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[
2
00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:01,459
[ Indistinct
3
00:00:01,459 --> 00:00:01,543
[ Indistinct announcements
4
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:01,584
[ Indistinct announcements
over
5
00:00:01,584 --> 00:00:01,626
[ Indistinct announcements
over PA
6
00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:03,461
[ Indistinct announcements
over PA ]
7
00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:08,842
?
8
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:12,345
Chad, she's coming! Get up!
Oh!
9
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:15,348
Why do Iranians need
a whole-ass welcome committee
10
00:00:15,348 --> 00:00:18,560
at the airport-- it's like
we're congratulating people
11
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,103
on just riding an airplane.
12
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,771
Chaddy joon,
it's Persian New Year.
13
00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:23,606
Come on.
It's friggin' March.
14
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:25,692
What kind of calendar
are we even using?
15
00:00:25,692 --> 00:00:28,528
Niki, quick, quick,
get the poster ready.
16
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:35,994
? Gonna see my tracks
on every road in town ?
17
00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:39,914
? Yeah, when I'm an old lady,
I'll still be queen ?
18
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:44,377
? Just come for a ride
and you'll see what I mean ?
19
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:46,337
? I'm smokin' the boys,
smokin' the boys ?
20
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:48,548
[ Indistinct chatter ]
21
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,717
Hello, hello.
22
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,135
Hamid joon.
23
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:57,140
[ Speaks in Persian ]
24
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,101
Hi, Grandma!
25
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:06,191
[ Speaks in Persian ]
26
00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:09,778
Hi, Maman Bozorg,
nowruz mobarak.
27
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:16,451
[ Speaks in Persian ]
28
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,536
This hug is really long.
29
00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,081
Chad, we meet again.
30
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,999
You're my oldest grandson.
31
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:27,295
I can't wait to hear
how wonderful your life is.
32
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:29,380
Ahh.
33
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,299
Okay.
34
00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:37,931
?
35
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,725
'Kay, Grandma, this is my room.
36
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:43,103
Not sure if you remember it.
37
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:47,107
Wow, so this is where
the magic happens?
38
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:50,693
Oh, yeah, I actually practice
magic all throughout the house
39
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:52,320
but also in this room.
40
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,822
Yep.
Che bahal.
41
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,324
Yeah, so, that's my Xbox
is there.
42
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:58,284
That's my desk over there--
43
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:00,662
and the adjoining chair.
44
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:04,082
That's a rapper
I'm not allowed to listen to.
45
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,291
Those are my pencils.
46
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:07,877
Those are pretty much
all my little pencils.
47
00:02:07,877 --> 00:02:09,129
Yeah, that's the tour.
48
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:13,049
Chad joon,
I brought you a present.
49
00:02:13,049 --> 00:02:14,801
Okay.
I love gifts.
50
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,303
What is it?
Guess what it is.
51
00:02:17,303 --> 00:02:18,888
Cash.
52
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,392
It's a cologne.
53
00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:26,187
Oh.
Smell it.
54
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:28,731
Oh, Christ.
55
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:31,985
What am I,
an Uber Black driver?
56
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,779
It's fully a man's torso.
57
00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,990
Not even in the box.
58
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:41,744
Okay, I actually really prefer
my natural scent, but thank you.
59
00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:44,247
It's the thought that counts,
I'm told.
60
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,748
You're so welcome.
61
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:48,668
?
62
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,879
What's that picture
above your pillow?
63
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:55,508
Oh, just a cute little pug
in an astronaut suit.
64
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:58,428
Searching for his little
space bone.
65
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,974
So you're a virgin?
66
00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:04,225
Huh?
67
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:05,476
You're not having sex.
68
00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:07,770
What are you talking about?
69
00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:10,148
We were just talking
about my little pug.
70
00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,775
Sex?
Stop saying sex.
71
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:15,111
You're sitting
so close to me.
72
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:16,279
It's funny.
73
00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:17,947
After five years,
I thought you'd be
74
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:20,200
more of a man by now.
75
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:24,162
So is your grandma here
to celebrate
76
00:03:24,162 --> 00:03:26,247
the Chaharshanbe Suri holiday?
77
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:27,540
She is, indeed.
78
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:31,211
She is truly disrupting
all my little daily rituals.
79
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,922
And now all these random
Persian cousins
80
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,506
are going to come
to see her.
