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1
00:00:42,604 --> 00:00:43,641
What d' you reckon then?
2
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:47,467
They're alright ain't they!
Don't 'alf look alike.
3
00:00:47,911 --> 00:00:49,226
They're identical twins!
4
00:00:49,660 --> 00:00:52,123
Yeah, which one d' you fancy?
5
00:00:52,477 --> 00:00:53,487
I'm easy!
6
00:00:56,268 --> 00:00:58,962
Are you sure that's not one
bird sitting next to a mirror?
7
00:01:00,167 --> 00:01:04,777
No they're sisters or something,
they've been here before! G'on then!
8
00:01:06,377 --> 00:01:07,209
What?
9
00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:10,497
- Say something!
- What?
10
00:01:12,274 --> 00:01:16,704
- I don't know! Anything!
- Like what?
11
00:01:18,074 --> 00:01:20,800
Just say the first thing that
comes into your head. It's easy!
12
00:01:24,114 --> 00:01:26,470
Alright then, if it's so easy,
you say something.
13
00:01:27,643 --> 00:01:31,313
- What?
- Anything. It's easy!
14
00:01:31,712 --> 00:01:33,309
Alright then I will.
15
00:01:34,950 --> 00:01:37,291
- Well go'n then!
- I will...
16
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:44,755
There you are.
17
00:01:46,127 --> 00:01:48,768
- Was that it?
- Yeah!
18
00:01:52,137 --> 00:01:55,456
You're a right little John Travolta
when you get going ain't yer Mickey!
19
00:01:55,631 --> 00:01:56,971
They looked didn't they?
20
00:01:57,133 --> 00:01:58,909
Of course they looked, someone
just shouted 'Oi' at them!
21
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,394
Hold up, they're looking over here.
22
00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:06,480
Hello, I think we've cracked
it Mickey my son!
23
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:13,504
Watcha Rodders, alright Mickey
my son? Who you two after?
24
00:02:14,266 --> 00:02:16,737
- Not the gruesome twosome are you?
- They're alright!
25
00:02:17,226 --> 00:02:20,231
Alright? Look, they're so ugly
they even look alike!
26
00:02:21,438 --> 00:02:23,729
Del! They happen to be two sisters!
27
00:02:24,071 --> 00:02:25,237
Sisters!
28
00:02:26,554 --> 00:02:29,416
Oi girls, seen much of
Cinderella since the wedding?
29
00:02:31,491 --> 00:02:34,889
Cinderella! Ugly sisters.
That's a good 'un innit Rodders, eh?
30
00:02:36,045 --> 00:02:39,105
Anyway, look, I won't hang about 'cos I
don't wanna spoil your chances!
31
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:42,202
Hello darling! You alright?
Are you still working at Sainsbury's?
32
00:02:42,349 --> 00:02:43,669
See you. Just a minute.
33
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:49,293
- I'll see you Tuesday then?
- See you Tuesday!
34
00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:09,929
'You made me love you. I
didn't want to do it...'
35
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:13,088
- You okay love?
- Who is it?
36
00:03:13,795 --> 00:03:15,189
Shall I phone you a cab?
37
00:03:15,383 --> 00:03:18,361
No - there'll be a bus along
in a minute my lovely!
38
00:03:18,814 --> 00:03:21,803
No, no, ain't got no buses
going along here.
39
00:03:22,215 --> 00:03:27,236
No, they cut the route in about 1973!
I'll get you a nice taxi, eh?
40
00:03:27,599 --> 00:03:30,483
No, no, I shall be alright!
41
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:31,824
Careful!
42
00:03:32,583 --> 00:03:35,284
- What you doing?
- I'm just steadying you that's all!
43
00:03:35,868 --> 00:03:37,044
You touched me!
44
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:40,184
I've read about your sort!
45
00:03:40,419 --> 00:03:43,464
Hey, hold on, I was just
trying to stop you from falling flat on your face!
46
00:03:43,693 --> 00:03:45,793
I'll have the police on you!
You touched me.
47
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,054
No, I didn't, honest!
48
00:03:48,324 --> 00:03:51,483
- Help!
- What you doing? Don't shout!
49
00:03:51,747 --> 00:03:57,096
- You touched me!
- No, no, it's alright 'cos I'm a doctor!
50
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:06,329
- You're not a doctor!
- I am, I am really! Alright, say 'ah!'
51
00:04:08,356 --> 00:04:11,760
No, not that loud! Bloody hell!
52
00:04:13,164 --> 00:04:19,031
Look, I tell you what I'm just going back to the van
right, to get a thermometer! Alright listen!
53
00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:24,591
Help, help! Rape! Rape! Help! Help!
