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1
00:00:13,551 --> 00:00:16,550
[light violin music]
2
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:22,850
RIP-FIXES-SYNC
by VaVooM
3
00:00:28,851 --> 00:00:31,657
[Charlene] Well, Dr. Bowman.
4
00:00:31,701 --> 00:00:35,531
See, I've never really
been in therapy before.
5
00:00:35,574 --> 00:00:37,576
How about I just start
at the beginning?
6
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:42,625
[footsteps thudding]
[alarm sounding]
7
00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:46,498
Dear diary.
The Nazis are coming.
8
00:00:48,892 --> 00:00:50,894
No, it's worse!
My parents!
9
00:00:50,938 --> 00:00:53,244
[light jazz music]
10
00:00:53,288 --> 00:00:55,638
[Mel] What the hell
is wrong with you?
11
00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:56,987
You're a mashugana.
12
00:00:57,031 --> 00:00:59,947
Hiding in closets,
thinking you're Anne Frank.
13
00:00:59,990 --> 00:01:01,228
[Charlene] I was always trying
14
00:01:01,252 --> 00:01:03,472
to run away from
my oddball family,
15
00:01:03,515 --> 00:01:05,343
but there was no escaping them.
16
00:01:05,387 --> 00:01:07,952
I was inevitably captured
and dragged back
17
00:01:07,976 --> 00:01:09,913
to our bunker in Coney Island.
18
00:01:09,957 --> 00:01:12,089
My friend's mom told me
not to come back.
19
00:01:12,133 --> 00:01:14,004
My mom made sure of it.
20
00:01:15,484 --> 00:01:17,616
I don't want you to associate
with those people.
21
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,140
Understand?
22
00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:21,692
[Charlene] Growing up with a pair
of showbiz parents
23
00:01:21,842 --> 00:01:23,709
wasn't easy, believe me.
24
00:01:23,753 --> 00:01:26,410
I think years of doing shows
in the Catskills
25
00:01:26,560 --> 00:01:28,932
and smoky nightclubs took
its toll on them.
26
00:01:28,976 --> 00:01:31,282
It's no wonder
I ended up in therapy.
27
00:01:31,326 --> 00:01:33,521
If Charlene doesn't kill us,
your driving is going to.
28
00:01:33,545 --> 00:01:34,677
[Mel] Oh, leave me alone.
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Don't tell me...
30
00:01:36,244 --> 00:01:37,114
You don't know what the hell
you're talking about.
31
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I know what I'm talking about.
32
00:01:38,637 --> 00:01:41,268
Worst driver I've ever been with
in my whole life, I'll tell you right now.
33
00:01:41,292 --> 00:01:42,163
[Mel] The worst driver...
34
00:01:42,206 --> 00:01:44,339
No, I'm a good driver, oh!
35
00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:50,736
Look what you made me do!
36
00:01:50,780 --> 00:01:52,660
What I made you,
are these hands on the wheel?
37
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:54,218
Don't tell me
what I made you do!
38
00:01:54,262 --> 00:01:56,327
These hands around your neck,
that's what these hands...
39
00:01:56,351 --> 00:01:57,526
[truck horn honks]
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00:01:57,569 --> 00:01:59,156
Very nice, in front of your daughter.
Very nice.
41
00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:03,662
[light piano and violin music]
42
00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:04,663
[Charlene] One time my parents
43
00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:08,754
forced me to perform a violin recital
in front of the whole family.
44
00:02:08,798 --> 00:02:12,106
Grandma's double Ds
doubled as a music stand.
45
00:02:12,149 --> 00:02:14,456
I was ridiculed
for my creativity.
46
00:02:14,499 --> 00:02:18,386
Everybody laughed, including
my sisters, Louise and Karen,
47
00:02:18,536 --> 00:02:20,201
and my obnoxious brothers,
Dave and Cliff.
48
00:02:20,244 --> 00:02:22,855
[all laughing]
49
00:02:24,509 --> 00:02:28,366
When Grandma died, which was
in no way related to the violin playing,
50
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:31,516
my parents came into
a large inheritance.
51
00:02:33,562 --> 00:02:37,349
Silvers, blindfolds off!
52
00:02:38,349 --> 00:02:39,524
Wow!
53
00:02:39,568 --> 00:02:41,067
[Charlene]
Coney Island was behind us,
54
00:02:41,091 --> 00:02:45,052
and my dad bought the most
tasteless mansion in Manhattan.
55
00:02:46,227 --> 00:02:50,013
I told you, Charlene,
there's no firing squad.
56
00:02:50,057 --> 00:02:51,251
[Charlene] When I was told
there were 30 rooms
57
00:02:51,275 --> 00:02:52,798
and 11 and a half bathrooms,
58
00:02:52,842 --> 00:02:56,672
I figured there'd be plenty
of places to hide.
59
00:02:58,935 --> 00:03:02,112
[light jazz music]
60
00:03:02,156 --> 00:03:05,594
Hello, hello, hello, and welcome.
I'm Mrs. Silver.
61
00:03:05,637 --> 00:03:07,639
Now this, of course,
is the living room,
62
00:03:07,683 --> 00:03:10,033
or as I like to call it,
Le Salon.
63
00:03:10,077 --> 00:03:12,427
We like everything
around here immaculate.
64
00:03:12,470 --> 00:03:14,211
I like a clean mansion,
all right?
65
00:03:14,255 --> 00:03:16,966
To begin with,
these are my objects d'arte.
66
00:03:17,009 --> 00:03:19,269
Very rare.
Mang Dynasty.
67
00:03:19,419 --> 00:03:21,914
Soft cloth, no nails, no nails.
68
00:03:21,958 --> 00:03:23,916
Scotchgard,
nothing to worry about here.
69
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:24,830
Uh-uh!
70
00:03:24,874 --> 00:03:27,268
Only the family on the carpet.
I'm sorry.
71
00:03:27,311 --> 00:03:28,225
Come around this way.
72
00:03:28,269 --> 00:03:31,054
Over here, little objects.
There, of course, is my china.
73
00:03:31,098 --> 00:03:32,273
It is locked.
74
00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:33,424
Nothing to do with you,
but totally counted.
75
00:03:33,448 --> 00:03:35,232
Just in case.
Just in case.
76
00:03:35,276 --> 00:03:36,886
This we found in Transylvania.
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00:03:36,929 --> 00:03:40,150
This is cleaned with Bab-O
and a soft cloth.
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00:03:40,194 --> 00:03:41,934
- Yeah, yeah.
- Bab-O.
79
00:03:41,978 --> 00:03:43,588
Do you understand the word?
Bab-O?
80
00:03:43,632 --> 00:03:46,635
Now when you dry it, never rub.
We had a terrible thing happen.
81
00:03:46,678 --> 00:03:47,766
You blow.
82
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,029
[blowing]
83
00:03:49,072 --> 00:03:51,770
[Charlene] As fast as the agency
sent over prospective servants,
84
00:03:51,814 --> 00:03:54,164
my mother would scare them away.
85
00:03:54,208 --> 00:03:58,647
My siblings and I were forced
to do all the cleaning.
86
00:04:01,693 --> 00:04:05,569
Just as I was about to report them
to the Child Welfare Department,
87
00:04:05,719 --> 00:04:10,485
super Lawrence arrived from Haiti,
and we welcomed him with open arms.
88
00:04:11,964 --> 00:04:12,748
[Mel] Hello!
89
00:04:12,791 --> 00:04:13,618
Mr. Silver.
90
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:16,447
- Ah, welcome, Lawrence.
- Thank you, sir.
91
00:04:19,102 --> 00:04:20,102
What?
92
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:24,020
Lord have mercy!
Snow!
93
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:24,847
[Mel laughing]
94
00:04:24,890 --> 00:04:25,890
Snow!
95
00:04:26,979 --> 00:04:28,479
What do you think of
your first snowfall?
96
00:04:28,503 --> 00:04:30,200
It's beautiful, Mr. Silver.
97
00:04:30,244 --> 00:04:32,985
Lawrence!
I'm going to call you that.
98
00:04:33,029 --> 00:04:34,204
Isn't it exciting?
99
00:04:34,248 --> 00:04:36,293
Your first day with us
and your first snowfall.
100
00:04:36,337 --> 00:04:38,643
Welcome, welcome, welcome!
101
00:04:38,687 --> 00:04:41,733
Did the agency tell you?
I used to be a singer.
102
00:04:41,777 --> 00:04:42,841
[Mel] And a good one, too.
103
00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:44,258
[light piano music]
[laughs]
104
00:04:44,301 --> 00:04:48,479
♪ You made me love you
105
00:04:48,523 --> 00:04:50,351
♪ I didn't wanna do it
106
00:04:50,394 --> 00:04:52,831
And here I am at the
Playboy Club in Akron.
107
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:55,443
They held me over
six weeks, Lawrence.
108
00:04:55,486 --> 00:04:56,792
Six weeks.
109
00:04:56,835 --> 00:04:58,054
Oh.
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00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,012
And I was opening
for Cookie Combo there.
111
00:05:00,056 --> 00:05:02,145
He thought I was
going to be a star.
112
00:05:02,189 --> 00:05:05,496
And here I am pregnant.
I was married to Mel already.
113
00:05:05,540 --> 00:05:06,323
[crying]
114
00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:07,150
Here I am pregnant.
115
00:05:07,194 --> 00:05:09,500
Oh, ma'am.
You were very pretty.
116
00:05:09,544 --> 00:05:12,329
What do you mean "were"?
She's still gorgeous.
117
00:05:12,373 --> 00:05:15,419
- A rose never loses its bloom.
- Mel!
118
00:05:15,463 --> 00:05:16,681
Sorry, Mr. Silver.
119
00:05:16,725 --> 00:05:20,032
Do you remember that song
from my repertoire about the roses?
120
00:05:20,076 --> 00:05:22,034
- And the tulips.
- That's the one!
121
00:05:22,078 --> 00:05:26,561
♪ You made me sigh for
122
00:05:26,604 --> 00:05:28,084
♪ I didn't wanna do it
123
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:29,041
[laughs]
124
00:05:29,085 --> 00:05:31,392
♪ I didn't wanna say it
125
00:05:31,435 --> 00:05:34,351
♪ I need your love
126
00:05:37,224 --> 00:05:38,268
Come over here.
127
00:05:38,312 --> 00:05:40,488
[humming]
128
00:05:44,883 --> 00:05:45,883
Come here.
129
00:05:47,625 --> 00:05:49,018
Lawrence, you have to relax.
130
00:05:49,061 --> 00:05:53,748
Right now they are in a Manhattan
nightclub about 20 years ago,
131
00:05:53,898 --> 00:05:56,939
and my mom is on stage singing
to my dad in the audience.
132
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,070
Oh, gross.
Oh, my God.
133
00:06:01,248 --> 00:06:03,902
[Klezmer music]
134
00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:08,318
[Charlene] We were all banished
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00:06:08,342 --> 00:06:11,606
to summer concentration
camp, Camp Shalom.
136
00:06:11,649 --> 00:06:16,176
For the first time in my life, I had
my freedom, but I felt kind of lonely.
137
00:06:28,057 --> 00:06:29,580
[grunting]
138
00:06:29,624 --> 00:06:33,976
When I first saw Todd DeWitt,
it was love at first sight.
139
00:06:34,933 --> 00:06:35,760
[Todd] It likes to be touched.
140
00:06:35,804 --> 00:06:36,674
[Charlene] Oh!
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00:06:36,718 --> 00:06:37,588
Todd, stop it!
142
00:06:37,632 --> 00:06:39,242
[laughs]
143
00:06:39,286 --> 00:06:41,113
[Todd] Look at it.
Look at it, it's twitching.
144
00:06:41,157 --> 00:06:42,114
[laughs]
145
00:06:42,158 --> 00:06:44,465
[Charlene] You touch it enough.
146
00:06:44,508 --> 00:06:46,467
I know what you do
in here all alone.
147
00:06:46,510 --> 00:06:49,513
[upbeat rock music]
148
00:06:56,912 --> 00:06:58,914
Ow.
Ouch.
149
00:06:58,957 --> 00:07:01,699
I thought this was
supposed to feel good.
150
00:07:01,743 --> 00:07:03,179
It feels great.
151
00:07:07,314 --> 00:07:09,794
[horn honks]
152
00:07:16,845 --> 00:07:19,021
Well, my parents hated Todd.
153
00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,066
It didn't fit in with
their new social status
154
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:24,113
for me to be dating a boy
who worked in a garage.
155
00:07:24,156 --> 00:07:28,639
My parents' idea of the perfect
boyfriend was Robbie Applebaum.
156
00:07:28,683 --> 00:07:30,162
That's because
his dad was a shrink
157
00:07:30,206 --> 00:07:33,862
and they figured the Applebaum
doesn't fall far from the tree.
158
00:07:33,905 --> 00:07:37,735
A doctor's son was almost
as good as a doctor.
159
00:07:42,131 --> 00:07:46,839
Robbie, look, please
don't be hurt, you know,
160
00:07:46,989 --> 00:07:48,026
but what we're doing here,
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00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,793
it has nothing to do with
any emotional attachment
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that I feel towards you.
163
00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:54,577
I know.
164
00:07:55,710 --> 00:07:57,974
You're only doing this
to punish your parents for liking me
165
00:07:57,998 --> 00:08:01,673
just because my dad's a shrink
and we live in Kings Point.
166
00:08:01,716 --> 00:08:03,631
[chuckles]
167
00:08:03,674 --> 00:08:06,547
I get this from girls
all the time.
168
00:08:08,462 --> 00:08:11,465
[upbeat rock music]
169
00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:30,266
The sun is shining,
but it's a black day for me, Lawrence.
170
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,528
No offense.
171
00:08:31,572 --> 00:08:34,923
Charlene is my first child I've
ever had to go to a school for.
172
00:08:36,403 --> 00:08:39,188
Excuse me, Mrs. Silver,
but my oldest brother Edward
173
00:08:39,231 --> 00:08:43,540
once got so drunk that he
actually propositioned a nun.
174
00:08:44,411 --> 00:08:46,587
How tragic for your mother.
175
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,371
Why are you telling me this,
Lawrence?
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00:08:48,415 --> 00:08:50,460
Because now, darlin',
you feel better,
177
00:08:50,504 --> 00:08:52,897
knowing someone
is worse off than you.
178
00:08:52,941 --> 00:08:54,899
No one's worse off
than I am, Lawrence.
179
00:08:54,943 --> 00:08:58,555
I have stretch marks
that start at my ears.
180
00:08:59,774 --> 00:09:02,777
Did Charlene have your permission
to cut school twice this week
181
00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:04,082
and leave the field trip?
182
00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:05,823
Absolutely not.
183
00:09:05,867 --> 00:09:08,696
She only has my permission to go
to school and do her homework
184
00:09:08,739 --> 00:09:11,046
and shoo the homeless away
from the front of our mansion.
185
00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:13,091
My youngest sister Kathryn
used to cut school
186
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:15,485
and go drinking
at the 24-hour discotheque
187
00:09:15,529 --> 00:09:18,358
where everyone was naked.
188
00:09:18,401 --> 00:09:20,011
Here in Manhattan?
189
00:09:28,803 --> 00:09:31,153
[Charlene] Now all I wanted
was acceptance.
190
00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:35,375
The school year was starting,
so I decided to go back with a new look.
191
00:09:35,418 --> 00:09:38,421
[upbeat rock music]
192
00:09:38,465 --> 00:09:40,423
I was totally convinced
looking differently
193
00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:42,773
would make me feel differently.
194
00:09:42,817 --> 00:09:44,558
And, oddly enough, it did.
195
00:09:44,601 --> 00:09:47,841
With my mother's wig on my head,
I was self-empowered
196
00:09:47,991 --> 00:09:51,042
and above what everybody
else thought of me.
197
00:09:51,086 --> 00:09:54,089
Marjie Shuler,
who is "Christie Brinkley meets Satan",
198
00:09:54,132 --> 00:09:56,961
snapped me out of that idea.
199
00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:59,747
Hey, your hair
really rings my bell.
200
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:01,313
Ding dong!
201
00:10:01,357 --> 00:10:03,577
[laughing]
202
00:10:07,494 --> 00:10:11,149
[Blanche] Charlene, you did not eat
your delicious turkey roll.
203
00:10:12,063 --> 00:10:13,630
[Charlene] I'm dieting.
204
00:10:13,674 --> 00:10:15,458
You are not dieting.
205
00:10:15,502 --> 00:10:17,958
You lost your appetite because that
girl pulled you wig off at school
206
00:10:17,982 --> 00:10:20,420
and you are humiliated.
207
00:10:22,073 --> 00:10:24,989
You know, you don't have
to look so happy about it!
208
00:10:25,033 --> 00:10:25,990
Okay?
209
00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:27,688
It was your wig, and she has it!
210
00:10:27,731 --> 00:10:30,430
And I'm never going back
to school!
211
00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:31,648
Mel.
212
00:10:31,692 --> 00:10:33,650
Mel, did you hear
that tone of voice?
