All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S05E01 - Bug Out (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

[theme music playing]

Who's that on shovelnumber three?

-Salkowitz.
-Nice style.

He's a magician withlatrines and cesspools.

Salkowitz!

A little deeper on that end.

That's where Major Burns sits.

You know, this is my firstlatrine digging.

Really?

You oughta come
downtown more often.

Now this won't hurt a bit.

[Klinger humming]

Sewing?

Uh, yeah, I losta button off my pants.

You devil.

Oh, hey, your cigars came.

-Oh, El Redondos.
-Are they good?

Havana cigars made in Newarkby Puerto Ricans.

Wow.

When you gonna light it?

Oh, that's about right.

[phone ringing]

4077 MASH,
Corporal O'Reilly--

Hey, Sparky, how you doin'?

How's things down at H.Q.?

Yeah? Yeah?

Oh, no, I won't
tell anybody, Sparky.

Okay, I'll be talking to ya.

What can't you tell anybody?

We're having
a practice bug-out.

Moving ten miles
down the road.

You mean tear down
all the tents and move?

Hey, Klinger,
don't tell anybody.

My lips are sealed.

-Major Burns.
-Hmm.

Don't say anything.

Don't tell me
not to say anything.

-I haven't said it yet.-What is it, Klinger?

It's a secret.

Well, then spit it out.

We're due for a bug-out.

Retreating?

How dare you spread
rumors we're retreating,

rumor-monger!

Would I "mong" you?

It's treason.

Anybody who would sayAmerica would retreat

is not army.

Who says I'm army?

I'm delicatessen.

And don't ever
spread rumors again.

Tittle-tattle will
lose the battle.

A slip of the lip
can sink a ship.

He's brighter
than I thought.

We know something
you don't know.

Major Houlihan
is a brunette?

-Garbage head.-Takes one to know one.

-May I join the conversation?
-Keep it short.

-Hi.
-That's short.

Guess what's happening.

Santa Clausis coming to town.

He is not!

And we spent all
that money on tinsel.

We're bugging out.Retreating.

A battalion of North Koreansis headed this way.

Frank, is this something
you've been dreaming,

or has the major been
talking in her sleep?

Another garbage head.

Two garbage heads
are better than one.

Wait a minute, when arewe supposed to bug out?

Any minute.
It's top secret.

We don't want
the enlisted personnel

to know we're retreating.

Why, aren't they invited?

♪ I love to go swimmin'

♪ With bowlegged women

♪ And swim between
their legs ♪

♪ Swim between their legs

Oh! Howdy, Padre.
Take it easy.

Water's cold as
a witch's thorax.

Well, I feela lot better.

You haven't even
turned on the water.

No, but you'rein such a good mood,

it just can't be true.

What can't be true?

That we're bugging out.

Bugging out?

What are you talking about?

Well, as I understand it,

an entire battalionof Chinese paratroopers

is supposed to drop in on uswithin a few hours.

Horse hockey!
Excuse me.

It's just another rumor.

Like last week,

the Radio City Rocketteswere supposed to play here.

What did we get?
An Italian sissy

who played "Valencia"
with his armpit.

[singing indistinctly]

-Incoming wounded, sir.-Get my pants.

-Underwear?
-I'll fake it.

Yes, sir.

Wounded come before
personal chafing.

Alice! Alice!

Let me go!
Let me go!

Oh, give hima break, Alice.

You're the first womanhe's seen in months.

-B.J.
-Yeah, Colonel?

-Take this hip.
-Right.

-Where you from, soldier?-Connecticut.

Connecticut.
Two N's.

Got it right in
a spelling bee once.

Won a wax pistol
full of grape juice.

Colonel, the guy back there.

Hell's bells.

-Pierce?
-Yo.

What is it, Colonel?

Shot in the back.
Can't move his legs.

Spinal cord injury.

Can we get a neurosurgeonfrom the 8063rd?

-No chance.-He needs a laminectomy.

