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1
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:19,760
[panting]
2
00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:25,120
Jogging.
3
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,960
♪♪
4
00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:30,600
I did a fart
the other day
5
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,880
that was exactly
like Mom's.
6
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:35,200
A door opening
or suspicious duck?
7
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:36,920
A door opening.
8
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,200
It means you're getting
Mom's bum.
9
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,280
[chuckles]
God. I'd be lucky.
10
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:41,760
My bottom dropped
ages ago.
11
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,240
My farts
used to be like--
12
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:44,520
Pah!
13
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,520
Now they're
just sort of
14
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,800
fighting their way out.
15
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,720
I haven't farted
in about three years.
16
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,840
Happy birthday.
17
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,160
She won't eat it.
18
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,240
Thanks.
19
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,520
So, it's a 7 p.m.
arrival tonight
20
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,920
for a 7:30
surprise, okay?
21
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,320
Yeah,
I got your email.
22
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:13,000
It's really a business
birthday thing.
23
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,480
It won't be much fun,
so just don't expect
a party party.
24
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:17,800
I won't.
25
00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,600
And maybe
just wear trousers.
26
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:23,040
And don't drink too much.
27
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,120
There's this huge promotion
in Finland.
28
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,600
So this party
is quite a serious--
29
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,480
I mean, it's basically
a business meeting.
30
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,440
Sounds like a blast.
31
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:32,640
Can I bring a date?
32
00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,560
- Harry?
- No.
33
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,000
Who?
34
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,600
Ooh, I don't know yet.
35
00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:44,520
It's really inappropriate
to jog around a graveyard.
36
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,880
Why?
37
00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,080
Flaunting your life.
38
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,600
[sighs]
39
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,640
God, I can't wait
to be old.
40
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,960
If it's any consolation,
you look older than you are.
41
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,880
[cell phone rings]
42
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,040
Sorry. Sorry.
43
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,040
Hello,
Claire speaking.
44
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,560
Mom died three years ago.
45
00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,720
She had a double mastectomy
but never really recovered.
46
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:12,800
It was
particularly hard,
47
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,000
because she had
amazing boobs.
48
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,320
She used to tell me
I was lucky,
49
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,080
'cause mine would never
get in the way.
50
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,120
My sister's got whoppers.
51
00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,200
But she got all of
Mom's good bits.
52
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,520
What's Martin
giving you?
53
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,960
Oof. Cursory stroke
would be nice.
54
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,520
What? No bang-bang?
55
00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:34,400
[sighs] He says he's
still got that thing
on his--
56
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:36,160
What?
57
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,840
On his--
58
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,120
Come on,
you can do it.
59
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,800
- I don't have to say--
- Yes, you do.
60
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,800
- No, not here.
- Come on. Little one.
61
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,080
- Please.
- No.
62
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,480
- Penis.
- Thank you.
63
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,680
[chuckles]
64
00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,640
He says he still...
65
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:52,080
has that thing
on his penis. Sorry.
66
00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,200
Christ.
67
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,720
Look at that man.
Tragic.
68
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,040
[sobbing]
69
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,400
Nah, he's a con.
70
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,920
You can't call someone
who is grieving a con.
71
00:03:04,920 --> 00:03:06,680
That is shit grieving.
72
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:08,000
- Look at him. He's--
- No one grieves like that
73
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,360
unless their in a film
or from Italy.
74
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,920
Who are you
to pass judgment
on his grief?
75
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,000
Trust me, he's at a
different grave every day.
76
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,520
He can't get
enough of it.
77
00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:19,360
What?
78
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,080
You come here every day?
79
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,440
Don't do a jumpy-outy
surprise thing,
80
00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,160
and don't sing
"Happy Birthday,"
81
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,320
I couldn't bear it.
82
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,840
I'm, um--
83
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,680
I'm actually
looking forward to it.
84
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:42,000
Hi, Harry,
it's me, um,
85
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,560
listen,
I know we're broken up,
86
00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,040
but it's-- it's Claire's
birthday tonight,
87
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:45,960
and I thought that, um--
88
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,800
Uh, I thought that
maybe, um,
89
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,840
you'd like to
come to her...
90
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:56,480
birthday party.
91
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,320
Um, anyway,
give me a call,
92
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,200
and, um,
hope you're okay. Bye.
93
00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:09,600
Can't go out with a dog.
94
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:18,440
[camera shutter clicking]
95
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,120
My boyfriend before Harry
96
00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:25,840
used to make me send him
pictures of my vagina
97
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,280
wherever I was.
