoyed the tour.
327
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,201
Oh, yeah, it was great.
328
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:42,865
Except for that lady
who kept yelling
"Byaah! Byaah!"
329
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:45,072
Well, we'll just need you
to fill out this paperwork
330
00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:47,841
and then we'll get you
moved into your condo.
331
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:50,105
Oh, isn't this wonderful, dear?
332
00:13:50,129 --> 00:13:52,280
No! No,
it's not wonderful at all!
333
00:13:52,348 --> 00:13:53,976
There's no way in hell
I'm gonna live here!
334
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:58,736
This place is nothing
but old people
marching to their deaths!
335
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:02,222
You hear me?
I'm not one of you!
And I never will be!
336
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,839
Hey, look, it's old man Withers,
337
00:14:06,863 --> 00:14:08,474
the guy who owns
the amusement park!
338
00:14:08,498 --> 00:14:10,698
But let's see
who's really under there.
339
00:14:11,967 --> 00:14:13,200
A skeleton!
340
00:14:13,270 --> 00:14:15,035
Can I have my face back?
341
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,121
No! You're going to jail.
342
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:25,913
Oh, this is dreadful.
343
00:14:25,982 --> 00:14:28,816
I thought Carter
and I were going to be
so happy here.
344
00:14:28,884 --> 00:14:31,165
I'll tell you what, Babs,
let me have a talk with him.
345
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,349
Hey there, buddy.
346
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,439
Go away!
347
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:37,308
You know, you remind me
of a guy I know.
348
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:40,227
This guy worked and worked
and never wanted to retire,
349
00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:42,908
even though
it would've been
the best thing for him.
350
00:14:42,932 --> 00:14:45,052
You know what
that man's name was?
351
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,834
Jon Benet Ramsey.
352
00:14:48,705 --> 00:14:50,950
I think.
I think that's the guy.
353
00:14:50,974 --> 00:14:52,039
What?
354
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,185
You're darn right, what.
355
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,687
Now, let's get back in there.
356
00:14:54,711 --> 00:14:57,344
Peter, get lost!
I'm not gonna retire,
and that's that!
357
00:14:57,413 --> 00:15:00,125
Come on, Carter,
everybody's got to
retire at some point.
358
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:02,269
Like that drill sergeant
with Alzheimer's.
359
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,947
Looks like we got a joker here.
360
00:15:04,971 --> 00:15:06,337
What's your name, soldier?
361
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,738
Sir, McArdle, sir!
362
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,206
Well, no shit!
363
00:15:09,275 --> 00:15:12,710
You look like some
kind of joker to me.
What's your name, soldier?
364
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,112
Sir, McArdle, sir!
365
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:17,715
Are you fucking shitting me?
Probably some kind of joker.
366
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,050
What's your name, soldier?
367
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,351
Sir, McArdle, sir!
368
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,303
Well, la-dee-fucking-da!
369
00:15:22,372 --> 00:15:25,173
I guess we got some
kind of joker here!
370
00:15:25,241 --> 00:15:26,985
Look, Carter,
I'll make a deal with you.
371
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,543
You give me just one day
372
00:15:28,611 --> 00:15:31,774
to show you how great
retired life can be
for an old fella,
373
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,542
and I'll let you
honk the horn one time.
374
00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:35,850
Really?
Uh-huh.
375
00:15:37,554 --> 00:15:39,003
I'm pretending there's traffic.
376
00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:40,983
There you go,
that's... Once!
377
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,823
God, I wasn't even gonna do it!
378
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,289
So, how do you win this game?
379
00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,258
Just fill this out
when they say
the letter and the numbers?
380
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,442
Yeah, that's a sucker's bet.
381
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:52,116
There's only one way
to win this game.
382
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,551
Wait for someone else to win
and steal his card.
383
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,237
G-27.
384
00:15:56,305 --> 00:15:57,488
Bingo!
385
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,639
It's go time.
386
00:15:58,708 --> 00:15:59,951
What do we do,
sneak up behind him?
