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1
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The other night I was out
at a basketball game
2
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:39,205
- with my whole family.
- Right.
3
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:42,042
And I only asked this guy in
front of me to just sit down
4
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:46,004
a bit so I could see,
and he beat me unmercifully.
5
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,758
He beat me very badly
and my hairpiece fell off.
6
00:00:51,259 --> 00:00:52,320
And it was awful,
because when he beat me,
7
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,512
my teeth were also
in my hairpiece.
8
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,015
Oh, man.
9
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,475
The Jerky Boys are
like the greatest
10
00:00:58,516 --> 00:00:59,642
living comedy geniuses.
11
00:00:59,684 --> 00:01:01,019
I know.
12
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,729
It's like the telephone was just
13
00:01:02,771 --> 00:01:04,582
sitting there for 100 years
and it took these two guys--
14
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,815
To figure out what it was for.
15
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:08,068
See, yeah, you understand.
You understand.
16
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,737
All right.
I gotta take a leak.
17
00:01:10,779 --> 00:01:11,738
Oh, shit.
18
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:12,739
Oh, fuck.
19
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,324
Clive, 2 o'clock.
20
00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,760
He follows you in there,
you're a dead man.
21
00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:16,743
This is bad.
22
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,203
I really got to go.
23
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,597
You saw me down that
Capri Sun at lunch.
24
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:20,765
I know.
You were sucking that straw
25
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,415
like it promised you
a modeling contract.
26
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:23,643
But Johnny, you got to hold it.
27
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:24,852
It's not safe to hold your pee.
28
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:25,877
You got to do it, man.
29
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:27,253
Just think about baseball.
30
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:28,588
That's not how it works.
31
00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:30,107
Think about your dad
coming out of the bedroom
32
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,591
naked on a weekend.
33
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:32,717
What the fuck?
34
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,070
With his hog hanging
out of his robe
35
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,179
waving like a bat sleeping
through an earthquake.
36
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:37,472
Shut the fuck up, all right?
37
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:39,265
Just follow me in there
and stand guard.
38
00:01:39,307 --> 00:01:40,934
All right.
39
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:56,175
All right, go on, get to peeing.
40
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,075
All right, just watch the door.
41
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,618
OK.
42
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,039
- Shit.
- Go on, hurry up.
43
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:04,290
I can't, all right?
44
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,643
There's another guy in here
and I'm pee shy.
45
00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,585
Jesus Christ.
Hey dude, do you mind?
46
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,962
My buddy's self conscious.
47
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,272
Yeah, I thought he might
be having some trouble
48
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:11,965
when I didn't hear anything.
49
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:15,343
I just want you to know, you
take all the time you need to.
50
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,345
I won't judge.
51
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:24,686
Oh, here we go.
52
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,062
Thank you.
53
00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:29,149
That is all the thanks I need.
54
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,694
Wait.
55
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,697
Jesus?
56
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:39,951
All right.
It's OK.
57
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,495
Everything's going to be OK.
58
00:02:42,537 --> 00:02:44,039
Oh shit, he's here.
Wrap it up.
59
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:45,040
That's not how it works.
60
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,249
Hey, look who's here.
61
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:47,667
It's Bennett.
62
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,878
And he's got his little
boyfriend with him.
63
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,506
All right, Clive,
what if I am his boyfriend?
64
00:02:53,548 --> 00:02:55,383
What if we are having an affair?
65
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:58,970
I can satisfy him in a way
you never could.
66
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,555
Oof!
67
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:01,931
Better be careful, Bennett.
68
00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,850
You wouldn't want to slip!
69
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:04,934
Yeah.
70
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:06,144
Nice going, Bennett.
71
00:03:06,186 --> 00:03:07,354
Pee much?
72
00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:12,359
Why don't you go ask
your mother's face?
73
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,361
Oh Jesus, I am so sorry.
74
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,529
That was so over the line.
75
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,531
What the fuck, dude?
That's sick.
76
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,301
It was out of my mouth
before I knew what it was.
77
00:03:20,325 --> 00:03:21,910
Kind of like your mother.
78
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,304
Oh, my God,
what is wrong with me?
79
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,621
I am so sorry.
80
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,956
I deserve what's
about to happen to me.
81
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:28,249
Yeah, no shit.
82
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,128
- Drink up, asshole.
- Oh shit.
83
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,254
Wait, no, not the toilet.
84
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:34,464
I'm not supposed to get wet.
85
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:36,299
It said so on my tag!
86
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:44,766
Teddy.
87
00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,309
Teddy?
88
00:03:46,351 --> 00:03:48,144
Well, the joke's on us, Johnny.
89
00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:49,646
Pipes don't go anywhere.
90
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:52,899
The kids are just flushing them
back and forth all day.
91
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,526
Yuck.
92
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,070
If you have a problem,
if no one else can help,
93
00:03:57,112 --> 00:04:00,365
and if you can find them,
maybe you can hire the A-Team.
94
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,474
I've seen this episode before.
95
00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:09,708
It's a good one.
96
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,084
How can you watch that shit?
97
00:04:11,126 --> 00:04:13,878
It's just car chases
and blowing stuff up.
98
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,106
Why did you just
say two good things
99
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,423
as if they're two bad things?
100
00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:17,566
Give us a break, Blaire.
Jesus.
101
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,259
We had a hard day.
102
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,927
And this show is
very educational.
103
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,471
We're learning about the
struggles of Vietnam veterans
104
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,515
and how to turn a wood chipper
into a cannon
105
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,058
that shoots cabbages.
106
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:31,730
Matty, Dr. Frankel called
when you were at work today.
107
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,441
He says you're overdue
for a colonoscopy.
108
00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,109
Yeah, I'm not
getting one of those.
109
00:04:36,151 --> 00:04:37,944
He says it's important.
110
00:04:37,986 --> 00:04:40,155
- That guy's a quack.
- No, he's not.
111
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,448
He's very smart.
112
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,450
Not all Jewish doctors
are smart, Susan.
113
00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:44,760
That's one of those stereotypes.
114
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,036
Wow.
115
00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,638
Even when you're technically
on the right side,
116
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:49,748
you still find a way to ruin it.
117
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:50,832
What?
118
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,625
I just said they're
not all smart.
119
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,520
Some of them Hebrews are
just in it for the money.
120
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,504
That is beyond
fucking offensive.
121
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,132
Sorry.
Hebrews and Shebrews.
122
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,717
Honey, it's a routine test.
123
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,219
You're sedated the whole time.
124
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,972
It wasn't so bad when I did it.
125
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,474
What?
126
00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,076
When the hell did you
have a colonoscopy?
127
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,895
Last year when I was
having my tummy troubles.
128
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:14,272
- Where was I?
- You drove me.
129
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,857
No, I didn't.
130
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:18,485
Well, I had you drop me off
across the street at the mall.
131
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,820
I didn't want to worry you.
132
00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:21,964
And plus you needed undershirts,
133
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,115
and Jordan Marsh
was having a sale.
134
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,992
This is hilarious.
135
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,328
You're afraid of a procedure
Aunt Sue's got done
136
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,996
without even telling you.
137
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,623
I don't remember picking you up.
138
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,125
- I walked home.
- She walked home.
139
00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,835
It's just a couple of miles.
140
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:37,545
Couldn't feel my legs anyway,
141
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,714
so it didn't matter
if my pumps got slushy.
142
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:42,717
Well, Matty, it's your move.
143
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:45,637
My move is I'm getting a beer.
144
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,348
My results were negative.
145
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,892
Oh gosh, he seems so worried.
146
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,021
Man, I wish the A-Team was real.
147
00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,440
That way we could hire him
to beat the shit out of Clive.
148
00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:58,858
Who's Clive?
149
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,361
This fucking goon
at school who picks on us.
150
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,238
Is that Muriel's son Clive?
151
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:05,573
I don't know, is Muriel's son
a sadistic steroid bully
152
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,158
with a pee fetish?
