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00:00:02,052 --> 00:00:04,853
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,223
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,291 --> 00:00:11,910
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,896
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,965 --> 00:00:18,350
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:21,636
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,705 --> 00:00:23,254
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,307 --> 00:00:24,923
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,975 --> 00:00:29,944
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:37,469
Our top story tonight,
11
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,116
we continue
to track the progress
of Hurricane Flozell.
12
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:43,458
The National Weather
Service has issued a
Severe Hurricane Advisory,
13
00:00:43,527 --> 00:00:45,627
and is urging everyone
to stay indoors
14
00:00:45,696 --> 00:00:47,262
for at least the next 36 hours.
15
00:00:48,415 --> 00:00:50,115
No! What happened?
16
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:52,303
The wind must have knocked
the satellite dish loose.
17
00:00:52,369 --> 00:00:55,329
Oh, crap.
And I was going
to watch G.I. Jose.
18
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,107
Oh, no! You
cut your forehead!
19
00:00:59,176 --> 00:01:00,642
What do we do?
20
00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:02,589
Hey, kids, if you have
an open wound,
21
00:01:02,613 --> 00:01:06,481
get some dirt or kitty litter
and rub it in there
to stop the bleeding.
22
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:09,618
Then get some sleep
and wait for the body
to heal itself.
23
00:01:09,686 --> 00:01:10,936
Now we know.
24
00:01:11,005 --> 00:01:14,590
And like I always say,
"Remember, you know enough."
25
00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:19,878
♪ G.I. Jose ♪
26
00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:36,728
Nice.
27
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:39,142
Brian, what
are you doing?
Oh, geez, Stewie.
28
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:40,499
Scared the crap out of me.
29
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:42,317
Whatcha got there?
30
00:01:42,385 --> 00:01:44,786
Okay, I'll tell you,
but you can't tell anyone.
31
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,666
All right?
You have to be
really cool about this.
32
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,868
Yeah, of course.
33
00:01:47,892 --> 00:01:49,174
These are mushrooms.
34
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,708
It's a psychedelic drug.
35
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,112
Makes you see weird things
and feel happy
for a few hours.
36
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:57,465
I figure we're going to be
stuck inside for a while
with this storm, so,
37
00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:59,450
it'll be a fun way
to pass the time.
38
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,280
Okay.
Are you gonna be cool?
39
00:02:01,304 --> 00:02:02,715
Oh, yeah,
I'm totally cool
about that.
40
00:02:02,739 --> 00:02:04,216
I have
a lot of friends
who do it,
41
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:06,152
and they're willing
to do it around me
all the time,
42
00:02:06,176 --> 00:02:09,022
because they know
I'm so cool about it,
and I don't judge them.
43
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:11,880
So, you know, go ahead...
44
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:16,118
Well, here we go.
45
00:02:16,186 --> 00:02:18,798
Yup, that's what
my friends say, too.
"Well, here we go."
46
00:02:18,822 --> 00:02:21,256
Oh, dude, I think
I can feel it, too.
47
00:02:21,324 --> 00:02:23,564
I'm getting a context high.
48
00:02:34,538 --> 00:02:35,938
I'm bored.
49
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,034
Yeah, this sucks.
What are we supposed
to do all day?
50
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:39,924
Well, how about
we play charades?
51
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:42,143
Ooh, yeah. Okay.
Me first! Me first!
52
00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:44,413
Okay, it's a movie.
All right? Movie. Movie.
53
00:02:44,481 --> 00:02:46,342
Peter,
there's no talking
in charades.
54
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:48,900
Okay, sorry, sorry. Okay.
Movie.
55
00:02:48,969 --> 00:02:50,430
Peter!
Sorry. Sorry.
56
00:02:50,454 --> 00:02:53,150
Okay, one word.
Peter, you're
still talking!
57
00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:55,054
Okay, okay.
Right, right, right.
58
00:02:55,292 --> 00:02:56,374
Fletch.
59
00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:58,443
Is it Fletch?
