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1
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:49,584
Ah yes, we'll have two
sirloin steaks, thank you Michael.
2
00:00:49,905 --> 00:00:50,926
Make 'em big 'uns mate.
3
00:00:50,961 --> 00:00:54,292
Yes that's right, as Jumbo
says, make 'em big 'uns.
4
00:00:54,704 --> 00:01:00,082
Saute potatoes, a selection of greens and put the whole
thing put on my account will you Michael.
5
00:01:00,786 --> 00:01:02,125
What account?
6
00:01:02,925 --> 00:01:09,580
Ha, ha, what account! See what I mean Jumbo, the old
place hasn't lost its sense of humour!
7
00:01:09,764 --> 00:01:12,176
Well, I wouldn't laugh if a
barman made a berk of me.
8
00:01:12,358 --> 00:01:14,162
Barman! Now just you listen
here pal!
9
00:01:14,197 --> 00:01:20,394
Michael, Jumbo did not mean
any offence. Shall we sit down over here?
10
00:01:20,909 --> 00:01:21,902
Hey mate.
11
00:01:21,937 --> 00:01:24,308
Did you know this pub hasn't
got a music licence?
12
00:01:24,860 --> 00:01:27,591
Still, as long as it's him playing
there's no problem, hey?
13
00:01:30,485 --> 00:01:32,295
Who's the big-mouth Aussie,
Mike?
14
00:01:32,589 --> 00:01:36,069
Oh him, he's no Australian,
he used to be a local lad then he emigrated.
15
00:01:36,213 --> 00:01:39,682
That was a bit of luck
weren't it? So what's he doing back?
16
00:01:39,862 --> 00:01:41,813
Buying some cars off Boycie
or something.
17
00:01:42,514 --> 00:01:48,407
Oi, there you are, you mucky old sod. Listen, have you
seen the state of my Persian rug back at the flat?
18
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:51,138
You run the old J Edgar over it
as soon as you get back.
19
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:57,205
Cor blimey, should see it. Give me, giss a Manhattan Mike,
small rum for him. Spit in the rum.
20
00:01:57,499 --> 00:01:58,919
Where's Rodney?
21
00:01:59,097 --> 00:02:00,671
Rodney, I left him down
clearing up the market.
22
00:02:00,945 --> 00:02:03,325
'Ere, some mush just had a go
at me.
23
00:02:03,527 --> 00:02:05,529
Had a go at you? Who had a go
at you, where?
24
00:02:05,564 --> 00:02:07,746
Him! Took the mickey out of
my piano playing.
25
00:02:07,781 --> 00:02:09,849
Well, you ought to be used to
that now Albert.
26
00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:13,146
I'll sort him out, you stay here. I'll
sort you out an' all - later.
27
00:02:13,181 --> 00:02:17,664
Right 'ere, excuse me pal -
I don't believe it! I don't believe it!
28
00:02:17,828 --> 00:02:21,221
Jumbo bloody Mills! Who let
you back in the country?
29
00:02:21,256 --> 00:02:26,196
Oh, look at this will yer!
Talk about a bad penny. Del Boy, how are you mate?
30
00:02:26,364 --> 00:02:29,342
Alright mate, alright my son.
You are looking double well.
31
00:02:29,377 --> 00:02:32,718
That's 'cos I live in a
healthy country. No fog or frost in Oz mate.
32
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,227
It's great, it suits you, it
suits you. Look at all that!
33
00:02:35,262 --> 00:02:37,720
So tell me, what are you
doing back home, eh?
34
00:02:37,755 --> 00:02:43,249
Derek, Jumbo and I are having
a business meeting. It's all rather confidential.
35
00:02:43,284 --> 00:02:47,186
I've got no secrets from Del.
Me and him were partners back in the Sixties.
36
00:02:47,221 --> 00:02:50,560
That's right, that's right. We used to have a fish stall
right outside the pub 'ere, didn't we?
37
00:02:50,595 --> 00:02:52,595
Yes, I remember.
38
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,674
Cor, those were the days, eh.
Those were the days.
39
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,053
So how long you back home for
anyway?
40
00:02:57,088 --> 00:02:58,179
Well, just a week or so.
41
00:02:58,214 --> 00:03:01,913
In fact, I'm just here to finalise a deal with Boycie,
take in a bit of sightseeing.
42
00:03:01,948 --> 00:03:06,214
I wish to God I hadn't
bothered. This country's become a cesspit Del.
43
00:03:06,249 --> 00:03:08,581
You're right there Jumbo.
44
00:03:08,616 --> 00:03:10,416
A cesspit. What do you mean,
cesspit?
45
00:03:10,451 --> 00:03:13,487
You could find cleaner places
in an Abbo's armpit.
46
00:03:17,633 --> 00:03:20,529
I tell you what though Jumbo.
You can't tell that that's a wig.
47
00:03:24,529 --> 00:03:26,195
That's because it's not a wig.
48
00:03:26,230 --> 00:03:31,526
Oh, do me a favour. You used
to have curly hair, come on that's a syrup innit?
49
00:03:32,294 --> 00:03:34,534
Of course it ain't a syrup.
50
00:03:35,540 --> 00:03:38,045
Look, I've got a tenner here
that says that is a syrup.
