All language subtitles for S00E01 - Olympics (1080p WEB-DL x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]
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1
00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,235
.
2
00:00:01,769 --> 00:00:02,270
[triumphant brass music]
3
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,607
- Housewares!
4
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,477
Baby and toddler!
5
00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:11,212
Pet food!
6
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:12,580
- Okay, I get--
I get that Cloud 9
7
00:00:12,580 --> 00:00:14,482
is an Olympic sponsor,
but do all the stores do
8
00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:16,084
an actual Olympic
opening ceremony?
9
00:00:16,084 --> 00:00:17,251
- Nope, just us.
10
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:19,453
Glenn has more
company pride than most.
11
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:22,190
- I feel like I've been
transported to Rio.
12
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,358
- Pharmacy!
13
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:27,261
Toys and sporting goods!
14
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,263
- Is the life jacket
really necessary?
15
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,331
- Don't talk to me.
16
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,366
Don't talk to me.
Don't talk to me.
17
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,336
- Our assistant manager, Dina!
- I'm not a part of this.
18
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,671
I just happen to be walking
in the same direction.
19
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:41,475
- And now, to light
the Cloud 9 Olympic cauldron
20
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:47,215
is store 1217's
oldest living employee.
21
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,816
Myrtle. Now.
22
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,151
[Lee Greenwood's "Proud To Be
An American" plays]
23
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:51,685
- * And I'm proud to be
an American *
24
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,322
- There she is!
An American hero!
25
00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,957
- Glenn, you did not tell me
you'd be using actual fire.
26
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,459
- Yes, I did.
27
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,461
I put it in my column
in the newsletter.
28
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:01,729
- Nobody reads
"Glenn's Corner," okay?
29
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,331
- Did you read
my thing on gluten?
30
00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,632
- Absolutely not.
- Yeah, well, it was good.
31
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,300
- This is a hazard.
- I got a lot of--
32
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,136
How is that a hazard?
- No, the fire, not the--
33
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,370
- How is that a hazard?
34
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,139
- Uh, Glenn.
- No, Myrtle!
35
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:13,274
That's not the cauldron!
36
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:15,843
- Oh.
37
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:19,413
- It's okay,
it's just a little baby fire!
38
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,816
[all exclaiming, screaming]
39
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,352
All right, okay,
I've got this!
40
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:25,753
I've got this!
[fire alarm ringing]
41
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:30,158
Everybody evacuate the store!
- No! Nobody run!
42
00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,625
We have an elected
store fire marshal
43
00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:34,061
who will lead us from
the building safely.
44
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:36,630
Elias!
Where is Elias?
45
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,633
- You are strong.
Women love you. People--
46
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,503
- * And I'd gladly stand up
47
00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:45,806
- Um, I just came here
to return these.
48
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:46,807
- Do you have your receipt?
- I do.
49
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,776
- Okay.
50
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:52,680
- * But there ain't no doubt
I love this land *
51
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,783
* God bless the USA
52
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,319
- I'm feeling really
patriotic right now?
53
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,688
- Well, we are breathing in
a lot of smoke.
54
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:03,191
*
55
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:06,194
[upbeat music]
56
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,061
*
57
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:11,299
- All right, it's been
an exciting 17 days
58
00:02:11,299 --> 00:02:13,201
of our Olympic promotion.
59
00:02:13,201 --> 00:02:15,369
A couple of hiccups there
at the beginning,
60
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,104
what with the inferno.
61
00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:20,474
Anyway, uh, we're not gonna
have any accidents today
62
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,710
during my closing ceremony.
63
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,213
- Oh, no. Absolutely not.
Not happening.
64
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:27,080
No, your ceremony
was not only reckless,
65
00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,482
it was lame,
and that's worse.
66
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,252
- Like you could do better.
- If I gave a crap.
67
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,986
- Well, crap away, lady.
68
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,588
- Ugh.
- Game on.
69
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,590
I am gonna close
that ceremony so hard.
70
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,526
- I wish someone would
close you so hard.
71
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,728
- Oh, really? I'd just
open myself right back up again.
72
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:42,763
- Excuse me, do the rest of us
need to be here?
73
00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:44,232
- Yeah, uh, sorry,
other stuff.
