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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:04,955 --> 00:00:08,189
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,593
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,662 --> 00:00:14,929
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,453
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,099
Hold it. Hold it.
8
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:24,523
What...
What's going on here?
9
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:26,358
I'm pregnant.
You...
10
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:27,926
You're what?
Yeah.
11
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:29,439
We're in the middle
of a thing here.
12
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,596
Well, you didn't
return any of my texts.
13
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,198
So what's going on?
14
00:00:33,267 --> 00:00:34,899
You want like
a ride to the place?
15
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:36,579
Peter, what's going on?
16
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:40,439
What's going on, Lois,
is that this girl
is obviously not well,
17
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:43,241
and I have just learned
that she's been stealing
from the show,
18
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:46,844
and she should probably
be escorted out
of the building.
19
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:52,417
♪ Nah, nah
20
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,304
♪ Family guy ♪
21
00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:02,121
We nowreturn to Star Trek II:
The Wrath of Khan,
22
00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,912
edited for goats.
23
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:09,251
Marooned for alleternity in the centerof a dead planet.
24
00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:15,040
Buried alive. Buried alive.
25
00:01:18,195 --> 00:01:20,111
Lois, I need $28,000.
26
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,380
For what?
27
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,368
I've decided I want
to open a sushi restaurant.
28
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,911
What do you know about sushi?
29
00:01:24,935 --> 00:01:26,434
I don't care about the sushi.
30
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,932
I just want to
yell at customers when
they walk in the door.
31
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:35,827
Here comes a black guy!
32
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:38,391
Peter, you're not
getting money for
that or anything else.
33
00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:40,915
We're running seriously
low on cash right now.
34
00:01:40,984 --> 00:01:43,530
In fact, I may
have to get my
own full-time job.
35
00:01:43,554 --> 00:01:45,498
Jeez, are we really living
that close to the edge?
36
00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:48,468
You know we are, Brian.
Why do you think
we waited so long
37
00:01:48,492 --> 00:01:50,773
to take you to the
groomer's last month?
38
00:01:54,097 --> 00:01:55,675
Hey, isn't it time
for me to get a haircut?
39
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:58,633
Oh, no. I think
you just got one.
40
00:01:58,702 --> 00:02:01,369
Are you sure?
'Cause I feel like my
nails are really long.
41
00:02:01,438 --> 00:02:04,598
Yeah, I'll check, but
I'm pretty sure it's not
for another couple of weeks.
42
00:02:06,743 --> 00:02:08,643
What day is this?
43
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:11,908
Like it or not, we're going
to have to start living on
a strict budget for a while.
44
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:15,149
Good evening.I'm Tom Tucker,and this is News...
45
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,497
I thoughtyou were going to singwith me, Joyce. Okay.
46
00:02:17,521 --> 00:02:19,599
Our top story tonight.
The Rhode Island State Lottery
47
00:02:19,623 --> 00:02:23,325
has climbed to a record
$150 million jackpot.
48
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:26,961
That's right, Tom.Powerball fever hasofficially gripped Quahog.
49
00:02:27,030 --> 00:02:30,198
We sent Channel Five News
Asian correspondentTricia Takanawa
50
00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:32,166
around town to get
the public reaction.
51
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:35,570
Mayor West,what do you plan to doif you win the lottery?
52
00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:40,592
Well, I'd finally splurgeand buy myself one of thosefancy four-piece suits.
53
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,588
I'd like to join
your country club.
54
00:02:42,612 --> 00:02:44,932
I assume that
won't be a problem.
55
00:02:44,981 --> 00:02:46,609
And what about you, sir?
56
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:48,979
What would you dowith your lotterywinnings?
57
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:51,264
I suppose I'd wantwhat anyonewould want, really.
58
00:02:51,288 --> 00:02:53,955
First I'd get a bunchof jewels. Then I'dput them in a chest.
59
00:02:54,024 --> 00:02:55,402
Drop the chest to the
bottom of the ocean
60
00:02:55,426 --> 00:02:57,392
with some of the
jewels hanging out.
61
00:02:57,461 --> 00:03:00,172
Draw a rudimentary map,put the map in a bottle,put the bottle in the sea.
62
00:03:00,196 --> 00:03:02,409
And what do you do
when you need the money?
63
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:05,800
Hope the bottle washes up
wherever I happen to be.
