Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:03,003
♪♪ [theme]
2
00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:58,188
Off with the white clothes.
3
00:00:58,232 --> 00:01:01,235
On with the green clothes.
4
00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:03,628
[grunts] I always feel
very patriotic
5
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:05,543
when I come out of O.R.
6
00:01:05,587 --> 00:01:07,632
My whites are
covered with red,
7
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:08,851
and it gives me the blues.
8
00:01:08,894 --> 00:01:10,809
Well, at least
you boys are free
9
00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:12,202
to relax before dinner.
10
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:13,812
Tomorrow's the first.
11
00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:16,467
I want to get a leg up on
the monthly medical reports.
12
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:20,080
So, "paysanos,"
until chow, ciao.
13
00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:24,388
April's over.
Where did it go?
14
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:28,088
See how time flies
when you're having
a good holocaust?
15
00:01:28,131 --> 00:01:30,742
My wedding anniversary
is May 23.
16
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:32,396
This may sound
weird to you,
17
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,137
but Peg and I have
sort of made it a custom
18
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,226
to be together
on that day.
19
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:39,142
Well, look at the bright side.
At least you have me.
20
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,144
You'll have to shave.
21
00:01:41,188 --> 00:01:42,624
I need some help.
22
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:47,803
This man just walked in here
carrying the boy.
23
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:50,588
I am Key Yong Lu.
Could you help my grandson?
24
00:01:50,632 --> 00:01:52,460
-We'll take a look.
-What happened?
25
00:01:52,503 --> 00:01:56,725
Enemy shell come.
Soon Chi fall in ditch.
26
00:01:56,768 --> 00:01:58,596
-Looks like a fracture.
-Better get some X-rays.
27
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,120
I'll take care of it.
Lieutenant,
28
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:01,599
get him into X-ray.
I'll meet you there.
29
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,558
-Yes, doctor.
-You live nearby?
30
00:02:03,601 --> 00:02:06,126
No. Up north.
31
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:09,129
Enemy destroy our village.
We come south.
32
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:10,782
I guess the
military's strategy
33
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,567
is to get rid of the kids
and the old people first,
34
00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:14,090
then the rest of the war
will be easy.
35
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,178
[sighs deeply]
36
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:16,614
Off with the green clothes.
37
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:18,181
On with the white clothes.
38
00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:21,576
I'd love to do something
special for B. J., but what?
39
00:02:21,619 --> 00:02:24,100
I don't know. I never had
a wedding anniversary.
40
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,319
Well, don't look at me.
41
00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:27,277
If we all put our heads
together,
42
00:02:27,321 --> 00:02:29,061
we ought to be able
to come up with something.
43
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:31,368
But what's the point?
Dreams of a banquet
44
00:02:31,412 --> 00:02:33,675
only make a starving man
all the more hungry
and miserable.
45
00:02:33,718 --> 00:02:35,677
-Evening, folks.
-Hi, Colonel.
46
00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:38,201
Charles has this
wonderful way of getting
to the heart of a matter
47
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:39,507
and then sticking
a knife in it.
48
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:41,117
What's the debate
all about?
49
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,640
B.J.'s wedding anniversary
is coming up,
50
00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:44,425
and everybody who's anybody
51
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:47,079
is trying to figure out a way
to make it bearable for him.
52
00:02:47,123 --> 00:02:49,125
Do you have any
suggestions, Colonel?
53
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:52,346
No brainstorms right off,
but there's time yet.
54
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:54,522
-Don't forget,
it's gotta be a surprise.
-First things first.
55
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:56,741
We got I-Corps business
to attend to.
56
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,613
A combat unit's
been deployed near us.
57
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:02,269
We need an M.D.
to give them their
sanitation inspection.
58
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,009
Not my turn.
I went last time.
59
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:05,315
I know that, Pierce.
60
00:03:05,359 --> 00:03:06,969
I keep track of these things.
61
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,449
Hunnicutt went before you,
62
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:11,365
and you went the time
before Hunnicutt.
63
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:15,064
It seems there's one name
conspicuously missing
from the list.
64
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:17,022
Every time it
pops to the top,
65
00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:20,983
that fellow comes down
with some mysterious malady.
66
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,506
[coughing]
67
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,813
The Winchester version
of yellow fever.