98
00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:28,960
Ten or 11 times a day.
99
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,120
One day,
when I was temping,
100
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,160
he asked me to--
101
00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,120
[cell phone chimes]
102
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,400
[cell phone chimes]
103
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,640
[camera shutter clicking]
104
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:47,600
[cell phone chimes]
105
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:53,400
[camera shutter clicking]
106
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,360
[cell phone chimes]
107
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,160
[camera shutter clicking]
108
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,080
[sighs]
109
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,120
Time to throw the net out.
110
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,120
- [bell jingles]
- Hey! I am in
so much in trouble.
111
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,440
Jesus Christ!
112
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,720
What am I gonna
get Claire?
113
00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:18,440
I am meant to get her
the perfect present.
114
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:19,720
I am not drunk.
115
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,920
Always drunk.
116
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,400
- I am not drunk!
- [clattering]
117
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,120
Ohh, which is odd,
'cause Claire's so straight.
118
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,040
Smack me in the face.
Really hard.
119
00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,880
- Really?
- Yeah.
120
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:29,880
- [grunting]
- [bell jingles]
121
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,000
Oh, okay.
122
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:34,600
Fuck.
123
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:35,880
I think you've
given me a semi.
124
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:37,320
[laughs]
125
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,720
Can I eat a water or
a sandwich or something?
126
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:42,520
I mean,
the man's got a problem.
127
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,960
Speak to me.
Speak to me.
128
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,560
But no one wants to admit
there's a problem,
129
00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,240
because then they
don't get to have
crazy nights out
130
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,360
with fun drunk Martin.
131
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,600
Chicken.
Are you chicken? No.
132
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,720
He's one of those men
who is explosively
133
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,720
sexually inappropriate
with everyone,
134
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,680
but makes you feel bad
if you take offense,
135
00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,000
because he was
just being fun.
136
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,960
Honestly, you could tell him
you're gonna pop to the loo,
137
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:02,960
and he'll say--
138
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,040
Yes, you pop to the loo.
139
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,760
Pull down your knickers
and then I will come in
140
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,680
and fuck you.
[laughs]
141
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,080
I mean, this place
is ridiculous.
142
00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,920
[chuckles] Does anyone
ever come in here?
143
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,440
I mean,
it is creepy as fuck.
144
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:21,640
Why don't you
get her a guinea pig?
145
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,160
It was
a surprise hit here.
146
00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:25,280
What? You think
she'd like a pig?
147
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:26,320
Can I take this one?
148
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,240
No, not that one!
149
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,120
Christ, woman.
Something wrong
with that one.
150
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:32,200
It's got death in its eyes.
151
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,280
[squeaking]
152
00:06:33,280 --> 00:06:35,240
Yeah. Vet says
she's depressed.
153
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:36,720
Oh.
154
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,080
Aren't we all,
girl?
155
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,400
You know, guinea pigs
can die of loneliness.
156
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,360
Can they?
157
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,880
- Hold her.
- No.
158
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:48,000
- She needs it.
- No.
159
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,040
Shh.
160
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:51,320
I have an idea.
161
00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:52,400
Uh. He's sexually
inappropriate,
162
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,880
and he eats
raw sausages,
163
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,960
but no one's made her laugh
like he does,
164
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,600
so I guess I have to
give him that.
165
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,000
All right,
just put your--
166
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,360
Wait.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
167
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:01,520
- No.
- Stop it.
168
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,560
- No, no, no. There.
- [laughs]
169
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,960
There we go.
[laughs]
170
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,440
I'm an innocent man.
171
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,960
I bought her a necklace
with her name on it,
172
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,800
but she found and
told me not to buy.
173
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,560
- Okay.
- I bought her a book--
174
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,320
That she already has.
175
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,960
And she says not to
buy her any clothes,
176
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,520
because she probably
won't wear them.
177
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,560
She scares me!
178
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,640
Oh, this sandwich
is so good.
179
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,400
Look, this is London.
180
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,200
Just fuck off and
buy something weird
and expensive.
181
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,760
No, no.
It's gotta be good,
all right?
182
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:32,920
Help me!
183
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,000
Pay me and I'll help you.
184
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,360
Fuck off!
185
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:36,680
How much?
186
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:37,680
60 pounds.
187
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:38,800
- 70.
- Done.
188
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:39,720
- Yeah!
- [laughs]
189
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,840
I don't know
who she is.
190
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:49,760
Is she...?
191
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,600
No.
192
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,240
What about...?
