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00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,838
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:09,241
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,309 --> 00:00:12,844
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:15,931
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:19,184
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,454
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:24,234
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:25,923
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:30,862
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:41,323
Oh, I am so excited
for Stewie's first play.
11
00:00:41,392 --> 00:00:42,835
Don't you think
it's a little soon
12
00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,504
for a musical
about Terri Schiavo?
13
00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:46,528
Or too late?
Shh. It's starting.
14
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:12,387
Hi, Doctor,
it's me, Michael Schiavo.
How's my wife doing?
15
00:01:12,456 --> 00:01:13,622
She's a vegetable.
16
00:01:13,691 --> 00:01:15,324
I hate vegetables.
17
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,776
Don't worry about her,
Mr. Schiavo.
18
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:21,130
She's being kept alive
by medical science.
19
00:01:21,198 --> 00:01:24,166
Gee, look at all this stuff.
How does it all work?
20
00:01:24,235 --> 00:01:26,034
Well, I'll tell you.
21
00:01:26,103 --> 00:01:28,286
♪ This one
keeps her liver clean
22
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:30,622
♪ This one checks her pee
23
00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:32,754
How about this one over here?
24
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:34,209
♪ Oh, that's just the TV
25
00:01:34,278 --> 00:01:35,421
♪ Ha! Ha! Ha!
26
00:01:35,445 --> 00:01:37,596
♪ This one checks
her heart rate
27
00:01:37,664 --> 00:01:39,564
♪ This one checks her veins
28
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:43,735
♪ And this dispenses gravy
for her mashed-potato brains
29
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:44,953
♪ Oh, oh, oh
30
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:49,140
♪ Terri Schiavo
is kind of alive-oh
31
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:51,477
♪ What a lively little bugger
32
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:54,062
♪ Maybe we should
just unplug her
33
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:58,116
♪ Terri Schiavo
is kind of alive-oh
34
00:01:58,185 --> 00:02:01,803
♪ The most expensive plant
you'll ever see ♪
35
00:02:03,606 --> 00:02:05,907
Oh, my God, here comes Jared.
36
00:02:05,976 --> 00:02:08,243
Wow, he's in kindergarten.
37
00:02:08,311 --> 00:02:09,856
Hey, so you're
the plug this year?
38
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,896
Hey, Jared.
Yeah, I'm the plug.
39
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,976
Yeah, I was the plug
three years in a row.
40
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,901
Like, I don't know that!
Everybody knows that, Jared!
41
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,682
Well, listen,
don't you try to be
a Jared plug, all right?
42
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,719
You just go out there,
you be the best
Stewie plug you can.
43
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,208
Oh, I sure will, Jared.
44
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,521
Hey, you got any
Gummi Bears on you?
45
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:26,678
No.
46
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:29,064
Be a lot cooler if you did.
47
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,446
You know, they say,
"Don't meet your heroes,"
48
00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:34,581
but they can eat my ass,
49
00:02:34,605 --> 00:02:36,571
because that was awesome!
I don't know.
50
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,985
Don't you think
it's kind of weird
that he's in kindergarten
51
00:02:39,009 --> 00:02:41,142
and he's still hanging
around kids our age?
52
00:02:41,211 --> 00:02:43,745
Hey! We are very lucky.
53
00:02:44,415 --> 00:02:45,980
Oh! Here I go!
54
00:02:46,049 --> 00:02:50,601
♪ There's only one solution
It's in the Constitution
55
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:55,206
♪ We've got
to pull the plug ♪
56
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:57,570
There he is!
Quick, Peter,
grab the video camera.
57
00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:58,893
All right, all right.
58
00:03:08,838 --> 00:03:10,038
What's wrong with Stewie?
59
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,272
I think he has stage fright.
60
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,818
I think he has
stage fright, Peter.
61
00:03:12,842 --> 00:03:14,762
That's what I just said.
I said that.
62
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:26,170
Look at Stewie.
What a baby.
63
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:29,541
Oh, no way.
Hey, Chris, look.
Is that Richard Dreyfuss?