387
00:15:59,975 --> 00:16:02,093
No, he's got cataracts.
Follow my lead.
388
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,249
Bingo, bitches!
389
00:16:09,535 --> 00:16:10,634
Bingo.
390
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,601
All right, Carter,
now that you're retired,
391
00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:18,403
you're gonna need
a whole new wardrobe.
392
00:16:18,427 --> 00:16:21,662
And what better place to start
than the Slightly Open Robery?
393
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:24,932
- ♪ Hey, hobo man
- Hey, Dapper Dan
394
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:26,484
♪ You've both got your style
395
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:29,603
♪ But, brother,
you're never fully dressed
396
00:16:29,672 --> 00:16:31,456
♪ Without a smile ♪
397
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,176
Yes. The penis one.
398
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:37,373
All right,
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
399
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:38,962
now, you know
how in your building
400
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:41,552
your office temperature
was controlled
by a central air system
401
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,777
that you had nothing to do with?
402
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:44,302
Yeah, I hated that.
403
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,515
Well, check it out,
this room has its
very own thermostat
404
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,772
that you can fiddle with.
405
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,685
Really?
I can change
the temperature in here?
406
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,520
You're retired,
you can do anything
you want.
407
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:54,211
Well, I am kind of warm.
I'll try it out.
408
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,512
Oh, that's perfect.
409
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:56,814
Now I'm cold.
410
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,382
Crank up the thermostat.
411
00:16:58,450 --> 00:16:59,950
Oh, wonderful.
412
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,552
Hotter than blazes in here.
413
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,932
But wait,
I can turn
the heat down.
414
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,239
He's learning.
415
00:17:07,043 --> 00:17:08,175
Bye, you guys.
416
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,988
We'll be down
to visit real soon.
417
00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:12,791
Mr. Pewterschmidt, I'm glad
you finally came around
about this place.
418
00:17:12,815 --> 00:17:15,135
Peter, I got to admit,
it's not bad at all.
419
00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:16,612
Never thought I'd
get used to the idea of
420
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,582
giving up work
and just devoting
my life to leisure.
421
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,284
I guess this is
what people mean
by the word "relax."
422
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,408
Take care, dear.
We'll see you soon.
423
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:25,792
Yeah, have fun.
424
00:17:25,861 --> 00:17:28,362
Just remember
not to go out
into actual Florida.
425
00:17:28,431 --> 00:17:30,064
You don't want to
meet those people.
426
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,584
Hi. I just moved
into the neighborhood,
427
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:37,255
and I'm required by law
to inform you that
I am a sex offender.
428
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:39,067
Oh, don't worry
about it, so am I.
429
00:17:39,091 --> 00:17:40,652
This whole block
is S.O.'s.
430
00:17:40,676 --> 00:17:42,221
We use
the abbreviation
"S.O's"
431
00:17:42,245 --> 00:17:44,256
because it saves
a lot of time over saying
"Sex Offender,"
432
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,258
because that's all
we talk about.
433
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:47,459
Well, I'm also into football.
434
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,801
Don't care. No time
for F.B. All about S.O.
435
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:53,821
Make no mistake,
Florida is
the South's trash can.
436
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:00,394
Boy, these eggs are delicious.
437
00:18:00,463 --> 00:18:03,280
Good job, Lois.
Good job, local hen.
438
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,082
Aw, bucka bucka baw.
439
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,954
Hello? Hi, Mom.
440
00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:13,357
What? Oh, my God!
441
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:16,410
Oh, my God, okay,
we'll be down there
as soon as we can.
442
00:18:16,478 --> 00:18:17,561
Mom, what's wrong?
443
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:18,830
We're going to Florida.
444
00:18:18,882 --> 00:18:20,264
Why? What happened?
445
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,893
There's
something horribly wrong
with your grandpa.
446
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:31,625
Oh, Lois!
I'm so glad you made it.
447
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:34,028
He's been like this for days.
