All language subtitles for Full.Body.Massage.1995

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(gentle wistful music)

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(gentle wistful music continues)

(gentle wistful music continues)

(gentle wistful music continues)

(footsteps thudding)

- (yelps) You're home.

Great, Deed. I mean, there you are.

You're standing right in front of me.

Hi, Nina. (panting)

- Hello, Dee Dee.

- How was your day?

- Very pleasant in a grim sort of way.

So how are things around here?

Oh, did that, uh, what's his name?

That strange bald lawyer call?

- [Dee Dee] No.

- Well, how about Douglas?
Did he reconfirm for this afternoon?

- [Dee Dee] No, no one called.

- Well, if he ever does call me here,

it's fine to give him
the number in the car

about the lawyer.

Oh, he represents Merkey,

the artist that I'm showing next month.

Douglas already has the number.

Which means he must still be
coming since he didn't call.

- Well, yeah.

- So...
- [Dee Dee] What?

- Well, how were things around
here? You were about to say.

- Gardener came.
- And how is Mr. Li?

- He cleared out that underbrush
where you asked about.

- Good.

- He did the deep root fertilization too.

I paid all the bills. The
checks are on your desk.

All you have to do is sign them.

And I bought some haddock
from the fish man this morning.

I made a curry sauce to go with it.

All you have to do is pop it in the oven

and I left the directions.

-And you'd like to go home now?

Go.

(bright wistful music)

- Oh, uh, Mr. Li said

he won't be back again
for three weeks.

He has to go to Taiwan.

I think he was trying to
tell me some family thing.

- No doubt.

- He wanted to know if
you wanted his nephew

to come back the next two weeks.

- Uh, you said yes, I hope?

You're a good little wife, Dee Dee.

Every woman should have one.

(engine turns over)

(bright wistful music continues)

(clock ticking)

(Nina moans)

(bright wistful music continues)

(bright wistful music continues)

(shower running)

(bright wistful music continues)

(car approaches)

(metal creaking)

(stereo turns off)

(doorbell buzzes)

(doorbell buzzes)

Can I help you?

- Hi.
- Yes?

- I'm Fitch. Fitch.

- Fitch?

- I'm here for your appointment.

- Well, where's Douglas?

- Didn't he call you?

Said he was going to.

He said he would call you.

- To tell me what?
- Couldn't make it.

- Douglas.
- That's what he said.

So where should we set up, Nina?

- Well, wait, wait, wait
just a minute, uh...

We're, uh, we're usually
this way, but where is he?

Do you know?

- Who?
- Douglas.

- Didn't come up.
- I don't understand.

My assistant confirmed the appointment.

Uh, listen, the, the, the thing is,

I'm, I'm really very accustomed
to, to working with...

"The Sun Also Rises."

- I liked it.

- Well, you see, I,
I'm, I'm very accustomed

to working with him, Douglas.

And, and the thing is that I, I like him.

I, I really like him and,
um, well, it takes time,

at least for a woman, you
know, it really takes time

to, to feel comfortable,
really comfortable

with, with a man who you know, really-

- Doug's got the touch.

- (sighs) Without even
picking up a phone or...

Douglas.

When you have a relationship with someone,

a business relationship,
we go back, he and I.

You, you expect some consideration.

- He seemed to be in a
rush. He's very young.

- He's not so terribly young.

- No, not so young, but he's young,

younger than he thinks he is.

Besides, he could have not
called either one of us.

- [Nina] He's very talented.

- He is. Good looking kid too.

Women seem to go for him.

A lot of his clients
are women. Most, really.

Outside's nice.

Especially if you have some privacy,

and you have some privacy.

- Douglas does me outside.

- It's really hot.

- I've been there and
done it twice.

- You'd dig it. It's really crazy.

- Bit cold out here right now.

- Well, what would you suggest?

- Some dark and quiet place.

I was in such a hurry getting over here.

I've got my oils and things,

but as for towels and sheets,

I'll need some.

-All right.

- (smacks lips) I left
some stuff in the car.

(door slams)

(footsteps thudding)

- Fitch?

Fitch?

Fitch!

Fitch.

(objects rustling)

(watches ticking)

- I'm fascinated with things.

That is, I'm fascinated with
the fascination with things.

- This is my bedroom.

- I thought it might be.

My mother had a spectacular
jewelry collection as I recall.

- Uh-huh.

- I wanted to wash up,

when I happened to walk by...

Thanks. Well, I wanted to wash up.

(water running)

(gentle sultry music)

What massage is about
in the end is healing.

There are ways to heal people

without words or prayers or drugs.

That's it. That's the essence.

- I never really gave it much thought.

- Healing?
- Massage, in those terms.

I try not to over-intellectualize things.

It makes life so great.

I'm, uh, I'm more intuitive I think.

How old are you?

- (grunts) Why do you ask?

- I don't know. Why not ask?

I mean, you never learn anything
if you don't ask, right?

- Older than you.

The laying on of hands,
there's power in it.

But in our culture, there are
so many Western prejudices

against illness and healing.

We're really pretty
tight-assed, medically speaking.