64
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:31,493
Oh, for crying out loud.
65
00:03:31,562 --> 00:03:33,823
Hey, Dreyfuss,
where you going?
Get back here.
66
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,624
Dreyfuss, what are you doing
here in Quahog?
67
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:37,315
My nephew's in the play.
68
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,984
God, can't you go
anywhere these days without
these damn paparazzi?
69
00:03:41,255 --> 00:03:43,032
Where you going?
Oh, you going
to the bathroom?
70
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,701
You going to have
a close encounter
of the turd kind?
71
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,780
Hey, I think
you're gonna need
a bigger boat!
72
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:50,974
These jokes are for you, Peter,
73
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,998
when you watch
this tape in the future.
74
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,366
Hi, future Peter.
75
00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:56,846
I'm going to
plant a tree for you
when I get home.
76
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:59,688
Look outside and
you'll see a grown tree.
77
00:03:59,756 --> 00:04:02,252
I'm going to plant a tree
for you when I get home.
78
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,926
Look outside and
you'll see a grown tree.
79
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:07,963
Yay!
80
00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:10,014
Now look at your hand.
It's just a nub,
81
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:12,484
'cause I'm gonna cut off
all the fingers.
82
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:15,803
Oh, yeah, past Peter?
Well, two can play that game!
83
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,856
Take that!
84
00:04:17,891 --> 00:04:19,007
Wait a minute.
85
00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:26,659
So, had a little
trouble up there
on stage, huh?
86
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,716
What do you mean?
87
00:04:27,784 --> 00:04:29,195
I mean crying and
wetting yourself.
88
00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:30,619
You looked ridiculous.
89
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,337
You know what?
I'm gonna buy a cake
when you're dead.
90
00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:35,968
How was your
bowel movement, Peter?
91
00:04:35,992 --> 00:04:38,338
I got some,
but I didn't get
the troublemaker.
92
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,762
Wait, what time is it?
I got to turn on TMZ.
93
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,612
Rene Russogot a little hotunder the collar
94
00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:49,215
when we caught upwith her outside her homein the Hills.
95
00:04:49,239 --> 00:04:51,401
Rene, what was itlike working withDouglas Fairbanks?
96
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,958
Is it true you
were born in 1880?
97
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,529
This is my rassinfrackin' land!
98
00:04:57,581 --> 00:04:59,108
And I don't care what no man
99
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,550
from no TennesseeValley Authoritysays, consarnit!
100
00:05:02,619 --> 00:05:04,903
Why are we watching TMZ?
I hate this show.
101
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,304
Keep watching.
102
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:07,572
So what do you got?
103
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:09,518
I got Richard Dreyfuss
coming out of the bathroom
104
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,026
at his nephew's play
in Rhode Island.
105
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,539
Richard!
Hey, Richard!
106
00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,075
Hey, can I get your autograph?
107
00:05:15,099 --> 00:05:17,410
Fine.
You have a pen
and paper?
108
00:05:17,434 --> 00:05:18,644
What do I look like, a Staples?
109
00:05:18,668 --> 00:05:19,846
I don't carry that stuff around.
110
00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:21,347
Look, I'm sorry,
I can't help you.
111
00:05:21,371 --> 00:05:22,816
Oh, what, you too big and famous
112
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,550
to walk over to
that corner drugstore
113
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:27,320
and pick up a pen and paper
and possibly some
other groceries I need
114
00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:29,422
and come back and sign
several things for me?
115
00:05:29,446 --> 00:05:30,745
You're a jerk!
116
00:05:30,813 --> 00:05:32,430
That was my tape, everybody.
117
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:34,544
I sent that in and
they put it on TV,
118
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:36,613
which makes me
a famous journalist.
119
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:40,121
Journalist?
You're badgering a celebrity
and passing it off as news.
120
00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:42,640
Yeah, journalist.
And I got 100 bucks for it,
121
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,560
which I used to buy
this $4,000 video camera.
122
00:05:45,629 --> 00:05:48,413
Meet Peter Griffin,
video paparazzi.