81
00:03:35,506 --> 00:03:36,925
I-I don't know
these people.
82
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:39,427
Ah, fun.
I wish I had cousins.
83
00:03:39,427 --> 00:03:40,970
What's Chaharshanbe Suri?
84
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:42,096
Oh, it's part of Nowruz.
85
00:03:42,096 --> 00:03:43,598
Iranian people like
to celebrate the new year
86
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,850
by jumping over fire
as a symbol of rebirth.
87
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,686
I-I just wish Persian people
had one holiday
88
00:03:48,686 --> 00:03:50,480
about
passing out candy.
89
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,856
White people have,
like, three!
90
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:54,025
Yeah, Chad's never been able
to jump over the fire.
91
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,069
Peter, there is absolutely
no need
92
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,905
for you to be a little
goblin gossip right now.
93
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:02,033
Okay? I-I can jump over fire
just fine.
94
00:04:02,033 --> 00:04:04,535
O-Okay, sorry, partner.
95
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,704
Do you know, like, any
Europeans that would be chill
96
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,831
selling to minors?
97
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:10,041
No, nothing.
98
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:12,627
Sorry, I said something
and it made Peter laugh
99
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:17,715
and la-laughter's contagious
so I'm just laughing now.
100
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,217
[ Forced laugh ]
101
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:21,135
What are you guys
talking about?
102
00:04:21,135 --> 00:04:22,470
We're just trying to figure out
a way
103
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,972
to get alcohol
for the party tonight.
104
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,391
What about your older brother?
Could he get us some?
105
00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,559
Oh, nah, he, like,
got all spiritual,
106
00:04:28,559 --> 00:04:30,186
and now he
doesn't drink anymore.
107
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:33,481
What? Lame!
[ Chuckles ]
108
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:35,108
I'm just kidding.
109
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,776
I love God.
110
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,028
I pray to him all the time.
111
00:04:39,028 --> 00:04:42,115
Her.
I pray to her all the time.
112
00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:46,286
I'm so bummed, I was really
looking forward
113
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,788
to my first American party.
114
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,416
I'll br-bring it.
115
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,251
Wait, what?
116
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,130
I-I'll bring the alcohol
to the party.
117
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,382
You can, like, get enough,
though, by tonight?
118
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,383
Sure can.
119
00:05:00,383 --> 00:05:02,635
Because it's okay
if you can't.
120
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:03,761
I can.
Yeah.
121
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:06,055
I'll just call
my alcohol dealer.
122
00:05:06,055 --> 00:05:07,849
I mean,
whatever you got to do.
123
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,684
He's awesome.
124
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,728
Ricard.
He'll hook us up.
125
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,105
Well, I guess
I'll see you tonight then?
126
00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:15,773
You sure will.
127
00:05:15,773 --> 00:05:18,026
Okay.
I love our plans.
128
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:19,527
I can't wait to see them unfold.
129
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:20,778
Alright, bro, see you later.
130
00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,114
See ya.
131
00:05:23,114 --> 00:05:25,116
I-I already did you.
132
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:31,622
Do either of you have alcohol?
133
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:41,090
Aww...
Come on, just mixers?!
134
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:44,344
[ Doorbell chimes ]
135
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,471
And the chaos ensues.
136
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:49,223
[ Indistinct chatter ]
137
00:05:49,223 --> 00:05:52,852
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
Hello, Chaddy joon!
138
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,687
Chaddy joon, Chaddy joon!
139
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,314
Have we met before?
140
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:57,857
[ Munching loudly ]
141
00:05:57,857 --> 00:06:02,278
Okay, a man just straight
chowing down on a cucumber.
142
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,865
Hey, Hamid, oh, my gosh.
143
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,827
I'm loving all the little
Nowruz sea creatures and garlic,
144
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:13,206
but what if the adults
want alcohol after dinner?
145
00:06:13,206 --> 00:06:15,458
Should we get a keg?
Oh, I'm a lightweight.
146
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:18,628
I can barely stand
after a hard kombucha.
147
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:21,464
You should get that looked at.
148
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,844
There's no beer in there.
149
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,972
W-What? No, I-I don't--
150
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,599
I'm not looking for beer.
151
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:34,352
I'm looking for...
152
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,520
this.
153
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,604
Doogh?
154
00:06:36,604 --> 00:06:39,565
Yep, carbonated
yogurt water
155
00:06:39,565 --> 00:06:42,193
with peppermint flavor.
