All language subtitles for Nobodies s02e04 Driven Insane.eng

- Hey.
- Hey.

Thanks for driving me to work again,

but I really can drive myself.

I don't want to drive you.
I need to talk to you.

Close the door, let's go.

Speedy Gonzales, hold on.

Gotta buckle up for safety.

- Ooh!
- Whoa!

Hugh! What the hell?

How am I supposed to see this guy?

God, what is wrong with you?

You could have killed him!

(MAN LAUGHING)

- Oh, God.
- Hey.

You almost clipped me there, big guy.

- Sorry about that.
- Muah.

- You guys off to work?
- Yeah.

- Trying to.
- What are you doing tonight?

- Wanna do something?
- Yeah.

Michael and Ethan are in Palm
Springs for their anniversary,

so I have Lois, but you can come over.

Oh, okay, great.
What time were you thinking?

Um... 7:00-ish?

No, 7:00. 7:00's good.
Maybe like 6:45.

I mean, I can text you when
I get out of work if you want.

No, no, no, I think 7:00's good
because I have this thing and I'll...

- I'll eat a late lunch.
- Okay, why don't I text you when I...

Is there maybe any way you guys

could figure this bullshit out later?

Yeah. My bad.

So, babe, I'm gonna go to the gym

and then I'll call you later
and we'll figure it out.

- Okay.
- Bye.

Okay, I think that's...

We'll get her back to you tonight.

- 10:00 and 2:00.
- Oh.

(RACHEL) You know, you could be nicer.

Rachel, I have to talk to you.

Larry's wife is having an affair.

What?

I saw her last night
on a date with some man.

How do you know it was a date?

It was in a bar. It was at night.

She was wearing a dress.

She was wearing, like,
this low-cut thing.

All it was,
was Jen's breasts everywhere.

Jen would not cheat on Larry.

We... We should just ask.

I'm sure there's a simple explanation.

Wait, what are you doing?
I just texted Larry.

I said, "Hey, what did you
and Jen do last night?"

You just send that text
out of the blue?

Who would not think
that's an insane question?

"Great question, thanks for asking.

I went home and Jen had dinner
with a girlfriend."

"She had affair."

Oh, my God, he wrote that?

- Uh, yeah, he's writing more.
- (PHONE CHIMES)

"Sorry, went too soon.
She had affair well dinner

with her girlfriend."

What? Did you mean a farewell dinner?

(PHONE CHIMING)

"Oh, is that how you spell it?

I gonna call you now."

My God, he's an idiot.

- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- Hello?

(LARRY)
That's really how you spell it?

All in one word? It looks crazy.

Who you talking to?

Rachel.

Is she with Hugh? Huh?

I'm gonna go, um, to the bathroom.

I love you. Mmm.

Did you get that email from CBS?

(RACHEL) I don't... I
don't know, I'll look.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Who's that?

- I don't know that number.
- (LARRY) Who you talking to?

Well, answer it. It could be CBS.

Ugh!

- Hello?
- (JEN) Hugh?

It's Jen.

(LARRY) Are you at a drive-thru?

Like an In-N-Out? (WHISPERING)
Uh, yeah, hold on.

Are you alone?

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Uh, yes, I'm alone.

Hello?

(WHISPERING) Hold on!

(JEN) I saw you last night.
I know you saw me too.

Uh... (MOUTHING WORDS)

Um...

(JEN) It's not what you think!

I mean, it is. But nothing's happened.

Yet. I don't know.

I'm freaking out!

Don't tell Larry, or Rachel.

- Rachel's a blabbermouth.
- (LARRY) What are you doing?

Are you still looking for that email?

All it says is the new
showrunner is starting today.

- (WHISPERING) Okay, great.
- (WHISPERING) Why are you whispering?

Hugh, are you still there?
Where are you?

(WHISPERING) I'm in Hugh's car, shh.

Uh, yes, I'm still here.

Just promise me you won't tell Larry.

I-I just need time to think.
Promise me.

I promise.

(JEN) I'm counting on you.

Our marriage is in your hands.

(PHONE BEEPS)

Are you guys still at that drive-thru?

Get me something.
Today's my cheat day.