54
00:04:30,108 --> 00:04:32,531
Del Boy, your breakfast's ready!
55
00:04:33,191 --> 00:04:34,239
Yeah, hang on a minute!
56
00:04:34,609 --> 00:04:36,720
Come on Rodney shake a leg,
six o' clock!
57
00:04:37,109 --> 00:04:38,121
It's on the table.
58
00:04:38,572 --> 00:04:41,284
Nothing like a traditional
British breakfast is there?
59
00:04:41,662 --> 00:04:42,394
That's right.
60
00:04:43,969 --> 00:04:49,450
Gordon Bennett. Why don't you
try cooking one every now and then?
61
00:04:50,495 --> 00:04:53,373
Blimey, it looks like a
bad day at the Blue Cross.
62
00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:58,101
- Were you two alright last night?
- Yeah, of course, why?
63
00:04:58,808 --> 00:05:03,235
Well, when Rodney came in he
was behaving very strangely.
64
00:05:03,698 --> 00:05:06,006
He was all trembling and
sweating.
65
00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:09,708
No, he's probably alright, don't worry,
it's just the start of the mating season.
66
00:05:11,482 --> 00:05:14,987
No Del - something's up. Ain't
you eating that?
67
00:05:15,989 --> 00:05:17,537
No, Grandad, see I'm on a diet.
68
00:05:21,208 --> 00:05:23,542
Rodney, your breakfast's ready.
69
00:05:29,849 --> 00:05:32,152
- Alright Rodders?
- What d'you mean 'alright?'
70
00:05:33,255 --> 00:05:37,889
- Nothing - nothing, just alright Rodders?
- Yeah, fine why shouldn't I be alright?
71
00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,941
No reason. I just said like,
alright Rodders.
72
00:05:41,101 --> 00:05:42,833
Like I say, you know,
alright every morning don't I?
73
00:05:43,946 --> 00:05:44,951
Yeah, sorry!
74
00:05:46,307 --> 00:05:50,077
That's alright, what did you
do when you left the pub last night?
75
00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:53,715
- What makes you think I did something?
- Gordon Bennett!
76
00:05:54,207 --> 00:05:57,662
No, I mean, I just asked you like if you
went on anywhere? If, you met anyone or anything?
77
00:05:57,917 --> 00:05:59,857
No! No, I didn't. I come
straight home.
78
00:06:00,385 --> 00:06:04,196
Didn't meet anyone, didn't talk to anyone,
a very uneventful journey!
79
00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:06,171
That's alright, as long as you
enjoyed yourself!
80
00:06:06,809 --> 00:06:08,670
Go on, get that down, come on, we've got
to get away early.
81
00:06:09,057 --> 00:06:10,475
Got to pick up the van from the Nag's Head.
82
00:06:10,653 --> 00:06:11,558
Why?
83
00:06:11,753 --> 00:06:16,683
Ah, well, when we fell out the pub last night
the whole area was teeming with the Old Bill!
84
00:06:17,053 --> 00:06:18,248
I mean, they were all there.
85
00:06:18,409 --> 00:06:23,019
There was the Flying Squad,
alsatians and the SGB!
86
00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:26,390
Anyway, I thought to myself, I thought,
there's no way I'm driving home through that lot.
87
00:06:26,564 --> 00:06:30,044
Not with me like being as soppy as a
sack, so I, you know, I got a cab!
88
00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:32,866
- Did they have a clear description of him?
- Who?
89
00:06:33,234 --> 00:06:35,953
- The man they were after?
- Who said they were after a man?
90
00:06:37,134 --> 00:06:39,660
Oh, I just assumed they were
looking for someone that's all.
91
00:06:40,122 --> 00:06:41,312
See what I mean?
92
00:06:45,251 --> 00:06:48,943
Alright Rodney, come on sit down.
Something bothering you ain't there?
93
00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:50,207
No!
94
00:06:50,548 --> 00:06:51,746
Has somebody threatened you?
95
00:06:52,132 --> 00:06:55,090
If they have, you tell me their name and I'll go and
sort them out before we go to the market!
96
00:06:57,365 --> 00:06:58,532
It's nothing like that!
97
00:06:59,217 --> 00:07:03,110
You might as well tell us sooner rather than later
Rodney. It'll save a lot of time!
98
00:07:05,273 --> 00:07:06,865
Oh it's probably nothing!
99
00:07:09,121 --> 00:07:12,711
My journey home last night was
not as uneventful as I made out!
100
00:07:13,942 --> 00:07:14,938
There was this woman!
101
00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:19,711
Well, she weren't feeling very
well, see!
