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1
00:00:06,372 --> 00:00:10,341
We're a very outward
facing school here at Millmead.
2
00:00:10,376 --> 00:00:11,894
What a load of shit.
3
00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,551
I told you this was
a bell end factory.
4
00:00:13,586 --> 00:00:15,760
...a twinship program
with a school in Poznan.
5
00:00:15,795 --> 00:00:17,245
It's twinned with Poznan.
6
00:00:17,279 --> 00:00:18,763
-Where is that, love?
-Poland.
7
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:22,388
It's got the second-best
women's handball team
8
00:00:22,422 --> 00:00:23,389
in the country.
9
00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:24,735
[Liz] Ah, this place.
10
00:00:25,322 --> 00:00:27,117
Someone's gonna get
a flute out in a minute.
11
00:00:28,566 --> 00:00:30,534
[Mr. Taylor]
...grading us outstanding
12
00:00:30,568 --> 00:00:33,226
in all categories in June 2017.
13
00:00:34,193 --> 00:00:37,230
The inspectors commented
that learning is paramount...
14
00:00:37,265 --> 00:00:38,576
I didn't think
you were going down
15
00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:39,646
the state school route.
16
00:00:40,785 --> 00:00:41,786
I thought you were sending Manus
to that posh school?
17
00:00:41,821 --> 00:00:44,513
Yeah well, Hersham House
is still second choice.
18
00:00:44,548 --> 00:00:46,412
I'm not paying
for Hersham House.
19
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:47,620
I'm not paying
thirty grand a year
20
00:00:47,654 --> 00:00:49,173
for Manus to wear a boater.
21
00:00:49,622 --> 00:00:51,313
So, it's still very much
up in the air.
22
00:00:51,348 --> 00:00:52,314
It's not.
23
00:00:53,729 --> 00:00:55,490
-You get me, Meg.
-What's that?
24
00:00:55,524 --> 00:00:57,906
Where did Bill go? I bet he went
to one of the biggies?
25
00:00:57,940 --> 00:00:59,321
Eton, Harrow?
26
00:00:59,632 --> 00:01:00,633
God, no.
27
00:01:01,772 --> 00:01:03,670
His dad was in the army,
so they were out in Cyprus.
28
00:01:03,705 --> 00:01:04,671
-Oh.
-[Meg] No.
29
00:01:04,706 --> 00:01:06,156
I'm the posho in the family.
30
00:01:06,190 --> 00:01:07,605
-Where did you go?
-St. Paul's Girls.
31
00:01:07,916 --> 00:01:10,229
-Putney High.
-I probably beat you at hockey.
32
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,750
No, I think I'd remember
if I'd played you at hockey.
33
00:01:15,648 --> 00:01:16,683
Why's that?
34
00:01:17,374 --> 00:01:18,340
Uh...
35
00:01:18,789 --> 00:01:20,377
[Mr. Taylor]
...this means we expect
36
00:01:20,653 --> 00:01:22,137
a lot from our student...
37
00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:25,175
Netball was, like,
more my game so...
38
00:01:26,348 --> 00:01:27,349
Oh yeah.
39
00:01:27,384 --> 00:01:28,902
Without further ado,
please welcome
40
00:01:28,937 --> 00:01:31,284
Shannon Bell with her version
of Mozart's
41
00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:33,355
Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.
42
00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:34,874
Take it away, Shannon.
43
00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:37,256
That's it, I'm off.
44
00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:39,361
Whoa, whoa, matey.
45
00:01:41,674 --> 00:01:44,297
[theme music playing]
46
00:01:48,646 --> 00:01:51,132
Science hub is named
after Marie Curie.
47
00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:52,857
Where's Mr. Julia tonight?
48
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:54,721
Oh, he's, uh, nil by mouth.
49
00:01:54,756 --> 00:01:55,998
You know what he's
like around snacks.
50
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,862
Oh, it's Paul's
vasectomy tomorrow?
51
00:01:58,415 --> 00:01:59,623
Do send my love.
52
00:01:59,657 --> 00:02:01,280
Hmm, to his balls.
53
00:02:01,314 --> 00:02:02,660
Oh, goodness. He'll be fine.
54
00:02:02,902 --> 00:02:04,214
What's the worst
that can happen?
55
00:02:04,248 --> 00:02:05,387
Uh, he dies?
56
00:02:05,422 --> 00:02:06,561
That it doesn't work.
57
00:02:06,595 --> 00:02:09,184
And through here
is one of our science labs.
58
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,945
Whoa, it's like
Laboratoire Garnier.
59
00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:14,224
This term's project
is recycling.
60
00:02:14,258 --> 00:02:16,985
We're looking at an enzyme
that can eat plastic bags.
61
00:02:17,399 --> 00:02:18,262
Next month we'll be...
62
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,333
She had me
at plastic eating enzyme.
63
00:02:20,782 --> 00:02:21,886
Fan of science?
64
00:02:25,683 --> 00:02:27,720
It's a bit Russian roulette
with this school. Your kid's
65
00:02:27,754 --> 00:02:29,963
either gonna be a Malia Obama
or a Barron Trump.
66
00:02:31,517 --> 00:02:33,277
Oh, my God.
67
00:02:33,312 --> 00:02:34,727
Look at that, it's Lee.
68
00:02:35,417 --> 00:02:36,798
-Which one?
-That one.
69
00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,628
With the stupid smirk
and the greasy curtains.
70
00:02:39,939 --> 00:02:41,941
God. Did you ever have
that haircut?
71
00:02:41,975 --> 00:02:43,322
Me? No, no.
72
00:02:43,770 --> 00:02:46,221
I was affectionally called
pube head at school.
73
00:02:46,256 --> 00:02:47,843
Which is ironic
'cause I didn't have a single
74
00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:49,638
actual pube
till I was nigh on 16.
75
00:02:49,914 --> 00:02:52,538
To think I was married to that
oily bollock for four years.
76
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:53,677
I guess you didn't know
77
00:02:53,711 --> 00:02:55,023
he was an oily bollock
when you met him.
78
00:02:56,024 --> 00:02:57,336
To be fair, I didn't know
79
00:02:57,370 --> 00:02:59,372
Jill was a man hating sociopath
when I met her.
80
00:02:59,648 --> 00:03:01,305
How's the divorce
of the decade going?
81
00:03:01,547 --> 00:03:02,824
I got a letter
from her lawyer.
82
00:03:03,549 --> 00:03:04,722
He seems like a top bloke.
83
00:03:04,757 --> 00:03:06,586
In another world,
we might be pals.
84
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:07,863
Anyway,
85
00:03:07,898 --> 00:03:09,589
he says I've got to move
out of the family home.
86
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:10,970
So yeah, that's happening.
87
00:03:11,004 --> 00:03:13,283
You need to get tooled up, Kev.
88
00:03:13,869 --> 00:03:14,905
Get your own lawyer.
89
00:03:14,939 --> 00:03:16,009
Oh, I don't know.
90
00:03:16,458 --> 00:03:18,633
That's like fighting fire
with fire, Liz.
91
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:20,393
No, it's like fighting fire
with a fireman.
92
00:03:20,876 --> 00:03:22,740
Listen, use my woman.
93
00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:25,743
She's great. And by great,
I mean cheap.
94
00:03:26,399 --> 00:03:27,435
She mainly texts
95
00:03:27,469 --> 00:03:28,953
which really keeps
the price down.
