All language subtitles for Early Doors S01E02 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track3_[eng]1

That the night is yours alone

♪ Rushing through the stars

♪ Captivated by the worlds beyond

♪ You aren't alone

♪ It's a small world and you've grown.
♪

- ♪ I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in
love, I'm in love!

♪ I'm in love with a wonderful guy! ♪

- Come on, Ken! Open up, you lazy sod!

- Are you there?
- Hurry up, will you?

- Ken, are you there?

- ALL SHOUT AT ONCE

- What's going on?
- Get the door open.

- Come on, you top hat!

- Come on.
- You're taking the piss now.

There's people out here waiting to get
in.

Come on. What are you trying to do?
Bloody lazy pig!

- Come on! No bloody way!

- Come on. What's up with you, man?

- Every night, it's the same.

About bloody time!
- Come on.

- Where have you been?

- Get your watch fixed.
- Bloody hell, it's the Fun Boy Three!

- Winnie were telling me Sheila
Crabtree's husband's died.

59 he was.

Melanie, 59 he was.
- Oh.

- No age, is it?
- It's 59, in't it?
- Yeah, but it's no age.

She were planning a do for his 60th,
apparently. Gonna be a big surprise.

- He beat her to it, then.
- You'll end up just like your father,
you will.

- £1.54, Tommy.

Never trust a man with a purse.
- Stops money rolling out me pockets.

I've lost millions down the back of
them seats.

- That's my holiday money, that,
Tommy.
- There you go.

£1.54.
- Do you want to check that(?) There
may be £1.55.

- Charlie Taylor's funeral was shit.

- Is it being so cheerful that keeps
you going, Tommy(?)

Always a right tight sod, him.

He dropped 5p in here the other night.

He was down that quick, it hit him on
the back of the head!

- Brother's not too clever either.

It is a shame.
- Who?

- Sheila Crabtree's.

He's under constant care.

He's got, erm...

What do they call it now?

What do they call it?

Erm... Anyway, he's really poorly.

Goes into Withington Hospital for a
few days when he gets really bad.

Last time he was in, Sheila goes to
visit him -

when she asked what ward he were on,
they had no knowledge of him.

- How do you mean?
- Well, they'd got no knowledge of
him.

- They didn't know where he was in the
hospital?

- Yes, they had absolutely no
knowledge of him.

- How's the wife, Duffy? Is she all
right?
- Sarah? Yeah, she's great.

You know I was teaching her to drive?
- Yeah.
- Passed her test last Thursday.
- Did she? Nice one.

- Just bought a run-around off Alan.

- Did you?
- We're thrilled to bits.

Left it on the drive Saturday morning.
Should have seen her face.

- Still knocking that bird off at work
in your lunch hour?
- Oh, yeah.

Absolutely no knowledge of him.

They said he was a clerical error.

- What?
- He'd been misfiled. Sheila were
beside herself.

By the time they found him, visiting
time was over.

- Never heard of that before.

- Absolutely no knowledge of him.

- Are you still sleeping in the
boxroom, Joe?
- Yeah.

- She's not forgiven you yet, then?

- No. It's gonna take a while, that,
innit?
- Yep.

- You can see it from her point of
view, Joe.

If Sarah caught me, she'd throw me out
the house.
- I know, I know.

I regret it now.

I've never done it before, though. I
was drunk and stupid that night.

With any luck she might come round.

- Yeah.
- I mean, you can't be the first bloke
to wake up in the middle of the night

still bladdered, pissing in the
wardrobe.
- I know.

Doors, the monty.
- Oh, 'eck.

- Thought Michael Flatley had moved in
upstairs.

- Eh-up, Ken, you've pulled.
- All right, Winnie, love?
- Hello, Ken.

- Heard about your little accident. We
did laugh, didn't we, Ken?

- I told you in confidence.
- It's only Winnie.

- Nothing. Is me mum expecting you?

- Yeah, I rung up earlier.
- Pop up.

You all right?
- Yeah, smashing, Ken.
- Don't be running up them stairs.

