All language subtitles for Nobodies s01e04 by Agent.eng

(woman moaning)

Oh, it's just
a splash.

Craig,
what are you doing?

Oh, I'm just looking
at pornography.

They took the Internet
away from my computer, so...

- So you're on mine?
- What do you have?

I thought you guys got fired.

We got a little behind
on our scripts.

That is the same thing
T.J. said

right before they fired him
off of "Toilet Monsters."

- (cell phone ringing)
- Oh, uh, uh...

Uh, Melissa McCarthy's
videoing...

It's... it's on your computer,
too.

- Uh...
- Get it.

Craig, you gotta go.

Craig. Craig, Craig,
Craig, Craig.

Okay.

Hi!

Hi.

Uh, Missy, you're on with
me and Hugh and Larry.

Well, la-Di-da.
Hello, you lovely people.

I'm on a plane.

Uh-huh.

Does she know that
she's on a video chat?

Should we tell her?

Hello?

Uh, yeah, Mooch, you're...

Do you know
you're on video chat?

What?
Oh, my God... You know what...

You get so famous, you
forget how to use a phone?

Actually, I'm not sure where
the speaker is, or if it's...

If it's toward the top
or the...

the bottom, but, um...

I'm assuming you can...
Ashley, can you...

Can you just stick that in...
I mean, well, now, I'm...

I mean, just hold...
Just hold...

Well, not...
No!

God, don't ever shoot...
Higher, higher, higher.

Okay, you wanna
dial them back now.

Are they on?
Oh, they're on.

Oh, hi! Hi!
Tech...

Technical errors,
beep, beep, beep.

Hi, guys.
Uh...

Listen, uh, Ben

had me read
"Mr. First Lady"

and...

I have to say, I loved it!

- Oh, my God, that's great!
- Yay!

And the fact that you wrote
"Mr. First Lady" for Ben

just broke my heart.
You know why?

'Cause people
don't always think

Ben Falcone, actor, anymore.
Ashley, you're drifting.

But the fact that you
wrote it for him, guys,

that's a biggie and I think he
may have mentioned some lady

in a pink hat maybe
playing the president.

Uh-huh.

And I have to say,
I love the idea.

- Oh!
- Oh, my God, that's great.

- No way!
- That's great.

I would love to do
something where I wear suits.

Here's the thing, guys,
just full disclosure,

I am slotted to do

this really exciting
project with Vin Diesel.

Kind of a think piece,
and, um...

he's playing George Washington

and I will be playing
Betsy Ross.

That's funny.

But I don't think
if that works out,

I can do two political
movies back to back.

Oh, that's a real movie
that you're talking about?

You were serious.

Oh, yeah, very real.

"Is it a real movie?"

Oh, my gosh, yes,
it's so super real.

I mean, it's...
He's wearing a wig in it.

So it's real.

I mean, it still may be tricky

because Vin's
is a political piece,

yours is a political script,

and can I do two political
pieces back to back?

It's a tricky situation,

but the important part
is that Ben is so excited

and Ben is in and Ben
is your Mr. First Lady.

Well, uh, you know,
that is an important thing,

but you are
an important thing also.

Yeah, maybe more important.
I mean, not necessarily.

I wouldn't say one's
more than the other.

Ben's just as important,
but-but...

But the two of you together,
it's like, perfect.

And definitely,
you're more important.

It is so cute.

Ben has been playing around
with different accents.

Oh, that's great...
Uh, what accents?

He's doing this kind of
Australian meets Cockney.

I mean, and the best part is,
I can't understand,

like, 99.9 slash 100 percent
of what he's saying.

Like, you can't tell
what he's saying at all.

Ah...

Oh, uh, okay.

Um, that could be tough,
as he has the lion's share

of the dialogue in the...
the script.

I know, that's what
makes it so funny, right?

I mean, I'm telling
you guys this.

Oh, it's amazing.

He's just walking around
the house, hello children!

Come on, get your porridge.
Huh? Matey?

On the barby with you.

Ah ha...

That's pretty great.
That is pretty great.

Yeah.

You know what?

Maybe my character is
also from Australia.

Oh. Um...

So the president of the United
States would be from there?

I know that, you know,
technically,

yes, the president
of the United States

has to have been born
in the country.

- Yes. - Yeah.
- That's the thing with that.

Yeah, that's an...
an official rule.

But that's where the spice can come in.

You guys have built the cake,
I'm giving you...

I'm giving you the spice
and maybe the frosting.

And really, you know,
why do people like cake?

For the spice
and the frosting.

Yeah. Definitely,
that's an easy fix.

We'll, um...
We'll do anything you say.

Whatever you tell us to do,
we will do,

you will be funny
no matter what.