96
00:03:29,437 --> 00:03:31,301
Speaking of which,
I've got to log on.
97
00:03:31,335 --> 00:03:32,405
I'm Ubering tonight.
98
00:03:32,681 --> 00:03:33,786
Oh, you get the job?
99
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,960
More like the job got me
in the end.
100
00:03:36,547 --> 00:03:38,653
Beggars can't be choosers,
but they can be Uberers.
101
00:03:38,687 --> 00:03:39,757
I'll see you later, Kev.
102
00:03:39,792 --> 00:03:40,827
Yeah. See ya.
103
00:03:42,070 --> 00:03:43,899
Right. I'm gonna make a move.
104
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:45,453
Oh, where are you off to?
105
00:03:45,694 --> 00:03:46,937
Nowhere. An appointment.
106
00:03:46,971 --> 00:03:48,559
Oh, come on.
I wasn't born yesterday.
107
00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:49,905
Those are your date chinos.
108
00:03:51,355 --> 00:03:53,530
If you're going to meet
a woman, that's cool.
109
00:03:54,082 --> 00:03:56,291
Hey, if you're gonna meet
a man, that's cool too.
110
00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:58,466
Johnny, you're making
something I'm totally cool about
111
00:03:58,500 --> 00:03:59,881
a little bit weird here.
112
00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:02,987
Okay yes, I'm gonna see
my girlfriend.
113
00:04:04,126 --> 00:04:05,852
Girlfriend? Ah.
114
00:04:05,887 --> 00:04:06,715
Yeah.
115
00:04:07,129 --> 00:04:08,269
Cool.
116
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,341
When am I gonna meet
this girlfriend
117
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:12,894
Mr. Secret Squirrel?
118
00:04:12,928 --> 00:04:13,964
Uh, never.
119
00:04:13,998 --> 00:04:15,379
Can I at least get a name?
120
00:04:15,759 --> 00:04:17,692
-Tamara.
-[whispers] Tamara.
121
00:04:18,417 --> 00:04:20,419
I used to work with
a Tamara at Bibendum.
122
00:04:21,109 --> 00:04:22,386
Yeah, she was a stupid fat bitch
123
00:04:22,421 --> 00:04:23,905
but I'm sure
yours is really nice.
124
00:04:23,939 --> 00:04:25,320
Someone order an Uber?
125
00:04:25,355 --> 00:04:26,632
That'll be me.
126
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,461
I'll meet you out front
in three minutes, yeah?
127
00:04:29,876 --> 00:04:31,015
Goodnight, Amanda.
128
00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:32,603
My love to Tamara.
129
00:04:38,816 --> 00:04:40,680
[Julia] All right, maties. Ooh!
130
00:04:40,715 --> 00:04:42,924
I love an after-school club.
I'll take anything, me.
131
00:04:42,958 --> 00:04:45,651
Do you know 80% of visits
to children's A&E
132
00:04:45,685 --> 00:04:47,446
are from
trampolining accidents?
133
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:48,619
Yeah, that's true.
134
00:04:48,654 --> 00:04:50,103
I've broken nine ankles
135
00:04:50,138 --> 00:04:52,554
on trampolines. Uh,
three of them my own.
136
00:04:52,589 --> 00:04:53,900
Oh, I love sitting in A&E.
137
00:04:53,935 --> 00:04:55,661
God, anything that kills
four hours of the afternoon.
138
00:04:55,937 --> 00:04:57,352
-All right, Mands.
-[Amanda] Yeah.
139
00:04:57,387 --> 00:04:59,043
Why are you walking like a goat?
140
00:04:59,078 --> 00:05:00,597
I just had my feet treated.
141
00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:03,116
I've found
the most amazing podiatrist.
142
00:05:03,151 --> 00:05:04,980
I'm going to go every week
because she literally sanded
143
00:05:05,015 --> 00:05:06,568
ten years off my feet,
I swear to God.
144
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,398
I mean they look 22.
145
00:05:09,537 --> 00:05:10,917
So, what did you think about
the Millmead open day?
146
00:05:10,952 --> 00:05:12,850
Oh, Millmead's definitely
on the list.
147
00:05:12,885 --> 00:05:14,369
We're also on the waiting
list for Elmfield.
148
00:05:14,645 --> 00:05:15,646
So brilliant.
149
00:05:16,647 --> 00:05:17,717
They call their teacher
by their first name,
150
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,926
they do International
Baccalaureate. And I think
151
00:05:19,961 --> 00:05:23,136
Lilly Allen and Gemma Arterton
both got expelled from there.
152
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,104
It's so cool, you know?
153
00:05:25,138 --> 00:05:27,624
For me, it's between
Boundary Road Academy
154
00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:29,488
and Boundary Road Academy, so
155
00:05:29,971 --> 00:05:31,973
we'll probably plump
for Boundary Road Academy.
156
00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:33,595
What's your beef
with Millmead mate?
157
00:05:33,630 --> 00:05:34,631
-Lee went there.
-[Liz] Yeah.
158
00:05:35,701 --> 00:05:36,564
There's no way I'm sending
my kids to the same
159
00:05:36,598 --> 00:05:38,600
dickhead school
as their dickhead dad.
160
00:05:38,635 --> 00:05:40,568
Oh well, I, for one, will be
thrilled to send my children
161
00:05:40,602 --> 00:05:43,018
to an Ofsted rated
outstanding dickhead academy.
162
00:05:43,053 --> 00:05:45,400
Uh, sadly Julia, turns out
163
00:05:45,435 --> 00:05:47,022
we're not actually in the
catchment for Millmead.
164
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:49,197
-Ah.
-Sorry, what, what...
165
00:05:49,231 --> 00:05:50,716
wh... wh... what, what the what?
166
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:51,958
Yeah. We've been
outside of it
167
00:05:51,993 --> 00:05:53,719
since those flats went
up on Sandy Way.
168
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,583
So, I guess we're destined
for Boundary Road too.
169
00:05:55,617 --> 00:05:57,550
-Ah.
-Oh my god. Flip off.
170
00:05:57,585 --> 00:05:58,827
Flip the flats.
171
00:06:00,139 --> 00:06:01,589
Even if they do have a really
good Budgens underneath them.
172
00:06:01,623 --> 00:06:03,245
God, I'm starting
to hate my house.
173
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,144
I've got this builder coming
round this afternoon
174
00:06:05,178 --> 00:06:07,422
to install grab rails and ramps.
175
00:06:07,457 --> 00:06:09,804
It's gonna be like living
on a cross channel ferry.
176
00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,668
I'm mortgaged up to the nips
177
00:06:11,702 --> 00:06:12,979
and we've got subsidence.
178
00:06:13,014 --> 00:06:14,878
I'd hang on in there.
Your foundations
179
00:06:14,912 --> 00:06:17,018
might slide you into
the Millmead catchment area.
180
00:06:17,052 --> 00:06:18,951
Actually, we're thinking
of moving
181
00:06:19,538 --> 00:06:20,953
closer to Millmead.
So...
182
00:06:22,057 --> 00:06:24,094
you can come live with us
if you like Julia?
183
00:06:24,128 --> 00:06:25,198
You can live in the attic.
184
00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:26,579
You could start a commune.
185
00:06:26,614 --> 00:06:27,477
[tuts]
186
00:06:29,099 --> 00:06:30,480
What's wrong with you king tut?
187
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,034
Well, I just don't agree with
middle class people effectively
188
00:06:33,724 --> 00:06:35,277
buying
their way into state schools.