51
00:03:38,977 --> 00:03:42,113
I have got a tenner here
that says it ain't.
52
00:03:42,445 --> 00:03:45,406
Alright then, cover that
Boycie. Now listen, I tell you why I know that...
53
00:03:46,291 --> 00:03:47,667
Is that your change over
there?
54
00:03:48,444 --> 00:03:49,747
Here we go.
55
00:03:52,071 --> 00:03:53,175
Thank you very much.
56
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,411
What the flamin' hell d'you
think you're playing at?
57
00:03:55,585 --> 00:03:59,840
I don't believe you sometimes Del, here am I tryin'
to clinch a business deal
58
00:04:01,164 --> 00:04:03,078
and you've just nicked my
client's wig.
59
00:04:03,331 --> 00:04:05,634
Well it was for a bet! You
do understand don't you Jumbo?
60
00:04:05,935 --> 00:04:07,311
No I bloody well don't!
61
00:04:08,063 --> 00:04:12,232
Jeez. You always liked
embarrassing me didn't you?
62
00:04:13,216 --> 00:04:17,107
Look chaps, this is just a
temporary condition.
63
00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:22,861
My doctors have assured me
that my own hair will grow back - well - eventually.
64
00:04:23,140 --> 00:04:24,208
Here you are gents.
65
00:04:24,571 --> 00:04:26,515
Where's the loud-mouthed
Aussie gone?
66
00:04:28,273 --> 00:04:30,694
Just put the stuff on the
table and leave us alone mate.
67
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:31,741
Now just a minute pal.
68
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:34,621
Mike, Mike, leave it, leave
now, go on, it's alright.
69
00:04:35,713 --> 00:04:37,737
He's a nice bloke, he really
is a nice bloke.
70
00:04:37,947 --> 00:04:41,319
Oh yeah, a typical Brit, the
only thing that works is the mouth!
71
00:04:49,035 --> 00:04:52,634
Del, I'm trying to have a
business meeting, do you mind?
72
00:04:52,827 --> 00:04:55,610
Alright. You enjoy your nosh,
I'll see you later.
73
00:04:55,784 --> 00:04:57,046
Yeah, I've gotta talk to you
Del.
74
00:04:57,213 --> 00:05:00,503
Alright then, any time.
Sorry. They want you over there.
75
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,868
Thanks a lot Boyce.
See you.
76
00:05:03,926 --> 00:05:05,595
He seems a nasty bit of
work.
77
00:05:05,793 --> 00:05:09,244
Who, Jumbo? Na, that's just
the way he is, that's all.
78
00:05:09,401 --> 00:05:10,833
He's got a heart of gold,
that bloke.
79
00:05:10,868 --> 00:05:14,001
His trouble is that his mouth is always
three seconds ahead of his brain.
80
00:05:14,036 --> 00:05:19,005
But, I tell you what, I tell you what, he is a
diamond that bloke. He's never cheated me.
81
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,344
He's as straight as a die. A real
diamond.
82
00:05:21,687 --> 00:05:28,333
The import and export licences will be looked after
by my people, they should only take a couple of weeks.
83
00:05:28,368 --> 00:05:34,053
Yeah, yeah, look Boycie I'm sorry, but I can't
concentrate without the toop. I feel naked.
84
00:05:34,088 --> 00:05:35,785
I'll just pop to the gents
and put it back.
85
00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:38,732
Oh course Jumbo, I fully
understand.
86
00:05:39,182 --> 00:05:40,791
Oi, I want a word with you.
87
00:05:41,013 --> 00:05:45,713
Oi Jumbo, no wait a minute. Listen, you remember that
horrible little kid brother of mine?
88
00:05:45,874 --> 00:05:48,373
One with the funny hair cut, all snot and
Marmite.
89
00:05:48,668 --> 00:05:55,152
Yeah, I remember. It's him
innit? You ain't changed a bit Rodney.
90
00:05:59,032 --> 00:06:01,009
This is Jumbo Mills, remember?
91
00:06:01,304 --> 00:06:04,950
Na, of course you wouldn't, you were only a little sprog
when he emigrated to Australia.
92
00:06:04,985 --> 00:06:07,152
Done very well for himself, ain't he, eh?
Look.
93
00:06:07,187 --> 00:06:08,363
You can say that again mate.
94
00:06:08,398 --> 00:06:10,636
The best thing that I ever
did was getting out of this dump.
95
00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:13,885
Of course now, I'm a major shareholder in an
office cleaning company.
96
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:17,809
Got a chain of fast-food restaurants and I'm just
going into the automobile trade.
97
00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:24,310
Last year, Del, I bought this apartment
overlooking Sydney Harbour. Half a million dollars.
98
00:06:24,486 --> 00:06:28,367
Architect-designed interior
right down to the mirrored ceiling in the bedroom.
99
00:06:28,857 --> 00:06:32,172
- Mirrored ceiling!
- Oh, kinky.
100
00:06:32,378 --> 00:06:38,139
No, no, it's purely decorational. I mean, I wouldn't
use it for anything like...well, like that.
101
00:06:39,987 --> 00:06:42,458
Well, you wouldn't use it to
comb your hair, would you.