102
00:07:19,891 --> 00:07:22,279
I don't know what was wrong with her but she
stunk of booze!
103
00:07:23,473 --> 00:07:27,483
So I stopped, right, to ask if she wanted
any assistance, and
104
00:07:27,941 --> 00:07:31,813
- and she started acting all sort of odd!
- Odd?
105
00:07:32,460 --> 00:07:40,949
- Yeah...Um, screaming shouting things!
- What kind of things?
106
00:07:41,623 --> 00:07:47,584
Oh, things like 'Rape!' you know,
that sort of thing!
107
00:07:49,743 --> 00:07:55,750
So to try and reassure her and calm her down
I told her I was a doctor!
108
00:07:56,584 --> 00:07:57,688
You told her you were a...
109
00:07:57,999 --> 00:08:00,259
You, you didn't give her a
prescription or nothing did you?
110
00:08:00,624 --> 00:08:01,964
Oh no, nothing like that!
111
00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:05,405
Why was she accusing you of
these things?
112
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:10,596
Well, I think 'cos at one
point right she - she stumbled forward.
113
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:13,194
So I put my hands out
to stop...you know.
114
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,027
I didn't touch her!
115
00:08:15,404 --> 00:08:20,876
Well no, obviously I did touch her, but I didn't,
you know, honestly!
116
00:08:22,365 --> 00:08:26,869
Alright. Alright, okay, take
it nice and easy right.
117
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:30,444
This is gonna take
a bit of working out!
118
00:08:31,895 --> 00:08:33,508
What did this woman look like?
119
00:08:34,672 --> 00:08:40,412
Well she was blonde, 45 and
her hair had black roots and,
120
00:08:40,743 --> 00:08:44,086
purple fingernails and she
was really heavily made-up.
121
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:49,784
- Did she call you 'My lovely?
- Yes! D'you know her?
122
00:08:50,874 --> 00:08:55,101
No, no, no, you didn't catch her
you didn't catch her name or nothing did you?
123
00:08:56,446 --> 00:09:02,384
Oh she was wearing an identity
necklace that said something like - Blossom...
124
00:09:09,136 --> 00:09:11,621
Del, honestly, I did not touch
her I swear to God.
125
00:09:13,749 --> 00:09:18,517
- You expect me to believe that?
- Yes!
126
00:09:19,602 --> 00:09:21,253
Alright, let's go through the
facts shall we!
127
00:09:22,307 --> 00:09:27,340
After a night's drinking, on your way
home you meet a sick woman!
128
00:09:28,449 --> 00:09:33,324
And, instead of phoning for an ambulance
like any rightminded citizen, you touch her!
129
00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:35,960
What do you think you've got,
healing hands?
130
00:09:37,621 --> 00:09:39,938
I don't believe you're saying
this to me!!
131
00:09:40,152 --> 00:09:41,812
No, no, no, this is not me
Rodney!
132
00:09:41,992 --> 00:09:45,556
That is what the council for the prosecution
will say during his cross-examination!
133
00:09:46,314 --> 00:09:47,899
You don't think it will go to
court?
134
00:09:48,104 --> 00:09:50,087
Oh it's a pound to a penny
Rodney.
135
00:09:50,476 --> 00:09:53,412
I mean, the police
don't let matters like this drop lightly!
136
00:09:54,389 --> 00:09:59,839
No, Old Bailey would be my
bet! The case of the Peckham Pouncer!
137
00:10:01,786 --> 00:10:03,456
Who called me the Peckham
Pouncer?
138
00:10:03,652 --> 00:10:07,815
Look, the police did last night! You see at the time,
well, I didn't think nothing of it!
139
00:10:08,618 --> 00:10:11,016
Why don't you give yourself up
Rodney?
140
00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:13,721
I'm not giving myself up!
141
00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:17,958
You ever seen some of them detectives
give someone the third degree on the telly?
142
00:10:18,540 --> 00:10:23,607
Well, one of them pretends he really wants to bet you up
bad, right, and the other pretends to be Mr Nice!
143
00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:24,995
So it's...you know.
144
00:10:25,244 --> 00:10:26,291
Yeah p'rhaps you're right.
145
00:10:26,457 --> 00:10:31,770
After all, you've got form ain't yer! I mean, you still
ain't finished that two year suspended yet!
146
00:10:33,837 --> 00:10:35,499
No! I'd forgotten about that!
147
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,987
- It's the others what worry me!
- What others?
148
00:10:40,763 --> 00:10:44,186
Well, last night there were mobs of vigilantes
roaming the street
149
00:10:44,371 --> 00:10:48,263
and they were shouting things like
'Lynch him! Lynch him!'
