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1
00:00:04,918 --> 00:00:06,351
- Good morning, roomies.
- (giggling)
2
00:00:06,353 --> 00:00:08,599
Thank you for both being
fully clothed today...
3
00:00:09,589 --> 00:00:10,787
so far.
4
00:00:11,868 --> 00:00:13,868
And thank you for not
walking in two minutes ago.
5
00:00:13,894 --> 00:00:15,226
(both chuckling)
6
00:00:15,437 --> 00:00:17,126
Uck, straight people.
7
00:00:19,198 --> 00:00:21,866
- So how you feeling, Mommy?
- Pretty good, Daddy.
8
00:00:21,869 --> 00:00:23,302
Should we never call
each other that again?
9
00:00:23,304 --> 00:00:24,948
- Absolutely not.
- Yeah.
10
00:00:24,974 --> 00:00:27,275
Lizzy, I know I've only had
a few weeks for it to sink in,
11
00:00:27,359 --> 00:00:28,682
but I still can't believe
12
00:00:28,724 --> 00:00:30,490
you're gonna be having my hubby's baby.
13
00:00:30,578 --> 00:00:31,785
And I can't believe someone as hot as you
14
00:00:31,811 --> 00:00:33,582
would marry into a situation like this.
15
00:00:34,749 --> 00:00:36,496
And I can't believe your
second date was your wedding.
16
00:00:36,522 --> 00:00:38,761
Look at us, we all can't believe things!
17
00:00:39,511 --> 00:00:42,149
I've made you a nice English breakfast.
18
00:00:42,351 --> 00:00:43,951
I used to fix this all the time for my mum
19
00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:45,209
when she was pregnant with my sisters,
20
00:00:45,235 --> 00:00:47,258
and they all turned
out perfectly healthy...
21
00:00:47,495 --> 00:00:49,028
except for Kathy.
22
00:00:50,357 --> 00:00:51,824
Prudence made you bangers and mash,
23
00:00:51,826 --> 00:00:53,778
which is food and not a cop show on USA,
24
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,304
as I originally thought.
25
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:57,863
What is this plate? This isn't my plate.
26
00:00:57,865 --> 00:00:59,404
Who brought in outside plates?
27
00:01:00,646 --> 00:01:02,498
Calm down, Anal Annie.
28
00:01:03,576 --> 00:01:04,857
Never gonna say that again either.
29
00:01:06,506 --> 00:01:08,807
That's Prudence's plate... her
stuff finally arrived from England.
30
00:01:08,809 --> 00:01:11,377
It's official, you
can't get rid of me now.
31
00:01:11,379 --> 00:01:13,512
Right, right, time will tell.
32
00:01:15,815 --> 00:01:18,417
But I'm sure I can make
room for a couple of plates.
33
00:01:18,419 --> 00:01:19,818
Oh, there's way more than that in there.
34
00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:21,186
I'll show you.
35
00:01:21,188 --> 00:01:22,354
If we can get this door open.
36
00:01:24,524 --> 00:01:26,458
(gasps)
37
00:01:29,029 --> 00:01:30,638
Wow, this is not...
38
00:01:30,898 --> 00:01:33,208
I am not... handling this well.
39
00:01:33,834 --> 00:01:36,068
Relax, I know it looks
like a lot of boxes.
40
00:01:36,070 --> 00:01:37,327
But who's counting?
41
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:40,673
I am... There's 39!
42
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,442
These boxes aren't even labeled.
43
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:45,144
Don't they have Sharpies
where you come from
44
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,443
in Candy Land or Hogwarts?
45
00:01:48,763 --> 00:01:50,683
I'm from a small village called Splitwick.
46
00:01:50,685 --> 00:01:52,584
It's just east of Dungle Boon Heath.
47
00:01:53,787 --> 00:01:55,187
And I don't need labels.
48
00:01:55,189 --> 00:01:57,456
Look, this one's got all
my jumpers and trainers.
49
00:01:57,458 --> 00:01:59,097
Oh, this one's got my kitchen bits.
50
00:01:59,123 --> 00:02:00,628
None of those are real things.
51
00:02:01,949 --> 00:02:02,861
Oh, look!
52
00:02:03,045 --> 00:02:04,063
It's my granny's cock!
53
00:02:04,065 --> 00:02:05,467
- What's that?
- What?
54
00:02:06,233 --> 00:02:08,459
- She meant rooster.
- Thank God.
55
00:02:10,233 --> 00:02:13,205
This cock has been in my
family for over 100 years.
56
00:02:14,274 --> 00:02:16,209
I need to find a special
place to stick it.
57
00:02:17,811 --> 00:02:20,100
Can you please tell her to say "rooster"?
58
00:02:21,681 --> 00:02:22,506
Nope.
59
00:02:23,584 --> 00:02:27,254
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
60
00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:28,962
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:28,988 --> 00:02:30,255
So what are we thinking?
62
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,422
Dig right in, be done by lunch,
63
00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:32,696
or straight to the Dumpster?
64
00:02:33,891 --> 00:02:35,794
Hey, remember, she's my wife.
