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1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,586
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,655 --> 00:00:08,123
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,191 --> 00:00:11,593
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,662 --> 00:00:14,829
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,898 --> 00:00:18,100
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,169 --> 00:00:21,420
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,071
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,823
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:29,761
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:37,619
So, Cleveland,
you got to be pretty psyched
about President Ubama, huh?
11
00:00:37,688 --> 00:00:38,987
What?
12
00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,399
Well, I mean,
you remember how a lot
of people said, like,
13
00:00:40,423 --> 00:00:41,935
"Oh, Ubama's not
gonna be able to do it,"
14
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,669
but he's hanging in there.
15
00:00:43,693 --> 00:00:45,293
Peter,
it's "Obama."
16
00:00:45,362 --> 00:00:47,540
You-bama, Me-bama,
We-bama, who cares?
17
00:00:47,564 --> 00:00:49,709
It's a black guy in a suit,
let's just marvel at that.
18
00:00:49,733 --> 00:00:52,211
Gosh, Cleveland, it
sure is great having you
back at The Clam,
19
00:00:52,235 --> 00:00:54,303
even if it's just for a week.
20
00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:57,667
(PETER'S PHONE RINGING)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brownand I am proud to be... ♪
21
00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,169
Oh, hang on,
that's my cell phone.
22
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:02,205
Aw, Peter, you're
using the song!
Thank you.
23
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:04,774
Well, the numbers
ain't so good, so we got
to do everything we can.
24
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,992
Hello, Lois.
25
00:01:06,016 --> 00:01:07,899
Peter, where the hell are you?
26
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,512
You told meyou were gonna clean outthose boxes in the basement
27
00:01:09,536 --> 00:01:11,002
and put them in the attic.
28
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,283
Lois, it just sounds
like busy work.
It is busy work.
29
00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:15,741
I'm trying to keep you
off the streets and off drugs.
30
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,838
I'm selling those candy bars!
31
00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:19,062
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
32
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,430
Hey, hey, hey,
33
00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,776
you want to buy some candy bars
34
00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:25,178
so we can get
some new uniforms
for our baseball team?
35
00:01:25,202 --> 00:01:26,951
Where'd you get
those candy bars?
36
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:29,871
LOIS: Peter,
I need you home.
37
00:01:29,939 --> 00:01:31,984
You also promisedyou'd fix that shelfin the garage.
38
00:01:32,008 --> 00:01:34,876
Lois, I'm losing you...
(MAKING STATIC NOISE)
39
00:01:34,944 --> 00:01:36,545
Hello? Hello?
40
00:01:36,613 --> 00:01:37,646
Hello?
41
00:01:37,714 --> 00:01:40,398
Oh, hey, Lois.
This is somebody else now.
42
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,212
There must've been
a cross-connection.
43
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,468
My name is Mike,
44
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,803
and I'm somewhere else
trying to make my own call.
45
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,405
LOIS: Fine, Mike.
46
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,219
You tell Peterhe's in troublewhen he gets home.
47
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:52,077
You can tell him yourself,
because Mike is Peter!
48
00:01:52,146 --> 00:01:54,312
Oh, my God.
Are you serious?
49
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:55,780
That was very good, Peter.
50
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,510
I know!
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
51
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,847
(SIGHS) Geez, that's
all my life is lately,
just a bunch of chores.
52
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:03,416
I'm sick of Lois
always making me do
stupid stuff.
53
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,135
I know what
you're saying, Peter.
54
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:08,744
Bonnie's always
making me do all these
impossible household tasks.
55
00:02:08,812 --> 00:02:12,631
BONNIE: Joe, make sure
you get all the tire tracks
out of the carpet.
56
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,388
Learn to live with it, Bonnie!
57
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,896
There are tracks!
People make tracks!
58
00:02:27,964 --> 00:02:29,781
Boy, I hear you, too.
59
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,970
It's a lot of work just to
keep my single-guy fridge
sufficiently depressing.
60
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:36,371
Let's see.
Ex-girlfriend's Yoplait.
61
00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:38,151
Root beer from two Julys ago.
62
00:02:38,175 --> 00:02:39,935
Here we go, expired milk.