74
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:47,935
Okay. Organic apples
are on sale today.
75
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:49,237
Make sure the customers know,
76
00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:51,805
and also, uh,
Olympian Missy Jones
77
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,107
is appearing in-store.
- [gasps]
78
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,244
- Wait, Missy Jones?
79
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:59,280
The gold medal-winning
gymnast Missy Jones?
80
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,648
Seriously?
81
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,050
- I used to do gymnastics
when I was little.
82
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:05,253
It wasn't at
the Olympics, though.
83
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:07,355
It was at Bev's Tumble Palace.
84
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,022
- Mateo,
what's that on your vest?
85
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:11,759
- Oh! Uh,
it's the Filipino flag.
86
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,161
I just thought I'd support my
home country for the Olympics.
87
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,696
Pinoy Pride!
88
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,266
- Okay, that's your choice,
I guess.
89
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:19,900
I just thought that,
during the Olympics,
90
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,271
it'd be fun to pretend
that we're all American.
91
00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:25,806
Even you, Sandra.
- I'm from Hawaii.
92
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,341
- Not today, you're not!
93
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:30,110
- I do love America, but
the Philippines is also great.
94
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:32,280
- Yeah,
of course, absolutely.
95
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,782
Just that, technically,
America's number one.
96
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,351
- Well, Glenn, what do you
mean, "technically"?
97
00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:38,652
- Just as a fact.
98
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,954
That's the saying--
"America's number one."
99
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:43,924
- Well, but other countries
believe that they're number one.
100
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:47,495
- But America is number one.
101
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,196
'Cause it's first
in the world.
102
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:51,098
- That's an
airtight argument, though.
103
00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,666
- Well, uh,
first in the world in what?
104
00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,867
- Being the best.
105
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,536
- At?
106
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,204
- Being number one.
107
00:03:57,204 --> 00:04:00,073
Of...countries...
108
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,476
And planets.
109
00:04:02,476 --> 00:04:03,944
- * In my ear
110
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,213
* Tell me all the things
that I want to hear *
111
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,316
* 'Cause that's true
- * What I like about you
112
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,321
[camera shutter clicks]
- Just talk to her.
113
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:14,488
- Yeah, I'm going to.
114
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:15,556
She's just busy,
and I don't want to--
115
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:17,024
- Hey, Missy.
- Dina, no.
116
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:19,827
- Hi. Dina Fawkes,
assistant manager.
117
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,395
- Hi, I'm Amy.
118
00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:23,897
I am a big fan.
- I'm not.
119
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:25,933
No offense, I'm just not
impressed by celebrities,
120
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,601
but I do have an Olympics
related question.
121
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,437
- Great.
Maybe I can answer.
122
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,372
- Is it true that
the Olympic Village is basically
123
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,206
just a three-week-long
Slammerama?
124
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:37,411
- Uh, I don't think I know
how to answer that.
125
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,479
- All the best bodies
in the world.
126
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,448
All those synthetic fabrics.
127
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:43,884
Nobody speaks the same language,
so everything means yes.
128
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:46,454
I'm gonna name some Olympians,
and you tell me if you've...
129
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,256
Mm-mm.
- [clears throat]
130
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:52,860
Honestly, I think we were
all just there to compete.
131
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,995
- I get it.
I got to buy the book.
132
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:56,897
Okay.
133
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:59,767
- I'm sorry, I'm just--I'm not
comfortable talking about
134
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,669
that part of my life.
135
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,036
- Oh, no, no, no.
136
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:05,238
I'm not--
I had your poster on my wall
137
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,141
when I was a kid, and, um,
I dressed my Barbie like you,
138
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,378
and my brother cut it in half,
but it wasn't personal.
139
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:12,145
It was--he was just--
but he's fine now.
140
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,147
- Amy, right?
141
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,917
- Yeah.
- Take a breath.
142
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,453
[both inhale deeply]
143
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:24,024
You are the best
in the world
144
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,827
at being you.
145
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,496
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
146
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,464
- That's amazing.
- Yeah.
147
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:31,799
- Your eyes are like lasers.
148
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,401
- I know.
149
00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,802
- I'm gonna start
by naming the weight lifters.
150
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:35,869
- No.