65
00:02:35,796 --> 00:02:36,962
And you're the one who insisted
66
00:02:36,964 --> 00:02:38,290
that we all live together,
67
00:02:38,438 --> 00:02:40,866
'cause you're a great
friend and a great roommate.
68
00:02:41,331 --> 00:02:42,801
I guess I have been pretty great.
69
00:02:42,803 --> 00:02:44,336
(chuckling)
70
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,144
I don't know if I would say hero.
71
00:02:47,008 --> 00:02:48,263
No one did.
72
00:02:49,844 --> 00:02:52,811
So I guess I will continue to be awesome
73
00:02:52,813 --> 00:02:55,481
and generously open my
home to all of your stuff.
74
00:02:55,483 --> 00:02:56,377
Great!
75
00:02:56,403 --> 00:02:57,796
Oh, how about I take the big hall closet?
76
00:02:57,822 --> 00:02:59,486
- How about you shut your mouth?
- No...
77
00:03:01,408 --> 00:03:02,655
Sorry.
78
00:03:02,657 --> 00:03:04,027
Is that closet special?
79
00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:06,691
Is it the one you came out of?
80
00:03:08,761 --> 00:03:09,462
Yeah.
81
00:03:09,488 --> 00:03:11,430
There's one closet for everybody...
82
00:03:11,432 --> 00:03:12,690
and it's here.
83
00:03:14,212 --> 00:03:17,266
That closet is where she keeps
her ex-girlfriend Erica's stuff,
84
00:03:17,292 --> 00:03:19,253
even though she moved out three years ago.
85
00:03:19,401 --> 00:03:21,106
Lesbians move in quick,
86
00:03:21,108 --> 00:03:23,509
but they get over each other real slow.
87
00:03:24,841 --> 00:03:25,557
Wow!
88
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:28,213
Three years and you still
have your ex's things?
89
00:03:28,497 --> 00:03:31,454
Lizzy, I knew you were uptight and OCD
90
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:32,933
and often humorless.
91
00:03:33,621 --> 00:03:35,921
I didn't realize you were such an avoider.
92
00:03:35,923 --> 00:03:37,222
What? I'm... You...
93
00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:38,958
No, I am not an avoider.
94
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:42,628
I would just rather talk
about a more pressing issue.
95
00:03:42,630 --> 00:03:44,964
Like, how about those super volcanoes?
96
00:03:44,966 --> 00:03:47,863
One of those mothers goes off,
none of this means nothin'.
97
00:03:48,369 --> 00:03:49,902
Look, Prudence is right.
98
00:03:49,904 --> 00:03:51,770
You've been avoiding this for a long time.
99
00:03:51,772 --> 00:03:54,173
I tried to tell you, your
sister tried to tell you,
100
00:03:54,175 --> 00:03:56,280
every therapist you
fired tried to tell you.
101
00:03:57,211 --> 00:03:59,211
It's time to let go of Erica's stuff.
102
00:03:59,213 --> 00:04:01,080
She broke up with you on your birthday,
103
00:04:01,082 --> 00:04:03,048
then hooked up with
your Pilates instructor.
104
00:04:03,050 --> 00:04:04,383
In Erica's defense, she did say
105
00:04:04,385 --> 00:04:06,339
she forgot it was my birthday.
106
00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,464
Lizzy, enough already, get over her.
107
00:04:09,490 --> 00:04:11,790
Oh, my God, thank you. "Get over her."
108
00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:14,026
That is the best advice I've
heard since my dad told me,
109
00:04:14,028 --> 00:04:15,268
"Just be straight."
110
00:04:17,581 --> 00:04:19,198
You should know more than anyone
111
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,166
that this isn't easy... I loved her.
112
00:04:21,168 --> 00:04:22,801
Lizzy, you poor thing.
113
00:04:22,803 --> 00:04:25,144
- No.
- I'm so sorry.
114
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,363
Do you know what? I'm gonna
help you get over Erica.
115
00:04:27,608 --> 00:04:29,589
There's a reason I came into your life.
116
00:04:29,777 --> 00:04:32,911
Me meeting Luke, marrying
him, all my things arriving.
117
00:04:32,913 --> 00:04:34,947
It's all part of your path.
118
00:04:34,949 --> 00:04:37,848
There is a lot of
you on my "pahth."
119
00:04:39,854 --> 00:04:42,054
I know... you got lucky.
120
00:04:44,291 --> 00:04:46,458
And we are gonna get
through this together!
121
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,961
Ugh, okay, fine, I will
clean out the closet!
122
00:04:48,963 --> 00:04:50,129
You guys were right.
123
00:04:50,131 --> 00:04:51,730
You know, it's time that
I start to deal with...
124
00:04:51,732 --> 00:04:53,271
See you later, suckers!
125
00:04:59,827 --> 00:05:02,862
I know I was a tad bit resistant
to deal with the closet.
126
00:05:02,864 --> 00:05:04,263
I had to chase you through a quincea?era
127
00:05:04,265 --> 00:05:05,831
in a park, and you bit me.
128
00:05:07,501 --> 00:05:09,068
You know what's crazy?
