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1
00:00:01,356 --> 00:00:03,557
What's next in the toy pile?
Hess gasoline truck.
2
00:00:03,591 --> 00:00:06,259
- Keep or chuck?
- I don't know. Does the horn work?
3
00:00:06,293 --> 00:00:10,029
[horn honks]
Oh, that's a keeper.
4
00:00:10,063 --> 00:00:13,799
- Albert Einstein bobble head.
- Ooh, that's a tough one. Give it a shake.
5
00:00:13,834 --> 00:00:16,636
Wait, what am I saying?
6
00:00:16,670 --> 00:00:18,671
- Yeah. Sorry, Al.
- Yep.
7
00:00:18,705 --> 00:00:22,975
- Let's chuck it.
- Oh! Mr. Fluffles!
8
00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:25,110
You remember this?
This used to be Ian's.
9
00:00:25,145 --> 00:00:27,478
And then he gave it to Eve
when she was a baby.
10
00:00:27,513 --> 00:00:29,380
- She used to chew on it.
- And then she gave it to Graham
11
00:00:29,415 --> 00:00:31,583
because it was "twadition."
[laughs]
12
00:00:31,617 --> 00:00:37,522
- Lot of memories in this guy.
- And a lot of germs. Sorry, Fluffles.
13
00:00:37,557 --> 00:00:40,559
Well, I think our work here is done.
14
00:00:40,593 --> 00:00:44,394
We bought him all this stuff?
Shouldn't he love us more?
15
00:00:44,429 --> 00:00:45,996
He hasn't played with a lot
of these toys in years.
16
00:00:46,031 --> 00:00:48,804
He won't even notice anything's gone.
17
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
18
00:01:00,778 --> 00:01:02,845
Where's my stuff?!
19
00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:06,015
Move, move, move!
Go, go, go, go, go.
20
00:01:06,050 --> 00:01:07,752
[upbeat music]
21
00:01:08,799 --> 00:01:11,307
1x09 - Homecoming
22
00:01:12,293 --> 00:01:16,177
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ addic7ed.com ~
23
00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:23,567
[pants swish]
Got your track pants on?
24
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:26,069
- How could you tell?
- I could hear you coming down the hall.
25
00:01:26,103 --> 00:01:29,939
Why do mob guys wear these?
How do you pull off a hit?
26
00:01:29,973 --> 00:01:33,676
- You stole my toys. Why?
- We didn't steal anything, honey?
27
00:01:33,710 --> 00:01:35,611
Your dad and I just thought
we'd give those things
28
00:01:35,646 --> 00:01:38,231
- to a few needy families.
- Who don't have disembodied
29
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,282
Albert Einstein heads of their own.
30
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:42,718
And I found one of your action
figures wrapped in duct tape
31
00:01:42,753 --> 00:01:46,422
- in a fast food bag behind your dresser.
- I was saving it for something.
32
00:01:46,456 --> 00:01:49,091
We can't keep things
that nobody's gonna use.
33
00:01:49,125 --> 00:01:52,507
- You understand, buddy?
- I do.
34
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:57,899
Track pants? Really, Dad?
You know, if there's one thing I learned
35
00:01:57,934 --> 00:01:59,868
working at today's man,
it's that today's man
36
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:02,736
dresses for the job he
wants tomorrow today.
37
00:02:02,771 --> 00:02:05,506
What if I wanna be a
basketball player? [laughs]
38
00:02:05,540 --> 00:02:08,642
Watch and learn, Dad.
Miss, is this your husband?
39
00:02:08,677 --> 00:02:11,879
- What is this? I hate this.
- You are a woman of exceptional beauty.
40
00:02:11,913 --> 00:02:14,748
When he dresses like this,
do you feel taken care of?
41
00:02:14,783 --> 00:02:20,454
- Like the queen that you are?
- Actually, I don't f...
42
00:02:20,488 --> 00:02:22,622
- Okay, are you hitting on me?
- Shh.
43
00:02:22,656 --> 00:02:24,591
- Reach inside my pocket.
- Ian.
44
00:02:24,625 --> 00:02:25,993
No, there's a business card in there.
45
00:02:26,027 --> 00:02:29,096
It's a sales technique Arben taught me.
It works better with an accent.
46
00:02:29,130 --> 00:02:32,299
- And on somebody other than your mom.
- Either way, call me.
47
00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:34,833
I'll get you into a suit
she'll wanna get you out of.
48
00:02:34,868 --> 00:02:37,236
Gotta jam.
I have to cover an extra shift.
49
00:02:37,270 --> 00:02:41,307
Ranesh passed out when he opened up
a box of synthetic belts.
