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This programme contains adult humour
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Laura, if I can just staywith you a week or so,
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just so I can figure outwhat's next.
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I am a single man noo.
5
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What you need is a Vinny night.
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Love this one, man!
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Right, that is it.
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Next plane out that airport,wherever it's going,
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I'm on it!
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There she is.
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I wanted to see you tonightto give you this.
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HE STAMMERS
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I need tae win my wife back.
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I just want to be the manyou deserve me to be.
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Vincent, I love you.
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SHE SIGHS
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SHE SIGHS LOUDER
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Aye?
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That was my ma.
20
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She says her pal seen
Vincentand Vonny cutting aboot
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looking all loved up.
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Cool.
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"Cool"?
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We're supposed to be the cute
couplethat people talk aboot, Darren.
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We are wee cutie pies.
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Except I don't feel cute,
27
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because I'm so frustratedwith
how long you're taking
28
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to build my recording studio.
29
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I'm wanting to make it properly,but look.
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A makeshift recording booth.
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Are you seriously gonnae staunthere
with that mad Uruk-hai haircut
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and tell me that I've to record
mymasterpiece under a �10 Asda duvet?
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It isnae the tools, Colette.
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It's the artist.
35
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But Beyonce didnae recordSingle
Ladies under a spare quilt
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wi a big korma stain on it!
37
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,639
Well, this isnae very cute, is it?
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Och, I know.I know and I'm sorry.
39
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Relationships can really
sufferin this industry of mine.
40
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Aye.
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What industry's that?
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The music industry.
43
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But we cannae let itget in between you and me.
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Never!
45
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We need tae get backtae working oan us,
46
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and then WE'LL be the coupleoan everybody's lips.
47
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I don't need tae beoan everybody's lips.
48
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Just yours.
49
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Everybody's in a reallygood place right now.
50
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Vincent and Vonny are happierthan ever
51
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and Colette and Darren are...
52
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What?
53
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,799
Hello?
54
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,320
What?
55
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:40,520
Where is he?
56
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Henry had an accident at work.
57
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A bad yin.
58
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A wall collapsed.
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We all rushed doon to
that hospitallike the Broons.
60
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I mean, I don't want to
sayI was thinking the worst,
61
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but I could hear the hollow
hoovesof the horses of the dead.
62
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Hey, what's all the drama?
63
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:08,159
Concussion, spinal fracture,shoulder crushed,
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a few weeks in hospital, I'm
gonnaebe aff my work for a while.
65
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I'm actually looking forward to it.
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Ha-ha! Aye, right!
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SHE CHUCKLES
68
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Welcome home!
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Hey!Hey!
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MOIRA: He's like his faither,
cannae just sit and be.
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Laura's in for a lovely time.
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Oh, "welcome home"!
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He's right proud of it.Aye.
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I'm sure, if we keep him occupied,he'll be fine.
75
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So, I got you the Sharpe box set.
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Yes! Sean Bean!
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The Bean Machine.
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00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,999
Watching box sets. Cannae wait.
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00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,839
Oh, and I went through some
of mybooks to see if there's anything
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00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,559
you might fancy. He won't
readFifty Shades Of Grey, Mum.
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00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,359
No, but there'sa Rod Stewart autobiography.
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Rod the bod.
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Reading books. Been saying
for yearsI need tae read mair.
84
00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:05,359
Brilliant.
85
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,799
I brought the PlayStation doonfor you as well.
86
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,799
Oh, yes, man!
87
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,239
You got Fifa?Please!
88
00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,719
Dark Souls.
89
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:14,959
Whit's that?
90
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:18,039
You kill demons and you
empoweryourself with their souls.
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00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,759
Brilliant. Was I no sayingthat
I should get into something
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00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,599
where I get my soul empoweredby a demon?
93
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Don't you worry aboot me.
94
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:27,599
I can adapt to any situation.
95
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I'm flexible.
96
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Flexible?!
97
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He's as rigid as Iron Man on Viagra.
98
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,519
This is gonnae be great, man.
99
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This accident wasa blessing in disguise.
100
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:39,770
Ah!
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MUSIC PLAYS FROM TV
102
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Oh, yes, man!
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00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,799
Never get the chancetae watch Loose Women.
