All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S08E20 - Lend a Hand (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,305 --> 00:00:04,134 ♪♪ [theme] 2 00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,103 [wind whistling] 3 00:01:13,508 --> 00:01:14,944 The way they do things in the army 4 00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:16,728 is the stupidest thing I ever saw. 5 00:01:16,772 --> 00:01:19,644 Nothing goin' on. They should let us go home! 6 00:01:19,688 --> 00:01:21,646 -Klinger. -As soon as it got busy, 7 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:23,431 I promise I'd be back like that! 8 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,389 I'd even leave my uniform here for security. 9 00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:27,087 Am I right, Major? Doesn't that make sense? 10 00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:29,393 Curiously enough, Corporal, yes, it does. 11 00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,961 Not only would your empty uniform stand up straighter, 12 00:01:32,004 --> 00:01:33,310 it would be better company. 13 00:01:33,354 --> 00:01:35,312 Oh, is that so? 14 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:38,359 Aah! Touché. 15 00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,883 Once again I lie mortally wounded, 16 00:01:40,926 --> 00:01:42,885 skewered by your rapier wit. 17 00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:46,323 -Oh, don't be so high and mighty, Chuckie. -Ch-- 18 00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:49,109 We haven't heard any conversation from you at all. 19 00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:52,286 All we ever get out of you is polysyllabic put downs. 20 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,375 [applause] 21 00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:56,203 Ah, polysyllabic put downs. 22 00:01:56,246 --> 00:01:58,248 Oh, blow it out your bagpipes. 23 00:01:58,292 --> 00:02:00,772 Now, look, folks, we're cold and we're bored, 24 00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:03,601 but there's no reason to take it out on each other. 25 00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:06,474 I remember one night in France in WWI, 26 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:11,261 an entire company of tanks just froze shut. 27 00:02:11,305 --> 00:02:13,350 Couldn't get the drivers out. 28 00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:16,919 Had to slip 'em vittles through the canons. 29 00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:20,183 Colonel, in the first place, I don't believe a word of it. 30 00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:22,925 Secondly, I hear the frozen tank fable 31 00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:25,319 every time the temperature dips below freezing. 32 00:02:25,362 --> 00:02:28,757 And thirdly, don't you have any warm stories? 33 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,759 -ALL: Yeah. -Oh, come on, we're freezing here. 34 00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:34,893 The point is that it is not necessary 35 00:02:34,937 --> 00:02:37,374 to keep sniping at each other, 36 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:40,986 especially your beloved commanding officer. 37 00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:44,033 Now, let's hear a little warmth from you folks, 38 00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:46,601 or I'm gonna get a little hot under the collar. 39 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:47,950 Listen, what do you say 40 00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:49,908 we go someplace cold and get warm? 41 00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,171 Why don't we stay here 42 00:02:51,214 --> 00:02:53,434 and have some stimulating conversation? 43 00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:55,958 Okay, but I'm warning you. One or two words and I'm over stimulated. 44 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:59,440 Oh, I'll take my chances. What's your favorite color? 45 00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,833 My favorite color? Off blue. 46 00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,400 What kind of a question is that? 47 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:06,795 Oh, just your general safe kind. Bye-bye. 48 00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:09,580 Okay, red, hot pink, puce. 49 00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:12,975 Uh, Hawkeye, could I trouble you to make a fist, please? 50 00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,934 A what? A fist? Somebody picking on you, Father? 51 00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:18,459 Oh, no, no. Just make a fist. 52 00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,722 -Okay. -That's the ticket. 53 00:03:21,984 --> 00:03:24,160 -Uh-huh. -Uh-huh what? 54 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,945 Just testing a medical principle. 55 00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,817 The distance around a clenched fist 56 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,820 is the precise length of a human foot. 57 00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:33,822 Here, lift your foot up. I'll show you. 58 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:37,695 Oh, dear. 59 00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,785 No wonder you walk funny. 60 00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:42,961 Excuse me, Father. 61 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,529 Uh, Beej, could I talk to you for a minute, please? 62 00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:46,704 -Will you excuse me? -Terrific. 63 00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,489 Yeah, sure. What's the problem? 64 00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:51,143 I've been getting some very funny questions tonight 65 00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:52,754 like, uh, how big is my foot? 66 00:03:52,797 --> 00:03:54,495 What's my favorite color? 67 00:03:54,538 --> 00:03:56,714 Two people asked me if, uh, if I'd ever had a pet. 68 00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:58,412 They're interested in you. 69 00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:00,588 You have to realize these people are very bored. 70 00:04:00,631 --> 00:04:03,417 I seem to be the object of some kind of a conspiracy. 71 00:04:03,460 --> 00:04:04,766 So naturally, I thought of you. 72 00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:06,333 -Me? -Come on. 73 00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:07,682 I'm not in the mood. What's the joke? 74 00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,814 Shh! W-- Just-- Sit down. 75 00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:15,124 I, uh, took the liberty of borrowing your birthday. 