Including if you do
a normal accent.

You know what I want
to make sure I set up?

And Ashley can help you
with this.

You have to meet with my dear
friend and producing partner

and force of nature,
Howard Lang.

- That sounds great.
- Yeah, yeah, great.

Do it soon!

Home office.
It overlooks a lake.

That's what I want.

- Nice.
- You'll get it.

This is amazing.
This is a wonderful home.

What if he asks who
our representation is?

We don't have
a literary agent.

We could say
my commercial agent.

In case he wants to cast
us in a commercial?

Oh, what about
your brother-in-law?

Uh, I don't have
a brother-in-law.

Yeah, you know, the guy that's
married to your ex-husband.

What do you call that?

The guy that's married
to my ex-husband.

No, uh... The big...
He's a big agent, right?

Uh, Kenneth?

Ethan Flaum.

Yeah, he'll never
represent us.

He has huge clients

and we don't even
get along, so, no.

Sorry I'm late, I had to
drop my son off at rehab.

Now, who's Hugh,
who's Larry, who's Rachel?

- I'm Larry.
- I'm a hugger, get in here.

There you go,
hey, Larry.

Oh, hello.

You look like a Lea Michele
except without the frown.

Hi there, pal.
Someone forgot to shave today.

Come on in.

Here, sit down,
you're making me nervous.

Pull her on up.
Belly up to the bar, boys.

Well, you have
a beautiful home.

Thank you.

It was built by Oakies
during the dustbowl.

So you're friends
with Melissa?

Yes. We're great, good
friends with Melissa.

So what I do for you?
How can I help you?

Uh, oh, well, did you read
our script, "Mr. First Lady"?

No. You're first-time
screenwriters.

I don't work with
first-time screenwriters.

Does Melissa know

that you don't work with
first-time screenwriters?

Okay, look.

Melissa is a sweetheart,
heart of gold,

wants to throw a bone
to everybody,

but she's also scary as
hell and she told me

that she has a lot of
notes on your script,

so you're gonna have to
rewrite your screenplay,

incorporating
all of her notes,

and then a studio's
gonna get involved,

and they're gonna have
notes, and trust me,

their notes are not gonna be
the same as Melissa's notes,

and then if I get involved,
I'm gonna have notes.

And by the way, all of these
notes are gonna be conflicting

and competing
and are you gonna know

how to navigate your way
through that maze? No.

Because you've never
done this before.

Uh-oh.
We lost Larry.

Phish.

You like Phish?

I do.

That's a Phish poster.

You wouldn't know it unless
you were a Phish fan.

I met Trey in '95.
Deer Creek.

I was at that show.

(clears throat) I, uh... I like Phish.

My favorite is salmon,
but I also like cod.

Swing and a miss, honey.

Anyway, you guys seem
like very nice people,

but let's be honest.

You're only here
because of Melissa.

She obviously loves you
as much as she is capable

of loving anything,
but you're new to all of this.

Do you even have an agent?

Ethan Flaum.

Ethan Flaum? Really?
But he's big time.

I didn't think he represented
first-time screenwriters.

I do think Melissa's
Betsy Ross Vin Diesel thing

is gonna happen,
because it's a slam dunk.

(coughs)
Sorry.

But I'll tell you what.
I'll take a look

at your screenplay
this weekend,

and I'll call Ethan
on Monday. How's that?

That's great.

Wonderful.
Thank you.

And you know, if...
Even if Melissa can't do it,

we have Ben Falcone
wanting to star in it,

so that'll help sell
the movie.

(laughing continues)

Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

That meeting was over.
I saved it.

- I'm the hero.
- Oh...

Ethan's not
gonna represent us.

Can't he just say he represents
us, even if it's not true?

No, 'cause he's not
a nice person.

He's intimidating and mean
and he thinks I'm, like,

this needy ex-wife
who calls Michael

in the middle of the night to
come over and kill a spider,

which I did one time because it
was absolutely a brown recluse,

so no, I'm not gonna call him
and, like, ask for his help

and feed into his
perception of me as, like,

this crazy neurotic nightmare,
I'm not gonna do it.

We gotta do something, because
Howard is gonna read the script

and he's gonna love it and he's
going to call Ethan on Monday.

The clock is ticking, Rachel.
It is ticking away.

(making ticking noises)

You are the reason
for the ticking clock.

What if I call Ethan?
I can ask him.

No, that's weird,
you don't even know him.

It's fine, I'm gonna
see him Saturday.

I have to drop Lois off
at their house

for that stupid horse
show and I'll just say...

You know, I don't know
what I'll say.

Well, I'm sure
that'll work out.

Maybe we all go.
Do you want that?

