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1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,771
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,107
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:12,527
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,596 --> 00:00:15,764
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,832 --> 00:00:19,051
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:22,487
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,050
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,074 --> 00:00:25,791
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:31,029
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,206
Jolly Farm?
11
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,909
Can't believe you
still watch this crap.
12
00:00:43,978 --> 00:00:47,746
Man, how can you
still watch this?
Huh? Huh?
13
00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:50,426
You know, I can tell
you've already
been drinking,
14
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,795
and I just don't want to engage.
15
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:55,787
Besides, you can learn a lot
from British nursery rhymes.
16
00:00:55,856 --> 00:01:00,108
♪ Ring-a-ring-a-roses
A pocket full of posies
17
00:01:00,177 --> 00:01:04,479
♪ Ashes, ashes
We all fall down! ♪
18
00:01:04,548 --> 00:01:07,110
See, that was
actually written about
the bubonic plague.
19
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:08,300
Oh. Didn't know that.
20
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:09,746
Ooh! Ooh!
This next one's
my favorite.
21
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,982
It's about
the Pan Am flight
from Lockerbie.
22
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:15,106
♪ It's raining luggage
and babies and limbs
23
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:18,143
♪ and Daddy
doesn't come home ♪
24
00:01:18,195 --> 00:01:20,612
Yay! It's fun
to be a child.
25
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,314
Hey, did you read this?
26
00:01:22,382 --> 00:01:24,194
They're going to be
making an American version
of Jolly Farm,
27
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,283
right here in Quahog.
28
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:27,663
Oh, my God!
I didn't see that.
Give me!
29
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:31,323
Good Lord, you're right!
An American Jolly Farm!
30
00:01:31,391 --> 00:01:34,604
Oh, there's no picture.
I like the stories
that have pictures.
31
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,496
Ooh! Like this one,
"Seven Dead in Mumbai."
32
00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:38,764
I like their hats.
33
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:45,220
Lois, you have a gray hair.
What?
34
00:01:45,289 --> 00:01:47,570
Inch-and-a-half
left of your part.
35
00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:49,591
Oh, my God, you're right!
36
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:51,437
You know,
I don't mind so much
that you're aging,
37
00:01:51,461 --> 00:01:53,773
it's just the way
you're shoving
it down my throat.
38
00:01:53,797 --> 00:01:54,829
Screw you, Peter.
39
00:01:54,898 --> 00:01:56,198
Not today!
40
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:57,683
Aw, wow!
41
00:01:57,751 --> 00:01:59,631
Mom, Dad, is it okay if I invite
42
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,564
my new boyfriend
over for dinner tonight?
43
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:02,688
Your what?
44
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,556
Yes, I share your
mother's skepticism.
45
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:06,803
Meg, I think everyone
in this household
46
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,926
has grown weary
of your tall tales.
47
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:12,264
No, really,
I have a boyfriend.
His name is Anthony.
48
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,053
Well, Meg, if you're
telling us the truth,
49
00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:17,202
I just hope to God
he's an improvement
over the last one.
50
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:19,198
Thanks, Mrs. Griffin,
that was delicious.
51
00:02:19,222 --> 00:02:22,024
You're welcome, Justin.
It was a pleasure
to meet you.
52
00:02:22,092 --> 00:02:23,169
Come on, I'll take you home.
53
00:02:23,193 --> 00:02:24,273
Okay, babe.
54
00:02:29,099 --> 00:02:30,398
He ain't got no legs.
55
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:36,266
Brian, which photo
should I bring
to my audition?
56
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,489
What audition?
57
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:39,335
Why, for the American
Jolly Farm, of course.
58
00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,543
Now, which picture?
Playful?
59
00:02:41,611 --> 00:02:43,261
Or more playful?
60
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,780
Who the fuck took these?
61
00:02:44,848 --> 00:02:46,459
The professional
photographer, that's who.
62
00:02:46,483 --> 00:02:48,795
Now, come on,
help me rehearse
the audition scene.
63
00:02:48,819 --> 00:02:51,753
"Mary, would you
like to go to the farm
and learn about the animals?"
64
00:02:51,822 --> 00:02:54,355
"I don't want to
go to the farm.
We don't know anybody there."
65
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,602
No, Brian,
you have to give Mary
some attitude.
66
00:02:56,626 --> 00:02:58,437
Look, you do my line
and I'll show you.
67
00:02:58,461 --> 00:03:00,328
"Mary,
would you like to..."
68
00:03:00,397 --> 00:03:02,242
Without the sigh
in front of it, please.
69
00:03:02,266 --> 00:03:05,066
"Mary, would you
like to go to the farm
and learn about the animals?"
70
00:03:05,135 --> 00:03:06,730
"I don't want to go to the farm!