213
00:10:33,694 --> 00:10:34,782
Mel?
214
00:10:34,825 --> 00:10:37,587
Mel, would you please tell her not
to speak like that to her mother?
215
00:10:37,611 --> 00:10:40,788
Don't talk to your mother
like that!
216
00:10:48,709 --> 00:10:49,492
[Charlene] Great.
217
00:10:49,536 --> 00:10:50,362
[door slamming]
218
00:10:50,406 --> 00:10:51,886
Now everybody hated me.
219
00:10:51,929 --> 00:10:56,151
It was just one big happy
family united against me.
220
00:10:56,194 --> 00:10:59,807
Except for Lawrence.
He was my only ally.
221
00:10:59,850 --> 00:11:03,071
Lawrence gave me the courage
to stand up for myself.
222
00:11:03,114 --> 00:11:06,509
[light orchestral music]
223
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:18,565
I sensed the satanic
blonde presence.
224
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,655
[sighs]
225
00:11:21,698 --> 00:11:23,421
The cremation ceremony
for your wig
226
00:11:23,571 --> 00:11:25,093
will be at 3:30
behind the boys' gym.
227
00:11:25,136 --> 00:11:26,442
Will you attend?
228
00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:32,230
Only if your bobby-socks
boobs are fine enough with it!
229
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:34,537
[laughing]
230
00:11:35,973 --> 00:11:39,063
Bobby-socks boobs!
She has bobby-socks boobs!
231
00:11:39,107 --> 00:11:40,107
Whoo!
232
00:11:45,156 --> 00:11:46,549
I loved Todd.
233
00:11:46,593 --> 00:11:48,725
If only my parents
could have seen it.
234
00:11:48,769 --> 00:11:51,293
I tried reasoning with my dad.
235
00:11:54,122 --> 00:11:55,732
- Dad.
- Hmm?
236
00:11:55,776 --> 00:11:57,865
- Oh.
- Hi.
237
00:11:57,908 --> 00:11:59,693
Do you want some, um,
cookies with your tea?
238
00:11:59,736 --> 00:12:00,998
What tea?
239
00:12:01,042 --> 00:12:03,087
You just talked over it.
I can't drink that now.
240
00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:06,438
Dad, I'm your daughter, okay?
Our germs are related.
241
00:12:06,482 --> 00:12:07,265
It's just tea.
242
00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:10,094
Oy! Ugh!
Get me my eyewash.
243
00:12:10,138 --> 00:12:11,978
Do you have to spit when you talk?
My goodness.
244
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:17,537
[upbeat rock music]
245
00:12:18,929 --> 00:12:22,498
[Charlene] Then I tried
reasoning with my mom.
246
00:12:26,241 --> 00:12:30,811
You are forbidden to see
that Flatbush boy ever again!
247
00:12:32,290 --> 00:12:33,465
Lawrence!
248
00:12:33,509 --> 00:12:35,511
They say you people
are excellent athletes.
249
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,034
Go get her for me.
250
00:12:44,085 --> 00:12:45,695
Charlene!
Charlene!
251
00:12:45,739 --> 00:12:47,392
Hold it, child.
Easy.
252
00:12:47,436 --> 00:12:49,046
Take it easy.
All right.
253
00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:50,657
Now good luck, hmm?
254
00:12:53,529 --> 00:12:56,674
And remember, keep your eyes
open and your mouth shut
255
00:12:56,824 --> 00:12:58,969
before your foot can walk in.
256
00:12:59,013 --> 00:13:02,103
Mine has already worn
a path through my mouth.
257
00:13:02,146 --> 00:13:05,323
- It's too late, Lawrence.
- All right.
258
00:13:07,064 --> 00:13:10,067
[upbeat rock music]
259
00:13:20,164 --> 00:13:20,948
[Charlene] Hi.
260
00:13:20,991 --> 00:13:21,991
Oh, no.
261
00:13:22,863 --> 00:13:25,169
Now what are we gonna do?
262
00:13:25,213 --> 00:13:28,042
Todd, they won't let me see you.
263
00:13:29,957 --> 00:13:31,132
Come inside.
264
00:13:38,052 --> 00:13:39,793
Look, that's just it.
265
00:13:41,055 --> 00:13:44,406
What if your parents
called the police?
266
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,581
Hmm?
267
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:49,585
The moment we're seen,
I'll be arrested for violating a minor.
268
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:51,892
Call your parents.
269
00:13:52,893 --> 00:13:55,373
Tell them you're coming home.
270
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,290
What about us, Todd?
271
00:14:02,424 --> 00:14:08,082
I... Charlene, maybe they're right.
Maybe it's for the best.
272
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,480
I can't jeopardize my dream
273
00:14:11,630 --> 00:14:14,479
of one day owning
my dad's gas station.
274
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:20,485
[kids giggling]
[funk music]
275
00:14:21,748 --> 00:14:22,923
Get in here!
276
00:14:24,794 --> 00:14:28,319
Mother, Father, forgive me,
for I have sinned.
277
00:14:28,363 --> 00:14:29,538
Not good enough, Charlene.
278
00:14:29,581 --> 00:14:31,409
Do you understand me?
Not good enough!
279
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,367
We were worried sick!
280
00:14:32,410 --> 00:14:34,059
I never thought I would live
to see the day
281
00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:35,520
that my own daughter
turned out to be,
282
00:14:35,544 --> 00:14:37,894
close your ears, children, a tramp!
A tramp!
283
00:14:37,938 --> 00:14:40,680
I am ashamed, ashamed to
be seen with you in public.
284
00:14:40,723 --> 00:14:44,901
Go upstairs and don't come
down until you go to college.
285
00:14:44,945 --> 00:14:46,381
Are all my suitcases in?
286
00:14:46,424 --> 00:14:48,054
[Mel] Everything's in.
I have your typewriter.
287
00:14:48,078 --> 00:14:48,862
Okay.
288
00:14:48,905 --> 00:14:51,081
Lawrence!
Lawrence, we're leaving!
289
00:14:51,125 --> 00:14:52,256
Oh, look at you!
290
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:54,432
- Is that okay?
- Very college.
291
00:14:54,476 --> 00:14:56,434
[laughs]
292
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,741
Okay, all right.
293
00:14:58,785 --> 00:14:59,742
Remember everything
I have told you.
294
00:14:59,786 --> 00:15:01,352
Yeah, I always do.
295
00:15:01,396 --> 00:15:05,835
Eat breakfast no matter what.
It doesn't matter.
296
00:15:05,879 --> 00:15:07,160
Men like a girl with a
little flesh on them.
297
00:15:07,184 --> 00:15:11,101
And promise me, whatever you do,
remember the hitchhiking girl in Boston.
298
00:15:11,145 --> 00:15:13,103
- That man was drunk...
- Hacked off her arms.
299
00:15:13,147 --> 00:15:15,540
He chopped off her arms.
He's free, Charlene.
300
00:15:15,584 --> 00:15:17,673
- Okay, all right.
- Her life was ruined.
301
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,153
She could never eat MandM's.
302
00:15:19,196 --> 00:15:20,894
She could never eat corn
on the cob.
303
00:15:20,937 --> 00:15:23,897
She could never knit anymore.
Be careful.
304
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:25,594
Okay, I'll be careful!
Bye.
305
00:15:25,637 --> 00:15:28,031
Bye.
Bye.
306
00:15:28,075 --> 00:15:29,945
Bye!
Bye!
307
00:15:31,687 --> 00:15:32,862
Bye, Daddy.
308
00:15:32,906 --> 00:15:34,797
Did mother tell you about
the hitchhiker from Boston?
309
00:15:34,821 --> 00:15:35,952
Yeah, yeah, she told me.
310
00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:38,302
- Be careful.
- Okay.
311
00:15:38,346 --> 00:15:40,498
- Wait, where's my typewriter?
- There's your typewriter.
312
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,567
Call!
Call!
313
00:15:42,611 --> 00:15:43,806
- [Charlene Voiceover]
I was free at last.
314
00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:46,136
I was off to college
to pursue my dreams.
315
00:15:46,180 --> 00:15:50,662
It turned out being grounded so much
helped me develop a vivid imagination.
316
00:15:50,706 --> 00:15:54,492
I was convinced I was going to be
the next great American writer.
317
00:15:54,536 --> 00:15:55,536
Bye!
318
00:15:56,712 --> 00:16:00,107
[light orchestral music]
319
00:16:03,850 --> 00:16:07,723
[Charlene] When I first saw Ray,
it was love at first sight.
320
00:16:20,867 --> 00:16:23,173
- Charlene.
- What?
321
00:16:23,217 --> 00:16:27,787
You're like a sports car
parked at the curb.
322
00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:31,486
Even when it sits there,
it still looks fast.
323
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,445
It's my energy.
324
00:16:34,489 --> 00:16:39,015
I've been told I have
an aura of noise about me.
325
00:16:39,059 --> 00:16:40,059
You do.
326
00:16:43,541 --> 00:16:46,849
I'm gonna be the last boyfriend
you'll ever have.
327
00:16:46,893 --> 00:16:50,418
Are you planning to marry me
or kill me?
328
00:16:55,423 --> 00:16:56,250
[knocking on door]
329
00:16:56,293 --> 00:16:57,293
Enter.
330
00:17:06,869 --> 00:17:09,524
Mom, Dad, I'm getting married.
331
00:17:11,743 --> 00:17:14,921
Charlene, I, I didn't even
know you were going with anyone.
332
00:17:14,964 --> 00:17:18,588
Well, I was afraid if I told
you about Ray,
333
00:17:18,738 --> 00:17:19,882
you'd forbid me to see him.
334
00:17:19,926 --> 00:17:21,884
Did he at least give you
an engagement ring?
335
00:17:21,928 --> 00:17:22,885
Yeah.
336
00:17:22,929 --> 00:17:25,235
May I see it, please?
May I just see it?
337
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:27,847
[laughs]
338
00:17:27,890 --> 00:17:29,326
Oh, Charlene.
339
00:17:29,370 --> 00:17:30,632
That is a pearl!
340
00:17:31,807 --> 00:17:34,244
Not an engagement ring,
that is a cocktail ring.
341
00:17:34,288 --> 00:17:35,376
Learn the difference.
342
00:17:35,419 --> 00:17:39,423
An engagement ring is a diamond,
a cocktail ring is a pearl.
343
00:17:39,467 --> 00:17:41,924
I don't even want to hear about this
boy anymore, do you understand me?
344
00:17:41,948 --> 00:17:43,969
I don't want hear about him
until you get a real engagement ring.
345
00:17:43,993 --> 00:17:46,647
He's a loser!
Lose him!
346
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:49,129
He's not a loser.
347
00:17:54,221 --> 00:17:55,831
He has his own car.
348
00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:05,275
[glass shattering]
[all cheering]
349
00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,756
No sooner did I say I do
when my sister said...
350
00:18:07,799 --> 00:18:09,105
And I do, too!
351
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,630
Joel and I have just
decided to get married.
352
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:13,674
Hey!
353
00:18:16,896 --> 00:18:17,960
[Charlene Voiceover] Goosed!
354
00:18:17,984 --> 00:18:20,508
On this, my very
own wedding day,
355
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:23,859
she announces her engagement
to Mr. Harvard Law School,
356
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:28,211
and I was marrying a man
who worked at Carpet World.
357
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:41,964
Where am I?
358
00:18:43,009 --> 00:18:45,620
We're in the hospital.
359
00:18:45,663 --> 00:18:47,448
How did we get here?
360
00:18:47,491 --> 00:18:49,145
What happened to us?
361
00:18:50,538 --> 00:18:53,758
We had a race car accident
on the way to the hotel.
362
00:18:53,802 --> 00:18:56,500
A driver on the other side of
the road crashed right into us!
363
00:18:56,544 --> 00:18:58,589
No witnesses!
No insurance!
364
00:18:58,633 --> 00:19:01,201
The car vanished into thin air!
365
00:19:02,637 --> 00:19:04,548
It took eight months for me to realize
366
00:19:04,698 --> 00:19:07,816
that it was God behind the wheel
of the car that crashed us.
367
00:19:07,859 --> 00:19:10,688
Does that answer your question?
368
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:12,493
He must have been trying
to stop us
369
00:19:12,643 --> 00:19:14,605
from continuing
our hour-long marriage.
370
00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:16,651
No.
Do you speak any English?
371
00:19:16,694 --> 00:19:18,783
- Charlene!
- What?
372
00:19:18,827 --> 00:19:20,611
I'm leaving you.
373
00:19:20,655 --> 00:19:22,613
This isn't working out.
374
00:19:22,657 --> 00:19:25,616
[upbeat rock music]
375
00:19:35,061 --> 00:19:37,169
[Charlene Voiceover]
My disastrous first marriage over,
376
00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:40,240
I decided to concentrate
on my writing career.
377
00:19:40,283 --> 00:19:45,767
After sending out over 1,000 resumes,
I finally landed my first interview.
378
00:19:53,253 --> 00:19:55,516
[laughing]
379
00:19:57,518 --> 00:19:58,693
[clears throat]
380
00:19:58,736 --> 00:20:01,348
Well, it, it's a nice resume,
you know?
381
00:20:01,391 --> 00:20:03,045
It's not a great resume.
382
00:20:03,089 --> 00:20:05,743
See, what's missing
from this resume
383
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:09,225
is I don't hear it say,
"Hire me".
384
00:20:09,269 --> 00:20:12,794
A great resume says, "Hire me".
You hear it.
385
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,710
Do you hear anything?
I'm not hearing anything.
386
00:20:15,753 --> 00:20:17,668
I'm listening, but I don't hear.
387
00:20:17,712 --> 00:20:20,628
A great resume goes,
"Please hire me!
388
00:20:20,671 --> 00:20:23,935
"Hire me right now
or I'll die in the streets!
389
00:20:23,979 --> 00:20:25,502
"Oh, God, hire me!"
390
00:20:27,809 --> 00:20:29,985
And I don't hear that here.
391
00:20:31,073 --> 00:20:33,075
Okay, um, Mr. Levy,
392
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:36,470
I know my resume doesn't sound
desperate enough to you,
393
00:20:36,513 --> 00:20:39,864
but I would do anything
to get this job.
394
00:20:42,302 --> 00:20:44,086
- Look.
- What?
395
00:20:44,130 --> 00:20:45,305
I was thinking.
396
00:20:45,348 --> 00:20:48,090
You know,
I could easily hire you.
397
00:20:48,134 --> 00:20:49,613
Really?
398
00:20:49,657 --> 00:20:53,313
But see, the problem is
I'd be killing your career.
399
00:20:53,356 --> 00:20:54,531
You would?
400
00:20:54,575 --> 00:20:55,987
I'd be taking your career
and crushing, ow!
401
00:20:56,011 --> 00:20:56,968
Ow!
402
00:20:57,012 --> 00:20:58,622
- You did it again.
- I'm sorry.
403
00:20:58,666 --> 00:21:02,626
- Like five fishhooks.
- Sorry.
404
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:04,672
[sighs]
405
00:21:05,629 --> 00:21:06,978
I'd be killing your career.
406
00:21:07,022 --> 00:21:09,764
You're too good to be doing
comic books.
407
00:21:09,807 --> 00:21:11,983
- I am?
- Yeah.
408
00:21:12,027 --> 00:21:13,855
I mean, look, did Shakespeare
do comic books?
409
00:21:13,898 --> 00:21:16,118
I don't know.
Did he?
410
00:21:16,162 --> 00:21:17,815
No, he didn't.
411
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:19,252
[sighs]
412
00:21:19,295 --> 00:21:24,039
Anyway, look, I think you
should go out to the West Coast.
413
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,301
Really?
414
00:21:25,345 --> 00:21:27,303
That way, you could live
and move ahead.
415
00:21:27,347 --> 00:21:30,350
That's where you could spread
your wings.
416
00:21:30,393 --> 00:21:31,393
Oh.
417
00:21:32,656 --> 00:21:33,875
Oh, I see.
418
00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:36,138
Now that I've spread my legs,
you mean.
419
00:21:36,182 --> 00:21:37,096
Is that what you're saying?
420
00:21:37,139 --> 00:21:39,968
Okay, so I probably shouldn't
have slept with him.
421
00:21:40,011 --> 00:21:42,710
But he did give me
one good piece of advice.
422
00:21:42,753 --> 00:21:46,061
I decided to join
my sister in LA.
423
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:48,498
Louise says there are
six things a woman
424
00:21:48,542 --> 00:21:50,457
needs to get ahead here.
425
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:53,199
White clothes,
blonde highlights,
426
00:21:56,506 --> 00:21:58,378
a tan, breast implants,
427
00:22:01,598 --> 00:22:06,099
a good agent,
and the most important thing,
428
00:22:07,735 --> 00:22:09,035
a psychic.
429
00:22:09,563 --> 00:22:10,607
Oh, man.
430
00:22:10,651 --> 00:22:11,782
Pack, Charlene.
