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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,458 --> 00:00:02,715 Your Honor, Mr. Crane is charged 2 00:00:02,715 --> 00:00:04,725 with disorderly conduct after forcing his way 3 00:00:04,766 --> 00:00:06,023 into the kitchen at Chez Louie 4 00:00:06,064 --> 00:00:08,871 and demanding to sanitize his dishes. 5 00:00:10,169 --> 00:00:11,467 Disorderly conduct? 6 00:00:11,508 --> 00:00:13,896 As a man with OCD, my client is incapable 7 00:00:13,937 --> 00:00:16,785 of being disorderly, according to these five 8 00:00:16,826 --> 00:00:19,465 hermetically sealed doctor's notes. 9 00:00:20,595 --> 00:00:22,647 Humanity is in a silent war with germs, 10 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,285 and we're losing. Losing! 11 00:00:26,123 --> 00:00:28,217 Mr. Crane, only the Board of Health 12 00:00:28,259 --> 00:00:30,101 is allowed to burst into a kitchen unannounced, 13 00:00:30,143 --> 00:00:32,823 and even they would frown upon Windexing vegetables. 14 00:00:33,828 --> 00:00:36,006 Hm, $100 fine and community ser... 15 00:00:36,047 --> 00:00:37,680 Where is my gavel? 16 00:00:40,026 --> 00:00:41,407 - [GAVEL BANGS] - You smell good. 17 00:00:41,449 --> 00:00:44,548 Like a dirty martini with a Lemon Pledge twist. 18 00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:48,693 Up next, the people versus Clark Everett. 19 00:00:48,735 --> 00:00:53,049 Y... Ah, Sorry, Judge. My knees are killing me! 20 00:00:53,091 --> 00:00:55,268 I play catcher in "Damn Yankees." 21 00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:56,943 Well, it's my church's production, 22 00:00:56,985 --> 00:00:59,036 so it's "Dang Yankees." 23 00:00:59,079 --> 00:01:01,214 Well, put 'er there. 24 00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:03,559 Your honor, with all due respect 25 00:01:03,602 --> 00:01:06,574 to Nathan Lame over there... 26 00:01:06,617 --> 00:01:08,542 isn't it time we got ourselves a permanent clerk? 27 00:01:08,584 --> 00:01:11,181 Or at least one who's not in a play that is so off-Broadway 28 00:01:11,222 --> 00:01:14,405 it is no longer technically theater? 29 00:01:14,447 --> 00:01:17,379 Actually, we're not off Broadway or on Broadway. 30 00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:19,053 We're under it. 31 00:01:20,519 --> 00:01:22,361 No one wants a killer clerk more than me, 32 00:01:22,404 --> 00:01:24,790 but with budget cuts, there's been a hiring freeze. 33 00:01:24,832 --> 00:01:26,717 - [GROANS] - Also a coffee-cup freeze. 34 00:01:26,758 --> 00:01:28,391 We have to bring mugs from home now. 35 00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:30,318 Made it for my mom in fifth grade. 36 00:01:30,359 --> 00:01:32,747 She asked if we could turn it back into clay 37 00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:35,301 because at least clay has potential. 38 00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:38,274 Uh, it's not so bad. We're making it work. 39 00:01:38,316 --> 00:01:41,499 - [THUD] - [PEOPLE GASP] 40 00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:44,178 Also, to save money, they put our lights on a motion detector 41 00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,900 that doesn't detect motion. 42 00:01:46,942 --> 00:01:49,036 Alright, everybody! Headlamps! 43 00:01:54,396 --> 00:01:57,032 Let the record show it isthat bad! 44 00:02:05,064 --> 00:02:06,301 So, what are we looking for? 45 00:02:06,341 --> 00:02:08,593 Because if it's rats, we can stop. 46 00:02:09,593 --> 00:02:12,303 They cut our handcuff budget, so I need duct tape. 47 00:02:12,344 --> 00:02:14,178 Of course, they do it after the holidays 48 00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:17,847 when everyone's all bloated with thick wrists. 49 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,806 What is Joltron Cola? 50 00:02:19,847 --> 00:02:22,557 [GASPS] Joltron! I remember this! 51 00:02:22,599 --> 00:02:25,433 It has enough caffeine to kill a horse andrevive it. 52 00:02:25,474 --> 00:02:27,726 [CHUCKLES] You never heard of Joltron? 53 00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:30,227 Growing up, I didn't hear about a lot of stuff, Gurgs. 54 00:02:30,269 --> 00:02:32,811 I was too focused on dominating my peers. 55 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,771 I'm personally responsible for four nervous breakdowns... 