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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,053 --> 00:00:09,970 ♪♪♪ 2 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,387 [announcer] "Infowars." 3 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:12,595 Alex Jones here. 4 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:14,345 As you probably heard, 5 00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:17,220 I was banned from Facebook, Apple, and Spotify. 6 00:00:17,303 --> 00:00:19,345 You know, you advocate killing one person 7 00:00:19,428 --> 00:00:22,261 and millions of fans with dissociative identity disorder, 8 00:00:22,345 --> 00:00:24,553 and suddenly everyone loses their sense of humor. 9 00:00:24,637 --> 00:00:26,637 Yes, I am under attack, just like the Jews 10 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:28,970 in the Holocaust that may not have happened. 11 00:00:29,053 --> 00:00:29,637 [announcer] Freedom of speech. 12 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,345 Freedom of speech 13 00:00:31,428 --> 00:00:33,303 is enshrined in the Constitution. 14 00:00:33,387 --> 00:00:36,053 That means anything you do with your facehole 15 00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,345 is protected by the First Amendment, 16 00:00:38,428 --> 00:00:40,136 such as firing blow darts, 17 00:00:40,220 --> 00:00:42,261 driving a bulldozer with your teeth 18 00:00:42,345 --> 00:00:43,887 into a hospital, 19 00:00:43,970 --> 00:00:45,053 and shoving a grenade in dolphin's blowhole 20 00:00:45,136 --> 00:00:46,804 while screaming "Sayonara, Flipper!" 21 00:00:46,887 --> 00:00:47,929 [announcer] So long, Flipper. 22 00:00:48,011 --> 00:00:49,762 I am here for one reason only. 23 00:00:49,845 --> 00:00:51,303 Speaking truth to power. 24 00:00:51,387 --> 00:00:53,136 That is my singular motivation. 25 00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,011 [Alex Jones] Buy my Cortex Quake pills 26 00:00:55,095 --> 00:00:56,303 and you will not die! 27 00:00:56,387 --> 00:00:57,553 Now available in Mixed Berry. 28 00:00:57,637 --> 00:00:59,136 [announcer] Cortex Quake. 29 00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:01,095 Do not believe anyone who says these pills 30 00:01:01,178 --> 00:01:02,679 are just spray-painted Mike and Ikes. 31 00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:04,220 [announcer] No shirt. 32 00:01:04,303 --> 00:01:06,595 Let's bring on the last remaining bastion 33 00:01:06,679 --> 00:01:08,428 of logic and civility, 34 00:01:08,512 --> 00:01:10,512 -[Alex Jones] Donald Trump Jr. -I caught a big fish. 35 00:01:10,595 --> 00:01:12,470 You met with the Russians to get dirt on Hillary Clinton. 36 00:01:12,553 --> 00:01:14,303 So tell the folks why the mainstream media 37 00:01:14,387 --> 00:01:16,303 is blowing this whole thing out of proportion. 38 00:01:16,387 --> 00:01:19,095 Uh, last time I checked, there's no law that says 39 00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:21,095 you can't conspire with a foreign country. 40 00:01:21,178 --> 00:01:23,387 Right, well, except there are laws against it. 41 00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:25,470 I can get behind a complicated theory here. 42 00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,220 But you got to ground it in something. 43 00:01:27,303 --> 00:01:28,470 Look at it this way. 44 00:01:28,553 --> 00:01:30,053 Hillary colluded with Russians, 45 00:01:30,136 --> 00:01:31,387 which is bad. 46 00:01:31,470 --> 00:01:32,470 But I colluded with the Russians, 47 00:01:32,553 --> 00:01:34,345 which is good. 48 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,428 Please, do not make me be the voice of reason here. 49 00:01:36,512 --> 00:01:37,887 Let me start over. 50 00:01:37,970 --> 00:01:39,261 I caught a big fish. 51 00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:41,679 You are disconnected from reality. 52 00:01:41,762 --> 00:01:42,720 [announcer] Interview over. 53 00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:43,679 [gulping] 54 00:01:43,762 --> 00:01:46,679 1776! 55 00:01:46,762 --> 00:01:48,720 Tomorrow I will address these rumors 56 00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:50,553 that my brain is constantly spinning 57 00:01:50,637 --> 00:01:51,845 like a rotisserie chicken. 58 00:01:51,929 --> 00:01:53,053 ♪♪♪ 59 00:01:53,136 --> 00:01:54,428 [announcer] Infowars. 60 00:01:54,512 --> 00:01:55,929 ♪♪♪ 61 00:01:56,011 --> 00:01:57,720 [President Trump] Build the wall! 62 00:01:57,804 --> 00:01:59,512 Aah! 63 00:01:59,595 --> 00:02:03,095 ♪♪♪ 64 00:02:03,178 --> 00:02:05,303 Real Americans are hurting, folks. 65 00:02:05,387 --> 00:02:07,136 This morning, 66 00:02:07,220 --> 00:02:10,136 I met a 50-year-old North Dakota woman named Donna. 67 00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:12,845 Donna has no money, no job, 30 kids, 68 00:02:12,929 --> 00:02:15,095 they all live in a garbage truck with no brakes 69 00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:16,512 rolling down a hill, 70 00:02:16,595 --> 00:02:18,720 and she carries her brain around in a basket. 71 00:02:18,804 --> 00:02:20,053 But what keeps Donna going 72 00:02:20,136 --> 00:02:21,512 is knowing that, one day, 73 00:02:21,595 --> 00:02:24,220 a wall will protect our southern border 74 00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:26,679 from Mexicans fleeing for dear life. 75 00:02:26,762 --> 00:02:28,261 [crowd] Build the wall! Build the wall! 76 00:02:28,345 --> 00:02:30,011 All right, same time next week. 77 00:02:30,095 --> 00:02:32,220 You bring the unfettered rage. I'll bring the hats. 78 00:02:32,303 --> 00:02:33,637 [crowd member] When are you gonna build it? 79 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,136 I love you, too! 80 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:38,136 [Don Jr.] That rally was so sick, 81 00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:40,345 but these mobs want this wall built now. 82 00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:42,970 One guy told me to build the wall by Sunday 83 00:02:43,053 --> 00:02:45,345 or he'd choke me out with his ponytail. 84 00:02:45,428 --> 00:02:47,553 Look, I'd love to, but I don't have time 85 00:02:47,637 --> 00:02:49,095 with everything I've got going on. 86 00:02:49,178 --> 00:02:51,553 [dog barking] 87 00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:53,845 Dad, you used to actually build stuff. 88 00:02:53,929 --> 00:02:56,512 The Atlantic City boardwalk is full of buildings 89 00:02:56,595 --> 00:02:58,887 with three of the five letters of your name 90 00:02:59,011 --> 00:03:00,512 still attached. 91 00:03:00,595 --> 00:03:01,428 Remember? 