153
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,827
Oh, that poor boy.
154
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:11,037
He doesn't have a father,
you know.
155
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,080
Huh?
156
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,498
Oh yeah, he walked out on Muriel
157
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,792
before Clive was even born.
158
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:18,545
It's probably why
he's so unhappy.
159
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:20,380
It's a classic
defense mechanism.
160
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,048
Hurt people hurt people.
161
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:23,591
Wait, wait, wait, are you saying
162
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,219
Clive is a bastard child?
163
00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:28,096
His mother is so sweet.
164
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:30,473
Must be hard.
165
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,393
Johnny, we have been
blessed with information
166
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,103
we can weaponize.
167
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:36,229
What do you mean?
168
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:40,066
What would the Jerky Boys do?
169
00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:41,443
All right, found it.
170
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:45,155
555-3816.
171
00:06:45,196 --> 00:06:48,700
Oh, we are going to fuck
this guy's head up so bad.
172
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,706
Hello?
173
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,459
Clive, this is your father.
174
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,753
- What?
- I'm your father.
175
00:06:59,794 --> 00:07:01,921
I abandoned you
when you were a baby.
176
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:04,591
Sorry about that.
I had a rough day.
177
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:06,718
Dad, is this really you?
178
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,094
Yes, Clive.
179
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:11,681
This is so totally
fucking your dad.
180
00:07:11,723 --> 00:07:14,934
Dad, I knew you'd call someday.
181
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,645
Mom said you wouldn't,
but I just knew it.
182
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,314
Where are you?
183
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,316
I mean, can I meet you?
184
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,609
Holy shit, he wants to meet.
185
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,361
This is fucking classic.
186
00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:26,988
- What do I say?
- Say yes.
187
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,907
Tell him to meet you
at Friendly's tomorrow.
188
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:32,369
Yeah, sure, be at Friendly's
tomorrow after school.
189
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:35,038
And wear a sailor suit.
190
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,623
A sailor suit?
191
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:38,541
Yeah, I spent some time
in the Navy,
192
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:40,794
so it's sentimental
for me, you know.
193
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,588
- I fought in the war.
- Whoa. Which one?
194
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,048
You got that right, my friend.
195
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,591
I don't like talking
about it though,
196
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,343
especially in specifics.
197
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,844
Man, that's so cool.
198
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,472
And I mean a real
sailor suit, all right?
199
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,140
Like the kid on the
Cracker Jack box.
200
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,476
But where do
I get a sailor suit?
201
00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,936
You back talking me?
202
00:07:57,977 --> 00:08:00,438
See, this smart mouth attitude
is exactly why I left.
203
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,274
Sorry. No, I'm sorry, Dad.
No, I'll do it. I promise.
204
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,818
That's more like it.
205
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,403
Tell him to say ahoy.
206
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,988
Oh yeah, and say ahoy
to people when you get there.
207
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,950
OK.
Dad, I can't wait to meet you.
208
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,702
Yeah, get those hopes
sky high, buddy.
209
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:14,869
I love you--
210
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,496
Oh, my God, that was
fucking amazing.
211
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,831
That was great.
212
00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:19,183
Well, we got to be there
when he shows up.
213
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,167
Totally.
Wait, wait, no, no, we can't.
214
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,211
He'll see us and
he'll kick our asses.
215
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:25,171
No, he won't.
216
00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:27,007
This was good.
This was a good plan.
217
00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,175
OK, now as far as anyone knows,
218
00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:32,178
we're two ad executives on
a business trip from Hartford
219
00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:34,597
- looking for some local talent.
- Right.
220
00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,307
Hey, keep these
milkshakes coming, huh?
221
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:39,019
- Sure thing.
- You know, we're celebrating.
222
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,688
Just landed a big account.
Bounty.
223
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,440
It's a very famous paper towel.
224
00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:45,358
Yep.
I use them every day.
225
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,568
Oh, terrific.
226
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:47,878
Well, you know,
originally the slogan
227
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,946
was supposed to be the
"quicker picker upper,"
228
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:53,033
but we added the word
"thicker quicker picker upper."
229
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:54,951
Bought a summer house
with that one adjective.
230
00:08:54,993 --> 00:08:56,870
- Congratulations.
- Yeah.
231
00:08:56,911 --> 00:09:01,207
My wife's miles away, even
when we're in the same room.
232
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:03,084
You know,
233
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:07,130
she hasn't let me touch her
since the miscarriage.
234
00:09:07,172 --> 00:09:10,467
I'll be back with your Fribbles.
235
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,135
The fuck was that?
236
00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:14,071
What do you mean?
I'm just rolling with the area.
237
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,847
That was fucking sad, dude.
238
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:17,450
Oh, forgive me for trying
to add a little gravity
239
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,035
into the backstory, all right?
I mean, why are we traveling?
240
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,769
Gravity?
I want to slit my wrist.
241
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,079
So you get to be
Mr. Thicker Picker Upper
242
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,497
and I got nothing to
work with over here?
243
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,065
Sorry, did you want sprinkles?
244
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:27,317
We picked out a name.
The room was painted.
245
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,360
Calm down.
246
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,712
No, no,
that's what everyone says.
247
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,321
I get to grieve.
248
00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,866
Oh, my God, look.
249
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:37,577
Ahoy.
250
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:40,872
- Holy shit.
- He fucking wore it.
251
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,166
Yeah.
Fix your kerchief.
252
00:09:43,208 --> 00:09:46,127
There you go.
Now you're a proper seaman.
253
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,754
- All right. You ready?
- Yep.
254
00:09:47,796 --> 00:09:49,839
I'm going in.
255
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:52,801
Oh, maybe don't talk to
the waitress while I'm gone.
256
00:09:52,842 --> 00:09:54,344
Just fucking go.
257
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,229
- Good afternoon, Friendly's.
- Yeah, hi.
258
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,456
I need you to deliver a message
259
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,815
to one of your customers.
260
00:10:06,856 --> 00:10:08,983
Dumb looking guy
dressed like an idiot.
261
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,569
Sir, this is Friendly's.
Can you be more specific?
262
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,780
The kid in the sailor suit.
263
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,411
This is his dad.
I got a message for him.
264
00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:24,666
I have a message for you
from your dad.
265
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:28,378
He says he's not coming because
you're a disappointment to him
266
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,422
and he's glad he left,
267
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:35,301
and he likes his adopted
Korean kids better.
268
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:38,179
Sorry.
269
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:13,048
Man, this is way sadder
than the miscarriage.
270
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,925
His name was going
to be Lawrence.
271
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,524
You know, I still feel really
shitty about yesterday.
272
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,068
Yeah, me too.
273
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:35,362
It's almost like Clive's
an actual human being,
274
00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,946
with a heart.
275
00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:38,549
Well, you know, I'm sure
it's going to be fine.
276
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,701
Hey, did you guys hear?
Clive tried to kill himself.
277
00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,036
Holy shit.
278
00:11:43,078 --> 00:11:45,580
He ate an entire bottle
of Flintstones vitamins.
279
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,040
Even the Bettys.
280
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,793
Did he--did he say
why he did it?
281
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,045
Who cares?
I never felt more free.
282
00:11:52,087 --> 00:11:53,880
Now I can wear my
Ace Of Base shirt
283
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:56,716
without getting my ass kicked.
284
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,551
Shit, Teddy.
What are we going to do?
285
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,136
It's out of our hands.
286
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:01,739
If he wants to wear the shirt,
he's going to wear the shirt.
287
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,390
No, no, I mean,
this is our fault.
288
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:05,684
If Clive wasn't an idiot,
he'd be dead right now.
289
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,394
All right.
OK. You know what?
290
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:08,561
We can fix this.
291
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:11,022
- Nice shirt, queer.
- Oh!
292
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,609
Hm, nature abhors a vacuum.
293
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,653
- OK, you ready?
- Yeah.
