Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:12,634 --> 00:00:17,701
What?
I just really, really love you.
2
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:21,067
Well, I really, really,
really love you.
3
00:00:22,300 --> 00:00:24,501
Why must everything be
a competition with you?
4
00:00:41,701 --> 00:00:45,534
* Tell me whyI love you like I do
5
00:00:45,601 --> 00:00:49,501
* Tell me whocan stop my heartas much as you
6
00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:51,534
* Let's take each other's hand
7
00:00:51,601 --> 00:00:54,501
* As we jump intothe final frontier
8
00:00:55,567 --> 00:00:58,434
* I'm mad about you, baby
9
00:00:58,501 --> 00:00:59,934
* Yeah!
10
00:01:11,445 --> 00:01:14,146
How long does it take
to watch a 90-minute documentary?
11
00:01:14,213 --> 00:01:18,312
I would think about an hour
and a half tops, right? I told ya.
12
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,146
It's okay. It's okay.
You know why?
13
00:01:22,213 --> 00:01:25,712
'Cause it's him, and if you're
going to do a documentary on the history of television,
14
00:01:25,779 --> 00:01:28,612
who would you get?
Would you get somebody like him? No, no, you get him.
15
00:01:28,679 --> 00:01:31,913
I told ya.
Think he'll do it?
16
00:01:31,979 --> 00:01:33,879
I mean, you worked
with him in the old days. Is he gonna do it?
17
00:01:33,946 --> 00:01:36,913
Yes, he'll do it.
He'll do it. He'll do it. He'll do it.
18
00:01:36,979 --> 00:01:40,479
I used to love this guy.
He's such a lovable legend. You know, he's just...
19
00:01:40,546 --> 00:01:41,546
(PHONE RINGING)
He's him.
20
00:01:41,612 --> 00:01:44,445
MAN: I said pumpernickel.
21
00:01:48,379 --> 00:01:49,512
I told ya.
22
00:01:55,579 --> 00:01:59,445
So, I told your father,
"You're a big boy. Go by yourself this year."
23
00:01:59,512 --> 00:02:01,813
You know how these butcher
conventions are. Yep.
24
00:02:01,879 --> 00:02:05,846
Blah, blah, blah, sirloin,
blah, blah, blah, flank steak.
25
00:02:05,913 --> 00:02:09,779
I mean after 34 years,
what's left to say about meat?
26
00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:11,846
That's what
you're wearing? Yeah.
27
00:02:11,913 --> 00:02:13,846
To your meeting?
Yeah.
28
00:02:13,913 --> 00:02:15,312
Oh, no, it's lovely.
29
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:24,345
Anyway, Aunt Lolly and I
just had a ball at the matinee today, didn't we?
30
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:30,312
Those dancers,
were they skinny.
31
00:02:30,379 --> 00:02:34,679
Remember how skinny I was
when I used to dance? That wasn't you.
32
00:02:34,746 --> 00:02:37,013
Mama, I hate to keep you.
Shouldn't you be getting back?
33
00:02:37,079 --> 00:02:38,312
You know,
the Connecticut Turnpike?
34
00:02:38,379 --> 00:02:41,779
What about it?
She wants you on it.
35
00:02:41,846 --> 00:02:46,846
Okay. Good luck tonight
and, uh, don't forget to comb your hair.
36
00:02:46,913 --> 00:02:48,646
Okay.
Bye, bye, Aunt Lolly.
37
00:02:48,712 --> 00:02:51,246
You know, that woman
is driving me nuts. I know.
38
00:02:51,312 --> 00:02:53,979
When she picked me up
this morning, I was a brunette.
39
00:02:57,879 --> 00:02:59,846
I got him.
JAMIE: Who?
40
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,146
Him.
JAMIE: You got Alan Brady?
41
00:03:02,213 --> 00:03:04,813
I got Alan Brady.
Oh, congratulations.
42
00:03:04,879 --> 00:03:07,180
Isn't that something?
So, what did he say?
43
00:03:07,246 --> 00:03:09,946
He said, "I'll do it."
No, tell me his exact words.
44
00:03:10,013 --> 00:03:12,879
All right. "I'll do it."
God.
45
00:03:12,946 --> 00:03:14,879
I'm telling ya.
So, what is he like?
46
00:03:14,946 --> 00:03:17,479
He's-- He's like him
but in color.
47
00:03:18,479 --> 00:03:19,746
Really?
48
00:03:19,813 --> 00:03:21,612
Yeah, well, we only had
10 seconds together,
49
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:24,013
but guess who he's
taking out to dinner tonight? You and me.
50
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,612
I can't.
51
00:03:25,679 --> 00:03:26,746
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
What do you mean you can't?
52
00:03:26,813 --> 00:03:27,813
I have a meeting.