You've just changed
specialities.

You always give methe cuties.

Well, I sure as hell ain'tgonna give this one to Alice.

Looks like shrapnel
in the spinal canal.

If I go in there,
we won't be able

to move that kid
for 24 hours.

Those bone fragmentscould lacerate the cord.

-So?
-The bug-out.

Chinese paratroopersand tanks coming,

-four divisions.
-Crock of beans!

You called me, Colonel?

No. I'm gonna scotch this,once and for all.

I'll call General Hamiltonat I-Corps.

-Oh, he's a big shot.
-He owes me.

I sent him a case
of Preparation H.

Anything forthe rear echelon.

Yeah, that's right.
General Hamilton.

Binky? Sherm.

Oh, the missus
is just fine.

She's stateside playing
bingo with the Catholics.

Last month, she won
some talcum powder

and a carton of Wings.

How's Marie?

Uh-huh.

You just tell her to soak
that thing every night

in warm boric
acid solution.

In the meantime, one
earring doesn't look bad

on a woman her age.

Bink, level with me.

We've got some scuttlebutt
goin' around.

Give it to me straight.

Are we supposed
to bug out?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

That straight, Bink?

Emmis?

We're stayin' put?

Good.

That's all
I wanted to know.

What?
Oh, you're welcome.

There's plenty more
where that came from.

Just don't sit
on anything cold.

Well, thanks, Bink.
You too, General.

-Radar!-There's no bug-out, sir.

I'll go down to surgery
to tell Hawkeye--

Go down to pre-opand tell Hawkeye

to get startedon that back surgery.

Moving, moving,on the double.

-Osteotomes.
-Ready, Doctor.

Give him some
more juice, B.J.

This is why you
get the big money.

I thoughtI'd given him enough.

-Well, don't think. Be sure.-I'm sorry.

All right, I'm sorry.I'm sorry. Let's go in.

-Retractors.
-Ready, Doctor.

-Whole blood?
-Plenty.

Okay, you guys,

time to beat your feeton the Mississippi mud.

Attention!

At ease,
smart alec-os.

This latrine was supposedto be dug last night.

Why, sir?We're buggin' out.

Colonel Potter called
General Hamilton.

We are not going to bug out.So get busy.

I'd like to start the holidayswith a fresh latrine.

Your lunch, sir.And Cho Man Chin is outside.

Cold Spam on dry bread?

The kitchen's all packed up
for the bug-out, sir.

Bug-out, my butt.And tell Cho Man Chin

I'm not interestedin aluminum siding.

I thought you were outside.

Was outside. Now inside.

Sir, should I bodily
remove him?

He'd bite your neckand give you the gleet.

Colonel go for laugh.
No get.

Radar, tell the mess sergeant

to get that kitchen
back in order.

We're not bugging out.

He'll punch my arm.

Wear your heavy sweater.

So, what are youselling, Cho?

Wristwatchesthat run backwards?

-Sold out.
-By the way,

those wild boar's tusksturned out to be plastic.

Oh, during wartime,you can't even trust animals.

Get to it.What's the poop?

Real estate.
First-class poop.

Real estate. Next,you'll sell me your mother.

Sold out.

You need property

'cause you moving.

We're not moving.

Word out, boss. You moving.

I've talked to
General Hamilton
at Headquarters.

We no move. We no mo--

My God, now I'm
talking like you.

Here you are, sir.

Seems to me I've seenthat Spam before.

But it's warm now.

Got the stove set up?

Kept it under my arm.

-Pass.
-Oh.

Maybe I should go over
to Rosie's Bar and Grill.

They have a hot rice dish.

-What's it called?
-Hot rice.

Look here, Colonel.
Section 24.

Ten acres with view
of drainage ditch.

This is the army.We don't buy land.

If we want it,we take it.

Colonel, sir, I'd like
to report malingering.

-Now what?-The men won't dig the latrine

because they think
we're bugging out.