You just think about it.

When was the last time your
doctor really touched you?

I don't mean probed or examined you.

But touched you.

- Well, if it never
happened, it was too recent.

I don't like doctors.

- That's because they consult with you.

They talk with you over the phone

or they prescribe drugs,

but they don't personally feel you.

They leave that to time or to chemistry.

- I don't like doctors,
because I don't like doctors.

You've known Doug how long?

- Not long.
- Long enough to like him?

- How long does that take?

It goes back to the ancients, you know.

- [Nina] What's that?

Massage.

Maybe even earlier, some historians think.

The Greeks were mainly into
massage as a treatment,

a healing aid.

They have records of people
like Socrates and Plato

being massaged daily,
and Plato lived to 104.

- Socrates did not.

- But the Romans being who they were,

essentially Italians without the loafers,

were the first to come up
with the idea of massage

as a form of foreplay.

Courtesans became quite good at it.

It became part of the transaction finally.

- Well, you don't have
to be a rocket scientist

to make the connection.

Massage is sexual. Very sexual.

- It can be. Doesn't have to be.

Shouldn't always be.

- Well, I wasn't talking about a sweating,

screaming, orgasmic epiphany.

It's just that you're lying there naked.

Someone's touching you in places

you sure wouldn't let
your father touch you,

and it's arousing.

Um...

This is my desk.

- It's a form of communication.

Just have to make sure
you're both speaking

the same language.

- Well, looks like you're
ready to get started.

- We've already started.

- [Nina] What do you mean?

- Well, most of any massage worth having

takes place in the head, and
I'm sure you've been preparing.

Why? Are you in a hurry?

- No.

- Funny little thing, eh?

Maybe you'd like some music.

What happened to that
music you were playing

before you turned it off?

- I'll find something.

(gentle serene music)

(dog barking)

(birds singing)

- I'd say we're ready.

(gentle bright music)

(car approaching)

(gentle bright music continues)

So what are we working on, Nina?

Any complaints or maladies?

Any part of the body that
needs special attention?

- You know, the part that
starts with my hairline

and ends with my toes.

(Fitch exhales)

It's my job, you know.

You were gonna say something
about how tense I am.

(sighs) Douglas is always telling
me how much tension I have,

especially in my upper back and shoulders.

It's all because of my job.

(Nina moaning)

I have a gallery.

Well, a couple of them actually.

One here in town off Melrose.

One in New York. Tribeca.

Anyway, when it's your
business, your baby,

you know what they say
about responsibility

falling on your shoulders.

- Best not to talk too much.

- [Nina] Was I talking too much?

- Well, it's your massage.
You can do anything you like.

You really should try to relax.

You can't keep going all the time.

Or is that what the people at work do?

- [Nina] Hmm, people I work with,

relaxation is limited to what
they can purchase in a vial.

(Nina moaning)

(bright gentle music continues)

- See, it's working already.

(Douglas whispering)
(Nina laughs)

(gentle wistful music)

(Alice moans)
(Alice laughs)

- Okay.

Angels keep their ancient places,

Turn but a stone and start a wing!

'Tis ye 'Tis your estranged faces

That miss the many-splendoured Thing.

(Nina moans)

- How long have you been
doing massage, Fitch?

-Almost 20 years on and off.

♪ As I walked out on
the streets of Laredo ♪

♪ I went down to the St. James ♪

♪ Infirmary ♪

- Interesting work.

(moaning) I'm sure you
meet all kinds of people.

It gives you a lot of freedom too, I bet.

I mean, so portable.

Have table, will travel.

I travel a lot in my work.

Too much, I'm starting to think. (moans)

Guess it just depends how
badly you want what you want.

Do you like art?

You seem like the sort of person who does.

-And what sort of person is that?

- Well, some...

What do you mean?

- It's just that I didn't know
there was a type, that's all.

But maybe you know better
about that than I do.

(bright upbeat music)

- Okay, not a type,

but I like art, artists.

They hide themselves inside their work.

So to really understand the work,

you have to get to know the artist.

Well, do you enjoy art?

- Who would you consider
to be the great artist of this century?

- How do you mean?

- Well, who are the five greatest?

Or four...

or three?

- I'm really not in that business.

- Would you say Picasso? Would he be one?

Or Chagall?

- [Nina] I don't think you can

quantify artistic achievement.

- [Fitch] Or maybe Braque or Klee?

- What's your point, Fitch?

(Nina moaning)

(Nina moaning)

(objects clapping)

What were you saying?

You started to say something
then you just stopped.

(objects clapping)

Fitch?

(objects clapping)

- Fitch?

(objects clapping)

Fitch? What are you doing?

- This is just me now.

This is just my opinion,

but so much of what passes for
art today, contemporary art,

is without any kind of reference point.

Moral, historic, nothing.
It's not about anything.

- I disagree completely.

Modern art is critical.
That's what makes it modern.

(objects clapping)

What are those?

- I don't know. I found
'em in the trunk of my car.

Magnets.
- Magnets.

-About 400 gauss potency.

Perfect for those hard-to-treat areas.

- Mm...