102
00:06:45,834 --> 00:06:50,540
- You think I'm bald don't you?
- Well, it had crossed my mind.
103
00:06:52,074 --> 00:06:53,372
Well, I'm not.
104
00:06:53,634 --> 00:06:56,028
Well, that's a hell of a
parting you've got there son.
105
00:06:58,019 --> 00:07:00,717
What I mean is I am not
naturally bald.
106
00:07:02,247 --> 00:07:04,719
You mean you pay someone to
do that?
107
00:07:05,872 --> 00:07:10,325
What I mean, Rodney, is that
this is the result of a nervous disorder,
108
00:07:10,579 --> 00:07:15,153
and my doctors have assured me that
me own hair will grow back at any time now.
109
00:07:15,397 --> 00:07:17,612
Trouble is that they told
him that 15 years ago!
110
00:07:18,368 --> 00:07:20,333
No, listen, he don't mean
it. He's only winding you up.
111
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:21,878
Alright Del, I'll see you
about eight o'clock.
112
00:07:22,313 --> 00:07:23,300
Alright mate, see you later.
113
00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:25,568
Come on then Rodney, Albert,
drink up we've got work to do.
114
00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:26,674
D'you clear up down the
market?
115
00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:30,791
Yes I did. That's what I wanna talk to you about. How
long have I been a rubbish clearer?
116
00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:34,741
You never told me I got promoted. And that
weren't even our rubbish, Del,
117
00:07:34,776 --> 00:07:37,100
that come off Harry
Dando's fruit and veg stall.
118
00:07:37,135 --> 00:07:38,926
I know it did, now listen
Rodney.
119
00:07:38,961 --> 00:07:44,374
Harry's, well, and old man now, he's getting
on, got arthritis and a touch of rheumatism.
120
00:07:44,409 --> 00:07:50,605
You know, if I can help somebody as I go along my way,
my living will not have been in vain.
121
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,598
- That's my motto.
- How much he pay you?
122
00:07:52,633 --> 00:07:55,618
A fiver, so you want two
pound then don't you?
123
00:07:55,653 --> 00:07:57,211
No I don't. I want two pound
fifty.
124
00:07:57,246 --> 00:08:02,618
Oi, when that doctor said your hair could grow back
anytime now, he weren't kidding was he.
125
00:08:09,426 --> 00:08:14,308
So anyway, listen, he said for a moment, 'There I
thought you were 'hissing my performance.'
126
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:15,856
Hello Del.
127
00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:22,107
Alright Mike. Listen, giss a banana daiguiri for moi
and Australian lager for Jumbo. Alright.
128
00:08:22,142 --> 00:08:27,487
I only sell British lager,
Del. Kronenborg, Hofmeister, stuff like that.
129
00:08:27,897 --> 00:08:29,545
Well, giss one of them then,
that's alright, fine.
130
00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:31,020
So how's life been treating
you Del?
131
00:08:31,055 --> 00:08:32,659
I'm alright, not complaining,
not complaining.
132
00:08:32,694 --> 00:08:35,925
I take it you never did become that millionaire
you were always talking about?
133
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,859
Well, no, no, not yet. You
know.
134
00:08:37,894 --> 00:08:40,469
'This time next year I'll be
a millionaire.'
135
00:08:40,504 --> 00:08:43,992
Do you realise they were the last
words you said to me before I emigrated?
136
00:08:44,027 --> 00:08:46,137
Trouble is that
was 1967!
137
00:08:46,172 --> 00:08:52,985
Well, you know there's still time, still time.
Thank you Michael. Thank you, cheers.
138
00:08:53,362 --> 00:08:58,505
D'you believe that Del? I
mean, do you truly believe it?
139
00:08:59,312 --> 00:09:01,080
Yeah, course I do, yeah.
140
00:09:01,115 --> 00:09:04,052
You should have come with me
Del. You're wasted here.
141
00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:06,999
This country's finished,
it's old - decrepit.
142
00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:09,866
Yeah, alright, it's my
country so stop having a pop at it will yer?
143
00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:11,655
The stench of defeat is
everywhere.
144
00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:14,607
Alright, so it's British
stench and I happen to be proud of it. Alright?
145
00:09:14,642 --> 00:09:17,198
The old place has got no
guts any more.
146
00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:20,068
That's funny that is Jumbo,
someone said that a while ago.
147
00:09:20,103 --> 00:09:22,545
A little jumped-up general in Buenos Aires.
148
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:26,284
And if you're not careful you'll get what the Argies
got, a good smack in the eye. Alright?
149
00:09:26,764 --> 00:09:29,834
Now hold on, hold on. I
didn't mean to offend you.
150
00:09:32,385 --> 00:09:34,380
I'm just tryin' to point
out a few facts, that is all.
151
00:09:34,415 --> 00:09:36,182
Alright mate, leave it at
that then.
152
00:09:36,466 --> 00:09:40,148
D'you remember when our
business broke up and I decided to emigrate?
153
00:09:40,694 --> 00:09:44,043
Well, if it hadn't 'ave been for you
Del, I'd have gone to Australia potless.
154
00:09:44,311 --> 00:09:46,486
You gave
me your last two hundred pounds.