71
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,297
"We don't even know
anybody there!"
72
00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,233
You see, she's a real
spitfire, this girl.
73
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:13,036
Now, you got to bring
that out or else I have
nothing to react to.
74
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,159
Oh, my God!
75
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,338
Please don't show Mom!
76
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,602
He told me that's
what a head shot was.
77
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,542
Lois, get in here!
78
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:32,727
Shh. Meg's boyfriend.
79
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,998
But there's...
There's nothing
wrong with him.
80
00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:38,617
Mom, where's my...
81
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,486
Shh.
82
00:03:42,506 --> 00:03:44,706
Quagmire, get over here.
You gotta see this.
83
00:03:49,246 --> 00:03:51,112
He seems to be
completely normal.
84
00:03:53,083 --> 00:03:55,166
I can honestly say
for the first time
85
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,268
that I am attracted
to our daughter.
86
00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:59,470
This must be what
other fathers feel like.
87
00:03:59,523 --> 00:04:02,040
This was worth
the 500-mile drive.
88
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,962
Well, it was very nice
meeting you, Anthony.
89
00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:09,442
You, too, Mrs. Griffin.
Thanks for having me
over for dinner.
90
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:12,801
Come on, Peter.
I think Anthony wants
some time alone with Meg.
91
00:04:12,870 --> 00:04:16,170
Who doesn't want
some time alone
with Meg these days?
92
00:04:16,239 --> 00:04:17,806
Right, Meg?
93
00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,857
Has anybody ever told you
you're pretty enough
94
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:21,704
to be a movie star,
Mrs. Griffin?
95
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:24,407
Oh, my goodness.
Well, I don't know
about that.
96
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:28,400
Penelope Ann Miller,
Nancy Travis,
now those are movie stars.
97
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:31,564
Look, Anthony, trust me,
she ain't what she used
to be, all right?
98
00:04:31,588 --> 00:04:33,099
Once you get those pants off,
99
00:04:33,123 --> 00:04:35,635
it's like two
sagging pressed hams
and a slice of pizza.
100
00:04:35,659 --> 00:04:38,004
Thank you, Peter,
that makes me
feel terrific.
101
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,694
Anyway, good night, kids.
102
00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,979
Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.
103
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:43,965
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
On the lips.
104
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,718
Yes!
105
00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:50,333
Do you think your
parents liked me?
106
00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:52,557
Yeah. Can we
make out now?
107
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:55,694
Oh, I forgot my...
108
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,088
Oh, my God, that's kind of hot.
109
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:17,014
Mmm. I bet you
taste like Mountain Dew
and Starburst.
110
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:24,606
Boy, everybody turned out
for this thing, huh?
111
00:05:24,675 --> 00:05:26,535
Sorry, all the boys can go home.
112
00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:28,587
We only have one part
left for a little girl.
113
00:05:28,611 --> 00:05:31,362
What? No! No,
that's impossible!
114
00:05:31,431 --> 00:05:33,031
Oh. That's too
bad, Stewie.
115
00:05:33,099 --> 00:05:34,499
Well, I guess
we can go home now.
116
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:37,402
But I don't want to go home!
I want to be on Jolly Farm!
117
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,448
Well, you heard her.
They're only
auditioning little girls.
118
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:40,952
Now, come on,
let's get out of here.
119
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:43,168
I suppose you're right.
Nothing I can do.
120
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,921
You know, why don't I
just meet you home?
121
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,188
I'm going to run some errands.
122
00:05:46,212 --> 00:05:48,252
You sure you're okay?
I'm positive.
123
00:05:48,899 --> 00:05:52,083
Absolutely positive.
124
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:57,072
Okay, our next young actress
on the audition list
is Karina Smirnoff.
125
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,059
Hello, everyone!
126
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,752
Thank you all so much
for squeezing me in
for an audition.
127
00:06:10,821 --> 00:06:12,119
So, shall we just jump in?
128
00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:13,938
Sure. When you're ready.
129
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:16,024
All right, let me
just get into character.
130
00:06:16,093 --> 00:06:18,688
I'm a bit distracted.
I wasn't expecting
we'd do this today,
131
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,205
in light of the circumstances.
132
00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:21,462
What circumstances?
133
00:06:21,531 --> 00:06:23,209
Oh, dear God, didn't you hear?
134
00:06:23,233 --> 00:06:24,266
The bomb?
135
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:27,068
The bomb that went
off in Times Square?
136
00:06:27,136 --> 00:06:29,771
All those poor people, dead!
137
00:06:29,840 --> 00:06:32,251
Oh, my God!
My cousin works
in Times Square!
138
00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:34,025
Well, your cousin is fine,
139
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,127
because I was acting!