What meeting?
53
00:03:27,879 --> 00:03:29,979
See?
I do too listen.
54
00:03:30,813 --> 00:03:32,246
Hi.
Hi.
55
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:33,579
Oh, the meeting.
Yes, you have the meeting, the meeting.
56
00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:35,979
I know,
with the guy from uptown.
57
00:03:36,046 --> 00:03:40,913
No, you're meeting him uptown.
This is the guy from-- from Vermont. Not originally.
58
00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:44,079
This is the guy...
He's driving through Vermont from Canada.
59
00:03:44,146 --> 00:03:45,913
This is so sad.
60
00:03:45,979 --> 00:03:47,280
Well, she gave me
the worst clues here.
61
00:03:47,345 --> 00:03:49,546
Oh, I will have you know
that I was a charades champion
62
00:03:49,612 --> 00:03:51,345
at camp Wankahana
three years running.
63
00:03:51,412 --> 00:03:53,579
Good. Listen,
you got to come with me on this.
64
00:03:53,646 --> 00:03:54,979
I'm sorry.
Okay, what's this?
65
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,979
This is important.
Well, so is this.
66
00:03:59,046 --> 00:04:01,180
Geese, see?
Yeah.
67
00:04:01,246 --> 00:04:03,746
What's this?
You can go without me.
68
00:04:03,813 --> 00:04:05,679
The Sting.
Okay.
69
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,079
He specifically said,
"Bring the wife."
70
00:04:08,146 --> 00:04:09,546
"The wife?"
My wife.
71
00:04:09,612 --> 00:04:10,712
You said, "The wife."
72
00:04:10,779 --> 00:04:14,412
The my-wife, the my-wife.
I'm begging you.
73
00:04:14,479 --> 00:04:16,979
"Bridge Over Trouble Water."
Yes.
74
00:04:17,046 --> 00:04:19,712
JAMIE: Fine. I will be there
as soon as I can. Thank you.
75
00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:22,579
08:00, Antonios.
The reservation is under his name.
76
00:04:22,646 --> 00:04:24,679
I might be a little late.
All right. But not like too late.
77
00:04:24,746 --> 00:04:26,412
Okay.
All right. Thank you.
78
00:04:26,479 --> 00:04:28,712
You gonna wear that?
Paul?
79
00:04:28,779 --> 00:04:34,113
What? Two words. First word.
Sounds like duck.
80
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:36,579
Second word, yeah? Off.
81
00:04:42,146 --> 00:04:44,546
He asked that you
wait at his table.
82
00:04:44,612 --> 00:04:45,846
His table?
Yes.
83
00:04:45,913 --> 00:04:47,479
This is his own table? Wow.
Uh-huh.
84
00:04:50,579 --> 00:04:54,113
Dig me.
I'm at Alan Brady's table.
85
00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:56,612
I have my own table.
This is my table. Do you like my table?
86
00:04:56,679 --> 00:05:00,379
It's my table.
It's mahogany.
87
00:05:01,946 --> 00:05:06,079
What, what is this?
Mr. Brady, how are you, sir?
88
00:05:06,146 --> 00:05:07,512
What are you doing?
What?
89
00:05:07,579 --> 00:05:09,879
What are you doing?
I was just sitting.
90
00:05:09,946 --> 00:05:11,345
Where?
Right here.
91
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:12,512
Where?
At your table.
92
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,146
Where at my table?
Right here.
93
00:05:14,213 --> 00:05:15,646
Where?
In the chair.
94
00:05:15,712 --> 00:05:16,946
What chair?
This chair.
95
00:05:17,013 --> 00:05:18,046
Whose chair?
Your chair.
96
00:05:18,113 --> 00:05:20,013
A-ha.
97
00:05:20,079 --> 00:05:22,146
Sit over there.
I was sitting in your chair.
98
00:05:22,213 --> 00:05:24,512
I'm so sorry.
I would think so.
99
00:05:24,579 --> 00:05:28,546
And oh, my, my wife may be
a little bit late.
100
00:05:28,612 --> 00:05:30,445
Who?
My wife.
101
00:05:30,512 --> 00:05:32,679
Late for what?
For dinner.
102
00:05:32,746 --> 00:05:34,712
You're bringing your wife?
Well, you told me, "Bring your wife."
103
00:05:34,779 --> 00:05:36,979
Well, sure, bring your wife.
Why don't you bring your mother?
104
00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:38,512
Got any kids?
No.
105
00:05:38,579 --> 00:05:41,379
Oh, what a shame.
I was hoping to feed a whole family.
106
00:05:41,445 --> 00:05:43,612
Maurice, free eats
for everybody.
107
00:05:43,679 --> 00:05:45,180
Really?
Shut up. Get out of here.