76 00:04:15,167 --> 00:04:16,256 You what? 77 00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:18,258 -Shh! Will you-- -You what? 78 00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:19,476 Hawk, will you look around? 79 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,348 See how depressed these people are? 80 00:04:21,391 --> 00:04:23,654 They need something to do. A surprise birthday party 81 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,700 is just the thing to cheer them up. 82 00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:28,442 What are you, nuts? It's not even close to my birthday. 83 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:31,314 Perfect! You're not using it. It's part of the surprise. 84 00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,750 Borrow your own birthday. 85 00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,143 Come on. You're gonna love it. 86 00:04:34,186 --> 00:04:35,927 I'm gonna hate it. 87 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:39,279 A whole day of letting people slap me on the back. 88 00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:40,715 Laughing at their stupid gag gifts, 89 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,151 and pretending I'm surprised? 90 00:04:42,194 --> 00:04:44,196 And then, when it really is my birthday, 91 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,068 -nobody'll believe me. -I'll believe you. 92 00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:49,550 You don't hear too well. Read my lips. Drop dead. 93 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:51,639 I can't. I'm in charge of the party. 94 00:04:53,510 --> 00:04:54,903 Everything okay with the party? 95 00:04:54,946 --> 00:04:56,731 Perfect. He doesn't suspect a thing. 96 00:04:56,774 --> 00:04:58,167 Oh, great! This is gonna be so good. 97 00:04:58,210 --> 00:04:59,342 He doesn't know a thing. 98 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,823 Hey, hey. Dr. Borelli is here! 99 00:05:01,866 --> 00:05:03,259 Wonderful! Klinger, 100 00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,130 go take the doctor's bags to his quarters. 101 00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:07,132 And tell the cook to get a hot meal ready. 102 00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,134 Not now! After you get his bags. 103 00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:11,136 Well, come on, Colonel. Don't you want to meet him? 104 00:05:11,180 --> 00:05:14,183 Uh, just waiting for orders, Major. 105 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:16,925 Dr. Borelli, how nice to see you again. 106 00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,970 Oh, you're Major, uh, Major, uh-- 107 00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,494 Houlihan. Margaret Houlihan. 108 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,060 Oh, of course you are. 109 00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,540 You haven't met our C.O., Colonel Potter. 110 00:05:23,584 --> 00:05:24,628 Colonel. 111 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,238 How do, Doctor. Nice to see you. 112 00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,763 You have no idea how welcome a new face is around here. 113 00:05:28,806 --> 00:05:31,418 Fine, fine. But can we go inside before I freeze it off? 114 00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,767 You want to go to the mess tent? 115 00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:33,985 Might have some hot chocolate left. 116 00:05:34,029 --> 00:05:35,291 We can do better than that. 117 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,554 How about if we amble over to the "O" Club 118 00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,991 for a few CCs of real antifreeze? 119 00:05:40,035 --> 00:05:41,384 Wonderful idea. 120 00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,908 Ah, the place hasn't changed much. 121 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:46,824 Sir, I'll put this stuff out to thaw in the VIP tent, 122 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,696 then I'll bring everybody right over. 123 00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:51,873 -Here's to long lives and short wars. -Hear, hear. 124 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:54,354 And welcome back to the 4077th. 125 00:05:56,312 --> 00:06:00,272 Ah, here's Our Gang now. Spanky, Alfalfa, Buckwheat, 126 00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:02,405 and you already met Spot. 127 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:05,756 Spanky Pierce? What, are you working with a new alias? 128 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,062 Didn't I always know you as Hawkeye? 129 00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:08,759 Hey, doc. 130 00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:10,108 These are the new kids on the block, 131 00:06:10,152 --> 00:06:11,327 B.J. Hunnicutt, Charles Winchester. 132 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,937 -How do. -Hello. 133 00:06:12,981 --> 00:06:16,724 Barkeep, I'll have a martini. No, uh, scotch. 134 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,988 -No, uh, scotch and soda. -Scotch and soda? 135 00:06:20,031 --> 00:06:21,424 Cognac. 136 00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,600 I'll have a cognac too-- with a beer chaser. 137 00:06:23,644 --> 00:06:25,472 Give me strength. 138 00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:26,908 You got a lot of new people here. 139 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,431 You still got that cuckoo 140 00:06:28,475 --> 00:06:30,259 who runs around dressed like Dame May Whitty? 141 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:33,523 -At your service, sir. -This is his tomboy look. 142 00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,525 -[shivers] -What's the matter, you cold? 143 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,527 -Yeah. -Why don't you move here, closer to the stove? 144 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:39,529 -I'm fine. -Come on. Move over. 145 00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:42,358 The colonel'll move. He won't mind. 146 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:45,274 Uh, well, you wanna-- 147 00:06:45,317 --> 00:06:47,319 Uh, Margaret, would you mind shifting over one? 148 00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:51,672 [all chattering] 149 00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,935 Who's got that scotch and soda? I had scotch and soda. 150 00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,937 I've got mine. Whose is this? 151 00:06:57,373 --> 00:06:59,201 Comfy-cozy, Pierce? 