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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:02,570 ** 2 00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:06,407 The wedding is tomorrow 3 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,410 and the bridesmaids' dresses aren't even here yet. 4 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,645 The florist says that they're out of baby's breath 5 00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:14,382 and he's gonna replace it with eucalyptus, 6 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,084 which is gonna make the entire church 7 00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,086 smell like cough medicine. 8 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:21,155 Oh, and after our ceremony, there's a funeral, 9 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:24,192 so there is gonna be a casket off to the side 10 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:27,561 reminding us that as we start our new lives together, 11 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:30,098 someone's going the other way. 12 00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,166 You've got this. 13 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,567 The wedding's gonna be great. 14 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:34,802 [ Cellphone dings ] 15 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:38,772 Oh, more good news -- the weather report. 16 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,274 There's a storm coming in. 17 00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,709 A storm of love. 18 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,211 [ Scoffs ] 19 00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,413 Your father is useless. 20 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:46,880 Uselessly in love. 21 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:51,919 So, I know I probably don't even need to ask you this 22 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:55,123 because it would be cruel and insensitive, 23 00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:57,458 but Ben is not coming to the wedding, right? 24 00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,927 [ Laughs ] Funny you should mention that. Yes, he is. 25 00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,595 [ Scoffs ] Why didn't you tell me? 26 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,398 Well, I was going to, but... 27 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,100 this. 28 00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,269 Look, honey, he's my business partner, 29 00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:10,271 and the rest of the family loves him. 30 00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:13,141 Do you have any idea how incredibly awkward 31 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:14,708 this is gonna be for me? 32 00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:17,044 Nope. I married my high-school sweetheart 33 00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,546 and made that last for 46 years. 34 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,314 Just sayin'. 35 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:23,317 Uh, yeah, if you subtract sleeping, drinking beer, 36 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:25,486 and "working on your motorcycle in the garage," 37 00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,488 you guys had like three good years. 38 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,790 Look, I know the wedding's gonna be hard, 39 00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:32,760 but just try to avoid Ben the best you can. 40 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,095 We sat him and his plus-one at another table. 41 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,630 What?! 42 00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:37,631 What?! 43 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:39,233 He's bringing a date?! 44 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,734 When were you gonna tell me that? 45 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:41,802 [ Sighs ] 46 00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,271 At the last possible minute, 47 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,506 and if you want to know why, listen to your tone. 48 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,241 I mean, why would he do that? 49 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,676 Is he trying to stick it to me? 50 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,978 Or maybe he just wants to prove that he can find somebody 51 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,313 before I do. 52 00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,582 That is so pathetic and small. 53 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,484 Now I only have one day to find someone 54 00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,319 to make him feel like crap! 55 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:03,090 -- Captions by VITAC -- 56 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:10,130 ** 57 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:18,138 ** 58 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:25,579 ** 59 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:34,422 ** 60 00:02:37,425 --> 00:02:39,293 Is it appropriate to serve wings 61 00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,195 at a wedding reception in a church? 62 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:43,331 Well, not an angel's wings -- 63 00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:45,233 unless they're, you know, parmesan-garlic. 64 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,369 God...[ Sighs ] 65 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,472 I am so nervous about being at the wedding. 66 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,006 It's my first big social event 67 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:54,642 where everybody's gonna be drinking. 68 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,076 Well, you can't pick up a drink 69 00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:57,811 if you've already got one in your hand, 70 00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,147 so you just carry a Shirley Temple around all night. 71 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,050 Oh, finally! A cure for alcoholism. 72 00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,487 So...[ Sighs ] 73 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,256 I'm bringing a date to the wedding. 74 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,657 Don't make a big deal about it. 75 00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:13,060 Oooooooooooh!Oooooooooooh! 