431
00:22:11,826 --> 00:22:16,439
Your sister's in therapy now
and is finally putting herself first.
432
00:22:16,483 --> 00:22:18,113
[Charlene] You're gonna
throw me out, Louise?
433
00:22:18,137 --> 00:22:19,094
Again?
434
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:21,183
I just moved to Los Angeles.
I thought...
435
00:22:21,227 --> 00:22:22,967
Louise.
Louise.
436
00:22:23,011 --> 00:22:27,102
I see you're gonna sell two TV scripts
and marry your boyfriend Mark.
437
00:22:27,146 --> 00:22:27,929
Oh!
438
00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,409
Congratulations.
439
00:22:31,411 --> 00:22:32,890
You two have a brother
440
00:22:32,934 --> 00:22:35,992
and he's gonna need
his own private bank
441
00:22:36,142 --> 00:22:38,220
to store all the money he's
gonna make as a TV producer.
442
00:22:38,244 --> 00:22:39,375
[Charlene] Wow.
443
00:22:39,419 --> 00:22:41,551
It's really kind of exciting.
444
00:22:41,595 --> 00:22:42,770
Oh.
445
00:22:42,813 --> 00:22:44,075
Oh.
446
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:45,251
[Charlene] What?
447
00:22:45,294 --> 00:22:46,904
I see two sisters
working with him.
448
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:48,254
Oh!
449
00:22:48,297 --> 00:22:50,430
[Psychic] Louise and Karen.
450
00:22:50,473 --> 00:22:51,387
Karen?
451
00:22:51,431 --> 00:22:52,910
Wait a minute, um, Miss Psychic.
452
00:22:52,954 --> 00:22:56,518
As you know, I'm paying
good money for this reading,
453
00:22:56,668 --> 00:22:58,544
and I don't wanna hear
about Cliff and Dave and Karen.
454
00:22:58,568 --> 00:23:00,527
I wanna hear about me.
What about me?
455
00:23:00,570 --> 00:23:01,745
What happens to me?
456
00:23:01,789 --> 00:23:03,245
Charlene, I have
your cup right here.
457
00:23:03,269 --> 00:23:04,226
[Charlene] You do?
458
00:23:04,270 --> 00:23:05,096
[Psychic] Charlene?
459
00:23:05,140 --> 00:23:05,923
What?
460
00:23:05,967 --> 00:23:09,927
You're going to marry
a doctor named Steven.
461
00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:11,364
[Louise] Ooh.
462
00:23:11,407 --> 00:23:15,890
I'm gonna marry a doctor?
A doctor named Steven?
463
00:23:15,933 --> 00:23:17,389
[Psychic] That's what
it says right here.
464
00:23:17,413 --> 00:23:19,589
Oh, my God!
Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
465
00:23:19,633 --> 00:23:23,985
Does it, how, how do I meet him?
What, what do I do?
466
00:23:24,028 --> 00:23:26,509
Just live your life and
he'll present himself.
467
00:23:26,553 --> 00:23:28,772
Live my life?
What life?
468
00:23:28,816 --> 00:23:29,599
Charlene.
469
00:23:29,643 --> 00:23:30,948
[Charlene] What?
470
00:23:30,992 --> 00:23:35,170
You, too, will know success,
but first you will know Steven.
471
00:23:35,214 --> 00:23:37,781
[glass shattering]
[all cheering]
472
00:23:37,825 --> 00:23:40,131
[Charlene] Lola's
predictions were coming true.
473
00:23:40,175 --> 00:23:44,397
Louise was getting married,
and I hoped I was next.
474
00:23:48,009 --> 00:23:50,229
Mel!
Mel!
475
00:23:50,272 --> 00:23:52,448
Dad?
Oh, my God!
476
00:23:52,492 --> 00:23:53,449
Daddy!
477
00:23:53,493 --> 00:23:56,365
Daddy!
Are you all right?
478
00:23:57,323 --> 00:23:58,846
Daddy, talk to me!
479
00:24:00,674 --> 00:24:02,806
I hate this family so much!
480
00:24:02,850 --> 00:24:05,461
Please send an ambulance
right away!
481
00:24:05,505 --> 00:24:07,202
My father's having
a heart attack!
482
00:24:07,246 --> 00:24:08,377
At my wedding!
483
00:24:08,421 --> 00:24:09,248
[Charlene] Oh, my God!
484
00:24:09,291 --> 00:24:10,945
Daddy, don't die!
Please don't die!
485
00:24:10,988 --> 00:24:14,296
We love you so much!
Please, Daddy!
486
00:24:14,340 --> 00:24:15,515
Breathe!
487
00:24:15,558 --> 00:24:18,126
Charlene,
get the hell off of me!
488
00:24:20,607 --> 00:24:22,348
Mel!
Mel, talk to me!
489
00:24:22,391 --> 00:24:23,566
Say something!
490
00:24:23,610 --> 00:24:26,265
Are the caterers
still gonna charge us?
491
00:24:26,308 --> 00:24:27,329
[Blanche] Charlene,
get his Rolex.
492
00:24:27,353 --> 00:24:29,224
They steal everything.
493
00:24:37,711 --> 00:24:39,452
Doc, what happened to me?
494
00:24:39,495 --> 00:24:43,760
Too much excitement
and a little indigestion, Mel.
495
00:24:43,804 --> 00:24:44,935
You're gonna be fine.
496
00:24:44,979 --> 00:24:45,979
[All] Ah!
497
00:24:47,111 --> 00:24:49,764
I only hope my heart is half
as strong as yours
498
00:24:49,914 --> 00:24:51,420
when I'm 10 years
younger than you.
499
00:24:51,464 --> 00:24:52,334
Aw.
500
00:24:52,378 --> 00:24:54,380
Excuse me, Dr. Steven?
501
00:24:55,859 --> 00:24:58,775
May I have a word with you?
502
00:24:58,819 --> 00:25:00,037
Certainly.
503
00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:00,864
Is this covered
by the insurance?
504
00:25:00,908 --> 00:25:01,822
I made a phone call.
505
00:25:01,865 --> 00:25:04,215
Not only are we covered,
we're making money, Mel.
506
00:25:04,259 --> 00:25:05,826
[Charlene] My name's Charlene.
507
00:25:05,869 --> 00:25:07,001
Hi, Charlene.
508
00:25:07,044 --> 00:25:08,089
I have a little problem,
509
00:25:08,132 --> 00:25:10,221
and I was wondering
if you could help me with it.
510
00:25:10,265 --> 00:25:11,353
What's the problem?
511
00:25:11,397 --> 00:25:14,763
I, too, have a tremendous
pain in my heart,
512
00:25:14,913 --> 00:25:17,838
and I'm not a hypochondriac
like my father.
513
00:25:17,881 --> 00:25:20,319
What can I do for you, Charlene?
514
00:25:20,362 --> 00:25:25,324
Well, I was wondering if you
might like to examine my chest.
515
00:25:27,282 --> 00:25:29,544
- I'd be delighted.
- Thank you.
516
00:25:31,678 --> 00:25:33,114
[inhales]
[exhales]
517
00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:34,157
Wow.
518
00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,510
You have a very big heart.
519
00:25:37,553 --> 00:25:41,905
Um, that's because
I'm not wearing a bra.
520
00:25:41,949 --> 00:25:44,081
[giggles]
521
00:25:44,125 --> 00:25:47,824
I have a nine-inch needle that
can cure pretty much anything.
522
00:25:47,868 --> 00:25:51,306
Nine inches?
Will it hurt?
523
00:25:52,263 --> 00:25:53,569
Yes.
524
00:25:53,613 --> 00:25:57,051
But I could
give it to you orally.
525
00:25:57,094 --> 00:26:00,316
Well, Doctor, I think I may be in need
526
00:26:00,466 --> 00:26:03,274
of that kind of extreme treatment
sometime in the very near future,
527
00:26:03,318 --> 00:26:05,842
so, um, do you have a card or...
528
00:26:05,886 --> 00:26:07,104
Absolutely.
529
00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:08,758
Any way I can get a hold of you?
530
00:26:08,802 --> 00:26:10,238
Telephone?
531
00:26:10,281 --> 00:26:12,545
Pager number?
Fax, perhaps?
532
00:26:12,588 --> 00:26:13,588
Oh.
533
00:26:16,331 --> 00:26:21,423
- Are these your children?
- Yes, except for the Asian albino.
534
00:26:21,467 --> 00:26:23,773
Wow, so many of them.
535
00:26:23,817 --> 00:26:26,385
Your wife must be very fertile.
536
00:26:27,386 --> 00:26:29,823
- Actually, my ex-wife.
- Oh.
537
00:26:29,866 --> 00:26:31,693
- Very fertile.
- Hmm.
538
00:26:32,565 --> 00:26:34,555
Listen, I'm actually
moving back to Los Angeles
539
00:26:34,705 --> 00:26:36,133
to be near the big-headed one.
540
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:38,614
He's developed a complex about
the size of his head.
541
00:26:38,658 --> 00:26:40,616
Well, what a coincidence.
542
00:26:40,660 --> 00:26:45,229
I recently moved to Los Angeles
myself to get away from my family.
543
00:26:45,273 --> 00:26:47,797
I have a complex about
the size of my family.
544
00:26:47,841 --> 00:26:49,451
[laughs]
545
00:26:49,495 --> 00:26:52,802
Well, why don't we get together?
Here's my number.
546
00:26:52,846 --> 00:26:56,545
I'd love to play Hide
the Thermometer with you.
547
00:26:56,589 --> 00:27:00,680
I happen to be very good with
long, cylindrical objects.
548
00:27:00,723 --> 00:27:01,507
Good.
549
00:27:01,550 --> 00:27:04,858
[dramatic organ music]
550
00:27:08,862 --> 00:27:11,517
Would you like to examine
my chest again?
551
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:12,560
Please.
552
00:27:17,392 --> 00:27:18,828
[dramatic organ music]
553
00:27:18,872 --> 00:27:21,440
♪ Does he live
554
00:27:24,704 --> 00:27:25,966
Before my date,
555
00:27:26,009 --> 00:27:28,577
I had a major makeover
at the Beverly Center.
556
00:27:28,621 --> 00:27:31,624
I hope he liked
the new redheaded me.
557
00:27:34,757 --> 00:27:37,107
- Echinacea?
- No, thank you.
558
00:27:37,151 --> 00:27:39,370
- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.
559
00:27:39,414 --> 00:27:42,678
It's good for
your immune system.
560
00:27:42,722 --> 00:27:44,550
I love 'em.
I take 'em all the time.
561
00:27:44,593 --> 00:27:45,420
[Woman] Shh.
562
00:27:45,464 --> 00:27:46,595
Oh, you shh.
563
00:27:49,555 --> 00:27:53,820
Aside from my heart,
I'm actually a very healthy person.
564
00:27:54,777 --> 00:27:56,910
You certainly are.
565
00:27:56,953 --> 00:27:59,826
How's your heart?
I bet you have a cute one.
566
00:27:59,869 --> 00:28:01,741
[giggles]
567
00:28:01,784 --> 00:28:03,307
[Woman] Hey.
568
00:28:03,351 --> 00:28:04,613
[Charlene] What?
569
00:28:04,657 --> 00:28:05,484
Shut up.
570
00:28:05,527 --> 00:28:07,573
[pager buzzing]
571
00:28:07,616 --> 00:28:09,705
- I got a page.
- Oh, no.
572
00:28:09,749 --> 00:28:11,838
- I have to answer this.
- Now?
573
00:28:11,881 --> 00:28:14,057
Dr. Frankenstein is
just about to sing.
574
00:28:14,101 --> 00:28:15,711
I know.
I'll be right back.
575
00:28:15,755 --> 00:28:16,755
Okay.
576
00:28:18,105 --> 00:28:19,759
[Woman] Excuse me.
577
00:28:21,978 --> 00:28:23,240
Can you sit down, please?
578
00:28:23,284 --> 00:28:25,460
[giggles]
579
00:28:30,552 --> 00:28:31,553
[Man] Hey.
580
00:28:31,597 --> 00:28:32,685
Do you mind?
581
00:28:32,728 --> 00:28:34,295
[Woman] Sit down.
582
00:28:39,474 --> 00:28:41,911
[Man] My life begins...
583
00:28:41,955 --> 00:28:43,957
I couldn't believe it.
584
00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:48,222
The actor playing Dr. Frankenstein
was Steffon Stevens.
585
00:28:48,265 --> 00:28:50,006
Suddenly it hit me.
586
00:28:50,050 --> 00:28:53,880
Maybe my Steven was an actor
playing a doctor.
587
00:28:58,319 --> 00:28:59,319
Oh, my God.
588
00:29:01,931 --> 00:29:04,629
I love this person.
He's great.
589
00:29:08,634 --> 00:29:09,785
I'm gonna have to take off.
590
00:29:09,809 --> 00:29:11,767
There's an emergency
at the hospital.
591
00:29:11,811 --> 00:29:12,811
Oh, no.
592
00:29:13,508 --> 00:29:16,816
Will you call me?
Please, call me.
593
00:29:16,859 --> 00:29:20,950
- I will.
- Call me on your cell phone.
594
00:29:20,994 --> 00:29:23,126
[giggles]
595
00:29:24,301 --> 00:29:26,565
Do you mind?
This is private.
596
00:29:28,001 --> 00:29:29,872
Can you believe people?
597
00:29:30,917 --> 00:29:32,179
Let him live!
598
00:29:36,183 --> 00:29:39,403
[dramatic organ music]
599
00:29:45,366 --> 00:29:49,065
[audience applauding]
600
00:29:49,109 --> 00:29:50,327
[Steffon] Well, hello there.
601
00:29:50,371 --> 00:29:53,200
- Hello.
- Lost your way?
602
00:29:56,377 --> 00:29:57,900
Ah.
603
00:29:57,944 --> 00:30:00,076
Good evening, Doctor,
ahem, Mr. Stevens.
604
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:03,514
- Please, call me Steffon.
- Okay, Steffon.
605
00:30:03,558 --> 00:30:05,325
I'm a big fan of yours,
606
00:30:05,475 --> 00:30:08,814
and I have an idea for a
screenplay starring you
607
00:30:08,964 --> 00:30:11,087
that I think could be
a blockbuster.
608
00:30:11,131 --> 00:30:12,456
Now, I want to be
perfectly honest,
609
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,453
I'm not one of those big
Hollywood producers
610
00:30:15,603 --> 00:30:16,702
with money to throw around.
611
00:30:16,745 --> 00:30:18,747
I can't, for example,
take you to the Palm
612
00:30:18,791 --> 00:30:20,270
and buy you blackened swordfish.
613
00:30:20,314 --> 00:30:25,580
But what I can do is I can offer you
a cup of coffee with the lid on.
614
00:30:26,929 --> 00:30:27,974
[chuckles]
615
00:30:28,017 --> 00:30:29,497
[chuckles]
616
00:30:29,540 --> 00:30:32,239
- What's your name again?
- Oh, I'm Charlene.
617
00:30:33,719 --> 00:30:36,286
[passionate moaning]
618
00:30:36,330 --> 00:30:38,898
Steffon, do you like my idea?
619
00:30:38,941 --> 00:30:41,552
Oh, I love, yes, yes.
Oh, yes.
620
00:30:41,596 --> 00:30:42,834
Me as a comic book
hero, like Superman.
621
00:30:42,858 --> 00:30:44,512
- Yes, I like it.
- Yes.
622
00:30:44,555 --> 00:30:45,687
Yes.
623
00:30:45,731 --> 00:30:47,559
Only you would be
called Shakespeare Man.
624
00:30:47,709 --> 00:30:48,885
You'd be fighting crime
625
00:30:49,035 --> 00:30:51,606
using the abilities and the powers
of Shakespearean characters.
626
00:30:51,650 --> 00:30:53,564
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Do you like it?
627
00:30:53,608 --> 00:30:58,787
Yes, the magic of the, and the courage
of Henry V, not to mention Romeo.
628
00:31:00,006 --> 00:31:00,789
Yes.
629
00:31:00,833 --> 00:31:03,705
[car horn honks]
630
00:31:03,749 --> 00:31:05,402
I like it.
I like it.
631
00:31:05,446 --> 00:31:07,448
- Really?
- I like you, too.
632
00:31:07,491 --> 00:31:10,016
I like you, too,
Steffon Stevens.
633
00:31:15,151 --> 00:31:16,892
- Steffon?
- Mm-hmm.
634
00:31:16,936 --> 00:31:18,764
I'm going to make you a star.
635
00:31:18,807 --> 00:31:20,896
[laughs]
636
00:31:23,029 --> 00:31:26,336
I'm ready for my close-up,
Miss DeMille.
637
00:31:29,296 --> 00:31:32,081
[light jazz music]
638
00:31:32,125 --> 00:31:34,364
[Charlene Voiceover] A major studio
bought "Shakespeare Man"
639
00:31:34,388 --> 00:31:37,130
and Steffon went off to England
to shoot it.
640
00:31:37,173 --> 00:31:39,480
I saw my first
five-figure check.