- Sitting down or what?
- Yeah, we might as well.

- Oh, it's Doctor Who and the Dalek.

- All right, Eddie?
- Hiya, Eddie.

- What?
- Peed in the wardrobe. It's no wonder
she's annoyed.

- Bloody hell, who haven't you told?
- Nothing worse than your clothes
smelling of urine.
- Oh, I know.

- - Are you having one, Tommy?
- Oh, you're all right. I've just got
one.

- Shall I leave you one in the pump?
- No, I'll stay on me own.

Right-o.

Oh.

You all right, Ken?

- Right as ninepence, Eddie.
- Yeah.

See they've still got them temporary
traffic lights up at the roadworks,
Ken.

The thing is, they're letting more
cars UP Hesketh Street than they are
down it.

- Oh, I love these! Thanks a lot.
- Happy birthday, love.

- Would you like one?
- No, thanks. You eat 'em.

At his flat.
- Oh!

- Alzheimer's!
- What?

- Sheila Crabtree's brother. That's
what he's got - Alzheimer's.

It's just come to me. I am pleased
about that!

- Would you like one?
- Oh, thanks, love.

♪ See the face you love light up

♪ With Terry's All Gold! ♪

- Do you know who else is poorly?

- No, who?
- Norma Tittershall's husband - John.
Do you know him?

- John Tittershall? No, I know her,
but I've never met him.

- You're not likely to, either.
- Oh, is it that bad?

- They don't think he'll come out.
- Oh, poor love.

I bet she's devastated, in't she?
- She is.

She says he's just lying there,
waiting for the end.

She were on her way to hospital when I
bumped into her.
- Oh, dear.

What would you find to talk about in a
situation like that?
- I don't know, Jean.

She says she just sits by his bed and
reads him his horoscope.

Hiya.
- Hiya.
- All right?

What are you doing here tonight?

Aerobics has been cancelled. It's Mo's
birthday. She's going home. Did she
not ring?
- Oh, she rung us.

- WE know it's cancelled, but my
husband doesn't.

I'd never get out the house if it
weren't for this and emptying t'bin.
- Two gin and slimlines?
- Oh, please.

Couple of bags of pork scratchings.
..Do you want a bag too, Tanya?

- Aye, go on.
- Tanya, what nights are you working
for me this week?
- Friday and Saturday.
- Right.

- Why don't you take the aerobics
class, Ken?

- Are you taking the piss?
- I wouldn't mind a workout with you.

- Oh!
- Steady on, Debbie.

It's no wonder your husband won't let
you out.

- DOORBELL BUZZES

- All right, I'm coming!

- Why she left him for that idiot,
I'll never know.
- He's lovely.
- Lovely and clean.
- Mm.

- All right, Ken?
- Come in, lads. Make yourself
comfortable. With you in a tick.
- No rush.

- Usual?
- Yes, please, Ken.

- Hiya, Mum. Can you send Mel down,
please? Pinky and Perky are here
again.

Right, thanks.

- You'll have to cope on your own
again tonight, then, will you?

- Yeah, nothing new there, is there?

- I could hang on till later. I'm
doing nothing.

If it gets busy, I'll help out.
- You're all right.
- I'll give you a lift, if you want.

A shame. I've always fancied giving
your landlord's bell a little ring.

- You couldn't afford me, love.

- Oooh!

- Right, lads, whose is whose?

- Mine's the bitter. He's driving
tonight.
- OK, lads.

- So, how are you, Ken? Everything all
right here?
- Fine, no problems.

Four weeks on Saturday we're having a
day out from here.

We'll be all right for after time,
won't we?
- Yes, but keep the curtains closed.

Then the Bamboo Pole-dancing Club.

Twin Cheeks, is it?
- You seen them?

- I'll say. We had the station
Christmas do there. Cracking night.
- We had a ball.

Eh, they're not real sisters, you
know.
- Are they not?

- We looked them up on the database at
work.
- Bloody hell!

- They're not even related.
- You won't spoil the magic for them?
- Won't say nowt.