- Milen Dobrev.
151
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:37,104
- This is not--
- Pyrros Dimas.
152
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:38,406
- Appropriate.
- Gleb Pisarevskiy.
153
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,273
- Okay.
- Gleb?
154
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,443
No way.
155
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,311
Lucky.
156
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:51,118
- Oh, I just love
this coffeemaker.
157
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,320
It's the best one we sell.
158
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,955
Look at that.
159
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,925
Made in the USA.
160
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,893
- Yep.
Uh-huh.
161
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,462
I see that.
162
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:03,964
- You know what I was just
thinking about just now?
163
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:07,267
How the United States has
three of the world's
164
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:10,303
longest rivers
and the Grand Canyon
165
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:13,240
in northwestern Arizona.
166
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:16,343
- [laughs]
It's a beautiful country.
167
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,516
- * Oh beautiful
168
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:27,455
* For spacious skies
169
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:33,527
both:
* For amber waves of--
170
00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:35,463
- She says stuff
that should sound cheesy,
171
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:38,231
but, coming out of her mouth,
it's, like, magical.
172
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,500
They say people shouldn't meet
their heroes,
173
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,101
but I'm really glad I did.
174
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,471
- I once paid $200
to have lunch with Terry Gross--
175
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:47,174
from NPR, and she was
on her phone the entire time.
176
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:50,911
- When I was 16, I was trying
to get a ride to the mall.
177
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:55,616
When she was 16, she was
competing in the Olympics.
178
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,651
That's, like,
Cheyenne's age.
179
00:06:57,651 --> 00:07:00,053
- Oh, I'm 17, actually.
180
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,489
- So, younger than Cheyenne,
181
00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:02,990
and she was already
a gold medal winner.
182
00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,659
- $200,
and I picked up the check.
183
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:08,095
I'm just saying, the woman
makes conversation for a living.
184
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:12,900
- I can't imagine being 16
and having accomplished so much.
185
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,635
- Is this gonna take much
longer?
186
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,504
- I don't know, okay?
187
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:19,172
I'm sorry that I'm not
a stupid gold medalist!
188
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:25,513
- My daughter's
getting married today.
189
00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:27,314
To a lesbian.
190
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:29,683
.
191
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,084
[upbeat pop music]
192
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:36,089
*
193
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:37,558
- I've spent
the last few weeks
194
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,227
watching people my age
be the best in the world,
195
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:42,329
and I'm barely getting
through summer school.
196
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:45,398
- Cheyenne,
you're just overwhelmed, okay?
197
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,700
With school and...
198
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,201
and I remember
what it was like
199
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,370
having to take all those
child-birthing classes
200
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,573
and the CPR classes
and breastfeeding class--
201
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,408
- I haven't been taking
any of those!
202
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:58,445
[sobbing]
203
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,915
- Um, okay, Cheyenne?
204
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,451
Hey! Hey, hey!
Look at me.
205
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:06,119
Take a deep breath.
206
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:09,156
[both inhale, exhale deeply]
207
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:16,797
- You are the best
in the world
208
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:20,367
at being you.
209
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:23,571
- Is that from the poster
in Glenn's office?
210
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,573
- It was better
when Missy did it.
211
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:28,475
Okay,
let me try it again.
212
00:08:28,475 --> 00:08:30,978
[exotic music]
213
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,846
- I can't compete
with this.
214
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:34,582
It's like Chinese people's
only purpose in life
215
00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,983
is to humiliate me.
216
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:38,318
- So you're trying to make
your closing ceremonies
217
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,722
compete with the actual ceremony
from the actual Olympics?
218
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,357
- I need a helper.
219
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,693
How about this?
220
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:46,994
We start with a fleet
of helicopters
221
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,495
descending on the store.
222
00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:50,230
- Okay, we? I'm--me?
I'm the helper?
223
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,599
- Yeah.
- Okay.
224
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:53,066
Well, how about,
instead of helicopters,
225
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,969
we go for something
a tad less ambitious
226
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,671
and use, like, streamers?
227
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,006
- Interesting.
228
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,608
We could shoot them
out of a cannon.
229
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:03,410
Or we could put a cannon
on a helicopter.