68
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:27,076
Major, Doc Potter's got
69
00:03:27,119 --> 00:03:29,687
just the prescription
for what ails you:
70
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:31,733
a nice day in the country.
71
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:35,476
-Doctor,
he will be all right?
-He'll be just fine.
72
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,478
But this leg is gonna
keep him here a few days.
73
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,001
Thank you very much.
74
00:03:39,044 --> 00:03:40,742
I am forever grateful.
75
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,266
I'm sorry,
76
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,746
but you can't stay here.
77
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:48,358
I cannot leave him.
78
00:03:48,402 --> 00:03:51,883
His mother has been killed
by enemy soldier.
79
00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:56,497
His father
is fighting in army,
if he still lives.
80
00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,673
He's the boy's next of kin.
Let him stay next to his kin.
81
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:02,590
-Fine, doctor.
-[Soon Chi groans]
82
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:07,551
-What was his blood pressure?
-110 over 70, Doctor.
83
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:09,553
[speaking Korean]
84
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:10,989
What's he saying?
85
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:14,863
He asked for his,
uh, mouth music?
86
00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:18,693
-Mouth--a harmonica?
-Yes, yes. Harmonica.
87
00:04:18,736 --> 00:04:21,565
I don't think anyone
would object to
a little mouth music.
88
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:25,613
When he awake,
I must tell him it was
lost when attack came.
89
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:29,356
-Aw.
-A gift from G.I.
90
00:04:29,399 --> 00:04:32,315
Only thing he can carry
from village to village.
91
00:04:32,359 --> 00:04:34,099
That's tough.
92
00:04:34,143 --> 00:04:35,797
You'd better get some sleep.
93
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:37,451
You've made your floor,
now you oughta lie on it.
94
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,366
Oh, thank you.
95
00:04:39,409 --> 00:04:44,022
CHARLES: The morning air
is crisp and still.
96
00:04:44,066 --> 00:04:46,373
In mere moments,
I embark upon a
military mission
97
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:50,855
which may mark
my final hours
on this planet.
98
00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:55,425
Therefore,
I leave you with these
few parting thoughts.
99
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:59,386
To my dear father,
I grant you
power of attorney
100
00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:02,911
for the disposition
of all my real estate.
101
00:05:02,954 --> 00:05:06,349
To my devoted mother,
I bestow upon you my proxy
102
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:09,352
with the single proviso
that it never be used
103
00:05:09,396 --> 00:05:11,833
to vote for Cousin Alfred.
104
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:14,836
To my gentle sister Honoria,
105
00:05:14,879 --> 00:05:17,404
I bequeath my
butterfly collection.
106
00:05:17,447 --> 00:05:20,798
I know you
probably don't want it,
107
00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,713
but Cousin Alfred does.
108
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:26,587
Farewell, Cape Cod.
109
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:29,590
Farewell, Harvard Yard.
110
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:34,246
Farewell, baked scrod.
111
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:37,641
-Bravo! Bravo!
-Yay!
112
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:42,603
-Anthropoid boors.
-What a touching farewell
to Cod, Yard and scrod.
113
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,779
Gentlemen,
I don't much care
for you, either,
114
00:05:44,822 --> 00:05:46,607
but if you were about
to meet your Maker
115
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,173
I could find it
in my heart
116
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:50,219
-to leave you alone.
-[yelps]
117
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:52,917
Charles, it's only
a routine inspection tour.
118
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:55,137
Pork Chop Hill's
already been taken!
119
00:05:55,180 --> 00:05:57,792
Ah, and one more thing,
Mumsie dearest:
120
00:05:57,835 --> 00:05:59,446
If I don't
come back alive,
121
00:05:59,489 --> 00:06:02,405
I would like to be cremated
and have my ashes
122
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,320
scattered over
Robert Taft.
123
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,673
Colonel,
any word from Charles?
124
00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:11,458
I'm already an hour
into his shift.
125
00:06:11,501 --> 00:06:14,461
Nope. I guess his inspection
went into overtime.
126
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:17,464
-How's our little
Korean guest doing?
-Physically, fine,
127
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:20,423
but his spirits could
sure use a shot in the arm
with a harmonica.
128
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:23,339
Klinger, that should be
right up your alley.
129
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:24,645
Gee, I don't know.
From what I hear,
130
00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:26,342
that's a pretty hot
ticket.
131
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,476
Is this the Sultan
of Scrounge I hear talking?