76 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,563 Who's the damaged guy? 77 00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,097 Okay, I'll tell you, but you can't say anything 78 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,333 to my mom, okay? Uh-oh. 79 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,235 No, it-- it's not like that. 80 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,203 He's a tattoo artist I work with, and he's sweet 81 00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:25,506 and supportive and he respects me, 82 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,840 and he's 38 and he's got two kids. Bye. 83 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,542 No, no! Hang on. 84 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,344 He's 38?! 85 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:31,945 Well, hey, you're dating somebody younger. 86 00:03:31,979 --> 00:03:33,614 Why I can't I date somebody older? 87 00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:35,749 Yeah, we're both about 20 years different in age 88 00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,685 from our dates, but you're 19. 89 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,353 And stupid. 90 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:42,022 Hey, I called you my cool aunt in public. 91 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,224 We were all stupid at 19. 92 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:47,060 You've only had one bad relationship. 93 00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,929 Before your aunt foolishly dated a man 94 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,064 who's too young for her, she prepared herself 95 00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:53,967 by having many, many bad relationships. 96 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:55,903 Good point. 97 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,307 And you cannot surprise your mom with this 98 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,074 at your grandfather's wedding. 99 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,476 Well, that's exactly what I'm going to do. 100 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:03,644 She won't be able to freak out 101 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,245 'cause she has to maintain for Grandpa. 102 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:07,114 Now, when you say "Grandpa," do you mean 103 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:09,517 your actual grandfather or your date? 104 00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:12,753 ** 105 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:15,088 [ Clears throat ] 106 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:16,457 By the way you're oilin' that chain, 107 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,926 I can tell you're pretty excited for tomorrow. 108 00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,395 I'm just holding it together. 109 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:23,331 I'm nervous as hell. 110 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:26,266 Best thing I can do right now is be a cheerleader for Louise. 111 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,735 Disaster! 112 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,169 We got the bridesmaids' dresses 113 00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,772 and they are all the wrong sizes! 114 00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:33,341 I'm sure it'll be fine. 115 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,910 Actually, the -- the -- the -- the dressmaker screwed up 116 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:40,280 and she did it in Italian sizes instead of US. 117 00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,950 [ Italian accent ] Ey, that's-a crazy! 118 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,452 Will you just take 'em off? 119 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,955 I-I-It's making me anxious just to look at them. 120 00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,257 [ Sighs ] This is impossible. 121 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,159 I had a dream of a perfect wedding, 122 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:54,194 and now it's just a nightmare. 123 00:04:54,227 --> 00:04:56,964 I can't find the flowers and the dresses are all wrong, 124 00:04:56,997 --> 00:05:00,534 and people are yelling at me about where they're seated. 125 00:05:00,568 --> 00:05:01,935 I am overwhelmed. 126 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,939 Look, these are just the last bumps in the road. 127 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,308 We're almost there. 128 00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:10,544 No, Dan. 129 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:12,946 I want out. 130 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,848 I-I-I-I think we should just live together. 131 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,384 You were right. 132 00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:19,286 You didn't even want to do all this, and I forced you. 133 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:22,155 Just call everybody -- tell them I'm sick. 134 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,191 Look, I know it sounds crazy right now, 135 00:05:24,224 --> 00:05:26,727 but 14 hours from now, you'll be doing the chicken dance 136 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,896 and feeling great. 137 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:31,231 [ Sighs ] You're not hearing me, Dan. 138 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:33,734 This is too much. 139 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,769 I don't think I want this anymore. 140 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,140 I should go talk to her. 141 00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:41,341 No, give her some space. 142 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,343 She's embarrassed because she asked for all this. 143 00:05:43,377 --> 00:05:45,413 The only way you can really help her 144 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:47,881 is if you take all this off her plate. 145 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:49,550 There's one day! 146 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,351 I don't know how to fix any of this! 147 00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:52,486 Come on! 148 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,221 Your woman's in trouble! 149 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,390 You gonna stand by watching her drown? 150 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,992 No, you're gonna jump in and pull her to safety. 151 00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:00,694 Well, if she has to wait for me to fix a dress 152 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,730 or find baby's breath, she's going under. 153 00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,232 Dan, you're the family fixer! 