155
00:09:46,665 --> 00:09:48,265
I told you to forget it,
forget it, didn't I?
156
00:09:48,532 --> 00:09:49,897
Well I never did forget it
mate.
157
00:09:50,069 --> 00:09:53,669
No, even when times were hard I used to lay in
bed at night and think to myself
158
00:09:53,704 --> 00:09:56,591
'One day I'm gonna pay
Del back, with interest!'
159
00:09:56,815 --> 00:10:01,287
And now I am. I want us to
reform our old partnership.
160
00:10:02,008 --> 00:10:04,046
What, get another fish stall?
161
00:10:05,199 --> 00:10:08,546
No, no, no, no. You see, I'm
starting up this business.
162
00:10:08,581 --> 00:10:14,115
I'm gonna import prestige
European motors, like Rollers, Mercs, that kind of thing.
163
00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:18,080
I want you to come to
Australia as my partner.
164
00:10:19,384 --> 00:10:23,833
I want you to front the business Del Boy, I want you
to deal with the public,
165
00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:26,282
give 'em that old
razzamatazz like you used to.
166
00:10:26,457 --> 00:10:27,500
Australia?
167
00:10:27,535 --> 00:10:28,577
Well, I've got the money,
168
00:10:28,612 --> 00:10:34,276
I've got the site and thanks to my little deal with
Boycie, I've got the motors. All I need is you.
169
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,878
Well, I dunno. Australia, it
ain't 'alf a long way away off innit, eh?
170
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:41,316
They'd love you over there,
they've got no class.
171
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:45,159
What?
172
00:10:45,727 --> 00:10:49,243
No, what I mean is they've
got no class structure like they have here in England.
173
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:53,733
Over there it doesn't matter how you talk. You
see, in Oz, a bloke's just a bloke.
174
00:10:53,930 --> 00:10:57,629
Yeah but, cor blimey, it'll
cost a fortune to get over there, won't it eh?
175
00:10:57,826 --> 00:10:59,094
I'm paying.
176
00:10:59,738 --> 00:11:04,425
No, no, I couldn't, I ain't got a trade or nothing. You
know, they wouldn't accept me, would they?
177
00:11:04,460 --> 00:11:08,509
You've got better than that.
You've got a full partnership in a growing company.
178
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:13,731
Derek, this time next year
you will be that millionaire!
179
00:11:15,090 --> 00:11:18,816
No, no, you know, I've got
family ties and all that ain't I?
180
00:11:18,851 --> 00:11:21,929
Well bring 'em with you. Put
young Rodney on the pay roll.
181
00:11:23,419 --> 00:11:25,680
Well, he has got two GCEs.
182
00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:29,473
That doesn't matter, we'll
find something for him to do.
183
00:11:32,019 --> 00:11:35,906
Well, no, no Jumbo. You gotta
remember we didn't 'alf used to row a lot didn't we?
184
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:42,158
So we'll still row. Our biggest argument
will be who's got the most millions.
185
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:46,401
So what do you say Del Boy,
are we gonna do it or ain't we?
186
00:11:50,486 --> 00:11:53,598
Alright, put it there, you
old bastard, you're in for a fast ride.
187
00:11:55,828 --> 00:11:59,634
Michael, Michael, please a
bottle of champagne for my partner and me.
188
00:11:59,867 --> 00:12:04,350
And make it the best champagne. A bottle
of that Dillingers 75.
189
00:12:06,223 --> 00:12:08,770
That's Prince Charles's
favourite champagne that.
190
00:12:08,966 --> 00:12:10,133
No, that's Bollingers.
191
00:12:10,168 --> 00:12:12,122
It's bloody true I'm telling
you.
192
00:12:24,501 --> 00:12:26,819
They're not at it again in
Brixton are they?
193
00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:32,779
This is the blitz of London.
I was there.
194
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:38,162
Rodney, Rodney, Rodney,
we're going to Australia!
195
00:12:38,813 --> 00:12:40,610
I'll just see the end of this
first.
196
00:12:42,396 --> 00:12:45,532
Good boy, good boy. Listen,
I'll get the glasses.
197
00:12:45,968 --> 00:12:54,245
'Sunarise, she come in the morning. Sunarise, she come
up in the morning, Lighting up the ground all around.'
198
00:12:56,757 --> 00:12:58,324
I think you've had enough,
don't you?
199
00:12:58,508 --> 00:13:03,652
I'm celebrating ain't I? It's not every day like you decide
to go to Australia, is it? Go on.
200
00:13:03,821 --> 00:13:05,831
I tell you what, I'll make
you a nice cup of black coffee.
201
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:08,382
No, you don't
understand. We're going to Australia!
202
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,831
What do you mean 'We're going
to Australia?'
203
00:13:10,866 --> 00:13:13,396
Now listen, I met...What's
the matter? What's the matter with this boy?
204
00:13:13,431 --> 00:13:17,359
Don't he understand? Let me put it
another way, right. We are going to Australia.
205
00:13:17,812 --> 00:13:22,422
See what happened, Jumbo, Jumbo
offered me a partnership in his company,
206
00:13:22,581 --> 00:13:25,703
his new company, and it's gonna be a
real big earner, Rodney,
207
00:13:26,314 --> 00:13:28,922
this time next year we will
be millionaires.