It is Fletch.
60
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,066
What do you wanna do now?
61
00:03:05,135 --> 00:03:06,668
I got an idea.
62
00:03:06,737 --> 00:03:09,671
How about
you all sit there quietly
while I make dad noises?
63
00:03:30,927 --> 00:03:32,560
Ah.
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00:03:35,833 --> 00:03:37,699
Schumai.
65
00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:43,438
Oh.
66
00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:50,338
Right over their head.
I gotta go to the john.
67
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,718
Boy, the rain's
really coming down.
68
00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:02,173
I know, I've never
seen anything like it.
69
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,710
But it's kinda nice
for us all to be
together like this, huh?
70
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,238
So, what do you guys
wanna do now?
71
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:57,829
Oh, hey, I know!
Let's play finger-bang.
72
00:04:57,898 --> 00:05:00,193
Bang! Bang! I'm gonna
finger-bang you, Chris.
73
00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,850
Not if
I finger-bang you
first, Dad!
74
00:05:02,919 --> 00:05:04,352
Bang! Bang!
75
00:05:04,421 --> 00:05:06,666
I'm gonna finger-bang
the two of you
at the same time.
76
00:05:06,690 --> 00:05:09,151
Bang! Bang!
Hey, me, too!
Bang!
77
00:05:09,175 --> 00:05:11,153
No one wants
to get finger-banged
by you, Meg.
78
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,589
Why don't you just
go finger-bang
yourself, Meg?
79
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:15,413
I think I'm gonna be sick.
80
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,249
Brian?
81
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,436
I'm gonna cut my ear off
to prevent World War II.
82
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:25,039
Oh, God! Oh, God!
83
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,164
I wonder...
84
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,084
Ah-ha!
85
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,276
What the hell were you
trying to do, man?
86
00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:47,078
Those mushrooms
are messing you up!
87
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:51,083
Lesbians and deaf women
wear the same clothes.
88
00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:53,051
Yeah, yeah, they sure do, buddy.
89
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,553
All right,
just stay calm, Brian.
You'll get through this.
90
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,122
I mean, you got through
seeing Lady Gaga naked.
91
00:05:59,309 --> 00:06:02,277
Okay, five minutes,
Miss Ga... gina big!
92
00:06:02,346 --> 00:06:04,896
And I will be right back
with your Evian.
93
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,280
Don't worry, Brian.
94
00:06:06,349 --> 00:06:08,716
I'm gonna stay
by your side all night.
All right?
95
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:10,117
Shh. Shh.
96
00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:11,252
It's okay.
97
00:06:11,321 --> 00:06:14,589
It's okay. Do you like
my soothing voice?
98
00:06:14,658 --> 00:06:17,893
Do you like my soothing voice?
99
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:21,329
Return the map.
100
00:06:21,398 --> 00:06:24,916
Returnwhat you have stolenfrom me.
101
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:34,376
No!
102
00:06:41,284 --> 00:06:43,651
Oh! Hey, I got an idea.
Let's have a sing-along.
103
00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:46,238
Okay, I'm gonna sing
the opening chase music
104
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:48,840
from Indiana Jonesand the Last Crusade.
105
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:50,342
Feel free to join in.
106
00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:45,975
Damn it, Meg!
Will you stop that?
That is so annoying!
107
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,643
Oh!
That was annoying?
108
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:49,646
What about your stupid,
obnoxious humming?
109
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:51,670
Meg, don't talk
to your father like that!
110
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:53,120
Yeah, shut up, Meg.
111
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,017
No! You
shut up, Chris!
112
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,369
I am sick
of all you guys
ganging up on me!
113
00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,939
You guys all think
you're so much better
than me!
114
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:04,516
Oh, Meg. That is
the least fancy thing
I have ever heard.
115
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,209
Shh! There, there, there.
Everything's gonna be fine.
You're all right.
116
00:08:14,278 --> 00:08:16,518
I think I'm...
I think I'm dying.
117
00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:18,713
Jane Fonda.
