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1
00:00:01,458 --> 00:00:02,715
Your Honor, Mr. Crane is charged
2
00:00:02,715 --> 00:00:04,725
with disorderly conduct
after forcing his way
3
00:00:04,766 --> 00:00:06,023
into the kitchen at Chez Louie
4
00:00:06,064 --> 00:00:08,871
and demanding to sanitize his dishes.
5
00:00:10,169 --> 00:00:11,467
Disorderly conduct?
6
00:00:11,508 --> 00:00:13,896
As a man with OCD,
my client is incapable
7
00:00:13,937 --> 00:00:16,785
of being disorderly,
according to these five
8
00:00:16,826 --> 00:00:19,465
hermetically sealed doctor's notes.
9
00:00:20,595 --> 00:00:22,647
Humanity is in a silent war with germs,
10
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,285
and we're losing. Losing!
11
00:00:26,123 --> 00:00:28,217
Mr. Crane, only the Board of Health
12
00:00:28,259 --> 00:00:30,101
is allowed to burst
into a kitchen unannounced,
13
00:00:30,143 --> 00:00:32,823
and even they would frown
upon Windexing vegetables.
14
00:00:33,828 --> 00:00:36,006
Hm, $100 fine and community ser...
15
00:00:36,047 --> 00:00:37,680
Where is my gavel?
16
00:00:40,026 --> 00:00:41,407
- [GAVEL BANGS]
- You smell good.
17
00:00:41,449 --> 00:00:44,548
Like a dirty martini
with a Lemon Pledge twist.
18
00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:48,693
Up next, the people
versus Clark Everett.
19
00:00:48,735 --> 00:00:53,049
Y... Ah, Sorry, Judge.
My knees are killing me!
20
00:00:53,091 --> 00:00:55,268
I play catcher in "Damn Yankees."
21
00:00:55,310 --> 00:00:56,943
Well, it's my church's production,
22
00:00:56,985 --> 00:00:59,036
so it's "Dang Yankees."
23
00:00:59,079 --> 00:01:01,214
Well, put 'er there.
24
00:01:02,010 --> 00:01:03,559
Your honor, with all due respect
25
00:01:03,602 --> 00:01:06,574
to Nathan Lame over there...
26
00:01:06,617 --> 00:01:08,542
isn't it time we got ourselves
a permanent clerk?
27
00:01:08,584 --> 00:01:11,181
Or at least one who's not in
a play that is so off-Broadway
28
00:01:11,222 --> 00:01:14,405
it is no longer technically theater?
29
00:01:14,447 --> 00:01:17,379
Actually, we're not
off Broadway or on Broadway.
30
00:01:17,420 --> 00:01:19,053
We're under it.
31
00:01:20,519 --> 00:01:22,361
No one wants a killer clerk
more than me,
32
00:01:22,404 --> 00:01:24,790
but with budget cuts,
there's been a hiring freeze.
33
00:01:24,832 --> 00:01:26,717
- [GROANS]
- Also a coffee-cup freeze.
34
00:01:26,758 --> 00:01:28,391
We have to bring mugs from home now.
35
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:30,318
Made it for my mom in fifth grade.
36
00:01:30,359 --> 00:01:32,747
She asked if we could
turn it back into clay
37
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:35,301
because at least clay has potential.
38
00:01:35,343 --> 00:01:38,274
Uh, it's not so bad.
We're making it work.
39
00:01:38,316 --> 00:01:41,499
- [THUD]
- [PEOPLE GASP]
40
00:01:41,540 --> 00:01:44,178
Also, to save money, they put
our lights on a motion detector
41
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,900
that doesn't detect motion.
42
00:01:46,942 --> 00:01:49,036
Alright, everybody! Headlamps!
43
00:01:54,396 --> 00:01:57,032
Let the record show it isthat bad!
44
00:02:05,064 --> 00:02:06,301
So, what are we looking for?
45
00:02:06,341 --> 00:02:08,593
Because if it's rats, we can stop.
46
00:02:09,593 --> 00:02:12,303
They cut our handcuff budget,
so I need duct tape.
47
00:02:12,344 --> 00:02:14,178
Of course, they do it after the holidays
48
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:17,847
when everyone's all bloated
with thick wrists.
49
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:19,806
What is Joltron Cola?
50
00:02:19,847 --> 00:02:22,557
[GASPS] Joltron! I remember this!
51
00:02:22,599 --> 00:02:25,433
It has enough caffeine
to kill a horse andrevive it.
52
00:02:25,474 --> 00:02:27,726
[CHUCKLES] You never heard of Joltron?