108
00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:50,646
You got a cigar?
Cigar? No.
109
00:05:50,712 --> 00:05:51,646
Give me a dollar.
110
00:05:53,180 --> 00:05:54,712
It's a joke.
It's a joke.
111
00:05:54,779 --> 00:05:56,846
Where you going to get
a cigar for a dollar now?
112
00:05:56,913 --> 00:05:58,846
They don't know jokes.
They don't know jokes.
113
00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:04,946
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
Hey. Get out of here.
114
00:06:05,013 --> 00:06:07,013
What?
Get out of here.
115
00:06:07,079 --> 00:06:09,379
I must have
made a mistake or something. Well, no, no, no, no.
116
00:06:09,445 --> 00:06:12,113
I already told him
you're here. Okay. Just sit down.
117
00:06:12,180 --> 00:06:14,379
Not there, not there.
What is the matter with you?
118
00:06:14,445 --> 00:06:15,813
Him--Him's the matter
with me.
119
00:06:15,879 --> 00:06:17,013
Who?
Who, Brady.
120
00:06:17,079 --> 00:06:19,445
What about him?
He's so mean.
121
00:06:21,646 --> 00:06:25,046
Mr. Brady, let me introduce...
This is my wife. Mr. Brady.
122
00:06:25,113 --> 00:06:27,146
Call me Alan.
I'm Jamie.
123
00:06:27,213 --> 00:06:29,479
What are you doing
sitting there? He told me to.
124
00:06:29,546 --> 00:06:31,746
There's a draft there.
Take my chair.
125
00:06:31,813 --> 00:06:32,746
Thank you.
126
00:06:39,846 --> 00:06:43,246
Tell me, have we ever met
anywhere before? No. I'm sure I would remember.
127
00:06:43,312 --> 00:06:48,412
Oh, yes, yes, you would.
Well, anyway, what the heck. We're here now.
128
00:06:50,312 --> 00:06:51,612
Where's my napkin?
129
00:06:57,280 --> 00:07:00,612
I edited his show
12 years. Do you know what he gave me for Christmas?
130
00:07:00,679 --> 00:07:02,412
What?
A pineapple.
131
00:07:05,013 --> 00:07:08,712
What, you mean
like a fruit basket? I mean a pineapple.
132
00:07:10,512 --> 00:07:12,846
All right.
All right. Why am I unhappy?
133
00:07:12,913 --> 00:07:13,979
What do you mean,
you're not happy?
134
00:07:14,046 --> 00:07:15,579
Sam, you worked with me
how many years?
135
00:07:15,646 --> 00:07:17,412
Sid.
Exactly.
136
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:20,712
Tell him, am I happy?
He's a miserable son-of-a-bitch.
137
00:07:20,779 --> 00:07:24,712
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No, no, no, no. Listen to him. He knows.
138
00:07:24,779 --> 00:07:28,213
And why am I unhappy?
I'll tell you why I'm unhappy.
139
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,046
I watched your film again
last night.
140
00:07:30,113 --> 00:07:33,412
I watched it with my wife
and a watch.
141
00:07:33,479 --> 00:07:36,246
You know what I found out?
I'll tell you what I found out.
142
00:07:36,312 --> 00:07:38,813
I'm in this for six minutes.
143
00:07:38,879 --> 00:07:42,946
360 lousy seconds
in the whole history of television,
144
00:07:43,013 --> 00:07:45,280
is that what you think I am?
145
00:07:45,345 --> 00:07:48,445
You talk now.
Okay.
146
00:07:48,512 --> 00:07:51,445
It's-- it's not that at all.
It's just that, you know, it's only a 90-minute film,
147
00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:55,846
and there's so much great
footage out there. So, what I was trying to do is,
148
00:07:55,913 --> 00:07:58,146
you talk again now?
149
00:07:58,213 --> 00:08:01,579
Where's the bowling pin
sketch? Where's the piano player with the itch sketch?
150
00:08:01,646 --> 00:08:03,512
Where's my singing
with Fabian?
151
00:08:03,579 --> 00:08:06,280
Look, kid, you want me
to narrate this thing or don't you?
152
00:08:06,345 --> 00:08:09,280
Yes, yes. I am ecstatic.
I am ecstatic that you're doing it.
153
00:08:09,345 --> 00:08:12,846
HBO is ecstatic.
Sid is ecstatic. Look at Sid.
154
00:08:12,913 --> 00:08:17,479
All right. But look,
I got to tell you, I worked a long time on this.
155
00:08:17,546 --> 00:08:20,813
I really think that
the way it is, it's just... It's perfect.
156
00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:22,479
It stinks.
Let me finish.
157
00:08:22,546 --> 00:08:26,013
Certain--Certain places still
need a little work. It stinks.