154 00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:06,500 You fix things! 155 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,502 Somebody's got a problem, who do they go to? 156 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,838 They go to Dan! You really gonna let her down? 157 00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:12,840 No! No! Of course not! Yeah! 158 00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,408 All right. I'm taking over. 159 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:15,909 Yeah. 160 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,911 Give me some duct tape and let me at them dresses. 161 00:06:17,945 --> 00:06:21,615 Okay, it's not your fault that that's an idiotic idea. 162 00:06:21,649 --> 00:06:23,083 It's our fault 163 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,919 for trying to domesticate men and bring them inside our homes. 164 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:27,788 You're outside animals. 165 00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:30,223 ** 166 00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,893 Okay, I think we're ready to load the van. 167 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,695 Let's get this old goat hitched. 168 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,097 [ Bleats ] 169 00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,532 Have you heard from Louise? 170 00:06:38,566 --> 00:06:40,033 Wedding's in a few hours. 171 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,234 I know it's in a few hours. 172 00:06:41,268 --> 00:06:43,270 I've been texting her all morning, telling her 173 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,773 I've got everything under control, but nothing. 174 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,107 I'm starting to freak out. 175 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:48,141 What if she doesn't show up? 176 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:50,377 Oh, no, she'll be there. 177 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,880 Just 'cause she's been a single woman her whole life 178 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,382 doing what she wants, going wherever she pleases, 179 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,750 that doesn't mean she's not gonna want to be 180 00:06:56,784 --> 00:06:58,986 tied down...to... 181 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,655 You know what? Let's get all this stuff in the van. 182 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,659 The weather service has just issued a severe weather alert 183 00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:07,628 [ Knock on door ] for Chicago, including Elgin, 184 00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,598 Lanford, and the surrounding communities. 185 00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,500 [ Thunder rumbling, rain falling ] 186 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,634 Hey! 187 00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,168 Mikey! 188 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,304 I didn't think you were gonna show. 189 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,606 Why wouldn't I? 190 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,744 You know, because after the sex, 191 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,479 you were all in love with me and stuff. 192 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,648 [ Sighs ] I'm fine. 193 00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:29,449 I've got those feelings in check. 194 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,784 I know you're not ready for a relationship 195 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,352 because you're a drunkard. 196 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,154 A big one. 197 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:37,090 That's why I appreciate your support. 198 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:38,526 It's gonna be hard not to have a drink 199 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,961 when everybody's getting plastered at the wedding. 200 00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,764 [ Gasps ] Ooh, maybe you should keep a Shirley Temple 201 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,465 in your hand all night. 202 00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:48,301 Wow. I gotta go apologize to my aunt. 203 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,975 Hey. Hey, Mikey! 204 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,043 Okay, the rain's getting worse. 205 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,477 We better get on the road. 206 00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,346 Grab your stuff. 207 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,183 Hey. 208 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:07,020 Wait, so, you actually planned to ride over here 209 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:11,024 on a scooter in the rain, put me on the back of it 210 00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,526 all made up for a wedding, 211 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,496 and then ride six miles to the church? 212 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:18,298 I-I brought you your own trash bag. 213 00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,001 Oh, gee, without knowing my size? 214 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:23,070 I'm a 13-gallon, for future reference. 215 00:08:25,072 --> 00:08:26,640 Hey! 216 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,577 I was coming over to see if anybody needed a ride, 217 00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,079 but then my car stalled after I swerved 218 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,181 into a flooded pothole trying to avoid 219 00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:37,184 this idiot on a scooter wearing a trash bag. 220 00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:40,053 Ah! And, of course, it was you! 221 00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:42,890 What the hell is he doing here? 222 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,558 Well, you were bringing a plus-one, 223 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,727 so I decided to do the same. 224 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,996 My plus-one was my mom. 225 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:51,699 Dude's mom won't even date him. 226 00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,568 She decided not to come because [As Mom] "it sounds like 227 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:57,504 a super-spreader event, and COVID probably won't be 228 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,506 the worst of it." 229 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,241 Well, I didn't know that. 230 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,043 Oh, well, hey, it's all right. 