152 00:06:59,244 --> 00:07:01,116 -Hey-- -I really think you should open your coat. 153 00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:03,510 -I'm cold! -Sure! 154 00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:06,034 You're cold because your coat is not open and the heat can't get to ya! 155 00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:09,124 Now, come on. Open it. There. Isn't that better? Of course it is. 156 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:12,910 Well, Dr. Borelli, what new medical information have you brought us this time? 157 00:07:12,954 --> 00:07:14,521 As a matter of fact, Major, I'm here with a new technique 158 00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,523 for treating peripheral nerve injuries. 159 00:07:16,566 --> 00:07:20,048 -How exciting. -We're doing repairs on severed nerves now. 160 00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:21,745 Oh, this is more than repairs, Pierce. 161 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,486 I'm gonna show you a new graft technique, 162 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:25,140 replacing entire segments. 163 00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,011 Nerve grafts sound damned ambitious 164 00:07:27,055 --> 00:07:28,622 for a bunch of meatball surgeons. 165 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,537 The question is, will we have time? 166 00:07:30,580 --> 00:07:32,539 Around here, it's first come, first saved. 167 00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:34,105 This is kind of a body shop. 168 00:07:34,149 --> 00:07:35,803 We send 'em down to Seoul for major tune-ups. 169 00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:37,544 Surely a procedure of such delicacy 170 00:07:37,587 --> 00:07:39,328 would require two, three hours. 171 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:42,374 Gentlemen, gentlemen, please. Trust me. 172 00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:45,160 Now, I know you won't always have time to do this, 173 00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,944 but when you do, won't it be nice 174 00:07:46,988 --> 00:07:49,556 to have the ability to perform the operation properly? 175 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,514 -Of course. -[muttering agreements] 176 00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,734 Fine! Then we'll go over it step by step at the lecture. 177 00:07:53,777 --> 00:07:55,257 You can give us all the poop 178 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,520 in the morning in my office at 0800 hours. 179 00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:59,435 Whoa, Colonel, back it up. 180 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,263 Don't let this soldier suit fool you. 181 00:08:01,306 --> 00:08:03,265 I'm just a camouflaged civilian, you know? 182 00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:05,267 Now, for the last couple of weeks I've been on the go. 183 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:07,269 I'd like to rest up a little tomorrow morning. 184 00:08:07,312 --> 00:08:10,881 -Okay. How about 1600 hours? -No, you better make it 4:00. 185 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,927 [chuckles] Okay, suit yourself. 186 00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,494 Now I've got some paperwork to finish up. 187 00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,018 What say we put a cork on it for tonight? 188 00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:19,455 -Good idea. We've all got things to do. -Aha. 189 00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,503 Klinger, don't you, uh, have to-- 190 00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:25,853 Mmm. Oh, yeah. I'll be back. 191 00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,898 Put the cognac in the refrigerator so it won't spoil. 192 00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:30,292 I will kill him. He is a dead man. 193 00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:31,728 Good night, all. 194 00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:33,774 You leaving? 195 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,558 No, I think I'll have one for the road I just drove in on. 196 00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:36,777 Join me, Pierce. 197 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:39,301 -No, I gotta go. -Come on. Relax. 198 00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,869 Hey, bartender, scotch on the rocks. Same for the captain. 199 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,479 I'm drinking scotch and soda. 200 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,133 Pierce, what do you want with bubbles? 201 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,483 They kill the taste and give you a hangover. 202 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,571 I wanted something different. 203 00:08:48,615 --> 00:08:50,094 Come on. Try this. 204 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:52,662 Go ahead. Go ahead. Better, isn't it? 205 00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,711 [indistinct arguing] 206 00:08:57,754 --> 00:09:00,540 -Hold it. Hold it! Listen! -...everybody talking at once! 207 00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,150 Hawkeye only has a birthday once a year. 208 00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:03,717 I think we ought to do something special. 209 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,370 I think the party ought to have a theme! 210 00:09:05,414 --> 00:09:08,809 A theme, yes! How about Cro-Magnon man? 211 00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:11,159 Perfect for Pierce's Neanderthal mentality. 212 00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:13,117 You know, I think it would be fun 213 00:09:13,161 --> 00:09:14,989 if we had a masquerade party. 214 00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:17,557 The brain, Father, shrivels at the thought. 215 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,384 Ah, no. I think that's kind of a good idea. 216 00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,735 We could dress up in civilian clothes and come as actual people. 217 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:23,606 What about something really crazy? 218 00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:26,130 You know, like the world's biggest sandwich. 219 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,176 You know, like 27 feet long. 220 00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:30,308 What about we do something civilized? 221 00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:32,354 -Like what? -Like sipping sherry 222 00:09:32,397 --> 00:09:35,749 while musicians play a string trio by Franz Joseph Haydn. 