Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,773 --> 00:00:07,875
So our 1:00 wants to
sue his acupuncturist.
2
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:10,677
You know what's wrong with acupuncture?
3
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,911
The word "puncture."
4
00:00:13,911 --> 00:00:15,745
How could you diss something
5
00:00:15,745 --> 00:00:18,380
that's been around for 5,000 years?
6
00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:20,481
- Ruth: Marcus!
- Speaking of which.
7
00:00:22,182 --> 00:00:24,817
I need to talk to you right now, son.
8
00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:27,719
Mama, we talked about you coming
down here while we're working.
9
00:00:27,719 --> 00:00:29,753
No, you talked about it.
10
00:00:29,753 --> 00:00:31,821
Mama, look, I'm gonna put this up.
11
00:00:31,821 --> 00:00:34,156
- You see this right here?
- I don't see anything.
12
00:00:34,156 --> 00:00:35,856
It's an invisible wall.
13
00:00:35,856 --> 00:00:39,125
- Oh, now I see it.
- Thank you.
14
00:00:39,125 --> 00:00:41,260
On one side is me at work.
15
00:00:41,260 --> 00:00:43,394
On the other side,
you bugging me at work.
16
00:00:43,394 --> 00:00:44,594
But, Marcus, I just wanna...
17
00:00:44,594 --> 00:00:47,163
The wall is up, Mama. I can't hear you.
18
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:49,364
Now... thud... I'm banging
my head on the wall, Mama.
19
00:00:49,364 --> 00:00:52,166
Ouch, mama! Ouch, mama.
20
00:00:52,166 --> 00:00:55,367
You know, instead of wasting
your money on an invisible wall,
21
00:00:55,367 --> 00:00:57,902
why don't you get somebody
to fix this showerhead?
22
00:00:57,902 --> 00:01:00,170
It was set on "stream"
and came out "Katrina."
23
00:01:00,170 --> 00:01:01,603
I got my hair wet.
24
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:04,806
Isn't that why you take a shower?
25
00:01:04,806 --> 00:01:07,441
He's white, Mama. He
don't know no better.
26
00:01:07,441 --> 00:01:10,508
Better talk to him.
27
00:01:10,508 --> 00:01:13,510
(Theme music plays)
Mama said she didn't raise no fool
28
00:01:13,510 --> 00:01:15,712
One mind apart is
never stronger than two
29
00:01:15,712 --> 00:01:18,313
I'm about the life,
about to come on strong
30
00:01:18,313 --> 00:01:20,481
Come on come on,
come on, come on
31
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,849
Whoa, yeah
32
00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:25,117
One mind apart is
never stronger than two
33
00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:27,585
Whoa, yeah
34
00:01:27,585 --> 00:01:30,186
Mama said she
didn't raise no fool.
35
00:01:31,887 --> 00:01:33,888
(laughs) Gin.
36
00:01:38,524 --> 00:01:41,192
Whoo.
37
00:01:41,192 --> 00:01:43,293
I can't believe that Lillian is gone.
38
00:01:43,293 --> 00:01:45,127
The world is just a little bit sadder.
39
00:01:45,127 --> 00:01:48,463
Child, that woman dug
her own grave with a fork.
40
00:01:48,463 --> 00:01:49,630
Bless her heart.
41
00:01:51,565 --> 00:01:53,366
Oh, hell no.
42
00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:55,300
Son?
43
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,167
Hey, Mama.
44
00:01:57,167 --> 00:02:00,269
We need you to be the fourth
now that Lillian's dead.
45
00:02:00,269 --> 00:02:02,037
She's dead, huh?
46
00:02:02,037 --> 00:02:03,571
What kind of bone did she choke on?
47
00:02:06,339 --> 00:02:08,073
Well, she slipped on a
bread and butter pickle,
48
00:02:08,073 --> 00:02:09,340
hit her head on the countertop.
49
00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:11,209
Mm-hmm, and she didn't
have a living will
50
00:02:11,209 --> 00:02:12,643
so her kids just pulled the plug.
51
00:02:12,643 --> 00:02:15,411
I get that.
52
00:02:15,411 --> 00:02:17,312
We are just all
53
00:02:17,312 --> 00:02:19,480
one thin slice of
pickle away from death.
54
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,414
Mm-hmm.
55
00:02:21,414 --> 00:02:23,682
Marcus, how long have I been
asking you to do my living will?
56
00:02:23,682 --> 00:02:25,616
Mama, you ask me to
do a lot of things...
