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00:00:01,566 --> 00:00:04,221
♪♪ [theme]
2
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You look like you just shot
the rapids in a Dixie cup.
3
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:05,021
Go grab some sack time.
4
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,068
I'd love to, sir,
but something keeps
nagging at me.
5
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,330
Father,
did you ever feel
6
00:01:09,373 --> 00:01:10,940
that there was something
real important
7
00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:12,333
that you forgot to do?
8
00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,335
Once, in the middle
of a sermon,
9
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:18,121
I forgot the words
to the 23rd Psalm.
10
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,167
Or was it the 22nd Psalm?
11
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:23,518
I got kicked out of Texas
because I forgot the Alamo.
12
00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:25,607
I wish I could
forget my appetite.
13
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:29,045
I'm so hungry I could
eat a powdered horse.
14
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,612
I'll tell you what I forgot.
15
00:01:30,655 --> 00:01:33,354
I left the surgical
reports in the scrub room.
16
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:34,659
I'll get em for you,
Hawk.
17
00:01:34,703 --> 00:01:36,183
I was gonna skip
breakfast anyway.
18
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:38,707
I don't have
the energy to gag.
19
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,274
I'm gonna go eat.
20
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:43,015
Any other volunteers
for this suicide mission?
21
00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:45,975
Not I. I'm going to dine
alone in my tent.
22
00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:47,803
Mildred sent me
some Wheatena.
23
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,718
-[crash]
-Aah!
24
00:01:49,761 --> 00:01:51,807
CHARLES:
Klinger, you idiot!
25
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:53,504
Oh, boy. Now I remember.
26
00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:55,680
I left the towel hamper
blocking the aisle.
27
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,161
You scatterbrained sloth!
28
00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,771
Once again, you have proven
29
00:01:59,815 --> 00:02:02,209
that the simplest task
is far too complex for you.
30
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:03,862
-But--
-Don't say "but."
31
00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:05,908
It exhausts
half your vocabulary.
32
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:08,476
Get back in there and finish
your job, you goldbrick.
33
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:11,435
Hold on to your
Fruit of the Looms, Major.
34
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:13,568
Just because you took
a header on the hopper
35
00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,178
is no reason
to chew out the boy.
36
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:17,049
Give him a break, Chuckie.
37
00:02:17,093 --> 00:02:18,964
He's been busting his butt
in the O.R. all night long.
38
00:02:19,008 --> 00:02:22,098
If I performed with the
competence of this dromedary,
39
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,839
I would be known
in medical circles
40
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,667
as Charles the Ripper.
41
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:29,018
Since you have proven incapable
of functioning by yourself,
42
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,934
I shall supervise.
Come, crumb.
43
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:33,370
POTTER: Steady there, Major.
44
00:02:33,414 --> 00:02:36,765
Don't you go
exceeding my authority.
45
00:02:36,808 --> 00:02:39,594
It's okay, Colonel.
He's rotten, but he's right.
46
00:02:39,637 --> 00:02:42,074
I screwed up,
and I gotta finish my job.
47
00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,990
Uh. Uh.
48
00:02:45,034 --> 00:02:47,254
You know, you gotta
give Winchester credit.
49
00:02:47,297 --> 00:02:48,255
Yeah?
50
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:49,734
He's bright, educated,
51
00:02:49,778 --> 00:02:51,432
and an A1 surgeon.
52
00:02:51,475 --> 00:02:55,044
And with all that,
he still found room
to be a total jerk.
53
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:56,437
That's a good little soldier.
54
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,135
Pick them all up and put
them into the hamper.
55
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,050
Major, I don't need
a towel tutor.
56
00:03:01,093 --> 00:03:03,052
You need a breathing tutor.
57
00:03:03,095 --> 00:03:06,142
[chuckles]
And what is this doing here?
58
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:08,318
Do I detect your
fine hand in this too?
59
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:10,407
Major Houlihan told me
to put it there.
60
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:12,017
Oh, well, I can understand
61
00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:13,454
your misinterpreting
her instructions.
62
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,891
She probably gave them
to you in words.
63
00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:18,067
This belongs over here.
64
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:20,200
[electric buzzing]
65
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:21,940
And how did you
manage that one?
66
00:03:21,984 --> 00:03:23,333
It's the generator.
67
00:03:23,377 --> 00:03:24,421
[hissing]
68
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,162
Get away
from the autoclave!
69
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,034
Don't tell me what to do,
you impertinent-- Aah!
70
00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,427
Hey, what's with the lights--
71
00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:36,738
What in blazes?
Hunnicutt, you all right?
72
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:39,131
Oh, boy.
73
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:40,655
My insides
are pure milk shake,
74
00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,265
but I seem to be
in one piece.
75
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:43,658
How about them?
Are they okay?
76
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:45,529
You just go back to
the Swamp and lay down.
77
00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,749
I'll tend to these two.