294
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:18,238
Hang on. Hang on one sec.
295
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,365
We got a boy's heart
in our hands here.
296
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:24,202
I want to make sure
I got my wits about me.
297
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,916
All right, I'm good.
Call him.
298
00:12:38,174 --> 00:12:40,051
- Hello?
- Hey Clive.
299
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,845
It's your dad.
300
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,972
You done barfing up Bamm-Bamms?
301
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:45,557
Leave me alone.
302
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,951
Wait, wait, just hang on.
Hang on.
303
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,601
I want to apologize.
304
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,812
I'm sorry about not
showing up yesterday.
305
00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,272
Then why did you do it?
306
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,607
And why did you
leave that message?
307
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:55,692
It was a test.
308
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:58,111
It was a test of your manhood.
309
00:12:58,153 --> 00:13:00,613
And you passed
with flying colors.
310
00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:03,992
You said you liked your
adopted Korean kids better.
311
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,326
Oh, yeah.
312
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,871
Well, you know,
I don't have them anymore.
313
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,122
You don't?
314
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,516
No, it seemed like
a cool idea at the time,
315
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,125
but it was costing me
a shitload,
316
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:16,338
so I had to release them back
into the wild.
317
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:19,174
But that's why you are
so important to me, Clive.
318
00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:21,426
That's why our relationship
is so important.
319
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,636
Well then,
can I meet you for real?
320
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,472
Yes.
321
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,681
Eventually. Eventually.
322
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,309
But right now,
I'm kind of busy with work.
323
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:31,144
- What do you do?
- What do I do?
324
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,104
Ad exec trying to have kids?
325
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,665
Jesus, what the fuck is it
with you with that--
326
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:38,276
I'm a soldier of fortune in
the Los Angeles underground.
327
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,486
Whoa.
328
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,088
Yeah, me and these
other crack commandos
329
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,990
fight injustice from our van.
330
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,992
That's so cool.
331
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,535
Yeah, if people have a problem
332
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,080
and if no one else can help
and if you can find us,
333
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:53,249
maybe you can hire
me and my friends.
334
00:13:53,291 --> 00:13:55,293
That's kind of like our slogan.
335
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:58,129
Wow.
My dad has a van.
336
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:02,008
Yeah, anyway, I'll keep
in touch and do good in school.
337
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,260
I suck at school.
338
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:06,471
I have a math test tomorrow
I'm probably going to fail.
339
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:07,722
Oh, come on.
340
00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,849
I bet you're smarter at math
than you think.
341
00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:14,312
Like OK, like, if a bully beats
up 10 kids for their sexuality
342
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,398
and 20% of them are in the choir
343
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:19,526
so they get extra beatings,
how many go to the hospital?
344
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:22,612
Um, two.
345
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:27,033
Guess what, Mr. I Can't?
You just did math.
346
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,868
I'll talk to you later.
347
00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:30,578
I think we fixed it.
348
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,746
Yeah, I think so too.
349
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:32,890
I feel really good right now.
350
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,582
- I feel so good.
- We're good people.
351
00:14:34,624 --> 00:14:36,876
Yeah, if he kills himself
now, it's from other stuff.
352
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,928
Why were these burgers
just, like,
353
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,555
sitting in a tray of water?
354
00:14:48,596 --> 00:14:49,991
Yeah, I don't know why
they do that.
355
00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,242
Yeah, every time
it's burger day,
356
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,435
there they are,
just sitting in water.
357
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,978
I don't know.
It seems normal.
358
00:14:55,020 --> 00:14:57,647
Have the guys over, water up
some burgers, watch the game.
359
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:58,940
Hey, you know what's weird?
360
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,275
What?
361
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,485
I've been, like,
thinking about Clive.
362
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,404
- Yeah, me too.
- You have?
363
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,531
Yeah, like I've actually
been wondering
364
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,241
how he did on that test.
365
00:15:08,283 --> 00:15:10,452
Me too.
It's fucked up, right?
366
00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,138
It's like I actually
give a shit about him.
367
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,581
Johnny, look.
368
00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,005
I don't know why he hangs out
with those boys.
369
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:21,212
They're a bad influence.
370
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:22,422
I think Coach Johnson...
371
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,591
Holy shit.
I think that's his test.
372
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:27,052
Wait, don't look,
don't look, don't look now.
373
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:28,595
- What does it say?
- I don't know.
374
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,722
There's a grade on the front,
but I can't see it.
375
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,724
We got to get a closer look.
376
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:36,978
That sounds really tough.
377
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:42,901
They know how to make corn
and they don't touch it.
378
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,444
What the fuck do you want,
Bennett?
379
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,613
Nothing. Nothing.
You know, I'm just--
380
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,114
I'm just--I'm just
walking around.
381
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,783
- You know how I be.
- Yeah?
382
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,702
Eat a dick, asshole.
383
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,247
C+.
384
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,665
He passed.
385
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:58,750
He passed.
386
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,627
Oh, my God,
I knew he could do it.
387
00:16:00,669 --> 00:16:03,171
Great job, buddy.
388
00:16:03,213 --> 00:16:05,507
Our little genius.
389
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:11,179
Matty, you can't
keep putting it off.
390
00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:12,806
Yes, I can.
It's my body.
391
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,099
But the doctor said--
392
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,493
I don't care what
the doctor says.
393
00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:17,102
I don't care what
the doctor says.
394
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,645
I'm not doing it.
395
00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:22,941
If you ask me one more time,
I'm going to stay at a motel.
396
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:25,694
Matty, why are you
so resistant to a colonoscopy?
397
00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:27,320
Oh Christ, not you too.
398
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:29,531
Look, I know it's scary
to think about
399
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,533
what they might find,
but early detection is--
400
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:33,743
You think
I'm worried about cancer?
401
00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:36,413
You get cancer,
you don't have to pay taxes.
402
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:38,164
I don't think that's true.
403
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:39,666
Not if liberals have their way.
404
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,793
All I'm saying is,
get your cancer now.
405
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:45,171
Look, cut the shit
and just tell me the truth.
406
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:47,799
Why won't you get
the colonoscopy?
407
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:53,888
When they put you under,
you're not in control.
408
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,223
All right?
409
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:58,435
You can say some shit
and not even remember it.
410
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,103
I don't want to say stuff.
411
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:01,312
Jesus.
412
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,772
There's things
you're not saying?
413
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:05,734
I just--I don't want anybody
to find out my secrets.
414
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:06,735
What secrets?
415
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:07,986
I got secrets.
416
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,338
OK, well,
what the fuck do you care
417
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,506
what some doctor thinks of them?
418
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,157
Doctors talk.
This is a small town.
419
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:13,658
I don't want to
ruin my reputation.
420
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,785
You're banned
from Dunkin' Donuts.
421
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:18,705
Listen to me.
You got to do this. OK?
422
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:20,582
You catch colon cancer
too late, you're dead.
423
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,310
You'd be leaving John and Suze
on their own.
424
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,544
You really want to do that?
425
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,840
All right.
I'll go in there.
426
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,050
Great.
427
00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:32,010
But you got to go with me.
428
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,845
- To your colonoscopy?
- Yeah.
429
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:34,929
Why?
430
00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:36,389
Because when they drug me up,
431
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,224
if I start saying anything
about Vietnam,
432
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,559
you got to make a lot of noise.
433
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,227
Why?
What happened in Viet--
434
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:44,230
La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
Like that.
435
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,231
- You got it?
- Mm-mm.
436
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,067
No, you don't.
Let's practice.
437
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:49,194
It's me.
Here's the doctor.
438
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:52,947
Hey Doc, this one time
in Vietnam--
439
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,157
right, that's you.
440
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:55,742
La, la, la, la.
441
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,219
No, you got to be
louder and faster.
442
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:59,829
Come on. Again.
One time in Vietnam, Doc--
443
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,414
- La, la, la, la, la.
- Keep going.
444
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:02,665
One time in Vietnam.