223 00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:38,534 Or perhaps someone with a trained voice 224 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,667 could read selections from Edna St. Vincent Millay. 225 00:09:40,710 --> 00:09:42,625 -This is for Pierce? -Oh, he'd love it, 226 00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,018 once we got him tied to the chair. 227 00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,759 That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. 228 00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:47,325 I don't want to be entertained by somebody with three names, 229 00:09:47,369 --> 00:09:49,589 unless it's Gypsy Rose Lee. 230 00:09:49,632 --> 00:09:53,418 This cultural commentary has been brought to you by Max "Swinish" Klinger. 231 00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,072 Come on, now. What are we gonna do 232 00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,683 to really surprise Hawkeye? 233 00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,162 Well, if all else fails, 234 00:09:58,206 --> 00:09:59,599 we could fire a bazooka up his long johns. 235 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:01,296 [laughs] Now you're talking. 236 00:10:01,339 --> 00:10:03,646 I'm telling you, a costume party would really be fun-- 237 00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,083 Father, I refuse to take part in this senseless bash, 238 00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:08,782 which serves only as a reminder that Pierce was ever born. 239 00:10:08,825 --> 00:10:10,827 If we could only think of the right theme, 240 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:13,003 I'm sure everybody would be very excited about it. 241 00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:15,484 Wait! Put away your thinking caps. 242 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,007 I got it. 243 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:20,402 Imagine, if you will, the world's biggest salami. 244 00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:24,406 We don't have to imagine it, Klinger. We're looking at it. 245 00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:27,322 -A costume party. -Something exotic. An Arabian Night-- 246 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:31,108 [chattering fades] 247 00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:33,545 Oh, I'm sorry. I've interrupted your seance. 248 00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:37,811 -Ah, Pierce. Maybe you can help settle an argument. -Uh, yes, please. 249 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:40,901 -Uh, who do you think's gonna win this year's World Series? -Yeah, whom? 250 00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,468 You're arguing baseball in January? 251 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:46,210 Well, you hate to put those things off to the last minute. 252 00:10:46,254 --> 00:10:48,299 Why don't you ask Borelli? He's an expert on everything. 253 00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:49,823 Uh-oh, what's the matter? 254 00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:51,302 You forget to bring an apple for the teacher? 255 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:52,826 That guy is driving me nuts. 256 00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:54,697 Everybody's got to do everything his way. 257 00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,177 He's over there in the Officers Club 258 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,135 showing the bartender how to wash the glasses. 259 00:10:58,179 --> 00:11:00,703 Captain Pierce, let me ask you. 260 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,662 What's the biggest sandwich you ever saw? 261 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:04,402 Never mind, Klinger. 262 00:11:04,446 --> 00:11:05,708 That's enough baseball talk for tonight. 263 00:11:05,752 --> 00:11:06,709 Good night, good night. 264 00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,145 Good night. 265 00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:10,321 Gee, what's everybody talking about? 266 00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:11,496 You better get some sleep, Hawk. 267 00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,455 Tomorrow's gonna be a big day. 268 00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,805 A real work of art, huh, Major? 269 00:11:15,849 --> 00:11:19,287 Veritable masterpiece, Klinger, with one minuscule flaw. 270 00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:22,203 You have wished Hawkeye a happy birth-hday. 271 00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:23,378 Huh? 272 00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,772 "Birthday" is not generally spelled 273 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,338 with a pair of H's. 274 00:11:27,382 --> 00:11:29,036 Don't pick nits, Major. 275 00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,473 It's that tiny imperfection that makes it special. 276 00:11:31,516 --> 00:11:33,605 -Fix the cake. -It's easy for you to be a critic. 277 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:36,217 You didn't spend three hours facing a blank piece of cake. 278 00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:37,653 Fix the cake. 279 00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,655 I guarantee. Nobody's gonna notice. 280 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,266 Hello. Oh, how's it coming, doughboy? 281 00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:44,747 Uh, tell me, what's wrong with this, uh, cake, 282 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:46,488 Father Mulcah-hy. 283 00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:48,751 -Uh, nothing at all. -Aha! 284 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:51,754 -Especially if you like H's. -Uh-huh. 285 00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,800 -You gave him a hint. -Fix the cake. 286 00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,759 -No! I'll serve that hunk first. -Fix the cake! 287 00:11:56,803 --> 00:12:00,197 With all due respect, Klinger, get the "H" out of there. 288 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,767 Much better. 289 00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:07,639 Good afternoon. Glad to see you're all here. 290 00:12:07,683 --> 00:12:09,380 Doctor, why don't you sit in this chair? 291 00:12:09,424 --> 00:12:10,817 You'll get a better view of the charts. 