92 00:03:01,512 --> 00:03:05,345 ♪♪♪ 93 00:03:05,428 --> 00:03:07,428 What happened to that guy? 94 00:03:07,512 --> 00:03:10,178 People are starting to take my declaration 95 00:03:10,261 --> 00:03:12,220 that we will build a wall literally, 96 00:03:12,303 --> 00:03:13,845 so I need a progress update. 97 00:03:13,929 --> 00:03:15,303 The, uh, budget office says 98 00:03:15,387 --> 00:03:17,220 the only way to completely fund the wall 99 00:03:17,303 --> 00:03:19,178 would be to sell Wisconsin to Qatar. 100 00:03:19,261 --> 00:03:20,553 [Mnuchin] That thing'll get built 101 00:03:20,637 --> 00:03:22,136 the day my terrible wife wins an Oscar. 102 00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:23,303 The day Tyler Perry 103 00:03:23,387 --> 00:03:25,220 casts me as the love interest in 104 00:03:25,303 --> 00:03:26,512 "Madea's Got A Boyfriend". 105 00:03:26,595 --> 00:03:27,553 Sarah? 106 00:03:27,637 --> 00:03:28,762 I am not physically able 107 00:03:28,845 --> 00:03:30,178 to express an opinion 108 00:03:30,261 --> 00:03:32,136 that is not also your opinion, 109 00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:33,720 So here's a noise instead -- 110 00:03:33,804 --> 00:03:35,553 Mmmlarm. 111 00:03:35,637 --> 00:03:37,762 Then I should tell my supporters it ain't happening. 112 00:03:37,845 --> 00:03:39,428 I'm sure they'll be chill about it. 113 00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:41,762 After all, I'm chill, and chill recognizes chill. 114 00:03:41,845 --> 00:03:45,595 [crowd] Build the wall! Build the wall! 115 00:03:45,679 --> 00:03:48,053 [President Trump] We can't do a wall right now. 116 00:03:48,136 --> 00:03:50,053 We spent a lot of money on baby cages, 117 00:03:50,136 --> 00:03:51,387 and a wall would just keep us 118 00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:53,553 from getting enough babies to fill 'em up. 119 00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:56,470 [Crowd member] We still want the wall. 120 00:03:56,553 --> 00:03:57,804 ♪♪♪ 121 00:03:57,887 --> 00:03:59,512 [announcer] Hannity. 122 00:03:59,595 --> 00:04:02,387 President Trump's bewildering speech tonight 123 00:04:02,470 --> 00:04:05,470 was clearly a deep state-funded hologram. 124 00:04:05,553 --> 00:04:07,762 Here to reassure us that everything is fine 125 00:04:07,845 --> 00:04:09,929 between him and the wall is Donald the Trump. 126 00:04:10,011 --> 00:04:11,845 There's my guy. 127 00:04:11,929 --> 00:04:13,178 Listen, sweetie... 128 00:04:13,261 --> 00:04:15,261 It's over between me and the wall. 129 00:04:15,345 --> 00:04:16,804 No. No-no-no-no-no. 130 00:04:16,887 --> 00:04:18,595 I'm a real estate mogul. 131 00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:20,345 I don't know how to build walls. 132 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,887 You weren't even trying! You disgust me! 133 00:04:22,970 --> 00:04:25,136 Get off my show! I hate you! 134 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:27,428 Wait, I don't mean that. I love you! 135 00:04:27,512 --> 00:04:29,053 No! Leave me alone! 136 00:04:29,136 --> 00:04:31,553 -Sean, I -- -Somebody get me Gorka! 137 00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:34,011 [laughs] 138 00:04:34,095 --> 00:04:37,011 It is I, Sebastian Gorka! 139 00:04:37,095 --> 00:04:39,720 Sean, my boy, let him go. 140 00:04:39,804 --> 00:04:44,136 Together, you and I shall birth a new society 141 00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:48,512 born on the iron spine of the Hungarian river hound. 142 00:04:48,595 --> 00:04:50,595 Sebby, I can't be alone right now. 143 00:04:50,679 --> 00:04:52,929 Can I come over? -Why, yes. 144 00:04:53,011 --> 00:04:55,220 I'll put a soup on the fire stove 145 00:04:55,303 --> 00:04:56,720 and cue up a flick 146 00:04:56,804 --> 00:05:00,428 by the Ruler of Rom-Coms, Nancy Meyers. 147 00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:01,720 ♪♪♪ 148 00:05:01,804 --> 00:05:03,178 How could you not endorse a wall 149 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,845 that preserves racial purity? 150 00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,512 This could be the administration's Hoover Dam, 151 00:05:07,595 --> 00:05:09,887 only the water is unaccompanied minors 152 00:05:09,970 --> 00:05:11,720 hiding in rolled up area rugs. 153 00:05:11,804 --> 00:05:13,887 Look, I got two beefy, older brothers 154 00:05:13,970 --> 00:05:15,637 who taught me to never indulge 155 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,637 in any stupid flights of fancy, 156 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,762 like building a beach cabana for my best friend Bucky. 157 00:05:20,845 --> 00:05:22,345 You knew someone named "Bucky"? 158 00:05:22,428 --> 00:05:24,095 He was my Cabbage Patch Doll. 159 00:05:24,178 --> 00:05:25,887 My brothers drop-kicked him 160 00:05:25,970 --> 00:05:27,929 and his half-finished beach cabana 161 00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:29,345 down a wishin' well, 162 00:05:29,428 --> 00:05:31,053 and my sense of wonder went with it. 163 00:05:31,136 --> 00:05:32,136 ♪♪♪ 164 00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:33,679 Well, I'm alone again. 165 00:05:33,762 --> 00:05:36,095 But one is never alone who makes noise. 166 00:05:36,178 --> 00:05:38,053 [weird noise] 167 00:05:38,136 --> 00:05:39,720 [phone buzzes] 168 00:05:39,804 --> 00:05:41,595 Ugh, don't pick it up. 169 00:05:41,679 --> 00:05:43,970 It's just Hannity singing some terrible song he wrote. 170 00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:47,303 [Hannity] ♪ When two men lose their way ♪ 171 00:05:47,387 --> 00:05:49,178 ♪ Often times it -- ♪ [cellphone beeps] 172 00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,929 Dad, can you just build the wall? 173 00:05:51,011 --> 00:05:52,053 It's impossible. 174 00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:53,553 We'll just tell everyone 175 00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:56,095 MS-13 broke up over creative differences. 176 00:05:56,178 --> 00:05:57,679 That is such bullshit! 177 00:05:57,762 --> 00:05:59,762 Everyone said it was impossible to refurbish 178 00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:01,387 the Central Park Ice Skating rink, 179 00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:03,136 but you did it. 180 00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:06,178 And you mean to tell me that building a flat wall 181 00:06:06,261 --> 00:06:08,762 is harder than building an oval ice skating rink? 182 00:06:08,845 --> 00:06:11,345 How did you think of that shape?! 183 00:06:11,428 --> 00:06:13,178 [Kushner] The skating rink was already there. 184 00:06:13,261 --> 00:06:15,762 "I'm Jared. My dimples are somehow not endearing." 185 00:06:15,845 --> 00:06:18,303 -"I know everything." -"And I'm really handsome." 