189
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,659
I-- I'm sorry Meg, I think,
I think that's immoral.
190
00:06:37,694 --> 00:06:38,591
[Amanda] Kevin.
191
00:06:38,936 --> 00:06:40,421
Meg has cancer.
192
00:06:41,974 --> 00:06:43,527
Although saying that,
it might actually work
193
00:06:43,562 --> 00:06:45,149
-in your favor at Millmead.
-In what way?
194
00:06:45,184 --> 00:06:46,185
Big C.
195
00:06:47,151 --> 00:06:48,636
They wouldn't turn away
a cancerous mother.
196
00:06:48,670 --> 00:06:49,913
You should totes tell them.
197
00:06:49,947 --> 00:06:50,983
No, I'm not going to do that.
198
00:06:51,190 --> 00:06:52,156
Yeah. That's the spirit.
199
00:06:52,605 --> 00:06:54,435
God love ya. Come on.
200
00:06:54,642 --> 00:06:56,126
-Hug?
-No, no you're all right.
201
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,679
-Okay.
-Bye, babies.
202
00:06:57,714 --> 00:06:59,232
Meg, look if you need anything,
203
00:06:59,681 --> 00:07:01,580
anything at all,
please just holler.
204
00:07:01,614 --> 00:07:02,822
Actually, I have
a couple of pallets
205
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:04,617
in the garden that need
taking down to the dump.
206
00:07:04,652 --> 00:07:06,654
Oh. Laughing
in the face of cancer.
207
00:07:06,688 --> 00:07:07,896
You're my hero.
208
00:07:08,518 --> 00:07:10,243
Hasn't affected
your sense of humor, Meg.
209
00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:13,626
Oh.
210
00:07:22,324 --> 00:07:23,567
[door closing]
211
00:07:25,742 --> 00:07:26,915
Is the bathroom up there?
212
00:07:27,295 --> 00:07:28,227
-Hmm?
-[builder] Bathroom?
213
00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:29,815
-Uh, upstairs?
-Yeah.
214
00:07:34,613 --> 00:07:35,821
[whistles]
215
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:37,719
Um, builder. Builder!
Builder, mate!
216
00:07:37,961 --> 00:07:39,652
Matey, mate. Oi, oi, oi!
217
00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,792
-It's Garry.
-Cool.
218
00:07:41,827 --> 00:07:43,104
Just could you take
your shoes off
219
00:07:43,138 --> 00:07:44,692
when you, um, come
in the house generally?
220
00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:45,831
Please would be nice.
221
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,212
Uh, please can you
222
00:07:48,247 --> 00:07:49,938
please take your shoes off
when you generally
223
00:07:49,973 --> 00:07:51,595
come in, please,
thank you, please.
224
00:07:52,113 --> 00:07:53,666
Seeing as
how you asked so nicely.
225
00:08:00,604 --> 00:08:01,743
What's your name?
226
00:08:01,778 --> 00:08:02,917
-It's still Garry.
-[Julia] Yeah.
227
00:08:04,056 --> 00:08:05,022
Julia. Enchante.
228
00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:08,060
Sorry, can,
can we roll back a bit?
229
00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:09,924
Sorry, I'm so sorry
it's just that my mum's just,
230
00:08:09,958 --> 00:08:11,339
um, moved in
and the whole building...
231
00:08:11,373 --> 00:08:13,790
Um, I mean with every
respect to your trade, it is--
232
00:08:13,824 --> 00:08:16,068
it's a bit galling having
to pay for your lovely, um,
233
00:08:16,102 --> 00:08:17,587
en suite to be ripped out
in favor of
234
00:08:17,621 --> 00:08:18,933
a geriatric sheep dip so...
235
00:08:19,347 --> 00:08:20,348
but then she did
236
00:08:20,969 --> 00:08:22,764
give birth to me so I suppose...
237
00:08:23,316 --> 00:08:24,628
-It's nice.
-Hey?
238
00:08:24,835 --> 00:08:25,905
What you're doing
for your mum.
239
00:08:26,630 --> 00:08:27,735
It's a good thing.
240
00:08:29,668 --> 00:08:30,669
Thanks.
241
00:08:31,117 --> 00:08:31,980
Garry.
242
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,707
Uh, would you like
a cup of tea or...?
243
00:08:35,708 --> 00:08:36,709
Yeah.
244
00:08:43,820 --> 00:08:45,131
Blimey, Liz.
245
00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:46,995
-Blast from the past.
-All right.
246
00:08:47,202 --> 00:08:48,410
I was just having my lunch.
247
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:49,929
I didn't know anyone
was out here.
248
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,103
This is Kev, who I was
249
00:08:51,137 --> 00:08:52,794
texting you about.
Kev, this is Linda.
250
00:08:52,829 --> 00:08:54,589
Hi, hi. I'm very nervous.
251
00:08:55,245 --> 00:08:58,697
Nice office. I didn't realize
you could still smoke indoors.
252
00:08:58,731 --> 00:09:00,353
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Help yourselves.
253
00:09:00,802 --> 00:09:02,942
-No.
-So Liz, how are you doing?
254
00:09:03,874 --> 00:09:06,187
How's Lee? 'Cause I think
of you often, you know,
255
00:09:06,221 --> 00:09:07,360
'cause you're one
of my few clients
256
00:09:07,395 --> 00:09:09,155
that managed
to give it another go.
257
00:09:09,431 --> 00:09:11,330
[laughs] Yeah right. As if.
258
00:09:11,813 --> 00:09:13,297
Oh, so you did go through
259
00:09:13,332 --> 00:09:14,816
with the divorce
in the end then?
260
00:09:15,161 --> 00:09:16,680
What? Yeah, yeah. You sorted it.
261
00:09:16,956 --> 00:09:17,992
Oh no, no, no.
262
00:09:18,026 --> 00:09:20,097
I just, I just did
your decree nisi.
263
00:09:20,132 --> 00:09:22,030
I sent you
that text remember saying...
264
00:09:22,306 --> 00:09:23,273
That'll do nisi.
265
00:09:24,792 --> 00:09:27,035
So, I just assumed that
when you didn't apply
266
00:09:27,070 --> 00:09:28,727
for your decree absolute
you'd just
267
00:09:29,106 --> 00:09:30,073
-got it together.
-What so,
268
00:09:31,143 --> 00:09:32,662
what does that mean?
I'm still married to Lee?
269
00:09:32,696 --> 00:09:34,353
I mean if you didn't get
your absolute
270
00:09:34,387 --> 00:09:35,803
then technically, yeah.
271
00:09:35,837 --> 00:09:38,046
Fuck's sake, Linda.
You might have mentioned it?
272
00:09:38,081 --> 00:09:39,703
I just send the texts, mate.
273
00:09:40,359 --> 00:09:42,223
Keith, what can I do you for?
274
00:09:42,257 --> 00:09:43,362
Um, well,
275
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:45,019
I w... uh...
276
00:09:45,053 --> 00:09:47,262
Ooh, can-- can someone hear
a car alarm?
277
00:09:47,711 --> 00:09:50,058
Uh, Liz I... I think
that's our car alarm, Liz.
278
00:09:50,093 --> 00:09:52,164
I'm-- I'm just gotta, um--
I'm just gonna
279
00:09:52,198 --> 00:09:54,131
go and do,
um, I'm just gonna...