57
00:02:25,616 --> 00:02:29,018
flip your mattress, pick up your wig.
58
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:30,552
See how he's changing the subject?
59
00:02:30,552 --> 00:02:33,353
I'll end up like Lillian.
60
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,988
You know those no good kids of hers
61
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:38,256
just abandoned her poor
little dog, Miss Ross.
62
00:02:38,256 --> 00:02:40,190
- No.
- Left him all alone in her apartment.
63
00:02:40,190 --> 00:02:42,125
But that dog is nasty.
64
00:02:42,125 --> 00:02:44,993
Bless its heart.
65
00:02:44,993 --> 00:02:48,195
Marcus, can you go pick up Miss
Ross from Lillian's apartment?
66
00:02:48,195 --> 00:02:50,597
Fine, Mama. I'll take care of it.
67
00:02:50,597 --> 00:02:52,431
Now y'all do me a favor.
68
00:02:52,431 --> 00:02:54,599
Somebody crack a window in here.
69
00:02:54,599 --> 00:02:56,433
It smells like girdle.
70
00:03:03,604 --> 00:03:06,538
I went to that
acupuncturist for dry mouth
71
00:03:06,538 --> 00:03:09,740
and now I've had an erection
for two and a half weeks.
72
00:03:09,740 --> 00:03:12,442
Well, where'd they put the needles?
73
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,543
It's humiliating. I'm a spin instructor.
74
00:03:14,543 --> 00:03:17,144
I have to wear spandex.
75
00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:20,246
Well, I could see how
that could be a problem.
76
00:03:20,246 --> 00:03:23,381
So, I'm gonna need the
name of this acupuncturist.
77
00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,483
- Michael.
- He's in a meeting.
78
00:03:28,483 --> 00:03:31,052
He's almost... done.
79
00:03:32,552 --> 00:03:34,620
Marcus, we need to talk.
80
00:03:34,620 --> 00:03:38,022
Well, that would be fine if I
actually got a chance to, Mama.
81
00:03:38,022 --> 00:03:40,190
I need you to write me a will.
82
00:03:40,190 --> 00:03:42,058
Mama, what do you need a will for?
83
00:03:42,058 --> 00:03:43,958
Everything in this building, I own.
84
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:49,562
You know, Tom, I'm just afraid
it's not gonna stand up in court.
85
00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:52,930
Uh, your case, I mean.
86
00:03:52,930 --> 00:03:55,065
Uh, well, good luck.
87
00:04:00,568 --> 00:04:02,602
Oh, Lizzie. What are you doing here?
88
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,638
Oh, hi, Lizzie, what's up?
89
00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:10,540
Oh, my God, this girl started
choking in line at Starbucks.
90
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:12,240
It was horrible.
91
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:14,442
But thank God someone
opened up another register.
92
00:04:16,476 --> 00:04:19,445
And to what do we owe
this unexpected pleasure?
93
00:04:19,445 --> 00:04:21,646
Oh, mom had to take her
life coach back to rehab.
94
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:27,148
Isn't that something you
two could've done together?
95
00:04:27,148 --> 00:04:30,918
Maybe you could have gotten a
jumpstart on your application?
96
00:04:30,918 --> 00:04:33,252
- (Phone chimes)
- Oh, sorry.
97
00:04:33,252 --> 00:04:35,187
This might be an important
text about a sale at Barney's.
98
00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:37,421
Lizzie, when are you gonna do
something other than go shopping?
99
00:04:37,421 --> 00:04:39,422
Think about the future.
100
00:04:39,422 --> 00:04:43,024
Find a career you love, you'll
never work a day in your life.
101
00:04:43,024 --> 00:04:45,325
Mostly because that field would
never hire someone like you.
102
00:04:48,461 --> 00:04:50,962
You know, you're really getting
that stepfather thing down.
103
00:04:50,962 --> 00:04:52,296
Oh, you noticed that, did you?
104
00:04:52,296 --> 00:04:53,696
Yeah, I thought we had
a real breakthrough.
105
00:04:53,696 --> 00:04:56,164
Thinking of upgrading our
relationship to "disaster."
106
00:04:58,199 --> 00:04:59,600
Marcus, I'm serious.
107
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,301
I don't want to end up like Lillian.
108
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:04,402
Her kids unplugged
her like a waffle iron.
109
00:05:04,402 --> 00:05:07,370
Marcus, are you doing
Ruth's living will?
110
00:05:07,370 --> 00:05:08,637
You know, I did my mother's.