104
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,279
He'll be fine.
105
00:04:50,280 --> 00:04:55,439
Now, on the plus side,we
two have had a great few weeks.
106
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,599
We have.
107
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,399
But there is one piece ofunfinished business
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that I need to dealwith before I can go all in.
109
00:05:02,721 --> 00:05:06,799
I just think it's amazing
thata woman of your generation
110
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,439
thinks that flirting with the boss
111
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is an acceptable partof the job description.
112
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,999
But in my defence,it wasn't genuine flirting,
113
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,159
it was a routine, it was a bit.
114
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,399
It was a bit...sickening.
115
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Absolutely. Noted.
116
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But I have someconstructive suggestions.
117
00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,159
Oh, there's a notepad.Mm-hm.
118
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,359
I've identified some workplacebanter
that we can eliminate.
119
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,000
Darling, notepad away.
120
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,279
I know who isreally running that place,
121
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:36,080
and it is not Bonnie Prince Vinny.
122
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,999
You are good at your job.
123
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And you have gota lovely-shaped head.
124
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,319
And I have saidwhat is needed said,
125
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so why don't we let bygonesbe bygones?
126
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Absolutely.
127
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I am 100% Team Vincent and
Vonnyfrom this point forward.
128
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,240
I mean, you two are justabsolute couple goals.
129
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,439
See? That's what I'm talking aboot.
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00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,879
WE are meant to be couple goals.
131
00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:05,479
Now, your first assignmentis to call us an Uber
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so we can go for lunch.
133
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,439
And how did the lunch go?
134
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Put it this way - it was stillhappening
at 2:00 in the morning.
135
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,240
She's my protege now.
136
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:26,359
Mind, just a wee spot of milkfor me, Laura.
137
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,840
I know.
138
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:31,839
Careful.
139
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I'm being careful.
140
00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,800
Oh, no, no!
141
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That's way too much.
142
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MOIRA SIGHS
143
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When you're trying to keep positiveat home,
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there are certain people
you hopewill pop in for a visit.
145
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,520
And then there's Moira.
146
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,879
You've got a long roadof
suffering ahead of you, son.
147
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Naw. I'm making good progress.
148
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:06,839
He's got an excellent nurse.
149
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:11,999
A man's no supposed tae be in
thehoose with his woman all day long.
150
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"His woman"?
151
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HE CHUCKLES"His woman"!
152
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Trapped.
153
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,479
Cannae dae anything but think.
154
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I love thinking.
155
00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:24,599
Ha-ha!
156
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:29,359
Like your da,alone wi your ain thoughts.
157
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,240
Mm-hm. That's your worst nightmare.
158
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Well, he's not alone.
159
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He's got his woman.
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Doesnae take a man long
161
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before he starts thinkingof
his wife as Nurse Ratched.
162
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,639
I'm Nurse Ratched?
163
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,319
Moira, you're the one who's
tryingto give us the shock treatment.
164
00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,439
I'm just trying to prepare youfor what's to come.
165
00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:52,039
How?
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00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,599
Whit's tae come?
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It's gonnae be like The Shiningin
here, that's what's tae come.
168
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:02,560
Any chance you can make mea cup of tea, Laura?
169
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:05,800
That's like baby tea.
170
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:13,079
I had to nurse your faitherfor
a month after his car accident.
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00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,159
I could have staved his skull inwi an iron.
172
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,799
Laura could never dae that.Naw.
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She doesnae know what an ironlooks like.
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THEY LAUGH
175
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Let me run something by you.
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Yoga teacher.
177
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,040
Henry?
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Murder.
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00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:37,839
What?
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00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:39,200
Murder.
181
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:44,039
No seeing what's going on at work.
182
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,919
That's understandable,
but you're supposed to be...
183
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,679
Mibbe I should just popdoon the site...
184
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,559
No. You're off your work,
Henry,you're recovering.
185
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HE SIGHSLaura, you don't get it.
186
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,439
A building site withoot a gafferis like a dug
187
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,760
with the world's most
delicious bawsand nae tongue.
188
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,839
Gross.
189
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,679
I should just take a wee driveower...
190
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,160
I hid your car keys.
191
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,519
Why would you dae that?
192
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,920
In case you tried drivingwith one arm and died.
