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1
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,101
("RED DWARF" THEME)
2
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:05,959
I understand you played an idiotic prank on
a senior and much-respected officer yesterday.
3
00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:09,694
That is not true. We played the prank
on Mr Ackerman, sir.
4
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:13,306
- I mean Mr Ackerman.
- Oh, I see.
5
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,065
What happened?
6
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:20,270
We inserted a capsule of the truth serum
sodium Pentothal into his aspirin inhaler.
7
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:27,115
Which is why he rushed onto the bridge
this morning, apologised for being late,
8
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:31,587
saying he'd been having jiggy-jiggy
with the science officer's wife,
9
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:35,990
and hadn't allowed enough time
to change out of his Batman outfit.
10
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,362
Permission to snigger, sir.
11
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,000
Permission refused.
12
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:46,037
May have to snigger anyway, sir.
13
00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:50,643
- Do either of you have anything to say?
- About what, sir?
14
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:55,747
About Mr Ackerman. About him being late
and wearing a Batman outfit.
15
00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:59,875
Has he considered being Tarzan?
Costume change would be much quicker.
16
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:08,190
You two are both serving a two-year sentence
in the brig. Do you wanna get out ever?
17
00:02:08,361 --> 00:02:10,921
It's just that Mr Ackerman's so...
18
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,095
...horrible, sir.
19
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,360
I am not, sir!
20
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,138
I'm extremely nice!
21
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,433
Lovely, in fact.
22
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:25,271
Warm, caring, but most of all, nice.
23
00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:31,516
Hence my nickname - Nicey Ackerman.
That's why I entered the service, sir -
24
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:37,180
so I could share my sunny disposition with
inmate scum who didn't have my start in life.
25
00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:39,951
He's been horrible from the day we met him.
26
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,151
Today, we have a new intake.
27
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:46,060
To them I say, obey the rules,
28
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:51,603
keep out of trouble, and your time here
will pass much more pleasantly.
29
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,906
Welcome to floor 13.
30
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,707
He seems like a nice guy.
31
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,620
If you want to speak, ask my permission.
32
00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:12,315
- I was just saying how nice you seemed.
- You spoke again.
33
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,460
I was paying you a compliment, buddy!
34
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:23,763
I was saying you seemed to be a fair-minded
guy, not one of these psycho types.
35
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,404
You spoke again!
36
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,267
Come on. Back me up.
37
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:32,741
Hang on. Wait. I get it. I'll shut up.
38
00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:35,073
I'll shut up. Now stop hitting me.
39
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,079
That is definitely...
40
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:51,393
- That is totally untrue, sir.
- Save it, Mr Ackerman.
41
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:56,558
I thought long and hard about a suitable
punishment and I've come up with this.
42
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,499
You and a team of your choice
43
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:02,699
will play basketball against a team of guards
led by Mr Ackerman.
44
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,344
God bless you, sir.
45
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:11,876
Where you will be trounced and humiliated
in front of the entire inmate population.
46
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:15,613
If we lose, Baxter and his cronies
will beat us to a pulp.
47
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:16,983
You'd better win, then.
48
00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,981
Here, guys. Way to go!
49
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:48,678
- You were supposed to be picking up Rice.
- I did. We're meeting for drinks on Thursday.
50
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:54,657
- Not that kind of picking up, you ninny!
- We gotta stop arguing. We can't lose this.
51
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:59,026
- It's all taken care of.
- As soon as the guards swig their juice.
52
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:04,068
A skutter's got something out of the medi lab -
that stuff that helps impotent guys.
53
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:09,504
- Boing, the virility enhancement drug?
- Yeah. We've Mickey Finned their drinks.
54
00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:15,239
Within seconds, you're harder than a quadratic
equation. It doesn't wear off for seven hours.
55
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:20,318
Those guys are going to be like catapults!
That will seriously slow them down.
56
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,820
Try moving fast with a fishing pole in your pants!
57
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:28,017
Get out there and kill.
They're lambs to the slaughter.
58
00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:29,923
Go on.
59
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,167
(WHISTLE)
60
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:51,714
Come on. Get your hands up!
