All language subtitles for Brooklyn Nine-Nine - S03E19 - Terry Kitties.eng.SDH

Bonjour, mes amis.

Oh, someone had a good time in Paris.

Oh, Kevin and I shared
a perfect week together.

I feel like I'm floating on a croissant.

I wonder why people don't
just break into song more often.

I've been asking you for months

if I could answer the phone like,

♪ Who dis? ♪

Give it a whirl, girl.

Guys, he's rhyming.

He's telling Gina to sing.

Captain Holt is on a vacation high!

He will say yes to anything right now.

I would like a police horse,

and I'd like Terry to be
riding it almost constantly.

I'd like an HR person to remind
everyone about workplace boundaries.

The Japanese make toilet seats

which squirt a heated
jet of water right up your…

I'm gonna stop you right there, bud.

What we need in here is
an armored personnel carrier.

A tank! Two tanks. I want a tank too.

Great, so everyone gets a tank.

Just remember we can't ruin
Captain Holt's vacation high,

so no one say anything that'll upset him.

Oh, no, what are those
morons doing in there?

Maybe it's not that bad.
Maybe they didn't upset him.

What'd you do? What'd you say?

Nothing. We just said, "Welcome back."

And laughed with him about all
the weight he gained in France.

No! Why is everyone just standing around?

Get back to work!

So long, tank.

HOLT: "Tank"?

I gained three pounds in Paris…

Three pounds!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Terry, I have a package for you.

[SIGHS]

Ooh, Sarge got a present.

"What's in the box?" Brad Pitt, Se7en.

But seriously, what's in the box?

The worst thing in the world.

-[KITTEN MEWS]
-Shut up, stupid.

Okay, so who sent you a
kitten and why do you hate it?

It's not a kitten.

It's a slap in the face for something

that happened 20 years ago.

When you had a flattop?
I know you had a flattop,

'cause I saw pictures.

Sorry, go on with your
story, Flat Top Terry.

It was 1995.

I'd just made detective.

I was really excited about
my first day at the Six-Five,

but the guys in the squad
were a bunch of jerks.

Hi, I'm Terry.

Which desk is mine?

Solve a case, then you get a desk.

TERRY: They were like
that about a lot of stuff.

Whoa. Solve a case, then you get coffee.

Solve a case, then you can
sign Debbie's birthday card.

Sounds like you needed to solve a case.

Exactly.

So I picked the biggest one I could find.

A string of B&Es, all with the same MO.

Guy climbed in through high-rise windows.

After a month, I found my suspect.

Dmitri Kuzkho.

Ex-acrobat with a criminal record.

Circus trash! It has to be him.

That's exactly what I said.

Circus trash! It has to be him.

I tracked down my acrobat,

got SWAT to surround his building.

There was no way anything could go wrong.

NYPD! Down! Get on the ground!

Let's see your hands!

Uh-oh.

My guy had a terrible
trapeze fall two years prior.

Snapped his spine in half.

So why the kitten?

Well, in the moment,

I may have gotten a little flustered.

Look, he's got a cat!

He trained the cat to do the robberies!

That's why they call them "Cat burglars"!

Why is no one saying anything?

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, Terry.

Yeah, now they send me cats

to remind me of that
day and rub it in my face.

I'm gonna go put an ad online

so I can find someone to
adopt this evil, little turd.

Counterpoint…
You two make an adorable couple.

Might I suggest putting him in a mug

and pretending to take a sip?

Terry, are you stomping
off to do my thing?

Oh, hey, can I borrow that?
Genevieve's out of town.

I need two phones so I can
send her a "frontie" and a "backie."

I don't want your ass in my cloud.

-[SIGHS]
-[RAZOR BUZZING]

Adrian, are you living in the break room?

No, why do you ask?

Uh, because you're shaving your
shoulder in our communal eating space,

you have a bed set up
on the couch, stuff like that.

Fine. Busted.

My landlord kicked me out

because my stupid neighbors
couldn't handle a few tiny night screams.

[SHRIEKING]

I was dreaming that
someone was trying to scalp me

with a sharpened grapefruit spoon.

Aren't brains fascinating?

I mean, where does it
come up with this stuff?

When I was undercover,
someone did try and scalp me

with a sharpened grapefruit spoon.