111
00:05:08,637 --> 00:05:10,139
Of course, she didn't know about it.
112
00:05:10,139 --> 00:05:13,674
It was really more
like a letter to Santa.
113
00:05:13,674 --> 00:05:16,008
See, he did his mother's.
114
00:05:16,008 --> 00:05:17,442
Mama, I didn't say I wouldn't.
115
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:21,078
Honey, I could have a
heart attack right now.
116
00:05:21,078 --> 00:05:23,012
Or you're walking through the
financial district, the economy tanks,
117
00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:24,413
suddenly it's raining futures traders
118
00:05:24,413 --> 00:05:28,315
and, splat, goodbye mama's futures.
119
00:05:28,315 --> 00:05:31,517
Or a stack of sheet metal could
fall from a construction site
120
00:05:31,517 --> 00:05:35,586
and, bam, spiral sliced
like a honeybaked ham.
121
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:39,287
Or somebody, like, tweets a picture
where her thighs look totally huge
122
00:05:39,287 --> 00:05:41,223
and everyone unfriends
her and she's all alone
123
00:05:41,223 --> 00:05:44,157
so she totally kills herself.
124
00:05:44,157 --> 00:05:46,625
You know, I'm not talking
about this anymore.
125
00:05:46,625 --> 00:05:49,293
You know, Marcus, if you're a
little too close to the subject,
126
00:05:49,293 --> 00:05:50,627
I'd be glad to help you out.
127
00:05:50,627 --> 00:05:52,294
What do you mean, "too close"?
128
00:05:52,294 --> 00:05:53,996
What are you trying to
say, I'm a mama's boy?
129
00:05:53,996 --> 00:05:57,996
No, I'm just saying
that you're a grown man
130
00:05:58,499 --> 00:06:02,467
who's lived with his
mama since he was a boy.
131
00:06:04,068 --> 00:06:05,635
Honey, why don't you let him help you?
132
00:06:05,635 --> 00:06:08,170
He needed three people just
to help him reload the stapler.
133
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:14,007
Back in my old office, we had
a device known as "the girl."
134
00:06:15,541 --> 00:06:18,376
She could also mix an
excellent scotch and soda.
135
00:06:18,376 --> 00:06:20,611
Look, this is obviously
too loaded an issue for you.
136
00:06:20,611 --> 00:06:22,044
Let me do it.
137
00:06:22,044 --> 00:06:23,378
I'm a lawyer.
138
00:06:23,378 --> 00:06:25,479
I'm her son. I can do it.
139
00:06:25,479 --> 00:06:27,413
You can, but you won't.
140
00:06:27,413 --> 00:06:29,381
I will when I do.
141
00:06:29,381 --> 00:06:30,649
Then why not now?
142
00:06:30,649 --> 00:06:32,917
Because she's never gonna die.
143
00:06:35,985 --> 00:06:39,354
Okay, maybe I could use your help.
144
00:06:39,354 --> 00:06:42,922
And someone still has to pick up
Miss Ross from Lillian's apartment.
145
00:06:42,922 --> 00:06:46,922
- Michael?
- I don't like dogs and dogs don't like me.
146
00:06:47,992 --> 00:06:49,959
Would you rather stay here with Lizzie?
147
00:06:49,959 --> 00:06:52,594
You know in some
countries they eat dogs.
148
00:06:52,594 --> 00:06:55,163
That's how the chow got its name.
149
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:58,998
Word to the wise, go with the dog.
150
00:07:08,336 --> 00:07:10,571
Okay, now, if I end up on life support,
151
00:07:10,571 --> 00:07:12,905
just keep me plugged in until if
fit back into my wedding dress.
152
00:07:12,905 --> 00:07:14,574
(Laughs)
153
00:07:14,574 --> 00:07:16,641
I'm not gonna write that down.
154
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:19,676
Marcus, this is your mother's
advanced medical directive
155
00:07:19,676 --> 00:07:21,010
for her end-of-life care.
156
00:07:21,010 --> 00:07:24,312
Do you have to say "end of life"?
157
00:07:24,312 --> 00:07:28,514
- Okay, "untimely demise."
- No.
158
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:30,481
"Taking a dirt nap"?
159
00:07:32,516 --> 00:07:35,651
What would I say if I told
you your mother was dying?
160
00:07:35,651 --> 00:07:38,353
Dibs on the lake house, drinks at 7:00.