140
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,306
That's impressive!
141
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:38,980
Risky. Very risky.
142
00:06:39,049 --> 00:06:41,060
All right, fun's over.
What do you want me to read?
143
00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:43,444
We want you to read
your new contract!
144
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,070
You mean it?
145
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:46,905
Absolutely! You're hired!
146
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:50,075
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh!
147
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,744
Well, I guess sometimes
you're just right
for the part.
148
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:55,980
Like James Earl Jones
playing Darth Vader.
149
00:06:56,032 --> 00:07:00,668
So, James,
we just want you
to do the voice.
150
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,886
Thanks for taking time
for me today, Bonnie.
151
00:07:06,910 --> 00:07:08,788
I just didn't know
who else to talk to.
152
00:07:08,812 --> 00:07:11,345
Oh, that's okay, Lois.
What's on your mind?
153
00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:13,948
Well, you're gonna think
I'm an awful person,
154
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:16,328
but I'm attracted
to another man.
155
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:17,618
Giggity?
156
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,065
It's Meg's boyfriend, Anthony.
157
00:07:19,089 --> 00:07:20,332
Giggity...
158
00:07:20,356 --> 00:07:22,018
It's just that, lately,
Peter's been making
159
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,576
me feel so crappy
about my age, and...
160
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,155
Well, then I'm around Anthony
161
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,925
and he looks at me
like I'm young
and attractive.
162
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,932
I'm gonna tell
you a secret, Lois.
163
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:32,701
I had an affair once.
164
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,752
You had an affair?
165
00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:37,188
Mmm-hmm. It wasn't
anything sordid.
166
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,391
Just some guys
I met on the Internet.
167
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:43,595
The point is, it's healthy
to explore your sexuality.
168
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,297
Oh, I don't know.
169
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:48,833
It just feels like
I'm lying to Peter.
Like Jesus lied to the meek.
170
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:54,455
All right! Jesus and
the jocks win again!
171
00:07:54,524 --> 00:07:57,491
Hey! You said we were gonna
inherit the Earth.
172
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,560
Yeah, when we're done with it!
173
00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:13,107
Hello, there.
Hello.
174
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,244
Um, I'm new in town
and I'm awfully lonely.
175
00:08:16,313 --> 00:08:18,480
I'm wondering
if you wouldn't mind
buying me a drink.
176
00:08:18,548 --> 00:08:20,259
Well, that'd be my pleasure.
177
00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:22,962
And maybe later I can
show you some of the
local points of interest.
178
00:08:22,986 --> 00:08:24,997
There's one right
below the table.
179
00:08:25,021 --> 00:08:27,155
Oh, my!
You're very bold.
180
00:08:27,224 --> 00:08:30,403
Well, when your
lifespan is 13 years,
you gotta be direct.
181
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,960
Lucky for you, I like bold men.
182
00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:34,629
Karina. Karina Smirnoff.
183
00:08:34,697 --> 00:08:35,730
Brian.
184
00:08:35,798 --> 00:08:37,399
Brian Steel.
185
00:08:37,467 --> 00:08:38,950
Oh! Good heavens!
186
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,719
Man, your accent is sexy.
187
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,653
This is all moving very quickly.
188
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:45,056
I'm afraid I'm
a little light-headed.
189
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,725
You must think I'm a fool.
190
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:49,105
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to
come on too strong.
191
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:50,561
Oh, that's all right.
192
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:53,765
I've been
missing a man's touch,
lo these many months.
193
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,034
And I've been missing
a woman's touch.
194
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,039
Brian... Brian!
It's me, Stewie!
195
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:06,627
Oh, my God,
that was hilarious!
You really fell for it!
196
00:09:06,696 --> 00:09:08,408
I was like,
"Is he gonna
fall for this?"
197
00:09:08,432 --> 00:09:09,742
And then when you did,
I was like,
198
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:11,700
"I guess I should see
how far I can take it,
199
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:13,196
"'cause, you know,
it'll be funnier."
200
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,264
I'm gonna kill you!
Why are you dressed
like that?
201
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,656
Because I'm the star
of Jolly Farm.
202
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:20,074
Remember how they
only needed little girls?
203
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,642
Oh, my God.
204
00:09:21,711 --> 00:09:22,822
I'm telling Lois.
205
00:09:22,846 --> 00:09:24,579
You're not telling
anybody, friend.
206
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:27,314
No, no, you're gonna be
my on-set guardian.
207
00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:29,100
You're out of your mind.
208
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,551
Brian, we both know
I touched it.
209
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,231
Now if you'd like
to keep that just
between us,
210
00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:34,856
I suggest you sit back down
and order me some
chicken fingers.