61
00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,948
Get your hands on the ball and shoot!
62
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,739
Seven hours.
63
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,511
Do you know how long that is?
64
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:37,952
I couldn't remove my shorts until after midnight.
65
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:43,361
When I wanted a leak, I had to do
a handstand on the toilet seat.
66
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:49,166
I stopped the lift doors from closing -
I wasn't even catching a lift.
67
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:51,599
- Did it come from the medi lab?
- Yes.
68
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:55,673
How? If it was one of those damn skutters,
I'll have it crushed.
69
00:07:56,643 --> 00:08:01,637
It was me, sir, when the doc's back was turned.
I went to the medi lab for a sick note,
70
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:06,182
but the doc didn't accept it was possible
to have athlete's hand.
71
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,919
First thing tomorrow,
you're on spud duty for two weeks.
72
00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,285
Now get out of my sight, both of youse.
73
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,996
Hah!
74
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,946
- (LISTER SIGHS)
- Stuck?
75
00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:41,416
- Yeah. God, this is hard!
- Are you doing a crossword?
76
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,988
No, join the dots.
77
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:47,888
- What number are you stuck on?
- 124.
78
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,630
124...
79
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,857
124...
80
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,968
Have you tried 125?
81
00:08:57,136 --> 00:09:00,594
I know the number.
It's finding it that's the hard bit.
82
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:03,003
I'm not some brain-dead simpleton.
83
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,144
Ah, there it is.
84
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:10,115
Look at that. It's a bucket and spade!
85
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,186
It's clever that, isn't it?
86
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,019
Ah, supper!
87
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,727
Are we supposed to tip them? I'm never sure.
88
00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:38,106
I've seen things more appetising
on the floors of elephant houses.
89
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:41,508
Only a total idiot would eat this.
90
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,351
They call this meat?
91
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:54,653
My grandmother's buttocks deep-fried
in old chip fat would taste better than this.
92
00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,159
We're on the punishment menu now.
93
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:01,198
- No chips, no ice cream.
- Because we're on punishment detail?
94
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:05,633
Yeah. Kill Crazy says this is
cloning experiments that have gone wrong
95
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,273
with gravy slopped over to disguise it.
96
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,207
You waited until I was swallowing
to say that, didn't you?
97
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,104
He swears he got something
with two noses in it.
98
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,183
He didn't. They can't do that. It's illegal.
99
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,343
His starter sneezed.
100
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,618
- Jimbo Steele was a witness.
- Kill Crazy's insane.
101
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:31,662
He's got lots of strange ideas. He reckons
when they flush a loo on a plane, it drops out.
102
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:37,703
That's why you can't go to the lav
when the plane's standing on the runway -
103
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,861
for fear of skid starts.
104
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,901
- He's probably right.
- Of course he isn't.
105
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,877
- Why else won't they let you go?
- I don't know.
106
00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:51,915
Maybe they're helping you break up the journey.
107
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:56,613
If you went first off, you'd have nothing to do
after you'd eaten your cheese.
108
00:10:56,789 --> 00:11:01,886
Kill Crazy's probably right. That's why
houses on the flight path are so cheap.
109
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:08,997
- Because of all the flushing planes?
- Think about it.
110
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,636
You can't sunbathe or have a barbecue,
111
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:15,638
and you have to go out in a washable hat
and leg it to your car.
112
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:20,640
It's the noise. Houses on the flight path
are cheap because of the noise.
113
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:24,078
The noise? But they're half a mile up.
114
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,708
You'd never hear people on the loo
from that distance.
115
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:33,988
- Not unless they were like my Uncle Dan.
- Not eating?
116
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,151
Yeah. In a minute.
117
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,194
(TAPPING)
118
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,922
Tee-hah!
119
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:50,036
Ooh! Chicken vindaloo!
120
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,075
Nice one, Bob!
121
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,114
You didn't forget the poppadoms, did you?
122
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,390
Here's something for you.
123
00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:20,367
- Same time tomorrow.
- (SQUEAKY KISS)
124
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:29,246
Cheers.