53
00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:30,227
Growing up, I didn't hear
about a lot of stuff, Gurgs.
54
00:02:30,269 --> 00:02:32,811
I was too focused
on dominating my peers.
55
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,771
I'm personally responsible
for four nervous breakdowns...
56
00:02:35,813 --> 00:02:38,689
three classmates, one tutor.
57
00:02:38,731 --> 00:02:40,231
So this stuff was popular, huh?
58
00:02:40,273 --> 00:02:42,190
Joltron used to fly off the shelves.
59
00:02:42,232 --> 00:02:45,901
That was before it was blamed
for the 1997 Summer of Sprees...
60
00:02:45,942 --> 00:02:48,402
carjacking, streaking, naked carjacking.
61
00:02:48,444 --> 00:02:50,028
It's Florida in a can.
62
00:02:50,986 --> 00:02:53,070
You know, the budget cuts
63
00:02:53,112 --> 00:02:54,738
took away all the drinks
in the cafeteria.
64
00:02:54,779 --> 00:02:58,364
I bet we could sell this stuff.
Just need a company name.
65
00:02:58,406 --> 00:03:00,908
Moore and Gurgs. We could be Morgues.
66
00:03:00,949 --> 00:03:02,991
"You'll die when you see our prices!"
67
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:05,659
Whoo-hoo! This is gonna be fun!
68
00:03:05,701 --> 00:03:08,577
Let's get these upstairs.
Uh, I'll clean out this cooler.
69
00:03:08,619 --> 00:03:10,202
- [RATS SQUEAKING]
- Nope.
70
00:03:13,787 --> 00:03:16,080
Hey, there... Linda. I'm Judge Stone.
71
00:03:16,122 --> 00:03:17,372
And I'm here with a petition
72
00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:20,416
- to have my court's budget reinstated.
- Take a number.
73
00:03:28,586 --> 00:03:30,253
Fifty-five!
74
00:03:31,087 --> 00:03:33,588
That's me. Ah.
75
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,506
I just want you to know that
I really respect this process.
76
00:03:36,548 --> 00:03:39,591
Every bubble, every box
is important to me
77
00:03:39,633 --> 00:03:41,717
because it's important to you.
78
00:03:41,759 --> 00:03:43,343
Denied.
79
00:03:44,676 --> 00:03:47,136
Denied?! That must be a mistake!
80
00:03:47,178 --> 00:03:50,930
Oh, we're the government.
We don't make mistakes.
81
00:03:51,888 --> 00:03:53,931
But your petition had quite a few.
82
00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:57,140
Page ten, section F oval
was too filled in,
83
00:03:57,182 --> 00:03:59,475
as if done with resentment.
84
00:04:00,642 --> 00:04:03,518
Box C3 needed to be completed
in blue ink,
85
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,936
but your ink had a violet hue.
86
00:04:05,977 --> 00:04:08,062
It's called Blurple.
87
00:04:08,103 --> 00:04:09,896
And since this is an even-numbered day,
88
00:04:09,938 --> 00:04:13,064
the L9 is invalid without the X8.
89
00:04:13,105 --> 00:04:14,814
You need that X8.
90
00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:18,275
Okay, okay, well, I'm sure
that I can fix every...
91
00:04:18,317 --> 00:04:20,609
And since this would be
your second appeal,
92
00:04:20,651 --> 00:04:24,569
you need to fill out
a different set of forms.
93
00:04:25,445 --> 00:04:26,570
In triplicate.
94
00:04:26,612 --> 00:04:28,488
Three times.
95
00:04:28,530 --> 00:04:30,614
Once received, you'll have your answer
96
00:04:30,656 --> 00:04:33,156
within 6 to 70 business days.
97
00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:35,491
Be aware we work off
the Swedish calendar,
98
00:04:35,533 --> 00:04:38,158
so our weekends are most of the week.
99
00:04:39,910 --> 00:04:42,035
Now, you have a tough job.
100
00:04:42,077 --> 00:04:44,453
It must be hard to say no all the time.
101
00:04:44,495 --> 00:04:46,329
Oh, I manage.
102
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:51,414
I'm gonna get you
to use that "yes" stamp.
103
00:04:51,456 --> 00:04:55,583
Wow. That web was made
by generations of spiders.
104
00:04:56,875 --> 00:05:00,252
- Fifty-six!
- [SIGHS]
105
00:05:03,378 --> 00:05:04,754
Still me.