161
00:07:40,654 --> 00:07:42,722
We still haven't even discussed
mechanical ventilation,
162
00:07:42,722 --> 00:07:45,356
hydration assistance, or resuscitation.
163
00:07:45,356 --> 00:07:47,624
Come on, man.
164
00:07:47,624 --> 00:07:50,359
She can hear you.
165
00:07:50,359 --> 00:07:52,560
I'm sorry, he's just very sensitive.
166
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,295
It's probably because he
was so tiny growing up.
167
00:07:55,295 --> 00:07:57,630
Oh, they used to tease
him something terrible.
168
00:07:57,630 --> 00:08:01,630
Remember when Bernita Brumm
zipped you up into her backpack?
169
00:08:01,999 --> 00:08:04,567
I bet you were adorable.
170
00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,868
You know what? I changed my mind.
171
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:09,369
Pull the damn plug.
172
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:18,808
(Sneezing)
173
00:08:18,808 --> 00:08:21,209
Oh, this must be Miss Ross.
174
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,544
It is. (Sneezes)
175
00:08:23,544 --> 00:08:25,912
Oh, Veronica, I don't
know what I'm gonna do.
176
00:08:25,912 --> 00:08:28,847
She's so sweet, we can't
take her to the pound.
177
00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:31,514
I was gonna keep her
until we found her a home,
178
00:08:31,514 --> 00:08:33,383
but I'm deathly allergic.
179
00:08:33,383 --> 00:08:35,850
(Sneezes)
180
00:08:35,850 --> 00:08:37,685
Do you think maybe you could keep her?
181
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:40,753
Nice try, but you're overacting.
182
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:43,488
Okay, fine. She's not sweet.
183
00:08:43,488 --> 00:08:44,822
She puts the "bitch" in bitch.
184
00:08:44,822 --> 00:08:47,323
Hey.
185
00:08:47,323 --> 00:08:49,391
All dogs have is their instincts.
186
00:08:49,391 --> 00:08:50,958
She can sense that you don't like her.
187
00:08:50,958 --> 00:08:52,593
Why should I like her?
188
00:08:52,593 --> 00:08:55,527
I think she still has one
of her teeth in my hand.
189
00:08:55,527 --> 00:08:58,296
Oh, yeah, she's ferocious.
190
00:08:58,296 --> 00:08:59,730
Well, she wasn't very cordial to me.
191
00:08:59,730 --> 00:09:02,531
Um, I think I see why.
192
00:09:02,531 --> 00:09:04,666
Miss Ross isn't a bitch at all.
193
00:09:04,666 --> 00:09:06,700
Miss Ross has junk.
194
00:09:10,303 --> 00:09:14,572
Huh, I'm usually good at spotting junk.
195
00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:17,373
Aw, no wonder he likes me.
196
00:09:17,373 --> 00:09:19,208
All guys do.
197
00:09:24,410 --> 00:09:26,778
So how's everything
going with you and my mom?
198
00:09:26,778 --> 00:09:28,445
She got you drinking in the morning yet?
199
00:09:28,445 --> 00:09:31,281
(Laughs) Oh, no, it's actually
been an enchanting week.
200
00:09:31,281 --> 00:09:33,415
That's because she's not your mom.
201
00:09:33,415 --> 00:09:37,415
She's great company. She spins a
terrific yarn and she's so generous.
202
00:09:37,951 --> 00:09:40,185
You know, she's donating
all her organs to science.
203
00:09:40,185 --> 00:09:42,854
What organs?
204
00:09:42,854 --> 00:09:45,588
Well, maybe that's something she's more
comfortable sharing with her attorney.
205
00:09:45,588 --> 00:09:48,523
Like that young sailor she was
engaged to before she met your dad.
206
00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:50,658
- What sailor?
- Oh, sorry.
207
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:53,226
Attorney-client privilege.
208
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,826
- Ah, Ruth.
- Ready to go?
209
00:09:54,826 --> 00:09:56,627
Yes, yes, your chariot awaits
210
00:09:56,627 --> 00:09:58,828
in the form of a
high-performance German Motorcar.
211
00:09:58,828 --> 00:10:00,230
Ooh.
212
00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:02,364
Mama, why are you all dolled up?
213
00:10:02,364 --> 00:10:05,699
Well, I'm treating my lawyer
to lunch for all his hard work.
214
00:10:05,699 --> 00:10:07,500
If this is work, let
it all be this hard.
215
00:10:08,868 --> 00:10:10,568
Well, why don't I go with you?
