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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:08,056
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
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00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,745 --> 00:00:14,729
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,798 --> 00:00:18,033
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:21,386
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
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00:00:21,455 --> 00:00:22,937
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:24,723
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:29,761
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,952
And now backto the Disney Channel'sexclusive presentation,
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00:00:37,021 --> 00:00:40,321
Aladdin 5:
Jafar Answers the Census.
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00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:43,141
Okay, and how many people
live in your palace?
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00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,976
Umm. Does the bird count?
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00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,778
Does the bird live here?
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00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,046
Yes.
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00:00:48,115 --> 00:00:49,292
Then, yes, the bird counts.
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00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:50,382
Okay. Two.
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00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,616
Great.
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00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,863
What is your primary
source of income?
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00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,221
Umm. Sorcery.
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00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,457
And a little from
political corruption,
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00:00:58,525 --> 00:00:59,958
but primarily sorcery.
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00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:01,938
Yeah, I'll just put sorcery.
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00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:05,863
Okay. Umm, are you gay,
straight, or not sure?
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00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:07,432
Uh, why are you asking me this?
26
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,547
It's just...I don't writethe questions.
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00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,948
I know. It just seems
a little personal.
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00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:13,572
Yeah, I understand.
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00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,185
You're free notto answer it ifthat's your choice.
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00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,375
No, no, no, it's okay.
You can put "not sure."
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00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,564
All right.
I'm off to Paris.
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00:01:19,629 --> 00:01:21,774
You guys going to
be okay without me
for a week?
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00:01:21,798 --> 00:01:23,415
Ugh, I don't know.
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00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,729
I mean, who's going
to put those three
magazines in a neat stack
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00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,386
on the coffee table?
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00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,549
Lois, I realize you're
excited about going away
with Bonnie and all,
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00:01:29,573 --> 00:01:32,507
but could I not have
to hear about the trip
when you get back?
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00:01:32,576 --> 00:01:35,343
I know you're going
to have pictures and stories,
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00:01:35,412 --> 00:01:38,813
and I just don't want to be
involved in any of that mess.
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00:01:40,717 --> 00:01:41,783
You ready to go, Lois?
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00:01:41,851 --> 00:01:43,118
I sure am.
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00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:45,899
Oh, my God, Bonnie.
We're going to
have such a good time.
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00:01:45,923 --> 00:01:48,824
I know, and it's going to be
so much fun going with you.
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00:01:48,893 --> 00:01:50,158
Joe hates to fly
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00:01:50,227 --> 00:01:52,360
'cause they always put him
underneath with the dogs.
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00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,798
Indonesia better be worth it.
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00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,183
Okay. Bye, everyone.
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00:01:58,251 --> 00:02:01,086
Kids, you mind your father
while I'm gone. Love you.
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00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:02,682
Bye, Mom.
Bye!
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00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,088
Oh, Peter, I almost forgot.
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00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:05,457
Here's some money for groceries
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00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,959
and a list of
the kids' schedules.
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00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,722
The fat man
in charge for a week?
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00:02:08,746 --> 00:02:10,423
He's going to be
in over his head.
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00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,091
Like when he was a boxing coach.
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00:02:12,115 --> 00:02:13,560
Punch him!
Punch him again! Punch him!
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00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,344
Punch him now! Again!
Now you're getting punched!
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00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,888
Punch back!
Don't let him hit you!
Get out of the way! Punch him!
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00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,717
You know what I'm
going to tell you.
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00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:22,821
I got to punch him...
You got to punch him more.
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00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:28,407
Hey, you ever
check Joe's Facebook?
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00:02:28,431 --> 00:02:30,198
Ugh, I know. Awful.
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00:02:30,267 --> 00:02:33,401
"Hitting Cheesecake
Factory again. So amped."
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00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:35,581
And then the symbol
that means "wink."
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00:02:35,605 --> 00:02:37,650
Really? I mean,
like, why the wink?