448
00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:35,495
Oh, my God!
449
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,248
Cream of Wheat.
450
00:18:39,686 --> 00:18:40,885
Jeopardy!
451
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:43,854
Butterscotch pudding.
452
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:46,273
This is awful!
What's happened to him?
453
00:18:46,342 --> 00:18:47,975
I don't know, dear.
454
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:51,011
He sleeps 18 hours a day,
he refuses to bathe,
455
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,114
and he's stopped
making any sense.
456
00:18:53,182 --> 00:18:56,333
Aw, that sounds like
the sad little fat girl
who lives in all of us
457
00:18:56,402 --> 00:18:58,802
and is struggling to get out.
458
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:02,173
Did my parents call yet?
459
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,208
Nobody's looking for you!
Now, stay in there!
460
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,971
Sometimes
she tries to get out
the other way.
461
00:19:05,995 --> 00:19:07,961
That's why I keep
a cork in my bum.
462
00:19:08,030 --> 00:19:09,663
Daddy?
463
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,498
Daddy, can you hear me?
464
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,912
Oh, God,
we should never
have brought him here.
465
00:19:13,936 --> 00:19:17,438
You're right, dear.
I can't stand to
see him like this.
466
00:19:17,506 --> 00:19:19,101
Well, we got to do something.
467
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,670
Don't worry, you guys,
I think I might
know how to fix this.
468
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:25,162
But first, look.
I turned him
into Groucho Marx.
469
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:26,997
That's hilarious.
470
00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:32,764
Peter, what is this
supposed to accomplish?
471
00:19:32,788 --> 00:19:34,321
Don't you see, Lois?
472
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:36,935
When we forced him to retire,
we took all
the challenge out of his life.
473
00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:39,872
Perhaps some
people aren't meant
to retire at all.
474
00:19:39,896 --> 00:19:41,295
Exactly!
475
00:19:41,364 --> 00:19:43,174
Now, let's see
if we can put
some fire back into him.
476
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:46,094
Margot, it's time
to take this company
in a new direction,
477
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,030
starting with being
honest with the IRS
about our profits.
478
00:19:50,973 --> 00:19:53,768
We're also gonna
stop reading
employee emails.
479
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,260
Our servers.
480
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,923
And from now on
it's against the rules
481
00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,264
to pat female employees
on the fanny.
482
00:20:00,316 --> 00:20:02,950
Like touching butts!
483
00:20:03,018 --> 00:20:05,447
And tell
the African-American
elevator attendant
484
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,365
he no longer has to
wear white gloves.
485
00:20:07,389 --> 00:20:10,107
Why don't you just tell him
he can sleep
with my wife, too?
486
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,459
Daddy!
487
00:20:11,527 --> 00:20:12,943
Oh, Carter! You're back!
488
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,328
You're damn right I am!
489
00:20:14,397 --> 00:20:16,130
Don't you ever try to stick me
490
00:20:16,199 --> 00:20:18,232
in one of those
retirement places again!
491
00:20:18,301 --> 00:20:21,635
I plan on sitting
behind this desk
until the day I die.
492
00:20:21,704 --> 00:20:25,106
Getting old is
right for some people,
but not for me.
493
00:20:25,174 --> 00:20:28,086
I know, Daddy.
You were right,
and we're sorry.
494
00:20:30,412 --> 00:20:32,146
Hey, Mom.
495
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:34,932
No, Mom,
you're staying in
the nursing home.
496
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,135
I don't care.
I don't care.
497
00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:41,405
Mom, believe me,
no one is touching you
in your sleep.
498
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:42,839
'Cause you're gross.
499
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,625
And even if they are, so what?
Who are you
saving yourself for?
500
00:20:45,694 --> 00:20:47,594
Hey, look, I got to go.
501
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,858
I don't know
if we're coming
to Thanksgiving.
502
00:20:49,882 --> 00:20:51,298
Because I don't know!
503
00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:52,449
She's staying in there.
504
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:53,584
I know.
35971
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