78
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,968
-[B.J. groans]
-You okay?
79
00:03:50,012 --> 00:03:52,449
Uh, miraculously,
I believe so.
80
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:53,624
What happened?
81
00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:54,973
When the generator cut out,
82
00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:56,845
this gizmo must have
built up enough pressure
83
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,499
to toss its top.
84
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,240
I might have been killed.
85
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,633
Merciful heavens,
Klinger saved my life--
86
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,333
Oh, my God. Klinger.
Say it isn't so.
87
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,291
Just let him live.
I swear I shall not rest
88
00:04:08,335 --> 00:04:10,424
until my debt to him
has been repaid in full.
89
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,729
Your prayers have been
answered, Major.
90
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,601
Take it easy, son.
Your head hurt?
91
00:04:13,644 --> 00:04:16,386
Ohh! Just where
it's hooked to my nose.
92
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:19,346
-Let's have a look-see.
-Ohh! Ahh!
93
00:04:19,389 --> 00:04:21,435
Max. Max.
Thank you. Thank you.
94
00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:23,437
You saved my life.
I'll never forget it.
95
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,177
Looks like that blast
put the old honker
96
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:26,483
out of commission, Klinger.
97
00:04:26,527 --> 00:04:28,442
-Oh, my. Nose broken?
-Most likely.
98
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,661
First thing we gotta do
is have your head X-rayed,
99
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:32,794
and let's hope there's nothing
more busted than that beak.
100
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,404
Oh, it hurts like hell.
101
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,841
-Let me help you up here.
-Nice and slow, son.
102
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:39,061
Easy, Max. Fear not.
103
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:41,368
I shall personally see
to your well-being.
104
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:43,805
-Are you feeling dizzy?
-No, no. Just my nose.
105
00:04:43,848 --> 00:04:46,111
Will it look the same?
106
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,070
If that's what you want,
107
00:04:48,113 --> 00:04:50,638
your proboscis will soar
majestically as ever before.
108
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,509
Major, your hands are shaking
109
00:04:52,553 --> 00:04:54,468
like a hula dancer
with the hiccups.
110
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:57,297
-What say I handle this?
-Uh, perhaps you're right.
111
00:04:57,340 --> 00:05:00,169
Max, we gotta go
and get those X-rays now.
112
00:05:00,212 --> 00:05:02,998
I just hope
we have a wide-angle
lens for that schnoz.
113
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:06,088
-Ohh! Ohh!
-Easy. Easy. Easy.
114
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,611
So Charles is fine,
115
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:09,918
but Klinger has damage
to over 50% of his body.
116
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,703
-He broke his nose.
-Oh, poor guy.
117
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,096
I'll tell you,
I walked in there,
118
00:05:14,139 --> 00:05:15,880
next thing I knew,
I'm flat on my back.
119
00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:17,752
Look, Beej, I'm really
sorry about this.
120
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:19,144
Don't worry about it.
It's all right.
121
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:21,538
I just got a hell
of a whack on the arm.
122
00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:24,715
-I'm gonna get you
an ice pack.
-No, it's okay.
123
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,282
Well, just to be
on the safe side,
124
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,718
let me give you
an insurance exam.
125
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:29,720
-No. All I need is some rest.
-You sure?
126
00:05:29,764 --> 00:05:32,506
-I'm sure.
-Okay. If you're sure.
127
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,377
Good night, Mom.
128
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:42,254
-There.
-Here we are, Max.
Home, sweet home.
129
00:05:42,298 --> 00:05:44,387
I'm all right, Major.
I could've walked.
130
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,216
You might as well enjoy
the rickshaw ride, Klinger.
131
00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,391
Boy, you sure earned it.
132
00:05:48,435 --> 00:05:49,827
Indeed you did.
133
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,047
Well, Max,
here's your beddy-bye.
134
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:54,223
Thanks again, Major.
I can take it from here.
135
00:05:54,266 --> 00:05:57,574
Nonsense. Do not
strain yourself.
Here, take my arm.
136
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:59,924
-Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
-There we are.
137
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,230
Swing your feet.
138
00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:04,407
Here, let me--
let me tuck you in.
139
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,279
There we are.
Everything hunky-dory?
140
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:09,281
As long
as I don't sneeze.
141
00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,457
You just take it easy.
142
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:11,762
I'll see
if there's somebody
143
00:06:11,806 --> 00:06:13,285
floating around
in the typing pool
144
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:15,375
we can use as a clerk
pro tem.
145
00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:18,116
Perish the thought.
The very least I can do
146
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:19,596
is perform
this noble lad's duties
147
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,032
whilst he's on the mend.
148
00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,034
Well, that's mighty
Samaritan of you, Major,
149
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:25,123
but I don't see you
as the typing type.
150
00:06:25,167 --> 00:06:26,647
Ha! Colonel,
you're just saying that
151
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,736
because you think
clerking is beneath me.