186 00:06:18,387 --> 00:06:20,178 What is it about making fun of Jared 187 00:06:20,261 --> 00:06:22,595 that makes me feel like I can tackle the world? 188 00:06:22,679 --> 00:06:25,136 Family, I will build that ice skating rink 189 00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:27,011 on the Southern border! 190 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,762 So is anyone going to correct him? 191 00:06:28,845 --> 00:06:30,929 Maybe tell him to build a wall rather than an ice rink? 192 00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:32,720 -"I'm Jared." -"I'm going to jail." 193 00:06:32,804 --> 00:06:34,804 -"I know everything. -"I'm really cute." 194 00:06:34,887 --> 00:06:38,720 ♪♪♪ 195 00:06:38,804 --> 00:06:40,595 [President Trump] Breaking ground on this wall 196 00:06:40,679 --> 00:06:42,220 requires the most brilliant minds 197 00:06:42,303 --> 00:06:43,595 in government and business. 198 00:06:43,679 --> 00:06:45,929 Which is why I've selected all of you. 199 00:06:46,011 --> 00:06:48,095 I keep a glue gun in my back pocket 200 00:06:48,178 --> 00:06:49,428 if that helps! 201 00:06:49,512 --> 00:06:51,220 We're not building the whole wall. 202 00:06:51,303 --> 00:06:53,095 We just need enough to fill a camera lens. 203 00:06:53,178 --> 00:06:54,637 Length -- 100 feet. 204 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,220 Height -- taller than a man in search of freedom. 205 00:06:56,303 --> 00:06:58,762 Width -- One sixth of a 6-foot party sub. 206 00:06:58,845 --> 00:07:00,470 Uh, I'll call Senator Cruz, try to get some momentum 207 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:02,637 for an appropriations bill. -No Congress. 208 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,679 If I didn't need their help building Trump Winery, 209 00:07:04,762 --> 00:07:06,053 then I don't need their help 210 00:07:06,136 --> 00:07:07,387 building something without grapes. 211 00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:09,637 You said there'd be grapes! 212 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,595 [President Trump] I want you two to set up 213 00:07:11,679 --> 00:07:13,512 the ground-breaking ceremony at the border. 214 00:07:13,595 --> 00:07:15,428 I'd do it myself, but I don't want to. 215 00:07:15,512 --> 00:07:17,387 Sir, we're gonna break so much ground, 216 00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:19,220 we'll shift the tectonic plates 217 00:07:19,303 --> 00:07:20,845 and deluge California with lava! 218 00:07:20,929 --> 00:07:22,679 Stevie, lava's not always the answer. 219 00:07:22,762 --> 00:07:24,136 Just don't get carried away. 220 00:07:24,220 --> 00:07:26,011 I'll keep him in line. 221 00:07:26,095 --> 00:07:27,595 If he gets out of hand, I'll steal the pills he takes 222 00:07:27,679 --> 00:07:29,095 to keep his throat from closing up 223 00:07:29,178 --> 00:07:30,887 every time he sees someone happy. 224 00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:35,011 [President Trump] This is the "Donald Trump Five-Point Plan 225 00:07:35,095 --> 00:07:37,804 to Build Anything You Want Wherever You Want." 226 00:07:37,887 --> 00:07:39,845 I used it to make Atlantic City 227 00:07:39,929 --> 00:07:42,470 America's number-one family-shattering destination. 228 00:07:42,553 --> 00:07:45,053 And we're gonna use it to break ground on the wall. 229 00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:47,053 Sweet! Who are we swindling? 230 00:07:47,136 --> 00:07:48,387 We're not swindling anyone. 231 00:07:48,470 --> 00:07:50,178 We're simply inviting our friends 232 00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,512 to take part in the opportunity of a lifetime. 233 00:07:52,595 --> 00:07:54,095 Sounds like we're swindling people. 234 00:07:54,178 --> 00:07:56,720 "I was never subpoenaed by my mom." 235 00:07:56,804 --> 00:07:59,095 [President Trump] "Step one -- nail the pitch." 236 00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:00,595 [President Trump] The Southern Border 237 00:08:00,679 --> 00:08:02,887 is an amazing, amazing property. 238 00:08:02,970 --> 00:08:04,679 You got the desert, the sand, 239 00:08:04,762 --> 00:08:06,512 those big fat plants covered in forks -- 240 00:08:06,595 --> 00:08:08,220 gorgeous. 241 00:08:08,303 --> 00:08:10,637 It's the perfect place to build a wall. 242 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,387 When my father mentioned the sand, the desert, 243 00:08:13,470 --> 00:08:15,720 the forks, the gorgeous, I thought, 244 00:08:15,804 --> 00:08:18,261 "This is an amazing place to build a wall." 245 00:08:18,345 --> 00:08:19,679 [President Trump] "Trump International 246 00:08:19,762 --> 00:08:22,053 Desert Sunrise Wall" will be fabulous. 247 00:08:22,136 --> 00:08:24,720 I'd be a fool not to jump on this opportunity. 248 00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,095 Who is with me? 249 00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:28,011 That sucked. Wanna see a good video? 250 00:08:28,095 --> 00:08:29,011 [keyboard clacking] 251 00:08:29,095 --> 00:08:31,595 Hold on. Hold on. 252 00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,261 Okay! 253 00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:34,637 Oh there's an ad here. 254 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:36,762 It's -- I should be able to skip -- 255 00:08:36,845 --> 00:08:38,637 Nope, it's not a skippable one. 256 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,345 I swear it's so worth it. 257 00:08:40,428 --> 00:08:43,595 Okay, and it's...done! 258 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:46,095 [man] Splish splash! It's speedboat fails! 259 00:08:46,178 --> 00:08:49,053 [man] The funniest and fastest fatal disasters! 260 00:08:49,136 --> 00:08:50,929 -That's gonna leave a mark! -That's gonna leave a mark! 261 00:08:51,011 --> 00:08:52,303 [man] Ha-ha! 262 00:08:52,387 --> 00:08:53,887 [President Trump] "Step two -- 263 00:08:53,970 --> 00:08:54,845 secure the investors." 264 00:08:54,929 --> 00:08:56,136 When raising cash, 265 00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,470 you always start with the easiest marks. 266 00:08:58,553 --> 00:09:01,345 I bet these rubes have a sick nest egg tucked away. 267 00:09:01,428 --> 00:09:03,512 Now, Karen, don't agree to anything, 268 00:09:03,595 --> 00:09:05,303 unless he really wants you to. 269 00:09:05,387 --> 00:09:07,804 Mike, Karen, I wanna get you two 270 00:09:07,887 --> 00:09:10,845 in on the ground floor of this amazing wall project. 