Now you really must visit my gallery.

I have a very interesting
installation going in next month

I think you should see.

- What's that?

- It's a history of women's
fashion as a form of bondage.

Mm, come see it. You'll enjoy it.

It has a point of view. Ironic, satiric.

- Point of view.
- Exactly.

- Well, I'll tell you,

and this is why so much of
art today is so pointless,

that what we as our society suffers from,

is a kind of bankruptcy of spirit.

- Well, I'm sure people have
said something like that

as long as there've been
people around to say it.

- [Fitch] Yeah, except
this time, it's true.

- I'm sure they said that too.

(objects clapping)

If you're talking about today,
the way we live, it's fear.

That's what defines us.

- Is this yours?

- Mm.

- (sighs) Fear of change,

fear of the future.

Technology changing things faster

than people can take it in.

It turns us into strangers, everyone.

That's why people create
the art they create.

- [Fitch] Bad faith.
- What is?

- Blaming someone else.

Something else, technology,

as though we had no responsibility
over ourselves, our actions.

- Oh, so what would you suggest?

- I suggest we look inward, all of us,

for starters.

And then I suggest, we look outward.

- Then do we all sit around
cross-legged humming like gnats?

- We could. We might.

Why not?

Or else we could just go out and kill

all the gallery owners.

(Nina laughs)

(bright gentle music)

- What do you think of it?

- Where do you show?

- Where do I show? (chuckles)

- (sighing) Do you have any family, Fitch?

A wife, children?
- Mm-mm.

- [Nina] Mother, father?

- Gone now. They've been dead a while.

I have a sister back in Sydney.

- I try to stay close to my family.

It's important. Don't you think?

My sister's in Boston. My
brother's in Georgia somewhere.

My parents are retired in
Florida, but we work at it.

It's important, don't you think?

I think so. Families staying close.

What makes you think that?

- Think what?

-A bankruptcy of spirit. ls
that really what we're about?

- Call it what you like.

The essence of it is, is
that we have lost our way

as a civilization.

Spiritually, I'm saying.

I've been around and the
one thing I've learned

is we don't know what we don't know.

(bright serene music)

- My work, I suppose, has
a spiritual side to it.

Each artist is unique.

Each has individual needs.

- Where do I show? (chuckles)

(bright upbeat music)

People like me don't show anywhere.

I'm not in fashion.

- Of course, there is a
little matter of compensation.

- People understand that
when they come to me.

Usually that's why they come to me.

Artists are rarely as concerned
with the idea of their

earning a living as
everyone else seems to be.

(Nina moans)

Oh, oh, oh.

Ah, ah, ah.

Ah, ah.

- Oh, Nina.

- [Nina] Hmm? What's this?

- It's a shiatsu thumb
for when I get tired.

(Nina laughs)

(Nina moaning)

- So what's the, uh,
spiritual side to your work?

(Nina groans)

This is not too hard for you, is it, Nina?

- (chuckling) Why do you ask?

(Nina moans)

I had aspirations, artistic aspirations.

Except I saw myself up on stage somewhere

as a performer. (gasps)

Only problem was I couldn't sing or dance.

I could audition.

You see, my gift is I know how to sell,

so I sell myself.

And then rehearsal, come to think of it,

I was okay, passable.

- Would I have seen you in anything?

- (chuckling) No. Lucky man.

- So how'd the gallery business get you?

- Mmm... Same way most people
end up doing what they do.

Fell in love with the wrong man.

- [Fitch] Artist.

-Artist, art dealer, art critic.

He was all artistic things
to all artistic people.

(bright upbeat music)

(stapler clicking)

- Now kneel up, head this end.

And what happened to him?

- Who knows, really?

Like this?
- Mm-hmm.

- I like what I do,

where I've ended up, who I am.

I get enormous satisfaction from it.

You happy, Fitch?
- Happy?

- Well, you said you've done
all this traveling around.

I was just wondering if it made you happy.

(gentle serene music)

(dog barking)
(dog whimpering)

- [Fitch] Made me a better person?

Sure, I suppose so.

Happier than most people,
if that's what it's about.

But there's more to happiness
than just being happy.

- [Nina] Meaning what?

- Well, to most people,
culture, civilizations,

the idea of happiness is
not some trivial thing.

It's not a good job or
a new car in the drive.

It's something else entirely.

- [Nina] Something spiritual.

- The Hopi Indians believe
that the body of a person

and the earth formed in the same way.

(group chanting)

Along an axis.

Now for you and me,

this axis...

is our spine or our backbone.

And along this axis...

are various centers of force.

(Alice panting)
(drum beating)

- Centers of force?

(singers chanting)
(drum beating)

(gentle serene music)

(singers chanting)
(drum beating)

- They're all very important,
these different centers of the body.

The brain, the throat,

the solar plexus.

But the most important of all...

is the heart.
(drum beats harder)

"Follow its sincere
purpose," the Hopi say,

"and you are of one heart."

"Allow evil thoughts to enter,

and you are of two hearts."

The Tibetans and Hindus believed

in an almost identical series
of centers in the body.