Yes.

Great.
Saturday morning, done.

Will one of you drive,
though?

'Cause they live
in the hills

and it's so windy.

Do you not have a steering
wheel in your car?

No, I have a steering wheel in my car.

Ooh!
E-mail from Howard Lang.

- Ooh!
- Oh, is it about the script?

No, I don't have anything.

- Me either.
- It's just to me.

It's a link to a video
of a Phish concert.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Write back.

Write back what?

Something about your
stupid noodling band.

It doesn't matter.

No, because then
he's gonna write back

and then I'll have to write
back and it never ends.

I don't need another friend.

It's already enough
pressure with you guys.

I need another drink.
Does anybody need anything?

- Yes.
- I'll have a Char...

Okay.

Well, oh, you invited Pat?

What?
Are we on a date?

Hey, Pat.

Oh, hey, guys.
How's it going?

Rachel, haven't seen
you in a long time.

I know.

Still doing the single mom
thing?

Yeah, still doing it.

That sounds isolating.

You doing any, like,
Internet dating or anything?

I'm not Internet dating.

You're not doing
Internet dating.

I just said I'm not.
What, are you?

No.

If you ever do decide
to do it,

just a word of advice,

I would leave out any
mention that you have a child.

Just because, you know,

when a guy is looking
at a woman's profile

and he sees that box checked,

there's all sorts of things
going on in his head

and he recognizes, all right,

here's a woman with some
back-story, some issue, right?

The glaring thing, the thing
that really jumps out is like,

here's a moment that this
woman had in her life

with the most important thing
possible that could every happen

to her has already happened,
and she blew it.

I'm so glad you made
it out tonight, Pat.

- Hey, Larry.
- Oh, hey.

- Hey!
- Hey!

No.
I'm a hugger.

There you go.

Good to see you, man,

how long you been
a member here?

Oh, we just joined.

Oh, you're gonna love it.
It's fantastic.

Oh, what am I saying?
I'm barely here at all.

Look at me, I'm sweating
like a fat pig

and I haven't even
started working out yet.

You work out here a lot?

I try to work out
every morning.

Maybe we could be
workout buddies,

keep each other
motivated, man.

Maybe, yeah.

I'm just gonna get
some water real quick.

Hang on, you gotta
listen to this, man.

Oh, God, you're gonna
put that in my ear.

Yeah, that's cool.
That's good.

No, no, no.
Keep it in

'til you guess who it is.

Is that Phish?

Nope.
Try the other one.

Yeah.

- Oh, my God!
- I'm sorry.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh. I got a...

I got a little bit
of a sinus infection.

Oh...

I think it might've been
David Sanborn.

There was a lot of saxophone.

I had that thing in my
ear for, like, a minute.

And he never mentioned
our script?

No. No.

And did you ask him
about our script?

I did not because
I just needed

to find some rubbing alcohol
to pour into my ear hole.

I am losing my mind.
If we follow Melissa's notes,

we literally spend the entire
first act in Australia.

I like that sound.

That is the sound of a funny
Fartleman script being written.

Can I sneak a peek?

Uh, no...
Uh, not 'til we're done.

Well, I do not want to get in
the way of the creative process,

but give me the broad strokes.

The Fartlemans
go to Australia.

Down "undah"!

Oh, you guys are so funny,
I love it, great.

When are we thinking,
end of day?

Connie says it has to be
end of day.

You got it.
End of day.

Great job, guys.

Great. So I guess
I'm telling my nanny

I'm gonna be home late again.

Yeah, I suppose.

Oh. Michael's confirming
that I'm dropping Lois off

Saturday at 10:00,
should I tell him

that you guys are coming
with me?

Oh, my God.

I told Howard that I'd work out
with him Saturday morning.

Larry, you're the one who
said we should go together?

I know.
Should I cancel?

I would love to cancel.

No, you can't cancel.

So much pressure.

What are we gonna talk about?

Talk about that dumb band
Phish and our script.

God forbid this nightmare
of a movie

about an Australian male
first lady actually gets made,

Howard Lang
will be the producer.

Idea storm.

I have been thinking
about this since I left

and I cannot stop laughing.

What if you guys
did something where,

when you fart in the
Southern Hemisphere,

it comes out your mouth?

Oh, did Daddy get
another new car?

No, that's Moddy's car.

Moddy?

My Other Daddy, Ethan.

Oh!

Stupid.

Rachel...

Daddy!

Come here.

Hey, is there
a very pretty princess

who's excited to see
Cavalli this afternoon?

Yes.

Oh, I was talking
about me,

but okay, I'm glad
you're excited, too.

Where's Moddy?

In the other room.
Hey.