129
00:05:09,070 --> 00:05:10,612
I don't remember any of that.
130
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,182
And I don't even know
why I avoided doing this.
131
00:05:14,326 --> 00:05:15,941
Feels good to let this stuff go.
132
00:05:15,943 --> 00:05:18,077
Prudence was right... say it.
133
00:05:18,079 --> 00:05:20,946
I'm cleaning out the
closet, don't push me.
134
00:05:20,948 --> 00:05:23,432
But this does feel good! Yeah!
135
00:05:23,985 --> 00:05:26,893
- It's gonna feel even better when we set it on fire.
- Yes!
136
00:05:27,355 --> 00:05:29,722
Oh, my God! Guess what
I just found in box 17.
137
00:05:29,724 --> 00:05:31,357
Oh, thanks for labeling those, Lizzy.
138
00:05:32,726 --> 00:05:35,094
Luke, did I ever tell you about the spring
139
00:05:35,096 --> 00:05:36,862
when I was hospital puppeteer in Prague?
140
00:05:36,864 --> 00:05:38,909
He doesn't even know your middle name.
141
00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:41,135
I do, it's...
142
00:05:41,569 --> 00:05:43,702
Mer... lizabeth?
143
00:05:43,704 --> 00:05:45,971
You remembered!
144
00:05:46,194 --> 00:05:47,206
Well, at the hospital,
145
00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:49,041
I used to put on shows
for all the children.
146
00:05:49,043 --> 00:05:50,242
Well, if it's anything like the show
147
00:05:50,244 --> 00:05:51,444
you gave me last night,
148
00:05:51,446 --> 00:05:54,280
those are some lucky, lucky kids.
149
00:05:54,282 --> 00:05:55,954
Actually, they were quite sick.
150
00:05:56,884 --> 00:05:58,684
But I always used to cheer them up with...
151
00:05:58,686 --> 00:06:01,120
(imitating fanfare)
152
00:06:02,122 --> 00:06:03,255
What...
153
00:06:03,257 --> 00:06:05,090
Whoa!
154
00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:09,295
Dr. Charlie and Miroslava!
155
00:06:09,297 --> 00:06:10,563
(laughing)
156
00:06:10,565 --> 00:06:12,598
These are like my little wooden babies.
157
00:06:12,816 --> 00:06:14,433
Let me see if I can still do their voices.
158
00:06:14,435 --> 00:06:15,738
Oh, this keeps getting better.
159
00:06:16,304 --> 00:06:17,637
(high-pitched) Well-done, Lizzy,
160
00:06:17,639 --> 00:06:20,173
for washing that lesbian
right out of your hair.
161
00:06:20,842 --> 00:06:23,775
Chin up, you'll meet someone someday.
162
00:06:24,145 --> 00:06:26,377
Yeah, smile more maybe.
163
00:06:27,415 --> 00:06:29,081
The puppets are probably very jetlagged.
164
00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:31,083
Why don't we find them
a nice place to rest?
165
00:06:31,085 --> 00:06:32,718
I'll find somewhere
really special to put them.
166
00:06:34,588 --> 00:06:36,889
And an issue arises for you.
167
00:06:36,891 --> 00:06:39,592
Ah... there's no issue.
168
00:06:39,594 --> 00:06:41,260
Oh, so marionettes are not
169
00:06:41,262 --> 00:06:43,195
the one thing in life that
freaks you out the most?
170
00:06:43,197 --> 00:06:46,632
What? No, I mean, maybe
when we were, like, kids.
171
00:06:46,887 --> 00:06:48,367
But also, last year,
172
00:06:48,369 --> 00:06:50,403
I do recall a little peeing of the pants
173
00:06:50,405 --> 00:06:52,402
when one scared you at the farmers market.
174
00:06:52,488 --> 00:06:53,328
You don't expect it.
175
00:06:53,354 --> 00:06:55,350
I was looking for a ripe
avocado, they should warn you...
176
00:06:55,376 --> 00:06:56,922
puppet parade, Sundays at 2:00!
177
00:06:58,112 --> 00:07:00,379
So you're not gonna be honest
with your wife about this?
178
00:07:00,381 --> 00:07:02,181
No, because it's fine.
179
00:07:02,836 --> 00:07:04,950
Lizzy, I've been thinking about it,
180
00:07:04,952 --> 00:07:07,453
and you need to return Erica's
things to her in person.
181
00:07:07,455 --> 00:07:09,588
Noo, n-n-no.
182
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,124
Baby, you weren't here
during the Erica years.
183
00:07:12,126 --> 00:07:14,760
Lizzy is strong, but this
girl's like her kryptonite,
184
00:07:14,762 --> 00:07:16,964
you know, if kryptonite had perky B-cups.
185
00:07:17,632 --> 00:07:19,165
Yeah, but if she sticks with my plan,
186
00:07:19,167 --> 00:07:20,898
she'll be done with Erica for good.
187
00:07:21,169 --> 00:07:22,414
Here's what you do.
188
00:07:22,953 --> 00:07:24,270
- Do you have a pen?
- No.