230
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,113
- Ooh, okay, well, and then,
building on that,
231
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,015
how about none of that stuff,
232
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:10,884
and everybody carries
a tiny little flag?
233
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,285
- What?
- Look.
234
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,255
Maybe we should focus on stuff
we can actually pull off.
235
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,457
- Okay. I hear you.
- Right?
236
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,492
I'm being unreasonable.
237
00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:22,262
Do you have access to
a team of white stallions?
238
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:23,764
- A team? No.
239
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:25,766
- Then I'm back to helicopters.
240
00:09:25,766 --> 00:09:28,268
- * First you gonna say
you ain't runnin' game *
241
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,804
* Thinkin' I'm believing
every word *
242
00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:33,506
* Call be beautiful,
so original *
243
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,075
- Hey!
244
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,711
Look what I found
over in menswear.
245
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:41,248
A good old pair
of American blue jeans pants.
246
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,651
- Hey, lookin' good.
- So casual.
247
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:47,354
Good luck getting a pair
of these babies in "Ma-nai-la."
248
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,191
- You know, I--
I think he means well.
249
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,492
He's--he's just--
he doesn't unders--
250
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,662
- It's not like
I don't love America.
251
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:56,063
I do.
252
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,530
But it's not perfect.
253
00:09:57,530 --> 00:10:00,133
You guys are
way too into brunch.
254
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:01,669
I wish Asians
were allowed to vote.
255
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,170
And I--I don't really get
the whole basement thing--
256
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,537
- Hold on--
hold on a second.
257
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,706
What are you--
what are you talking about?
258
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,707
- Yeah, I know--
it's a democracy.
259
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,841
One person, one vote--
260
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,076
oh, unless
you're Asian-American.
261
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:10,310
Tell me why that is.
262
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,179
- I don't know that I can.
263
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:15,382
Are you--Mateo, you're
an American citizen, right?
264
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,485
- Oh, just 'cause I'm Asian,
I can't be a citizen?
265
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:19,853
- No, no, I'm--
I'm sorry.
266
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,689
It's just that I've read
about so many situations
267
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,623
where parents bring their kids
into the country illegally,
268
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,425
and then, you know,
they don't even tell them
269
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,027
that they're undocumented.
270
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,929
- Believe me,
I have plenty of documents.
271
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,631
I went to the green card store
personally with my grandmother.
272
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,067
- The...green card store?
273
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,837
- Yeah, they sell green cards
and knockoff handbags
274
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,439
and bootleg "Spider-Man" DVDs.
275
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:47,347
[speaking native language]
...green card
276
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,849
[speaking native language]
counterfeit?
277
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,384
[speaking native language]
...American citizen?
278
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:53,086
[speaking native language]
"Spider-Man"...
279
00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:54,521
[speaking native language]
Netflix.
280
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:56,790
- I want to show you
something, okay?
281
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,728
See this?
282
00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:03,563
This looks like
a stupid person wrote it, right?
283
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,465
Well, it was me
when I was five.
284
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,735
I wrote that,
and I put it on my wall,
285
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,569
and I worked
towards it every day,
286
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,438
because there's nothing
you can't do
287
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:16,243
if you work hard, focus,
and believe in yourself.
288
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:19,813
- Wow, that is so cool.
- It's very cool.
289
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,514
- Can I touch it?
290
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,750
- Yeah, absolutely,
it's just a card.
291
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,517
It's not magic.
292
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,319
'Cause guess where
the real magic is?
293
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,657
- Is it in me?
- Yeah, bingo.
294
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:32,259
It's in you.
And it's not real.
295
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:33,994
Magic isn't real.
It's tricks.
296
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,764
Done by a liar.
Remember that.
297
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:41,769
- The Philippines has over
19 different regional languages.
298
00:11:41,769 --> 00:11:44,805
Hello? Indecisive much?
299
00:11:44,805 --> 00:11:46,273
Where is Mateo?
300
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,374
- Oh, uh, you know what?
301
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,408
Maybe--
maybe take it easy
302
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,343
on Mateo today.
- Why?
303
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:53,446
- Uh, well--
not just Mateo, you know?
304
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,582
There's a lot of employees here
from different countries
305
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,484
and, you know, making them say
America is the best--
306
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,419
that's just...not cool.