50
00:02:41,461 --> 00:02:43,779
I'm worried about him. I
mean, he quit college to
51
00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:46,098
start a tech company and
now he's not even doing that.
52
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:48,900
Well, the suit job's
just a temporary thing.
53
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:51,536
You never know, he could
be the next Mark Zuckerberg.
54
00:02:51,570 --> 00:02:53,404
Did Mark Zuckerberg
date a high school girl?
55
00:02:53,439 --> 00:02:55,039
- He would've if he could've.
- I'm just worried
56
00:02:55,073 --> 00:02:56,441
he's not living up to his potential.
57
00:02:56,475 --> 00:02:59,410
I wanna just grab him and tie him up
and drag him back to college.
58
00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:02,079
- You can't do that.
- I know. He's bigger than me.
59
00:03:02,114 --> 00:03:05,450
- I would have the element of surprise though.
- Not in those pants.
60
00:03:05,484 --> 00:03:07,251
Mike, we've talked about this.
Our kids are getting older.
61
00:03:07,285 --> 00:03:09,719
We can't force 'em to do
what we want to anymore.
62
00:03:09,754 --> 00:03:12,156
Watch this.
Hey, honey, how was your day?
63
00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:13,878
Ugh.
64
00:03:15,198 --> 00:03:19,229
Would I prefer my teenage daughter
speak to me instead of grunt? Sure.
65
00:03:19,264 --> 00:03:22,798
But after they turn 14,
adults are the enemy.
66
00:03:22,832 --> 00:03:24,133
Well, at least we still
have Graham to push around.
67
00:03:24,168 --> 00:03:26,669
It was so cute when he got all mad.
68
00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:31,807
"Oh, you give me my stuff back.
I'm so angry!" [laughs]
69
00:03:38,581 --> 00:03:41,115
I've never seen them use it.
70
00:03:41,150 --> 00:03:43,851
No, I'm sorry. I thought
we had an agreement.
71
00:03:43,886 --> 00:03:47,021
I've looked at the numbers and
these margins are unacceptable.
72
00:03:47,056 --> 00:03:49,324
What, do you think this is the
first deal that I've ever made?
73
00:03:49,358 --> 00:03:52,694
Make this right, slick.
74
00:03:52,728 --> 00:03:54,861
Hearing Ian on that
phone call talking business,
75
00:03:54,896 --> 00:03:56,457
I gotta admit, I was impressed.
76
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,498
Tough negotiating.
77
00:03:57,532 --> 00:03:59,132
I should get you on the
phone with time warner.
78
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:01,302
Thanks, Dad. Ugh.
Sorry you had to hear that.
79
00:04:01,336 --> 00:04:02,769
It's just, you expect a
certain level of service
80
00:04:02,804 --> 00:04:05,939
- when you're renting a stretch hummer.
- Right, you have to... what?
81
00:04:05,973 --> 00:04:08,108
Yeah, they tried to bait
and switch me into a party van.
82
00:04:08,142 --> 00:04:10,810
- Can't take Reese to homecoming in that.
- You're going to a high school dance?
83
00:04:10,844 --> 00:04:12,478
Ha! Not in a party van I'm not.
84
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:16,516
No, this has to be perfect.
Homecoming's a rite of passage.
85
00:04:16,550 --> 00:04:19,885
Yeah, a rite of passage you've
been through twice. You passed.
86
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:21,554
Look, Reese has
never been to a dance.
87
00:04:21,589 --> 00:04:26,125
She wants to be treated like a princess.
I know that sounds stupid to you...
88
00:04:29,562 --> 00:04:31,663
I'm sorry, are you
waiting for me to disagree?
89
00:04:31,698 --> 00:04:33,665
Well, it's important to her.
90
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:36,268
And the guys at the shop
got me a great deal on a tux
91
00:04:36,302 --> 00:04:38,870
at our outlet in Jersey.
All factory recalls.
92
00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,973
Did you know inflammable means
the same thing as flammable?
93
00:04:42,007 --> 00:04:44,141
You rented a suit that catches on fire?
94
00:04:44,175 --> 00:04:47,144
No, Dad, I'm not an idiot.
I bought it.
95
00:04:47,178 --> 00:04:49,146
Homecoming, prom, the spring fling.
96
00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,249
Three wears, the tux pays for itself.
97
00:04:51,283 --> 00:04:55,419
Just need to figure out a way to
get to New Jersey to pick it up.
98
00:04:55,454 --> 00:04:58,755
Annie was right, you can't force
your kids to do what you want.