231 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,178 It's not like you've ever done anything impetuous before 232 00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,047 without considering the consequences. 233 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,617 Okay, we can discuss our shattered lives in the van. 234 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,051 Let's go. 235 00:09:12,152 --> 00:09:13,420 One question. 236 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,756 "Impetuous" means doing something quickly without care 237 00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:18,258 or consideration for how it affects other people. 238 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,693 So, it has nothing to do with being hungry? 239 00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:24,932 We're running late. Can't you drive any faster? 240 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,301 This is flat farmland. 241 00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:30,437 I've seen what these winds are capable of. 242 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,873 Do you know what it's like to take a loved one to identify 243 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,375 a cow with a pig through it? 244 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,977 Hey, Neville, what is this thing? 245 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,112 It's a horse speculum. 246 00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:41,649 Wow. Those things must be huge. 247 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,216 Look at this. 248 00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,785 You can crank this thing even wider. 249 00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:46,486 Put that down. 250 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:49,256 I'm sure you and the professor will be very happy together. 251 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,824 We're -- We're not together. 252 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:52,559 And I am not a professor. 253 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,261 Would you stop?! 254 00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:56,496 I'm nervous enough about the wedding without having to listen 255 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:59,466 to you idiots yammer about what goes inside a horse. 256 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,837 Jackie: Hey, it's Twister Hunters! 257 00:10:03,871 --> 00:10:07,074 You guys onto something today?! 258 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,009 You might want to turn back! 259 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,844 A couple of funnels have touched down in the west, 260 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,681 but the cell could move to the south! 261 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,016 Oh, my God! That's my therapist. 262 00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,119 Dr. Harding? 263 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:20,520 What are you doing? 264 00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:23,490 You're a psychologist. Why are you chasing tornadoes? 265 00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:25,592 Oh, hey, Darlene! 266 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,161 Uh, my ex-wife told me that I hide in my office 267 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,164 to avoid life and, uh, that I'm boring. 268 00:10:31,198 --> 00:10:34,467 I'll tell ya, I'm sitting here driving into a tornado! 269 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,603 Doesn't feel boring to me! 270 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,772 I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die! 271 00:10:38,806 --> 00:10:43,476 But you give me advice, and what you're doing is insane! 272 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,814 Well, you gotta do as I say, not as I do, Darlene. 273 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,716 How are the panic attacks coming? 274 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,884 Well, I'm sitting in this van with my ex 275 00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:53,220 and the guy that I was gonna go to Hawaii with, 276 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,823 and a psychic told me that the only way I'm ever gonna 277 00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:59,559 figure out my life is if I go on a spiritual journey. 278 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,995 Sounds like driving into a tornado is the best thing 279 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:04,364 that could happen to you right now! 280 00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:05,498 Good luck! 281 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,969 Great. 282 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,239 If I die in the same van as Billy Bong-Water over here, 283 00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,340 I'll never forgive you. 284 00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,408 Of course you won't. You'll be dead. 285 00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,510 [ Scoffs ] And you were gonna marry this guy? 286 00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:21,581 ** 287 00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:23,016 Hi. 288 00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,251 Oh, hey. 289 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,519 I'm Darlene. 290 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,555 Oh, a snake with a devil's head. 291 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:31,158 Cool. [ Laughs ] Thanks. 292 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,860 You must be one of the guys in Louise's band. 293 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,895 Oh, no. 294 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,329 But I was in a gang once. 295 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:38,665 It's kind of like a band, but if you make a mistake, 296 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,334 they -- mm! -- shoot you in the face. 297 00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,403 Oh, well, thanks for coming. 298 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:44,671 [ Laughs ] Uh, hi, Mom. 299 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,073 I see you've met my date. 300 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,107 This is Aldo. 301 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:48,742 We work together at the tattoo shop. 302 00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,110 We could fight about it right now, but that'd be 303 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,745 really selfish on Grandpa's big day. 304 00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:53,080 See you later. 305 00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,549 What was that about? 