123
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,693
From now on, I'm gonna be
right where the action is,
124
00:05:50,717 --> 00:05:53,517
like my uncle,
The Guy in
the White Hat Griffin.
125
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,646
Stewie! Stewie,
how's that oatmeal?
126
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,414
Is it true you're
having an affair
with that oatmeal?
127
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,483
What do you say
about the rumors that
you have a full diaper?
128
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,017
I'm just trying to eat here.
129
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,453
What did you do to
your mother's vagina?
130
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:17,477
Leave me alone!
131
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,604
How come your feet are so small?
132
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,245
Is it true you
can't say "spaghetti"?
133
00:06:20,314 --> 00:06:21,924
What about the rumors
that you have cooties?
134
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,308
Is it true you
doubled your weight
in the last six months?
135
00:06:27,588 --> 00:06:29,299
Daddy!
Help me, Daddy!
136
00:06:29,323 --> 00:06:31,323
I can't get involved
'cause of journalism.
137
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:33,691
Tom! Tom Tucker! Tom!
138
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:34,926
The news isn't funny.
139
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:36,572
It's not supposed to be funny.
140
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,408
Tom, who were you
having dinner with
in there? Was it a guy?
141
00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:41,066
Are you gay?
Someone said you were gay.
It was me.
142
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:44,135
Are the rumors
I'm making up true?
Ignore me if you're gay.
143
00:06:46,690 --> 00:06:48,022
Mayor West, over here!
144
00:06:48,091 --> 00:06:49,819
What hot spot
are you going to
this Friday night?
145
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:53,862
Oh, I've got some
pretty nifty plans,
my camera-wielding friend.
146
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:55,296
Yeah?
That's right.
147
00:06:55,365 --> 00:06:58,667
Every Friday night,
I'm a clearance-sale
area rug.
148
00:07:02,138 --> 00:07:06,591
Boy, I hope somebody buys me.
I'd look swell in their den.
149
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:16,963
Rubik the Amazing Cube!
150
00:07:16,987 --> 00:07:18,152
Rubik the Amazing Cube!
151
00:07:18,221 --> 00:07:19,431
Do you have a drinking problem?
152
00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:20,855
Why are your
colors all messed up?
153
00:07:20,891 --> 00:07:22,624
I can fix this.
154
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:26,293
Line up the two corners,
red next to yellow...
155
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,795
Oh, fuck it!
156
00:07:32,302 --> 00:07:34,663
Ollie Williams,
why do you look
so much like Will Smith?
157
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:35,864
Hey, Will Smith,
what was it like
158
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,208
to punch that alien in the face?
159
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,634
Eddie Murphy,
what was that whole thing
160
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,136
with you and that
transvestite hooker?
161
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,626
Bernie Mac, how come you died?
162
00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:43,661
Oprah, why are you
so fat, Don Cheadle?
163
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:49,829
You almost done in there, Peter?
164
00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:50,963
Hang on, Lois.
165
00:07:50,987 --> 00:07:52,681
Stupid Ollie Williams
broke my glasses.
166
00:07:52,705 --> 00:07:54,133
I got to put in my contacts.
167
00:07:54,157 --> 00:07:56,018
By the way,
the repair shop called.
168
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:57,809
They said they
can't fix your camera.
169
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,789
Well, that's
just great, Lois.
That's great.
170
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,290
And here I was
going to use the money
171
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,892
to take you to
Cancun this winter.
172
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,315
"Cancun," Peter.
173
00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:06,629
Whoa! Whoa!
I don't like Ollie
any more than you do,
174
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,586
but we are
a 21st-century family,
175
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,232
and I will not have
that kind of talk here.
176
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,273
Whatever.
177
00:08:15,895 --> 00:08:17,935
Griffin! Did you
call the distributor
about the...
178
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,248
What? What's the problem?
179
00:08:21,317 --> 00:08:24,401
Okay, look,
I know I was watching TV,
but I'll stay late.
180
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:26,988
No, that's not it, Griffin.
There's...
181
00:08:27,057 --> 00:08:29,290
There's something
different about you.
