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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:03,036 - Hey. - Hey. 2 00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:05,064 Thanks for driving me to work again, 3 00:00:05,065 --> 00:00:06,465 but I really can drive myself. 4 00:00:06,466 --> 00:00:08,367 I don't want to drive you. I need to talk to you. 5 00:00:08,368 --> 00:00:09,868 Close the door, let's go. 6 00:00:09,869 --> 00:00:12,905 Speedy Gonzales, hold on. 7 00:00:12,906 --> 00:00:14,506 Gotta buckle up for safety. 8 00:00:14,507 --> 00:00:15,674 - Ooh! - Whoa! 9 00:00:15,675 --> 00:00:17,309 Hugh! What the hell? 10 00:00:17,310 --> 00:00:18,744 How am I supposed to see this guy? 11 00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:20,312 God, what is wrong with you? 12 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:21,580 You could have killed him! 13 00:00:21,581 --> 00:00:22,648 (MAN LAUGHING) 14 00:00:22,649 --> 00:00:25,150 - Oh, God. - Hey. 15 00:00:25,151 --> 00:00:27,286 You almost clipped me there, big guy. 16 00:00:27,287 --> 00:00:29,120 - Sorry about that. - Muah. 17 00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:31,657 - You guys off to work? - Yeah. 18 00:00:31,658 --> 00:00:33,225 - Trying to. - What are you doing tonight? 19 00:00:33,226 --> 00:00:34,827 - Wanna do something? - Yeah. 20 00:00:34,828 --> 00:00:36,662 Michael and Ethan are in Palm Springs for their anniversary, 21 00:00:36,663 --> 00:00:37,796 so I have Lois, but you can come over. 22 00:00:37,797 --> 00:00:39,298 Oh, okay, great. What time were you thinking? 23 00:00:39,299 --> 00:00:42,234 Um... 7:00-ish? 24 00:00:42,235 --> 00:00:44,069 No, 7:00. 7:00's good. Maybe like 6:45. 25 00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:45,671 I mean, I can text you when I get out of work if you want. 26 00:00:45,672 --> 00:00:47,106 No, no, no, I think 7:00's good because I have this thing and I'll... 27 00:00:47,107 --> 00:00:48,440 - I'll eat a late lunch. - Okay, why don't I text you when I... 28 00:00:48,441 --> 00:00:49,575 Is there maybe any way you guys 29 00:00:49,576 --> 00:00:51,310 could figure this bullshit out later? 30 00:00:51,311 --> 00:00:52,678 Yeah. My bad. 31 00:00:52,679 --> 00:00:53,846 So, babe, I'm gonna go to the gym 32 00:00:53,847 --> 00:00:56,081 and then I'll call you later and we'll figure it out. 33 00:00:56,082 --> 00:00:57,281 - Okay. - Bye. 34 00:01:01,988 --> 00:01:04,356 Okay, I think that's... 35 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:06,325 We'll get her back to you tonight. 36 00:01:06,326 --> 00:01:08,794 - 10:00 and 2:00. - Oh. 37 00:01:08,795 --> 00:01:10,963 (RACHEL) You know, you could be nicer. 38 00:01:10,964 --> 00:01:12,297 Rachel, I have to talk to you. 39 00:01:12,298 --> 00:01:14,066 Larry's wife is having an affair. 40 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:15,501 What? 41 00:01:15,502 --> 00:01:19,171 I saw her last night on a date with some man. 42 00:01:19,172 --> 00:01:21,073 How do you know it was a date? 43 00:01:21,074 --> 00:01:23,142 It was in a bar. It was at night. 44 00:01:23,143 --> 00:01:24,843 She was wearing a dress. 45 00:01:24,844 --> 00:01:26,945 She was wearing, like, this low-cut thing. 46 00:01:26,946 --> 00:01:29,548 All it was, was Jen's breasts everywhere. 47 00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:32,184 Jen would not cheat on Larry. 48 00:01:32,185 --> 00:01:33,652 We... We should just ask. 49 00:01:33,653 --> 00:01:36,288 I'm sure there's a simple explanation. 50 00:01:36,289 --> 00:01:38,157 Wait, what are you doing? I just texted Larry. 51 00:01:38,158 --> 00:01:40,192 I said, "Hey, what did you and Jen do last night?" 52 00:01:40,193 --> 00:01:42,461 You just send that text out of the blue? 53 00:01:42,462 --> 00:01:44,563 Who would not think that's an insane question? 54 00:01:44,564 --> 00:01:47,332 "Great question, thanks for asking. 55 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:51,570 I went home and Jen had dinner with a girlfriend." 56 00:01:51,571 --> 00:01:53,639 "She had affair." 57 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,140 Oh, my God, he wrote that? 58 00:01:55,141 --> 00:01:56,842 - Uh, yeah, he's writing more. - (PHONE CHIMES) 59 00:01:56,843 --> 00:01:59,511 "Sorry, went too soon. She had affair well dinner 60 00:01:59,512 --> 00:02:00,679 with her girlfriend." 61 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,949 What? Did you mean a farewell dinner? 62 00:02:03,950 --> 00:02:05,350 (PHONE CHIMING) 63 00:02:05,351 --> 00:02:06,618 "Oh, is that how you spell it? 64 00:02:06,619 --> 00:02:07,753 I gonna call you now." 65 00:02:07,754 --> 00:02:09,054 My God, he's an idiot. 66 00:02:09,055 --> 00:02:10,889 - (CELL PHONE RINGING) - Hello? 67 00:02:10,890 --> 00:02:12,057 (LARRY) That's really how you spell it? 68 00:02:12,058 --> 00:02:14,159 All in one word? It looks crazy. 69 00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,295 Who you talking to? 70 00:02:16,296 --> 00:02:17,930 Rachel. 