211
00:09:37,127 --> 00:09:38,994
See? We're having
a nice time.
212
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:48,887
Man, I love Cheese Nips.
It's a snack
and a racial slur.
213
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,121
Hello, what's this?
214
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:51,934
Well, Peter, you know
how you always say
215
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,619
you want to do
more role-playing?
216
00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:57,078
I was thinking,
how about I be the sexy
suburban mom
217
00:09:57,147 --> 00:09:59,580
and you be my daughter's
boyfriend, Anthony?
218
00:09:59,649 --> 00:10:00,715
No, not tonight, Lois.
219
00:10:00,784 --> 00:10:02,294
I just had a fart
that hurt my balls,
220
00:10:02,318 --> 00:10:04,078
so I'm kind of out of
commission right now.
221
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:05,737
It's one of those ka-blam farts.
222
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,766
Sounds like you're
making up excuses.
223
00:10:07,790 --> 00:10:09,068
All right, fine, we'll have sex.
224
00:10:09,092 --> 00:10:10,658
Good.
225
00:10:10,727 --> 00:10:12,438
First, turn off the light,
get under the covers
up to your neck,
226
00:10:12,462 --> 00:10:14,195
turn away from me
and lose seven pounds.
227
00:10:14,264 --> 00:10:15,941
Just get the hell out of here!
228
00:10:15,965 --> 00:10:17,432
Close one!
229
00:10:20,404 --> 00:10:22,737
All right,
first scene up
is on page 12.
230
00:10:22,806 --> 00:10:26,691
Everybody, this is our new
Jolly Farm resident,
Karina Smirnoff.
231
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,199
She'll be playing
the role of Mary.
232
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:29,410
Hello.
233
00:10:29,478 --> 00:10:30,678
Hi, I'm Julie.
234
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,018
Hello, I'm Stewie...
I'm Karina.
235
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:40,049
Can we get some
quiet on the set?
I'm trying to rehearse!
236
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,256
Quiet on the set!
237
00:10:41,324 --> 00:10:43,607
Don't mind Randall.
He's getting into character.
238
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,209
Is he playing a dick?
239
00:10:45,262 --> 00:10:48,622
All right, everybody,
here we go. Scene 10.
Places, please.
240
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:50,097
And action!
241
00:10:50,166 --> 00:10:53,234
Oh, it's so great
being here on Jolly Farm.
242
00:10:53,303 --> 00:10:55,281
Let's go to the barn
and meet the animals.
243
00:10:55,305 --> 00:10:58,150
Yeah! Hey, Mary,
bet I'll beat you
to the barn!
244
00:10:58,174 --> 00:11:02,310
That sounds like
a really chauvinistic
presumption.
245
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:04,746
I mean, because I'm a woman,
you think you'll beat me?
246
00:11:04,814 --> 00:11:08,616
A man is automatically
better than a woman at any
physical challenge?
247
00:11:08,685 --> 00:11:11,519
Well, here are a few women
who might beat
you to the barn.
248
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,655
Joanie Benoit,
Jackie Joyner-Kersee,
249
00:11:13,723 --> 00:11:15,723
Babe Didrikson Zaharias,
Mary Decker,
250
00:11:15,792 --> 00:11:17,609
- Zola Budd...
- Cut!
251
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,044
Karina, your line is,
"That sounds fun."
252
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,813
Well, yes, Dan,
but I felt that just
because we're on a farm,
253
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:24,293
it doesn't mean
we have to be stuck
254
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,518
in the 19th century
with our value system.
255
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,853
Mary needs to
stand up for herself.
256
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:30,505
Hmm. Interesting.
257
00:11:30,573 --> 00:11:32,084
I suppose we don't really have
258
00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:33,953
an outspoken female
character on the show.
259
00:11:33,977 --> 00:11:35,326
Damn right, you don't.
260
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:37,723
Could be
a possible breakout
if we play it right.
261
00:11:37,747 --> 00:11:40,526
All right, Karina,
we'll try it your way
and see what happens.
262
00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:43,468
Good luck.
She'll be gone
in three episodes.
263
00:11:46,156 --> 00:11:50,675
♪ Go, Stewie, go
264
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:56,313
♪ Roll, Stewie, roll
265
00:11:59,286 --> 00:12:03,955
♪ Sweet Stewie, roll ♪
266
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,831
Hi, Anthony.
267
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,350
Hi, Mrs. Griffin.
268
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:18,338
You know,
we've enjoyed having you
around so much lately,
269
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:21,684
so we got a little
welcome-to-the-family
present for you.
270
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:26,093
Your husband's work
and poker game schedule?
271
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:27,924
My menstrual cycle's
on there, too,
272
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,148
but I don't mind if you don't.
273
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,298
Uh. Thanks.
