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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,760 [panting] 2 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,120 Jogging. 3 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,960 ♪♪ 4 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:30,600 I did a fart the other day 5 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,880 that was exactly like Mom's. 6 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,200 A door opening or suspicious duck? 7 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,920 A door opening. 8 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,200 It means you're getting Mom's bum. 9 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,280 [chuckles] God. I'd be lucky. 10 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:41,760 My bottom dropped ages ago. 11 00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,240 My farts used to be like-- 12 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,520 Pah! 13 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,520 Now they're just sort of 14 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,800 fighting their way out. 15 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,720 I haven't farted in about three years. 16 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,840 Happy birthday. 17 00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,160 She won't eat it. 18 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,240 Thanks. 19 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,520 So, it's a 7 p.m. arrival tonight 20 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,920 for a 7:30 surprise, okay? 21 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,320 Yeah, I got your email. 22 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,000 It's really a business birthday thing. 23 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,480 It won't be much fun, so just don't expect a party party. 24 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:17,800 I won't. 25 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,600 And maybe just wear trousers. 26 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,040 And don't drink too much. 27 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,120 There's this huge promotion in Finland. 28 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,600 So this party is quite a serious-- 29 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,480 I mean, it's basically a business meeting. 30 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,440 Sounds like a blast. 31 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:32,640 Can I bring a date? 32 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,560 - Harry? - No. 33 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,000 Who? 34 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,600 Ooh, I don't know yet. 35 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:44,520 It's really inappropriate to jog around a graveyard. 36 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,880 Why? 37 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,080 Flaunting your life. 38 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,600 [sighs] 39 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,640 God, I can't wait to be old. 40 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,960 If it's any consolation, you look older than you are. 41 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,880 [cell phone rings] 42 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,040 Sorry. Sorry. 43 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,040 Hello, Claire speaking. 44 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,560 Mom died three years ago. 45 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,720 She had a double mastectomy but never really recovered. 46 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:12,800 It was particularly hard, 47 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,000 because she had amazing boobs. 48 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,320 She used to tell me I was lucky, 49 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,080 'cause mine would never get in the way. 50 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,120 My sister's got whoppers. 51 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,200 But she got all of Mom's good bits. 52 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,520 What's Martin giving you? 53 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,960 Oof. Cursory stroke would be nice. 54 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,520 What? No bang-bang? 55 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,400 [sighs] He says he's still got that thing on his-- 56 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:36,160 What? 57 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,840 On his-- 58 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,120 Come on, you can do it. 59 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,800 - I don't have to say-- - Yes, you do. 60 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,800 - No, not here. - Come on. Little one. 61 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,080 - Please. - No. 62 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,480 - Penis. - Thank you. 63 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,680 [chuckles] 64 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,640 He says he still... 65 00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:52,080 has that thing on his penis. Sorry. 66 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,200 Christ. 67 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,720 Look at that man. Tragic. 68 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,040 [sobbing] 69 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,400 Nah, he's a con. 70 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,920 You can't call someone who is grieving a con. 71 00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,680 That is shit grieving. 72 00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,000 - Look at him. He's-- - No one grieves like that 73 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,360 unless their in a film or from Italy. 74 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,920 Who are you to pass judgment on his grief? 75 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,000 Trust me, he's at a different grave every day. 76 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,520 He can't get enough of it. 77 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,360 What? 78 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,080 You come here every day? 79 00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,440 Don't do a jumpy-outy surprise thing, 80 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,160 and don't sing "Happy Birthday," 81 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,320 I couldn't bear it. 82 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,840 I'm, um-- 83 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,680 I'm actually looking forward to it. 84 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,000 Hi, Harry, it's me, um, 85 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,560 listen, I know we're broken up, 86 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,040 but it's-- it's Claire's birthday tonight, 87 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:45,960 and I thought that, um-- 88 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,800 Uh, I thought that maybe, um, 89 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,840 you'd like to come to her... 90 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,480 birthday party. 