71 00:02:17,931 --> 00:02:19,898 Is she with Hugh? Huh? 72 00:02:19,899 --> 00:02:22,634 I'm gonna go, um, to the bathroom. 73 00:02:22,635 --> 00:02:25,237 I love you. Mmm. 74 00:02:25,238 --> 00:02:27,239 Did you get that email from CBS? 75 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:28,596 (RACHEL) I don't... I don't know, I'll look. 76 00:02:28,597 --> 00:02:30,542 (CELL PHONE RINGING) 77 00:02:30,543 --> 00:02:31,676 Who's that? 78 00:02:33,246 --> 00:02:34,913 - I don't know that number. - (LARRY) Who you talking to? 79 00:02:34,914 --> 00:02:36,381 Well, answer it. It could be CBS. 80 00:02:36,382 --> 00:02:37,416 Ugh! 81 00:02:37,417 --> 00:02:39,618 - Hello? - (JEN) Hugh? 82 00:02:39,619 --> 00:02:41,220 It's Jen. 83 00:02:41,221 --> 00:02:43,188 (LARRY) Are you at a drive-thru? 84 00:02:43,189 --> 00:02:45,190 Like an In-N-Out? (WHISPERING) Uh, yeah, hold on. 85 00:02:45,191 --> 00:02:46,892 Are you alone? 86 00:02:46,893 --> 00:02:47,893 (MOUTHING WORDS) 87 00:02:47,894 --> 00:02:50,028 Uh, yes, I'm alone. 88 00:02:50,029 --> 00:02:51,396 Hello? 89 00:02:51,397 --> 00:02:52,898 (WHISPERING) Hold on! 90 00:02:52,899 --> 00:02:56,201 (JEN) I saw you last night. I know you saw me too. 91 00:02:56,202 --> 00:02:59,204 Uh... (MOUTHING WORDS) 92 00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:00,472 Um... 93 00:03:00,473 --> 00:03:01,974 (JEN) It's not what you think! 94 00:03:01,975 --> 00:03:04,877 I mean, it is. But nothing's happened. 95 00:03:04,878 --> 00:03:06,612 Yet. I don't know. 96 00:03:06,613 --> 00:03:08,280 I'm freaking out! 97 00:03:08,281 --> 00:03:09,882 Don't tell Larry, or Rachel. 98 00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:11,817 - Rachel's a blabbermouth. - (LARRY) What are you doing? 99 00:03:11,818 --> 00:03:13,452 Are you still looking for that email? 100 00:03:13,453 --> 00:03:15,454 All it says is the new showrunner is starting today. 101 00:03:15,455 --> 00:03:17,422 - (WHISPERING) Okay, great. - (WHISPERING) Why are you whispering? 102 00:03:17,423 --> 00:03:19,491 Hugh, are you still there? Where are you? 103 00:03:19,492 --> 00:03:21,894 (WHISPERING) I'm in Hugh's car, shh. 104 00:03:21,895 --> 00:03:23,662 Uh, yes, I'm still here. 105 00:03:23,663 --> 00:03:25,430 Just promise me you won't tell Larry. 106 00:03:25,431 --> 00:03:27,266 I-I just need time to think. Promise me. 107 00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:28,600 I promise. 108 00:03:28,601 --> 00:03:29,968 (JEN) I'm counting on you. 109 00:03:29,969 --> 00:03:31,470 Our marriage is in your hands. 110 00:03:31,471 --> 00:03:33,005 (PHONE BEEPS) 111 00:03:33,006 --> 00:03:34,573 Are you guys still at that drive-thru? 112 00:03:34,574 --> 00:03:36,475 Get me something. Today's my cheat day. 113 00:03:36,476 --> 00:03:37,676 Well, yesterday was my cheat day, 114 00:03:37,677 --> 00:03:39,111 but I can do two days in a row, right? 115 00:03:39,112 --> 00:03:40,612 All right, I'll see you at work. 116 00:03:40,613 --> 00:03:42,673 (PHONE BEEPING) - Well, it's somebody's cheat day. 117 00:03:44,450 --> 00:03:46,919 What? 118 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,021 Someone in this house is cheating. 119 00:03:49,022 --> 00:03:50,187 What? 120 00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:53,558 It's me. 121 00:03:53,559 --> 00:03:54,960 (EXHALES) In-N-Out. 122 00:03:54,961 --> 00:03:56,327 Just today. 123 00:03:57,830 --> 00:04:00,699 Whew! Feels good to get that off my chest. 124 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:02,668 - We have to tell him. - No, we do not. Jesus Christ! 125 00:04:02,669 --> 00:04:04,269 I just promised the woman I wouldn't tell him. 126 00:04:04,270 --> 00:04:06,038 My God, well, I can't just act like... 127 00:04:06,039 --> 00:04:08,507 Hey, you must be Rachel and... Larry or Hugh? 128 00:04:08,508 --> 00:04:11,643 Uh, Hugh. Hey, I'm Dave Rothko. 129 00:04:11,644 --> 00:04:13,345 I'm the new showrunner. Uh-huh. 130 00:04:13,346 --> 00:04:15,480 Don't hate me. It's weird, I know. 131 00:04:15,481 --> 00:04:17,683 I assure you, I am on your side. 132 00:04:17,684 --> 00:04:21,720 It is not me versus you, it's us versus them. 133 00:04:21,721 --> 00:04:23,555 - That's great. - Great. 134 00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:25,490 All right. 135 00:04:25,491 --> 00:04:26,792 Hey, Larry. 136 00:04:26,793 --> 00:04:28,493 - Oh... - I'm Dave. I'm the new showrunner. 137 00:04:28,494 --> 00:04:31,363 I just did the "don't hate me" speech for Hugh and Rachel. 138 00:04:31,364 --> 00:04:32,798 Basically, it's weird. 139 00:04:32,799 --> 00:04:34,466 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, good to meet you. 140 00:04:34,467 --> 00:04:37,336 Uh, where's my food? What? 141 00:04:37,337 --> 00:04:38,570 I didn't eat any breakfast 'cause you said 142 00:04:38,571 --> 00:04:40,172 you were gonna get me In-N-Out! 143 00:04:40,173 --> 00:04:41,540 - In-N-Out? - Oh, my God. 144 00:04:41,541 --> 00:04:43,442 I'm going in my office. 145 00:04:43,443 --> 00:04:46,845 Uh, Larry, I do believe that's my office now. I'm sorry. 