63
00:02:41,028 --> 00:02:44,196
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, my God, Jenny,
look how young you look.
64
00:02:44,264 --> 00:02:45,680
I sympathize with y'all.
65
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:48,683
Donna makes me
listen to Gayle King
on XM Radio,
66
00:02:48,752 --> 00:02:50,418
19 hours a day.
67
00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:53,554
I tried to kill myself
by swallowing a nail clipper,
68
00:02:53,624 --> 00:02:54,723
but I passed it.
69
00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:56,102
What the hell happened to us?
70
00:02:56,126 --> 00:02:58,004
We used to be able to do
whatever the hell we wanted.
71
00:02:58,028 --> 00:02:59,706
Now here we are,
in the prime of our lives,
72
00:02:59,730 --> 00:03:01,440
and we're slaves to our women.
73
00:03:01,464 --> 00:03:05,266
I know. An exciting day
for me is when I watch
wheelchair porn.
74
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:07,246
Boy, do the sparks fly on those.
75
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,670
Oh, is it hot?
76
00:03:08,739 --> 00:03:11,784
Nah, it's mostly
just chairs smashing
into each other.
77
00:03:11,808 --> 00:03:13,720
Sometimes the director
has to come on camera
78
00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:15,572
just to turn the chairs around.
79
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,240
Well, why don't we make
our own excitement?
80
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:18,357
What do you mean?
81
00:03:18,381 --> 00:03:19,626
I don't know, like,
maybe the four of us
82
00:03:19,650 --> 00:03:21,060
should do something
to reclaim our freedom.
83
00:03:21,084 --> 00:03:23,034
Like go on a road trip,
find some adventure.
84
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,463
Quagmire, that's
a great idea! Let's do
a road trip! Who's in?
85
00:03:28,892 --> 00:03:31,593
PETER: No. No, no.
No, not you, Seamus.
86
00:03:31,661 --> 00:03:32,761
SEAMUS: Ah, poo.
87
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,266
All right, listen up, ladies.
88
00:03:38,335 --> 00:03:40,580
We got something to say
and we ain't taking no
for an answer.
89
00:03:40,604 --> 00:03:42,098
We are going on a road trip.
90
00:03:42,122 --> 00:03:43,533
We don't know
how long we'll be gone,
91
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,535
and don't expect a call
from us to check in.
92
00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,625
This trip is about
men being men.
93
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,627
We will drive
after a couple of beers
94
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,407
and not make a big
federal case about it.
95
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,927
We're gonna sneeze
and not put our hand
over shit.
96
00:03:53,951 --> 00:03:55,912
And there ain't nothing
you can do to stop us!
97
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:56,962
Yeah.
Okay with me.
98
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,553
Sure.
Fine.
99
00:03:58,622 --> 00:04:01,000
That'll be nice.
It'll give us a chance
to have some girl time.
100
00:04:01,024 --> 00:04:02,824
Oh, all right, then.
101
00:04:02,893 --> 00:04:04,303
Where are you boys going?
102
00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:07,029
We're going to New Orleans.
The party capital of America.
103
00:04:07,097 --> 00:04:09,414
Home of the
All-You-Can-Pee Street.
104
00:04:09,482 --> 00:04:12,442
I'll tell you one thing,
it's all about the beads
down there.
105
00:04:19,743 --> 00:04:21,810
We all know
what's going on here.
106
00:04:21,879 --> 00:04:23,344
It's just implied,
107
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:25,458
but we all know
what's going on
in this thought bubble.
108
00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:27,482
The kids don't know, but we do.
109
00:04:42,165 --> 00:04:45,166
Boy, I'm sure
getting my money's worth
out of this rental car.
110
00:04:45,235 --> 00:04:46,579
Okay, all right, I got one.
111
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:47,980
Would you rather be a hobo
112
00:04:48,004 --> 00:04:51,405
with a five percent chance
of getting inherited
by a rich guy,
113
00:04:51,474 --> 00:04:54,809
or be Hitler
two years before the end
of World War II?
114
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,555
'Cause you know
you're gonna have
to shoot yourself,
115
00:04:56,579 --> 00:04:58,424
but you still got
two more years
as Hitler.
116
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:01,032
If you're the hobo,
do you have a place
to sleep,
117
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:02,467
like an underpass or...
