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1
00:00:02,132 --> 00:00:04,395
♪♪ [theme]
2
00:00:55,968 --> 00:00:58,101
All right, gentlemen,
3
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:00,364
without interrupting
your knitting,
4
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,627
let me get right with it.
5
00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:05,804
Now, here's what we can expect
in the way of casualties
6
00:01:05,848 --> 00:01:07,241
in the next 24 hours.
7
00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:10,070
I think that you'll find
that these figures
8
00:01:10,113 --> 00:01:13,160
reflect my customary
pinpoint accuracy.
9
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:14,770
Hawk, can you go just
a little faster?
10
00:01:14,813 --> 00:01:16,554
You want it fast
or you want it round?
11
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The push begins at 0900.
12
00:01:19,253 --> 00:01:21,907
Now, we're in for bloody
hand-to-hand combat.
13
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:25,737
Hill 403 is a maze of trenches,
foxholes, and craters.
14
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Why don't you go
after Hill 404?
15
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,045
It's got a nice view of 405.
16
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,134
And it's closer to
the cemetery on 406.
17
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:33,136
Can we continue, Colonel?
18
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,877
Yes. Of course.
Button it, boys.
19
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,487
Colonel Bloodworth
isn't here
20
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:39,577
for fancy patter
from the Weisenheimer twins.
21
00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,057
And I, for one,
would like to know
22
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,319
how many casualties
are coming in.
23
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:44,974
What's so choice
about Hill 403, Colonel?
24
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,758
The enemy owns it.
25
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:49,109
So contact a good realtor
and make him an offer.
26
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:52,634
Calculating a division of men
supported in depth
27
00:01:52,677 --> 00:01:55,419
by artillery,
mortar fire, and tanks
28
00:01:55,463 --> 00:01:59,206
against seasoned troops,
also backed by artillery,
29
00:01:59,249 --> 00:02:04,646
we figure a grand total
of 280 to 290 casualties
30
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:08,128
passing through this unit
in the next 24 hours
31
00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,346
if the weather holds.
32
00:02:09,390 --> 00:02:12,088
-What if it rains?
-Then add another 20.
33
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,308
There are 20 guys who better
pray like hell it doesn't rain.
34
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:17,572
I figure all 300
better pray like hell
this guy is wrong.
35
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:22,011
"This guy" is never wrong.
It's all here!
36
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:24,187
The days, the battles,
the numbers,
37
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,624
all pinpointed
and on target.
38
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:29,323
-Dead on.
-War is a science.
39
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:32,282
Casualties can be predicted
with mathematical precision.
40
00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:35,851
Really? How many times
do 30,000 bullets
41
00:02:35,894 --> 00:02:37,896
multiplied by 400
artillery shells
42
00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,637
go into 280 bodies?
43
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,987
I don't appreciate
your sarcasm, Pierce.
44
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,947
I don't appreciate
your insensitivity.
45
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,775
Those figures you
reel so trippingly
off the tongue
46
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:50,170
are made of flesh
and blood.
47
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,997
But please, don't pass up
Hill 403 on my account,
48
00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:53,521
not if you've gone
to all that trouble.
49
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:54,870
POTTER: Silencio,Pierce.
50
00:02:54,913 --> 00:02:56,176
Look, I don't have
to listen to this
51
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,220
every time I show up.
52
00:02:57,264 --> 00:02:58,700
PIERCE:
Then stop showing up.
53
00:02:58,743 --> 00:03:00,354
Maybe we'll stop
getting casualties.
54
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,225
Sounds like you almost
believe that.
55
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,748
Take out the "almost,"
56
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:05,010
and you're right again,
57
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,490
with pinpoint accuracy.
58
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,540
You came on a little
strong in there.
59
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,846
Would've been worse if I
had my knitting needles.
60
00:03:14,890 --> 00:03:17,240
Relax, will you? Those eagles
on his shoulders have claws.
61
00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:19,155
Those aren't eagles.
They're vultures.
62
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,636
I sense a certain
hostility in you.
63
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,159
Hostility? I got nothing
against the guy.
64
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:24,465
Take away his ledgers,
65
00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,249
his numbers,
his pinpoint accuracy,
66
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,033
I think he's kind of cute.
67
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:31,950
Chow?
68
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:35,127
Not chow-- masterpieces
of the culinary arts.
69
00:03:35,171 --> 00:03:36,738
Right, chow.
70
00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:38,566
Would either of you happen
have a quarter?
71
00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,263
All this for a quarter?
72
00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,265
I have to pry off
the cover.
73
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,093
Of course-- cover charge.
74
00:03:44,136 --> 00:03:46,748
Pierce, would you mind
opening the pheasant?
75
00:03:46,791 --> 00:03:49,446
Would I mind?
My taste buds are setting
a table on my tongue.
76
00:03:49,490 --> 00:03:51,318
My salivary glands
are having a flash flood.