132
00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:33,044
You've got a tongue
that could fertilize
40 acres.
133
00:06:33,088 --> 00:06:35,743
Of course I do. That kid'll
be playing that harmonica
134
00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:38,398
before you can whistle
"Desert Song."
135
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:40,922
[grumbles]
136
00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:44,012
-Well, if it isn't
the Inspector Major.
-[grumbles]
137
00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:47,494
Here. This is what
I risked my life for.
138
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:49,365
We didn't know if
you were late, Charles,
or the late Charles.
139
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,932
We thought you'd been shot
140
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,063
and were trying to figure out
which side did it.
141
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:53,761
Hunnicutt, go hurt yourself.
142
00:06:53,804 --> 00:06:56,372
My, my, Major.
This is quite a report.
143
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,853
I've been to barbecues
where the heifer of honor
144
00:06:58,896 --> 00:07:02,117
wasn't raked over the coals
as bad as this unit.
145
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,816
These people would've been
right at home at a barbecue.
They were pigs.
146
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,252
In case you haven't heard,
there's a war on.
147
00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:09,037
Nobody's living in
the lap of luxury.
148
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,474
Even a man of
your personal habits
would've been appalled.
149
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:14,651
The proximity of the mess area
to the latrine was scandalous.
150
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:18,002
The garbage facilities
seemed to be anywhere
they feel like it.
151
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:21,310
They live by the credo
"Uncleanliness is next
to everything."
152
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:22,790
You left camp
153
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:24,705
toting an awful big
chip on your shoulder.
154
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:27,098
You sure you ain't
exaggerating just a mite?
155
00:07:27,142 --> 00:07:28,665
Absolutely not.
156
00:07:28,709 --> 00:07:30,624
I made that perfectly clear
to the commanding officer,
157
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,495
Major... Finch.
158
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,889
If you will excuse me,
I've had a perfectly
revolting day.
159
00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,412
I'm gonna go back to
my quarters,
160
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,762
get out of these
grubby clothes and relax.
161
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:41,504
Sorry, Charles.
You're on duty in post-op.
162
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:44,072
Is there no just-- Hunnicutt,
dear friend,
163
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:46,466
do you think you could
find it in your heart
to take my shift for me?
164
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,338
-Oh, you know, I have
something very important to do.
-Oh, yeah? What?
165
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:53,168
Go back to my quarters,
get out of these grubby
clothes and relax.
166
00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:56,519
Of course, we'd dance.
We've always done that.
167
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,653
On our last anniversary,
Peg was eight months pregnant.
168
00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:03,526
Made for some
very interesting steps and
very little jitterbugging.
169
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:09,663
I guess that's why it's
so tough to miss out on
this one.
170
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:13,536
-Our first anniversary
with Erin.
-Yeah, that is tough.
171
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:16,670
-It's the little things
I miss most, you know.
-Like what?
172
00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:19,194
Watching Peg
give Erin a bath.
173
00:08:19,237 --> 00:08:22,676
Seeing her blow the bubbles
off her little hand.
174
00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:25,592
-Why are you asking me
this stuff, anyway?
-I'm interested.
175
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:27,202
I've never had
an anniversary.
176
00:08:27,245 --> 00:08:29,552
Come to think of it,
I've never had a bath.
177
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,033
So come on.
What else would you do?
178
00:08:32,076 --> 00:08:34,557
Where would you eat?
179
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,820
Oh, I don't know.
180
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:40,476
Little place
in Sausalito, maybe.
181
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,347
Better still,
a candlelight dinner at home.
182
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:44,872
[yawning]
183
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:47,222
[indistinct whispering]
184
00:08:47,265 --> 00:08:51,531
Wonderful.
A post-op pajama party.
185
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,670
-Major Winchester.
-Yes? What is it?
186
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:03,717
Major Finch. Well,
it's comforting to know
187
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,894
they're still enforcing
the 15-drink limit
at the Officers Club.
188
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:08,852
Well, after that
inspection you gave us,
189
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:12,421
I-- I was feelin'
pretty rotten.
190
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:14,466
-I guess I had a few.
-Well, you needn't guess.
191
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,381
There's no doubt about it.
192
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:18,993
Well, then I got to thinking
that I could come over here
193
00:09:19,036 --> 00:09:21,561
and get you to reconsider.
194
00:09:21,604 --> 00:09:23,606
I don't think that
that rating was fair.