106
00:05:04,796 --> 00:05:07,088
Look. I'm sure there are things
we could do without,
107
00:05:07,129 --> 00:05:08,755
but a clerk is not one of them!
108
00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:12,757
So you're saying there are
more things you can do without?
109
00:05:12,799 --> 00:05:16,092
Here's your "yes"... to another audit!
110
00:05:16,133 --> 00:05:18,134
Who says "yes" to a bad thing?!
111
00:05:18,176 --> 00:05:21,886
La-la-la-Liinnddaaa!
112
00:05:22,846 --> 00:05:23,971
Fifty-seven!
113
00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:25,421
There is no one here!
114
00:05:29,118 --> 00:05:32,261
That's it! These budget cuts
have gone too far!
115
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,451
You know, I don't even miss
spoons and knives.
116
00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:37,414
I'm getting used to forking my borscht.
117
00:05:37,455 --> 00:05:40,543
What? That's not about me.
118
00:05:41,753 --> 00:05:42,963
Look at my shoe!
119
00:05:43,004 --> 00:05:44,298
They're scuffed!
120
00:05:44,340 --> 00:05:47,302
The bastards
took my shoeshine stand away!
121
00:05:47,344 --> 00:05:48,595
I don't mind the lights going out.
122
00:05:48,637 --> 00:05:50,223
I don't need to look at you people.
123
00:05:50,265 --> 00:05:52,143
But this!
124
00:05:52,184 --> 00:05:54,688
I look like a school administrator.
125
00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,651
Worst part is
it happened out of the blue
126
00:05:58,693 --> 00:06:01,280
and not because of anyone's actions!
127
00:06:03,992 --> 00:06:05,744
What the fork did you do?
128
00:06:06,495 --> 00:06:08,165
Only everything right!
129
00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:10,293
I went to City Hall, I took a number,
130
00:06:10,334 --> 00:06:12,503
and "Linda" still denied every request.
131
00:06:12,545 --> 00:06:15,717
She didn't like blurple, Dan. Blurple.
132
00:06:16,718 --> 00:06:20,014
- Hey. You done with the fork?
- Oh, yeah.
133
00:06:20,055 --> 00:06:21,475
I'm gonna need it back.
134
00:06:23,936 --> 00:06:25,229
Dan, it's gonna be fine.
135
00:06:25,271 --> 00:06:26,857
I just have to do some more paperwork,
136
00:06:26,899 --> 00:06:28,902
and it should all be fixed
before news of the exterminator
137
00:06:28,943 --> 00:06:30,278
being cut gets to the...
138
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,948
- [CRUNCH]
- ... roaches.
139
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:36,370
Alright. You know what? I'm
gonna take care of this myself.
140
00:06:36,412 --> 00:06:38,164
They say you can't fight City Hall.
141
00:06:38,206 --> 00:06:42,003
Well... I'm not gonna fight.
142
00:06:44,256 --> 00:06:46,425
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- Take a number.
143
00:06:48,053 --> 00:06:49,472
How about 12?
144
00:06:51,641 --> 00:06:53,894
Bryant, put these in the leak bucket.
145
00:06:53,936 --> 00:06:55,980
The water's brown, but it's fine.
146
00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:58,567
- [SPLASH]
- So what brings you here?
147
00:06:58,609 --> 00:07:00,904
Fate. Linda means "beauty" in Spanish.
148
00:07:00,946 --> 00:07:04,325
And now I can tell
that your face is fluent.
149
00:07:05,119 --> 00:07:06,286
And you are... ?
150
00:07:06,328 --> 00:07:08,748
Dan Fielding. At your service.
151
00:07:08,790 --> 00:07:10,918
You know, I did come down here
to talk about the courthouse,
152
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,088
but now I think I'm more interested
153
00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:17,677
in a courtship. Con tu, se�orita.
154
00:07:19,763 --> 00:07:23,435
I see. Bryant, make yourself busy.
155
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,104
Copy that.
156
00:07:25,146 --> 00:07:26,565
Lights on or off?
157
00:07:26,606 --> 00:07:29,485
On. On. Leave the light on. On. On.
158
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:33,240
Dan Fielding, is it?
159
00:07:33,282 --> 00:07:34,617
You thought you could come in here
160
00:07:34,659 --> 00:07:37,079
like some stretched-out Wolf Blitzer...
161
00:07:38,790 --> 00:07:40,542
... wave some flowers around,
162
00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,253
give the basement lady some attention,
163
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:44,047
and get what you want?
164
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:46,175
Yeah, pretty much about it.
165
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,178
You live on West 86th.