77
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,797
What's that stuff?
78
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:54,364
Haven't you ever seen
truffles before?
79
00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,584
Nobody knows
the truffles I've seen.
80
00:03:56,627 --> 00:03:58,281
[laughing]
81
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,199
Here you are, gentlemen.
82
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,374
Oh, goody!
83
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:05,723
Mmm.
84
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:07,029
Mmm, mmm!
85
00:04:07,072 --> 00:04:08,683
Chopped liver.
86
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:10,424
That is pâté de foie gras.
87
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,339
I happen to know
Patty de Foie Gras,
88
00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:13,688
and this definitely isn't him.
89
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,820
That was great.
90
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:18,040
-What else we got?
-We?
91
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:20,434
-Aren't we having dinner?
-We even dressed for it.
92
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:23,480
Gentlemen, your dinner
awaits you in the mess tent.
93
00:04:23,524 --> 00:04:26,309
One lousy piece of liverwurst
and that's it?
94
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:28,833
That's ample reward
for opening a can.
95
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:31,053
You're not going to share
this with your bunkies?
96
00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:33,316
My bunkies have palates
that are obviously
97
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,319
more attuned to Spam
on a shingle.
98
00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:38,495
You mean you're gonna
make us just sit here
and watch you eat?
99
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:41,455
No, that would be sadistic.
100
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:43,283
I will go elsewhere.
101
00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:47,199
Bon appétit,
gentlemen.
102
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,245
How do you like
this guy?
103
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,769
I'd like him rotating
on a spit.
104
00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:53,249
I hope your caviar
turns to fish eggs.
105
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,859
I hope you can't
get a table.
106
00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:56,078
Bless your hearts.
107
00:04:56,121 --> 00:04:57,384
I hope he saves
some for us.
108
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:58,863
[knocking]
109
00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,604
-Who is it?
-Major Winchester.
110
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,302
-Oh, just a second.
-Mm-hmm.
111
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:07,872
-Uh, Major, have you dined?
-No, not yet.
112
00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,918
-Good.
-What, what?
113
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,486
Prepare yourself
for the finest meal
114
00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:17,447
you've had in Korea,
perhaps in your life.
115
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:20,929
Oh, that looks scrumptious!
116
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:24,933
Tonight's menu begins
with Beluga caviar,
117
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:27,675
followed by truffles.
118
00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:29,938
Nobody knows
the truffles I've seen.
119
00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:32,593
-What?
-I might have guessed.
120
00:05:32,636 --> 00:05:36,031
Uh, moving on quickly
to the pâté,
121
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:38,381
followed
by the smoked oyster,
122
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,165
and a true epicurean
delight,
123
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:43,125
-Devonshire pheasant.
-Oh!
124
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:44,866
All accompanied,
very discreetly
125
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:48,565
-by a Montrachet 1947.
-Oh!
126
00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:52,177
-And I was on my way to hash!
-[laughing]
127
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,832
Hash? This is not hash,
Margaret.
128
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,181
[chuckles]
129
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:57,922
I'll help you set,
Margaret.
130
00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,489
There we are.
131
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,623
Thank you, ma'am.
132
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:07,367
To civilization in Korea.
133
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,979
This is it.
134
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:12,981
My favorite toast is a poem.
135
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,461
Oh, Margaret, do speak it.
136
00:06:14,504 --> 00:06:17,464
[chuckles]
Well, here it goes.
137
00:06:17,507 --> 00:06:19,422
Look out teeth, look out gums,
138
00:06:19,466 --> 00:06:22,164
look out liver, here she comes.
139
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:24,296
[forced laughter]
140
00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:27,604
Civilization in Korea.
141
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,479
Mmm!
142
00:06:32,522 --> 00:06:35,830
And now, the caviar--
143
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,440
Oh...
144
00:06:37,484 --> 00:06:39,834
...which, my dear major,
must never, never,
145
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,618
never be touched
by a metal utensil.
146
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,316
-Oh, really?
-Hmm-mm. Only wood.
147
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,014
Of course,
in such a primitive place,
148
00:06:46,057 --> 00:06:48,495
one must learn to adapt.
149
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:49,496
Voilà!
150
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,628
How clever.
151
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,674
Now, open wide
152
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,589
and say "ahh."
153
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:56,590
Ahh...
154
00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:01,943
Mmm... delicious!
155
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,379
Yes, isn't it?
156
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,989
Oh, the last time
I had caviar
157
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:08,079
was with General Hardcastle
in West Berlin, and we...
158
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,299
[laughing]
159
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:12,301
-Never mind.
-[both laughing]
160
00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,610
There we are.
161
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,350
Oh, no, no, no,
Margaret.
162
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:20,091
Follow me.
163
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:22,093
There are certain things
164
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,966
that still call for
the barbaric approach.
165
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:27,751
-Don't you agree?
-Oh, completely.
