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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,156
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:11,593
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,862
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,420
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,104
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,890
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:30,662
♪ He's a family guy ♪
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00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,186
We interrupt this program
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00:00:38,254 --> 00:00:40,166
because I have had
kind of a crap day,
12
00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:42,669
and I know allthe station passwordsto do it.
13
00:00:42,693 --> 00:00:45,677
So, smell that finger, Quahog!
14
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,380
Ooh, a drunk news
report from Tom Tucker.
15
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,849
We haven't had one of those
since they canceled Passions.
16
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:52,651
This should be good.
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00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,787
Okay, our top story tonight,a local car dealerhas announced
18
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:58,490
a "Hands on
a Hard Body" promotion,
19
00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:02,660
in which a useddirt bike will beawarded to the one customer
20
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,597
who can successfully outlast
his competitors.
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00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:09,584
And in other news, they'rebringing back Passions!
22
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:11,019
Yes, they are!
23
00:01:11,105 --> 00:01:14,022
Holy crap!
A dirt bike! That's awesome!
24
00:01:14,091 --> 00:01:15,791
Lois, I'm gonna win that thing.
25
00:01:15,860 --> 00:01:18,839
Peter, why would you
want a used dirt bike
when you already have a car?
26
00:01:18,863 --> 00:01:22,965
Because this is 1978, Lois,
and dirt bikes have
never been hotter.
27
00:01:23,033 --> 00:01:24,444
Besides, I get
one of those things,
28
00:01:24,468 --> 00:01:25,801
it's gonna be a buffet of beave.
29
00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:28,169
I don't know,
seems stupid to me.
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00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,475
Thanks to all of you
for coming out today.
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00:01:33,544 --> 00:01:37,228
In just a minute, we'll beginour "Hands ona Hard Body" contest.
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00:01:37,297 --> 00:01:39,230
And the lucky one
of you who can keep
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00:01:39,299 --> 00:01:41,199
his or her hand
on this dirt bike
34
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,202
for the longest amount of time
will get to take it home!
35
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,388
Yeah!
Yeah!
36
00:01:46,457 --> 00:01:49,123
Oh, boy, I can't wait
to win a free dirt bike!
37
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,727
And all you have to do
is pay the sales tax.
38
00:01:51,795 --> 00:01:54,846
Who needs a stupid dirt bike!
39
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,999
Okay, everyone who wants to
win this dirt bike,
40
00:01:58,068 --> 00:02:00,285
come on up and put a hand on it!
41
00:02:04,191 --> 00:02:06,024
Mr. Pewterschmidt?
What are you doing here?
42
00:02:06,093 --> 00:02:07,559
You want a used dirt bike?
43
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,273
Oh, not at all.
But Lois told me
how much you wanted it,
44
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,975
so I decided to
win it for myself
45
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:13,643
just so I could
destroy it in front of you.
46
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,802
And the clock starts now!
47
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,364
How are you gonna
destroy a dirt bike?
48
00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,632
You can't even
open your own aspirin.
49
00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:20,816
With that.
50
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,360
Aw, damn it!
51
00:02:24,427 --> 00:02:28,213
Ooh! Our first hand
off the dirt bike!
52
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,725
I guess you're out, Mr.
Pewterschmidt.
53
00:02:29,749 --> 00:02:31,427
Well, I already
paid for that thing,
54
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,811
so I'm just gonna
stick around and smash
other stuff you like.
55
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:39,107
Hey, fat ass, you like...
56
00:02:39,176 --> 00:02:41,509
You like this bus bench?
57
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,745
I... It's okay.
58
00:02:43,814 --> 00:02:47,499
All right,
that's good enough for me.
I'm smashing it!
59
00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:09,898
Ha-ha! You loved that thing.
60
00:04:29,286 --> 00:04:32,354
Amazing!
Nine hours with no break!
61
00:04:32,422 --> 00:04:34,072
Who's gonna win this thing?