99
00:04:58,789 --> 00:05:00,323
But you also can't jump
out of a moving car.
100
00:05:00,358 --> 00:05:02,592
It was time for an
impromptu college tour.
101
00:05:02,627 --> 00:05:05,278
- I'll take you.
- Don't you have work?
102
00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:08,598
I'm between assignments.
Besides, this is homecoming.
103
00:05:08,633 --> 00:05:11,501
It's a thrice in a lifetime event.
104
00:05:11,535 --> 00:05:15,203
And I said, "I don't care
what they're doing in Japan.
105
00:05:15,238 --> 00:05:17,839
Keep your tongue away from my eyeball."
106
00:05:17,874 --> 00:05:20,175
That's good.
You're setting boundaries.
107
00:05:20,209 --> 00:05:22,844
I'm all about communicating early
in a relationship now.
108
00:05:22,879 --> 00:05:27,316
I was just telling Eve she has
got to set that tone with Jonah.
109
00:05:27,350 --> 00:05:31,085
- Wait, who... who's Jonah?
- You know, the guy she started seeing
110
00:05:31,119 --> 00:05:32,553
after Chris turned out to be gay.
111
00:05:32,588 --> 00:05:33,755
- Chris?
- Oh, yeah.
112
00:05:33,789 --> 00:05:37,858
He was the perfect first boyfriend.
Not too handsy, loved to dance.
113
00:05:37,893 --> 00:05:40,561
So I...
when did she tell you all this?
114
00:05:40,596 --> 00:05:42,229
When we went shopping
for homecoming dresses.
115
00:05:42,264 --> 00:05:47,267
Oh, shopping for homecoming,
that's nice. Her first dance.
116
00:05:47,302 --> 00:05:51,137
Something that my daughter
and "you" will never forget.
117
00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:53,607
I've read 100 parenting
books and they all say
118
00:05:53,641 --> 00:05:56,242
you're supposed to give
your teenage daughter space.
119
00:05:56,277 --> 00:05:58,578
Apparently so your
weaselly sister-in-law
120
00:05:58,613 --> 00:06:00,447
can slide in there and
steal your memories.
121
00:06:00,481 --> 00:06:03,081
Did you...
did you take some pictures?
122
00:06:03,116 --> 00:06:08,568
- Oh, we didn't.
- Well, you can always do that at prom.
123
00:06:08,603 --> 00:06:12,291
- You're a terrible folder.
- I'm creative.
124
00:06:12,326 --> 00:06:16,295
- When has folding ever been creative?
- Origami.
125
00:06:16,330 --> 00:06:19,564
[phone rings]
126
00:06:19,598 --> 00:06:20,932
- Hey.
- Hey, honey.
127
00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:23,835
Remember when you said I couldn't
just drag our son back to Cornell?
128
00:06:23,869 --> 00:06:26,270
- Turns out I can.
- You didn't tie him up, did you?
129
00:06:26,305 --> 00:06:30,141
No, I didn't have to.
He's wildly gullible.
130
00:06:30,209 --> 00:06:32,944
- I put that on you, by the way.
- Mike, what about homecoming?
131
00:06:32,978 --> 00:06:34,978
Look, I just wanna remind him
how great college is.
132
00:06:35,012 --> 00:06:37,348
Let him check out the campus,
watch the big game,
133
00:06:37,382 --> 00:06:39,750
and we'll see some girls
that didn't just turn 18.
134
00:06:39,784 --> 00:06:41,352
And you think this is gonna make him
135
00:06:41,386 --> 00:06:44,020
- wanna magically re-enroll?
- Hey, I'm an optimist.
136
00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:45,922
I'll have him back in time for
the big dance tomorrow night.
137
00:06:45,957 --> 00:06:47,591
Or, if things go well, in four years.
138
00:06:47,625 --> 00:06:50,260
You know, Mike,
you can't just come up
139
00:06:50,294 --> 00:06:52,862
with some sort of
elaborate ploy so that you
140
00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:55,331
can have a conversation
with your child...
141
00:06:55,366 --> 00:06:56,532
Mike, I gotta go.
Tunnel. Can't hear you.
142
00:06:56,567 --> 00:06:58,336
Sorry. Love you. Bye.
143
00:07:00,371 --> 00:07:02,839
[singsongy] Guess who's
having girl's night?
144
00:07:02,873 --> 00:07:05,074
[singsongy]
I hate it when you sing stuff.
145
00:07:05,108 --> 00:07:06,744
Yeah.
146
00:07:08,478 --> 00:07:11,946
[singsongy] Me and you...
Oh, you know, I'm sorry.