166
00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,231
[chuckles]
167
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,015
You can't do that
with army hash.
168
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:33,757
Certainly not. It doesn't
fall apart this easy.
169
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:38,022
-Well?
-I don't know.
170
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:40,111
Is this the way that a pheasant
is supposed to taste?
171
00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:42,679
-It tastes funny.
-Oh, Margaret, I assure you,
172
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:45,900
this is the way a pheasant
is supposed to taste.
173
00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:49,991
It is, after all, a game bird.
174
00:07:50,034 --> 00:07:51,862
Well, I'm game, too.
175
00:07:51,906 --> 00:07:54,735
[both laugh]
176
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:57,825
Oh, mmm. Mmm.
177
00:07:57,868 --> 00:07:59,479
MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, all personnel.
178
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,568
Choppers and litter jeeps
headed this way.
179
00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:04,788
All medical teams
report for triage.
180
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,921
-How untimely.
-Yeah, I know.
181
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:11,882
Well, shall we, uh,
meet later for some
petit fours?
182
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,624
Oh, certainly not!
But you can stop
by for dessert.
183
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:15,669
[both laugh]
184
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,761
More Hill 403.
185
00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:22,806
Bloodworth's parade
of casualties.
186
00:08:22,850 --> 00:08:25,374
The sun's shining.
Maybe he'll fall
short of his quota.
187
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,289
What a shame.
It'll ruin his day.
188
00:08:31,859 --> 00:08:34,514
-Let me have a leg splint.
-How does it look, Doc?
189
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:37,168
You're gonna be waltzing
with Mathilda in no time.
190
00:08:37,212 --> 00:08:38,866
-Honest?
-You're so healthy,
191
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:40,476
you're gonna have
to twiddle your toes
192
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,478
while we fix guys who
are really in trouble.
193
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,436
Just gonna immobilize this
till we get to you later.
194
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,134
What's that "1"
on your helmet?
195
00:08:46,177 --> 00:08:48,136
Oh, a bunch of us have them.
196
00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:51,226
When we got off the boat
at Inchon this morning,
197
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:53,141
a sergeant came up and chalked
198
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,796
a "1," "2," or "3"
on our helmets.
199
00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,188
"1's" got sent to the front.
200
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:59,147
Ah, the lucky "1's."
201
00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:00,757
Where'd the "2's" and "3's" go?
202
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:02,367
Someplace safe, I guess.
203
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:04,369
You just got off the boat
a few hours ago?
204
00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:06,328
-Yeah.
-This is some cruise.
205
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:08,243
You're liable to take
the same boat back.
206
00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:10,898
At least it this time
it will be headed
in the right direction.
207
00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:13,074
-Where you from?
-Toledo, Ohio.
208
00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,684
No kidding?
209
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:17,078
You can expect a visit from
a hairy guy wearing a dress.
210
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,470
Its not Mathilda, is it?
211
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:20,168
I don't know.
I never waltzed with him.
212
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,475
Pilot, huh?
213
00:09:23,519 --> 00:09:25,956
Hence the wings, Pierce.
214
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,045
I'm sure Bloodworth
didn't figure on any pilots.
215
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:29,525
Well, then this man's
obviously an imposter.
216
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,266
Get him and his wounds
out of here.
217
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:33,007
Business is boom-booming.
218
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,661
Who knew this war
was gonna catch on?
219
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:36,532
Give the people
what they want,
220
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:38,229
they don't mind going
a few thousand miles
out of their way.
221
00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:39,491
[Charles groaning]
222
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:41,015
That's just your opinion,
Charles.
223
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:42,538
You look terrible.
224
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:45,106
The air in here is foul.
225
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:46,629
[belches]
226
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,501
It was the pheasant
that was foul.
227
00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:52,026
Who ever heard of
eating a canned bird?
228
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:54,855
Major, can you keep it down?
229
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,508
I hope I can.
230
00:09:56,552 --> 00:09:59,033
We're probably
getting botulism.
231
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:02,384
Major, I assure you,
we are not ill.
232
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:05,474
Then why are you whiter
than your mask?
233
00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:07,694
I tell you,
that bird was rotten.
234
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:09,870
-Major--
-We ate a rotten bird!
235
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:13,438
Major, can we terminate
this nauseating discussion
236
00:10:13,482 --> 00:10:15,919
and get back
to this man's bowel?
237
00:10:15,963 --> 00:10:16,920
After all,
238
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:20,707
this man's bowel... is...
239
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,404
Colonel, we need help here.
240
00:10:22,447 --> 00:10:24,188
-Where's Winchester?
-On the floor.
241
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:26,582
He can't operate from there.
His arms aren't long enough.
242
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,324
Sweet Nefertiti!
What's the matter with him?
243
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,587
-Tummy ache, advanced.
-What from?
244
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,415
Probably from something
we didn't eat.
245
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,852
-How are you, Major?