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00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:37,336
You might as well
give up now, Mr. Mayor.
This dirt bike is mine.
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00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,311
Like heck it is!
64
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,314
Hey, check your phone.
Why?
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00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:44,710
I just sent you a picture
of a kitten in sunglasses.
66
00:04:44,734 --> 00:04:46,568
Well, this I gotta see!
67
00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:48,904
Hello, cool kitty.
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00:04:48,972 --> 00:04:52,007
Oh! And we have a winner!
69
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:55,861
Ah, darn it.
70
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:59,513
Well,
I guess I'll just disappear
into that field of corn.
71
00:05:04,121 --> 00:05:06,905
Help! I'm lost in corn!
72
00:05:10,961 --> 00:05:12,204
Hey, where's Peter?
I don't know.
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00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,462
I haven't heard from
him since he left work.
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00:05:15,632 --> 00:05:17,716
Hope you made extra.
I brought a guest.
75
00:05:17,768 --> 00:05:19,601
What the hell? Who is this?
76
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:20,914
This is my dirt bike girlfriend.
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00:05:20,938 --> 00:05:22,203
Amber.
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00:05:22,272 --> 00:05:25,006
I'm a dirt bike guy now,
so I need a dirt
bike girlfriend.
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00:05:25,075 --> 00:05:27,942
Yes, she has small breasts,
but she makes up
for it by smoking.
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00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,445
Peter, she has to leave.
We're having dinner.
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00:05:30,513 --> 00:05:33,130
No, Lois! I will not allow you
to look down on Amber
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00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,333
just 'cause she goes
to an alternative high school!
83
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,347
There's different ways
to measure intelligence
84
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,181
besides someone's
grade-point average!
85
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:41,573
Fact is, she rumpled up
some poetry she wrote
86
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:42,940
and threw it away in a fit,
87
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,177
but I un-rumpled it,
and it was really good!
88
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,085
Fine.
Amber, would you like
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00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:48,930
to have some
dinner with our family?
90
00:05:48,966 --> 00:05:50,181
Nah, I can't.
91
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:53,135
I got a wicked bruise
on the back of my throat.
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00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,397
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,688
please rise for
our national anthem,
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00:05:56,756 --> 00:06:00,625
performed this afternoonby Peter Griffinand his dirt bike.
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00:06:25,535 --> 00:06:26,901
There it is, Meg.
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00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,782
What do you say we
take it for a spin?
97
00:06:28,806 --> 00:06:31,155
Chris, get off there.
You shouldn't be
sitting on that.
98
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,340
Come on!
99
00:06:38,364 --> 00:06:39,848
That's fake.
100
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:41,266
Come on, Meg.
101
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:44,369
We can be like Dennis Hopper
and Peter Fonda in Easy Rider.
102
00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:45,437
Just get on.
103
00:06:51,861 --> 00:06:54,362
So is this it?
This doesn't seem very fun.
104
00:06:54,431 --> 00:06:55,930
This is the best part, Meg.
105
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,811
Now we put on sunglasses
and ride with
the sun at our side
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00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,513
while we listen to
a seemingly deep,
107
00:07:00,537 --> 00:07:03,488
but actually nonsensical song
by The Byrds.
108
00:07:07,744 --> 00:07:10,078
♪ There's
revolution in the air
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00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:12,547
♪ And also in the river
110
00:07:12,616 --> 00:07:14,682
♪ I'm not gonna cut my hair
111
00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:16,768
♪ The sky's up in the sky
112
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:21,423
♪ And the rivers arethe forests arethe mountains are the sea
113
00:07:21,491 --> 00:07:25,894
♪ And I am you
But you are not me
114
00:07:25,962 --> 00:07:30,582
♪ And the visions of our mindsare in the valleyswhich are valleys
115
00:07:30,650 --> 00:07:35,120
♪ And the oceans and a camel
and my new socks and a book ♪
116
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:39,206
Hey, Meg, check it out.
117
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:41,309
I'm gonna jump
that fire hydrant.