147
00:07:15,422 --> 00:07:18,456
Gosh, I love to drive.
148
00:07:18,490 --> 00:07:21,624
You know what driving reminds me of?
149
00:07:21,659 --> 00:07:23,460
- College.
- Oh!
150
00:07:23,494 --> 00:07:25,695
Reese just texted me a picture
of her homecoming dress.
151
00:07:25,729 --> 00:07:31,199
- Doesn't she know that's bad luck?
- Best four years of my life.
152
00:07:31,936 --> 00:07:34,571
Trees, lakes, beautiful flowers?
153
00:07:34,605 --> 00:07:37,073
This isn't New Jersey.
Where the hell are we?
154
00:07:37,107 --> 00:07:40,843
Must have taken a wrong turn.
155
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,678
Well, since we're upstate,
you know what we should do?
156
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,180
We should go to Cornell.
157
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,615
I hear they're having a homecoming
weekend for all the kids your age.
158
00:07:46,649 --> 00:07:50,086
Are you serious? Cornell's,
like, 200 miles away from home.
159
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:53,288
And the tux shop... by 7:00, they'll
have given away all the good canes!
160
00:07:53,322 --> 00:07:56,891
- So I did you two favors.
- I can't believe you kidnapped me.
161
00:07:56,925 --> 00:07:59,060
It's not a kidnapping.
Now stop complaining
162
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:02,138
before I cut off your ear
and send it home to your mom.
163
00:08:03,599 --> 00:08:07,269
It's locked. I control it.
164
00:08:09,304 --> 00:08:11,339
The plan was to get
165
00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:15,175
Eve comfortable enough
to open up to me about everything.
166
00:08:15,210 --> 00:08:17,711
Not just whoever this Jonah person was.
167
00:08:17,745 --> 00:08:21,882
She needs to understand that I'm
not just a mom. I'm one of the girls.
168
00:08:21,916 --> 00:08:24,550
This is fun, right?
Do you want some more cookie dough?
169
00:08:24,584 --> 00:08:28,977
- The first tube was enough.
- Okay, all right.
170
00:08:29,789 --> 00:08:33,676
So, any stuff going on with you?
171
00:08:33,677 --> 00:08:37,563
Any guy stuff or regular stuff?
172
00:08:37,597 --> 00:08:41,566
- Any... stuff?
- Not really. No.
173
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,402
Oh, come on, I just... I wanna
174
00:08:43,436 --> 00:08:45,703
- know what the haps is.
- Huh?
175
00:08:45,738 --> 00:08:48,973
Are, what the hap...
haps... what the haps are.
176
00:08:49,008 --> 00:08:51,076
It's a process.
177
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,945
So what do you wanna do?
We could braid each other's hairs.
178
00:08:53,979 --> 00:08:56,613
We could read some magazines.
179
00:08:56,648 --> 00:08:58,982
You know, we could read 'em
and be a couple of mag hags.
180
00:08:59,017 --> 00:09:01,218
- Okay, I'm out.
- No, no, no!
181
00:09:01,253 --> 00:09:03,787
I'll stop, I'll stop. I'm sorry.
182
00:09:03,821 --> 00:09:05,256
Hey, bros.
183
00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:09,393
Making myself a smoothie.
All I need is your blender,
184
00:09:09,428 --> 00:09:12,828
and some strawberries, almond
butter, greek yogurt, flax,
185
00:09:12,863 --> 00:09:15,565
an over ripe banana, ice.
186
00:09:15,599 --> 00:09:20,437
- What's in the bags?
- Oh, my laundry. Thanks.
187
00:09:20,471 --> 00:09:23,506
Hey, Aunt Leigh, you
should stay and hang.
188
00:09:23,541 --> 00:09:25,575
We're having a girls night.
[gasps]
189
00:09:25,609 --> 00:09:27,110
That's what you called it, right, Mom?
190
00:09:27,144 --> 00:09:30,079
Uh, yeah, yeah, I d...
yeah, I did call it that.
191
00:09:30,113 --> 00:09:31,513
Oh, my god, I have to tell you
192
00:09:31,548 --> 00:09:32,681
what you-know-who said
about you know what.
193
00:09:32,715 --> 00:09:34,516
Ooh! Oh, that sounds juicy!
194
00:09:34,551 --> 00:09:37,852
Girls night! It's all about being,
you know, really specific.
195
00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:58,272
Great. Still no signal. Reese
probably thinks I'm dead.
196
00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:01,108
- Or napping.
- Not possible.
197
00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,510
I tuck my phone in my
armpit in case it vibrates.