189
00:07:24,272 --> 00:07:25,586
Okay, write this down.
190
00:07:26,607 --> 00:07:28,074
You pick a neutral location,
191
00:07:28,076 --> 00:07:29,942
somewhere you've never been together,
192
00:07:29,944 --> 00:07:31,577
don't dress like a scarecrow,
193
00:07:31,579 --> 00:07:33,779
and you tell her there's no room for her
194
00:07:33,781 --> 00:07:35,514
in your closet or your life.
195
00:07:35,516 --> 00:07:37,350
Then you get up and just walk away.
196
00:07:37,483 --> 00:07:39,170
Lizzy, trust me.
197
00:07:39,358 --> 00:07:41,772
My plan will finally give you closure.
198
00:07:42,193 --> 00:07:44,290
If you won't hear it from
me, I'll get Miroslava.
199
00:07:44,292 --> 00:07:45,045
No!
200
00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:48,060
Lizzy, you can't see Erica.
201
00:07:48,062 --> 00:07:49,328
You know what she does to you.
202
00:07:49,330 --> 00:07:51,730
She plies you with
compliments, sucks you in,
203
00:07:51,732 --> 00:07:54,747
you forget the fact that
she's a human bag of turds.
204
00:07:55,693 --> 00:07:58,070
You're right, you're right.
205
00:07:58,210 --> 00:08:01,507
And, Prudence, your
plan was kind of enticing
206
00:08:01,509 --> 00:08:03,484
when it wasn't super insulting.
207
00:08:04,412 --> 00:08:07,660
But Luke does know me better,
and I'm not going to see Erica.
208
00:08:07,699 --> 00:08:09,066
'Cause that'd be really stupid.
209
00:08:09,092 --> 00:08:10,382
So stupid.
210
00:08:10,384 --> 00:08:11,951
Erica, hi.
211
00:08:11,953 --> 00:08:14,584
Thank you for meeting me
at this neutral location.
212
00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:17,957
This is where we first
said we loved each other.
213
00:08:19,392 --> 00:08:21,100
Damn it!
214
00:08:29,154 --> 00:08:32,783
I know that's just the air
conditioning making you move.
215
00:08:33,574 --> 00:08:35,641
(exhales sharply)
216
00:08:35,643 --> 00:08:39,645
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm
okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
217
00:08:39,647 --> 00:08:41,313
So listen, Erica, here's the plan.
218
00:08:41,315 --> 00:08:43,716
I got your stuff in my trunk
and I'm here to return it to you
219
00:08:43,718 --> 00:08:45,351
because I am on a different "pahth."
220
00:08:45,353 --> 00:08:47,523
Path. Path.
221
00:08:48,289 --> 00:08:50,222
Honestly, I didn't hear
anything you just said.
222
00:08:50,224 --> 00:08:53,059
Is it possible you got more beautiful?
223
00:08:55,395 --> 00:08:58,898
I guess it is possible... heh.
224
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,266
But, no! No, no, no.
225
00:09:00,268 --> 00:09:02,234
I know what you're doing and I'm not...
226
00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,557
No, Missy.
227
00:09:05,159 --> 00:09:09,385
Okay, I'm just saying,
you look... really good.
228
00:09:09,544 --> 00:09:10,876
Do I look all right?
229
00:09:11,439 --> 00:09:14,104
Yeah, you look good, you
look really, really good.
230
00:09:14,682 --> 00:09:16,315
What are we doing?
231
00:09:16,317 --> 00:09:17,717
Let's just go back to my place.
232
00:09:17,719 --> 00:09:19,685
I got you that chardonnay you really like.
233
00:09:19,687 --> 00:09:22,254
The one with the little pig
in the tuxedo on the label.
234
00:09:22,256 --> 00:09:24,369
I do love black-tie pig.
235
00:09:25,460 --> 00:09:27,126
But look...
236
00:09:27,128 --> 00:09:29,195
I'm... I'm in a different place, okay?
237
00:09:29,197 --> 00:09:30,830
Some big changes.
238
00:09:30,832 --> 00:09:32,331
Turns out gluten wasn't the problem.
239
00:09:32,357 --> 00:09:33,652
It was dairy.
240
00:09:34,635 --> 00:09:36,402
And possibly a bigger headline
241
00:09:36,404 --> 00:09:38,304
is that Luke and I are having a baby.
242
00:09:38,727 --> 00:09:39,977
You're pregnant?
243
00:09:42,109 --> 00:09:44,829
My biggest headline was
my new smoothie recipe.
244
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,013
Wow, a baby.
245
00:09:48,142 --> 00:09:49,415
I'm happy for you.
246
00:09:49,417 --> 00:09:52,972
That was always something we
talked about doing together.
247
00:09:53,683 --> 00:09:55,488
Yeah, well, it's kinda
hard to do it together
248
00:09:55,490 --> 00:09:56,628
when you're not together.
249
00:09:57,525 --> 00:09:59,024
And I've moved on.
250
00:09:59,417 --> 00:10:01,560
Then what are you doing here?
251
00:10:02,010 --> 00:10:04,424
I... (laughing)
252
00:10:05,166 --> 00:10:07,767
- came to return your stuff.