641
00:31:39,523 --> 00:31:43,092
I was busy, happy,
productive, and in love,
642
00:31:43,136 --> 00:31:45,858
until I got a phone call
from Steffon
643
00:31:46,008 --> 00:31:48,358
telling me he fell in love
with his costar.
644
00:31:48,402 --> 00:31:51,797
I stayed at home nights
playing Internet gambling.
645
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:55,757
But even winning at Galaxy World
didn't do it for me.
646
00:31:55,801 --> 00:31:57,367
Then it hit me.
647
00:31:57,411 --> 00:32:00,762
I needed a real doctor,
not an actor.
648
00:32:00,806 --> 00:32:02,503
I had made a terrible mistake.
649
00:32:02,546 --> 00:32:05,636
[passionate moaning]
650
00:32:15,168 --> 00:32:16,430
[intercom beeping]
651
00:32:16,473 --> 00:32:18,843
[Woman Over PA] Dr. Stevens,
the princess and her father are here.
652
00:32:18,867 --> 00:32:20,869
My daddy's here?
653
00:32:20,913 --> 00:32:23,176
- Look, I'm gonna have to call you.
- No, don't go.
654
00:32:25,395 --> 00:32:26,395
Please stay.
655
00:32:27,267 --> 00:32:29,835
- Leave something with me.
- Leave something?
656
00:32:29,878 --> 00:32:31,271
[laughs]
657
00:32:31,314 --> 00:32:32,314
Here. This picture.
658
00:32:33,795 --> 00:32:35,796
Oh.
Thank you.
659
00:32:40,149 --> 00:32:42,804
[door clicking]
660
00:32:45,851 --> 00:32:47,940
[singing in foreign language]
661
00:32:47,983 --> 00:32:49,202
[Steven] Hello, my princess.
662
00:32:49,245 --> 00:32:50,986
- How are you?
- Hello, my love.
663
00:32:51,030 --> 00:32:52,224
Can we have a moment of privacy?
664
00:32:52,248 --> 00:32:55,338
Actually, we have reservations
down at Matutu's at eight o'clock.
665
00:32:55,382 --> 00:32:58,341
Oh, but, Steven, you know
my father's always around.
666
00:32:58,385 --> 00:33:00,517
I know.
I kinda like it when Dad's around.
667
00:33:00,561 --> 00:33:03,172
It makes things exciting.
Feel like we're gonna get caught.
668
00:33:03,216 --> 00:33:05,566
- Come on.
- Steven.
669
00:33:05,609 --> 00:33:07,544
You don't want to miss that
voodoo burger now, do you?
670
00:33:07,568 --> 00:33:08,743
Side of melon.
671
00:33:11,137 --> 00:33:14,880
[imitating foreign language]
672
00:33:18,405 --> 00:33:22,235
[Charlene Voiceover] This doctor business
was a little trickier than I thought.
673
00:33:22,278 --> 00:33:24,846
But I wasn't about to give up
on my destiny.
674
00:33:24,890 --> 00:33:28,502
I just needed to expand
my search.
675
00:33:28,545 --> 00:33:30,939
[light muzak]
676
00:33:36,162 --> 00:33:39,295
[rings bell]
677
00:33:39,339 --> 00:33:41,080
Can I help you?
678
00:33:41,123 --> 00:33:42,429
Um, yes.
679
00:33:42,472 --> 00:33:46,782
I only want to date doctors who have
a first or a last name Steven.
680
00:33:46,932 --> 00:33:49,606
So I was wondering if I might
be able to get a price break
681
00:33:49,756 --> 00:33:50,829
on my membership.
682
00:33:52,265 --> 00:33:53,265
No.
683
00:33:54,876 --> 00:33:55,877
Oh.
684
00:33:55,921 --> 00:33:57,270
Okay.
685
00:33:57,313 --> 00:34:00,751
Well, um, how about
if you ask your boss?
686
00:34:08,281 --> 00:34:09,281
No.
687
00:34:11,197 --> 00:34:11,937
Oh.
688
00:34:11,980 --> 00:34:13,416
Well, that's too bad.
689
00:34:13,460 --> 00:34:17,116
I really had my hopes up there
for a minute.
690
00:34:26,212 --> 00:34:27,909
[Man Over PA] Charlene Silver!
691
00:34:27,953 --> 00:34:29,432
What?
692
00:34:29,476 --> 00:34:31,913
We'd like to present to you
Dr. Steven Stevenson,
693
00:34:31,957 --> 00:34:33,828
the man of your dreams.
694
00:34:34,916 --> 00:34:35,786
Okay.
695
00:34:35,830 --> 00:34:37,788
[light organ music]
696
00:34:37,832 --> 00:34:39,268
Oh!
697
00:34:39,312 --> 00:34:41,444
Good!
Ha ha!
698
00:34:41,488 --> 00:34:42,315
You're nice.
699
00:34:42,358 --> 00:34:43,142
Very...
700
00:34:43,185 --> 00:34:45,492
Aah!
I'll take all of 'em.
701
00:34:45,535 --> 00:34:47,362
Hmm.
Manly.
702
00:34:48,756 --> 00:34:50,976
Oh, nice!
Oh!
703
00:34:51,019 --> 00:34:52,586
Oh, I want it!
704
00:34:52,629 --> 00:34:53,629
Oh, honey!
705
00:34:56,372 --> 00:34:57,372
Oh!
706
00:35:02,335 --> 00:35:06,426
- Hello.
- Hello, Dr. Steven Stevenson.
707
00:35:06,469 --> 00:35:08,123
- Yes, uh...
- Charlene.
708
00:35:08,167 --> 00:35:09,951
- Charlene.
- Yes.
709
00:35:09,995 --> 00:35:12,345
- So nice to see you.
- Thank you.
710
00:35:12,388 --> 00:35:15,565
- How tall are you?
- Um, I'm five, seven.
711
00:35:17,350 --> 00:35:20,875
- How much do you weigh?
- I don't know.
712
00:35:20,919 --> 00:35:24,009
Why don't you pick me up
and find out?
713
00:35:24,052 --> 00:35:25,793
It's not that important.
Don't mind me.
714
00:35:25,836 --> 00:35:28,274
- Please have a seat.
- All right.
715
00:35:28,317 --> 00:35:31,122
It's just that most women who wear
long skirts don't have nice legs.
716
00:35:31,146 --> 00:35:32,887
Hmm.
Really?
717
00:35:32,931 --> 00:35:37,016
You see, I'm used to dating
girls who wear short skirts or dresses
718
00:35:37,166 --> 00:35:40,590
if they have nice legs,
or a cut above the knee if they don't.
719
00:35:40,634 --> 00:35:44,377
Oh. Well,
how unbelievably fascinating.
720
00:35:45,595 --> 00:35:49,382
Oh, I'm sorry,
did I accidentally kick, what?
721
00:35:49,425 --> 00:35:52,776
- What, the shoes are no good?
- Well, that depends.
722
00:35:52,820 --> 00:35:53,690
[Charlene] Uh-huh.
723
00:35:53,734 --> 00:35:57,299
Do you think sexy is cool?
724
00:36:00,219 --> 00:36:02,961
Is this a trick question?
725
00:36:03,004 --> 00:36:05,485
Don't mind me.
I'm just a doctor, you know me.
726
00:36:05,528 --> 00:36:07,226
[laughs]
727
00:36:07,269 --> 00:36:08,531
That's right.
728
00:36:08,575 --> 00:36:10,490
That's what I keep
reminding myself.
729
00:36:10,533 --> 00:36:12,579
You're just a doctor.
730
00:36:12,622 --> 00:36:18,193
Just a pugilistic, athletic,
motorcycle-riding, fun-loving doctor.
731
00:36:18,237 --> 00:36:19,673
What do I know?
732
00:36:21,066 --> 00:36:23,459
Well, I think it's
time for a drink.
733
00:36:23,503 --> 00:36:26,810
- How about a glass of wine?
- I would love a glass of wine.
734
00:36:26,854 --> 00:36:27,854
Perfect.
735
00:36:31,337 --> 00:36:32,923
- [Charlene Voiceover]
His message was clear.
736
00:36:32,947 --> 00:36:34,775
I had to completely
change my style
737
00:36:34,818 --> 00:36:36,733
if I wanted to date him.
738
00:36:36,777 --> 00:36:40,911
I was outraged at how
readily I was willing to
739
00:36:40,955 --> 00:36:43,523
transform myself to please him.
740
00:36:46,656 --> 00:36:49,659
[upbeat rock music]
741
00:37:27,132 --> 00:37:27,958
Charlene?
742
00:37:28,002 --> 00:37:29,656
[retching]
743
00:37:29,699 --> 00:37:30,657
You okay?
744
00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:35,009
[retching]
[coughing]
745
00:37:40,145 --> 00:37:42,103
You want a napkin?
746
00:37:42,147 --> 00:37:43,844
Thank you.
747
00:37:43,887 --> 00:37:45,715
[coughs]
748
00:37:45,759 --> 00:37:47,674
I think I got nauseous.
749
00:37:49,067 --> 00:37:52,461
You were going around
those turns so fast, I just...
750
00:37:52,505 --> 00:37:56,248
Charlene, I'm sorry,
but I, I just think that, uh,
751
00:37:56,291 --> 00:37:57,684
this is not gonna
work out with us.
752
00:37:57,727 --> 00:37:59,860
We're just too different.
753
00:38:00,861 --> 00:38:02,384
Okay.
754
00:38:02,428 --> 00:38:04,343
Let me take you back home.
Come on.
755
00:38:04,386 --> 00:38:06,040
No.
You know what?
756
00:38:06,084 --> 00:38:08,390
I think I'll just walk.
It's not that far.
757
00:38:09,565 --> 00:38:12,829
Charlene, hold on a second.
Come here. Come here.
758
00:38:12,873 --> 00:38:14,483
Um, let me drive you home
759
00:38:14,527 --> 00:38:16,398
and then we'll break
up later, okay?
760
00:38:16,442 --> 00:38:18,096
- Okay.
- All right?
761
00:38:18,139 --> 00:38:19,749
All right?
Come on.
762
00:38:19,793 --> 00:38:21,403
- Come on.
- You won't drive too fast?
763
00:38:21,447 --> 00:38:24,319
No, no, no.
I'll drive too slow, okay?
764
00:38:24,363 --> 00:38:27,061
[starts engine]
765
00:38:36,984 --> 00:38:38,942
All my children
are nose boogies.
766
00:38:38,986 --> 00:38:41,632
This is the worst blizzard
they ever had in New York,
767
00:38:41,782 --> 00:38:43,358
and, Charlene,
not one of you has called me.
768
00:38:43,382 --> 00:38:46,167
Mom, Momma, I can't believe you.
769
00:38:46,211 --> 00:38:47,690
All you do is complain.
770
00:38:47,734 --> 00:38:50,171
Do I call you every time
we have an earthquake?
771
00:38:50,215 --> 00:38:51,216
No.
772
00:38:51,259 --> 00:38:52,173
Okay, so fine.
773
00:38:52,217 --> 00:38:53,174
Your house is cold,
774
00:38:53,218 --> 00:38:56,438
but it's not like it was picked up
and thrown around like mine was.
775
00:38:56,482 --> 00:38:57,265
I don't...
776
00:38:57,309 --> 00:38:58,136
[Blanche sneezing]
777
00:38:58,179 --> 00:38:59,137
Mom?
778
00:38:59,180 --> 00:39:01,095
[Blanche sneezing]
779
00:39:01,139 --> 00:39:01,922
Hello, Mom?
780
00:39:01,965 --> 00:39:03,184
[phone clicking]
781
00:39:03,228 --> 00:39:04,228
Mom?
782
00:39:05,230 --> 00:39:07,275
I called my mother
looking for comfort.
783
00:39:07,319 --> 00:39:09,190
I don't know
why I wasted my time.
784
00:39:09,234 --> 00:39:12,628
We just got stuck in the game
of dueling disasters.
785
00:39:12,672 --> 00:39:17,416
Which reminds me of my parents'
favorite pastime, dueling ailments.
786
00:39:17,459 --> 00:39:21,115
I think I just snapped
my clavicle.
787
00:39:21,159 --> 00:39:25,380
Blanche, Blanche, my back
is killing me, Blanche.
788
00:39:26,338 --> 00:39:27,338
My head.
789
00:39:28,470 --> 00:39:32,170
It's like two elephants
are mating inside there.
790
00:39:34,911 --> 00:39:39,002
Am I the only one who thinks
this room is spinning?
791
00:39:39,046 --> 00:39:42,528
Mel, do your fingers
ever feel numb?
792
00:39:42,571 --> 00:39:44,007
Just the tips?
793
00:39:44,051 --> 00:39:45,661
- Tingling.
- Yes.
794
00:39:45,705 --> 00:39:47,315
A tingling.
Like a tingling.
795
00:39:47,359 --> 00:39:49,578
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
796
00:39:49,622 --> 00:39:52,494
It's not a stroke, God forbid.
797
00:39:52,538 --> 00:39:54,583
I'm so nauseous.
798
00:39:54,627 --> 00:39:58,108
I'm so nauseous,
and yet I'm still hungry.
799
00:39:58,152 --> 00:40:02,112
- Hungry.
- I'm nauseous and I'm hungry.
800
00:40:02,156 --> 00:40:03,708
[Charlene] It was around this time
801
00:40:03,858 --> 00:40:06,595
that I realized I needed
to get a grip on my life.
802
00:40:06,639 --> 00:40:09,772
There's more important things
than trying to marry a doctor
803
00:40:09,816 --> 00:40:13,733
and please my parents,
like my career.
804
00:40:13,776 --> 00:40:15,952
I started a new job
writing and producing,
805
00:40:15,996 --> 00:40:19,217
and I was finally
through with men.
806
00:40:19,260 --> 00:40:22,220
[upbeat rock music]
807
00:40:23,438 --> 00:40:26,615
[Joey] Charlene,
Charlene, Charlene.
808
00:40:26,659 --> 00:40:27,921
Hello, Joey.
809
00:40:27,964 --> 00:40:29,966
You know, last night,
810
00:40:30,010 --> 00:40:35,505
I had a dream that
we were lost in a desert
811
00:40:35,655 --> 00:40:37,670
without anything
to drink or eat...
812
00:40:40,325 --> 00:40:41,630
Right.
813
00:40:41,674 --> 00:40:42,936
But each other.
814
00:40:42,979 --> 00:40:47,027
That's not a dream,
that's a nightmare.
815
00:40:47,070 --> 00:40:47,984
[slurping]
816
00:40:48,028 --> 00:40:50,987
- What is that bewitching scent?
- It's Bengay.
817
00:40:51,031 --> 00:40:51,814
Oh.
818
00:40:51,858 --> 00:40:52,772
Hmm.
819
00:40:52,815 --> 00:40:54,600
- You know something, Joey?
- Yeah?
820
00:40:54,643 --> 00:40:58,956
Not all women are susceptible
to a gorgeous guy
821
00:40:59,106 --> 00:41:02,260
with a great body such as
yourself and no personality.
822
00:41:05,654 --> 00:41:08,744
Honey, the stone age is over.
This is the '90s.
823
00:41:08,788 --> 00:41:09,789
Get with it.
824
00:41:12,705 --> 00:41:15,534
[door clicking]
825
00:41:15,577 --> 00:41:16,404
[sighs]
826
00:41:16,448 --> 00:41:17,448
Women.
827
00:41:18,406 --> 00:41:19,406
Oh!
828
00:41:20,582 --> 00:41:22,497
[door clicking]
829
00:41:22,541 --> 00:41:25,587
[passionate moaning]
830
00:41:27,981 --> 00:41:28,981
Charlene?
831
00:41:30,157 --> 00:41:32,202
Charlene, I need to
speak to you at once.
832
00:41:32,246 --> 00:41:35,249
[Charlene] Hold on one second.
833
00:41:35,293 --> 00:41:36,250
I'll be right out.
834
00:41:36,294 --> 00:41:38,905
Hurry.
This is an emergen...
835
00:41:40,559 --> 00:41:41,995
I'm terribly sorry, Jane.
836
00:41:42,038 --> 00:41:44,084
I was right in the middle
of something.
837
00:41:44,127 --> 00:41:46,347
[door rattles]
838
00:41:46,391 --> 00:41:48,973
Listen, you've got to get now
and do this trailer.
839
00:41:49,123 --> 00:41:51,296
It's not even scary.
It doesn't work.
840
00:41:51,446 --> 00:41:53,876
You've gotta put shots,
the sponsors are very upset.
841
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:56,226
- Okay.
- I don't like it.
842
00:41:56,270 --> 00:41:57,726
You gotta have a lot of
helpless women, brutality.
843
00:41:57,750 --> 00:41:58,925
I'll get right on it.
844
00:41:58,968 --> 00:42:01,449
Do we have any shots of animals?
845
00:42:03,930 --> 00:42:04,930
Excuse me.
846
00:42:06,411 --> 00:42:07,760
No, excuse me.