That tears it!

-Radar, sound assembly.-I'll sound assembly.

-You gonna need that land.-Hey, you,

that watch you sold me
runs backwards.

Try other wrist.

♪ [call to assembly
on trumpet] ♪

Company! Ten-hut!

I can't standthat pimply voice.

At ease!

-You people--
-[phone rings]

-I'll get the phone.-Get the phone, Radar.

You people have been
panicking over a rumor

which says that the 4077this bugging out.

That is grade-A,
100% bull cookies!

You service people
should know by now

that scuttlebutt
is as common

as cooties in your skivvies.

My apologies to those among usof the feminine gland

and to our resident celibateFather Mulcahy.

Thank you, sir.

I have spoken personally

to General Hamilton
at Headquarters.

The general has assured me

there is nothing
to worry about.

MASH 4077 is definitely...

bugging out in three hours!

Bug out!

Wait a minute, uh...

[music playing]

Company, dismissed!

What do we got?

Multiple fractures,

dural laceration,and a hematoma.

Never doubt your X-ray
or your hairdresser.

-Hawkeye!
-Mask!

It's true.

We're bugging out
in three hours.

Oh, my God,we can't stop now.

If the worst can happen,it will.

Pierce's theoryof medicine.

Everybody's supposed
to start packing.

Too bad this kid didn'tcome with a zipper.

-Clamp.
-Clamp.

[jet engine roaring overhead]

Kelsey, save those tent stakes.We'll need 'em later.

-You sent for me, sir?
-Where you been?

Well, when you
sent for me,

I thought you
were kidding, sir.

I don't kid, Skeezix.

I called you to put youin charge of this bug-out.

-Me?
-No choice.

-You're second in command.-Hot diggity dog!

I'm goin' up in the chopperto scout a new location.

You ever bugged out before?

Oh, no, sir,not intentionally.

Is this a drill, Colonel?

No, it's the real McCoy.

Now, keep an eye
on the patients.

Sometimes we lose 'em
on these moves.

A human life is more importantthan a kitchen stove.

Don't recite, listen.
Load in this order:

1, pharmacy. 2, lab.
3, X-ray. 4, pre-op.

5, O.R., following
the last stitch.

6, H.Q. 7, Mess Tent.

-8, post-op.
-1, pharmacy--

-Saddle up!
-Yes, sir!

[explosions]

Golly. The enemyreally is coming.

They ain't playing
Mahjongg.

-Get with it, Burns.
-Yes, sir.

Kelsey, forgetthose tent stakes.

We'll make new ones!

Why didn't I shoot my footand stay in Honolulu?

HAWKEYE: More suction.

MARGARET:Yeah, right, right.

-B.J.: Oozing?
-Yeah, quite a bit.

Margaret,
retract that some more

and get the field dry,
will ya?

Blood pressure's90 over 60.

When it gets
to 100, sell.

-More blood.
-Right.

[distant explosions]

Can't they wait?

Looks like the army
forgot to pay the rent.

Tell 'em the check'sin the mail.

[explosion]

Sounds like the check
just bounced.

Sounds like it blew up.

Why does the war
have to be so noisy?

That's so you can find itwhen the lights go out.

If I get slivers,I'll have your stripes.

I'm a private.

Don't pull rank on me!

[humming]

Bring it back,bring it back.

Straight back,
straight back,

straight back,
straight back.

Left turn, left turn.

Let's get that firsttable up in there.

All right, you guys,grab a hold of this table

and get-- Hey! Hey! Hey!

Can't you idiots watchwhere you're going?

[screaming]

[blows whistle]

-Major Burns?
-What?

That's not open for business.

[blows whistle]

Well, we've relievedthe pressure.

There's nothingmore we can do.

Will we be able totransfer him out of here?

No, not for a while.

There's too muchrisk of paralysis.

[explosion]

The Chinese are
knocking at the door.

I don't care who it is.He can't have visitors.