-Sure, that would do it.
-GINA: Aren't you dating Rosa?

Can't you just stay with her?

Oh, yeah, no, we're
doing this really hot thing

where we haven't told
each other where we live.

Makes our sex play really erotic.

Barf. I totally get that.

Well, you let me know if
there's anything I can do.

Oh. Yes, I will stay at your home.
Thank you.

Me? What… How now?

You just said you wanted to help.

Oh, unless you weren't being
serious, which I would get.

I've been betrayed before.

For instance, by the
grapefruit spoon guy.

No, no, no, definitely.
You could stay with me.

Oh! You're the best, Chuck! Thank you!

But for real, get yourself
some good earplugs,

because I really downplayed how
horrible those night screams are.

Ah.
All right, I'll see you later, roomie.

All right.

Attention! The Nine-Nine will be hosting

a bomb-defusing class tomorrow.

I highly recommend attending.

Defusing an explosive device

is the ultimate test
of skill under pressure.

And the stakes… Life or death.

Will lunch be provided? Yes.

-Count us in.
-HOLT: Anyone else?

I'm in. Me too.

This class sounds like "da bomb."

I'd rather you didn't attend if
you're not gonna take it seriously.

Yup. Dismissed.

I'm gonna dominate that class.

You don't cross-stitch for 20 years

without developing a steady hand.

You really think that's
a brag, don't you?

Twenty bucks says I do
better in that class than you do,

thread-head.

All right, you're on.

And I'll have you know that "thread-head"

is a glowing compliment
in the sewing community.

If you wanted to insult me,

you should've called me a stitch skipper.

Okay, stitch skipper.

Oh, I handed it to you!

-[CAMERA CLICKS]
-You better look cute in this picture,

or no one's gonna want you.

Do something with your damn paws!

Whoa, whoa. Sarge, relax.

Look, I think you might be
overreacting a little to this prank,

and I should know.

You probably won't believe this,

but I was bullied in high school

for being too handsome.

I don't believe you. You're right.

It was for setting my
crotch on fire in shop class.

Hurt like the dickens.

Point is, haters gonna hate.
Shake it off.

Taylor Swift, always right.

The reason bullies get to me
is because I lived with one…

My dad.

He was a cruel man who didn't
like his life, and he took it out on me.

Okay, okay.

Now we're getting somewhere.

If you're having dad problems,

that's my jam, son.

Real weird take on my crappy father.

You know how I turned
the corner with my dad?

I stood up to him,

and that's what you
need to do with your dad.

No, he died in 1988.

Oh, okay, well, that
probably won't work, then.

But it doesn't mean you
can't go over to the Six-Five

and stand up to those bullies.

They'll just make fun of me more.

What are you talking about, Terry?

You are a human mountain.

You have more muscles in your
ears than I have in my entire body.

Never skip ear day, Jake.

You can crush metal with your bare hands.

You can lift a city bus.

You can make your
boobies do that bouncy thing.

They're called pecs. Same thing.

Now, get on over to the Six-Five

and make those big jerks
take back that tiny kitten.

Yeah. All right. I'm doing it.

Didn't work.

Now I have more kittens than before.

What? How?

Morning, Sarge.

Oh.
Good morning, my sweet, little cuties.

Don't call them cute.

They'd kill us all if they were
smart enough to use weapons.

But you're not smart, you're dumb.

You're always naked,
and you pee in a box.

I suppose they're not
totally naked with the fur.

Anyways, you know how you
didn't solve that case 20 years ago?

Thanks for reminding me.

You don't see me bringing up
how you burned your junk off.

That didn't happen.

There was just some light blistering.

The point is, the only thing
those bullies have over you

is that you never solved that case.

So why don't we solve it together?

How are we gonna do that?

We'll sneak into the Six-Five,
steal that old case file,

and work it till we find your burglar.

Then we march back into that precinct…

And we grind these kittens up
and shove them down their throats!

Yes!

[WHISPERING] Don't listen to him.

You're a part of something
much bigger than yourselves.

Well, good morning, Linetti.

Whoo, I slept like a
frickin' baby last night.

Staying at Chuck's is like a dream.

Little guy loves doting on me.

Although, you're gonna need
to buy some bigger underwear

if we're gonna be sharing.
You know what I mean?