271 00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,345 Ooh! 272 00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:15,011 It'll just require some capital on your end. 273 00:09:15,095 --> 00:09:17,387 How much can I put you down for? 274 00:09:17,470 --> 00:09:19,470 Let's see. I got my coin from France, 275 00:09:19,553 --> 00:09:21,303 a punch card to the yarn store, 276 00:09:21,387 --> 00:09:23,220 and a wrapped mint so I -- 277 00:09:23,303 --> 00:09:24,637 You're useless. And Mike? 278 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:26,970 I'm afraid the contents of Karen's tote 279 00:09:27,053 --> 00:09:28,720 is all we have to our name. 280 00:09:28,804 --> 00:09:30,387 Oh, and the 401(k). 281 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:31,679 Ooh. How much is in there? 282 00:09:31,762 --> 00:09:32,887 After our rabbit 283 00:09:32,970 --> 00:09:34,720 got pregnant before marriage... 284 00:09:34,804 --> 00:09:36,136 -Nice! -...we had to spend 285 00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:37,929 all but $37 sending her 286 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,512 to an Irish workhouse for fallen women. 287 00:09:40,595 --> 00:09:42,804 Fine, I'll take that $37. 288 00:09:42,887 --> 00:09:44,053 And give me that mint. 289 00:09:44,136 --> 00:09:45,679 ♪♪♪ 290 00:09:45,762 --> 00:09:47,136 And at the top of the wall, 291 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,220 we'll have a squadron of roving archers 292 00:09:49,303 --> 00:09:50,762 whose bows rain flaming arrows 293 00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:52,095 down upon their foes! 294 00:09:52,178 --> 00:09:53,595 Hell, no, we're not doing that. 295 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,220 I've had 40 great flaming-arrow ideas 296 00:09:56,303 --> 00:09:57,553 in the last 20 minutes 297 00:09:57,637 --> 00:09:59,303 and you've rejected each one. 298 00:09:59,387 --> 00:10:01,220 Me thinks the archer is thee. 299 00:10:01,303 --> 00:10:03,220 If we build something big and showy, 300 00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,595 we're just setting up everyone for disappointment 301 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:07,637 when our boss doesn't finish the job. 302 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,345 But he will finish the job 303 00:10:09,428 --> 00:10:11,845 if we remind him of his illustrious past 304 00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:14,929 building the boardwalk's flashiest cultural abominations. 305 00:10:15,011 --> 00:10:17,011 Relax, the only way he's finishing that wall 306 00:10:17,095 --> 00:10:18,929 is if it's covered in horsey sauce. 307 00:10:19,011 --> 00:10:21,637 [President Trump] "Step three -- break ground." 308 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,595 How are we supposed to afford this groundbreaking 309 00:10:24,679 --> 00:10:27,011 when we only have Pence's 37 bucks 310 00:10:27,095 --> 00:10:28,387 and a half-sucked mint? 311 00:10:28,470 --> 00:10:30,553 Maybe I've lost my touch. 312 00:10:30,637 --> 00:10:32,470 Why are things I want to happen not happening?! 313 00:10:32,553 --> 00:10:34,261 There must be something we can do... 314 00:10:34,345 --> 00:10:37,136 Um, "Blackmail Ed Koch." No. 315 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,428 "Cash your tenants' disability checks"? 316 00:10:39,512 --> 00:10:41,387 No. Wait a second. 317 00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:44,261 If we say the wall is for science or whatever, 318 00:10:44,345 --> 00:10:46,095 we could get... 319 00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,637 [all]...a federal grant with little to no oversight! 320 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:50,387 -Oh, Daddy. -Oversight! 321 00:10:50,470 --> 00:10:52,178 Yeah, great idea we just had. 322 00:10:52,845 --> 00:10:54,011 There. Job done. 323 00:10:54,095 --> 00:10:55,011 [crow caws] 324 00:10:55,095 --> 00:10:56,470 Unacceptable! 325 00:10:56,553 --> 00:10:58,428 This groundbreaking ceremony 326 00:10:58,512 --> 00:11:00,679 must inspire Donald to build a wall 327 00:11:00,762 --> 00:11:02,679 that will stand for 10,000 eons! 328 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:05,178 What happened to your sense of imagination? 329 00:11:05,261 --> 00:11:07,387 When the press corps' cameras turn off, 330 00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:08,804 so does my imagination. 331 00:11:08,887 --> 00:11:10,428 Close your eyes, Sarah, 332 00:11:10,512 --> 00:11:12,178 and picture Bucky's beach cabana. 333 00:11:12,261 --> 00:11:13,595 What do you see? 334 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:15,553 No, that was a stupid child's dream, 335 00:11:15,637 --> 00:11:16,762 and I'm not doing it. 336 00:11:16,845 --> 00:11:18,303 A thatched roof? 337 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:20,804 A chair, perhaps? 338 00:11:20,887 --> 00:11:21,845 Two chairs. 339 00:11:21,929 --> 00:11:23,220 One for Bucky 340 00:11:23,303 --> 00:11:25,345 and one for his work friend, Deb! 341 00:11:25,428 --> 00:11:26,637 Now whatever you did 342 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,428 to imagine Bucky's beach cabana, 343 00:11:28,512 --> 00:11:29,762 do the same thing 344 00:11:29,845 --> 00:11:32,178 for President Trump's big, sexy wall! 345 00:11:32,261 --> 00:11:34,178 ♪♪♪ 346 00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:38,136 ♪♪♪ 347 00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:39,720 I'm Wolf Blitzer. 348 00:11:39,804 --> 00:11:41,929 Welcome to "The Situation Face." 349 00:11:42,011 --> 00:11:43,679 President Trump will host 350 00:11:43,762 --> 00:11:46,095 a border-wall groundbreaking ceremony 351 00:11:46,178 --> 00:11:49,637 funded by a grant from the National Science Foundation. 352 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,887 I'd go, but when I leave the studio, 353 00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:54,679 I get spooked and hide in the nearest barn. 354 00:11:54,762 --> 00:11:57,887 [President Trump] "Step four -- ribbon-cutting ceremony." 355 00:11:57,970 --> 00:12:00,220 Thank you to the National Science Foundation 356 00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:02,387 for providing the funds necessary 357 00:12:02,470 --> 00:12:05,303 for the International Desert Sunrise Wall 358 00:12:05,387 --> 00:12:07,762 and Crested Gecko Research Center. 359 00:12:07,845 --> 00:12:11,261 We will now keep MS-13 out of our country 360 00:12:11,345 --> 00:12:14,095 and discover how geckos' vascular systems 361 00:12:14,178 --> 00:12:15,804 respond to UV light. 362 00:12:15,887 --> 00:12:16,804 [crowd cheering] 363 00:12:16,887 --> 00:12:18,804 [man] I love geckos! 364 00:12:18,887 --> 00:12:21,387 An awe-inspiring display that pleases the president 365 00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:23,553 and that no sane person would ever approach! 366 00:12:23,637 --> 00:12:25,053 Great work, Sarah. 