306 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,351 I have no idea. 307 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,921 I think Harris is dating some scary, old dude 308 00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,622 with a neck tattoo. 309 00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,691 Wow. That is news to me. 310 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:08,128 If I had known about that, I would have told you immediately. 311 00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,362 Wait, so you knew? 312 00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,164 Oh, yeah, I knew. Jackie, too. 313 00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:16,369 Where's the rest of the family and all the other guests? 314 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,471 Most of them couldn't make it through the storm, 315 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:21,074 but they're gonna try to make the reception later. 316 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:22,742 Hey. 317 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,644 You guys seen Louise? 318 00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,413 No, and I was just in the bride's dressing room. 319 00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,114 It's empty. 320 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,317 Becky: To Dan and Louise! 321 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,086 May they last longer than Darlene and Ben! 322 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,755 All: Cheers. 323 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,290 I thought that was really nice. 324 00:12:39,359 --> 00:12:42,129 Does this apple juice taste weird to anybody? 325 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,264 It's burning my throat. [ Clears throat ] 326 00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,666 Oh, my God. This is champagne. 327 00:12:46,699 --> 00:12:49,837 You told me that the apple juice was on the left! 328 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,505 It is! We were on the other side when I told you. 329 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:53,440 I'm so sorry. 330 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,075 Here, this is the cider. 331 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,145 No, wait, I almost did it again. 332 00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,948 Becky! It's okay. I-I got it. 333 00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,853 [ Sobbing ] 334 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,320 Do you know this is the men's room? 335 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,189 I don't care! 336 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:12,525 I'm so upset I thought I was gonna throw up! 337 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:14,594 I blew my sobriety! 338 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,364 H-Hey, look, it was only one sip, and it was an accident. 339 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:21,434 It doesn't matter! A sip is considered a drink! 340 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,171 I should have smelled it first, and now it's in me, 341 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,106 and now I'm afraid I'm gonna want more! 342 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,607 I don't know what to do! 343 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,509 D-Do you want to call your sponsor? 344 00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,278 I tried. She didn't answer. 345 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,479 I left a message. 346 00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:37,684 I can't go out there. There's alcohol everywhere. 347 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:40,520 [ Sighs ] Hey, look, then we can stay in here for a while. 348 00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:42,489 I'll distract you. 349 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,958 You know this church used to be a Taco Bell? 350 00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:46,860 That's why it has the Spanish motif. 351 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:50,663 All the original Taco Bells used to look like the Alamo. 352 00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,200 That's an interesting thing to think about! 353 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,335 Not at all! 354 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,370 I have to get completely out of my head right now, 355 00:13:57,404 --> 00:13:58,638 or I'll have to leave, 356 00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,740 and I don't want to leave my dad's wedding! 357 00:14:00,773 --> 00:14:01,909 How do we do that? 358 00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:06,679 ** 359 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:12,485 [ Playing "Bridal March" ] 360 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,022 * I am too old 361 00:14:15,055 --> 00:14:17,991 * To be a flower girl 362 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:22,562 * I'm 5'4" and I've already kissed a boy * 363 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,865 ** 364 00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,068 I'm here. [ Laughs ] 365 00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,938 Glad you made it. I almost didn't make it. 366 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,405 Had to use the women's bathroom. 367 00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:33,773 I went in the men's room -- 368 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,909 somebody was gettin' it on in the stall. 369 00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,245 Don't judge. Maybe it was an emergency. 370 00:14:39,646 --> 00:14:41,448 When your mom saw we were a couple, 371 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:43,416 it looked like she was gonna pass out. 372 00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,118 No! No, she always looks pale like that. 373 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,954 Oh, okay. 374 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,556 Uh, we need a minute here. 375 00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:50,890 Okay, don't make a scene. 376 00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:53,693 Unless Louise doesn't show and we need a distraction. 377 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:56,696 Then you can go at each other like a MMA pay-per-view. 378 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,031 I gotta go. 379 00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:05,072 ** 380 00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:09,476 I know my dad invited you because he felt obligated 381 00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,079 because you work together, but you didn't need to say yes. 382 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:13,646 I don't even know why you're here. 383 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,315 This is a day for family. 