-He'll live.
246
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:38,072
-He may not want to.
-Move him out.
247
00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:40,901
-Hold on, sir.
-Oh, he's heavy.
248
00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:43,164
Yeah, this place could
use a full-time bouncer.
249
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:44,861
Who can take over?
250
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:48,256
I'll take it, Colonel.
Kellye, close for me.
251
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:50,040
I'll need some fresh gloves.
252
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:51,738
[hiccup]
253
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:54,175
You look a little green
around the gills yourself.
254
00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:57,569
Just keep your eyes off my
gills and on your patient.
255
00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:59,354
-Clamp.
-Clamp.
256
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:00,747
[hiccup]
257
00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:03,010
Lap sponge.
258
00:11:03,053 --> 00:11:05,142
Sponge. [hiccup]
259
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,970
[hiccup] Retractor.
260
00:11:07,014 --> 00:11:08,711
[hiccup] Metzenbaum.
261
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:12,193
All right.
Knock it-- [hiccup]-- off.
262
00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:13,629
[groans]
263
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,152
What was the final
score in there?
264
00:11:15,196 --> 00:11:17,851
203, not counting
Winchester.
265
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,157
We beat Bloodworth
by 77 "healthies."
266
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:22,029
Looks like Mr. Right
was wrong this time.
267
00:11:22,072 --> 00:11:23,726
Maybe his slide rule is stuck.
268
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,467
What do you say
to some schnapps?
269
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:26,729
-I'm in.
-Not me.
270
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:28,296
I'm gonna go find Bloodworth
271
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,298
and toast him with a nice,
tall glass of gloat.
272
00:11:30,341 --> 00:11:32,735
You're only askin'
for trouble, son.
273
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,737
Nah, I'm just gonna
cheer him up.
274
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:36,478
He's probably crying
in his ledger.
275
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,743
Well, look who's here.
276
00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,745
Colonel Bo Peep,
counting his sheep.
277
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,268
What do you want,
Pierce?
278
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:45,617
Let me have a beer, okay?
279
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:48,272
Ah, there is no joy
in Bloodville tonight.
280
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:49,447
-Ask me why?
-Look, Pierce...
281
00:11:49,491 --> 00:11:51,319
I thought you'd never ask.
282
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:55,062
In the battle for Hill 403,
77 soldiers refused to get hit,
283
00:11:55,105 --> 00:11:57,281
just to pinpoint
your accuracy.
284
00:11:57,325 --> 00:11:59,109
-You don't say.
-Oh, but I do say.
285
00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:01,459
You were off by 77,
scorekeeper.
286
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:03,766
-I was, huh?
-Don't let it get
you down, Colonel.
287
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,507
If the war doesn't
work out for you,
288
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:07,683
you can go back to the states
and predict traffic fatalities.
289
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,772
Or if you live long enough,
there's always the apocalypse.
290
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:12,079
Attention,
all surgical teams.
291
00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,820
More wounded coming in
via ground vehicles.
292
00:12:13,863 --> 00:12:15,430
Proceed to O.R.
293
00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:17,824
Okay, hot shot,
there you go.
294
00:12:17,867 --> 00:12:19,913
And don't be surprised
if there are 77 more.
295
00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:21,566
What did you do,
shoot them yourself?
296
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,003
That's it, Captain.
297
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,569
I've taken all I'm going
to take off you.
298
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,789
-I haven't even begun.
-Let go of me, Captain.
299
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,401
You make me sick.
300
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:33,317
The way you reduce human life
to cold equations--
301
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,232
God, I hate that.
302
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:39,236
And I hate your rotten ledger--
your diary of death.
303
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:42,109
But what I hate most, you...
304
00:12:42,152 --> 00:12:43,850
you grim reaper,
305
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,590
is that you actually love
your job!
306
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:47,810
-I said let go of me!
-I'll let go of you!
307
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,040
This is a serious charge.
Bloodworth says you hit him.
308
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,998
That's ridiculous.
You didn't hit him, did you?
309
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,652
Who, me?
310
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,741
I might have grabbed him,
pushed him, shoved him,
311
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,873
but the wall hit him.
312
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,265
Pierce,
if you were my son,
313
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:10,006
we'd be on the way
to the woodshed.
314
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,226
Colonel, I 've already put
myself over my own knee.
315
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:14,532
-You don't have to do it.
-What did you think you
were you doing?
316
00:13:14,576 --> 00:13:16,621
You rave against violence
and insensitivity,
317
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,232
then to prove your point,
you attack a man.
318
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:19,624
Guilty as charged.
319
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,061
Refer all my patients
to Leavenworth.
320
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:22,976
Bloodworth isn't kidding.
Neither am I.
321
00:13:23,019 --> 00:13:24,804
You deserve a court-martial.
322
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,457
This is the U.S. Army.
323
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,416
You don't push
ranking officers around.