118
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,630
Different every night.
119
00:05:03,654 --> 00:05:06,404
As Hitler, can I change
certain policies
120
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:09,051
so that maybe
I'm looked on more favorably
at the end of the war?
121
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:11,435
No, you already screwed up
big time. Lot of dead Jews.
122
00:05:11,461 --> 00:05:14,045
Am I a blue state
or a red state hobo?
123
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,648
Blue, but Midwestern blue.
124
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,983
Oh, boy.
(GRUMBLING)
125
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,218
It's cold out there.
126
00:05:20,270 --> 00:05:21,831
Am I allowed to
alter the mustache?
127
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,700
Dude, why do you
keep trying to make
Hitler work?
128
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,874
Am I allowed
to kill other hobos
to increase my odds?
129
00:05:26,943 --> 00:05:28,554
Kill anyone you like.
You're a hobo.
130
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,155
Am I a
walking hobo?
No.
131
00:05:30,179 --> 00:05:31,891
Quagmire and Cleveland
are, but you're not.
132
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,460
So, wait,
I would also be
a paralyzed Hitler?
133
00:05:34,484 --> 00:05:35,528
Yeah.
134
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:37,018
Would I be a black Hitler?
135
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,453
Yes. No.
136
00:05:38,522 --> 00:05:40,232
Well, wait a minute,
137
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:42,234
now how come
I got to be crippled Hitler
and he's still white Hitler?
138
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,470
If you got
such a problem with it,
Joe, just be the hobo!
139
00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:45,894
This one isn't very fun.
140
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,440
Wait a minute, where are we?
141
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:49,964
Yeah, this doesn't look like
the main highway anymore.
142
00:05:50,033 --> 00:05:52,094
You think we made
a wrong turn?
I hope not.
143
00:05:52,118 --> 00:05:53,752
These backwoods parts
of the Deep South
144
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:56,521
ain't a place
you want to get lost in.
145
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:58,739
(POLICE SIREN BLARING)
Oh, no.
146
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,923
Don't worry about it, guys.
147
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,225
I read nowhere
that Southern sheriffs really
want to be talked down to
148
00:06:06,249 --> 00:06:08,609
by big-shot Northerners.
149
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:11,018
Afternoon.
150
00:06:11,087 --> 00:06:14,238
Officer, what is it?
We are in a tremendous
urban rush.
151
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,285
You fellas ain't from
around here, are you?
152
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:19,293
Hey, Sheriff, I'm
trying to learn Southern.
Is this saying anything?
153
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,713
A-doy-doy-doy-doy!
154
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,231
We're very sorry, Sheriff,
155
00:06:23,299 --> 00:06:26,134
and we want to cooperate
to the fullest extent
possible.
156
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,269
You threatening me?
Uh, no, sir.
157
00:06:28,338 --> 00:06:29,783
Who you calling "sir," boy?
158
00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:32,374
I'm an officer of the law,
paid by this county.
159
00:06:32,442 --> 00:06:35,209
And I can't help noticing
you got a headlight out.
160
00:06:35,278 --> 00:06:37,946
Really?
I don't see any...
(GLASS BREAKING)
161
00:06:38,014 --> 00:06:40,460
And I see
that turn signal
ain't working neither.
162
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:41,516
(GLASS BREAKING)
163
00:06:41,585 --> 00:06:43,902
Now, look, sir,
I'm a police officer, too.
164
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,987
I know all the games,
I use them myself.
165
00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:48,156
So what do you say
we just work something out?
166
00:06:48,225 --> 00:06:51,159
So, you're a cop, huh?
Let me see your badge.
167
00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:55,674
Looks like you're
a civilian now.
168
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:58,232
I'm gonna have to
search your vehicle.
169
00:07:00,136 --> 00:07:02,781
Well, lookie here.
What do we got
in this thing?
170
00:07:02,805 --> 00:07:04,923
Oh, come on!
You planted that there!
171
00:07:04,991 --> 00:07:06,208
We had drugs?
172
00:07:06,276 --> 00:07:07,771
Oh, my God, why
am I driving drunk
173
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,405
when I could've
been driving high?
174
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,424
You boys are in
a lot of trouble.