146 00:04:46,846 --> 00:04:48,347 Maybe if you just sit down, we get started, 147 00:04:48,348 --> 00:04:49,848 we get out of here at a reasonable hour. 148 00:04:49,849 --> 00:04:51,950 (SIGHS) 149 00:04:51,951 --> 00:04:53,885 Great. 150 00:04:53,886 --> 00:04:55,219 (DAVE) Okay. 151 00:04:59,292 --> 00:05:01,526 What? Why are you staring at me like that? 152 00:05:01,527 --> 00:05:05,030 CBS wants us to have this table read ready by next week. 153 00:05:05,031 --> 00:05:07,532 Gives us a ton of time to get this thing in shape. 154 00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:10,602 Maybe it's just a me thing, but I love to start a pilot off 155 00:05:10,603 --> 00:05:12,204 with a big entrance. 156 00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:15,040 Where's my Larry, Hugh, and Rachel? 157 00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:18,076 Oh... hello there. Melissa McCarthy. 158 00:05:18,077 --> 00:05:20,078 Yeah, I know. We've worked together. 159 00:05:20,079 --> 00:05:21,179 I don't believe we have. 160 00:05:21,180 --> 00:05:23,548 - Dave. Rothko. - Doesn't ring a bell. 161 00:05:23,549 --> 00:05:25,550 I did punch-up in Atlanta with you on "The Boss" 162 00:05:25,551 --> 00:05:26,952 for like th-three months. 163 00:05:26,953 --> 00:05:28,186 I don't think so. 164 00:05:28,187 --> 00:05:30,355 But then again, I'm not a visual person. 165 00:05:30,356 --> 00:05:31,923 Good thing you're directing the pilot. 166 00:05:31,924 --> 00:05:34,326 (LAUGHING) Oh, Hugh! You know what? 167 00:05:34,327 --> 00:05:35,761 - That's what I'm here to talk to you about. - Oh. 168 00:05:35,762 --> 00:05:39,097 Actually, I was thinking, "Hey, why don't I pop in 169 00:05:39,098 --> 00:05:43,035 so I can hear the script as opposed to reading it?" 170 00:05:43,036 --> 00:05:45,237 I can just kind of recline somewhere vertically 171 00:05:45,238 --> 00:05:49,207 and-and I can listen to you guys speak it or-or "perform it." 172 00:05:49,208 --> 00:05:50,709 If you're talking about a table read, 173 00:05:50,710 --> 00:05:52,711 we're doing one, uh, next week. 174 00:05:52,712 --> 00:05:56,014 No, it can't be next week. I'm in Thailand all next week. 175 00:05:56,015 --> 00:05:57,749 Sia is doing a rebirthing ceremony 176 00:05:57,750 --> 00:05:59,751 and I'm part of the lower canal. 177 00:05:59,752 --> 00:06:01,920 (CHUCKLING) The birth canal. 178 00:06:01,921 --> 00:06:04,990 It's messy, but it's gonna be spectacular. 179 00:06:04,991 --> 00:06:06,792 Let's look at this week, shall we? 180 00:06:06,793 --> 00:06:07,959 It's already Tuesday. You know what? 181 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:08,994 Friday is out. 182 00:06:08,995 --> 00:06:11,063 Ben is having laser hair removal surgery, 183 00:06:11,064 --> 00:06:13,598 which is really a gift from me to me. 184 00:06:13,599 --> 00:06:15,133 (GIGGLES) Let's see. 185 00:06:15,134 --> 00:06:17,636 Thursday, I'm shooting, skeet shooting. 186 00:06:17,637 --> 00:06:20,405 Tomorrow... is obviously too soon. 187 00:06:20,406 --> 00:06:23,241 Tomorrow is perfect. 188 00:06:23,242 --> 00:06:25,143 Okay. 189 00:06:25,144 --> 00:06:26,545 Like, end of the day? 190 00:06:26,546 --> 00:06:27,979 Oh, I'm more of a morning person. 191 00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:30,949 I like to have a little nip in the afternoon, and who knows? 192 00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:34,786 I mean, mid-afternoon, I could be done with my Ros�. 193 00:06:34,787 --> 00:06:38,190 So tomorrow morning it is, for sure. 194 00:06:38,191 --> 00:06:39,424 Right? 195 00:06:39,425 --> 00:06:41,793 Oh, I know those faces. 196 00:06:41,794 --> 00:06:43,929 I know what that means. Am I stressing you out? 197 00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:45,664 Let's rewind. 198 00:06:45,665 --> 00:06:48,066 Let's do... late tomorrow morning. 199 00:06:48,067 --> 00:06:49,501 Okay? 200 00:06:49,502 --> 00:06:51,670 How productive are we, right? 201 00:06:51,671 --> 00:06:53,071 Unbelievable. 202 00:06:53,072 --> 00:06:56,308 So lovely seeing you, and Steve. 203 00:06:56,309 --> 00:06:57,609 - Dave. - (MELISSA) Car! 204 00:06:57,610 --> 00:06:59,444 All right, we have 24 hours to write a script. 205 00:06:59,445 --> 00:07:01,613 Obviously, it's gonna be a late night, but we can do it. 206 00:07:01,614 --> 00:07:02,948 Wait, what are you gonna do about Lois? 207 00:07:02,949 --> 00:07:04,182 - (RACHEL) Um... - Who's Lois? 208 00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:06,418 Lois is my daughter, but it's... it's fine. 209 00:07:06,419 --> 00:07:08,487 Um, she has a playdate after school 210 00:07:08,488 --> 00:07:11,089 and I'll just ask the mom if she can spend the night, you know? 211 00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:12,357 Don't worry about me. 212 00:07:12,358 --> 00:07:14,960 This single mom has her stuff together. 213 00:07:14,961 --> 00:07:16,628 - I'm not gonna be the problem today. - (CELL PHONE RINGING) 214 00:07:16,629 --> 00:07:17,863 Hold on one second. It's the school. 