150
00:10:51,740 --> 00:10:54,229
At the time, I didn't
think nothing of it you know!
151
00:10:55,968 --> 00:11:00,333
Well maybe it would be better if I did give myself up then
'cos all they've got is circumstantial evidence.
152
00:11:00,512 --> 00:11:06,461
Circumstantial? A sick woman is attacked
at night by a known criminal posing as a doctor!
153
00:11:10,079 --> 00:11:14,240
D'you know what they'd call me
if I went in the nick? I'd be a beast!
154
00:11:16,794 --> 00:11:17,856
A beast?
155
00:11:19,107 --> 00:11:21,247
Well, that's what the other
prisoners call people like me!
156
00:11:22,345 --> 00:11:27,529
Everywhere I went the walls
would be whispering 'Beast, Beast.'
157
00:11:29,060 --> 00:11:33,657
There'd be posses of them waiting for me in the
shower room, there'd be razors in me soap,
158
00:11:33,967 --> 00:11:36,006
there'd be broken
glass in me porridge.
159
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:39,842
Oh you'll soon learn to adapt
Rodney!
160
00:11:42,976 --> 00:11:47,640
No, it's not fair Del! I swear to God I didn't touch her.
I was only trying to help!
161
00:11:47,810 --> 00:11:51,708
Alright Rodney, alright. Now
come on. Take it easy - relax - alright.
162
00:11:52,246 --> 00:11:53,681
Now listen, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
163
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:55,815
I want to go out, put me ear
to the ground, see what I can find out!
164
00:11:55,968 --> 00:12:01,108
In the meantime I want you to go and get some
kip and, above all, stop worrying!
165
00:12:03,465 --> 00:12:06,944
Yeah. I'm innocent Del. Honest!
166
00:12:08,369 --> 00:12:13,540
- I believe you!
- So do I Rodney!
.
167
00:12:26,094 --> 00:12:28,039
D'you reckon he done it Del?
168
00:12:43,009 --> 00:12:46,871
Leave it out Grandad! All he's
done, he's bumped into Blossom that's all!
169
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,683
I don't understand you?
170
00:12:48,842 --> 00:12:53,590
Well she's well-known for this
sort of thing! She's as nutty as a fruit cake.
171
00:12:54,225 --> 00:12:56,488
She spends most of her time
in the Happy Home,
172
00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,652
they only let her out at
weekends to get a bit of practice!
173
00:13:01,057 --> 00:13:03,829
You mean she's always accusing
blokes of doing this sort of thing?
174
00:13:04,076 --> 00:13:09,440
Yeah, it's her hobby! She's
well known to the police.
175
00:13:09,677 --> 00:13:11,405
But why didn't you tell young
Rodney?
176
00:13:12,364 --> 00:13:15,154
What, and spoil all the fun? No way.
177
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,275
I'm gonna wind him right
up with this!
178
00:13:17,997 --> 00:13:23,075
By this time tomorrow evening I'll have him
believing that all these flats are under siege!
179
00:13:23,688 --> 00:13:25,240
You wanna be a bit careful Del Boy!
180
00:13:25,454 --> 00:13:27,989
A joke's a joke but you
never know when to stop!
181
00:13:28,587 --> 00:13:30,054
What about that April Fool's day!
182
00:13:30,322 --> 00:13:33,381
You told me the pools had rung
to say I'd won 'alf a million!
183
00:13:35,883 --> 00:13:37,781
Yeah that was a belter weren't it!
184
00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:43,778
Oh wonderful! But you could have least
stopped me going up West with me pension money!
185
00:13:45,954 --> 00:13:47,594
Oh it wasn't funny Del.
186
00:13:48,065 --> 00:13:53,025
I mean there was I, in a Soho night-club
drinking champagne, with a bird called Camilla
187
00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:56,838
and I suddenly realised I didn't
even do the bloody pools!
188
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,058
Stop it!
189
00:14:11,623 --> 00:14:14,005
You should have seen his
little face! It was a picture.
190
00:14:14,248 --> 00:14:15,251
I wish I'd had a camera!
191
00:14:16,130 --> 00:14:17,373
How could he swallow that, eh?
192
00:14:17,589 --> 00:14:18,695
Well, you know Rodney don't
you.
193
00:14:18,871 --> 00:14:20,866
He said he was thinking
of forming an appeal committee!
194
00:14:21,081 --> 00:14:23,728
I said you've no need to worry about that. You
ought to form an escape committee I said.
195
00:14:26,701 --> 00:14:29,945
I thought that everyone round
here knew what Old Blossom was like...
196
00:14:30,281 --> 00:14:33,034
- She accused my cousin once!