118
00:07:41,377 --> 00:07:43,545
Chris, don't!
You're gonna wreck Dad's bike!
119
00:07:43,613 --> 00:07:46,281
Too late,
I already narrowed my eyes.
120
00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,024
Chris, you idiot!
Look at what you did!
121
00:07:57,094 --> 00:07:59,461
You mean look
what two black teenagers did
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00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:01,229
when they stole Dad's bike.
123
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,435
What were you kids thinking?
You could have been killed!
124
00:08:07,503 --> 00:08:09,737
It was Chris' idea.
He talked me into it.
125
00:08:09,806 --> 00:08:11,139
Is that right?
126
00:08:11,207 --> 00:08:13,708
So you like taking dirt bikes
that don't belong to you, huh?
127
00:08:13,777 --> 00:08:16,205
Then here,
have a whole
carton of cigarettes!
128
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,245
What?
129
00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:18,925
Peter, that's not
what this is about.
130
00:08:18,949 --> 00:08:21,510
See how you like them!
Here, I'll even
get you started.
131
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:24,836
Dad, I don't smoke.
132
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,483
Sure, you don't now.
But keep at it.
You'll get the hang of it.
133
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,453
By the end of that pack,
you'll be smoking
like a real pro.
134
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:31,709
Like a cool kid.
135
00:08:31,778 --> 00:08:34,079
Yeah, that's it.
Getting smoother, isn't it?
136
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,308
Yeah.
Oh, yeah!
137
00:08:35,332 --> 00:08:37,310
Wait till you try it
after a meal. Delicious!
138
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:39,044
And after sex?
Forget about it.
139
00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:41,314
It's like putting
your penis to sleep
in a feather bed.
140
00:08:41,338 --> 00:08:43,138
I think I may
want more cigarettes.
141
00:08:43,206 --> 00:08:44,439
I'll get you more cigarettes.
142
00:08:44,508 --> 00:08:46,235
But I'm pretty mad
about my dirt bike!
143
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,808
Kids, I'm sorry to say this,
144
00:08:47,877 --> 00:08:50,028
but I think the two of you
need to be punished.
145
00:08:50,096 --> 00:08:51,812
Look, it was an accident, okay?
146
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,761
I mean,
you can always buy
another one, right?
147
00:08:53,817 --> 00:08:55,166
Buy another one?
148
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,779
You know, I don't
think you kids appreciate
149
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,314
how hard your father and I work
150
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,349
to provide you
with everything we do.
151
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,807
Sometimes you just seem
to take us for granted.
152
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,888
You know, it's very
difficult being a parent.
153
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:07,674
No, it's not.
You get to do
anything you want
154
00:09:07,698 --> 00:09:09,559
and you get to
make all the rules.
155
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,423
Damn right I do,
'cause I make the money!
156
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:14,668
I'm the big mamoo around here!
157
00:09:14,737 --> 00:09:16,515
Now, when you start
bringing in a paycheck
158
00:09:16,539 --> 00:09:18,818
and providing for this family,
then you can make the rules!
159
00:09:18,842 --> 00:09:20,926
Well, I'd do
a better job of it than you!
160
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:22,827
Oh, you think so, huh?
161
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,074
Well, maybe you'd
like to try it
for a little while.
162
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:26,242
You be the adults!
163
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:27,410
What do you mean?
164
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:30,284
I mean, maybe we try
a little experiment.
165
00:09:30,354 --> 00:09:32,554
You kids switch places
with your dad and me.
166
00:09:32,622 --> 00:09:36,090
For the next week,
you'll be the parents
and we'll be the kids.
167
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,853
Seriously?
Yeah, that'd be awesome!
168
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:38,910
That sounds great!
169
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:41,463
That's a great idea, Lois.
Crisscross!
170
00:09:41,531 --> 00:09:42,764
Yes, that is a crisscross.
171
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,031
Yes!
172
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:45,144
So we got a deal?