125
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,592
Did he get the stiffening solution
for the basketball game?
126
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,992
Yeah, he can get anything, can Bob.
127
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:49,232
- A claw in every pie!
- Tomorrow, we're on spud duty,
128
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:53,463
and those knives are as sharp
as a chemistry teacher's cardigan.
129
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,303
Can he get us a couple of good potato peelers?
130
00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:01,844
Hang on. I'm onto something here.
131
00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:07,680
Forget the potato peelers. We want one of those
programmable viruses from the science block.
132
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,822
Programmable what?
133
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:13,982
They were on Z deck. I wonder
if the nanos have reconstructed them.
134
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,994
You can programme them
to do anything you want. You name it.
135
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:22,794
We could programme them to eat
the potato skins and leave the rest intact.
136
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,460
We wouldn't have to lift a finger.
137
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:29,039
Two weeks of hell
would become potato paradise.
138
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:34,443
I'll get on the blower to Bob's missus.
She'll take a message.
139
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,742
- Bob's got a missus?
- Yeah, Madge. She's amazing.
140
00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,908
0 to 60 in under ten minutes.
141
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,914
(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)
142
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:54,265
(RHYTHMIC TAPPING IN RESPONSE)
143
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:57,425
(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)
144
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:03,601
(SINGLE TAP IN RESPONSE)
145
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:07,038
(RHYTHMIC TAPPING)
146
00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:08,874
- (TWO TAPS)
- (TWO TAPS)
147
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:12,484
(EXCHANGE OF RAPID TAPPING)
148
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,543
- (TWO TAPS)
- (THREE TAPS)
149
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:17,518
- Damn!
- Can't they help us?
150
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,181
No. Wrong number.
151
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,663
I got the Chinese laundry.
152
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,872
Do you need anything ironing?
153
00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:02,766
Remember, two entire battalions went missing
from this ship. Vanished without trace.
154
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,665
We must stick together and remain vigilant.
155
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:09,467
You lose concentration for a split second,
156
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:13,738
and you're all alone and easy pickings
for some hostile life-form.
157
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:18,077
I know you think I'm a fusspot
when it comes to safety procedures,
158
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,686
but it's staying alert that has kept us all...
159
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,913
Kept us...
160
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,293
(TINY VOICE) Hello.
161
00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,992
Oh, Creator! I'm on my own.
162
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,791
Hey, buddy. We're in here.
163
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:44,636
What is the point of my "Stay alert, everyone"
pep talk if no one is listening?
164
00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,335
- What?
- Look at this.
165
00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:51,807
What are they, Hol?
166
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:56,148
They look uncannily like somethingyou should be very afraid of.
167
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,381
- What?
- Mime artists.
168
00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:04,796
They chase you in trendy town centresand freeze when you look at them.
169
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,491
- Everyone laughs at you.
- I've never seen this before.
170
00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:13,604
A group of men who display the normal
life signs but seem incapable of movement.
171
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:16,970
Never seen QPR play away, then.
172
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,675
"Tempus." That's Latin for "time".
173
00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:25,078
I didn't even know the Romans built spaceships.
174
00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:30,985
Somehow, this device has caused time to freeze.
Obviously, they used it erroneously.
175
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,952
Where did...
176
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:39,762
...you come from, and how did...
177
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:44,698
...you get hold of that?
178
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,394
It's some kind of tem...
179
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:47,869
...porary sto...
180
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,304
...rage unit.
181
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:51,773
Extraordinary!
182
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,675
This could be a great device
for settling arguments!
183
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,145
Don't mess...
184
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,711
...with that thing. It can re...
185
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:04,786
...ally screw...
186
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,925
...ooh-ooh-ooh...
187
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,457
...you up.
188
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:14,292
It appears to digitise time and then
download it and store it on a hard drive.
189
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:18,130
This pure time can then be uploaded
into objects or places.
190
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,829
- To freeze people?
- They're not frozen.
191
00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:25,773
- They're operating in a different time stream.
- So they're moving, but slowly?
192
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:29,881
About the same speedas the average Little Chef waitress.