156
00:06:42,193 --> 00:06:44,112
Yum, yum, yum, yum,
yum, yum.
157
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:47,365
I'm not so old that I have
forgotten what happens
158
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:48,908
in high school.
159
00:06:48,908 --> 00:06:51,577
Do you even
drink alcohol?
160
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:56,666
Well, it's not technically
legal in Iran,
161
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:59,335
but yes, constantly.
162
00:06:59,335 --> 00:07:02,338
Whoa.
Now you know my little secret.
163
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:03,881
Tell me yours.
164
00:07:05,550 --> 00:07:08,386
Okay, well, I promised
this girl kind of that
165
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:12,265
I would bring alcohol to the
party at Joey's house tonight.
166
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,851
And you like this girl?
I dunno...
167
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,436
Yeah, she's French,
she's Persian,
168
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,646
she got a lot of
different things going on.
169
00:07:18,646 --> 00:07:20,189
I'll get you the alcohol.
170
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,357
What, you will?
171
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:23,860
I need to pick up a few things
from the store.
172
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,695
I could use
a strong man.
173
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,781
If you help me,
I will get alcohol for you.
174
00:07:28,781 --> 00:07:31,909
Oh, my gosh,
Grandma, thank you.
175
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,829
Wow, I honestly
did not anticipate
176
00:07:34,829 --> 00:07:36,956
this level of support.
177
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,668
Naz joon, Chad is going with me
to the Persian market,
178
00:07:40,668 --> 00:07:42,712
then I'll drop him
at his friend's place.
179
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:45,715
What? No!
We're having a party here!
180
00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:50,344
It's okay 'cause this holiday
doesn't really resonate with me,
181
00:07:50,344 --> 00:07:51,554
so I won't be here.
182
00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,222
Chaddy joon, if you're still
too scared
183
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:55,933
to jump over the fire,
no one will make you do it.
184
00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,477
I'm not scared, Hamid.
185
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,312
You hid in the bathroom
all last year.
186
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,148
Niki, it's fire!
It's unpredictable!
187
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,192
Oh, my gosh, Mom, please?
188
00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:08,196
Well, I guess I can't
argue with Maman Bozorg.
189
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,864
You two have fun.
Perfect.
190
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,158
Yes!
I'll go get my purse then.
191
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:20,208
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
192
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,627
[ Crunch ]
Is that a new cucumber?
193
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:24,670
?
194
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:27,340
Yep, yes.
195
00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:30,301
[ Muttering indistinctly ]
Oh, good.
196
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:33,054
[ Muttering indistinctly ]
197
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,722
What are you doing in there?
198
00:08:34,722 --> 00:08:38,809
I'm currently deep in a
Danish pastry TikTok k-hole.
199
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,937
But, Grandma, I think my mom
usually hits
200
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,980
the alcohol aisle first.
201
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,482
Your mother works so hard.
202
00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:46,025
You should do more for her.
203
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,653
Oh, I-I give her a purpose
to live.
204
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,531
What more do you want than that?
205
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,698
Out of the cart.
206
00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,492
You're getting too big for this.
207
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,452
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
208
00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:59,080
I'm buried under pistachios,
Grandma.
209
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,581
?
210
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:04,001
Chad, an Iranian man
always knows
211
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:07,755
how to get
the freshest meat.
212
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,131
Cool.
213
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,883
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
214
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,761
Uh, c-- Hi, can you
hook us up with some meat?
215
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:16,097
No, I don't want him to cut it.
I want you to.
216
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,974
Grandma, you can't just walk
in here
217
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,434
and start cutting up
their lambs.
218
00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:23,896
We're not at the freaking bazaar
in "Aladdin."
219
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,774
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
220
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:30,361
You guys!
We're in America!
221
00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:33,072
Children don't cut
their own meat!
222
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:35,616
?
223
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,201
Oh, my God.
224
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:39,495
Poor little guy.
225
00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,414
I'm so sorry!
226
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,457
[ Whack! ]
227
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:46,168
[ Chad wailing ]
228
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:52,425
?
229
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:54,760
Mmm...
230
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,846
Chad, are you
watching this?
231
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,222
Nah.
232
00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:02,435
[ Indistinct announcements
over PA ]
233
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:05,438
[ Rapping ]
234
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,689
Trash.
235
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,983
I don't get what
gently slapping them
236
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,026
is going to tell you.