208
00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:31,523
Right, first thing in the morning
we're going up Australia House, right
209
00:13:31,558 --> 00:13:35,198
and we fill in our forms and you know,
we're away, we're away.
210
00:13:35,657 --> 00:13:39,081
Don't I have any say in
this? I might not wanna go to Australia.
211
00:13:39,278 --> 00:13:41,803
It's too late now,
I've given him your word, you see.
212
00:13:42,998 --> 00:13:44,596
Well, I want time to think
about this.
213
00:13:44,878 --> 00:13:46,917
You don't have to do that,
I've done all that for you.
214
00:13:48,106 --> 00:13:51,293
Just think Rodney, eh,
Australia, where the men are men, eh.
215
00:13:51,502 --> 00:13:58,463
- And so are the women.
- What's that supposed to mean?
216
00:13:58,768 --> 00:14:03,549
Last time I was over there the only way you could tell
the sexes were the men spit further.
217
00:14:04,449 --> 00:14:07,064
Alright, when was the last
time...When was the last time you was over there?
218
00:14:07,229 --> 00:14:08,492
1929.
219
00:14:08,527 --> 00:14:13,739
1929. Cor blimey, we were
still transporting prisoners over there then, weren't we?
220
00:14:15,337 --> 00:14:17,376
Never mind, listen, I want
to explain something to you.
221
00:14:18,368 --> 00:14:25,282
Look Rodney, I've got...Look Jumbo borrowed me some of
his photos. Look at them, look at that beach there.
222
00:14:25,567 --> 00:14:28,099
Oh yeah, look at that bird.
223
00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:34,030
Oh, that'd bruise yer ribs wouldn't it. Hey Rodney,
that could be us in a little while.
224
00:14:34,213 --> 00:14:38,109
Blue skies, surfing, beach parties, all that, eh?
What'd you reckon?
225
00:14:38,387 --> 00:14:42,792
It sounds great. And he
wants us to help run his new car business?
226
00:14:42,976 --> 00:14:47,478
No, no, no. Not help run it.
No, no, no, I'm gonna be a partner, aren't I.
227
00:14:47,639 --> 00:14:52,172
Straight down the middle, see Jumbo
he's gonna have 51 per cent of the shares you see.
228
00:14:52,487 --> 00:14:55,131
Well how's that straight down
the middle then?
229
00:14:55,356 --> 00:14:58,091
Well I'll get 51 per cent of the share
as well, I suppose.
230
00:14:59,467 --> 00:15:04,159
The thing is Jumbo's gonna be behind the
scenes like, he's gonna handle all the money like,
231
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,214
and I'm gonna be the sales
director.
232
00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:10,763
I'm gonna have my own executive office, with a
swivel chair and all that game. See.
233
00:15:11,049 --> 00:15:12,256
So what's my job?
234
00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:15,610
Ah, listen Rodney, you're gonna play a very vital role
in the organisation, and I know,
235
00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:17,393
I just know that you
can handle it.
236
00:15:17,428 --> 00:15:18,721
So what is it?
237
00:15:18,756 --> 00:15:22,177
Well you know when all them Rolls Royces and Mercs
they come trundling off the ship,
238
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,932
what is the first
thing they're gonna need?
239
00:15:25,098 --> 00:15:27,493
Import licences, customs
clearance, all that.
240
00:15:27,673 --> 00:15:29,383
More important than that.
241
00:15:30,765 --> 00:15:34,738
Re-registering, they gotta
have new number plates and log books and all that.
242
00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:37,731
What are they gonna need
more than that?
243
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:48,865
- Cleaning!
- Cleaning?
244
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,092
Yeah.
245
00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:53,522
He's going 20,000 miles just
to be a car cleaner?
246
00:15:53,720 --> 00:16:00,193
No, he's not gonna be just a
car cleaner. He's gonna be a prestige car cleaner.
247
00:16:00,363 --> 00:16:02,150
You know, he's gonna be in charge
of it and all that.
248
00:16:02,343 --> 00:16:04,363
I'll have staff working under
me then?
249
00:16:04,636 --> 00:16:08,617
Eventually, yeah. I mean this
is a growing business, Rodney,
250
00:16:08,790 --> 00:16:13,001
and in a year from now I can't afford to have
you down there with your mutton cloth and your T cut.
251
00:16:13,165 --> 00:16:18,418
I've got to have you up in the boardroom, and you'll
have your own in-car celluloid phone.
252
00:16:19,708 --> 00:16:20,765
And a secretary?
253
00:16:20,922 --> 00:16:22,942
Yeah, all that, you've got
to have all that.
254
00:16:23,476 --> 00:16:25,964
What about Albert, though.
We got to find something for him to do.
255
00:16:26,176 --> 00:16:27,841
Yeah, well I've sorted it
all out.
256
00:16:28,018 --> 00:16:31,615
I wouldn't waste your time
boys, 'cos I'm not going.
257
00:16:33,425 --> 00:16:36,709
Oi, come here Albert, what
you mean not going?
258
00:16:36,902 --> 00:16:40,574
Listen to me son. I've spent
three-quarters of my life sailing round this world.