64
00:03:05,869 --> 00:03:09,487
And how about you,every Persian guyin the world?
65
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,873
White BMW.
66
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:14,003
There you go, Lois.
That's the answer
right there.
67
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,539
We'll just win the lottery.
68
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,603
In fact, I'm going
to go buy my winning
ticket right now.
69
00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:24,463
Peter, what's wrong?
70
00:03:24,487 --> 00:03:27,288
It's, uh, nothing.
I'm just going
to wait a minute.
71
00:03:27,357 --> 00:03:29,791
There's teenagers in
skinny jeans out there.
72
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,682
Everyone, I got big news.
We are going to be rich.
73
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:42,704
Oh, my God, Peter.
There are thousands of
lottery tickets here.
74
00:03:42,773 --> 00:03:44,567
Where did you get
the money for all these?
75
00:03:44,591 --> 00:03:46,786
Simple. I took out
a second mortgage
on the house.
76
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,660
What?
Peter, this is idiotic.
77
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,129
Your odds of winning
are like 100 million to one.
78
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,881
Don't you know the lottery is
just a tax on stupid people?
79
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:56,935
Would you be saying that
if the prize was
150 million bags
80
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:58,047
of the neighbor's garbage?
81
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,504
But it's not.
82
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,574
I mean, is it?
That is an unrealistic,
unfair question.
83
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,727
Peter, Brian's right.
How can you be
so irresponsible?
84
00:04:05,796 --> 00:04:07,796
You take these tickets
back right now.
85
00:04:07,865 --> 00:04:09,625
No way, Lois.
We're going to win.
86
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:12,718
I got lots of good karma
built up from doing those
USO shows.
87
00:04:14,354 --> 00:04:16,782
So, apparently,
they found a weapon
of mass destruction,
88
00:04:16,806 --> 00:04:17,855
my putter.
89
00:04:21,045 --> 00:04:22,555
All right, boys.
Go get 'em over there.
90
00:04:22,579 --> 00:04:25,497
And now, please welcome
Mr. Bruce Jenner.
91
00:04:42,566 --> 00:04:45,926
Just wanted to remind
you fellas what you're
all fighting for.
92
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:52,202
Okay, this is it, you guys.
They're going to announce
the winning lottery numbers.
93
00:04:52,226 --> 00:04:55,455
Time for the
Griffin family to
meet its destiny.
94
00:04:55,479 --> 00:04:56,906
When we lose,
I'm getting
a divorce.
95
00:04:56,930 --> 00:04:57,996
Understood.
96
00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,814
We're here live in our studio
97
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,961
where a checkout girlin a cheap dresswho wants to be a model
98
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:03,745
is ready to draw
the winning numbers.
99
00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:05,904
"E!"
100
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,633
That's a three,
honey. Turn it around.
101
00:05:07,657 --> 00:05:09,624
- This!
- 31.
102
00:05:09,693 --> 00:05:10,826
Spooky ghost mouth!
103
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,327
That's a zero.
104
00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:13,929
- Snowman!
- Eight.
105
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:15,748
Two sailboats!
106
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,399
44.
107
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,900
- 17!
- No, that's...
108
00:05:18,968 --> 00:05:20,368
Oh, yes, that is 17.
109
00:05:20,437 --> 00:05:22,236
She's good at 17.
110
00:05:22,305 --> 00:05:24,283
Well, folks, thoseare our winning numbers.Good luck to all of...
111
00:05:24,307 --> 00:05:26,007
24!
112
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,421
No, that's it. We're done.Anyone watching,do not count 24.
113
00:05:28,445 --> 00:05:30,256
Pancakes!Okay, I don't knowwhat she's doing now.
114
00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,947
Somebody turn the machine off.
115
00:05:32,015 --> 00:05:34,126
Nikki, Nikki, that'sgood. That's good.Go wait in my car.
116
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:36,401
All right, you did good.
117
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:38,887
Going to take her
to Walt's Roast Beef.
118
00:05:38,956 --> 00:05:41,935
All right, kids, we got
200,000 lottery tickets
we got to check.
119
00:05:41,959 --> 00:05:43,135
All right, how do you
want to do this?
120
00:05:43,159 --> 00:05:45,694
A static shot of the house
where night turns into day
121
00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:48,808
or a montage song
that over-explains
what we're doing?