158
00:08:26,079 --> 00:08:28,579
None of it is good.
That's all I'm saying.
159
00:08:28,646 --> 00:08:31,213
Always good to see you, Sam.
Say hello to Gladys.
160
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,079
It's Sid.
Say hello to Sid.
161
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:36,345
Call me, kid,
when you fix it.
162
00:08:37,846 --> 00:08:39,079
He's just so mean.
163
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,579
Well, isn't this exotic?
I've always wanted to eat uncooked food.
164
00:08:49,646 --> 00:08:51,180
Mom, we can go
someplace else.
165
00:08:51,246 --> 00:08:54,612
No. As long as I am
with my two girls, I'm happy.
166
00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:58,913
Well, any luck
on the job market? No.
167
00:08:58,979 --> 00:09:01,979
You know what you haven't
tried yet, Beanie? Fish throwing.
168
00:09:03,312 --> 00:09:04,679
Excuse me?
169
00:09:04,746 --> 00:09:07,679
You know, when they want
to get a cod from the boat to the dock.
170
00:09:07,746 --> 00:09:09,546
Ma, I don't want
to throw fish.
171
00:09:09,612 --> 00:09:12,913
Well, what do you
want to do? I don't know.
172
00:09:12,979 --> 00:09:15,913
Jamie, have you and Paul
thought any more about having children?
173
00:09:15,979 --> 00:09:19,479
Oh, that's such good news.
What is?
174
00:09:19,546 --> 00:09:21,846
You tell me.
No, no, not yet. We're...
175
00:09:21,913 --> 00:09:25,412
Well, when?
I don't know.
176
00:09:25,479 --> 00:09:28,079
Lisa, going out
with anybody lately?
177
00:09:28,146 --> 00:09:30,345
Answer my prayers.
No, no, no.
178
00:09:30,412 --> 00:09:32,280
I've been to busy
talking to Jamie
179
00:09:32,345 --> 00:09:34,779
about how nice it would be
for them to move to Connecticut.
180
00:09:34,846 --> 00:09:36,345
You know,
I've always said...
181
00:09:36,412 --> 00:09:39,679
I can't leave New York
with Lisa thinking of joining a cult.
182
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,312
Again?
183
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:45,079
No, Mom, I won't,
I mean I wouldn't...
184
00:09:46,345 --> 00:09:50,813
You know, Jamie, she...
Fish throwing, huh?
185
00:09:53,379 --> 00:09:56,779
I know, I said I had
Alan Brady, but that was when I had Alan Brady.
186
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:59,546
No, no, I'm not saying
I don't have Alan Brady. I'm just saying...
187
00:09:59,612 --> 00:10:02,412
Saying that, you know,
everything is great,
188
00:10:02,479 --> 00:10:06,213
and we'll be there,
and we'll see you at the big screening.
189
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,946
All right, then. Bye.
190
00:10:09,013 --> 00:10:12,512
Ah, well, that's it.
We don't have Brady, we have no deal.
191
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:15,013
There's got to
be somebody else. Who do you know?
192
00:10:15,079 --> 00:10:18,445
Do you know George Gobel?
Dead.
193
00:10:18,512 --> 00:10:21,180
What about, what's his name,
Charley Weaver? Dead.
194
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,946
Tina Louise?
195
00:10:24,412 --> 00:10:25,345
I can't call her.
196
00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:36,546
Look at him, he's so great.
197
00:10:36,612 --> 00:10:39,612
He's just... Who am I kidding?
It's got to be him. It's got to be him.
198
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,280
(CHATTERING ON TV)
199
00:10:41,345 --> 00:10:43,979
Wait a second. Wait a second.
Hold on. Go, go, go back. Go back.
200
00:10:44,046 --> 00:10:45,146
(REWINDING)
201
00:10:45,213 --> 00:10:46,946
Right there.
202
00:10:47,013 --> 00:10:49,679
You're wrong.You're absolutely wrong.
203
00:10:49,746 --> 00:10:53,345
Harry, if you don'tstop flirting, I'm goinghome to mother. No,
204
00:10:53,412 --> 00:10:55,846
I'm going to have Mothermove in with us.How do you like that?
205
00:10:55,913 --> 00:10:58,746
I do not flirt.Well, hello there.
206
00:10:58,813 --> 00:11:02,345
It's all in your head.Harry, I'm atthe end of my rope.
207
00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:06,079
I don't know whatyou're talking about.For you.
208
00:11:06,146 --> 00:11:08,180
You're imagining these things,I tell you.
209
00:11:08,246 --> 00:11:10,779
Why are we watching this?
You'll see. Just a second.
210
00:11:10,846 --> 00:11:12,779
Please, I spent the whole day
with my mother.
211
00:11:12,846 --> 00:11:15,013
She kept talking and talking,
and she didn't say anything.