215 00:07:17,864 --> 00:07:21,600 Hello? Yes? 216 00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:23,468 Okay, I'll be right there. 217 00:07:23,469 --> 00:07:25,470 Lois is sick. I have to pick her up. 218 00:07:25,471 --> 00:07:26,738 - What? - (HUGH) Well, wait a second. 219 00:07:26,739 --> 00:07:28,840 I drove you here, so either I have to take you 220 00:07:28,841 --> 00:07:30,342 or you gotta take my truck. 221 00:07:30,343 --> 00:07:31,710 Hugh, your truck only has a front seat. 222 00:07:31,711 --> 00:07:33,011 Lois can't sit in the front seat. 223 00:07:33,012 --> 00:07:34,513 - Hello! - We'll take my car. 224 00:07:34,514 --> 00:07:35,714 What is happening? 225 00:07:35,715 --> 00:07:37,315 I guess I have to drive Rachel. 226 00:07:37,316 --> 00:07:39,351 Rachel can't drive. She can't even drive her own car. 227 00:07:39,352 --> 00:07:41,019 (RACHEL) Okay, Hugh, can you come, please? 228 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:43,321 - 'Cause you make Lois laugh and I'm... I'm stressing. - Yes, yes. 229 00:07:43,322 --> 00:07:45,923 Guys, we have a show that we have to have written tomorrow. 230 00:07:50,157 --> 00:07:53,125 Okay, Curtis and Marry-Ellen enter with their luggage. 231 00:07:53,126 --> 00:07:54,960 Hilarious. We need a line from Larry. 232 00:07:54,961 --> 00:07:57,897 Larry, what do you want to say? 233 00:07:57,898 --> 00:07:59,765 - Larry! - Huh? 234 00:07:59,766 --> 00:08:01,300 Can you guys talk louder? 235 00:08:01,301 --> 00:08:02,501 It's very hard to hear from up here. 236 00:08:02,502 --> 00:08:04,370 Yep. What do you want to say, Larry? 237 00:08:04,371 --> 00:08:05,804 (LARRY) Ummmmm, I don't know. 238 00:08:05,805 --> 00:08:07,039 Hey, how's the patient? 239 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:08,641 - (LOIS) My throat hurts. - Oh... 240 00:08:08,642 --> 00:08:10,209 (RACHEL) Yeah, we need to take her to the doctor. 241 00:08:10,210 --> 00:08:11,977 Come on, you said we were going to the office next. 242 00:08:11,978 --> 00:08:13,946 Larry, can you type in "Westwood Pediatrics"? 243 00:08:13,947 --> 00:08:15,614 - It's over by UCLA. - Seriously? 244 00:08:15,615 --> 00:08:17,449 We're driving to Westwood? That's like an hour away. 245 00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:19,018 Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want my child to die? 246 00:08:19,019 --> 00:08:20,819 - What? - Hey, you're not gonna die. 247 00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:22,821 It says it's gonna take us 84 minutes. 248 00:08:22,822 --> 00:08:24,590 We can't afford that much time, please. 249 00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,792 Why don't you go to my pediatrician, Dr. Schnitman? 250 00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:28,394 You remember Schnitman, you had a date with him. 251 00:08:28,395 --> 00:08:30,496 We're not going to Schnitman. He's like ten minutes from here. 252 00:08:30,497 --> 00:08:32,298 - We'll be in and out. - Perfect, ten minutes. 253 00:08:32,299 --> 00:08:33,765 Schnitman's it is. 254 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:41,674 I thought we'd be in an out. It's been over an hour. 255 00:08:41,675 --> 00:08:42,841 We could have gone to Westwood. 256 00:08:42,842 --> 00:08:44,977 I don't know how long these things take. 257 00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:46,579 Jen always takes the kids. 258 00:08:46,580 --> 00:08:49,048 But they got us in this room fast. That's something. 259 00:08:49,049 --> 00:08:51,083 (FLY BUZZING) Is there a fly in here? 260 00:08:51,084 --> 00:08:52,318 That's not even sanitary! 261 00:08:52,319 --> 00:08:55,221 Hey, can we focus, please? It's 12:45. 262 00:08:55,222 --> 00:08:57,056 We're officially in the p.m.'s. 263 00:08:57,057 --> 00:08:58,557 We've yet to meet your wife. 264 00:08:58,558 --> 00:09:00,893 Don't you think people are interested in your wife? 265 00:09:00,894 --> 00:09:05,764 Okay, how's it... Uh... Larry. 266 00:09:05,765 --> 00:09:06,865 Uh, what... what, uh... 267 00:09:09,803 --> 00:09:12,938 Rachel. What's, uh, going on? 268 00:09:12,939 --> 00:09:17,343 Walter, the man who takes care of my family. 269 00:09:17,344 --> 00:09:19,178 (PANTING) 270 00:09:19,179 --> 00:09:22,047 But, today I brought you somebody else's kid for a change. 271 00:09:22,048 --> 00:09:23,849 - Okay. - (FLY BUZZING) 272 00:09:23,850 --> 00:09:25,851 Um, hi, Walter. 273 00:09:25,852 --> 00:09:28,387 It's good to... see you again. 274 00:09:28,388 --> 00:09:29,688 You too. 275 00:09:29,689 --> 00:09:31,757 Uh, she's got a really sore throat. 276 00:09:31,758 --> 00:09:34,226 I'm sorry. Oh, I can... 277 00:09:34,227 --> 00:09:36,695 Right, I can... check on that. 278 00:09:36,696 --> 00:09:38,530 Oh, man. Excuse me. 279 00:09:38,531 --> 00:09:40,466 (DAVE) Sorry. 280 00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:42,667 Just gonna... 281 00:09:44,037 --> 00:09:46,071 - Okay. - That's him. That's the guy. 282 00:09:46,072 --> 00:09:48,107 That's the one that went on a date with Jen. 283 00:09:48,108 --> 00:09:50,109 - What? - Mm-hmm. - What? 284 00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:51,610 - Uh, what? No. - Uh, nothing. 