216
00:10:10,568 --> 00:10:12,403
'Cause we're gonna be
discussing some things
217
00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,470
that you're not
comfortable with, remember?
218
00:10:14,470 --> 00:10:17,306
You know, I can't wait for
you to taste that dover sole.
219
00:10:17,306 --> 00:10:19,907
Oh, you know I got a
craving for seafood.
220
00:10:19,907 --> 00:10:22,175
Good, there's a box of Fish Sticks
221
00:10:22,175 --> 00:10:23,842
in the freezer about to expire.
222
00:10:26,911 --> 00:10:29,578
Fine, Mama. Y'all go to lunch.
223
00:10:29,578 --> 00:10:31,380
I got my own lunch.
224
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,648
I love my Fish Sticks.
225
00:10:33,648 --> 00:10:37,648
The best part about the
Fish Stick is the stick.
226
00:10:38,283 --> 00:10:40,451
A lot of people don't know that.
227
00:10:40,451 --> 00:10:42,552
But you trippin', Mama. You trippin'.
228
00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:47,822
Since she'd been with
the family for 30 years,
229
00:10:47,822 --> 00:10:51,457
rather than firing Consuela, my
mother simply called Immigration,
230
00:10:51,457 --> 00:10:53,858
let nature take it course.
231
00:10:53,858 --> 00:10:56,660
Oh, that is just wrong.
232
00:10:56,660 --> 00:11:00,660
Well, I come from a long
line of cold, detached people.
233
00:11:02,430 --> 00:11:04,265
I think the only
unconditional love I ever felt
234
00:11:04,265 --> 00:11:06,632
was from Lee Iacocca.
235
00:11:06,632 --> 00:11:09,600
- My box turtle.
- Oh.
236
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,134
Died when I was nine.
237
00:11:11,134 --> 00:11:12,369
His little tank light worked fine.
238
00:11:12,369 --> 00:11:13,569
I think it was the lack of warmth
239
00:11:13,569 --> 00:11:15,770
in the family that killed him.
240
00:11:15,770 --> 00:11:18,372
Well, we are not like that.
241
00:11:18,372 --> 00:11:21,341
We hug each other
going from room to room.
242
00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:23,342
Not us.
243
00:11:23,342 --> 00:11:26,142
I don't believe I remember
my mother ever hugging me.
244
00:11:26,142 --> 00:11:30,545
One time, I was choking, she asked
the butler to give me the Heimlich.
245
00:11:30,545 --> 00:11:33,780
In her defense, she'd just
had her nails done, so...
246
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:38,183
Well, I'm sure she
loved you in her own way.
247
00:11:38,183 --> 00:11:40,718
When I was six, she told me
that I made a perfect Manhattan.
248
00:11:40,718 --> 00:11:42,285
Oh, see? That's something.
249
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,119
And that is not an easy drink to make.
250
00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:46,554
Yes, thank you, thank you.
251
00:11:46,554 --> 00:11:50,155
You know, Allen, after growing
up in a family like that,
252
00:11:50,155 --> 00:11:52,624
I think you turned out just fine.
253
00:11:54,158 --> 00:11:57,093
If you were my son,
I would be very proud.
254
00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:05,464
I've had it with this dog.
255
00:12:05,464 --> 00:12:09,066
His bladder is shot.
256
00:12:09,066 --> 00:12:11,334
I haven't been peed on
like that since college.
257
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:15,470
Sorry, you have a new dog.
258
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,771
What is that?
259
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:21,740
Your new bestie, if you're lucky.
260
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:24,208
- He needs a temporary home.
- Ugh, no.
261
00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:28,043
But it's a service dog.
It gets you VIP access
262
00:12:28,043 --> 00:12:30,111
to places you wouldn't
normally get to go to,
263
00:12:30,111 --> 00:12:33,446
like early entrance to the
Barney's Warehouse Sale.
264
00:12:33,446 --> 00:12:34,776
Keep talking.
265
00:12:34,776 --> 00:12:37,181
And 20 bucks a day until
we find it a permanent home.
266
00:12:37,181 --> 00:12:40,150
I can get money from
Allen any time I need it.
267
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,517
Then what do you want?
268
00:12:41,517 --> 00:12:44,185
How well can you forge
Allen's signature?
269
00:12:44,185 --> 00:12:46,020
Better than he can.
270
00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:47,620
Fine.
271
00:12:47,620 --> 00:12:50,022
Sign it on the bottom of
that blank piece of paper.