182
00:08:29,359 --> 00:08:30,908
You're not wearing glasses.
183
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,772
Yeah, they got busted.
I'm wearing contacts.
184
00:08:32,796 --> 00:08:36,080
I can see your eyes
and your eyelashes!
185
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:38,015
They're beautiful!
186
00:08:38,084 --> 00:08:39,734
Who cares? What gives?
187
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:31,085
Griffin, I never
noticed you before.
I like what I see.
188
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,587
Uh.
189
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:33,788
Okay.
190
00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,508
Oh, no.
I dropped my pencil!
191
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,710
Oh, I'll get it for you.
192
00:09:39,779 --> 00:09:43,014
Yeah, this is gonna
work out just fine.
193
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,650
Excuse me.
194
00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:54,658
Family, we need to talk.
195
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,946
Your father was
sexually harassed
at work today.
196
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:00,136
What?
197
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:02,199
That's right.
Angela grabbed my ass.
198
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:06,170
So what?
Peter, a woman can't
sexually harass a man.
199
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,717
Why not?
I don't know.
200
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:09,452
It just doesn't make any sense.
201
00:10:09,476 --> 00:10:11,743
I mean, guys like
being touched by women.
202
00:10:11,812 --> 00:10:13,790
It's not harassment
if you like it.
203
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,079
But I didn't like it.
204
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,943
I got sexually
harassed at school.
205
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:19,478
My chemistry teacher,
Mr. Taylor,
rubbed my shoulders
206
00:10:19,502 --> 00:10:22,603
for 35 minutes in class
the one day I didn't
wear a bra.
207
00:10:22,672 --> 00:10:24,672
See, Peter?
That's harassment.
208
00:10:24,741 --> 00:10:27,041
An older man,
a weak younger woman.
209
00:10:27,110 --> 00:10:28,620
He could have taken
advantage of her,
210
00:10:28,644 --> 00:10:30,289
forced her to do things to him.
211
00:10:30,313 --> 00:10:32,613
He did. Awful things.
212
00:10:32,682 --> 00:10:35,750
See? But you,
it just can't happen.
213
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:41,172
Griffin! Get in here!
214
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:44,575
And make sure you have on
your new uniform.
215
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,189
Why am I
the only one who has
to wear denim shorts?
216
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:49,814
Because you're the only one
who looks this good in them.
217
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:53,217
Damn, Griffin,
you fill those out nicely.
218
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,164
Why is there a dusty gas station
219
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,228
and a Diet Pepsi machine
in your office?
220
00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:00,692
'Cause your car broke down,
221
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:04,061
and you need to
wipe a cold soda
on your neck to cool off.
222
00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,141
Well, maybe I don't
need to cool off.
223
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,366
Maybe you don't need
to be employed.
224
00:11:15,725 --> 00:11:17,219
It's hot in here, isn't it?
225
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:18,309
Yes.
226
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,378
You need to cool off, don't you?
227
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:21,646
I need to cool off.
228
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:25,016
You need to wipe your neck
with the soda can.
229
00:11:25,084 --> 00:11:27,268
I need to wipe my neck
with the soda can.
230
00:11:27,336 --> 00:11:28,336
Do it!
231
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,555
Now, get out of here, you slut.
232
00:11:35,579 --> 00:11:36,579
Okay.
233
00:11:36,646 --> 00:11:37,912
Can I keep the soda?
234
00:11:37,981 --> 00:11:39,213
Oh, all right.
235
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,498
Yeah!
236
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:53,978
Oh!
237
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,480
Oh, God.
238
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:59,467
I really hope
there's a hungry horse
back there.
239
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:04,739
Hello?
240
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:07,825
Oh, hi, Angela. Hang on.
Peter, it's your boss!
241
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,344
I don't want to talk to her.
She's gonna harass me.
242
00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:12,530
Oh, don't be such a baby!
243
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,899
I'm sorry, Angela,
Peter can't talk.
244
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,769
He's upstairs in the shower
touching himself
to your picture.
245
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,537
What?
246
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,446
He's writing
your name in the shower door
fog with his penis.