193
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,399
My ma was wrang.
194
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,879
It isnae The Shining in here,it's Misery.
195
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,719
You're Misery.
196
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,199
The woman in miserywas
called Annie Wilkes, actually,
197
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,479
so that doesn't make sense.
198
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,799
That wee bit of water
damageon the bathroom ceiling
199
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,519
is pissing me off as well.
200
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:32,239
Normally, I would have dealtwith
that the day that I saw it.
201
00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,799
I know,but if it's really bothering you,
202
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,800
we can always just get a man in.
203
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:39,839
Oops.
204
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,319
Oh, Laura, doll.
205
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,319
"Get a man in"?
206
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,679
"Get a man in"?!
207
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:49,719
Dae you know when a man will
come intae dae work in my hoose?
208
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,400
When I am deid and buried.
209
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:59,359
Is that you trying to storm out?Aye!
210
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,220
Do you want me to slam the doorfor you?
211
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,359
There's lots of things Dad
can't dofor himself right now.
212
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:06,880
The family has to step up.
213
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,239
Your turn.
214
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,639
My turn for what?
215
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,079
Wipe his arse.
216
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,039
What, my da's?
217
00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,359
You know he can't do it himself.
218
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:20,839
Ugh!
219
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:22,639
I hadn't put two and two thegither.
220
00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:23,719
Really?
221
00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:26,079
It can't be me and Mum every time.It's sexist.
222
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:28,319
Oh, man.
223
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,239
Will he bend over for me, or...?
224
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:31,640
Oh, man!
225
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,039
Da, it's Jason.
226
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,420
Do you want me to come in yet?
227
00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:40,760
Come in for whit?
228
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:43,600
To clean your bum.
229
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:45,959
BLEEP off!
230
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,680
SHE LAUGHSOh!
231
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,839
HE MUTTERS
232
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,600
HE SIGHS
233
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:02,639
Argh!
234
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:06,319
When Henry got out of
hospital,I wanted to celebrate,
235
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,759
so I invited Colette and
Darrenand Vincent and Vonny
236
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,359
for a wee dinner party.
237
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,799
It's come up on us really quickand, well,
238
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,399
I'm not sure he's in the right frameof mind
239
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,319
to do the whole family thing.
240
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:23,260
Fed up daeing nothing aboot here.
I want tae make the risotto.
241
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:26,280
Fine.
242
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,600
Onions and butter in the pan.
243
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:32,940
Let me know when the ricestarts to turn clear.
244
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,599
Right, boil the rice first?
245
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,400
Just stir the dry riceinto the buttery onions.
246
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:41,959
Dry rice?
247
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,439
Ye daft?
248
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,840
Stir the dry riceinto the buttery onions.
249
00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:49,199
I'll boil the rice first.
250
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,479
Stir the dry riceinto the buttery onions!
251
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,519
Do not boil that race.
252
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:57,239
Boiling is how rice has been madesince day dot.
253
00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,119
That's how the Virgin Maryhad her biryani.
254
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,879
Well, you'll be able to ask herfor
her recipe in person in a minute
255
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,960
if you do not get outof my kitchen!
256
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,999
Who knows what's going onat that hoose?
257
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,960
I cannae wait tae find oot.
258
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:21,479
Noo, remember, this isnae justaboot
oor feelings for each other.
259
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,359
Aye.
260
00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:24,639
What else is it aboot again?
261
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:27,559
It's aboot other people knowingthat
we are mair intae each other
262
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:29,679
than certain other peopleare intae each other.
263
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,119
You mean Vincent and Vonny?Aye.
264
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,959
We're the ones that are couplegoals,
the hot, sexy couple,
265
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,279
and we'll prove it the night.
266
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,639
SHE KNOCKSAt a family dinner?
267
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,279
If he kisses her, you get
yourtongue right doon my throat.
268
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,479
If he strokes her airm,you squeeze my arse.
269
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,279
There he is!Hi.
270
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:47,640
Aw, come here.
271
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,960
Right, ow, ow.Sorry.
272
00:12:55,421 --> 00:13:00,759
What's that you're wearingunder
your waistcoat, Darren?
273
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,199
Would it be a vest, by any chance?
274
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,439
Aye.