280
00:09:54,925 --> 00:09:56,168
'King hell Linda.
281
00:10:08,801 --> 00:10:10,803
I can't wait for
that bloody builder to finish.
282
00:10:11,770 --> 00:10:13,116
Mother, you always do this.
283
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:14,911
-[Marion] Do what?
-The queen of finding fault
284
00:10:14,945 --> 00:10:16,084
with anyone
I've ever brought home.
285
00:10:16,464 --> 00:10:17,361
Where's this coming from?
286
00:10:18,224 --> 00:10:19,225
I'm stressed.
I'm really stressed
287
00:10:20,261 --> 00:10:22,125
about the whole school
catchment area thing.
288
00:10:22,159 --> 00:10:24,403
How did you decide
where we were gonna go?
289
00:10:24,437 --> 00:10:26,750
Well, you just went
to the nearest big school.
290
00:10:26,785 --> 00:10:28,027
That's the worst one
in the borough.
291
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,477
Well, that's just
how it was, Julia.
292
00:10:29,511 --> 00:10:31,099
Oh, okay, Mother.
293
00:10:31,134 --> 00:10:33,343
Well, um, I tell you what
I'll give some, um,
294
00:10:33,757 --> 00:10:35,448
'70s parenting a go.
See where that gets me.
295
00:10:35,483 --> 00:10:37,140
Well, you turned out all right.
296
00:10:37,450 --> 00:10:40,212
Got a good job,
nice husband, lovely house.
297
00:10:40,246 --> 00:10:41,696
I'm quite clearly
mentally insane, mum.
298
00:10:41,731 --> 00:10:43,146
That could have
easily been avoided.
299
00:10:44,319 --> 00:10:45,976
-Yes what?
-Hey baby.
300
00:10:46,287 --> 00:10:47,978
-Yes.
-[Paul] Just rang to say that
301
00:10:48,013 --> 00:10:50,153
you know, if I don't wake up
from the anesthetic,
302
00:10:51,326 --> 00:10:52,845
God forbid, then
303
00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:55,537
I love you and say goodbye
to the kids.
304
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:58,368
[Julia sighs]
One, it's a local anesthetic,
305
00:10:58,402 --> 00:10:59,990
and two I've just found out
we're not
306
00:11:00,025 --> 00:11:01,233
in the catchment
area for Millmead.
307
00:11:01,267 --> 00:11:02,924
Well, what do you want me
to do about that?
308
00:11:02,959 --> 00:11:04,857
Oh, have an opinion?
309
00:11:04,892 --> 00:11:07,204
I'm about to undergo
a life changing operation here.
310
00:11:07,239 --> 00:11:08,550
It's just keyhole surgery, Paul.
311
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,898
-In my testes.
-[Julia] Okay,
312
00:11:10,932 --> 00:11:12,382
well, um, I've got to go.
313
00:11:12,416 --> 00:11:14,556
So, um, good luck with having
your sperm hose severed yeah.
314
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,834
You are going to regret it
315
00:11:16,973 --> 00:11:17,732
if that is the last thing that
you ever say to me.
316
00:11:17,767 --> 00:11:18,802
Oh, fuck off.
317
00:11:20,045 --> 00:11:22,530
Hi. Sorry about all this chaos,
318
00:11:22,564 --> 00:11:24,428
I'm just having a total mare
with-- with schools.
319
00:11:24,463 --> 00:11:27,086
I'm just usually much,
much, much more chilled.
320
00:11:28,191 --> 00:11:29,986
Just I really want my daughter
to go to Millmead.
321
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:32,160
So, um, does that make me
a bad mum?
322
00:11:32,195 --> 00:11:34,162
No. You want what's best
for your kids, right?
323
00:11:34,197 --> 00:11:37,200
Yes. Yes.
Yes. Thank you.
324
00:11:37,234 --> 00:11:39,754
My brother had the same thing.
He went to mass so
325
00:11:39,789 --> 00:11:41,169
his kids could get
into catholic school.
326
00:11:41,204 --> 00:11:42,930
Wow. God,
327
00:11:42,964 --> 00:11:45,001
that's a really good idea. I'm--
I'm definitely gonna do that.
328
00:11:45,587 --> 00:11:47,037
Uh-- Uh, are you a believer?
329
00:11:47,072 --> 00:11:48,521
Did you get married
in church or...
330
00:11:48,556 --> 00:11:49,730
No, I'm not married.
331
00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:51,835
I mean even if I was, I wouldn't
go down that route.
332
00:11:51,870 --> 00:11:53,595
-Never tempted? Ever come close?
-[Garry] No.
333
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,942
No, no me neither.
334
00:11:55,494 --> 00:11:56,460
Well, I am
335
00:11:57,220 --> 00:11:59,015
but...
I-- I just, I think, um,
336
00:11:59,049 --> 00:12:01,396
I think marriage is very much
a social construct so...
337
00:12:02,328 --> 00:12:04,158
-[Julia screams]
-Oh, oh. Sorry.
338
00:12:04,192 --> 00:12:05,435
Are you, you okay?
339
00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:08,024
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
340
00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:08,956
-[Garry] Yeah.
-Yeah.
341
00:12:09,370 --> 00:12:10,474
Uh.
342
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,927
Ah I don't... I don't think
it broke the skin
343
00:12:14,962 --> 00:12:17,067
-so... [laughs]
-[Garry] Sorry.
344
00:12:17,102 --> 00:12:19,069
-No, it's fine. T...
-[Garry] Oh.
345
00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:20,243
Hardly felt it.
346
00:12:20,830 --> 00:12:21,831
So...
347
00:12:28,216 --> 00:12:30,494
So, I've narrowed it down
to 27 Tamaras,
348
00:12:30,529 --> 00:12:31,633
all based
on Johnny's type;
349
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,325
young, blond,
athletic shoulders,
350
00:12:33,359 --> 00:12:34,395
defined jawline,
351
00:12:35,637 --> 00:12:37,053
around five foot seven and
a half, say five ten in heels.
352
00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:38,848
And approximate
geographical location
353
00:12:38,882 --> 00:12:40,263
between Reading
and Central London.
354
00:12:40,297 --> 00:12:41,989
Are you sure young and blonde
is his type?
355
00:12:42,023 --> 00:12:43,369
Because, like, you're 42
356
00:12:43,404 --> 00:12:45,268
and weren't you brunette
when you met?
357
00:12:45,544 --> 00:12:47,201
Fake news, Anne. I'm 38
358
00:12:47,235 --> 00:12:48,581
and I was born blond.
359
00:12:48,616 --> 00:12:50,100
-[cell phone rings]
-Yeah.
360
00:12:50,411 --> 00:12:51,515
[Amanda] Speak of the devil.
361
00:12:57,349 --> 00:12:59,075
[laughs]
362
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:00,214
Hang on just a sec.
363
00:13:00,248 --> 00:13:02,112
Hey Johnny, how's Tamara?
364
00:13:02,457 --> 00:13:03,665
[Johnny] Uh, fine. Listen,
365
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,840
uh, I can't make
Boundary Road open day now.
366
00:13:05,875 --> 00:13:07,600
Ooh, are you out with Tamara?
367
00:13:07,635 --> 00:13:09,292
[Johnny] No, I'm in Manchester.
368
00:13:09,326 --> 00:13:10,845
One of us has to go.
369
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,295
Maybe I should go with Tamara?
370
00:13:12,605 --> 00:13:13,468
[Johnny] Sorry?