847
00:42:10,229 --> 00:42:11,545
Um, thanks.
848
00:42:12,721 --> 00:42:14,375
Thank you, Johnny.
849
00:42:15,420 --> 00:42:18,693
He, uh, he was fixing my modem.
850
00:42:19,467 --> 00:42:20,903
He's really fast.
851
00:42:21,774 --> 00:42:23,253
[laughs nervously]
852
00:42:23,297 --> 00:42:24,907
- Three minutes!
- Okay.
853
00:42:24,951 --> 00:42:27,301
- Now.
- Yes, sir, ma'am.
854
00:42:29,390 --> 00:42:31,479
[sighing]
855
00:42:35,309 --> 00:42:38,312
[explosion booming]
856
00:42:42,447 --> 00:42:43,404
Okay.
857
00:42:43,448 --> 00:42:45,537
All right, um, Dick.
858
00:42:45,580 --> 00:42:48,009
I don't know the technical term
for what I want next,
859
00:42:48,159 --> 00:42:50,455
but I'll just tell you
what I see in my head,
860
00:42:50,498 --> 00:42:54,459
and then you can tell me
if you can handle it, okay?
861
00:42:54,502 --> 00:42:56,504
Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
862
00:42:56,548 --> 00:42:58,027
[Charlene] Excuse me?
863
00:42:58,071 --> 00:43:00,009
No, I, no offense, but, I mean,
864
00:43:00,159 --> 00:43:01,311
other producers,
they don't work like this.
865
00:43:01,335 --> 00:43:02,554
I mean, they got notes.
866
00:43:02,597 --> 00:43:03,748
They know what frame
they want to go to.
867
00:43:03,772 --> 00:43:04,556
[Charlene] Right.
868
00:43:04,599 --> 00:43:05,470
Well, um...
869
00:43:05,513 --> 00:43:07,273
What am I supposed to do,
go back through the whole thing?
870
00:43:07,297 --> 00:43:08,951
Look, Richard, Dick,
871
00:43:10,039 --> 00:43:12,868
I can understand what you are
saying about other producers,
872
00:43:12,912 --> 00:43:14,392
but all producers are different.
873
00:43:14,435 --> 00:43:16,306
I work a particular way.
874
00:43:16,350 --> 00:43:20,441
For example, a lot of Richards
don't like to be called Dick,
875
00:43:20,485 --> 00:43:22,930
but I can understand where
you're coming from,
876
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,273
'cause you see, if you know
you're a Dick right off the bat,
877
00:43:26,316 --> 00:43:29,276
why wait for other people
to find out?
878
00:43:29,319 --> 00:43:31,583
What's wrong with Dick?
879
00:43:31,626 --> 00:43:33,759
All the men in my family
are Dicks.
880
00:43:33,802 --> 00:43:35,674
Oh, my God.
Really?
881
00:43:35,717 --> 00:43:36,631
[assistant laughs]
882
00:43:36,675 --> 00:43:40,461
Oh, that's funny.
You're, you're really helping.
883
00:43:40,505 --> 00:43:42,332
Don't encourage her.
884
00:43:42,376 --> 00:43:43,159
Yeah.
885
00:43:43,203 --> 00:43:45,466
Calling me names.
Calling me names.
886
00:43:45,510 --> 00:43:46,835
Yeah, I never heard
Dick jokes before.
887
00:43:46,859 --> 00:43:49,644
Wow, what a revelation.
I missed junior high school.
888
00:43:49,688 --> 00:43:50,645
Why don't you get some talent?
889
00:43:50,689 --> 00:43:53,213
Why don't you try that,
Miss New York prodigy?
890
00:43:53,256 --> 00:43:55,713
If I said the same thing to you,
I'd end up in a court somewhere.
891
00:43:55,737 --> 00:43:56,521
You know why?
892
00:43:56,564 --> 00:43:57,391
[Charlene] Why?
893
00:43:57,435 --> 00:43:59,175
Okay, fine.
Fine.
894
00:43:59,219 --> 00:44:00,849
- You just crossed the line.
- Which line?
895
00:44:00,873 --> 00:44:01,613
[Dick] You crossed that line.
896
00:44:01,656 --> 00:44:03,371
- This line here?
- That's right.
897
00:44:03,463 --> 00:44:05,027
It's called harassment, lady,
and you're gonna get it.
898
00:44:05,051 --> 00:44:07,488
You're gonna get it right now.
You can't cross that line.
899
00:44:07,532 --> 00:44:08,794
Dick is a proud name.
900
00:44:08,837 --> 00:44:11,361
It's a strong name, and
I am proud to be a Dick.
901
00:44:11,405 --> 00:44:13,015
- Oh, good.
- That's right.
902
00:44:13,059 --> 00:44:14,756
Now.
You're gonna get it right now.
903
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:16,366
Run, Dick, run.
Run to Jane.
904
00:44:16,410 --> 00:44:18,194
Oh, that's clever.
"Run, Dick, run".
905
00:44:18,238 --> 00:44:20,458
Yeah, I'll tell her about that.
Kiss me, baby!
906
00:44:20,501 --> 00:44:22,198
Kiss me!
Get it, Dick?
907
00:44:22,242 --> 00:44:23,025
Kiss me, Dick?
908
00:44:23,069 --> 00:44:24,786
I don't think so.
I think that's a job for Jane.
909
00:44:24,810 --> 00:44:27,377
Oh, it's Jane's job?
It's Jane's job?
910
00:44:27,421 --> 00:44:29,399
I'm sure she'll be very happy
to hear that. Jane's job.
911
00:44:29,423 --> 00:44:31,860
And you shut the hell up.
I don't want to hear from you.
912
00:44:31,904 --> 00:44:34,254
You know what, baby,
this ain't my first barbecue.
913
00:44:34,297 --> 00:44:36,865
Okay.
All right, bye.
914
00:44:36,909 --> 00:44:39,128
[assistant laughs]
915
00:44:39,172 --> 00:44:41,522
Jane?
Uh, yeah, look out.
916
00:44:41,566 --> 00:44:44,003
Charging Dick
coming right at you.
917
00:44:44,046 --> 00:44:46,875
[pounding on door]
918
00:44:46,919 --> 00:44:50,139
That producer
has got some balls!
919
00:44:50,183 --> 00:44:52,620
Did somebody say balls?
920
00:44:52,664 --> 00:44:54,666
Dear God, what have I said?
921
00:44:54,709 --> 00:44:56,363
No, no.
No, no.
922
00:44:56,406 --> 00:45:00,323
Jane, Jane,
there is no reason to disrobe.
923
00:45:00,367 --> 00:45:02,934
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
924
00:45:04,110 --> 00:45:07,417
I could come back another time
when you're not so large-breasted.
925
00:45:07,461 --> 00:45:10,290
We can talk another time.
Remember my heart.
926
00:45:10,333 --> 00:45:11,247
Dick, shh.
927
00:45:11,291 --> 00:45:13,249
[Dick] Is that a new blouse?
928
00:45:13,293 --> 00:45:14,686
It can be, Dick.
929
00:45:14,729 --> 00:45:15,600
[Dick] No.
930
00:45:15,643 --> 00:45:17,166
[Jane] It can be, Dick.
931
00:45:17,210 --> 00:45:17,689
No, no, we're not doing
the animal kingdom thing.
932
00:45:17,732 --> 00:45:19,560
- Yes.
- No.
933
00:45:19,604 --> 00:45:20,798
I cannot do the
animal kingdom thing.
934
00:45:20,822 --> 00:45:22,476
- Meow.
- No.
935
00:45:22,520 --> 00:45:24,478
- Meow.
- Don't make me do it.
936
00:45:24,522 --> 00:45:26,219
- You're scaring me.
- Big kitty.
937
00:45:26,262 --> 00:45:27,544
- You're gonna hurt me.
- Big kitty.
938
00:45:27,568 --> 00:45:28,351
Meow.
939
00:45:28,395 --> 00:45:29,527
[howls]
940
00:45:29,570 --> 00:45:30,832
[howls]
941
00:45:30,876 --> 00:45:33,966
[both howling]
942
00:45:34,009 --> 00:45:34,836
[barks]
943
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:36,969
[growls]
944
00:45:38,100 --> 00:45:40,363
[trumpets]
945
00:45:41,495 --> 00:45:43,453
Act like a monkey!
Act like a monkey!
946
00:45:43,497 --> 00:45:45,325
[screeching]
947
00:45:45,368 --> 00:45:46,368
Oh!
948
00:45:49,634 --> 00:45:50,634
Oh!
949
00:45:52,419 --> 00:45:55,117
I'm gonna ride you
like a stallion, baby!
950
00:45:55,161 --> 00:45:56,379
Give it to me!
951
00:45:56,423 --> 00:45:57,423
Mmm!
952
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:01,040
[Charlene] Because
of my childhood,
953
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:04,953
I'm never surprised when hating me
brings two people together.
954
00:46:04,997 --> 00:46:07,303
[shouting]
955
00:46:16,312 --> 00:46:20,839
- You wanted to see me, Jane?
- Charlene, you're fired.
956
00:46:20,882 --> 00:46:21,666
[Charlene] What?
957
00:46:21,709 --> 00:46:23,015
Yes.
958
00:46:23,058 --> 00:46:26,779
You've pushed everybody's
buttons here, including Dick's,
959
00:46:26,929 --> 00:46:29,630
who's been pushing mine
just minutes ago.
960
00:46:29,674 --> 00:46:30,370
[Charlene] Dick's been...
961
00:46:30,413 --> 00:46:32,024
Dick!
962
00:46:32,067 --> 00:46:33,155
[Charlene] Oh, my God.
963
00:46:33,199 --> 00:46:34,983
Yes, ma'am?
964
00:46:35,027 --> 00:46:36,202
How you doing?
965
00:46:36,245 --> 00:46:37,483
[Charlene]
Better than you, I guess.
966
00:46:37,507 --> 00:46:38,659
Do you realize what you've done?
967
00:46:38,683 --> 00:46:39,640
[Charlene] No, what have I done?
968
00:46:39,684 --> 00:46:40,989
Do you know what you've done?
969
00:46:41,033 --> 00:46:43,165
You have driven a perfectly
sane woman insane!
970
00:46:43,209 --> 00:46:45,037
Excuse me?
Perfectly sane?
971
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:48,606
You sleeping with a moron like that Dick
and you call yourself perfectly sane?
972
00:46:48,649 --> 00:46:49,824
You're fired!
973
00:46:49,868 --> 00:46:51,541
[Charlene] All right, fine!
I'm happy to go!
974
00:46:51,565 --> 00:46:52,348
Out!
975
00:46:52,392 --> 00:46:54,002
[Charlene] All right!
I'm leaving!
976
00:46:54,046 --> 00:46:55,656
- Now!
- All right.
977
00:46:55,700 --> 00:46:56,653
- Okay, fine.
- Now!
978
00:46:56,697 --> 00:46:59,007
Oh, my God.
All right, fine, fine, fine.
979
00:46:59,051 --> 00:47:01,444
- I'm out of here.
- Pull up that dress!
980
00:47:01,488 --> 00:47:04,404
[light jazz music]
981
00:47:10,410 --> 00:47:12,412
[sighs]
982
00:47:13,326 --> 00:47:15,807
[Charlene] I'm just not cut out
to work in an office.
983
00:47:15,850 --> 00:47:18,461
But everything always works out
for the best.
984
00:47:18,505 --> 00:47:22,552
I sold a TV pilot called
"Dick and Jane's Wild Kingdom".
985
00:47:22,596 --> 00:47:26,034
I made enough money for
a down payment on my new home.
986
00:47:26,078 --> 00:47:27,470
Hello, Hollywood.
987
00:47:34,826 --> 00:47:37,742
[car horn honking]
988
00:47:38,917 --> 00:47:41,310
Hey, dude, we heard you
the first time!
989
00:47:41,354 --> 00:47:42,224
[Steven] It's broken!
990
00:47:42,268 --> 00:47:43,748
[Charlene] What?
991
00:47:45,445 --> 00:47:47,055
[Steven] It's broken!
992
00:47:47,099 --> 00:47:49,057
[Charlene] Well, can you do
something about it?
993
00:47:49,101 --> 00:47:52,234
[horn honking]
994
00:47:52,278 --> 00:47:53,888
I rent the house next to yours.
995
00:47:53,932 --> 00:47:56,021
Oh, really?
That's interesting.
996
00:47:56,064 --> 00:47:57,239
Shut that off.
997
00:47:59,546 --> 00:48:00,503
Oh.
998
00:48:00,547 --> 00:48:02,941
[laughs]
999
00:48:02,984 --> 00:48:06,118
- You're good with your hands.
- Oh, thanks.
1000
00:48:06,161 --> 00:48:08,076
My name's Steven Binder.
1001
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,730
Hi.
I'm Charlene.
1002
00:48:09,774 --> 00:48:10,644
Charlene Silver.
1003
00:48:10,688 --> 00:48:13,168
I'm just moving in here.
I just bought this house.
1004
00:48:13,212 --> 00:48:15,344
That's great.
That's great.
1005
00:48:15,388 --> 00:48:19,348
You may, uh, you may hear me rehearsing
at night with my band, Medicine Man.
1006
00:48:19,392 --> 00:48:21,002
Oh, really?
You have a band?
1007
00:48:21,046 --> 00:48:22,700
Yeah.
I'm the lead singer.
1008
00:48:22,743 --> 00:48:24,440
- Really?
- Yeah.
1009
00:48:24,484 --> 00:48:25,659
[Charlene] Wait a minute.
1010
00:48:25,703 --> 00:48:27,028
What did you say
your name was again?
1011
00:48:27,052 --> 00:48:28,618
Steven.
1012
00:48:28,662 --> 00:48:30,664
[Charlene] And your band
is called Medicine Man?
1013
00:48:30,708 --> 00:48:31,752
Yeah.
1014
00:48:31,796 --> 00:48:34,537
[Charlene] I had no intention
of going back on my Steven hunt,
1015
00:48:34,581 --> 00:48:37,018
but, hey, the guy showed up
right at my front door,
1016
00:48:37,062 --> 00:48:39,499
delivered to me like a pizza.
1017
00:48:40,500 --> 00:48:42,328
You can't ignore fate.
1018
00:48:43,416 --> 00:48:44,722
We're on fire!
1019
00:48:56,037 --> 00:48:57,560
You're pregnant.
1020
00:48:58,605 --> 00:49:01,216
Oh, my God!
I don't believe it!
1021
00:49:01,260 --> 00:49:03,697
- I'm pregnant?
- You're pregnant.
1022
00:49:03,741 --> 00:49:06,134
I have to call my mom.
1023
00:49:06,178 --> 00:49:08,310
That's my private line.
1024
00:49:08,354 --> 00:49:11,357
Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you have a pay phone?
1025
00:49:13,608 --> 00:49:15,840
Purse!
[laughing]
1026
00:49:17,319 --> 00:49:20,148
[telephone rings]
1027
00:49:20,192 --> 00:49:21,019
Hello.
1028
00:49:21,062 --> 00:49:24,109
Mom? Dad?
It's Charlene.
1029
00:49:24,152 --> 00:49:26,154
Mel, it's Charlene!
1030
00:49:26,198 --> 00:49:27,634
Hello, sweetheart.
1031
00:49:27,677 --> 00:49:30,637
Remember when I told you
this was a friendly neighborhood?
1032
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:32,586
I'm pregnant!
1033
00:49:33,248 --> 00:49:34,701
- Pregnant?
- Yes.
1034
00:49:34,851 --> 00:49:35,511
Yes.
1035
00:49:35,555 --> 00:49:36,338
[Both] Pregnant?
1036
00:49:36,382 --> 00:49:37,165
Yes!
1037
00:49:37,209 --> 00:49:39,689
I'm pregnant!
It was the guy next door.
1038
00:49:39,733 --> 00:49:40,865
Well!
1039
00:49:40,908 --> 00:49:43,302
Isn't that a wonderful
housewarming gift!
1040
00:49:43,345 --> 00:49:45,695
He's a loser!
Lose him!
1041
00:49:45,739 --> 00:49:47,654
Dad, Dad, he is not a loser.
1042
00:49:47,697 --> 00:49:51,571
He's the Doctor Steven the
psychic was talking about.
1043
00:49:51,614 --> 00:49:52,702
[Both] A doctor?
1044
00:49:52,746 --> 00:49:53,529
Yes.
1045
00:49:53,573 --> 00:49:55,705
- Mel!
- A doctor?
1046
00:49:55,749 --> 00:49:57,055
D-o-c-t-o-r.
1047
00:49:57,098 --> 00:49:58,056
A doctor!
1048
00:49:58,099 --> 00:50:01,146
[both cheering]
1049
00:50:01,189 --> 00:50:02,277
♪ You made me love you
1050
00:50:02,321 --> 00:50:03,409
Mom?
1051
00:50:03,452 --> 00:50:06,345
♪ I didn't wanna do it
1052
00:50:06,495 --> 00:50:08,022
♪ I didn't wanna do it
1053
00:50:08,066 --> 00:50:08,849
Okay.