195
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,087
Well, you're absolutely
right, but what can I do?
196
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:28,611
There's no number
lower than zero.
197
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:31,135
Doc, I really
got on their butts,
198
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:34,878
and my men are gonna
fix up most of that stuff
the way you wanted it.
199
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:37,489
Splendid. I'm sure
whoever succeeds you
as commanding officer
200
00:09:37,533 --> 00:09:39,622
will be favored with
a much higher rating.
201
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:43,626
Oh, come on, Major.
It wasn't that bad.
202
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:45,802
Well, perhaps not to a man
who looks at the world
203
00:09:45,846 --> 00:09:47,587
through
rose-colored eyeballs.
204
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:51,895
Look. Why don't you
just stagger on back
to your compost
205
00:09:51,939 --> 00:09:55,464
where you are indeed
top of the heap?
206
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,422
So that's it, huh?
207
00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,251
You're gonna be
real gung ho about this?
208
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:05,126
-Gung ho? Who?
-You, you big bag of wind!
209
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:07,824
Well, I see you are as clever as
you are clean.
210
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:10,522
-Okay. How does this hit you?
-[grunts]
211
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:14,048
[groans]
212
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,658
Come on,
you big chicken!
213
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:16,964
Let's see how clever
you are, huh?
214
00:10:17,007 --> 00:10:19,488
[grunts]
215
00:10:19,531 --> 00:10:20,794
[snorts]
216
00:10:27,496 --> 00:10:28,671
Okay.
217
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,673
Now, don't worry, Charles.
218
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:33,197
Every clout
has a silver lining.
219
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:35,939
You just put that tooth
under your pillow tonight,
and by morning
220
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:38,942
the Winchester fortune will
have increased by a dime.
221
00:10:38,986 --> 00:10:40,596
Please shut up, Pierce.
222
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,598
Oh, yeah?
You wanna make me?
223
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:46,428
-Can you just let me
bleed in peace?
-Or in pieces.
224
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,517
I presume that when your mouth
gets back in working order,
225
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,693
you're gonna press charges
against Major Finch.
226
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:54,392
I would just as soon forget
the entire sordid incident.
227
00:10:54,436 --> 00:10:58,135
Within the week, I will
have my tooth replaced.
That'll be that.
228
00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,311
Why, Charles,
turning the other lip?
229
00:11:00,355 --> 00:11:03,227
Believe me. I would like
nothing better
230
00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:05,534
than to be cheerleader
at the firing squad
231
00:11:05,577 --> 00:11:07,579
following his court martial.
232
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:09,669
It would just be
too humiliating to explain
233
00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:11,279
how the little pipsqueak
knocked my block off.
234
00:11:11,322 --> 00:11:12,454
So what?
235
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:15,022
Being a bouncer
in a waterfront dive
236
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:16,632
just isn't your style.
237
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,286
I'm grateful
for the feeble attempt
238
00:11:18,329 --> 00:11:19,679
to comfort me, Pierce,
239
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,028
but the significance
of this event
240
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,986
goes rather deeper
than a missing tooth.
241
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:25,423
What are you talking about?
242
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,904
Well, it is one thing
243
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:30,298
to actively seek
physical confrontation.
244
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,430
-Yeah.
-It is another matter
altogether
245
00:11:32,474 --> 00:11:34,563
to shrink from
one's own defense.
246
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:37,479
Tonight I demonstrated
nothing more than
an acute command
247
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:39,611
of the manly art
of self-collapse.
248
00:11:39,655 --> 00:11:41,788
Aren't you being
a little hard on yourself?
249
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:44,921
Just facing a painful
truth, Pierce.
250
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:48,882
Shakespeare said it best:
Cowards die many times
before their death.
251
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:52,146
The valiant taste of death
but once."
252
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:55,062
Begging your pardon,
doctor,
253
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,760
but I could not help
overhear what you say.
254
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,763
Perhaps I could be
of assistance in this area.
255
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:01,764
Ho!
256
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,287
Come now, my wizened friend.
257
00:12:03,331 --> 00:12:05,028
What could you possibly do?
258
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:08,336
-[yells]
-Oh.
259
00:12:08,379 --> 00:12:10,642
That is indeed
a most impressive trick.
260
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:13,384
It is no trick, Major.
261
00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:16,736
It is use of mind
in harmony with body.