371
00:13:14,366 --> 00:13:15,608
Well, if this is
a serious relationship,
372
00:13:15,643 --> 00:13:17,645
if she's going to meet our kids
one day, I should meet her.
373
00:13:19,026 --> 00:13:20,441
[Johnny sighs]
I suppose you should.
374
00:13:20,993 --> 00:13:22,201
So, she is going
to meet our kids?
375
00:13:22,512 --> 00:13:24,100
Wow, that was fast.
376
00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:25,860
[Johnny] So, are you gonna go
to the open day?
377
00:13:26,102 --> 00:13:28,587
I'm just not sure that Manus
is a Boundary Road type of guy.
378
00:13:29,036 --> 00:13:30,347
[Johnny] Amanda, please.
379
00:13:30,382 --> 00:13:32,246
Okay, you know what,
I will go to your open day,
380
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:33,523
and in return,
you can organize lunch
381
00:13:33,557 --> 00:13:35,180
for the three of us,
you, me and Tamara.
382
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:36,595
[Johnny] God's sake.
383
00:13:37,492 --> 00:13:39,494
-Fine.
-I can do Wednesday.
384
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:44,361
-Coffee?
-Okay.
385
00:13:44,568 --> 00:13:46,467
[Liz] Thought I'd cancelled
my subscription
386
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:48,055
to shit husband monthly
387
00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:49,573
but turns out
I've been technically married
388
00:13:49,608 --> 00:13:51,023
to Lee for eight years.
389
00:13:51,368 --> 00:13:52,335
Oh, mate!
390
00:13:54,026 --> 00:13:56,580
Oh jeez.
It's Jill's solicitor again.
391
00:13:56,615 --> 00:13:59,445
I replied to one text, it's like
I've opened the flood gates.
392
00:13:59,652 --> 00:14:01,516
All right hags? And Kevin.
393
00:14:01,551 --> 00:14:02,690
No, no it's all right,
I'm not stopping.
394
00:14:02,724 --> 00:14:04,036
I'm just getting a takeaway.
395
00:14:04,071 --> 00:14:05,589
On my way to have a
sneaky peek at Hersham.
396
00:14:06,452 --> 00:14:08,385
Fuck it. Jade'd look really cute
in a boater.
397
00:14:09,145 --> 00:14:10,353
God knows how many miles
398
00:14:10,387 --> 00:14:12,148
I'd have to drive
to even afford the boater.
399
00:14:12,458 --> 00:14:14,184
Yeah, even if I re-re-mortgaged
400
00:14:14,219 --> 00:14:15,392
our unmortgage-able house
401
00:14:15,427 --> 00:14:16,946
I still couldn't afford Hersham.
402
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:19,327
Yeah, I might give, um,
St. Cuthbert's a crack.
403
00:14:19,362 --> 00:14:20,570
What the Catholic school?
404
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,537
By the bridge that lorries
always get stuck under?
405
00:14:22,572 --> 00:14:24,125
Yeah, Garry said
that his brother managed
406
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:25,264
to get his kids in there so...
407
00:14:25,747 --> 00:14:27,922
-Who's Gary?
-Oh, he's my lovely builder.
408
00:14:27,957 --> 00:14:28,958
And it's Garry.
409
00:14:29,372 --> 00:14:30,269
Two Rs.
410
00:14:31,443 --> 00:14:32,651
Didn't think you could make
the name Garry any worse.
411
00:14:32,685 --> 00:14:34,998
You know it's not that easy
to get into Catholic school.
412
00:14:35,033 --> 00:14:36,551
You do actually have to be
Catholic for starters.
413
00:14:36,586 --> 00:14:38,139
Whoa, some news for you Anne,
414
00:14:38,174 --> 00:14:39,554
I actually do identify
as Catholic.
415
00:14:39,589 --> 00:14:41,280
I love bread, I love wine,
I love the pope.
416
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:43,144
And you wouldn't feel guilty
about doing any of that?
417
00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:45,457
-No.
-There you go then you see, uh.
418
00:14:45,491 --> 00:14:46,354
You're not Catholic.
419
00:14:47,217 --> 00:14:48,149
I-- I'm with Anne on this.
420
00:14:48,391 --> 00:14:49,702
You can't pretend
to be a religion
421
00:14:49,737 --> 00:14:51,981
just to get your kids
into a certain school.
422
00:14:52,257 --> 00:14:53,430
Oh Kevin,
who's going to punish me
423
00:14:53,465 --> 00:14:54,500
for being a lying atheist?
424
00:14:54,535 --> 00:14:56,088
Richard Dawkins? Ricky Gervais?
425
00:14:58,746 --> 00:15:00,990
Oh, God, it's Jill's solicitor.
426
00:15:01,231 --> 00:15:03,061
I'm absolutely
spinning out here.
427
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,786
This was my worst
nightmare, ending up
428
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,547
penniless and alone
in a bedsit.
429
00:15:06,581 --> 00:15:08,135
And now
it's actually coming true,
430
00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:10,171
except I haven't
even got a bedsit.
431
00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:12,794
I've got a great lawyer
for you, Kev.
432
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:14,727
She did Frank and
Christine Lampard's prenup.
433
00:15:14,762 --> 00:15:16,108
She's the best of the best.
434
00:15:16,143 --> 00:15:17,627
-Guys.
-Hey.
435
00:15:18,076 --> 00:15:18,973
Guys.
436
00:15:20,043 --> 00:15:21,700
Nice of you to leave
your sick friend standing.
437
00:15:21,734 --> 00:15:23,460
-Oh no, no, I'm okay, Mands.
-No, no, no.
438
00:15:23,771 --> 00:15:25,117
Excuse me, sorry.
439
00:15:25,152 --> 00:15:26,463
Could I borrow your chair,
440
00:15:26,498 --> 00:15:28,017
it's for my friend,
she's got cancer.
441
00:15:28,051 --> 00:15:28,776
-Oh.
-Yeah.
442
00:15:46,725 --> 00:15:48,002
[clears throat].
443
00:15:49,314 --> 00:15:50,694
[clears throat].
444
00:15:52,248 --> 00:15:53,628
[clears throat].
445
00:15:56,148 --> 00:15:57,736
Did you want
to light a candle?
446
00:16:00,187 --> 00:16:01,119
Yes.
447
00:16:08,057 --> 00:16:08,781
Thank you.
448
00:16:18,653 --> 00:16:21,208
Thank you, God,
for these gifts,
449
00:16:21,794 --> 00:16:24,625
gift of life,
the lamb of God.
450
00:16:24,659 --> 00:16:26,454
Spiritus
451
00:16:26,489 --> 00:16:27,628
Sanctus
452
00:16:28,111 --> 00:16:29,733
crispus.
453
00:16:31,839 --> 00:16:33,530
Candidus
454
00:16:34,083 --> 00:16:35,567
et ast
455
00:16:35,877 --> 00:16:37,120
horus.
456
00:16:38,259 --> 00:16:40,192
Agnes
457
00:16:41,573 --> 00:16:44,576
Deyn.
458
00:16:51,652 --> 00:16:52,791
[exhales]
459
00:16:53,516 --> 00:16:55,173
Sorry, just a quick question,
who-- who runs
460
00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:56,415
the school next door?
461
00:16:56,726 --> 00:16:57,727
Oh, uh, well
462
00:16:57,761 --> 00:16:59,625
Sister Benedict
is the head teacher.