91 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,320 Um, anyway, give me a call, 92 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,200 and, um, hope you're okay. Bye. 93 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,600 Can't go out with a dog. 94 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,440 [camera shutter clicking] 95 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,120 My boyfriend before Harry 96 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,840 used to make me send him pictures of my vagina 97 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,280 wherever I was. 98 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:28,960 Ten or 11 times a day. 99 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,120 One day, when I was temping, 100 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,160 he asked me to-- 101 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,120 [cell phone chimes] 102 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,400 [cell phone chimes] 103 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,640 [camera shutter clicking] 104 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:47,600 [cell phone chimes] 105 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:53,400 [camera shutter clicking] 106 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,360 [cell phone chimes] 107 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,160 [camera shutter clicking] 108 00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,080 [sighs] 109 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,120 Time to throw the net out. 110 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,120 - [bell jingles] - Hey! I am in so much in trouble. 111 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,440 Jesus Christ! 112 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,720 What am I gonna get Claire? 113 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,440 I am meant to get her the perfect present. 114 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:19,720 I am not drunk. 115 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,920 Always drunk. 116 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,400 - I am not drunk! - [clattering] 117 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,120 Ohh, which is odd, 'cause Claire's so straight. 118 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,040 Smack me in the face. Really hard. 119 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,880 - Really? - Yeah. 120 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:29,880 - [grunting] - [bell jingles] 121 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,000 Oh, okay. 122 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,600 Fuck. 123 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,880 I think you've given me a semi. 124 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,320 [laughs] 125 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,720 Can I eat a water or a sandwich or something? 126 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,520 I mean, the man's got a problem. 127 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,960 Speak to me. Speak to me. 128 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,560 But no one wants to admit there's a problem, 129 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,240 because then they don't get to have crazy nights out 130 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,360 with fun drunk Martin. 131 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,600 Chicken. Are you chicken? No. 132 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,720 He's one of those men who is explosively 133 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,720 sexually inappropriate with everyone, 134 00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,680 but makes you feel bad if you take offense, 135 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,000 because he was just being fun. 136 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,960 Honestly, you could tell him you're gonna pop to the loo, 137 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:02,960 and he'll say-- 138 00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,040 Yes, you pop to the loo. 139 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,760 Pull down your knickers and then I will come in 140 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,680 and fuck you. [laughs] 141 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,080 I mean, this place is ridiculous. 142 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,920 [chuckles] Does anyone ever come in here? 143 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,440 I mean, it is creepy as fuck. 144 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:21,640 Why don't you get her a guinea pig? 145 00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,160 It was a surprise hit here. 146 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,280 What? You think she'd like a pig? 147 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,320 Can I take this one? 148 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,240 No, not that one! 149 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,120 Christ, woman. Something wrong with that one. 150 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,200 It's got death in its eyes. 151 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,280 [squeaking] 152 00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,240 Yeah. Vet says she's depressed. 153 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:36,720 Oh. 154 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,080 Aren't we all, girl? 155 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,400 You know, guinea pigs can die of loneliness. 156 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,360 Can they? 157 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,880 - Hold her. - No. 158 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,000 - She needs it. - No. 159 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,040 Shh. 160 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,320 I have an idea. 161 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,400 Uh. He's sexually inappropriate, 162 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,880 and he eats raw sausages, 163 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,960 but no one's made her laugh like he does, 164 00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,600 so I guess I have to give him that. 165 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,000 All right, just put your-- 166 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,360 Wait. What are you doing? What are you doing? 167 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,520 - No. - Stop it. 168 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,560 - No, no, no. There. - [laughs] 169 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,960 There we go. [laughs] 170 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,440 I'm an innocent man. 171 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,960 I bought her a necklace with her name on it, 172 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,800 but she found and told me not to buy. 173 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,560 - Okay. - I bought her a book-- 174 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,320 That she already has. 175 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,960 And she says not to buy her any clothes, 176 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,520 because she probably won't wear them. 177 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,560 She scares me! 178 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,640 Oh, this sandwich is so good. 179 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,400 Look, this is London. 180 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,200 Just fuck off and buy something weird and expensive. 181 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,760 No, no. It's gotta be good, all right? 182 00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:32,920 Help me! 183 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,000 Pay me and I'll help you. 184 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,360 Fuck off! 185 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,680 How much? 186 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:37,680 60 pounds. 