152
00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:31,129
Well, it is, but I insist.
153
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:34,306
Hmm. Well, seeing as
how it's Klinger 1,
Winchester nothing,
154
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:37,048
I suppose I ought to give you
a chance to even the score.
155
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:39,050
-Do you take shorthand?
-Of course not.
156
00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:41,096
-Do you know the filing system?
-Bite your tongue.
157
00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:43,141
-Can you make coffee?
-In an emergency.
158
00:06:43,185 --> 00:06:46,971
You just left
Klinger in the dust.
The job is yours.
159
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:49,626
Remember, my dear Max,
160
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,803
from this moment on,
I am at your beck and call.
161
00:06:52,847 --> 00:06:54,718
I appreciate that, Major.
162
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,765
Please, call me Charles.
163
00:06:57,808 --> 00:07:01,421
Now, what can I do for you?
164
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:04,685
Nothing, Charles.
I'm okay.
165
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:07,731
No, now I insist.
Anything you want.
166
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:09,080
Anything?
167
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:11,300
Yes, yes. Anything.
168
00:07:11,343 --> 00:07:12,867
Nah, nah. Nah.
169
00:07:12,910 --> 00:07:14,782
No. Now, Max, tell me.
170
00:07:14,825 --> 00:07:17,088
Say it. Say it.
171
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:21,136
Well, if you're sure
it's not too much trouble,
172
00:07:21,179 --> 00:07:23,138
-a little tea would be nice.
-Tea?
173
00:07:23,181 --> 00:07:25,140
-Yeah.
-Trouble?
174
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,838
If I had to,
I would sail to Ceylon.
175
00:07:27,882 --> 00:07:29,623
I'd love a drop of honey.
176
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,929
But, darn, there's
probably none here.
177
00:07:31,973 --> 00:07:33,670
Hah! Honey is no object.
178
00:07:33,714 --> 00:07:36,673
I shall milk the finest
bees in all Korea.
179
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:41,504
Well, how about that?
180
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:46,509
Every broken nose
has a silver lining.
181
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:47,728
[clears throat]
182
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,906
-How are you feeling?
-Huh?
183
00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:54,082
Don't tell me you've
been here all this time.
184
00:07:54,125 --> 00:07:56,432
No, of course not.
I did lots of stuff.
185
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,955
I paced,
I read a magazine,
186
00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,435
I went out and got
my doctor bag
187
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:00,654
so I can examine you.
188
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,090
Hawk, I'm okay.
If I want an exam,
189
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:03,657
I'll call
for an appointment.
190
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,485
Okay, if you say
it's good, it's good.
191
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:06,834
-How's the boy?
-It's not good.
192
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,705
He won't let me
examine him.
193
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,707
Can't you command him
to present arms and legs
194
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:12,274
and everything
they're attached to?
195
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:13,884
Sounds sensible to me.
196
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:15,799
What's next?
Did I eat my vegetables?
197
00:08:15,843 --> 00:08:19,150
Look, this is me walking,
talking, drinking,
198
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:20,543
as in alive and well.
199
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,328
I came through without
a scratch. I'm fine.
200
00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:25,156
So here's to my
perfectly good health.
201
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,114
[glass shatters]
202
00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:31,467
Okay, so it's a little sore.
203
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,122
Hunnicutt, I think we should
take some pictures of that arm
204
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,776
and get the inside story.
205
00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:37,212
Colonel, I'm a little shaky.
Wouldn't you be?
206
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,866
Beej, don't be stupid.
207
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,520
You may have something wrong
with that arm. Come on.
208
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:44,436
Now will you
believe me?
209
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:45,829
I have to admit it.
There's nothing here.
210
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:48,092
Apparently, just
a soft-tissue injury.
211
00:08:48,136 --> 00:08:50,051
So I would appreciate it
if you two would find
212
00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,532
somebody sick to worry
about. Good-bye.
213
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,577
I haven't been
told off like that
214
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:56,057
since I waxed
the La Salle
215
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,885
with Mildred's
new pedal pushers.
216
00:08:57,928 --> 00:08:59,321
I'm still not sold.
217
00:08:59,364 --> 00:09:01,149
B.J. Hunnicutt doesn't
drop a martini glass
218
00:09:01,192 --> 00:09:03,151
unless his 10th martini
is in it.
219
00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:04,718
Pierce, your hand
would be shaking too
220
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:06,458
if you'd just come
within a whisker
221
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:09,157
of having your mail
forwarded to kingdom come.
222
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:11,159
Now just relax.
He's feeling no pain,
223
00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,335
and this black and white
shows he's in the pink.
224
00:09:13,378 --> 00:09:15,424
Wish I were as certain
about it as you are.
225
00:09:15,467 --> 00:09:17,382
I tell you what,
let's give him a day's rest.
226
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:19,123
I'll call I-Corps
and get a sub.