274
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:33,161
By the way, Meg,
I forgot to tell you,
275
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:35,664
your grandfather
needs you to pick
him up at the airport.
276
00:12:35,688 --> 00:12:38,723
Ugh! Grandpa always
makes me so nervous
when I'm driving.
277
00:12:42,746 --> 00:12:44,078
Okay, now me.
278
00:12:45,415 --> 00:12:46,998
That's a stop sign!
279
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:48,143
Anthony, you want
to come with me?
280
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,683
Sure.
281
00:12:49,752 --> 00:12:52,264
Don't be ridiculous.
I'll keep him company
till you get back.
282
00:12:52,288 --> 00:12:53,488
Goodbye, Meg.
283
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,903
Let's not play games.
The other day you said
I was attractive.
284
00:12:57,927 --> 00:12:59,405
Now, what are we
gonna do about it?
285
00:12:59,429 --> 00:13:02,463
Oh, my God!
Wow, this is so cool.
286
00:13:02,532 --> 00:13:05,033
I've never had a MILF
come on to me before.
287
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,867
Can I...
Can I kiss you?
288
00:13:06,936 --> 00:13:08,236
Let me ask you this.
289
00:13:08,304 --> 00:13:09,915
Do my gray hairs bother you?
290
00:13:09,939 --> 00:13:11,072
What gray hairs?
291
00:13:11,141 --> 00:13:13,107
Oh! Kiss me!
292
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,542
Mom, I forgot my keys.
Do you know where...
293
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,098
Um.
294
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,866
Rape?
295
00:13:31,461 --> 00:13:33,895
Hey, another batch
of fan mail, Karina.
296
00:13:33,963 --> 00:13:36,947
Oh, careful, Sam!
You're emptying
your sack all over me.
297
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:39,167
What?
298
00:13:39,235 --> 00:13:42,030
Stewie, how the hell long
do you think you can keep up
this charade?
299
00:13:42,054 --> 00:13:44,254
I will keep up this "charade,"
300
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:45,656
as it's pronounced, Brian,
301
00:13:45,725 --> 00:13:46,958
as long as I see fit!
302
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,075
Oh! Oh! Shh!
303
00:13:48,144 --> 00:13:49,160
Hi, Karina.
304
00:13:49,228 --> 00:13:50,294
Oh. Hi, Julie.
305
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,996
God, I love your makeup.
306
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:55,049
You know,
I'm thinking of asking them
to do my makeup like yours.
307
00:13:55,118 --> 00:13:56,550
Oh, you don't need makeup.
308
00:13:56,620 --> 00:13:58,831
I mean, I need all
the help I can get,
309
00:13:58,855 --> 00:14:00,165
but you have such
a youthful look,
310
00:14:00,189 --> 00:14:01,934
you could pass for 11 months.
311
00:14:01,958 --> 00:14:03,925
Ugh! Then why do
I feel like 40 months?
312
00:14:03,994 --> 00:14:07,594
You've got to stop
doing that to yourself.
You're fantastic!
313
00:14:07,663 --> 00:14:10,865
I think you're
the nicest person
I've ever met.
314
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,551
Hey, baby,
you ready to go
take a nap?
315
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:15,086
Oh. Okay, Randall.
316
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:18,634
I don't think that guy's
right for her.
317
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:20,018
Do you see the way
he treats her?
318
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,393
What do you care?
Because
319
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,061
I think I'm in love with her.
320
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:27,098
Whenever I talk to her,
it makes my Band-Aid
start to peel off.
321
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:28,311
What are you talking about?
322
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:29,415
I'm talking about my meat.
323
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,035
Gotta hide it for the cameras.
324
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:32,637
Instead of tucking it,
325
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,450
I just push it in
like a button and put
a Band-Aid over it.
326
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:35,585
What kind of Band-Aid?
327
00:14:35,609 --> 00:14:37,375
Big one. Big giant one.
328
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:40,111
No, just one
of those little dots
you put on a shot.
329
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:49,387
Okay, Brian, watch.
Here comes my big part.
330
00:14:49,455 --> 00:14:53,424
Oh, here comes Large Birdand Moody GreenGarbage Creature.
331
00:14:53,492 --> 00:14:55,459
Wow, you're a big bird!
332
00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,012
And I'm grouchy,
so get out of my way!
333
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,531
You watch that tone,
Moody Green Garbage Creature,
334
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,618
or I'll get Bernieand Gert over hereto kick your butt!
335
00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:05,136
Is there a problem here?
336
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:07,939
Yeah, you need us
to use our fists?
337
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:11,526
Look at Julie, Brian.
She's absolutely beautiful.
338
00:15:15,231 --> 00:15:16,263
Julie!