247
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:23,874
Give me that.
248
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,370
Why are you calling me at home?
249
00:12:25,394 --> 00:12:27,172
I want to hear you breathe.
250
00:12:27,196 --> 00:12:28,407
Breathe into the phone
for me, Griffin.
251
00:12:28,431 --> 00:12:29,464
What?
252
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,699
Shh. Don't talk,
just breathe.
253
00:12:31,768 --> 00:12:33,334
It turns me on.
254
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:43,178
That's it, Griffin.
Keep breathing.
255
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,047
I'm almost there.
256
00:12:46,115 --> 00:12:49,350
Oh! Your breath
is filling me up.
257
00:12:49,419 --> 00:12:52,353
Your breath and
this squash racquet.
258
00:12:53,923 --> 00:12:55,523
I like kangaroos.
259
00:12:55,592 --> 00:12:57,192
Oh, sure you do.
260
00:12:57,260 --> 00:13:01,195
Well, tomorrow,I'm getting youa kangaroo T-shirt.
261
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,712
And she wants me
to come over
to her house tonight
262
00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:08,937
to work on a special project.
263
00:13:09,005 --> 00:13:10,582
I know she's gonna make me
have sex with her.
264
00:13:10,606 --> 00:13:11,650
What the hell am I gonna do?
265
00:13:11,674 --> 00:13:12,991
I don't know, Peter.
266
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,870
If you have sex with her,
you give her all the power.
267
00:13:14,894 --> 00:13:16,472
If you don't have sex
with her, you're gay.
268
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:17,528
You can't win.
269
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,057
You can't do anything, Peter.
270
00:13:19,081 --> 00:13:21,916
These days,
women have all the power
in the workplace.
271
00:13:21,985 --> 00:13:23,762
You know, I never
told you guys this,
272
00:13:23,786 --> 00:13:25,720
but my police captain
is a woman.
273
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,766
One day,
she wheeled me
into her office
274
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:29,702
and then made me
have sex with her.
275
00:13:29,726 --> 00:13:31,237
It was awful.
Oh, my God,
276
00:13:31,261 --> 00:13:32,921
that must have
scarred you for life.
277
00:13:32,945 --> 00:13:35,897
No, I was into it.
It was just awful sex.
278
00:13:35,965 --> 00:13:38,632
It was like trying to get
a deflated balloon into a...
279
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:42,070
Well, I guess a normal vagina.
280
00:13:42,138 --> 00:13:43,655
It was pretty bad.
281
00:13:43,707 --> 00:13:46,085
I don't want to get fired
and have to look
for another job.
282
00:13:46,109 --> 00:13:47,341
What the hell do I do?
283
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,650
I might be able
to help you, Peter.
284
00:13:52,531 --> 00:13:54,060
All right, hurry up,
let's get this over with.
285
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:56,450
All right,
unbutton your shirt
and your pants.
286
00:13:59,589 --> 00:14:01,709
That ought to do it.
Okay, close up.
287
00:14:03,326 --> 00:14:04,670
All right,
let me get lined up right,
288
00:14:04,694 --> 00:14:06,805
so she'll think it's you
she's having sex with.
289
00:14:06,829 --> 00:14:08,674
Wow, that's really clever.
Thanks.
290
00:14:08,698 --> 00:14:11,177
And if you don't feel
like doing Lois later,
I can stick around.
291
00:14:11,201 --> 00:14:12,666
Oh, let's...
292
00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:14,752
Let's just see how this goes.
293
00:14:18,608 --> 00:14:19,608
Hello, Griffin.
294
00:14:19,676 --> 00:14:21,409
Hello, Angela.
295
00:14:21,478 --> 00:14:23,444
You know, Angela,
I've been thinking about it,
296
00:14:23,513 --> 00:14:25,513
and I want to have sex
with you now.
297
00:14:25,582 --> 00:14:27,159
Really?
Giggity.
298
00:14:27,183 --> 00:14:29,651
Yeah, but I want to
just do it through my
zipper, all right?