367 00:12:25,136 --> 00:12:27,512 It's like 30 years of repressed whimsy 368 00:12:27,595 --> 00:12:28,720 just spilled out of me. 369 00:12:28,804 --> 00:12:30,345 I didn't know what I was missing 370 00:12:30,428 --> 00:12:31,762 until you showed me, 371 00:12:31,845 --> 00:12:33,387 you little fetus-lookin' weird alien guy! 372 00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:34,970 A lot of people said 373 00:12:35,053 --> 00:12:37,345 that I'd never break ground on this wall, 374 00:12:37,428 --> 00:12:38,887 including myself. 375 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:40,387 At my lowest point, 376 00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:42,970 I even considered abandoning nationalism 377 00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:45,345 in favor of a borderless world government 378 00:12:45,428 --> 00:12:48,136 where all humans are treated equally, 379 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:50,220 but then I looked at my children 380 00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:53,929 and remembered that all people are not equal. 381 00:12:54,011 --> 00:12:55,970 [crowd] Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! 382 00:12:56,053 --> 00:12:58,345 My next guest is President Trump, 383 00:12:58,428 --> 00:13:01,387 who has just swept me off my feet all over again. 384 00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:02,720 Sean, I'm back, 385 00:13:02,804 --> 00:13:04,470 and I am not going anywhere. 386 00:13:04,553 --> 00:13:05,970 I'm scared of how much 387 00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,887 I want to believe you right now. 388 00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:09,637 So, is the wall for real? 389 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,929 The wall is off to a tremendous start... 390 00:13:12,011 --> 00:13:15,095 Start? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean "start"? 391 00:13:15,178 --> 00:13:16,929 Well, it's a big project, Sean. 392 00:13:17,011 --> 00:13:19,762 Donald, please do not do this to me again. 393 00:13:19,845 --> 00:13:23,011 I thought you were the man who could build anything. 394 00:13:23,095 --> 00:13:25,845 Or was that just another lie? -Do not fear, Sean! 395 00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:27,387 Gorka is here 396 00:13:27,470 --> 00:13:30,428 with "Father of the Bride" on Blu-ray disc. 397 00:13:30,512 --> 00:13:32,970 [laughs] 398 00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:37,345 [Don Jr.] Dad, you used to actually build stuff. 399 00:13:37,428 --> 00:13:39,553 Wait! Wait. What I was going to say 400 00:13:39,637 --> 00:13:41,595 is that, by the end of this year, 401 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:43,345 the wall is going to be 402 00:13:43,428 --> 00:13:46,136 three walls deep and four walls high. 403 00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:47,595 Oh, thank God. 404 00:13:47,679 --> 00:13:49,970 I'm just so glad to have you back, baby. 405 00:13:50,053 --> 00:13:53,011 What do you want to do? Go -- Go for a walk? 406 00:13:53,095 --> 00:13:55,387 I-I kinda just want to sit here and be with you in this moment. 407 00:13:55,470 --> 00:13:57,845 And now, it's time for the fifth and final step -- 408 00:13:57,929 --> 00:13:59,929 "screw over everyone." 409 00:14:00,011 --> 00:14:03,011 Let's deposit what's left of this federal grant 410 00:14:03,095 --> 00:14:04,887 and sue the government for giving it to us. 411 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:07,053 -Yas queen! -I married one of the geckos. 412 00:14:07,136 --> 00:14:08,845 Can I keep it? 413 00:14:08,929 --> 00:14:10,470 Kids, normally, I'd be all for 414 00:14:10,553 --> 00:14:11,762 pocketing that science money 415 00:14:11,845 --> 00:14:13,637 and leaving the geckos to shrivel, 416 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,512 but this time feels different. 417 00:14:15,595 --> 00:14:18,220 I think I need to finally do the right thing -- 418 00:14:18,303 --> 00:14:19,845 build this wall 419 00:14:19,929 --> 00:14:21,804 and keep out all those Antonio Banderas-types. 420 00:14:21,887 --> 00:14:24,178 I've never been prouder to be your dad. 421 00:14:24,261 --> 00:14:26,929 I mean, uh, be my son. Shit! Fuck! 422 00:14:27,011 --> 00:14:29,220 Stevie, you did too much, and I love it. 423 00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:30,970 I want you to see the rest of the wall through. 424 00:14:31,053 --> 00:14:32,470 [shouts] 425 00:14:32,553 --> 00:14:34,011 I will build a wall so high, astronauts will see 426 00:14:34,095 --> 00:14:35,804 pregnant immigrants being detained 427 00:14:35,887 --> 00:14:37,178 from space. 428 00:14:37,261 --> 00:14:38,470 I'd like to help, sir. 429 00:14:38,553 --> 00:14:40,011 What can I say? 430 00:14:40,095 --> 00:14:41,470 You crammed my head full of possibility. 431 00:14:41,553 --> 00:14:44,804 ♪♪♪ 432 00:14:44,887 --> 00:14:46,679 You ever thought about wearing a hat? 433 00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:47,845 Because you got a big ol' head 434 00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:49,720 and the sun is just going nuts on it. 435 00:14:49,804 --> 00:14:52,136 [President Trump] All right, investment club, 436 00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:53,887 we're building the rest of the wall. 437 00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,887 Time to pony up more casheesh. 438 00:14:55,970 --> 00:14:57,136 Fat chance. 439 00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:58,679 Your money pit somehow made Mike Pence 440 00:14:58,762 --> 00:15:00,470 poorer than he already was. 441 00:15:00,553 --> 00:15:03,011 I had to sell little patches of my clothes 442 00:15:03,095 --> 00:15:04,512 to Karen's quilting group. 443 00:15:04,595 --> 00:15:06,679 By the way, I need that money for stamps 444 00:15:06,762 --> 00:15:08,053 to send thank-you notes 445 00:15:08,136 --> 00:15:09,804 to everyone who bought patches. 446 00:15:09,887 --> 00:15:11,470 [Pence] Darn, darn, darn! 447 00:15:11,553 --> 00:15:12,804 [Acosta] Sarah, realistically, 448 00:15:12,887 --> 00:15:14,845 how much wall can you actually build? 449 00:15:14,929 --> 00:15:17,053 -All of it. -And who's gonna pay for it? 450 00:15:17,136 --> 00:15:19,095 You ain't, Jim, so why you worrying about it? 451 00:15:19,178 --> 00:15:20,428 -What about -- -Naw, shut up. 452 00:15:20,512 --> 00:15:22,303 I'm talking to Jim Acosta today. 453 00:15:22,387 --> 00:15:23,845 Jim, you got another question? 454 00:15:23,929 --> 00:15:25,261 Will this wall have any impact at all 455 00:15:25,345 --> 00:15:26,804 on illegal -- 456 00:15:26,887 --> 00:15:28,053 I'm gonna just lay it out for you. 457 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,804 I didn't think this wall was gonna happen. 