339
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,077
Hi! We were just
talking about you.
340
00:15:18,101 --> 00:15:19,900
Hi. Do I know you?
341
00:15:19,969 --> 00:15:22,698
Oh, right.
Yeah, no, you don't,
you know Karina.
342
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:23,971
I'm her brother, Stewie.
343
00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:25,990
It's nice to meet you.
Is she home?
344
00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,654
Oh, yeah, yeah,
she's upstairs.
Come in.
345
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,489
Brian, you've met Julie, right?
346
00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,758
Julie's my sister's
co-star on Jolly Farm.
347
00:15:32,782 --> 00:15:34,215
Hi, Brian.
348
00:15:34,284 --> 00:15:36,428
Why don't
you keep her company
while I go fetch Karina?
349
00:15:36,452 --> 00:15:38,635
Just make sure you get her fast.
350
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,104
Karina? Yes?
351
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:41,734
- You have a visitor.
- Who is it?
352
00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:43,886
It's that nice girl,
Julie, from your show.
353
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,071
Oh, Julie!
Did she say what she wanted?
354
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:47,306
Just go see for yourself,
355
00:15:47,330 --> 00:15:48,474
I'm not your secretary, Karina.
356
00:15:48,498 --> 00:15:49,941
Why are you so cruel to me?
357
00:15:49,965 --> 00:15:51,443
Is it because
I'm the pretty one?
The talented one?
358
00:15:51,467 --> 00:15:52,995
Oh, for God's sakes.
359
00:15:53,019 --> 00:15:55,264
You know,
we're all sick of you!
That's right, all of us!
360
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:57,338
Sick of me?
Oh, that's rich!
361
00:15:57,407 --> 00:16:00,257
You know,
I wasn't going to say this,
but Mother hates you!
362
00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:02,204
That's not true!
You take that back!
363
00:16:02,228 --> 00:16:04,629
It is true!
She hates you! She told me!
364
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,076
It was the Christmas
we all went to
Edaville Railroad,
365
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,693
and you cried
because you were afraid
366
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,901
because one of Santa's elves
was a real midget,
367
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,721
and Father said, "That's it!
I can't take this anymore!"
368
00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:15,267
and he left that very night,
369
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:17,775
and all you cared about was
ice cream on the way home.
370
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,571
And Mother said
you didn't
appreciate anything!
371
00:16:19,595 --> 00:16:21,373
- Karina!
- Coming!
372
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:25,616
Hello, Julie!
So nice to
see you! Please!
373
00:16:25,684 --> 00:16:26,984
Two lemonades, Brian.
374
00:16:27,053 --> 00:16:28,697
Oh, yeah, I'll go
make you a lemonade.
375
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,399
I'll make you a fresh one.
376
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,973
So, what brings you here?
377
00:16:32,041 --> 00:16:34,419
Well, I wanted
to see if you could come
over to my house tonight
378
00:16:34,443 --> 00:16:35,576
and run lines with me.
379
00:16:35,645 --> 00:16:37,723
Don't you usually
do that with Randall?
380
00:16:37,747 --> 00:16:39,413
We kind of had a fight.
381
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:40,948
Oh, I'm sorry.
382
00:16:41,017 --> 00:16:43,028
I thought maybe
you and I could have
a sleepover tonight.
383
00:16:43,052 --> 00:16:44,685
You know, a little girl time.
384
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,155
That would be so fun.
Yes, let's.
385
00:16:47,223 --> 00:16:48,722
Terrific! I can't wait!
386
00:16:48,792 --> 00:16:50,858
Hey, do you mind
if I say goodbye
to your brother?
387
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,337
I'll tell him for you, dear.
388
00:16:52,361 --> 00:16:54,528
I'd like to
tell him in person,
if you don't mind.
389
00:16:55,364 --> 00:16:56,564
Fine.
390
00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,194
- Stewie!
- What?
391
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:00,696
Julie would like to
say goodbye to you.
392
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:01,920
Well? Answer me!
393
00:17:01,988 --> 00:17:03,366
I'm not talking to you!
394
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:04,933
You're being a baby.
Go say goodbye.
395
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,301
Why?
She's your friend.
396
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:07,636
And why should
I do you any favors
397
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:09,605
after the terrible things
you said to me earlier?
398
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,674
Well,
at least I didn't bring up
that time at Brigham's
399
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:14,209
when you showed your fanny
to that girl in
the wheelchair!
400
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,310
Julie's gone!
401
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:16,412
That's fine, Brian,
402
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:17,646
we're having
a conversation up here!
403
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,382
That girl in the wheelchair
called me a name!
404
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,726
Yes, well,
that gives you no right
to be a blaggard!