212
00:11:15,079 --> 00:11:19,213
The whole time this little
noise in my head went eeek, eeek,
213
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,280
the whole time all day,
eeek, eeek, eeek.
214
00:11:22,813 --> 00:11:24,312
Just hang one second.
215
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:27,879
Madeline, you've gotto forgive me, please.I beg you.
216
00:11:27,946 --> 00:11:29,946
I love you. I worship you.
217
00:11:30,013 --> 00:11:33,546
It's you and only youfor the rest of my life.
218
00:11:33,612 --> 00:11:35,779
Oh, Harry.
219
00:11:35,846 --> 00:11:38,379
It's cold out here.You shouldn't be outlike that.
220
00:11:38,445 --> 00:11:40,445
Oh, thank you.
221
00:11:40,512 --> 00:11:43,213
Oh, my God, that's my mom.
I told you.
222
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,213
Yes. Hi. Is Tennessee Ernie
Ford there, please.
223
00:11:57,646 --> 00:12:02,546
Oh, I am sorry.
Well, my condolences.
224
00:12:02,612 --> 00:12:06,479
Thank you. I don't believe
this. Everybody is either dead or Alan Brady.
225
00:12:06,546 --> 00:12:09,246
Okay, see? Right there.
226
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:13,779
Wow, are you sure that's Mom?
No. It's me. I was very big in the '50s.
227
00:12:13,846 --> 00:12:16,213
Well, how come
she never told us? Because she's Mom.
228
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,512
She doesn't talk about stuff.
She just talks.
229
00:12:18,579 --> 00:12:20,779
See, if I put his
bowling pin sketch in here,
230
00:12:20,846 --> 00:12:23,612
then that puts Bonanza
next to What's My Line,
231
00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:27,146
which moves Loretta Young
right in the middle of the Watergate hearings.
232
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:28,379
There's got to be
somebody else.
233
00:12:28,445 --> 00:12:31,979
Look, right there,
Pretty girl No. 3, Terry Cooper.
234
00:12:32,046 --> 00:12:33,846
Oh. Cool.
235
00:12:34,779 --> 00:12:36,846
Cool?
236
00:12:36,913 --> 00:12:40,046
Don't you see? This explains
why I'm so screwed up. I'm a showbiz kid.
237
00:12:42,046 --> 00:12:46,913
Sid, hi, Paul.
Okay, Mr. Green Jeans? Ah, okay.
238
00:12:46,979 --> 00:12:50,079
Where are you going?
To tell my shrink we're gonna have to start all over.
239
00:12:50,146 --> 00:12:52,479
This is so cool.
240
00:12:52,546 --> 00:12:54,312
Do you believe this?
241
00:12:54,379 --> 00:12:57,013
We find out our mother had
a whole life, and all she thinks of is herself.
242
00:12:57,079 --> 00:13:00,046
Yeah, unbelievable.
Hey, who played Little Ricky?
243
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,213
(DOORBELL BUZZES)
244
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,246
Who did you ignore
before you met me?
245
00:13:07,013 --> 00:13:08,846
Mom, hi.
Hi, gang.
246
00:13:08,913 --> 00:13:10,479
Well, hello.
247
00:13:10,546 --> 00:13:12,612
I was just in the city.
So, I thought I'd bring you some food.
248
00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,612
Why were you in the city?
To bring you some food.
249
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,013
So, what's new?
250
00:13:17,079 --> 00:13:21,213
Nothing.
Paul is just working on his documentary
251
00:13:22,579 --> 00:13:24,113
on the history
of television
252
00:13:25,113 --> 00:13:26,712
with Alan Brady.
253
00:13:26,779 --> 00:13:29,512
Oh, did I ever tell you
I was on his show?
254
00:13:29,579 --> 00:13:34,180
No.
Really? Well, I was.
255
00:13:34,246 --> 00:13:36,546
How old are these olives?
I don't remember.
256
00:13:36,612 --> 00:13:41,079
You know the rule.
I can't believe you never told me this.
257
00:13:41,146 --> 00:13:44,213
I thought I did.
Was he like a big meany back then, too?
258
00:13:45,479 --> 00:13:48,046
He was him.
How many times were you on?
259
00:13:48,113 --> 00:13:50,113
Oh, five if you count
the gorilla sketch.
260
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:52,079
So, so how would you
handle him?
261
00:13:52,146 --> 00:13:54,479
The gorilla sketch?
262
00:13:54,546 --> 00:13:57,846
This carrot is so bendy.
What else did you do?
263
00:13:57,913 --> 00:13:59,679
Oh, this and that.
264
00:13:59,746 --> 00:14:02,146
Okay. So I know
he was really nice to Patti Page.