193
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,315
That's why they don't appearto be doing anything.
194
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:41,893
So this device has the ability to make time
come to a complete stop. What else can it do?
195
00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:50,163
What's happened? Kryten, why are you so big,
196
00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:54,102
and why do I suddenly feel like a Vimto?
197
00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:57,401
Wagh! You gotta get me back to normal!
198
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:02,547
Do something. I can't go back like this!
199
00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:07,743
Why not? You may only be three feet tall,
but you're both as cute as buttons.
200
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:16,855
- What's happened to my hair?
- And what's happened to mine?
201
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:21,398
You look like the Turkish entryin the Eurovision Song Contest.
202
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:27,101
It seems to have restored your hair
to a previous time period to the rest of you.
203
00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:35,670
It's regressed your outfits to a previous time.
204
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:40,182
You still look like the Turkish entryin the Eurovision Song Contest.
205
00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,988
Here's a question. Can you unfreeze these guys
206
00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:49,992
but take them back in time
so they have no memory of finding this?
207
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:53,962
- I think so. Why?
- If we can smuggle this thing onto Red Dwarf,
208
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,829
it can make our prison terms pass in seconds.
209
00:18:57,002 --> 00:19:00,301
Leave this to me.
I have an excellent place to conceal it.
210
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:12,281
(SQUEAKS THEME
FROM "THE GREAT ESCAPE")
211
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:18,414
Nice one, Bob!
212
00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:24,894
(CHOIR SINGS DRAMATIC
OPERA-TYPE THEME)
213
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:50,545
- It's not working, is it?
- Give it a bit of time to get going.
214
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,125
Look... Look.
215
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,355
- It's working on this one.
- Yes!
216
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:02,091
- And here's another. And another.
- Yes!
217
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,828
And another! Fan-smegging-tastic.
218
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:08,701
We're on our way. They'll do
the whole damn room in minutes.
219
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,509
- What's happened to your sleeve, man?
- What?
220
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:15,772
- Your sleeve.
- My God! They're eating my clothes.
221
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,506
(LAUGHS)
222
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,783
Well?
223
00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:01,321
It wasn't me, sir, it was him. He made me do it.
224
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,961
You Judas! We'd agreed to refuse to talk.
225
00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:06,791
Let me blame you, then I'll refuse to talk.
226
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,963
If I ever, ever see you in this office again,
227
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,934
then you're in the hole. Is that what you want?
228
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,098
- (BOTH) No, sir.
- Well, then. Get out.
229
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,245
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
230
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:30,752
You haven't been to the medi bay
to get this virus off, have you?
231
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:34,757
- I probably shouldn't have shaken your hand.
- Big mistake.
232
00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,623
- We'll be going, sir.
- Right now.
233
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:41,257
That's it!
234
00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:43,165
Two months
235
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:44,927
in the hole!
236
00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:47,800
Sir, what about me athlete's hand?
237
00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,702
Now!
238
00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:58,605
(KRYTEN) We zap the ship
with a two-year download of time.
239
00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:02,345
The records will show
that we are free to be released.
240
00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:04,182
This machine's amazing!
241
00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:08,156
Can it do boob jobs, too?
I'm just thinking about the future.
242
00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:12,758
- You spilt my soup.
- Sorry, Baxter, non-bud.
243
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,922
It was an accident.
244
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,633
Hot Bovril.
245
00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:22,436
Agh!
246
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,787
Grr!
247
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:43,120
Look at him. The big lug.
I'd hate to clean the bath out after him.
248
00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:48,130
You'd need a sander to get rid of the tide mark
and a leaf vac to hoover the hair.
249
00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,529
Fix him. Fix him with the time wand.
250
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,068
Watch this.
251
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:03,441
(LAUGHS)
252
00:23:23,001 --> 00:23:26,437
- Hello!
- There's someone in here with us!
253
00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:29,096
Yeah, it's that bloke sitting next to you.
254
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:33,370
- Who are you?
- They call me Birdman.
255
00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:35,103
Why's that?
256
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,148
Because he really likes instant custard (!)
Why do you think?