118
00:08:18,782 --> 00:08:21,383
Is that?
Is that right?
119
00:08:21,451 --> 00:08:23,818
Yeah, that's right, buddy.
Totally Jane Fonda.
120
00:08:23,887 --> 00:08:26,538
It's gonna be okay.
Your pal Stewie is right here.
121
00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:32,693
Just relax...
122
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:38,416
And get some rest...
123
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,300
Brian.
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00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,436
Hide!
125
00:08:58,488 --> 00:09:01,189
♪ The wheels on the bus go
126
00:09:01,257 --> 00:09:03,541
♪ Round and round
127
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:06,027
♪ Round and round
128
00:09:06,096 --> 00:09:08,330
♪ Round and round
129
00:09:08,398 --> 00:09:11,098
♪ The wheels on the bus go
130
00:09:11,168 --> 00:09:13,785
♪ Round and round
131
00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:14,853
Peanut!
132
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,322
♪ All through the town ♪
133
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,560
Peeper...
134
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:44,466
Wanna have sex?
135
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,828
Groggety!
136
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,177
Slip me some tongue.
137
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,963
Did you try the chicken, buddy?
138
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:18,599
I think you
gave me worms, Brian.
139
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:37,235
Brian.
140
00:10:38,788 --> 00:10:40,588
Brian.
141
00:10:41,157 --> 00:10:43,357
Brian.
142
00:10:43,859 --> 00:10:45,794
Brian.
143
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,822
Brian.
144
00:10:48,464 --> 00:10:49,814
Brian.
Uh...
145
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,549
Stewie.
146
00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,651
Stewie?
Yeah, I'm right here.
147
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:57,171
Oh, my God.
Your lip looks really
weird. Can we fix that?
148
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,873
Let's get that
out of there. Ew.
149
00:10:59,942 --> 00:11:01,326
Oh, I'm so thirsty.
150
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:04,279
Let's get you downstairs
so you can drink some water.
151
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:10,301
All right, let's go, buddy.
Let's get you some water.
152
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,181
Okay, now,
hold on. Hold on.
153
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,285
Let me put
the bowl down first.
You're gonna spill it.
154
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,694
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down. Slow down.
155
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:21,612
Look, Meg,
I don't know
what your problem is.
156
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,714
I thought Dad's humming
was pretty entertaining.
157
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,761
You know what?
This is what
I'm talking about.
158
00:11:25,785 --> 00:11:27,318
This is a perfect example.
159
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:30,149
You're my brother.
You're supposed to be
on my side,
160
00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:31,867
and you're such a bastard to me.
161
00:11:31,891 --> 00:11:33,358
How am I a bastard?
162
00:11:33,427 --> 00:11:35,088
Oh, you want the full story?
163
00:11:35,112 --> 00:11:36,844
Meg, please.
Not now, Mom.
164
00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:40,314
I think Brian's getting
a little water in there.
165
00:11:40,383 --> 00:11:43,412
Chris, you treat me
like you hate me,
and I don't know why.
166
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,686
You say hurtful things
to me constantly.
167
00:11:45,755 --> 00:11:47,883
Do you have any idea
what that feels like?
168
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,601
What if I said
those things to you?
169
00:11:49,625 --> 00:11:53,261
What if I started calling you
a fat, zitty loser,
who has no friends
170
00:11:53,329 --> 00:11:56,058
and smells
like an old woman who
has birds for pets?
171
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,865
Still drinking.
172
00:11:57,934 --> 00:12:01,753
Is it too much to ask to be
treated with a little decency
from my brother?
173
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:03,666
Maybe show me
some kind of kindness
174
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:06,925
by not jumping
on the "Let's get Meg"
family bandwagon?
175
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,810
Oh!
176
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:11,473
All right, Meg, that's enough.
177
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,408
You've had your
little dramatic
outburst.
178
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,452
Hey, I got an idea, Mom.
179
00:12:17,521 --> 00:12:19,587
How about we talk
about Chris' mother? Huh?