173
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,418
Yeah, we got a deal.
174
00:09:46,486 --> 00:09:47,669
Face/Off!
175
00:09:47,738 --> 00:09:49,103
No, Peter.
176
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,538
Road House.
177
00:09:56,913 --> 00:09:59,047
Here's your breakfast, Lois.
178
00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:01,232
Thank you, Mom.
179
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:04,135
What is this? What's going on?
180
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:06,705
Apparently, Chris and Meg
are switching places
181
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,184
with Peter and Lois
for the week.
182
00:10:10,076 --> 00:10:12,860
Hey, Mom,
do you mind if I go shopping
with Jennifer after school?
183
00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:14,828
No, Peter,
no, no, you're still you.
184
00:10:14,897 --> 00:10:17,532
You're just a teenager.
You're not switching genders.
185
00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:18,600
Ah.
186
00:10:18,668 --> 00:10:20,819
I shall return.
187
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,600
Well, I'm off to
work at the brewery.
188
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,674
Okay, have a good day, honey.
189
00:10:26,743 --> 00:10:28,754
You know, Brian,
you and I should do...
No.
190
00:10:28,778 --> 00:10:32,030
Okay, it just...
It looked fun.
191
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:33,731
All right,
time to make all those
192
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,484
popular kids pay
for ignoring me!
193
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:39,454
Peter, no, you're just
a normal high school kid.
194
00:10:39,522 --> 00:10:40,538
Oh.
195
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,959
Hey, Lance, it's off,
it's off. It's off, it's off.
196
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,296
Throw this phone away, Lois!
197
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:57,872
Well, she sounds lovely.
But I still wouldn't
put my face down there.
198
00:10:57,941 --> 00:11:00,492
Griffin, did you finish
those reports I gave you?
199
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,893
Right here, Angela.
200
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:03,728
Wow. You know, I gotta say,
201
00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:07,010
when your dad told me
about this whole
switching-places thing,
202
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,500
I was kind of skeptical,
203
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,202
but you're
actually doing good work.
204
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:14,039
Well, it's a lot
easier than high school,
I'll tell you that.
205
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,690
Well, how do you mean?
206
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,438
High school's like
Lord of the Flies.
It's a social nightmare.
207
00:11:18,495 --> 00:11:21,062
And I hear
Canadian high schools
are even worse.
208
00:11:21,130 --> 00:11:24,899
Well, well, look who
matriculated to grade nine.
209
00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:27,635
Someone wants to
get into university.
210
00:11:27,704 --> 00:11:29,237
Hey, guys, I'm sorry.
211
00:11:29,306 --> 00:11:30,605
Well, you're gonna be sorry
212
00:11:30,673 --> 00:11:33,593
when we put you
in the hospital
for free, eh?
213
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,758
I don't know what the kids
are complaining about.
214
00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,315
This ain't so bad.
215
00:11:41,384 --> 00:11:44,586
I know. This is fun.
I haven't been to
a pep rally in years.
216
00:11:44,654 --> 00:11:46,187
Do you have school spirit?
217
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:47,355
Yeah!
218
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,374
Do you have school spirit?
219
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:50,491
Yeah!
220
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,559
Who's got
the most school spirit?
221
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:53,961
I do!
222
00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:56,181
Show me your school spirit!
223
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,155
The players will remember this
while they're playing.
224
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,321
Hey, Mom, where
the hell's dinner?
I'm starving.
225
00:12:09,345 --> 00:12:12,029
Oh, man, can you
imagine the disaster
226
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,564
she's gonna walk out here with?
227
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,767
She has no idea how
hard it is to cook.
228
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:17,980
Yeah, yeah, I bet
she comes out
with just like...
229
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,715
Just like a poop
on a plate, right?
230
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,272
Poop on a plate would be good,
231
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,819
because at least
there'd be traces
of my food still in there.
232
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:26,477
Oh, snap! Snap! Snap!
233
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:29,096
Hey, guys?