193
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:55,720
No.
194
00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,480
[sighs]
195
00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:01,160
Just get
whoever you are.
196
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,720
Who are you?
197
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:04,880
I don't know, I--
198
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,600
I want to be that person.
199
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,360
I have been
that person.
200
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,240
- Hot.
- [scoffs]
201
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,880
Uh, but most of the time
I'm that person.
202
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:14,560
Like everyone else.
203
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,040
They're good,
right?
204
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,080
- Chic?
- Chic means boring.
205
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,280
Don't tell the French.
206
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,680
What about these?
207
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,560
No. God.
208
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,400
No. Stop checking.
209
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:26,960
All right?
Nobody loves you.
210
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:29,560
Help me here.
211
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:33,000
Who is this person?
212
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,280
[scoffs]
Fuck no.
213
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,960
This is perfect.
214
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,040
Get her something
she'd never get herself.
215
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,160
Surprise her.
216
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,720
She'll think
I've gone nuts.
217
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,400
No. She'll think
you see her as this person.
218
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,600
And everyone
wants to be this person.
219
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,720
I don't know.
220
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,440
I-- Aren't these
for children?
221
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:52,880
No.
222
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,120
[sighs]
Let's keep going.
223
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,520
I saw some more stuff
she'll hate over there.
224
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,920
Woman: [laughing]
Those are great.
225
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,840
[laughs]
226
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,040
Boo: My neighbor...
227
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,000
is really fit.
228
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,480
- Which one?
- The fit one.
229
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,320
The one with
the sexy big belly?
230
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,000
No, no,
he's the other neighbor.
231
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,000
He's like-- he's like--
Okay.
232
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,840
I'm gonna
hold his face in my head
so you can see him.
233
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:21,960
Okay.
234
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,960
I'm not getting anything.
235
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,880
- Make your face his face.
- Yeah, okay.
236
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:36,720
Is he mixed race?
I'm getting mixed--
237
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:37,800
- [gasps] Yes.
- [laughs]
238
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,280
[door slams]
239
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,440
- That's him.
- Go on.
240
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,720
- No.
- Go, yes.
241
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,640
Okay. Okay.
242
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:50,920
Jesus.
243
00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:53,440
I'm really sorry,
we're really high.
244
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:55,680
Just really wanted to know
what you look like.
245
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,400
[giggles]
246
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,600
She thinks you're lovely.
247
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,360
[giggling]
248
00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,840
Oh, my God,
look at my elegant feet.
249
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,560
Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
Hello.
250
00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:25,600
Hey. Hey!
251
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,360
What's your problem?
Who was that?
252
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,320
Uh-- Oh, no one.
It was, uh--
253
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:31,320
Uh, what?
254
00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:32,840
No, don't.
I just need to--
255
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,720
to go and get a drink,
or something.
256
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,840
Okay.
257
00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,480
Uh, excellent.
258
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:40,760
Can I go get my shoes?
259
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,080
Uh, yeah.
Okay.
260
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,800
Whoa.
Easy, tiger.
261
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:56,560
[laughs]
262
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,440
Coming from you?
263
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,160
So, come on.
Who was that
heartbreaker? Hm?
264
00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,760
He used to go out with Boo.
265
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,040
And then he slept with
someone else,
266
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:09,120
and then she--
267
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,200
Yeah, yeah, I know.
Okay?
268
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,480
Fuck.
269
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:18,280
I've never really said
how sorry I was.
270
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,800
You should get
the trainers.
271
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:21,960
She'll say
I don't know her.
272
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,080
You don't.
273
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,080
You're just as bad.
274
00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,360
It's never clear
what she wants.
275
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,640
I should just
get her some perfume.
276
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,720
Jesus.
Just fuck her.
277
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,760
Please.
For the love of
a good woman.
278
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,080
Just wrap your willy up
in a bow and just screw her.
279
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,360
She's going insane.
280
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,800
What is it?
281
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,960
Are you having an affair?
282
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,000
[scoffs]
283
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:52,120
Think you're a clever
little puss, don't you?
284
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,480
[laughs]
285
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:55,200
Little marital poke
isn't gonna kill you.
286
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,640
Would it kill her to
take me out to dinner?
287
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,400
You girls. Jesus.
288
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,080
Anyone said that to her,
they'd be hung.
289
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,000
If they were hung,
she probably wouldn't be
complaining.
290
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,520
[chuckles]
291
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,520
Little advice from
a married man.
292
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,280
Oh.