198
00:10:03,544 --> 00:10:05,178
That's good thinking.
It's like nature's pocket.
199
00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,847
You know, Reese is
gonna think I ditched her,
200
00:10:06,881 --> 00:10:09,216
and then she's gonna go to
the dance with hot Kevin.
201
00:10:09,250 --> 00:10:12,886
[sighs] Yeah, he works out.
He plays the bass.
202
00:10:12,921 --> 00:10:17,725
And the best part about him is,
he doesn't even know how hot he is.
203
00:10:17,825 --> 00:10:19,993
You know, the good
thing about college is,
204
00:10:20,027 --> 00:10:22,776
you can experiment there, if...
you...
205
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,902
- Aw, come on, Dad.
- All right, let's try to get you a signal.
206
00:10:32,705 --> 00:10:34,906
[Rhythm is a Dancer by Snap!]
207
00:10:34,941 --> 00:10:36,341
[gasps]
208
00:10:36,375 --> 00:10:38,510
Rhythm is a dancer!
209
00:10:38,544 --> 00:10:40,779
Oh, wow, I can't
believe you guys listened
210
00:10:40,813 --> 00:10:43,649
- to such cheesy music.
- "Cheesy"?
211
00:10:43,683 --> 00:10:46,718
This is one of the greatest songs!
212
00:10:46,753 --> 00:10:51,221
And as the poet Turbo B says,
"I'm serious as cancer."
213
00:10:51,256 --> 00:10:55,059
And swipe it, and swipe it,
and dance, pow, turn.
214
00:10:55,093 --> 00:10:58,262
Running man,
running man, running man,
215
00:10:58,296 --> 00:10:59,864
- running man, running man.
- The worm!
216
00:10:59,898 --> 00:11:01,498
The worm! That's right!
217
00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:03,233
Oh, yeah, it's the worm!
It's the worm.
218
00:11:03,268 --> 00:11:04,601
Oh, you watch this.
You just wait
219
00:11:04,636 --> 00:11:06,569
and see your mother.
That's right.
220
00:11:06,603 --> 00:11:10,573
- Nice, Mom.
- The worm, the worm!
221
00:11:10,607 --> 00:11:11,741
The worm... ooh, oh, god.
222
00:11:11,776 --> 00:11:13,843
Oh, god. The worm.
223
00:11:13,878 --> 00:11:15,645
[high-pitched]
The worm, the worm.
224
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:17,080
Oh, my god.
225
00:11:17,114 --> 00:11:21,617
Well, still no signal.
Or road signs.
226
00:11:21,652 --> 00:11:24,453
- Is it possible we're in the past?
- We're a little lost.
227
00:11:24,488 --> 00:11:27,390
I... didn't mom give me
a GPS for Christmas one year?
228
00:11:32,896 --> 00:11:36,432
Maybe that Christmas
hasn't happened yet.
229
00:11:36,466 --> 00:11:39,000
Please, just let me drive.
We're getting nowhere at this rate.
230
00:11:39,034 --> 00:11:40,635
I'm sorry, it's my meds.
231
00:11:40,670 --> 00:11:43,271
Going 45 makes me feel like
Usain Bolt in a race car.
232
00:11:43,306 --> 00:11:44,573
You know, by the time we get back,
233
00:11:44,607 --> 00:11:45,873
Reese will have graduated high school.
234
00:11:45,908 --> 00:11:47,775
- If only.
- Okay, I'm getting out.
235
00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:49,043
You're not getting
out of a moving car.
236
00:11:49,078 --> 00:11:50,845
I can get out of a barely moving car.
237
00:11:50,879 --> 00:11:53,780
- You're not... what... whoa.
- Dad, watch out! Deer!
238
00:11:53,815 --> 00:11:56,082
- Brake!
- I am!
239
00:11:56,218 --> 00:11:58,151
[screams]
240
00:12:01,323 --> 00:12:03,790
We've changed the future.
241
00:12:09,255 --> 00:12:11,389
- It's still breathing.
- Thank god.
242
00:12:11,423 --> 00:12:13,758
- So we should kill it.
- Yeah.
243
00:12:13,792 --> 00:12:17,060
- What? With what, a rock?
- It just got hit by a car.
244
00:12:17,095 --> 00:12:18,762
You have to put it out of its misery.
245
00:12:18,796 --> 00:12:20,263
First of all, I can't
kill an animal with a rock.
246
00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:23,199
It would take hours.
It would be the worst kind of torture.
247
00:12:23,233 --> 00:12:24,601
I didn't think you'd do it.
