All language subtitles for MASH (1972) - S03E23 - White Gold (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track4_[eng]

♪♪ [theme]

MULCAHY:
And we all give thanks

for getting us
through another day

without too much trouble.

WOMAN: Mmm, you're
such a good kisser.

HAWKEYE: Grandfather
left me his lips.

He died in mid-pucker.

TRAPPER: You sure
she's not coming back?

WOMAN:
She's with Hawkeye.

Oh, then it should be a while.
He's very thorough.

MARGARET:
Oh, Frank, without you,

my intellectual life
would absolutely stagnate.

FRANK: How does
this snap open?

Halt!

-Who goes there?
-Out of the way, Klinger.

I've got to have
the password, Colonel.

Bull feathers.

That was last
week's password.

I don't remember
the damn password!

Then I can't let
you pass, sir.

-Klinger.
-Sir?

If I don't get
to the latrine,

something's going to happen

that hasn't happened
since I was six.

If that happens, Corporal,
you'll be in the army

until you're a little,
old whatever-you-are

in correction shoes
and support stockings.

-Now blow!
-Yes, sir!

-It's here.
-Great.

Okay, get the
penicillin first.

Right.

I'm afraid I'll have to
take a rain check, Margaret.

Well, it's early, Frank.

-Was it something I s--
-No.

I think they're fooling around
with my coffee again.

I got it.

Go! Cut!

Stop!

I said stop!

-Somebody, stop!
-MAN: [shouting]

[whistling]

What the-- Who the--

Klinger!

You better stop.

Klinger, fire for help!

My purse is stuck
in the trigger!

Back!

Look, uh, you can
have the gun, fella.

Yeah, the army's
got dozens of 'em.

Let's not have
any shooting.

Isn't there one
man among you?

The job's open,
Margaret.

What's all the hoo-ha?

[grunting, groaning]

-Good work, Klinger.
-Thank you, sir.

-Fastest fur in the West.
-MAN: Ohh.

Does anybody
know who he is?

[chatter]

Okay, people,
I'll deal with this.

No need for a mob scene.

I don't know.
Seven against one seems fair.

[rifle cocks]

It's still seven
against one.

What do you got here?
What is this?

TRAPPER:
No broken bones,
no infection.

You don't need
penicillin.

You was certainly
stealing enough of it.

Is there a plague someplace
we don't know anything about?

You know,
the new black market
price on that stuff

is 50 bucks a pop.

Maybe we oughta
sell all we have

and pay North Korea
to throw the war.

That hurt?

[sighs]

Cat's got his tongue.

Or he sold it.

Anything goes
with you kids, huh?

A guy told me about a sergeant
down in Seoul the other day.

Sold his jeep

while his major was
asleep in the back seat.

Yeah? How much are they
getting for used majors?

Shall we sell Hot Lips
and find out?

Too much mileage on her.

Cut these things
longer, will you?

They're supposed
to be this short.

No, they're not.

Now, look here,
uh, Corporal, uh...

Perkins,

we don't care if
you and your buddies

sell the 38th parallel
for profit.

But penicillin is vital
to our war effort.

We're not gonna let
some patient die

just because you wanna steal
your way through college.

I didn't sell the stuff.

All right, then,
why'd you take it?

I got my reasons.

Such as?

What outfit are you with?

Who were those
two other guys?

I don't have to tell
you anything.

Well, you're certainly
doing a good job of it.

You're not leaving
here, Perkins,

until we get to
the bottom of this.

Call MacArthur.
Have my discharge canceled.

[whistling
"Sailor's Hornpipe"]

-Colonel?
-Yo.

-Someone to see you, sir.
-Not now, Radar.

I just got in some new Picassos
from Bloomington, Illinois.

Well, it's a Captain Goldberg.
A Jewish rabbi.

Well, you can't hardly
find the other kind.

-Colonel Blake.
-Oh, uh, Captain Rabbi.

Are we alone?

Well, except for us.

It's me--
Colonel Flagg, C.I.A.

Colonel Flagg?
I thought--

Call me Goldberg.
Captain Goldberg.

Captain Goldberg
Colonel Flagg?

It's my cover.