BOYLE: Okay, I'll get right on that.
Okay, cool.

Here. Take care of this for me, will you?
Yeah.

I'm gonna go get some breakfast candy.

Okay, catch you later.

So things are going really good
with the new roomie, it seems.

It's horrible.

There's someone's blood
all over the bathroom.

He sleep-choked me twice.

And the worst part, this
morning, he ate all of my cereal.

That's the worst part?

They were Nortfluskers bran circles!

I have them shipped from Oslo.

I want him out.

But I'm too scared to tell him.

All right, listen.

I know that your spirit animal is a
caterpillar that's been stepped on.

But mine is the mighty wolf.

And if you want to beat an alpha,

you have to be an alpha.

Wrongo.

If you're good enough at being a beta,

then the alpha takes mercy on you

and ends up giving you what you want.

Boyle. Argh!

Could you stay out of your
kitchen for the next, like, 48 hours?

I'm gonna be skinning a deer that I shot.
What?

Ooh, and put up some
of those plastic sheets.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

Okay. Okay, great.

Good talk, buddy. Yup.

I got the file.

Oh, nice work. How'd you do it?

Well…

The sergeant in charge
of the file room was a lady,

so I just turned on
the old Peralta charm.

Hey, there.

Some dude yarfed in the men's restroom.

Could you please find
somebody to clean that up?

[SIGHS]

Terry, there was no yarf.

Yeah, I figured that.

Oh, okay.

Let's see what we got here.

Forty photos of you standing
next to the guy in the wheelchair

and his cat.

They did a photo-shoot.
They made mouse pads.

They are bad dudes.

All right, here's our plan.

We are gonna re-interview all
the original victims from this case,

starting with the first one,

Janice McMinnion.

Uh, she died 12 years ago.

All right, the second one. Also dead.

Okay, why don't you just skip on down

to the first person that's not dead.

Number eight.

Number eight, way to stay alive.

♪ Number eight, still alive ♪

BOTH: ♪ Number eight, still alive ♪

Moment of silence for
the first seven, though.

All right, let's go!

Ah, pressure bombs with mercury switches.

IEDs with cell phone detonators.

Oh. Is that C-4?

Oh, my, we've got some
great bombs today, people.

Welcome.

In this course, we'll be
going over how to dispose

of 10 different types
of explosive devices.

What you learn today could save
your lives and countless others.

Any questions? Yes.

Will there be a grading or
point system to see who's best?

At saving lives.

Yes, at saving lives.

Saving lives was always implied.

Well, you will be timed.

Perfect. That'll do.

But I would recommend ignoring
the clock and focusing on…

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you
answered the question.

Hurry up and teach us.

Hey, slowpoke.

When we get out of here,

I'm gonna needlepoint you
a pillow that says, "Kapow."

Hey, Amy. You suck.

Oh, yeah? Well, guess what?

There's more room on that pillow…

Real quick, before
you finish, you still suck.

Argh! I'm working so much
harder than you on this trash talk,

and I'm the one whose
feelings are getting hurt.

Santiago, Diaz… Enough.

This is not about who's fastest.

This is a bomb dismantling class.

We are police officers,
not street urchins

playing speed chess in the park.

For shame.

All right, thanks.

Okay, here's what Esther remembers

about the night that she was robbed.

She was either at a restaurant or
the movies or doing something else.

And she was either alone or with people.

The only thing she was absolutely sure of

is that I seem like a very nice boy,

which is not relevant to the case,

but did make me feel very good.

This is stupid.

It was 20 years ago.

No one remembers anything.

I'm beginning to think maybe we should…

Climb out on that ledge
and see how the perp got in.

I was gonna say "give up." What?

Right after I came up with that
incredible ledge thing, Terry?

We're 10 stories up. You can handle that?

Sarge, I'm not scared of heights, okay?

I'm scared of bees, I'm scared of snakes,

and I'm scared that the Knicks
might never be good again,

but I am not scared of heights.

We're gonna die! We're gonna die!

I would appreciate it
if you didn't tell anyone

about my window ledge freak-out.

That's not as embarrassing as thinking

we could actually solve a
20-year-old case with no new leads.

Terry, we are gonna
solve this, all right?

Sure, maybe none of the work we
did today led to any new information.