175
00:07:11,448 --> 00:07:13,092
Dispatch, Sheriff Nichols.
176
00:07:13,116 --> 00:07:16,050
Bringing in four perpetrators
under suspicion of
drug possession.
177
00:07:16,119 --> 00:07:18,519
Descriptions. One
African-American,
178
00:07:18,555 --> 00:07:20,988
one crippled, one
skinny, one handsome.
179
00:07:21,057 --> 00:07:22,223
Yes.
180
00:07:22,292 --> 00:07:23,953
You're all coming down
to the station with me.
181
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:24,977
Oh, crap!
182
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,444
Hang on, hang on, you guys.
183
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,673
Don't worry.
I know how to speak
this guy's language.
184
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,598
Keith Urban.
185
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,667
Go on.
186
00:07:32,736 --> 00:07:34,352
Brett Favre.
187
00:07:34,420 --> 00:07:37,021
Uh-huh.
I'm listening.
188
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,256
William H. Macy?
189
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:42,076
You guys are going away
for a long time.
190
00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:54,739
Look at this, Cleveland.
191
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,318
Front of the bus,
back of the bus,
middle of the bus,
192
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,809
you guys are doing great.
193
00:07:57,878 --> 00:08:00,707
I can't believe this.
Two weeks in prison
on trumped-up charges.
194
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,764
That trial was a total sham.
195
00:08:02,849 --> 00:08:05,383
Yeah,
I knew we were in trouble
the minute I saw the jury.
196
00:08:07,671 --> 00:08:09,466
Well, at least they're
a jury of our peers.
197
00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,856
I don't think
they see it
that way, Peter.
198
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,482
Hello, gentlemen.
I am the warden.
199
00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:24,335
You are here
because you are criminals.
200
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:25,787
This is not a resort.
201
00:08:25,855 --> 00:08:28,495
You will be worked
harder than you have
ever been worked
202
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:30,892
in your miserable,
pathetic lives.
203
00:08:30,961 --> 00:08:33,845
And play harder,
right? I bet.
204
00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,193
Step forward, maggot!
205
00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:38,099
(GRUNTS)
206
00:08:38,167 --> 00:08:40,068
Next time, that'll be you.
207
00:08:40,137 --> 00:08:42,114
Well, why wasn't it
him this time?
208
00:08:42,138 --> 00:08:44,138
Oh, I'm so scared.
209
00:08:44,207 --> 00:08:45,556
(GRUNTING)
210
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,092
Peter, stop it!
211
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,471
Yeah, you're real big
when you got that stick,
ain't you?
212
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:50,695
Okay, I'll stop now.
213
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,834
This is so much fun, isn't it?
214
00:08:55,902 --> 00:08:58,136
I know. What should
we talk about next?
215
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:01,455
I know, let's talk
about actresses.
Oh, yeah.
216
00:09:01,524 --> 00:09:05,860
I feel like Natalie Portman
thinks she's so much better
than everybody.
217
00:09:05,929 --> 00:09:08,195
She's nothing, and
her husband's a nobody.
218
00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:10,960
Why does Laura Linney
always look like she's
just finished skiing?
219
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:12,227
I don't know who that is.
220
00:09:12,251 --> 00:09:14,886
Really? The Big C?Love Actually?
221
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,555
No, never heard of her.
222
00:09:16,623 --> 00:09:18,968
Would you know
who she was if I said
Tyler Perry's Laura Linney?
223
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:20,525
Ooh, I love her.
224
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:24,862
(THUDDING)
225
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:28,082
Oh, God, it's so hot out here.
226
00:09:28,151 --> 00:09:29,701
Yeah, you knew
it was gonna be hot
227
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:32,470
when you heard
that lonesome slide guitar
and that hawk's cry.
228
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,106
(GUITAR PLAYS SOMBER RIFF)
229
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:36,875
(HAWK SCREECHES)
230
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:39,627
Hey! This ain't break time!
Get back to work!