122
00:05:48,832 --> 00:05:51,750
Um, that second one sounds
like it could be funny.
123
00:05:53,470 --> 00:05:56,304
- ♪ Checking lottery tickets
- Looking at the numbers
124
00:05:56,373 --> 00:05:59,274
♪ And seeing if they match
the ones on the news
125
00:05:59,343 --> 00:06:02,444
♪ If they do,then we're winnersIf they don't
126
00:06:02,512 --> 00:06:07,215
♪ Then we put themin the designated pilefor tickets we already checked
127
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:11,452
♪ This is taking forever
That's why Brian is yawning
128
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:16,391
♪ And Stewie'srubbing his eyesThe montage is almost over
129
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:20,561
♪ That's whythe music and the vocalsare fading out right now ♪
130
00:06:22,999 --> 00:06:25,177
Well, that's it.
Three days wasted
131
00:06:25,201 --> 00:06:27,435
looking through
200,000 lottery tickets.
132
00:06:27,503 --> 00:06:30,322
Those weren't
the lottery tickets.
That was a test.
133
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,190
These are the lottery tickets.
134
00:06:34,344 --> 00:06:36,177
Is this another test?
135
00:06:36,245 --> 00:06:38,780
Yes. These aren't the real
lottery tickets, either.
136
00:06:38,849 --> 00:06:41,866
These are the real
lottery tickets.
137
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,669
So, in addition to buying
200,000 lottery tickets,
138
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:47,372
you had 400,000
fake ones printed up?
139
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,073
I had to be sure.
140
00:06:51,261 --> 00:06:53,295
Oh, my God. We won!
141
00:06:53,363 --> 00:06:55,123
What?
Let me see that.
142
00:06:56,266 --> 00:06:59,601
Yes! We won the lottery!
I'm getting a penis butler.
143
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,464
Sir?
All right,
butle my penis.
144
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,621
Butle it!
145
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:10,089
This is awesome.
Now that we're rich,
146
00:07:10,113 --> 00:07:11,941
our lives are going
to be so much better.
147
00:07:11,965 --> 00:07:15,217
You sure it was
such a good idea
to cash that lottery check?
148
00:07:15,285 --> 00:07:17,785
It seems foolish to have
all this money lying around.
149
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,249
Oh, you'd rather
have it down at the bank
150
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,083
where the Jewish
guys can leer at it?
151
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:22,802
Yeah!
All right!
152
00:07:22,826 --> 00:07:23,970
Money!
153
00:07:23,994 --> 00:07:25,276
Whoo-hoo!
154
00:07:26,596 --> 00:07:28,045
Hello?
155
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,992
Did you blowall your money yet?
No, Daddy.
156
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:32,178
All right.Call me when you blow allyour money. Love you, bye.
157
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,996
All right,
so how are we going
to spend our winnings?
158
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:37,572
I'm going to get some
supermarket fried chicken
and eat it until I'm nauseous.
159
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:40,470
I'm going to finally
get my gal that doodad
she's been wantin'!
160
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:44,412
I'm going to get a floor
mirror to squat over and see
what's making all that noise.
161
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,414
Okay, everybody just calm down.
162
00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:48,328
We're not going to go crazy
spending our winnings,
163
00:07:48,352 --> 00:07:50,352
and we're not going to
let this money change us.
164
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:54,221
What are you talking about?
This money is our ticket to
the good life, starting now.
165
00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,691
I just bought a giant
room full of gold coins,
166
00:07:56,760 --> 00:07:59,027
and I'm going to dive into it
like Scrooge McDuck.
167
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,731
Ah!
168
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:08,670
It's not a liquid!
It's a great many
pieces of solid matter
169
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,272
that form a hard,
floor-like surface!
170
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:20,414
Peter,
what are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be at work?
171
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:21,560
I quit my job, Lois.
172
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,817
You what?
173
00:08:22,885 --> 00:08:24,881
Yeah, we're rich now.
I don't need to be working.
174
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,248
Oh, you should've
been there, Lois.
175
00:08:26,272 --> 00:08:28,350
I told Angela
what she could
do with that job,
176
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,392
just like I always fantasized.
177
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:34,112
Angela, I just want
to thank you for several
extremely pleasurable years
178
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,847
working for this corporation.