187 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:38,800 - 70. - Done. 188 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:39,720 - Yeah! - [laughs] 189 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,840 I don't know who she is. 190 00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,760 Is she...? 191 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,600 No. 192 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,240 What about...? 193 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,720 No. 194 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,480 [sighs] 195 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:01,160 Just get whoever you are. 196 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,720 Who are you? 197 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:04,880 I don't know, I-- 198 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,600 I want to be that person. 199 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,360 I have been that person. 200 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,240 - Hot. - [scoffs] 201 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,880 Uh, but most of the time I'm that person. 202 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,560 Like everyone else. 203 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,040 They're good, right? 204 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,080 - Chic? - Chic means boring. 205 00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,280 Don't tell the French. 206 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,680 What about these? 207 00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,560 No. God. 208 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,400 No. Stop checking. 209 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,960 All right? Nobody loves you. 210 00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,560 Help me here. 211 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,000 Who is this person? 212 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,280 [scoffs] Fuck no. 213 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,960 This is perfect. 214 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,040 Get her something she'd never get herself. 215 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,160 Surprise her. 216 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,720 She'll think I've gone nuts. 217 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,400 No. She'll think you see her as this person. 218 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,600 And everyone wants to be this person. 219 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,720 I don't know. 220 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,440 I-- Aren't these for children? 221 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:52,880 No. 222 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,120 [sighs] Let's keep going. 223 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,520 I saw some more stuff she'll hate over there. 224 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,920 Woman: [laughing] Those are great. 225 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,840 [laughs] 226 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,040 Boo: My neighbor... 227 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,000 is really fit. 228 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,480 - Which one? - The fit one. 229 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,320 The one with the sexy big belly? 230 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,000 No, no, he's the other neighbor. 231 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,000 He's like-- he's like-- Okay. 232 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,840 I'm gonna hold his face in my head so you can see him. 233 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:21,960 Okay. 234 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,960 I'm not getting anything. 235 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,880 - Make your face his face. - Yeah, okay. 236 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,720 Is he mixed race? I'm getting mixed-- 237 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,800 - [gasps] Yes. - [laughs] 238 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,280 [door slams] 239 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,440 - That's him. - Go on. 240 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,720 - No. - Go, yes. 241 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,640 Okay. Okay. 242 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,920 Jesus. 243 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,440 I'm really sorry, we're really high. 244 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,680 Just really wanted to know what you look like. 245 00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,400 [giggles] 246 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,600 She thinks you're lovely. 247 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,360 [giggling] 248 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,840 Oh, my God, look at my elegant feet. 249 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,560 Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Hello. 250 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:25,600 Hey. Hey! 251 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,360 What's your problem? Who was that? 252 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,320 Uh-- Oh, no one. It was, uh-- 253 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,320 Uh, what? 254 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,840 No, don't. I just need to-- 255 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,720 to go and get a drink, or something. 256 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,840 Okay. 257 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,480 Uh, excellent. 258 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:40,760 Can I go get my shoes? 259 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,080 Uh, yeah. Okay. 260 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,800 Whoa. Easy, tiger. 261 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,560 [laughs] 262 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,440 Coming from you? 263 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,160 So, come on. Who was that heartbreaker? Hm? 264 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,760 He used to go out with Boo. 265 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,040 And then he slept with someone else, 266 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,120 and then she-- 267 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,200 Yeah, yeah, I know. Okay? 268 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,480 Fuck. 269 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,280 I've never really said how sorry I was. 270 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,800 You should get the trainers. 271 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:21,960 She'll say I don't know her. 272 00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,080 You don't. 273 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,080 You're just as bad. 274 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,360 It's never clear what she wants. 275 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,640 I should just get her some perfume. 276 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,720 Jesus. Just fuck her. 277 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,760 Please. For the love of a good woman. 278 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,080 Just wrap your willy up in a bow and just screw her. 279 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,360 She's going insane. 280 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,800 What is it? 281 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,960 Are you having an affair? 282 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,000 [scoffs] 283 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,120 Think you're a clever little puss, don't you? 284 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,480 [laughs] 285 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,200 Little marital poke isn't gonna kill you. 286 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,640 Would it kill her to take me out to dinner? 