458 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,261 I thought it was dumber 459 00:15:31,345 --> 00:15:33,011 than a pig listening to the Jerky Boys, 460 00:15:33,095 --> 00:15:35,595 but then a little dude named Stephen Miller 461 00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:38,387 opened a part of my brain I didn't know I had. 462 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:40,887 Now I believe that anything is possible. 463 00:15:40,970 --> 00:15:42,679 That didn't answer my question about illegal immigration. 464 00:15:42,762 --> 00:15:45,720 I'll elaborate after I shove my boot in your butt. 465 00:15:45,804 --> 00:15:47,387 Hoo, I am fired up today. 466 00:15:47,470 --> 00:15:49,387 [President Trump] You're telling me 467 00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,804 not one single entrepreneur, congressperson, 468 00:15:51,887 --> 00:15:54,595 or shady arms dealer with a fanny pack full of passports 469 00:15:54,679 --> 00:15:55,887 is willing to help me finish this wall? 470 00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:56,970 -Yup. -Yup. 471 00:15:57,053 --> 00:15:59,261 Wow. If you ever want to find out 472 00:15:59,345 --> 00:16:01,095 who your real friends are, 473 00:16:01,178 --> 00:16:03,970 ask them to bankroll a 2,000-mile monstrosity. 474 00:16:04,053 --> 00:16:06,178 Dad, do you think maybe you let Hannity 475 00:16:06,261 --> 00:16:08,470 and all those wild-eyed, screaming fanatics 476 00:16:08,553 --> 00:16:09,970 get to your head? 477 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,178 You could've just taken that grant money 478 00:16:12,261 --> 00:16:14,470 and opened the first all-shade golf course 479 00:16:14,553 --> 00:16:16,011 packed with trees. 480 00:16:16,095 --> 00:16:18,595 I don't know -- I'm not the golf child. 481 00:16:18,679 --> 00:16:20,136 I am the golf child. 482 00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:21,553 I am the golf child! 483 00:16:21,637 --> 00:16:23,553 Dad, tell him I'm the golf child! 484 00:16:23,637 --> 00:16:26,220 Just get out of my office. I got some bad stuff to do. 485 00:16:26,303 --> 00:16:27,553 Why did you say you're the golf child? 486 00:16:27,637 --> 00:16:28,303 You know I'm the golf child. 487 00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,970 ♪♪♪ 488 00:16:30,053 --> 00:16:31,637 Sarah, you were amazing up there! 489 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,095 I've never seen Jim Acosta sweat from his eyeballs. 490 00:16:34,178 --> 00:16:35,887 Thanks. Speaking of Acosta, 491 00:16:35,970 --> 00:16:37,387 that stuff he brought up, 492 00:16:37,470 --> 00:16:39,303 I don't have to worry, right? 493 00:16:39,387 --> 00:16:42,011 Like, the rest of this wall is gonna get built, right? 494 00:16:42,095 --> 00:16:43,845 Sarah, look me in the forehead. 495 00:16:43,929 --> 00:16:46,345 I've never been more certain of anything in my life. 496 00:16:46,428 --> 00:16:49,553 Now, to ending the scourge of... 497 00:16:49,637 --> 00:16:51,345 I'll tell you later. 498 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:55,345 [all] Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! Tell us! 499 00:16:55,428 --> 00:16:56,804 I got the wall money. 500 00:16:56,887 --> 00:16:58,345 -Yay! -Wow! 501 00:16:58,428 --> 00:17:00,845 -How'd you get it? -Oh, shut the hell up. 502 00:17:00,929 --> 00:17:03,512 Putin. I guarantee you. Putin. 503 00:17:03,595 --> 00:17:05,470 What? No! 504 00:17:05,553 --> 00:17:07,261 It hadn't even occurred to me. 505 00:17:07,345 --> 00:17:09,595 but if I did, don't worry. I used a nice, secure-- 506 00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:11,428 ...Cell phone to call Vladimir Putin, 507 00:17:11,512 --> 00:17:13,178 who agreed to give the president 508 00:17:13,261 --> 00:17:15,261 the necessary funding for the border wall, 509 00:17:15,345 --> 00:17:17,387 leaving the president indebted to the interests 510 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:18,762 of a hostile nation. 511 00:17:18,845 --> 00:17:20,220 According to our source, 512 00:17:20,303 --> 00:17:22,053 the president already promised Putin 513 00:17:22,136 --> 00:17:24,011 oil drilling rights in Alaska 514 00:17:24,095 --> 00:17:26,428 and an 'anything goes' night alone with the Liberty Bell. 515 00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,387 Here's the president addressing the nation. 516 00:17:28,470 --> 00:17:31,929 My fellow Americans, I gave the money back, okay? 517 00:17:32,011 --> 00:17:34,762 And yes, before you ask, with interest. 518 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,261 So, I think we can drop this. 519 00:17:36,345 --> 00:17:37,720 And, by the way, 520 00:17:37,804 --> 00:17:39,387 the wall is just going on short hiatus. 521 00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:41,887 When it comes back, it'll be ten feet higher, 522 00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:45,261 MS-13, blah, blah, blah, blah. Phew. 523 00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:47,887 Miller, you opened my eyes to a world with a wall in it, 524 00:17:47,970 --> 00:17:49,095 and now that wall is dead. 525 00:17:49,178 --> 00:17:51,512 Uh, were we watching the same report? 526 00:17:51,595 --> 00:17:53,720 Because I heard the words "ten feet higher." 527 00:17:53,804 --> 00:17:55,595 From now on, I'm only gonna believe in things 528 00:17:55,679 --> 00:17:57,303 I already see right in front of my face, 529 00:17:57,387 --> 00:17:58,970 like the beetle that just crawled in your one ear 530 00:17:59,053 --> 00:18:00,345 and came out the other. 531 00:18:00,428 --> 00:18:02,720 Sarah, the wall is going to happen, 532 00:18:02,804 --> 00:18:05,804 and we'll make it together, spikes and all. 533 00:18:05,887 --> 00:18:07,470 I wish I could believe that, 534 00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:09,387 but your forehead lied to me. 535 00:18:09,470 --> 00:18:11,845 You know the worst part about all of this? 536 00:18:11,929 --> 00:18:13,887 I was beginning to like you. 537 00:18:13,970 --> 00:18:16,261 [screeches, cries] 538 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:18,929 Oh, Jesus Christ, is that how you cry!? 539 00:18:19,011 --> 00:18:21,470 Stop it. It's making my teeth hurt. 540 00:18:21,553 --> 00:18:24,804 [Ivanka] The best part about this all-shade golf course 541 00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:27,470 is that I, Donald Trump, am not involved. 542 00:18:27,553 --> 00:18:29,512 What the hell is this? 543 00:18:29,595 --> 00:18:32,970 Excuse me, we have this room booked for another hour. 544 00:18:33,053 --> 00:18:35,095 So now you guys are building stuff without me? 545 00:18:35,178 --> 00:18:37,762 I'm sorry, Daddy, but this whole wall debacle 546 00:18:37,845 --> 00:18:40,345 shows that you've lost your touch. 