♪ You go home and pack your panties ♪

♪ I'll go home and pack my scanties ♪

♪ And away we'll go
oh-oh-oh ♪

This tent should
have been collapsed
half an hour ago.

Just getting my gearready for the truck, sir.

-You call this gear?-Please, sir. My brocade.

It's from theSpiegel catalog.

I always say buy American.

It's from Chicago.

Oh, sure, like Polish ham.

[chuckling]

These are not official gear,

and they'll not betransported on a vehicle

of the United States Army.

I will never give upthe Klinger collection.

Come on, Pokey. Keep up now.

[bleating]

-Cease!
-Whoa!

It's okay, Snuffy.

It's just Major Burns.

Where are you going
with these rodents?

I'll handle it.I'm just gonna put 'em

-on the truck, sir.
-Negative.

Don't get upset.

Just eat your carrot slowly.

Non-experimental rodents

are neither military
nor medical,

and they will
not be transported

on a government vehicle.

These are my friends, sir.

Soldier, there are
no friends in wartime.

How are they supposedto get to the new MASH?

Well, the guinea pigs canwalk. The rabbit can hop.

And the goat can dowhatever it is goats do.

Major Burns, haven't youever had a pet of your own?

Just a canary.
Never sang a note,
and it bit me.

Maybe you didn't
talk to it right.

Are you telling a doctorhow to talk to a bird?

Major, I can't leave 'em here.They might get killed!

Well, if you start to cry,I'll give you a good slap.

Breakfast of champions.

Hawk, I'm staying
here with you.

-But don't get me wrong.-No, no, no.

You gotta go ahead
and set up the new O.R.

I gotta stay here
and watch the kid.

Yeah, well, while you're at it,watch yourself, will ya?

This place is gonnabe under new management.

Well, somebody's gotta
hand over the key.

Clap hands.
Here comes Charlie.

Nice talking to you,
Frank.

Well, what do you thinkyou're doing, Hunnicutt?

Frank, your nostrilsare flaring.

Well, they have
a right to flare.
I'm in charge.

That disgusting still
is not coming

to the new location.It's not military equipment.

It's all military equipment.

The heating coilis from an ammo truck,

the funnel is fromthe generator shed,

and the filter's madewith shredded skivvies.

Alkie. You'd tear up your
underwear for a drink.

I would not.They're yours.

As a unit, that still
is non-military

and will not be transportedby a government vehicle.

Oh, yeah? Well, whatabout your junk, Frank?

-Let's see what you're taking.-Now, hands off!

-Frank.
-It's a gift...

for a fellow officer.

It's not
Colonel Potter's size.

You knowwho it's for, snip.

Military?
A hari-kari dagger?

Well, it's brand-new.Never been used.

Do us a favor, Frank,
break it in.

[groaning]

I couldn't agree more.

Doc, I hate to say
what I have to say.

-Who told you to say it?-Major Burns.

Then I'm gonna hate to hearwhat you have to say.

He wants your chair
on the truck.

Uh, you tell him if
he takes this chair,

my tuchus will
attack him barehanded.

Your what?

The permanent
vertical smile.

Famed in song and story.

Doc, I never evengraduated high school.

Tell him to forget it.

Oh, okay.

What's his problem?

He wanted to remove my
rest and recreation area.

How's the boy doing?

Slight movement
in the toes.

Oh, good.

Yeah, I think we
may be all right.

Listen, son, don't
stay here too long.

Well, he needs
24 hours, Colonel.

I know, but if you
see a cloud of dust

coming down the road
and you start hearing

Chinese band music,get this kid on a chopper

and get your butt
out of here.

We'll be all right.

Don't forget,

my wife is lookingforward to meeting you.

Where are we?

Due West of Chin Cong.

Now, this is no good.No access road.

Go west toward Chuk Shan.

I'm starvin'.

I'd even settle for one ofRadar's armpit sandwiches.

There's a good area.

Road, building.