272
00:12:50,022 --> 00:12:51,589
What are you gonna use it for?
273
00:12:51,589 --> 00:12:54,157
I'm gonna create a system of
accessibility that will allow me to...
274
00:12:54,157 --> 00:12:55,558
You know what? Never mind.
275
00:12:55,558 --> 00:12:58,126
Plausible deniability.
276
00:12:58,126 --> 00:13:00,193
Smart boy.
277
00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:04,562
Mark my words, one day you'll
be the mayor of Chicago.
278
00:13:04,562 --> 00:13:08,499
- (Door closes)
- Why aren't Allen and mama back yet?
279
00:13:08,499 --> 00:13:11,066
Something's going on.
280
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:13,501
What are you talking about?
They've been back for over an hour.
281
00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,670
Yeah, they came in all laughing
and tipsy and went upstairs.
282
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:19,405
Oh. It's on.
283
00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,607
Allen: Are you sure you're up for this?
284
00:13:24,607 --> 00:13:26,242
Ruth: Are you kidding?
285
00:13:26,242 --> 00:13:28,509
I've been doing this
since you were in diapers.
286
00:13:28,509 --> 00:13:31,010
Allen: Wow, you are in great shape.
287
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,378
Ruth: And you are so strong.
288
00:13:33,378 --> 00:13:36,113
(Chuckles) Nice and easy.
289
00:13:36,113 --> 00:13:37,547
Allen: I just wanna
make sure it's in right.
290
00:13:37,547 --> 00:13:40,582
- Ruth: Aw yeah.
- Marcus: Hell, no. Hell, no.
291
00:13:40,582 --> 00:13:42,583
What the hell you think you're doing?
292
00:13:42,583 --> 00:13:44,451
Flipping the mattress.
293
00:13:44,451 --> 00:13:48,451
Yeah, that's what it
looks like you're doing.
294
00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:51,322
Go on back to doing what you're doing.
295
00:13:51,322 --> 00:13:52,989
Make sure y'all flip
that mattress right.
296
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:10,800
So you just ate the last donut?
297
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,801
So what if I did?
298
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:14,435
You're just helping
yourself to everything
299
00:14:14,435 --> 00:14:15,536
around here, aren't you?
300
00:14:15,536 --> 00:14:18,136
What's that supposed to mean?
301
00:14:18,136 --> 00:14:22,136
Ah, private joke between me and me.
302
00:14:23,106 --> 00:14:25,240
When the two of you finish laughing,
303
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,209
would you mind signing this durable
power of attorney for your mom?
304
00:14:28,209 --> 00:14:29,676
What does that have to
do with her living will?
305
00:14:29,676 --> 00:14:31,043
I'm doing her whole estate plan.
306
00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:32,745
So you're her healthcare proxy?
307
00:14:32,745 --> 00:14:35,746
- Obviously she trusts me.
- She trusts me, I'm her son.
308
00:14:35,746 --> 00:14:40,582
My God, you're jealous. Isn't that cute?
309
00:14:40,582 --> 00:14:42,750
I'm not jealous. You're
the one that's jealous.
310
00:14:42,750 --> 00:14:45,218
Yeah, all right fine, fine.
Listen, I'm not doing this.
311
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,085
I'll take this upstairs
and have Ruth sign it.
312
00:14:47,085 --> 00:14:48,719
Oh, no. I'll take it to my mother.
313
00:14:48,719 --> 00:14:50,455
No, no, just a second.
This is my client.
314
00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:52,122
- It's my mother.
- I'll take it to her.
315
00:14:52,122 --> 00:14:54,156
All right, fine, fine.
You be the messenger.
316
00:14:54,156 --> 00:14:56,057
It's not gonna change her decision.
317
00:14:56,057 --> 00:14:58,725
It means my hand's free
to deliver this to her.
318
00:14:58,725 --> 00:15:02,127
- Is that my mother's hair?
- Yep, I picked it up.
319
00:15:02,127 --> 00:15:04,128
Why are you rubbing your
fingers through my mother's hair?
320
00:15:04,128 --> 00:15:05,229
I'm gonna be bringing it to her.
321
00:15:05,229 --> 00:15:08,164
- (Laughs)
- What's so funny?
322
00:15:08,164 --> 00:15:11,299
That's not mama's
hair. That's Lillian's.
323
00:15:11,299 --> 00:15:13,166
Yeah, it was supposed to
go to the funeral home.
324
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,268
Classic misdirect, Counselor.