445
00:18:02,707 --> 00:18:03,708
Louder.
446
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,543
One time in Vietnam.
Keep going.
447
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,087
- Keep going.
- I'm fucking trying.
448
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,230
There was this
one time in Vietnam.
449
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,339
Keep going.
450
00:18:09,381 --> 00:18:10,924
I'm about to spill my secrets!
451
00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:14,260
What is going on in here?
452
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,262
I'll get the colonoscopy.
453
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,056
You will?
454
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,016
Oh, thank God.
455
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:24,604
Oh, I feel like it's Christmas.
456
00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,273
I just want this family
to know that from here on out,
457
00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:30,151
I'm going for
full-on alcoholism.
458
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,034
Hey, am I crazy?
459
00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,328
I kind of want to call Clive
and tell him he did good.
460
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,955
I know.
Me too.
461
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,749
I mean, he obviously studied
so hard for that test.
462
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,143
Yeah, he should know
his dad's proud of him.
463
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,460
Yeah.
464
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:48,729
But, but, but, do we want
to send the message
465
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,088
that all we care about
is grades?
466
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,816
Well, I mean, he can't
live up to our expectations
467
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,216
if we don't set any.
468
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:55,552
Yeah, but I want him to
do well for him, not for us.
469
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:57,303
- Let's just call him.
- OK.
470
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,186
Hello?
471
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:07,313
Hey Clive.
It's your dad.
472
00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:09,149
Dad.
Hey, guess what?
473
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,859
I totally aced that test.
474
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,402
I got a C+.
475
00:19:12,444 --> 00:19:14,154
Well, how about that?
476
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,363
Good for you, champ.
477
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:16,823
That's great.
478
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:19,159
That's not really ace,
but wow, good job.
479
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,618
Hey, I know you're busy and all,
480
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,288
but my birthday's
coming up on Saturday
481
00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,833
and I was wondering
if maybe I could see you.
482
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:31,338
Ah, yeah, sorry pal,
I got a work thing.
483
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:34,007
I just wish I could
meet you just once.
484
00:19:34,049 --> 00:19:35,342
I know.
Me too.
485
00:19:35,383 --> 00:19:36,843
But it's an important mission.
486
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,887
We found a terrorist base
under the roller rink,
487
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,930
so we're going undercover
as coke dealers.
488
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:43,767
And if we find love along
the way, we'll take it.
489
00:19:43,808 --> 00:19:44,934
Oh.
490
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:47,145
But hey, maybe next year, huh?
491
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,356
Yeah, sure.
492
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,899
And great job on that test.
493
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,525
All right,
I'll talk to you later.
494
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:56,363
Bye, Dad.
495
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,698
Man, I feel really bad
letting him down again.
496
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,283
Yeah, we got to
make it up to him.
497
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,785
You know what?
498
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:05,288
His dad needs to send him
a really great birthday gift.
499
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:14,923
Oh, what about this?
500
00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,383
Sega Genesis.
501
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,051
- Yeah, I don't know.
- Why not?
502
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:19,570
I'm just worried he's going
to spend all day in his room
503
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:21,221
instead of playing outside.
504
00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:22,389
What about a baseball glove?
505
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:23,765
He doesn't like playing sports.
506
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,242
Well, that doesn't mean
we shouldn't encourage it.
507
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:26,935
Baseball's your dream, not his.
508
00:20:26,976 --> 00:20:29,479
- Oh, my fucking God.
- Look, it's his 17th birthday.
509
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,605
He'll be an adult soon.
510
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,023
We don't have many
of these left.
511
00:20:32,065 --> 00:20:33,751
I just feel like you're
always trying to spoil him.
512
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,086
You know, you can't
buy his affections.
513
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:36,545
- I am not trying to buy his--
- Yes, you are.
514
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,113
You're trying to
buy his affections
515
00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,507
- because you're never at home.
- You're too strict with him.
516
00:20:39,531 --> 00:20:40,740
You always have been.
517
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:41,967
Well, somebody has
to be the bad cop.
518
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:43,743
And frankly, I feel like
it's shitty of you
519
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,346
- to always dump that on me.
- You know what?
520
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,746
None of this shit
matters anyway,
521
00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:49,040
- because we only got 20 bucks.
- Oh yeah, you're right.
522
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,542
What are we going to do?
523
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,585
Where's the menswear?
524
00:20:52,627 --> 00:20:54,879
OK, that's good.
Get ready.
525
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:57,340
- OK, now turn right.
- This is so fucking stupid.
526
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:59,175
Why don't I just
wear the coat myself?
527
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,593
Extra height, Johnny.
528
00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:03,096
When you're tall,
people assume you're in charge.
529
00:21:03,138 --> 00:21:05,449
Hey, why don't you go ahead and
take the rest of the day off?
530
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,435
Wow, thank you, tall supervisor.
531
00:21:08,476 --> 00:21:10,186
- See?
- OK, which way am I going?
532
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:12,039
All right, straight for a bit
then you're going to turn.
533
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:13,940
Talk louder.
Your feet are blocking my ears.
534
00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,608
Hard left, hard left, hard left!
535
00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:16,901
Jesus.
What the fuck was that?
536
00:21:16,943 --> 00:21:18,445
Go straight.
Just go straight.
537
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:19,588
Well, fucking tell me
when I'm going to bump
538
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,090
- into something--fucking A!
- Watch out!
539
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:23,259
- C'mon, you got to warn me.
- OK, it's good. It's good.
540
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,552
- We're good for a minute.
- My head hurts.
541
00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:25,636
Oh, this is going
to be a problem.
542
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:27,454
- Fuck, shit.
- The fuck is that?
543
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:28,973
- Don't go that way.
- Can I turn around?
544
00:21:28,997 --> 00:21:30,707
Oh shit.
545
00:21:30,749 --> 00:21:32,125
- Sideways.
- Which sideways?
546
00:21:32,167 --> 00:21:34,085
Go sideways.
547
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:40,342
Excellent work.
You can take your lunch now.
548
00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:48,743
Look, we weren't even
stealing it for us. OK?
549
00:21:48,767 --> 00:21:50,202
We were stealing it for a kid
who doesn't have a dad.
550
00:21:50,226 --> 00:21:52,145
And that's not even
really shoplifting, right?
551
00:21:52,187 --> 00:21:53,646
Nice try.
552
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:55,106
You boys are in
big time trouble.
553
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:56,625
I'm going to need your
parents' phone numbers.
554
00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:58,318
My parents are out of town.
555
00:21:58,360 --> 00:21:59,503
I don't have parents
on account of
556
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,071
I'm a Teddy bear
that came alive.
557
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:03,365
All right, look,
it's really important to us
558
00:22:03,406 --> 00:22:05,742
that we help this kid, OK?
559
00:22:05,784 --> 00:22:07,803
Haven't you ever had something
that was just really,
560
00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,096
really important to you,
something that you'd
561
00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:10,705
do anything to make happen?
562
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:13,375
Like maybe you wanted to be the
best security guard in Boston.
563
00:22:13,416 --> 00:22:14,709
No.
564
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:17,337
No, I never wanted to
be a security guard.
565
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,172
I really wanted to be an actor.
566
00:22:19,214 --> 00:22:20,382
Oh wow.
567
00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:22,801
Oh, this just got so much worse.
568
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:25,345
Acting is my real passion.
569
00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:27,222
When I was in my 20s,
570
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:30,016
I did this community
theater production on "Pippin."
571
00:22:30,058 --> 00:22:32,686
And when the show ended,
I found out
572
00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:36,147
that John Rubinstein
was in the audience.
573
00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:37,607
- Oh, my God.
- Oh wow.
574
00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:39,609
Who was, of course,
the original Pippin.
575
00:22:39,651 --> 00:22:40,610
- I was about to say.
- That's the guy.
576
00:22:40,652 --> 00:22:41,695
That's the guy.