180
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,356
Why don't we talk about you?
181
00:12:21,424 --> 00:12:22,690
Oh, for God's sake.
182
00:12:22,758 --> 00:12:25,109
Look, let's not turn this
into some big thing, okay?
183
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,548
Oh, God, that feels
so much better.
184
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:32,861
You know, Brian,
you may be a dog,
185
00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,746
but you're a pretty cool cat.
186
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,176
Take it home with ya!
187
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,976
Hey...
Hey, everyone.
188
00:12:42,045 --> 00:12:45,764
I'm sensing a lot
of negativity here.
What's going on?
189
00:12:45,832 --> 00:12:47,982
Yes. You're right,
Brian. There is.
190
00:12:48,051 --> 00:12:50,229
Meg seems to think
she's taking some kind
of stand here,
191
00:12:50,253 --> 00:12:52,415
that's gonna make us
all feel like we're
inadequate.
192
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,689
My God, you're condescending.
193
00:12:54,758 --> 00:12:58,392
I'm making a legitimate
point about how poorly
this family treats me.
194
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:01,007
Brian, you can't say
this family doesn't
treat me like crap.
195
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:03,314
Don't answer her, Brian,
she's just setting you up.
196
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,650
I think Meg and Lois are right.
197
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,629
Well, it's one
or the other, Brian.
198
00:13:07,653 --> 00:13:09,315
Geez, look at those two.
199
00:13:09,339 --> 00:13:12,259
They're goin' at each other
like an Italian guy
and a black woman.
200
00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:16,110
Hey, you can't park here!
201
00:13:16,178 --> 00:13:18,011
Excuse me?
202
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,709
Having beenofficially challengedby her natural enemy,
203
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:24,535
the black femaleprepares for combatby taking off her many rings.
204
00:13:26,690 --> 00:13:28,934
Meanwhile, the Italian malelooks around to make surethe other Italian males
205
00:13:28,958 --> 00:13:31,559
are indeed seeing
what he is seeing.
206
00:13:31,628 --> 00:13:33,328
Sensing the impending battle,
207
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,763
a flock of Jews
flies quickly away,
208
00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:39,800
as avoiding confrontationis the Jews' best chancefor survival.
209
00:13:47,476 --> 00:13:51,078
Man, you know,
the hurricane's outside,
but I'll...
210
00:13:51,147 --> 00:13:52,480
I'll tell you what,
211
00:13:52,549 --> 00:13:54,281
the real storm's in here.
212
00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,483
Okay.
213
00:13:55,552 --> 00:13:56,851
The emotional storm.
214
00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:58,697
Yeah, I know,
I know what
you meant. Let's...
215
00:13:58,721 --> 00:13:59,937
Come here, come here.
216
00:13:59,989 --> 00:14:02,674
Stewie'll take care of you,
you big drug-aroni.
217
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:04,525
Look, the bottom line
here, Meg, is that
218
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,345
you're just taking
your own problems out
on everyone else.
219
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,096
Oh. My problems?
220
00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:12,266
Oh, I see.
Is this coming from
my role model mother?
221
00:14:12,335 --> 00:14:14,802
The shoplifter, the drug
addict, the porn star,
222
00:14:14,871 --> 00:14:17,950
the whore who let
Gene Simmons and Bill
Clinton climb inside her?
223
00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:19,573
Oh, so what?
224
00:14:19,642 --> 00:14:21,742
All those things
are behind me now.
225
00:14:21,811 --> 00:14:24,562
I'm a better person now
because of those experiences.
226
00:14:24,614 --> 00:14:26,742
Are you? Are you
a better person?
227
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:27,881
What's your point, Meg?
228
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:30,068
My point is that
with all the irresponsible,
229
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:32,737
reckless, idiotic
behavior in your past,
230
00:14:32,805 --> 00:14:34,450
that somehow,
231
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:36,434
somehow, you have the nerve,
232
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,988
the arrogance,
to consistently
and ruthlessly
233
00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:40,890
point out my shortcomings.