307
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:01,688
- It's the Olympics!
308
00:12:01,688 --> 00:12:04,191
It's all about rooting
for your country
309
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,693
and saying all the other
countries eat beans.
310
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,295
- Well, but it's,
it's also about the countries
311
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:09,529
coming together, you know?
312
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,932
That's why the rings
are interlocked.
313
00:12:11,932 --> 00:12:15,402
- Oh, I thought
it was just a symbol.
314
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,972
I didn't know
it symbolized something.
315
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,440
- I have to go.
316
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:24,845
I am appearing at the opening
of a motorcycle dealership.
317
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,647
- Oh!
You're leaving already?
318
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,549
Maybe we could, like,
trade numbers and--
319
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:33,486
- Oh, hey.
We're not gonna do that.
320
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,388
- Okay.
- Yeah.
321
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,723
- I get it.
322
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,492
Bye.
323
00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,694
Oh, my God,
isn't she so amazing?
324
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:45,833
- Yeah.
Thank you so much for this.
325
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:48,936
I just haven't been
believing in myself.
326
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:52,039
I'm gonna find a card,
write my dream down,
327
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,473
and make it come true.
328
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,843
- Good for you.
329
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:58,478
- I'm gonna quit school
and become an Olympic gymnast.
330
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:05,018
.
331
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:06,854
- So, dropping out of school,
332
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,689
that's a big risk for--
333
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,859
for a field
that's so competitive
334
00:13:11,859 --> 00:13:14,227
and which so few people succeed.
335
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:17,931
- I know it's a risk,
but I believe in myself.
336
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,766
And back when I took gymnastics,
337
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,002
Coach Bev said
I was her best trier
338
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,736
in her Tuesday-Thursday class.
339
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:26,173
- Coach Bev said that, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
340
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:29,076
- I think what Amy is
trying to say is that, uh,
341
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:32,245
a lot of Olympic gymnasts
train their whole lives,
342
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:37,717
so writing it down a card
might not be enough.
343
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,486
- Really?
344
00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:42,722
- No, that is not what
I was trying to say, Jonah.
345
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:46,126
I was trying to say
Tokyo 2020!
346
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,528
- * I got this sewed up
347
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,763
* Remy Boyz, they know us
348
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,799
* All fast money,
no slow bucks *
349
00:13:52,799 --> 00:13:57,004
- Bonjour and sayonara,
everyone.
350
00:13:57,004 --> 00:13:59,907
I just picked up
a multicultural buffet.
351
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,742
I got some, uh, egg rolls
from the Orient
352
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:04,912
and pizza--
that's from Italy.
353
00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:09,516
Anyway, there's, uh, no reason
for anyone to feel excluded.
354
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,319
Now, I think
all countries are equal.
355
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:15,923
You know, whether you're
of Mexican descent like Amy.
356
00:14:15,923 --> 00:14:17,057
- Honduran.
357
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:19,392
- I don't speak Spanish,
sorry.
358
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:22,462
Or like Garrett--
you're, um...
359
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:24,464
- Norwegian.
360
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,366
- Wha--
really?
361
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,469
Huh--
but you're also part, um...
362
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,971
- Swedish.
363
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,006
- O--
okay, um.
364
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:34,807
Or--
or like Mateo.
365
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,676
You're from the Philippines.
366
00:14:36,676 --> 00:14:37,945
- I may have been born
in the Philippines,
367
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,847
but I am true-blue American.
368
00:14:40,847 --> 00:14:42,049
Dane Cook!
369
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,216
- These burritos
all have meat in them,
370
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,818
so I can't eat any of these.
371
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,956
[upbeat rock music]
372
00:14:48,956 --> 00:14:49,990
- * Got to go to school
373
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,993
*
374
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:53,994
[grunts]
375
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:55,996
[metal squeaking]
376
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:59,099
*
377
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,001
- All right, listen up.
378
00:15:01,001 --> 00:15:03,103
We're putting together
tonight's closing ceremony,
379
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,204
so we need to know if any of you
380
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,872
have any special skills.
381
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,507
- I'm a pretty good singer.
382
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,277
- Okay. Sing "Car Wash"
with me immediately.