Give her a fucking chance,
all right?
234
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:30,681
Here it is, gang.
235
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,519
Seared ahi tostadas,
grilled asparagus, couscous,
236
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:37,789
and for dessert,
molten chocolate lava cake.
237
00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:41,893
Wait a minute.
238
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,206
Meg, when did you find
the time to do all this?
239
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,080
I had all day to do this.
240
00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:49,545
Oh, my God, this is delicious.
241
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:51,285
What do you mean "all day"?
242
00:12:51,354 --> 00:12:52,903
What about all the housework?
243
00:12:52,972 --> 00:12:54,572
I did it in, like, an hour.
244
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:57,358
I don't understand why
you're such a freaking
martyr all the time.
245
00:12:57,427 --> 00:12:59,510
It's a house.
It's a finite area.
246
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,563
I'm not cleaning a town.
247
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,681
Hey, family, I'm home.
248
00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:05,934
Ooh. That smells fantastic.
249
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:08,731
Hey, buddy, how was
your first day
in the real world?
250
00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:10,538
It was actually really great.
251
00:13:10,607 --> 00:13:12,573
And Angela even told
me I might get a raise
252
00:13:12,642 --> 00:13:14,225
for doing such a good job.
253
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:17,111
Wow, guys, you hear that?
A raise.
254
00:13:17,179 --> 00:13:18,879
Interesting.
255
00:13:18,948 --> 00:13:21,594
Seems like the kids
are doing pretty well
at this grown-up thing, huh?
256
00:13:21,618 --> 00:13:23,901
I would suggest
that you suck that.
257
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,487
Wow, I am already so stuffed.
258
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,707
Guess I shouldn't have had
so many action figure
guns for lunch.
259
00:13:36,266 --> 00:13:38,016
Well, hello, you two.
260
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,595
How's your little
experiment going?
261
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,252
Horrible.
262
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,872
Three girls I don't care about
made me cry in the bathroom.
263
00:13:47,043 --> 00:13:48,476
Hey, you guys.
264
00:13:48,545 --> 00:13:51,679
I bet you Lois Griffin
doesn't make the track team,
265
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,992
which is an important thing
in high school right now.
266
00:13:54,016 --> 00:13:56,183
Yeah, everyone who's anyone
is running track
267
00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:57,852
at our high school right now.
268
00:13:57,921 --> 00:14:00,599
Yeah, and I bet
she also doesn't live
on the south side of town,
269
00:14:00,623 --> 00:14:01,856
which is suddenly important.
270
00:14:07,697 --> 00:14:10,031
I hate your north side face!
271
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,966
Lois, that's terrible.
272
00:14:12,034 --> 00:14:13,468
My day was even worse.
273
00:14:13,536 --> 00:14:15,652
I got pegged by
a new form of spitball.
274
00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:29,033
Hey, get up, you faker.
It's just a spitball.
275
00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:33,538
Hi, family, I'm home.
276
00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:34,972
Oh, Chris, there you are.
277
00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:36,819
Good. Now that
you're both here,
278
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,654
your father and I
have something to say.
279
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,945
Kids, we're calling
off the experiment early.
280
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,496
What? Why?
281
00:14:42,565 --> 00:14:43,964
Because you were right.
282
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,400
Being a kid is a lot harder
than being an adult.
283
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,569
High school sucks.
Everything sucks.
284
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,605
So let's just put things back
the way they were,
285
00:14:50,674 --> 00:14:52,334
and just forget all
about this, all right?
286
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:55,209
You kids go back to school.
Lois goes back to groceries.
287
00:14:55,278 --> 00:14:56,543
I go back to my job.
288
00:14:56,612 --> 00:14:58,429
That's not gonna work out, Dad.
289
00:14:58,498 --> 00:14:59,538
Why not?
290
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:00,926
'Cause you don't
have a job anymore.
291
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:02,633
What? Chris, what do you mean?
292
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:05,119
Angela fired you and hired me.