- Who's that, young Sidney?
197
00:14:33,302 --> 00:14:38,059
No, Marilyn! There again,
Marilyn's always been a bit of a Tom Boy!
198
00:14:38,332 --> 00:14:41,886
Oh yeah, it was a crew cut,
braces and a pipe last time I saw her!
199
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:45,176
She still up at Greenham Common?
Here, you playing Trigger or what?
200
00:14:45,323 --> 00:14:46,633
No, I'll be away in a minute!
201
00:14:47,883 --> 00:14:50,453
Of course, this Blosom person
is completely loopy you know!
202
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,480
Oh yes, I don't think they
should be allowed out!
203
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:54,570
Oh yeah, why's that?
204
00:14:54,799 --> 00:14:56,253
Well they might be a danger to
the public!
205
00:14:57,445 --> 00:14:59,679
Still selling them second-hand
cars Boycie?
206
00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:03,415
Oh yeah, I knocked out a
couple tod...
207
00:15:07,967 --> 00:15:12,102
of course, I 'ave heard she receives
electroyde treatment, you know.
208
00:15:12,435 --> 00:15:16,628
Oh yes, every three months or so they
take her away and plug her head into the National Grid!
209
00:15:18,619 --> 00:15:21,220
The lights have been known to
dim as far away as Watford!
210
00:15:22,498 --> 00:15:25,212
Yeah but they reckon she's as
sane as anyone when they're finished!
211
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:27,021
Yeah, until she gets her
electric bill!
212
00:15:30,004 --> 00:15:31,522
Del - there's a call for you.
213
00:15:31,694 --> 00:15:33,614
Oh excuse me chaps won't be a
moment.
214
00:15:34,389 --> 00:15:36,892
Oh Karen, can we have three large scotches -
Boycie's paying.
215
00:15:37,075 --> 00:15:38,094
Oh cheers, Boycie.
216
00:15:38,408 --> 00:15:43,108
Hello? Oh hello Grandad! You
what...
217
00:15:43,637 --> 00:15:50,168
What about Rodney? What d'you mean
he's gone on the run? Why?
218
00:15:51,898 --> 00:15:54,798
Oh leave it off,
Grandad it was just a joke!
219
00:15:56,500 --> 00:16:02,251
Yeah alright, alright now don't - don't panic, he'll be
home when he's hungry and he wants something to eat...
220
00:16:06,181 --> 00:16:07,247
Oh has he!
221
00:16:08,628 --> 00:16:13,160
Alright, alright Grandad, I'll tell you what
I'll do, I'll go and have a look round for him
222
00:16:13,297 --> 00:16:16,747
and I'll be home in about an hour!
Yeah, alright, bye.
223
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:21,168
What's up Del?
224
00:16:22,568 --> 00:16:24,263
It's that dipstick Rodney.
225
00:16:24,931 --> 00:16:29,408
He's only gone on the run ain't he.
Reckons he's found a secret hiding place!
226
00:16:29,798 --> 00:16:30,677
Where?
227
00:16:31,193 --> 00:16:32,503
Well how do I know?
228
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:35,907
If I knew where it was it wouldn't be a
secret would it, eh?
229
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,275
No, I meant there must be a
clue!
230
00:16:38,902 --> 00:16:40,853
Yeah, well, he left a note
saying it's no good trying to find him
231
00:16:41,009 --> 00:16:43,763
'cos he'd be in the last place
anyone would think of looking for him!
232
00:16:43,922 --> 00:16:45,473
Have you tried under his bed?
233
00:16:46,581 --> 00:16:48,295
He'll be home as soon as he
gets hungry!
234
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:52,228
No he won't, Grandad reckons he's taken
all the tinned food from the cupboard!
235
00:16:52,588 --> 00:16:54,040
So, what are you gonna do then
Del?
236
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,454
I don't know Trigger, I just
don't know!
237
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,032
Ain't you got nothing in the
freezer then?
238
00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:17,109
- Any luck Del?
- Na, no sign of him Grandad!
239
00:17:18,436 --> 00:17:19,854
Where did you look?
240
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:21,802
I've been everywhere!
241
00:17:22,894 --> 00:17:25,672
I've been traipsing round Charing
Cross, Soho, Leicester Square!
242
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,614
Oh, you want to see what it's
like up there in the early hours Grandad!
243
00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:34,872
It's like the end of the world! It's full
of drug addicts, glue-sniffers, winos!
244
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:41,214
D'you know what, if a nightingale sang
now in Berkeley Square someone would eat it!
245
00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:43,891
Bad night, eh Del?
246
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,348
Yeah, very bad.