[grunting]
248
00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:25,768
Okay, I'm good to go.
249
00:12:25,803 --> 00:12:27,003
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Whoa.
250
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,805
Put that down.
251
00:12:28,839 --> 00:12:30,807
- Dad, it's not gonna make it.
- You don't know that.
252
00:12:30,841 --> 00:12:32,308
A deer goes down,
you're ready to kill it.
253
00:12:32,342 --> 00:12:34,777
You fail one econ class,
you're ready to drop out of college.
254
00:12:34,812 --> 00:12:37,563
- Where's your resilience?
- How did you know about that?
255
00:12:37,564 --> 00:12:41,149
- Cornell sent me a transcript.
- Those idiots. Why would they do that?
256
00:12:41,184 --> 00:12:45,053
- 'Cause I pay them $40,000.
- Noted. Am I killing the deer or not?
257
00:12:45,087 --> 00:12:47,823
Not. This deer is a fighter.
258
00:12:47,857 --> 00:12:49,724
If you had a positive attitude like me,
259
00:12:49,758 --> 00:12:51,293
you'd look at it and
you'd see that it's... gone.
260
00:12:51,327 --> 00:12:53,761
- Where did the deer go?
- Must have limped off.
261
00:12:53,796 --> 00:12:54,996
[branches rustling]
262
00:12:55,031 --> 00:12:57,264
I'm gonna go chase him down.
263
00:12:57,299 --> 00:13:00,034
No, he's probably off with
the fellas, telling 'em
264
00:13:00,035 --> 00:13:02,771
about this crazy kid that
tried to kill him with a rock.
265
00:13:02,804 --> 00:13:05,806
Ian, don't be stubborn.
Don't be such a child.
266
00:13:05,841 --> 00:13:07,774
[bird screeches]
Mama!
267
00:13:11,112 --> 00:13:13,679
So Giancarlo was torn.
He really wanted me.
268
00:13:13,714 --> 00:13:16,316
But he also wanted a bacon cheeseburger.
269
00:13:16,350 --> 00:13:20,453
[laughs] Luckily... there was
a long line at the drive-through.
270
00:13:20,487 --> 00:13:23,156
Oh, my god.
You had sex at a drive-through?
271
00:13:23,190 --> 00:13:26,592
I know! It sounds sexy, but by
definition, you have to be done
272
00:13:26,626 --> 00:13:29,361
in the time it takes
to melt American cheese.
273
00:13:29,395 --> 00:13:31,696
[laughter]
274
00:13:31,731 --> 00:13:34,532
All night long, I was competing
to be as cool as Leigh,
275
00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:39,637
but then I realized, people open
up to her because she's so open.
276
00:13:39,672 --> 00:13:43,876
[laughs] Oh, my god.
That is hilarious.
277
00:13:43,910 --> 00:13:45,509
Okay, Leigh's not the
only one with some stories.
278
00:13:45,543 --> 00:13:48,412
And let me warn you, this
one is a little R-rated.
279
00:13:48,446 --> 00:13:51,815
You see that burn right there?
280
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:54,718
That's from a muffler.
281
00:14:05,662 --> 00:14:09,232
The thing is, I didn't even know
my legs could bend like that.
282
00:14:09,267 --> 00:14:11,401
But when you are doing
it on a motorcycle,
283
00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:15,505
- you make it work.
- Is that even possible?
284
00:14:15,539 --> 00:14:17,339
Oh, yeah, let me show you
on some of Graham's toys.
285
00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:18,673
- Okay, hey, we're all set.
- Hold on.
286
00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:23,457
If that was in college... oh, god.
Was that Dad?
287
00:14:23,579 --> 00:14:26,715
No! No, it wasn't your father.
288
00:14:26,749 --> 00:14:29,084
- So it was someone else? Ew!
- No, it... it was your father...
289
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:32,053
- Ew!
- I ... I'm sorry. God.
290
00:14:32,188 --> 00:14:34,655
[sighs] I've been
telling you for hours,
291
00:14:34,689 --> 00:14:38,159
I didn't drop out of college
because of one failed class.
292
00:14:38,193 --> 00:14:40,561
The class made me question
why I was even in college.
293
00:14:40,595 --> 00:14:43,497
I wanted to do my own thing.
294
00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:45,533
Is that your thing, throwing leaves?
295
00:14:45,567 --> 00:14:47,668
I'm seeing which way
the wind is blowing.
296
00:14:47,702 --> 00:14:50,938
We want to approach
the deer from downwind.
297
00:14:50,972 --> 00:14:54,408
Eagle scout. Guess you can learn
things in places that aren't college.