262
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:18,389
Are you not familiar
with karate?
263
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:22,611
It is most ancient art
of self-defense.
264
00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:26,136
I could teach you first steps
in very short time.
265
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:31,185
Oh-ho. That's intriguing,
but, alas, I'm a surgeon.
266
00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:33,665
My hands are needed
for the saving of lives,
267
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:38,279
not the ha-ha-ha
manufacture of kindling.
268
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:44,024
Aha! Hands are but one
weapon on body. [yelling]
269
00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:50,465
Do you, uh,
charge by the hour?
270
00:12:50,508 --> 00:12:52,467
-Evening, mein Kapitans.
-Evening.
271
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,034
-I'll have a beer.
-Ditto.
272
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,775
Two heads are
better than one.
273
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,037
How goes the harmonica hunt?
274
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,952
So far,
nothing but sour notes.
275
00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:00,780
So listen, you think
it'll rain tomorrow, Beej?
276
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:03,957
-Huh?
-You think it'll
rain tomorrow?
277
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,395
I really haven't given it
much thought. Why?
278
00:13:07,438 --> 00:13:09,963
I don't know. I've just
always liked weather.
279
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:13,662
Rain can be refreshing.
Sleet can be good too.
280
00:13:13,705 --> 00:13:15,446
Fog is nice. I understand
281
00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,318
there's a lot of fog
in San Francisco.
282
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,755
Oh, yeah. Sometimes,
in the late afternoon,
283
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,715
the fog rolls in,
covers the Golden Gate.
284
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:25,935
Suddenly we're talkin'
about San Francisco again.
285
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:28,764
-How come?
-Well, I already know
all about my home.
286
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,374
I used to live there a lot.
287
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:31,898
I just--
I'm curious about yours.
288
00:13:31,941 --> 00:13:34,596
What do you wanna know?
289
00:13:34,639 --> 00:13:37,860
What do you do
first thing in the morning?
290
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:39,775
Wha-- Wait a minute.
Did I miss a step here?
291
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,429
You want to know
about my home,
292
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:42,865
so you ask what I do
in the morning?
293
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,649
Oh, did I say "home"?
I'm sorry.
294
00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:47,348
No, I meant the people--
people in the home.
295
00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:48,828
I mean, what's a home
without people?
296
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:50,960
Just a big house
with a dog in it.
297
00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,962
Don't let me interrupt
you. Go ahead.
298
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,399
What do you do first
thing in the morning?
299
00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:57,227
I open my eyes.
That is generally followed
300
00:13:57,271 --> 00:13:59,621
by yawning
and getting out of bed.
301
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,623
Now stop me if this is getting
too exciting for you.
302
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,973
No, no. This is great.
What do you do then?
303
00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,889
I go downstairs,
and Peg pours me a damn cup
of coffee and I drink it.
304
00:14:06,933 --> 00:14:09,065
What difference does it make
what I do in the morning?
305
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:11,676
You're right. I've been
running that subject
into the ground.
306
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:12,982
-Let's just drop it.
-Good.
307
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,289
What do you do
in the afternoon?
308
00:14:15,332 --> 00:14:18,596
[karate yell]
309
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:25,603
-[karate yell]
-Very good, Major.
310
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,649
You have learned much
in a week.
311
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:29,172
Uh, begging
the doctor's pardon,
312
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:30,913
but you've been
acting very strangely
313
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:32,915
ever since you got these
snazzy new pajamas.
314
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,743
Klinger, I am dealing
with metaphysical matters
315
00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:36,397
far beyond
your limited scope.
316
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,878
Ooh! Believe me,
I plan to keep my scope
317
00:14:38,921 --> 00:14:41,358
and the rest of me as far
beyond you as possible.
318
00:14:41,402 --> 00:14:42,751
What are you doing?
319
00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:44,448
At the moment,
I'm visualizing...
320
00:14:44,492 --> 00:14:49,149
my foot totally
severing that two-by-four.
321
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:52,413
-What two-by-four?
-I am also visualizing that.
322
00:14:52,456 --> 00:14:54,371
[karate yells]
323
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:02,162
Hey, hey. Who told you
you could play through?
324
00:15:02,205 --> 00:15:03,859
Oh, excuse me, Bantam Ben.
325
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,382
I'm afraid I have to report
326
00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:07,732
there is no joy
or harmonicas in Mudville.