231
00:09:41,464 --> 00:09:43,698
♪ Gonna see Miss Eliza
232
00:09:43,767 --> 00:09:45,983
♪ Gonna go to Mississippi
233
00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:48,620
ALL: ♪ Gonna see Miss Eliza
234
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:50,855
♪ Gonna go to Mississippi
235
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,208
♪ Gonna see Miss Eliza
236
00:09:53,276 --> 00:09:55,176
♪ Gonna go to Mississippi ♪
237
00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:57,123
Man, listen to what
the black guys are doing.
238
00:09:57,147 --> 00:09:59,187
We need a white guy work song.
239
00:10:00,450 --> 00:10:02,094
♪ Hello
♪ How are you?
240
00:10:02,118 --> 00:10:04,063
♪ How's the folks?
♪ What's new?
241
00:10:04,087 --> 00:10:05,653
♪ I'm great
♪ That's good
242
00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:07,750
♪ Ha-ha
♪ Knock wood
243
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,485
♪ Well, well
♪ That's life
244
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,320
♪ What do you know?
♪ How's the wife?
245
00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:12,889
♪ Got to run
♪ Oh, my
246
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,056
♪ Ta-ta
♪ Olive oil
247
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,413
♪ Good-bye ♪
248
00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:35,533
Hey. Let's not be
that kind of chain gang.
249
00:10:40,357 --> 00:10:43,475
You Peter Griffin?
Oh, yeah, thanks.
250
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,776
What the hell
is that?
It's a jet pack.
251
00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:48,285
I'll come back
for you guys,
I promise.
252
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:55,203
You're my friend
and everything, and
I feel bad saying this,
253
00:10:55,271 --> 00:10:57,421
but I wanted to see you fail.
254
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,000
Official prediction,
255
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,512
when they let us out of here,
256
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:12,015
we're gonna have
to go through the
prison gift shop.
257
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:13,766
(ALL GRUMBLING)
I hate doing that.
258
00:11:13,790 --> 00:11:15,451
Yeah, that's how they get you.
259
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:18,003
Man, it's gonna feel
so good to walk
out of here tomorrow.
260
00:11:18,027 --> 00:11:21,462
Yeah, you know, the time
actually went by faster
than I would have thought.
261
00:11:21,531 --> 00:11:22,975
Uh, you know something?
262
00:11:22,999 --> 00:11:24,644
We left Quahog to find adventure
263
00:11:24,668 --> 00:11:27,280
and get away
from all those lame
chores at home,
264
00:11:27,304 --> 00:11:28,803
but I'll tell you this.
265
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:32,151
Looking back on it
now, I don't think
our lives are so bad.
266
00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:34,337
Yeah, I sure do miss
Lois and the kids.
267
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:37,761
I'll tell you one thing.
When I get home, I'm
gonna sleep like a log.
268
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,044
Hey, I'm gonna
plug in the night-light
if you don't mind.
269
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:44,596
Actually, you know what?
I'm gonna go ahead
and ask you to not do that.
270
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:47,021
Knock off that chitchat!
It's lights out!
271
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,656
Oh, hey, Warden,
272
00:11:48,725 --> 00:11:50,837
since it's our last night
in here, can I have
a glass of milk?
273
00:11:50,861 --> 00:11:52,872
I feel like having
dream diarrhea.
274
00:11:52,896 --> 00:11:54,395
Last night? (SCOFFS)
275
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:56,174
Where do you think
y'all are going?
276
00:11:56,198 --> 00:11:59,100
Says here you
got another 30 days
on your sentence.
277
00:11:59,169 --> 00:12:01,897
What? But the court said
we're supposed to go
home tomorrow!
278
00:12:01,921 --> 00:12:04,338
Well, the court
ain't here, is it?
279
00:12:04,407 --> 00:12:06,724
(LAUGHS)
280
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,655
Oh, man, how the hell
are we gonna do this
for another 30 days?
281
00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:12,730
(CHUCKLES)
That's the way it goes
around here.
282
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:15,583
Once you come in,
you're never allowed
to leave.
283
00:12:15,651 --> 00:12:18,302
I got my sentence
extended 30 days once.
284
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:20,522
That was 45 years ago.
285
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:23,686
Oh, my God, you hear
that? We're gonna be
stuck in here forever!
286
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,204
Oh, God, what are we gonna do?
287
00:12:25,228 --> 00:12:26,589
Well, I know what I'm gonna do.