179
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,050
Uh, certain
unexpected developments
have created a situation
180
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,686
where I am no longer
in need of employment.
181
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:45,640
I would be remiss, however,
if I did not extend
my gratitude to you
182
00:08:45,708 --> 00:08:48,176
for your unwavering fairness
and belief in me,
183
00:08:48,245 --> 00:08:50,211
and there is a giant
poo on your desk.
184
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,561
Hey, Horace,
another round
for everybody.
185
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,917
Gosh, Peter,
you're really being
generous with your money.
186
00:09:00,941 --> 00:09:04,108
Hey, what's the point
of being rich if you can't
share it with your pals, huh?
187
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,627
Okay, wait, I got one.
Who would you rather do?
188
00:09:06,696 --> 00:09:10,498
Susan Boyle or a sex doll
that's been passed around
a fraternity?
189
00:09:10,566 --> 00:09:12,011
Well, have they been
cleaning the doll?
190
00:09:12,035 --> 00:09:14,147
Please, these guys are Betas,
they're total animals.
191
00:09:14,171 --> 00:09:16,298
Hey, I got one, Peter.
What would you rather do?
192
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:18,034
Tread water where
you are right now
193
00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:21,492
or increase your
net worth fivefold within
the next 18 months?
194
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:22,594
Huh?
195
00:09:22,662 --> 00:09:24,195
What? What are you
talking about?
196
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:26,598
Well, my friend Marty
is a whiz with chemistry,
197
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:29,311
and he says he's come up
with a new penis
enlargement pill,
198
00:09:29,335 --> 00:09:32,269
and if we can bankroll him
$100,000 in startup money,
199
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:34,450
he'll triple our
investment in a year.
200
00:09:34,474 --> 00:09:36,757
Well, uh, gee, I don't...
201
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:40,561
Peter, I've taken the liberty
of mocking up some
sales projections.
202
00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:41,663
Wow, that's pretty good.
203
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,043
And this would be
our net profits.
204
00:09:44,067 --> 00:09:45,233
Yikes!
205
00:09:45,301 --> 00:09:48,320
Peter, Bonnie's
birthday is coming up,
206
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:51,333
and I'll be gol-darned
if I didn't go ahead
and promise her
207
00:09:51,357 --> 00:09:55,610
that Stevie Nicks
would come to our house
and sing three songs to her.
208
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,846
Boy, do I got a big mouth, huh?
209
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:02,433
Yeah, if you're going to open
your mouth with the missus,
stick to kisses. Huh?
210
00:10:05,655 --> 00:10:08,390
What neat humor.
What neat humor.
211
00:10:08,458 --> 00:10:10,257
So what do say, Peter?
Can you help us out?
212
00:10:10,326 --> 00:10:12,710
Of course I can, you dope.
We're pals, right?
213
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,582
There you go.
214
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,545
Hey, Horace, give us
three shots of your
best bourbon.
215
00:10:19,569 --> 00:10:21,752
And have that
Russian waiter
I like bring it over.
216
00:10:23,573 --> 00:10:26,090
♪ La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la, la
217
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,359
♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
218
00:10:28,411 --> 00:10:32,146
♪ La, la, la, la,
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
219
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,409
♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
220
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:34,615
♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
221
00:10:34,684 --> 00:10:36,066
♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
222
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:41,322
♪ La, la, la, la, la,
la, la, la, la, la
223
00:10:41,390 --> 00:10:45,593
♪ Ah, la, la, la
224
00:10:45,662 --> 00:10:50,465
♪ La, la, la,
la, la, la
225
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,617
♪ La, la, la, la, la
226
00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:55,420
♪ Bop, ba, da, da,
da, da, da, da, da
227
00:10:55,488 --> 00:11:00,942
♪ La, la, la,
la, la, la ♪
228
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:04,328
Boy, you wouldn't guess
from that smile that all
his kids were stillborn.
229
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,731
All right, well,
thanks again, Peter.
230
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:10,001
I got to head out.
I told my mother
I'd visit her in the hospital.
231
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:13,354
Yeah, and I got to work.
I'm flying a leg to
Minneapolis tonight.
232
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:16,724
Oh, yeah, I understand.
You've got other things to do.
233
00:11:16,792 --> 00:11:20,028
I just wrote you guys
a couple of checks,
but, no, you do your things.
234
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:21,607
What?