PILOT:
It's taken a few shells,

but it looks
in good shape.

I'll clear it with I-Corps.

Let's go home.

[theme music playing]

Kitchen's down.

Well, that's good news.

-Here.
-Hmm.

That's it for the coffee.

Vile to the last drop.

I'll be back
in ten minutes.

Then you can leave
with the others.

I'm staying.

Hmm, you finally realized
I have a beautiful body.

I've never seenyour body.

Every evening at 8:30,

matinees Wednesday
and Saturday.

Let's keep ourrelationship medical.

You wanna play doctor?

Look, Margaret,
I can handle this.

Get on the truck
and get out of here.

I'm staying with you.

If you need me, I'll bepacking up my troubles

in my old kit bag.

Where's my tent?

RADAR:
Did you yell, Hawkeye?

Where's my tent,my clothes,

my sneakers,my dirty magazines?

Uh, Captain Hunnicutt
finished packing up

the rest of
your gear, sir.

I hope he left mea change of filthy socks.

Did he take care
of the still?

Major Burns wouldn't let thestill go on the truck, sir.

Fink!

He wouldn't let
Klinger's dresses

or my animals go onthe truck, neither, sir.

I can understandthe dresses,

but Snuffy andthe Doo-doo twins?

The Smith Brothers ofthe jelly bean industry.

They're careless,but they're loyal.

Not as loyal
as my still.

All it asks is
a little alcohol,

some corn mash,

and what does it
give in return?

Liquid love.

Yeah.

Uh, can you keepa secret, sir?

Scout's honor.

Were you a Scout?

No, but I was
always prepared.

B.J., Klinger, and meworked out a little deal

with Wat San Yeefor the use of his cab.

He's gonna haul the stilland the animals

and the Klinger collection.

Radar, when all this is over,I'm gonna adopt you.

I've already got my motherand my uncle Ed.

-I'll sleep on the couch.-[giggling]

Start your engines!

[engines starting]

Move out! Yo!

RADAR:Snuffy gets the carrots.

Pokey and the restget the lettuce.

Sequins all over the ground!

-Take care of yourself.-Same to you!

Come on, Pokey!

[bleating]

What are you doing back here?

You might need me.

[Pokey bleating]

[explosion]

How's he doing?

[sigh]Hangin' in there.

[explosion]

Is today the 4th of July?

It's September.

Just a wild hope.

Does the enemy
rape female prisoners?

Margaret, there's noreason to be afraid.

Aren't you scared?

Me, scared?

This whole body
is one white knuckle.

You don't show it.

The minute this kid is stableand on the chopper,

I may wet my pants
and suck my thumb.

-Wow, wow.-[explosion in distance]

Everybody's heading south.

The whole road'sjammed up with traffic.

Must be going tothe Rose Bowl game.

What'd you bring,
Corporal?

Well, they left us
this stuff.

It's a-- it's a couplecans of Vienna sausage,

two cans of Spam,some dehydrated potatoes,

and some extra shoelaces.

I'll have the shoelaces.House dressing.

And have the chefremove the tips.

Is he all right?

He's moving his toes.
That's something.

[explosion]

I wish to hell we hadn'ttorn down the still.

I could use a belt.

Rosie's bar's still there.

Why don't you go on over?

I can handle things here.

[explosion]

What do you say, Radar?

Want to walk overto the gas station

for an orange soda?

Then we can strolldown Main Street

to the dry goods store

and watch them undressthe window dummies.

It's what we used
to do back home

-every Saturday night.
-You mad fools.

[giggling]

Geez,look at all the trucks.

Nice corner
for a taco stand.

Yeah.

Wow!

[horn honks]

-RADAR: Back!
-[honk honk]

Yeah, yeah!

That's telling them,Sheriff.

For Pete's sakes,
run a guy down!

Tell it to Truman!

First time I ever gotthe best table in the house.

Rosie!

-Dr. Stud!
-With two D's.

Time to flee.