265
00:14:02,213 --> 00:14:04,813
So, how could I be
more like Patti Page?
266
00:14:04,879 --> 00:14:07,312
I'm rearranging your eggs.
This and what?
267
00:14:07,379 --> 00:14:09,979
I mean like, if I stood up
to him, would that be a real, real bad idea?
268
00:14:10,046 --> 00:14:12,746
Will you excuse me, please?
I'm trying to have a conversation with my mother.
269
00:14:12,813 --> 00:14:14,612
So am I.
Well, I got here first.
270
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,546
Well, just talk about
Alan Brady, please.
271
00:14:16,612 --> 00:14:19,479
Mom, talk to me, okay?
Sure.
272
00:14:19,546 --> 00:14:22,079
Smell this milk.
Okay. My turn.
273
00:14:22,146 --> 00:14:26,046
So, so how did you--
how did you-- how did you handle him?
274
00:14:26,113 --> 00:14:27,479
Oh, beats me.
275
00:14:27,546 --> 00:14:31,946
You were an actress?
No. I was pretty. I had a lot of pep.
276
00:14:32,013 --> 00:14:33,913
So they put me
in a couple of sketches.
277
00:14:33,979 --> 00:14:36,512
So, so you had,
like, a whole life that we don't know anything about.
278
00:14:36,579 --> 00:14:40,746
See how I gave
that one for you. No, no. It's no big deal.
279
00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:43,345
I was young.
I needed a job, and I had a connection.
280
00:14:43,412 --> 00:14:45,013
To Alan Brady?
Uh-huh.
281
00:14:45,079 --> 00:14:48,013
What connection?
He used to date your Aunt Lolly.
282
00:14:51,946 --> 00:14:54,246
Hey, barkie, another saki.
283
00:14:56,712 --> 00:15:01,280
See, if I knew how
to handle this guy... Did you ever tickle his ear?
284
00:15:01,345 --> 00:15:04,312
I can't say that I have.
Well, it works.
285
00:15:04,379 --> 00:15:07,612
So you knew him really well?
Oh, I knew them all in those days.
286
00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:11,312
All those funny boys
used to come up and do the Catskills.
287
00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:14,046
Aunt Lolly played the harp
in Grosssinger's Lobby.
288
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:20,412
Get out of here.
Oh, that Alan, was he cute and young.
289
00:15:20,479 --> 00:15:24,312
I liked them young.
Wow.
290
00:15:24,379 --> 00:15:26,913
Wow nothing.
He was just like his act,
291
00:15:26,979 --> 00:15:29,679
six minutes of great material
and no finish.
292
00:15:35,213 --> 00:15:39,046
That's just
a little bit more than I needed to know.
293
00:15:39,113 --> 00:15:43,180
So, so what was he like?
He was a man.
294
00:15:44,412 --> 00:15:46,879
In other words, what?
295
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:52,746
Well, we were a regular item,
then he'd get the itch and start bird-dogging around.
296
00:15:52,813 --> 00:15:55,612
So--So now what,
what did you do?
297
00:15:55,679 --> 00:15:57,512
I gave what I got.
298
00:15:58,479 --> 00:16:01,246
I'd samba with Sid Caesar
299
00:16:01,312 --> 00:16:04,813
and go kayaking
with Fat Jack Leonard,
300
00:16:04,879 --> 00:16:07,746
and the next thing you know,
he'd be crazy jealous
301
00:16:07,813 --> 00:16:11,546
and come scratching at my door
like Churchill's Pekingese.
302
00:16:14,180 --> 00:16:15,979
This is good to know.
303
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,546
Did you, did you ever go out
with Milton Berle?
304
00:16:21,412 --> 00:16:22,345
It's true.
305
00:16:34,646 --> 00:16:35,913
I don't know about this.
306
00:16:35,979 --> 00:16:37,546
You want to change your film?
No.
307
00:16:37,612 --> 00:16:39,213
Do you want him to narrate?
Yes.
308
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,646
Do you want to tickle his ear?
All right.
309
00:16:41,712 --> 00:16:43,345
(INTERCOM BUZZING)
310
00:16:45,512 --> 00:16:48,846
Sid?
He's in the elevator.
311
00:16:48,913 --> 00:16:51,712
Did he see you?
I'm wearing a hat.
312
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,246
All right.
Well, here we go.
313
00:16:56,312 --> 00:16:57,512
Bread him like a cutlet.
314
00:16:59,813 --> 00:17:01,546
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
315
00:17:01,612 --> 00:17:04,180
Okay. I'm here.
Show me the changes. You, I like.
316
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,779
Honey, look.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
317
00:17:11,846 --> 00:17:13,779
Why not?
No, that's just--just an expression.
318
00:17:13,846 --> 00:17:15,512
So is
"May I take your coat?"