383
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:13,080
- * Workin' at--
- Fail!
384
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,147
The vocals don't come in
385
00:15:14,147 --> 00:15:15,582
for another ten measures.
386
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,417
Also, you have the worst voice
I've ever heard.
387
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,885
What about you?
388
00:15:18,885 --> 00:15:20,287
I assume you have
no special skills.
389
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:25,492
- Um, I have highly superior
autobiographical memory.
390
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,360
It means I remember
everything that happened
391
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,828
every day of my life.
392
00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,897
- Wow.
That must be excruciating.
393
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,099
Your life is pathetic.
394
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,100
- That's exactly what you said
395
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:35,002
the last time I told you.
396
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,471
April 8, 2012.
397
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:39,539
Sorry.
398
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,441
- This is a disaster!
399
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,809
- We got a lot of
great stuff here.
400
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:43,843
- Are you kidding?
401
00:15:43,843 --> 00:15:45,812
I mean, this is the Olympics.
402
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,014
They're about excellence.
403
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,381
- Except it's not the Olympics.
404
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:50,750
It's a store that sells
discount soda pop
405
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,552
and provides a bathroom
for homeless dudes.
406
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,254
- And there he is.
407
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:56,189
Mr. Cool Guy Garrett,
408
00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:57,724
who doesn't care about anything.
409
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,026
Well, you know what?
410
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,327
I'm not cool.
411
00:16:00,327 --> 00:16:01,928
I don't know how
to play the trumpet.
412
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,430
I don't wear tie-dye shirts.
413
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,398
- You think
those things are cool?
414
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,899
- You're off the team.
415
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:08,935
- Okay, fine, whatever.
416
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,037
Sorry, guys.
417
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,039
Forget the whole thing.
418
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:13,940
- I can't.
419
00:16:13,940 --> 00:16:16,343
- All you have to do
is write it on the card,
420
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:19,579
believe in it,
and your dreams will come true!
421
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,947
- Oh, hey!
422
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,883
Are you guys doing that
Missy-dream-card thing
423
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:26,053
where you write down
your realistic dreams?
424
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:27,387
- Uh, realistic?
425
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,555
- Yeah, that's the point.
426
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,890
You make your dreams realistic
427
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:33,826
so that you're not setting
yourself up for disappointment.
428
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,228
- I wrote "go to Mars."
429
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:37,064
- That's a great example.
430
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,432
Um, I think Missy would say...
431
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,668
if you want to go
somewhere interesting,
432
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:44,071
then maybe write
something like, um--
433
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,738
- "Go to Disneyland."
434
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,907
- Exactly.
- Are you insane?
435
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,443
It's super expensive.
[overlapping agreement]
436
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:53,113
- Okay, but you think that--
never mind.
437
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:55,282
Let's try someone else.
Uh...
438
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,949
"Nail Scarlett Johansson."
439
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,718
- Ah.
- Okay.
440
00:16:58,718 --> 00:17:00,187
Maybe more realistically--
441
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,654
why don't you try to "nail"
442
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:04,124
someone you actually know?
443
00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,158
Like your wife?
444
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,893
- Oh, cool,
that'd be awesome.
445
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,228
- No, it wouldn't.
446
00:17:08,228 --> 00:17:10,430
- What I'm trying to say
is you may not
447
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:12,932
be able to
"start the next Google"
448
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,934
or, uh, "be Beyoncé,"
449
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,669
or "try lobster--"
450
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,938
No, Carol,
that is a good one.
451
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,707
You could actually
do that right now.
452
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,775
- I'm allergic.
It would kill me.
453
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,011
- Okay, well, then,
maybe don't try the lobster,
454
00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:28,415
but what I'm saying is
you can't just do anything.
455
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,118
If you could, then Garrett could
just make himself walk.
456
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,653
- Oh, my God,
I'm so sorry, Garrett.
457
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,188
That's just the first thing
that came to mind.
458
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,389
- Well, you know what?
459
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,458
I never tried writing it
on a card before.
460
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:42,329
[marker squeaking]
461
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,166
[sighs]
Nope.
462
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,169
- Cheyenne,
what did you write?
463
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,404
Um, let's see, uh,
464
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:54,040
"Olympic gymnast"?