234
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,196
All right, well, fine, okay?
235
00:14:42,265 --> 00:14:43,798
I'm not the perfect mother.
236
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,127
Who is?
237
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:47,329
Not only are you not
the perfect mother,
238
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,098
you're the furthest thing from.
239
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,355
From the moment
you gave birth to me,
240
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,023
I had to trust you.
241
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,559
I had no choice.
242
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,905
I needed you
to protect me
from the world. To...
243
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:59,741
To be my guide,
to help me navigate
the difficult,
244
00:14:59,765 --> 00:15:03,101
confusing and
vulnerable journey
to becoming a person.
245
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,703
You have done
none of those things.
246
00:15:05,771 --> 00:15:06,915
You're my mother,
247
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,584
and you took a child's trust
248
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:12,092
and smashed it into bits
in a 17-year-long mission
249
00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:15,274
to destroy something
that you killed
a long time ago.
250
00:15:15,298 --> 00:15:17,598
And honestly, when I turn 18,
251
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:20,787
I don't know
that I ever want
to see you again.
252
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:28,525
Oh, wow, everybody's
already tweeting
"Stewie Just Said That."
253
00:15:29,678 --> 00:15:30,978
You're right.
254
00:15:31,047 --> 00:15:33,114
You're right. I'm
a terrible mother.
255
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,815
I'm so sorry.
256
00:15:34,884 --> 00:15:37,151
I'm so, so sorry, Meg.
257
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:39,453
Can you ever forgive me?
258
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:40,537
Oh, God.
259
00:15:43,893 --> 00:15:46,004
And you never let Dad
stir the paint anymore,
260
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,662
whatever that means.
261
00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:50,610
I didn't know
you knew that, Meg, but
I'm glad you brought it up.
262
00:15:56,472 --> 00:15:59,323
Oh, Meg,
I don't know
what to say.
263
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:02,511
All of those things
you said about me
are true.
264
00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:05,457
I have been
a very bad mother
to you.
265
00:16:05,481 --> 00:16:07,314
I have no excuse.
266
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:11,619
I just have this horrible,
overwhelming desire
to point out faults in you.
267
00:16:11,688 --> 00:16:13,771
I don't know
where it comes from.
268
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,541
Maybe it's because
I'm self-conscious about
being a bad parent.
269
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,772
I'm just,
I'm so disgusted
with my behavior.
270
00:16:19,796 --> 00:16:21,929
And I'm so sorry, Meg.
271
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,431
Yeah, you're a bitch.
272
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,317
Well, you know,
I've been sorta just
hanging back here,
273
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:29,187
taking all this in,
cause I didn't think I had
a dog in this fight,
274
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:31,188
but my money's on
Harry Potter over there.
275
00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,157
Oh, you think
that's funny, fat ass?
276
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,353
Well, I don't know
if it's funny.
I think it's clever.
277
00:16:35,377 --> 00:16:37,823
I mean,
you got the big
glasses there.
278
00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:40,325
I don't know.
Tell me, tell me
what's on your mind.
279
00:16:40,349 --> 00:16:42,900
Oh, I'll tell you,
Mr. Selfish-ass Dad.
280
00:16:42,968 --> 00:16:46,821
Hey. That's Mister
Mr. Selfish-ass Dad
to you, young lady.
281
00:16:46,890 --> 00:16:48,750
Oh, God, is she
gonna do me next?
282
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,557
You are completely selfish,
283
00:16:50,627 --> 00:16:52,760
and totally irresponsible
as a father.
284
00:16:52,829 --> 00:16:55,562
All right, I see
what's going on here.
285
00:16:55,632 --> 00:16:57,342
You're in love
with your old man.
286
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:59,033
You have no education,
287
00:16:59,101 --> 00:17:00,501
you have no interests,
288
00:17:00,570 --> 00:17:02,737
you just do
whatever reckless thing
you want to do,
289
00:17:02,806 --> 00:17:04,171
whenever you want to do it,
290
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,106
without regard for anyone else.