Well, yesterday was my cheat day,

but I can do two days in a row, right?

All right, I'll see you at work.

(PHONE BEEPING)
- Well, it's somebody's cheat day.

What?

Someone in this house is cheating.

What?

It's me.

(EXHALES) In-N-Out.

Just today.

Whew! Feels good
to get that off my chest.

- We have to tell him.
- No, we do not. Jesus Christ!

I just promised the woman
I wouldn't tell him.

My God, well, I can't just act like...

Hey, you must be Rachel
and... Larry or Hugh?

Uh, Hugh. Hey, I'm Dave Rothko.

I'm the new showrunner. Uh-huh.

Don't hate me. It's weird, I know.

I assure you, I am on your side.

It is not me versus you,
it's us versus them.

- That's great.
- Great.

All right.

Hey, Larry.

- Oh...
- I'm Dave. I'm the new showrunner.

I just did the "don't hate me"
speech for Hugh and Rachel.

Basically, it's weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hi, good to meet you.

Uh, where's my food? What?

I didn't eat any breakfast
'cause you said

you were gonna get me In-N-Out!

- In-N-Out?
- Oh, my God.

I'm going in my office.

Uh, Larry, I do believe that's
my office now. I'm sorry.

Maybe if you just sit down,
we get started,

we get out of here
at a reasonable hour.

(SIGHS)

Great.

(DAVE) Okay.

What? Why are you staring
at me like that?

CBS wants us to have this table
read ready by next week.

Gives us a ton of time
to get this thing in shape.

Maybe it's just a me thing,
but I love to start a pilot off

with a big entrance.

Where's my Larry, Hugh, and Rachel?

Oh... hello there. Melissa McCarthy.

Yeah, I know. We've worked together.

I don't believe we have.

- Dave. Rothko.
- Doesn't ring a bell.

I did punch-up in Atlanta
with you on "The Boss"

for like th-three months.

I don't think so.

But then again,
I'm not a visual person.

Good thing you're directing the pilot.

(LAUGHING) Oh, Hugh! You know what?

- That's what I'm here to
talk to you about. - Oh.

Actually, I was thinking,
"Hey, why don't I pop in

so I can hear the script
as opposed to reading it?"

I can just kind of recline
somewhere vertically

and-and I can listen to you guys
speak it or-or "perform it."

If you're talking about a table read,

we're doing one, uh, next week.

No, it can't be next week.
I'm in Thailand all next week.

Sia is doing a rebirthing ceremony

and I'm part of the lower canal.

(CHUCKLING) The birth canal.

It's messy,
but it's gonna be spectacular.

Let's look at this week, shall we?

It's already Tuesday. You know what?

Friday is out.

Ben is having
laser hair removal surgery,

which is really a gift from me to me.

(GIGGLES) Let's see.

Thursday, I'm shooting,
skeet shooting.

Tomorrow... is obviously too soon.

Tomorrow is perfect.

Okay.

Like, end of the day?

Oh, I'm more of a morning person.

I like to have a little nip
in the afternoon, and who knows?

I mean, mid-afternoon,
I could be done with my Ros�.

So tomorrow morning it is, for sure.

Right?

Oh, I know those faces.

I know what that means.
Am I stressing you out?

Let's rewind.

Let's do... late tomorrow morning.

Okay?

How productive are we, right?

Unbelievable.

So lovely seeing you, and Steve.

- Dave.
- (MELISSA) Car!

All right, we have 24 hours
to write a script.

Obviously, it's gonna be
a late night, but we can do it.

Wait, what are you gonna do
about Lois?

- (RACHEL) Um...
- Who's Lois?

Lois is my daughter,
but it's... it's fine.

Um, she has a playdate after school

and I'll just ask the mom if she
can spend the night, you know?

Don't worry about me.

This single mom
has her stuff together.

- I'm not gonna be the problem today.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hold on one second. It's the school.

Hello? Yes?

Okay, I'll be right there.

Lois is sick. I have to pick her up.

- What?
- (HUGH) Well, wait a second.

I drove you here,
so either I have to take you

or you gotta take my truck.

Hugh, your truck only has
a front seat.

Lois can't sit in the front seat.

- Hello!
- We'll take my car.