327
00:15:07,776 --> 00:15:09,647
Lift your feet.
328
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,736
Mighty Klinger
has struck out.
329
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:14,304
Come on. How hard can it
be to dig up a harmonica?
330
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,653
The only harmonicas here
331
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:17,003
-are brought over by G.I.s.
-So?
332
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:18,830
The Korean kids
love 'em.
333
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,876
They snatch 'em up
as fast as they can.
334
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:22,965
-All of 'em?
-Well, there are a few
in combat units.
335
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,445
Get one of those.
336
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:26,142
Those guys
wouldn't give those up
337
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:27,752
without an order
or a fight.
338
00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,841
What's the big deal
about a harmonica?
339
00:15:29,885 --> 00:15:31,974
Did you ever try jumping
from foxhole to foxhole
340
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:33,367
with a tuba in your pocket?
341
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,890
All right. So who do we know
342
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,718
with a little extra muscle
in a combat unit?
343
00:15:36,761 --> 00:15:38,938
[Charles yelling]
344
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:42,419
Well, a major, who shall
remain shoeless,
345
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:45,074
holds the career of
a certain infantry commander
346
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,510
in the palm of his hand.
347
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,382
Are you kidding?
Major Winchester
348
00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:50,993
is not about to ask
Finch for a favor.
349
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:53,561
So who needs Winchester?
350
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,171
[imitating Charles]
And I am sure,
351
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:57,652
my pugnacious Major Finch,
352
00:15:57,695 --> 00:16:00,176
that you are cognizant
that a military tribunal
353
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:04,050
does not look favorably
upon the felonious assault
of an officer!
354
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:06,748
I think I hurt my tongue.
355
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:09,620
Of course I plan
to press charges!
356
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:12,014
Your pugilistic exhibition
357
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:14,103
was both lugubrious
and sedacious.
358
00:16:14,147 --> 00:16:15,713
"Sedacious"?
359
00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:17,237
I just made that up.
What does he know?
360
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,804
I intend to demand
the gallows!
361
00:16:19,848 --> 00:16:21,806
Hey, can you do
Jimmy Stewart?
362
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:26,289
Reconsider?
Reconsider?
363
00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:28,813
You must be crazed.
364
00:16:28,857 --> 00:16:31,991
However, now that
you've broached the subject,
365
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:35,733
there is one thing that
could secure your freedom.
366
00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:39,346
I want an harmonica.
367
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:42,827
You heard me!
An harmonica.
368
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:46,396
If you can't locate one
in your unit, look elsewhere.
369
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,051
You have 24 hours. 'kyou.
370
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:51,358
Bravo!
371
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:53,664
-Terrific!
-Gentlemen.
372
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:59,540
And let's see. This goes
around under here, and then...
373
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:03,152
There is man who strike
Major Winchester.
374
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:06,547
Ah. Would you folks
string along without me
for a minute?
375
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:09,898
Major Finch, I'm
Major Winchester's
associate,
376
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:11,987
Captain Hunnicutt.
Did you bring
the harmonica?
377
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,251
Well, yeah, I did,
but, uh, it wasn't easy.
378
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:18,385
That's great.
Major Winchester's
busy right now,
379
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:19,603
but I'll be sure he knows
you brought it.
380
00:17:19,647 --> 00:17:21,866
Thanks very much.
See you around.
381
00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:23,912
What's so important
about a crummy harmonica?
382
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,957
You just watch. Soon Chi.
383
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:28,047
Here's a little something
for you to play with.
384
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:35,576
Well, go on.
It's not gonna bite back.
385
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:40,972
♪♪
386
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:43,018
[speaking Korean]
387
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:45,629
This is
best medicine of all.
388
00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,544
-For me too.
-[clears throat] This means
389
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:49,590
I'm square with
Winchester, right?
390
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,983
Right. We appreciate
your bringing it.
391
00:17:52,027 --> 00:17:54,116
Consider the noose open
and the case closed.
392
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,813
Ah-ha-ha!
393
00:17:55,857 --> 00:17:58,903
So you've returned to the
scene of the crime, have you?
394
00:17:58,947 --> 00:17:59,991
Well, you've played
right into my hands,
395
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,167
you feisty little
pipsqueak.
396
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,429
This time I'm prepared!
397
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:03,473
Charles, it's okay.
It's okay.