291
00:17:06,175 --> 00:17:07,792
Oh!
292
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:11,278
And when you're not
terrorizing the community
with your impulsive escapades,
293
00:17:11,347 --> 00:17:13,798
you're being a total jerk
to your family.
294
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,650
You shove your daughter's
face in your ass
295
00:17:15,718 --> 00:17:17,651
and you fart on it.
296
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:20,571
If someone in the
outside world could see
the way you treat me,
297
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,839
you would be in jail!
298
00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:23,958
Oh.
299
00:17:24,026 --> 00:17:25,576
Oh, this is amusing to you.
300
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:27,411
Well, see if
you find this funny.
301
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,096
I like where this is going.
302
00:17:29,165 --> 00:17:33,284
You're a fat, lazy,
abusive, blue-collar,
Irish Catholic dad,
303
00:17:33,352 --> 00:17:35,019
who drinks way too much
304
00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:37,538
and barely makes enough money
to support his family.
305
00:17:37,606 --> 00:17:38,973
You've lived half your life,
306
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:41,809
and you have nothing
to show for it.
307
00:17:41,878 --> 00:17:44,679
Your only arguable
accomplishments
are your kids.
308
00:17:44,747 --> 00:17:48,232
And look at us,
we're a disaster.
Eh. Watch it.
309
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:51,429
You're a total
and complete
embarrassment
310
00:17:51,453 --> 00:17:53,281
in every possible way.
311
00:17:53,305 --> 00:17:55,806
Take a good look
at yourself, Peter Griffin.
312
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:58,525
You're a waste of a man.
313
00:17:58,594 --> 00:17:59,827
Wait a second,
314
00:17:59,896 --> 00:18:01,395
these are criticisms.
315
00:18:01,464 --> 00:18:03,058
Hey, Lois, tell her
to knock it off.
316
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,522
Oh, and where the hell
were you when she
was laying into me?
317
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:07,596
I was thinking about
getting a fancy cane.
318
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,465
Maybe getting
more attention
from strangers.
319
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:12,306
Have either of you guys
been listening to me?
320
00:18:12,375 --> 00:18:14,854
Do you both
just have your heads
up your asses?
321
00:18:14,878 --> 00:18:17,578
Dad did! Look, he's
got crap on his ears!
322
00:18:17,647 --> 00:18:20,076
That's unrelated.
Chris, I don't like
that language.
323
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,893
Well, I don't like your cooking.
324
00:18:21,917 --> 00:18:24,747
Well, I don't like
having to literally empty
the farts out of your pockets
325
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,403
whenever I do your laundry.
326
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:29,284
You're the one who's
always cooking Brussels
sprouts and broccoli.
327
00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:32,109
It's like an Irish
bar fight down there.
328
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:34,695
You're from one town over,
so I hate your guts.
329
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:40,367
Why don't we ever
get any good food?
330
00:18:40,436 --> 00:18:42,314
Yeah,
Bonnie gives Joe
Wonder Bread.
331
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,288
Well, then go live
at Bonnie's house.
332
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:48,192
Then I could finally sleep in
and not have to answer your
stupid questions at 5 a.m.
333
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,105
My curiosity peaks
in the morning!
334
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,990
You eat all my Dannon yogurts!
335
00:18:52,014 --> 00:18:53,192
I don't see your name on 'em!
336
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,632
You don't even like 'em!
337
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,095
But you know I do,
and you don't want me
to have 'em.
338
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:58,430
You know, I've never
confronted you on it,
339
00:18:58,454 --> 00:19:00,294
but I've often thought
the same thing, Peter.
340
00:19:00,339 --> 00:19:02,201
Yeah, that's exactly
what he does!
341
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,225
'Cause he's
a selfish, fat idiot!
342
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:06,109
You shut up, all of yous!
343
00:19:07,297 --> 00:19:10,031
I didn't ask to be
in this family!