166
00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:50,806
That's the block with
24-hour construction, right?
167
00:07:50,848 --> 00:07:54,770
- No. No, no. There's no construction.
- There is now.
168
00:07:54,812 --> 00:07:57,816
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Please. Leave my street alone.
169
00:07:57,858 --> 00:07:59,903
I have family you can hurt.
170
00:08:01,404 --> 00:08:03,324
Now... let's talk about
171
00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:05,368
what you can reallydo for me.
172
00:08:06,203 --> 00:08:09,707
La-la-la-Liinnddaaa!
173
00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,588
Well, spoons are back,
the lights are on,
174
00:08:13,630 --> 00:08:14,964
and your shoes are blinding.
175
00:08:15,006 --> 00:08:17,844
Yeah. That's right.
Saved the day. As usual.
176
00:08:17,886 --> 00:08:20,055
I look forward to my thank-you gift.
177
00:08:20,096 --> 00:08:22,058
[HUSHED] Cash.
178
00:08:22,099 --> 00:08:23,560
How'd you do it?
179
00:08:23,602 --> 00:08:25,521
Well, I just embraced
America's favorite pastime.
180
00:08:25,562 --> 00:08:26,898
A little gentle finagling.
181
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:30,486
- Even managed to get you a new clerk.
- [POUNDING]
182
00:08:30,528 --> 00:08:32,155
Is it court time?
183
00:08:33,741 --> 00:08:35,076
Linda's assistant?
184
00:08:35,117 --> 00:08:36,578
Oh, no. Much more
than Linda's assistant.
185
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,330
He's also her son.
186
00:08:38,372 --> 00:08:40,583
Turns out he's been having
a little trouble finding himself
187
00:08:40,625 --> 00:08:42,920
since he took his gap decade.
188
00:08:43,712 --> 00:08:45,841
This is nepotism. One of
my least favorite -isms.
189
00:08:45,882 --> 00:08:49,221
And your dad was
an ice-road trucker, huh?
190
00:08:49,263 --> 00:08:51,683
You know what? You're the only
one not happy about this.
191
00:08:51,724 --> 00:08:53,935
Who the hell got soda
put back in the cafeteria?
192
00:08:53,977 --> 00:08:57,482
- You're welcome.
- "You're welcome" blocked!
193
00:08:57,524 --> 00:08:59,569
Did it ever occur to you
that two work friends
194
00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,571
might be launching
a beverage consortium?
195
00:09:01,612 --> 00:09:02,948
You killed our semi-legal business
196
00:09:02,990 --> 00:09:06,786
selling semi-lethal soda,
and we are full mad.
197
00:09:06,828 --> 00:09:09,206
You know what? You guys are
just jealous that my way worked.
198
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:10,584
Your way didn't work.
199
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:12,210
If it did, we'd have
a real clerk right now.
200
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,589
For all we know, he could be
the next great legal mind.
201
00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:16,466
- Just needs a little molding.
- You're right.
202
00:09:16,508 --> 00:09:19,929
I shouldn't judge a book by
the fact that it's all pictures.
203
00:09:20,681 --> 00:09:22,766
Bryant? Bryant!
204
00:09:22,808 --> 00:09:25,187
I'm Bryant, the new clerk!
205
00:09:25,228 --> 00:09:26,731
Hi. I'm Judge Abby Stone.
206
00:09:26,772 --> 00:09:29,483
Hold on. I'm about to do
a really important jump.
207
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:33,000
[CHUCKLES] So much to mold.
208
00:09:39,887 --> 00:09:41,645
Man, people are still buying this stuff
209
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,975
- even though the drinks are back.
- Money on the table.
210
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:54,442
One woman drank two cans and
tried to fight a cement wall.
211
00:09:54,483 --> 00:09:56,651
She won.
212
00:09:56,693 --> 00:09:58,987
That's a great story,
but you got to get back to work.
213
00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:02,781
And the next time there's
a wall fight, charge to watch.
214
00:10:02,823 --> 00:10:04,532
Well, okay. I'll get back to it.
215
00:10:04,574 --> 00:10:06,284
- "Morgues" on three.
- There's no time, Gurgs.
216
00:10:06,325 --> 00:10:08,827
"Morgues" on one. One.
You missed it. Go.
217
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,036
Morgues!
218
00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:14,707
Okay, Bryant,
let's try this one more time.
219
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:17,041
How do we get you to care about the law?
220
00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,835
Um, what about...
221
00:10:18,877 --> 00:10:21,920
the law isn't all that different
from a video game.
222
00:10:21,962 --> 00:10:24,714
I freaking love video games!