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00:02:37,674 --> 00:02:40,319
I mean, is there
something that we're
supposed to be in on?
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00:02:40,343 --> 00:02:43,678
Is he not going there?
Is he not amped?
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00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:47,482
And who cares if he is,
you know? Dick.
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00:02:47,551 --> 00:02:50,969
Coming up, our horriblyoutdated scams reporter,Ken Redowski,
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00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,065
gets angry about a product
you don't care about.
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00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:55,423
Digital bathroom scales!
Thanks, Ken.
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00:02:55,492 --> 00:02:58,437
This just in, therehas been a confirmedoutbreak of goat flu
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00:02:58,461 --> 00:02:59,761
at James Woods High School.
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00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:01,913
Goat flu? You got
to be kidding me.
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00:03:01,981 --> 00:03:04,860
Every year, the stupid media
tries to scare us
with this kind of thing,
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00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,429
and every year,
it turns out to
be nothing.
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00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:07,652
Yeah, it's nothing.
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00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,165
I know. Every year,
it's nothing.
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00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,167
Well, now, hang on.
There might be
something to this.
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00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,603
Health officialshave said that a vaccineis not yet available.
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00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,304
And if you're not scared yet,
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00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:17,691
here's some footageof people sneezingat a salad bar.
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00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:21,733
Oh, dear.
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00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,922
Here's some footageof people lickingsubway turnstiles.
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00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,589
Oh!
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00:03:27,657 --> 00:03:29,118
Here's some footage
of a man with the flu
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00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,262
making out with you
while you're asleep.
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00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,613
Oh, my God!
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00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,409
While James Woods High
remains open,
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00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,645
students arereminded to washtheir hands frequently
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00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:40,836
and watch for early
signs of infection.
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00:03:40,904 --> 00:03:42,904
Oh, my God. I got to get
the kids out of there.
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00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,517
What? What are you
talking about?
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00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:47,359
I'm talking about
homeschooling, Brian.
Just until the crisis is over.
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00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,022
Peter, that's
a complete overreaction.
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00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:50,323
I don't think
Lois would be happy
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00:03:50,347 --> 00:03:52,025
if you pulled
the kids out of school.
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00:03:52,049 --> 00:03:54,578
Well, she left me
in charge, didn't she?
And besides, you know me.
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00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:57,435
When I set my
mind to something,
I am not easily deterred.
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00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,537
Like when I tried out
to be an Olympic gymnast.
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00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:04,403
Ahh!
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00:04:06,797 --> 00:04:07,907
You did it, Peter.
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00:04:07,931 --> 00:04:08,963
Why'd you shoot me?
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00:04:09,032 --> 00:04:11,177
Because I'm weird, creepy coach.
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00:04:11,201 --> 00:04:13,646
Now, let me
give you inappropriate
personal shower
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00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:16,671
while I smoke and
forbid you to see parent.
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00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:19,660
This is...
Somebody should
look into this sport.
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00:04:23,814 --> 00:04:25,697
Uh, I'd like to
apologize for yesterday,
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00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,605
when I assigned
you lab partners.
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00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,469
It has come to my attention
that this is an English class.
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00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,456
Griffin?
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00:04:38,978 --> 00:04:41,462
Chris, Meg, I spoke to
your father on the phone,
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00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:43,509
and he said you needed
to be removed from school.
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00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,444
I didn't believe it
was really him at first,
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00:04:45,468 --> 00:04:47,047
but then I received another call
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00:04:47,071 --> 00:04:50,216
from the very person
who I thought was
pretending to be him.
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00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,440
It caused quite
a stir in my office.
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00:04:58,348 --> 00:04:59,531
Come on, children.
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00:05:03,119 --> 00:05:04,414
Is everything all right?
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00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:05,671
Everything's fine.
It's me.
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00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,139
I just dressed up
like your father
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00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:09,085
to jazz your teachers
and get you out of here.