257
00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:46,716
This is Pete. He's nine years old,
which in sparrow years is...
258
00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:49,383
...nine years old.
259
00:23:49,561 --> 00:23:51,722
So, that makes him...
260
00:23:52,831 --> 00:23:54,355
Nine?
261
00:23:54,533 --> 00:23:57,229
Nine! That's right. Met him before, have you?
262
00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:00,904
Two months of this! God!
263
00:24:01,073 --> 00:24:03,405
(DRILLING)
264
00:24:05,010 --> 00:24:06,307
What's this?
265
00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:13,244
(SQUEAKING "GREAT ESCAPE" THEME)
266
00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:26,558
(RIMMER) What happened?
(LISTER) They're all frozen on the spot.
267
00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:31,194
Yvonne McGruder did this
when I tried to kiss her.
268
00:24:31,370 --> 00:24:33,770
This'll drive them crazy!
269
00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,951
- (KRIS) Hey!
- Guys!
270
00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:54,320
- Buddies!
- This is Birdman.
271
00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:55,960
And this is Pete.
272
00:24:56,128 --> 00:25:00,360
We found this machine that can digitise time.
We can release jets of it.
273
00:25:00,532 --> 00:25:03,296
It can make our sentence pass in a nano second.
274
00:25:03,468 --> 00:25:05,402
Hats off, sirs.
275
00:25:07,773 --> 00:25:11,106
- There's something wrong with Pete.
- What?
276
00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:13,301
He's gone all stiff!
277
00:25:13,478 --> 00:25:16,538
He must have drunk the guards' half-time juice.
278
00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:18,876
Not that kind of stiff. He's dead.
279
00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:22,820
The excitement of being free has killed him!
280
00:25:22,988 --> 00:25:27,322
He really loved that bird.
It was the only thing that kept him going.
281
00:25:27,492 --> 00:25:33,192
I think the time wand could bring Pete back
to life - make him young and strong again.
282
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:34,832
Watch.
283
00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:49,471
(ROAR)
284
00:25:49,648 --> 00:25:51,878
- Holy...
...smeg!
285
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:56,077
(ROAR)
286
00:25:56,254 --> 00:25:59,417
Where the hell did Barney's ugly brother
come from?
287
00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:03,790
From Pete, sir. Birds are descended
from dinosaurs.
288
00:26:03,962 --> 00:26:07,728
I inadvertently reversed evolution
several million years.
289
00:26:12,771 --> 00:26:17,208
An old Cat saying has particular relevance here.
It goes like this -
290
00:26:17,376 --> 00:26:20,937
we are all gonna die!
291
00:26:21,113 --> 00:26:23,604
Pete? Is that you, Pete?
292
00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:25,713
Birdman!
293
00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:32,488
(SNEEZES)
294
00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:36,393
Gesundheit.
295
00:26:38,196 --> 00:26:40,027
You want some seed?
296
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,629
That's a no, then, is it?
297
00:26:47,506 --> 00:26:48,905
What now, sir?
298
00:26:49,074 --> 00:26:51,736
Follow the Rimmer-shaped blur!
299
00:26:54,813 --> 00:26:58,146
(POUNDING FOOTSTEPS)
300
00:27:09,695 --> 00:27:13,426
(SONG) It's cold outside,there's no kind of atmosphere
301
00:27:13,598 --> 00:27:16,692
I'm all alone, more or less
302
00:27:16,868 --> 00:27:19,996
Let me fly far away from here
303
00:27:20,172 --> 00:27:22,902
Fun, fun, fun
304
00:27:23,075 --> 00:27:26,841
In the sun, sun, sun
305
00:27:27,012 --> 00:27:30,243
I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose
306
00:27:30,415 --> 00:27:33,384
Drinking fresh mango juice
307
00:27:33,552 --> 00:27:36,817
Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes
308
00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:39,718
Fun, fun, fun
309
00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:43,452
In the sun, sun, sun
310
00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:46,426
Fun, fun, fun
311
00:27:46,598 --> 00:27:50,534
In the sun, sun, sun
312
00:27:50,584 --> 00:27:55,134
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