299
00:14:29,719 --> 00:14:31,679
I don't want to have
to take off all my clothes,
300
00:14:31,721 --> 00:14:34,922
'cause I'm self-conscious
about my Congressman Barney
Frank body.
301
00:14:34,991 --> 00:14:37,071
Oh, I suppose
I can work with that.
302
00:14:38,895 --> 00:14:40,394
Oh, yuck!
303
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,613
What do you say
we go into the bedroom?
304
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,832
Yeah, sure.
305
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:47,635
Oh, she's so ugly!
I don't want to get in that.
306
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,960
Peter, I'm not gonna do it.
Deal's off. Deal's off.
307
00:14:50,006 --> 00:14:51,349
- No, it isn't!
- Yes, it is.
308
00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:53,251
I'm gonna spread my legs,
and yours will pop through.
309
00:14:53,275 --> 00:14:54,553
You better not.
I am.
310
00:14:54,577 --> 00:14:56,338
I'm re-jiggering
my position right now.
311
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:57,578
Oh, no, you don't!
312
00:15:00,182 --> 00:15:01,916
What the hell is going on here?
313
00:15:04,254 --> 00:15:05,386
Oh.
314
00:15:05,455 --> 00:15:07,866
Hi, Angela,
I'm Peter's friend,
Glenn Quagmire.
315
00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:10,324
Thank you so much
for having me in your home.
316
00:15:10,393 --> 00:15:12,238
And I would have
had sex with you,
317
00:15:12,262 --> 00:15:13,506
but Peter neglected to tell me
318
00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:15,929
that you are
a complete dumpster fire.
319
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,064
Some friend, huh?
320
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:20,150
Okay. All right,
take it easy.
321
00:15:20,219 --> 00:15:22,987
I am tired of
playing games, Griffin.
I mean, let's go.
322
00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:26,941
I have waited long enough.
I'm having sex
with you right now.
323
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,409
No! I don't wanna!
324
00:15:28,477 --> 00:15:31,679
Griffin! You have sex with me
or you're fired.
325
00:15:31,748 --> 00:15:35,188
Fine! Fire me!
I'm through being
harassed by you!
326
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,680
You know, this is awful timing,
327
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:41,050
but I remembered
part of the reason
I came over
328
00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:44,474
was 'cause my cousin
is looking for a job
at the brewery.
329
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:47,544
I'll just put his resume
under the door.
330
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,083
Give me another one, Horace.
331
00:15:57,107 --> 00:15:58,806
All right, but slow down, Peter.
332
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,819
Or else I'm gonna have to get
that lady boss of yours
333
00:16:00,843 --> 00:16:02,955
to come in here and give you
a good shoe to the gift bag.
334
00:16:02,979 --> 00:16:04,462
You know, keep you in line.
335
00:16:06,082 --> 00:16:09,516
I'm just kidding you, Peter.
You'll find yourself
a new job.
336
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:11,346
We now return to Robert Mitchum
337
00:16:11,370 --> 00:16:13,638
in A Backhand for Sally.
338
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,656
You're getting on
that train with me.
339
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:18,125
I can't go with you.
I just can't.
340
00:16:18,194 --> 00:16:19,894
Okay, I'll go.
341
00:16:19,963 --> 00:16:21,395
Ow!
342
00:16:21,464 --> 00:16:23,843
I said I'd go!Why'd you give methe back of your hand?
343
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:25,499
Because I love you.
344
00:16:28,604 --> 00:16:32,055
Wow! I thought you
had to be in the NBA
to hit a girl in the face.
345
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,158
But I guess anyone can.
346
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:36,105
Of course you can
hit a girl in the face!
347
00:16:36,129 --> 00:16:37,639
They have faces, don't they?
348
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:40,097
Are you talking to me,
Robert Mitchum?
349
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,784
You bet your ass I am.
Look at you! You're pathetic.
350
00:16:43,853 --> 00:16:46,320
What kind of a man
gets fired by a broad?
351
00:16:46,388 --> 00:16:47,588
A man with a female boss?
352
00:16:47,657 --> 00:16:48,873
Don't crack wise.