547 00:18:40,428 --> 00:18:43,345 Now, Karen, hand over that coin from France. 548 00:18:43,428 --> 00:18:45,845 [Karen] One less thing to pack in my Rapture duffel. 549 00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:48,095 ♪♪♪ 550 00:18:48,178 --> 00:18:50,804 [Hannity] I'm here now with the man 551 00:18:50,887 --> 00:18:52,887 who should be president, 552 00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:54,720 Sebastian Gorka. 553 00:18:54,804 --> 00:18:56,178 As we all know, 554 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:59,053 89 percent of all illegal immigrants 555 00:18:59,136 --> 00:19:01,136 arrive via parachute, 556 00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:03,053 which is why I propose a deterrent 557 00:19:03,136 --> 00:19:05,345 far superior to a wall -- 558 00:19:05,428 --> 00:19:07,178 a bubble-dome. 559 00:19:07,261 --> 00:19:09,553 We shall hire the cheapest labor 560 00:19:09,637 --> 00:19:12,553 from the hill-caves of Macedonia. 561 00:19:12,637 --> 00:19:14,261 [Hannity] When we come back, 562 00:19:14,345 --> 00:19:16,470 did the wrong side win the Cold War? 563 00:19:16,553 --> 00:19:17,512 [crow caws] 564 00:19:17,595 --> 00:19:19,345 So, if this wall is 100 feet, 565 00:19:19,428 --> 00:19:23,428 then we just need to build 100,000 more of these. 566 00:19:23,512 --> 00:19:27,553 I feel as Sisyphus when he pushed a huge wall 567 00:19:27,637 --> 00:19:28,929 up a huge wall. 568 00:19:29,011 --> 00:19:30,929 But this is my destiny, 569 00:19:31,011 --> 00:19:33,887 and I must forge on... alone. 570 00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:36,845 Oh, no, I'm getting a tan! 571 00:19:36,929 --> 00:19:38,303 [Acosta] Now that the wall is dead, 572 00:19:38,387 --> 00:19:41,261 will the president revive his infrastructure bill? 573 00:19:41,345 --> 00:19:43,011 It's really messed up when someone puts a bunch 574 00:19:43,095 --> 00:19:44,595 of big ol' dreams in your head 575 00:19:44,679 --> 00:19:46,595 and then you find out the dreams are all bullshit, 576 00:19:46,679 --> 00:19:48,595 so you get your husband to shake your head 577 00:19:48,679 --> 00:19:50,553 to get the dreams out, but it only makes you dizzy, 578 00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:53,220 then you gotta talk to dumbass Jim Acosta. 579 00:19:53,303 --> 00:19:55,970 A follow-up question -- is everything okay? 580 00:19:56,053 --> 00:19:58,261 No, Jim, I am falling apart at the seams. 581 00:19:58,345 --> 00:19:59,929 Everybody out! 582 00:20:00,011 --> 00:20:01,804 Go on! Get out! 583 00:20:01,887 --> 00:20:03,387 [President Trump] [sighs] 584 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:04,887 Hey, did you and Ivanka get in a fight? 585 00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:06,595 Because she just told me 586 00:20:06,679 --> 00:20:08,220 she wanted to change her last name from "Trump" to "LLC". 587 00:20:08,303 --> 00:20:10,220 She's disappointed in me. They all are. 588 00:20:10,303 --> 00:20:12,553 I tried to build a wall and only managed 589 00:20:12,637 --> 00:20:15,011 to swindle one person out of their 401(k). 590 00:20:15,095 --> 00:20:16,762 Yeah, I just saw Karen heading to the docks 591 00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:18,220 to sell Mike's shirt as a fishing net. 592 00:20:18,303 --> 00:20:19,804 [Karen] No tax, 593 00:20:19,887 --> 00:20:22,261 but you do have to point me to the bus stop! 594 00:20:22,345 --> 00:20:24,178 Are you here to crap on me, too? 595 00:20:24,261 --> 00:20:26,345 Hey, before this week, I knew you just as the guy 596 00:20:26,428 --> 00:20:28,387 who would license his name for a quick buck. 597 00:20:28,470 --> 00:20:30,762 But, then, you actually tried to build something, 598 00:20:30,845 --> 00:20:32,011 and not for yourself, 599 00:20:32,095 --> 00:20:33,762 but because a bunch of racists wanted it. 600 00:20:33,845 --> 00:20:35,637 And that's worth something. 601 00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:37,011 Thanks, Jared. 602 00:20:37,095 --> 00:20:38,970 I've been meaning to tell you... 603 00:20:39,053 --> 00:20:40,637 Ooh, I'm Jared. I say nice things. 604 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,261 My father-in-law doesn't know 605 00:20:42,345 --> 00:20:43,553 what his daughter sees in me... 606 00:20:43,637 --> 00:20:45,553 ♪♪♪ 607 00:20:45,637 --> 00:20:47,762 [Bolton] Wall wall wall wall wall. 608 00:20:47,845 --> 00:20:50,261 Wall wall wall wall wall. 609 00:20:50,345 --> 00:20:53,095 Sarah! Get your head out of the clouds! 610 00:20:53,178 --> 00:20:55,178 Um, sorry. You were talking about...? 611 00:20:55,261 --> 00:20:57,762 I was saying, "Iran Iran Iran. 612 00:20:57,845 --> 00:20:59,804 Iran Iran Iran Iran." 613 00:21:00,136 --> 00:21:01,679 I'll just come back later. 614 00:21:01,762 --> 00:21:05,929 ♪♪♪ 615 00:21:06,011 --> 00:21:10,136 ♪ With all this talk of pragmatism ♪ 616 00:21:13,011 --> 00:21:18,470 ♪ I failed to see the scope of his nationalist dreams ♪ 617 00:21:19,929 --> 00:21:24,261 ♪ With all this talk of keeping out the immigrants ♪ 618 00:21:24,345 --> 00:21:26,261 ♪ Ooh ♪ 619 00:21:26,345 --> 00:21:29,470 ♪ A friend has passed me by, it seems ♪ 620 00:21:30,762 --> 00:21:34,220 ♪ All the things I'd do for you ♪ 621 00:21:34,303 --> 00:21:39,637 ♪ I'd build a wall for Muslims, too ♪ 622 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,053 ♪ We should've built it up together ♪ 623 00:21:42,136 --> 00:21:43,804 ♪ Built it up together ♪ 624 00:21:43,887 --> 00:21:46,303 ♪ In 100 degree weather ♪ 625 00:21:46,387 --> 00:21:53,095 ♪ And become the greatest oppressors of all time ♪ 626 00:21:53,178 --> 00:22:00,136 ♪ We could've been the greatest of all time ♪ 627 00:22:00,220 --> 00:22:02,428 [coughs] God, I'm dying. 628 00:22:02,512 --> 00:22:05,553 When that border agent offered me salt or water, 629 00:22:05,637 --> 00:22:07,303 I should've taken water. 630 00:22:07,387 --> 00:22:08,679 What the...? 631 00:22:12,762 --> 00:22:14,512 [gasps] 632 00:22:14,595 --> 00:22:16,178 [Ivanka] And who, you ask, 633 00:22:16,261 --> 00:22:18,303 will run this all-shade golf course? 634 00:22:18,387 --> 00:22:20,720 Why, my golf-child, Ivanka. 635 00:22:20,804 --> 00:22:23,136 Oh, Ivanka, that's such bullshit! 636 00:22:23,220 --> 00:22:25,303 Family, I apologize. 637 00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:28,136 Since I took office, I've done a lot of talking 638 00:22:28,220 --> 00:22:30,136 and finally wanted to do something real. 639 00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:31,470 Like you, Don Jr., 640 00:22:31,553 --> 00:22:33,387 when you set the unofficial record 641 00:22:33,470 --> 00:22:35,512 for tallest pile of burning mattresses. 