237
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:11,986
They're all watermelons.
238
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,698
[ Rapping ]
239
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:26,125
?
240
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,295
Grandma, c-can we get
the alcohol and go already?
241
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,964
Listen! The sound!
[ Thudding ]
242
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,091
It's perfect!
Okay.
243
00:10:34,091 --> 00:10:36,052
Hold on to it.
I'll be right back.
244
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,720
A-alright, I-I'm just--
245
00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:41,432
Grandma, please.
246
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:44,435
I'm just in a huge rush
right now.
247
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,230
Oh, no.
248
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,815
She's touching mine.
249
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,984
I don't know what to do,
she's touching my--
250
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:54,695
Oh, excuse me.
251
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:56,238
Oh, that's okay.
252
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:59,200
Uh, ma'am, I'm so sorry.
This is my watermelon.
253
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,368
It's okay.
254
00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:02,995
You're incredibly strong,
but please don't do this.
255
00:11:02,995 --> 00:11:05,206
[ Grunting ]
256
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:08,167
I keep it.
257
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,960
Can I please take it?
258
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:12,004
?
259
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:16,884
My God, she had one hell
of a grip on her, that woman.
260
00:11:16,884 --> 00:11:19,804
I don't even know what the hell
just happened.
261
00:11:19,804 --> 00:11:21,889
Well, go get it back.
262
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:23,140
What?
Get it back?
263
00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:26,185
G-Grandma, she's well
into her hundreds
264
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:28,312
and she's not returning
that melon.
265
00:11:28,312 --> 00:11:29,855
Let it go!
No!
266
00:11:29,855 --> 00:11:31,816
You're gonna let people
walk all over you?
267
00:11:31,816 --> 00:11:33,359
Man up and go get it back.
268
00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:36,904
Please don't make me go back and
have an interaction with her.
269
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,823
That was very tense.
270
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,366
Alright.
Fine.
271
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,576
Let's go.
I'll take you to your party.
272
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,662
Okay, what about the alcohol?
273
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:45,996
You didn't earn it.
274
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,249
What?
No, you promised me.
275
00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:51,293
I can't show up to Joey's house
empty-handed.
276
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:54,088
I survived three wars
and a revolution.
277
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:57,967
And you don't even seem
to be surviving high school.
278
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,844
Hmm.
[ Scoffs ]
279
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:02,012
I'm sorry your life
is so stressful!
280
00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,849
I-I'm having much
bigger problems!
281
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,102
[ Cellphone chimes ]
282
00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:18,028
?
283
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,447
Oh, my God...
284
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:31,584
?
285
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,836
Thank you so much
for the ride.
286
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:37,298
[ Bottles clanking ]
287
00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:47,266
I don't know why
you're pulling over.
288
00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:49,518
We're not there yet.
289
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:52,646
What are you doing?
Don't take my back--
290
00:12:52,646 --> 00:12:55,566
Don't take my backpack!
291
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,693
Grandma!
292
00:12:57,693 --> 00:13:00,196
Grandma!
Grandma, you're scaring me.
293
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,990
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
294
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:04,325
Wow!
295
00:13:04,325 --> 00:13:11,040
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
296
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:14,794
I love you, so please don't take
this the wrong way,
297
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,671
but you're acting like a--
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
298
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,924
A little bitch.
What?
299
00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:23,719
How are you going to be a man
if you're scared of everything?
300
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,429
You're scared of jumping
over fire,
301
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:27,223
you're scared of the boys
in your class,
302
00:13:27,223 --> 00:13:30,351
you're scared of an old woman
with a watermelon.
303
00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,937
God, you-- you can't just
show up every five years
304
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,689
and rip me to shreds!
305
00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:38,526
What are you doing?!
Oh, my God!
306
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,820
Why can't you just be a normal,
nice grandma
307
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,780
who bakes me
chocolate chip cookies?
308
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,990
That's what you do
for a 7-year-old.
309
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:47,701
I'm trying to teach you
how to be an Iranian man.
310
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,411
I'm not an Iranian man!
311
00:13:49,411 --> 00:13:51,247
I'm an American boy!
312
00:13:51,247 --> 00:13:52,832
Ooh, great then.
313
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:56,502
If you're a boy, you don't need
any of this either.
314
00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:58,045
Stop it.
Stop it!
315
00:13:58,045 --> 00:13:59,922
No!