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00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,053
What do you mean?
I'm taking you
out of here.
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00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,557
That place is
riddled with goat flu,
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00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,045
so I'm gonna home
school you kids.
126
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,114
Oh, okay.
127
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:16,626
Dad, where'd you get this car?
128
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,133
I borrowed it from Quagmire.
129
00:05:18,201 --> 00:05:20,852
He's not home
'cause he got abducted
by aliens last night.
130
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,983
So, do you guys just
not do the anal probe
anymore? Is that...
131
00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:25,607
No, that's more or
less been retired.
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00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:27,909
I see, I see.
133
00:05:27,978 --> 00:05:29,844
Do you still have the thing?
134
00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:36,301
Oh, my God,
what a beautiful room.
135
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:39,938
Paris is so incredible.
I can't believe
we're really here.
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00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,173
I know.
137
00:05:42,659 --> 00:05:44,926
Look at all
the people on the street.
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00:05:44,995 --> 00:05:46,706
Not a lot of
people of color here,
139
00:05:46,730 --> 00:05:48,808
but the ones that are
black are really black.
140
00:05:48,832 --> 00:05:50,364
I've noticed that, too.
141
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,701
All right, I've got
our whole day planned.
First, we'll go to the Louvre.
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00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,370
Then, we'll go shopping
along the Champs-Elysees.
143
00:05:56,439 --> 00:05:58,790
Uh, Lois, I should
probably tell you,
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00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:02,194
I didn't come
all the way here to go
to museums and shops.
145
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:04,040
Well, I don't understand.
146
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,792
Why'd you even want
to come here, then?
147
00:06:05,816 --> 00:06:09,017
Lois, I came here
to have an affair.
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00:06:09,086 --> 00:06:11,269
An affair? With who?
149
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:12,704
Anyone.
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00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,305
My God.
151
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,814
Well, can we at least
do some Muppet-style
sightseeing first?
152
00:06:40,249 --> 00:06:41,649
All right, settle down.
153
00:06:41,718 --> 00:06:42,834
Good morning, class.
154
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,147
Morning, Dad.
Morning, Dad.
155
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,999
We're going to need
a few things for this class,
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00:06:46,023 --> 00:06:48,473
an eagerness to learn,
a thirst for knowledge,
157
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:51,259
but one thing we
won't need is this.
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00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:53,406
That's right,
I know you're all
used to teachers
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00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:56,642
wearing tuxedos
and Dracula capes,
but not this one.
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00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,017
There will be no pretense
in this classroom.
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00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:02,254
There will only be open
minds and new horizons.
162
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,990
Get ready for adventure.
163
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:08,860
I know some teachers
think class should be
an exercise in structure,
164
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,561
but not Mr. Griffin.
165
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,865
This is what my
class will be, this!
Learn with me!
166
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,134
Let's teach each other!
167
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,668
Yay, learning!
168
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:20,672
Chris, A.
169
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,473
Meg, F.
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00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,476
Ah, you know,
this is how you
take a vacation.
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00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:32,145
Oh, Bonnie,
would you look at that?
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00:07:32,169 --> 00:07:34,536
I've never seen
anything like that before,
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00:07:34,604 --> 00:07:36,904
a croissant with almonds on it.
174
00:07:36,973 --> 00:07:40,708
And could you
bring me a beer? Oh!
I feel so elegant.
175
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:42,121
What are you going to have?
176
00:07:42,145 --> 00:07:43,385
You know what I'd really like?
177
00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:45,847
A piece of that.
178
00:07:45,916 --> 00:07:47,777
Bonnie, for God's sake, stop it.
179
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,336
Lois, I already told you,
I'm in Paris to
have an affair.
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00:07:51,405 --> 00:07:53,705
I'll even do
a Muslim if I have to.
181
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,669
But I just can't
believe you'd throw away
all those years with Joe
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00:07:56,693 --> 00:07:58,688
just to have some silly fling.