324
00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:29,939
-Look, Colonel--
-Not another word.
325
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:32,159
-Dismissed, Captain.
-Uh-huh.
326
00:13:34,552 --> 00:13:36,206
Hawkeye...
327
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,991
I'll talk to Bloodworth.
328
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:40,950
Maybe I can convince him how
desperately we need surgeons--
329
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,473
even stupid ones.
330
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:44,606
Thanks, Dad.
331
00:13:44,649 --> 00:13:47,261
-Danker?
-Mathilda?
332
00:13:47,304 --> 00:13:50,525
-Hey, Toledo!
-Where else?
333
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:52,919
Don't move.
Let me take it all in.
334
00:13:54,224 --> 00:13:55,530
When were you there last?
335
00:13:55,573 --> 00:13:57,793
-Two weeks ago.
-Only two weeks ago!
336
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,491
When was the last time you had
a Packo Hungarian hot dog?
337
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:01,928
Three days before I left.
338
00:14:01,971 --> 00:14:04,365
I knew it. I could
smell it on your breath.
339
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,715
You had mustard, chili,
and hot peppers.
340
00:14:06,758 --> 00:14:08,412
Ha-ha! Amazing.
341
00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:09,892
Not to this nose.
342
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:10,937
Where do you live?
343
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:11,894
Locust and Ontario.
344
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,374
Michigan and Gallina.
345
00:14:13,417 --> 00:14:15,550
-And you made it out alive?
-Sure.
346
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,682
I took my basic training
at LaGrange Pool Hall.
347
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:19,336
In all the time I was there,
348
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:22,426
not once did I see anybody
use a cue stick on a ball.
349
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:23,688
How long you been here?
350
00:14:23,732 --> 00:14:25,995
As long as it takes
a tough street kid
351
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,389
to learn to wear a dress.
352
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,652
Hey, tell me
about the Trianon!
Is it still jumping?
353
00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:33,742
Oh, yeah. Yeah, girls
still get in for a buck--
354
00:14:33,785 --> 00:14:35,744
50 cents if they look human.
355
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:39,139
The Trianon! Every night,
I dream I'm jitterbugging
356
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:40,531
with Agnes Gomes.
357
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:44,187
♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da
358
00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:47,277
Then at intermission,
we'd steal away to the veranda
359
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:49,801
and watch the kids
bust windshields.
360
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:51,455
You know I never got caught?
361
00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,109
I got to go, kid.
362
00:14:53,153 --> 00:14:54,763
I'm breaking my heart.
363
00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:57,070
Wait. I've got
something for you.
364
00:14:58,854 --> 00:15:01,074
A matchbook from the Trianon.
365
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,598
Matches made in heaven.
366
00:15:03,641 --> 00:15:05,513
I'll keep them forever.
367
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:06,470
Thank you.
368
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,126
Thank you.
369
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:11,954
[sobbing]
370
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:14,435
Colonel, got a minute?
371
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:16,089
Only a minute. Shoot.
372
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:17,438
I'd like to talk about Pierce.
373
00:15:17,481 --> 00:15:19,614
Colonel,
save it for the trial.
374
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:21,529
Look, I want you to drop
the charges.
375
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:22,704
You what?
376
00:15:22,747 --> 00:15:24,793
I'd like you to drop
the charges.
377
00:15:24,836 --> 00:15:26,751
I'm dropping nothing.
378
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:28,710
-Now, if you'll excuse me...
-Wait, Colonel.
379
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:30,538
Pierce is the best surgeon
I've got.
380
00:15:30,581 --> 00:15:32,279
What good's it gonna do
to lock him up somewhere
381
00:15:32,322 --> 00:15:34,368
-where he's no use to anyone?
-Listen, Potter.
382
00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:37,023
If you'd discipline your men
instead of coddling them,
383
00:15:37,066 --> 00:15:38,807
that hothead
would have known better
384
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,678
than to attack
a superior officer.
385
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:42,419
Bloodworth, there's
nothing you can teach me
386
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,508
about discipline
or running a MASH.
387
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:45,509
Now, I want--
388
00:15:48,512 --> 00:15:50,906
I'd like that man cleared
of the charges.
389
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:54,649
Then get him a good lawyer.
I'll see you in 24 hours.
390
00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,129
[engine starts]
391
00:15:59,741 --> 00:16:01,743
Pierce shouldn't have
pushed you.
392
00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:03,571
He should have decked you!
393
00:16:07,662 --> 00:16:09,272
How could I do such
a dumb thing?
394
00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:10,708
I give up. How?
395
00:16:10,752 --> 00:16:12,754
You know what gets to me
is I let him get to me.
396
00:16:12,797 --> 00:16:15,713
I actually pushed him.
He just may have a case.
397
00:16:15,757 --> 00:16:17,585
I'd say open and shut.
398
00:16:17,628 --> 00:16:19,630
You know you'd make
a hell of a witness
for the prosecution?