56 00:02:35,813 --> 00:02:38,689 three classmates, one tutor. 57 00:02:38,731 --> 00:02:40,231 So this stuff was popular, huh? 58 00:02:40,273 --> 00:02:42,190 Joltron used to fly off the shelves. 59 00:02:42,232 --> 00:02:45,901 That was before it was blamed for the 1997 Summer of Sprees... 60 00:02:45,942 --> 00:02:48,402 carjacking, streaking, naked carjacking. 61 00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:50,028 It's Florida in a can. 62 00:02:50,986 --> 00:02:53,070 You know, the budget cuts 63 00:02:53,112 --> 00:02:54,738 took away all the drinks in the cafeteria. 64 00:02:54,779 --> 00:02:58,364 I bet we could sell this stuff. Just need a company name. 65 00:02:58,406 --> 00:03:00,908 Moore and Gurgs. We could be Morgues. 66 00:03:00,949 --> 00:03:02,991 "You'll die when you see our prices!" 67 00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:05,659 Whoo-hoo! This is gonna be fun! 68 00:03:05,701 --> 00:03:08,577 Let's get these upstairs. Uh, I'll clean out this cooler. 69 00:03:08,619 --> 00:03:10,202 - [RATS SQUEAKING] - Nope. 70 00:03:13,787 --> 00:03:16,080 Hey, there... Linda. I'm Judge Stone. 71 00:03:16,122 --> 00:03:17,372 And I'm here with a petition 72 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:20,416 - to have my court's budget reinstated. - Take a number. 73 00:03:28,586 --> 00:03:30,253 Fifty-five! 74 00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:33,588 That's me. Ah. 75 00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,506 I just want you to know that I really respect this process. 76 00:03:36,548 --> 00:03:39,591 Every bubble, every box is important to me 77 00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,717 because it's important to you. 78 00:03:41,759 --> 00:03:43,343 Denied. 79 00:03:44,676 --> 00:03:47,136 Denied?! That must be a mistake! 80 00:03:47,178 --> 00:03:50,930 Oh, we're the government. We don't make mistakes. 81 00:03:51,888 --> 00:03:53,931 But your petition had quite a few. 82 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:57,140 Page ten, section F oval was too filled in, 83 00:03:57,182 --> 00:03:59,475 as if done with resentment. 84 00:04:00,642 --> 00:04:03,518 Box C3 needed to be completed in blue ink, 85 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,936 but your ink had a violet hue. 86 00:04:05,977 --> 00:04:08,062 It's called Blurple. 87 00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:09,896 And since this is an even-numbered day, 88 00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:13,064 the L9 is invalid without the X8. 89 00:04:13,105 --> 00:04:14,814 You need that X8. 90 00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:18,275 Okay, okay, well, I'm sure that I can fix every... 91 00:04:18,317 --> 00:04:20,609 And since this would be your second appeal, 92 00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:24,569 you need to fill out a different set of forms. 93 00:04:25,445 --> 00:04:26,570 In triplicate. 94 00:04:26,612 --> 00:04:28,488 Three times. 95 00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:30,614 Once received, you'll have your answer 96 00:04:30,656 --> 00:04:33,156 within 6 to 70 business days. 97 00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:35,491 Be aware we work off the Swedish calendar, 98 00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:38,158 so our weekends are most of the week. 99 00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:42,035 Now, you have a tough job. 100 00:04:42,077 --> 00:04:44,453 It must be hard to say no all the time. 101 00:04:44,495 --> 00:04:46,329 Oh, I manage. 102 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,414 I'm gonna get you to use that "yes" stamp. 103 00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:55,583 Wow. That web was made by generations of spiders. 104 00:04:56,875 --> 00:05:00,252 - Fifty-six! - [SIGHS] 105 00:05:03,378 --> 00:05:04,754 Still me. 106 00:05:04,796 --> 00:05:07,088 Look. I'm sure there are things we could do without, 107 00:05:07,129 --> 00:05:08,755 but a clerk is not one of them! 108 00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:12,757 So you're saying there are more things you can do without? 109 00:05:12,799 --> 00:05:16,092 Here's your "yes"... to another audit! 110 00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:18,134 Who says "yes" to a bad thing?! 111 00:05:18,176 --> 00:05:21,886 La-la-la-Liinnddaaa! 112 00:05:22,846 --> 00:05:23,971 Fifty-seven! 