275
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,239
You planning on daeing a wee
bit ofMortal Kombat between courses?
276
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,399
I just like my arms to be free.
277
00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:10,799
And your oxters.
278
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,679
I like when he wears wee vests.
279
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:14,799
Reminds me of Tupac Shakur.
280
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,240
Aye, Two Bob Shakur.Gie me your coat.
281
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,199
Oh, there they are!
282
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,919
Hey!Hiya.
283
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,799
Hi, darling, how you doing?How you doing?
284
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,359
So, er, how's the music careergoing, Colette?
285
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:33,879
Oh, brilliant.
286
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:37,439
Just started working on a weebreathy
Selena Gomez-style track.
287
00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:39,159
Selena Gonad, mair like.
288
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,639
THEY LAUGH
289
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,159
Nah, I'm only joking.
290
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,279
I dae like a wee breathy numbermyself, actually.
291
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:47,439
Oh, he does. Wouldn't
be the firsttime he said to me,
292
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,839
BREATHY VOICE: talk to methat breathy way.
293
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,759
BREATHY VOICE: We dae that.
294
00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,140
Darren loves it when I dae it.
295
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,879
Dae I?
296
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,839
I just, er, brush his earwi my lips
297
00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,879
and it really gets him going.
298
00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,039
That's too shrill to be sexy.
299
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:06,440
It's got to be breathy, but smoky.
300
00:14:07,640 --> 00:14:10,039
CROAKY VOICE: That's the wayI dae it.
301
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:13,960
I've been on the Benson & Hedgesdiet, dead deep.
302
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,840
Tell them how much it turns you on,Darren.
303
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,160
A lot.
304
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,879
NORMAL VOICE: Well...
305
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,279
Oh!
306
00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:27,560
Rose.
307
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,959
You all right?
308
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,200
Aye.
309
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:39,680
Ah, good chat.
310
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:47,440
HE SIGHS
311
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,480
Come on.
312
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,000
HE SIGHS
313
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:05,600
Argh!
314
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,200
It's the wee things that kill ye.
315
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,319
Hiya, doll, how are you?
316
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,679
Mm.
317
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,319
Mm, is it all getting a wee
bitWhat Ever Happened To Baby Jane?
318
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,999
Cracking film.
319
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,320
Hi, Darren.
320
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,759
LAUGHTER FROM NEXT ROOM
321
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:32,479
Can be a bit much when they allget together, eh?
322
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:33,840
A bit.Mm.
323
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,759
Do you know? I think it is timethat Darren joined
324
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,839
our Sisterhood Of The Barely
CopingWith The Stupid Loud Family.
325
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:45,200
Hand in. Sisters. Sisters.
326
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:48,199
Sisters.
327
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,480
ALL: Whoo!
328
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,439
Mm. I've heard that having a
bitof muscle can be really beneficial
329
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,279
to your health as you get older.That's true.
330
00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,079
Mm. So, if I wanted to add muscle...
331
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,559
No, wait a minute.
332
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,959
I'm no sure I would be intae that.
333
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:17,919
How? I see lassies on Instagramdaeing weights.
334
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,039
I think it's a really sexy look.
335
00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,119
It is.Er, whit? It is?
336
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,159
How, who have you seenthat looks sexy?
337
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:26,719
The trap is sprung.
338
00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:28,100
She's got you there, Darren.
339
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,000
I just meant it is as in...
340
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,119
..it is. Like, what's the
pointin worrying aboot anything
341
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,879
when everything just...
342
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:37,960
..it is?
343
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:40,719
He's a philosopher noo.
344
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,039
The bold Cockrates ower there.
345
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,079
With everything rosy in the gardenwith Vincent,
346
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,759
it means that I can devote
myselfmore fully to one of
347
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,000
my favourite pastimes -winding up Colette.
348
00:16:51,001 --> 00:16:54,919
So, Darren, I was thinking
thatI could come to your gym
349
00:16:54,920 --> 00:16:57,559
and you could show mesome good form. No.
350
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:59,639
Why not, Colette?
351
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:03,039
Well, because you shouldnaedo
business with family.
352
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:04,479
What are you talking aboot?
353
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,039
Vonny's money is betteraff
going into Darren's pocket.