287 00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,400 You girls. Jesus. 288 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,080 Anyone said that to her, they'd be hung. 289 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,000 If they were hung, she probably wouldn't be complaining. 290 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,520 [chuckles] 291 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,520 Little advice from a married man. 292 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,280 Oh. 293 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:23,400 You should probably get yourself out there, sweetie. 294 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,840 You're just tipping your prime. 295 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,680 [sighs] 296 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,000 Another drink? Hm? 297 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,880 - [cell phone chimes] - Bingo. 298 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,200 Excuse me. I have a date. 299 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,440 Get the trainers. Shop closes in an hour. 300 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,280 [laughs] Oh, God. 301 00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:47,400 I was not expecting to see you again. 302 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,080 [laughs] Shut up. 303 00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,920 I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm shocked to my boots, 304 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,200 but, um-- Yeah. Oh, and thank you for the text. 305 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,320 Saucy. [laughs] Oh, and sorry I'm late. 306 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,280 Oh, no, it's fine, it was last minute. 307 00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,960 - It's really nice to see you. - No, no, no, I-- 308 00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,320 I'm such a tool box. You know, I'd like to say 309 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,200 I was trying to save a puppy or something, 310 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,360 but I just got my coat caught in someone else's coat outside the tube. 311 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,680 You know, we had to separate ourselves, 312 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:07,720 it was fucking intense. 313 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:08,800 I had to give him my coat. 314 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,720 [laughing] What are we doing? 315 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,320 Oh, well, it's my sister's surprise birthday party. 316 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,880 Oh, my God, I love surprises. Go on. 317 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,120 Oh, yeah, but I just thought-- 318 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,560 I need to get her a present first. 319 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:17,600 Oh, my God, what are you gonna get her? 320 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,560 I know this beautiful soap shop. 321 00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:23,000 I mean, this stuff just gets you straight in the bath. 322 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,840 Oh, I was thinking more like-- 323 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:25,760 Yeah? 324 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,600 Oh, yeah. [stammers] 325 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,280 These places all the time, so, yeah. 326 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,480 [nervous laugh] 327 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,360 - You okay? - Y-- Yeah. 328 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,800 - [laughs] - Sorry. 329 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,520 - I won't be long. - Oh. [stammers] 330 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,200 Hi. 331 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,200 - Hi. - Hi. 332 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,960 - Hi. - Hey. 333 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,320 What are you craving? 334 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,640 Oh, just a really, really cheap thrill. 335 00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,200 For you? 336 00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,800 Oh. Hello. 337 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,640 No, it-- it's for her sister. 338 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,080 Yeah, it's for my very sexually frustrated sister. 339 00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,680 Just a basic bunny would be great. 340 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,680 Okay, well, I'll see what I can dig out, 341 00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:02,920 and you go browse. 342 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:04,960 Thanks. 343 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,720 - [buzzing] - Oh. [laughs] 344 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,680 Oh, I think you just... diddle the bottom. 345 00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:21,160 - [buzzing] - [laughing] 346 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,000 [laughs] There's always a twist. 347 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,000 Ooh. [laughs] 348 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,760 [laughing] 349 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,680 - Warm. - I know. 350 00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,920 Yeah. You should totally get one of those. 351 00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,320 - A vagina? - Yeah. 352 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,760 Oh, I've already got one. 353 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,600 Really. [stammers] You've got one. 354 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,080 I take it with me everywhere. 355 00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,960 No, you lie. 356 00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,520 You don't have one on you now. 357 00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,280 Yep. Never gonna get it. 358 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,520 Where? 359 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:50,720 - Where's my vagina? - Yeah. 360 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,040 - Where's my vagina? - Yeah. 361 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,080 Ha! You got me. 362 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,680 I don't carry a vagina around with me. 363 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,520 [laughs] That'd be way too provocative. 364 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:02,560 [laughing] 365 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,160 Didn't get it. 366 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,720 Okay, so this one's really great. 367 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,560 It's half price because it's quite relentless. 368 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,320 It's called the Burrower. 369 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,600 Basically, it doesn't stop until you've come. 370 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,840 Excuse me. 371 00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,480 Oh, don't worry about him. 372 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,600 He'll be fine in a minute. 373 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,120 Oh, my God, I love surprise parties. 374 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,600 I love them, I love them, I love, love, love. 375 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,320 [laughs] Will your parents be there? 