- Ohh.
253
00:10:07,769 --> 00:10:10,140
And tell you about the whole dairy thing.
254
00:10:11,472 --> 00:10:13,671
And now I am...
255
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:17,943
standing up... and I am walking away.
256
00:10:17,945 --> 00:10:19,345
Okay.
257
00:10:21,014 --> 00:10:22,648
Good-bye.
258
00:10:31,386 --> 00:10:33,120
What do you mean you saw Erica last night?
259
00:10:33,122 --> 00:10:35,573
We said it would be stupid
to see her again, stupid!
260
00:10:36,425 --> 00:10:37,792
I know!
261
00:10:38,327 --> 00:10:40,194
But then I did and we got to talking,
262
00:10:40,196 --> 00:10:41,395
and, you know, we're lesbians.
263
00:10:41,397 --> 00:10:43,166
Even in a breakup, we're chatty.
264
00:10:44,833 --> 00:10:45,966
But it wasn't a big deal.
265
00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:48,936
Lizzy, I'm so proud of you!
266
00:10:48,938 --> 00:10:51,898
You followed my plan and
now you've got closure.
267
00:10:52,796 --> 00:10:55,320
Is that a bug bite on your neck?
268
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,081
No!
269
00:10:57,813 --> 00:10:59,401
It's a hickey!
270
00:11:00,925 --> 00:11:02,116
You made out with her?
271
00:11:02,118 --> 00:11:04,985
Just a little, like you
do when you say good-bye.
272
00:11:04,987 --> 00:11:06,453
What?
273
00:11:06,455 --> 00:11:08,622
That was not part of my plan.
274
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:11,292
You see what happens when
you don't write things down?
275
00:11:12,187 --> 00:11:12,810
So that's it?
276
00:11:12,836 --> 00:11:14,094
She just walked you to your car,
277
00:11:14,096 --> 00:11:15,896
you didn't make out a little
more and you didn't say,
278
00:11:15,898 --> 00:11:18,384
(high voice) "You smell good,
you smell really, really good."
279
00:11:19,101 --> 00:11:21,595
I can't help it if she smells good!
280
00:11:21,971 --> 00:11:23,938
Okay, but then after that,
did you at least, like,
281
00:11:23,940 --> 00:11:26,640
give her her stuff back and walk
away with your head held high?
282
00:11:27,139 --> 00:11:29,610
(high-pitched) I mean, I don't
know if I would say that...
283
00:11:29,612 --> 00:11:32,813
I knew I should've burned Erica's
stuff when I had the chance.
284
00:11:32,815 --> 00:11:34,682
Lizzy has no backbone
when it comes to her.
285
00:11:34,684 --> 00:11:36,216
Come on, yes, I do.
286
00:11:36,218 --> 00:11:37,785
- When are you gonna see her again?
- Tonight.
287
00:11:37,787 --> 00:11:39,787
She's coming over, I'm making her dinner.
288
00:11:41,056 --> 00:11:43,658
Oh, that's gonna show her!
289
00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:48,195
Oh, no, I think I may have
led her down the wrong path.
290
00:11:48,197 --> 00:11:49,964
I haven't misjudged a situation this badly
291
00:11:49,966 --> 00:11:52,985
since I let Kathy swim
in the ocean by herself.
292
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,402
And you know what?
293
00:11:55,404 --> 00:11:57,571
I don't need your approval
or your permission, okay?
294
00:11:57,573 --> 00:11:58,645
Erica's changed.
295
00:11:58,671 --> 00:12:00,593
She was sweet and caring
296
00:12:00,619 --> 00:12:02,452
and so supportive about the baby.
297
00:12:02,478 --> 00:12:04,762
And she gave me a new smoothie recipe.
298
00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,448
You might not need my approval,
299
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:09,483
but this is my house and
I don't want her in here.
300
00:12:09,485 --> 00:12:12,653
This is our house and you
don't get to decide who's in my life!
301
00:12:14,022 --> 00:12:16,323
Do you know what the
definition of insanity is?
302
00:12:17,138 --> 00:12:17,858
I forget,
303
00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:20,216
but I'm pretty sure it's
what you're doing right now.
304
00:12:20,596 --> 00:12:22,563
Look, I was happy to avoid the closet.
305
00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:23,898
You guys are the ones that wanted me
306
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,499
to deal with Erica's stuff.
307
00:12:25,501 --> 00:12:27,617
And it's not like you don't
know anything about avoidance.
308
00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:29,796
How you doing with those marionettes?
309
00:12:30,711 --> 00:12:33,073
Do not avoid this
conversation about avoidance
310
00:12:33,075 --> 00:12:34,742
by talking about my avoidance!
311
00:12:34,744 --> 00:12:36,076
This is completely different,
312
00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:37,877
and I'm dealing with the puppets!
313
00:12:38,648 --> 00:12:41,615
By sneaking out of your bedroom and
sleeping on my floor in a fetal position?
314
00:12:41,617 --> 00:12:44,182
"I'm okay, I'm okay." You are not okay!