463
00:17:00,109 --> 00:17:02,628
Ah, coolio. How--
how could I wangle, um,
464
00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:04,251
a meeting with this
Sister Benedict?
465
00:17:04,285 --> 00:17:05,597
It's just that my daughter, Ivy,
466
00:17:05,631 --> 00:17:07,668
she's actually named after
Saint Ivy of course.
467
00:17:07,702 --> 00:17:09,118
She's, um, she's deeply,
deeply,
468
00:17:09,152 --> 00:17:11,154
heavily religious and, um,
469
00:17:11,189 --> 00:17:12,604
she's just so desperate
to go to the school.
470
00:17:13,260 --> 00:17:15,434
Maybe if I-- if I left you
my name and number, you--
471
00:17:15,469 --> 00:17:16,884
you could put
in a word for me or...?
472
00:17:17,264 --> 00:17:18,575
I think it's best if you make
473
00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:20,198
an appointment
to see Sister Benedict.
474
00:17:20,715 --> 00:17:22,821
Now I'm sorry to rush you,
but I'm just about
475
00:17:22,855 --> 00:17:23,856
to start locking up.
476
00:17:23,891 --> 00:17:25,858
Oh, yes, of course.
Yes, thank you,
477
00:17:25,893 --> 00:17:27,239
thank you so much
for your time.
478
00:17:27,584 --> 00:17:28,654
I'll just, um...
479
00:17:29,345 --> 00:17:30,449
Okay.
480
00:17:33,935 --> 00:17:35,661
I'm not, I'm not gonna tell you
what I wished for
481
00:17:35,696 --> 00:17:37,422
because then
God won't grant it so...
482
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,251
Just suffice to say,
I think I'll be seeing you
483
00:17:39,286 --> 00:17:40,873
on the first day of next term.
484
00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:55,612
Come on, guys.
485
00:18:08,901 --> 00:18:09,937
All right, fellas.
486
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,870
Did you get my email
about Linda?
487
00:18:12,802 --> 00:18:14,873
-Who's Linda?
-Linda, who did our divorce.
488
00:18:14,907 --> 00:18:15,908
Oh, Barely Legal Linda.
489
00:18:15,943 --> 00:18:17,703
You know she was in the paper
for shoplifting.
490
00:18:18,325 --> 00:18:19,878
Anyway, I've got some
fucking terrible news.
491
00:18:20,292 --> 00:18:22,225
The kids are mine?
[laughs]
492
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:23,778
No. We're not divorced.
493
00:18:24,572 --> 00:18:26,402
-You what?
-We got the first bit,
494
00:18:26,436 --> 00:18:28,507
but not the second bit. So,
we're still legally married.
495
00:18:29,612 --> 00:18:31,269
[laughs]
496
00:18:31,303 --> 00:18:33,271
Why are you laughing? You know
that makes you a bigamist?
497
00:18:33,305 --> 00:18:35,169
Are you serious? It makes me
like Henry the Eighth.
498
00:18:35,204 --> 00:18:36,308
He had eight wives as well.
499
00:18:36,343 --> 00:18:37,654
No, he didn't, he had six.
500
00:18:37,689 --> 00:18:39,311
No, that's why they called him
Henry the Eighth.
501
00:18:39,346 --> 00:18:40,588
You know one of his wives
was a ghost?
502
00:18:40,623 --> 00:18:41,969
Didn't you have to prove
your divorce
503
00:18:42,003 --> 00:18:43,453
when you married
Dairylea Cheese?
504
00:18:43,695 --> 00:18:45,248
It's Debbie Louise.
And no.
505
00:18:45,283 --> 00:18:47,250
And for your information we got
married by what turned out
506
00:18:47,285 --> 00:18:49,425
to be a drug dealer
on some beach in Ibiza, so...
507
00:18:49,632 --> 00:18:51,910
legally it wasn't worth
the sand it was written in.
508
00:18:51,944 --> 00:18:53,429
Right well, we need
to sort this,
509
00:18:53,463 --> 00:18:55,016
so read your emails
and get back to me.
510
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,570
Ooh. What's the hurry?
511
00:18:57,329 --> 00:18:58,744
You wanna marry your farmer
or something?
512
00:18:58,779 --> 00:19:00,470
No. God, no.
513
00:19:00,505 --> 00:19:01,747
You've put me off marriage
for life.
514
00:19:01,782 --> 00:19:03,266
Well, what if I don't want
to divorce you?
515
00:19:03,784 --> 00:19:05,234
What if I like
having two wives?
516
00:19:05,268 --> 00:19:06,718
Well, if you like having
two balls,
517
00:19:06,752 --> 00:19:07,926
reply to my email.
518
00:19:14,898 --> 00:19:16,831
-[Amanda] Meg. Hey.
-Oh, hey.
519
00:19:16,866 --> 00:19:17,936
-Look at you.
-After you.
520
00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:19,006
Oh, thank you.
521
00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:22,906
Wow, you've made an effort
to see Mrs. Lamb.
522
00:19:22,941 --> 00:19:25,323
Oh. No, I'm, uh,
going for lunch actually.
523
00:19:25,771 --> 00:19:27,635
With Johnny
and his new girlfriend.
524
00:19:27,670 --> 00:19:29,948
-Oof, I'm sorry.
-For what?
525
00:19:29,982 --> 00:19:32,226
Well meeting
the ex's new girlfriend,
526
00:19:32,261 --> 00:19:34,228
we've all been there, babes.
It sucks.
527
00:19:34,263 --> 00:19:35,471
Well, bless you,
528
00:19:35,505 --> 00:19:37,231
it actually the opposite
of sucks.
529
00:19:37,990 --> 00:19:40,269
It blows.
[laughs]
530
00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:41,856
No. It's absolutely cool.
531
00:19:41,891 --> 00:19:43,651
All good in the hood.
Now, listen,
532
00:19:43,686 --> 00:19:45,998
you focus on your
wellbeing, yeah?
533
00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,380
We're the ones worrying
about you, Meggy.
534
00:19:48,415 --> 00:19:49,623
What are you doing here?
535
00:19:49,657 --> 00:19:50,934
Uh, trampoline club.
536
00:19:50,969 --> 00:19:52,902
-Oh, me too.
-Oh.
537
00:19:52,936 --> 00:19:53,937
Ahh.
538
00:19:53,972 --> 00:19:55,318
There's only one place left.
539
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,803
Really? Could you pop
Manus down, please?
540
00:19:59,322 --> 00:20:00,979
Just pipped you to it there
I'm afraid, Meg.
541
00:20:01,013 --> 00:20:02,981
Meg would be at the top of
the waiting list though, right?
542
00:20:03,015 --> 00:20:04,327
-No.
-[Amanda] Okay.
543
00:20:04,672 --> 00:20:06,881
Sorry, I'd totally
give you my spot
544
00:20:06,916 --> 00:20:10,678
but I just bagged this
weekly podiatrist appointment
545
00:20:10,713 --> 00:20:14,268
and, you know, it's my feet...
546
00:20:15,649 --> 00:20:18,376
-Right.
-Yeah, so annoying, I'm sorry.
547
00:20:18,410 --> 00:20:19,480
It's just...
548
00:20:19,963 --> 00:20:21,413
I have cancer so...
549
00:20:21,689 --> 00:20:23,070
Yeah but...
550
00:20:24,968 --> 00:20:25,866
my feet.