293
00:15:05,188 --> 00:15:07,469
She said I've been doing
twice as good
a job as you did.
294
00:15:07,523 --> 00:15:10,924
So from now on,
I'm the breadwinner
in this house.
295
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:13,611
Hey, I forget.
Were you in for this or not?
296
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,081
Chris, you are not
taking Peter's job.
297
00:15:22,105 --> 00:15:24,806
You're a 14-year-old boy,
and you belong in school.
298
00:15:24,874 --> 00:15:28,425
Why, so I can get
a job someday?
I already have a job.
299
00:15:28,494 --> 00:15:30,861
Chris, we're not gonna
allow you to do this.
300
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,813
I seem to remember
somebody saying
301
00:15:32,882 --> 00:15:34,715
the breadwinner makes the rules.
302
00:15:34,784 --> 00:15:37,351
Well, I'm the breadwinner.
And you know what?
303
00:15:37,420 --> 00:15:40,254
I like being a grown-up,
and I wanna stay this way!
304
00:15:40,322 --> 00:15:42,307
Well, Lois,
practically speaking,
305
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,542
somebody's gotta pay
the bills around here.
306
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:45,921
Seems like you
don't have a choice
307
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,222
but to let Chris
work at the brewery
308
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,029
until Peter finds a new job.
309
00:15:49,098 --> 00:15:51,582
Well, I suppose
that makes sense.
310
00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:55,119
I guess it could
take Peter a long time
to find a job in this economy.
311
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,854
Well, it may not
be that bad, Lois.
312
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:59,974
I could see about
getting back my old job
as a police sketch artist.
313
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,871
Now, did you get a look
at the man who assaulted you?
314
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:03,739
I did.
Okay, can I get
a description?
315
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:06,430
Yeah, he was
probably around 5'9 ", 5'10"?
316
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,609
Which is it, 5'9 " or 5'10"?
317
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,100
I'd say 5'10".
318
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:10,579
Okay, we'll go 5'9" and a half.
319
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,103
And now, how old was he?
320
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,637
Late 30s, maybe 37.
321
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,940
I don't know,
anywhere between 35 and 40.
322
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:17,153
Okay, well, let's say 37.
323
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,509
How about ethnicity?
324
00:16:18,577 --> 00:16:19,877
Yeah, he was Asian-American.
325
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,057
Asian-American.
Are we talking Korean?
Are we talking Thai?
326
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,125
Are we talking Vietnamese?
327
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,982
Maybe Korean.
328
00:16:25,051 --> 00:16:27,118
Could have been Japanese,
but I think Korean.
329
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,786
Okay, Korean.
330
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:31,333
Now how about
identifying characteristics?
Any marks, piercings?
331
00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:32,990
He may have had a tattoo.
332
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,204
He may have had a tattoo?
Did have a tattoo?
Which one was it?
333
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,494
I don't know.
It all happened so fast.
334
00:16:37,563 --> 00:16:39,341
You know what?
It's fine. I have
a preliminary sketch here.
335
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,732
Is this the man
who assaulted you?
336
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,562
Peter, they're never
gonna take you back.
337
00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,831
You got fired for
racist drawings.
338
00:16:45,855 --> 00:16:47,321
I guess.
339
00:16:47,390 --> 00:16:49,201
Hey, you know what else
I draw really well?
Bullwinkle.
340
00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:52,092
I'd probably still be working
if more crooks
looked like Bullwinkle.
341
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,516
Early night, Griffin?
342
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,351
Well, actually, it's 8:00.
343
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,631
Well, did you finish
all the accounts payable
344
00:17:02,655 --> 00:17:04,155
and the accounts receivable?
345
00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:05,856
But that's not my department.
346
00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:07,207
It is now.
347
00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,776
The company's making cutbacks.
348
00:17:08,845 --> 00:17:12,997
You can handle it.
It's just
a little extra paperwork.
349
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,500
Some of these are old SAT tests.