315
00:12:44,854 --> 00:12:46,654
Well, at least I'm not
getting played like a puppet,
316
00:12:46,656 --> 00:12:49,457
and not a good one, 'cause
I see your lips movin'.
317
00:12:49,892 --> 00:12:52,026
That's a ventriloquist, you dummy!
318
00:12:52,028 --> 00:12:54,595
I'm not the dummy, you're the
one making the huge mistake.
319
00:12:54,597 --> 00:12:57,464
But it's your life, and so when
she breaks your heart again,
320
00:12:57,466 --> 00:12:59,333
do not come crying to me.
321
00:12:59,335 --> 00:13:02,847
Well, don't come crying to me
when I don't come crying to you!
322
00:13:08,176 --> 00:13:09,109
Great.
323
00:13:09,355 --> 00:13:11,345
Right about now, the Lucifer of lesbians
324
00:13:11,347 --> 00:13:12,780
is sitting in my living room,
325
00:13:12,782 --> 00:13:16,350
worming her way back into
Lizzy's stupid, stupid life.
326
00:13:17,019 --> 00:13:18,919
Look, man, you did what you could.
327
00:13:18,921 --> 00:13:20,254
Let's look at the positives.
328
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:21,622
- You married a beautiful lady.
- Mm-hmm.
329
00:13:21,624 --> 00:13:23,557
- You got another one pregnant.
- Yeah.
330
00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:26,126
And you're the second-handsomest
man at this bowling alley.
331
00:13:27,935 --> 00:13:30,864
Marcus, uh, let me ask you something.
332
00:13:31,654 --> 00:13:34,068
Do you have any irrational fears?
333
00:13:34,532 --> 00:13:35,502
Not really.
334
00:13:35,504 --> 00:13:38,939
Just clowns, birds, nuns, rain, elves.
335
00:13:40,208 --> 00:13:42,810
Nothin' to be ashamed
of. Why, what's going on?
336
00:13:43,807 --> 00:13:46,080
Prudence has these marionettes, uh...
337
00:13:46,597 --> 00:13:47,391
and they're freaky.
338
00:13:47,417 --> 00:13:50,292
It's like they got something
going on behind the eyes.
339
00:13:51,987 --> 00:13:52,893
You know what?
340
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,819
This is ridiculous,
I'm just gonna tell her.
341
00:13:54,924 --> 00:13:56,824
- That you're scared of puppets?
- Yeah.
342
00:13:56,826 --> 00:13:59,226
Yeah, sure, if you never
want to have sex again.
343
00:14:00,895 --> 00:14:02,660
I do want to have sex again.
344
00:14:02,999 --> 00:14:05,666
Then you are not scared of puppets.
345
00:14:06,024 --> 00:14:07,334
You need to man up.
346
00:14:07,336 --> 00:14:09,470
- Just never look those puppets in the eye.
- Yeah?
347
00:14:09,472 --> 00:14:11,805
And tell that devil woman
she's not allowed in your house!
348
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,478
- Yeah!
- And then give your employee
349
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:15,476
the rest of the day off for
giving you such good advice!
350
00:14:15,705 --> 00:14:16,744
Yeah!
351
00:14:16,746 --> 00:14:17,878
I don't think so.
352
00:14:20,270 --> 00:14:22,036
Well, this turned out great.
353
00:14:22,911 --> 00:14:25,309
A romantic dinner with my sister
354
00:14:25,335 --> 00:14:26,544
and her husband.
355
00:14:29,687 --> 00:14:31,825
I'm sorry Erica stood you up.
356
00:14:32,861 --> 00:14:35,460
- Can't say I didn't see this...
- Then don't.
357
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:43,219
Thanks for coming over.
Please eat everything.
358
00:14:43,253 --> 00:14:46,304
The salad's delicious... I
candied the walnuts myself.
359
00:14:47,992 --> 00:14:49,758
Erica's the worst.
360
00:14:49,793 --> 00:14:52,211
She says "vahz" instead of vase.
361
00:14:53,096 --> 00:14:54,601
Get a life.
362
00:14:56,789 --> 00:14:58,467
I say "vahz."
363
00:14:58,502 --> 00:15:00,202
Yeah, but I don't listen to you.
364
00:15:02,038 --> 00:15:05,074
Anyway, I am loving this "tomahto" salad.
365
00:15:10,523 --> 00:15:13,983
None of this would have happened
if it wasn't for Prudence.
366
00:15:14,017 --> 00:15:16,786
Luke and I were perfectly
fine before she showed up.
367
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:19,522
We never fought, we never had conflict.
368
00:15:19,556 --> 00:15:22,422
So you hate Prudence because she's
made your life more interesting.
369
00:15:22,448 --> 00:15:25,283
No, because she's invaded
my life and wreaked havoc.
370
00:15:25,428 --> 00:15:26,729
(British accent) "Deal with the closet,
371
00:15:26,763 --> 00:15:29,565
see your ex-girlfriend, get closure."
372
00:15:30,424 --> 00:15:33,002
I mean, look at this place!