What is happening?

I guess I have to drive Rachel.

Rachel can't drive. She can't
even drive her own car.

(RACHEL) Okay, Hugh,
can you come, please?

- 'Cause you make Lois laugh and
I'm... I'm stressing. - Yes, yes.

Guys, we have a show that we
have to have written tomorrow.

Okay, Curtis and Marry-Ellen
enter with their luggage.

Hilarious. We need a line from Larry.

Larry, what do you want to say?

- Larry!
- Huh?

Can you guys talk louder?

It's very hard to hear from up here.

Yep. What do you want to say, Larry?

(LARRY) Ummmmm, I don't know.

Hey, how's the patient?

- (LOIS) My throat hurts.
- Oh...

(RACHEL) Yeah, we need to
take her to the doctor.

Come on, you said we were
going to the office next.

Larry, can you type
in "Westwood Pediatrics"?

- It's over by UCLA.
- Seriously?

We're driving to Westwood?
That's like an hour away.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you want my child to die?

- What?
- Hey, you're not gonna die.

It says it's gonna take us 84 minutes.

We can't afford
that much time, please.

Why don't you go to
my pediatrician, Dr. Schnitman?

You remember Schnitman,
you had a date with him.

We're not going to Schnitman.
He's like ten minutes from here.

- We'll be in and out.
- Perfect, ten minutes.

Schnitman's it is.

I thought we'd be in an out.
It's been over an hour.

We could have gone to Westwood.

I don't know how long
these things take.

Jen always takes the kids.

But they got us in this room fast.
That's something.

(FLY BUZZING) Is there a fly in here?

That's not even sanitary!

Hey, can we focus, please? It's 12:45.

We're officially in the p.m.'s.

We've yet to meet your wife.

Don't you think people
are interested in your wife?

Okay, how's it... Uh... Larry.

Uh, what... what, uh...

Rachel. What's, uh, going on?

Walter, the man who takes
care of my family.

(PANTING)

But, today I brought you somebody
else's kid for a change.

- Okay.
- (FLY BUZZING)

Um, hi, Walter.

It's good to... see you again.

You too.

Uh, she's got a really sore throat.

I'm sorry. Oh, I can...

Right, I can... check on that.

Oh, man. Excuse me.

(DAVE) Sorry.

Just gonna...

- Okay.
- That's him. That's the guy.

That's the one that went
on a date with Jen.

- What?
- Mm-hmm. - What?

- Uh, what? No.
- Uh, nothing.

(CLATTERING)

- So, Jen.
- What about Jen?

Uh... get through here?

There's no way. That's the same man.

Good.

I'm gonna kill you.

(WHISPERING) Oh, I deserve it.

(SLAMS HAND ON COUNTERTOP)

It's a fly. I got him.

Now Jen's gonna think I told Larry

and I brought him to Schnitman's
office to confront him.

No one's gonna think that.

- Larry came here to confront me.
- (JEN) Oh, my God.

- What am I gonna tell him?
- We'll tell him the truth.

That we're in love
and we want to get married.

I'm not in love with you!
I met you for a drink!

I'm just lonely.

I'm lonely, too.
That's why it's so perfect.

Walter, this was a mistake.

- I need to talk to Larry.
- We can...

- (PHONE BEEPING)
- Hello?

So, Jen.

We still haven't met Jen.
Not that it matters.

She's just your wife, who's a
major character in the show

who we haven't written a word for yet.

All right, we can focus
and we can do this.

Really? Because we're on page two

and we have a table read
at 11:00 in the morning.

Do you know if CBS is gonna be
at the table read?

Do I know if CBS is gonna be

at the CBS pilot table read tomorrow?

- I'm positive.
- Oh, my God. I didn't think about this.

This is the first time they're
gonna see me as an actor.

Do I look like I could be
an actor in a CBS sitcom?

You have the desperation of an actor.

It's my eyebrows. They're too light.

I have an expressive face,
but you can't tell

'cause you can't even see my eyebrows.

(PHONE CHIMES)
- I thought I had a week.

I would've made an
appointment with my girl.

Melissa just moved the table read.

Oh, great. Now we have more time.

No, it's 9:00 a.m.
It's two hours earlier now.