No, I mean,
I'm just saying,
235
00:11:21,631 --> 00:11:24,465
I thought friends hang out,
do things with each other.
236
00:11:24,534 --> 00:11:28,535
Especially when one friend
gives the other friends
a whole bunch of money.
237
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:32,023
Oh, well, I guess
I could stick around.
238
00:11:32,091 --> 00:11:34,993
Yeah,
and I guess the co-pilot
can fly the plane.
239
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,662
She's a woman
and passengers are
usually okay with that.
240
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:40,726
I once saw
a deodorant commercial
that had a woman pilot.
241
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:42,167
That's more like it.
242
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,552
From now on,
we're all gonna do
whatever I want to do.
243
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,254
'Cause I'm the one
with the dough.
244
00:11:46,323 --> 00:11:48,006
Okay, I guess that's fair.
245
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:51,409
Good. 'Cause what
I want to do is stay here,
get drunk and watch TV.
246
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,779
We nowreturn to Michael McDonald
During Allergy Season.
247
00:12:06,743 --> 00:12:09,944
Hey, Peter, you wanted me
to watch the entire first
season of True Blood
248
00:12:10,013 --> 00:12:11,613
and come show you
where there was boob?
249
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:14,493
That's right, I don't
want to see any actual
True Blood, just boob.
250
00:12:14,517 --> 00:12:15,583
Yeah, well, I found some.
251
00:12:19,021 --> 00:12:22,056
No! Anna Paquin boob does
not count as real boob!
252
00:12:22,124 --> 00:12:24,403
That's like looking
at a 12-year-old boy.
253
00:12:24,427 --> 00:12:27,673
Jeez! You should know
that, Joe! You should
definitely know that!
254
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:28,830
Sorry, Peter.
255
00:12:28,898 --> 00:12:30,576
Sorry doesn't show me
nipples worth seeing!
256
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:31,833
And as for you, Anna,
257
00:12:31,901 --> 00:12:33,745
you're dreadful
and so is the program.
258
00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:34,835
I didn't write it.
259
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,632
Yeah, but you know
the people who do.
260
00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:38,300
That Alan Ball,
you know him, right?
261
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,456
Yeah.
262
00:12:39,525 --> 00:12:41,187
How come everything
he writes is so dreary?
263
00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:42,326
I don't know.
264
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,755
Tell him to cheer up!
Things ain't so bad!
265
00:12:44,881 --> 00:12:46,580
This is a weird episode.
266
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:51,702
Okay, Quagmire, I want you
to take the first bite
out of this fudge pop
267
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,472
because that first bite
is the one that really hurts.
268
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:55,773
Well, okay.
269
00:12:58,094 --> 00:12:59,427
Ah!
270
00:12:59,495 --> 00:13:01,395
Ah!
271
00:13:01,464 --> 00:13:03,631
Ow! Ow!
272
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,577
Yeah, that's right, "Ow."
Now, you swallow that.
273
00:13:05,601 --> 00:13:06,895
Don't you dare spit that out.
274
00:13:06,919 --> 00:13:08,664
What's the difference?
You got what you wanted.
275
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:10,654
I said swallow it!
276
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,423
Now, smear what's
left of it on your face
277
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,525
and look at me
with your mouth open.
278
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,979
Look at yourself,
you filthy whore.
279
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,501
I don't even want this now.
280
00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:30,991
Okay, guys, now you're
gonna do a synchronized
duet of Makin' Whoopee
281
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:32,888
while I shoot you
with this BB gun.
282
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,723
That doesn't
sound safe.
Action!
283
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,727
♪ Another bride
♪ She looks so gay
284
00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:39,595
♪ Another June
♪ Oh, what a day
285
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,820
♪ Another sunnyhoneymoon♪ Hip hip...
286
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,321
Ah!
287
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:45,601
♪ Another...
288
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:46,985
♪ Another reason
289
00:13:47,009 --> 00:13:49,343
♪ For makin' whoopee
290
00:13:51,013 --> 00:13:53,448
Look,
you aren't gonna shoot us
in the eye, are you, Peter?
291
00:13:53,516 --> 00:13:56,245
Oh, no, Joe.
I wouldn't try to
shoot you in the eye.