285 00:09:51,611 --> 00:09:53,946 (CLATTERING) 286 00:09:53,947 --> 00:09:55,747 - So, Jen. - What about Jen? 287 00:09:57,917 --> 00:10:00,351 Uh... get through here? 288 00:10:02,622 --> 00:10:05,289 There's no way. That's the same man. 289 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:07,559 Good. 290 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,762 I'm gonna kill you. 291 00:10:09,763 --> 00:10:12,131 (WHISPERING) Oh, I deserve it. 292 00:10:12,132 --> 00:10:13,265 (SLAMS HAND ON COUNTERTOP) 293 00:10:13,266 --> 00:10:15,967 It's a fly. I got him. 294 00:10:18,638 --> 00:10:21,473 Now Jen's gonna think I told Larry 295 00:10:21,474 --> 00:10:24,009 and I brought him to Schnitman's office to confront him. 296 00:10:24,010 --> 00:10:25,844 No one's gonna think that. 297 00:10:25,845 --> 00:10:28,847 - Larry came here to confront me. - (JEN) Oh, my God. 298 00:10:28,848 --> 00:10:31,116 - What am I gonna tell him? - We'll tell him the truth. 299 00:10:31,117 --> 00:10:33,018 That we're in love and we want to get married. 300 00:10:33,019 --> 00:10:35,954 I'm not in love with you! I met you for a drink! 301 00:10:35,955 --> 00:10:37,856 I'm just lonely. 302 00:10:37,857 --> 00:10:40,459 I'm lonely, too. That's why it's so perfect. 303 00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:43,829 Walter, this was a mistake. 304 00:10:43,830 --> 00:10:45,864 - I need to talk to Larry. - We can... 305 00:10:45,865 --> 00:10:47,399 - (PHONE BEEPING) - Hello? 306 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,068 So, Jen. 307 00:10:49,069 --> 00:10:50,969 We still haven't met Jen. Not that it matters. 308 00:10:50,970 --> 00:10:52,871 She's just your wife, who's a major character in the show 309 00:10:52,872 --> 00:10:54,306 who we haven't written a word for yet. 310 00:10:54,307 --> 00:10:56,475 All right, we can focus and we can do this. 311 00:10:56,476 --> 00:10:58,377 Really? Because we're on page two 312 00:10:58,378 --> 00:11:01,046 and we have a table read at 11:00 in the morning. 313 00:11:01,047 --> 00:11:03,148 Do you know if CBS is gonna be at the table read? 314 00:11:03,149 --> 00:11:04,717 Do I know if CBS is gonna be 315 00:11:04,718 --> 00:11:06,485 at the CBS pilot table read tomorrow? 316 00:11:06,486 --> 00:11:09,555 - I'm positive. - Oh, my God. I didn't think about this. 317 00:11:09,556 --> 00:11:12,358 This is the first time they're gonna see me as an actor. 318 00:11:12,359 --> 00:11:14,626 Do I look like I could be an actor in a CBS sitcom? 319 00:11:14,627 --> 00:11:17,195 You have the desperation of an actor. 320 00:11:20,734 --> 00:11:23,268 It's my eyebrows. They're too light. 321 00:11:23,269 --> 00:11:25,404 I have an expressive face, but you can't tell 322 00:11:25,405 --> 00:11:26,905 'cause you can't even see my eyebrows. 323 00:11:26,906 --> 00:11:29,441 (PHONE CHIMES) - I thought I had a week. 324 00:11:29,442 --> 00:11:31,477 I would've made an appointment with my girl. 325 00:11:31,478 --> 00:11:33,078 Melissa just moved the table read. 326 00:11:33,079 --> 00:11:35,414 Oh, great. Now we have more time. 327 00:11:35,415 --> 00:11:38,150 No, it's 9:00 a.m. It's two hours earlier now. 328 00:11:38,151 --> 00:11:40,219 Oh, my God. 329 00:11:40,220 --> 00:11:43,021 I gotta buy something to darken my eyebrows. 330 00:11:43,022 --> 00:11:45,257 Cephalexin? What the hell is that? 331 00:11:45,258 --> 00:11:47,159 It's usually amoxicillin. My God! 332 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,395 I told you we shouldn't have gone to Schnitman. 333 00:11:49,396 --> 00:11:50,662 I'm gonna call his office. 334 00:11:50,663 --> 00:11:51,897 Hey, hon', can I see the phone? 335 00:11:51,898 --> 00:11:54,199 But, Mommy, I'm playing a game. 336 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,567 Let me see your phone. 337 00:11:55,568 --> 00:11:58,570 Oh, uh, no, I left it in Larry's bus. 338 00:11:58,571 --> 00:12:00,606 My God, you're so irresponsible. 339 00:12:00,607 --> 00:12:03,008 Larry, give me your phone. Gimme! 340 00:12:03,009 --> 00:12:04,343 "Please." 341 00:12:04,344 --> 00:12:05,944 My God. 342 00:12:05,945 --> 00:12:07,679 (CELL PHONE VIBRATING) 343 00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:08,914 (RACHEL WHISPERING) Jen. 344 00:12:08,915 --> 00:12:09,982 I told you! 345 00:12:09,983 --> 00:12:12,017 Now she thinks she has to tell Larry! 346 00:12:12,018 --> 00:12:13,252 Hello? 347 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:15,421 (JEN) Larry, it's not what you think. 348 00:12:15,422 --> 00:12:16,955 I mean, yes, I went on a date with Walter, 349 00:12:16,956 --> 00:12:18,223 but nothing happened. 350 00:12:18,224 --> 00:12:19,691 He's just a friend. 351 00:12:19,692 --> 00:12:20,993 Jen, it's Hugh. 352 00:12:20,994 --> 00:12:23,529 Hugh? I answered Larry's phone. 353 00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:25,898 He doesn't know anything. 354 00:12:25,899 --> 00:12:27,266 But you went to Walter's office. 