354
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,879
His client list is full right noo.
355
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:10,079
Naw.
356
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,640
Er, Darren, "it is".
357
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,279
Laura, you were talking aboutteaching yoga.
358
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,599
I was. Namaste.
359
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,879
Well, you should bookan appointment with Darren.
360
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,639
I'm sure he could help youget
deeper into your downward dug.
361
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,000
Naw.
362
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,400
You just said that the moneywould
be better off in his pocket.
363
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,999
Well, you shouldnae dae businesswith family.
364
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,919
Anyway, if anybody is trainingwi
Darren, it should be Henry.
365
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:39,399
It would be good for him.
366
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,359
I'd rather get another
tonneof rubble dropped on me.
367
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:44,439
I have thought it wouldhave been murder for you,
368
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:45,959
being laid up like this.
369
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,079
Stopped short of murder so far.
370
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,800
He's normally so...
371
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,359
I don't want to say controlling,
372
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:55,719
but that's definitely the word.
373
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,159
And noo he cannae evencontrol his airm
374
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,959
into the sleeve of his ain jumper.
375
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,999
Isn't it ironic?
376
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,439
Hey!
377
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,879
BOTH: It's like rainon your wedding day
378
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:14,959
It's a free ridewhen you've already paid...
379
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,039
THEY CACKLE
380
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:20,759
It's weird seeing yous twopure loved up.
381
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,919
Aye, that's wan word for that.
382
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,479
It's like that bit in The Exorcist
383
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,119
when the wee lassie walks doonthe
stair backwards, like a crab.
384
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,759
It's just no right.
385
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,039
Aye, is that right?
386
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:33,279
Well, things have been going
so wellin the bedroom lately,
387
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,999
I'm surprised Vonny isnae the
onewalking aboot backwards like a crab.
388
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,599
VONNY LAUGHS
389
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,479
Well, I'm surprised I can walkat
all maist of the time, actually.
390
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,159
Jesus Christ!
391
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:44,359
My sexy ex-dentist.
392
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:48,239
Aye, you got a wee cavityyou're
needing filled there?
393
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,720
Oh, boak!
394
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,520
HE MIMICS VOMITING
395
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,719
Mm-hm.
396
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:57,919
VONNY: Mm, this is delicious, Laura.
397
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:02,560
Hey, would you like my last bithere, delicious?
398
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,079
Oh, yes, please.
399
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:08,120
Mm.Mm.
400
00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:10,920
BOTH: Mm!
401
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,479
BOTH: Mm!
402
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,199
Darren.Mm?
403
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,679
Can I have your last bit?
404
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,639
My last bit of what?
405
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,759
Dinner.
406
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,599
These wee bits of rice?
407
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:25,920
Aye.
408
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,239
Naw, naw, naw.
409
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:33,000
Wi your fingers, Darren.
410
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,160
PLATE SQUEAKS
411
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,799
Oh, wonderful!
412
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,119
Wonderful.
413
00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:56,919
So great to have yous here,
having this sexy couple tournament,
414
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,439
or whatever it is.
415
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,519
Obviously, we need to join in,Laura.
416
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,279
Obviously, we don't.
417
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:08,760
There we are. Do you want
to licksome of this aff my airm?
418
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,720
We cannae be the boring wans again.
419
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,519
Fine, fine.
420
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:15,959
Mm!
421
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,319
Oh!
422
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:18,999
Oh, Laura!
423
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,479
Mm!
424
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,359
Mm! Oh!
425
00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,640
Mm!
426
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:27,480
Who's sexy noo?
427
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,799
Is it you?
428
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:32,359
Yous are actually an embarrassment.
429
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:35,199
Yeah, I'm embarrassed for meright now.
430
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,279
Aye, well, maybe if you
sobered upfor two minutes,
431
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,599
you'd realise you have
a lotto be embarrassed aboot.
432
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,239
Oh, he's letting loose tonight!
433
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,519
Aye, nearly as looseas his hair weave.
434
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,839
Hey, I'm an innocent bystander here.
435
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,479
"Oh, my hair plugs didnae take,Henry!
436
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,239
"Oh, my da didnae love me!
437
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,959
"Oh, my wife hates me!"
438
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,439
You're insufferable, mate!