Jake… And sure, most crimes are solved

within the first 48 hours, but
they never talk about the crimes

that are solved within
the first 100 million hours.

No, look at this.

The guy who inspected
this elevator in 1996

was named Zerb Gudanya.

That's the same weird name
who inspected the elevators

in all four of the buildings
we've been to today.

Really?

Terry, that's a lead. We have a lead!

We got a lead!

We're gonna solve this case.

I have to use the bathroom.

I gotta use the bathroom.

I actually don't.
I just got in the rhythm of it.

There's Zerb Gudanya.

JEFFORDS: Pretty fancy
car for an elevator inspector.

The Club International of
Brighton Beach International Club?

"International" and "club"
are both in the name twice.

Terry, this place sleazy.

Two priors, wealth beyond his means,

and he had access to the
apartments through the elevator shaft.

He has to be our guy. Let's go.

Okay.

I'll say that I'm a businessman
from Moscow named Ilya.

[WITH ACCENT] "I make
millions from selling snow boots."

That was more just
to show off the accent.

I'm not wedded to the snow boots thing.

Hey, fellas.

You didn't really think that you could

run an operation in the Six-Five

without us finding out, did you?

There was no yarf.

This guy's good.

Jake, this is Holderton
from my old precinct.

So who are you guys looking for in there?

A tabby? Siamese?

First of all, I never said
the cat was a burglar.

I said he might be an accomplice.

You know what?
I hope the guy in there is a cat.

That'll show you.

Yeah, if he was a cat, he'd
be much easier to apprehend

and probably much less dangerous.

That's what we think. Let's go.

Okay, I give up. I need your help.

I'm ready to try it your way.

Shh, you came at the perfect time.

He's eating, and when an animal eats,

that's when they're at
their most vulnerable.

You need to get in there,
show him who the alpha is.

I need a wolf name. Yes.

Virginia Woolf. Huh?

Well, I'm not gonna be
her lame husband, Leonard.

[SIGHS] Okay, it's time, Virginia.

Hey, little man, let's talk about

how much longer you're
gonna stay at my place.

[YELPS] Are you threatening me, Chuck?

No, I'm not, sir.

I just want to tell you how
welcome you are to stay with me

forever and ever and ever, milord.

Ha! Okay.

[LAUGHS]

Good, thanks.

Next time don't be so weird about it.

As you wish. Good day, sir.

That's still weird.

All right, sorry. You don't suck.

I'm sorry too.

We both said hurtful things.

You didn't. I was fine.

Well, now you're just lying to yourself.

But Holt was right.

We should have taken this more seriously.

[LAUGHING] Done.

Fastest time today by a full two minutes.

Whoo, mama!

INSTRUCTOR: Is everything okay over here?

Yes, couldn't be better,

because I destroyed you both.

What the hell?

I thought you said this
wasn't about winning.

I did say that, so you would
go slower and I would win,

which is what happened.

You're just as competitive as we are.

Absurd. I'm more competitive.

Now who's "da bomb"?

So what did they make you a sergeant for?

Did you arrest a pine cone?

He passed a written test, just
like every other sergeant did.

You knew that.

Oh, no, I thought he might have
gotten some kind of special promotion

for busting a pine cone.

Why do you keep bringing up pine cones?

That's never been a part of this.

You know what?
You're gonna eat your words,

because Sarge is
about to solve this case.

What, the old case or the pine cone one?

You need to stop.

Look, our man, Zerb,
is sitting right over there,

and yeah, he's connected
to all of the robberies.

And he's shady as hell. Look.

JEFFORDS: Waiter just
gave him a covert signal.

Now he's getting up.

Yeah, and now he's following
said waiter to a secondary,

most likely even shadier spot.

Something's going on in there. Huh.

Yeah, right, "Huh"!

Come on, let's go bust him! Come on.

Down, down! Get down! NYPD!

Uh-oh.

What are you doing, man? Nothing!

I have high cholesterol!
My wife says I cannot have red meat.

So they sneak in my beef stew.
Please don't shoot.

Oh, my God.

It happened again.

Only this guy's sitting on a
toilet instead of a wheelchair.

That's even more dumb.

Here, here, Terry. Move in
closer so I can get you in the photo.

What up, Jake?
Why are these dicks out of their cage?