551
00:20:26,763 --> 00:20:27,799
-She's got cancer.
-[Amanda] I know.
552
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:29,939
She doesn't stop
going on about it.
553
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,631
No, you should absolutely
have it, Meg, no.
554
00:20:32,976 --> 00:20:34,771
Definitely, of course.
Honestly.
555
00:20:34,806 --> 00:20:35,669
It's yours.
556
00:20:36,014 --> 00:20:38,016
Yeah, pop Meg down. Yeah.
557
00:20:38,050 --> 00:20:39,569
Good for you. Yeah.
558
00:20:41,053 --> 00:20:42,883
Can't not be nice, can I?
[laughs]
559
00:20:44,540 --> 00:20:45,541
Thank you.
560
00:20:49,821 --> 00:20:51,443
This place is very Suits.
561
00:20:55,758 --> 00:20:57,760
Do you think
these monstera are real?
562
00:21:02,558 --> 00:21:03,697
Thanks for coming with.
563
00:21:04,387 --> 00:21:05,457
You're a good mate.
564
00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:07,459
Yeah well, if she's any good
565
00:21:07,494 --> 00:21:08,874
I might get her
to finalize my divorce.
566
00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:12,533
I cannot spend one more day
married to that penile wart.
567
00:21:12,568 --> 00:21:13,534
Mr. Brady?
568
00:21:14,570 --> 00:21:15,985
-Hannah Grove.
-[Kevin] Hi.
569
00:21:16,779 --> 00:21:17,711
Ah.
570
00:21:50,675 --> 00:21:52,573
-This your wife?
-Oh, no, sorry,
571
00:21:52,608 --> 00:21:54,403
um, sorry, this is Liz.
572
00:21:54,437 --> 00:21:55,162
I'm his escort.
573
00:21:55,576 --> 00:21:57,164
Uh, no, no she's just
574
00:21:57,544 --> 00:21:59,580
a friend. She's just here
for moral support.
575
00:21:59,615 --> 00:22:02,100
Yeah and a bit
of business actually.
576
00:22:02,549 --> 00:22:04,482
Um, how much would it cost
577
00:22:04,516 --> 00:22:06,104
for you to do
my decree absolute?
578
00:22:06,829 --> 00:22:08,140
I'm just going to be dealing
with one
579
00:22:08,175 --> 00:22:10,004
-at a time, if that's okay.
-Oh.
580
00:22:10,039 --> 00:22:11,972
So, Mr. Brady, you wanna
581
00:22:12,006 --> 00:22:12,938
give me some background?
582
00:22:13,491 --> 00:22:14,768
Yes, okay, um,
583
00:22:14,802 --> 00:22:16,528
my wife and I have been together
584
00:22:16,563 --> 00:22:17,909
for fourteen years,
585
00:22:18,427 --> 00:22:19,807
married for eleven.
586
00:22:20,118 --> 00:22:20,946
It's a funny story actually.
587
00:22:20,981 --> 00:22:23,086
Our friend Shona
does a rounders game
588
00:22:23,121 --> 00:22:25,917
-every year at Brockwell Park...
-Okay, that's great.
589
00:22:25,951 --> 00:22:27,677
So, I guess
my next question is...
590
00:22:29,541 --> 00:22:30,404
what do you want?
591
00:22:30,646 --> 00:22:31,819
Well, I want my wife back.
592
00:22:32,579 --> 00:22:34,581
Is-- is that something
you-- you can arrange?
593
00:22:36,168 --> 00:22:38,032
Just it's a little joke.
Sorry, no.
594
00:22:38,067 --> 00:22:39,793
Um, what I really want is
595
00:22:40,069 --> 00:22:42,002
equal access to my girls
596
00:22:42,036 --> 00:22:43,486
and a warm bed.
597
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:45,039
Sure. But I mean,
598
00:22:45,488 --> 00:22:47,110
she's the one
divorcing you, right?
599
00:22:47,145 --> 00:22:48,180
You've done nothing wrong.
600
00:22:48,215 --> 00:22:49,906
I-- I mean, I could have
learnt to drive,
601
00:22:50,217 --> 00:22:52,115
and-- and I sort of
hold my breath
602
00:22:52,150 --> 00:22:53,772
and then breathe out
when I'm asleep,
603
00:22:53,807 --> 00:22:55,187
but it's kind
of sinus related...
604
00:22:55,222 --> 00:22:56,430
But from what Meg tells me
605
00:22:56,465 --> 00:22:58,156
you're the main carer
for these kids,
606
00:22:58,190 --> 00:23:00,710
right?
You're Mr. Daddy Daycare.
607
00:23:00,745 --> 00:23:02,712
Yeah, okay but I hate
that expression.
608
00:23:02,747 --> 00:23:04,611
'Cause, uh, I'm
just being a parent.
609
00:23:04,645 --> 00:23:06,578
But you put your career
on hold, right?
610
00:23:06,613 --> 00:23:07,959
Well, I don't really have
a career.
611
00:23:08,269 --> 00:23:10,168
What did you always envisage
yourself doing?
612
00:23:10,582 --> 00:23:12,895
I mean as an adult?
What did you want to be?
613
00:23:15,967 --> 00:23:17,175
What about your children's book?
614
00:23:17,624 --> 00:23:19,626
So, you put your career
615
00:23:19,660 --> 00:23:22,007
as a successful
children's author on hold
616
00:23:22,042 --> 00:23:24,147
to care for your kids
while your wife
617
00:23:24,562 --> 00:23:27,081
selfishly pursued
her dream job as a...
618
00:23:28,013 --> 00:23:28,911
A bookkeeper.
619
00:23:30,084 --> 00:23:31,154
Well, it sounds to me
like we should be going after
620
00:23:31,189 --> 00:23:33,433
at least 50% of your
wife's earnings, Mr. Brady.
621
00:23:34,088 --> 00:23:35,158
Oh. [chuckles]
622
00:23:36,677 --> 00:23:39,024
-You think?
-You don't hire me to think.
623
00:23:39,956 --> 00:23:40,992
You hire me to know.
624
00:23:41,337 --> 00:23:43,512
Yes. Okay. Yeah.
625
00:23:43,926 --> 00:23:44,961
Yeah?
626
00:23:45,652 --> 00:23:47,205
-Yes.
-[Hannah] Great.
627
00:23:47,654 --> 00:23:49,552
Let's take this bitch
to the cleaners.
628
00:23:49,759 --> 00:23:50,760
Yes.
629
00:23:53,798 --> 00:23:55,627
What just happened
in there, Liz?
630
00:23:56,317 --> 00:23:57,284
What have I done?
631
00:24:01,909 --> 00:24:04,567
Transubstantiation.
632
00:24:05,257 --> 00:24:07,121
Ecumenical.
633
00:24:08,571 --> 00:24:10,228
Ecumenical, ecumenical.
634
00:24:10,262 --> 00:24:11,781
Yes, we were in church
yesterday,
635
00:24:11,816 --> 00:24:12,920
um, actually.
636
00:24:13,265 --> 00:24:14,612
And if you don't
believe me the--
637
00:24:14,646 --> 00:24:15,751
the duty nun can vouch for us.
638
00:24:16,096 --> 00:24:17,684
We're just totally into
the Bible.
639
00:24:17,718 --> 00:24:19,030
It's actually on my Kindle.
640
00:24:19,237 --> 00:24:21,170
It is at the heart
of our teaching.