376 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,440 - My dad might be, yeah. - Oh, intense. 377 00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:30,880 Parents adore me. 378 00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,040 Um, I want you to be totally in love with me 379 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,120 by the end of the night. 380 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,600 - [laughs] - Okay? 381 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,320 [horn honking] 382 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,240 Who's that? 383 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,240 - Oh, it's my sister. - Wha-- Oh, no, no. 384 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,560 We're gonna ruin the surprise. 385 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,080 - No, no, we-- Ahh. - Oh, no, no, no. 386 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,400 - No, really-- - Get down. 387 00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,560 - It will be f-- - All: Surprise! 388 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,440 Oh, my God. Thank you so much. 389 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,880 I'm so surprised. 390 00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,560 She's very good. 391 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,640 How divine. What a lovely husband you have. 392 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,640 [chuckling] 393 00:15:58,640 --> 00:15:59,920 And where is he, then? 394 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,840 Ah. Busy. 395 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,320 I'm blown away. 396 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,440 I had absolutely no idea. 397 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:09,960 Oh, Hildegard, could I just 398 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,680 grab you for a second? 399 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,400 - Hello. - Hello. 400 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,240 Uh, Dad. Hi. [laughs] 401 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,640 Thank you for asking. Yeah. 402 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,840 Uh, I'm essentially a documentary maker. 403 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,400 - Docs. - [laughs] 404 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,960 Oh, really? What is your latest project? 405 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,440 Well, sir, uh, I'm interested in life, 406 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,320 uh, and how it affects lots of people 407 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,920 in all sorts of different ways. 408 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,800 Yeah, it's awesome. 409 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,800 - [chuckles] - How'd you two meet? 410 00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,280 Oh, I met her on a bus. 411 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,200 [laughs] So easy to pick up girls these days. 412 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,240 I was like, "Hi," and she's like, "Oh, take my number." 413 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,240 [laughing] 414 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,160 I was like, "Yeah." 415 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,240 I'm just gonna see if there are any other wines to try, 416 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,320 and it's-- it's lovely. Gonna see if there are some others. 417 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,320 Excuse me. 418 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,240 Can't resist. 419 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,880 Did you find anything nicer? 420 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,880 Oh, I was so sorry to hear about Harry. 421 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,440 Lovely Harry. 422 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,320 Love Harry. 423 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,600 Exciting news about his new job. 424 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,440 Yes. Very exciting. 425 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,280 I was so pleased that you found someone else so fast. 426 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,440 Mm. 427 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,240 I just can't stop conjuring an image of you sitting around that cafe 428 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,000 just all alone, feeling so terribly lonely. 429 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,800 Just can't stop picturing it. 430 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,440 [laughs] I don't think you have to be alone to be lonely. 431 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:35,720 Dad always taught me that. 432 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,200 Did your father tell you that one of my pieces has gone missing? 433 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,360 He did. It's awful, I'm so sorry. 434 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,920 So sweet of you. 435 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,200 Very sweet. 436 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,120 May I cut in? 437 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,640 Yes, of course. 438 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,400 Do you know, you are the most perfect looking pair. 439 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,000 Such a great gang. 440 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,800 Do you want some normal food? 441 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,440 No. No. 442 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,520 Um, what I really want to do... 443 00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:06,680 is this. 444 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,120 - [gasping] - [glass breaking] 445 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,720 No. Sorry, nothing happened. 446 00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,200 I was trying to be sexy. 447 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,240 So-- No, it was, it was really sexy. 448 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,600 Was it? 449 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,080 What broke? What broke? Show me. 450 00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,480 Uh, nothing, I just slipped. 451 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,440 - Claire, this is my friend-- - Yes. Yes. 452 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,680 - We've already met. - Martin: My wife. 453 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,960 My wife. My wife. 454 00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:33,120 All of your desires are wrapped up in here. 455 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,640 Okay. 456 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:35,600 Open it. 457 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:43,920 Well, gold has always-- 458 00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,880 Wow. Uh-- [chuckles] 459 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,400 That's really rather wonderful. 