398
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:04,909
Out of the way, Hunnicutt.
399
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,563
I can handle this
quite well, thank you.
400
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,696
-Major, I don't understand.
-Oh, of course not.
401
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:10,785
You came here expecting to see
your favorite punching bag
402
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:13,440
cowering in
a corner, whimpering,
didn't you, huh? Huh?
403
00:18:13,483 --> 00:18:15,224
Didn't you?
Let's step outside, Mac.
404
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:16,878
Look,
I don't want any trouble.
405
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:19,315
-He doesn't want any trouble.
-Of course not.
406
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,056
Not now that you see
my entire body
407
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,406
is a steel spring ready
to unleash the pent-up--
408
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,713
Oh, hell. Can you help me
with this? Thank you very much.
409
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,889
Pent-up fury of a dozen
common men. [yells]
410
00:18:27,932 --> 00:18:31,806
Let me give you
just a small sample of
what's in store for you.
411
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:34,722
[yells]
412
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,767
[growls]
413
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:40,031
At least I was drunk!
What the hell's your excuse?
414
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:41,772
[yelps]
415
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:46,647
Thanks, but no, thanks.
I'm fine.
416
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:49,215
Yeah. Well, in many countries,
anniversaries are celebrated
417
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:51,260
by sitting around
throwing darts.
418
00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:52,783
Come on. Let me take you
to the O Club.
419
00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,176
-I'll buy.
-Nah.
420
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,699
I'll even drink it for you.
421
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,136
Come on. One lousy drink.
422
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,528
How long are you
gonna sit and mope?
423
00:18:58,572 --> 00:18:59,921
Just till I get it right.
424
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:02,619
Hey, guys.
We're in for it now.
425
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:05,361
-HAWKEYE: What's the matter?
-Oh, it's a long, ugly story.
426
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,363
You know that harmonica
Major Finch got us?
427
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,322
Well, it seems he stole it
from one of his men.
428
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,801
So the guy got ticked off
429
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:12,890
and decided to press
charges against Finch.
430
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,979
So Finch claimed that
Winchester called him up
431
00:19:15,023 --> 00:19:16,372
and blackmailed him.
432
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:18,766
So I-Corps called
Colonel Potter,
433
00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:20,594
who in turn
called in Winchester,
434
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:23,162
who denied knowing anything
about the phone call.
435
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,208
So Potter says,
"If you didn't make
the phone call, who did?
436
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:29,472
Why am I asking?
Get Pierce and Hunnicutt
over here right now."
437
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,213
I knew things were
going too well.
438
00:19:31,257 --> 00:19:33,259
Colonel,
this is ridiculous.
439
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:37,306
-Surprise!
-Surprise!
440
00:19:37,350 --> 00:19:41,528
Hey, everybody, I really
appreciate the thought.
It's just that--
441
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:43,225
Beej, trust me.
442
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:44,835
This is not your average,
everyday anniversary party.
443
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:46,402
Come here.
444
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,709
I know you'd like to be
with the little woman today,
445
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,015
but that's something
we just couldn't pull off.
446
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:52,582
So we did
the next best thing.
447
00:19:52,626 --> 00:19:54,018
Please, B.J., have a seat.
448
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:56,673
-Come on.
-Come on.
449
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:59,241
-You all set here, Winchester?
-Roger, Colonel.
450
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:00,199
Klinger, lights.
451
00:20:02,679 --> 00:20:04,855
[projector whirring]
452
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,211
PEG: Hi, darling.
453
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,908
More than anything,
454
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:15,605
I wish we could be
together today.
455
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:17,520
And I know
you feel the same.
456
00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:20,001
Your wonderful friends
obviously know, too.
457
00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:23,004
-So with the help of Dad--
-Did we surprise you?
458
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,353
...rented equipment,
459
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:25,659
and a little tape recording
460
00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:27,008
Hawkeye sent me,
461
00:20:27,051 --> 00:20:28,488
here's how this day might be
462
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:29,750
if you were here.
463
00:20:29,793 --> 00:20:33,101
MARGARET:
Oh, isn't she adorable?
464
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:35,843
B.J.: Peg's always up first,
changing Erin, nursing her.
465
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:38,846
-Got ya, huh?
-Except now she's on
regular food.
466
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:41,718
I can't believe
it's almost a year.
467
00:20:41,762 --> 00:20:42,937
MARGARET: Darling.