292 00:12:10,860 --> 00:12:12,819 -Thanks. -That's it. 293 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,821 Major, I think you'd better move your chair a little bit. 294 00:12:14,864 --> 00:12:16,866 -You might be blocking his view. -Oh, sure. 295 00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:18,563 Captain, maybe you should sit up front 296 00:12:18,607 --> 00:12:20,087 -so you could see these better. -Ow! 297 00:12:20,130 --> 00:12:22,742 Yeah, right in the front would be better. That's-- 298 00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:25,048 -Oh, my foot. -[indistinct chattering] 299 00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:27,311 No, Colonel, you could pull that chair up 300 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,922 because I've reserved this spot for you. 301 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:30,924 -Put the chair there. -Yes, fine. 302 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,316 Now, now we're getting somewhere. 303 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,318 -Okay. -Colonel! Colonel! 304 00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,364 There's an emergency call for you. Battalion Aid. 305 00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:42,500 Colonel Potter. Yeah. 306 00:12:44,502 --> 00:12:45,765 I understand. 307 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:48,811 All right, keep him stable. 308 00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:50,291 Continue with the whole blood. 309 00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:53,076 We'll get somebody up there right away. 310 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,643 Okay, people. We've got a problem. 311 00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:56,776 A Battalion Aid surgeon's been badly hurt. 312 00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:59,953 -Fighting started again? -No, his jeep hit a land mine. 313 00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,738 The Aid man who's with him says he's too shocky to move. 314 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:04,871 Somebody's got to get up there, pronto. 315 00:13:04,914 --> 00:13:07,656 -I'll go. I'll go. -Fine, Pierce. Better get crackin'. 316 00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:10,702 Oh, no, no. Hawk, uh, why don't we let Charles go instead? 317 00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:12,139 He's a much better doctor. Just ask him. 318 00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:13,836 No, no. Duty calls. 319 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,359 Or you can go. We don't need you here. 320 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:17,013 No, I wouldn't think of it. 321 00:13:17,057 --> 00:13:19,363 I'd feel awful if I was back here snug and safe 322 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,713 and my pal was up there facing danger, 323 00:13:21,757 --> 00:13:24,716 freezing his klavey on his wedding anniversary. 324 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,718 -His-- His what? -His klavey. 325 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:27,937 No, no, no. After that. 326 00:13:27,981 --> 00:13:29,243 Oh. His wedding anniversary. 327 00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:30,897 -You rat. -Oh! 328 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:33,464 Oh, that was supposed to be our secret. 329 00:13:33,508 --> 00:13:35,815 -It's not his wedding anniversary. -It's not. 330 00:13:35,858 --> 00:13:37,164 -Ha ha. -Give my love to Peg. 331 00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:40,602 -Pierce, will you get going? -Yeah. 332 00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,560 -I'll go along with you. -No, you don't have to go. 333 00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:43,997 You can use the help and the company. 334 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,302 I don't need the help or the company. 335 00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:47,174 What if the guy has nerve damage? 336 00:13:47,217 --> 00:13:48,610 -What if he does? -I could show you the new technique. 337 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:50,133 He's not gonna have nerve damage. 338 00:13:50,177 --> 00:13:51,265 Come on, you'll get a lot out of it. 339 00:13:56,096 --> 00:13:58,838 Perfect. Let 'em eat that cake. 340 00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:01,666 -Klinger, hold that icing! -What now? 341 00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,451 We're not doing Hawkeye's birthday. We're doing B.J.'s anniversary. 342 00:14:03,494 --> 00:14:05,061 You've gotta change the cake. 343 00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,671 I've been writing on this cake for five hours! 344 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,282 I'm getting baker's cramp! 345 00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:10,414 Change the cake, Klinger. And don't botch it up! 346 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:13,853 Okay, okay. Anniversary. How many H's don't you want? 347 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,772 -Hey, this is great. -Yeah, terrific. 348 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,383 I'm glad we got a chance to get out this way, 349 00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:23,906 -work together. -Yeah. 350 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,908 We could have been sitting around the camp for days. 351 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,257 Probably driven each other nuts. 352 00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:29,129 -Yeah, right. -Take the next right. 353 00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:32,697 The next right? It's not even on the map. 354 00:14:32,741 --> 00:14:34,438 I know, but it's more direct. 355 00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:37,180 I came from the 8063rd this way. Trust me. 356 00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:39,095 I'm staying on the map. 357 00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:42,055 Hand me that bag, will you? I'm starved. 358 00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:44,057 You're gonna eat while we're driving? 359 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,189 Just with one hand. 360 00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,017 I'll skip the corn on the cob. 361 00:14:50,280 --> 00:14:51,760 You got cheese, huh? 362 00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:53,631 Cheese, yeah. Now what? 363 00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,330 Well, cheese is bad for the heart, you know. I've seen studies. 364 00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:59,463 Oh, that explains the mouse in the Swamp the other day. 365 00:14:59,507 --> 00:15:01,378 Grabbed his little chest and just keeled over. 366 00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:03,076 Huh, silly us. 367 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,991 We thought it was pressure at the office. 368 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:06,340 Hey, you want to eat the cheese? 