259
00:16:40,756 --> 00:16:43,780
Now, all I want is a place
to sit down and stay there.
260
00:16:44,579 --> 00:16:47,911
When I come to live with you
two I hoped that I would end my days here.
261
00:16:48,339 --> 00:16:54,042
Yeah, well so did we. But, I mean,
this is a great opportunity for us Unc.
262
00:16:54,238 --> 00:16:55,180
Yeah.
263
00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:59,756
It's a young man's oppertunity Rodney.
I'll be alright here on my own.
264
00:17:01,815 --> 00:17:05,479
Alright, if that's what you
really want Unc.
265
00:17:06,928 --> 00:17:09,361
Listen, I'll make sure
you're alright for a few bob.
266
00:17:10,672 --> 00:17:12,215
Yeah, you're a good boy Del.
267
00:17:18,258 --> 00:17:22,496
Hey Del, we'll be getting
away from all this - the fumes and squalor.
268
00:17:23,941 --> 00:17:27,006
It's goodbye to all that and
hello to clean air, good living.
269
00:17:27,899 --> 00:17:29,386
That's a point, where are we
gonna live?
270
00:17:29,585 --> 00:17:31,720
Jumbo said we could have his
apartment for a while.
271
00:17:31,914 --> 00:17:33,121
What, not on Sydney Harbour?
272
00:17:33,156 --> 00:17:35,052
Yes, that's the one. It'll
be like living on another planet.
273
00:17:38,543 --> 00:17:42,242
Yes Rodney, you can have the
room with the mirror ceiling.
274
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,623
Well, what's it say?
275
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:48,625
I've been accepted. I've
been accepted!
276
00:17:48,660 --> 00:17:49,967
Well, thank God for that.
277
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:55,254
I've had this feeling see. Everything's been going so
well I thought something's gotta go wrong, ain't it?
278
00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:59,093
No boy, you're home and dry.
I've got this feeling as well.
279
00:17:59,285 --> 00:18:02,724
I think this is the
chance that's gonna change your life.
280
00:18:03,173 --> 00:18:06,736
Yeah, I'm gonna make it this
time Albert. You bloody see if I don't!
281
00:18:07,778 --> 00:18:08,649
Alright?
282
00:18:08,842 --> 00:18:12,411
Triffic Rodders, triffic. I had a letter, I've been
accepted ain't I??
283
00:18:15,661 --> 00:18:16,783
Wassamatter?
284
00:18:16,969 --> 00:18:18,721
Nothing, nothing's the matter.
285
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:21,096
Oi, you ain't getting
homesick already are you?
286
00:18:24,091 --> 00:18:25,887
No! I got a letter this
morning as well.
287
00:18:27,304 --> 00:18:35,021
They've refused me an immigration visa,
they've turned me down. Sorry mate.
288
00:18:35,918 --> 00:18:38,409
But why Rodney? I mean you're
young.
289
00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:40,731
And you've got GCEs.
290
00:18:40,904 --> 00:18:45,194
I've also got a criminal
record for an offence involving drugs.
291
00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:49,631
Yeah, but, I mean, bloody 'ell! That was years ago and
you only took one bloody puff!
292
00:18:49,801 --> 00:18:52,137
Yeah I know, but it don't say
that on your file does it.
293
00:18:52,321 --> 00:18:56,518
It just says 'Found guilty for
the illegal use of drugs.'
294
00:18:57,931 --> 00:19:01,797
I'm sorry mate, I'm really
sorry. I've messed it all up for you ain't I?
295
00:19:02,490 --> 00:19:04,205
No you ain't bruv, no you
ain't.
296
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,251
Yes I have. I've blown your
big chance.
297
00:19:07,461 --> 00:19:12,052
No you haven't, there is a
way round Rodney. There's always a way round it.
298
00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:13,691
Really?
299
00:19:14,133 --> 00:19:18,454
Don't worry Rodney. I'll
find another car cleaner.
300
00:19:24,674 --> 00:19:28,588
You're still going? You're
gonna go without me?
301
00:19:28,743 --> 00:19:32,166
I've got to, I mean, I've got
a partnership waiting for me over there.
302
00:19:32,645 --> 00:19:34,605
But what about our partnership?
303
00:19:34,785 --> 00:19:36,809
Our partnership? Oh, our
partnership.
304
00:19:36,989 --> 00:19:41,427
Well, yeah, that means all the world to me
Rodney you know that,
305
00:19:41,617 --> 00:19:44,067
but I'm just gonna have to say bonjour
to it.
306
00:19:44,458 --> 00:19:46,889
Look boys, I know it's none
of my business...
307
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:48,597
You're spot on Albert.
308
00:19:50,443 --> 00:19:52,183
I'll make a toast, son
309
00:19:56,819 --> 00:20:01,508
Look Rodney, this is my
golden opportunity to fulfill my potential.
310
00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:06,656
What do you want me to do? Stay here,
flogging all this rubbish.
311
00:20:07,419 --> 00:20:14,366
I've got 24 computers here that don't work, I gotta
near-Persian rug that's got more food on it than a menu.
312
00:20:16,136 --> 00:20:22,753
But last year when I had a golden opportunity you
forced me to give it up didn't you?