288
00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:28,057
If we're gonna be here a while,
289
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,993
I'm gonna find
the biggest guy here
and kick his ass.
290
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,628
Wait a minute.
That's me!
291
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:34,492
Oh, no, I have a knife!
292
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:43,311
Oh, what are we gonna do?
293
00:12:43,379 --> 00:12:45,880
They're gonna keep us
locked up here forever!
294
00:12:45,949 --> 00:12:48,950
We're not
staying in here forever.
We're getting out of here.
295
00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,429
How?
We're breaking out.
296
00:12:50,453 --> 00:12:52,253
What?
297
00:12:52,321 --> 00:12:55,133
Look, sometimes in life, you
got to say, "What the hell,"
and just go for it.
298
00:12:55,157 --> 00:12:58,342
I mean, that's how we won
the Revolutionary War.
299
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:00,739
Colonel, the British
are too entrenched
across the river.
300
00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,883
I've told the men
we'll hold our position.
301
00:13:06,836 --> 00:13:08,987
Negative. Tell the men
we're going across.
302
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:10,766
But Colonel Goatbanger, we've...
303
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:13,510
No, we need to do this,
'cause... For... 'Cause of...
For strategy.
304
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,126
All right, if we're gonna
break out of here,
305
00:13:21,150 --> 00:13:22,745
we got to get past these guards.
306
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:26,120
Well, I got an idea.
It won't be pretty,
but bear with me.
307
00:13:26,189 --> 00:13:27,272
(GROANING)
308
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,890
Oh, no, I fell
out of my wheelchair!
309
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:32,176
(GROANING)
310
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:35,530
Don't help me!
I need to do this
on my own!
311
00:13:35,598 --> 00:13:37,443
What are you doing, Joe?
You're embarrassing us.
312
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,000
Oh, really?
Are they looking?
313
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,803
No.
314
00:13:42,872 --> 00:13:44,750
They're actually
going to great lengths
to avoid it.
315
00:13:44,774 --> 00:13:46,291
Exactly.
316
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,759
No one wants
to watch a handicap
struggle for independence.
317
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:51,896
This will buy us
at least 15 minutes
of averted gazes.
318
00:13:51,964 --> 00:13:53,781
All right, I'm gonna
nail this home.
319
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,449
(JOE GROANS)
320
00:13:55,518 --> 00:13:59,487
Oh, this is so humiliating,
I'm about to be an
adult man crying.
321
00:13:59,555 --> 00:14:05,843
(JOE SOBBING LOUDLY)
322
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:10,781
I can't walk!
323
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,700
Why the hell can't I walk?
324
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:16,520
This isn't part
of the act anymore!
325
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,105
No, no, no, don't look.
326
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:20,307
If you make eye contact,
you'll have to help.
327
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,094
Hey! They're getting away!
328
00:14:25,247 --> 00:14:26,648
Release the dogs.
329
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:28,916
(DOGS BARKING)
330
00:14:33,105 --> 00:14:34,472
(PANTING)
331
00:14:49,406 --> 00:14:50,606
(DOGS BARKING)
332
00:14:59,633 --> 00:15:01,832
Oh, we did it!
Your plan worked, Joe!
333
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,717
I told you those guards
would turn away.
334
00:15:03,786 --> 00:15:05,297
Yeah, Joe, that was amazing!
335
00:15:05,321 --> 00:15:08,000
That was easier
than taking candy
from a premature baby.
336
00:15:08,024 --> 00:15:09,707
(MONITOR BEEPING)
337
00:15:12,695 --> 00:15:14,112
Uh.
338
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:16,340
I'm just gonna take this.
339
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,071
(LAUGHING)
340
00:15:25,075 --> 00:15:29,843
Hey, I got an idea
for something that's
gonna be so fuckin' funny.
341
00:15:29,912 --> 00:15:32,212
(WHISPERING)
342
00:15:32,298 --> 00:15:35,283
Okay, Bonnie,
go get it.
It's in the closet.
343
00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:38,553
Brian! Brian,
come out here!
344
00:15:38,621 --> 00:15:40,637
What are you doing?
I'm reading.
345
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,774
What... What... What...
346
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,176
What are you reading?
347
00:15:45,244 --> 00:15:47,578
Well, I was just finishing
Jonathan Franzen's book.