227
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,648
Hunnicutt just needs
to be left alone.
228
00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:23,650
Oh, I think he needs
more than that.
229
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,129
And you can help out
by not butting in.
230
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,001
Fine. Okay.
231
00:09:27,044 --> 00:09:30,352
♪♪ [Humming "Anvil Chorus"]
232
00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:37,054
♪ Ba dum dum
233
00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,841
Finis. I have completed
234
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,669
the daily reports,
the weekly report,
235
00:09:42,712 --> 00:09:44,627
swept the office,
and emptied the trash.
236
00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,498
Had you a cat,
he would now be out.
237
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,109
Terrific, Charles.
238
00:09:48,152 --> 00:09:49,850
Are you sure you don't
want any of my dinner?
239
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:51,982
This stuff is really
pretty good when you
can't smell it.
240
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,636
No, thank you, Max.
241
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,421
Oh, the hour is rather late,
so if there's nothing else,
242
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:58,554
I think I'll
take your tray and retire.
243
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,383
What more could I ask for?
Good night, Charles.
244
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:02,602
Good night, sweet prince.
245
00:10:02,645 --> 00:10:05,126
-Oh, wait.
-Yes, Max?
246
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:07,868
You really don't have
to bring me breakfast
in the morning.
247
00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:09,565
Max, you must eat.
248
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:12,002
Oh, yeah, I suppose
that is true, yes.
249
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,613
Well, if I'm able.
250
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:15,310
Of course it's true,
and of course you are able.
251
00:10:15,353 --> 00:10:18,052
And I have memorized
your order down
to the last crumb.
252
00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:19,531
That's wonderful.
253
00:10:19,575 --> 00:10:21,098
Even the part about
the three-minute eggs?
254
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:22,230
Yes.
255
00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:23,666
And the lightly
buttered toast?
256
00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,668
Yes. With the crusts
trimmed off, huh?
257
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:26,756
You are far
too good to me.
258
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,671
I will hear
no more of that.
259
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:31,021
A Winchester
always repays a debt,
260
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:33,502
especially a debt of honor.
261
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:36,070
-Good night, Max.
-One more thing, Charles.
262
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:38,550
-Yes, Max?
-No. No, forget it.
263
00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:39,682
No, what is it?
264
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,250
Well--Well, I--
265
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:44,905
I think it would really
boost my spirits
266
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:47,690
if you read me
a bedtime story.
267
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,606
Aren't you just a tad old
for fairy tales?
268
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:54,697
Fairy tales, hell.
This is for adults only.
269
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,873
I, the Jury,
by Mickey Spillane.
270
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:58,614
I traded a dozen cigars
for that.
271
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,702
Just read
the underlined parts.
272
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:03,140
M-Ma--
273
00:11:03,184 --> 00:11:04,751
"I kissed her hard.
274
00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:07,884
I knew I was hurting her,
but she didn't pull away."
275
00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:09,886
Yeah? Yeah?
276
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:11,932
Gee, Max, my eyes
are so, uh, tired.
277
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:15,022
How about a game of checkers
or a fast game of Go Fish or--
278
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:18,025
A game is fine if you
don't want to read to me.
279
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,766
It's just that I find it
so heartwarming
280
00:11:19,809 --> 00:11:22,856
to hear your voice
ringing out vibrantly
281
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:27,904
after you came so close to
being, shall we say, dead.
282
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,443
"Chapter 1."
283
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:53,408
Comfy?
284
00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:58,065
"I shook the rain from my hat
and walked into the room."
285
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:00,850
"Nobody said a word."
286
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,419
Who's the company
clerk here?
287
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:06,029
-He is.
-Oh.
288
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:07,509
You ordered
a replacement surgeon.
289
00:12:07,552 --> 00:12:09,076
I'm Dr. Norman Traeger.
290
00:12:09,119 --> 00:12:12,122
Ah, it's a pleasure
to meet you, sir.
291
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,777
Dr. Charles Emerson Winchester,
Harvard and Mass General.
292
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:16,779
He makes a great
cup of coffee too.
293
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:18,085
How can you be
a company clerk
294
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:19,347
and a doctor
at the same time?
295
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,914
-Long story.
-I'm sure it is.
296
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,393
But right now I'm
looking for your C.O.
297
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:24,265
Of course you are.
298
00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,006
Well, you'll never
find Colonel Potter's
tent by yourself,
299
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,138
and I'd be derelict in my
duties if I didn't show you.
300
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,140
What about my story?
301
00:12:30,184 --> 00:12:31,881
Oh, gee, Max,
302
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:34,144
I hate to put a book down
mid-death sentence,
303
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:37,365
but I am, after all,
just another working stiff.
304
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:40,629
I understand perfectly, Major.
305
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:43,501
-Come along, doctor.
-Right. Don't forget my bags.
306
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:44,459
What?
307
00:12:45,721 --> 00:12:46,853
Of course.