313
00:20:22,938 --> 00:20:26,213
You give me all that cobblers about loyalty
and family ties.
314
00:20:26,248 --> 00:20:28,679
But you wanted to become a
window cleaner, didn't you?
315
00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:31,371
It's hardly the end of the
rainbow stuff that, was it?
316
00:20:31,435 --> 00:20:33,239
Yeah, well I'd have had my
own business.
317
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,402
I know Rodney, but you will
have your own business
318
00:20:35,437 --> 00:20:41,373
because as soon as I step on that aeroplane you will
become the sole proprietor of Trotters Independent Traders.
319
00:20:41,584 --> 00:20:43,927
And what exactly am I
supposed to trade with?
320
00:20:45,586 --> 00:20:49,553
Well, at least you've got 24
beautiful looking computers,
321
00:20:50,179 --> 00:20:56,283
and this sort of Persian rug, not bad, you sloosh it over
with a J cloth and it's a real goer.
322
00:20:56,330 --> 00:21:00,271
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. Here's my
little black book right.
323
00:21:00,556 --> 00:21:05,305
Now I'm gonna give you that and
that contains the names and addresses of all my birds.
324
00:21:06,467 --> 00:21:11,878
And this is my future. 24
computers that don't compute,
325
00:21:12,169 --> 00:21:14,419
the only rug in the world
with a sell-by date and...
326
00:21:14,454 --> 00:21:18,004
The script to A Hundred and
One Dalmatians. Thanks a lot!
327
00:21:18,959 --> 00:21:21,992
Don't you think I've
sacrificed enough for you?
328
00:21:22,185 --> 00:21:23,868
Sacrifices? For me?
329
00:21:24,257 --> 00:21:30,502
Yes you, when dear Mum, Gawd
rest her soul, when she died...
330
00:21:30,537 --> 00:21:31,665
Don't start again.
331
00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:33,918
When she died, who stood by
you?
332
00:21:33,953 --> 00:21:36,037
Yes, I remember that well.
333
00:21:37,179 --> 00:21:41,876
I was a little five-year-old stood in a damp graveyard
wondering what the hole in the ground was for,
334
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:47,495
I remember all the other people saying
'I wonder what's gonna happen to poor little Rodney?'
335
00:21:48,597 --> 00:21:54,387
But I had no need to fear, did I, 'cos suddenly a
vision appeared from beyond the silhouette of the gasworks.
336
00:21:55,306 --> 00:21:59,663
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Del Boy!
337
00:22:00,045 --> 00:22:06,107
Da da da daad! 'I, Del Boy,
will look after this small waif.
338
00:22:07,088 --> 00:22:15,792
I will bring him up in the ways of Del Boy. He will
sell iffy watches from old suitcases on street corners.
339
00:22:16,439 --> 00:22:21,409
And I will also teach him to drive a three-wheeled van
whilst pissed out of his skull!'
340
00:22:28,142 --> 00:22:30,180
And I did, didn't I?
341
00:22:31,587 --> 00:22:39,191
Yeah, you made a bloody good job of it too. Just think
Del, so far I'm your only success!
342
00:22:39,796 --> 00:22:41,695
That says a lot for
the two of us, don't it?
343
00:22:42,057 --> 00:22:49,508
Rodney, Rodders, listen, I'm gonna make a fortune over
there, I'll send you money and that.
344
00:22:49,690 --> 00:22:51,558
You know what you can do with
your money Del.
345
00:22:51,782 --> 00:22:58,041
Rodney, look, I've gotta have a chance, I mean this
country's going downhill fast, innit?
346
00:22:58,076 --> 00:23:02,568
I know but I think the real
opportunity lies right here.
347
00:23:03,888 --> 00:23:08,623
What happens when acountry's in a depression, eh?
Money gets tight, don't it?
348
00:23:08,819 --> 00:23:12,400
People can't afford to pay
the inflated shop prices, so what do they do?
349
00:23:12,966 --> 00:23:15,419
They come to blokes like us don't they.
350
00:23:16,105 --> 00:23:19,724
I tell you, the more hard up
Britain gets, the richer we'd become, eh?
351
00:23:24,116 --> 00:23:26,557
This is my big chance Rodney.
352
00:23:28,030 --> 00:23:33,311
Fine, well I'll see you
around, sport!
353
00:23:40,297 --> 00:23:41,872
Dipstick.
354
00:23:43,198 --> 00:23:44,607
I suppose you heard all that?
355
00:23:44,818 --> 00:23:47,203
There are tugboat crews on
the Thames heard it all.
356
00:23:48,013 --> 00:23:51,525
So what have we come to, eh? A
family feud.
357
00:23:51,741 --> 00:23:54,682
You're like them Ewing brothers, Bobby
and JR.
358
00:23:56,621 --> 00:23:58,756
Yeah, I suppose I am a bit
like that Bobby.
359
00:24:01,890 --> 00:24:06,992
I wouldn't have said Rodney was like
that JR though. AJ Arthur, but not a JR!
360
00:24:16,982 --> 00:24:18,462
Rodney's late.
361
00:24:18,895 --> 00:24:20,694
He's probably out getting
smashed somewhere.