348
00:15:47,646 --> 00:15:50,931
You know, I'll admit
it has its moments, but
it's completely overrated.
349
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,210
I mean, I'm not saying
350
00:15:52,234 --> 00:15:54,346
I wrote something
similar to it
several years ago,
351
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,464
but I am saying...
352
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:56,849
Grab him!
(ALL LAUGHING)
353
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,384
What? What?
What? Hey, what are
you doing? Hey!
354
00:15:58,408 --> 00:16:00,318
Hey! Hey! Hey! What?
Get his paw! Hold still!
355
00:16:00,342 --> 00:16:02,320
Push him down
onto all fours!
No. What are you do...
356
00:16:02,344 --> 00:16:03,955
I don't want to do this.
357
00:16:03,979 --> 00:16:06,324
If he really starts
freaking out, put
your pinkie in his butt!
358
00:16:06,348 --> 00:16:08,766
Calm down!
Calm down!
359
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:12,219
(LAUGHING)
360
00:16:12,288 --> 00:16:13,754
Now Stewie!
361
00:16:13,823 --> 00:16:17,143
All right, I guess
this is the night
bitches die.
362
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:21,791
I wonder
what the chain gang
did today.
363
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,643
I hope we're not
missing anything cool.
Maybe we should go back.
364
00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:27,535
Hey, guys, look,
there's a house.
365
00:16:27,604 --> 00:16:31,055
Maybe there's something
inside we can use
to get these chains off.
366
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,424
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)
367
00:16:39,615 --> 00:16:41,632
It looks like nobody's home.
368
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,781
Hey, these look like
handcuff-and-shackle keys.
369
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,556
How do you know that?
(CHUCKLES)
370
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:48,556
These are
handcuff-and-shackle keys.
371
00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:50,174
Hey, it worked!
372
00:16:52,294 --> 00:16:55,713
You know, there's
an awful lot of pictures
of the Sheriff in this house.
373
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,165
Well, he's a good-looking man.
374
00:16:57,233 --> 00:16:59,633
I bet
a lot of people in town
have pictures of him.
375
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,354
Oh, no!
It's the Sheriff!
376
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,583
Quick, into the closet!
377
00:17:11,748 --> 00:17:12,825
(FARTING)
378
00:17:12,849 --> 00:17:14,181
Who's there?
379
00:17:14,249 --> 00:17:15,527
PETER:
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Just me, sweetie.
380
00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:17,084
Oh, I didn't know you were home.
381
00:17:17,152 --> 00:17:18,752
What are you doing
in the closet there?
382
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:20,554
Um, wife things?
383
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:21,623
Oh, all right.
384
00:17:21,691 --> 00:17:23,068
Well, I'll only be
home for a minute.
385
00:17:23,092 --> 00:17:24,603
Some prisoners escaped
from the work camp,
386
00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,727
and I'm helping the warden
track 'em down.
387
00:17:26,796 --> 00:17:29,564
Oh, well, maybe
you should let 'em go.
388
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,131
You know I can't do that.
389
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,611
You're always working.
390
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:36,214
I wish you'd spend
more time at home.
More time with me.
391
00:17:36,238 --> 00:17:39,173
Maybe you're right, honey.
Maybe I do work too much.
392
00:17:39,241 --> 00:17:41,809
You know what?
I'm gonna let
those fugitives go.
393
00:17:41,878 --> 00:17:43,556
You'd do that for me?
394
00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:46,347
I'd do anything
for you. I love you.
395
00:17:46,415 --> 00:17:47,849
I love you, too!
396
00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:49,683
Now, come out here
and give me a kiss.
397
00:17:49,752 --> 00:17:51,736
JOE: Peter, no!
398
00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:53,955
Wait a minute!
I don't have a wife!
399
00:17:54,023 --> 00:17:55,305
(GUNSHOTS FIRED)
400
00:17:58,911 --> 00:18:02,113
(POLICE SIRENS BLARING)
401
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:10,872
(TRAIN WHISTLE SOUNDS)
402
00:18:10,940 --> 00:18:12,089
Head for the tracks!