308
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:49,290
Then you can go on
to sleep, Charles.
309
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:50,726
I'll be fine.
310
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,076
-Good.
-[moaning]
311
00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:57,037
Back in 10 minutes, Max.
312
00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:03,130
I don't need a replacement.
313
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:05,045
Take it easy, son.
It's only temporary.
314
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:06,742
We thought it'd be
a good idea.
315
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,265
We? You were
part of this?
316
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:09,310
Well, sort of.
317
00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:11,442
This is ridiculous.
318
00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,227
Calm down, Hunnicutt.
Doctor, go ahead.
319
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:15,185
Okay, let me have
a look at that arm.
320
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,578
Excuse me, doctor.
321
00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:19,363
Oh, excuse me,
doctor. Sorry.
322
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,235
Uh, would you
fill in the fill-in
323
00:13:21,278 --> 00:13:23,106
on who's chief surgeon
around here?
324
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,281
Now what's going on?
325
00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:25,587
If you didn't
want a specialist,
326
00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:27,067
why'd you send for me?
327
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,069
-A specialist?
-Oh, did I forget to mention
328
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:32,202
that I figured as long
as we need a replacement
for Hunnicutt,
329
00:13:32,246 --> 00:13:33,987
it'd be a good idea
to get somebody
330
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,684
who could take care
of him too?
331
00:13:35,727 --> 00:13:37,512
So I called Tokyo General.
332
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:40,341
Well, excuse me.
I'm B.J.'s doctor.
333
00:13:40,384 --> 00:13:41,908
I don't like your
going behind my back.
334
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:44,040
Come now, Doctor.
You're a professional.
335
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:46,303
Surely you see the sense
of bringing in an expert.
336
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:47,739
Wait a minute! Hold it!
337
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:49,306
Hold it, all of you.
I don't need any expert.
338
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:50,742
I don't need an amateur.
339
00:13:50,786 --> 00:13:52,222
I'm a doctor.
I don't even need me.
340
00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,311
Now why don't you all
just get off my back?
341
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,966
Hold your horses
and your tongues.
342
00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:59,055
Seems to be a wee
bit of confusion
343
00:13:59,099 --> 00:14:02,145
as to who's playing what part
in this little service comedy.
344
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,278
Let me see if I got
the roles right.
345
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,236
Playing the injured party,
B. J. Hunnicutt.
346
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,324
Playing the friend--
347
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:09,152
a real strong, silenttype--
348
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,893
Hawkeye Pierce.
349
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:13,330
And in a special guest
appearance as the handyman,
350
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:14,854
Dr. Norm Traeger.
351
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:18,509
Dominating the screen
as your leading man,
352
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,860
Colonel Sherman Potter.
353
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:25,647
Now, scene 1, the examination.
Dr. Traeger, action.
354
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,693
All right, come on.
355
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:30,086
Why don't you all
just leave me alone?
356
00:14:30,130 --> 00:14:32,915
Cut! Hunnicutt, this is
the part where you say
357
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:36,963
"Boy, I'm sure glad you
showed up. Here's my arm."
358
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,148
How's that feel?
359
00:14:48,191 --> 00:14:49,845
It's nothing. Really.
360
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:51,499
I don't suppose
you had it X-rayed?
361
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:52,979
You suppose wrong.
We did.
362
00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:54,502
And we didn't find anything.
363
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,547
Maybe you people
didn't find anything.
364
00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:59,072
Well, just a second.
365
00:14:59,115 --> 00:15:01,639
I'm not some kid
with a toy doctor kit.
366
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,598
I'm an M.D., just like you.
367
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:05,600
-Oh, really? Really?
-Yeah.
368
00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:07,950
Well, have you been, uh,
handling this type of case
369
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,691
for the past 20 years
in private practice?
370
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,867
Doesn't matter.
Since I got here,
371
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,390
I've had about 20 years'
experience
372
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:15,697
in private practice,
corporal practice,
373
00:15:15,740 --> 00:15:17,525
and just plain
major surgery.
374
00:15:17,568 --> 00:15:19,396
If it moves,
I operate on it.
375
00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,355
Maybe. But at any hospital
back in the States,
376
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,270
you'd be fresh
out of residency.
377
00:15:23,313 --> 00:15:25,185
Whoa! This is still
a Potter production,
378
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,448
and I don't want
any prima donnas in it.
379
00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:29,406
This must be a movie.
It can't be for real.
380
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:31,278
Doctor, seeing as you're
gonna be a member
381
00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:33,019
of this medicine show
for a while,
382
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,716
perhaps I should mention
383
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:37,414
that I put a lot of stock
in the word "cooperation."
384
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,199
Well, you'll have to
bear with me, Colonel.
385
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,636
It isn't easy being
the world's oldest draftee.
386
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:43,594
Besides, at home,
I used to give the orders.
387
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:44,987
Oh, the injustice
of it all.