Oh, my God.

I gotta buy something
to darken my eyebrows.

Cephalexin? What the hell is that?

It's usually amoxicillin. My God!

I told you we shouldn't
have gone to Schnitman.

I'm gonna call his office.

Hey, hon', can I see the phone?

But, Mommy, I'm playing a game.

Let me see your phone.

Oh, uh, no, I left it in Larry's bus.

My God, you're so irresponsible.

Larry, give me your phone. Gimme!

"Please."

My God.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

(RACHEL WHISPERING) Jen.

I told you!

Now she thinks she has to tell Larry!

Hello?

(JEN) Larry, it's not what you think.

I mean, yes,
I went on a date with Walter,

but nothing happened.

He's just a friend.

Jen, it's Hugh.

Hugh? I answered Larry's phone.

He doesn't know anything.

But you went to Walter's office.

That was for Rachel's daughter.

It's a long story,

but I did not tell Larry anything.

Oh, thank God.

What am I doing?

(JEN SOBBING)
Larry's just never here anymore

and he spends more time with you
and Rachel than he does with me.

I mean, isn't that a kind of cheating?

Well, why am I the bad guy?

I-I...

I'm not trying to hurt anybody.

Jen, just... calm down, all right?

Uh, if you just wait,

um, everything is
about to change for you guys.

We just have to get through
this table read tomorrow.

For the "Larry Hates His Family" show.

I get that that was insulting,
the script that you read,

but we're changing all of it.

Just give Larry another chance,
all right?

I mean, as bad
as the last year has been,

it could all change tomorrow.

All right.

I'll give him another chance.

Should I go black for the table read?

Oh... I'm doomed.

- So we're staying here, right?
- Yes.

We're not going anywhere else
until this thing is finished?

Correct, I just need to very quickly
make Lois a mac and cheese.

Oh, my God.

Is that Mark-Paul Gosselaar?

(RACHEL) He's our neighbor.

And he's Rachel's boyfriend.

What?

Mark-Paul Gosselaar?

With you?

- Okay.
- I mean, uh, you know...

(MOCKING TONE) "I mean, uh, wuh-wuh."

(LARRY) That's crazy. I mean,
doesn't he date models?

Isn't that his thing?

Is that his thing?

He'd be great in our show.

As what? As the neighbor.

(DAVE) The neighbor, Larry?

We haven't met your wife yet.
We're still on page two.

Mark-Paul, you remember Hugh.

(MARK-PAUL) Of course. Hey, Hugh.

And this is Larry.

Hey, Larry. How are you?

Big fan. Thanks.

Dawson. What?

"Dawson's Creek." You were Dawson.

That's James Van Der Beek.

He's wonderful.

Hey, Hugh. That's pretty cool, huh?

- Yeah, Rachel's Mom did that.
- Aww.

- Yeah, no, I-I know.
- Yeah, there's one that matches.

You know, it's like a set with that.

Uh, yup, I know that.

- But it's lost.
- Yeah, I know.

Do you have a charger?

I don't know. Maybe in Ethan's office.

- Is she sick?
- Yeah, a little bit.

Well, guys, you know, I can watch her

if you need to head back
to the office.

- That's sweet, but...
- No, Rachel, Rachel, don't worry.

I played a doctor in this pilot
called "Philadelphia General."

It didn't go, but I learned CPR.

Perfect. You got an actual doctor.

This is perfect. How convenient.

Let's go!

(DAVE) Okay, it's 5:17.

If we don't waste a second,
maybe by some miracle,

we can get this done,
but we have to meet Jen.

I completely agree.
However, I am starving.

This is not my fault.

I thought I was gonna get
In-N-Out this morning.

I'm not saying we have to get In-N-Out

'cause Larry wants In-N-Out.

I'm very open. I'm very easy.

Probably not feeling Mexican.

Shut up! Shut up, Larry!

Shut up, all of you!

- We didn't say anything.
- Shut up!

We are not gonna get this done.
Let's just admit that.

Why don't we face the facts
for a second?

We're gonna be humiliated tomorrow.