The most interesting part
is how the Hopi medicine man

takes these centers of force...

and treats someone.

- You see, he can tell what's
wrong with just his hands.

You can feel the vibrations in each center

and find in which one life
runs strongest or weakest.

(gentle serene music)

(dog barking)

(serene music continues)

- Sometimes what's wrong
is what you'd call illness.

But other times it comes from outside.

Drawn by our own evil thoughts
and those of a two heart.

- What's this?
- Mushroom tea.

It'll cleanse you.

And that way, he can see
the source of the trouble

and the Hopi say the actual
face of the two heart,

who's causing it.

- Um, tell me you got a
crystal in that bag of yours.

- No.

- 'Cause I could stand
to know the two hearts

causing me my pain.

- Works though, this kind of healing.

Modern medicine and any science,
when you think about it,

is a belief system, (blowing)

A religion like any other religion.

Medicine works because
we believe it will work.

- You know, sometimes it just works.

-And a lot of times it doesn't.

-And the medicine man,
he uses his crystals.

(gentle serene music)

This is the teaching crystal.

This is the shaman's crystal.

He looks through it at
each of the centers.

(gentle serene music continues)

They understand themselves.

The Hopis.

- I like clergymen even
less than I like doctors.

- That's because you worship
at the temple of art,

which is a whole lot like
the temple of science

when you get down to it.

Your God is a jealous God.
The most jealous God of all.

The God of reason.

- Oh, what do you suggest, that I convert?

Become a Hopi mystic?

Can you do that, by the way?

Convert to another race?

- The point I was
making really is that...

without realizing it,

we've given up one form of mysticism

for another, more socially
acceptable form of mysticism.

Now I don't know about you,

but I've never seen a
black hole or a quark.

They may exist, they may not.

Personally, I have no way of knowing.

What I do know is...

that I've seen Hopis walk away healed

by a medicine man using no
more than a pair of hands

and a few crystals.

- Christ, you're patronizing.

-All I'm saying is that...

we, everyone, have replaced
the system of belief

with a system of disbelief.

And that it's found its way
into everything we do and think.

We've lost our capacity for wonder.

And this is the insidious part.

No one even knows it's happened.

- Except for you.

(lighter flicking)

- They understand themselves, the Hopis.

(bright upbeat music)

- [Nina] I just got it.

(chuckles) What do you think?

- Doesn't matter what I think.

- Well, what do you mean, it
doesn't matter what you think? I...

I want your opinion.

- (clearing throat) There's
only one reason to do art.

It needs to be done.

He did it. So why discuss it?

- Oh, come on.

I just wanted to know what you think.

Where have you been,
Fitch? In your travels.

- [Fitch] More places than
I can sometimes remember.

- For example?

- Wherever the spirit takes me.

Far East, Africa, a year with
the Aborigines in Australia.

- [Nina] Sort of massaged your
way from one end of the world

to the other, huh?

I envy that.

- What? Traveling the world.
- Having no responsibilities.

- [Fitch] No responsibilities?

Just the opposite I think.

- Why did you come here tonight?

- Why wouldn't I?

- The Far East, Africa, Aborigines.

(chuckling) I'm not your style.

- Doug asked me to. He
said you were different.

- Did he? I like him.

- He said of all the people he knew,

you were the one who was most...

- [Nina] What?
- Adrift.

- Adrift?
- That was the word.

- Why would he say that?

- [Fitch] Doug's got the touch.

- Well, what do you
suppose that means? Adrift.

I mean, what does that mean?

- Your heart, your
spirit. You're searching.

- How would he know? He's a kid.

- Not as much of a kid as
he thinks he is. Turn over.

-All my life, it's been the same thing.

Men refusing to see me for what I am.

Projecting their idea of who
I should be on me instead.

Now even the guy who
does my massages...

wants me to be something I'm not.

-And what's that?

-A tormented, career-obsessed woman.

I mean, why not take a little risk

and actually get to know
someone on a more complex level?

I really thought more of Douglas.

I know he's your friend, but... (sighs)

I really thought more of him.

- So is it a risk?

- [Nina] What?
- Complexity.

Just now you said he wouldn't risk

knowing you on a more complex level,

so is complexity dangerous?

- Isn't it?
- Well, you said it was.

- Well, it is.

Get, getting to know
someone is always a risk.

- In what way?
- [Nina] In every way.

In every conceivable way.

(bright upbeat music)

- I'm not sure I get it.

(bright upbeat music continues)

- I find myself thinking
about you all the time.

- Is that a bad thing?

- That's what I was gonna ask you.

- Hmm, is everything in your
life always so complicated?

- No. Just the important things.

(bright upbeat music continues)

(toilet flushing)

- [Nina] Intimacy, whether it's emotional

or intellectual or sexual,

I think it can be very threatening.

- [Fitch] Threatening or a risk?

- [Nina] Semantics? Christ.

- No, I'm just trying to understand you.

You said said Doug didn't.

So I'm trying to. Lay down.

That's what these are for.

Colors draw things out
of you, even in silence.

- It's a fundamental difference
between men and women.