405
00:17:28,531 --> 00:17:30,464
Meg, honey,
I think we need to talk.
406
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:32,945
I don't want
to talk to you.
Get out!
407
00:17:32,969 --> 00:17:34,885
Look, I understand
that you're upset.
408
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:38,322
You made out
with my boyfriend!
How could you do that?
409
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:41,942
I don't know, sweetheart,
but I am so, so sorry.
410
00:17:42,011 --> 00:17:43,494
It was an awful thing
that I did.
411
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,396
I never meant to
steal him from you.
412
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:48,682
Is that what you think?
You stole him from me?
413
00:17:48,751 --> 00:17:51,496
Are you kidding?
You couldn't
steal him from me.
414
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,621
Well, I do know
a few things, Meg.
415
00:17:53,689 --> 00:17:56,056
And clearly, if I wanted him
I could have him.
416
00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:58,269
You really think
you stand a chance.
417
00:17:58,293 --> 00:18:01,094
Look at you. You're old.
You're nothing!
418
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:04,031
You couldn't even imagine
the things I do for him.
419
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:07,534
And this isn't
about making out.
This is about power tools.
420
00:18:07,603 --> 00:18:09,970
Yeah, I go to places
you couldn't get back from.
421
00:18:10,039 --> 00:18:12,473
I'll do anything.
You don't know me.
422
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,243
Oh, my God!
423
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,590
He hangs me
from the shower rod
with your old bras,
424
00:18:18,614 --> 00:18:19,814
and then we laugh at you.
425
00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,415
Now get out of my room!
426
00:18:21,483 --> 00:18:24,051
Well, when you're ready to talk.
427
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:29,657
Are you okay in there, Karina?
428
00:18:29,726 --> 00:18:32,170
Be right out!
Just rinsing off
my Noxzema.
429
00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:34,479
I'm so glad you came over.
430
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,764
So am I, Jules.
It's been so fun.
431
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:40,100
So, I guess I
sleep in the guest room
or whatnot?
432
00:18:40,169 --> 00:18:42,047
No, you can sleep
in here with me.
433
00:18:42,071 --> 00:18:46,190
Oh. Well, my goodness,
I hope there's room
for both of us.
434
00:18:46,259 --> 00:18:48,153
I'll just have to
squeeze in here.
435
00:18:48,177 --> 00:18:49,677
Well, good night, Karina.
436
00:18:51,030 --> 00:18:54,426
You know, I really
like spending time
with you, Julie.
437
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:55,950
Me, too.
438
00:18:56,019 --> 00:18:58,330
Why couldn't
we just have girlfriends
instead of boyfriends?
439
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:02,456
I know!
It's all just one big,
confusing mess.
440
00:19:02,525 --> 00:19:04,258
Can I snuggle with you?
441
00:19:04,326 --> 00:19:05,426
Uh-huh.
442
00:19:09,799 --> 00:19:11,365
Good night, Julie.
443
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:21,820
Well, I hope
you're happy, Peter.
444
00:19:21,844 --> 00:19:24,239
Our daughter hates me
and it's all
because of you!
445
00:19:24,263 --> 00:19:25,762
Me? What the hell
did I do?
446
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:27,676
You've made me feel
so unattractive lately
447
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:30,078
that I went and did
something disgusting
and abhorrent,
448
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,802
and I'm ashamed of myself.
449
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,238
Peter, I made out
with Meg's boyfriend.
450
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,307
You made out with
Meg's boyfriend?
451
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:37,853
How the hell could
you do that to me?
452
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:40,189
Because, Peter,
you've been
making me feel old
453
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,679
and fat and unattractive
and worthless.
454
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,849
How do you expect me to respond?
455
00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,919
Lois, I think
you're the most beautiful
woman I ever seen in my life.
456
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,806
Well, but then why
have you been saying
all these horrible things?
457
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:56,627
Because I'm old and fat
and unattractive
and worthless.
458
00:19:56,696 --> 00:20:00,497
And ever since
my birthday last month,
I've been really feeling it.
459
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,878
I guess I thought
that if I could
bring you down,
460
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,914
you wouldn't start to notice
that you're too good for me
461
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:06,938
and run off looking
for another fella.
462
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:09,506
Peter, that's ridiculous.
463
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:10,841
I love you.
464
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,577
Why?
465
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,344
Maybe I like fat guys.
466
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,429
You do?
467
00:20:15,498 --> 00:20:17,932
Maybe I like having
sex with fat guys.
468
00:20:18,001 --> 00:20:19,366
Yeah?
469
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:22,336
Maybe I want to
have sex with a fat guy
right now.
470
00:20:22,404 --> 00:20:25,673
Well, maybe I want
to have sex with an ugly,
old broad!