355 00:12:27,267 --> 00:12:29,066 That was for Rachel's daughter. 356 00:12:30,737 --> 00:12:32,271 It's a long story, 357 00:12:32,272 --> 00:12:34,506 but I did not tell Larry anything. 358 00:12:34,507 --> 00:12:36,542 Oh, thank God. 359 00:12:36,543 --> 00:12:38,610 What am I doing? 360 00:12:38,611 --> 00:12:40,779 (JEN SOBBING) Larry's just never here anymore 361 00:12:40,780 --> 00:12:44,016 and he spends more time with you and Rachel than he does with me. 362 00:12:44,017 --> 00:12:45,417 I mean, isn't that a kind of cheating? 363 00:12:45,418 --> 00:12:47,553 Well, why am I the bad guy? 364 00:12:47,554 --> 00:12:49,154 I-I... 365 00:12:49,155 --> 00:12:50,856 I'm not trying to hurt anybody. 366 00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:54,159 Jen, just... calm down, all right? 367 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,727 Uh, if you just wait, 368 00:12:55,728 --> 00:12:58,130 um, everything is about to change for you guys. 369 00:12:58,131 --> 00:12:59,898 We just have to get through this table read tomorrow. 370 00:12:59,899 --> 00:13:02,067 For the "Larry Hates His Family" show. 371 00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:04,803 I get that that was insulting, the script that you read, 372 00:13:04,804 --> 00:13:06,572 but we're changing all of it. 373 00:13:06,573 --> 00:13:09,641 Just give Larry another chance, all right? 374 00:13:09,642 --> 00:13:11,677 I mean, as bad as the last year has been, 375 00:13:11,678 --> 00:13:13,412 it could all change tomorrow. 376 00:13:13,413 --> 00:13:15,781 All right. 377 00:13:15,782 --> 00:13:18,316 I'll give him another chance. 378 00:13:20,753 --> 00:13:23,889 Should I go black for the table read? 379 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,957 Oh... I'm doomed. 380 00:13:27,613 --> 00:13:29,781 - So we're staying here, right? - Yes. 381 00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:33,318 We're not going anywhere else until this thing is finished? 382 00:13:33,319 --> 00:13:36,654 Correct, I just need to very quickly make Lois a mac and cheese. 383 00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:37,889 Oh, my God. 384 00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:39,791 Is that Mark-Paul Gosselaar? 385 00:13:39,792 --> 00:13:41,793 (RACHEL) He's our neighbor. 386 00:13:41,794 --> 00:13:45,063 And he's Rachel's boyfriend. 387 00:13:45,064 --> 00:13:46,197 What? 388 00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:48,600 Mark-Paul Gosselaar? 389 00:13:48,601 --> 00:13:49,601 With you? 390 00:13:49,602 --> 00:13:51,769 - Okay. - I mean, uh, you know... 391 00:13:51,770 --> 00:13:53,271 (MOCKING TONE) "I mean, uh, wuh-wuh." 392 00:13:53,272 --> 00:13:55,773 (LARRY) That's crazy. I mean, doesn't he date models? 393 00:13:55,774 --> 00:13:56,975 Isn't that his thing? 394 00:13:56,976 --> 00:13:58,109 Is that his thing? 395 00:13:58,110 --> 00:14:00,144 He'd be great in our show. 396 00:14:00,145 --> 00:14:01,980 As what? As the neighbor. 397 00:14:01,981 --> 00:14:03,348 (DAVE) The neighbor, Larry? 398 00:14:03,349 --> 00:14:06,618 We haven't met your wife yet. We're still on page two. 399 00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:08,453 Mark-Paul, you remember Hugh. 400 00:14:08,454 --> 00:14:09,821 (MARK-PAUL) Of course. Hey, Hugh. 401 00:14:09,822 --> 00:14:12,023 And this is Larry. 402 00:14:12,024 --> 00:14:13,291 Hey, Larry. How are you? 403 00:14:13,292 --> 00:14:14,492 Big fan. Thanks. 404 00:14:14,493 --> 00:14:16,694 Dawson. What? 405 00:14:16,695 --> 00:14:18,162 "Dawson's Creek." You were Dawson. 406 00:14:18,163 --> 00:14:19,731 That's James Van Der Beek. 407 00:14:19,732 --> 00:14:22,033 He's wonderful. 408 00:14:22,034 --> 00:14:23,968 Hey, Hugh. That's pretty cool, huh? 409 00:14:23,969 --> 00:14:26,070 - Yeah, Rachel's Mom did that. - Aww. 410 00:14:26,071 --> 00:14:28,373 - Yeah, no, I-I know. - Yeah, there's one that matches. 411 00:14:28,374 --> 00:14:29,908 You know, it's like a set with that. 412 00:14:29,909 --> 00:14:31,910 Uh, yup, I know that. 413 00:14:31,911 --> 00:14:33,711 - But it's lost. - Yeah, I know. 414 00:14:33,712 --> 00:14:34,879 Do you have a charger? 415 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:36,848 I don't know. Maybe in Ethan's office. 416 00:14:36,849 --> 00:14:39,083 - Is she sick? - Yeah, a little bit. 417 00:14:39,084 --> 00:14:41,319 Well, guys, you know, I can watch her 418 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,221 if you need to head back to the office. 419 00:14:43,222 --> 00:14:44,722 - That's sweet, but... - No, Rachel, Rachel, don't worry. 420 00:14:44,723 --> 00:14:47,058 I played a doctor in this pilot called "Philadelphia General." 421 00:14:47,059 --> 00:14:48,893 It didn't go, but I learned CPR. 422 00:14:48,894 --> 00:14:50,962 Perfect. You got an actual doctor. 423 00:14:50,963 --> 00:14:52,830 This is perfect. How convenient. 424 00:14:52,831 --> 00:14:54,666 Let's go! 425 00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:56,834 (DAVE) Okay, it's 5:17. 