I stayed up all night
working on your case,

and Hans, John, and Nakatomi
made for great company.

I gave them all Die Hard names.

I don't understand why
you wasted another night

on a case no one's ever gonna solve.

Sarge, I am way too sleep-deprived

to deal with your negativity right now.

Let me show you what I did.

I started off by making a
map of all of the burglaries

that have gone down in Brooklyn
since 1996 to see if there was a pattern.

That led me to this.

There is so much crime in New York.

No one should live here.

Anyways, I tripped out
on that for a couple hours,

but I got cheered up after I
took a picture of the kitties

messing around in my little hoodie.

I'll show it to you later.

So basically, you wasted a whole night.

No, no, no, my friend.

No, no, no, 'cause then
I dove back into your file

and found this.

Cool, the low point of my entire life.

Sarge, this photo was taken in 1996.

You told me your guy broke his
spine two years before that, so '94.

Check out his sneakers.

'95 Jordans.

They came out a year after the accident.

Look at the soles.

They're all muddy. Which means…

That son of a bitch can walk!

Bingo. Let's go!

All right. Cat squad, assemble!

Leave the cats. Okay.

Santiago, Diaz, I wanted to
talk to you about our performance

in yesterday's bomb-defusing course.

We know, sir. You won.

No, the three of us all failed.

Apparently our instructor felt
we didn't take it seriously enough.

But Hitchcock and Scully passed.

What?

How did they defuse
bombs better than we did?

Those were bombs?

Unbelievable.

It's a low moment for us all.

I think the lesson here is that

we should not allow our competitiveness

to interfere with the
sanctity of our job.

Totally agree, sir.

However,

there is a precision
driving class next weekend.

Fastest one around the track wins.

It's on.

I'm gonna run you both
off the road into a wall.

I'm gonna kill you.

Oh, my.

Hey, Chuck.

Will you bring these to
the dry cleaner for me?

Tell them the red stains are
blood and the brown stains are…

Uh, let's say blood.

Well, sure.
Don't even bother putting them in a bag.

I'll just carry them in my arms.

Hey. Beard-o.

It's time for you to get out
of Charles's house today.

Hang on, ma'am.

You don't tell me what to do.

Uh, that's where you're wrong, baby girl.

I run this precinct.

Watch this. Scully!

Go to sleep.

Okay.

You think you can intimidate me? Yeah.

When I was undercover,
Jimmy "The Butcher"

cut off my little toe with garden shears

and made me eat it as a loyalty test.

I've been through hell.

Big deal.

I worked at a sunglass
kiosk at the mall for four years.

So not only have I been through hell,

I was assistant manager there. Hmm.

You're gonna get out of Chuckie's house.

And what's more,

you're gonna pay him rent
for the night you spent there.

Fine. One more thing, babe.

You're gonna thank us both right now.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Thank you. You're welcome.

That was amazing. Told you.

He just needed to be alpha'd.

Is that what happened, or did I
just beta you into protecting me?

No. No.

That's not what happened.
This is not your victory.

Sure.

Oh, my God.

Hey, there. Remember me?

So this is weird.

Oh, no, you don't, circus trash.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

I knew it!

You could walk the whole time!

I was right about the
cat accomplice too, huh?

Now where's the cat?

Been 20 years, Sarge.
Cat's probably dead.

I'm still bringing him in!

Well, Sarge, you did it.

Now how should we rub your sweet
victory in the Six-Five's dumb faces?

We could send them a box
of rats, 'cause they're rats.

Or we could drop water
balloons on their cars.

You know what?

I'm good.
I don't think we should do that.

Really? Any of it?

Yeah, after everything you did for me,

encouraging me, going out on that ledge

even though you were scared to tears…

There was an air conditioner above us.

It was dripping water on my eyes.
We've been over this.

You stayed up all
night to solve the case.

It just reminded me that
I have people in my life

who cared about me.

I don't know why I'm
spending so much time

trying to prove things
to people who don't.

I guess you're a big man
in more ways than one.

[CHUCKLING]

Which I probably should
have anticipated, but did not.

What'd you do, Jake?

Rats. I did the rats. I couldn't wait.

Enjoy the rats, you rat!

-Oh, my God!
-[RATS SQUEAKING]

[LAUGHING] Oh, no, one's coming for me!