113 00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:25,421 There is no one here! 114 00:05:29,118 --> 00:05:32,261 That's it! These budget cuts have gone too far! 115 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,451 You know, I don't even miss spoons and knives. 116 00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:37,414 I'm getting used to forking my borscht. 117 00:05:37,455 --> 00:05:40,543 What? That's not about me. 118 00:05:41,753 --> 00:05:42,963 Look at my shoe! 119 00:05:43,004 --> 00:05:44,298 They're scuffed! 120 00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:47,302 The bastards took my shoeshine stand away! 121 00:05:47,344 --> 00:05:48,595 I don't mind the lights going out. 122 00:05:48,637 --> 00:05:50,223 I don't need to look at you people. 123 00:05:50,265 --> 00:05:52,143 But this! 124 00:05:52,184 --> 00:05:54,688 I look like a school administrator. 125 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,651 Worst part is it happened out of the blue 126 00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:01,280 and not because of anyone's actions! 127 00:06:03,992 --> 00:06:05,744 What the fork did you do? 128 00:06:06,495 --> 00:06:08,165 Only everything right! 129 00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:10,293 I went to City Hall, I took a number, 130 00:06:10,334 --> 00:06:12,503 and "Linda" still denied every request. 131 00:06:12,545 --> 00:06:15,717 She didn't like blurple, Dan. Blurple. 132 00:06:16,718 --> 00:06:20,014 - Hey. You done with the fork? - Oh, yeah. 133 00:06:20,055 --> 00:06:21,475 I'm gonna need it back. 134 00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:25,229 Dan, it's gonna be fine. 135 00:06:25,271 --> 00:06:26,857 I just have to do some more paperwork, 136 00:06:26,899 --> 00:06:28,902 and it should all be fixed before news of the exterminator 137 00:06:28,943 --> 00:06:30,278 being cut gets to the... 138 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,948 - [CRUNCH] - ... roaches. 139 00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:36,370 Alright. You know what? I'm gonna take care of this myself. 140 00:06:36,412 --> 00:06:38,164 They say you can't fight City Hall. 141 00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:42,003 Well... I'm not gonna fight. 142 00:06:44,256 --> 00:06:46,425 - [KNOCK ON DOOR] - Take a number. 143 00:06:48,053 --> 00:06:49,472 How about 12? 144 00:06:51,641 --> 00:06:53,894 Bryant, put these in the leak bucket. 145 00:06:53,936 --> 00:06:55,980 The water's brown, but it's fine. 146 00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:58,567 - [SPLASH] - So what brings you here? 147 00:06:58,609 --> 00:07:00,904 Fate. Linda means "beauty" in Spanish. 148 00:07:00,946 --> 00:07:04,325 And now I can tell that your face is fluent. 149 00:07:05,119 --> 00:07:06,286 And you are... ? 150 00:07:06,328 --> 00:07:08,748 Dan Fielding. At your service. 151 00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,918 You know, I did come down here to talk about the courthouse, 152 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,088 but now I think I'm more interested 153 00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:17,677 in a courtship. Con tu, se�orita. 154 00:07:19,763 --> 00:07:23,435 I see. Bryant, make yourself busy. 155 00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,104 Copy that. 156 00:07:25,146 --> 00:07:26,565 Lights on or off? 157 00:07:26,606 --> 00:07:29,485 On. On. Leave the light on. On. On. 158 00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,240 Dan Fielding, is it? 159 00:07:33,282 --> 00:07:34,617 You thought you could come in here 160 00:07:34,659 --> 00:07:37,079 like some stretched-out Wolf Blitzer... 161 00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:40,542 ... wave some flowers around, 162 00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,253 give the basement lady some attention, 163 00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,047 and get what you want? 164 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,175 Yeah, pretty much about it. 165 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,178 You live on West 86th. 166 00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:50,806 That's the block with 24-hour construction, right? 167 00:07:50,848 --> 00:07:54,770 - No. No, no. There's no construction. - There is now. 168 00:07:54,812 --> 00:07:57,816 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Please. Leave my street alone. 