426 00:14:56,835 --> 00:15:01,005 If we don't waste a second, maybe by some miracle, 427 00:15:01,006 --> 00:15:03,975 we can get this done, but we have to meet Jen. 428 00:15:03,976 --> 00:15:07,712 I completely agree. However, I am starving. 429 00:15:07,713 --> 00:15:10,081 This is not my fault. 430 00:15:10,082 --> 00:15:11,849 I thought I was gonna get In-N-Out this morning. 431 00:15:11,850 --> 00:15:14,385 I'm not saying we have to get In-N-Out 432 00:15:14,386 --> 00:15:16,120 'cause Larry wants In-N-Out. 433 00:15:16,121 --> 00:15:20,024 I'm very open. I'm very easy. 434 00:15:20,025 --> 00:15:22,093 Probably not feeling Mexican. 435 00:15:22,094 --> 00:15:23,695 Shut up! Shut up, Larry! 436 00:15:23,696 --> 00:15:24,996 Shut up, all of you! 437 00:15:24,997 --> 00:15:27,398 - We didn't say anything. - Shut up! 438 00:15:27,399 --> 00:15:30,234 We are not gonna get this done. Let's just admit that. 439 00:15:30,235 --> 00:15:31,703 Why don't we face the facts for a second? 440 00:15:31,704 --> 00:15:33,137 We're gonna be humiliated tomorrow. 441 00:15:33,138 --> 00:15:35,607 And I know that doesn't mean anything to the three of you 442 00:15:35,608 --> 00:15:38,843 'cause you have nothing to lose, but I have an actual career 443 00:15:38,844 --> 00:15:40,945 and this is my reputation and I'm gonna look 444 00:15:40,946 --> 00:15:43,314 like an idiot tomorrow in front of Melissa McCarthy! 445 00:15:43,315 --> 00:15:45,583 And I don't know what your dealings are with her, but she's not very nice. 446 00:15:45,584 --> 00:15:48,953 So why don't we just pack up our stuff and go? 447 00:15:48,954 --> 00:15:52,323 And, Rachel, you should just be a stay-at-home mom, 448 00:15:52,324 --> 00:15:54,158 because from what I can tell, 449 00:15:54,159 --> 00:15:56,227 you obviously can't be a working mom! 450 00:15:56,228 --> 00:15:57,495 Oh, is that right? 451 00:15:57,496 --> 00:16:00,765 Because I don't ever hear my daughter complaining. 452 00:16:00,766 --> 00:16:01,833 That's not true. 453 00:16:01,834 --> 00:16:03,668 And, Hugh, you seem dead inside. 454 00:16:03,669 --> 00:16:06,871 You have soulless, lifeless eyes. 455 00:16:06,872 --> 00:16:08,139 Do you care about anything? 456 00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:09,774 I'm sorry, I wasn't listening. 457 00:16:09,775 --> 00:16:12,510 And, Larry, I don't know if you were planning on being a sitcom star, 458 00:16:12,511 --> 00:16:14,178 but I got a newsflash for you, buddy. 459 00:16:14,179 --> 00:16:16,113 It ain't gonna happen! 460 00:16:19,018 --> 00:16:20,585 Wait. 461 00:16:20,586 --> 00:16:22,820 What? 462 00:16:22,821 --> 00:16:25,056 We have a script. 463 00:16:25,057 --> 00:16:26,858 It's funny. 464 00:16:26,859 --> 00:16:28,259 - Larry... - CBS never saw it. 465 00:16:28,260 --> 00:16:29,327 They wrote it. It's great. 466 00:16:29,328 --> 00:16:31,496 - What about Jen? - I think Jen'll be fine. 467 00:16:31,497 --> 00:16:32,764 I really do. 468 00:16:32,765 --> 00:16:35,633 I think she just overreacted when she read it, 469 00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:38,503 but lately, she's been way more relaxed. 470 00:16:38,504 --> 00:16:40,638 She's been going out with her girlfriends. 471 00:16:40,639 --> 00:16:43,107 Larry, uh... I gotta tell you... 472 00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:44,308 Hugh. 473 00:16:44,309 --> 00:16:46,310 You gotta trust me on this one, all right? 474 00:16:46,311 --> 00:16:48,112 My marriage is gonna be just fine. 475 00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:50,882 It's all gonna work out. 476 00:16:50,883 --> 00:16:52,817 You can't tell, 477 00:16:52,818 --> 00:16:55,687 but I'm flashing my eyebrows right now. 478 00:16:55,688 --> 00:16:58,822 But you're gonna be able to tell tomorrow at the table read. 479 00:17:03,784 --> 00:17:04,834 (LARRY) This is crazy. 480 00:17:04,835 --> 00:17:07,350 We've been waiting for, like, 45 minutes and no Melissa. 481 00:17:07,351 --> 00:17:09,286 Should we just start? 482 00:17:09,287 --> 00:17:11,388 What? 483 00:17:11,389 --> 00:17:13,557 Is it my eyebrows? Is it... Is it too much? 484 00:17:13,558 --> 00:17:15,325 No. No, no, no. 485 00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,927 You'd tell me, right? Mmm. 486 00:17:16,928 --> 00:17:18,161 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 487 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,630 - I'd tell you. - Okay. 488 00:17:20,631 --> 00:17:21,965 Ugh! 489 00:17:21,966 --> 00:17:25,368 I am so, so sorry that I am late. 490 00:17:25,369 --> 00:17:29,139 My former assistant, as of 20 minutes ago... long story... 491 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:33,777 didn't put this appointment into my phone, so apologies. 492 00:17:33,778 --> 00:17:35,145 (DAVE) Okay. 493 00:17:35,146 --> 00:17:38,181 First, let me say, I am incredibly proud of this script 494 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:39,749 and we are super excited for you to hear it. 495 00:17:39,750 --> 00:17:43,320 Reading Jen and Mary-Ellen is Rachel Ramras. 