As far as anyone knows,
I'm a Jewish chaplain.

You got that, son?

Uh, yes, Your Hebrewness.

You caught a thief
last night.

Well, just the old
4077th on the stick.

He was stealing
penicillin.

The theft of penicillin
is getting out of hand.

Well, you might
say there's been

a rash of
penicillin thefts.

[chuckling]

That's a good one.

It's sort of a joke.

We don't joke
in the C.I.A.

Check.

Leave the jokes
to the Kremlin.

Double check.

Now, where's
Corporal Perkins?

Colonel, that's not his name.
Captain.

What does that mean?

Well, I ran down
his dog tags.

Turns out they belong
to an infantryman--

Perkins, Charles P.

Killed in action
about a month ago.

Uh-huh.

Now, why would he use
a different name?

Maybe he's C.I.A.

No, I'm Perkins
in the C.I.A.

Oh.

Whoever he is,
I'm taking him

with me tonight,
Colonel.

Well, uh, let me
see if he's able.

I want him.
That makes him able.

I know, but there may
be medical reasons.

Don't cross me, Colonel.

We know where your
family lives.

Hey, I'm an American,
too, fella.

Yeah.

Quiet, or I'll use you
to clean a cannon.

Yes, sir.

Now, what time
can I have him?

Perkins?

Uh, here you go, sir.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

You just get this signed
by the attending doctors

Pierce and McIntyre.

Pierce and McIntyre.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yes.

Red marks next
to their names?

Unfriendlies.

Yellow next to mine?

Work on it.

HAWKEYE: Okay, all right,
what do you want?

Pierce, sign this.

What is this?

It's a release
of a prisoner.

I can't sign this.

I thought it was
to have you committed.

You'd better put
your name on it.

I've got enough on you to have
you thrown out of the army.

Is that a promise?

You could do with a
little rest, Chaplain.

Soft bed, soft chair,
soft walls.

What's that crack
supposed to mean?

Oh, come on, Flagg, relax.
Have a drink.

-I'm not Flagg.
-Mm.

I'm Captain Goldberg.

Sorry, Rabbi Goldberg.
L'chaim.

What's that mean?

Bottoms up,
from right to left.

What about the prisoner?

I told you,
we can't let Perkins go.

And I told you,
his name's not Perkins.

It's Goldberg.

Sign it.

Ah, come on, will ya?

Your brain pan's dripping.

It's your gung-holier-
than-thou attitude.

Yeah, you'd do anything
for the cause.

Remember the last
time you were here

when you broke
your own arm?

And you rigged that jeep so
you could run over yourself.

[laughing]

You're gonna kill yourself.

If I have to.

Hey, that's the spirit.

Yeah, if we had
more men like you,

we'd have less men like you.

My orders are to do
whatever I have to

to break up this
penicillin ring.

I have written permission
to die in the attempt.

Good luck.

You don't know
there is a ring.

We've gotta get
the truth first.

You give me that kid
for one hour.

I'll get the truth.

Anybody can do that if you use
his fingernails for kindling

and teach him to soft-shoe
with a cattle prod.

Yeah, we kinda hoped
to talk to him.

Being amateurs at torture.

Stick to medicine.

Leave war to the
professionals.

Stop by the hospital
before you go.

You could use about
20 CCs of humanity.

[clanging]

Major Burns.

You're--

I know who I am.

You can knock off, Major.
I'll guard the prisoner.

Oh, but my orders are--

The C.I.A. can supersede
anyone's orders.

Except the President's,
of course.

Give us time.

Gonna give him
the business?

It's not gonna
be pretty, Major.

Well, what are
you gonna do?

Tell me.
I can take it.

I'd ask you to stay, Major,
but torture's top secret.

Oh, I understand.

You come up with
something good,

and then the other side
starts using it.

You're my kind
of people, Major.

[chuckling]
Well...

I'll leave you
to your work.

Uh, if I can ever
be of help, uh...

if there's anyone I can
tell on, you know...

Thank you, Major.

Get up, punk.

Now I'm only gonna
say this once.

Get lost.

Beat it.

Take a powder.

You're not gonna buy
one in the back.