There's this one I play...
223
00:10:24,756 --> 00:10:26,632
Okay. Okay. Great. Let's go with that.
224
00:10:26,674 --> 00:10:28,759
Video games are just like the law.
225
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,677
There are rules
that we have to navigate.
226
00:10:30,719 --> 00:10:33,387
And you can kill
as many people as you want.
227
00:10:33,429 --> 00:10:35,139
You can't, though.
228
00:10:35,181 --> 00:10:36,973
What are some other things
you care about?
229
00:10:37,015 --> 00:10:39,225
Oh! Your mom! Your mom!
You care about your mom, right?
230
00:10:39,267 --> 00:10:42,770
I'm not a mama's boy. I've had sex!
231
00:10:43,728 --> 00:10:46,272
What does that
have to do with anything?!
232
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,399
Why am I trying to make this work?
233
00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:51,067
Because you're my mentor.
234
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,569
Is that what you think
is happening right now?
235
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,320
Well, yeah. My mom's not around.
236
00:10:55,361 --> 00:10:57,781
I need someone to tell me what to do.
237
00:11:00,407 --> 00:11:04,994
I would love to be your mentor,
but, ugh, I just can't!
238
00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:08,455
- Err!
- Because I make more money than you.
239
00:11:08,497 --> 00:11:10,582
No, that's not... Wait. Do you?!
240
00:11:11,707 --> 00:11:14,001
I have got the most perfect
mentor for you.
241
00:11:14,043 --> 00:11:16,544
Don't change a thing.
You're gonna drive him crazy.
242
00:11:16,586 --> 00:11:19,171
I... I mean, he's gonna
be crazy about you.
243
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,174
- Dan.
- No.
244
00:11:24,467 --> 00:11:27,511
What qualities would you say
you're looking for
245
00:11:27,552 --> 00:11:31,764
in a mentee of 41 who's had sex?
246
00:11:33,891 --> 00:11:35,308
Who told you to do this?
247
00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:38,561
The little one
with the cape on backwards.
248
00:11:39,853 --> 00:11:42,022
Well, in that case, my advice to this
249
00:11:42,064 --> 00:11:45,400
sexually active young man
would be to go take a flying...
250
00:11:45,441 --> 00:11:47,275
Hey, Mom!
251
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:49,486
I came by to support my...
252
00:11:49,528 --> 00:11:50,861
No one's buying this.
253
00:11:50,903 --> 00:11:53,030
I'm just here to make sure
that this jackass
254
00:11:53,072 --> 00:11:55,824
is taking care of my jackass.
255
00:11:56,658 --> 00:11:58,201
She worries.
256
00:11:58,243 --> 00:12:00,869
I was bullied a lot
by my college for plagiarizing.
257
00:12:00,911 --> 00:12:04,664
Took one form to turn
that campus into a DMV.
258
00:12:04,705 --> 00:12:07,082
Most of the professors still work there.
259
00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:13,295
So, Dan, what was your advice?
260
00:12:13,337 --> 00:12:15,922
My advice would be
261
00:12:15,964 --> 00:12:18,550
for you to find a mentor,
262
00:12:18,591 --> 00:12:23,386
which you have and I love doing.
263
00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:25,221
You're my mentor.
264
00:12:25,263 --> 00:12:28,098
No. Man-tor!
265
00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:31,100
No. Dan-tor!
266
00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:34,145
This warms my heart.
267
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,396
Come, let's go get you a Cutie orange.
268
00:12:36,438 --> 00:12:38,731
- And I'm peeling it!
- No!
269
00:12:41,150 --> 00:12:44,152
I think 20 years
has made the soda stronger.
270
00:12:46,778 --> 00:12:49,656
Wow. We really cornered the market.
271
00:12:49,698 --> 00:12:51,907
And Flobert is an incredible salesman.
272
00:12:51,949 --> 00:12:54,743
Hey, man. You want to touch the sky?
273
00:12:56,911 --> 00:12:58,912
Flobert's a part of our thing now?
274
00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:00,956
You're just gonna let him
dance in on our profits?
275
00:13:00,998 --> 00:13:03,583
You think he can twirl?!
He's got bad knees!
276
00:13:03,624 --> 00:13:05,752
Well, his knees have been good enough
277
00:13:05,793 --> 00:13:08,128
to tap-dance
all over your sales numbers.
278
00:13:08,170 --> 00:13:10,713
Maybe you need to
step up your game, Gurgs.
279
00:13:10,755 --> 00:13:12,256
You better watch out.
