All language subtitles for The Scotts s02e05.eng

You're not going dressed like that,
are you?

My boy's going to play his
first proper game of football.

That's your man, Jason!

She's come home.

I'm going to say things to Cynthia
that will ease decades of pain.

You're a dance teacher.

That'll never work.

Piss off out of my life, Mum!

Jason has been into Warhammer
since he was eight years old.

And do you know how many times
you've played it with him?

Never.

You made me this? It's amazing!

The boys are wanting to know if
the enforcer

is going to be back next week.

My mother's latest visit
lit a fire under me.

She told me that the Vonny Scott
School of Dance would never work.

So far, she's right.

Haven't been fair to those kids.

I haven't been doing my job.
Five, six, seven...

Just counting to eight, girls.

It's not that difficult.

And my job is turning shite into
gold.

That's terrible.

To be fair, they did use to think
that a dance lesson

was me sipping wine in a doorway

and screaming about Vincent being
a bastard.

And if that counted as a dance
lesson, I'd be Gene Kelly by now.

I just don't know where
I'm going wrong.

Maybe you need someone to run
their eye over what you're doing.

Who, though?

Me and Laura could come doon.
SHE LAUGHS

Aye, yeah, right! Ho!

Oh, well...

Well, Laura, you are just so busy.

And, Colette, you're so pregnant.

Och, it's the third trimester.

I feel like I could take
on the world!

Darren, gonnae gi'e us that bowl o'
crisps there?

So you're going to tell ME
about choreography?

Maybe no', but I could tell you

aboot lassies going to dancing.

And I was a dedicated dance mum
for ten years.

And I was one o' they
wee dance-school lassies.

Aye, all covered in fake
tan, mad, fake hair extensions in,

arse sticking right oot.

And before you say anything,
Henry, I'm no' talking about myself.

Talking about yourself.

I was a multi-time champion, Vonny.

"Colette 20 Trophies", they called
me.

Vonny Scott, the dancer, needs
no advice,

but Vonny Scott the teacher -
couldn't hurt, could it?

What the hell? Why not?

THEY CHEER

I'm knackered.

Colette woke up at 3.00
this morning

with a craving for roast beef
and mustard Brannigans.

I drove to five different
supermarkets -

turns oot they stopped making them
two years ago.

Oh, Blackbeard! Aye! I'm intae it.
LAUGHTER

You're intae it? What exactly are
you into, Darren? Do tell.

I just need a bit mair sleep.
Sleep?!

You're aboot to be a dad!

Sleep is just something
that other people dae noo.

You know what you could use?

What?

Da loved fishing.

Any time him or one of the
boys was getting stressed oot

or run doon, he'd take them
on a wee trip to the water.

Are you "intae it", Darren?

A wee fishing trip?

Go if you want!

I'll be busy saving
Vonny's Dance School.

Right. It's on.

Yes, man!

What are you nipping me for?
You didn't ask Vincent to go.

I-I was just a-assuming that Vincent
would be going.

Were you, aye?

You know I meant you as well,
didn't you, Vincent? Aye.

Och, aye aye, aye.

Aye, so he did.

Whenever Henry's in "Da' mode",
daein' guy stuff,

I'm an afterthought
and it bothers me.

I might be pretty on the ootside,

but on the inside, I'm a Spartan,

like my good mate, Gerry Butler.

Love to the family, Gerry.

I am so excited about helping
Vonny.

I've seen Riverdance live,
like, 17 times.

I could give her some good ideas.

One, two, three, four, five.

I'm working with my troupe
on a piece based on John Travolta's

mispronunciation of Idina Menzel's
name at the Oscars.

Whit?!

Wickedly talented.

Five, six...

Do you think that I got
to be Michael Ball's plus one

at Petula Clark's nephew's wedding

by slumping my shoulders
like you do?

Who brought a quarter pounder
into my church?

You, smelly arse.

If you could move properly,
you would have dodged that.

OK, maybe I do know
what my problem is.

I'm too soft on them.

Too soft?!

Vonny, you were way, way too hard.

Too hard?!

My dance teacher used to hit me
with a stick - back of the legs.

Crack like it was a horse.

Am I a horse?

Well, no.