Frisk me. Come on.

Ah!

[yells]

There's this one back here.
One here, and one over here.

I believe it was the
Marquis de Sade who said,

"You really know how
to hurt a person."

You think I'd do
this to myself?

We'll need a suture here.

I think you'd go over
the Falls in a thimble.

Novocain syringe.

Hey!

No drugs.

A little Novocain
in your head.

You'll never know
the difference.

Negative.

If I lose control,

you guys don't have
the clearance

to hear
what's in my head.

I haven't got
the stomach for it.

Just... do it, hmm?

-You heard the manic.
-Right.

Uh, the, uh, powder blue
thread, I think.

Would you like it to say
"Home Sweet Home" or "Mother?"

I don't think he's
ever had either one.

I'll just put his initials.
C.I.A.: Crazy In the Army.

You guys'll get yours.

Can we pick the nurse?

You know, there's
something happening here

I can't make out.

Level with us, Flagg.

That Perkins kid didn't do
all that damage to you.

His name's not Perkins.

-All right, Goldberg.
-I'm Goldberg.

Gee, the next time
you come here,

I wish you'd
pass out programs.

All right, gift wrap him.

You want something
for the pain?

I mean, to increase it,
so you can really enjoy it.

I'll finish this.

This entire conversation
goes in your file.

Sitting there, I've recorded
every word you guys said.

You'll never guess where
he hid the microphone.

Something's fishy.

It's the red herrings.

He's uh, quite a man,
isn't he?

Who's quite a man, Frank?

Colonel Flagg,
the C.I.A. guy.

Hmm.

Do you, uh,
find him attractive?

He's all right.

Uh. Well, if I were
a woman, I would.

Do you often have
these fantasies, Frank?

-What fantasies?
-About being a woman.

-I never do.
-You just did.

But, Margaret,
Margaret, darling,

you know how jealous I get.

[muttering]

Frank, my hair
is very brittle.

You can't keep kissing
the top of my head.

You're going to give me
a crew cut.

I'm sorry, darling.
I just want you to think

I'm as manly as he is.

I know just
how manly you are.

-Sit, Frank.
-Yes, dear.

How about one for the road?

HAWKEYE:
To the Land of Nod.

Thought you had a date.

My mind's not on it.

How about the rest
of your body?

To the rest of my body.

Long may it wave.

I'd give anything to know
what Flagg is up to.

-Or down to.
-Right.

Sirs!

Mother, you made
it to the fort.

Someone's in the
supply room again.

That kid never knows
when to give up.

-Let's go.
-Right behind you, kemosabe.

Shouldn't be too hard.
He's all taped up.

What if he's
with his friends?

It's okay.
So are we.

God, it's dark in here.

-I got him!
-Hey, okay.

I got him!
I got him!

KLINGER: Ow! Be careful!
You'll tear my blouse!

[blows landing]

[grunting, yelling,
scuffling]

HAWKEYE:
Get out of the way!

Dear me. My--

-TRAPPER: Watch out!
-HAWKEYE: Ow!

KLINGER:
I can't see anything!

Somebody
turn on the light!

-Dear--
-What's that?

HAWKEYE:
What are you doing?
You hit me!

KLINGER: Somebody.
I can't see!

Get him! Get him!

[grunting]

Not too rough, boys.

After all, he is
a man of the cloth.

[grunt]
Come on.

I suppose there's an official
explanation for this,

in addition
to an honest one.

It took three of
you to take me.

Nice right cross,
Trapper.

Any time.

What's all the
commotion about?

New wrinkle.

We caught our friend here
stealing penicillin.

-I don't believe it.
-Tell her, Captain Marvel.

-Help me.
-My people need it for barter.

They're desperate
for it up north,

so we use it to
buy information.

We use it to save lives.

If I get information
that'll end a battle sooner

or information
that'll avoid an ambush,

I'll save more lives
than you will.

Why don't you
just torture them?

What did we send you
to school for?

I'm checking his ribs.

Shall we send out for sauce?

Why are you
harassing the colonel?

He's twice the man
either of you are.

That makes him four times
the man the two of us are.

He's C.I.A.

I wouldn't care if he's C.O.D.