We'll have a bit of that!

- To the regiment!
- TOGETHER: I wish I was there.

- Twin Cheeks!

- We had a good one yesterday, didn't
we, Nige?
- Oh, aye.

- What's this?
- Honest to God, it's true.
- What?

- We were on desk duty, weren't we?
- Yeah.
- This woman reports a flasher.

- What's funny about that?
- Wait. You've not heard yet.

- All flustered, she was. She's
walking back from the post office. A
man pulls up and asks directions.

- He's got a map in his lap.
- Oh, aye.

- She tells him the way. He pulls the
map away - he's got his todger out.

- The dirty git!
- I know! So she shrieks, he speeds
off.

For the report.
- Yeah?

- And then I says to her - and you've
got to ask this, by the way -

"Was he in a state of arousal?"

And she says, "No, he was in a Ford
Escort"!

- Bloody hell, we cracked up!

- Even she had to laugh when we
explained it to her.

- But was he?
- Oh, bloody hell, Ken.

- Two sausages, gammon, pineapple
ring,

lamb chop, steak,

onion rings, mushrooms, peas...

Tomato, cut with a zigzag edge.

- £4.99 the lot.
- No fried bread?
- No, but £4.99.

- Cracking value, that, Joan.

All on a big oval plate.

They were green.

It was too much for one person,
really. >

Yeah.

It was lovely.

Had a bit of luck on Tuesday, didn't
we?
- Yeah.
- What's this?

- Ten o'clock at night, alarm goes off
at Comet in the centre of town.

- Oh, aye.
- Luckily, we were just around the
corner in Burger King.

We downed our milkshakes and shot off.

- They scarpered when we turned up. We
were first on the scene.
- Was much taken?

- Not until we got there.

- Oh, I see, yeah!
- Shame we weren't in a Black Maria.

Can't get much in a Panda.
- We were sat on t'boot when the CID
boys turned up.

- Did they see it?
- Did they balls?!
- Balls!

- Them plainclothes clowns couldn't
spot a robber in Strangeways.

- Six toasters and a food processor on
the back seat. Never saw them.

I'd just won on The Generation Game.

Nobody bothered about cholesterol in
the old days. We didn't give a toss.
Not now, though.

You liked it, you ate it. >

He's right.

Now it's fat-free this, fat-free that.
Never did us any harm.

- It's like a lamb chop. The best bit
of it is the fat.
- Don't be so stupid, Eddie.

These days, in't it?

- Booze, ciggies, you can't win.

- They're right about the ciggies.

- I enjoy them, though, Duffy. >

My grandad smoked 60 a day all his
life, from being 16.
- Did he?

He just got on with his life.

Knew how to enjoy himself.

- I don't know, Tanya. I never knew
him. He died when he was 32.

A couple of nice food processors in
there as well.

We'll bring the list in. Anything you
can sell at the bar, we'll give you
10%.

- Right, I'll see you soon, then,
lads. You're not in the motor?

- Got the Black Maria till Sunday.
- Expecting another raid on Comet?

- No, our Mandy's moving house. We're
giving her a lift.
- See you soon. Better get off.

Crime can't crack itself.
- Hey! I'll see you soon, lads.

And take care. It's a jungle out
there.

- Melanie's always wondered about her
real dad.
- Yes, but only recently has she been
wanting to meet him.

Our Ken is ehlping her find him. He
gave her name at t'agency.

- Don't her mother know where he is?
- She's not interested.
- Isn't she?
- He ran off, leaving her pregnant.

- Typical man.
- That's what I can't understand,
Winnie,

she knows what it's like, and yet
she's done exactly the same.

She's run off and left our Kenneth
with a broken heart.
- Typical woman.

No father to support her.

Took on a lot, our Kenneth.
- He's brought her up.

- Of course.
- I'm surprised he's helping her find
him. He loves her.

Real dad.
- Mmm. Doesn't he mind?

- He says he don't, but he's not
kidding me.

Every year, when it's mine or
Melanie's birthday, he puts £20 in a
card.