And I know that doesn't mean
anything to the three of you

'cause you have nothing to lose,
but I have an actual career

and this is my reputation
and I'm gonna look

like an idiot tomorrow
in front of Melissa McCarthy!

And I don't know what your dealings are
with her, but she's not very nice.

So why don't we just
pack up our stuff and go?

And, Rachel, you should
just be a stay-at-home mom,

because from what I can tell,

you obviously can't be a working mom!

Oh, is that right?

Because I don't ever hear
my daughter complaining.

That's not true.

And, Hugh, you seem dead inside.

You have soulless, lifeless eyes.

Do you care about anything?

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

And, Larry, I don't know if you were
planning on being a sitcom star,

but I got a newsflash for you, buddy.

It ain't gonna happen!

Wait.

What?

We have a script.

It's funny.

- Larry...
- CBS never saw it.

They wrote it. It's great.

- What about Jen?
- I think Jen'll be fine.

I really do.

I think she just overreacted
when she read it,

but lately,
she's been way more relaxed.

She's been going out
with her girlfriends.

Larry, uh... I gotta tell you...

Hugh.

You gotta trust me on this one,
all right?

My marriage is gonna be just fine.

It's all gonna work out.

You can't tell,

but I'm flashing
my eyebrows right now.

But you're gonna be able to tell
tomorrow at the table read.

(LARRY) This is crazy.

We've been waiting for, like,
45 minutes and no Melissa.

Should we just start?

What?

Is it my eyebrows?
Is it... Is it too much?

No. No, no, no.

You'd tell me, right? Mmm.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- I'd tell you.
- Okay.

Ugh!

I am so, so sorry that I am late.

My former assistant, as of 20
minutes ago... long story...

didn't put this appointment
into my phone, so apologies.

(DAVE) Okay.

First, let me say, I am
incredibly proud of this script

and we are super excited
for you to hear it.

Reading Jen and Mary-Ellen
is Rachel Ramras.

Hugh Davidson will be reading
Curtis and the neighbor,

and Larry Dorf will be reading
for Larry Dorf, obviously.

I'll read some of the smaller
roles and the stage directions.

You know what? Why don't I just
read the stage directions?

I'm theatrically trained,
I've been told,

so, um, it's no problem,

and I'm just thinking maybe
you don't have exactly

the kind of voice people want to hear.

(LAUGHING) Okay.

Okay, thank you,
right over there is good.

Nope, nope.

Okay. (EXHALES)

Without further ado,
we give you "Open Dorf Policy."

(APPLAUSE)

Interior, Larry's house. It's a mess.

Toys are everywhere, dishes
piling up in the sink, etcetera.

Two babies are on the floor
completely unattended.

(LAUGHTER)

Jen, a harried housewife enters
wearing old sweatpants.

She hasn't showered in days.

She'd be pretty if she tried,
but she never tries.

I mean, this woman is a mess.

(LAUGHTER)

Larry, Larry!
Who's watching the babies?

Larry enters.
They're watching each other.

I told this one to watch that one

and that one to watch this one.

(LAUGHTER)

My parents are coming down
from Long Beach in an hour

and the house is a mess!

Up. What?

Up. It's up from Long Beach.

Long Beach is south of us.

Shut up, Larry!

(LAUGHTER)

As Curtis drops the menorah
into the trashcan, we fade out.

(APPLAUSE)

Oh, nicely done.

Oh, my God, I think that went great.

I've never heard people
laugh that hard.

Yeah. You were great.

You were so funny as the neighbor.

We should talk casting.

Any thoughts on who should play Larry?

Yeah, I-I-I thought Larry
was playing Larry.

(LAUGHING) No.

Can you imagine?

Can you imagine Larry
playing Larry? Ahh!

Why don't you put together
a list of actors

and we'll talk in a day or two?

How about Mark-Paul Gosselaar?

You know what I was thinking?

What about Mark-Paul Gosselaar?

- That's a great idea.
- I love him.

He's perfect. He's funny, sexy.

He doesn't have crazy eyebrows.

(LAUGHTER)

- I thought that was just me.
- No.

They're happy.

You know who else is gonna be happy?

My wife.

Because her husband is about
to be the star of a CBS sitcom.

(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)

- Ooh.
- "Ooh" is right.

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