298
00:14:54,442 --> 00:14:57,010
Every kid who fails a class
thinks college isn't for them.
299
00:14:57,045 --> 00:14:58,545
I know something about adversity.
300
00:14:58,579 --> 00:14:59,612
You just gotta face it with optimism.
301
00:14:59,647 --> 00:15:02,715
[groans] Look, Dad,
you're optimistic about this deer.
302
00:15:02,750 --> 00:15:04,717
You're optimistic about your health.
303
00:15:04,752 --> 00:15:07,486
You're optimistic about
everything in this world but me.
304
00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:12,224
- That's not true.
- Look, it sucks that you got Parkinson's.
305
00:15:12,259 --> 00:15:14,226
And it's great the
way you've handled it,
306
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:17,729
but this whole inspiring
journey that you went on,
307
00:15:17,764 --> 00:15:19,643
that was my childhood.
308
00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:23,301
And it was scary and it was hard.
309
00:15:23,336 --> 00:15:27,638
I just want you to know that
I'm... I'm trying to do my best.
310
00:15:27,673 --> 00:15:31,542
- And I wish you could see that.
- I'm... I'm sorry, Ian, I had no idea...
311
00:15:31,577 --> 00:15:33,044
No, we're going around in circles!
312
00:15:33,079 --> 00:15:34,545
Yeah, but it's
important we get this out.
313
00:15:34,580 --> 00:15:36,948
No, we passed by this rotten log before.
314
00:15:36,982 --> 00:15:38,582
[owl screeching]
[yelps]
315
00:15:38,616 --> 00:15:40,150
Why is it after me?
316
00:15:40,185 --> 00:15:43,680
Probably because he
thinks he can carry you off.
317
00:15:43,788 --> 00:15:45,122
Okay, I know you need your
personal space right now,
318
00:15:45,156 --> 00:15:47,193
but I'm just giving you ten feet.
319
00:15:49,485 --> 00:15:53,053
[snoring]
320
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:08,567
Ow.
321
00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:12,638
Oh, hey, Mom.
What are you doing on the floor?
322
00:16:12,673 --> 00:16:14,407
Oh, you know, it's a slumber party.
323
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:19,611
You stay up late and sleep on the floor
so you can stabilize your vertebrae.
324
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:23,148
- Were you leaving, honey?
- Well, you know how it is.
325
00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:26,418
- I sleep better in my own bed.
- All right, well... I had fun.
326
00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:29,665
Yeah. Yeah, me too.
327
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:34,275
- I'll see you when I see you.
- Yeah.
328
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:40,998
Wow. That was a pretty solid one
night stand sneak-out.
329
00:16:41,033 --> 00:16:46,304
That girl's gonna break a lot of hearts
and avoid a lot of awkward brunches.
330
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:51,007
- Ugh, last night was a disaster.
- Yeah, what was the plan there?
331
00:16:51,042 --> 00:16:53,310
I don't know!
332
00:16:53,344 --> 00:16:58,014
I just wanted Eve to open up to me
like she opens up to you.
333
00:16:58,049 --> 00:17:00,783
Sweetie... that's never gonna happen.
334
00:17:00,818 --> 00:17:03,586
- Eve's a teenager.
- I know.
335
00:17:03,620 --> 00:17:05,420
You could be the coolest
person in the world,
336
00:17:05,455 --> 00:17:07,689
but to her,
you'll always be her mother.
337
00:17:07,724 --> 00:17:10,792
She doesn't want to talk
about her life with you.
338
00:17:10,827 --> 00:17:14,897
Moms are lame.
It's just science.
339
00:17:14,931 --> 00:17:18,033
[creaking]
340
00:17:21,470 --> 00:17:24,339
Oh. You're awake.
341
00:17:29,044 --> 00:17:31,112
You said we don't
keep things we don't use.
342
00:17:31,146 --> 00:17:35,716
Graham, this stuff is valuable.
What else did you take?
343
00:17:35,751 --> 00:17:39,052
Don't you remember?
344
00:17:39,087 --> 00:17:43,123
$150 aspirational jeans.
They're two sizes too small
345
00:17:43,157 --> 00:17:48,262
because I was gonna fit into them
after my juice cleanse.
346
00:17:48,296 --> 00:17:51,322
All right, take it away.
347
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:56,402
[laughs]
I thought we'd never get back,
348
00:17:56,436 --> 00:17:58,237
- but you did it.
- Of course I did.
349
00:17:58,272 --> 00:18:00,639
If you hadn't been so worried
about your Italian shoes,
350
00:18:00,673 --> 00:18:02,308
you would have made better time.