362
00:24:21,449 --> 00:24:24,331
Families, families, they're nothing
but problems, ain't they Albert?
363
00:24:24,366 --> 00:24:28,452
That's true son. Would you
like my advice Del?
364
00:24:28,487 --> 00:24:30,623
Yeah, why not. Go on, chuck
your penny-worth in.
365
00:24:30,658 --> 00:24:31,874
You've gotta go son.
366
00:24:31,909 --> 00:24:35,444
If you don't take this chance down you'll spend the rest of
your life wondering what might have been.
367
00:24:35,867 --> 00:24:38,509
It's a kind of thing can eat away at you.
368
00:24:39,274 --> 00:24:43,778
I know it'll be tough for young Rodney, but eventually
he'll learn to stand on his two feet.
369
00:24:44,627 --> 00:24:48,439
In the long run, this could be the best thing
for the both of you.
370
00:24:51,070 --> 00:24:57,528
Cheers Albert. Thanks very much,
perhaps one day you'll try explaining it to Rodney.
371
00:25:00,042 --> 00:25:05,735
You're better at it than me. I'm gonna phone Jumbo, and
tell him what time I'll be arriving.
372
00:25:18,051 --> 00:25:21,147
I tell you one thing, phoning
Australia don't 'alf hurt your finger.
373
00:25:23,725 --> 00:25:30,150
Hello Jumbo, Del Boy, eh? Well with your money
you ought to have a phone in the khazi!
374
00:25:32,123 --> 00:25:36,385
Now listen, a bit of a problem.
Rodney won't be coming over.
375
00:25:36,625 --> 00:25:39,782
No, we've got a few snags this
end see. Me?
376
00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:47,797
Na, I won't be coming over either.
Well it's loyalties innit? Family ties, all that.
377
00:25:49,883 --> 00:25:56,615
I know what I am. I'm sorry mate, the whole deal's off.
You know it makes sense.
378
00:25:57,395 --> 00:26:06,153
Anyway, thanks very much for the offer, it was much
appreciated. Yeah, I'll see you around pal, cheers.
379
00:26:07,524 --> 00:26:09,333
Well, I'm glad my advice
helped.
380
00:26:14,522 --> 00:26:18,495
Well, what else could I do?
I suppose it'll be for the best in the end.
381
00:26:18,858 --> 00:26:20,248
Are you happy now son?
382
00:26:20,689 --> 00:26:26,087
I dunno, in a way I suppose, yes. It's like a big
weight's been removed from my shoulders, I know that.
383
00:26:26,265 --> 00:26:33,120
Well I suppose that's something.
Well, see you in the morning son, goodnight.
384
00:26:34,247 --> 00:26:35,629
Yeah, night Unc.
385
00:26:46,111 --> 00:26:48,664
- Alright?
- Oh yeah, brill.
386
00:26:52,073 --> 00:26:53,844
I owe you an apology Del.
387
00:26:55,351 --> 00:27:02,069
All them things I said earlier, I was right out of order, and
you've gotta take that opportunity.
388
00:27:04,239 --> 00:27:08,602
Na, it's too late bruv.
I've already phoned Jumbo and told him the whole deal's off.
389
00:27:08,834 --> 00:27:12,221
You ain't? Because of what I
said?
390
00:27:12,991 --> 00:27:19,483
Well, yeah, in a way Rodney, in a way, because you said
'The real opportunity lies here.'
391
00:27:19,518 --> 00:27:21,943
You know the country's in a bad way, money's tight,
392
00:27:21,978 --> 00:27:27,283
people are looking for
bargains and who do they turn to first, eh?
393
00:27:27,574 --> 00:27:28,718
Blokes like us.
394
00:27:28,753 --> 00:27:34,907
Blokes like us. I was sitting here, you know, and I thought
Rodney has hit the nail right on the head there.
395
00:27:35,429 --> 00:27:43,803
I thought, this wonderful land of ours
is on the eve of a golden age of the black market.
396
00:27:44,300 --> 00:27:47,166
And you and me, you know we're gonna
be in there first.
397
00:27:48,744 --> 00:27:50,930
I'm glad I listened to you Rodney, I
really am,
398
00:27:50,965 --> 00:27:54,586
because if I'd have taken that 'Chance of a
Lifetime' it could have ruined me.
399
00:27:56,447 --> 00:27:58,435
So we're...we're still
partners then?
400
00:28:00,144 --> 00:28:01,673
Yes, if you'll have me back.
401
00:28:02,769 --> 00:28:04,542
Oh well, let me sleep on it,
eh?
402
00:28:07,321 --> 00:28:09,407
I'll smack you in the nose,
saucy sod.
403
00:28:11,910 --> 00:28:15,131
Hey Del, this time next year,
eh.
404
00:28:15,884 --> 00:28:18,885
Yeah, this time next year
405
00:28:21,154 --> 00:28:24,470
- Well, I'll see you in the morning.
- See you in the morning.
406
00:28:28,004 --> 00:28:35,894
- And Del, you know...
- Yeah, I know bruv, goodnight...
407
00:28:43,437 --> 00:28:47,126
Yeah, this time next year!
408
00:28:54,754 --> 00:28:58,818
'Who wants to be a millionaire?'
39010
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