641
00:24:22,033 --> 00:24:23,586
So, what's your favorite bit?
642
00:24:25,554 --> 00:24:27,176
I wouldn't like
to get into it because it's...
643
00:24:29,005 --> 00:24:30,248
very personal.
644
00:24:30,593 --> 00:24:32,112
Uh, when I talk
about the Bible it's a very
645
00:24:33,009 --> 00:24:34,079
personal...
646
00:24:36,254 --> 00:24:38,774
The Bible means
a lot to me, and so
647
00:24:38,808 --> 00:24:40,810
I wouldn't really want
to get into specifics.
648
00:24:41,224 --> 00:24:44,020
No particular verses or stories?
649
00:24:44,055 --> 00:24:45,746
Stories? Oh!
[laughs]
650
00:24:46,091 --> 00:24:47,955
Yes. Right, sorry.
651
00:24:47,990 --> 00:24:49,854
No. The Nativity,
love that.
652
00:24:50,095 --> 00:24:51,269
Um, that's a cracking yarn.
653
00:24:51,649 --> 00:24:52,926
The four horsemen
of the apocalypse,
654
00:24:53,167 --> 00:24:54,548
I mean, what a twist.
655
00:24:54,583 --> 00:24:56,688
The bit where the guy
is walking along the beach
656
00:24:56,723 --> 00:24:59,139
with the footsteps, it turns out
it's Jesus holding the...
657
00:25:00,140 --> 00:25:01,728
the fella. I mean, uh,
658
00:25:01,762 --> 00:25:03,143
what a twist
that gets me every time.
659
00:25:03,661 --> 00:25:05,801
Well, it was lovely
to meet you,
660
00:25:05,835 --> 00:25:08,010
Mrs. Johnson. And as I said
at the start,
661
00:25:08,044 --> 00:25:10,357
admissions are decided
through the local authority.
662
00:25:10,391 --> 00:25:11,669
What about the higher authority?
663
00:25:11,703 --> 00:25:13,291
Does he have a say or...?
664
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:15,604
It's Ealing Council.
665
00:25:15,914 --> 00:25:17,709
Also, a lot of places
go to siblings.
666
00:25:17,744 --> 00:25:19,573
Yes, gosh. Yes, of course,
you being Catholics.
667
00:25:19,608 --> 00:25:21,368
I mean, my hubby's not keen
on the old condoms either.
668
00:25:21,402 --> 00:25:22,818
I'll tell you what
I'll do for you,
669
00:25:23,094 --> 00:25:24,751
I'm gonna leave you my card,
it's got my deets.
670
00:25:24,992 --> 00:25:27,167
I'll give you
a little tinkle tomorrow
671
00:25:27,201 --> 00:25:28,720
and just see
if there's anything
672
00:25:28,755 --> 00:25:30,688
-you can do personally.
-There won't be.
673
00:25:31,447 --> 00:25:33,380
Hmm. Final answer?
674
00:25:33,829 --> 00:25:35,071
I can see what you're doing,
675
00:25:35,106 --> 00:25:36,590
so let's stop wasting
each other's time.
676
00:25:37,004 --> 00:25:39,628
I meet about twenty blaggers
like you a day.
677
00:25:41,802 --> 00:25:42,803
Wow.
678
00:25:43,873 --> 00:25:45,634
That's a sucker punch.
Um...
679
00:25:46,255 --> 00:25:48,257
You nuns, you're,
you're very superior,
680
00:25:48,291 --> 00:25:49,223
aren't you?
681
00:25:50,190 --> 00:25:52,123
Um, with the wimple,
um, I googled that.
682
00:25:52,157 --> 00:25:54,332
So, is it my fault that a
block of flats is built
683
00:25:54,366 --> 00:25:55,920
and thereby pushing us
out of a catchment
684
00:25:56,161 --> 00:25:57,956
for a really good school? No,
it's not. I'm a great mother.
685
00:25:57,991 --> 00:25:59,648
And if that means
I'm gonna bullshit a nun
686
00:25:59,682 --> 00:26:01,063
from time to time,
to get my kid
687
00:26:01,097 --> 00:26:02,616
a cracking education,
that's what I'm gonna do.
688
00:26:02,651 --> 00:26:03,721
And I would do it again.
689
00:26:03,755 --> 00:26:05,757
She knows. She knows
690
00:26:05,792 --> 00:26:08,001
because she is the most famous
mother of them all.
691
00:26:08,277 --> 00:26:09,347
That's Mary Magdalene.
692
00:26:09,865 --> 00:26:11,349
She's a childless prostitute.
693
00:26:14,939 --> 00:26:15,974
Exactly.
694
00:26:25,846 --> 00:26:27,883
[Meg] Yeah, I'm just arriving
at Boundary Road,
695
00:26:27,917 --> 00:26:28,918
I'll call you later.
696
00:26:48,075 --> 00:26:48,938
Oh.
697
00:26:51,354 --> 00:26:52,355
Fair enough.
698
00:26:53,391 --> 00:26:55,496
But what we lack in space,
699
00:26:55,531 --> 00:26:57,291
we more than make up
for with visits
700
00:26:57,706 --> 00:27:00,156
to local sports grounds
and swimming pools.
701
00:27:00,881 --> 00:27:02,089
Physical activity,
702
00:27:02,365 --> 00:27:03,815
one of the tentpoles
703
00:27:03,850 --> 00:27:05,714
of our teaching here
at B.R.A.,
704
00:27:06,335 --> 00:27:08,924
as well as our renowned
music program.
705
00:27:09,165 --> 00:27:11,271
Oi, Kev. You ghosting my lawyer?
706
00:27:11,305 --> 00:27:13,825
Sh-- she, she, c--
can she sue me for that?
707
00:27:14,067 --> 00:27:16,690
I can't go back there, I felt
like I was hiring a hitman.
708
00:27:16,932 --> 00:27:18,002
That's why I like her.
709
00:27:18,485 --> 00:27:20,383
Gonna get her to do
my decree absolute.
710
00:27:20,763 --> 00:27:22,696
I cannot wait to be free
of that dick weed.
711
00:27:22,972 --> 00:27:24,491
You know she's £400 an hour,
yeah?
712
00:27:25,009 --> 00:27:27,390
Oh, guess I'm still married
to him then.
713
00:27:27,425 --> 00:27:28,495
So, um,
714
00:27:29,082 --> 00:27:30,290
Hersham House
715
00:27:30,946 --> 00:27:33,224
was overpriced
and underwhelming.
716
00:27:33,776 --> 00:27:36,434
-How was it with the nuns?
-Um, no.
717
00:27:37,055 --> 00:27:38,712
No, no. No, no, no.
718
00:27:39,368 --> 00:27:41,542
We're gonna plump
for Boundary Road so...
719
00:27:41,577 --> 00:27:42,474
Hmm.
720
00:27:43,475 --> 00:27:44,304
I think this place has
a really good vibe.
721
00:27:44,338 --> 00:27:46,927
[laughs]
Look at you all slumming it.
722
00:27:47,169 --> 00:27:49,171
The science block
smells of farts.
723
00:27:50,068 --> 00:27:52,208
I know where I am in a school
that smells of farts.
724
00:27:52,243 --> 00:27:53,554
So please
put your hands together
725
00:27:53,589 --> 00:27:56,281
for the Year 10
symphony orchestra.
726
00:27:57,455 --> 00:27:59,008
Oh, fuck this.
52102
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