319
00:17:16,846 --> 00:17:18,712
Sorry, of course.
320
00:17:18,779 --> 00:17:23,213
And Mr. Brady, may I say
what an honor it is to have you in our home.
321
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:28,280
Lucky for you she asked me.
(CHUCKLES) So, umm, dinner first or business?
322
00:17:28,345 --> 00:17:30,679
Well, you know what,
I thought we would get business out of the way
323
00:17:30,746 --> 00:17:31,846
and then we could
enjoy the evening.
324
00:17:31,913 --> 00:17:33,379
Okay.
Okay.
325
00:17:33,445 --> 00:17:35,646
I'm not gonna
change my film.
326
00:17:35,712 --> 00:17:37,846
You ready to eat?
I'll see.
327
00:17:37,913 --> 00:17:42,913
Paul, Paul, Paul, do you,
do you have a piece of paper?
328
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,146
Sure.
Thank you.
329
00:17:45,213 --> 00:17:49,280
"Have hearing checked."
330
00:17:49,345 --> 00:17:53,280
Funniest thing, I thought
I heard you say you're not going to change your film.
331
00:17:53,345 --> 00:17:56,113
Yeah, well, that's true.
That's what I said.
332
00:17:56,180 --> 00:17:59,746
Look, Mr. Brady, I know that
you're accustomed to getting things your way.
333
00:17:59,813 --> 00:18:01,979
But this is my show,
and we have a verbal agreement,
334
00:18:02,046 --> 00:18:04,113
and I expect you to live up
to your end of the bargain.
335
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:07,546
I'm sorry that it comes down
to this, but that is it, that is my final decision.
336
00:18:07,612 --> 00:18:11,712
Oh, that was just adorable.
Get my coat.
337
00:18:13,013 --> 00:18:15,579
Certainly.
Hope everybody's hungry.
338
00:18:15,646 --> 00:18:17,946
Where are you going?
Ah, Mr. Brady has to leave.
339
00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,345
This is what I get for
stepping off the mountain.
340
00:18:21,412 --> 00:18:26,246
You I still like.
Mr. Brady, Alan, please don't go.
341
00:18:26,312 --> 00:18:29,913
Honey, honey, we can't,
we can't work it out. Of course, we can work it out.
342
00:18:29,979 --> 00:18:32,546
There will be other movies.
Not with Mr. Brady.
343
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,846
Will you two
get away from me!
344
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:40,846
Mr. Brady, please.
Sweetie, it's over.
345
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:43,379
Really?
Oh, it's over.
346
00:18:43,445 --> 00:18:46,180
Yeah, so why, why don't
we just eat and move on. Okay?
347
00:18:46,246 --> 00:18:49,479
Mr. Brady, again, thank you
and good evening. It was nice meeting you, kid.
348
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:53,180
Give my regards to oblivion.
349
00:18:53,246 --> 00:18:56,479
Oh, this lasagna smells good.
What did you put in this?
350
00:18:56,546 --> 00:18:59,979
Oh, noodles and tomato sauce,
351
00:19:01,946 --> 00:19:04,180
(BLUBBERING)
cheese. Oh, Paul.
352
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:10,512
It's okay, sweetie.
I'm-- I'm sure everything, something will work out.
353
00:19:10,579 --> 00:19:14,445
I know. It's just we were
counting on this so much.
354
00:19:14,512 --> 00:19:16,512
Listen, Paul,
I've got to talk to you.
355
00:19:16,579 --> 00:19:18,846
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, this is not a great time.
356
00:19:18,913 --> 00:19:20,479
Just come here.
357
00:19:20,546 --> 00:19:23,013
Sorry folks, it will only
take a second. Excuse me.
358
00:19:26,345 --> 00:19:29,213
Sorry I'm making it
tough on you. Yeah, well.
359
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,312
Okay, okay,
keep the pineapple.
360
00:19:38,546 --> 00:19:40,213
Sweetie, may I see you
in the kitchen, please?
361
00:19:41,579 --> 00:19:43,612
All right.
362
00:19:45,113 --> 00:19:48,546
Well, who's hungry?
Load me up, baby.
363
00:19:48,612 --> 00:19:52,979
Mr. Brady,
you're absolutely right. I know I am. About what?
364
00:19:53,046 --> 00:19:55,913
If you don't feel comfortable
with the film, if you are not happy with the film,
365
00:19:55,979 --> 00:19:57,913
then I see no reason
that you should do it.
366
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,913
I see no reason either.
It wouldn't be right.
367
00:19:59,979 --> 00:20:01,445
It wouldn't
be right at all.
368
00:20:01,512 --> 00:20:04,046
All right, all right.
What's going on here? Nothing.