388
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,510
I begged them
to let me come over here.
389
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:48,686
Now don't start up again.
390
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:52,386
Put your mongoose and cobra
act in separate cages.
391
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:55,128
Traeger, you can use
the VIP tent.
392
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,347
Very Important Physician.
393
00:15:57,391 --> 00:15:58,827
I'll have a look
at those X-rays,
394
00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,394
and meantime
you get some rest.
395
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,439
X-rays and rest.
Boy, I tell you,
396
00:16:02,483 --> 00:16:04,876
I stand humbled in
the presence of greatness.
397
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,530
I was gonna bleed him
with leeches.
398
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:08,010
Button it, Pierce.
399
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:10,360
I'll stop by tomorrow.
400
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,101
Don't worry.
I'm not going anywhere.
401
00:16:12,145 --> 00:16:13,668
That's the spirit.
402
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:16,192
It's all gonna
work out hunky-dory.
403
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:19,195
I love happy endings.
404
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,508
[rattling]
405
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:28,813
[clatter]
406
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:35,255
[tooting "Reveille"]
407
00:16:35,298 --> 00:16:38,562
-Huh?
-Oh, morning, Uncle Chuck.
408
00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:40,042
Oh, you shouldn't
sleep in a chair.
409
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,348
That's bad for your back.
410
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,828
I had no intention
of sleeping here.
411
00:16:43,872 --> 00:16:46,831
While reading your book,
I was overcome by ennui.
412
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:48,790
Gotcha. That stuff
makes me hot too.
413
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,444
You can finish it later.
414
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:52,098
Right now, I don't want
you to miss breakfast.
415
00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:55,014
Oh, no, Max, thank you.
I'm not hungry.
416
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:56,754
Well, I am.
And I know how much
417
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:58,713
that means to you
to bring it to me.
418
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:03,109
Yes. You-- Good.
Good hearty appetite returning.
419
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,198
First signpost
on the road to recovery.
420
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,069
Right you are, Major.
Believe me,
421
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,157
I'm not the kind of guy
422
00:17:08,201 --> 00:17:09,680
who can lay around
here forever.
423
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,117
If after two or three
weeks of this,
424
00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:12,640
if I'm not feeling better,
425
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,076
it's up and at 'em,
irregardless.
426
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,295
Most admirable, Max.
427
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:17,297
But for today,
after breakfast in bunk,
428
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:18,820
maybe you can wheel me
over to the club
to throw some darts.
429
00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,778
-What?
-Throw darts.
430
00:17:20,822 --> 00:17:23,129
Of course a brainy guy like
you might find that boring,
431
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:25,174
and I wouldn't dream
of asking you to stay.
432
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:27,698
So feel free
to come back here.
433
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:31,615
Maybe inventory supplies,
even varnish the floor.
434
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:33,791
Max,
435
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,663
there is a fine line
436
00:17:35,706 --> 00:17:39,406
between Good Samaritan
and abused toady.
437
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:43,279
At the moment, I am
teetering on the precipice.
438
00:17:43,323 --> 00:17:47,414
You are absolutely right.
I'm a fair man.
439
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:49,416
The floor can wait
till tomorrow.
440
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:07,216
MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, all personnel.
Attention, all personnel.
441
00:18:07,260 --> 00:18:09,131
We've got people
coming in, folks,
442
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,394
with more wounded
than their pride.
443
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:14,267
-Let's go! As in now!
-[helicopter approaching]
444
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,704
[chattering]
445
00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:18,706
[sighs]
446
00:18:23,014 --> 00:18:24,233
How're you doing?
447
00:18:24,277 --> 00:18:26,670
Fine. Fine. Let's get going.
448
00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:34,722
Good morning. They woke me up
just in time for the nightmare.
449
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:37,420
You and me both. How come
you brought your worse half?
450
00:18:37,464 --> 00:18:38,508
I thought I benched you.
451
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:39,770
I may not be able
to do surgery,
452
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,163
but I can still
lend a hand.
453
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:42,512
Well, if you're sure
you're up to it,
454
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:43,774
get over to pre-op.
455
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:44,819
Okay.
456
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,342
I hope they have my size.
457
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:50,041
I'm tired of looking
like a house painter.
458
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,174
Charles, why is it your
clothes look slept in
459
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:53,741
and your bed doesn't?
460
00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:56,526
Because I was up all night
with a sick friend.
461
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:58,137
Is this the same friend
462
00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:01,618
to whom you pledged eternal
gratitude just yesterday?
463
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:04,404
Colonel, it seems like
an eternity since yesterday.
464
00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:06,406
-Oh, good morning, doctor.
-Good morning, Colonel.
465
00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:07,842
Anything you need,
just holler.
466
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:09,887
Thank you. Judging from
the size of this place,
467
00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:12,368
I think I should be able
to find my way around
pretty well.