316
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:04,468
Stop it!
317
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:07,012
No, stop!
318
00:14:07,012 --> 00:14:08,389
Oh, God!
319
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,057
What's wrong with you?
320
00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:11,392
Pathetic.
321
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,227
You want loose ros�?
322
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:16,564
[ Wailing ]
323
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:19,441
[
324
00:14:19,441 --> 00:14:19,525
[ Indistinct
325
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:19,567
[ Indistinct chatter
326
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,693
[ Indistinct chatter ]
327
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:28,784
?
328
00:14:28,784 --> 00:14:29,994
Sh...
329
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:37,918
?
330
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,591
Excuse me.
Hey!
331
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,843
Hey-hey!
The party has arrived.
332
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,177
Yo, you finally showed up.
333
00:14:47,177 --> 00:14:48,971
What are we drinking,
you maniac?
334
00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:50,764
Uh, dude, yeah, totally.
335
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,725
Um, before we get lit,
336
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,935
just wanna manage
some expectations.
337
00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:57,855
I did bring alcohol.
Hey!
338
00:14:57,855 --> 00:15:01,609
It is gonna be more of
a sharing situation,
339
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,152
if that's cool.
340
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:04,612
Just, it's fine.
341
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,405
Hey, what the hell is this?
342
00:15:06,405 --> 00:15:08,866
Uh, this is the alcohol
I promised you.
343
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:11,243
In a bag?
Yeah, dawg.
344
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,745
Oh, there we go.
345
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,496
Great.
346
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:17,499
Some-- oh, you guys can totally
continue chitchatting
347
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:18,667
while I'm doing this.
348
00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:22,421
Dude, what's with this long,
wet-ass receipt?
349
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,465
Shit, is that blood
on your polo?
350
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:26,926
Oh, yeah.
It's from a lamb.
351
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:29,219
Hey, you guys,
I don't want anyone to worry
352
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:30,596
about trying to pay me back.
353
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,972
Where's the rest of it, man?
354
00:15:31,972 --> 00:15:32,932
The rest of what?
355
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,433
Uh, the rest of the alcohol.
356
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,853
Oh, I did bring a can
357
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:41,231
for when we run out of
the bag.
358
00:15:41,231 --> 00:15:42,566
So... [Laughs]
359
00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,276
We have that
to look forward to.
360
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:48,489
Are you guys excited
to dri-- get drunk?
361
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:49,823
On this?
Yeah, let's do it.
362
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,034
Let's fire up
some shots of ros�.
363
00:15:52,034 --> 00:15:54,411
Dude, is this a joke?
You brought one can of ros�
364
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:57,247
and a wet bag of-- I don't
even know what this is!
365
00:15:57,247 --> 00:15:59,875
It's got, like,
cilantro chunks in it?
366
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:02,378
Dude, you had one job.
Bro, we only invited you 'cause
367
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:05,255
you said you'd bring alcohol,
and you didn't even do that.
368
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:06,757
Why would you say
you can get alcohol
369
00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:10,594
if you can't get alcohol?
Yeah, just get outta here, Chad.
370
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,638
Okay, I'm sorry.
371
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,806
[ Sighs ]
372
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:17,726
I-It was actually really hard.
373
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:20,270
To get that.
374
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,106
Fine.
375
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,774
You are so lame.
376
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:28,278
?
377
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:29,989
I'm lame?
378
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,157
I'm lame, Theo?
379
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,368
Joey, what did you guys
contribute
380
00:16:34,368 --> 00:16:35,828
to the gathering, huh?
381
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,288
Pretty sure you all
brought freaking Solo cups
382
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:39,415
with ginger ale.
383
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:42,167
Guess what-- we all have
access to ginger ale.
384
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:44,670
It's a drink for children
with tummy aches.
385
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:47,756
Did you bring alcohol?
Did you bring alcohol?
386
00:16:47,756 --> 00:16:50,300
What about you, Marcy?
Did you bring alcohol?
387
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,635
I'm pretty sure you didn't.
388
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:55,097
I-I brought more alcohol
than all y'all sons of bitches.
389
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:58,225
Okay? I can see you staring
at me, Jonny.
390
00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:01,562
Kiss my high and tight
plump little butt, bitch!
391
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:02,730
I didn't even say anything.
392
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,356
You didn't even need
to say anything!