350
00:17:15,568 --> 00:17:18,335
Yeah, my drifter boyfriend
is going for his GED.
351
00:17:18,405 --> 00:17:22,306
I want you to be the tutor
that finally gets
through to him.
352
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:23,890
I don't trust no one.
353
00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:26,927
Well, that's okay,
'cause I trust you.
354
00:17:26,996 --> 00:17:28,763
I wanna study now.
355
00:17:49,552 --> 00:17:51,852
I am exhausted.
356
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:07,335
Can this day get
any more stressful?
357
00:18:13,776 --> 00:18:17,545
"Wanted: Muscular man for
discreet pushing and pulling."
358
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,131
Well, I'm not
above manual labor.
359
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:21,916
Oh, hi, Chris.
How was your day?
360
00:18:21,984 --> 00:18:23,867
You know what would be great?
361
00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:26,170
If I could come home
and have five minutes
362
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:28,305
before you jump
all over my back!
363
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,140
Also, she broke a plate.
364
00:18:30,209 --> 00:18:32,576
And what about you?
Did you get a job today?
365
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,712
I kind of got one.
366
00:18:35,381 --> 00:18:37,164
Right, Lois? Right?
367
00:18:37,232 --> 00:18:38,872
So, Chris,
good day at the office?
368
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,413
You know,
actually, Angela said that
the spreadsheets I presented
369
00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:43,671
were beyond the projections
for last quarter.
370
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:45,105
Oh, is that good?
371
00:18:45,174 --> 00:18:47,274
You know what? Never mind!
372
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,310
Now I'm mad at you!
373
00:18:54,516 --> 00:18:56,556
Peter, I'm really
worried about Chris.
374
00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:59,136
All this pressure
seems to be getting to him.
375
00:18:59,205 --> 00:19:00,637
I know.
He's turning into a jerk.
376
00:19:02,525 --> 00:19:03,590
Oh, hey, Chris.
377
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,443
You wanna keep it down in here?
378
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,661
One of us has to
work in the morning!
379
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,808
Chris, have you...
Have you been drinking?
380
00:19:09,832 --> 00:19:12,282
Yes. Have you been aging?
381
00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:14,785
I want you two to do it
right in front of me,
382
00:19:14,854 --> 00:19:19,289
and I'm gonna throw 40 bucks
on your sweaty bodies
when you're done.
383
00:19:19,358 --> 00:19:20,457
Let's see the money.
384
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,927
Why do you guys hate me?
385
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:25,930
That pain in my stomach is back.
386
00:19:33,723 --> 00:19:35,823
What? What?
387
00:19:35,892 --> 00:19:37,325
What are you looking at?
388
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,993
I could fight you both.
389
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:42,146
You don't know
what I go through every day.
390
00:19:43,466 --> 00:19:46,150
Now go to sleep,
the both of you.
391
00:19:48,037 --> 00:19:50,248
I think we should
go live with Mom.
392
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,817
I just heard all of that,
393
00:19:51,841 --> 00:19:54,961
and I just wanna say
this family is
fucking disintegrating.
394
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:01,798
Oh, hey, Chris, by the way,
395
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,611
the roofer came today
while you were at work.
396
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:04,768
And?
397
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:05,981
It's gonna be
five grand to fix it.
398
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:07,771
Oh, that's just perfect.
399
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:11,208
I love spending $5,000
on something nobody can see.
400
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:12,843
Anyone got more happy news?
401
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:16,197
I'm gonna need
a check for the dentist.
Peter has two cavities.
402
00:20:16,265 --> 00:20:18,415
I'll bet if I go
upstairs to that bathroom
403
00:20:18,484 --> 00:20:20,618
that toothbrush is
as dry as a bone.
404
00:20:20,686 --> 00:20:22,369
Sometimes I forget.
405
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,504
Anything else I
should know about?
406
00:20:24,573 --> 00:20:27,023
Well, my science class
is taking a field trip
407
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:28,775
to the water
purification center.