353
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:50,942
Listen, Peter,
somewhere along the line,
354
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,210
you got turned around.
You're a man!
355
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:55,379
And whatdo you think it meansto be a man?
356
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:57,865
Um, it means not
getting pushed around?
357
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,317
Exactly!
358
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:02,348
It means drinking
not because I want to,
but because I need to.
359
00:17:02,372 --> 00:17:03,387
Right!
360
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:05,167
It means standing up to fart,
361
00:17:05,191 --> 00:17:07,831
not hiding it in a pillow
or holding it in till
your stomach goes...
362
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,662
Now you've got it!
363
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:15,066
Give me my keys, Horace!
I'm going to see my boss!
364
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:16,884
But, Peter, you're drunk!
365
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,886
Horace!
366
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:21,155
You're right.
This is more important.
367
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,762
Angela! Open up in there!
368
00:17:34,703 --> 00:17:36,069
Oh, my God!
369
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,563
Angela! Angela, wake up!
370
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:48,460
What the...
371
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,017
Griffin?
372
00:17:50,085 --> 00:17:52,498
Angela, what the hell
are you doing trying
to kill yourself?
373
00:17:52,522 --> 00:17:54,988
Why the hell did you
pull me out of there?
374
00:17:55,057 --> 00:17:57,068
You should have
just left me alone!
375
00:17:57,092 --> 00:17:58,937
That's how I'm gonna
end up anyway.
376
00:17:58,961 --> 00:18:00,461
What are you talking about?
377
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:03,642
I'm talking about
the fact that I have
nothing to live for.
378
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:04,916
Sure, you do.
379
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:08,001
Someday,
a white man's gonna be
elected President again.
380
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:11,722
Griffin, I haven't been
with anyone in ten years.
381
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,992
And when you
spurned my advances,
it was a wake-up call.
382
00:18:15,061 --> 00:18:17,445
No one's ever
gonna love me again.
383
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,046
Wait a minute.
384
00:18:19,114 --> 00:18:21,716
So that's why you been
acting like such
a wacky ass around me?
385
00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:24,330
It's been so long
since I've been
with a man,
386
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:26,665
I don't even remember
what it feels like.
387
00:18:26,689 --> 00:18:28,656
I always imagined
it felt very painful.
388
00:18:28,725 --> 00:18:31,165
You just sort of grit
your teeth and let us do
what we want.
389
00:18:31,210 --> 00:18:35,563
I just wish
one person was able
to find me attractive.
390
00:18:35,631 --> 00:18:37,748
That's not too much
to ask, is it?
391
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,183
No!
392
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,353
Look, Angela, I came over here
393
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:44,388
to punch you and maybe
kick you in the boob,
394
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,423
but now I'm all turned around.
395
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:47,591
Angela? Angela?
396
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,792
Right here.
397
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,762
Oh. But now all I want
to do is help you out.
398
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:55,198
I'll tell you what.
You know that ritzy,
upscale place over on Third?
399
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,068
The Stuffy Fella?
That's it.
400
00:18:57,102 --> 00:18:59,887
You be at
the Stuffy Fella tonight
around 9:00.
401
00:18:59,956 --> 00:19:03,257
I think I know someone
who might be perfect for you.
402
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,101
Well, hello.
403
00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:15,536
Good evening, sir.
404
00:19:15,605 --> 00:19:18,572
I am Reginald
New York Knickerbocker,
millionaire.
405
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:21,341
Are you serving
fish this evening?
406
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:22,491
No, sir.
407
00:19:22,545 --> 00:19:24,712
Then I believe
my guest has arrived.
408
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:25,896
There she is!
409
00:19:27,850 --> 00:19:29,900
You must be Angela.
410
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,003
Hi. Are you
Peter's friend, Reginald?
411
00:19:32,055 --> 00:19:33,553
Indeed I am.
412
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:39,576
What a beautiful
shade of lipstick
on those teeth.
413
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:41,729
Oh, thank you,
but that's just my gums
414
00:19:41,798 --> 00:19:44,131
bleeding from
aggressive gingivitis.