399
00:16:19,674 --> 00:16:21,241
You're gonna make
a better one.
400
00:16:21,284 --> 00:16:24,505
Isn't there some legal thing
about justifiable pushing?
401
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:26,898
Sir? Lieutenant Johnson
asked me
402
00:16:26,942 --> 00:16:28,465
to give his
flight jacket to you
403
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,163
-for saving his life.
-It's no big thing.
404
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,599
Collar's all wet.
405
00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:34,689
Sorry, sir,
I ran out of hankies.
406
00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:37,300
I didn't want to come in here
and cry in front of you.
407
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:39,737
-It's unmanly.
-Want to talk
about it, soldier?
408
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,131
It's my problem.
I can handle it.
409
00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:45,091
-He saw danker.
-Danker...
410
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:48,268
[sobbing]
♪ We're strong for Toledo
411
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:50,009
♪ That's where
the Buckeyes all grow... ♪
412
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:55,275
♪ We'll all stick
together... ♪
413
00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:56,754
[mumbling and sobbing]
414
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:57,929
Menopause?
415
00:16:57,973 --> 00:17:00,019
Toledo heartburn.
416
00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:03,065
-Whose flight jacket?
-Gift from a secret admirer.
417
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:06,286
-You have an admirer?
-Lieutenant Johnson.
418
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:07,852
The chopper pilot
I operated on?
419
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:09,506
I operated on him.
You were under him.
420
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:13,075
Just a moment. I was
the physician of record.
421
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:16,600
You merely assisted,
ergo any remuneration
is mine.
422
00:17:16,644 --> 00:17:19,168
What Socrates is trying to say
is he wants the jacket.
423
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:22,519
I don't need a translator.
I want the jacket.
424
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:25,261
Why don't you split the fee
and give him the zipper?
425
00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:26,958
I'll give him a sleeve
with my fist in it.
426
00:17:27,002 --> 00:17:30,527
Very well. We'll let
Colonel Potter decide.
427
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:33,095
I don't care if he goes
to MacArthur, he's not
getting this jacket.
428
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:35,097
Will you shut up
about this stupid jacket?
429
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,186
You interrupted
a Zane Grey gunfight
430
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:39,754
because of a schoolyard spat
over a jacket?
431
00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:41,799
That jacket is
rightfully mine!
432
00:17:41,843 --> 00:17:44,150
Major, get your mind
off collecting fees.
433
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:45,803
This is the army,
not Park Avenue.
434
00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:47,457
This is Hell's Kitchen!
435
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:48,937
See those boots?
436
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:52,288
Picture them kicking you
across the compound.
437
00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:53,942
-May I?
-Sure!
438
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:56,771
You know my hours--
11 p.m. to Reveille.
439
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:58,555
Well, perjury must have
its day in court.
440
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:00,253
-Approach the bench.
-Colonel,
441
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,255
I don't want anything
so inconsequential as a jacket
442
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:03,691
to come between
Charles and me.
443
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:05,127
Winchester, it's yours.
444
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:06,694
Hunnicutt, I misjudged you.
445
00:18:06,737 --> 00:18:08,478
You're a bigger man than
I give you credit for being.
446
00:18:08,522 --> 00:18:10,828
-Model it for us,
will you, Charles?
-Of course.
447
00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:12,961
Explain to me, why am I here?
448
00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:16,225
It's too small.
449
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:18,053
I don't know.
I kind of like it.
450
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,794
[laughing]
451
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,796
You knew this all the time.
You tried it on out there.
452
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,972
It's only big enough
for a little pipsqueak.
453
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,060
You mean like me?
454
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:27,541
Exactly-- Not exactly.
455
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:30,021
Colonel?
You got yourself a jacket.
456
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:31,806
MAN [on P.A.]:
Attention, all personnel.
457
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,329
Ambulance in the compound.
We've got wounded.
458
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:34,809
Case dismissed.
459
00:18:34,852 --> 00:18:36,637
Thanks for dropping by,
Winchester.
460
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,117
I'm going to love this.
461
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:44,253
Get this guy into pre-op.
Three units of whole blood.
462
00:18:44,297 --> 00:18:46,864
This guy's out of the war.
Sorry, son.
463
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:51,782
-Have severe thoracic
trauma back there.
-Add a patella.
464
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,088
This guy's got a belly wound,
465
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,307
but I don't think
there's any penetration.
466
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,483
More fresh dressings up there.
467
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:58,441
This guy's got
a skull fracture.
468
00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,487
Get him to pre-op, stat.
469
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:02,924
-Bloodworth.
-You'd better take care of him.
470
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,491
I think he'd rather
have it that way.
471
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:05,883
What happened, Colonel?
472
00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:08,495
Hill 403 fell on me.
473
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,279
-How bad is it?
-Not so bad.
474
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:11,976
There are plenty of guys
ahead of you.