- [Fitch] What is?

- The degree of intimacy they're willing

to open themselves up to.

I mean, any relationship, not
just a romantic sexual one.

- [Fitch] And you base that on?

- [Nina] How did this happen?

- Back up. Turn slowly one way.

- [Nina] I thought I
came here to sketch you.

(pencil scrawling)

- [Fitch] Well, I'm not sure
there is this huge difference.

I haven't seen it, anyway.

-Are you trying to get a rise out of me?

- Does it sound like
that? I didn't mean it to.

- It's this whole thing we used to debate.

Of what drives a man after sex.

I mean, is it nature or
nurture that makes him

wanna run for the door while a
woman would lie there forever?

-And that's the difference?

The etiquette of sex with a stranger?

- I never said anything about strangers.

- Well, as much as a man might be tempted,

I don't think he's gonna bolt for the door

the minute he's had sex with his wife.

- Obviously, you don't
know the same men I do.

- That's good. Now turn slow.

- [Nina] This better be good.

Show it to me.
- No.

- Come show me.
- You like it?

(artist chuckling)

- You're so bad.

(distant laughter)
What a man wants is an
illusion of what a woman is.

What a man and a woman are together.

- [Fitch] Any less of
an illusion, your idea?

- What's that?

- That all men are alike.

I'm exactly the same as Doug.

Doug's exactly the same as-

-All men are alike

in certain fundamental respects.

I speak from experience.

Two bad marriages, count
'em, before I was 27.

There are some variations, but...

they don't amount to much.

Except for...

(gentle sultry music)

- I want you to sit for me.

I want you to see yourself as I see you.

(Nina sighs)

- Except for what?
- Nothing.

You really don't have to
bother with that, you know?

- What's that?

- The towel, covering up.

I'm afraid I'm not very modest.

Uh, I actually prefer it with nothing on.

That's how Doug always does it.

- [Fitch] Yeah, but Doug
can get away with it.

- Get, get away with it, how?

- Being gay.

- Gay?
- [Fitch] Doug.

You knew he was gay.
- Of course.

- [Fitch] He said you did.
- Yeah, sure.

- [Fitch] He's usually
very upfront about it.

- Very upfront.

(gentle sultry music)
(Nina moaning)

- That's how he and I met.

He thought I was gay.

Well, actually a friend
of his I worked on,

he thought I was gay.

- You're not?
- No.

But Doug thinks everybody's
gay. That's part of his charm.

I think he's bisexual
in some half-assed way.

- Nevertheless.

- What?
- Still?

- [Fitch] Yeah?
- The towel.

(bright sultry music)

(Alice moaning)

(Alice panting)

(gentle sultry music continues)

- If you're ever interested in
something a little different,

you might like to try shiatsu.

It's all about stimulating...

energies in different parts of the body.

No oil used at all.

Skin rarely touches skin.

(gentle sultry music continues)

- You're getting pretty good at this.

You better be careful or you'll spoil me.

-And if I do?

- Well, you're the one
who's gonna have to live

with the consequences.

- I'll risk it.

- I tried it once.

(sighs) Tell me about your family, Fitch.

- [Fitch] My family?
- Your family, now gone.

- There's not much to tell.

- [Nina] What was your father?

- Executive. Ad man.

My father's family had money.

My mother's side too.
Not a lot, but money.

Comfortable would be how
they described themselves.

(family chattering)

We used to do things
like dress for dinner...

on a Saturday night.

- [Nina] Sounds like fun.

- Sometimes we'd have guests.

Someone from my father's agency,

some client and his wife.

But usually it was just the family.

My parents, my sister and me.

It's funny talking about roles.

My parents had these roles,
which they seem to inhabit.

You can get up now.

My father, the shrewd businessman,

my mother, the thoughtful
patron of the arts.

Which as it turned out,
was a kind of fiction.

(gentle serene music)

- How?

- Well, it was all the same to her.

Classical music, classical art.

Didn't matter who or what
it was. It was all lovely.

The woman, and I've
almost come to admire this

about her over the years,

didn't have a critical bone in her body.

She was the type of person
they created public television for.

One night, it was one of these...

Saturday night deals

and there was a very
important client coming.

All the men were supposed
to wear a black tie.

About 10 minutes before
the guests were to arrive,

I came downstairs dressed and ready.

My father took one look at me,

and let's say he wasn't pleased.

- [Nina] Why?
- It was my bow tie.

He said that by wearing one
of those clip-on bow ties,

I was humiliating him beyond humiliation.

He said that, "Areal
gentleman ties his own tie.

You look like a bus boy."

- That's nice.

You were how old?
- 17.

But he wasn't ranting, you
have to understand. Never.

- [Nina] What did you do?

- I pulled the tie apart.

- [Nina] What do you mean?

- Well, it wasn't a clip-on, you see.

It was one of your
standard J Press bow ties.

I'd tied it so well,
I'd done it so perfectly

that it looked too good.

- [Nina] What did he do then?

- [Fitch] He told me to re-tie it.

Re-tie it.

(gentle wistful music)

(Nina sighs)

- That's it?
- [Fitch] That's it.