373
00:15:33,346 --> 00:15:35,538
Okay, she should stop telling
me how to live my life
374
00:15:35,572 --> 00:15:37,506
and deal with her own baggage, okay?
375
00:15:37,541 --> 00:15:40,109
I mean, hello, where is my fire lane?!
376
00:15:40,825 --> 00:15:42,028
(grunting)
377
00:15:42,646 --> 00:15:44,914
How many cocks are in this box?!
378
00:15:46,917 --> 00:15:49,129
That's a messed up guessing game.
379
00:15:50,754 --> 00:15:51,954
14?
380
00:15:52,543 --> 00:15:53,656
Lizzy!
381
00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:55,457
(gasps)
382
00:15:58,061 --> 00:16:00,095
I'm fine, I landed on bubble wrap.
383
00:16:00,884 --> 00:16:01,730
Where's Erica?
384
00:16:01,765 --> 00:16:04,587
I have a whole speech
ready, and it's in all caps.
385
00:16:05,135 --> 00:16:07,002
Erica stood me up.
386
00:16:07,037 --> 00:16:09,805
You were right... I
shouldn't have seen her.
387
00:16:10,290 --> 00:16:12,283
And, of course, I got hurt.
388
00:16:13,376 --> 00:16:14,908
It was a huge mistake.
389
00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:19,114
I'm afraid this might
be a tiny bit my fault.
390
00:16:19,149 --> 00:16:20,455
A tiny bit?
391
00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:21,955
Because I followed your plan,
392
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,486
I got my heart broken
393
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:25,688
and I spent way too
much money on an outfit
394
00:16:25,722 --> 00:16:28,657
that I'm probably gonna
bust out of in a week anyway.
395
00:16:30,595 --> 00:16:32,712
And I should've listened
to you about Erica.
396
00:16:33,613 --> 00:16:35,189
But don't worry, okay?
397
00:16:35,267 --> 00:16:37,173
I won't come crying to you.
398
00:16:38,759 --> 00:16:40,603
What if I just come to you?
399
00:16:40,637 --> 00:16:41,670
(sighs)
400
00:16:41,705 --> 00:16:43,994
(bubble wrap popping)
401
00:16:48,178 --> 00:16:49,311
Ohh...
402
00:16:49,346 --> 00:16:51,747
I just feel so stupid.
403
00:16:52,197 --> 00:16:53,115
But for a minute,
404
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:55,017
it felt nice to have
somebody to be with again.
405
00:16:55,051 --> 00:16:57,086
You know, the way you
guys have each other.
406
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,521
And you guys, too.
407
00:16:58,555 --> 00:17:00,656
- Love you, baby.
- Meh, it...
408
00:17:03,794 --> 00:17:06,862
It's just... sometimes
it's hard to be alone.
409
00:17:06,897 --> 00:17:09,465
Hey, you're not alone, you got me.
410
00:17:09,499 --> 00:17:10,900
And me, too.
411
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:13,202
(bubble wrap popping)
412
00:17:13,236 --> 00:17:14,470
In a pinch.
413
00:17:14,504 --> 00:17:15,871
(pop pop)
414
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:19,475
I'll just stand over here.
415
00:17:19,509 --> 00:17:21,477
(bubble wrap popping)
416
00:17:28,018 --> 00:17:30,733
Ohh, and I still have to
give her her stuff back.
417
00:17:31,233 --> 00:17:34,171
I can think of something way
more satisfying to do with it.
418
00:17:34,591 --> 00:17:35,724
I really thought you were gonna suggest
419
00:17:35,759 --> 00:17:37,359
giving her stuff to the less fortunate.
420
00:17:39,687 --> 00:17:42,031
Here's the visor Erica
bought me in Wine Country
421
00:17:42,065 --> 00:17:44,069
that she said looked better on her.
422
00:17:44,468 --> 00:17:46,369
I think it would look better on fire.
423
00:17:47,541 --> 00:17:49,742
Erica used to call me a munchkin,
424
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,470
like that's a compliment
to an adult woman.
425
00:17:54,077 --> 00:17:56,078
Let's these glasses without lenses
426
00:17:56,112 --> 00:17:58,002
she wore like a whore.
427
00:17:59,749 --> 00:18:01,417
Lizzy, I feel terribly.
428
00:18:01,451 --> 00:18:04,053
I wish there was something I
could do to make it up to you.
429
00:18:04,212 --> 00:18:05,720
I've always been a meddler.
430
00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:07,289
My mother used to say,
431
00:18:07,324 --> 00:18:09,592
"Stay out of it, Prudence Merlizabeth."
432
00:18:12,017 --> 00:18:15,064
Well... this is the last of it.
433
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:17,022
Guess this is good-bye.
434
00:18:17,048 --> 00:18:18,033
It doesn't have to be.
435
00:18:18,068 --> 00:18:20,963
Holy crap, you're a quiet walker.
436
00:18:21,788 --> 00:18:24,720
- Wait, is that my sweatshirt?
- Yeah.
437
00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:26,742
You break her heart, we burn your stuff...
438
00:18:26,777 --> 00:18:29,325
three years later, when
you least expect it.