169 00:07:57,858 --> 00:07:59,903 I have family you can hurt. 170 00:08:01,404 --> 00:08:03,324 Now... let's talk about 171 00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:05,368 what you can reallydo for me. 172 00:08:06,203 --> 00:08:09,707 La-la-la-Liinnddaaa! 173 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,588 Well, spoons are back, the lights are on, 174 00:08:13,630 --> 00:08:14,964 and your shoes are blinding. 175 00:08:15,006 --> 00:08:17,844 Yeah. That's right. Saved the day. As usual. 176 00:08:17,886 --> 00:08:20,055 I look forward to my thank-you gift. 177 00:08:20,096 --> 00:08:22,058 [HUSHED] Cash. 178 00:08:22,099 --> 00:08:23,560 How'd you do it? 179 00:08:23,602 --> 00:08:25,521 Well, I just embraced America's favorite pastime. 180 00:08:25,562 --> 00:08:26,898 A little gentle finagling. 181 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,486 - Even managed to get you a new clerk. - [POUNDING] 182 00:08:30,528 --> 00:08:32,155 Is it court time? 183 00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:35,076 Linda's assistant? 184 00:08:35,117 --> 00:08:36,578 Oh, no. Much more than Linda's assistant. 185 00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,330 He's also her son. 186 00:08:38,372 --> 00:08:40,583 Turns out he's been having a little trouble finding himself 187 00:08:40,625 --> 00:08:42,920 since he took his gap decade. 188 00:08:43,712 --> 00:08:45,841 This is nepotism. One of my least favorite -isms. 189 00:08:45,882 --> 00:08:49,221 And your dad was an ice-road trucker, huh? 190 00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:51,683 You know what? You're the only one not happy about this. 191 00:08:51,724 --> 00:08:53,935 Who the hell got soda put back in the cafeteria? 192 00:08:53,977 --> 00:08:57,482 - You're welcome. - "You're welcome" blocked! 193 00:08:57,524 --> 00:08:59,569 Did it ever occur to you that two work friends 194 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,571 might be launching a beverage consortium? 195 00:09:01,612 --> 00:09:02,948 You killed our semi-legal business 196 00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:06,786 selling semi-lethal soda, and we are full mad. 197 00:09:06,828 --> 00:09:09,206 You know what? You guys are just jealous that my way worked. 198 00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:10,584 Your way didn't work. 199 00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:12,210 If it did, we'd have a real clerk right now. 200 00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,589 For all we know, he could be the next great legal mind. 201 00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:16,466 - Just needs a little molding. - You're right. 202 00:09:16,508 --> 00:09:19,929 I shouldn't judge a book by the fact that it's all pictures. 203 00:09:20,681 --> 00:09:22,766 Bryant? Bryant! 204 00:09:22,808 --> 00:09:25,187 I'm Bryant, the new clerk! 205 00:09:25,228 --> 00:09:26,731 Hi. I'm Judge Abby Stone. 206 00:09:26,772 --> 00:09:29,483 Hold on. I'm about to do a really important jump. 207 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:33,000 [CHUCKLES] So much to mold. 208 00:09:39,887 --> 00:09:41,645 Man, people are still buying this stuff 209 00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,975 - even though the drinks are back. - Money on the table. 210 00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,442 One woman drank two cans and tried to fight a cement wall. 211 00:09:54,483 --> 00:09:56,651 She won. 212 00:09:56,693 --> 00:09:58,987 That's a great story, but you got to get back to work. 213 00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:02,781 And the next time there's a wall fight, charge to watch. 214 00:10:02,823 --> 00:10:04,532 Well, okay. I'll get back to it. 215 00:10:04,574 --> 00:10:06,284 - "Morgues" on three. - There's no time, Gurgs. 216 00:10:06,325 --> 00:10:08,827 "Morgues" on one. One. You missed it. Go. 217 00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,036 Morgues! 218 00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:14,707 Okay, Bryant, let's try this one more time. 219 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,041 How do we get you to care about the law? 220 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,835 Um, what about... 