183
00:07:58,712 --> 00:08:01,179
I'm not throwing anything away.
184
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,182
Joe and I have been
growing apart for
a long time.
185
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,816
Besides, we've had a good run.
186
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:07,218
We've been married for 80 years.
187
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,653
You what?
188
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:11,823
Well, that's in
married-to-a-handicapped
guy years.
189
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,708
Go, Dallas Cowboys, huh?
190
00:08:13,777 --> 00:08:15,554
Hello.
Excuse me?
191
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:20,181
You are American, no?
I very much admire
your Garry Shandling.
192
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,794
Look, I know where
you're going with this,
193
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:23,295
and we're not interested, okay?
194
00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:24,697
So you might as
well just keep moving.
195
00:08:24,721 --> 00:08:25,887
I'm interested.
196
00:08:28,258 --> 00:08:29,474
Bonnie.
197
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:32,026
Would you like to sample
a warm French baguette?
198
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:33,244
Oh, my.
199
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:36,014
My intention is
to defecate on you.
200
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:39,150
I'd almost
forgotten what it's
like to be romanced.
201
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,314
Come on, Bonnie,
we are leaving.
What?
202
00:08:41,338 --> 00:08:43,466
Look, I'm doing you a favor.
203
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:46,140
My stool will
sleep alone tonight.
204
00:08:48,211 --> 00:08:50,061
Bonnie, this is insanity.
205
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:52,758
Promise me you'll put
this whole affair thing
out of your head.
206
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,732
Lois, I'm just having fun.
207
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:56,545
You're playing with fire.
208
00:08:56,569 --> 00:09:00,671
Look, no marriage is perfect,
but Joe's the man
you gave your life to,
209
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:02,974
and besides,
you have a little girl.
210
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,655
You really want
to be setting this
kind of example?
211
00:09:06,762 --> 00:09:08,429
I guess you're right, Lois.
212
00:09:08,498 --> 00:09:10,332
It's just that sometimes I feel
213
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,167
like I don't even
know Joe anymore.
214
00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:16,137
It's like I've become
a different person,
and so has he.
215
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:21,826
♪ Good morning, USA!
216
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:25,497
♪ I got a feeling that
it's gonna be a wonderful day
217
00:09:25,548 --> 00:09:28,483
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face
218
00:09:28,551 --> 00:09:32,070
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race
219
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:38,059
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
220
00:09:38,128 --> 00:09:40,028
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
221
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,733
Good morning, USA!
222
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,415
All right, class,
this course is going to cover
223
00:09:49,439 --> 00:09:51,656
all the significant
moments in human history,
224
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,519
starting with the settling
of the Old West,
225
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:56,711
where brave pioneers
survived against long odds.
226
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,982
Honey, I have to go into town
to get some supplies,
227
00:10:01,051 --> 00:10:02,717
so I'm probably going to die,
228
00:10:02,785 --> 00:10:06,354
but if I don't,
I'll see you in 18 months
with a canvas bag of salt
229
00:10:06,422 --> 00:10:08,367
and a tin of whale
fat for the children.
230
00:10:08,391 --> 00:10:10,303
I've dug graves out
back for all of you
231
00:10:10,327 --> 00:10:12,493
in the likely event that you,
too, shall perish.
232
00:10:12,562 --> 00:10:14,440
You were a good man, Abraham.
233
00:10:14,464 --> 00:10:17,276
Please scrawl that
on a rough-hewn piece
of wood in my honor.
234
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,532
I shall.
235
00:10:22,072 --> 00:10:23,871
The reign of Henry VIII.
236
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:26,408
Did you enjoy what I
just did for you, sire?
237
00:10:26,476 --> 00:10:28,009
Yes, very much so.
238
00:10:28,077 --> 00:10:31,212
Wow, when this is over,
I am definitely
keeping her head.