280
00:13:12,298 --> 00:13:14,299
I wasn't originally cast as the catcher.
281
00:13:14,340 --> 00:13:18,343
The guy who was caught a one-way
ticket down a flight of stairs.
282
00:13:22,972 --> 00:13:24,599
How's your new buddy working out?
283
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:26,933
Oh. Oh. G... Great.
284
00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:29,311
Uh, the questions, the bonding.
285
00:13:29,352 --> 00:13:31,020
The orange peeling...
286
00:13:31,062 --> 00:13:33,773
because if he does it, he rubs
his eyes, and then it's all,
287
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,816
"It burns! Danny, it burns!"
288
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,526
I just love seeing this.
289
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:41,236
You two are in it for the long haul.
290
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:44,530
And the U-Haul. He said he was
gonna ask you to help him move.
291
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:48,909
Well, like the hand that
Bryant got stuck in his mouth
292
00:13:48,950 --> 00:13:51,994
when he was eating that orange,
I'm all-in.
293
00:13:53,412 --> 00:13:55,622
Alright, Bryant,
let's get this show on the road.
294
00:13:55,663 --> 00:13:56,956
Sure thing, Judge.
295
00:13:56,998 --> 00:14:01,210
Just gotta fold my newspaper
like my Dan-tor.
296
00:14:04,087 --> 00:14:07,964
Uh, Dan, it's bullying me.
297
00:14:08,006 --> 00:14:09,882
I told you it's simple.
You close the door.
298
00:14:09,924 --> 00:14:13,052
Shut the window. Fold the menu. Tuck!
299
00:14:15,804 --> 00:14:17,222
Dan, it's just a newspaper.
300
00:14:17,263 --> 00:14:18,806
There's a lot of ways to fold them.
301
00:14:18,847 --> 00:14:20,724
Oh, you know there's not.
302
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:24,602
Next up, the people versus
303
00:14:24,644 --> 00:14:26,478
[GIGGLING] Mrs. Lipschitz?
304
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,021
Oh, my God! Is that for real?!
305
00:14:28,063 --> 00:14:31,565
Dan, your client is named Lipschitz!
306
00:14:31,607 --> 00:14:34,317
I know. Permission to approach.
307
00:14:35,735 --> 00:14:37,153
You did this on purpose.
308
00:14:37,195 --> 00:14:39,988
I only fixed the first couple.
Then I got lucky.
309
00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:42,824
A fight broke out
at the Wiener family reunion.
310
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,285
- Your Honor, my client...
- Mrs. Lipschitz.
311
00:14:47,327 --> 00:14:49,787
[GIGGLES] You got to stop saying it.
312
00:14:50,871 --> 00:14:52,331
Bryant, it's only a name.
313
00:14:52,373 --> 00:14:55,291
Like Rod Sackhoff or Dick Butkus.
314
00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:57,168
[GIGGLING] I'm sorry, Your Honor,
315
00:14:57,210 --> 00:15:00,462
but you're picking, like,
all the worst ones!
316
00:15:00,504 --> 00:15:02,672
The defendant is charged
with reckless driving.
317
00:15:02,714 --> 00:15:04,507
On a Rascal scooter.
318
00:15:04,549 --> 00:15:06,967
Could we just please
let this go with a warning
319
00:15:07,008 --> 00:15:09,677
and not say the defendant's name again?
320
00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:11,345
Sure. Case dismissed.
321
00:15:12,054 --> 00:15:13,930
Thanks for being a good sport,
Mrs. Lipschitz.
322
00:15:13,972 --> 00:15:16,099
[SNORTS] Every time.
323
00:15:16,141 --> 00:15:18,851
It's actually a huge improvement
324
00:15:18,892 --> 00:15:20,686
over my maiden name.
325
00:15:20,728 --> 00:15:23,896
- I was Geraldine...
- Don't!
326
00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:26,940
Whisper it to me. I gotta know.
327
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:32,153
[CLEARS THROAT] Your Honor,
I have to apologize
328
00:15:32,194 --> 00:15:34,362
for letting that name
get the best of me.
329
00:15:34,404 --> 00:15:36,072
I'll try to be better.
330
00:15:36,114 --> 00:15:40,034
I'm a guy who reads newspapers now.
331
00:15:40,075 --> 00:15:42,618
Why don't you take some time
to collect yourself?
332
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:46,329
- Five-minute recess!
- [CELLPHONE RINGS]
333
00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:51,167
You gave him my cell number!
334
00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:54,127
He has to be able
to reach his mentor 24/7.