221 00:10:18,877 --> 00:10:21,920 the law isn't all that different from a video game. 222 00:10:21,962 --> 00:10:24,714 I freaking love video games! There's this one I play... 223 00:10:24,756 --> 00:10:26,632 Okay. Okay. Great. Let's go with that. 224 00:10:26,674 --> 00:10:28,759 Video games are just like the law. 225 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,677 There are rules that we have to navigate. 226 00:10:30,719 --> 00:10:33,387 And you can kill as many people as you want. 227 00:10:33,429 --> 00:10:35,139 You can't, though. 228 00:10:35,181 --> 00:10:36,973 What are some other things you care about? 229 00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:39,225 Oh! Your mom! Your mom! You care about your mom, right? 230 00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:42,770 I'm not a mama's boy. I've had sex! 231 00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:46,272 What does that have to do with anything?! 232 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,399 Why am I trying to make this work? 233 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,067 Because you're my mentor. 234 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,569 Is that what you think is happening right now? 235 00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,320 Well, yeah. My mom's not around. 236 00:10:55,361 --> 00:10:57,781 I need someone to tell me what to do. 237 00:11:00,407 --> 00:11:04,994 I would love to be your mentor, but, ugh, I just can't! 238 00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:08,455 - Err! - Because I make more money than you. 239 00:11:08,497 --> 00:11:10,582 No, that's not... Wait. Do you?! 240 00:11:11,707 --> 00:11:14,001 I have got the most perfect mentor for you. 241 00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:16,544 Don't change a thing. You're gonna drive him crazy. 242 00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:19,171 I... I mean, he's gonna be crazy about you. 243 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,174 - Dan. - No. 244 00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:27,511 What qualities would you say you're looking for 245 00:11:27,552 --> 00:11:31,764 in a mentee of 41 who's had sex? 246 00:11:33,891 --> 00:11:35,308 Who told you to do this? 247 00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:38,561 The little one with the cape on backwards. 248 00:11:39,853 --> 00:11:42,022 Well, in that case, my advice to this 249 00:11:42,064 --> 00:11:45,400 sexually active young man would be to go take a flying... 250 00:11:45,441 --> 00:11:47,275 Hey, Mom! 251 00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:49,486 I came by to support my... 252 00:11:49,528 --> 00:11:50,861 No one's buying this. 253 00:11:50,903 --> 00:11:53,030 I'm just here to make sure that this jackass 254 00:11:53,072 --> 00:11:55,824 is taking care of my jackass. 255 00:11:56,658 --> 00:11:58,201 She worries. 256 00:11:58,243 --> 00:12:00,869 I was bullied a lot by my college for plagiarizing. 257 00:12:00,911 --> 00:12:04,664 Took one form to turn that campus into a DMV. 258 00:12:04,705 --> 00:12:07,082 Most of the professors still work there. 259 00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:13,295 So, Dan, what was your advice? 260 00:12:13,337 --> 00:12:15,922 My advice would be 261 00:12:15,964 --> 00:12:18,550 for you to find a mentor, 262 00:12:18,591 --> 00:12:23,386 which you have and I love doing. 263 00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:25,221 You're my mentor. 264 00:12:25,263 --> 00:12:28,098 No. Man-tor! 265 00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:31,100 No. Dan-tor! 266 00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:34,145 This warms my heart. 267 00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,396 Come, let's go get you a Cutie orange. 268 00:12:36,438 --> 00:12:38,731 - And I'm peeling it! - No! 269 00:12:41,150 --> 00:12:44,152 I think 20 years has made the soda stronger. 270 00:12:46,778 --> 00:12:49,656 Wow. We really cornered the market. 271 00:12:49,698 --> 00:12:51,907 And Flobert is an incredible salesman. 272 00:12:51,949 --> 00:12:54,743 Hey, man. You want to touch the sky? 273 00:12:56,911 --> 00:12:58,912 Flobert's a part of our thing now? 274 00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,956 You're just gonna let him dance in on our profits? 275 00:13:00,998 --> 00:13:03,583 You think he can twirl?! He's got bad knees! 