- No apologies, or...

And you weren't angry?
- No.

On your side.

- Not at all?
- [Fitch] Wasn't about anger.

- [Nina] What was it about?

(Fitch grunting)

- Responsibilities. Expectations.

My mother, my father, they
were trapped. (grunts)

Trapped by their
responsibilities to things

that they never thought twice about.

Trapped by their own
expectations of themselves.

- I don't know anyone who doesn't feel

some sort of ambivalence
toward their parents.

They are who they are.

You are who they are.

But then again, you're not.

- I wasn't ambivalent about them.

Not at all. I liked them.

I totally accepted who they were.

Maybe even more than they did.

(Fitch grunts)

(gentle serene music)

(Alice moaning)

-Angels keep their ancient places,

Turn but a stone and start a wing.

- What is that?

- I don't know. It's just
this poem I once knew.

It's funny how I just remembered it.

(Alice humming)

They're the same. Did you know that?

Those two songs.

"Streets of Laredo" and
"St. James Infirmary."

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

It started out as the
same song, and then

just over the years,
went in different places.

See? Out of one place, a lot
of different things could come.

- With my family, my
parents, it was more, what?

Being invisible, I guess.

My father was an engineer,

and he used to invent all these
things that you'd never see.

Things that went inside these
huge industrial machines

to make them run faster, smoother, safer.

But he never owned any of his inventions.

His company did.

So he never made any
real money to speak of.

And the things he created
went inside other things. So,

no one outside that company
even knew who he was.

He just did his thing.

- Maybe he liked it that way.

Maybe he didn't want any recognition.

- Everyone wants recognition.

- The Hopis have a word for it.

Pinu'u. It means I am I.

- With my mother, it was
pretty much the same thing.

She had one of the only acceptable jobs

a woman had in those days.

A nurse, and a good one.

(announcer speaking over intercom)

But like most other nurses,
she was completely ignored,

totally stepped on by every
doctor she ever worked with.

It used to break my heart to see it,

two people like that.

As gifted as they were, as caring.

I swore I wouldn't live that way.

Which is what led me to Andy, I suppose.

He was on the faculty
of the art department

at the college I was going to.

For someone like me, a small town girl,

18, anonymous,
it was liberation.

It took three years,
but we finally did it.

(moans) Got married.

My parents weren't very pleased. (sighs)

- How long were you married?

- Hmm, good question. Let's see.

Two, three weeks, anyway.

- What happened?

- Well, as popular as my
husband was on campus,

he was revered south of the border.

And hard as it is to believe
today, I didn't have a clue.

(bright upbeat music)

- Hey, where you goin'?

- Hey.

- It's all there. Go.

- I was 18, 19, 20. I was a child.

(tires screeching)

- [Fitch] Eager for attention.

-Andy was charming. But the
truth is he wasn't very smart.

Made one too many trips through customs.

-All right, sign this.

I can give him the forms
on Kevin Locke.

- Sit here and wait.

(clipboard thuds)

(officers chattering)

- I guess I should be grateful
it wasn't on our honeymoon.

Yeah, I did it for attention. Sure.

Which can't be said
about my second husband.

'Cause I took my parents'
advice after that.

Settled down with a decent,
honorable, hardworking boy.

It was like a four year nap.

They were mistakes.

- But you learned from 'em.
- Not really.

Well, maybe.

I did decide that the only men

you should ever seriously
consider marrying

are those who already are.

For the most part, they've
had some experience on it.

- [Fitch] Let's take a break.

Heat, like a hot bath can
sometimes stimulate or relax.

This is the kind of Japanese
acupuncture where we use heat...

instead of needles.

And we put it on here,

and we put it on here for nervous tension.

- So how about you?

- How about me what?

Married?

No.

- Never?
- Never.

- [Nina] Close?

- Maybe, I suppose so.
Depends how close you mean.

-A serious relationship,
a meaningful relationship.

You've had one of those, I would hope.

- I would hope so.

- Nothing that stirred
the old conjugal instinct?

-An instinct. Is that what it is?

- The desire to mate? Sure.

- The desire to mate is
not the desire to marry.

- No, I suppose not.

- No more than standing in a firing squad

is the same as standing in
front of a firing squad.

- Right.

- What's getting married about, anyway?

Two people swept up in
some out of control,

delusive kind of passion, swearing to God

they're gonna stay that way
for the rest of their lives.

- Oh, so you're a romantic.

- For me, what comes out of an experience

isn't nearly so interesting
as the experience itself.

(dog barking)

(gentle serene music)

How many people know passion?
I mean, really know it?

- Who was she?

How'd you meet her?

(gentle serene music continues)

- I was running from
myself and she wasn't.

Some people from the
moment they're born...

know what their destiny is.

They live with it.

It's as much a part of them...

as the color of their eyes.

- [Alice] Is it on?

- It's on.

- Okay, don't look.

♪ I went down to St. James Infirmary ♪

♪ To see my baby there ♪

♪ She was stretched out ♪

♪ On a long white table ♪

♪ So cold, so pale, so fair ♪

- But it makes them a little old too.