293
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:23,400
You should probably
get yourself out there,
sweetie.
294
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:25,840
You're just
tipping your prime.
295
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:31,680
[sighs]
296
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:33,000
Another drink? Hm?
297
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,880
- [cell phone chimes]
- Bingo.
298
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:39,200
Excuse me.
I have a date.
299
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,440
Get the trainers.
Shop closes in an hour.
300
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,280
[laughs] Oh, God.
301
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:47,400
I was not expecting
to see you again.
302
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,080
[laughs] Shut up.
303
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,920
I mean,
don't get me wrong,
I'm shocked to my boots,
304
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:53,200
but, um-- Yeah.
Oh, and thank you
for the text.
305
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,320
Saucy. [laughs]
Oh, and sorry I'm late.
306
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,280
Oh, no, it's fine,
it was last minute.
307
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:58,960
- It's really nice
to see you.
- No, no, no, I--
308
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,320
I'm such a tool box.
You know, I'd like to say
309
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,200
I was trying to save
a puppy or something,
310
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,360
but I just got my coat
caught in someone else's coat
outside the tube.
311
00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:06,680
You know, we had to
separate ourselves,
312
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:07,720
it was fucking intense.
313
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:08,800
I had to give him
my coat.
314
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,720
[laughing]
What are we doing?
315
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,320
Oh, well, it's my sister's
surprise birthday party.
316
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,880
Oh, my God, I love surprises.
Go on.
317
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,120
Oh, yeah,
but I just thought--
318
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:16,560
I need to get her
a present first.
319
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:17,600
Oh, my God,
what are you gonna get her?
320
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,560
I know this
beautiful soap shop.
321
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:23,000
I mean,
this stuff just gets you
straight in the bath.
322
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,840
Oh, I was thinking
more like--
323
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:25,760
Yeah?
324
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,600
Oh, yeah.
[stammers]
325
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:33,280
These places all the time,
so, yeah.
326
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,480
[nervous laugh]
327
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,360
- You okay?
- Y-- Yeah.
328
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:37,800
- [laughs]
- Sorry.
329
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,520
- I won't be long.
- Oh. [stammers]
330
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,200
Hi.
331
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,200
- Hi.
- Hi.
332
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,960
- Hi.
- Hey.
333
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,320
What are you craving?
334
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,640
Oh, just a really,
really cheap thrill.
335
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:52,200
For you?
336
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,800
Oh. Hello.
337
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,640
No, it-- it's for
her sister.
338
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,080
Yeah, it's for my very
sexually frustrated sister.
339
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,680
Just a basic bunny
would be great.
340
00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,680
Okay, well,
I'll see what
I can dig out,
341
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:02,920
and you go browse.
342
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:04,960
Thanks.
343
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,720
- [buzzing]
- Oh. [laughs]
344
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,680
Oh, I think you just...
diddle the bottom.
345
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:21,160
- [buzzing]
- [laughing]
346
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:24,000
[laughs]
There's always a twist.
347
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:29,000
Ooh. [laughs]
348
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,760
[laughing]
349
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:32,680
- Warm.
- I know.
350
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,920
Yeah. You should totally
get one of those.
351
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:36,320
- A vagina?
- Yeah.
352
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,760
Oh, I've already got one.
353
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,600
Really. [stammers]
You've got one.
354
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,080
I take it
with me everywhere.
355
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,960
No, you lie.
356
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,520
You don't have one
on you now.
357
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:48,280
Yep.
Never gonna get it.
358
00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:49,520
Where?
359
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:50,720
- Where's my vagina?
- Yeah.
360
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:54,040
- Where's my vagina?
- Yeah.
361
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,080
Ha! You got me.
362
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:58,680
I don't carry a vagina
around with me.
363
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,520
[laughs] That'd be
way too provocative.
364
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:02,560
[laughing]
365
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,160
Didn't get it.
366
00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,720
Okay, so this one's
really great.
367
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,560
It's half price because
it's quite relentless.
368
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:11,320
It's called
the Burrower.
369
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,600
Basically,
it doesn't stop
until you've come.
370
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,840
Excuse me.
371
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,480
Oh, don't worry
about him.
372
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:19,600
He'll be fine
in a minute.
373
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,120
Oh, my God,
I love surprise parties.
374
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:24,600
I love them,
I love them,
I love, love, love.
375
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,320
[laughs]
Will your parents be there?
376
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,440
- My dad might be, yeah.
- Oh, intense.
377
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:30,880
Parents adore me.