Hi. Oh.

Hugh. What...
What are you guys doing?

You working today?

Uh, yeah, yeah, kinda sorta.
Weird, I know.

Probably gonna be very weird.

That's a lot of Ethan.

(Michael) You like it?
I did a whole series.

How come you never
wanted to photograph me?

Uh, probably because I have zero
interest in the female body.

Oh. That would have been lovely
to know before we got married.

- We had a really fun wedding.
- We did have a fun wedding.

We did food trucks
before anybody else

- was doing food trucks.
- It's true.

Oh.
Hi, Rachel.

What does that mean?

Ugh.

Ethan Flaum.

Hi, Hugh.
I write with Rachel.

Lucky you.

Well, have a good weekend.
Let's go, Hugh.

Really ramped up
to weird fast there.

Are you kidding me?

"Lucky you"?
Oh, my God.

You started it!

Oh, he started it.

Can you please
drive me home?

I cannot drive
on these streets.

They're so windy!

I will not drive you home

because that makes no sense,

because we didn't drive
up here

just stand in a doorway!

I can't go anywhere
unless you drive me!

Did you forget something?

Yes, the reason we came here.

Dammit.

Are you kidding me?
Hello!

Hello?

(phone line ringing)

Answer your phone!

(beeping)

Whoa!
What was that?

That's high intensity
interval training.

You go super hard super fast
and then you quickly recover,

and then you go super hard,
super fast again.

And so you always want
to be...

shocking your body,
otherwise, you'll plateau.

So, you wanna talk
about our script?

Not now, we can do that later.
I wanna shock my body.

How do I do it?

I just put it on level 20.

That's the highest
that these things go.

Let's do it.
Level 20.

Yeah?

Woo!

Rachel, you have put me in a
really uncomfortable situation.

Howard Lang
is a huge producer

and you're risking
my reputation.

Your reputation would
be threatened

by representing us
for one phone call?

- But I don't represent you.
- So lie!

You can't lie? You've
never lied in your life?

That's a lie,
you just lied!

Oh, my God, I would have a more
rational argument with Lois.

You're saying I'm a child?
I'm not a child,

I'm a grown woman who can
take care of herself.

Really?
Did you drive yourself here?

That's my car outside.

And who drove it?

I'll go get her a Xanax.

Ugh.

Please tell me
you're not dating her.

No, no, no.

She's, uh, insane.

He just gets on my nerves.

Well, he gets
on my nerves, too,

but I love both of you.

Guess who just bought
this house?

- Who?
- Kylie Jenner.

- Shut up!
- Yeah.

Can I tell you something?

She was crawling around
on the roof the other day.

- What?
- Hey!

Ethan said he'll do it.

What?
What'd you say?

I explained the whole situation

without acting
like a complete lunatic.

You ever think
about dating Hugh?

What?

No... No.

Why not?
Because you guys work together?

That's even better.
It's taboo.

Do you know what I think?

Hugh looks like
a sexy homeless guy.

We haven't talked
about our script yet.

- Have you read it?
- Yeah.

- When do we slow down?
- Huh? Oh.

Oh, my God, wow,
we are way over.

Jump off.

So you've read it.
Did you read it?

Yeah, didn't tell you?
I loved it.

I thought it was great.

I think Melissa should do that

instead of that Betsy Ross
Vin Diesel thing.

I don't really buy her
as Betsy Ross.

Don't ever tell her
I told you that.

I won't, I won't.
That's amazing!

So what do we do next?

Should we do another
one of these bursts?

- (cell phone ringing)
- Oh.

Oh, you know what?
Let me grab this.

You get on there,
do another burst

and I will let you know
when to stop, okay?

Hello?

- Hey, Lar, I got Rachel here.
- Hello.

Ethan says if Howard calls,
he's gonna say he's our agent.

Well, that's great because
Howard is gonna call

because he loved our script.

Shut up!

I will not shut up.

Because my new workout
buddy Howard Lang

is going to be the
producer of "Mr. First Lady."

Turns out he's extremely easy
to talk to, it's zero pressure.

He's actually a lovely,
lovely person.

Sounds like someone
made a friend.

Wonder when our movie's
gonna come out.

What about maybe Fourth
of July weekend.

Isn't that when all the
big ones come out?

Or Memorial Day.

You know what I would do,
actually?

I would wait 'til the State
of the Union and do, like,

a cross-promotion kinda thing.

So guys...
I mean, how does it feel

to finally be
in the movie business?

A-okay.

Oh, my God,
I feel so alive!

This is incredible.
What did he say exactly?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Oh, boy.

We want compliments,
give us the compliments.

- Larry.
- Larry?

- I gotta go.
- Larry!

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