384 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,550 Do not come to the reception. 385 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,652 Well, it isn't your choice, and I felt like I was family 386 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,554 when I was helping pay your dad's mortgage. 387 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,157 Oh, right, and you've been so gracious about it. 388 00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,458 Oh, hey, I was happy to help. 389 00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,594 And, yeah, I became close with everybody in your family, 390 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,063 which couldn't be helped because there's like 20 of you! 391 00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,999 Place is like a kennel! 392 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,300 Well, that's over now. 393 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,702 When you bailed on me, you bailed on my family! 394 00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,840 As we wait for the bride, we are silent. 395 00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:45,678 ** 396 00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,281 Aw, crap. 397 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:53,086 ** 398 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,155 Sorry I'm late. [ Scoffs ] 399 00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,489 I didn't think you were coming, 400 00:15:56,523 --> 00:15:58,658 so I've been bad-mouthing you behind your back. 401 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:01,494 ** 402 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:04,197 I can't tell you how glad I am that you're here. 403 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,665 Well, we'll talk about it later. 404 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,700 We're supposed to be walking. 405 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:11,671 No. Let them wait a sec. They're here for us. 406 00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,073 I just want to look at you. 407 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,076 You're beautiful. Mm. 408 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:18,211 Let's walk. Okay. 409 00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:24,117 [ Sighs ] Thanks for helping me when I needed it. 410 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,685 When you said you were okay just living together, 411 00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,387 I realized I wasn't. 412 00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,489 I want to be your husband, 'cause once we're married, 413 00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,191 that's at least one legal speed bump 414 00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:33,726 before you can ditch me. [ Sighs ] 415 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,528 If everyone would take their seats... 416 00:16:36,529 --> 00:16:39,032 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 417 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:41,201 [ Air raid sirens wailing ] 418 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,737 Tornado! 419 00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,673 Son of a bitch! 420 00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,076 I knew I shouldn't have done it in the church. 421 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,646 Everyone, please move quickly but in an orderly fashion 422 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,014 to the shelter. 423 00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:57,650 They always give you at least a ten-minute warning. 424 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:58,985 Finish the ceremony. 425 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,153 Are you sure about this? 426 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,421 About marrying you? Yes. 427 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,923 About the ten minutes -- I-I'm less than confident. 428 00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:04,924 Let's go. 429 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,426 Um, okay. 430 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:07,727 [ Quickly ] Uh, we are gathered here today 431 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,896 to witness and celebrate the marriage of Louise and Dan. 432 00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:10,830 Better cut to the chase. 433 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,031 Yes, okay. Uh, right. 434 00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:13,700 Do you, Louise Beth Goldufski, take this man -- 435 00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,403 [ Glass shatters ] 436 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:24,677 We have to go! 437 00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,580 No, we can still get to the "I do's"! 438 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:28,915 Guys, come on! 439 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,883 We're holding the cellar door for you! 440 00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:32,852 This place is gonna come down! 441 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,089 God gave us a shelter! Let's honor Him! 442 00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:40,260 Every year, I renew my certificate as a minister 443 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,129 to the Universal Life Church! 444 00:17:42,162 --> 00:17:45,732 It's mostly a tax break, but I can do marriages! 445 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:48,701 L-Let's do it! The abbreviated version! 446 00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,370 Okay, Dan, do you take this woman 447 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,771 to be your lawful wedded wife? 448 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,240 Yeah, I do. What about this guy? 449 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,474 Yeah, sure, it's been going pretty well so far. 450 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,544 Yeah, by the power vested in me by the back pages 451 00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,479 of "High Times" magazine, 452 00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,614 I now pronounce you man and wife! Do the thing! 453 00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:03,082 Oh! Let's get the hell out of here! 454 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,118 Oh! 455 00:18:05,152 --> 00:18:06,586 ** 456 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:08,621 Jackie: Mm, mm! 457 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:09,622 [ Slurring ] I wanna make a toast! 