378
00:15:30,880 --> 00:15:34,040
Um, I want you to be
totally in love with me
379
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,120
by the end of the night.
380
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:36,600
- [laughs]
- Okay?
381
00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:38,320
[horn honking]
382
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:39,240
Who's that?
383
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,240
- Oh, it's my sister.
- Wha-- Oh, no, no.
384
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,560
We're gonna ruin
the surprise.
385
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,080
- No, no, we-- Ahh.
- Oh, no, no, no.
386
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,400
- No, really--
- Get down.
387
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,560
- It will be f--
- All: Surprise!
388
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,440
Oh, my God.
Thank you so much.
389
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,880
I'm so surprised.
390
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:55,560
She's very good.
391
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:57,640
How divine.
What a lovely husband
you have.
392
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,640
[chuckling]
393
00:15:58,640 --> 00:15:59,920
And where is he,
then?
394
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,840
Ah. Busy.
395
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,320
I'm blown away.
396
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,440
I had absolutely no idea.
397
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:09,960
Oh, Hildegard,
could I just
398
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,680
grab you for a second?
399
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,400
- Hello.
- Hello.
400
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,240
Uh, Dad. Hi.
[laughs]
401
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,640
Thank you for asking.
Yeah.
402
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,840
Uh, I'm essentially
a documentary maker.
403
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,400
- Docs.
- [laughs]
404
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,960
Oh, really?
What is your
latest project?
405
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:30,440
Well, sir, uh,
I'm interested in life,
406
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,320
uh, and how it affects
lots of people
407
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,920
in all sorts of
different ways.
408
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,800
Yeah, it's awesome.
409
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,800
- [chuckles]
- How'd you two meet?
410
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,280
Oh, I met her on a bus.
411
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,200
[laughs] So easy to
pick up girls these days.
412
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,240
I was like, "Hi,"
and she's like,
"Oh, take my number."
413
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,240
[laughing]
414
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,160
I was like, "Yeah."
415
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,240
I'm just gonna see if
there are any other
wines to try,
416
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,320
and it's-- it's lovely.
Gonna see if there are
some others.
417
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,320
Excuse me.
418
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:57,240
Can't resist.
419
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:02,880
Did you find anything nicer?
420
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:06,880
Oh, I was so sorry
to hear about Harry.
421
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,440
Lovely Harry.
422
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:10,320
Love Harry.
423
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:13,600
Exciting news
about his new job.
424
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,440
Yes. Very exciting.
425
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,280
I was so pleased that
you found someone else
so fast.
426
00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,440
Mm.
427
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:24,240
I just can't stop
conjuring an image of you
sitting around that cafe
428
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:28,000
just all alone,
feeling so terribly lonely.
429
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,800
Just can't stop
picturing it.
430
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:34,440
[laughs]
I don't think you have to be
alone to be lonely.
431
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:35,720
Dad always taught me that.
432
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,200
Did your father tell you
that one of my pieces
has gone missing?
433
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,360
He did. It's awful,
I'm so sorry.
434
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,920
So sweet of you.
435
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:47,200
Very sweet.
436
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,120
May I cut in?
437
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,640
Yes, of course.
438
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,400
Do you know,
you are the most
perfect looking pair.
439
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,000
Such a great gang.
440
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,800
Do you want
some normal food?
441
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,440
No. No.
442
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,520
Um, what I really
want to do...
443
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:06,680
is this.
444
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,120
- [gasping]
- [glass breaking]
445
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,720
No. Sorry,
nothing happened.
446
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,200
I was trying to be sexy.
447
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,240
So-- No, it was,
it was really sexy.
448
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,600
Was it?
449
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,080
What broke?
What broke?
Show me.
450
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,480
Uh, nothing,
I just slipped.
451
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,440
- Claire, this is my friend--
- Yes. Yes.
452
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,680
- We've already met.
- Martin: My wife.
453
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,960
My wife.
My wife.
454
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:33,120
All of your desires
are wrapped up in here.
455
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,640
Okay.
456
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:35,600
Open it.
457
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:43,920
Well, gold has always--
458
00:18:46,640 --> 00:18:49,880
Wow. Uh--
[chuckles]
459
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,400
That's really
rather wonderful.
460
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,000
Thank you.
What is it?
461
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,880
Is it a paperweight or--
462
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,520
It is a shrine
to your body.
463
00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:00,800
Because I love your body.
464
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,440
[laughing]
465
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,440
Thank you.
466
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:07,040
Wow. Wow.
This is really--
467
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,480
Could I--
Could I see this?