325
00:15:17,268 --> 00:15:19,636
You son of a...
326
00:15:19,636 --> 00:15:20,604
Get back here with that wig!
327
00:15:24,339 --> 00:15:26,373
Ruth, Ruth, I got your wig!
328
00:15:26,373 --> 00:15:30,075
Allen, what are you doing
with mama's church hair?
329
00:15:30,075 --> 00:15:32,044
What in God's name is going on?
330
00:15:32,044 --> 00:15:34,744
Isn't that your good wig?
331
00:15:34,744 --> 00:15:37,746
I always thought that was a hat.
332
00:15:37,746 --> 00:15:39,647
Well, it used to be my "Etta James."
333
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,715
Now it's my "Rick James."
334
00:15:41,715 --> 00:15:43,249
What the hell happened?
335
00:15:43,249 --> 00:15:45,584
Yeah, Mama, you can't
trust him with nothin'.
336
00:15:45,584 --> 00:15:47,718
But don't worry, I'll get
you another one, all right?
337
00:15:47,718 --> 00:15:49,520
Oh, yeah? Well, I'll
get you two new ones
338
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,221
with real hair, not synthetic,
339
00:15:51,221 --> 00:15:52,721
and open cap construction
for breathability.
340
00:15:54,455 --> 00:15:56,756
What? I represented an Orthodox Jew
341
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,124
who developed a scalp fungus.
342
00:15:59,258 --> 00:16:01,092
Look, he got you all tense.
343
00:16:01,092 --> 00:16:03,293
Don't worry, Mama, I'll
rub your shoulders, okay?
344
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:04,561
Boy, would you just leave me alone?
345
00:16:04,561 --> 00:16:06,329
We are trying to play cards here.
346
00:16:06,329 --> 00:16:09,130
Well, maybe I could make some
snacks for you and the ladies.
347
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:12,198
Or I could make my famous Pupusas
with a light tomatillo sauce.
348
00:16:14,266 --> 00:16:17,435
What? I used to spend Christmas
in San Salvador with Consuela.
349
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,603
I also learned crop rotation.
350
00:16:19,603 --> 00:16:22,271
Nobody cares.
351
00:16:22,271 --> 00:16:24,372
Now I'm about to make
mama's favorite snack,
352
00:16:24,372 --> 00:16:26,073
which I know and you don't.
353
00:16:26,073 --> 00:16:28,007
Oh, you mean the mini broccoli quiches
354
00:16:28,007 --> 00:16:30,242
with a dollop of lowfat sour cream?
355
00:16:30,242 --> 00:16:33,710
Mama, you told him?
356
00:16:33,710 --> 00:16:37,212
I finally got a hand here. Do
you wanna yak or play cards?
357
00:16:37,212 --> 00:16:39,080
Yeah, what are you two
doing up here anyway?
358
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,381
Well, I don't know what he's doing
here, but I'm here on business.
359
00:16:41,381 --> 00:16:43,082
I need you to sign
this important document.
360
00:16:47,618 --> 00:16:51,119
Oh, oh, Mama, you gave
him daddy's favorite pen?
361
00:16:51,119 --> 00:16:54,588
The one when you turn
the bikini falls off?
362
00:16:54,588 --> 00:16:57,623
You said the pen was silly
and you didn't want to use it.
363
00:16:57,623 --> 00:17:00,157
I said it was silly of
me not to use it, Mama.
364
00:17:00,157 --> 00:17:02,225
Yes, well, it's mine
now. Mama gave it to me.
365
00:17:02,225 --> 00:17:05,327
- Who you callin' "mama"?
- Don't you take that...
366
00:17:05,327 --> 00:17:07,529
Hey! Hey!
367
00:17:07,529 --> 00:17:09,196
Now, look, I don't know what's going on
368
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:11,464
with the two of you, but
take it somewhere else.
369
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,565
Get.
370
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:16,367
It's so over.
371
00:17:16,367 --> 00:17:18,568
This thing humped a mink coat...
372
00:17:18,568 --> 00:17:21,003
On a lady... at Barney's.
373
00:17:21,003 --> 00:17:22,603
Gas it.
374
00:17:25,171 --> 00:17:27,172
You can't put down Miss Lillian's dog.
375
00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:28,573
You were supposed to take care of it.
376
00:17:28,573 --> 00:17:29,741
It's one of God's creatures.
377
00:17:29,741 --> 00:17:32,542
No, that's one of Satan's soldiers.
378
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:37,144
Face it, this walking hairball
will never find a home.