One last drink,
my wee bonny lassie,

to celebrate our
cowardly retreat.

But time to flee.

Rosie, who gave you theblue medicine for your gums?

Hawkeye.

Come on.

A double for me anda grape Nehi for Radar.

No grape Nehi.

Check the wine cellar.

[explosion]

I'd settle for
an orange soda.

This is a special occasion.

The grape has a morememorable artificial flavor.

[explosion]

There's a lady on my foot.

Oh, Miss,

this probably
isn't your table,

but would you scratch
the back of my leg?

Ah.

Found! One grape Nehi.

-Let me see.
-Oh, boy.

Ah, titillating bouquet.

Delicate coloring.Travels well.

It's bottled in Duluth.

1951. Good year for Nehi.

Cin-cin.

Mmm, it's still
got its fizz.

Would I deny you a belch?

Missed.

They forgot to pack
the cockroaches.

Hey. That's Blue Velvet.

B.J's racing cockroach?

Sure, look at the limp.

Oh, it is Blue Velvet.

One of the great thoroughbredcockroaches in Korea.

I'm glad you missed him.

He's sired a lot of winners.

A farewell.

Much sadness in Rosie's heart.

Tear come to eye.

To Dr. Hawkeye,

healer of sick.

That's sweet, Rosie.

Tab owed: $51.55.

You crazy sentimental kid.

Able Bravo Oneto Able Bravo Two.

We're in C2 section,intersection 4.

Affirmative.Affirmative.

Able Bravo One out.

How's it going?

Who are you?

Dr. Pierce and his loyalminion Corporal O'Reilly.

Captain Stevens,
Intelligence and Recon.

-Minion? What's a minion?-You know.

You fetch and carry
goblets of wine,

you fend off
knaves and varlets,

and on occasion you find
me a toothsome wench.

He's a fun guy.

In real life,I'm the company clerk.

You people shouldhave gone south.

Yeah, we got a patient
we can't move yet.

Where's the front?

You're standing on it.

Oh, to be in England,
now that war is here.

[dog barking]

Halt! Convoy, halt!

-Convoy, halt!
-Major Burns.

SOLDIER:
Convoy, halt!

Convoy, halt!

Yes, sir?

Get latrine andtent detail started.

Set up a mess pre-op andpost-op near the building.

I'm gonna checkit out for O.R.

Roger Wilco.

Uh, sir,
I was thinking that--

-Uh, Colonel Potter, sir?-What is it, Father?

I believe it's customary tobless the site of a new MASH.

Of course, of course.Stand by for the blessing.

Stand by for the blessing!

Stand by for the blessing!

Stand by for the blessing!

Stand by for the blessing!

Stand by for the blessing!

Hear me, O Lord.

Hear me, O Lord!

Hear me, O Lord!

Hear me, O Lord!

Hear me, O Lord!

Hear me, O Lord!

I'm just trying to help.

The padre does a single.

We thank Thee for guidingus safely to this place

and ask Thy blessing thatwe may continue to heal

and do Thy work,

and for a speedy
end to this war--

I mean, uh, police action.

Uh, well, you know
what I mean, Lord.

Amen.

-Amen.
-Is that it?

Nothing comes after "amen."

Well, we used to sing.

-Get set up!
-Yes, sir.

Nice blessing, Father.
Standard prayer?

Well, it's a golden oldie.

Hunnicutt.

Yes, sir, Colonel.

Come on, let's look
over the building.

With this retreat,

there will be a lot
of busted-up kids

-coming in here.
-Right.

Looks like an
abandoned schoolhouse.

Fu Manchu Junior High.

-Sir, conflict.
-What now?

We can't find the
surgical equipment.

Look in the boxes marked"kitchen utensils."

The ninnies.

[blowing whistle]

Hunnicutt,
do me a favor.

-Name it, Colonel.
-If I'm ever shot,

don't let him
lay a hand on me.

-[chuckling] Same here.-[whistle blowing continues]

I'd hate to have that whistlesewed up inside me.