Then we could refuse him.

This isn't fun
and games, friends.

There's a war
going on here.

I sure hope my wife
doesn't find out.

I'm leaving tomorrow
with the penicillin.

Over my dead body.

[chuckle] Let me put
that another way.

Frank,

how could you be
such a pea brain?

Well, Flagg wanted
to get on with his torture,

and, you know,
three's a crowd.

Well, I'll not have
anyone tortured

at the 4077th, Frank.

We're a hospital!

Well, we're also army.

You're army!

I bet if I cut you,
you'd bleed khaki.

-[siren blares]
-And proud of it.

Well, how proud are you
gonna be if I--

[siren continues]

How proud are you gonna be

if I charge you with
deserting your post?

Well, uh,
he ordered me to leave.

He's a superior officer.

He's a superior psycho.

His head's so twisted,
he's got to screw his cap on.

Radar!

Perkins is back, Henry.

-He's here?
-The M.P.s just brought him in.

Colonel Blake, is this the man
caught stealing your supplies?

That's him!
You oughta be flogged.

What, are you with
the British Navy?

His name's Johnson.

He's a medic with
the 415th Infantry.

Being a medic, son,
you should know better.

Colonel, we're not taking
the supplies for ourselves.

You see, rear echelon
is giving the stuff out

with an eyedropper.

But the more penicillin we
can get to the guys on the
front line who've been hit,

the more of 'em
we can save.

So sometimes we have
to steal what we need.

It's either that,
or we use our own money

to buy it from the States
or on the black market.

That's illegal!

As opposed to
the war?

If you got all the
supplies you needed,

we wouldn't have
anything to inventory.

TRAPPER:
Good thinking, Frank.

An Army travels
on its inventory.

Before I return him
to his outfit,

you wanna press
charges, sir?

No, no, no, no.
I don't think so.

Johnson, next time, ask.

If we've got extra,
it's yours.

Thank you, sir.

Well, I hate to break up
this little tea party,

but I'm certain
Colonel Flagg

would like to talk
to the corporal here

about his, uh, escape
and his assault on him.

Oh, Frank,
that was a phony.

Colonel Flagg, sir?

He's the camp
self-abusement director.

Uh, Doctors,

why don't you see
to Colonel Flagg,

while, uh, Johnson here
leaves the camp?

I think we should arrange it

so the colonel leaves us
alone indefinitely.

Good idea.

Yeah, why don't we
see how he's coming

after his operation?

What operation?

Give us a minute.

-Good morning, Captain.
-Colonel.

Congratulations.

I've decided not to have you
guys thrown out of the army.

That's really hitting
below the belt.

I've got the penicillin.
I'll settle for that.

Well, all's fair
in love, et cetera.

Hey, I wouldn't
eat the bacon.

You'll spend a week
in the latrine.

What about the sausage?

Two weeks.

Vitamins.

There's not enough gas
in the Hindenburg

-to put this guy under.
-I had to promise him,

as soon as he went under,
we'd sew up his mouth.

Is this really
on the up-and-up?

Do I really have appendicitis?

You felt the cramps.

You practically
doubled over.

Your whole side is inflamed.
Even your pistol was hot.

Come on now.
Breathe deeply.

-We've gotta open you up.
-[grunting]

We'll close our eyes if we
find any undigested microfilm.

You're gonna get that
long rest you need, Colonel.

The sanitary
c-conditions here...

We change the filth every day.

If I get an infection...

remember, I've got
plenty of penicillin.

We've got plenty
of penicillin.

And you've got
plenty of nothin'.

Scalpel.

Anything I can do for you?
Anything at all?

I'm fine.

Major.

Excuse me, sir.

It was a simple appendectomy.

If your breath
gets any hotter,

you'll singe your chest.

-I--
-Let's move along,

shall we, Major?

Don't eat the bacon, huh?

What was in the coffee?

Beans from Brazil.

Saltpeter from Jersey.

Uh, where's the penicillin?

Most of it's hidden.
The rest is distributed

in various rumps
around the room.

And yours is next.

The square needle, please.

Look, he's all
red, white, and blue.

♪♪ [theme]