460 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,000 Thank you. What is it? 461 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,880 Is it a paperweight or-- 462 00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,520 It is a shrine to your body. 463 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:00,800 Because I love your body. 464 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,440 [laughing] 465 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,440 Thank you. 466 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:07,040 Wow. Wow. This is really-- 467 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,480 Could I-- Could I see this? It's really quite-- 468 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,360 Something. Wow, I think it's really-- 469 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,840 Maybe a bit inappropriate for your guests to see. 470 00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:16,680 Your body and this. 471 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,400 I'm just gonna shepherd it somewhere safe. 472 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,280 Okay? [laughs] 473 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,640 [clears throat] 474 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,520 [chuckles] 475 00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:40,920 Smooth. 476 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,520 Well, I told you I'd find you a buyer. 477 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:52,200 Your boy, he is hilarious, smart, funny. 478 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,880 Fuck off. 479 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,200 You'd fuck anything, wouldn't you? 480 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,800 [laughs] 481 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,440 Just don't tell her you got the statue from me, okay? 482 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,040 Oh. How much you want for it? 483 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,560 Finger up the ass? Nipple tickle? 484 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,520 [chuckles] 485 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,720 Come on. Lighten up. 486 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,600 She's gonna leave you one day. 487 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,120 You looking forward to that? 488 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,400 You're an asshole. 489 00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,840 [door opens] 490 00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:58,720 Hey! 491 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,640 Hey. 492 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,480 [sighs] I think you took my coat. 493 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,400 - Oh. - I'm sorry. 494 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,480 That's my coat. 495 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,600 Oh, sorry. 496 00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,280 Why are you leaving so early? 497 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,600 Oh, I have to give Hillary some Earl Grey. 498 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,840 She's not feeling well, so-- 499 00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,720 Oh. Got you this. 500 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,440 Oh. I wasn't expecting anything. 501 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,560 [paper rustling] 502 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,600 It's called a Burrower. 503 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,000 It basically won't stop until you come. 504 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,920 Sounds horrendous. 505 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,240 Thank you. 506 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,960 Good, uh, birthday business? 507 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,560 Oh, huge. 508 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,040 You know, I don't want to jinx anything, but... 509 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,000 huge. 510 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,560 Could be life changing. 511 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,840 Great. 512 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:53,960 Okay, happy birthday. 513 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,400 Thanks. 514 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,800 Are you okay? 515 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,720 Yeah. 516 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:01,920 Tell the truth. 517 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,640 Are we leaving? 518 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:07,640 Yes. 519 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,360 Birthday girl. Oh. 520 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:11,480 Awesome party. Thank you so much. 521 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:12,480 We had such a great night. 522 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,120 Oh! Whoa. [laughs] 523 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:15,120 Oh. [laughs] What's that? 524 00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,120 Oh. 525 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,360 Good night. 526 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,520 - Good night. - Night. 527 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,520 Shall we? 528 00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,240 [grunting] 529 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,480 Surprisingly boney. 530 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:40,880 I'm nearly finished. 531 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,160 I'm nearly finished. 532 00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,080 It's like having sex with a protractor. 533 00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,440 I'm finishing. 534 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,480 I'm finishing. 535 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,760 I'm-- I'm done! 536 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,000 I'm done. 537 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,560 [groans] I'm done. 538 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,120 - Oh. Okay. - Oh. 539 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,360 Oh! Yeah. [chuckles] 540 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,440 Are you done? 541 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,680 Oh, yeah. 542 00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,720 - Okay. - Yeah. 543 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,640 Amazing. That was amazing. 544 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:01,640 - Yeah. - It was amazing. 545 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,080 Yeah. 546 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,720 Yeah. 547 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,800 - That was amazing. - Yeah. 548 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:07,920 Yeah. 549 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,080 For fuck's sake. 550 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,360 What? 551 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:18,080 Okay, you don't go through life with teeth like these, 552 00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,760 and-- and not... 553 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,120 know when someone's pretending. 554 00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,000 [chuckles] 555 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,320 [chuckles] 556 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:27,600 What the fuck is that? 557 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:28,720 I'll kick it! I'll kick it! 558 00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:29,920 No! No! 559 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,960 I-- I'll kick it. Wha-- 560 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,840 Uh-- Do we catch that or is that yours? 561 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,800 - That is a rat. - It's a guinea pig. 562 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,440 That is a rat. 563 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,360 [squeaking] 564 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,120 [squeaking] 565 00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,600 [panting] 566 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,960 ♪♪ 34804

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