Because horses are known
to be nice to wee lassies.

Some of the stuff you were saying
in there

was really, really horrible.

Can I have that, by the way?

Michael Ball seems like such
a lovely man.

Now, he would be appalled to know
that his name was being used

to terrorise children.

So you're saying I'm a monster?

Noo, we are going to be doing
some serious fishing.

You're playing with the big
boys now.

Oh, man. Thanks.

I want Henry to know that there's
mair to me than Frette bedsheets

and bespoke Italian loafers.

I know the wild.

I've got a rod.

Ah, but these things,

these things could
reel in a sperm whale.

HE LAUGHS

Sperm whale! Cheers, Vincent.

A man's got to be ready
for anything when he goes oot

to face that untamed beyond.
You know?

So that's why I got each of us...

..one of these.

Hey, we're going on a relaxing
fishing trip,

no' to hunt bears!

Paw Broon here thinks we're going to
the but an' ben.

Listen, you take it fae me.

A real man has to be ready
for any eventuality.

What eventuality are you ready for?
Fighting a predator?

Yes.

Good!

The plan...

Step one, get Vonny
to be less evil to the weans.

Good, good, better.

Step two, fire her up to be
furiously, obsessively competitive.

Ten-minute break.

Try not to get pregnant!

I know my pal well. Uh-huh.

Two things.

First thing, a wee show for all
the mammies and daddies

isnae going to fire up
Vonny Scott.

It's not. No.

Have you met our Vonny?

Big-heeded, big up-her-ain-arse
boot.

Oh, her.

Well, what will fire her up, then?

Competition!

Dance competitions are crass, tacky
and judged by imbeciles.

The only imbeciles that will judge
my dancers

are the imbeciles that will pay 150
quid

to watch an Andrew Lloyd Webber
show.

I'd pay double that to see
Starlight Express again.

They're people, right?

But they're actually trains.

No, I don't do competitions any
more.

And that is the missing ingredient.

Vonny Scott without competition
is like, like,

like a funky playlist without
Olly Murs.

What's the second thing?

A dance about how John Travolta
pronounced a name.

It's kind of... It's a lot of shite!

That show that you choreographed in
London.

The one that pure bombed - it was
a catastrophe, a disaster, a beamer.

And now you're trying to protect
yourself fae criticism

by daein' something that naebody
gets.

I didn't realise I was getting
two psychologists here.

We just want you to do something
that you think is great.

And put these lassies
intae competition tae win it.

They kind of nailed it.

What the hell?

Let's win something.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS

Hiya.

My name is Colette 20 Trophies.

Now, I'm sure Vonny here
has taught yous a lot

aboot technique, but technique
is only one in the four Ts.

The other three are teeth...
Like that.

Your tits and your tush.

SHE MAKES POPPING SOUND

Noo, "tush" is a dancin' word for
your arse.

Always, always have one of
the three Ts

pointed right at they judges'
faces - like that.

See? Come here, Laura.

Here.

That's it. Laura is going
to be a judge

and we are going to walk by
and hit her right in the face...

..wi' oor teeth, our tits
and our tush.

SHE MAKES POPPING NOISE
Get me?

Now, before we begin, a lot of you
might no' feel very beautiful.

You might feel that you're a funny
size, or a weird shape,

or you don't talk nice like the folk
aff the telly.

I'm here to tell you that you...

You are beautiful
and you are good enough.

And this stuck-up skinny boot o'
a judge is lucky

she even gets
to look at you.

Nae offence, Laura. None taken.

Right.

Now follow me as we walk by.

ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS

Teeth! Tits!

Tush!

Oh! Ho-ho-ho!

Are we winnin' this or what?

Good work. Excellent.

She's brilliant. Aye, she is.

The girls were really on it there!

It's good.

I was buzzing to get here
when I woke up

and I haven't felt that way about
work since I was in the West End.

That's so nice! And totally
hammering the classes...

Kind of spoiled it.

You are absolutely killing it,
Vonny!

And do you know what the most
exciting thing about all of this is?

What? That the world is finally
going to

see some new work from
Vonny Scott's.

Now, why did she have to go
and put it like that?