Where the hell did he
get that whistle anyway?

Same placehe got his diploma--

a box of Cracker Jacks.

[women giggling]

Was that you?

I haven't giggledsince my wedding night.

Who there?

Colonel Sherman Potter,
MASH 4077.

Sorry, no appointment.

[giggling]

No appointment?

What does she mean,
no appointment?

Today is Wednesday.

Maybe the dentistis playing golf.

Let me try, Colonel.

I know how to knockin Korean.

[whistles]

Sorry. Everybody tired.

Big night last night.

Now, would you pleasecome out here, madam?

I think you hit it
right on the head.

What's thatsupposed to mean?

Madam.
And the others are her
ladies of the evening,

or afternoon or morning,
as the case may be.

Concubines,in a schoolhouse?

Well, they have to
learn someplace.

Again.

[whistles]

[speaking Korean]

Don't give methat static, lady.

We're here to
establish MASH 4077.

You get your concubines
out of here!

Concubines?

Out lady, now.

Business before war.

That's what makesAmerica great.

We're here on
orders of "I" Corps.

General Irving R. Hamilton,commanding.

Ohh. Binky.

[whistle blows]

Ready to set up
the O.R., Colonel.

Stand by, Major.

Who are they?

Are there people living here?

The Assistance League.

Assistance League?

The oldest profession.

A bakery?

Tarts!

Tarts?

Peach? Raspberry?

-Frank.
-Huh?

It's a brothel.

A den of iniquity?
In this building?

If you order before 6,I'm sure you can get takeout.

Disgusting. Colonel,
request permission

for an armed squad
to remove them by force.

[blows whistle]

Confiscated!

Get cracking!

He took my whistle.

Look, lady,
you have to move.

We're using this buildingfor a hospital.

You've got to set up your...

shimmy palace in another spot.

No.

Listen, sister.

Me no Catholic.

We'll put all of you
in one of our trucks.

We'll take you any
place you wanna go.

Throw in a case
of chipped beef.

Oh, no, I love that
after church, on toast.

How about a caseof Vienna sausage?

Ohhh.

That got her.She loves Vienna sausage.

[speaking Korean]

-Oh, dresses!
-Dresses!

-[gasp] Pretty!
-Thank you, sis.

Uh, hold it, babe.
Hold it now. Take it easy.

That's not for sale.That's my confirmation dress.

All right, girls, come on now.
Let's knock it off!

Give me that dress!This ain't Klein's basement.

Come on, that doesn't
look good on you.

Come on, girls. Hold up!

Let's behave
like gentlemen now!

Don't! You're gonna tear it!

Give me that dress.
Give me that.

You're gonna split the pleats!

My dress!

That's not your dress.I'll kill ya!

Wait a minute!Hey, come back here!

I've got it.

-[arguing]
-POTTER: Klinger!

KLINGER:
Give me that dress.

[blows whistle]

All present and
accounted for, sir!

Come over here.

Put that back on the rack,next to the pink chiffon.

And watch the collar.It's simulated raccoon.

-You whistled, sir?
-With both lips.

Step over here.I want to talk to you.

Son, those girls arecrazy about your clothes.

They're ruining 'em.
Look at my black sheath.

Klinger,I'm the first to say,

you're a fine medicand a snappy dresser.

I try, sir.

They'll give us the buildingfor the clothes.

What? I got 300 clams
invested in those dresses!

We've gotta have an O.R.

But my blue chiffon.It's from Murdoch's of Toledo.

I understand. I've alwaysliked that dress.

My pearls won't go
with anything else.

Put that chubby back!
That's real fake fur.

Klinger, we're gonna havewounded coming in here.

The war is going bad for us.We need that building.

It took me three
years of my life.

Alterations.

Sewing my fingers
to the bone.

Staying up all night studyingthe Monkey Ward catalog.

Fighting my way
through snipers

for the month-end sales
at Wangs of Seoul.