292
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,296
♪ A lot of shoes
293
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,570
♪ We're throwing shoes
294
00:13:58,638 --> 00:13:59,504
♪ A lot of rice
♪ It's all so... ♪
295
00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:00,872
Ow!
296
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:03,208
Peter, it was really
close to my eye!
297
00:14:03,276 --> 00:14:05,460
Relax, Joe.
I'm nowhere
near your eye.
298
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,211
Hey, Joe, open your eye.
299
00:14:08,731 --> 00:14:09,997
Gotcha.
300
00:14:10,065 --> 00:14:11,694
What the hell, Peter?
You shot him in the eye!
301
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:12,917
Keep singing, you!
302
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,480
And keep your chin up,
so I can see your throat.
303
00:14:14,504 --> 00:14:16,465
No, no screw this!
You're a jerk!
304
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,974
Jerk? What kind of a way is
that to talk to your friend
who gives you money?
305
00:14:20,042 --> 00:14:21,871
Go to hell, Peter!
We don't need your money!
306
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:23,672
And we don't need
friends like you!
307
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,079
Yeah!
We're out of here!
308
00:14:25,148 --> 00:14:28,282
Fine, go on. I don't care.
I don't need you, I got money!
309
00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:30,646
You know, Peter,
you used to be
a great guy.
310
00:14:30,670 --> 00:14:32,164
But ever since you
won that lottery...
311
00:14:34,357 --> 00:14:36,638
Come on, Joe!
Fuck this guy!
312
00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:37,709
Ah!
313
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,773
I'm here to audition for
Fiddler on the Roof.
314
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,416
Come right in.
315
00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,987
Peter, my God,
what the hell
are you wearing?
316
00:14:55,011 --> 00:14:56,910
It's a solid gold tuxedo, Lois.
317
00:14:56,979 --> 00:15:00,148
I had to fight three rappers
down at the Nonsense Store
for this.
318
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:02,328
Look, Peter,
this is not
who we are.
319
00:15:02,352 --> 00:15:05,853
I'm worried the money
is changing this family,
and not the way you hoped.
320
00:15:05,921 --> 00:15:08,139
I was hoping it would make you
shut up, so you're right.
321
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,969
I spoke to Bonnie this morning,
322
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:12,738
and she said
you haven't talked to Joe
or Quagmire in two weeks.
323
00:15:12,762 --> 00:15:14,495
Who cares?
I don't need Quagmire.
324
00:15:14,564 --> 00:15:16,324
And I certainly don't need Joe.
325
00:15:16,365 --> 00:15:17,748
I got Money Joe.
326
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,878
That's a good one, Money Joe!
327
00:15:19,902 --> 00:15:21,964
I don't like what this
money is doing to us.
328
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:24,205
It's even affecting
Brian and Stewie.
329
00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:25,917
I think I'm gonna take a nap.
330
00:15:25,941 --> 00:15:27,475
What, here?
331
00:15:27,543 --> 00:15:31,111
Yeah, I had a giant mobile
put in the sky so I can
sleep wherever I want.
332
00:15:33,650 --> 00:15:36,100
This is nice.
333
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:39,114
I hope that bear
comes around soon.
That's sort of my...
334
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:40,855
Oh, look, the bear!
335
00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:45,209
And it's not just them.
Chris has also been developing
some very expensive tastes.
336
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:47,495
Model glue, sir?
337
00:15:47,564 --> 00:15:49,425
Well, what do we have today?
338
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,649
Today we have a recent vintage
procured just this morning
339
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:54,152
from Michael's Hobby Shop.
340
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:58,272
Yes, that's very nice.
Bring me my finest rag.
341
00:15:58,341 --> 00:16:00,024
Your fancy rag, sir.
342
00:16:00,092 --> 00:16:02,493
You are relieved
for the evening.
343
00:16:07,250 --> 00:16:10,401
You don't see poor
people doing this!
344
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:13,737
Lois, don't you understand?
We don't got any of our old
problems anymore.
345
00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:15,556
We don't have to worry
about paying bills,
346
00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:17,458
we don't have to worry
about saving dough.
347
00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:19,260
All we got to do
is enjoy ourselves.
348
00:16:19,995 --> 00:16:21,095
Interested?
349
00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,133
Oh, my God.
350
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,954
Peter, it's beautiful!
Is it a blood diamond?
351
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,523
Ah, the bloodiest.
352
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,903
The two kids who
found it were forced
to murder each other.