369 00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:07,950 Go ahead and eat the cheese. What do I care? 370 00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:09,212 -Thank you. -You'll probably kill yourself 371 00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:10,692 the way you're driving anyway. 372 00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:13,956 One hand on the wheel, 50 miles an hour, icy road. 373 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,829 You can't see anything with those squinty little headlights you got. 374 00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,919 Listen. If you're gonna eat that stuff, do it right. 375 00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:21,964 -Here, dip it in here. -What's that? 376 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,313 French mustard. You'll love it. 377 00:15:23,357 --> 00:15:25,968 Look, I just want plain cheese, okay? 378 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,970 Trust me. It's terrific. Come on. Try it. 379 00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:30,973 I don't want-- Thank you. 380 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,975 Well? Huh? Huh? Well? 381 00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,237 I can't taste the cheese. 382 00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:35,456 All I can taste is the mustard. 383 00:15:35,499 --> 00:15:37,066 But it's darn good, isn't it? 384 00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,812 [brakes screeching] 385 00:15:45,509 --> 00:15:47,990 Look, let's get things straight. 386 00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:49,992 We'll go in there, and we'll fix this guy up. 387 00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:52,168 No more bickering. We're here to do a job, okay? 388 00:15:52,212 --> 00:15:53,474 Okay. Shake. 389 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:55,911 Corporal Jarvis, sir. 390 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,478 I talked to your colonel. 391 00:15:57,521 --> 00:15:59,436 You want to get our stuff out of the ambulance? 392 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,483 Boy, am I glad you got here. Captain's getting weaker. 393 00:16:02,526 --> 00:16:04,006 Chest doesn't look so hot. 394 00:16:04,050 --> 00:16:05,529 Belly's bad, too. 395 00:16:05,573 --> 00:16:08,315 I'll handle the anesthesia. You do the surgery. 396 00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:10,534 -Good. Get some Pentothal in him. -Right. 397 00:16:10,578 --> 00:16:12,406 I did everything I could to get him ready, sir. 398 00:16:12,449 --> 00:16:13,929 I've kept pressure on his wounds, 399 00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,061 and he's had two units of whole blood. 400 00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:16,627 Okay. Thank you, Corporal. 401 00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:18,325 What are you going to handle first? Chest or the belly? 402 00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,066 Chest. 403 00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:22,503 But he's bleeding into the belly, you know. 404 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,026 He's got a collapsed lung. 405 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,549 I gotta get a chest tube in him 406 00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:26,986 so he can tolerate the anesthesia. 407 00:16:27,029 --> 00:16:28,161 Hey, fine, fine. I'm only asking. 408 00:16:28,204 --> 00:16:29,336 You don't have to get mad. 409 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:31,338 -I gotta scrub. -Over there. 410 00:16:31,381 --> 00:16:33,514 All right. Jarvis, start another unit of blood. 411 00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:35,864 Then wash your hands and put on some gloves. 412 00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:39,172 -Right. -How am I supposed to keep this thing going here? 413 00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:40,434 I'll get it. 414 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,873 Hey, what are you so touchy about? 415 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:47,702 I like my anesthetist to keep his finger on the patient's pulse 416 00:16:47,745 --> 00:16:49,704 and his nose out of my operation. 417 00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:50,879 Whatever you say. 418 00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:53,055 Do you always scrub like that? 419 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:55,057 -Scrub like what? -You know, like that. 420 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,059 No, I used to send my hands out to the laundry, 421 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,061 but they always came back with too much starch. 422 00:16:59,105 --> 00:17:00,236 What's wrong with how I scrub? 423 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,716 You're starting with your palms. 424 00:17:01,759 --> 00:17:03,326 What am I supposed to start with, my feet? 425 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:04,588 -Doctors-- -You're supposed to start 426 00:17:04,632 --> 00:17:06,199 with your fingertips and work your way-- 427 00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:08,723 -Borelli, you are insane! -No, I'm not! 428 00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:10,942 Hey, hey. Now, look. 429 00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:13,162 I realize you're doctors, and I'm only a medic. 430 00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,077 I don't know if you've met many of us, 431 00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:17,210 but we spend a lot of time dragging guys off the line 432 00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:19,081 while people are shooting at us. 433 00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:21,388 We get sort of protective about those guys. 434 00:17:21,431 --> 00:17:23,303 We worry about 'em, and we fight for 'em 435 00:17:23,346 --> 00:17:24,565 like they were our children 436 00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:26,088 or-or our brothers or something. 437 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,090 And that's guys we don't even know. 438 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:30,397 Now, Captain Kramer here's my Battalion Aid surgeon. 439 00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:34,183 I've worked under him for eight months, day and night. 440 00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,229 He may be just another patient to you, 441 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,274 but he's damn special to me. 442 00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:40,929 -Understand that? -Yeah, we understand. 443 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,018 We'll do the best job we can on him, I promise you. 444 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,367 -Yeah, fine. -You ready, Doctor? 