577
00:22:41,736 --> 00:22:42,963
Fucking God damn right he was.
578
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:45,198
And he actually came
backstage after the show
579
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,034
and he walked up to me
and I can still see his face
580
00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:50,537
and he said,
I really enjoyed the show.
581
00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:52,747
You were all wonderful.
582
00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:54,916
I was like, oh, my God,
what a moment.
583
00:22:54,958 --> 00:22:56,126
Amazing.
584
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:57,478
I mean, it's amazing
just even hearing it.
585
00:22:57,502 --> 00:22:58,729
I wasn't there, but just
hearing you talk about it.
586
00:22:58,753 --> 00:22:59,897
Yeah, it was him in the flesh.
587
00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:01,673
And to have the kindness to say,
588
00:23:01,715 --> 00:23:03,675
because obviously I was Pippin.
589
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,051
Of course.
Yeah.
590
00:23:05,093 --> 00:23:06,803
Yeah, I mean you, Burt,
591
00:23:06,845 --> 00:23:09,014
are not going to do "Pippin"
if you're not Pippin.
592
00:23:09,055 --> 00:23:11,725
To have the kindness to say,
you are all wonderful.
593
00:23:11,766 --> 00:23:13,160
Because you see,
the rest of the cast
594
00:23:13,184 --> 00:23:14,227
was right there with me.
595
00:23:14,269 --> 00:23:15,645
So he couldn't really
single me out
596
00:23:15,687 --> 00:23:17,373
because that would have been
dismissive to them.
597
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,524
- Oh yeah. You can't do that.
- Sure, sure, sure.
598
00:23:19,566 --> 00:23:20,942
But he gave me a look.
599
00:23:20,984 --> 00:23:23,570
John Rubinstein gave me
a look and that look said,
600
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:26,364
you are on the stairway
to stardom.
601
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:27,741
Oh, good Christ.
602
00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,035
- Wow, wow.
- That's what I said too.
603
00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:33,079
Well, I guess life had
other plans for me.
604
00:23:33,121 --> 00:23:34,998
But that's OK.
605
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,711
♪ Everything has its season ♪
606
00:23:39,753 --> 00:23:42,339
♪ Everything has its time ♪
607
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:43,923
♪ Show me a reason ♪
608
00:23:43,965 --> 00:23:46,760
♪ And I'll soon
show you a rhyme ♪
609
00:23:46,801 --> 00:23:49,346
♪ Cats fit on the windowsill ♪
610
00:23:49,387 --> 00:23:51,765
♪ Children fit in the snow ♪
611
00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:54,434
♪ So why do I feel like
I don't fit in ♪
612
00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:58,271
♪ Anywhere I go ♪
613
00:23:58,313 --> 00:24:00,273
Oh, sorry.
614
00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:01,733
Wow.
615
00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:03,651
Wow, that felt fucking great.
616
00:24:03,693 --> 00:24:05,111
- Right?
- Yeah.
617
00:24:05,153 --> 00:24:06,446
Wow.
618
00:24:06,488 --> 00:24:07,673
Was that a moment
just then we had?
619
00:24:07,697 --> 00:24:09,050
Wait, that was a moment?
That was a real--
620
00:24:09,074 --> 00:24:10,718
- I think it was.
- I couldn't even hear you.
621
00:24:10,742 --> 00:24:12,786
Someone was playing the original
622
00:24:12,827 --> 00:24:14,412
cast recording of "Pippin."
623
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:16,915
It's like a rope connected us
that only we saw the rope.
624
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,458
All three of us.
All three of us.
625
00:24:18,500 --> 00:24:19,852
- We are one.
- Tighter and tighter...
626
00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:21,503
We were one organism
in that moment.
627
00:24:21,544 --> 00:24:22,837
- My feet are tingling.
- Wow.
628
00:24:22,879 --> 00:24:25,882
1,000 wows and more wows
on top of that.
629
00:24:25,924 --> 00:24:28,551
I feel like this
was time well spent.
630
00:24:28,593 --> 00:24:29,779
Yeah, we got a lot accomplished.
631
00:24:29,803 --> 00:24:31,012
- Was it not?
- Yeah.
632
00:24:31,054 --> 00:24:32,514
You guys--
you guys can go ahead.
633
00:24:32,555 --> 00:24:33,824
- We're good to go, right?
- Absolutely.
634
00:24:33,848 --> 00:24:35,058
Thank you.
Thank you, man.
635
00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:36,202
Really appreciate it.
This was wonderful.
636
00:24:36,226 --> 00:24:37,394
Yeah.
637
00:24:37,435 --> 00:24:38,663
We're all going to
go our separate ways,
638
00:24:38,687 --> 00:24:39,646
but we'll take a piece
of today with us.
639
00:24:39,688 --> 00:24:41,189
Thanks for letting me sing.
640
00:24:41,231 --> 00:24:42,857
Jesus, that was
a fucking nightmare.
641
00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:44,150
You are telling me, Johnny.
642
00:24:44,192 --> 00:24:45,652
This has got to stop.
643
00:24:45,694 --> 00:24:47,320
I know.
It's gotten out of control.
644
00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:49,114
I mean, I care about
what happens to Clive,
645
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,740
but we're acting like
fucking lunatics.
646
00:24:50,782 --> 00:24:53,410
Raising Clive is not
our responsibility.
647
00:24:53,451 --> 00:24:54,869
We got to tell him the truth.
648
00:24:56,830 --> 00:24:58,998
♪ Everything has its season ♪
649
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,418
♪ Everything has its time ♪
650
00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:06,214
♪ We've got a very big sale
on aisle nine ♪
651
00:25:06,256 --> 00:25:07,382
It might be time to go.
652
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:08,675
♪ Cats fit on the windowsill ♪
653
00:25:08,717 --> 00:25:10,468
♪ Children fit in the snow ♪
654
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:20,854
I don't like this.
This was a bad idea.
655
00:25:20,895 --> 00:25:22,981
Will you fucking relax?
It's going to be fine.
656
00:25:23,023 --> 00:25:25,525
You hear the word Vietnam,
you yell like the place
657
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:27,110
is burning down.
Do you understand me?
658
00:25:27,152 --> 00:25:28,987
Yes. Jesus Christ.
Calm down.
659
00:25:29,029 --> 00:25:30,822
Good morning, Mr. Bennett.
660
00:25:30,864 --> 00:25:32,174
We are all set
to begin your procedure.
661
00:25:32,198 --> 00:25:33,867
Yeah, listen, this is my niece.
662
00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:36,619
She's going to be with me
in the room there.
663
00:25:36,661 --> 00:25:39,456
Oh, I'm afraid
that's not allowed.
664
00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:40,874
What do you fucking mean?
665
00:25:40,915 --> 00:25:42,667
It's against hospital policy.
666
00:25:42,709 --> 00:25:44,127
No, no, no, no.
No, wait a minute.
667
00:25:44,169 --> 00:25:45,879
Wait a minute.
You don't understand.
668
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:50,133
She's always with me for
every colonoscopy, right?
669
00:25:50,175 --> 00:25:51,468
Yes.
670
00:25:51,509 --> 00:25:56,723
I love watching and
it's my half birthday today,
671
00:25:56,765 --> 00:25:59,517
so treating myself.
672
00:25:59,559 --> 00:26:03,146
Well, that's interesting,
but it's medical staff only.
673
00:26:03,188 --> 00:26:04,272
I really am sorry.
674
00:26:04,314 --> 00:26:05,774
Give us a minute, OK?
675
00:26:07,776 --> 00:26:09,736
- Get under the gurney.
- What?
676
00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:11,988
- Hide under the gurney.
- I am not doing that.
677
00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:14,074
Blaire, you got to be
in the room in case I talk.
678
00:26:14,115 --> 00:26:15,509
Matty, these people
don't care about
679
00:26:15,533 --> 00:26:16,993
your stupid goddamn secret, OK?