353
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:36,905
Oh, Peter, I love it!
354
00:16:36,929 --> 00:16:39,797
Hey, you want to watch a DVD
of the murder while we do it?
355
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:41,110
I already watched
it eight times,
356
00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,200
so I know exactly which
part I want to blam at.
357
00:16:46,722 --> 00:16:48,651
Chris, Meg, now that
I'm a rich father,
358
00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:51,075
you will try to impress me,
and I will remain distant.
359
00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:52,777
Go.
360
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:56,714
Um, say, Dad, did I
tell you I got second place
in the yacht race?
361
00:16:56,783 --> 00:17:00,685
Hmm,
sounds like somebody's dad
is happier than me right now.
362
00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:04,338
Well, um, how about this,
Dad? The school paper is
doing a story about me.
363
00:17:04,407 --> 00:17:06,252
That's because
I had it arranged.
364
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:09,610
Uh, I was thinking
about joining the Army?
365
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:12,513
No. Meg, as a girl,
your life holds no merit.
366
00:17:12,581 --> 00:17:14,126
And, Chris, try as you may,
367
00:17:14,150 --> 00:17:16,495
you will never be
as good as your older
brother who died.
368
00:17:16,519 --> 00:17:18,380
He was good at
sports and talking.
369
00:17:18,404 --> 00:17:22,490
Now, pardon me
while I look at scrimshaw
through a magnifying glass.
370
00:17:22,559 --> 00:17:26,561
Brave men all.
Lost sons of New Bedford.
371
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,195
That's good scrimshaw.
372
00:17:31,434 --> 00:17:35,870
I never thought I'd be
having high tea at the Park
Barrington every single day.
373
00:17:35,938 --> 00:17:38,756
Yes, it's nice to eat in a sea
of white faces, isn't it?
374
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:42,026
Waiter, have
the chef prepare a bucket
of your finest caviar,
375
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,272
and then give it
a helicopter tour
of the city.
376
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:46,130
Very good, sir.
377
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:49,750
Very good, indeed. I hope it
enjoys it as much as that
Maine lobster I ordered.
378
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:52,303
And over there is the
Rhode Island State House,
379
00:17:52,371 --> 00:17:56,373
the second largest
self-supporting marble
dome in North America.
380
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,059
Why the fuck am I doing this?
I could've just said I did it.
381
00:17:59,128 --> 00:18:00,890
Sir, about your bill...
382
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:04,482
Oh, don't worry, Carstairs,
there's ample gratuity
on there for you.
383
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,731
Well, actually, sir,
your card has been
declined.
384
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,120
Oh, really?
385
00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:12,456
Well, I'm sure a brief
call to my accountant
386
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,492
will resolve this to
our mutual satisfaction.
387
00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:19,263
Hello, Schnozzenstein?
This is Peter Griffin.
388
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:21,299
There seems to be some
issue with our credit.
389
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:24,618
I told Carstairs you'd
set everything straight.
390
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,615
What do you mean I'm broke?
What about all that money
391
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,222
I sent to the Gayman Islands?
392
00:18:28,291 --> 00:18:29,940
They did what with it?
393
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,092
No, I don't want it back!
394
00:18:32,161 --> 00:18:33,221
Lois, give him the ring.
395
00:18:33,245 --> 00:18:34,879
What? No!
396
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,992
Give him the ring,
Lois, I swear to God,
I'll cut your finger off.
397
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:39,283
Oh, you beast!
398
00:18:39,351 --> 00:18:40,834
I'm gonna miss you, Carstairs.
399
00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:43,487
I shall miss you, too, sir.
400
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:46,841
With no one
to look after, Carstairs
fell into a deep depression
401
00:18:46,909 --> 00:18:48,509
from which he never emerged.
402
00:18:48,578 --> 00:18:50,427
He died two weeks later.
403
00:18:50,496 --> 00:18:51,812
Some say of a broken heart.
404
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:52,925
What, sir?
405
00:18:52,949 --> 00:18:54,448
But that was Carstairs.
406
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,482
What the hell is going on here?
407
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:03,218
Mr. Griffin, your house
is being repossessed for
failure to make payment.
408
00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,225
Oh, my God, the house too?
409
00:19:06,929 --> 00:19:08,473
Hello?
Did you blowall your money yet?