439
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,719
Wait.
440
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:55,999
My da didnae love me?
441
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,079
And we're supposed to allbe
so happy that you and Vonny
442
00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,239
are in love again.
443
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,959
Yay! Bullshit!
444
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,079
We all know that yous
will be ateach other's throats
445
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:07,359
in a week's time.
446
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:08,799
He's nailed it there.
447
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,359
Oh, I've got plenty of nails
for youas well, ya mad Terrahawk.
448
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:12,719
There's a nail.
449
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,679
This donkey scrotumstretched
ower an Action Man here
450
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,919
is getting his jaw spuntae
fund your music career?
451
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:21,039
Er, a sound investment.
452
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,599
You're 36!
453
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,319
You're no gonnae be a pop star.
454
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:27,119
At best, you'll be daeing Adeletribute
nights doon the Masonic.
455
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,599
I'd go to that.
456
00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,639
I think you should have mairrespect
for your sister's talents.
457
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,639
And I think you should
havemair respect for sleeves.
458
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,959
You're too auldand your music is shite.
459
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:41,479
Get a job!
460
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:46,559
And yous, your marriage is
a jokeand you're a pair of fannies.
461
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:47,799
Get a divorce.
462
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,160
Enough!
463
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,360
Blood running doon the walls.
464
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,759
I think I'll just go and pourmyself
an enormous glass of wine
465
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,800
and leave you to sit hereand
feel sorry for yourself.
466
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:05,320
DARREN EXHALES
467
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,560
Just like his daddy.
468
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,639
I was out of order.
469
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,639
I'm the one that's meantto
keep this family thegither.
470
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:20,200
I cannae be lashing oot at them.
471
00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:24,359
But there was a wee bit
mairgoing on with my condition
472
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,000
than I had let on.
473
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:35,679
I saw the doctor today.
474
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,199
She's no convinced I'llbe
back on the building site.
475
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,599
Ah, right.
476
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,000
I havenae told your mum yet.
477
00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:45,520
Been keeping it bottled up.
478
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,639
That in there was you bottled up?
479
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,120
HE CHUCKLES
480
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,999
Straight oot of schoolintae an apprenticeship.
481
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,399
Loved being up on the roofs.
482
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:03,959
Early in the morning, sun
rising,you can see the whole city.
483
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,359
You're a working man,
484
00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:10,039
Every minute that goes by,you're
making money for your family,
485
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,560
it is the best feeling.
486
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:13,879
HE SIGHS
487
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,760
The only days I ever missed
my workwas for you two arriving.
488
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:23,800
If I'm no working...
489
00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:27,760
..I don't know who I am.
490
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,959
I don't know Dad at work.
491
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:35,440
I only know Dad at home.
And that's the Dad I love.
492
00:23:35,441 --> 00:23:39,919
This is selfish, but when I
heardyou were gonnae be in the house
493
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,479
for a while, I was happy.
494
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:42,999
HE CHUCKLES
495
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:43,639
Why?
496
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,119
Because this might be mylast summer at home
497
00:23:46,120 --> 00:23:49,400
and it's extra time with
youI would never have had.
498
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,010
HE SIGHS
499
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,399
Mon. Let's go.
500
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:00,759
There's music to be faced.
501
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,039
HE SIGHS
502
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,319
Hopefully no Aunt Colette's.
503
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,039
Yass!HE CHUCKLES
504
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,079
Oh, there's nothing quite
likethat slow, guilty walk
505
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:13,280
back into the room after you'vetore
your entire family a new hole.
506
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,960
It wisnae good newsat the doctor the day, Laura.
507
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,800
Right, get a beer in whatever
haunof his still works.
508
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,079
HE SIGHS
509
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,400
What she actually saidwas that...
510
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,919
..it's likely that I'll never...
511
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:42,640
..scaffold again.
512
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,240
Oh, Henry. Are you OK?
513
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,079
No really.
514
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,600
I'm sorry.
515
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,280
I'm sorry, everybody.
516
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:00,040
SHE LAUGHS
517
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,559
I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
518
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:07,439
It's just that sentence.
519
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,919
"I'll never scaffold again"!
520
00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,599
SHE LAUGHS
521
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:13,079
Aye, it was mibbe a bit much.