445 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:45,716 Whenever you are, Doctor. 446 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,110 I need that tray over here, please. 447 00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,807 I need somebody to tie that apron on me. 448 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,595 -Did you notice his face? -Yeah, bad laceration. 449 00:17:54,638 --> 00:17:57,119 And the left side of it wasn't moving when I put him under. 450 00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:58,468 Probably has nerve damage. 451 00:17:58,512 --> 00:18:00,949 Forget it. Even if he needs a graft, 452 00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:02,690 he's in no condition to stay under the anesthetic 453 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:03,734 an extra two or three hours. 454 00:18:03,778 --> 00:18:04,779 I agree. 455 00:18:04,822 --> 00:18:06,259 But if he does need a graft, 456 00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:09,784 I'd like to take a crack at it back at the 4077. 457 00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:12,613 I recommend leaving the wound open. Just pack it. 458 00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:15,311 No, we'll suture it. 459 00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:18,445 If the paralysis persists, we can open it again. 460 00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,447 Leave it open. He'll be fine. 461 00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,362 Besides, there's less danger of infection. 462 00:18:22,405 --> 00:18:25,800 Borelli, I have this man's life in my hands! His whole life. 463 00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:29,151 His chest, his bowel, his face, his hair, and his belly button. 464 00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,587 And I decide the best way 465 00:18:30,631 --> 00:18:32,285 to keep them all tied together. Not you. 466 00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:33,895 Let me make one thing clear to you, Doctor. 467 00:18:33,938 --> 00:18:35,462 No, let me make one thing clear to you, Doctor. 468 00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:38,639 Hey, what the hell kind of doctors are you, anyway? 469 00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,641 Do me a favor, will ya? 470 00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,425 First save Captain Kramer's life. 471 00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:43,992 Then you can kill each other. 472 00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:47,126 ALL: Surprise! [cheering] 473 00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:53,349 We really fooled you, huh? We really fooled you! 474 00:18:53,393 --> 00:18:56,657 Oh, yeah. You could have knocked me over with a sledgehammer. 475 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,181 Matter of fact, I'd have preferred it. 476 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,314 See? The man is delirious with joy. 477 00:19:01,357 --> 00:19:02,924 Have some punch, Hunnicutt, 478 00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,360 so we can get this glorious occasion over with. 479 00:19:04,404 --> 00:19:06,710 Charles, you don't know how right you are. 480 00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,712 -Whee! -Oh, ho ho ho. 481 00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,714 -Congratulations. -Thank you very much. 482 00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:14,196 Happy anniversary, B.J.! You old son of a gun! 483 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,242 And many, many more! 484 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,983 Oh, thank you, Father. Thank you, all. 485 00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:21,508 And here's to Hawkeye, who couldn't be with us tonight. 486 00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:22,944 But don't worry. I'll save a little punch for him. 487 00:19:22,987 --> 00:19:24,337 [laughing] 488 00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,817 Hold it. We got customers. In here, guys. 489 00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:28,819 -Wounded? -No, sir. Just cold as hell. 490 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,821 Their truck froze up. They've been walking for hours. 491 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:32,432 Better get 'em over here where it's warm. 492 00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:33,868 Check 'em for frostbite. 493 00:19:33,911 --> 00:19:36,218 Gwen, Kellye, go round up some blankets. 494 00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:38,220 Let's get something warm into these guys. 495 00:19:38,264 --> 00:19:40,614 -[exhales] -Get your, uh, gloves off. 496 00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:43,051 -Have some hot chocolate. -Thank you. 497 00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:45,096 -You people don't have it too soft here, do you? -Huh? 498 00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:46,707 Is this a special occasion, 499 00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:49,231 or is this one of your everyday candlelit suppers? 500 00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:51,233 You park it right here for a while, Sergeant. 501 00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,366 We'll see what we can do to thaw out your opinion of us. 502 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:55,237 -Hemostat. -Hemostat. 503 00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:56,369 What's his pressure? 504 00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,588 90 over 60. He's doing fine. 505 00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:01,504 -[explosion] -What was that? 506 00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:02,853 Sponge. Sounds like the war is back in town. 507 00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:04,246 Don't worry about that. 508 00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:05,813 It's a North Korean artillery unit. 509 00:20:05,856 --> 00:20:07,858 They're just firing into the hills for practice. 510 00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,731 -[explosion] -That was a lot closer. 511 00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:13,342 -Well, practice makes perfect. -Forget it. Come on. Operate. 512 00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:15,388 -Hemostat. -Hemostat. 513 00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,869 [explosion] 514 00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:20,741 I would definitely say that was closer. 515 00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:22,699 So what? Keep going! 516 00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,832 Now I know why I never put in for Battalion Aid station. 