335
00:15:54,169 --> 00:15:55,962
And I know you're not gonna
throw out your phone
336
00:15:56,004 --> 00:15:58,547
because you love that picture
of you and Phil Collins.
337
00:15:58,589 --> 00:16:02,216
- [CELLPHONE RINGING]
- Bye, Phil.
338
00:16:02,258 --> 00:16:04,427
- [CRUNCH]
- [RINGING STOPS]
339
00:16:04,469 --> 00:16:07,053
Alright. I've had enough.
Make it stop, or I'm gonna
340
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,199
pay Flobert to throw him
down a flight of stairs.
341
00:16:13,815 --> 00:16:16,283
Alright. We need a plan.
The kid has got to go.
342
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:18,399
But if we cross his mother,
she's gonna turn
343
00:16:18,441 --> 00:16:20,400
my apartment building into a septic tank
344
00:16:20,442 --> 00:16:21,902
with a view of the park.
345
00:16:21,944 --> 00:16:24,070
[EXCITEDLY] Dan, I couldn't
figure it out either.
346
00:16:24,111 --> 00:16:27,073
Then Flobert sold me
this $9 can of ideas.
347
00:16:27,114 --> 00:16:28,491
Now I got tons of 'em!
348
00:16:28,533 --> 00:16:31,368
"Shark Tank" ideas, shoe ideas,
TV-show ideas!
349
00:16:31,409 --> 00:16:35,579
- Get this... King. Kong's. Family.
- [IMITATES EXPLOSION]
350
00:16:36,497 --> 00:16:39,207
- Doomed. Got it.
- No. Hey! No, no! Don't go!
351
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,584
You haven't heard my idea of how
we're gonna get rid of him.
352
00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,794
- You and I work together.
- I think I'd rather watch
353
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,755
a whole season of "King Kong's Family."
354
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,590
We can beat Linda at her own game.
355
00:16:49,632 --> 00:16:52,176
I... I mean, with my form-filling
skills and your ability
356
00:16:52,218 --> 00:16:54,761
to cynically nitpick,
we'll leave no loop unholed!
357
00:16:54,803 --> 00:16:57,681
Dan, I've seen the future. This works.
358
00:16:57,722 --> 00:17:00,432
Also, I'll have four kids and a bob.
359
00:17:01,475 --> 00:17:02,810
You got all of that from one can?
360
00:17:02,852 --> 00:17:04,769
Yeah. Just don't ask me how you die.
361
00:17:04,811 --> 00:17:08,856
- Promise me you'll never go to Nevada.
- [STAMMERS]
362
00:17:08,897 --> 00:17:10,232
"May cause..."
363
00:17:10,274 --> 00:17:12,025
What's "fire brain"?
364
00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:16,362
- I think we're about to find out.
- I... I...
365
00:17:16,404 --> 00:17:17,654
Well, well.
366
00:17:19,197 --> 00:17:20,991
See you up there.
367
00:17:24,452 --> 00:17:26,620
Poor faster, Sandy!
368
00:17:26,662 --> 00:17:28,455
What are you doing down here?
369
00:17:28,496 --> 00:17:30,248
Oh, well, we're out of fight juice,
370
00:17:30,290 --> 00:17:31,749
so I'm making my own.
371
00:17:31,791 --> 00:17:33,792
Coffee brewed with Mr. Pibb
instead of water.
372
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:36,503
The can seals itself. It's
a side effect of the chemicals.
373
00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:38,796
Science is cool! I know, right?
374
00:17:38,838 --> 00:17:40,631
How much of that have you had?
375
00:17:40,673 --> 00:17:43,049
I can hear your heartbeat
through your mouth.
376
00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:44,634
Well, I... I gotta keep up
377
00:17:44,676 --> 00:17:46,261
so you don't replace me with Flobert.
378
00:17:46,303 --> 00:17:48,596
I don't hear pouring, Sandy!
379
00:17:49,763 --> 00:17:52,348
Oh, God. I did this. [GASPS]
380
00:17:52,390 --> 00:17:55,518
I made you Florida in a person.
381
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,519
Nah. I'm good.
382
00:17:57,561 --> 00:17:59,521
I'm stepping up my game.
We're making money.
383
00:17:59,563 --> 00:18:02,023
I can move things with my mind now.
384
00:18:03,441 --> 00:18:06,902
Nah, everything in here is too heavy.
385
00:18:06,943 --> 00:18:08,195
Uh, you know what?
386
00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:10,322
Caused a lot of nervous
breakdowns in my life,
387
00:18:10,363 --> 00:18:13,824
but this is the first one
I feel bad about.