- Hmm...
465
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,042
- Thoughts?
Realistic?
466
00:17:56,042 --> 00:17:58,511
- You know,
I don't know anymore.
467
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,481
- Yeah, 'cause we could
replace this with, um,
468
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,450
like, uh, college graduate.
- Oh!
469
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:06,219
- Or, um, businesswoman.
- There you go.
470
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,554
- Yeah, okay, I get it.
471
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,988
- You do?
- Yeah.
472
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,390
You don't believe
I can do it.
473
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:11,691
both: No.
- No, no.
474
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:14,161
- No, that is not
what I'm saying.
475
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:15,628
- Thanks, Amy.
476
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:19,065
- Hey.
477
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:22,068
If Elias isn't nailing
Scarlett Johansson, can I?
478
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:24,904
- [groans] Sure.
- Yes!
479
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:30,343
.
480
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:31,978
- Cheyenne.
- What?
481
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:35,982
Now you don't even believe
I can sell jewelry?
482
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,785
- Oh, come on.
- I'm not stupid, okay?
483
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,888
I never really thought I could
become an Olympic athlete.
484
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,590
- So then why were you--
485
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,558
- It was just nice
living the fantasy for a while.
486
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,860
You know, like, when you buy
a lottery ticket
487
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,829
and you plan on how
you're gonna spend the money,
488
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,399
even though you know
you're not really gonna win?
489
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:53,800
- Look, Cheyenne,
490
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,703
I know...that you...
491
00:18:56,703 --> 00:19:00,039
are destined for greatness.
492
00:19:00,039 --> 00:19:01,974
- Sorry,
it just sounds cheesy.
493
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,244
- I don't know
how she does it!
494
00:19:05,212 --> 00:19:06,979
[knock at door]
- Glenn?
495
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,815
Uh...
496
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,618
This isn't easy
for me to say, but, um,
497
00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:15,955
I found out today
that I am not an American.
498
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:18,491
But I love this job and,
um--
499
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:22,795
- Mateo.
You're an American.
500
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:26,499
And I'm Filipino.
And everybody's everything.
501
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:29,636
So it's like
nobody's anything.
502
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:33,005
And that's beautiful.
503
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,641
- Well, okay.
504
00:19:34,641 --> 00:19:36,676
- Okay.
505
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,911
Let me see that pin.
506
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,080
Okay.
- [chuckles]
507
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,156
- Heh.
508
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,824
- You stick yourself?
509
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:54,361
- So bad.
Right into the bone.
510
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:57,029
- Do you want me
to go get someone or...
511
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,466
- Just be with me.
512
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,668
- I just don't know
that I did the right thing.
513
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:04,537
I mean, it feels weird
convincing a teenager
514
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:06,205
to not follow their dream.
515
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,140
- Maybe think of it
as convincing a teen mom
516
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,842
not to drop out of school.
517
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,478
Especially
for something impossible.
518
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:14,013
- I mean, I do wish impossible
things could happen sometimes,
519
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,015
but this is the real world.
520
00:20:16,015 --> 00:20:19,051
[lights clunking off]
521
00:20:20,119 --> 00:20:22,789
- What is going on?
522
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:26,526
[Scorpions' "Rock You
Like A Hurricane" plays]
523
00:20:26,526 --> 00:20:29,028
- I think this might be
the closing ceremony.
524
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,730
That I helped plan.
525
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:38,771
*
526
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,949
- Only in America.
527
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:53,786
But also only in anywhere
else in the world, really.
528
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:54,921
*
529
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,889
- * Here I am
530
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,459
- Damn.
She got everything except the--
531
00:20:59,459 --> 00:21:02,529
[helicopter blades whirring]
532
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:05,398
- * Here I am
533
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,734
* Rock you like a hurricane
534
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:09,469
[Dina laughing]
535
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:10,803
- Whoo!
536
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:13,139
Helicopter!
537
00:21:13,139 --> 00:21:15,508
- * Here I am
538
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,744
* Rock you like a hurricane
539
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,347
- Hey, Glenn!
In your face!
540
00:21:20,347 --> 00:21:22,349
[laughs]
- What?
541
00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:24,917
- Suck it, Glenn!
542
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,353
- Oh.
38667