642 00:22:35,595 --> 00:22:37,136 -Two! -And, Eric, 643 00:22:37,220 --> 00:22:39,345 remember when you made a house for turtles, 644 00:22:39,428 --> 00:22:41,595 but then saw a turtle for the first time, 645 00:22:41,679 --> 00:22:43,762 and realized you just made a house for people? 646 00:22:43,845 --> 00:22:45,804 No! Stop bringing it up! 647 00:22:45,887 --> 00:22:48,345 And, Ivanka, remember, uh... 648 00:22:48,428 --> 00:22:50,720 Yes, Daddy, I do! 649 00:22:50,804 --> 00:22:53,095 You all made something that will outlive yourselves, 650 00:22:53,178 --> 00:22:54,720 something I used to do. 651 00:22:54,804 --> 00:22:56,178 And with this wall, 652 00:22:56,261 --> 00:22:58,095 I just wanted to have that feeling again. 653 00:22:58,178 --> 00:22:59,720 We forgive you, Daddy, 654 00:22:59,804 --> 00:23:01,261 but I'm not sure 655 00:23:01,345 --> 00:23:03,679 if 38 percent of the American public will. 656 00:23:04,220 --> 00:23:05,804 He showed up at my door last night 657 00:23:05,887 --> 00:23:07,178 all covered in cactus forks. 658 00:23:07,261 --> 00:23:09,178 Stephen, tell him what you told me. 659 00:23:09,261 --> 00:23:13,804 [weakly] I've seen the wall. 660 00:23:13,887 --> 00:23:15,804 And it's magnificent. 661 00:23:15,887 --> 00:23:17,929 [groans] -Yeah! 662 00:23:18,011 --> 00:23:20,804 I'm Wolf Blitzer. I'm still Wolf Blitzer. 663 00:23:20,887 --> 00:23:22,720 President Trump is about to reveal 664 00:23:22,804 --> 00:23:25,011 the future of the Southern border wall 665 00:23:25,095 --> 00:23:26,345 to his supporters, 666 00:23:26,428 --> 00:23:28,720 who are deeply concerned it won't happen. 667 00:23:28,804 --> 00:23:31,303 You should've seen me play volleyball in middle school. 668 00:23:31,387 --> 00:23:32,845 I could've been one of the greats. 669 00:23:32,929 --> 00:23:34,136 [crowd] Build the wall! 670 00:23:34,220 --> 00:23:35,845 I'm proud to announce 671 00:23:35,929 --> 00:23:38,428 that we have finally built the wall! 672 00:23:38,512 --> 00:23:40,595 -[man] What? -[woman] Where is it? 673 00:23:40,679 --> 00:23:43,428 You'll never see it unless you wander this desert 674 00:23:43,512 --> 00:23:45,387 on the brink of death. 675 00:23:45,470 --> 00:23:48,136 You see, America is the land of empty, symbolic gestures, 676 00:23:48,220 --> 00:23:50,804 like the inscription on the Statue of Liberty, 677 00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:53,053 Black History Month, and recycling. 678 00:23:53,136 --> 00:23:54,595 And The Wall is 679 00:23:54,679 --> 00:23:56,679 the biggest, emptiest, symbolic gesture of all. 680 00:23:56,762 --> 00:23:59,428 It's a mirage, glistening in the desert. 681 00:23:59,512 --> 00:24:01,887 But the real wall -- the wall that keeps people 682 00:24:01,970 --> 00:24:03,929 from ever assimilating in our society -- 683 00:24:04,011 --> 00:24:05,428 is in here... 684 00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:07,220 ...our hearts. 685 00:24:07,303 --> 00:24:09,637 Every time we sneer at a Mexican woman 686 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,011 ahead of us in line at the grocery store, 687 00:24:12,095 --> 00:24:13,512 that's the wall. 688 00:24:13,595 --> 00:24:15,470 Every time we blame affirmative action 689 00:24:15,553 --> 00:24:17,970 for our dumb kids not getting into Rutgers, 690 00:24:18,053 --> 00:24:19,011 that's the wall. 691 00:24:19,095 --> 00:24:20,804 Do you see it now? 692 00:24:20,887 --> 00:24:23,053 -[man] I see it! -[woman] I see it, too! 693 00:24:23,136 --> 00:24:25,303 -[man] Yeah! -It looks good, people. 694 00:24:25,387 --> 00:24:28,637 [crowd] We built the wall! We built the wall! 695 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,053 [all] Dad built the wall! Dad built the wall! 696 00:24:32,136 --> 00:24:33,595 We did it, Sarah, 697 00:24:33,679 --> 00:24:35,387 and we didn't even need flaming arrows. 698 00:24:35,470 --> 00:24:37,845 Let the mass deportations begin! 699 00:24:37,929 --> 00:24:40,470 [laughs] All in good time, little, weird guy. 700 00:24:40,553 --> 00:24:41,845 All in good time. 701 00:24:41,929 --> 00:24:44,762 Donald Trump got down on one knee 702 00:24:44,845 --> 00:24:48,220 and presented me with the shiniest diamond of all -- 703 00:24:48,303 --> 00:24:51,136 a border wall that stretches ten billion miles 704 00:24:51,220 --> 00:24:53,470 and is as wide as a fool's heart. 705 00:24:53,553 --> 00:24:55,303 Let's bring him out, 706 00:24:55,387 --> 00:24:57,887 my baby, President Donald J. Trump. 707 00:24:57,970 --> 00:25:00,637 Hi, Sean. Helluva wall I built, huh? 708 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,136 I don't know why I left you, Donald. 709 00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:05,095 You're the only one who knows 710 00:25:05,178 --> 00:25:07,220 where to find my racism G-spot. 711 00:25:07,303 --> 00:25:09,095 I'm truly proud of you two. 712 00:25:09,178 --> 00:25:12,303 This must be what Sir Henry the Mighty felt 713 00:25:12,387 --> 00:25:15,470 when he gazed upon the killing fields of yore. 714 00:25:15,553 --> 00:25:17,679 But you have not seen the last 715 00:25:17,762 --> 00:25:20,470 of the Dragon of Budapest! 716 00:25:20,553 --> 00:25:23,720 Gooorkkkaaa! 717 00:25:23,804 --> 00:25:25,679 ['80s-style pop music plays] 718 00:25:25,762 --> 00:25:28,345 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 719 00:25:28,428 --> 00:25:31,804 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 720 00:25:31,887 --> 00:25:34,136 ♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪ 721 00:25:34,220 --> 00:25:35,845 ♪ Yes, he is ♪ 722 00:25:35,929 --> 00:25:39,303 ♪ Yes, he is, we elected him president ♪ 723 00:25:39,387 --> 00:25:41,512 ♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪ 724 00:25:41,595 --> 00:25:43,553 ♪ Yes, he is ♪ 725 00:25:43,637 --> 00:25:46,095 ♪ We had a vote and elected him president ♪ 726 00:25:46,178 --> 00:25:50,679 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 727 00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:54,637 ♪ Donald Trump ♪ 728 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,428 ♪ He is our president ♪ 729 00:25:58,512 --> 00:26:01,512 ♪ We made him president ♪ 730 00:26:01,595 --> 00:26:04,011 ♪ We did it ♪ 731 00:26:04,095 --> 00:26:07,178 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 732 00:26:07,261 --> 00:26:11,553 ♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪ 733 00:26:11,637 --> 00:26:14,345 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 734 00:26:14,428 --> 00:26:18,136 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 735 00:26:18,220 --> 00:26:20,845 ♪ Yeah ♪ 736 00:26:20,929 --> 00:26:22,512 Trump! 737 00:26:22,562 --> 00:26:27,112 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 53984

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