Cowboy...

do it for your country.

My country?

Do it for Toledo.

Toledo.

Okay, Colonel.

Ladies, the clothesfor the building.

It's a deal?

[cheering]

-[chatter]
-Look what I got!

Corporal Klinger,

that's the finest act ofbravery I've ever witnessed.

[explosions]

HAWKEYE:What's his blood pressure?

116 over 80.

I thought you were asleep.

I always wake up when a ladypumps her sphygmomanometer.

Besides, I don'tsleep well on a soft wall.

[explosion]

What time have you got?

Time to flee.

Captain, you're waxingpoetic again.

I also make candles.

He's improving.

With any luck,we'll have him on his feet

in time for World War III.

Perish the thought.

Not to mention the people.

The weather's clear.

I can see the stars.

That chopper oughtabe here just after dawn.

Is he gonna beable to make it?

Well, he's got his ticket,
his matched luggage,

and his souvenir
satin pillow that says

"I have visited Korea,

land of the midnight
mortar attack."

How close is the enemy?

Uh, that captain said

we're in Communistterritory.

Oh, thank you, comrade.And get me some borscht.

-Easy on the sour cream.-[sigh]

Corporal, have you heardif they're taking prisoners?

I hope not.

Chop suey makes
me break out.

[explosion]

MARGARET:
Pierce, stop that!

RADAR:I'll wait in the jeep.

Where's the hospital ship?

Off Sinchon.

Give him a smooth ride.

You think he'll make it?

If they don't get a flat.

[distant explosions]

MARGARET:
What are you doing?

Big hunk of our lives
has been spent here.

Yeah, just think of allthe guys we operated on.

Right, Doctor.

A lot of them
didn't make it.

Most of them did.You should be proud.

You, too.

We better get going.

Yeah, let's go.

Don't you notice anything?

What?

No shelling.
No more machine gun fire.

That's spooky.Let's get outta here.

Come on, let's go.

[engine sputtering]

Now what?

We got plenty of gas.

I'll check the hood.

Yeah, see if
the hood's okay.

Hurry up!

Uh, nothing--
nothing's where it is

in my mother's Nash!

What?

Shh, listen.

[vehicles approaching]

Holy moly. It sounds like

there's a whole battalioncoming down the road.

I'm gonna be ravaged,I know it.

Tell 'em you're with me.

They're getting closer.

-Let's get outta here.
-Aah!

Ow!

-Okay.
-What?

Hey!

-HAWKEYE: Hey!
-RADAR: It's us!

HAWKEYE: Hey, it's us!Here we are!

-Hey, hey, hey!-RADAR: Over here!

-Aah!
-Hey!

Hey! It's us!

RADAR: Boy, are weglad to see you.

Convoy, halt!

Convoy, halt!

Convoy, halt!

-Convoy, halt!
-[Margaret laughing]

-Corporal.
-Colonel.

-What's the scoop?-Our boys beat 'em back.

-We're coming home.
-Thank God.

[bleating]

Hey, Pokey. How are ya?

Hey, Klinger.It was really scary.

We were overrunby Chinese almost.

Big deal. I was overrun
by a batch of bimbos.

They got everything
but the dress on my back.

Geez, what a gyp.

I can't wear this every day.People will laugh.

Hey, how's Snuffyand the twins?

You fed 'em, didn't ya?

Congratulations.
You're a grandfather.

-How'd that happen?
-Very quickly.

I think the twins brokeone of the Commandments.

Oh!

-Have a cigar.
-Thanks.

Oh, Frank, we were
surrounded by Chinese.

They were breathing
down our necks.

It tickled,
but I kinda liked it.

You haven't changed a bit.

Get aboard, Houlihan.

Yo!

[chatter]

[laughing]

Think they'll
ever finish, Hawk?

Once they passthe bond issue.

They're goin' awful deep.

Well, they have to.It's polluted.

Remember?Frank fell into it.