439
00:18:30,747 --> 00:18:32,915
Stay out of this, Luke,
it's none of your business.
440
00:18:32,949 --> 00:18:35,017
Oh, this is totally my business.
441
00:18:35,051 --> 00:18:38,120
She's my best friend...
you hurt her, you hurt me.
442
00:18:38,155 --> 00:18:40,356
We're like one person with one heart...
443
00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,424
two brains, four arms,
444
00:18:42,459 --> 00:18:45,361
a penis, a vagina, and I
guess two sets of teeth.
445
00:18:45,387 --> 00:18:46,732
Luke, I got this.
446
00:18:47,230 --> 00:18:48,964
Good, 'cause it was getting away from me.
447
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:51,167
Look, Erica,
448
00:18:51,201 --> 00:18:52,701
it was a bad idea to see you.
449
00:18:52,736 --> 00:18:54,203
I should've stayed away.
450
00:18:54,237 --> 00:18:56,138
And I don't know if I'd
say you're a bad person...
451
00:18:56,173 --> 00:18:58,307
- She'll say it.
- You're a bad person.
452
00:19:00,811 --> 00:19:02,478
It's just you don't do
a lot of good things.
453
00:19:02,512 --> 00:19:03,803
I know.
454
00:19:03,829 --> 00:19:06,327
But I'm in therapy now because of you.
455
00:19:06,683 --> 00:19:08,954
And it's 100% out of pocket.
456
00:19:10,298 --> 00:19:12,254
You did a million good things for me.
457
00:19:12,289 --> 00:19:13,622
No, I didn't.
458
00:19:13,657 --> 00:19:14,868
Like what?
459
00:19:16,204 --> 00:19:18,494
You loved me when I didn't deserve it.
460
00:19:18,528 --> 00:19:21,931
You saw my inner beauty,
past all my outer beauty.
461
00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:25,480
Give me another chance.
462
00:19:25,802 --> 00:19:29,238
I mean, if you still have feelings.
463
00:19:30,292 --> 00:19:31,607
(high-pitched) I mean, I don't know if...
464
00:19:31,641 --> 00:19:33,434
- Oh, come on!
- Pull it together!
465
00:19:34,083 --> 00:19:36,520
- I've moved on.
- Oh, yeah, with who?
466
00:19:36,755 --> 00:19:38,347
With me.
467
00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:40,931
- Wow.
- I knew it.
468
00:19:40,957 --> 00:19:42,299
God, I miss college.
469
00:19:43,471 --> 00:19:46,650
I just moved in, and we
are crazy about each other.
470
00:19:46,676 --> 00:19:48,811
And we mouth kiss all the time.
471
00:19:48,898 --> 00:19:50,799
And it feels right.
472
00:19:53,463 --> 00:19:56,127
This... is my new type.
473
00:19:57,103 --> 00:20:00,164
Well, then maybe you should know,
the other night, she kissed me.
474
00:20:00,501 --> 00:20:01,813
How dare you?
475
00:20:01,845 --> 00:20:02,813
I forgive you.
476
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,003
Okay.
477
00:20:06,029 --> 00:20:07,095
Well, then.
478
00:20:07,121 --> 00:20:08,855
I guess this is good-bye.
479
00:20:08,884 --> 00:20:10,907
Yeah, it is.
480
00:20:10,933 --> 00:20:13,032
And your smoothie recipe is way off!
481
00:20:16,524 --> 00:20:19,110
(Lizzy, high-pitched) Look
at him sleeping, Dr. Charlie.
482
00:20:19,337 --> 00:20:20,594
(deep voice) Let's slit his throat.
483
00:20:20,629 --> 00:20:22,295
I got a knife from the kitchen.
484
00:20:22,331 --> 00:20:24,017
Don't ask me how.
485
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,744
- That's it, I'm done!
- (gasping)
486
00:20:27,924 --> 00:20:29,736
- What is it, darling?
- They're trying to kill me!
487
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:32,078
- Who?
- Dr. Charlie and Miroslava!
488
00:20:32,104 --> 00:20:33,541
They got a whole plan!
489
00:20:33,976 --> 00:20:35,795
You were having a nightmare.
490
00:20:36,053 --> 00:20:38,581
Look, I was trying to man up,
491
00:20:38,607 --> 00:20:41,181
But they scare the crap out of me
and I don't want them in my room.
492
00:20:41,553 --> 00:20:44,066
Why didn't you just say
so in the first place?
493
00:20:44,092 --> 00:20:46,316
Because I was afraid you
wouldn't be into me anymore,
494
00:20:46,342 --> 00:20:48,255
You know, sexually and whatnot.
495
00:20:50,404 --> 00:20:51,771
There's nothing more attractive than a man
496
00:20:51,797 --> 00:20:53,529
who's not afraid to be vulnerable.
497
00:20:54,116 --> 00:20:55,803
You like vulnerability?
498
00:20:57,334 --> 00:20:59,334
I could cry while we do it.
499
00:21:00,524 --> 00:21:02,389
Oh, I'll give something to cry about.
500
00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:07,780
Uck, straight people.
501
00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:12,380
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