468
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,682
HAWKEYE: Hello, Erin.
469
00:20:48,725 --> 00:20:50,466
-Hi, baby.
-[Margaret laughs]
470
00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:56,472
I go downstairs,
and Peg pours me
a damn cup of coffee,
471
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:58,561
-and I drink it.
-[laughter]
472
00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:00,824
Sometimes, if I close my eyes
and think hard enough,
473
00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:03,087
I can picture Peg
and Erin so clear,
474
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:05,916
it's almost like
I'm back home.
475
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,091
-MARGARET: Oh, B.J.
-[Hawkeye laughs]
476
00:21:07,135 --> 00:21:09,485
MARGARET: Ohh! [chuckling]
477
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:12,532
-HAWKEYE: Look at that face!
-MARGARET: Isn't she darling?
478
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:15,056
Just seeing Peg
give her a bath,
479
00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:18,102
watching her blow the little
bubbles off her hand.
480
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:20,844
MARGARET:
B.J., she's adorable.
481
00:21:20,888 --> 00:21:22,846
Oh.
482
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,718
After we put Erin to bed,
483
00:21:24,761 --> 00:21:26,285
the rest of the evening
would belong to us.
484
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:32,813
Peg would put on
her very best dress.
485
00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:36,599
I'd be waiting for her
at the bottom of the stairs.
486
00:21:36,643 --> 00:21:38,209
HAWKEYE:
Where would you eat?
487
00:21:38,253 --> 00:21:41,343
B.J.: Little place
in Sausalito, maybe.
488
00:21:41,387 --> 00:21:43,258
Better still,
a candlelight dinner at home.
489
00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:51,745
PEG: Then we'd dance and talk
and hold each other.
490
00:21:51,788 --> 00:21:53,616
B.J., I know that
some film and tape
491
00:21:53,660 --> 00:21:55,792
can't actually replace
the real thing.
492
00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:58,142
but this particular
anniversary
493
00:21:58,186 --> 00:22:00,536
will always be special to me.
494
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:02,103
Don't be sad, darling.
495
00:22:02,146 --> 00:22:04,235
Even though
I can't be with you,
496
00:22:04,279 --> 00:22:05,933
the thought of you
497
00:22:05,976 --> 00:22:08,283
and the love I hear
in your voice
498
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,241
makes me realize
how wonderful it'll be
499
00:22:10,285 --> 00:22:12,418
when we're together again.
500
00:22:12,461 --> 00:22:16,944
10,000 miles can never
separate us from
the love we share.
501
00:22:16,987 --> 00:22:18,685
Happy anniversary, darling.
502
00:22:18,728 --> 00:22:20,817
[mouthing words]
503
00:22:34,004 --> 00:22:35,266
All right, son.
504
00:22:35,310 --> 00:22:37,573
Play it the way
I taught you.
505
00:22:41,534 --> 00:22:44,058
♪♪ ["Anniversary Waltz"]
506
00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:49,280
B.J., I know I'm not Peg,
but will I do?
507
00:23:03,556 --> 00:23:06,472
♪♪ [continues]
508
00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:31,497
-Good-bye, doctor.
-Good-bye.
509
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:33,281
Soon Chi and I
will always be grateful.
510
00:23:33,324 --> 00:23:35,239
You're more than welcome.
You and Soon Chi
511
00:23:35,283 --> 00:23:37,416
brought a little sunshine
and music into our lives.
512
00:23:39,505 --> 00:23:42,508
-[whispering]
-Oh.
513
00:23:42,551 --> 00:23:45,336
Oh-ho-ho!
Thank you! Thank you!
514
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:48,078
You have a good trip
home now. [chuckles]
515
00:23:48,122 --> 00:23:50,603
-Just a minute.
-Excuse me, Dr. Puny.
516
00:23:50,646 --> 00:23:51,604
Oh-ho.
517
00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:58,088
Uh, hold on there, fellas.
Let me have a crack at it.
518
00:23:58,132 --> 00:23:59,481
[yells]
519
00:24:02,092 --> 00:24:03,659
You study with Key Yong?
520
00:24:03,703 --> 00:24:06,270
Nope. I learned that from
a mule I once owned.
521
00:24:07,533 --> 00:24:09,839
♪♪ [theme]
522
00:24:18,935 --> 00:24:20,937
♪♪ [theme]
40262
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.