239
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,781
Joseph Smith discovering
the Book of Mormon.
240
00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:36,901
An old Con Ed bill...
241
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:39,870
I mean, a new
testament of Jesus Christ!
Everyone has to sleep with me!
242
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,706
What?
And no dancing!
243
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,535
But recent years have also seen
244
00:10:43,593 --> 00:10:45,371
many important
historical events.
245
00:10:45,395 --> 00:10:49,531
1985 brought us the gayest
music video of all time.
246
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:56,221
♪ Okay, Tokyo
247
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,100
♪ South America!
248
00:10:58,124 --> 00:10:59,852
♪ Australia!
♪ France!
249
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,059
♪ Germany!
250
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:03,311
♪ U.K.!
♪ Africa
251
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:16,074
♪ Calling out around the world
252
00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:18,893
♪ Are you ready
for a brand-new beat?
253
00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:23,631
♪ Summer's here,
and the time is right
254
00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:26,134
♪ For dancing in the street
255
00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:28,669
♪ Dancing in Chicago
256
00:11:28,738 --> 00:11:30,688
♪ Dancing in the street
257
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:32,323
♪ Down in New Orleans
258
00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:33,925
♪ Dancing in the street
259
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,593
♪ In New York City
260
00:11:35,662 --> 00:11:36,828
♪ Dancing in the street
261
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:41,065
♪ All we need is music,
sweet music
262
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:42,177
♪ Sweet music
263
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,201
♪ There'll be music everywhere
264
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,665
♪ Everywhere
265
00:11:45,689 --> 00:11:49,457
♪ They'll be swinging,
swaying, records playing
266
00:11:49,526 --> 00:11:51,876
♪ Dancing in the street
267
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:53,060
♪ Ohh!
268
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,880
♪ It doesn't
matter what you wear
269
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:59,317
♪ Just as long
as you are there
270
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:04,088
♪ So come on,
every guy, grab a girl
271
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:07,392
♪ Everywhere around the world
272
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:09,326
♪ They'll be dancing
273
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:11,946
♪ Dancing in the street
274
00:12:12,015 --> 00:12:14,866
♪ Dancing in the street
275
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:18,803
♪ It's an invitation
across the nation
276
00:12:18,871 --> 00:12:21,806
♪ A chance for folks to meet
277
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:24,241
♪ They'll be
laughing and singing
278
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:26,077
♪ And music swinging
279
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,379
♪ Dancing in the street
280
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,165
♪ Philadelphia, PA
281
00:12:30,233 --> 00:12:32,033
♪ Dancing in the street
282
00:12:32,101 --> 00:12:34,269
♪ Baltimore and D.C. now
283
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:35,748
♪ Dancing in the street
284
00:12:35,772 --> 00:12:37,672
♪ Don't forget the motor city
285
00:12:37,740 --> 00:12:39,418
♪ Dancing in the street
286
00:12:39,442 --> 00:12:41,476
♪ On the streets of Brazil
287
00:12:41,545 --> 00:12:42,855
♪ Dancing in the street
288
00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:44,879
♪ Back in the USSR
289
00:12:44,948 --> 00:12:46,575
♪ Dancing in the street
290
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,599
♪ Don't matter where you are
291
00:12:48,668 --> 00:12:49,979
♪ Dancing in the street
292
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:53,854
♪ All we need is music,
sweet music
293
00:12:53,923 --> 00:12:54,966
♪ Sweet music
294
00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:57,142
♪ There'll be music everywhere
295
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,487
♪ Everywhere
296
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:02,663
♪ They'll be swinging,
swaying, records playing
297
00:13:02,732 --> 00:13:05,132
♪ Dancing in the street
298
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:06,734
♪ Ohh!