351
00:18:02,342 --> 00:18:05,411
Yeah, one of those shoes
is now married to an owl.
352
00:18:05,445 --> 00:18:07,579
Come on, Ian, you've been
freezing me out for hours.
353
00:18:07,614 --> 00:18:09,781
- Can we just...
- Oh! I got signal!
354
00:18:09,815 --> 00:18:11,749
Two bars!
355
00:18:13,019 --> 00:18:16,554
Hello, Reese? It's me!
Oh! I'm fine.
356
00:18:16,588 --> 00:18:18,990
I've been trying to call you all night.
It's just that I...
357
00:18:19,025 --> 00:18:24,061
Hello? What... No! No, I
had two bars a second ago!
358
00:18:24,095 --> 00:18:26,363
Where did the signal go?
359
00:18:26,398 --> 00:18:29,099
Oh, if I just can get
to a higher ground,
360
00:18:29,134 --> 00:18:32,403
I'll be able to get a clearer
path to the transmitter.
361
00:18:32,437 --> 00:18:34,271
I could get...
362
00:18:34,306 --> 00:18:37,474
He doesn't give up.
[grunting]
363
00:18:37,508 --> 00:18:42,445
Oh!
Synthetic.
364
00:18:42,479 --> 00:18:46,682
[groans] Okay, plan B.
Do you have any silver fillings?
365
00:18:46,716 --> 00:18:50,805
You know, you're a lot
tougher than I realized.
366
00:18:51,121 --> 00:18:54,390
Maybe I didn't notice what
you went through as a kid
367
00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,425
because you handled it so well.
368
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,295
Yeah, the... you know,
it's not that big deal.
369
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,723
I got a lot of sympathy
make outs because of it.
370
00:19:03,731 --> 00:19:07,335
Well, I won't bother
you about college anymore.
371
00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:09,870
You're your own man.
372
00:19:09,904 --> 00:19:11,605
Now let's get you to
the high school dance.
373
00:19:11,639 --> 00:19:13,107
- Okay, but I'm driving.
- Yeah, okay.
374
00:19:13,141 --> 00:19:16,743
- Here. Head's up.
- Ugh.
375
00:19:16,778 --> 00:19:18,346
[chuckles]
376
00:19:18,380 --> 00:19:22,445
Okay... that's great.
377
00:19:24,986 --> 00:19:27,104
No matter how hard you try
to fight it, you reach a point
378
00:19:27,105 --> 00:19:29,222
with your kids where you can't
force 'em to do what you want.
379
00:19:29,256 --> 00:19:32,359
You have to get out of the way
and let them choose their own path.
380
00:19:32,793 --> 00:19:38,464
Okay, you can keep one, but you have
to promise me you'll play with it.
381
00:19:39,763 --> 00:19:40,699
I promise.
382
00:19:40,733 --> 00:19:42,667
[upbeat pop music playing]
383
00:19:42,702 --> 00:19:45,682
You might be surprised
where that path leads them.
384
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:49,608
[gasps] You got the cane!
385
00:19:49,642 --> 00:19:52,010
But all you can do is
trust they'll turn out okay.
386
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,276
Looks like I used to it.
387
00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:57,470
I told you Mike, we've gotta just
relax about these things. [sighs]
388
00:19:57,682 --> 00:19:59,517
I... do you think chaperones
are allowed to dance?
389
00:19:59,551 --> 00:20:01,619
Yeah, just don't be
offended if I don't move much.
390
00:20:01,653 --> 00:20:03,287
Don't be offended if I do.
391
00:20:03,322 --> 00:20:05,023
[laughs]
392
00:20:05,057 --> 00:20:09,126
In fact, they could turn
out pretty spectacular.
393
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:11,094
Oh, our son is on fire!
394
00:20:11,129 --> 00:20:12,795
- Yeah, he's a good dancer.
- No, honey, he's...
395
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:14,802
- he's actually on fire.
- Help!
396
00:20:15,609 --> 00:20:17,034
Ian!
397
00:20:17,068 --> 00:20:20,904
And eventually, they'll
find a way back to you.
398
00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:22,205
Eve, what's wrong?
399
00:20:23,907 --> 00:20:28,277
[crying]
400
00:20:28,311 --> 00:20:33,049
Do you wanna tell me what happened?
Okay, okay. [sobbing]
401
00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:34,883
But maybe that's just me.
402
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,108
I'm an optimist.
403
00:20:45,028 --> 00:20:47,829
[distant explosion]
404
00:20:47,864 --> 00:20:49,698
Worth it.
405
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:53,301
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