475
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:14,065
This is one time it's good
to be at the end of the line.
476
00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,502
This guy can wait.
477
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:17,852
Must be gratifying
to you, Pierce.
478
00:19:17,895 --> 00:19:20,507
The Grim Reaper
on his own list?
479
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:26,469
Come on. Let's get this skull
fracture into pre-op.
480
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:29,342
-Just relax, Colonel.
-Who is that?
481
00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:32,823
You are in the capable
hands of Major Charles
Emerson Winchester.
482
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:35,870
-Your humble surgeon.
-Anyone but Pierce.
483
00:19:35,913 --> 00:19:37,350
Don't worry.
I wouldn't trade this private
484
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:38,612
for all the colonels
in Korea.
485
00:19:38,655 --> 00:19:40,483
Don't you worry,
Colonel,
486
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:42,529
I'll have you up
and prosecuting
in no time at all.
487
00:19:42,572 --> 00:19:45,227
Charles, I'd stab you
in the heart if you had one.
488
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:46,402
There it is.
489
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,535
Ribs with a side of shrapnel.
490
00:19:48,578 --> 00:19:49,927
Aren't you the lucky
one, Colonel?
491
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,320
You're about to be spared
492
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:53,366
the pain of Pierce's
rapier wit.
493
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:55,106
That does it, Charles.
494
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,239
It's hypodermics at 20 paces.
495
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,546
If I had a rubber glove,
I'd slap you with it.
496
00:19:59,589 --> 00:20:00,895
You'll be my second.
497
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,244
Cut the dueling
and do the cutting.
498
00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,289
Get on with it.
499
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:07,554
Sponges, suction.
Give me some retraction.
500
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:09,730
-I have to expose it.
-You need some help?
501
00:20:09,773 --> 00:20:11,427
No, it's under control.
502
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:14,387
I thought that shrapnel was
just lying next to the artery,
503
00:20:14,430 --> 00:20:16,693
but Old Faithful tells me
it penetrated.
504
00:20:16,737 --> 00:20:19,479
All right, Colonel,
I'm all yours.
505
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:24,266
Continue I.V.s and take his
temperature every two hours,
506
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:26,137
and if he starts to bleed
again, holler.
507
00:20:26,181 --> 00:20:27,400
I'll come running.
508
00:20:27,443 --> 00:20:29,053
You better get some sleep,
Hawkeye.
509
00:20:29,097 --> 00:20:30,577
You've been here
all night.
510
00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:33,797
That's funny, it just
seems like dusk to dawn.
511
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:37,410
-Pierce, I want to see you.
-Are you in pain?
512
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:39,194
Never mind.
I want to talk to you.
513
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,978
Oh, fine, what do you
wanna talk about?
514
00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:43,285
Books? How about
Death Takes A Holiday?
515
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:45,200
Don't you ever stop
with the wisecracks?
516
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,115
Only long enough
to make a joke.
517
00:20:47,158 --> 00:20:48,943
Oh, boy, you're a pistol.
518
00:20:48,986 --> 00:20:51,250
I want to talk to you,
you make a joke.
519
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:54,165
The nurse asks you
about your work,
you make a joke.
520
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:56,951
You take shrapnel
out of a kid's chest,
you make a joke.
521
00:20:56,994 --> 00:21:00,433
-Hopefully not the same joke.
-There you go again.
522
00:21:00,476 --> 00:21:03,087
But what do you expect?
523
00:21:03,131 --> 00:21:06,047
I spent the last 48 hours
digging pieces of Hill 403
524
00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:08,049
out of kids whose
biggest worry a week ago
525
00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:09,572
was how to cover a hickey.
526
00:21:09,616 --> 00:21:12,314
Joking about it
is the only way
527
00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:13,837
of opening my mouth
without screaming.
528
00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:15,970
Hmm. I know.
529
00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:18,625
I spent the last 48 hours
watching you.
530
00:21:18,668 --> 00:21:20,627
Wasn't pretty, was it?
531
00:21:20,670 --> 00:21:22,716
No, it wasn't.
532
00:21:22,759 --> 00:21:26,807
That hill back there,
where I got clobbered...
533
00:21:26,850 --> 00:21:28,374
all that screaming...
534
00:21:28,417 --> 00:21:31,812
I'm used to screaming,
but not from me.
535
00:21:31,855 --> 00:21:35,859
On the ambulance bus,
kid died next to me.
536
00:21:35,903 --> 00:21:37,296
Heard the rattle.
537
00:21:37,339 --> 00:21:39,385
I thought I was next.
538
00:21:39,428 --> 00:21:40,951
I'll never forget.
539
00:21:42,649 --> 00:21:44,781
None of us will.
540
00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:50,483
Pierce, a push in a barroom,
541
00:21:50,526 --> 00:21:54,225
it just doesn't stack up
against all that.