299
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,387
♪ It doesn't
matter what you wear
300
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,791
♪ Just as long
as you are there
301
00:13:12,859 --> 00:13:17,362
♪ So come on,
every guy, grab a girl
302
00:13:17,414 --> 00:13:20,581
♪ Everywhere around the world
303
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,317
♪ They'll be dancing
304
00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,153
♪ Dancing in the street
305
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:27,033
♪ Dancing in the street
306
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:29,223
♪ Way down in L.A.
307
00:13:29,292 --> 00:13:30,624
♪ Every day
308
00:13:30,693 --> 00:13:32,427
♪ Dancing in the street
309
00:13:32,495 --> 00:13:34,323
♪ Dancing in the street
310
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,564
♪ Crossing China, too
311
00:13:36,633 --> 00:13:37,966
♪ Me and you
312
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,834
♪ Dancing in the street ♪
313
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:43,888
That happened,
and we all let it happen.
314
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,473
All right, class,
two things today.
315
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,629
I'm no good at math,
316
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,643
and I don't have a certificate
to teach driver's ed,
317
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:56,217
so I hired a math tutor
and a driver's ed guy.
318
00:13:56,286 --> 00:13:58,035
Okay, so, do you use my car,
319
00:13:58,104 --> 00:13:59,715
or do you have, like,
a special one you brought?
320
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,539
Umm, I'm the math tutor.
321
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,341
Really? No way!
322
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:04,503
So that means you're the...
323
00:14:04,527 --> 00:14:06,005
Driver's ed instructor, yes.
324
00:14:06,029 --> 00:14:07,962
Well, I'll be a son of a gun!
325
00:14:08,031 --> 00:14:11,632
All right,
time to learn math
from a black guy, I guess!
326
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,906
Oh! This is such
an amazing city!
327
00:14:18,975 --> 00:14:21,208
Like, I could see them
having a special episode
328
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,327
of The Biggest Loser here.
329
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,636
Lois, didn't you see
I tied a tampon
to the doorknob?
330
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,048
No. What does that mean?
331
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:32,270
It's what we used
to do in our sorority
when we had company.
332
00:14:32,322 --> 00:14:34,905
Company?
What are you...
Oh, my God.
333
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:37,375
Look, Lois, don't make
a big deal about it.
334
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,743
I just needed a change from Joe.
335
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,523
Bonjour.
336
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,831
Lois, this is Francois.
337
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:46,567
Oh! You're serious.
338
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,074
Okay, students, 40 of you
will begin this course,
339
00:14:54,143 --> 00:14:55,755
but only ten of
you will finish it.
340
00:14:55,779 --> 00:14:58,374
Why is every day
an introduction
to the course?
341
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,993
Now I know some teachers
think they're working
outside the box
342
00:15:01,017 --> 00:15:02,461
when they have
class on the lawn.
343
00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,213
Well, I'm gonna
take it a step further.
344
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,357
We're gonna do
peyote in the desert.
345
00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:26,206
Oh, it's beautiful!
346
00:15:26,275 --> 00:15:28,743
Everything is so beautiful!
347
00:15:28,811 --> 00:15:30,444
Come dance with me, Dad!
348
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,847
Soon, Meg, soon.
349
00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:34,898
But first I must inhale.
350
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,635
And again.
351
00:15:39,322 --> 00:15:40,722
And again.
352
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:46,243
Let's go to
the Hollywood Hills
and kill a bunch of people.
353
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,935
Oh, Bonnie,
if I were a skunk
and you were a cat
354
00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:58,472
who kept repeatedly
wandering into areas
where there was wet paint,
355
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,508
I would look at that
stripe on your back
356
00:16:00,577 --> 00:16:03,911
and think you
were another skunk,
and I would try to rape you.
357
00:16:03,979 --> 00:16:06,664
And it would be legal
because we are in France.
358
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:10,017
Oh, Francois,
it's like I'm in a dream.
359
00:16:10,086 --> 00:16:13,153
Bonnie, I have something
very important to ask you.
360
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:14,639
What is it?
361
00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:17,759
I have so
enjoyed your intimacy
these past few days.