- He thinks more of her than you?

- No, he's spoiling her, isn't he? And
this is why.
- Oh, I see.

- You do annoy me sometimes! And
you've missed a bit on that mirror!

- SCRAPING

- Is he looking after you, this one?

- Yeah, he's great.
- You like him, don't you?
- Yeah.

- He's better than the last one, the
Singing Detective.
- Dad, he had a bit of dandruff,
that's all.

- I thought you'd brought Edmund
Hilary back.
- Don't be tight!

- I remember he shook his head. I
thought there was an avalanche!

Come to have a drink with t'girls.

Couldn't borrow us a few quid?

- Bloody hell, Janice.
- I've spent my benefit money on
Calvin.

- So you should.
- £25 for one ear pierced.

I've only a fiver left and that's for
baby food. You wouldn't want me to
spend that?

- Here. £20.
- Oh, thanks, darling, you've a heart
of gold.

- Of course I will!

Hi.
- Hi, Janice.
- A pint of cider, whatever these two
are having, and change for the ciggy
machine.

To borrow his pampers, pissy pants?

- Why not you put it on News At Ten?
You stumped up that money - guilty
conscience, was it?

Worried about your son?
- Don't talk daft.
- She thinks you're the father.

Even if you're not, it's you she wants
as the father.
- Does she heck!

I took precautions when I went with
her.

- Fair enough, then.
- I told her I'd had the snip.

- Fancy a game of cards, lads?
- YEAH.

- 10p a card. Periscope's down and no
swan-necking.

Invited the Chuckle Brothers for?

Races? We'll not get stuck with two
traffic cops.
- Nice one, Ken!

- All part of the service.
- No flies on you.
- Lover boy!
- Right, lads.

- All right, son.
- HIYA, LIAM. How you doing?

Gorgeous.
- Pack it in. You're gonna give old
Tommy a heart attack.

Are you watching, Tommy?
- Do you want a Bud?
- Yes, please.

Full price, no student concessions in
here.
- You having one?

- Oh!
- Bloody hell!
- Someone throw salt on him!

- Thank you, I'll have a glass of the
finest bitter in the north of England.
- He'll not stop here, then.

In a minute!
- That's the only thing keeping him
alive.

- In fact, you can make that a pint,
it's that good.

- I've made you Szechuan chicken.

♪ And they called it puppy love

♪ Oh, I guess they'll never know

♪ Ooh... ♪ Singing again, bloody hell!

♪ How the young heart really feels

♪ And why I love her so

- ♪ Someone help me... ♪
- You'd know about that, lads - you've
had enough dogs in your time.

- Ooh!
- I've been with some beauties in my
time, lad.
- Yeah, and he got receipts off some
of them.

- Hey, Casanova, come here.

Coming on Big Boy's Beano or what?
- Big Boy... The what?
- Big Boy's Beano,

pole dancers, couple of sisters.

What are they called?
- Twin Teats.
- Then back here for a lock-in, eh,
Ken?
- I've just sorted it out.

- Um...
- Are you up for it?

- Aye, but who do I pay?
- Don't worry, we'll sort it out on
the day.

- Um, aye, OK, but, listen, mum's the
word, OK?
- She's bound to find out.
- Aye, but no on her birthday.

- Good lad! I knew I could count on
you.
- Lads, I'll see you later, OK?

- Right, Duffy.

It's you to go.
- I'm stacking, Ken.
- Cluck-cluck-cluck!

- I'm stacking, too..
- Bloody hell, I'm jinxed - jack,
queen, king.

- Unlucky, Ken.
- You must be lucky in love.
- Me and Dennis Thatcher!

A way, but it's getting better now.

- Hey, steady on, Charlie Charm!

- Is she?
- Mm-hm.

- Oh!
- She wants to know if you're good
enough for her wee baby boy.
- Oh, well, I'd love to meet her.

- We'll hang off - we don't want to
dispirit her yet.
- Cheeky sod!
- I'm joking. She'll love you.

- Depends what you've been telling
her.
- You've got a wee thing. It's an
eyelash. Better make a wish.