Mrs Scott, I'm really sorry,

but I won't be able to make
it to rehearsal on Thursday.

My mum says there's just stuff
going on. I won't be able to...

You don't come to the last
rehearsal, you don't do the show.

That's the rule.

I know! I'm sorry...

You represent me out there.

Do you want Michael Billington
calling my choreography

"bunglesome" in the art
section of The Guardian again?

No. So let me be clear.

You don't come on Thursday,

don't bother coming back
to my school. Out!

Vonny, that was really, really
cruel.

We've done the touchy-feely niceness
bit

and I'm playing to win now.

But that poor wee lassie might have
stuff going on at home.

Boo-hoo, betty-bloody-boo to the
betty-hoo!

Nobody knows more
about being a kid

with stuff going on at home
than I do.

And I still turned up on that stage.

But, Vonny...
Look, thanks for your help,

but I think I might just be able to
survive

without input
from cheesy and chav here.

Hey, I'm no' cheesy.

And chav is such a snobby thing
to say!

This isn't a collective.

It's a one-woman show.
And I will take it from here.

Now choreograph yourselves
out that door.

I'm in the third trimester,
you mad wolf!

Oh, I'm good to rumble! Colette...

Stay calm.

HE YAWNS

Are you seriously wearing that to go
fishing, Ace of Spades?

This is just how I look, Henry.

All the time.

You get much sleep last night?

No.

Colette wanted me to do the
Holy Trinity about 11.00.

The Holy Trinity?

Oh, tell me that isnae a sex
position.

No!

Burger King, KFC

and McDonald's at the Dumbarton
roundabout.

Oh.

CAR HORN HOOTS
Is that him?

That is him an' a'.

Ho-ho!

Who's your daddy?

Look at that!
The Venga bus is here, boys.

The Venga bus?

Oh, this isnae the vibe you were
meaning, is it, Henry?

Yes, man!

Here we go.

I'm always on call
for Vincent and Vonny.

I'm like a doctor and I always know
what to carry in my medicine bag.

And I don't mean narcotics.

As requested,

wine, Red Bull, Ferrero Rocher,
ashwagandha,

cigarettes, manuka honey,
caffeine pills and OXO cubes.

It's a disaster.

I said I would take charge
of everything, including wardrobe.

And I've forgotten to get
the sequins sewn on to the costumes.

We can manage. When's the
competition?

Tomorrow.

There are how many sequins?

10,000.

VINCENT AND HENRY: # Right on time

# Right on time

# Cos we're right on time

# Right on time

# Cos we're right on time... #

HE SIGHS HEAVILY

They were right.

This is what I've been running
from since London.

I mean, what if I put my heart
and soul into these girls

and people still say it's no good?

Then they can piss off!
What she said.

The heavy team are here.

I flashed the Scott signal.

I'll fetch the wine.

We have decided to forgive
a few ill-considered words

spoken in the heat of battle.

As long as it's a one-off. Aw.

This takes me back.

Vincent, use the lighter!

Hold!

Vincent, I'm no' sitting
freezing my dimsums aff

so you can prove your caveman
credentials.

Hold!

Whoa!

Oh!

Oh, man. Man created fire.

Oh. I stand corrected.

Bear Grylls there.

Maybe you were born for a life
in the wild efter a'.

He might be several rungs beneath me
on the financial ladder,

but he's still my big brother.

That meant the world to me.

We're all good again.

You know, stauner, as knackered
as you're feeling...

..it's a' worth it.

I still cannae believe
I'm going to be a da'.

It hasnae sunk in yet.
I still feel like a wee boy.

Only wee boy on the planet
wi' a beard

sponsored by Just For Men.

Well, being a da' makes a man of
you, that's for sure.

But before Jason came along,

it was like, what was I even
daein'?

You know? Aye. Kinda.

No' really.

It was like I was playing at life.
Ah.

Being a dad was a missing
piece of the puzzle.

That's the real stuff.

Aye, well, other stuff has value an'
a', Henry.

Aye. Aye. But no' like being
a da'.

There it is!

There's the thing that
I am lacking in Henry's eyes.

I'm no a da'.

So I cannae fully be a man.

Being a da', it gi'es you a focus.

It switches something on inside you.