458 00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:10,790 All: No! 459 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,292 Show us your boobs! 460 00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,393 Hey! 461 00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,294 Later! 462 00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,928 [ Laughter ] 463 00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:17,997 To Dan and Louise! 464 00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:21,301 May they last longer than Ben and Darlene! 465 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:24,737 I thought that was so funny when Becky did that! 466 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,439 Yeah, show's over, Shecky. 467 00:18:28,175 --> 00:18:30,843 I just want to say something. 468 00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:33,913 I want to thank all of you for making my life so wonderful. 469 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,649 And thank you, Louise... 470 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,818 for finding a way to top that. 471 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,288 Aww. That was beautiful, Dan. 472 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:42,622 Now show us your boobs! 473 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,690 [ Laughter ] 474 00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:44,724 Later! 475 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:48,361 And to my hubby! 476 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,664 Oh, man, I never thought I would say that. 477 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,000 But now I don't think I'll ever stop. 478 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,001 Ooh. 479 00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:00,607 Thanks for being there for me today. 480 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,109 I have to come up with some better coping skills, 481 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,844 for both our sakes. 482 00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:07,447 You got this. Aww. 483 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,283 You know I have my nephew's christening next week. 484 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,719 It'll be kind of a letdown without all the fornicating 485 00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,688 and destruction of a Conner get-together. 486 00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:17,089 It's what we do. 487 00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:22,362 Since the reception's off, when everyone leaves, 488 00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:24,631 can Ben stay and do foreign-movie night? 489 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,566 We're gonna watch "Master of the Flying Guillotine," 490 00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:28,335 put it on mute, and do our own dialogue 491 00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,036 so it becomes a rom-com. 492 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,371 They lose their heads in love. 493 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:34,674 You know, Mark, we might just have to put a pin 494 00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,743 in foreign-movie night for a while. 495 00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,745 That is so unfair. 496 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:41,147 How about you guys figure out how to be around each other 497 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,216 so you don't screw up stuff in my life? 498 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,918 I still like Ben, and depending on what you decide, 499 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:47,854 I'll tell you how I feel about you. 500 00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,058 I'm just gonna grab a beer. 501 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,097 Mark wants you to stay for movie night. 502 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,767 How do you feel about that? 503 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,002 [ Laughs ] I hate it. 504 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,038 Really hard to be in the same room with you right now. 505 00:20:06,072 --> 00:20:08,441 But I shouldn't let that affect your relationship 506 00:20:08,475 --> 00:20:10,042 with Mark. 507 00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,178 I hope you'll understand if I choose to go out in a tornado 508 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,046 rather than sticking around while you're here. 509 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,717 Well, you're a good mom. 510 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,386 Hmm. 511 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,621 Must have killed you to say something nice about me. 512 00:20:21,654 --> 00:20:24,591 Burned my throat like a ghost pepper, but I'll heal. 513 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,394 Mm, be careful out there, will ya? 514 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,195 You might want to put some rocks in your pockets, 515 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:32,465 or the wind'll carry you off like a plastic bag. 516 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,035 Thanks for caring. 517 00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,971 It's hard to stop -- even if you want to. 518 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,575 Jackie: Ben, look at my boobs! 519 00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:43,610 Ben: Oh, God! 520 00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:48,481 * I was dancin'... 521 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,150 I will always remember you 522 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,119 just as you look right now. 523 00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:56,255 Are you going off to war? 524 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,124 No. 525 00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:01,428 I mean, you'll never get older in my eyes. 526 00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,796 You're always gonna look just like this. 527 00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:07,099 [ Smooches ] I love you, Mr. Conner. 528 00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:09,101 I love you, Mrs. Conner. [ Chuckles ] 529 00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:11,971 * ...were dancing 530 00:21:12,004 --> 00:21:13,806 * My friend stole... 531 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,709 Um, eventually, they're all gonna move out, right? 532 00:21:17,877 --> 00:21:20,480 Let's not spoil the moment. 533 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:23,750 * I remember the night 534 00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:27,554 * And the Tennessee Waltz 36593

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