276 00:13:03,624 --> 00:13:05,752 Well, his knees have been good enough 277 00:13:05,793 --> 00:13:08,128 to tap-dance all over your sales numbers. 278 00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:10,713 Maybe you need to step up your game, Gurgs. 279 00:13:10,755 --> 00:13:12,256 You better watch out. 280 00:13:12,298 --> 00:13:14,299 I wasn't originally cast as the catcher. 281 00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:18,343 The guy who was caught a one-way ticket down a flight of stairs. 282 00:13:22,972 --> 00:13:24,599 How's your new buddy working out? 283 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,933 Oh. Oh. G... Great. 284 00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:29,311 Uh, the questions, the bonding. 285 00:13:29,352 --> 00:13:31,020 The orange peeling... 286 00:13:31,062 --> 00:13:33,773 because if he does it, he rubs his eyes, and then it's all, 287 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,816 "It burns! Danny, it burns!" 288 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,526 I just love seeing this. 289 00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:41,236 You two are in it for the long haul. 290 00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:44,530 And the U-Haul. He said he was gonna ask you to help him move. 291 00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,909 Well, like the hand that Bryant got stuck in his mouth 292 00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:51,994 when he was eating that orange, I'm all-in. 293 00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:55,622 Alright, Bryant, let's get this show on the road. 294 00:13:55,663 --> 00:13:56,956 Sure thing, Judge. 295 00:13:56,998 --> 00:14:01,210 Just gotta fold my newspaper like my Dan-tor. 296 00:14:04,087 --> 00:14:07,964 Uh, Dan, it's bullying me. 297 00:14:08,006 --> 00:14:09,882 I told you it's simple. You close the door. 298 00:14:09,924 --> 00:14:13,052 Shut the window. Fold the menu. Tuck! 299 00:14:15,804 --> 00:14:17,222 Dan, it's just a newspaper. 300 00:14:17,263 --> 00:14:18,806 There's a lot of ways to fold them. 301 00:14:18,847 --> 00:14:20,724 Oh, you know there's not. 302 00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:24,602 Next up, the people versus 303 00:14:24,644 --> 00:14:26,478 [GIGGLING] Mrs. Lipschitz? 304 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,021 Oh, my God! Is that for real?! 305 00:14:28,063 --> 00:14:31,565 Dan, your client is named Lipschitz! 306 00:14:31,607 --> 00:14:34,317 I know. Permission to approach. 307 00:14:35,735 --> 00:14:37,153 You did this on purpose. 308 00:14:37,195 --> 00:14:39,988 I only fixed the first couple. Then I got lucky. 309 00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:42,824 A fight broke out at the Wiener family reunion. 310 00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,285 - Your Honor, my client... - Mrs. Lipschitz. 311 00:14:47,327 --> 00:14:49,787 [GIGGLES] You got to stop saying it. 312 00:14:50,871 --> 00:14:52,331 Bryant, it's only a name. 313 00:14:52,373 --> 00:14:55,291 Like Rod Sackhoff or Dick Butkus. 314 00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:57,168 [GIGGLING] I'm sorry, Your Honor, 315 00:14:57,210 --> 00:15:00,462 but you're picking, like, all the worst ones! 316 00:15:00,504 --> 00:15:02,672 The defendant is charged with reckless driving. 317 00:15:02,714 --> 00:15:04,507 On a Rascal scooter. 318 00:15:04,549 --> 00:15:06,967 Could we just please let this go with a warning 319 00:15:07,008 --> 00:15:09,677 and not say the defendant's name again? 320 00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:11,345 Sure. Case dismissed. 321 00:15:12,054 --> 00:15:13,930 Thanks for being a good sport, Mrs. Lipschitz. 322 00:15:13,972 --> 00:15:16,099 [SNORTS] Every time. 323 00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:18,851 It's actually a huge improvement 324 00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:20,686 over my maiden name. 325 00:15:20,728 --> 00:15:23,896 - I was Geraldine... - Don't! 326 00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:26,940 Whisper it to me. I gotta know. 327 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:32,153 [CLEARS THROAT] Your Honor, I have to apologize 328 00:15:32,194 --> 00:15:34,362 for letting that name get the best of me. 329 00:15:34,404 --> 00:15:36,072 I'll try to be better. 330 00:15:36,114 --> 00:15:40,034 I'm a guy who reads newspapers now. 331 00:15:40,075 --> 00:15:42,618 Why don't you take some time to collect yourself? 