522
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,559
"Oh, I'll never roughcast again."
523
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:17,879
LAUGHTER
524
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:22,799
"I'll never pull another
slateaff an old school roof."
525
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,359
LAUGHTER
526
00:25:24,360 --> 00:25:27,999
"Oh, I'll never, erm, scaffold...
527
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,400
"..planks of wood..."
528
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,040
Naw. Blew it.
529
00:25:33,041 --> 00:25:36,039
Henry, this is youwe're talking aboot.
530
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:37,919
They could chop your armsand legs off
531
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:41,159
and you'd still be puttingup
scaffolding with your teeth.
532
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,599
Colette, I shouldnae be sayingthat
stuff aboot your music.
533
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:45,799
I'll say it.
534
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,639
I should be supportingmy sister's passion.
535
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:53,359
Henry, do you think I take anythingyou
say aboot my songs seriously?
536
00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:56,720
You think music endedwhen
Champagne Supernova faded oot.
537
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,519
And yous, if yous have rekindledthe fire,
538
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,519
I shouldnae be pouring cauld wateroan it.
539
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:04,479
Mate, the way we are these days,
540
00:26:04,480 --> 00:26:07,279
it's a bucket of cauld water
we'reneeding flung oan us.
541
00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:10,240
Like a pair of dugs, man.Forget aboot it!
542
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:13,119
Understood.
543
00:26:13,120 --> 00:26:14,399
Forgiven.
544
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,239
HE CLICKS FINGERSJust like that.
545
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,920
That's family.
546
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,100
Maybe they're the wans thatare couple goals.
547
00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:29,679
Right, who's for a wee bitof tequila?
548
00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:30,759
A wee bit?
549
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,639
When I start on tequila, I do
notstop until I'm eating the worm.
550
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,359
That's no way to talk aboutVincent's willy.
551
00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,119
Oh-ho-ho!Ho-ho!
552
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:39,879
Laura Scott!
553
00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:42,119
Ya dirty wee midden!
554
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,639
Oh, I'm sorry, Vincent.
555
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:44,959
Naw, naw, naw, naw, naw.
556
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,199
Actually, I'm quite happy thatyou've
brought things round to me
557
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,079
here, Laura, because I actually
havesomething to say myself tonight.
558
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,280
Erm...
559
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:56,479
..Vondella Scott...
560
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,799
Her name's Vondella?
561
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,119
..will you...SHE GASPS
562
00:27:01,120 --> 00:27:03,919
..marry me again?
563
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:07,079
Oh, Vincent! Yes! Oh!
564
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,279
Oh!Oh! Look at this!
565
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,039
Look at this! Come and see, comeand
see, come and see, come and see,
566
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:15,039
come and see, come and see.Look at this.
567
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:17,560
Jason, get through here,we're having a party!
568
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:28,360
Baby Jane, don't leave
mehanging on the line...
569
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:31,839
I didnae see that comingfae the bold yin.
570
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:34,559
Didnae see any of this coming.
571
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,439
..no-one to talk to...
572
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,479
Absolutely amazing.Isn't it?
573
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:40,239
Look at the size of it.I know! Look at that.
574
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,199
I'll tell you who else didn'tsee it coming -
575
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:44,839
Moira.
576
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,399
Or was she talking aboutthat
version of The Shining where
577
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:51,720
Jack Nicholson sings Rod Stewarton
karaoke with his family?
578
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,639
I used to think you wereon my side
579
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:59,040
But now I'm no longer...
580
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,279
I'm late.
581
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:02,519
Late for whit?
582
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,999
You don't need to take that jobfor my benefit.
583
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,319
I never thought you'd turn
intosuch an unsupportive...
584
00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:09,439
..shite.
585
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,839
Oh, she's swearing at me noo.
586
00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:13,519
It's the big day!
587
00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:17,039
This is your seat here,
right beside my da's chinos.
588
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,399
SHE GASPS
589
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,480
Oh, my God, Vonny, you look amazing!
590
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,559
Vincent, whit's wrang?You got cauld feet?
591
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,840
Uncle Vincent's refusing tocome out the swan.
592
00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:30,000
There we go.
593
00:28:30,050 --> 00:28:34,600
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