1054
00:50:08,893 --> 00:50:11,286
♪ You made me want you
1055
00:50:11,330 --> 00:50:13,941
♪ And all the time you knew it
1056
00:50:13,985 --> 00:50:15,856
♪ I guess you always knew it
1057
00:50:15,900 --> 00:50:16,726
Mom?
1058
00:50:16,770 --> 00:50:18,206
♪ You made me happy
1059
00:50:18,250 --> 00:50:19,381
♪ Sometimes
1060
00:50:19,425 --> 00:50:21,949
♪ And made me sad
1061
00:50:21,993 --> 00:50:24,952
♪ But there were times, Mel
1062
00:50:24,996 --> 00:50:26,693
♪ When you made me feel
1063
00:50:26,736 --> 00:50:27,694
♪ So bad
1064
00:50:27,737 --> 00:50:29,087
Boom, boom, boom.
1065
00:50:31,524 --> 00:50:32,786
I'm pregnant!
1066
00:50:34,092 --> 00:50:36,398
[laughs]
1067
00:50:36,442 --> 00:50:38,574
- Pregnant?
- Yes, I'm pregnant.
1068
00:50:38,618 --> 00:50:39,924
[laughs]
1069
00:50:39,967 --> 00:50:41,751
I don't know with what,
but it's yours.
1070
00:50:41,795 --> 00:50:43,841
[laughs]
1071
00:50:53,328 --> 00:50:56,897
♪ Sex hex
1072
00:50:56,941 --> 00:51:01,771
♪ Seed breeds
1073
00:51:01,815 --> 00:51:03,338
♪ All I was doing
1074
00:51:03,382 --> 00:51:08,387
♪ Was meeting my needs
1075
00:51:09,388 --> 00:51:13,566
♪ Sperm yolk
1076
00:51:13,609 --> 00:51:15,785
♪ Next time I'll think
1077
00:51:15,829 --> 00:51:18,484
♪ Before I poke
1078
00:51:21,661 --> 00:51:24,142
[dog barking]
1079
00:51:28,668 --> 00:51:31,932
[upbeat rock music]
1080
00:51:31,976 --> 00:51:33,412
♪ New father
1081
00:51:33,455 --> 00:51:35,022
♪ Oh yeah
1082
00:51:35,066 --> 00:51:36,806
♪ I found you
1083
00:51:36,850 --> 00:51:38,939
♪ Love like I want
1084
00:51:38,983 --> 00:51:40,114
♪ Oh yeah
1085
00:51:40,158 --> 00:51:41,507
♪ Oh yeah
1086
00:51:41,550 --> 00:51:42,769
♪ It's going
1087
00:51:42,812 --> 00:51:45,511
♪ Like I knew you would
1088
00:51:45,554 --> 00:51:46,338
♪ All
1089
00:51:46,381 --> 00:51:47,513
♪ You all
1090
00:51:47,556 --> 00:51:49,341
♪ Oh
1091
00:51:49,384 --> 00:51:51,604
♪ Isn't that the way
1092
00:51:51,647 --> 00:51:53,345
♪ I'll take the right
1093
00:51:53,388 --> 00:51:54,955
♪ Not too bad
1094
00:51:54,999 --> 00:51:56,261
♪ Grab the shift
1095
00:51:56,304 --> 00:52:01,309
♪ Like everything
1096
00:52:03,181 --> 00:52:06,097
♪ I need your love
1097
00:52:08,273 --> 00:52:10,928
Charlene?
Are you okay?
1098
00:52:13,147 --> 00:52:14,322
What happened?
1099
00:52:15,367 --> 00:52:19,197
[light acoustic guitar music]
1100
00:52:20,372 --> 00:52:22,330
♪ We'll try again
1101
00:52:22,374 --> 00:52:23,288
Okay.
1102
00:52:23,331 --> 00:52:25,029
♪ Don't you cry, my friend
1103
00:52:25,072 --> 00:52:26,944
[Charlene] Okay.
1104
00:52:26,987 --> 00:52:28,989
♪ And we won't quit
1105
00:52:29,033 --> 00:52:33,951
♪ Till we get it right
1106
00:52:34,603 --> 00:52:36,431
♪ Mm mm
1107
00:52:36,475 --> 00:52:40,435
♪ Mm mm mm mm mm
1108
00:52:40,479 --> 00:52:45,440
♪ Mm mm mm mmm mmm
1109
00:52:45,484 --> 00:52:47,703
♪ Mm mm
1110
00:52:47,747 --> 00:52:51,011
♪ Mm mm mm
1111
00:52:51,055 --> 00:52:53,579
♪ Mmm mmm mmm
1112
00:52:58,279 --> 00:53:01,761
[telephone rings]
1113
00:53:01,804 --> 00:53:03,458
I'll get it.
1114
00:53:03,502 --> 00:53:04,982
Probably my mom.
1115
00:53:06,331 --> 00:53:07,723
[Steven] Hello.
1116
00:53:07,767 --> 00:53:10,030
It's my mom, isn't it?
1117
00:53:10,074 --> 00:53:12,380
Yeah, well, it's been a month
since the miscarriage,
1118
00:53:12,424 --> 00:53:14,513
but I still think she thinks
she's pregnant.
1119
00:53:14,556 --> 00:53:17,037
Hey, are you talking about me?
1120
00:53:17,081 --> 00:53:19,474
She's gonna die of cholesterol
overdose, let me tell you.
1121
00:53:19,518 --> 00:53:20,998
I'm eating for two.
1122
00:53:21,041 --> 00:53:22,825
Disgusting.
You should see this.
1123
00:53:22,869 --> 00:53:24,044
You're disgusting.
1124
00:53:24,088 --> 00:53:25,002
[Steven] No, you're disgusting.
1125
00:53:25,045 --> 00:53:26,177
You're disgusting!
1126
00:53:26,220 --> 00:53:27,004
[Steven] No, you're disgusting!
1127
00:53:27,047 --> 00:53:28,875
And I paid for it, too!
1128
00:53:28,918 --> 00:53:32,661
[light acoustic guitar music]
1129
00:53:33,575 --> 00:53:34,663
Oh, Steven?
1130
00:53:36,317 --> 00:53:37,971
It's planting time.
1131
00:53:40,539 --> 00:53:42,280
Oh, what a turn-on.
1132
00:53:43,498 --> 00:53:46,980
"Steven, it's time
to attack the egg.
1133
00:53:47,024 --> 00:53:48,938
"Time to do the seed deed.
1134
00:53:48,982 --> 00:53:51,376
"Rush hour in the love canal.
1135
00:53:51,419 --> 00:53:53,073
"Scrum around the ovum.
1136
00:53:53,117 --> 00:53:55,858
"Bring on the sperminator".
1137
00:53:55,902 --> 00:53:59,079
That's what sex
has become with you.
1138
00:53:59,123 --> 00:54:00,123
Really?
1139
00:54:01,342 --> 00:54:05,607
Now what do you have
to say for yourself?
1140
00:54:05,651 --> 00:54:06,695
Please?
1141
00:54:06,739 --> 00:54:08,741
I'll give you a blowjob.
1142
00:54:23,625 --> 00:54:26,063
You're pregnant with twins.
1143
00:54:28,326 --> 00:54:29,326
Oh.
1144
00:54:30,458 --> 00:54:34,158
I'm so happy,
I feel like I wanna cry.
1145
00:54:34,201 --> 00:54:35,507
I am gonna cry.
1146
00:54:40,686 --> 00:54:42,079
You're pregnant, aren't you?
1147
00:54:42,122 --> 00:54:44,646
I'm twice as pregnant!
It's twins!
1148
00:54:44,690 --> 00:54:46,779
[laughs]
1149
00:54:58,704 --> 00:54:59,487
♪ We lost one
1150
00:54:59,531 --> 00:55:01,968
♪ Now we got two
1151
00:55:02,011 --> 00:55:03,143
♪ Girl, I gave some
1152
00:55:03,187 --> 00:55:04,884
♪ Super sperm to you
1153
00:55:04,927 --> 00:55:05,711
[laughing]
1154
00:55:05,754 --> 00:55:07,582
♪ So you better
1155
00:55:07,626 --> 00:55:12,631
♪ Treat your man super, too
1156
00:55:13,545 --> 00:55:14,502
♪ Even though your skin
1157
00:55:14,546 --> 00:55:16,635
♪ Felt clammy
1158
00:55:16,678 --> 00:55:18,811
♪ I gave you a double whammy
1159
00:55:18,854 --> 00:55:21,640
♪ Of sperm with love
1160
00:55:21,683 --> 00:55:26,427
♪ From me to you
1161
00:55:26,471 --> 00:55:28,864
♪ We lost one, now we got two
1162
00:55:28,908 --> 00:55:29,691
♪ We got two
1163
00:55:29,735 --> 00:55:30,779
♪ Girl, I gave some
1164
00:55:30,823 --> 00:55:32,868
♪ Super sperm to you
1165
00:55:32,912 --> 00:55:34,174
♪ So you better
1166
00:55:34,218 --> 00:55:39,223
♪ Treat your man super, too
1167
00:55:40,180 --> 00:55:41,138
♪ Even though your skin
1168
00:55:41,181 --> 00:55:42,922
♪ Felt clammy
1169
00:55:42,965 --> 00:55:45,881
♪ I gave you a double whammy
1170
00:55:45,925 --> 00:55:48,057
♪ Of sperm with love
1171
00:55:48,101 --> 00:55:50,886
♪ From me to you
1172
00:55:53,106 --> 00:55:55,630
[scat singing]
1173
00:56:02,246 --> 00:56:05,814
Charlene,
I can't take it anymore!
1174
00:56:05,858 --> 00:56:08,730
You married a man, not a maid.
1175
00:56:08,774 --> 00:56:10,993
I could understand if you were
a bit more appreciative,
1176
00:56:11,037 --> 00:56:13,996
but all you ever do is give me blowjobs
since you've been pregnant
1177
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:15,868
and you never swallow!
1178
00:56:17,522 --> 00:56:20,220
I told you, I'm allergic.
1179
00:56:20,264 --> 00:56:22,962
[yelling gibberish]
1180
00:56:23,005 --> 00:56:24,398
[Charlene] Fear of another
1181
00:56:24,442 --> 00:56:27,227
miscarriage kept me on
the couch for nine months.
1182
00:56:27,271 --> 00:56:28,097
It drove Steven over the edge.
1183
00:56:28,141 --> 00:56:29,969
[telephone rings]
1184
00:56:30,012 --> 00:56:33,277
[Steven screaming]
1185
00:56:33,320 --> 00:56:34,713
Hello?
1186
00:56:34,756 --> 00:56:38,238
Um, he's in the middle
of something right now.
1187
00:56:38,282 --> 00:56:39,282
Can I help?
1188
00:56:40,327 --> 00:56:41,609
Yeah, I'll see if
he can break away.
1189
00:56:41,633 --> 00:56:42,416
Hold on.
1190
00:56:42,460 --> 00:56:43,460
Steven?
1191
00:56:44,288 --> 00:56:46,550
Steven, it's your agent.
It's Monty.
1192
00:56:47,552 --> 00:56:50,163
Monty.
It's your agent.
1193
00:56:50,207 --> 00:56:54,211
I think maybe he has a job
for you or something.
1194
00:56:56,387 --> 00:56:57,387
Hello?
1195
00:57:06,832 --> 00:57:08,529
It's over, Charlene.
1196
00:57:08,573 --> 00:57:10,052
I'm glad my super double whammy
1197
00:57:10,096 --> 00:57:12,707
is helping you fulfill
your life's dream.
1198
00:57:12,751 --> 00:57:14,970
Now it's my turn to go out
and fulfill mine.
1199
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:16,014
Good-bye.
1200
00:57:17,843 --> 00:57:19,061
Steven, wait.
1201
00:57:25,024 --> 00:57:27,244
[grunting]
1202
00:57:33,511 --> 00:57:36,861
- Ready to meet your kids?
- Yeah. Okay.
1203
00:57:37,515 --> 00:57:39,691
Oh, Dr. Ruth?
Dr. Ruth?
1204
00:57:39,734 --> 00:57:40,996
Yes?
1205
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:42,171
I have an idea.
1206
00:57:42,215 --> 00:57:45,479
Why don't we just skip
the C-section altogether
1207
00:57:45,523 --> 00:57:48,526
and we can pull them
directly out of my mouth?
1208
00:57:48,569 --> 00:57:51,311
That's my largest orifice
anyway.
1209
00:57:51,355 --> 00:57:52,312
[Doctor] It's okay, Charlene.
1210
00:57:52,356 --> 00:57:53,270
Okay.
1211
00:57:53,313 --> 00:57:54,009
[Doctor] You're gonna be fine.
1212
00:57:54,053 --> 00:57:56,273
[yelling]
1213
00:58:00,059 --> 00:58:01,428
- [Charlene Voiceover]
When the drugs kicked in,
1214
00:58:01,452 --> 00:58:04,846
my mother appeared to me
in a horrible nightmare.
1215
00:58:04,890 --> 00:58:07,849
Charlene, Charlene, Charlene.
1216
00:58:07,893 --> 00:58:09,198
This is your mommy.
1217
00:58:09,242 --> 00:58:12,332
Your boys have weenies.
You must be careful.
1218
00:58:19,208 --> 00:58:20,360
Louise, these are delicious.
1219
00:58:20,384 --> 00:58:21,210
Oh!
1220
00:58:21,254 --> 00:58:23,343
What a fabulous spread!
1221
00:58:23,387 --> 00:58:24,518
Look at this.
1222
00:58:24,562 --> 00:58:27,216
Salami, chicken mix, potato chips.
1223
00:58:28,479 --> 00:58:31,438
Charlene, it's magnificent.
1224
00:58:31,482 --> 00:58:32,657
Oh, delicious.
1225
00:58:35,486 --> 00:58:37,226
Don't need to cover it up.
1226
00:58:37,270 --> 00:58:38,532
I'll cover it.
1227
00:58:38,576 --> 00:58:40,795
What's going on with
the cellophane, Dad?
1228
00:58:40,839 --> 00:58:41,666
Charlene!
1229
00:58:41,709 --> 00:58:43,189
Take it off.
1230
00:58:43,232 --> 00:58:43,842
People think you're not
supposed to eat the food.
1231
00:58:43,885 --> 00:58:44,930
Take it off.
1232
00:58:44,973 --> 00:58:46,584
It'll spoil!
1233
00:58:46,627 --> 00:58:47,802
This is not New Jersey.
1234
00:58:47,846 --> 00:58:48,866
You'll eat it after the bris.
1235
00:58:48,890 --> 00:58:50,501
Know-it-all!
Know-it-all!
1236
00:58:50,544 --> 00:58:51,371
Leave it off.
1237
00:58:51,415 --> 00:58:53,112
This is my bris.
It's not your bris.
1238
00:58:53,155 --> 00:58:54,394
I want things the way I want it.
1239
00:58:54,418 --> 00:58:55,656
Charlene, people are listening,
keep it down.
1240
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:59,379
Mom, can I speak with you
just for a minute?
1241
00:59:04,558 --> 00:59:07,387
Mom, I have fallen
deeply in love.
1242
00:59:08,345 --> 00:59:11,391
That's wonderful!
Mazel tov!
1243
00:59:11,435 --> 00:59:13,959
- What's her name?
- Her name is Leo.
1244
00:59:15,134 --> 00:59:17,179
[coughs]
1245
00:59:18,659 --> 00:59:20,357
You're a pansy boy?
1246
00:59:22,315 --> 00:59:24,404
Cliff, it's all right.
It's all right.
1247
00:59:24,448 --> 00:59:26,295
- It's not your fault, it's my fault.
- Mom, it's not anybody's fault.
1248
00:59:26,319 --> 00:59:27,494
It's my fault, Cliffy.
1249
00:59:27,538 --> 00:59:29,037
I should've never have
let you pick out fabric.
1250
00:59:29,061 --> 00:59:30,430
I should've never have
let you paint my toenails.
1251
00:59:30,454 --> 00:59:32,406
I should never, never,
never let you go
1252
00:59:32,556 --> 00:59:34,283
three years in a row
as Cher on Halloween.
1253
00:59:34,327 --> 00:59:35,284
Come on, he's here.
1254
00:59:35,328 --> 00:59:36,721
I want you to meet him.
1255
00:59:36,764 --> 00:59:37,461
- [Charlene Voiceover]
Personally, I have nothing
1256
00:59:37,504 --> 00:59:38,679
against gay men.
1257
00:59:38,723 --> 00:59:40,768
It's just that every
time they get together,
1258
00:59:40,812 --> 00:59:43,118
I lose two potential husbands.
1259
00:59:43,162 --> 00:59:44,337
This is Leo.
1260
00:59:46,687 --> 00:59:47,471
Oh!
1261
00:59:47,514 --> 00:59:48,341
Mom!
1262
00:59:48,385 --> 00:59:49,168
Oh, my God!