393
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:07,109
I can see you staring at me
fully losing it
394
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,485
in front of you guys.
395
00:17:08,485 --> 00:17:11,780
And I don't even care because
I'm not afraid of you anymore.
396
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:14,199
And I'm sorry I'm not
some 25-year-old
397
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:18,162
Wall Street hot shot with access
to a big jug of bourbon
398
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:19,830
on the rocks or whatever!
399
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:22,958
I-I worked freaking hard
to get that alcohol!
400
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,335
I burned bridges with
an old woman
401
00:17:25,335 --> 00:17:26,920
I'm related to!
402
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:28,922
Okay?
And you know what?
403
00:17:28,922 --> 00:17:30,257
That's my can!
404
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,551
You don't even get to drink it!
405
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:35,554
?
406
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:38,807
Oh, God, ros�'s disgusting.
407
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,267
[ Chuckles ]
408
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:47,900
?
409
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,109
Chad!
410
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:52,529
Chad, oh, my God,
that was so cool!
411
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:55,365
It was?
What did I do back there?
412
00:17:55,365 --> 00:17:56,909
You lit into
those dorks.
413
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,661
It was--
It was awesome.
414
00:17:59,661 --> 00:18:02,414
Sometimes you got to
stand up for yourself.
415
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:06,126
Where are you going?
416
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,962
To a real party.
417
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:10,798
Can I come with you?
418
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:17,513
So you were just going to have
a Persian party
419
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,264
at your house
and not invite me?
420
00:18:19,264 --> 00:18:23,477
Well, I wasn't totally sure
where we were at.
421
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:25,604
Well, I'm here,
422
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,439
am I not?
423
00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:35,489
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
424
00:18:35,489 --> 00:18:38,867
Damn.
United Nations over here.
425
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,662
I didn't understand a word
you just said.
426
00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:45,499
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
427
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,459
I see she's more fluent
than you.
428
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,546
Yeah!
She is.
429
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,464
Um, Grandma,
430
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,384
I'm really sorry about earlier.
431
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,052
I lost my little mind.
432
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,847
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
433
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,098
Things happen.
434
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,100
You guys are just in time.
435
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,977
I'm about to light
the bonfire.
436
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:07,354
Oh, I can do it!
437
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:08,480
You're sure?
438
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,023
Yeah.
I want to.
439
00:19:10,023 --> 00:19:11,483
Of course,
you should do it.
440
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:12,860
You're the man
of the house.
441
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,987
Yeah. I'm not sure if
you guys do
442
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,447
the jumping-over-fire thing
in France,
443
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:20,033
but it's kind of big here--
spring, rebirth,
444
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:22,202
renewal...
Spring.
445
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:24,788
Perfect!
Shall we?
446
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,331
Let's do it.
Okay.
447
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:28,208
Let's do it, let's do it,
let's do it.
448
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:31,670
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
449
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:36,717
?
450
00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:41,930
[ Speaks in Farsi ]
451
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,432
Are you sure you're ready
for this?
452
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:46,018
I will fake a stroke right now
if you need me to.
453
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,561
No, Hamid, I'm ready.
454
00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,979
You inspire me.
455
00:19:48,979 --> 00:19:50,480
Okay, here comes Chaddy,
456
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,524
and he's a big jumper!
457
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,151
[ Cheering and applause ]
458
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,778
Here I go!
I'm jumping over fire!
459
00:19:56,778 --> 00:19:59,239
[ Cheering and applause ]
Oh, what a rush!
460
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:01,909
[ Laughs ]
Wow, that was awesome.
461
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:05,370
That must be what it's like
to be on micro-doses.
462
00:20:05,370 --> 00:20:08,040
You nailed it, Chad.
Thanks.
463
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,293
Watch me get all cocky now.
464
00:20:11,293 --> 00:20:13,378
Oh, oh, ah, ah!
465
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:14,630
Oh, my God!
Ah, I'm on fire!
466
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,132
I'm on fire!
Oh, oh!
467
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:19,009
Chad, are you okay?
468
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:20,844
In the chillest way possible,
469
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:22,971
can we call an ambulance?
470
00:20:22,971 --> 00:20:28,810
?
471
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:30,145
There's a dog on me!
472
00:20:30,145 --> 00:20:36,068
[ Man singing in
native language ]
473
00:20:36,068 --> 00:21:00,801
?
474
00:21:00,851 --> 00:21:05,401
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