362
00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:20,161
Will you stay here with me?
363
00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,529
Here? In Paris?
364
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:25,266
Oh, there you are, Bonnie.
I've been looking
all over for you.
365
00:16:25,334 --> 00:16:27,084
Lois, this is good timing.
366
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,014
There's something
I need to tell you.
367
00:16:29,038 --> 00:16:30,321
What is it?
368
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,374
Francois has asked me to
stay here in Paris with him.
369
00:16:33,443 --> 00:16:35,704
Oh, my God,
you're not gonna
do it, are you?
370
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:39,297
Well, I don't know.
I'm thinking about it.
371
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,448
I can't believe what
I'm hearing right now.
372
00:16:41,517 --> 00:16:43,167
You can't do this, Bonnie!
373
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,402
Oh, is that right?
374
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:46,515
Now you're telling me
what I can and can't do?
375
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,923
I invited you on
this trip to hang out
376
00:16:48,991 --> 00:16:52,351
while I have sex with
strangers, and this is
how you repay me?
377
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,196
I'll see you back at the hotel.
378
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:57,881
I apologize for
my friend, Francois.
379
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,883
So, will you stay with me?
380
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:03,721
Well, it's tempting.
Paris is such a perfect city.
381
00:17:03,789 --> 00:17:05,773
Ah, that is not entirely true.
382
00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:08,326
We have a lot of
mime-on-mime violence.
383
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:23,201
All right, class,
today's final exam
384
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:25,509
will consist of two parts,
oral and anal.
385
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,229
Dad, we got to go back
to school, real school.
386
00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:29,413
What do you mean?
387
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,565
The goat flu outbreak
at school is over,
388
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,134
and honestly,
I'm afraid we're
not learning anything.
389
00:17:34,203 --> 00:17:36,120
Meg, you couldn't be wronger.
390
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,100
You're learning
everything. Watch.
391
00:17:38,124 --> 00:17:40,202
Chris, dates...
Battle of Hastings!
I don't know.
392
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,503
Franco-Prussian War!
I don't know.
393
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:42,771
Sherman's March
to the Sea!
I don't know.
394
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,106
Cuban Missile Crisis!
No idea.
395
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:45,174
Trail of Tears!
Never heard of it.
396
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,341
Death of Charlemagne!
What is that?
397
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:47,609
Treaty of Augsburg!
I got nothing.
398
00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:49,244
Cortes reaches
South America!
Pumping a dry well.
399
00:17:49,268 --> 00:17:50,546
Teapot Dome Scandal!
Sounds fake.
400
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:52,414
September 11th, 2001!
Also sounds fake.
401
00:17:52,438 --> 00:17:54,149
The Bronze Age!
King James Bible!
Nope. No.
402
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:55,384
San Juan Hill!
No!
403
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,918
Wounded Knee!
Great Schism!
Stop. Dad!
404
00:17:56,942 --> 00:17:59,262
I'll take you back to school.
405
00:18:04,016 --> 00:18:06,868
Oh, there you are.
Hurry up now, Bonnie.
We're gonna miss our plane.
406
00:18:06,936 --> 00:18:10,788
Lois, I've thought
a lot about this,
and I'm not going with you.
407
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,373
What? What do you mean?
408
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:14,809
I'm staying here with Francois.
409
00:18:14,877 --> 00:18:18,028
I see. You know,
I thought you might say
something like this,
410
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,475
and that's why I called someone
411
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:21,299
who might be able
to change your mind.
412
00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:27,387
Joe, what are you doing here?
413
00:18:27,456 --> 00:18:31,041
I came as soon as
Lois told me, Bonnie.
Please don't do it.
414
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,511
I'm sorry that I've been
neglecting you lately,
415
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,814
but I love you and I need you.
416
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,316
Please come home with me.
417
00:18:38,384 --> 00:18:42,069
Oh, Joe, I'm sorry.