332 00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:46,329 - Five-minute recess! - [CELLPHONE RINGS] 333 00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:51,167 You gave him my cell number! 334 00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:54,127 He has to be able to reach his mentor 24/7. 335 00:15:54,169 --> 00:15:55,962 And I know you're not gonna throw out your phone 336 00:15:56,004 --> 00:15:58,547 because you love that picture of you and Phil Collins. 337 00:15:58,589 --> 00:16:02,216 - [CELLPHONE RINGING] - Bye, Phil. 338 00:16:02,258 --> 00:16:04,427 - [CRUNCH] - [RINGING STOPS] 339 00:16:04,469 --> 00:16:07,053 Alright. I've had enough. Make it stop, or I'm gonna 340 00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,199 pay Flobert to throw him down a flight of stairs. 341 00:16:13,815 --> 00:16:16,283 Alright. We need a plan. The kid has got to go. 342 00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:18,399 But if we cross his mother, she's gonna turn 343 00:16:18,441 --> 00:16:20,400 my apartment building into a septic tank 344 00:16:20,442 --> 00:16:21,902 with a view of the park. 345 00:16:21,944 --> 00:16:24,070 [EXCITEDLY] Dan, I couldn't figure it out either. 346 00:16:24,111 --> 00:16:27,073 Then Flobert sold me this $9 can of ideas. 347 00:16:27,114 --> 00:16:28,491 Now I got tons of 'em! 348 00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:31,368 "Shark Tank" ideas, shoe ideas, TV-show ideas! 349 00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:35,579 - Get this... King. Kong's. Family. - [IMITATES EXPLOSION] 350 00:16:36,497 --> 00:16:39,207 - Doomed. Got it. - No. Hey! No, no! Don't go! 351 00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,584 You haven't heard my idea of how we're gonna get rid of him. 352 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,794 - You and I work together. - I think I'd rather watch 353 00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,755 a whole season of "King Kong's Family." 354 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,590 We can beat Linda at her own game. 355 00:16:49,632 --> 00:16:52,176 I... I mean, with my form-filling skills and your ability 356 00:16:52,218 --> 00:16:54,761 to cynically nitpick, we'll leave no loop unholed! 357 00:16:54,803 --> 00:16:57,681 Dan, I've seen the future. This works. 358 00:16:57,722 --> 00:17:00,432 Also, I'll have four kids and a bob. 359 00:17:01,475 --> 00:17:02,810 You got all of that from one can? 360 00:17:02,852 --> 00:17:04,769 Yeah. Just don't ask me how you die. 361 00:17:04,811 --> 00:17:08,856 - Promise me you'll never go to Nevada. - [STAMMERS] 362 00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:10,232 "May cause..." 363 00:17:10,274 --> 00:17:12,025 What's "fire brain"? 364 00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:16,362 - I think we're about to find out. - I... I... 365 00:17:16,404 --> 00:17:17,654 Well, well. 366 00:17:19,197 --> 00:17:20,991 See you up there. 367 00:17:24,452 --> 00:17:26,620 Poor faster, Sandy! 368 00:17:26,662 --> 00:17:28,455 What are you doing down here? 369 00:17:28,496 --> 00:17:30,248 Oh, well, we're out of fight juice, 370 00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:31,749 so I'm making my own. 371 00:17:31,791 --> 00:17:33,792 Coffee brewed with Mr. Pibb instead of water. 372 00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:36,503 The can seals itself. It's a side effect of the chemicals. 373 00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:38,796 Science is cool! I know, right? 374 00:17:38,838 --> 00:17:40,631 How much of that have you had? 375 00:17:40,673 --> 00:17:43,049 I can hear your heartbeat through your mouth. 376 00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:44,634 Well, I... I gotta keep up 377 00:17:44,676 --> 00:17:46,261 so you don't replace me with Flobert. 378 00:17:46,303 --> 00:17:48,596 I don't hear pouring, Sandy! 379 00:17:49,763 --> 00:17:52,348 Oh, God. I did this. [GASPS] 380 00:17:52,390 --> 00:17:55,518 I made you Florida in a person. 381 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,519 Nah. I'm good. 382 00:17:57,561 --> 00:17:59,521 I'm stepping up my game. We're making money. 383 00:17:59,563 --> 00:18:02,023 I can move things with my mind now. 384 00:18:03,441 --> 00:18:06,902 Nah, everything in here is too heavy. 