Before that, you're like...

..an unplugged telly.

I wish somebody would unplug you.

Whit?!

Darren's come here to relax

and you just keep droning on
and on and on about fatherhood.

I'm saying it's good.
Will you let him enjoy

his last couple of months of peace?

Best years of his life!

Who nipped your nuggets?

Right, Darren.

Let's get a wee singsong on the go.

Oh, Erin,
and it's so nice to be doing

this with you again.

Oh, here she goes.

You'll have so many lovely wee
moments like this to look forward

to with your daughter, Colette.

Look at these magnificent women
coming together to make this happen.

I don't see those fingers
doing very much, Mrs Scott.

Come on.

6,534 to go.

Thanks for doing this, Eilidh.

Look at that, Colette!

Hugs, acceptance, support.

Hugs, acceptance and support have no
place in musical theatre.

When my dad died, my ma couldn't
afford the costumes.

And Margot, my dance teacher,
she bought everything for me.

My dance teacher was like a mum
to some of the girls.

She always used to say

she could see herself as a wee girl
in all of her dancers.

Ah! Well, I can't be like these
women.

I'm a different breed.

Dancing first, party second.

Empathy a distant 45th.

Well, I'm sure that you will find
a way to do it

that's right for you, Vonny.

Look at the sparkle on that.

By three in the morning, we'd done
ten costumes, 10,000 sequins.

And I don't think I saw Auntie Vonny
sew one of them.

A total legend.

OFF-KEY: # Someday you will find me

# Caught beneath the landslide

# In a champagne supernova
in the sky

# Someday you will find me

# Caught beneath the landslide... #

MUSIC FADES

Vonny, whether you win this or
not... Da-ah!

Winning is all that matters.

YAWNING

Where's Vincent?

You're meant to throw
them back.

Is that what we've come to?

Apologising to the things that we
hunt?

"Oh, I'm sorry.

"I was only kidding."

We were supposed to get up at 5.00
and go fishing the gither.

Aye, well, a real man doesn't
adhere to any schedule, Henry.

Aye, but you dae.

You've got to go back and watch
Vonny's dancing show.

And whit?

Real men support their wives, Henry.

You'd probably be like that.

"Rule one, a guy disnae watch
dancing."

As if I'm going to go and watch a
bunch o' wee lassies disco dancing!

Are you aff yer nut?

Boys, see whatever this is,
gonnae no' dae it?

You know what
the true test of a man is?

How long he can listen to your pish?
Combat.

LAUGHS: Combat!

You know that I can take you.

You can barely take a shite withoot
greetin'.

It seems like somebody's forgot
who's came oot on tap mair often!

You think I'm keeping score?

12-9 to me.
It's 13-10 to me, you asshole.

Aye, well, it will be all me fae
hereon in, won't it?

How's that? Because I'll be running
all over the tap

of a guy who, oh, cannae even lift a
couple of scaffolding poles.

Ow!

You want tae dae this? Boys...

I wouldnae want to shatter that
fragile, manly ego, Henry.

Oh, no.

Let's dae this.

I'll even give you a free
hit to start aff wi'.

There you are.

I'll even shut my eyes...

LOUD PUNCH

What are you daein'?!

You said I had a free hit.

Maybe you don't actually take
the free hit!

Naebody takes the free hit!

Hey, hey! Whit are you doin'?

There's one!

Hey, hey!

Hey, hey!

Enough!

I'm exhausted wi' yous!

A restful fishing trip?!

They said. Like their da' and uncles
used to have. They said.

You know one of the fears
that keeps me awake at night?

Wearing a long-sleeved shirt?

That I raise that wee lassie
and she turns oot like you lot!

Hating her family.

What are you talking aboot?
I love this big idiot!

And I love him.

You just attacked him using a fish
as a cosh!

And whit?

That's just what we dae.

Sometimes, oor love comes oot as
rage.

Could it no' come oot as
tenderness,

for once in your lives?

Will you please just tell us
what's wrong wi' you, Vincent?

Well, he doesnae think...

You don't think I'm a real man,
because I don't have weans.

I-I never said that.

I was just talking it up,
saying how it makes me feel.

I don't think any less of a guy
if he's no' get weans.