It's really quite--
468
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,360
Something.
Wow, I think it's really--
469
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,840
Maybe a bit inappropriate
for your guests to see.
470
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:16,680
Your body and this.
471
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,400
I'm just gonna shepherd it
somewhere safe.
472
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,280
Okay?
[laughs]
473
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,640
[clears throat]
474
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,520
[chuckles]
475
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:40,920
Smooth.
476
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,520
Well, I told you
I'd find you a buyer.
477
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:52,200
Your boy,
he is hilarious,
smart, funny.
478
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,880
Fuck off.
479
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,200
You'd fuck anything,
wouldn't you?
480
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,800
[laughs]
481
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:01,440
Just don't tell her
you got the statue
from me, okay?
482
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,040
Oh. How much
you want for it?
483
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,560
Finger up the ass?
Nipple tickle?
484
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,520
[chuckles]
485
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,720
Come on.
Lighten up.
486
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,600
She's gonna
leave you one day.
487
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,120
You looking forward
to that?
488
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,400
You're an asshole.
489
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:53,840
[door opens]
490
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:58,720
Hey!
491
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:02,640
Hey.
492
00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:10,480
[sighs]
I think you took my coat.
493
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,400
- Oh.
- I'm sorry.
494
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,480
That's my coat.
495
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,600
Oh, sorry.
496
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:18,280
Why are you leaving
so early?
497
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,600
Oh, I have to give Hillary
some Earl Grey.
498
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,840
She's not feeling well, so--
499
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,720
Oh. Got you this.
500
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,440
Oh. I wasn't
expecting anything.
501
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,560
[paper rustling]
502
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,600
It's called a Burrower.
503
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,000
It basically won't stop
until you come.
504
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,920
Sounds horrendous.
505
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:40,240
Thank you.
506
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,960
Good, uh,
birthday business?
507
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,560
Oh, huge.
508
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:47,040
You know, I don't want to
jinx anything, but...
509
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:48,000
huge.
510
00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,560
Could be life changing.
511
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,840
Great.
512
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:53,960
Okay, happy birthday.
513
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,400
Thanks.
514
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,800
Are you okay?
515
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,720
Yeah.
516
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:01,920
Tell the truth.
517
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:06,640
Are we leaving?
518
00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:07,640
Yes.
519
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,360
Birthday girl.
Oh.
520
00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:11,480
Awesome party.
Thank you so much.
521
00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:12,480
We had such
a great night.
522
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:14,120
Oh! Whoa.
[laughs]
523
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:15,120
Oh. [laughs]
What's that?
524
00:22:15,120 --> 00:22:16,120
Oh.
525
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,360
Good night.
526
00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,520
- Good night.
- Night.
527
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:31,520
Shall we?
528
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:37,240
[grunting]
529
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:39,480
Surprisingly boney.
530
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:40,880
I'm nearly finished.
531
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:42,160
I'm nearly finished.
532
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,080
It's like having sex
with a protractor.
533
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,440
I'm finishing.
534
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:46,480
I'm finishing.
535
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,760
I'm-- I'm done!
536
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,000
I'm done.
537
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,560
[groans]
I'm done.
538
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,120
- Oh. Okay.
- Oh.
539
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,360
Oh! Yeah.
[chuckles]
540
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:56,440
Are you done?
541
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,680
Oh, yeah.
542
00:22:57,680 --> 00:22:58,720
- Okay.
- Yeah.
543
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,640
Amazing.
That was amazing.
544
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:01,640
- Yeah.
- It was amazing.
545
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,080
Yeah.
546
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:04,720
Yeah.
547
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,800
- That was amazing.
- Yeah.
548
00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:07,920
Yeah.
549
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:13,080
For fuck's sake.
550
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,360
What?
551
00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:18,080
Okay,
you don't go through life
with teeth like these,
552
00:23:18,080 --> 00:23:19,760
and-- and not...
553
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,120
know when
someone's pretending.
554
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,000
[chuckles]
555
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:26,320
[chuckles]
556
00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:27,600
What the fuck is that?
557
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:28,720
I'll kick it!
I'll kick it!
558
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:29,920
No! No!
559
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,960
I-- I'll kick it.
Wha--
560
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,840
Uh-- Do we catch that
or is that yours?
561
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:37,800
- That is a rat.
- It's a guinea pig.
562
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:39,440
That is a rat.
563
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,360
[squeaking]
564
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:01,120
[squeaking]
565
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,600
[panting]
566
00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,960
♪♪
34804
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