496 00:17:43,321 --> 00:17:46,256 Hugh Davidson will be reading Curtis and the neighbor, 497 00:17:46,257 --> 00:17:49,826 and Larry Dorf will be reading for Larry Dorf, obviously. 498 00:17:49,827 --> 00:17:52,796 I'll read some of the smaller roles and the stage directions. 499 00:17:52,797 --> 00:17:55,899 You know what? Why don't I just read the stage directions? 500 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,869 I'm theatrically trained, I've been told, 501 00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:01,037 so, um, it's no problem, 502 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,506 and I'm just thinking maybe you don't have exactly 503 00:18:03,507 --> 00:18:05,175 the kind of voice people want to hear. 504 00:18:05,176 --> 00:18:06,610 (LAUGHING) Okay. 505 00:18:06,611 --> 00:18:09,712 Okay, thank you, right over there is good. 506 00:18:11,249 --> 00:18:12,581 Nope, nope. 507 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,620 Okay. (EXHALES) 508 00:18:16,621 --> 00:18:21,258 Without further ado, we give you "Open Dorf Policy." 509 00:18:21,259 --> 00:18:23,292 (APPLAUSE) 510 00:18:25,263 --> 00:18:28,832 Interior, Larry's house. It's a mess. 511 00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:32,669 Toys are everywhere, dishes piling up in the sink, etcetera. 512 00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:36,339 Two babies are on the floor completely unattended. 513 00:18:36,340 --> 00:18:37,874 (LAUGHTER) 514 00:18:37,875 --> 00:18:41,745 Jen, a harried housewife enters wearing old sweatpants. 515 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,614 She hasn't showered in days. 516 00:18:44,615 --> 00:18:47,517 She'd be pretty if she tried, but she never tries. 517 00:18:47,518 --> 00:18:50,520 I mean, this woman is a mess. 518 00:18:50,521 --> 00:18:52,255 (LAUGHTER) 519 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:55,892 Larry, Larry! Who's watching the babies? 520 00:18:55,893 --> 00:18:58,295 Larry enters. They're watching each other. 521 00:18:58,296 --> 00:18:59,596 I told this one to watch that one 522 00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:00,764 and that one to watch this one. 523 00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:02,465 (LAUGHTER) 524 00:19:02,466 --> 00:19:05,101 My parents are coming down from Long Beach in an hour 525 00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,569 and the house is a mess! 526 00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:08,571 Up. What? 527 00:19:08,572 --> 00:19:10,707 Up. It's up from Long Beach. 528 00:19:10,708 --> 00:19:12,776 Long Beach is south of us. 529 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:14,144 Shut up, Larry! 530 00:19:14,145 --> 00:19:17,781 (LAUGHTER) 531 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:22,485 As Curtis drops the menorah into the trashcan, we fade out. 532 00:19:22,486 --> 00:19:26,156 (APPLAUSE) 533 00:19:26,157 --> 00:19:27,356 Oh, nicely done. 534 00:19:30,094 --> 00:19:32,295 Oh, my God, I think that went great. 535 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:35,265 I've never heard people laugh that hard. 536 00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:36,766 Yeah. You were great. 537 00:19:36,767 --> 00:19:38,401 You were so funny as the neighbor. 538 00:19:38,402 --> 00:19:39,602 We should talk casting. 539 00:19:39,603 --> 00:19:41,404 Any thoughts on who should play Larry? 540 00:19:41,405 --> 00:19:43,907 Yeah, I-I-I thought Larry was playing Larry. 541 00:19:43,908 --> 00:19:45,241 (LAUGHING) No. 542 00:19:45,242 --> 00:19:46,910 Can you imagine? 543 00:19:46,911 --> 00:19:48,945 Can you imagine Larry playing Larry? Ahh! 544 00:19:48,946 --> 00:19:50,780 Why don't you put together a list of actors 545 00:19:50,781 --> 00:19:52,482 and we'll talk in a day or two? 546 00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:54,517 How about Mark-Paul Gosselaar? 547 00:19:54,518 --> 00:19:56,353 You know what I was thinking? 548 00:19:56,354 --> 00:19:58,088 What about Mark-Paul Gosselaar? 549 00:19:58,089 --> 00:20:00,857 - That's a great idea. - I love him. 550 00:20:00,858 --> 00:20:03,193 He's perfect. He's funny, sexy. 551 00:20:03,194 --> 00:20:05,528 He doesn't have crazy eyebrows. 552 00:20:05,529 --> 00:20:06,496 (LAUGHTER) 553 00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,730 - I thought that was just me. - No. 554 00:20:10,201 --> 00:20:11,634 They're happy. 555 00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:13,336 You know who else is gonna be happy? 556 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,372 My wife. 557 00:20:15,373 --> 00:20:20,610 Because her husband is about to be the star of a CBS sitcom. 558 00:20:20,611 --> 00:20:21,878 (LAUGHTER CONTINUES) 559 00:20:21,879 --> 00:20:24,413 - Ooh. - "Ooh" is right. 560 00:20:25,182 --> 00:20:32,468 Subtitle sync and corrections by awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com. 561 00:20:32,518 --> 00:20:37,068 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41269

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