468
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:14,805
Uh, you, uh, haven't been
to a MASH unit before,
469
00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:16,503
so let me give you
a little rundown.
470
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:17,982
The scrub suits
are on the table,
471
00:19:18,026 --> 00:19:19,506
the masks are on the shelf,
472
00:19:19,549 --> 00:19:20,855
and I am in charge.
473
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:22,465
Well, how fitting.
474
00:19:22,509 --> 00:19:24,641
You're a perfect match
for these crude surroundings.
475
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,252
-Yeah, well, wait, wait,
-Uh, look,
476
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:28,297
there's gonna be
enough blood in there
477
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:31,039
without you two at
each other's throats again.
478
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,997
Oh, don't worry
about me, Colonel.
479
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:36,349
I'm a very easy man
to work for.
480
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:39,003
-TRAEGER: Suction.
-Suction, doctor.
481
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:41,049
POTTER: How goes
the battle, Traeger?
482
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,094
This guy's belly
looks like spaghetti.
483
00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:45,140
That's why they call us
meatball surgeons.
484
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,142
Not like a day
at the office, is it?
485
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,493
No. But it's nothing
I can't handle, Chief.
486
00:19:50,537 --> 00:19:53,017
CHARLES: Dr. Traeger,
you are obviously
an able surgeon,
487
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,324
which means
you're a terrible
disappointment to Pierce.
488
00:19:55,368 --> 00:19:57,196
Here you are. More gloves.
489
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:01,112
Max! How nice to see you up
and about and looking so well.
490
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:02,766
When lives
are in the balance,
491
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,203
a Klinger is always there,
492
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,987
no matter how great
the pain or injury,
493
00:20:06,030 --> 00:20:07,728
as you are well aware.
494
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:09,599
I'm sure I won't forget it
as long as you live.
495
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:11,166
Needless to say,
496
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,386
I'll be really beat
after this grueling session.
497
00:20:13,429 --> 00:20:15,605
Oh, it's such a load
off my mind
498
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:16,824
knowing that you'll
be here
499
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:18,129
to put away
the towel hamper
500
00:20:18,173 --> 00:20:22,351
so nobody
will trip over it.
501
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,353
I can't wait for his nose
to get better
502
00:20:24,397 --> 00:20:26,355
so that I can break it again.
503
00:20:26,399 --> 00:20:29,010
This one's next.
Get him inside right away.
504
00:20:31,621 --> 00:20:33,797
-Put some more
pressure on this.
-Yes, doctor.
505
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,625
He can wait.
506
00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:36,844
Sorry, doc.
507
00:20:41,414 --> 00:20:43,024
Could I have a corpsman
508
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:45,896
or a busboy
to clear the table?
509
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:47,811
Well, now that that kid's
stomach is tied up in knots,
510
00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,248
he'll be fine.
511
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,250
MARGARET:
Nice job, doctor.
512
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:53,904
It's hard to believe
this is your first time
in combat surgery.
513
00:20:53,948 --> 00:20:56,385
Surgery is surgery,
Major.
514
00:20:56,429 --> 00:20:57,560
Only where I come from,
515
00:20:57,604 --> 00:20:58,909
the patients
don't share a room
516
00:20:58,953 --> 00:21:00,389
until after the operation.
517
00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:02,739
[chuckles]
518
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,263
That takes care
of the shrapnel.
519
00:21:04,306 --> 00:21:05,786
Now let's see about this
resection.
520
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,918
Oh, you're right.
I'll get the Babcock clamps.
521
00:21:07,962 --> 00:21:10,094
Hold it a second, Traeger.
I better double check.
522
00:21:10,138 --> 00:21:12,401
Can't you keep your second
opinions to yourself?
523
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:14,273
Sorry, doctor.
There's a big difference
524
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:17,145
between a hospital zone
and a war zone.
525
00:21:17,188 --> 00:21:19,843
Shrapnel just loves
to play hide-and-seek.
526
00:21:19,887 --> 00:21:22,237
You gotta look real close.
Use your hands--
527
00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:23,760
up to your elbows
if necessary.
528
00:21:23,804 --> 00:21:26,197
Gee, I wish
I'd thought of that.
529
00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:28,678
Did you find anything?
530
00:21:28,722 --> 00:21:30,289
Where the hell's
my next patient?
531
00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:31,986
And give me
some fresh gloves.
532
00:21:32,029 --> 00:21:33,379
Who's next?
Let's go! Who's next?
533
00:21:33,422 --> 00:21:36,556
I think it better be me.
534
00:21:36,599 --> 00:21:38,775
Oh, God. Your hand looks
like it's seen a ghost.
535
00:21:38,819 --> 00:21:40,429
The fingers are numb.
536
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:41,517
What's with Hunnicutt?
537
00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:42,823
Pulse is diminished.
538
00:21:42,866 --> 00:21:44,607
Poor circulation
to his hand.