344
00:19:12,318 --> 00:19:13,768
I'll go get him.
345
00:19:13,836 --> 00:19:15,636
Peter? You come back here!
346
00:19:16,505 --> 00:19:19,006
I faked all my orgasms.
347
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,395
Hey.
348
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,463
What's going on?
349
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,333
You know, that was,
350
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,946
that was pretty cool
the way you finally stood up
to everybody.
351
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,850
I don't know, Brian.
352
00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:36,001
I mean, I meant
every word of it, but
353
00:19:36,025 --> 00:19:38,408
you saw what happened.
What do you mean?
354
00:19:38,477 --> 00:19:41,139
They all
turned on each other
like a pack of wolves.
355
00:19:41,163 --> 00:19:42,880
Well, so what?
That's not your problem.
356
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,998
Do you think
it's possible that...
357
00:19:45,067 --> 00:19:48,012
That this family
can't survive without
some sort of lightning rod
358
00:19:48,036 --> 00:19:49,798
to absorb all the dysfunction?
359
00:19:49,822 --> 00:19:51,472
Well, that's a...
360
00:19:51,540 --> 00:19:52,806
That's a theory, I guess.
361
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,425
I mean, it's not ideal,
362
00:19:54,494 --> 00:19:57,195
but it's an important
piece that maybe
363
00:19:57,263 --> 00:19:59,863
it's just my lot in life
to provide.
364
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,666
Maybe if I feel bad,
365
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,334
they don't have to.
366
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,752
Wow.
367
00:20:04,821 --> 00:20:08,038
You know,
that's incredibly noble
and mature, Meg.
368
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:11,041
You know, I think you
might be the strongest
person in this house.
369
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,454
You mean that, Brian?
370
00:20:12,478 --> 00:20:13,811
Absolutely.
371
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,299
Mom. Dad.
372
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:24,849
Dad?
Go away!
373
00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:26,401
Dad, come out of there.
374
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:30,193
No! I don't deserve
no better than
living with the shoes!
375
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,879
Peter, there you are.
376
00:20:31,948 --> 00:20:34,209
You guys, I have
something to say.
377
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,299
You're right.
378
00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:37,652
It's all my fault.
What?
379
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:39,831
Mom, you're an amazing mother,
380
00:20:39,855 --> 00:20:42,134
and all the things
I said about you
were out of anger,
381
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,336
and I didn't mean any of them.
382
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:46,927
Chris, you're an
outstanding brother.
383
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:51,048
What I said about you
was more about me
being a rotten sister.
384
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:54,468
And Dad, I'm so sorry
that I made you
feel this way.
385
00:20:54,537 --> 00:20:55,953
You don't deserve it.
386
00:20:56,022 --> 00:20:57,982
None of you have
done anything wrong.
387
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:02,008
I took all my problems
out on you guys,
and that wasn't fair.
388
00:21:02,077 --> 00:21:05,612
Oh! So this was
all about you,
it wasn't about us.
389
00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,676
Yeah.
All right,
that makes sense.
390
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,934
See, I thought it was weird
that I was a bad dad.
391
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:12,386
Meg, how could you
put us all through that?
392
00:21:12,455 --> 00:21:13,837
I'm sorry, you guys.
393
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:16,039
You're a fucking bitch!
394
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:18,125
Yes. Yes, I am.
395
00:21:24,167 --> 00:21:25,832
Hi, I'm Stewie Griffin.
396
00:21:25,901 --> 00:21:29,603
Tonight's Family Guy was
a very special episode
about drug use.
397
00:21:29,672 --> 00:21:30,938
But the simple fact is,
398
00:21:31,007 --> 00:21:32,706
it's no laughing matter.
399
00:21:32,775 --> 00:21:34,107
To learn more about drugs,
400
00:21:34,176 --> 00:21:35,910
visit your local library.
401
00:21:35,978 --> 00:21:38,946
There's probably
a guy behind there
who sells drugs.
402
00:21:39,015 --> 00:21:40,015
Good night.
30580
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