It's because they understand.

- Understand what?
- Everything.

- (sighs) You're rich.

It's not your fault.
That's why you're here.

Because you can afford to
run away from your problems.

(birds singing)

- So what happened to her?

(gentle wistful music)

(gentle wistful music continues)

(dog barking)

- People drift apart.
- [Nina] Not always.

- More often than not.

You get to a point of knowing a person,

then you start asking what's left.

- Well, maybe you just think
you've gotten to that point.

- Well, that's what I've found.

At some point,

you just realize there are not
going to be any more surprises.

- (sighs) Just decide what
it is you want me to do.

Just decide and tell me.

-And you like surprises?
Or is it variety?

I don't. I don't like surprises.

I don't like variety.

Variety is some guy in
a leather jockstrap,

who's just had his nipples pierced.

Don't think I haven't dated them.

(sighs) I guess I shouldn't blame people

for what they think of me,

no more than I blame myself.

(bright upbeat music)

- I'm seeing something for
the first time looking at you.

- What's that?

-An empty room.

A locked door.

- So much of what people do
is just invention anyway.

Inventing themselves.
Inventing their friendships.

- Is that what you did? Invent yourself.

- [Nina] Didn't you?

Poor little rich boy run
off to join the Indians?

- [Alice] You know, the most
dangerous thing in the world

is to think you've got
time to play it safe.

(gentle wistful music)

- Is that what it seems like?

- It's what it is.

Where do you show?

- Where do I show? (chuckles)

- We're alike, I guess, you and me.

- You know nothing about me.

- [Nina] Don't I?
- Not a thing.

- I know self-indulgence
is not self-fulfillment.

- [Fitch] At least I don't
go hiding behind things.

- Yes, you do. In the worst possible way.

You hide behind your soul,

behind all this ooga booga bullshit.

(bright upbeat music)

Am I really an empty room?
- Yes.

- [Nina] Even now?

(Nina moans)

(bright upbeat music continues)

(Nina moaning)

(Nina moaning)

(Nina moans)

- [Fitch] Is this how Doug does it?

- Excuse me?

(bright upbeat music continues)

- [Fitch] Maybe the whole
thing's a question of perception.

- What is?

- [Fitch] Well, it's not
the way people see you

that's the problem.

It's the way you see them seeing you.

- How do you mean?

- Like, Doug. He said you were,
the word he used was adrift.

But he never said whether you
were single or not single.

He never said anything at all

beyond the initial observation, that is.

- [Nina] I'm not sure I follow you.

- You like things, nice things.

- I do.

- [Fitch] And you have
nice things. Lots of them.

-A few.

- But you feel like a failure.

(chuckles)

- Did I say that?
- Don't you?

- You're gonna pull out your crystals

and tell me I'm of two hearts?

- No, but what I believe

is not ooga booga bullshit.

It comes from firsthand experience.

There are people who
have lots of possessions,

and they're made miserable by them.

-And there are people who
live in refrigerator crates

who would trade places in a second.

I buy things, I admit it.
But I'm not a materialist.

Not really, because to
me, things are things.

They mean nothing.

- That's not true. They carry memories.

That's what makes them meaningful.
There's a link to people.

-All I do is I usually
end up just...

frustrated by the conspicuous
consumption, angry even.

- That's because you think
that whatever you are buying

is going to make you younger
or happier or sexier.

- I see what you're doing, you know.

You're trying to convince
me how miserable I am.

- [Fitch] And am I succeeding?

- No, you're just pissing me off.

-And why is that?

- Because unlike you, I
wasn't given anything.

And I'm not talking about money, not just.

Everything I own, everything I have,

I earned in one way or another.

So don't tell me I'm wrong.

Don't tell me I'm immoral

because I chose to make something
of my life and you didn't.

I mean, shouldn't a man
your age be something?

- I know you've made
something of your life.

I'm just asking you what that is.

- No, you're not. Not anymore.

You wanna know what the
difference is between you and me?

Really?

The difference is you've
spent so much time

completely rationalizing your life

that you actually believe it.

You're a very lonely man, Fitch.

- You let him touch you.

- Who?

- You expect him to touch you.

- Expect who to?

- That's what it's about,
isn't it? Doug and you?

It's about sex, isn't it?

- I don't know.

Did he say something to you? Douglas?

(sighs) Christ. That obvious, huh?

I know it doesn't mean anything to him.

He's very discreet.

(sighs) It's not like he does
anything more than touch me.

It's about as safe as sex gets these days.

I try to be too. Discreet.

We never talk about it.

We just pretend it's part of the massage.

- [Fitch] Which it is.

-All relationships
are a form of currency,

I've come to the unfortunate conclusion.

I'm using you just like you're using me,

using you, using me,
and on and on it goes.

The money part, it's at least honest.

(answering machine clicks)

Hi, this is Nina.

At the sound of the tone,

the voice you hear will be your own.

(answering machine beeps)

- [Doug] Hey, Nina, you there?

Hey, it's, uh, me, Douglas. (laughs)

- You gonna answer?