369
00:20:04,113 --> 00:20:06,213
Oh, mushrooms in here.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
370
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:07,779
Well, it's just that
everything has worked out.
371
00:20:07,846 --> 00:20:09,280
We found somebody else
to take your place.
372
00:20:09,345 --> 00:20:11,079
So, there is nothing
for you to worry about.
373
00:20:11,146 --> 00:20:13,746
Oh, fine, fine.
374
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,013
Who'd you get?
Not that it matters.
375
00:20:16,079 --> 00:20:18,213
Oh, nobody. Sid Caesar.
376
00:20:21,146 --> 00:20:23,646
I've heard of him.
377
00:20:23,712 --> 00:20:25,345
Cheese, sweetie?
378
00:20:25,412 --> 00:20:29,280
Caesar is a genius.
Brilliant physical comedian,
379
00:20:29,345 --> 00:20:32,712
which, by the way,
is very important for a narrator.
380
00:20:34,979 --> 00:20:37,280
He does all those
wonderful double takes
381
00:20:37,345 --> 00:20:42,512
that nobody will see, but it
will be nice that they're there, and he does pantomime.
382
00:20:42,579 --> 00:20:47,813
Oh, that will come in handy.
This is just delicious, sweetie.
383
00:20:52,079 --> 00:20:57,345
You know what, kid,
I can see you're in kind of a jam.
384
00:20:57,412 --> 00:21:00,979
I am, huh?
Yeah. Tell you what I'm gonna do.
385
00:21:01,046 --> 00:21:04,913
I like you, and you're
growing on me. Why don't I bail you out?
386
00:21:04,979 --> 00:21:06,546
Really?
What the heck.
387
00:21:06,612 --> 00:21:08,512
(STUTTERING)
Well, I don't know.
388
00:21:08,579 --> 00:21:09,579
You don't know?
No.
389
00:21:09,646 --> 00:21:12,079
He's going to
kill this yet.
390
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:15,246
Yeah, well, it's just that
you seem very uncomfortable with the film the way it is.
391
00:21:15,312 --> 00:21:18,113
It's fine. It's fine.
It's fine. Just made a few suggestions.
392
00:21:18,180 --> 00:21:22,213
That's the kind of a person
I am. Whatever you want. Let's do it your way.
393
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,312
All right.
Well, then, you got a deal.
394
00:21:24,379 --> 00:21:27,579
And I'll tell you what.
I'll call Sid Caesar. I will let him down easy.
395
00:21:27,646 --> 00:21:29,679
I don't know why you made
such a big fuss about this.
396
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,213
Well, now that
this is settled, let's sit down and eat.
397
00:21:33,280 --> 00:21:36,013
Okay. Mr. Brady?
Yes.
398
00:21:36,079 --> 00:21:38,079
You're sitting in my chair.
399
00:21:40,046 --> 00:21:43,079
And?
And I'm thrilled.
400
00:21:51,146 --> 00:21:53,879
So, you trip over
the ottoman.
401
00:21:53,946 --> 00:21:56,779
You see, you're looking over
there, not looking here, you trip over it
402
00:21:56,846 --> 00:21:58,312
and she helps you up.
403
00:21:58,379 --> 00:22:00,679
I don't know.
Honey, he's our guest.
404
00:22:00,746 --> 00:22:04,046
If he wants you to fall,
you should fall.
405
00:22:04,113 --> 00:22:06,813
I don't know that an ottoman
is funny, what if, and I'm just pitching,
406
00:22:06,879 --> 00:22:09,779
if I trip over, like, a hat.
See, that's never been done.
407
00:22:09,846 --> 00:22:11,079
You know why it's never
been done? Why?
408
00:22:11,146 --> 00:22:13,180
It's stupid.
409
00:22:13,246 --> 00:22:16,113
All right, but, now,
again, it's just an idea, instead of tripping,
410
00:22:16,180 --> 00:22:18,579
I'm walking, right,
so, I come in, I'm walking
411
00:22:18,646 --> 00:22:21,312
on the ottoman,
and then I keep walking.
412
00:22:21,379 --> 00:22:24,146
I'm really sorry
about Paul.
413
00:22:24,213 --> 00:22:26,813
Would that be funny?
No, my mother can do that.
414
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:30,146
All right. Now, this is, okay,
'cause you're expecting falling, right?
415
00:22:30,213 --> 00:22:34,046
So, I'm walking
and all of a sudden, I sit.
416
00:22:34,113 --> 00:22:37,345
Sitting has never been funny.
Never. Sitting.
417
00:22:37,412 --> 00:22:39,479
Whistler's Mother is sitting,
who laughs?
418
00:22:39,546 --> 00:22:41,113
All right, let me just
bounce this off of you.
419
00:22:41,163 --> 00:22:45,713
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
34583
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.