539
00:21:44,651 --> 00:21:46,609
I think he may have
a compartment hemorrhage.
540
00:21:46,653 --> 00:21:48,481
-Oh, boy.
-A way to find out fast
541
00:21:48,524 --> 00:21:51,614
is to lift that middle finger,
see how bad it hurts.
542
00:21:51,658 --> 00:21:53,529
Go on. You're just
following doctor's orders.
543
00:21:55,401 --> 00:21:57,141
-Ohh!
-MARGARET: Oh, God.
544
00:21:57,185 --> 00:21:59,143
That's a compartment
hemorrhage, all right.
545
00:21:59,187 --> 00:22:01,363
TRAEGER: That hand needs
to be operated on immediately
546
00:22:01,407 --> 00:22:02,756
or he's gonna lose
the use of it.
547
00:22:07,543 --> 00:22:09,328
Okay, Traeger, you got
a patient over there.
548
00:22:09,371 --> 00:22:11,460
-Well, what about this one?
-I'll take this one.
549
00:22:11,504 --> 00:22:13,375
I specialize
in meatball surgery.
550
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:15,377
Whatever you say, boss.
I just work here.
551
00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:18,467
POTTER:
Enough chitchat. Get cutting.
552
00:22:18,511 --> 00:22:20,469
Well, you're a lucky man.
553
00:22:20,513 --> 00:22:22,471
It seems your friend here
has finally decided
554
00:22:22,515 --> 00:22:23,777
who's the best man
for the job.
555
00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:25,213
You better watch
what you say, Traeger.
556
00:22:25,256 --> 00:22:26,606
I've still got one good hand.
557
00:22:31,045 --> 00:22:33,134
-That hurt?
-A little.
558
00:22:33,177 --> 00:22:34,657
That's all right,
that's all right.
559
00:22:34,701 --> 00:22:35,919
The color's
a lot better too.
560
00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:37,051
Flex it.
561
00:22:40,837 --> 00:22:43,187
Mm-hmm!
Oh, thanks a lot, doc.
562
00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:44,537
Congratulations, Beej.
563
00:22:44,580 --> 00:22:45,799
You're a two-fisted
drinker again.
564
00:22:45,842 --> 00:22:47,235
Hmm.
565
00:22:47,278 --> 00:22:48,671
You did a terrific job,
doctor.
566
00:22:48,715 --> 00:22:52,501
Of course I did.
What did you expect?
567
00:22:55,286 --> 00:22:57,027
I'm not an intern,
you know.
568
00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:01,771
Do you believe this guy?
569
00:23:01,815 --> 00:23:04,252
If you're that obnoxious,
you better be good.
570
00:23:04,295 --> 00:23:07,037
And, damn it, he is.
But he's still a jackass.
571
00:23:07,081 --> 00:23:10,171
[chuckling] I know
what I should have done.
572
00:23:10,214 --> 00:23:11,477
-What?
-I could have
really showed him.
573
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:12,869
Should have died
right there on the table.
574
00:23:12,913 --> 00:23:15,524
Ohh! Yeah. Oh, boy.
575
00:23:15,568 --> 00:23:16,786
Wouldn't we have had
the last laugh?
576
00:23:16,830 --> 00:23:18,048
Well, you would.
577
00:23:18,092 --> 00:23:19,006
Well, yeah.
578
00:23:24,011 --> 00:23:26,796
Paging Charles Emerson
Winchester, the living.
579
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,233
This is your savior
speaking.
580
00:23:29,277 --> 00:23:31,845
You are wanted
in the reading room.
581
00:23:31,888 --> 00:23:36,066
So for the last time,
I say chop-chop, Chuck-Chuck.
582
00:23:36,110 --> 00:23:37,764
Oh, thank goodness
you're here.
583
00:23:37,807 --> 00:23:40,070
I lost my copy
of I, the Jury.
584
00:23:40,114 --> 00:23:41,115
You can help me find it.
585
00:23:41,158 --> 00:23:43,204
Fear not, dear Maxwell.
586
00:23:43,247 --> 00:23:44,466
Mr. Spillane's
torrid tome
587
00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:47,077
is in the safest
of hands: mine.
588
00:23:47,121 --> 00:23:49,819
How appropriate.
A plain brown wrapper.
589
00:23:49,863 --> 00:23:51,691
[chuckles]
Well, let's get started.
590
00:23:51,734 --> 00:23:53,519
Rather than reading,
591
00:23:53,562 --> 00:23:56,478
and more in keeping
with your heroism,
592
00:23:56,522 --> 00:24:00,656
what I propose
is an I, the Jury
ticker tape parade.
593
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,266
I don't understand.
594
00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:04,443
Oh, well,
then let me Spillane.
595
00:24:07,097 --> 00:24:09,622
♪♪ [theme]
596
00:24:18,326 --> 00:24:19,980
♪♪ [theme]
44198
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