410
00:19:08,497 --> 00:19:10,064
Yes, Daddy.
411
00:19:10,132 --> 00:19:12,372
Ah! I knew you'dblow all your money.Love you, bye.
412
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,955
I can't believe it.
We lost everything.
413
00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:19,602
What do we do now?
414
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,026
Well, seems like
our only hope
is the lottery.
415
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,812
Holy shit, we won
twice and we're right
back here again.
416
00:19:24,881 --> 00:19:28,515
We had $150 million,
and we blew through it
in a month.
417
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:32,119
Yeah, but on the bright side,
if this hadn't happened,
we never would've met Kyle.
418
00:19:32,187 --> 00:19:33,431
- Hey.
- Hello.
419
00:19:33,455 --> 00:19:34,699
- Hey there.
- What's up?
420
00:19:34,723 --> 00:19:36,001
And that's not even Kyle.
421
00:19:36,025 --> 00:19:37,725
Peter, we can't live like this.
422
00:19:37,794 --> 00:19:40,522
Well, what are we
supposed to do, Lois?
Everything we had is gone!
423
00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:42,013
We have friends, Peter.
424
00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:43,359
Not anymore, we don't.
425
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,466
They're good people.
They'll listen.
426
00:19:45,534 --> 00:19:47,301
And they'll care
what happens to us,
427
00:19:47,369 --> 00:19:49,102
even after everything
that's happened.
428
00:19:50,239 --> 00:19:51,566
You know, I'm still
young enough,
429
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:53,068
you can drop me
at the fire station,
430
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,292
no questions asked.
431
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,335
Well, well.
Look who it is.
432
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:05,603
Who is it?
433
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:07,516
It's me, Peter.
I'm standing
right here.
434
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,874
This is a glass eye,
Peter. They had to remove
the one you shot.
435
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:13,303
Oh, boy, that whole
day was a mess, huh?
436
00:20:13,362 --> 00:20:15,307
What happened to you, anyway?
You look terrible.
437
00:20:15,331 --> 00:20:17,814
Look, you guys, I messed up bad.
438
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,485
Winning the lottery was the
worst thing that ever happened
to me and my family.
439
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,748
I thought being
rich would solve
all my problems,
440
00:20:23,772 --> 00:20:27,208
but all it did
was make me forget
what was important.
441
00:20:27,276 --> 00:20:29,509
Like who my real friends are.
442
00:20:29,578 --> 00:20:31,946
I don't expect you
to forgive me,
443
00:20:32,014 --> 00:20:35,615
but if, for some reason,
you do, you can find me
in a cardboard box
444
00:20:35,684 --> 00:20:38,219
on the corner of
Meeting and Thayer.
445
00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:40,837
Peter, wait.
446
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,940
That corner's a bit
of a hike for me.
447
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,559
I'd rather just come
see you at home.
448
00:20:48,030 --> 00:20:50,350
What? Where'd you get
this kind of money?
449
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:53,049
The penis enlargement pill
you gave me the
startup money for.
450
00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:55,051
It turned a pretty nice profit.
451
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:59,006
I guess it's only fair that
I give you my percentage so
you can get your house back.
452
00:20:59,074 --> 00:21:01,659
Quagmire, I don't
know what to say.
453
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:04,444
Thank you.
You're welcome.
454
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,625
And if it makes
you feel better,
it was money well spent.
455
00:21:06,649 --> 00:21:08,348
Just ask Sandra,
the waitress over there.
456
00:21:08,417 --> 00:21:09,884
We had a great time last night.
457
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:13,620
Tough girl.
Made it into work.
458
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:17,936
Boy, I got to say,
it's good to be home.
459
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,805
Yeah. Despite all
the ups and downs,
460
00:21:19,829 --> 00:21:21,595
things turned out for the best.
461
00:21:21,664 --> 00:21:24,275
I mean, really,
we're no worse off
than we were before.
462
00:21:24,299 --> 00:21:27,801
Plus, we learned something.
And you can't put
a price on that.
463
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:30,504
Look, Lois,
we all know what happened.
We're all depressed.
464
00:21:30,573 --> 00:21:32,183
All right, let's just
go to different rooms
465
00:21:32,207 --> 00:21:33,707
and stare blankly
out the window,
466
00:21:33,776 --> 00:21:34,941
saying nothing.
38722
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