517 00:20:24,875 --> 00:20:27,530 [shells incoming] 518 00:20:28,705 --> 00:20:30,664 Anybody hurt? 519 00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:33,667 Aah! Besides me? 520 00:20:33,710 --> 00:20:34,885 What's wrong? 521 00:20:34,929 --> 00:20:36,583 My wrist, I can't move it. 522 00:20:36,626 --> 00:20:39,934 We're in trouble. My arm feels like it's broken. 523 00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:43,067 -Well, let me see. Can you-- -Ow. 524 00:20:43,111 --> 00:20:45,505 -Can you move the fingers? -Just a little. 525 00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:47,811 -But it's killing me. -Oh, great! 526 00:20:47,855 --> 00:20:49,291 Now what do we do? 527 00:20:49,335 --> 00:20:51,685 Let me see the other one. 528 00:20:51,728 --> 00:20:54,644 Well, you're cold. But I don't think there's any frostbite. 529 00:20:54,688 --> 00:20:56,037 -Ah, you're fine, son. -Here you go. 530 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,126 Another slug of this will warm up your cockles. 531 00:20:58,169 --> 00:21:00,084 Thanks. You people kinda knock yourselves out here, don't you? 532 00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:01,434 Yeah, kinda. 533 00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:03,958 You probably saved our butts, Captain. 534 00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:05,438 I don't know how to thank you. 535 00:21:05,481 --> 00:21:07,353 I do. When's your birthday? 536 00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:08,528 June 12. 537 00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:10,530 Wrong. It's just been promoted. 538 00:21:10,573 --> 00:21:13,315 Hey, everybody. Guess what. We got a birthday boy here. 539 00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,317 Today's Sergeant Herbert's birthday! 540 00:21:15,361 --> 00:21:17,798 [cheering] 541 00:21:17,841 --> 00:21:20,888 ♪ Happy birthday to you 542 00:21:20,931 --> 00:21:23,891 ♪ Happy birthday to you 543 00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:27,634 ♪ Happy birthday, Sergeant Herbert ♪ 544 00:21:27,677 --> 00:21:30,550 ♪ Happy birthday to you 545 00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:32,813 [cheering] 546 00:21:32,856 --> 00:21:35,032 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 547 00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:36,817 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 548 00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:37,948 How's his pressure? 549 00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:39,689 Fine. Good pulse too. 550 00:21:39,733 --> 00:21:41,822 Attaboy. Okay, hold the tissue together 551 00:21:41,865 --> 00:21:43,127 while I get the needle through. 552 00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:46,348 -Okay. -Good. 553 00:21:46,392 --> 00:21:48,132 -Now we'll switch hands. -Okay. 554 00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:49,525 Now you take that end and put it over mine. 555 00:21:49,569 --> 00:21:51,527 -What, like this? -No, over. Over. 556 00:21:51,571 --> 00:21:53,137 -Like that. -Uh-huh. 557 00:21:53,181 --> 00:21:54,661 God, I'm used to doing this without thinking. 558 00:21:54,704 --> 00:21:55,879 I forgot how to tie a knot. 559 00:21:57,228 --> 00:21:58,229 Okay. I got it. I got it. I got it. 560 00:21:58,273 --> 00:21:59,492 -Wait a minute. -Good. 561 00:21:59,535 --> 00:22:02,277 Okay, now pull it-- pull it taut while I-- 562 00:22:02,321 --> 00:22:04,279 -Uh-- -While I pull it down like-- 563 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:06,325 -There! Okay. Okay, we did it. Okay. -Good! Fine. 564 00:22:06,368 --> 00:22:08,762 -Now we just pull it to snug it down good. -Yeah. Yeah. 565 00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:10,851 -Good. Over again. -Yeah. 566 00:22:10,894 --> 00:22:12,287 Pull it down. 567 00:22:12,331 --> 00:22:14,637 Ha, ha! We did it. We made a knot. 568 00:22:14,681 --> 00:22:16,509 -[chuckles] -Okay. Let's do it again. 569 00:22:16,552 --> 00:22:17,858 At this rate, we'll have him sewn up 570 00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:19,120 in time for his retirement dinner. 571 00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:20,556 No, we got it. Hold that little end. 572 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,341 -This goes a lot faster now. -Okay, there. 573 00:22:22,384 --> 00:22:23,385 Put it down in there. 574 00:22:23,429 --> 00:22:24,343 -Uh-huh. -Okay. 575 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,434 I gotta tell you. You guys turned out to be pretty good. 576 00:22:28,477 --> 00:22:30,479 -Over-- -And under. 577 00:22:30,523 --> 00:22:32,873 And under. Pull it down. 578 00:22:32,916 --> 00:22:34,614 [laughing] 579 00:22:34,657 --> 00:22:36,659 -Are we great? We're great! -Yeah, we're a team. 580 00:22:36,703 --> 00:22:38,748 I should've broken my arm an hour ago. 581 00:22:38,792 --> 00:22:41,577 -An hour ago, I would have broken it for you. -[chuckles] 582 00:22:41,621 --> 00:22:44,275 You still want to close up that facial laceration? 583 00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:46,321 How sure are you about leaving it open? 584 00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:48,367 Positive. If-If he does need a nerve graft, 585 00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:51,326 that's the best way to go. 586 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:52,893 All right. Then that's what we'll do. 587 00:22:52,936 --> 00:22:54,416 Whatever you say, Dr. Right. 588 00:22:54,460 --> 00:22:55,939 No, whatever you say, Dr. Left. 589 00:22:55,983 --> 00:22:56,940 [chuckles] 590 00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:04,295 Nice work, Doctor. Looks like a perfect fit. 591 00:23:04,339 --> 00:23:06,123 Don't put any tension on the graft. 592 00:23:06,167 --> 00:23:07,603 Gotcha. 593 00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:09,997 Damn clever of the Lord to equip each of us 594 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,042 with his own set of spare parts. 595 00:23:12,086 --> 00:23:13,348 Need another suture, Margaret. 596 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,089 -More tantalum here. -Yes, Doctor. 597 00:23:15,132 --> 00:23:16,699 Fascinating procedure. 598 00:23:16,743 --> 00:23:18,614 It looks as though Dr. Kramer will soon be smiling again. 599 00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:20,050 BJ: Why shouldn't he smile? 600 00:23:20,094 --> 00:23:21,661 First person in history to have been operated on 601 00:23:21,704 --> 00:23:23,053 by a pair of Siamese surgeons. 602 00:23:23,097 --> 00:23:25,316 You're right. I think we both deserve a hand. 603 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,883 All right. 604 00:23:26,927 --> 00:23:28,407 -[chuckles] -[laughing] 605 00:23:29,538 --> 00:23:31,671 ♪♪ [theme] 606 00:23:42,595 --> 00:23:45,511 ♪♪ [theme] 46702

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