379
00:17:37,044 --> 00:17:38,546
Not looking like that.
380
00:17:38,546 --> 00:17:41,580
You know what? Give me half an hour.
381
00:17:41,580 --> 00:17:43,915
I will make it so that
everyone will want him.
382
00:17:46,550 --> 00:17:48,951
Oh, my God, she's beautiful.
383
00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:50,285
He's beautiful.
384
00:17:50,285 --> 00:17:52,319
Maybe you guys were wrong about him.
385
00:17:52,319 --> 00:17:54,921
Maybe he was just mean
'cause he was ugly.
386
00:17:54,921 --> 00:17:57,222
Maybe he's a great dog to be around.
387
00:18:01,191 --> 00:18:02,492
Ugh.
388
00:18:02,492 --> 00:18:04,860
God, talk about gassing.
389
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:06,360
Oh, my God, my mouth was open.
390
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:08,895
Get him out of here.
391
00:18:08,895 --> 00:18:12,130
Oh, come on, Miss Ross.
392
00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:14,164
I'm gonna take you to a shelter
393
00:18:14,164 --> 00:18:17,066
now that I know you can find a home.
394
00:18:17,066 --> 00:18:20,935
These people belong to
the inhumane society.
395
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,537
Well, I hope you're happy.
You've upset your mother.
396
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:28,973
Down here is our business.
Up there is my business.
397
00:18:28,973 --> 00:18:32,541
Your mother likes me. Deal with it.
398
00:18:32,541 --> 00:18:34,342
Don't try to latch onto my family
399
00:18:34,342 --> 00:18:37,211
just because your family
don't give a damn about you.
400
00:18:40,146 --> 00:18:43,414
I'm sorry. That was too far.
401
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:47,549
No, you're right. I crossed the line.
402
00:18:47,549 --> 00:18:49,350
I'll see you tomorrow.
403
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,667
You do see I'm
intentionally walking slowly?
404
00:18:58,188 --> 00:19:01,390
- Okay, wait.
- Fine, if you insist.
405
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,558
I appreciate everything you did for me.
406
00:19:03,558 --> 00:19:05,993
- Helping Ruth?
- No, helping me
407
00:19:05,993 --> 00:19:07,290
because you knew I couldn't deal
408
00:19:07,290 --> 00:19:08,708
with the thought of losing my mother.
409
00:19:08,813 --> 00:19:12,372
Yeah, well, enjoy her
while she's still here.
410
00:19:12,461 --> 00:19:13,996
You know, I had a lot
of things growing up.
411
00:19:14,648 --> 00:19:16,559
A loving family wasn't one of them.
412
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,695
Yeah, well, I'm a lucky man.
413
00:19:18,775 --> 00:19:19,679
Yes, you are.
414
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,839
And your father's
dead. I wish I had that.
415
00:19:22,840 --> 00:19:25,655
(Laugh)
416
00:19:25,169 --> 00:19:26,745
Thanks for doing all the work.
417
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:29,073
It's my pleasure.
I'll bill you tomorrow.
418
00:19:29,162 --> 00:19:32,849
- Are you serious?
- She's not my mother.
419
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:43,517
Mission accomplished.
420
00:19:43,517 --> 00:19:46,620
You'll all be happy to know
Miss Ross has a home now.
421
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,756
- Thank God.
- It's not here.
422
00:19:48,756 --> 00:19:51,592
I think that smell is
stuck in my nose forever.
423
00:19:51,592 --> 00:19:54,294
Well, the woman at the
shelter was very grateful.
424
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:57,264
Grateful? For that thing?
425
00:19:57,264 --> 00:20:00,534
- For the dog and the money.
- What money?
426
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:03,737
There was a letter from Miss
Lillian's Lawyer in that little bag.
427
00:20:03,737 --> 00:20:06,473
She left money for whoever ended
up taking care of Miss Ross.
428
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,308
How much?
429
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,643
$25,000.
430
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:13,614
I loved that dog.
431
00:20:13,614 --> 00:20:15,382
We were emotionally connected.
432
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,484
He was like the child I never had.
433
00:20:17,484 --> 00:20:18,719
- We've gotta get him back.
- I'll go.
434
00:20:18,719 --> 00:20:20,554
Back off, twinkie, he's mine.
435
00:20:20,555 --> 00:20:25,564
- Synced and Corrected by peterbrito -
- www.addic7ed.com -
436
00:20:25,614 --> 00:20:30,164
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33389
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.