388
00:18:13,866 --> 00:18:16,743
- It's time to shut this down.
- Oh, thank God. Whew!
389
00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:18,661
Maybe we can get back
to doing fun things.
390
00:18:18,703 --> 00:18:21,164
[GASPS] Let's go to the hospital.
391
00:18:21,206 --> 00:18:23,791
- My fingernails are sweating.
- Oh!
392
00:18:28,044 --> 00:18:29,837
[BONES CRACKING]
393
00:18:35,383 --> 00:18:39,720
- Oh! Bup-bup-bup-bup! No blurple!
- [GASPS]
394
00:18:42,597 --> 00:18:44,182
The fine print on this one says,
395
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,850
"Everything you're writing
means the opposite."
396
00:18:46,892 --> 00:18:49,853
[GROANS] Run it back. Run it back!
397
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,104
Ungh!
398
00:19:01,195 --> 00:19:04,698
- Aah! Aah! Aah!
- No pain! No pain!
399
00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:06,908
Straighten out, or I'll cut you off!
400
00:19:06,950 --> 00:19:08,159
Get... Yeah.
401
00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:17,708
Lind-a-a-a-a-a!
402
00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:19,836
Good day, Linda.
403
00:19:19,877 --> 00:19:21,628
I don't remember calling your number.
404
00:19:21,670 --> 00:19:23,588
We have all the numbers.
405
00:19:24,881 --> 00:19:27,716
We're also here filing
on behalf of the court.
406
00:19:27,758 --> 00:19:31,177
Bryant! That's your cue, baby.
407
00:19:31,219 --> 00:19:34,097
Mom, don't be alarmed. It's me.
408
00:19:35,931 --> 00:19:38,767
I think you'll find
that this paperwork is flawless.
409
00:19:38,809 --> 00:19:42,520
"Flawless." That's a big word.
410
00:19:42,562 --> 00:19:45,897
Wait. These are beautiful!
411
00:19:45,939 --> 00:19:49,067
Forms! Subforms! Addendums!
412
00:19:49,109 --> 00:19:52,570
You even found applications
that are no longer in print!
413
00:19:52,611 --> 00:19:54,404
I hired a TaskRabbit to infiltrate
414
00:19:54,446 --> 00:19:55,905
the Library of Discontinued Documents
415
00:19:55,947 --> 00:19:57,699
in Little Serbia
out on Randall's Island.
416
00:19:57,740 --> 00:20:00,284
It was almost too easy.
417
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,161
This is undeniable.
418
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,537
I have no choice but to say yes.
419
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,248
And yet...
420
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,624
saying no is who I am!
421
00:20:10,792 --> 00:20:14,920
- Without that, I'm nothing!
- Go with it, Linda.
422
00:20:14,962 --> 00:20:17,298
Feel that "yes"
flowing through your body.
423
00:20:17,339 --> 00:20:22,051
Huh... I... did it!
424
00:20:23,136 --> 00:20:25,888
It was the table, but it's a start.
425
00:20:25,929 --> 00:20:28,015
Uh, there is one more form.
426
00:20:28,056 --> 00:20:29,766
It's an XQ-14B.
427
00:20:29,807 --> 00:20:33,685
An XQ-14B? You're firing me?
428
00:20:33,727 --> 00:20:36,062
But I'm in suit clothes.
429
00:20:37,981 --> 00:20:39,732
Bryant, you weren't happy up there,
430
00:20:39,774 --> 00:20:41,067
and you don't need our approval.
431
00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:44,152
And you would never have gotten it.
432
00:20:44,194 --> 00:20:45,945
I think there is a person in this room
433
00:20:45,987 --> 00:20:48,280
whose approval you do need.
434
00:20:48,322 --> 00:20:50,532
Linda, if you could say "yes"
to those forms,
435
00:20:50,574 --> 00:20:53,826
I think you could say "yes"
to something even more special.
436
00:20:59,247 --> 00:21:03,793
- Oh.
- Does it say "approved"?
437
00:21:03,834 --> 00:21:06,170
Well, kinda. Your head's pretty greasy.
438
00:21:08,671 --> 00:21:11,007
And that's the power of a "yes"!
439
00:21:11,049 --> 00:21:15,135
Dan, I know this feels like goodbye...
440
00:21:15,177 --> 00:21:17,804
Oh, Bryant. It's absolutely goodbye.
441
00:21:21,139 --> 00:21:26,138
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
442
00:21:26,188 --> 00:21:30,738
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