385 00:18:06,943 --> 00:18:08,195 Uh, you know what? 386 00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:10,322 Caused a lot of nervous breakdowns in my life, 387 00:18:10,363 --> 00:18:13,824 but this is the first one I feel bad about. 388 00:18:13,866 --> 00:18:16,743 - It's time to shut this down. - Oh, thank God. Whew! 389 00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:18,661 Maybe we can get back to doing fun things. 390 00:18:18,703 --> 00:18:21,164 [GASPS] Let's go to the hospital. 391 00:18:21,206 --> 00:18:23,791 - My fingernails are sweating. - Oh! 392 00:18:28,044 --> 00:18:29,837 [BONES CRACKING] 393 00:18:35,383 --> 00:18:39,720 - Oh! Bup-bup-bup-bup! No blurple! - [GASPS] 394 00:18:42,597 --> 00:18:44,182 The fine print on this one says, 395 00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,850 "Everything you're writing means the opposite." 396 00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,853 [GROANS] Run it back. Run it back! 397 00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,104 Ungh! 398 00:19:01,195 --> 00:19:04,698 - Aah! Aah! Aah! - No pain! No pain! 399 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,908 Straighten out, or I'll cut you off! 400 00:19:06,950 --> 00:19:08,159 Get... Yeah. 401 00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:17,708 Lind-a-a-a-a-a! 402 00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:19,836 Good day, Linda. 403 00:19:19,877 --> 00:19:21,628 I don't remember calling your number. 404 00:19:21,670 --> 00:19:23,588 We have all the numbers. 405 00:19:24,881 --> 00:19:27,716 We're also here filing on behalf of the court. 406 00:19:27,758 --> 00:19:31,177 Bryant! That's your cue, baby. 407 00:19:31,219 --> 00:19:34,097 Mom, don't be alarmed. It's me. 408 00:19:35,931 --> 00:19:38,767 I think you'll find that this paperwork is flawless. 409 00:19:38,809 --> 00:19:42,520 "Flawless." That's a big word. 410 00:19:42,562 --> 00:19:45,897 Wait. These are beautiful! 411 00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:49,067 Forms! Subforms! Addendums! 412 00:19:49,109 --> 00:19:52,570 You even found applications that are no longer in print! 413 00:19:52,611 --> 00:19:54,404 I hired a TaskRabbit to infiltrate 414 00:19:54,446 --> 00:19:55,905 the Library of Discontinued Documents 415 00:19:55,947 --> 00:19:57,699 in Little Serbia out on Randall's Island. 416 00:19:57,740 --> 00:20:00,284 It was almost too easy. 417 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,161 This is undeniable. 418 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,537 I have no choice but to say yes. 419 00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,248 And yet... 420 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,624 saying no is who I am! 421 00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:14,920 - Without that, I'm nothing! - Go with it, Linda. 422 00:20:14,962 --> 00:20:17,298 Feel that "yes" flowing through your body. 423 00:20:17,339 --> 00:20:22,051 Huh... I... did it! 424 00:20:23,136 --> 00:20:25,888 It was the table, but it's a start. 425 00:20:25,929 --> 00:20:28,015 Uh, there is one more form. 426 00:20:28,056 --> 00:20:29,766 It's an XQ-14B. 427 00:20:29,807 --> 00:20:33,685 An XQ-14B? You're firing me? 428 00:20:33,727 --> 00:20:36,062 But I'm in suit clothes. 429 00:20:37,981 --> 00:20:39,732 Bryant, you weren't happy up there, 430 00:20:39,774 --> 00:20:41,067 and you don't need our approval. 431 00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:44,152 And you would never have gotten it. 432 00:20:44,194 --> 00:20:45,945 I think there is a person in this room 433 00:20:45,987 --> 00:20:48,280 whose approval you do need. 434 00:20:48,322 --> 00:20:50,532 Linda, if you could say "yes" to those forms, 435 00:20:50,574 --> 00:20:53,826 I think you could say "yes" to something even more special. 436 00:20:59,247 --> 00:21:03,793 - Oh. - Does it say "approved"? 437 00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:06,170 Well, kinda. Your head's pretty greasy. 438 00:21:08,671 --> 00:21:11,007 And that's the power of a "yes"! 439 00:21:11,049 --> 00:21:15,135 Dan, I know this feels like goodbye... 440 00:21:15,177 --> 00:21:17,804 Oh, Bryant. It's absolutely goodbye. 441 00:21:21,139 --> 00:21:26,138 - Synced and corrected by actumaxime - - www.addic7ed.com - 442 00:21:26,188 --> 00:21:30,738 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33397

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