What did you wish for?

- I can't tell you that or it won't
come true.

- Well, if it's the same thing I'm
wishing for, I hope it does.

Oh!

SHE BURPS

..Are you having one, Tommy?

No, stay on your own, you're in a
round.

It's not so good, this. Here, smell
it.

Can't tell, Tommy. Don't sup mild.

Well, it's crap. That's why there's
nobody in.

Doesn't he? >

He's too busy playing cards with them
creeps. They'd sup owt, as long as
they got after time at weekend.

Melanie's a nice enough girl,

Makes you wonder why we bother coming.

If I was stuck at home.

- Hope you're not smoking in here.
You've seen Ken's sign.
- What's he like?
- Aye.

Bloody hell, are you stalking me?
- Turn it in!

- It's a good day out, Liam.

- I'm looking forward to it, but I've
never been to the races. I don't know
what to expect.

My brother's been and he says it's
great, but my grandparents said it was
the shortest road out your bed.

Whatever that means. Don't want to
lose too much, but I suppose it'll be
OK.

All righty, lads, I shall see you
later.

- The jammy get!

- He could have someone's eye out!

- Dad, we're going in a bit. Can I
take a bottle of wine?
- Bloody hell!

Like.
- It's her birthday, isn't it?

- Go on, then, Bugalugs.
- Oh! Thanks, Dad.

I'll see you right when I get me
glasses. Just going to change my
shoes.

- Did you see that scruffy get? Too
tight to buy her a bottle of wine!

Don't know what she sees in him.

Bet he hasn't even got her a decent
present.
- I bet he has, Ken.

- 20p.
- Go on, I'll go 20p.
- Yeah, go on, 20p.

- Um, go on, I'll raise you 50.

Haven't you?

- Have I balls!

- Yeah, right, I'm stacking.
- So am I.

- No wonder I'm skint playing with
you!
- You shouldn't be cheating, then.
- I wasn't!
- AYE! I saw him!

- You bloody would!
- So did I! ALL: Yeah! Eh! Eh!

- How am I meant to play cards with
Waldorf and Statler on me back?

- Come on!
- Get them dealt again.
- Pair of wimps.
- Come on.
- Deal again.

The wardrobe incident?
- I don't care any more. I'm sick of
apologising.

- If you want my advice...
- Here we go, Denise Robertson!
- Please yourself.
- Come on, then.

- Take her a couple of bottles of
Bacardi Breezer back.

You'll be back on the slot machine.

Jackpot time, three bells, the lot.
- No way.
- It's worth giving it a go.

- That's what you'd do. Go in waving
the white flag.

- I don't have to. I'm not the one
stuck in the box room.
- I'm sticking to me guns, and that's
final.

Can we let this drop now?
- KEN AND DUFFY: Ooh!

- If you don't do something, you'll
have pissed on your chips, as well as
her shoes.

- I wonder what he'll be cooking for
you, love?
- It's a surprise.

And minutes.
- Ooh, like that, is it?

How lovely!
- It's about a month now.
- Enjoy it while you can, Melanie.

It's a lovely time, this.

Won't it?
- It will.
- Still, it's a lovely time.

Oh, I remember when I first met your
grandad, God rest his soul.

As soon as I saw him, I knew he were
the one for me.
- Did you, Nana?

- Ooh, yes. Oh, it's a wonderful
feeling,

knowing you've met the man you'll
spend the rest of your life with.

At the time.

- I'll see you later, ladies.
- Bye, love.

- I'm getting off. Can I get you one
before I go? Bitter, is it?
- Go on.

- You having one, Ken?
- You're all right, cock.
- OK.

Can I get a pint of bitter before you
go, Mel?

Yeah.

And a couple of bottles of Bacardi
Breezer?

Bacardi Breezer?! Who's drinking
Bacardi Breezer?

- KEN AND DUFFY: Wey-hey!

Subtitles by Subtitling Unit BBC
Broadcast 2003

E-mail us at subtitling@bbc.co.uk