542
00:21:54,269 --> 00:21:58,665
I, uh, can't see myself going
ahead with the court-martial.
543
00:22:01,798 --> 00:22:04,497
Well, I 'm too tired
to argue with you.
544
00:22:04,540 --> 00:22:07,021
You need to get
your rest, too.
545
00:22:12,069 --> 00:22:14,681
Out of the way, Pierce.
Let's see if we can
settle this out of court.
546
00:22:17,814 --> 00:22:20,513
-How are you, Colonel?
-Better.
547
00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:22,428
Good, because I want you
to know that, if you proceed
548
00:22:22,471 --> 00:22:24,473
with this court-martial,
you're in for a hell of a fight.
549
00:22:24,517 --> 00:22:25,822
Colonel, before
you roll up your --
550
00:22:25,866 --> 00:22:27,781
Zip it, son.
I'll handle this.
551
00:22:27,824 --> 00:22:30,349
Colonel, I've been
soldiering for 30 years.
That's long enough
552
00:22:30,392 --> 00:22:32,046
-to know that a good surgeon,
-The charges are dropped.
553
00:22:32,089 --> 00:22:33,874
no matter how dimwitted
or impulsive
554
00:22:33,917 --> 00:22:35,397
is worth his weight in gold.
555
00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:37,051
Colonel, they're dropped.
556
00:22:37,094 --> 00:22:40,097
-What's dropped?
-The charges against Pierce.
557
00:22:40,141 --> 00:22:42,883
-They are?
-Yes.
558
00:22:42,926 --> 00:22:45,712
Oh, well, that's different.
559
00:22:45,755 --> 00:22:48,454
Thanks, Colonel.
I knew you'd see it my way.
560
00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:50,064
There, cowboy.
561
00:22:50,107 --> 00:22:52,806
Now you know what
a little tact can do.
562
00:22:52,849 --> 00:22:54,111
Uh-huh.
563
00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:01,467
-Mm.
-Mm.
564
00:23:01,510 --> 00:23:02,859
Klinger,
this is incredible.
565
00:23:02,903 --> 00:23:04,426
Did I tell you?
566
00:23:04,470 --> 00:23:06,210
Packo's Hungarian hot dogs
are the pride of Toledo.
567
00:23:06,254 --> 00:23:07,734
I could kiss that Danker.
568
00:23:07,777 --> 00:23:09,344
First the matchbook,
and then this.
569
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:10,867
-Keep them coming.
-Try those chili peppers.
570
00:23:10,911 --> 00:23:12,216
They'll put hair
on your tongue.
571
00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:15,394
What is that tantalizing odor?
572
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:16,960
That ain't chopped liver.
573
00:23:17,004 --> 00:23:20,050
Looks like you've got enough
to feed an army there.
574
00:23:20,094 --> 00:23:21,312
Here you are, sir.
575
00:23:21,356 --> 00:23:22,923
-Hawk, pass the relish?
-Mm-hmm.
576
00:23:22,966 --> 00:23:24,620
Charles, would you
open that for us?
577
00:23:24,664 --> 00:23:25,926
-Oh, sure.
-Thank you.
578
00:23:25,969 --> 00:23:28,232
-Mmm.
-Mmm.
579
00:23:28,276 --> 00:23:30,539
Just looks delicious.
580
00:23:30,583 --> 00:23:32,411
Gentlemen, we're
forgetting our guest--
581
00:23:32,454 --> 00:23:34,325
Here you go.
582
00:23:34,369 --> 00:23:35,501
Charles, how does
that look to you?
583
00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:37,894
-Wonderful.
-What do you want on it?
584
00:23:37,938 --> 00:23:40,897
-Touch of mustard.
-Touch of mustard.
585
00:23:40,941 --> 00:23:42,290
-All right?
-Mmm.
586
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:43,813
-Mm-hmm.
-Hmm?
587
00:23:43,857 --> 00:23:44,988
-Mm-hmm.
-Chocked with chili.
588
00:23:47,382 --> 00:23:48,862
What's this?
589
00:23:48,905 --> 00:23:50,254
B.J.: Ample reward
for opening a jar.
590
00:23:50,298 --> 00:23:51,995
Charles, your
sophisticated palate
591
00:23:52,039 --> 00:23:54,998
is no match for
this pedestrian swill.
592
00:23:55,042 --> 00:23:56,391
Besides,
it's Hungarian.
593
00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:58,393
[all chuckle]
594
00:23:58,437 --> 00:23:59,873
Charles, Charles,
Charles, Charles.
595
00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:04,399
-It's all yours.
-Thank you.
596
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:07,228
Not so fast.
Save some for Margaret.
597
00:24:07,271 --> 00:24:09,491
Oh, this is for Margaret.
598
00:24:09,535 --> 00:24:10,927
[laughing]
599
00:24:12,059 --> 00:24:14,931
♪♪ [theme]
43810
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