403
00:18:14,810 --> 00:18:16,010
(GUNSHOTS FIRED)
404
00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:18,079
Oh, no, they're shooting at us!
405
00:18:18,147 --> 00:18:20,525
Good thing
bad guys are such
terrible shots.
406
00:18:20,549 --> 00:18:22,683
Man, these guys are elusive!
407
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,752
Quick! Hop on!
408
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:32,509
(CHEERING)
409
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:34,372
All right, we did it.
We made it.
410
00:18:34,396 --> 00:18:35,925
That was a close one!
411
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,776
(SIGHS) Well, guys, we made it.
412
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,767
Boy, I feel
like I haven't eaten
in a week.
413
00:18:39,836 --> 00:18:42,102
Hey, if we pass
a McDaniel's or
a Burger Queen,
414
00:18:42,171 --> 00:18:43,237
let's hop out.
415
00:18:43,305 --> 00:18:44,900
That's right,
we're on television.
416
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,485
I'd love a flame-broiled Bopper!
417
00:18:47,509 --> 00:18:50,361
So frustrating.
We all know what
we're talking about.
418
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:53,414
(TRAIN WHISTLE SOUNDING)
419
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,719
Well, this was
quite an adventure.
420
00:18:58,787 --> 00:19:01,605
Yeah, it's good to be back
in familiar territory.
421
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,374
(GUNS COCKING)
422
00:19:03,426 --> 00:19:05,086
Where do y'all think
you're going?
423
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:09,347
You boys are
fugitives of my county,
and I'm gonna take you back.
424
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:10,415
Oh, no!
425
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:11,849
I don't think so.
426
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:14,551
You're in
my jurisdiction now,
Sheriff Butt Breath.
427
00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:19,574
(GUNS COCKING)
428
00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:21,720
Wow, Joe,
how'd you pull
that off?
429
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,755
I put in a call
from the McDaniel's
pay phone
430
00:19:23,779 --> 00:19:26,691
while you guys were
getting that nine-piece
chicken McFingers
431
00:19:26,715 --> 00:19:29,035
and those Diet Conks
and those Fresh Fries.
432
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:32,285
Oh, come on.
They don't own
"French fries!"
433
00:19:32,354 --> 00:19:33,599
You know, you got some nerve
434
00:19:33,623 --> 00:19:36,690
driving around my town
with a busted headlight.
435
00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,427
And a busted windshield.
436
00:19:39,495 --> 00:19:40,961
(GLASS CRACKS)
437
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,174
And an untreated flesh wound.
438
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:44,431
Aah!
439
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,083
(GROANING)
440
00:19:46,152 --> 00:19:48,680
You took an oath
just the same as me,
Sheriff.
441
00:19:48,704 --> 00:19:51,838
To protect and serve.
Not to harass and douche.
442
00:19:51,907 --> 00:19:55,542
Just 'cause you have a badge
doesn't mean you can treat
people any way you like.
443
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,323
And as a law enforcement
professional, you have
an obligation
444
00:19:58,347 --> 00:20:01,815
to be more
ethically upstanding
than the average man.
445
00:20:01,884 --> 00:20:03,334
Not less.
446
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,752
Now, get the hell
out of my town.
447
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:09,773
(CAR ENGINES STARTING)
448
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:14,545
(TIRES SQUEALING)
449
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,280
Nice going, Joe.
450
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:19,667
Well, it's great
being back in the North,
where people are civilized.
451
00:20:19,736 --> 00:20:22,369
(BICYCLE BELL RINGING)
Hey, what, are you guys
all on a date?
452
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,638
Gay!
453
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,678
Oh, my God! Peter,
what an experience.
454
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:32,746
But the important thing is,
you're home safe.
455
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,298
Yeah.
456
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:36,478
And you know, I guess
I learned something
from all this.
457
00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:37,913
(SIGHS)
You know what?
458
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,181
We've done this
a billion times,
so you know what?
459
00:20:39,205 --> 00:20:40,598
I'm just gonna do the cadences.
460
00:20:40,622 --> 00:20:45,726
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
461
00:20:45,795 --> 00:20:49,413
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
462
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,766
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
463
00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:54,768
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
464
00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:57,321
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
465
00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:01,292
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
466
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,760
(ALL LAUGHING)
35770
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