471
00:20:25,741 --> 00:20:27,403
Peter!
Gotcha!
472
00:20:35,334 --> 00:20:36,884
I'm going insane, Brian.
473
00:20:36,952 --> 00:20:38,930
I don't know how much longer
I can keep this up.
474
00:20:38,954 --> 00:20:41,288
I've got to tell
Julie my true feelings.
475
00:20:41,357 --> 00:20:42,489
So tell her.
476
00:20:42,558 --> 00:20:43,678
Have you heard, Karina?
477
00:20:43,742 --> 00:20:45,804
We're gonna be doing
the show live today.
478
00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:49,091
I'm so nervous.
I've never been
on live TV before.
479
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,435
Would you give me
a hug for luck?
480
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,437
No, no, no, I'm not done yet.
481
00:20:57,273 --> 00:20:58,605
Karina, what are you...
482
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:02,075
Oh, I'm not...
483
00:21:02,144 --> 00:21:03,544
I'm not a lesbian.
484
00:21:03,613 --> 00:21:05,111
No, no, I'm not either!
485
00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,447
What are you exactly?
486
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,532
I'm sorry, Karina.
487
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,067
If only you were a boy.
488
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,688
But I am a boy.
489
00:21:14,757 --> 00:21:16,935
Okay, everybody,
we're live in five!
490
00:21:16,959 --> 00:21:19,279
You'd better get out there.
491
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:23,230
Four, three, two...
492
00:21:23,298 --> 00:21:26,967
Good morning,
and welcome to Jolly Farm.
493
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:30,287
Today we're going to learn
about the letter "T."
494
00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:33,023
I've got something
to say, Mother Maggie.
495
00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:36,410
You do?
Well, maybe that can
wait till later, Mary.
496
00:21:36,478 --> 00:21:39,095
No, I think this
needs to come out now.
497
00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:41,932
You see,
I didn't move
to Jolly Farm
498
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,535
from the big city
to be around animals.
499
00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:48,171
I moved here because my uncle
was molesting my sister,
500
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,808
and my parents wanted her
to start a new life.
501
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:53,260
But my sister, Mary,
shot herself in the face,
502
00:21:53,328 --> 00:21:56,931
and that's when
I decided that she would
live on through me.
503
00:21:56,999 --> 00:21:59,433
For I am not who you think I am.
504
00:21:59,501 --> 00:22:02,353
I am not little Mary Sunflower,
505
00:22:02,421 --> 00:22:05,356
daughter of Bradley
and Theresa Sunflower.
506
00:22:05,424 --> 00:22:07,191
No, I'm not.
507
00:22:07,260 --> 00:22:10,360
I'm Desmond Sunflower!
Desmond Sunflower!
508
00:22:10,429 --> 00:22:12,095
And I'm a boy!
509
00:22:14,884 --> 00:22:17,702
A perfectly normal little boy!
510
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:20,637
Who also happens
to be a transvestite.
511
00:22:20,707 --> 00:22:23,273
Which begins
with the letter "T."
512
00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:31,198
I'm ready.
Did you talk to Julie?
513
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:33,312
Her mother won't let me see her.
514
00:22:33,336 --> 00:22:35,547
It doesn't matter anyway,
she's back with Randall.
515
00:22:35,571 --> 00:22:37,504
Oh. I'm sorry.
516
00:22:37,573 --> 00:22:39,217
Hey, why were they shooting
that scene live?
517
00:22:39,241 --> 00:22:40,819
Convenience.
Yeah, but why'd they...
518
00:22:40,843 --> 00:22:43,288
Let's not start pulling
threads on this one.
Can we go home?
519
00:22:43,312 --> 00:22:44,411
Sure.
520
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,360
You want to get some ice cream?
521
00:22:49,384 --> 00:22:52,703
Well, why not?
I don't have to fit
in that dress anymore.
522
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,506
Hey, can I borrow the dress?
523
00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:57,214
What?
No, I'm just kidding.
524
00:22:57,243 --> 00:23:00,110
I'm just doing some playful,
walking-away
banter during the music.
525
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:02,391
Can we not do that?
I have such a headache.
526
00:23:02,415 --> 00:23:03,948
Sorry!
527
00:23:04,016 --> 00:23:05,666
♪ Time
528
00:23:05,734 --> 00:23:11,154
♪ I've been passing time
watching trains go by
529
00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:16,260
♪ All of my life
530
00:23:16,328 --> 00:23:21,965
♪ Lying on the sand,
watching seabirds fly
531
00:23:23,636 --> 00:23:28,322
♪ Wishing there would be
532
00:23:28,390 --> 00:23:32,393
♪ Someone waiting
home for me ♪
533
00:23:39,184 --> 00:23:40,264
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21
40815
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