680
00:26:17,035 --> 00:26:18,846
They're professionals.
They've heard everything.
681
00:26:18,870 --> 00:26:20,330
I don't trust them.
682
00:26:20,372 --> 00:26:21,849
You don't become a butt doctor
unless you're into
683
00:26:21,873 --> 00:26:23,083
some really weird shit.
684
00:26:23,124 --> 00:26:25,752
Some of these guys,
it's sexual for them.
685
00:26:25,794 --> 00:26:27,462
This is not sexual for them.
686
00:26:27,504 --> 00:26:30,048
I'll give you $300.
687
00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:31,730
- Seriously?
- You're always whining about
688
00:26:31,758 --> 00:26:33,051
how expensive
your textbooks are.
689
00:26:33,093 --> 00:26:35,095
300 bucks.
690
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,184
You have lost your fucking mind.
691
00:26:43,019 --> 00:26:45,271
Dr. Fisher to OR
prep room three.
692
00:26:45,313 --> 00:26:48,316
Dr. Fisher,
OR prep room three.
693
00:27:01,454 --> 00:27:02,789
All right, Mr. Bennett,
694
00:27:02,831 --> 00:27:05,125
I need you to count backward
from 100.
695
00:27:05,166 --> 00:27:09,546
100, 99, 98...
696
00:27:09,587 --> 00:27:11,006
All right, he's out.
697
00:27:11,047 --> 00:27:13,341
OK. Wow. What a weirdo.
698
00:27:13,383 --> 00:27:15,677
Guy wanted his niece
to come in here with him.
699
00:27:15,719 --> 00:27:17,637
Oh, I heard that.
That's bizarre.
700
00:27:17,679 --> 00:27:19,014
Absolutely.
701
00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:20,640
Let's see what
he's working with here.
702
00:27:23,018 --> 00:27:24,978
- Oh, my God.
- Damn, look at that!
703
00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:26,813
Hair on the tip.
That's a new one.
704
00:27:26,855 --> 00:27:28,982
Yuck.
His poor wife, huh?
705
00:27:29,024 --> 00:27:31,151
I was just thinking that.
706
00:27:31,192 --> 00:27:34,738
Guys, I got to be honest.
This is sexual for me.
707
00:27:39,451 --> 00:27:41,161
Look, we just got
to tell him the truth.
708
00:27:41,202 --> 00:27:42,912
You know he's going
to kick our asses.
709
00:27:42,954 --> 00:27:44,640
Look, the key to not
getting hurt in a fight
710
00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:47,917
is staying loose, like
a drunk guy in an accident.
711
00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:49,627
That's why the Kennedys
are always fine
712
00:27:49,669 --> 00:27:52,964
after they fuck up their cars.
713
00:27:53,006 --> 00:27:56,259
Oh, hey Clive, can we--can we
talk to you for a second?
714
00:27:56,301 --> 00:27:58,136
What do you two fucknuts want?
715
00:27:58,178 --> 00:28:01,514
Look, there's no
easy way to say this,
716
00:28:01,556 --> 00:28:04,392
but, um, it's about your dad.
717
00:28:04,434 --> 00:28:05,852
What about my dad?
718
00:28:05,894 --> 00:28:09,314
Um, your dad, uh,
719
00:28:09,356 --> 00:28:13,401
invited us
to your birthday party.
720
00:28:13,443 --> 00:28:15,362
And he said he's
going to be there too
721
00:28:15,403 --> 00:28:16,488
and we just wanted to say
722
00:28:16,529 --> 00:28:18,531
we are so excited
just to be part of it.
723
00:28:18,573 --> 00:28:19,949
What are you talking about?
724
00:28:19,991 --> 00:28:21,284
I'm not having a party.
725
00:28:21,326 --> 00:28:22,762
He said he wasn't
going to be around.
726
00:28:22,786 --> 00:28:25,747
That's because it's a surprise.
727
00:28:25,789 --> 00:28:27,374
- Yeah.
- Oh no, I spoiled it!
728
00:28:27,415 --> 00:28:28,458
Oh, Teddy, oh!
729
00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:29,727
We weren't supposed
to say anything.
730
00:28:29,751 --> 00:28:31,378
- Fuck.
- I knew it.
731
00:28:31,419 --> 00:28:32,879
I knew he'd show up.
732
00:28:32,921 --> 00:28:34,381
Oh, it's probably
going to be huge
733
00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:36,591
if even you two losers
are invited.
734
00:28:36,633 --> 00:28:37,759
Hell yeah.
735
00:28:40,053 --> 00:28:41,429
What the fuck is wrong with you?
736
00:28:41,471 --> 00:28:43,074
I know, but did you see
the look in his eye?
737
00:28:43,098 --> 00:28:44,557
He's like fucking
Charles Manson.
738
00:28:44,599 --> 00:28:46,239
What the fuck are
we supposed to do now?
739
00:28:46,267 --> 00:28:48,228
- He thinks his dad's showing up.
- I don't know.
740
00:28:48,269 --> 00:28:50,373
- We find somebody to be his dad.
- Well, fucking who?
741
00:28:50,397 --> 00:28:52,816
I don't know.
We find an actor or something.
742
00:28:52,857 --> 00:28:55,318
Ah, shit.
743
00:28:58,697 --> 00:29:01,950
All right,
we got balloons, a cake.
744
00:29:01,991 --> 00:29:03,427
Do you think he's too old
for a piñata?
745
00:29:03,451 --> 00:29:04,679
Yeah, I don't think
we want to put
746
00:29:04,703 --> 00:29:05,912
a bat in his hands, Johnny.
747
00:29:05,954 --> 00:29:08,581
Oh yeah, good call.
748
00:29:08,623 --> 00:29:10,750
Oh.
How did it go?
749
00:29:10,792 --> 00:29:12,669
It was a living nightmare.
750
00:29:12,711 --> 00:29:14,087
Matty, how you feeling?
751
00:29:14,129 --> 00:29:15,672
Doc says I'm clean as a whistle.
752
00:29:15,714 --> 00:29:16,715
Nothing to worry about.
753
00:29:16,756 --> 00:29:18,091
That's not all the doctor said.
754
00:29:18,133 --> 00:29:19,509
What do you mean?
755
00:29:19,551 --> 00:29:22,470
It was the most disgusting
thing I've ever heard.
756
00:29:22,512 --> 00:29:25,306
Blaire, what happened?
757
00:29:27,642 --> 00:29:29,578
Matty made me go into the
operating room with him, so--
758
00:29:29,602 --> 00:29:30,770
Blaire, what the hell?
759
00:29:30,812 --> 00:29:31,771
To shut him up
if the drugs made him
760
00:29:31,813 --> 00:29:33,023
say some shit about Vietnam.
761
00:29:33,064 --> 00:29:34,333
You're not getting
those 300 bucks!
762
00:29:34,357 --> 00:29:36,109
I don't care.
This has to end.
763
00:29:36,151 --> 00:29:38,111
Nothing is worth what
I went through today.
764
00:29:38,153 --> 00:29:39,255
Do you know where
they put the wand
765
00:29:39,279 --> 00:29:41,031
when they're done with it?
I do.
766
00:29:41,072 --> 00:29:43,033
What secret?
What is she talking about?
767
00:29:43,074 --> 00:29:44,993
- Forget it, Susan.
- No, Matty, this is insane.
768
00:29:45,035 --> 00:29:46,470
You have to talk
about it and move on,
769
00:29:46,494 --> 00:29:48,288
because I am not
fucking doing that again
770
00:29:48,329 --> 00:29:49,473
- in five years.
- Just drop it!
771
00:29:49,497 --> 00:29:50,808
What'd you do?
Desert your platoon?
772
00:29:50,832 --> 00:29:52,000
Go AWOL?
773
00:29:52,042 --> 00:29:53,060
Did you accidentally
shoot Bob Hope?
774
00:29:53,084 --> 00:29:54,044
- What?
- I wish.