247
00:17:46,102 --> 00:17:51,129
You know I've been offered everything from 50
quid for me passport to a plate of Magic Mushrooms!
248
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,630
- You cooking something?
- No!
249
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:57,540
What's that horrible smell
then? Sweet and sickly!
250
00:17:58,192 --> 00:18:00,968
Oh, perhaps it's this aftershave I've got on!
251
00:18:02,102 --> 00:18:05,164
Gordon Bennett! Where d'you
get that from?
252
00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:06,771
Out of your room!
253
00:18:08,136 --> 00:18:09,893
Well, that can't be it then
can it!
254
00:18:10,374 --> 00:18:12,574
Oh, I know the smell you're
talking about.
255
00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:17,646
It was here last night, everyone in the
flats was moaning about it!
256
00:18:19,152 --> 00:18:22,095
Here, why don't you get some
sleep Del Boy!
257
00:18:22,463 --> 00:18:23,723
No, I'll be alright Grandad.
258
00:18:23,889 --> 00:18:28,339
I'll have a cup of tea and have another
punt round for him! Where can he be?
259
00:18:28,957 --> 00:18:33,758
I had a note from him here somewhere,
he said he's in the last place you'll ever think of looking!
260
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:37,453
Yeah I know I remember! You
have looked under his bed haven't yer?
261
00:18:37,730 --> 00:18:39,031
First place I checked!
262
00:18:40,665 --> 00:18:43,351
Well he's hardly likely
to be in that bloody drawer is he?
263
00:18:43,976 --> 00:18:45,284
I'm looking for the note!
264
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:49,645
Now don't you get funny with me
Del, this is your fault, you and your silly jokes!
265
00:18:49,801 --> 00:18:51,797
I know, I was gonna tell him
this morning!
266
00:18:51,959 --> 00:18:53,553
Well you could have told him
yesterday.
267
00:18:53,878 --> 00:18:57,939
Instead of that you sat there playing your Johnny
Cash Live at San Quentin LP!
268
00:18:59,716 --> 00:19:02,966
Alright, don't go on at me -
don't go on. I feel bad enough as it is!
269
00:19:03,819 --> 00:19:08,138
What is that smell?
I've smelt it before somewhere!
270
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,129
- I know, so did I.
- When?
271
00:19:10,474 --> 00:19:13,426
- I told you! Last night!
- No, no, no, before that.
272
00:19:15,753 --> 00:19:18,898
It seems to be coming from the
ventilating system!
273
00:19:23,236 --> 00:19:26,437
Grandad, go and get them
chicken legs at the fridge!
274
00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:29,113
I think I know where Rodney's hiding.
275
00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:45,656
Rodney! Rodney, it's Del Boy!
276
00:19:48,009 --> 00:19:49,747
Rodney I know you're in here!
277
00:19:51,907 --> 00:19:54,227
Rodney don't be a plonker all
your life!
278
00:19:58,373 --> 00:20:02,286
Listen I can explain everything there's
nothing to be frightened of!
279
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:07,423
I've got - got some scotch
here, something to eat!
280
00:20:19,727 --> 00:20:22,800
Or if you prefer I could get a saucer of milk?
281
00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:27,787
Come on, least
we can talk about it cant we?
282
00:20:29,016 --> 00:20:35,013
- Oi! That is you innit Rodney?
- No, it's that cat again!
283
00:20:51,147 --> 00:20:54,242
You had me going there for a
minute, know what I mean?
284
00:20:55,224 --> 00:20:56,553
How did you know I was here?
285
00:20:58,886 --> 00:21:04,273
I know a lot of things Rodney!
Like I know you've bin smoking your funny fags again!
286
00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:10,955
No I ain't Del, honest I ain't
touch...Well, a couple!
287
00:21:12,448 --> 00:21:14,091
I tell you that was the give away you see.
288
00:21:14,911 --> 00:21:18,955
The smell from your exotic tobacco has been
wafting down the air ducts!
289
00:21:21,031 --> 00:21:24,275
There's not a man, woman or
child that isn't high as a kite!
290
00:21:27,082 --> 00:21:28,289
You're kidding?
291
00:21:28,465 --> 00:21:29,392
No I'm not.
292
00:21:29,548 --> 00:21:32,627
If you stand outside this tower block all you
can hear is giggling!
293
00:21:35,493 --> 00:21:43,544
Grandad's calling everybody 'Man'.
Thinking of growing his hair in dreadlocks!
294
00:21:45,788 --> 00:21:46,939
Is Grandad okay?
295
00:21:47,437 --> 00:21:53,566
Yeah he's alright. Worried about you though.
What are you doing up here?