1263
00:59:49,211 --> 00:59:49,995
Call 911!
1264
00:59:50,038 --> 00:59:50,822
Honey!
1265
00:59:50,865 --> 00:59:51,649
What have I done?
1266
00:59:51,692 --> 00:59:53,215
Mel!
1267
00:59:53,259 --> 00:59:54,565
He's got braids.
1268
00:59:57,437 --> 01:00:00,527
[knocking on door]
1269
01:00:00,571 --> 01:00:03,791
Hola.
Marisole Martinez?
1270
01:00:03,835 --> 01:00:06,315
Si. Hola.
Senora...
1271
01:00:06,359 --> 01:00:08,100
Charlene.
Call me Charlene.
1272
01:00:08,143 --> 01:00:10,232
- Charlene, me gusta, Charlene.
- Thank you.
1273
01:00:10,276 --> 01:00:13,627
The kids are upstairs, sleeping.
1274
01:00:13,671 --> 01:00:14,498
[speaking foreign language]
1275
01:00:14,541 --> 01:00:16,108
Yes, yes.
1276
01:00:16,151 --> 01:00:18,458
So, um,
no, no, no, no, no.
1277
01:00:18,502 --> 01:00:21,461
Come in, come in,
come in, come in.
1278
01:00:21,505 --> 01:00:23,637
We'll go upstairs
and take a look at them.
1279
01:00:23,681 --> 01:00:25,726
Hasta la vista.
Andale.
1280
01:00:25,770 --> 01:00:27,380
[both laugh]
1281
01:00:27,424 --> 01:00:30,731
It was tough being a single mom,
but with Marisole's help,
1282
01:00:30,775 --> 01:00:32,472
we got through
the terrible twos.
1283
01:00:32,516 --> 01:00:34,494
Can you clear for a minute
while me and my boys pass?
1284
01:00:34,518 --> 01:00:36,171
You see,
when my boys are big enough,
1285
01:00:36,215 --> 01:00:37,671
and they'll be playing
with you, too.
1286
01:00:37,695 --> 01:00:39,566
In your dreams, lady!
1287
01:00:41,394 --> 01:00:42,743
Excuse me?
1288
01:00:42,787 --> 01:00:44,571
That one's not a boy,
that's a girl.
1289
01:00:44,615 --> 01:00:46,530
No, he's not!
He's a boy!
1290
01:00:46,573 --> 01:00:48,096
No, that's a girl!
1291
01:00:48,140 --> 01:00:51,491
No, he's a boy, and he's macho,
just like his mom!
1292
01:00:51,535 --> 01:00:53,406
You're not macho!
You have titties!
1293
01:00:53,450 --> 01:00:54,494
Ha.
1294
01:00:54,538 --> 01:00:55,408
No, wait a minute.
1295
01:00:55,452 --> 01:00:57,497
These are not titties,
they're hand grenades,
1296
01:00:57,541 --> 01:00:59,151
and I'm gonna throw
one at you right now!
1297
01:00:59,194 --> 01:01:00,282
You, too!
1298
01:01:00,326 --> 01:01:02,241
That's right, kids!
Keep running!
1299
01:01:02,284 --> 01:01:04,243
That's right!
Keep running!
1300
01:01:05,244 --> 01:01:08,377
Unbelievable!
Where are their mothers?
1301
01:01:08,421 --> 01:01:11,380
Can you believe that?
Unbelievable.
1302
01:01:11,424 --> 01:01:13,426
When you get big,
don't play with those bad boys.
1303
01:01:13,470 --> 01:01:16,429
[light jazz music]
1304
01:01:17,996 --> 01:01:20,172
Between writing and
taking care of my kids,
1305
01:01:20,215 --> 01:01:23,262
it had been a long time
since my last date.
1306
01:01:23,305 --> 01:01:25,351
One day while cleaning
out my closet,
1307
01:01:25,394 --> 01:01:28,267
I found my old
Dr. Steven paper dolls.
1308
01:01:28,310 --> 01:01:29,529
Now, don't get me wrong,
1309
01:01:29,573 --> 01:01:31,226
I wasn't going back
on my Steven quest,
1310
01:01:31,270 --> 01:01:34,273
but this guy was worth
another look.
1311
01:01:43,108 --> 01:01:44,718
Hello, Steven?
1312
01:01:44,762 --> 01:01:49,418
Yeah, yeah, it's Charlene.
How did you know it was me?
1313
01:01:49,462 --> 01:01:50,637
Ha ha.
1314
01:01:50,681 --> 01:01:52,726
I do not have a funny voice.
1315
01:01:52,770 --> 01:01:56,208
[light orchestral music]
1316
01:02:00,081 --> 01:02:04,738
There he was in all his Roman
god-bachelor glory.
1317
01:02:04,782 --> 01:02:08,046
Being single obviously
agreed with this guy.
1318
01:02:08,089 --> 01:02:11,901
The great thing about being
attracted to unavailable men
1319
01:02:12,051 --> 01:02:13,617
is they're always available.
1320
01:02:30,198 --> 01:02:31,765
Justice, play nice.
1321
01:02:33,201 --> 01:02:35,528
[Steven] It's really nice of you
to come here with the kids.
1322
01:02:35,552 --> 01:02:37,597
Yeah, they really love it here.
1323
01:02:37,641 --> 01:02:39,947
They like to play
with the balls.
1324
01:02:39,991 --> 01:02:42,863
Does Mommy play
with the balls, too?
1325
01:02:42,907 --> 01:02:44,996
- Sometimes.
- Yeah?
1326
01:02:45,039 --> 01:02:46,780
You should go in
there, too, you know?
1327
01:02:46,824 --> 01:02:50,349
[Charlene] Oh, I don't think so.
I'm too big for that.
1328
01:02:50,392 --> 01:02:52,830
[Steven] Really?
[Charlene] Yeah.
1329
01:02:52,873 --> 01:02:54,658
Maybe we should
go in there together.
1330
01:02:54,701 --> 01:02:56,529
[laughs]
1331
01:02:56,573 --> 01:02:57,443
You look pretty good.
1332
01:02:57,486 --> 01:02:58,575
[Steven] Yeah?
1333
01:02:58,618 --> 01:03:01,864
You look good for an aging,
confirmed bachelor
1334
01:03:02,014 --> 01:03:06,060
with no marital prospects
on the horizon any time soon.
1335
01:03:06,104 --> 01:03:08,976
[Steven]
Well, I, I loved your lips.
1336
01:03:09,020 --> 01:03:09,803
Hmm.
1337
01:03:09,847 --> 01:03:10,848
Thank you.
1338
01:03:10,891 --> 01:03:13,851
[Steven] I loved your lips.
1339
01:03:13,894 --> 01:03:15,461
Thank you.
1340
01:03:15,504 --> 01:03:17,637
[Steven] You're welcome.
1341
01:03:23,991 --> 01:03:25,602
Justice?
1342
01:03:25,645 --> 01:03:26,907
Justice!
1343
01:03:26,951 --> 01:03:28,996
Oh, my God!
Justice!
1344
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:29,954
Justice!
1345
01:03:29,997 --> 01:03:30,650
[Steven] It's all right.
1346
01:03:30,694 --> 01:03:32,304
Justice!
Justice!
1347
01:03:32,347 --> 01:03:34,132
Justice, where are you?
Justice!
1348
01:03:34,175 --> 01:03:36,830
Justice!
Justice, where are you?
1349
01:03:36,874 --> 01:03:39,311
Justice!
Justice, answer me!
1350
01:03:39,354 --> 01:03:40,660
[Steven] I'm looking for him!
1351
01:03:40,704 --> 01:03:42,009
Justice!
1352
01:03:42,053 --> 01:03:44,359
Justice!
Justice, this isn't funny!
1353
01:03:44,403 --> 01:03:46,535
Where are you?
Justice!
1354
01:03:46,579 --> 01:03:49,060
Charlene, I got him.
Charlene, he's right here.
1355
01:03:49,103 --> 01:03:50,888
I got him.
I got him.
1356
01:03:50,931 --> 01:03:52,716
He's right here.
They're both right here.
1357
01:03:52,759 --> 01:03:53,673
[Charlene] Oh, my God.
1358
01:03:53,717 --> 01:03:55,632
They're doing all right.
Yeah, come on.
1359
01:03:57,155 --> 01:03:58,741
He was just over here looking
at the ocean and stuff.
1360
01:03:58,765 --> 01:04:01,811
Mommy was so worried!
Oh, honey!
1361
01:04:03,248 --> 01:04:05,206
That was great.
Thanks.
1362
01:04:05,250 --> 01:04:06,860
- You're welcome.
- I had a good time.
1363
01:04:06,904 --> 01:04:07,774
So did I.
1364
01:04:07,818 --> 01:04:09,210
Thanks for all the balloons,
1365
01:04:09,254 --> 01:04:12,692
and thanks for the
refrigerator magnet and...
1366
01:04:12,736 --> 01:04:13,780
No problem.
1367
01:04:15,042 --> 01:04:19,090
So, um, do you have
a date tonight or what?
1368
01:04:19,133 --> 01:04:20,482
No, I'm just gonna go home
1369
01:04:20,526 --> 01:04:23,747
and practice my violin
and smoke my pipe.
1370
01:04:23,790 --> 01:04:24,878
Hmm.
1371
01:04:24,922 --> 01:04:26,706
- That sounds nice.
- Yeah.
1372
01:04:26,750 --> 01:04:28,012
Especially the pipe part.
1373
01:04:28,055 --> 01:04:30,318
[laughs]
1374
01:04:30,362 --> 01:04:32,253
Well, I guess the boys
will sleep well tonight.
1375
01:04:32,277 --> 01:04:33,670
Yeah.
1376
01:04:33,713 --> 01:04:35,628
And if you take a Valium,
so will their mom.
1377
01:04:35,672 --> 01:04:37,717
[laughs]
1378
01:04:43,418 --> 01:04:45,029
- Oh, your coat.
- Yeah.
1379
01:04:45,072 --> 01:04:47,248
[laughs]
1380
01:04:47,292 --> 01:04:49,120
Don't wanna take that.
1381
01:04:50,599 --> 01:04:53,298
[Steven] Let me help you.
[Charlene] Thank you.
1382
01:04:53,341 --> 01:04:54,342
Drive safely.
1383
01:04:54,386 --> 01:04:56,344
[Charlene] All right, I will.
I always do.
1384
01:04:56,388 --> 01:04:57,171
Okay.
1385
01:04:57,215 --> 01:04:58,259
[Charlene] Okay.
1386
01:04:58,303 --> 01:04:59,217
Take care.
1387
01:04:59,260 --> 01:05:00,131
[Charlene] All right, I will.
1388
01:05:00,174 --> 01:05:04,004
The problem with Dr. Steven Stevenson
was he's too good-looking,
1389
01:05:04,048 --> 01:05:07,529
he's too well-endowed,
and he's much too successful.
1390
01:05:07,573 --> 01:05:10,619
How could he not be
a womanizer?
1391
01:05:10,663 --> 01:05:12,143
I have to move on.
1392
01:05:15,015 --> 01:05:16,321
I've laid off the doctors,
1393
01:05:16,364 --> 01:05:18,236
but the Stevens
just keep coming.
1394
01:05:18,279 --> 01:05:20,934
Ironically, my new
boyfriend's name is Steven,
1395
01:05:20,978 --> 01:05:24,242
Steven Troy,
but he's a contractor.
1396
01:05:24,285 --> 01:05:26,723
A very good one, I might add.
1397
01:05:29,160 --> 01:05:32,076
Work's all finished, ma'am.
1398
01:05:32,119 --> 01:05:35,209
Did you fix the stone
on the pavement?
1399
01:05:35,253 --> 01:05:36,863
It's fixed.
1400
01:05:36,907 --> 01:05:40,127
What about the drip
in the fountain?
1401
01:05:40,171 --> 01:05:42,042
It's fixed.
1402
01:05:42,086 --> 01:05:45,742
Did you screw in the light
by the gate?
1403
01:05:45,785 --> 01:05:46,830
It's fixed.
1404
01:05:48,222 --> 01:05:50,485
Are you ready to be paid?
1405
01:05:52,661 --> 01:05:53,662
I'm ready.
1406
01:05:54,794 --> 01:05:57,144
Come upstairs, Mr. Troy.
1407
01:05:57,188 --> 01:06:01,279
I think I have something
that might interest you.
1408
01:06:04,282 --> 01:06:07,024
Good thing
I brought my hammer.
1409
01:06:08,373 --> 01:06:09,200
[country music]
1410
01:06:09,243 --> 01:06:12,377
[passionate moaning]
1411
01:06:15,597 --> 01:06:16,990
Nice.
1412
01:06:17,034 --> 01:06:19,863
[Steven] I wanna
bronze your labia minora.
1413
01:06:19,906 --> 01:06:20,994
Really?
1414
01:06:21,038 --> 01:06:22,561
[laughs]
1415
01:06:22,604 --> 01:06:23,604
Okay.
1416
01:06:26,043 --> 01:06:29,133
[passionate moaning]
1417
01:06:30,699 --> 01:06:32,832
[giggles]
1418
01:06:38,751 --> 01:06:40,884
[moaning]
1419
01:06:42,929 --> 01:06:46,628
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Um, condoms.
1420
01:06:46,672 --> 01:06:48,543
Safe sex.
Do you have any?
1421
01:06:48,587 --> 01:06:49,370
Uh...
1422
01:06:49,414 --> 01:06:51,851
In my bathroom.
Wait. Hold on.
1423
01:06:51,895 --> 01:06:54,245
Stay there.
Stay, stay, Rover.
1424
01:07:01,905 --> 01:07:03,167
[moaning]
1425
01:07:03,210 --> 01:07:04,864
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
1426
01:07:04,908 --> 01:07:06,866
- You sure?
- Yeah.
1427
01:07:06,910 --> 01:07:09,129
Bring it on home!
1428
01:07:09,173 --> 01:07:10,261
Oh!
1429
01:07:10,304 --> 01:07:11,566
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
1430
01:07:14,482 --> 01:07:15,744
Whoo!
1431
01:07:15,788 --> 01:07:17,616
- Hell.
- Oh, God.
1432
01:07:17,659 --> 01:07:18,573
Oh!
1433
01:07:18,617 --> 01:07:20,619
- You know what they say.
- What?
1434
01:07:20,662 --> 01:07:22,708
Seventh time is a charm.
1435
01:07:22,751 --> 01:07:25,232
[both laugh]
1436
01:07:25,276 --> 01:07:28,148
[knocking on door]
1437
01:07:29,410 --> 01:07:30,150
[Charlene] Hello.
1438
01:07:30,194 --> 01:07:31,064
Hey.
1439
01:07:31,108 --> 01:07:31,848
[Charlene] How are you?
1440
01:07:31,891 --> 01:07:33,893
- I'm good.
- Good.
1441
01:07:33,937 --> 01:07:35,373
How are you?
1442
01:07:35,416 --> 01:07:38,898
- Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
- Good.
1443
01:07:38,942 --> 01:07:39,942
I'm fine.
1444
01:07:41,118 --> 01:07:42,075
Cute.
1445
01:07:42,119 --> 01:07:44,599
Yeah, I think, you know,
they'll like it.
1446
01:07:44,643 --> 01:07:47,211
They're sleeping.
They should wake up pretty soon.
1447
01:07:47,254 --> 01:07:52,607
If you wanna wait, we can maybe
have a cup of tea out on the patio.
1448
01:07:52,651 --> 01:07:55,436
- Okay.
- Okay.
1449
01:07:55,480 --> 01:07:56,524
I'll make it.
1450
01:07:57,525 --> 01:07:59,005
I'll be right out.
1451
01:08:06,621 --> 01:08:10,069
All my divorced male friends
envy my ex-husband
1452
01:08:10,219 --> 01:08:11,975
because I set him up
with other women.
1453
01:08:12,018 --> 01:08:13,237
I do it for me,
1454
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:17,487
because the happier he is,
the less guilty I feel
1455
01:08:17,637 --> 01:08:19,286
for driving him over the edge.
1456
01:08:19,330 --> 01:08:21,114
And then also for my sons,
1457
01:08:21,158 --> 01:08:22,811
because I'd like their stepmom
1458
01:08:22,855 --> 01:08:26,772
to be someone who doesn't
have a police record.
1459
01:08:33,648 --> 01:08:34,648
Here we go.
1460
01:08:36,695 --> 01:08:40,917
A little tea I whipped up myself
in the recesses of my kitchen.
1461
01:08:42,309 --> 01:08:45,573
The contractor did a nice job
with the terrace.
1462
01:08:45,617 --> 01:08:50,317
Yeah, well Steven does
a great job with everything.
1463
01:08:50,361 --> 01:08:51,449
Another Steven.
1464
01:08:51,492 --> 01:08:52,972
Mm-hmm.
1465
01:08:53,016 --> 01:08:54,254
Well, obviously
you've slept with him.
1466
01:08:54,278 --> 01:08:56,149
Obviously?