Sounded like you dae.

Aye, OK, OK.

Maybe it did, but, you know,

I'm an insensitive big donkey shaft
at times, right?

You and Vonny, you made
your decision

about what yous want in life.

I respect that.

What if that decision was a mistake?

What if it's not a new
Vincent I need? What if it's...?

What if it's a wee Vincent?

I'm no' being sexist there,
by the way.

If I had a wee lassie,
I'd call her Vincent an' a'.

You can only talk to Vonny.
I cannae' talk to her aboot this.

Everything is coming together for
Vonny noo.

I cannae drop something like this on
her.

Then you'll need to accept
your choice.

Look at this. Look at this!

Oh...

I'm sorry I didn't fling you back
in, wee Sachs.

I'm pretending to be somebody
I'm no'.

Come on, come wi' me.

Here we go.

Here we are.

Hame'll dae me. Hame'll dae me.

Here we are.

Hey! Hey, look!

He's all right! He's good.

That's him away!

That's him away!

APPLAUSE

I want you to go out there

and I want you to show those other
wee bitches

what it means to wear the words

"Vonny Scott's
School of Dance" on your chest.

Five, six, seven, eight.
ALL: Vonny Scott's!

Mrs Scott. Mrs Scott, I'm so sorry.
Flora.

I've been living with my gran
just now and she stays far away.

And my mum and dad aren't coming
to see me

because they've...

Before, all I could see was a toe
not pointed,

a chin too low or too many of said
chins.

But now I see myself in those kids.

Flora.

My mum and dad used to break up
all the time and it was hard.

So I'd use my dancing as a way
to forget about

all the bad things in the world.

So maybe if you did that,

you might just feel a little bit
better, even just for a wee while.

And all I want you to do is just go
out there and enjoy yourself.

Go show the world what you can do.

Knock 'em dead, kid.

And don't forget about the three Ts!

CHEERING

You made it!

We are the Vonny Scott
School of Dance.

And this piece is called
Colette at the Plaza, 1995.

Oh, my God!

THUNDER RUMBLES

CHEERING

COLETTE: Go on yersel'!

MUSIC: Set You Free
by N-Trance

# When I hold you, baby

# Feel your heartbeat close to me

# Wanna stay in your arms forever

# Only love can set you free

# When I wake each morning... #

Flora is amazing!

# Only love can set you free... #

Vonny Scott?

Vonny Scott's my wife.

# Set you free... #

Cannae believe she named
it efter me, Darren.

Darren... Darren!

CHEERING

CHAMPAGNE CORK POPS

CHEERING

A glass of champagne!

VINCENT: Beautiful.

Oh, here you go. Thank you.

For you, Vonny...

I'm just so proud of you.

DANCERS: Teeth, tits and tush!

Look at them!
Oh, it makes my heart swell.

Hopefully, not too much.

It's probably pretty enlarged
with all the partying.

You know, you gave them
this, Vonny. You!

Well, your sister and Laura helped.

They woke up this kind of maternal
side in me.

What do you mean?

I know now what I'm needing
to make me feel complete.

Oh, Vonny, I think I know as well.

It's these girls.

It's the school.

I'm ready to do the work.

Vonny, let's go celebrate.
All right. Ha-ha!

CHEERING

You know, for a minute,
I thought she meant...

Nah.

I cannae say a word aboot wantin'
a wean.

DANCERS: Vonny Scott!
Oh, I'm so proud of you!

CHEERING

No tae that beautiful, wild creature
I was lucky enough to catch.

DARREN SNORES

I'm intae it!

I've booked this lovely country
house up north

to throw a party for Vonny.

It's Christmas.

No, it's my birthday.

Aye, the blind guy will take the
stairs.

Is this an insurance job?

Ronnie, I'm 35 weeks pregnant.

36.

I'm no' going to be shunted
to the side for the likes of Laura.

That's nice. Nice?!

It's like the room in a horror film
they keep the mad woman in!

Argh!

You stressing aboot this wean
coming, Darren?

I'm freaking out. Look at me, I ran
away into the forest. Argh!

Vonny, I thought you were a bear.

Any chance you could dish
up the pudding now, Laura?

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