775
00:29:54,085 --> 00:29:55,295
I could live with that.
776
00:29:55,337 --> 00:29:57,130
Whatever it is,
I'm sure we'll understand.
777
00:29:57,172 --> 00:29:58,631
No, you won't.
This was war.
778
00:29:58,673 --> 00:30:00,151
For Christ's sake, Matty,
we're your family.
779
00:30:00,175 --> 00:30:01,468
Just fucking tell us.
780
00:30:01,509 --> 00:30:03,511
I jacked off a dog!
781
00:30:07,057 --> 00:30:09,351
What the fuck?
782
00:30:09,392 --> 00:30:10,894
Oh, my God.
783
00:30:10,935 --> 00:30:12,604
You guys said you'd understand.
784
00:30:12,645 --> 00:30:15,106
That was before we knew
how fucked up it was.
785
00:30:15,148 --> 00:30:16,900
You've never been to war.
Things happen.
786
00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:18,151
Not that. No.
787
00:30:18,193 --> 00:30:20,070
Why the fuck would you
jack off a dog?
788
00:30:20,111 --> 00:30:22,364
Whose dog was it?
789
00:30:38,213 --> 00:30:41,174
My platoon was camped
in the jungle
790
00:30:41,216 --> 00:30:45,011
about two clicks south
of the Do Lung Bridge.
791
00:30:45,053 --> 00:30:47,222
Our dog Scout was with us...
792
00:30:47,263 --> 00:30:51,851
Chewing on some dinner scraps.
793
00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:54,354
My buddy Donny and I were
about to start the night watch
794
00:30:54,396 --> 00:30:59,609
when we noticed...
Scout had an erection.
795
00:30:59,651 --> 00:31:02,195
Well, you were very
handsome back then.
796
00:31:02,237 --> 00:31:04,989
Just let me do this, Susan.
797
00:31:07,659 --> 00:31:10,870
We waited for it to go away
on its own, but it didn't.
798
00:31:10,912 --> 00:31:12,664
It was obviously stuck.
799
00:31:12,706 --> 00:31:15,208
Now, that could be
dangerous for a dog,
800
00:31:15,250 --> 00:31:17,752
especially in the jungle--
it gets infected.
801
00:31:17,794 --> 00:31:19,754
He could have died.
802
00:31:19,796 --> 00:31:24,718
We didn't have a medic with us.
I had to do something.
803
00:31:24,759 --> 00:31:29,014
I tried to ease it back in,
804
00:31:29,055 --> 00:31:31,057
but it popped out.
805
00:31:31,099 --> 00:31:32,934
So I tried again.
806
00:31:32,976 --> 00:31:34,894
No good.
807
00:31:34,936 --> 00:31:36,354
Time was running out.
808
00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:38,606
Let me tell you,
that dog had sniffed out
809
00:31:38,648 --> 00:31:40,734
more landmines
than I could count.
810
00:31:40,775 --> 00:31:44,946
He had saved all of our lives,
so I had to keep trying.
811
00:31:47,365 --> 00:31:51,494
And that's when it happened.
812
00:31:51,536 --> 00:31:56,541
He made a noise like a bark,
but happier.
813
00:31:59,377 --> 00:32:04,007
Then he went back to his food.
814
00:32:04,049 --> 00:32:05,759
Donny and I didn't
make eye contact
815
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,636
for the rest of the war.
816
00:32:17,145 --> 00:32:21,107
For God's sake,
somebody say something.
817
00:32:21,149 --> 00:32:24,694
You soldiers gave so much.
818
00:32:30,575 --> 00:32:35,080
I-I think you did
the right thing.
819
00:32:35,121 --> 00:32:38,416
Very heroic.
820
00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,543
Yeah.
821
00:32:40,585 --> 00:32:44,631
Great job, Dad.
822
00:32:44,673 --> 00:32:50,095
You did it there so we
didn't have to do it here.
823
00:32:50,136 --> 00:32:52,180
Stand down, soldier.
824
00:33:06,611 --> 00:33:10,031
All right, testing, testing,
one, two, three.
825
00:33:10,073 --> 00:33:11,658
Yeah, I can hear you.
Oh, that's neat.
826
00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:13,535
Yeah, I paid off
a techie at school.
827
00:33:13,576 --> 00:33:14,845
Just remember to keep
the other one on
828
00:33:14,869 --> 00:33:16,013
so we can hear you and Clive.
829
00:33:16,037 --> 00:33:17,348
OK, so we're going
to be feeding you
830
00:33:17,372 --> 00:33:19,092
what to say as we go along,
and if there's--
831
00:33:19,124 --> 00:33:20,417
Right, right.
832
00:33:20,458 --> 00:33:21,602
If you could not give me
specific line readings,
833
00:33:21,626 --> 00:33:23,545
- that would be great.
- What?
834
00:33:23,586 --> 00:33:26,214
Yeah, just, you know, tell me
what you want to communicate
835
00:33:26,256 --> 00:33:28,508
and then I will interpret it
as an actor.
836
00:33:28,550 --> 00:33:31,136
You know, I was going to get
a coffee cart for the set,
837
00:33:31,177 --> 00:33:32,303
but now forget it.
838
00:33:32,345 --> 00:33:33,638
Oh, tell me something.
839
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:35,890
- Where am I coming from?
- Huh?
840
00:33:35,932 --> 00:33:38,518
Like just before
I meet Clive, where was I?
841
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:40,520
You were right fucking here
talking to us.
842
00:33:40,562 --> 00:33:41,730
No, no, no.
No, not me.
843
00:33:41,771 --> 00:33:43,523
The character.
Where was the character?
844
00:33:43,565 --> 00:33:45,358
It'll affect
how I play the scene.
845
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,736
He was playing Pippin
on Broadway.
846
00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:49,362
No, no.
847
00:33:49,404 --> 00:33:52,365
He was at home, grieving over
his wife's miscarriage.
848
00:33:52,407 --> 00:33:54,200
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Oh, yeah.
849
00:33:54,242 --> 00:33:55,577
Oh, I like that.
You're good.
850
00:33:55,618 --> 00:33:58,371
You should get
into the business.
851
00:33:58,413 --> 00:33:59,956
- The fuck is wrong with you?
- What?
852
00:33:59,998 --> 00:34:02,101
We'll get one like this and
then we'll try it your way.
853
00:34:02,125 --> 00:34:03,752
All right?
Jesus fucking Christ.
854
00:34:06,504 --> 00:34:09,299
Yeah, in case anyone else
needs a drink too.
855
00:34:09,341 --> 00:34:11,551
What the hell are you
talking about, Derek?
856
00:34:11,593 --> 00:34:13,887
Clive?
857
00:34:13,928 --> 00:34:16,056
Dad?
858
00:34:16,097 --> 00:34:17,307
Is that you?
859
00:34:17,349 --> 00:34:19,017
It's me, son.
860
00:34:19,059 --> 00:34:21,061
I've returned.
861
00:34:22,729 --> 00:34:25,940
Oh, Dad, I can't believe
it's really you.
862
00:34:25,982 --> 00:34:28,193
OK, that's good.
Now tell him you can't stay.
863
00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:30,153
You've got an important
mission back in LA.
864
00:34:30,195 --> 00:34:31,571
There's a sniper
trying to take out
865
00:34:31,613 --> 00:34:33,406
the world's top surfers
in Malibu.
866
00:34:33,448 --> 00:34:34,991
I can't stay long.
867
00:34:35,033 --> 00:34:37,285
My wife and I have suffered
a personal tragedy
868
00:34:37,327 --> 00:34:39,037
and she needs me at home.
869
00:34:39,079 --> 00:34:40,914
- See? It plays great.
- Shut up.
870
00:34:40,955 --> 00:34:43,166
I have a stepmom?
871
00:34:43,208 --> 00:34:45,251
- What's her name?
- Catherine.