296
00:21:54,691 --> 00:21:58,130
Nothing much! There's not a
lot to do in a tank room Del.
297
00:21:59,042 --> 00:22:02,394
I mean you can look at the view but that gets a bit
boring after eight hours or so.
298
00:22:02,688 --> 00:22:05,381
In wasn't - wasn't asking
about your activities.
299
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:08,595
I was speaking meteorically.
300
00:22:16,298 --> 00:22:17,630
What you playing at?
301
00:22:18,264 --> 00:22:23,501
Playing at! Well, Del this is
a little game called 'Not Going to Prison'!
302
00:22:24,347 --> 00:22:25,870
The rules are ever so easy you know.
303
00:22:26,021 --> 00:22:29,942
All you gotta do is find yourself
a place to hide and stay there till you die!
304
00:22:31,906 --> 00:22:33,812
Don't reckon it will catch on
Rodney!
305
00:22:34,727 --> 00:22:38,487
You could be right there Del,
but I'll tell you something, if necessary
306
00:22:38,648 --> 00:22:40,509
I will shoot my
way out of this room.
307
00:22:41,442 --> 00:22:43,965
Oh so while you've been up
here, you've been making a gun have you?
308
00:22:46,564 --> 00:22:48,327
Well, I'll throw tins at 'em
then!
309
00:22:49,273 --> 00:22:51,095
Yeah, well, you could get an
empty can couldn't you...
310
00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,917
...you know and you could
like, splash 'em to death!
311
00:22:56,213 --> 00:22:58,422
I ain't had nothing to eat
since I've been up here!
312
00:23:00,515 --> 00:23:02,027
Why's that, you been too
frightened?
313
00:23:02,452 --> 00:23:04,358
No, I forgot the tin-opener!
314
00:23:08,323 --> 00:23:10,113
Well why didn't you pop down
for it!
315
00:23:11,141 --> 00:23:15,084
Del, desperate men on the run
don't pop home to borrow a tin-opener!
316
00:23:17,053 --> 00:23:21,184
Anyway, going without food ain't so bad!
People like us are used to it!
317
00:23:21,466 --> 00:23:25,252
Oh come on. Don't give me all
that James Cagney stuff!
318
00:23:25,571 --> 00:23:29,454
'Look at me Ma! I'm on top of the
World Ma! Look I'm in the tank room Ma!'
319
00:23:30,873 --> 00:23:32,152
Why don't you shut up!
320
00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:36,798
- You hungry?
- Yeah.
321
00:23:38,484 --> 00:23:41,167
Here you are. Get that down
your neck.
322
00:23:42,026 --> 00:23:45,240
Oh cheers, Del, great.
323
00:23:48,715 --> 00:23:51,501
Oi, have the police been round to
question you and Grandad yet?
324
00:23:52,276 --> 00:23:53,694
Er, no!
325
00:23:54,295 --> 00:23:58,328
Good! Good! That means they
ain't on me trail yet, gives me a bit of time!
326
00:23:59,364 --> 00:24:05,872
Yeah, Rodney, I've got to explain something like
well, this is sort of like, confession time!
327
00:24:07,186 --> 00:24:08,905
You know that woman you met, Blossom.
328
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:18,066
- Well she's mad, Rodney!
- I'm not with you.
329
00:24:19,123 --> 00:24:24,738
She's mad you know. She's well-known to the Old Bill.
They don't take no notice of her.
330
00:24:27,756 --> 00:24:29,012
No - you're lying to me.
331
00:24:29,187 --> 00:24:32,478
No, no, I'm not. No I'm not,
look - look, cross my heart, swear to die.
332
00:24:33,211 --> 00:24:37,298
You remember old man Corby, well a couple weeks
ago she accused him of assaulting her!
333
00:24:37,459 --> 00:24:39,752
Well, I mean, he was so surprised he nearly
fell off his wheelchair!
334
00:24:42,792 --> 00:24:44,199
Alright then. Alright then.
335
00:24:44,342 --> 00:24:47,847
You explain this to me then, what were all them police
doing outside the pub that night?
336
00:24:48,209 --> 00:24:52,109
That was the - that was the mod and the skinheads,
they were at it in the kebab house!
337
00:24:52,259 --> 00:24:53,892
Terrible scenes, for all I
could hear.
338
00:24:54,169 --> 00:24:58,418
I mean there was chairs going through the
windows, there was chilli sauce up the wall,
339
00:24:58,633 --> 00:25:02,958
then somebody knocked over a frying
pan and the staff rest room went up in flames!
340
00:25:05,405 --> 00:25:08,151
No, I don't believe you Del,
you're just trying to get me to come quietly!