- Listen, uh, sorry about the switch,

but, um, something came up and, uh,

actually I was just kind of calling to see

if Fitch made it by there.

Look, I know you'll really like him.

He's a really decent
guy and, uh,

I don't know, maybe he's
already been there and left.

So, uh, anyway, I will see
you same time next week.

Okay, same place. All right.

Ciao, Bella. Bye-bye.

Thanks, can you stow that for me?

Are you mad?

Don't be upset.

You're tense. Don't be tense.

- Well, I can't say this is
the most relaxing massage

I've ever had.

- But is the best.

- I wasn't being totally honest.

-About what?

- Men. Men and me.

As much as I choose not to believe it,

the truth is I've been
involved with a lot of them.

Always more of the same, sorry to say.

(sighs) At the middle of last year,

this man suddenly came into my life.

Or I guess if I was being
totally honest with myself,

I came into his.

(bright gentle music)

An artist.

You have to understand,

in my world so much is done for effect.

And here was someone who
did nothing for effect.

He was who he was. No apologies.

He treated me well.

Very well. Better than I treated him.

And all he expected in return

was for me to be me.

Even now?

- Especially now.

In some strange way, you're pretending.

Liking my work, being involved with me

and wanting to go to bed with
me right now, at everything.

- No.

- But you couldn't give yourself up.

(bright gentle music continues)

(car engine turns over)

(engine rumbling)

- It's been a long time.

Long time since my various
husbands blew through my life.

But still, too much stuff.

You don't wanna admit how
much people affect you,

but they do.

- Maybe you should. Maybe that's the key.

(gentle serene music)

Admitting just how much
they are with you still.

- We are alike, aren't we, Fitch?

(gentle serene music continues)

(tires screech)
(horn beeps)

- I saw them go out of control
around the blind corner.

- Oh, Lordy.

- There's a woman in there.

Miss? Miss?

Miss, you okay?

Miss? Miss?

Shit...

(tense suspenseful music)

- [EMT] Uh, Roger, we're
about, uh, two miles south

of Culver Ranch here on Route 4.

Uh, we're gonna be
heading down the highway.

We got one fatality.

Female, uh, transporting
to county hospital, over.

- [Dispatcher] Copy, Route
4, one fatality, female.

- Close her up.
- Alright, yeah.

- We're gonna need a tow truck down here.

Probably down there you can miss that turn

where the lady, she was coming
down here, you know.

(gentle somber music)

- I came to a place not long ago.

It was a lonely place.

An empty place with no hope,
and I thought, no way out.

It's a place I could have
been lost in forever.

But slowly I began to
understand something.

That I allowed myself
to stay in that place.

And it was up to me to get myself out.

And so I chose hope. I chose belief.

(gentle sanguine music)

(gentle poignant music)

God has to be all things to all people.

To be anything less would
be less than perfect. Human.

What we believe in is
not nearly so important

as believing in something.

But you can't wait too long.

Or you may find yourself
believing in nothing.

How do you feel?
- Good.

Very good.

- Good.

(gentle wistful music)

(birds chirping)

- Was it 100 that I owed you?

- Did I say that?

- Oh, that's what Douglas charges me.

- Well, make it 50 then.

- Take it.
- Honestly.

- Take it.
- 75 Then.

-All right, 75 with a $25 tip.

- You do like getting
your own way, don't you?

- [Nina] (laughs) What's that?

- It's something we're all looking for.

-And that would be?

- Information.
- About you?

-About me and you.

Now I want you to think
about not dropping it.

And that's all I want you to think about.

- Not dropping it?

- Concentrate, try hard,

and by the time I count to 10,

it'll fall from your hand

and you'll have no power
over controlling it.

One, two, three, four, five.

(coin chiming)

(Nina laughs)

Keep it.

- Where did you learn that?

- Saw it in a movie
once. I gotta be going.

- I'd like you to come back next week.

- I'm flattered.
- I'm serious.

Same day?
- What about Doug?

- What about him?

- Well, I don't like taking his gig away.

- Douglas is young.
- So?

- So he'll find someone
to replace me with.

Women like him. That's what you said.

- Well, it's not as though
I don't want to come back.

- [Nina] Do you?

- Yes.
- Then I'll talk to him.

I'll explain the situation.

If it's that big a problem,
I'll have you both come.

Just not at the same time.

- Been nice meeting you.

I hope I wasn't too, um-

- What?
- Confrontational.

- Of course you were.

- I've gotta be off.

(bright gentle music)

(birds singing)

(bright gentle music continues)

- [Alice] Is it on?
- [Fitch] It's on.

- Okay, don't look.

♪ I went down to St. James Infirmary ♪

♪ To see my baby there ♪

♪ She was stretched out ♪

♪ On a long white table ♪

♪ So cold, so pale, so fair ♪

♪ Let it go, let it go ♪

♪ God bless her ♪

♪ Wherever she may be ♪

♪ She can search the whole
wide world all over ♪

♪ She'll never find a man ♪

♪ As sweet as me ♪

♪ I went down to St. James Inf- ♪

(tape player clicking)

(gentle sanguine music)