872
00:34:45,293 --> 00:34:46,937
She's a widowed farm owner
and she's hired me
873
00:34:46,961 --> 00:34:48,963
as a farmhand at her estate.
874
00:34:49,005 --> 00:34:50,256
- Is that--
- Is he--
875
00:34:50,298 --> 00:34:51,859
- Is that "Pippin?"
- He's doing "Pippin."
876
00:34:51,883 --> 00:34:53,235
- Is he fucking doing "Pippin?"
- He's fucking doing "Pippin."
877
00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:54,594
God damn it, no "Pippin!"
878
00:34:54,636 --> 00:34:57,847
But I thought you were
a soldier of fortune.
879
00:34:57,889 --> 00:35:00,600
You're blowing this,
you motherfucker.
880
00:35:00,642 --> 00:35:05,105
♪ Sitting on the floor
and talking till dawn ♪
881
00:35:05,146 --> 00:35:07,315
♪ Candles and confidences ♪
882
00:35:07,357 --> 00:35:08,876
Clive's going to beat
the shit out of him.
883
00:35:08,900 --> 00:35:12,821
♪ Trading old beliefs
and humming old songs ♪
884
00:35:14,155 --> 00:35:16,199
- Clive.
- Mom.
885
00:35:16,241 --> 00:35:17,784
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
886
00:35:17,826 --> 00:35:19,452
What's going on?
What is all this?
887
00:35:19,494 --> 00:35:21,454
Mom, what are you doing here?
888
00:35:21,496 --> 00:35:22,640
Jeff Driscoll's mother
told me you're having
889
00:35:22,664 --> 00:35:24,124
a party out here in the park.
890
00:35:24,165 --> 00:35:25,417
Why didn't you tell me?
891
00:35:25,458 --> 00:35:26,644
Fuck, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
892
00:35:26,668 --> 00:35:28,712
Mom, look.
893
00:35:28,753 --> 00:35:29,921
Dad's here.
894
00:35:29,963 --> 00:35:31,399
Abort, abort,
get the fuck out of there.
895
00:35:31,423 --> 00:35:32,966
What are you talking about?
896
00:35:33,008 --> 00:35:35,093
That's not your dad.
897
00:35:35,135 --> 00:35:36,302
Say that's not your mother.
898
00:35:36,344 --> 00:35:38,638
I hate giving
other actors notes,
899
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,557
but I feel like
you've come in so hot,
900
00:35:40,598 --> 00:35:42,392
you're not giving yourself
anywhere to go.
901
00:35:42,434 --> 00:35:43,560
Who the hell are you?
902
00:35:43,601 --> 00:35:45,687
OK.
I can't work like this.
903
00:35:45,729 --> 00:35:48,273
Let me guess, she's the
producer's girlfriend.
904
00:35:48,314 --> 00:35:49,500
- Bullshit.
- Hang on, Mom, I'll be back.
905
00:35:49,524 --> 00:35:51,067
That was a good note
I gave her too.
906
00:35:51,109 --> 00:35:52,610
- Hey.
- I'm in way over the top.
907
00:35:52,652 --> 00:35:53,653
Hey.
908
00:35:53,695 --> 00:35:55,488
What the fuck is going on here?
909
00:35:55,530 --> 00:35:57,949
- Are you not really my dad?
- No.
910
00:35:57,991 --> 00:36:00,326
These two guys paid me to come
here and play your father.
911
00:36:00,368 --> 00:36:01,619
But let me tell you something.
912
00:36:01,661 --> 00:36:04,164
This is the most shoddy,
disorganized production
913
00:36:04,205 --> 00:36:05,498
I have ever been a part of.
914
00:36:05,540 --> 00:36:08,084
John Rubinstein would
never stand for this,
915
00:36:08,126 --> 00:36:10,378
and neither will I.
916
00:36:13,006 --> 00:36:15,342
Oh, fucking cock fuck.
917
00:36:15,383 --> 00:36:17,177
Is this some kind of
fucking joke?
918
00:36:17,218 --> 00:36:18,386
Oh, shit.
919
00:36:18,428 --> 00:36:19,488
Oh God, wait, wait.
Hang on, hang on.
920
00:36:19,512 --> 00:36:21,431
Clive, Clive, just listen.
OK?
921
00:36:21,473 --> 00:36:22,766
You motherfucker!
922
00:36:22,807 --> 00:36:25,226
You think you can fuck
with my head and live?
923
00:36:25,268 --> 00:36:27,520
I am about to beat
the face off of you.
924
00:36:27,562 --> 00:36:29,856
You're dead, both of you.
You're fucking dead.
925
00:36:29,898 --> 00:36:31,149
Ah!
926
00:36:31,191 --> 00:36:32,668
Clive, Clive, just wait
one minute, all right?
927
00:36:32,692 --> 00:36:34,569
Before you kill us,
just hear us out.
928
00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:37,072
Look, I'm sorry we lied
and said we were your dad.
929
00:36:37,113 --> 00:36:38,448
But think about it.
930
00:36:38,490 --> 00:36:40,408
What is a dad?
931
00:36:40,450 --> 00:36:42,243
It's someone
who believes in you,
932
00:36:42,285 --> 00:36:44,204
someone who roots for you
to do your best,
933
00:36:44,245 --> 00:36:47,165
and who's proud of you
when you work hard and you win.
934
00:36:47,207 --> 00:36:48,833
We did that.
935
00:36:48,875 --> 00:36:50,377
What do you mean?
936
00:36:50,418 --> 00:36:53,004
We told you you could pass
that math test and you did it.
937
00:36:53,046 --> 00:36:54,547
Didn't that feel good?
938
00:36:54,589 --> 00:36:57,509
And when you got that B-,
I mean, what an improvement.
939
00:36:57,550 --> 00:36:59,219
We were there pulling for you.
940
00:36:59,260 --> 00:37:01,971
We were encouraging you
to reach your full potential.
941
00:37:02,013 --> 00:37:03,348
We did all that.
942
00:37:03,390 --> 00:37:04,933
And didn't it feel good?
943
00:37:04,974 --> 00:37:07,143
Didn't you feel good
about yourself?
944
00:37:07,185 --> 00:37:10,021
Yeah, I-I did.
945
00:37:10,063 --> 00:37:11,815
You've really
turned things around.
946
00:37:11,856 --> 00:37:14,234
Your grades are better.
You're smiling more.
947
00:37:14,275 --> 00:37:15,568
I am?
948
00:37:15,610 --> 00:37:18,780
All the guys in woodshop
are saying so.
949
00:37:18,822 --> 00:37:21,449
I've been thinking about
taking guitar lessons.
950
00:37:21,491 --> 00:37:22,784
You hear that?
951
00:37:22,826 --> 00:37:24,619
He's thinking about
taking guitar lessons.
952
00:37:24,661 --> 00:37:26,579
Well, that's fantastic.
953
00:37:26,621 --> 00:37:29,124
Hey, we're going to be
at every recital.
954
00:37:29,165 --> 00:37:31,042
- Really?
- Absolutely.
955
00:37:31,084 --> 00:37:33,878
We are not going anywhere.
956
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,130
Bring it in here.
957
00:37:38,299 --> 00:37:42,387
We are so fucking proud
of you, buddy.
958
00:37:42,429 --> 00:37:43,888
There you go.
959
00:37:43,930 --> 00:37:45,140
Oh, OK, easy there.
960
00:37:45,181 --> 00:37:46,141
Easy there, Lenny.
961
00:37:46,182 --> 00:37:47,684
Don't kill the rabbit.
962
00:37:47,726 --> 00:37:49,019
OK.
963
00:37:49,060 --> 00:37:51,438
Hey, what do you say
we have some cake?
964
00:37:51,479 --> 00:37:53,690
- Yeah.
- And something healthy.
965
00:37:53,732 --> 00:37:55,334
All right, don't undermine me
in front of him.
966
00:37:55,358 --> 00:37:57,318
Come on, let's go.
69662
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