415
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,783
Mmm. Well, your mouth
is too sweet
416
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,386
for your teeth
to want to stay in.
417
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:49,514
Oh!
418
00:19:49,538 --> 00:19:51,038
Yes.
419
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:54,427
Well, I'm just gonna
go to the powder room
and freshen up.
420
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,043
She's eating it up!
421
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,192
This is easier
than an American finding
his brother in China.
422
00:19:59,848 --> 00:20:02,249
Ron? Ron,
where are you?
423
00:20:02,318 --> 00:20:03,617
Over here, Paul!
424
00:20:03,685 --> 00:20:04,919
Oh, good, there you are.
425
00:20:04,987 --> 00:20:06,164
It's pretty here!
426
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:07,254
Yes, it is.
427
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,046
What a wonderful dinner.
428
00:20:15,114 --> 00:20:16,847
Would you like some dessert?
429
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,182
Did you bake a pie?
430
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,717
Well, there is a pie.
431
00:20:19,786 --> 00:20:22,053
It's been baking
since I met you.
432
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,454
Gross.
What?
433
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:27,792
Nothing. You know, Angela,
there's something
I need to tell you.
434
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:30,460
My doctor has given me
24 hours to live.
435
00:20:30,529 --> 00:20:31,829
Oh, my God!
436
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,642
No, no, it's quite all right.
437
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:37,134
Because I vowed to myself
that I would spend
the last night of my life
438
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:40,504
in the company of
the most beautiful woman
in the world.
439
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,718
And that's just
what I have done.
440
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,775
Oh, Reginald.
441
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:48,679
No, no, no. This is
already a perfect end
to a perfect evening.
442
00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,047
Good night, my dear.
443
00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,365
Reginald,
444
00:20:51,434 --> 00:20:53,550
I want you to make love to me.
445
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,252
Oh, if only I could,
446
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:58,233
but I must to a Jew
to put my affairs
in order.
447
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,574
I know what's going on here.
448
00:21:00,643 --> 00:21:02,003
You don't want to be with me.
449
00:21:02,044 --> 00:21:03,844
You're just like everybody else.
450
00:21:03,913 --> 00:21:05,078
So go, then!
451
00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:07,665
I'm just gonna stay here
and kill myself.
452
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:11,685
But you can't kill yourself
every time somebody
won't sleep with you.
453
00:21:11,754 --> 00:21:14,504
I won't!
Just sleep with me,
just this once,
454
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:16,606
and it'll give me
everything I need.
455
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:18,008
Sleep with me tonight.
456
00:21:18,077 --> 00:21:19,660
Save my life.
457
00:21:25,434 --> 00:21:29,887
That was fantastic!
It was exactly
what I needed.
458
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,807
Well, hopefully there'll be
no more talk of suicide.
459
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:36,293
Oh, no. I feel better
than I've felt in years!
460
00:21:36,362 --> 00:21:38,329
I have my confidence again.
461
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:41,181
I'm ready
to go back out there
and meet someone.
462
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:43,545
Well, I'm glad to be of service.
463
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:45,936
Oh, just one more thing
before you go.
464
00:21:46,005 --> 00:21:47,171
What's that, my dear?
465
00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:49,773
See you at work
on Monday, Griffin.
466
00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,908
Huh? Oh, I'm gonna
have to have a word
467
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,277
with Rite Aid about
this fake mustache.
468
00:21:57,600 --> 00:21:59,850
Well, I got my job back,
Angela's happy again,
469
00:21:59,918 --> 00:22:01,852
and she's not gonna
harass me anymore.
470
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,621
Everything worked out perfect.
471
00:22:03,689 --> 00:22:04,955
Not really, Peter.
472
00:22:05,024 --> 00:22:06,268
Yeah, you cheated on your wife.
473
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:08,025
No, I didn't.
I used Mort.
474
00:22:08,093 --> 00:22:09,593
Oh, my God, I forgot about Mort!
475
00:22:10,979 --> 00:22:12,913
I want my $2!
476
00:22:50,469 --> 00:22:51,549
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21
36165
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