What obviously?
1467
01:08:56,193 --> 01:08:58,324
- Well, duh.
- Duh.
1468
01:08:59,065 --> 01:09:01,546
Okay. All right.
Fine, I slept with him.
1469
01:09:01,589 --> 01:09:05,463
- So?
- Well, like, of course you did.
1470
01:09:05,506 --> 01:09:08,596
What kind of medicine
does he practice?
1471
01:09:08,640 --> 01:09:10,685
He's a sexual healer.
1472
01:09:10,729 --> 01:09:12,078
Every time he walks in the room,
1473
01:09:12,122 --> 01:09:15,690
I hear Marvin Gaye singing
"Sexual Healing".
1474
01:09:15,734 --> 01:09:17,257
Please, Charlene.
1475
01:09:20,304 --> 01:09:22,788
You know, the problem
with you and I is we just,
1476
01:09:22,938 --> 01:09:26,918
we just don't communicate
very well.
1477
01:09:27,180 --> 01:09:28,486
Boy.
1478
01:09:28,529 --> 01:09:29,529
You said it.
1479
01:09:31,184 --> 01:09:32,142
Once you ran out of songs,
1480
01:09:32,185 --> 01:09:35,580
there was really nothing left
to say, was there?
1481
01:09:41,934 --> 01:09:45,285
I do think you have
nice breasts, though.
1482
01:09:45,329 --> 01:09:46,112
Thank you.
1483
01:09:46,156 --> 01:09:47,026
[clears throat]
1484
01:09:47,070 --> 01:09:50,812
They're implants.
I'll leave them to you in my will.
1485
01:09:50,856 --> 01:09:53,380
- No way!
- Yes way.
1486
01:09:53,424 --> 01:09:54,947
Ha ha.
1487
01:09:54,991 --> 01:09:57,819
- You had me fooled.
- Goosed.
1488
01:09:57,863 --> 01:09:58,951
Every time a man is fooled,
1489
01:09:58,995 --> 01:10:02,128
another plastic surgeon
gets his wings.
1490
01:10:02,172 --> 01:10:04,609
That is, like, such
a good job, really.
1491
01:10:04,652 --> 01:10:06,524
Thank you.
I'm glad you appreciate it.
1492
01:10:06,567 --> 01:10:08,047
Hey!
1493
01:10:08,091 --> 01:10:09,266
Hey, you!
1494
01:10:09,309 --> 01:10:11,050
Give a kiss, Daddy!
1495
01:10:12,269 --> 01:10:14,227
Come on,
I want a kiss over here, too.
1496
01:10:14,271 --> 01:10:16,403
Come on.
Come on.
1497
01:10:16,447 --> 01:10:17,100
Give me a kiss, give me
a kiss, give me a kiss.
1498
01:10:17,143 --> 01:10:18,840
Come on.
Mmm-whah!
1499
01:10:18,884 --> 01:10:20,320
How you guys doing?
1500
01:10:20,364 --> 01:10:22,322
Who wants the chicken?
Who wants the bear?
1501
01:10:22,366 --> 01:10:23,628
Who wants the chicken?
1502
01:10:23,671 --> 01:10:25,760
You want the bear?
You want the chicken?
1503
01:10:25,804 --> 01:10:29,460
[dramatic orchestral music]
1504
01:10:39,557 --> 01:10:42,429
Who wants to play
with the truck?
1505
01:10:42,473 --> 01:10:43,473
All right!
1506
01:10:50,655 --> 01:10:53,440
[upbeat funk music]
1507
01:10:53,484 --> 01:10:57,357
Dr. Steven?
Excuse me, can you, um, hi.
1508
01:10:57,401 --> 01:10:58,184
[Steven] Hi.
1509
01:10:58,228 --> 01:10:59,055
Can I help you?
1510
01:10:59,098 --> 01:11:00,491
Um, yes.
1511
01:11:00,534 --> 01:11:03,015
As a matter of fact, you can.
1512
01:11:04,582 --> 01:11:08,365
Look, I'm in extreme need
of a physical for work,
1513
01:11:08,515 --> 01:11:09,563
and since
we're in the same building,
1514
01:11:09,587 --> 01:11:12,163
I thought maybe if you give me
your card,
1515
01:11:12,313 --> 01:11:13,654
I could call you
for an appointment.
1516
01:11:13,678 --> 01:11:14,853
I'd love to.
1517
01:11:14,896 --> 01:11:16,985
Lord knows I can use
the business.
1518
01:11:17,029 --> 01:11:21,294
But unfortunately, I'm only
licensed to examine your feet.
1519
01:11:21,338 --> 01:11:22,469
My feet?
1520
01:11:22,513 --> 01:11:23,514
Only my feet?
1521
01:11:24,863 --> 01:11:26,082
A podiatrist.
1522
01:11:26,125 --> 01:11:29,346
So what exactly is it
you guys do anyway?
1523
01:11:30,521 --> 01:11:32,566
At least he's not
a proctologist.
1524
01:11:32,610 --> 01:11:35,526
I wouldn't want one of those guys
handling the boys' bottles.
1525
01:11:37,397 --> 01:11:41,053
I'm sure you've been told
many times you have beautiful legs.
1526
01:11:41,097 --> 01:11:44,796
Well, not many times,
but thank you.
1527
01:11:44,839 --> 01:11:46,885
I can't believe I've never
run into you before.
1528
01:11:46,928 --> 01:11:47,799
It just seems, sorry.
1529
01:11:47,842 --> 01:11:49,540
- Excuse me.
- I'm sorry.
1530
01:11:49,583 --> 01:11:51,716
Well, I know. It seems
working in the same building,
1531
01:11:51,759 --> 01:11:54,197
you'd think we'd sooner or later
bump into each other.
1532
01:11:54,240 --> 01:11:57,287
Yeah, you would think,
you know, you being a podiatrist
1533
01:11:57,330 --> 01:11:59,115
and me being in sales.
1534
01:11:59,158 --> 01:12:00,028
Yeah.
1535
01:12:00,072 --> 01:12:02,181
You know, I can't help notice,
but your feet are perfect.
1536
01:12:02,205 --> 01:12:04,032
What are they,
a seven and a half, an eight?
1537
01:12:04,076 --> 01:12:05,860
Oh, my God.
You do know what you're doing?
1538
01:12:05,904 --> 01:12:06,905
They're seven and a half.
1539
01:12:06,948 --> 01:12:09,603
And those are lovely shoes.
Were they some sort of reptile?
1540
01:12:09,647 --> 01:12:11,736
Yes.
Rattlesnake.
1541
01:12:13,607 --> 01:12:16,219
Dangerous Ecuadorian
rattlesnake.
1542
01:12:16,262 --> 01:12:17,916
- Killed him myself.
- Really?
1543
01:12:17,959 --> 01:12:19,961
Skinned him.
Ate the flesh.
1544
01:12:20,005 --> 01:12:21,876
Made shoes
out of the attractive skins.
1545
01:12:21,920 --> 01:12:24,043
Well, I think that's a good
result for a snake,
1546
01:12:24,193 --> 01:12:25,378
to end up a shoe
on a beautiful woman's foot.
1547
01:12:25,402 --> 01:12:26,794
Oh, thank you.
1548
01:12:26,838 --> 01:12:28,361
[laughs]
1549
01:12:28,405 --> 01:12:31,016
Well, so I wish I could
compliment your outfit,
1550
01:12:31,059 --> 01:12:32,757
but I just can't.
1551
01:12:32,800 --> 01:12:35,063
I know.
It's sort of doctor-ware.
1552
01:12:35,107 --> 01:12:36,717
- You're gonna get...
- Utilitarian.
1553
01:12:36,761 --> 01:12:38,284
Yeah.
1554
01:12:38,328 --> 01:12:39,242
[Charlene] I always wanted
to use that word in a sentence.
1555
01:12:39,285 --> 01:12:40,895
Ha ha.
1556
01:12:40,939 --> 01:12:44,029
- Well, this my floor.
- Oh, really?
1557
01:12:44,072 --> 01:12:46,858
It's been highly enjoyable
traveling the escalator with you.
1558
01:12:46,901 --> 01:12:48,686
Yes.
Since we're flirting...
1559
01:12:48,729 --> 01:12:50,731
- We are?
- Well, I think we are.
1560
01:12:50,775 --> 01:12:52,255
I just wanted to
disclose the fact
1561
01:12:52,298 --> 01:12:56,084
that my wife and I of 10
years separated two weeks ago.
1562
01:12:56,128 --> 01:12:57,216
Oh, really?
1563
01:12:57,260 --> 01:12:58,435
We're getting divorced.
1564
01:12:58,478 --> 01:12:59,087
I'm not running around
or anything, but...
1565
01:12:59,131 --> 01:13:00,567
Oh.
1566
01:13:00,611 --> 01:13:03,266
- I'm really sorry to hear that.
- Yeah.
1567
01:13:03,309 --> 01:13:06,471
You, uh, you seem
like somebody that's been hurt,
1568
01:13:07,171 --> 01:13:09,458
and I feel like you might
need a shoulder to cry on
1569
01:13:09,508 --> 01:13:11,012
sometime in the very near future.
1570
01:13:11,056 --> 01:13:13,537
So, uh, I wanna give you this.
1571
01:13:15,756 --> 01:13:19,151
"Dr. Anton Bowman, L.C.S.W."
What does that stand for?
1572
01:13:19,195 --> 01:13:23,068
Well, it stands for a very
experienced psychotherapist.
1573
01:13:23,111 --> 01:13:24,243
I think you'll like him.
1574
01:13:24,287 --> 01:13:27,681
His fees are reasonable,
and he has quite large feet.
1575
01:13:29,509 --> 01:13:30,989
So I walked away.
1576
01:13:31,032 --> 01:13:33,864
I mean, there was nothing
wrong with this guy,
1577
01:13:34,014 --> 01:13:37,256
but I could see he wasn't ready
to start a new relationship.
1578
01:13:37,300 --> 01:13:40,259
Why is it so hard to find
the perfect man?
1579
01:13:40,303 --> 01:13:43,131
It's like I found the
ideal Doctor Steven,
1580
01:13:43,175 --> 01:13:45,482
but he's a combination
of six men.
1581
01:13:45,525 --> 01:13:48,136
[laughing]
1582
01:13:48,180 --> 01:13:51,073
It sounds like you and the boys
have gained something
1583
01:13:51,223 --> 01:13:53,316
from each of the Doctor Stevens.
1584
01:13:54,491 --> 01:13:57,836
Now who in the hell says
you have to pick one
1585
01:13:57,986 --> 01:14:00,569
and discard the rest?
1586
01:14:01,324 --> 01:14:02,324
Oh.
1587
01:14:03,674 --> 01:14:05,110
I don't know.
1588
01:14:05,153 --> 01:14:09,481
The, well,
the psychic never really said it like that,
1589
01:14:10,810 --> 01:14:12,639
but you know what?
You're right.
1590
01:14:12,683 --> 01:14:14,902
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
1591
01:14:14,946 --> 01:14:18,689
Dr. Bowman, you're a genius.
Thank you so much.
1592
01:14:18,732 --> 01:14:20,012
Can I take these for my friends?
1593
01:14:20,038 --> 01:14:22,780
We have 45 minutes more.
1594
01:14:22,823 --> 01:14:23,607
Oh.
1595
01:14:23,650 --> 01:14:24,650
Sit down.
1596
01:14:29,177 --> 01:14:30,570
Look who's here!
1597
01:14:31,658 --> 01:14:34,182
Look how good you look!
1598
01:14:34,226 --> 01:14:35,532
Whoa!
1599
01:14:35,575 --> 01:14:38,099
Careful.
Careful.
1600
01:14:38,143 --> 01:14:40,841
Look who's jumping up
and down on the bed!
1601
01:14:40,885 --> 01:14:43,714
Is everybody here?
Are you ready for the party?
1602
01:14:43,757 --> 01:14:44,758
[laughing]
1603
01:14:44,802 --> 01:14:48,153
Is it party time?
Is it party time?
1604
01:14:49,415 --> 01:14:52,244
You know what?
My therapist was right.
1605
01:14:52,288 --> 01:14:56,074
All my Stevens have enriched
my life in one way or another.
1606
01:14:56,117 --> 01:14:58,294
Tonight, I've decided
to celebrate my birthday
1607
01:14:58,337 --> 01:15:01,209
with an unconventional
little party.
1608
01:15:01,253 --> 01:15:04,604
[light orchestral music]
1609
01:15:07,477 --> 01:15:09,392
Look how good you look!
1610
01:15:12,482 --> 01:15:14,179
You got your hat on.
1611
01:15:15,267 --> 01:15:20,185
Hey, Noble, you wanna come
over here and enjoy the party?
1612
01:15:24,058 --> 01:15:26,713
So, how's your son,
the big-headed one?
1613
01:15:26,757 --> 01:15:27,540
You know,
1614
01:15:27,584 --> 01:15:28,585
[laughing]
1615
01:15:28,628 --> 01:15:30,021
the insecure one?
1616
01:15:30,848 --> 01:15:31,631
He has four kids.
1617
01:15:31,675 --> 01:15:32,763
[Steven] Really?
1618
01:15:32,806 --> 01:15:35,766
Justice, you know,
it's time for him to get a...
1619
01:15:35,809 --> 01:15:38,551
I want to get him
a really good guitar.
1620
01:15:38,595 --> 01:15:39,987
That would be great.
1621
01:15:40,031 --> 01:15:43,077
[Steven] You know,
like, a little microphone.
1622
01:15:43,121 --> 01:15:44,340
[laughing]
1623
01:15:44,383 --> 01:15:45,882
You know, I watch you
with those kids.
1624
01:15:45,906 --> 01:15:46,690
Did you?
1625
01:15:46,733 --> 01:15:48,169
Mm-hmm.
1626
01:15:48,213 --> 01:15:51,477
You look so much more
attractive with your kids.
1627
01:15:51,521 --> 01:15:53,523
I am.
Really?
1628
01:15:53,566 --> 01:15:54,262
In the front seat of the car.
1629
01:15:54,306 --> 01:15:56,090
[laughing]
1630
01:15:56,134 --> 01:15:58,397
Nothing exactly.
These are all friends of mine.
1631
01:15:58,441 --> 01:16:01,052
You may have noticed everybody
at the party is called Steven.
1632
01:16:01,095 --> 01:16:02,140
Yeah.
1633
01:16:02,183 --> 01:16:04,838
- I have a thing for Stevens.
- Right.
1634
01:16:04,882 --> 01:16:06,797
But mostly Doctor Stevens.
1635
01:16:06,840 --> 01:16:10,453
You're the first really physical
Steven that I ever had.
1636
01:16:14,413 --> 01:16:16,502
I kind of liked
where I ended up.
1637
01:16:16,546 --> 01:16:18,852
The boys are happy and healthy.
1638
01:16:18,896 --> 01:16:20,767
My career is going well.
1639
01:16:20,811 --> 01:16:23,752
Dr. Bowman is vacationing
in the Bahamas
1640
01:16:23,902 --> 01:16:25,642
with all the money
I paid him for therapy.
1641
01:16:25,685 --> 01:16:28,340
And my parents
are proud of me.
1642
01:16:28,384 --> 01:16:31,952
They finally stopped asking
when I'm gonna meet Mr. Right.
1643
01:16:31,996 --> 01:16:35,550
But more importantly,
I've stopped asking.
1644
01:16:41,551 --> 01:16:47,550
RIP-FIXES-SYNC
by VaVooM
1645
01:16:47,551 --> 01:16:50,493
[upbeat jazz music]
1646
01:19:07,804 --> 01:19:10,676
[light jazz music]
1647
01:19:13,374 --> 01:19:14,593
♪ I wonder who's
1648
01:19:14,637 --> 01:19:18,815
♪ Kissing you now
1649
01:19:18,858 --> 01:19:20,120
♪ I wonder who's
1650
01:19:20,164 --> 01:19:24,342
♪ Teaching you how
1651
01:19:24,385 --> 01:19:27,432
♪ I wonder who's looking
1652
01:19:27,475 --> 01:19:30,957
♪ Into your eyes
1653
01:19:31,001 --> 01:19:33,656
♪ Breathing sighs
1654
01:19:33,699 --> 01:19:36,267
♪ Telling lies
1655
01:19:36,310 --> 01:19:37,485
♪ I wonder who's
1656
01:19:37,529 --> 01:19:41,359
♪ Buying the wine
1657
01:19:41,402 --> 01:19:43,056
♪ For lips
1658
01:19:43,100 --> 01:19:47,800
♪ That I used to call mine
1659
01:19:47,844 --> 01:19:50,324
♪ I wonder if you
1660
01:19:50,368 --> 01:19:53,371
♪ Ever tell them the truth
1661
01:19:53,414 --> 01:19:54,807
♪ I wonder who's
1662
01:19:54,851 --> 01:19:57,680
♪ Kissing you now
1663
01:20:09,474 --> 01:20:12,390
[light jazz music]
115813
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