341
00:25:08,832 --> 00:25:09,908
No I'm not.
342
00:25:10,083 --> 00:25:15,675
Look go on then, go on - look out - look out there look,
go on. Now, you see the kebab house?
343
00:25:17,618 --> 00:25:18,290
No!
344
00:25:18,479 --> 00:25:22,483
Exactly, it ain't there no
more! What further proof do you need?
345
00:25:24,273 --> 00:25:25,867
No Del, I don't understand
this!
346
00:25:26,027 --> 00:25:31,575
You mean there's been no photofit pictures,
no house-to-house searches, no public outcry?
347
00:25:33,381 --> 00:25:38,383
No, none at all! Here, look,
d'you want some water with yer scotch?
348
00:25:39,884 --> 00:25:40,988
No!
349
00:25:45,055 --> 00:25:49,361
Then why did you tell me I'd
go away for ten years as a special category prisoner,
350
00:25:50,180 --> 00:25:52,558
that they'd nicknamed me the
Peckham Pouncer?
351
00:25:53,740 --> 00:25:58,246
That there were gangs of men roaming the
street looking to hang me from the nearest lamp post!
352
00:25:59,887 --> 00:26:01,331
For a laugh!
353
00:26:05,515 --> 00:26:06,807
A laugh?
354
00:26:08,166 --> 00:26:09,866
Yeah, it was just a bit of a
wind up that's all?
355
00:26:12,413 --> 00:26:15,883
Del, I haven't slept, I'm starving hungry
356
00:26:16,054 --> 00:26:21,306
and I've been freezing my - boots off
in this tank room because of your wind up!
357
00:26:23,181 --> 00:26:25,759
You take things too seriously,
that's your trouble Rodney!
358
00:26:28,164 --> 00:26:30,176
- I'm gonna kill you!
- No, no, no, don't be silly!
359
00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:32,215
No, really, I mean it. I'm
gonna kill you right now!
360
00:26:32,393 --> 00:26:33,622
Now just a minute! Just a
minute.
361
00:26:34,572 --> 00:26:37,668
Alright now, I realise
that I took the joke too far!
362
00:26:38,846 --> 00:26:45,903
And I should have told you
earlier, and I'm - I'm sorry Rodney, I really am!
363
00:26:49,015 --> 00:26:50,368
I'm still gonna kill you!
364
00:26:51,405 --> 00:26:53,776
I've been all over London
looking for you!
365
00:26:54,508 --> 00:26:56,634
I've been in more doss-houses
than a tramp's vest!
366
00:26:59,443 --> 00:27:03,317
So that's where you were going
so late that night, eh? I saw you drive off!
367
00:27:04,052 --> 00:27:05,505
You saw me. Why didn't you say
something?
368
00:27:06,482 --> 00:27:10,672
Del, I'm a desperate man on the run!
I can hardly lean out and go 'Ooh oooh, Del!'
369
00:27:15,551 --> 00:27:17,561
No, I s'pose you can't.
370
00:27:19,357 --> 00:27:24,667
Listen Rodney, I feel - you know, I feel really sorry
for all the aggro that I've caused you.
371
00:27:25,517 --> 00:27:26,850
I'd like to try and make it up to you,
372
00:27:27,517 --> 00:27:31,147
let's say I take you out
and I buy you a big slap upmeal, eh?
373
00:27:34,752 --> 00:27:36,954
Yeah, with the wine, all the
works!
374
00:27:39,628 --> 00:27:41,127
I mean look at these clothes!
375
00:27:42,988 --> 00:27:45,131
That's alright. Come on I'll
buy you a new suit.
376
00:27:48,809 --> 00:27:52,282
Yeah, but then I'd look silly, you know
brand- new suit and these dirty old plimsoles!
377
00:27:54,484 --> 00:27:56,467
Don't you bloody come it
Rodney!
378
00:27:59,961 --> 00:28:06,930
Come on, come here. Come on I'll buy
a new pair of rhythm an' blues as well! How's that?
379
00:28:09,061 --> 00:28:10,243
Yeah, alright!
380
00:28:11,794 --> 00:28:15,977
That's a good boy - good boy,
you know it makes sense, don't you!
381
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:21,566
- All in the past, eh?
- All in the past cheers!
382
00:28:27,783 --> 00:28:29,839
Look at the state of me!
383
00:28:30,402 --> 00:28:33,588
Don't worry. You'll have a nice hot shower
when you get down the flat!
384
00:28:34,085 --> 00:28:36,090
Oh, I don't fancy standing
under that water Del.
385
00:28:36,667 --> 00:28:38,526
Not after what I've been doing in it!
386
00:28:46,265 --> 00:28:49,501
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