This is so hard.
418
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,889
Think about what we
have together, honey.
Think about our little girl.
419
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:52,713
You need to come home with me.
420
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:54,515
Bonnie, stay with me.
421
00:18:54,584 --> 00:18:57,363
I promise, it will
take three years
with this accent
422
00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,020
before you figure out
I'm just a normal jerk.
423
00:19:00,089 --> 00:19:02,456
Bonnie, listen to me.
I'm your husband.
424
00:19:02,525 --> 00:19:06,360
He may be your husband,
but I would do
anything for you.
425
00:19:06,429 --> 00:19:08,929
Well, there's one
thing he can't do.
426
00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:12,912
Bonnie, I didn't think
it would have to come
to this,
427
00:19:12,936 --> 00:19:17,054
but I can see
there's only one way left
to prove my love to you.
428
00:19:29,017 --> 00:19:32,453
Joe! I don't believe it!
You're walking!
429
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,955
I am! I am!
430
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:39,760
I would do
anything for love,
but I won't do that.
431
00:19:39,829 --> 00:19:43,630
Joe, I love you!
I love you so much!
432
00:19:43,699 --> 00:19:45,666
I love you, too, Bonnie!
433
00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,173
Let's go home, Joe.
434
00:20:02,134 --> 00:20:04,000
Bless you, my son.
435
00:20:04,069 --> 00:20:06,069
Hi, I'm Father McNamara.
436
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,439
Do you want to enjoy
all the body of Christ
437
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,587
without the boring
paper-like flavor?
438
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:13,094
Well, now you can.
With Jeez-Its.
439
00:20:13,162 --> 00:20:14,411
Flesh of his flesh.
440
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:18,265
With the amazing flavor
of real Wisconsin cheddar.
441
00:20:18,334 --> 00:20:21,985
Jeez-Its,they'll have you saying,"Oh, my God! That's good."
442
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:23,782
But don't take my word for it.
443
00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:27,024
Think of me whenyou eat this.I'm delicious.
444
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,959
That was Jesus
who just said that.
445
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:31,623
You know what?
You can keep
your Paris, France.
446
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:33,380
I'll take Quahog any day.
447
00:20:33,449 --> 00:20:35,633
I mean, all that
place is, is skinny guys
448
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,713
rubbing up against you
in buses and subways,
449
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,415
jabbing you in the thigh
with their thing.
450
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:40,938
Yeah, countries is weird.
451
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,151
But at least you helped save
Joe and Bonnie's marriage.
452
00:20:43,175 --> 00:20:45,192
I know.
Those two lovebirds
453
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:48,361
haven't left their bedroom
since we got back.
454
00:20:53,703 --> 00:20:55,235
Ahh, romance.
455
00:20:55,304 --> 00:20:57,349
Speaking of which,
we ain't boofed
in a whole week.
456
00:20:57,373 --> 00:20:58,784
Yeah, but what about the kids?
457
00:20:58,808 --> 00:21:00,107
Ah, they're back at school.
458
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:02,709
Turns out I wasn't quite
the professor I thought I was.
459
00:21:02,795 --> 00:21:05,946
This is what my
class is all about!
Learn with me, children!
460
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:07,181
Let's teach each other!
461
00:21:07,917 --> 00:21:10,184
Chris, you know this.
462
00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:13,731
Sherman's March to the Sea!
463
00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:16,390
Yes! Finally
someone gets it!
464
00:21:16,458 --> 00:21:17,736
Ahh!
465
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,627
Fuck children!
My cock-sucking elbow!
466
00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:23,964
All the saints
in Christendom!
My elbow's shattered!
467
00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:25,644
Ahh! It's shattered
to fuck!
468
00:21:25,668 --> 00:21:29,303
Somebody get the nurse!
Get that big,
fucking black nurse!
469
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:31,505
Ahh! I am so fucked!
470
00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:09,658
English - US - Line 21
36711
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