408
00:20:28,844 --> 00:20:32,479
And?
And it costs $10
for lunch and the bus.
409
00:20:32,548 --> 00:20:34,215
Ten dollars?
410
00:20:34,283 --> 00:20:35,760
What the hell is
it with that school
411
00:20:35,784 --> 00:20:38,497
that every time
you walk in there
somebody wants $10?
412
00:20:38,521 --> 00:20:39,887
Look, I'm really sorry,
413
00:20:39,956 --> 00:20:41,700
but if we're that
desperate for money,
414
00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:43,390
isn't there something we can do?
415
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:46,577
I mean, maybe we could ask
to borrow some from Mr.
Quagmire.
416
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:48,766
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
417
00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:52,449
Like to see me walk
next door, hat in hand,
and ask him for money.
418
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:54,362
Bet you'd have
your nose pressed
against the glass
419
00:20:54,386 --> 00:20:55,653
to watch that conversation.
420
00:20:55,721 --> 00:20:57,104
No, you know what?
421
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,651
Instead, let's just go
knock on all the doors
of all our neighbors
422
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,108
and tell them I'm a failure!
423
00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,988
No, that's not what I...
No, no, no,
it's a good idea!
424
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:06,113
Let's just go right now
and tell everyone
how much of a failure I am.
425
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,414
But I...
426
00:21:10,386 --> 00:21:11,685
Oh, hey, Chris.
427
00:21:11,754 --> 00:21:13,031
Meg has something
she wants to tell you.
428
00:21:13,055 --> 00:21:14,288
Chris, please, I'm sorry.
429
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:15,555
Say it!
430
00:21:15,624 --> 00:21:17,491
Chris is a failure.
431
00:21:17,559 --> 00:21:18,993
Uh, okay.
432
00:21:19,061 --> 00:21:20,661
Now we're going to the Swansons!
433
00:21:27,270 --> 00:21:30,148
Oh, my God!
I think Chris is
having a heart attack!
434
00:21:30,172 --> 00:21:32,532
We're not supposed
to leave the table.
435
00:21:37,613 --> 00:21:39,747
Be cool, be quiet, be quiet.
436
00:21:41,784 --> 00:21:43,312
All right,
well, nothing to worry about.
437
00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:44,735
Chris is going to be just fine.
438
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:50,407
Oh, Chris,
I'm so glad you're okay.
439
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:51,842
What happened?
440
00:21:51,910 --> 00:21:53,877
You had a heart attack, sweetie.
441
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:55,513
A heart attack?
442
00:21:55,581 --> 00:21:57,726
Yeah,
you almost worked yourself
right into the ground, buddy.
443
00:21:57,750 --> 00:21:59,383
It's all our fault.
444
00:21:59,452 --> 00:22:01,880
We never should have let you
take on the pressure
of being an adult.
445
00:22:01,904 --> 00:22:03,354
It's okay, Mom.
446
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:05,133
Boy, I thought being a grown-up
447
00:22:05,157 --> 00:22:06,802
would be easier
than being a kid,
448
00:22:06,826 --> 00:22:08,537
but it turned out
it was just as hard.
449
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:09,727
I guess what we all learned
450
00:22:09,795 --> 00:22:12,629
is that no matter who you are,
or where you come from,
451
00:22:12,698 --> 00:22:14,365
life is a terrible thing.
452
00:22:14,433 --> 00:22:17,201
Yeah,
but if you got your family
to help you get through it,
453
00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:18,802
it's not quite as bad.
454
00:22:18,871 --> 00:22:20,687
And, hey, at least
I get my old job back.
455
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,757
You know, from now on,
let's not complain so much.
456
00:22:25,628 --> 00:22:27,473
- Let's not complain.
- Let's be grateful, huh?
457
00:22:27,497 --> 00:22:30,197
Hey, what do you guys do
after the screen goes black?
458
00:23:07,336 --> 00:23:08,416
English - US - Line 21
35341
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